Going With What We've Got by Jen Crutchfield

Zentangle Gallery

2014-08-14T12:21:00.000-04:00

What does depression feel like?

2014-08-12T22:05:00.001-04:00

Here's a picture of some rocks. Because I like rocks and I don't have a picture of depression.

Ok. I'm ready to chime in. It's been just over 24 hours now since I read the news that Robin Williams had died. And that his death may have been a suicide.

I've run the gamut of emotion since hearing the news. Trying not to cry at first because, why? I don't know him personally. Why would his death have that effect on me? Then letting myself cry because, damn it, it IS hurting me, so feel it and let it go already. Then reading all of the tributes and articles and realizing just how many emotionally important (to me) movies he was in.

At this point, I'm starting to get annoyed by all of the coverage and took a few minutes to figure out why. Of course it's good that people would talk about depression and suicide, right? That's how things change and get better, right?

I want to yell, JUST SHUT UP ALREADY. Honoring Robin Williams and the impact he had on all of our lives is wonderful and right. Encouraging people to get help for mental illness is a good start.

But until we all actually start talking about depression out loud and in the open, then little will change. So, I'll start.

What does depression feel like?

I can tell you what I feel like when I am depressed. I'm not depressed all of the time, but I have been depressed. I LIVE WITH anxiety all of the time, to varying degrees. (Another day, I'll tell you how I discovered the true extent of my fear of heights last week while we were on vacation. It was the opposite of awesome. Good story, though). But depression is something that visits me situationally.

And this? Is a picture I took while I was pretending not to be stark raving TERRIFIED on the observation platform.

When I am depressed, it feels like there is a lead ball in my chest, sometimes sinking into my gut. It feels thick and heavy and ugly and dark. There is no removing it.

I also feel very heavy, just generally, in my body when I am depressed. It's harder to move around for no apparent reason, and I just don't want to get up. All of the things that I normally love to do, I pretty much don't care about. I can sit and list them in my head, trying to find something to WANT to get out of bed for. There is nothing. Not because I don't still love those things, but because I am depressed. I know, it doesn't make sense to me either today because I'm not depressed. But when I'm depressed that's exactly what it is.

It's been this way long enough now that I can see it, as if from outside myself. Even when I'm in a depression, and I have to list the reasons I should get up, I'm able to realize that it will pass. I'm able to know in my head that I won't always feel this way. Eventually something inside of me will shift and I'll feel differently and the dark inside of me will lift and I'll get up and enjoy something again.

I think it helps to decide ahead of time that you're going to believe that. That the next time you are depressed, you are going to believe that there is something to hope for. You have to decide ahead of time that you know the dark will lift, because when the darkness falls, you won't want to believe it, you certainly won't feel it. And for me, and I think for many others, feeling is how we move through the world.

That, I think, is why we loved Robin Williams so much. Because he made us laugh and feel so very good. Even in his dramatic roles, there was warmth and love and hope.

I don't always write about these things, so I'm never sure if I should. But, here it is. I don't want to add to the noise because I hate the noise but I do want to contribute to the discussion. Please feel free to share in the comments how depression or suicide has touched your life. Feel free to link to your own post if you like.

Jason is an imp - Vacation edition

2014-08-09T12:38:00.002-04:00

Jason has gotten really good at sneaking into pictures.

First at Munising Falls in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

On the street in St. Ignace.

And at Sleeping Bear Dunes.

The boys got skills.

When you want to sing along .....

2014-07-12T09:00:00.000-04:00

I'm sharing this video by Kristin Andreassan because it is just so, so much fun. I discovered this via an online friend and artist, Sara Mincy, and we watched it soooo many times.

We now own the album this song comes from, Kiss Me Hello, and we know all the words by heart. It's a really great singing in the car kind of a song.

Imitation

2014-07-10T09:42:00.001-04:00

Austin Kleon says that we should Steal Like an Artist. That's just what I've been doing this week as I've been a little bit stuck for inspiration but really wanting to keep my regular Zentangle practice going strong.

I've sought out inspiration from fellow Certified Zentangle Teachers and mimicked tiles that they've shared. Just by taking a look at what they've done, it's possible to decide what the border and string must have been, at least approximately. Those elements are always just suggestions anyway.

Next I take a look at the tangle patterns they've used and decide if I'm going to use them. Usually, I will because that's one primary reason I choose a tile to copy; because I need to practice some tangles that I might not normally choose to practice regularly. Of course, I do tend to deviate if there's one that I just really don't want to draw at the moment or I think it just doesn't fit my tile. And of course, there's always the moment when you just need to draw your favorite tangle. This is a meditative practice, after all.

The first tile I copied was by Kathe Berthold. Hers first, then mine.

And the second was by Kierstan Betancourt. Kierstan's below, then mine.

I like this exercise because it's just another example of how everyone's tile will be unique, even after being given the same instructions. And it reminds me of my favorite part of every Zentangle class, when everyone's tiles are put together to form an amazing mosaic.

Thanks so much ladies, for sharing your tiles and for your inspiration! Hopefully I can do the same!

Diva Challenge #174

2014-07-06T14:35:00.000-04:00

The Diva Challenge #174 was to use superimposing strings. Here's my tile with strings only.

And after about 28 minutes (I decided to time myself to see how long it really takes me to make a completed tile), here is the tile without shading.

After about 5 minutes of shading, below. I'm really trying to be more aggressive with my shading because I just haven't yet felt that it was "right" when it was finished. Since there is no right/wrong that's not quite the right word but you get the point.

I decided it needed something more at the top so added some Hollibaugh, below.

For a completely totally finished tile in approximately 40 minutes. So there you have it.

Today is also the day I began the Zentangle tile gallery in the dining room, with tiles by everyone in my family and one by Maria Thomas for good measure.

ZenFriday

2014-06-20T10:58:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure what I want to share this week. There's just so much. I went to Seminar in Providence, Rhode Island at the beginning of this week to be certified as a Zentangle Teacher. I really did not know exactly what to expect since I didn't know anyone personally who has gone through the experience, nor did I already know anyone who would be there.

One conclusion is that this was the most generous conference/seminar experience I have ever had. (Yes, of course I paid for the experience, yet) The hotel accommodations were exceptional (well done Hotel Providence!), the food was fantastic at every single meal, and the tools, supplies, and resources that were shared with us were well beyond what I would normally expect to receive.

Even beyond that, by the second day it was clear that not only were Rick and Maria there to teach us to draw in a Zentangle way, and to teach us how to teach, but it truly felt like they were welcoming each one of us into their family. That's the only way I can explain the level of generosity and kindness with which they share.

I've spent the two days since arriving home in a bit of a bubble, not sharing too much all at once with Jon because I felt like if I shared too much all at once, the bubble would pop, and the experience would vanish. Now that I've started sharing I realize that the bubble won't vanish but it will grow to encompass everyone with whom I'm able to share Zentangle.

I think that's going to be enough sharing for now. I'm better for having gone and I'm looking forward to sharing what I've learned with others and learning more about Zentangle along the way. Classes coming soon!

(click on the images to see them larger)

ZenFriday

2014-04-25T09:28:00.000-04:00

It's your weekly #ZenFriday post along with the Diva Challenge #164 this week. The challenge was to take inspiration from the earth for Earth Day. This tile started out roundish with some latitude-ish and longitude-ish lines and went completely awry from there. Isn't that just always the way.

I've also found this week that I really wanted to fill up that entire tile. Not sure what that was about but there you have it.

Please feel free to leave your own link in the comments for ZenFriday. I'll look forward to visiting.

Bellaboo's Discovery Center

2014-04-21T12:01:00.001-04:00

Click here to enter to win a family 4-pack of tickets to Bellaboo's Discovery Center.

Tucked away in the northwestern corner of Indiana, there is a wonderful play place called Bellaboo's. It's designed specifically for kids aged 9 and younger to explore, play, and discover. One of my very favorite things about Bellaboo's is that all of the play areas are sized perfectly for the kids. So much of the time kids have to deal with living in a world that is too big for them. Everything at Bellaboo's is just right.

We had a chance during spring break to take my Sarah and niece, Aly, to Bellaboo's for the afternoon. These girls wore us out. We were there over four hours. The girls ability and endurance to play literally outlasted mine and Jon's endurance to help and to watch them enjoy themselves. The grown-ups called uncle.

Our girls favorite spaces were the Dino Dig (pictured above) and the Jungle Gym. We also spent a considerable amount of time in the Pretend Village and the Art Studio. I'm not sure exactly how they count the different areas since some of them can be divided into smaller areas, but there are over 10 different areas for kids to learn while they are playing. Most of the areas are self directed, but there's even a Children's Cooking area where the kids gather to learn about cooking and good nutrition. This area especially is such a great example of exceptional design.

The Bellaboo's Staff stands in the sunken kitchen area (complete with all the appliances and storage facilities we all wish we had in our own kitchens). Meanwhile the kids are all seated on these adorable kid size seats. The whole set up makes serving the kids, interacting with them, and cleaning up simple and fun.

I really can't tell you enough about how much fun the girls had on our Bellaboo's adventure. Sarah even fell asleep on the way home and I can't remember the last time that happened.

I hope you'll enter to win your own family 4-pack of tickets to Bellaboo's Discovery Center. Our tickets were graciously provided by Bellaboo's so we could check it out and let you know how much we loved it! You can check out their website to get an idea of where they're located in the Lake County Parks System.

They have a whole week's worth of activities planned for Earth Week April 21-27th. They're also hosting a Northwest Indiana Preschool Fair this Thursday April 24th from 5:30-7:30pm. If you're in the northwest Indiana area, you might want to seriously consider checking out the registrations for summer camps at Bellaboo's. Your kids will have great adventures every day!

The giveaway will run now until April 27th. We'll notify the winner on April 28th (and update this post to reflect the winner as well). I surely hope you'll enter and let us know how much fun you have when you visit!

#ZenFriday

2014-04-18T08:00:00.000-04:00

This week I've discovered (or perhaps remembered) that I really enjoy doing "slow" things. Or more correctly, doing things slowly.

I really like to spend big chunks of time tangling. I really like to take walks through our neighborhood slowly. I actually like to cook and serve dinner, when I can do it calmly and slowly.

My new goal is to do more of the things that I have to do and want to do in a "slow" way.

I hope that you'll join in on the ZenFriday fun by leaving a comment and/or a link in the comments to your own ZenFriday post. It can be a blog post, or a picture on Flickr or Instagram. Whatever. Just share with us all how you approach ZenFriday.

Here's my Zentangle tile for this ZenFriday. Have a great weekend everyone and please share your link!

Because YOU'RE AWESOME

2014-04-16T10:25:00.001-04:00

Hey Friends. I have a gift to send to you.

Anyone who donates to TEAM TARA for the 2014 MS Walk in South Bend, IN will receive one of my Zentangle art tiles. They're small, just 3.5" x 3.5", but they're beautiful, if I do say so myself. You can put it on your bulletin board at work and when someone asks about it you can say you got it because you're awesome.

And you can tell them you got it because you donated to important research that helps people live with Multiple Sclerosis.

Just make a donation of any amount between now and Saturday, May 3rd (race day), and I'll send a tile right out to you. If I don't know you personally, you'll have to send me your mailing address (jencrutch at gmail dot com). Or use any of the contact methods in the right sidebar (twitter and Facebook both work great).

Click here to donate and/or join our team. If you're local, I hope to see you on race day!

Diva Challenge - Rixty

2014-04-15T13:16:00.001-04:00

I honestly find that I usually don't have much to say about what I've drawn. I guess I'll just leave that up to others. The only thing about this one is that it took me FOR EVER. I'm not sure why except that I couldn't decide which tangles to use. The more tangles I'm aware of the more I think that there must be a better one to use than the one I'm about to choose. Gonna have to get over that.

Check out the weekly challenge here.

Diva Challenge - Initials

2014-04-08T10:55:00.001-04:00

The Diva Challenge this week is to use your initials for your string. If you look closely you'll see my lower case jc in there. Above is without shading. Below is with shading.

Elliott's Log Cabin

2014-04-05T10:22:00.002-04:00

Just a short and sweet update for you today. The baby for whom this quilt is being made was born last night so I guess it's time to get it finished up. The top is done for now and as soon as I decide how to quilt it I'll get it basted. This is always the hardest part.

I also think it's funny that all of my quilts have fingers at the top and feet at the bottom so I decided not to crop them out this time. By the way, Jason is a really great quilt model for me. He never argues when I ask him to help me out. And he's always smiling behind there. I can tell.

This quilt has lots and lots of polka dots and letters, along with a few monkeys and giraffes for good measure. All the fabrics are from my stash (love that). It's basically a crib quilt that grew a bit because I decided to add the sashing and borders. At this point I think it would have worked either way but it's growing on my like this. Sometimes you have to live with a project for a while before you fall in love with it. I'll share more after it's finished!

Linking up this morning with SEWjo Saturday. Check it out. And also to Crazy Mom Quilts.

ZenFriday - Quandry

2014-04-04T11:26:00.000-04:00

Today's ZenFriday entry is my attempt at working on the tangle called "quandry." I like to share in process drawings and sewing projects because I think that too often we compare our "still working on it" attempts at art/whatever, with other people's finished projects. So, you get to see my mistakes and works in progress as well as the finished work.

Anyway, I don't think I've ever used this tangle before so it was interesting to see how it worked. One of my biggest challenges in drawing anything is that I have a really hard time keeping the spacing even. So much so that most of the time I don't even try to keep it consistent. I started this one at the top of the page and moved downward, quite obviously drawing more and more tightly as I worked my way down the page.

Jason thought the loose pieces at the top right looked like petals that were breaking off and flying away.

This post is linked up to the weekly Diva Challenge. You should go take a look at everyone's work over there.

A Quilt Designer is Born

2014-03-05T11:03:00.000-05:00

Prepare for lots of pictures. (You can click on any of the images to see it larger).

This quilt finish is #3 in the Year of the Log Cabin Quilt series. It's also Sarah's first official quilt design. Sarah was involved in the project almost from the beginning because the quilt is a donation project for her school auction which is this Friday, March 7.

So I was thinking we would do something like one of these designs:

When Sarah came in and said, "can I move some, Mom?"

So I said, "sure," this being one reason I take lots of pictures during the process. We can easily change things and use the pictures to go back to a design that was better.

After crawling on the quilt for a while and moving around just a few blocks she says, "I'm gonna have to change the whole thing, Mom." Again, that was ok with me. I literally sat on the couch and watched.

She picked up all of the blocks except for the ones in the corner that she wanted to start with.

And after two tries, she ended up deciding she liked this one best.

I realized she was right. It was better than my design and since the quilt is for her school event, she should get to pick. I think a tradition is born.

There wasn't time to do the actual sewing together of all the blocks on the day we first designed it, so I had her do it again for me (below) before she went to school on sewing day.

And I sewed and I sewed while she was at school.

And here's the finished product.

Along with the official quilt label.

She's pretty proud of herself.

We like the back, too.

I'm really super nervous about how much it will fetch in the auction. If it does great, I'll edit the post to let you know. If not, well, back to the drawing board for next year, I guess.

Edit March 7: the quilt sold tonight for $250 at the auction. Sarah was beyond thrilled that someone actually bought what we made!

#ZenFriday

2014-02-14T19:29:00.001-05:00

This week's Zendala Dare #91 from The Bright Owl. I was frustrated trying to decide which tangles to use in the spaces, so I decided to instead fill the negative (empty) spaces.

I am totally terrified of shading because I feel like I'm going to "ruin" the work I've done so far. So I decided tonight would become a lesson in shading, below.

The Box

2014-02-14T16:50:00.001-05:00

It started like this.

And then this happened.

And then the box claimed it's third victim. Kids cannot resist the power of the cardboard box. 3/3 in this house, this week.

And box as table while watching Olympics.

#ZenFriday

2014-02-07T23:20:00.000-05:00

I really needed this today.

This winter is kicking my butt. I needed to focus on something not related to school closing or snow. Also not related to getting food for anything else for someone other than myself.

If you're wondering, the tangles I used are called Hollibaugh, Florz, and Striping.

I'm thinking #ZenFriday is going to be a good habit to get into.

Tara's Log Cabin Birthday Quilt

2014-01-31T00:55:00.002-05:00

Quite possibly, my favorite part about this quilt is the binding, so I thought I would start with a picture of the fabric I used for that. It turns out that stripes make fantastic binding. I'm sure lots of people already knew this, yet I was not one of them until now.

This quilt is for my sister's birthday. Happy birthday, Tara! It's crimson and cream-ish, right?

This quilt just happens to be #1 in the Year of the Log Cabin Quilts. I don't think I've shared here how this craziness began so ...

I posted this on Facebook in December, declaring 2014 to be the Year of the Log Cabin Quilt, then I shared it here on Twitter, and of course added Pinterest to the fun as well.

After getting so many responses I actually made a calendar and intend to send a little something to everyone who responded. I'll let you know how that goes. With two finishes in January, I'm feeling pretty good about myself, even if one was a baby quilt.

This quilt is #1 in the Log Cabin series because I started it first. I did take a little break to make Cody's quilt in the middle but thanks to the truly exceptional winter we've had here in northern Indiana, I was able to get some extra quilting time in this week (snow days, ya know).

I decided to invest in some tools for myself since I've got a rather serious year of quilting ahead of me. I bought the quilt clips to keep the excess rolled up while quilting. I'm kind of ambivalent about the clips so far. Those gloves in the picture, though? Those are my new favorite thing. They are grippy over the entire surface of the glove and help you to hold on to the quilt while you are moving it around during quilting. Honestly, I was amazed at the difference it made while I was working on this project. I can't imagine trying to quilt without them now. I felt very much more in control as I was moving the quilt around.

Here's the binding in action as it's being sewn on to the quilt.

And the binding at the end. Seriously, I love the binding. It added a lot to this quilt.

I did free motion quilting on this quilt (aka free style, free range). In case you're not familiar, that means that you lower the feed dogs on your sewing machine, switch out your machine's foot to a darning foot, or a free motion foot, and you move the quilt around to make the design you want on your fabric. As you can see, I got a little fancy with the heart up there. There were just a couple of solid fabric centers in this quilt, so I threw in a couple of more deliberate designs just for fun, as opposed to the all over meander on the rest of the quilt.

So here's the finished quilt. It finished at about 48" x 64".

And the back. I've not yet added a label ... I also really loved the way that floral fabric on the bottom looked on the back. Click the image to see it larger.

And doesn't it look good on the couch in my living room (below)? Good news, I've got another one quite similar for myself so I can give this one away without missing it too much. (And I STILL have enough of this fabric left to make at least one more quilt. Good grief).

So that's two finishes in the Year of the Log Cabin Quilt series. I'm impressed even if nobody else is. Things I'm looking forward to with this series of projects are:

*adding borders

*more intricate designs

*designs on point

*attempting a larger quilt on my home machine?

*more baby quilts

God Bless Baby Quilts

2014-01-25T12:43:00.000-05:00

Year of the Log Cabin Quilt #2

(Yes, I managed to finish quilt #2 before I finished quilt #1.)

God bless baby quilts for providing instant(ish) gratification. I've been working on Log Cabin Quilt #1 and I have all the parts ready (top, batting, back), but I just don't want to do the required basting so that I can can get the quilting done.

Basting. It's not my favorite.

So, I made the next quilt on the list which just happened to be a baby quilt for our brand spanking new nephew, Cody. In less than 24 hours I managed to put this one together. I'm quite pleased with that fact. As I write, it's in the washing machine getting it's first spin.

The finished size is a whopping 36" x 36". Just perfect for playing on the floor, covering up in a stroller, or clutching for security. I hope that Cody and his mom and dad will love it.

It's definitely time for me to get over the whole sorting by colors for opposite sides thing and start sorting more by value. Obviously, this quilt would have looked even better if I'd switched the browns and the greens. I need to learn to spend more time on planning and not be so anxious to just get to the quilting already.

Also, all of the supplies for this quilt came from the supply closet, even the batting. The fabrics were all left over from the Stripes for Charlotte quilt. So, if those two little ones ever have a chance to hang out together, they'll have coordinating quilts to play on.

I'm not sure if I'll ever hand sew another binding. I'm just a really big fan of knowing that binding is going to stay secure, especially on a quilt made for a kid. I fully expect this quilt to be washed many, many times.

And I went ahead and just labeled it directly on the backing. We'll see how it holds up to the first washing and maybe I'll embroider it if it looks like it's going to fade too quickly.

So there it is. The first finish for 2014 and first finish in the Year of the Log Cabin Quilts series. Hopefully it won't take too long to get to the second finish, quilt #1, of course.

Choices

2014-01-11T17:33:00.000-05:00

Here's is where the choices begin. 48 complete log cabin blocks.

Choice #1, above, this one reads as red in real life.

Choice #2, while obviously quite similar to #1, reads as a white quilt with red diamonds.

Choice #3, the traditional Barn Raising, although off center. I'm leaning toward this one at the moment.

Choice #4. Jon says this one looks 3D.

Choice #5. We're calling this one Pyramids.

Choice #6 is Jon's attempt at "random" placement of the blocks.

And choice #7 started with a star in the middle and just kind of grew from there.

Any thoughts?

Zentangle Practice

2013-12-27T22:27:00.000-05:00

Turns out that Friday night is pretty much my favorite crafting/drawing time. Tonight was a little Zentangle practice. No shading on any of them, just straight drawing. A few of them are really, really bad but overall, I think a decent effort.

JRC "Quilt of Valor"

2013-12-22T00:54:00.001-05:00

This quilt took literally two weeks from late night crazy idea to ready for gift giving.

It's not official because it wasn't gifted through the Quilts of Valor foundation but that's kind of the point of it. Today we gave it to Jon 's dad, a Korean War veteran.

I thought it was kind of fun how well it packed into that box, too.

Finish It Friday, French General Quilt

2013-08-23T01:00:00.000-04:00

I've decided this is my favorite quilt that I've made ever, so far. I'm calling it the French General quilt because that's who designed the majority of the fabrics I used. There are just one or two others that got thrown into the mix, but they all fit the theme beautifully. I used a "wibble wobble" quilting design. I tried at first to do it without drawing the lines on the fabric. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be and once I sucked it up and started drawing the lines, it didn't take nearly as long as I thought that it would to draw them all. My quilting improved dramatically after that. So what I thought would be a time saver was really a messy quilt maker.

Post quilting and squaring up, I had Evan hold it up to make sure that I still loved it. Good news, I did.

This is one reason I wasn't sure I still loved it. My sewing machine is small. Quilting larger projects on it is kind of ridiculous. It seems like there's just a ton of fabric to shove through. I'm going to have to start saving for a more serious quilting machine. This is great for piecing and for quilting small projects. Not so much throw size or larger quilts.

And of course, I have fabric left for at least another throw size quilt. I'm honestly kind of excited to see what I come up with next.