Depending on your experience with online dating or what you’ve heard from those who have done it, all of the above and more could be used to define online dating. But as more people become connected to the internet worldwide, the perception of online dating is changing. Right now, in many parts of the world, online dating is an accepted way of meeting people, and it’s no longer shocking to find out that your colleague, hairdresser/barber or friend is registered with a dating site or has met a significant other online. And think about it: online dating is just another way of meeting someone. It doesn’t mean you conduct your entire relationship online; the hope is that the internet serves as a way of connecting you to someone you would not ordinarily run into on the street, either because they live on the other side of the world or because you have a different daily pattern from them.

Since the internet entered my life, I’ve accepted that you can meet people online and feel as connected to them as you would if you had first met offline (and I’m not talking about meeting people for dating; just friends). I have had online friends in the past, people I met through online forums or chat rooms, and I think the distance is the only think keeping some of these people from being good pals. In one particular case, as the years went by and the friendships deepened, I went to the US to meet some of the people I had gotten to know online, and enjoyed getting to know some of them better. I found that the people I liked online I still liked in person, and the ones that I wasn’t crazy about online, I wasn’t that impressed with them in person.

But back to ONLINE DATING. There is so much to say and so little time. Why’s there so little time? Well Vera is hosting a show on the topic this Saturday November 14 and I will be joining as cohost to speak on the topic of Virtual Dating. My experience with online dating is:

1. Over the years I have been on several dating sites, some targeted towards Nigerians, Africans or anyone.
2. I have met several men from these dating sites in person and gone on dates with them.
3. I have met the love of my life through online dating. Oh wait, that’s a lie. But maybe it’ll be true by Saturday!

So anyway, I have some homework for you to do in preparation.

1. Go to Vera’s site and vote (the poll’s in the top right corner of her site) for the response that best reflects your position on Virtual Dating.
2. Go to the radio show’s site and set up a reminder for yourself so you don’t miss the show (near the top of the page, in the middle, there’s a checkbox you can select to get a reminder).
3. Leave a question in the comments for me or for Vera regarding the show. Come on, don’t be shy. You can share something that you fear about online dating or something you’re curious about, or your experience with online dating (or that of a friend, or “friend”).
4. Come back here in two days, where I will give those who are interested in trying out online dating some ideas of where to start.

• allowing the three people closest to me who needed to get the swine flu vaccine to get them, and in two of the three cases it really was a case of divine favour. I was seriously saying “Thank God!” when I heard how it came about.
• Favoured Girl, and the way she regularly inspires me. We don’t talk often but every time we do I leave the conversation feeling so pumped and capable of doing anything. You can tell that God is at the centre of her life, and it’s great to see. She has a way of turning anything negative that I mention into stepping stones for a better me! Slowly but surely I’ll start thinking that way all on my own. I can’t wait!
• phone cards. I have been using them in alarming quantity lately and it’s far more economical than using my cell phone.
• sales on Halloween candy. Um, not that I bought any or anything.
• being able to take advantage of Oprah’s Payless offer where for a period of almost 48 hours, everything in the store was 50% off. I bought 5 wallets/clutches (some will be gifts when I go to Nigeria next), six pairs of shoes, two pairs of earrings and a necklace and it was all half of the original price! The best part is that if it wasn’t for twitter I would have missed the whole thing: one of my tweetie pies was talking about being in line at the shoe store and I followed that tweet until I found the starting point and discovered the coupon and the rest was history! I managed to hit three locations of the store in an hour and 15 minutes…woman on a mission.
• my new oga, who was recently promoted to this role. She seems to genuinely care about me, and sometimes our conversations are so casual and relaxed that I have to remind myself that she’s still my boss. Anyway, I really thing things are going to work out well.

Check out this video, shared with me by mineexclusively. Ko le baje is the name of the song, which is Yoruba for um…“It will not go bad?” “It won’t spoil?” “It won’t be destroyed”, and it’s referring to God’s work in our lives. I seriously think music is one of the best way to preach or share about God with anyone, and it’s great that there are artists out there that are singing about God with such joy in their voices. Anyway, the song is a great reminder for anyone who is feeling like their efforts so far in this life have been fruitless, and that there’s no chance of that changing. If you have been comparing your accomplishments to those of family, friends, colleagues or stars on tv and coming up short, stop it! You aren’t in competition with them, and your own time to shine will come; just keep working toward it (PS I’m totally preaching to myself here!).

I dare you to not get the chorus in your head!

For me, terms of endearment (from one sex to another) should only be used with those you know well enough to call dear or sweetie, not with someone that you’re just getting to know. If someone calls me dear, I take it to mean that I’m special to them, not like every other female they come across. But how can I be special to a guy who didn’t know me 25 minutes ago??? When a guy I barely know uses those words with me, I either think he’s trying to move too fast, or I think he calls every girl that, which means if I were to date him, I’d possibly hear him calling his female friends dear or angel (which I would not be cool with because of the way I look at terms of endearment). I asked one guy why he was calling me this or that, and he said it was a sign of respect, that he uses the same particular endearment with his sisters. That was probably my chance to say that I’d feel plenty respected if he called me Good Naija Girl, but I didn’t.

I’m a huge fan of nicknames, but when terms of endearment are tossed around too casually, I don’t feel quite comfortable with it. I mentioned this to a couple of friends and one said that if a guy uses those words with women he’s not dating or married to, what does or will he use with his own significant other to set her apart? That’s a question I wonder about too. Another friend said that using terms like that is practically a guarantee that she won’t ever date the guy, I think because it says things about his personality that she’s not interested in. I’m still on the fence on the matter (it’s not like I have a guy calling me dear and sweetie who wants to date me anyhow).

But I am curious:

1. What do you think of a guy who uses those endearments from the beginning?
2. If you are a guy who does this, why do you do it? Should women like me just accept it and stop overthinking the issue?

• the elder of my two younger brothers turned 23! Of course, instead of spending his birthday with his family, we had to bring in the cake, take pictures and serve it in about 15 minutes flat, while his friends waited in the driveway to take him out for a night on the town. It was quite the whirlwind event but this is how it is now.
• my great aunt is trying to be a matchmaker for me. Sure, there haven’t been any successes yet but the fact that she cares enough to try is very touching and I’m blessed by that.
• my needs are met. I have not had to worry about where the money to pay my bills will come from, while some in the community don’t know where their next meal will come from. Every weekday I’m reminded to be thankful that I woke up in a warm bed, had warm water for my shower and could choose what to eat for breakfast when I pass a homeless man asleep outside on a street corner right beside my workplace.
• Writefreak came to my rescue. Earlier this week, I had a mini-meltdown at work (though the cause of the meltdown was not related to work). Even though I haven’t met her yet, I was able to unburden to her, tell her exactly how I felt and she not only she gave me some words of encouragement, she searched for a bible scripture that she thought would speak to my particular situation and she forced me to copy it down and refer to it when I feel this way again. And she put me in her prayers. I really appreciated that.
• I got to speak with Funke this week! There’s something incredibly lovable about her and she’s lucky she’s all the way in Nigeria or I’d be bothering her constantly.

Now I have a question for you: will you be getting the H1N1 vaccine (I have a poll on the right hand side of this page if you want to answer there)? Have they been making a big deal of it where you live? I’m still not sure yet, but I’m leaning toward getting it. I’m thankful that getting the vaccine is an option for me!

I’ve said before that no one would guess that I’m Nigerian because I’m not stylish and I break many rules of stylish women everywhere. Let me list them by category:

H A I R

• I wash my hair every other day. I know most don’t but if I don’t my hair smells. I can’t explain it but this is my cross to bear.
• I go outside with wet hair (or at least damp hair, since I rarely have enough time in the morning to blowdry my hair to full dryness before leaving for work).
• I don’t have a “hair routine” that involves deep conditioning my hair weekly.
• I try to avoid putting oily products in my hair because I hate the feel of greasy hair. I think my hair (and scalp) hate me for this particular faux pas).
• In 30 years, I have braided my hair with attachment/extensions twice, yup, only two times in my life, and I have worn a weave once, for a week and a half. I’ve heard that weaves and braids are good protective styles so it’s a miracle that I have hair on my head!

So help me: I need one or two quick improvements I could make to my hair routine (I have relaxed hair). I’m blessed with quite healthy hair despite the havoc I wreak on it, but it is very dry and needs some moisture (but nothing greasy!). Please recommend some products!

M A K E U P

• I have worn foundation/coverup once in my life – for a wedding I was in. What actually turned me off coverup was a Nigerian girl in university: the collars of her shirts would be brown from all the coverup she was wearing, and the thought of hugging someone and having my foundation come off on their skin or clothing was unacceptable to me. So I always rock my natural, acne-scarred face – no concealers either. I also never wear lipstick.
• I rarely (maybe four times a year) wear eyeliner, so I never learned how to draw a fine line along my lashline. Other beauty products that I wear occasionally (once or twice a month): mascara, eyeshadow.
• I’m not pleased with my eyebrows (I’ll try to update with a picture): they’re naturally faint, and I think nice dark, hairy eyebrows (that you groom, of course) are essential to having a very “put together” face.

My mom and sister wear makeup daily and they wear it in a way that it enhances their natural gorgeousness, so all I need to do to is talk to them and learn how to make a five-minute face. I know there are some tricks I can employ to make my eyebrows look more defined. I may also talk to YNC because I love the way she did her eyes in this entry (lol there is a picture of her eyes in the entry; you just have to find it!).

C L O T H I N G / A C C E S S O R I E S

• When it comes to jewelry, I’m a fan of silver (or platinum – I’m not picky) over yellow gold, but I don’t wear a lot of it: most days I wear small silver hoop earrings that I’ve had for six years and a silver necklace. I try wearing rings but before I get to work I’ve usually removed it/them (maybe my fingers are only meant for wedding rings?). I have two silver watches that I rotate between and I don’t wear bracelets. I plan to experiment with new jewelry this fall, especially longer necklaces.
• I like my purses big and capable of holding everything including the kitchen sink I have a ton of black purses as I mentioned before. You won’t find any Coach, Louis Vuitton or even Guess bags in my closet. The only statement my purses are making is “I carry around a lot of stuff” or “I’m going to have back problems when I get older”.
• Clothing-wise, I don’t tend to follow trends because most of the trendy stuff look better on smaller girls or isn’t readily available in bigger sizes. My goal is to dress in a way that looks put together but also uniquely me, but I haven’t accomplished that yet. I don’t really have a personal style; that’s the problem. This fall, I have been wearing dress pants and a shirt/fine gauge sweater most days, which is fine, but it looks boring. I need to layer more, wear more fitted tops and bottoms and show my shape more. I must banish all loose-fitting clothing from my closet, and I need more skirts in my wardrobe!
• I have big feet that also happen to be wide. I want a great pair of long boots (a fall essential in my opinion!) that’ll also fit my calves. First stop is Zappos.

It can be costly to get that perfect closet full of clothing you just love to wear, but I think it’s something every adult should have, rather than having a collection of disjointed pieces that you have to figure out what to pair them with every morning.

Ok, your turn: what area (hair, makeup or clothing/accessories) are you slacking in? What area(s) could you teach a course in? Where do you find your inspiration for your own personal style?

I’m also thankful for the expectant mothers who are not yet pregnant but are working on it, because I have learned a lot from them. The journey to having a child is not always so easy for everyone, and the process can really test your faith and your relationships. A couple of years ago I came across the blog of a woman who was trying to conceive. There was no medical reason why she and her husband couldn’t conceive; they just couldn’t. Through that blog I found two other blogs, and then another blogger that I knew from something else was also having trouble with pregnancies (she could conceive but would miscarry). A few years later and the first blogger has a son, the second blogger adopted a son, the third blogger had a daughter and is pregnant with her second child, and the fourth blogger had a daughter and a son! God has been really good to these women.

Some might be wondering why I, a woman who was in her late 20s at the time, who was single and had no reason to believe she would have trouble conceiving, was attracted to this particular type of blog. A reason these blogs touched me is because their journey to have something they thought would be a natural progression at this stage of their lives, something they sort of assumed they’d have at this point was something I could relate to: they were hoping for a baby, I was (am) hoping for a husband (eventually). When some of these women wrote about their friends who were also trying to conceive who managed to conceive, and those feelings of happiness for the friend yet sadness for themselves that they experienced, I could relate. As my close friends found great boyfriends, got engaged to them, bought houses with them, married them, got pregnant with them and had a baby with them, I rejoiced with them. I was truly happy that their dreams were coming true. But along with these feelings of happiness for them, came sadness for me. Being sad for me doesn’t mean I wasn’t happy for them; it’s possible for both feelings to exist. Anyway, that’s why those blogs really spoke to me, and I am thankful for the expectant women who have taught me to have faith, to stay positive, that it’s ok to be sad sometimes but it’s important to get up and keep going after a setback or disappointment. They have reminded me to cling to faith when things look bleak, and I believe that things will start moving in the direction I want soon.

I’m thankful for the results of some tests my mom underwent last week. She was concerned about their outcome, which in turn concerned me, but I am thankful to God that she is just fine! This woman has gone through too much to have to add new concerns to her life so I truly thank God for continuing to care for her and providing doctors that are doing their part to make sure that she’s as healthy as can be.

Lastly, I’m thankful for my 21 year old baby brother who is so exuberant about life. He throws himself so excitedly into every new thing that catches his fancy. I think it’s foolhardy 99% of the time but I secretly admire his impulsive nature that doesn’t waste decades agonizing over something before doing it; he just does it and deals with the consequences (if any). I was never like that at his age.

He actually reminded me of a bible passage this week, one that most of us know but either forget or fail to fully believe: Ask and it shall be given unto you. My brother was going to one of my favourite coffee shops and when he got there, he sent me a text message asking what was good there because he didn’t know what to order for himself. I suggested a particular drink, plus a gift card for me (shebi he asked, right?) and he came home with a gift card for me! When my sister found out she wanted to know where her own gift card was but she didn’t ask for one.

Asking doesn’t mean you’ll get, but your chances of getting what you want are significantly higher if you ask than if you keep quiet and hope that a fellow human being will guess what you want or need and get it for you.

This applies to relationships too: it’s almost stereotypical how often women complain that the men in their lives don’t know what they want, and if someone suggests that they tell him, some might be reluctant to because it takes the spontaneity or romance away. But you know what’s really unromantic? Spending hours or days fuming because you’re waiting for your man to guess what’s in your head when you could just tell him and be enjoying those flowers or chocolate or free time away from the kids.

(Don’t get me wrong: I will appreciate a man who will bring me little trinkets or flowers every now and then just because, without prompting, but that’s something I’ll make sure he knows I like. I won’t wait for years, suffering in silence, hoping he’ll guess; I’ll say something like “Just so you know, I’m the kind of girl who loves receiving flowers for no reason. I’m not saying go out and buy me flowers now, but if you’re ever wanting to make my day, that’s an easy way to do it.” I believe relationships of all kinds run a lot smoother when people know what is expected of them.)

The difference between asking God for things and asking people for things is that God already knows what we want. I sometimes have trouble with this because if God already knows what I want, why do I have to ask him? And what’s taking so long for me to get what I want? :) Sometimes I wonder if what I’m praying for is really lame compared to what I should be praying for, especially when a health scare in my family helps me reset my priorities. But the bible says to ask and it shall be given to me. If I want it and it is His will, I will get it. It’s not up to me to decide which of my desires is important enough to take to God; my job is to make sure He hears from me with regard to what’s important to me, so I intend to do that more often and I believe it will one day pay off.

I seem to have a lot to say about blogging lately! This particular post came as a result of a question I received on how to increase visitors to one’s blog. Do you have any suggestions to add to this list, or any questions you’d like me to tackle? Let me know! If you want to read more on what I’ve said in the past on other aspects of blogging, check out the following:

• Unsound blogging advice (do not follow it!)
• My blog turnoffs
• Blog domains (basically why you might want your own .com site and how to get it)
• Blogging styles
• Confessions on the kinds of blogs I read (and in the comments, the sorts of blogs that others read).
• My thoughts on commenting

But it’s all over now and I am SO THANKFUL for that! You do not even understand. I take my health for granted like most people do but I think sometimes God reminds us that we are human, and just because we haven’t accomplished x, y or z, it does not mean that we will live to do so. But anyway, enough about that. I’m thankful for my health and for our healthcare system here. What else am I thankful for?

One friend who lives in my city (who I met through this blog over a year ago) is right now in Nigeria. I’m thankful that she arrived safely and I hope she’s having a wonderful time. It’s kind of bittersweet to think that a year ago I was planning my trip to Nigeria after 15 years out of the country! Gosh there is so much from last year that I still haven’t documented that I want to. I plan to visit again in 2011 but so many times I’ve been tempted to make it next year instead. Patience is a virtue, right?

Thanksgiving was lovely! My mom and sister came over early and my mom wanted to help me set things up in the house but I tried to make her relax (my sister didn’t have to be convinced sha). We cooked the meal together, my dad and brothers arrived when the food was ready (of course) and we enjoyed a family meal. It was wonderful! They spent the evening at my place, even though the chairs aren’t so comfortable, even though the television wasn’t as big or as nice as the one at home, even though they had to use makeshift end tables to hold their desserts and drinks (or hold them in their lap). Instead my siblings told me how much they liked my place and my parents said how proud they (still) were of me. They made my night.

I’m thankful for my two feet. I don’t have a car but I have had access to car regularly enough that I forget it isn’t mine (*ahem*). So when I can’t have access to the car, the tendency to pout a bit is there until I remind myself that it’s not my car and also that I live close enough that I could walk to any kind of store I needed to get to within 30 minutes and buy what I need. For some, that isn’t a option, due to where they live or health problems. But I have no such hindrance so I’m thankful for that. So guess where I’m headed, by foot, right after I finish this post? To get some groceries!

The title of this entry was meant to refer to the fact that I’m late with the entry but it just reminded me that it’s never too late to thank someone in your life for something they have done for you, even if it’s been a while since they did that thing for you. If you still think of it and appreciate it, take the time to remind them. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t appreciate being appreciated. Have a beautiful weekend, everyone!

I think at first, most personal bloggers just want a place to record parts of their life story so they can look back and see how far they’ve come. I’d guess that at the beginning, comments aren’t as important as the satisfaction gleaned from putting something “out there”. But then you hit milestones such as the first comment received (even if you begged a friend to go to your site, read your entry and leave a comment), the first unsolicited comment received (which to me is the first comment that really counts), then a second and third comment, then comments on your next entry, and the one after that and the one after that and all of a sudden a little part of you feels very committed to writing things in a way that will encourage a response.

If you want to receive more comments on your blog entries, you need to leave comments on other people’s blogs. Most people will at least visit the blog of someone who leaves a comment on their blog and once they’re on your blog, they may feel compelled to leave a comment (because they connected with your entry/with you). One exception to this general rule is one of the more famous bloggers that I’ve mentioned before, dooce, who I don’t believe comments often (if at all) on the blogs of others but she herself receives thousands of comments on her blog entries. Because she is a blog celebrity, she gets some really nasty comments at times and I suspect the work involved in moderating her comments is part of the reason she doesn’t open all of her entries to comments.

Even more important than commenting on other people’s blogs is writing compelling entries. If you write valuable content, and people connect to it, they will read your entries and comment, even if you never comment on their own writing, and even if the entry is long. “Valuable” can be defined as anything from making you laugh (entertaining) to giving you information on getting through medical school. Your entry doesn’t have to be the next self-help blog for someone to consider it valuable. The entry doesn’t have to be long; it doesn’t have to be grammatically perfect; it doesn’t have to only use “proper” English. Sharing your life story or experiences can influence the lives of others in ways you didn’t even consider. Many people will take your story, which differs somewhat from their own story, and apply elements of it to their own life. The key to me is to just be real: no matter your topic, be it shoes or makeup or your life, try to be genuine. People can tell which bloggers are being genuine and which are trying to make their lives seem more exciting than it actually is, or more tragic than it is.

Asking questions is another way to get comments. Some do this really well, in a way that shows that the reader’s opinion is welcome, but some just tack on a random question to an entry that’s on a different topic entirely and sometimes that can come across as a comment-seeking ploy.

For those of you who enjoy leaving comments, here are the some things that I try to pay attention to when commenting.

Read the entry you’re about to comment on to the end. Sounds obvious but sometimes it’s clear the commenter only read the first part of your entry where you say you’re sad because their comment is “I hope you feel better soon”. If they had read the entry to the end they would discover that due to what happened in the middle of your entry, you are already better.

Try to stay on topic. Leave a comment that relates to the entry; not the entry before, not a private conversation you’re having elsewhere. This is especially important for blogs that want to encourage dialogue, not only in response to the entry but in response to the comments of others. If a new person comes to a blog that seems to have comments that are mostly inside jokes, it may make it hard for the new visitor to feel like they can connect. That doesn’t mean that I sometimes won’t ask the person a question unrelated to the entry, but I try to keep at least part of my comment on topic.

Try to be nice, but not at the cost of lying. I love comments that agree with my viewpoint, or seem to appreciate my entry, but the entries that affect me most are those that correct me or provide clarifications. My instinct is always to try and clear up apparent misunderstandings, and sometimes if an entry I write is taken in the opposite way that I intended, I’ll go into “crisis management” mode out of shock. But in the end, these comments are often the ones that allow me to open my mind and grow. I also really appreciate the comments that show me love when I really need it.

I am thankful for the support of two of my siblings, who spent a number of hours over two days with me, helping me make a decision. They came with me to different stores, watched me try on something and gave their opinion and made suggestions and in the end I am happy with my selection. We have such a good time together! We have to do more to include our other brother in the mix, but he’s always busy. We’ll keep trying though!

Oh, and speaking of this brother who is too busy, he and I have struggled over the years to get close; some (my parents, *ahem*) have said it’s because we’re both the same, and trust me they don’t mean because we’re both unselfish people…in fact they may mean the opposite! The horror!. Anyway, I have to admit that I share several of my negative traits with this younger brother of mine and as a result we may have clashed a lot in the past. In fact we did not speak for what seemed like an eternity (over three weeks) earlier this year. Anyway, we are continuing to get closer, partly because I’m an overly sentimental mushball and I send him text messages that tell him I’m proud of him for a really great decision he made recently, that I’m thinking of him and that he can do it. I know beneath his surly and negative exterior lies a sensitive person who is very protective of his family so of course he responds to my text messages with love. This of course makes me happy and reminds me of what a family should be like. In the past I’ve wondered if we (the children) would care for each other and love each other when we were all adults and living on our own and by God’s grace, the answer to that will continue to be YES.

I’ve decided to be thankful for rejection. It stings when it happens, and the mushball that is me finds it hard to deal with, but when the most emotional parts pass, I am reminded of my own mini-chant: I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me, and also that I have to have faith in my life (remember that entry where I use a swear word?). This time spent waiting is unbearable, but only if I spend it literally sitting around hoping for some sort of communication from a guy named The Love of GNG’s Life. Instead, I better spend that time working on being the best person that I can be, and also working on my professional goals. I’m excited at the thought of trying to live life to its fullest, even without what seems like the missing piece. (Don’t worry, I have many moments when I think it’ll never happen too; I guess this feeling disappears when it’s time to write the thankful post!).

And finally, I am thankful that this is a long weekend in Canada, Thanksgiving weekend! We have our Thanksgiving nearly two months before the Americans because we think it’s silly to have two major holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) a month or less apart! Poor Americans! And of course, how could I not be thankful for Thanksgiving, right? I may be hosting some people at my house; we’ll see how that goes.