And I have a beautiful kitchen, one that practically begs me to use it.

(The cutie in the picture is my mom.)

Almost a year ago, I went to my parents’ place for a lesson on cooking obe ata. I think my mother probably made her first obe ata at the age of seven. I’m 31 and I still have not made my own pot of stew all by my self (my mom was directing me that last time). I thought by now I would have graduated to more complex stews but instead, I’m still working on stocking my kitchen to prepare Nigerian food. Winter is coming and I would like to be able to make some delicious stews. Last week I made a first step: I bought myself some Maggi cubes:

I just need a few hundred other ingredients (see the comments on this entry for specifics) and next week I can start the cooking experiment in earnest: my goal is recreate the obe ata and have it taste good.

How do your cooking skills rate?

• Vaccinate me
• Gift ideas
• Traveling to Nigeria – bathroom “necessities”
• Traveling to Nigeria – clothing and accessories
• Flying (within Nigeria)
• Thankful and Lagos hotel hunting

You can also read about my frustrations with the N@ija High Commission if you’re so inclined.

But what I wanted to talk about was tourism in Nigeria. As someone who wasn’t born in the country, I don’t really know much about the hotspots, but I just know there are some! There are a couple of key reasons why only a few countries in Africa get enough tourism to consider it a true source of money for the country, and we could talk about that another time (hint: lack of consistent social infrastructure). I can’t wait for the day where world travelers will put more African countries, including Nigeria, on their “trip around the world” itinerary.

When I was in Nigeria last time, I heard about a famous rock (I did some research and it could have been Aso, Zuma or Olumo) as well as the Obudu Cattle Ranch, but we didn’t have time, budget, time, time or time to get to do anything touristy. In fact the closest I got to getting souvenirs was in the hour before boarding the plane back to Canada, when I spent my last nairas on assorted carvings that I paid too much for at the airport because I’m not a good bargainer.

The problem with having family where you’re going is that it’s really hard to tell them that you’re in town but you’re going to take a week or two to explore before coming to see them. That never goes over well. A sneaky solution is to tell them that you arrive in town a week after you actually arrive, and get all that touristy stuff out of the way first. I suggested that to my mother for our next trip and she wasn’t keen on the idea because both of her parents and all of her siblings except one are in Nigeria, so for her, the trip is all about seeing her family and not any “yeye tourist activities”. In fact spending any time in Lagos to explore is a big waste of time in her opinion, since we have no family in Lagos (I know, we’re an anomaly). I just may have to consider a solo trip to Nigeria in the future!

But before that, I’d like you to suggest some places that anyone going to Nigeria should make time to visit. It can be tourist attractions or any place that you think would give people the true flavour of Nigeria’s rich culture.

Fine, life is good but there are so many challenges, so many things that disappoint us or go wrong, lots of unanswered prayers that cause us to lose hope or overshadow our thankfulness. We all face them. When you see an entry here that is all about thankfulness, don’t think everything in my life is perfect and I’m completely satisfied (in some instances I should be, but I’m a typical flawed human). In many cases I have to think hard before I come up with more than one reason to be thankful. Don’t think I’m writing to brag about my life, or show off that my life is better than anybody else’s. I just know that by taking time each week to focus on the good, I feel better about all aspects of my life, including the things that aren’t going as expected.

Last year, I mentioned that as a result of interacting with more Nigerians, especially family that I had reconnected with on my last trip to Nigeria and also some friends that I have met through blogging, I’ve slightly modified how I speak with them when compared to my non-Nigerian friends. It wasn’t deliberate, but it’s happened nevertheless. I’ve added the following to my repertoire:

I use the word “again” to mean “anymore”
Example: “I went for dinner with that cute guy last Tuesday…or wait, was it the Tuesday before that? I don’t know again” (the old me would have said “anymore” or “I can’t remember” instead of ‘again’).

“Eh ya” and other expressions of emphathy
Honestly the English language is lacking in expressions of empathy. I think the best English expression for empathy would be “Awww”, but it can mean “how cute/sweet/romantic” as well as “oh, what a shame!” (I’m actually a big “aww”-er). I know we’ve all had a situation where a colleague tells you a story about how on their way to work they tripped and ripped their skirt and you say “sorry” and they (especially if they are not Nigerian) say “It’s not your fault!”. If I am telling a fellow Nigerian the same story, you can bet I’m going to pause and give them a chance to say “sorry”, “pele”, “ndo” or “eh ya”, and now if you tell me a tale that merits an “eh ya”, you’ll hear one come from my lips or fingertips. A little empathy goes a long way.

I can’t deny that I like these little changes to my communication, especially because it’s something that’s just happening; I’m not forcing it; I’m just absorbing it from the environment. Even so, I’m resisting adding the word am to my vocabulary, when it’s used in place of “I am” (for example, when I ask someone how they’re doing, and they respond with “Am fine”, or if they want you to know that they are tired, they say “am tired”. Am not ready to go down that road!

I have more to say on the topic of the awards, but I guess I’ll save it for that blog. If you have any comments, and I’m sure some of you do, please leave them here or on the awards blog.

::I’m thankful for the people I’ve met through blogging. My dad told me sometime last year that I attract good friends and this has extended to the people I have met through this blog. I’m not sure what is it; well clearly it’s not something I do in my own power. Maybe it’s the fact that I pay most people who leave a comment five Canadian dollars. It’s not much but in most countries you can get at least one coffee with that.

My life is definitely better for having started this blog. I’ve been blogging for almost eight years now and I have always been blessed to meet lovely people everywhere I plant a blog. My only wish is that I could meet everyone in person!

::Hope
It can be hard to keep hope alive that you’ll meet the right person for you and get married and have those three or four kids your heart desires when you’ve been single for your entire adult life, but I recently read a book that kind of gave me some peace regarding the question of when I will meet a good man and get married. The funny thing is that I thought I was on that track but it turns out that things weren’t as clearcut as I thought! And this peace is probably short-lived, since I’m human and often falter. I’m sure I’m meant to learn to depend on God, and to stop trying to do everything in my own power. I’ve been working on that, saying prayers that let God know exactly how I’m feeling on any topic that pops into my head related to a future partner. I’m expecting a beautiful surprise!

My entry reviewing the book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred is posted on Chichi’s blog, if you’re curious. It’s long but you can skim it.

::Those things we take for granted
I was tweeting earlier this week about how I went out on Sunday and also before work to run/walk and how it would be easier to just not eat ijekuje (junkfood) ever again than suffer from this physical activity (I wish I could just say “No more ikekuje!” and it could be so). But then on the late night news I saw a man from New Zealand who had been wheelchair-bound for the last three years due to paralysis of his legs following a car accident. Now, thanks to this bionic contraption, I think it was called REX, he was able to walk upright! He pretty much gets into a machine for the lower half of his body which helps move his legs…hope you can envision it. Anyway, the news report said something like he was happy to be able to shake someone’s hand while being level with them. Something some of us do every day yet never think of.

I have a colleague who’s very physically active, but a car accident some years back has left her with chronic back pain. She gets so pained when she sees people who are jogging because she can’t jog like she used to. Imagine wishing you could jog? She’s nuts sha, but I get her point: it’s when something you take for granted is taken away that you really realize how much you miss it (imagine if someone told me I could no longer blog?!).

Hope these two examples remind you like they did me to be thankful for those things we forget to even acknowledge. And I hope you have a great weekend planned!

To help you out, here are the areas where I’d love your input:

• Best way to remove armpit hair
• Best exercise for flabby arms and stomach
• Quickest healthy meal
• How to wrap relaxed hair
• The essential spices for cooking most Nigerian dishes
• Least expensive way to call Nigeria (I think my current deal ($2.50 for 35 minutes) is ok but I wouldn’t mind something better)
• Best blemish-control regimen for the face
• How you keep up with your to do lists and get things done

In other news, I’m trying a new hair salon tomorrow morning for hair relaxing (I’m done with my old place). I’m hoping my scalp doesn’t get burned and I don’t get gouged financially! Ms. O and Bob-ij, I’m looking forward to receiving your recommendations for hair stylists in O-town!

Speaking of love…wow! I have never felt so much love from people, just for being born! Thank you for commenting on my last entry and wishing me a happy birthday. I appreciate the facebook and twitter messages as well. I received phone calls from Writefreak, Aloted, Sheri, Anne and other friends. Olaoluwatomi and another blogger who may want to remain anonymous emailed me and I got text messages too. I even got a birthday serenade which I mocked for sounding “so Nigerian”. :)

A very special person gave me these lovely roses…and I guess it’s time for me to come clean about one or two things…

Ok: I have a friend named Allison and she and her husband have given me flowers for my birthday two years in a row now. I love getting flowers!

(Oh, did you think I was going to say something else?)

I could be wrong but it seems calling the celebrant on their birthday is a very popular thing among Nigerians. It’s not something that I do much—I’ll send a card or email and I usually receive the same—but judging by the way I felt as I listened to those messages later (when I got back from camping), I think I’ll have to add calling to my list of things to do for friends celebrating a birthday.

There are a number of things I’m very thankful for, aside from living to see another year and surviving the camping trip:

• that my youngest brother is now a college graduate (his gradation was on the morning of my birthday and I was happy to attend).
• that we survived an earthquake! My part of the country experienced an earthquake on Wednesday June 23 around 1:45pm and it was scary (magnitude 5.0 earthquake is no small thing). You should have seen how I ran down the stairs…when you think you may be running for your life, even a big girl can move. What was a bit worrisome is that I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on: our building has a lot of embassies in it, and we’re three blocks from the parliament buildings, so there are always demonstrations and other things going on nearby. There has also been a bomb threat in our building before so my priority was to be safe. In retrospect my actions were contrary to my childhood training on earthquakes: you aren’t supposed to go outside…you’re supposed to hide under a desk or other sturdy structure. I’ll remember for next time (though I hope there isn’t a next time).
• that my dear friend is expecting her second child—her second son—and all is going well. I could never picture her with female kids but if they decide to go for three maybe I’ll be proven wrong!
• for the faith and resiliency of those who are waiting to be blessed with children. Please keep these people in your prayers.
• for learning opportunities, even when I resist them and even when it takes me a few tries to learn the lesson I’m meant to learn. Right now I feel like one of my friends has been brought into my life to teach me how to take risks and I’m hoping I eventually learn what I am meant to learn.

I remember two camping trips with my family, soon after we arrived in Canada. The first time was about 23 years ago (gosh! some of you weren’t even born yet!). Friends at the church we were attending at the time loaned my parents their RV (recreational vehicle) which is basically a mini-house on wheels. It was lovely, and my sister and I were impressed with how the various compartments of the RV were convertible: the dining room doubled as a bed, for example. During the second camping trip one or two years later, we camped in tents. My parents shared a tent with my brothers while my sister and I had our own tent (if I recall correctly).

So it’s my parents’ fault that I love camping. In the last ten years, I’ve gone camping five or six times (aka “not often enough”). This will be my fourth year camping with this particular group that includes my sister and we always have a good time. But those of you who haven’t gone camping are probably wondering why I would voluntarily subject myself to mosquitos, sleeping on hard, uneven ground and cooking over the fire.

For one, because it’s a great break from “regular life” and is very relaxing. When the weather cooperates the weekend away feels a lot longer. You stay up late gisting around a campfire, you wake up early yet feel rested (until you get home and realize that you’re actually sleep-deprived), you lie on the beach, toes submerged in the softest sand ever, reading a magazine and you’re free to fall asleep. You shower if you want to (yes, there are shower facilities where we go, thank God! I’m not really into “roughing it” without flushing toilets and running water) and being lazy is a major rule of the time away.

And secondly, since I didn’t grow up cooking over a fire, there’s an aspect of novelty for me. If I had to do this every day, I’d resent it but once or twice a year, it’s fun. (Oh, and we have a propane stove that we also use so cooking over the fire is a real novelty).

Please join me in praying for good weather for this weekend. The meteorologists always get it wrong and I’m hoping the rain they have predicted for Saturday (rainstorm with thunder and lightning) is an error.

And in case you missed it, Group B nominations of the Nigerian Blog Awards are being accepted for the next 11 days! Have a look at the categories and nominate some of your favourite bloggers for categories such as Friendliest Blogger, Houdini Blogger or TMI Blogger. Go to the site and find out what these categories mean!

Me? I relax my hair, and my scalp suffers. My hair care regimen is better than it used to be but still not perfect. I still sleep without a hair covering quite often. I need some silk scarves and my hair needs more moisture.

I was going to share pictures of my hair but I’m too embarrassed. Maybe I’ll get over that by the end of the entry, but I’d like to think that one or two of you have this idea of me as this polished, well put-together person (not even close to being true!) and I’m not sure I’m ready to shatter it.

Getting your hair done here is expensive if you go to a salon. I’ve never used the relaxer kits myself (my mom used to do it for me) and to be honest I love the idea of someone else working on my hair because having to wash and condition it is trouble enough (I know, poor me right?). The least expensive salon I can go to charges $68.25 to relax my hair. The other place I go to charges $79, and once last year, I paid $95 (please don’t judge me; it was painful to pay it), because I was hoping this more expensive place wouldn’t lead to a burned scalp (it did, but my hair had never looked better).

The lady I usually go to (Madame $68.25) is a usually pleasant, Ghanaian lady, but some of her business practices frustrate me:

The lack of organization
I never go to her salon without making an appointment; however, I think my sister and I are the only ones who bother to do this. Everyone else shows up willy-nilly, some waiting for hours (my sister waited for two hours once and she HAD an appointment!). They just camp there waiting. I’ll waltz in on time for my appointment and usually she’ll leave the person whose hair she’s doing and tend to me within 20 minutes because I always give her the “I booked an appointment” look. Inevitably, some of the people waiting will realize their day is half over and leave.

She needs to run her business so that clients are made aware that they have to book an apointment, and she needs to get an appointment book and keep it up to date. She should know it well so that when someone drops in, sans appointment, she can tell them that she has x amount of time available and that when the person who scheduled an appointment comes in, she’ll have to stop their hair and tend to that person. This way nobody’s time is wasted. She also needs to give better estimates of how long people have to wait because I’ve observed she’ll say 45 minutes when it’s really 2 hours.

Her phone skills
If the phone rings, she never hesitates to answer it and start talking, often animatedly, while continuing with my hair. I’m not sure why I find this so irritating, but I guess I find it hard to relax when she’s excitedly talking in an elevated tone of voice right over my head. I find it rude. It’s business time, not personal time, so I feel she should be focused on client calls.

She needs some sort of secretary/receptionist, who can answer questions about the hair products for sale, help a client send money to their relative/friend (she has a Western Union thing in her salon), and help customers who’ve just had their hair done pay for their ‘do, so she can focus fully on her current client. I understand that she may not want to spend the money on this, so what about a good voicemail system that she checks regularly, or maybe one of her kids, who are often underfoot, could do this. I think they’d learn a lot about dealing with people and gain some disclipline too if she had them answering the phone professionally, and doing small chores around the place. Instead the younger girl, who is undeniably cute and very personable, has grown spoiled (I’ve been going there for a while) and very used to getting her way. She expects clients to think she’s cute and coddle her when sometimes? You just want your hair to get done, pay for it, and get on with your day. You can tell she’s used to being adored and complimented by the older clients and just lives for it. Now that she’s at least 10 years old, the act is getting old.

Not making the client feel special
If someone comes in to buy hair products (which she also sells), or if the guy who cuts hair finishes with a client who needs to pay, she’ll leave your hair to go handle the transaction. Sometimes the customer has questions or needs guidance, so this isn’t always a simple and quick exchange of money. I sympathize with the fact that she doesn’t know this until she’s left my hair but it’s very annoying and adds extra time to my appointment. She never says “excuse me; I need to go ring in this sale”; she just leaves. And when things are running long due to questions, she never calls back to me that she’ll be right back. That is rudeness. And if someone should decide they need to send money to their cousin abroad via WU, she’s off again, leaving me rolling my eyes and sighing inwardly.

But I’ve dealt with these things for many years, complaining about it to anyone who’ll listen and to my sister, so that’s ok. But I’m tired. About a month ago, my sister went to do her hair. She said the hairdresser “hacked her hair”: usually she asks if you want a trim to remove the dead ends. My sister said she just wanted the dead ends off but she got her hair chopped and it really did. She lost way too many inches for it to be called a “trim”. Our hair barely grows so she was not happy.

Three days later I went to my appointment. I was kept waiting, I was forgotten and she really didn’t seem to care about what she was doing. My sister she felt the same way during her earlier appointment. Maybe she’s stressed or going through something.

When it was time for my trim, she cut my hair unevenly! I didn’t notice it but the next day at work, a colleague asked if I was rocking an asymmetrical style! I went to the bathroom and tried to see if maybe it was just the off-centre part affecting the length but it wasn’t: there is at least a inch of difference in length! I contemplated going back to get her to even it out but you know what would happen: she’ll trim a little off the left to even it with the right and suddenly the left will be too short. Then she’ll trim a bit off the right to match the left and before I know it I’m bald, and 25 years of growing my hair will be gone, just like that.

So, finally, I’m shopping for a new salon. One recently opened in my parents’ neighbourhood, but I’m going to do what some of my oyinbo friends do: I’ll meet with the hairdresser and make sure she knows my personal hair issues and what my hair goals are. Something about the way this new place is organized gives me hope that she’ll be that kind of hairdresser: the forever kind. I just hope she’s not too expensive!

Don’t forget: this blog is nominated in two categories in the Nigerian Blog Awards. To vote for this blog as Best Personal Blog, Best Personal Development Blog or both, feel free to click the links, which will take you to the polls.

Do visit the awards site and vote for your favourite blogs. You have a week to do so and it’s one vote per category per person, please! Duplicate entries will be ignored (and will be given a slow hiss before being deleted, if they make it through the safeguards I’ve set up).

This blog is nominated in two categories. To vote for this blog as Best Personal Blog, Best Personal Development Blog or both, feel free to click the links, which will take you to the polls.

Before I head to bed, I’ve got to give thanks:

• that I was finally able to meet up with my friend this past Friday night. We met at 8pm and talked and talked and talked. She asked what time it was and I was sure it was no later than 11pm…turned out it was 12:50am! Time spent gisting with a friend to the point that you lose track of time is something great, and girlfriends are a necessity.
• that I have a regular date with my longtime pals every weekend. It’s a time to relax, watch movies or tv and hang out. I even bring my laptop and start a blog entry if I’m so inspired, and it’s not unusual for one of us to doze off (like I did this past Saturday).
• for my new phone. If my old cell phone (which I also use as my home phone) hadn’t started being unreliable, turning off mid-conversation, I would still be rocking the scuffed 3 years + old phone but I’m thankful for my new phone which is far more fun than my old phone. I have a better phone plan too which means I can send my Naija-based boo text messages for free…once I find him. In the meantime Seye, Writefreak, Funke and anyone else who wants to get hassled by me via text message should sign up in the comments!
• that the weather is finally summery here! It’s been so hot that I’ve used the air conditioner (thank God for the AC too!). I hate mosquitos though so I don’t spend too much time outside.
• for plants. My mom is a huge plant lover and I’ve inherited that from her. I’m trying to grow some fresh and it’s fun to see them growing. I also got a gorgeous hibiscus plant from my mommy and I love seeing the new blooms every morning. It’s a shame they fall off the plant within 24 hours of blooming though! But look how beautiful the plant is:

I’m also really thankful that I will be asleep within 5 minutes of crawling in bed…I never take the ability to sleep like a champion for granted!

So what do I do? I keep the blog entries unread in my google reader, waiting for that time when I can read the words, meditate on them, and prepare a response, whether in prayer or as a comment. But ask Jaycee, Rita or Zoe Believer if they’ve seen a comment from me on their blogs this year and I bet they’d say “Um, I don’t think so!”

Despite this, I just want to recognize the bloggers who take the time to reach out to us with God’s word. Like those email forwards you’ve probably received that say something like “we don’t hesitate to send on a forward about sex or drugs yet we pause when it’s about Jesus”, I just want to encourage any of you who are like me who either wait until you have time to meditate on those blogs so you don’t read them in time, or you don’t read those “religious” blogs ever, make time for it. You won’t regret it.

So, thank you, Rita, Jaycee and Zoe Believer (mostly through twitter!), for your blogs. Blogville is a better place for it! And Writefreak, No Limit, 30+, Aloted and so many of you who regularly praise God in your blog entries, I thank you too. I really appreciate the ways that you have ministered to me in the past, even if you never received a comment from me saying that. I hope I will be able to leave more comments on your blogs, just so you know your work is appreciated.

Do you have a favourite read for spiritual inspiration?