That makes our relationship to virginity really complex. Folks have all sorts of different ideas about what it means, what importance to place on it, and what place it has in their lives. I recently met Therese Shechter, a filmmaker who’s working on How to Lose Your Virginity, a documentary about this rather tricky experience.

She’s started a kickstarter campaign to fund the film, and I think this is one worth supporting. I was thrilled to be interviewed for the film when Therese and I met at Momentum and I’m looking forward to seeing how this project develops. You can see a preview of it on the kickstarter page, and the film’s website has a wonderful blog where you can submit your thoughts and stories about virginity.

Check it out and if you can, send her some support. This is a topic that’s really worth exploring and I think this film will do a great job of it.

In comes Joan Price. She’s a senior, who, while promoting health and exercise as a mature person, ended up talking about how at 59 she was having the best sex of her life. Soon, she’s penning Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty . The dialogue had begun! Some people become uncomfortable discussing people with wrinkles and sags having sex, but Joan has been dubbed a “wrinkly sex kitten” and refuses to stop talking about sex. At her session at Momentum, she doffed her suit jacket to reveal a fit woman with great cleavage in a sexy bustier. Sex kitten indeed!

She writes a blog and in addition to Better Than I Ever Expected has published Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. I’m a ways off from my senior years, but my primary partner is nearly there. At 57, he has experienced intermittent erectile dysfunction (Viagra helps. We call them “happy pills.”) although getting treatment for low testosterone has helped a lot. (Take note older men!) As we age, our bodies do change, and something that prompted me to tweet at Joan’s Momentum session was the idea put forth that we need to figure out what to substitute for things that don’t work anymore, and then communicate this to our partners.

I realized that some of the issues seniors face are issues some younger people do too. Disability can affect a person at any age, and necessitate figuring out alternative ways to express sexuality and achieve satisfaction. Erectile dysfunction doesn’t only affect older men. I’m only 39 but being on birth control has made it difficult to produce natural lubrication during arousal. Being on zoloft has deadened sensations a bit too, requiring more direct, intense stimulation to become physically aroused and orgasm. Joan explained that sensation does tend to go down as we age.

These limitations are usually solvable. I use lubricant to get things started, and once direct stimulation starts having an affect my body adds to the artificial lubrication with some of its own. Strong vibrators, like the Hitachi Magic Wand, can provide the intense stimulation needed to move past a little lessening of sensation. Joan made a point of saying we need to orgasm at least (at least!) once a week for our well-being. While many senior women are single and have been for a long time, we can always take our sexual pleasure and release into our own hands. I hope that the baby boomers can start a trend towards seniors going sex toy shopping.

In older bodies, sometimes you have to start with the stimulation and the arousal and desire will follow. I think it’s a “use it or lose it” situation, where making the effort will only help you desire more. We say that masturbation helps set up the nerve pathways and make it easier for women to orgasm later on – why not keep this up as we age? Also, sometimes intimacy is what we need more than anything, and orgasms don’t need to happen for that need to get satisfied. And once you’re cuddling and touching, who knows, sex may follow.

• Research is key to understanding human trafficking in Singapore, said migrant welfare groups and non-governmental organisations. The authorities recently launched a National Plan of Action against Trafficking in Persons to combat the issue in a more strategic way. 
• Undergrad moonlights as call girl
• Cross-dressing doc who exposed himself to girl back to seeing patients
• Father exposed himself to daughter, 11
• Man fined for punching medium who had affair with wife
• Teen gets probation for having sex with girl, 12
• Gay lifestyle portal founder given discharge on drug charges

Malaysia

• Women’s financial behaviour and preferences across varied situations show major differences from men’s. Women’s financial strengths are significant. So are their challenges. The provision of tailored wealth management services for wealthy women is much needed. There is a unique opportunity for the financial services industry to design investment, insurance, trust and estate planning products and services that better address women’s needs, psychological preferences, life values and different life stages.
• A former dean took his third wife to the Syariah court after a year’s marriage to verify if she is actually a man.
• In a special report, Metro Ahad uncovered wanton acts that would happen backstage and behind the cameras, with some hot ladies in the local entertainment scene giving their views on these unwelcome amorous encounters.
• A former state Islamic Religious Council (MAIM) employee pleaded not guilty to two charges for demanding bribe and sexual favours two years ago.
• Around 80 percent of prostitutes in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, are Pinay TNTs. These TNTs or Tago ng Tago exit from the Philippine backdoor with the help of unscrupulous immigration officials and illegal recruiters.

Japan

• Netizens debate on who Japan’s ‘most beautiful politician’ should be
• Even Japanese military recruitment posters are cute

China

• Husband divorces wife over breast enhancement
• Big eyes and pointy chins: The latest beauty trend among China youths
• Fantasy history is a novel idea – One-quarter of our 650,000 online novels on Jinjiang Literature Site, one of China’s hotbeds of online literature with a daily readership of 1 million has a time travel theme.

India

• Indian girls become child brides instead of prostitutes. For a Saraniyan women, marrying young to break the cycle of prostitution is a step in the right direction, despite its ominous undertones, and much better than the alternative.

Indonesia

• Issue: Miniskirts = Porn: Religious Affairs Minister. More reactions
• A 17-year-old girl accused of trafficking three underage girls was sentenced to three years imprisonment by the Denpasar District Court’s panel of judges.
• As many as 60 new cases of HIV/AIDS have been found in Greater Surakarta this year, raising concerns among activists and local authorities.

Korea

• South Korea’s Lipstick Generation. Cosmetics use has spread far beyond just women, to men, teenagers and even senior citizens, according to the report, written by Research Fellow Kang Chan-Koo. Skin care is the biggest growth driver, accounting for 48 percent of Korea’s total cosmetics market.

Bangladesh

• 40 years of happy families for Bangladesh matchmaker

Brunei

• Brunei’s Attorney General’s Chambers (AGC) yesterday announced several new amendments to the Penal Code aimed at curbing sexual predators and strengthening laws to prevent the sexual exploitation of children.

Given how much we focus on sex education here at Good Vibrations, of course we asked people how they first discovered or heard about the G-spot. And while just over 1/3 of the 321 respondents said that they read about it in a book, just about that many discovered it during sex. When you add the 24% who found it during masturbation and the 16% who were introduced to it by a partner, it’s clear that plenty of folks are finding the G-spot on their own!

Of course, that doesn’t always mean that they know how to get the most pleasure from it, and lots of folks read books, websites, magazine articles, or watched how-to movies to learn more. We think that’s great! And when it came time to put that into practice, more people said that masturbation was how they figured it out than sex with a partner, though not by much (58% & 53%, respectively). Given that our company motto used to be “if you want something done right, do it yourself,” we’re happy to see that.

Lots of folks make G-spot play a regular part of their sexual repertoires, with over 50% doing it often or most of the time when they have sex. And 12% said they do it every time they have sex or masturbate, so it’s clear that there’s plenty of G-spot action going on. But that doesn’t mean that they’re just going for it. Almost 95% of people need at least a little warm up, with a third needing at least 15 minutes and 17% needing an orgasm first. We’ve been telling folks to get turned on before focusing on the G-spot, because it engorges so it’s easier to find and it feels better, and the numbers bear that out.

As much as the G-spot vibrators and dildos are popular, with 60% of respondents using one or both, hands and fingers are definite favorites for 80% of them. And almost 40% said that penises worked for them, though that often requires the right position.

When it came to toys, the two biggest factors were having a curve or a bulbous head, and firmness, so if you’re using something that’s too flexible, that might be why it’s not working for you. But no matter what folks used to pleasure the G-spot, don’t forget the lube! More than half of them rated it as 7 or higher on a scale of 1-10 of importance.

People were pretty varied in their preferences for finger techniques, but it’s no surprise that 80% like the “come hither” motion. (Have you ever noticed that this is the only time anyone says “hither”?) But sliding in and out, circles, windshield wipers, and pressure all have their fans, so give them a try. And don’t forget the clitoris! Using a vibrator, oral sex, using your other hand or having the receiver use a hand were all popular choices. Plus, almost 20% said they like anal penetration and 20% use a buttplug. Of course, there’s likely to be some overlap, but that means that between 1 and 2 out of 5 folks enjoy anal stimulation as part of G-spot play. If you’ve never tried it, check out our how-to pages for the info you need to do it right.

Predictably, over 80% said they prefer being on their backs during G-spot play, but plenty of folks also like being on their hands and knees, and a few said that standing or being on their side worked, so give them a try. And several people said that a pillow like the Liberator Wedge helps them relax into the position.

And by the way, don’t get too caught up in trying to ejaculate. Almost 30% said they never do and another 30% only ejaculate occasionally. So even though it happens for the other 40% often or always, there’s a lot of variation. If it happens for you, great! And it not, great! As long as you’re having fun, right?

Speaking of ejaculation, almost half of the respondents call is squirting, though gushing, female ejaculation, and ejaculation all have fans. And one person said that they call it fejaculation and a couple call it girl juice, so you can call it whatever you want.

So there you have it. There are lots of ways that people enjoy G-spot play, so even if you’ve found something that works for you, give something else a try. Who knows? You might discover a new pleasure! Looking for some tips or ideas? Take a look at The Expert Guide To The G-Spot or GUSH: The Official Guide to the G-Spot & Female Ejaculation. And if you prefer a book, Female Ejaculation and The G-Spot and The Good Vibrations Guide: The G-Spot have you covered.

Of course, we have lots of great G-spot dildos and vibrators, as well as plenty of tips to get you started on our how-to pages. And for folks looking for a little inspiration, movies like Super Squirt #4, Super Squirt #5, Roulette: Dirty South, Crash Pad Series Volume 3: Through The Keyhole will get you in the mood.

Unfortunately, they don’t.  Most places do, however, have museums in some form or another, and often that museum is an art museum – possibly because Art is not only the product of inspiration, it is often the source of it.  In the making of everything from widgets to whoopee, the influence of the artistic aesthetic is evident in every stage of production, from inception to design to execution.  We’d like to think that sex toys are no exception.

And, as many people who design things for a living are partial to a particular art period– be it Romanticism, Renaissance or something from the Contemporary Era – the influence of that period is often revealed in an object’s design.  We’d like to think that sex toys are no exception.

So, in celebration of Vibrators, Art, Museums, and other things that life would be less enjoyable without, here is a list of five historical art periods (pretty much in chronological order) and the vibes that best represent them:

1)      Period: Pre-Historic.  Vibrator: The Fling G-Spot Dildo – While not exactly a formalized period of art, pre-historic humanity demonstrated a strong desire to turn objects from the immediate environment into something to enhance the quality of life.  What better embodies this idea than the Fling?  (Granted it’s not a vibrator, but the dearth of batteries during this part of history necessitates a power-free stimulus option.) Made completely of wood, this surprisingly smooth and sexy part of our Ecorotic® collection is a natural beauty as well as an inspired choice for g-spot stimulation.

2)      Period: Renaissance.  Vibrator: The Big Boss – Characterized by contrast, the application of reason and scholarly study to art and drawing inspiration from human form, the Renaissance aesthetic is exemplified by the Big Boss Vibrator.  The realistically-designed shaft is coupled with the extraordinary genius of a multi-function motor and magnetic induction charging.  Not to mention that the black silicone shaft attached to the white looped handle is about as contrast-y as contrast can get!

3)      Period: Romanticism. Vibrator: The HeartOn Wand – Celebrating emotion and feeling as a valid source for artistic inspiration, the Romantic Period was all about free expression.  The HeartOn’s design uses the traditional symbol of love and emotion to deliver deeply resonant sensation and a curved handle to hug the body in its sensual embrace.

4)      Period: Modern Art.  Vibrator: The We-Vibe 3 – With an unusual design and application, the We-Vibe 3 exemplifies this highly experimental artistic period in form and function.  The first vibe designed for use by couples during sex, the We-Vibe has revolutionized idea of what a sex toy can be in much the same way Picasso revolutionized the color blue.

5)      The Period: Contemporary Art. The Vibe: The Cobra Libre Stimulator for Men – Blending the everyday with the extraordinary, Contemporary art’s claim to fame is blurring the line between art and culture to create something entirely new.  With a design reminiscent of the race car, this stylized stimulator  mixes vibration, pulsation and oscillation and applies it to one of the most sensitive areas of the male body.  Sexy and sublime, The Cobra Libre is a museum-quality wonder.

Hopefully you now feel inspired to make a little sensual art of your own.  For a additional inspiration, please feel free to join us at the Antique Vibrator Museum located at 1620 Polk Street in San Francisco  for the grand opening celebration, April 12 from 6:00 to 8:00 pm.  If you can’t make it for the festivities,  please stop by anytime and check out our collection!

Director Simone Jude has been interviewing Lorelei Lee, Princess Donna, and Isis Love and filming both their personal and professional lives. By bringing the complexities of their experiences together, she shows that there’s much more to them than most folks will realize:

It’s about the choices people make to live the lives of their dreams, the way they stand up to a society that tells them they can’t have or shouldn’t want the things they do, and the balancing acts they must play as they negotiate multiple identities that the world wants them to believe are at odds.

In Jude’s words:

I became inspired to shoot a feature length documentary on the public personas and private lives of porn performers in 2008. People have a lot of judgments about porn performers, so I thought it could be really compelling to not only explore what happens behind-the-scenes, but also in these performers’ personal lives. I’ve been incredibly honored by the access these women have given me to their most vulnerable moments. And the more I’ve learned how dynamic they are, the more I’ve realized how much these stories need to be told to the world.

Conversations about sex and sexuality are all over the media right now – from coverage of how people use (and misuse) the word slut to discussion of Fifty Shades of Grey, and from debates on contraception to policy on same-sex marriage. Despite this fact, the voices of sex workers are strikingly absent from the conversation. As a documentary filmmaker, I believe in bringing underrepresented voices to the surface. I strongly believe in the power of stories to change the world.

See below for info and help get the word out!

Dr. Chauntelle Anne Tibbals, Ph.D. to Speak about Adult Performer Health and Safety at Stanford Law School

Dr. Chauntelle calls attention to disconnects existing between California state law and adult production practices

April 4, 2012 (Los Angeles, CA) - Dr. Chauntelle Anne Tibbals, Ph.D. will present her forthcoming paper “Adult Film Performers and Occupational Safety and Health” at Stanford Law School in Stanford, CA on Wednesday, April 11, 2012.

Tibbals is one of three panelists presenting work at Stanford Law School’s Safety of Sex Workers event. She will present work summarizing data and insights gleaned from twenty-four women and men currently working as adult performers in the Southern California/Los Angeles area. Her findings call attention to disconnects existing between California state law and adult production practices. The event will begin at 12:45 PM. Presentations will be followed by discussant-led Q&A and questions from the audience.

Tibbals hopes to address adult industry workplace and safety issues commonly ignored by policy makers, regulators, and academics during the event.

“Current regulations do not take the inner-workings of the adult industry or the concerns of the workers they’re trying to protect into account,” said Tibbals.

“Disconnects existing between adult industry producers and performers, regulators, and the wider social world are deep-seated and significant. Reliance on the concept of bloodborne pathogens protection as it is currently defined points to a lack of understanding about the mechanics of professional sex performance,” she continued.

Tibbals is a sociologist, a Visiting Scholar at the University of Southern California (USC), and the driving force behind the 2012 XBIZ Award Nominated site, PVVOnline.com. “Dr. Chauntelle,” as she is commonly known, has spent almost ten years researching the adult industry, working to complicate popular understanding of the adult business, its enterprise, and its socio-cultural significance

“We need to work to understand the realities of adult production and performers’ concerns. Systematic analysis of the structure and operations of the adult industry in Southern and Northern California is imperative, as are comparisons between the two. This work must be done before further attempts at regulation are made.”

“Adult Film Performers and Occupational Safety and Health” is forthcoming from Stanford Law and Policy Review (23, 2012). Inquiries about this and Tibbals’ other projects can be directed to cat_606@usc.edu.

About Dr. Chauntelle: Chauntelle Anne Tibbals, Ph.D. is a sociologist specializing in gender and labor issues. She has spent almost ten years researching the adult industry, working to complicate popular understanding of the adult business, its enterprise, and its socio-cultural significance. Her research has been published in numerous scholarly journals including Sexualities, Gender Work & Organization, Stanford Law and Policy Review (forthcoming), and Journal of Contemporary Ethnography. She is a Visiting Scholar in USC’s Department of Sociology and blogs regularly about industry issues at www.PVVOnline.com.

Follow Dr. Chauntelle on Twitter at @drchauntelle.

For more information and detail about Dr. Chauntelle, see her long form bio: http://pvvonline.com/?page_id=2

About PVVOnline.com: Porn is just like everything else in life – multi-dimensional and complex. Each component and dimension of adult production is also part of a wider socio-cultural past, present, and future. PVVOnline engages these complexities, connecting the dots and offering readers a unique take on the adult industry. Through consideration of industry culture and developments, in-depth interviews with industry insiders, and critical reviews of adult content, PVVOnline seeks to shed nuanced light on an influential yet extremely controversial, marginalized, and stigmatized industry.

PVVOnline: critical commentary on adult production, bridging the gap between porn and you!

Follow PVVOnline on Twitter at @PVVTweet.

For more information and detail about PVVOnline and its mission and goals, see: http://pvvonline.com/?page_id=29

One only has to travel back as far as Greek mythology, to learn that Dionysus, also known by his Roman name Bacchus, the God of the grape harvest and fertility, was also the God of ritual madness and divine ecstasy. He discovered the culture of the vine and the mode of extracting the precious juice. Dionysus wandered the world, accompanied by the Maenads, wild women under his ecstatic spell, drunk with wine and freed from self-consciousness.

Of course, alcohol lowers inhibitions and helps some people get in the mood for sex. But is there something different about wine? Is there a unique sort of high that lends itself to romance, intimacy and sensuality?

As a sex educator living in Northern California’s wine country, I decided to do some research on the subject.

I first traveled to Healdsburg in Sonoma County where I had the pleasure of meeting with Scott Lindstrom-Dake, who owns Thumbprint Cellars with his wife Erica. They have created what they call a stimulus package. It includes four wines– arousal, three some, four play, and climax.

I asked Scott how he came up with the sexy names for his wines.
He attributed it to a rebellious response to his new found monogamy when he and his wife first got together, not to mention a bit of marketing genius. Three some was the first he came up with. The label reads “Three bold varietals seduce each other in an orgy of aromas & flavors. Ripe blackberry, bold allspice, toasty oak & dripping blueberry compote evoke playful passion. Pair with one or two friends, with or without food. Clothing optional!” According to Scott, people were attracted to the label and the wine because it plays into their fantasies. “They think, ‘Hey I could have a threesome…’”

Then there’s thumbprint cellars’ 2008 four play, where “Naughty oak textures are spanked with a firm handful of tannins to subdue a premature climax.” Sounds naughty and nice.

Scott says he wants to create something people can relate to. I asked if customers ever took the names literally. “It does get a little bit provocative sometimes. We’ve had to do a bit of training with our staff, to handle potential situations… but most people are not going to approach with a proposition because of these wine bottles… Although one time we had an event going on and I was out mingling with the guests and two couples approached me. One of the guys looks at me with these big eyes and grin, and he says ‘are you a part of the lifestyle?’ I was a bit shocked.”

But Scott didn’t let it show. Instead he let them down easily, explaining that he was in a very happy and monogamous marriage and living vicariously through his wines.

I asked about Scott’s personal use of his wines for romance and sex. He said, “Sometimes a subtle hint to get in the right mood is needed… a creative way to nudge. I’ll open up a bottle of Arousal, maybe give her a little wink and ask how her day has been and let her know I’ll wash the dishes tonight.” Now that’s what I call foreplay.

Scott spoke lovingly of his wife. “My wife is my true soul mate. She pulled out of me a bit of honesty.” He explained that intimacy is the key to lovemaking. “The lead up is as important as the finish.” Something any good wine connoisseur knows.

But is there any real science behind pairing wine and sex? A few years back, a team of Italian doctors researched the possible connection between wine consumption and levels of sexual desire in women. The findings were published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2009. The researchers concluded that levels of sexual desire were higher in women who were moderate drinkers of red wine than in their counterparts who preferred other alcoholic drinks, or who didn’t drink at all.

They proposed a possible theory that antioxidants in red wine may improve sexual functioning by widening the blood vessels and increasing blood flow to key areas of the body. The researchers stated, “While this finding needs to be interpreted with some caution, it nevertheless suggests a potential relationship between red wine consumption and better sexuality.”

Scott was generous enough to give me my very own stimulus package to take home. I initially indulged in Arousal, went on quickly to four play. Meanwhile, I’m saving three some for the right party, and will then surely be ready to uncork my climax.

I received a tip that in Napa Valley one could find a wine called Seduction at O’Brien Estate Winery. I made a date to meet with owner Bart O’Brien to find out just how seductive his wines might be.

I was greeted by Richard, expert at hosting guests, pouring wine, and apparently other things as well. I told him that I had come to talk to his boss about pairing wine and sex. “I’m a master at that,” he replied confidently, “I’m single.” He grinned, pouring me a 2010 oak chardonnay.

While I waited for Bart, Richard put me to work. He was busy with guests inside and he couldn’t tend to the three attractive young men who were seated outside indulging their palates. He escorted me to their picnic table and suggested I get their expert opinion on the subject of wine and sex as a means of keeping them entertained. As Richard suspected, Yohan from Denmark, and Jay and Greg from Australia had plenty to say on the subject, including the suggestion of pairing a pinot noir with some fun on the kitchen table.

Meanwhile, Richard had just escorted two more young men to join our little party when Bart showed up and I was whisked away to a more private picnic table. Bart, quite the gentleman, insisted I sit where I could enjoy the view of the sun shining on the rolling hills in the distance and the bright yellow mustard flower dancing amongst the grape vines.

Bart told me the reason he and his wife Barb came to Napa valley was romance. Their third date was in Napa Valley and it was then that Barb told him her dream was to own land here someday. Lucky for her, she had found an entrepreneur in Bart and after several years of marriage he helped make her dream come true.
I soon learned that Bart and Barb had more than just seduction on their minds. They have developed a romantic portfolio of wines- Fascination, Attraction, Flirtation, Romance of the Heart, Seduction, Passion of the Soul, Devotion, and Reflection, that describe a developing courtship that leads to marriage and a lifetime together.

According to Bart, quite the romantic and, like Scott, a man with a keen eye for marketing, the “goal is to touch your heart before the wine touches your lips.” Each bottle has poetry he and Barb have written about each stage of the relationship. Bart says that people are looking for an emotional state change and that wine is the best alcoholic beverage to share during an emotional relationship. “Wine is a drink of exploration—no two bottles are ever exactly alike…as you’re exploring it, you’re doing the same thing with the person, exploring…”

Bart said quicker is not always better. He says it’s important to enjoy the phases of the courtship ritual. He described the elegance of opening the corked bottle for a special romantic occasion and he took me on a romantic journey by describing each bottle of wine. He began by reciting the poetry from Fascination—“Suddenly, I am touched by your presence, Swiftly, I awaken to you…” Then he moved on to Attraction—“When our eyes met my heart said hello, are you the one for whom I long? Are you?”

But before I could answer, he was on to more romantic musings. He wants his winery to be a special place for couples. “I use wine to open their hearts, once they have their hearts open, you can talk to them about romance, about philosophy…”

We moved on to Romance of the heart. Bart believes in having romantic feelings for someone before you have sex with them. According to him, if there’s someone you’re really interested in, you want “to penetrate their mind and penetrate their body,” he paused and smiled, adding “from the male point of view…” Or perhaps the point of view of whoever’s wearing the strap on that night, but I wasn’t about to interrupt. I could tell he was just getting to the juicy part.

The next stage is Seduction, “I’ll give you a hint—it’s horizontal” he grinned. And then he got personal. He told me how he and his wife moved in together two weeks after they met, but didn’t have sex for three weeks. “I deliberately wanted to postpone it until we were to the point we couldn’t stand it.” According to Bart, “Sex can either be a transactional experience or it can be the greatest emotional experience you’ve ever had.”

He then began philosophizing about Passion of the soul. He said “at this point now you’re in love mentally, emotionally and physically.” I asked him to elaborate on the physical bit. He indulged me. “As long as you have sex, you should have good sex, you should have imaginative sex, that perhaps stretches your pre conceived limits of what people should be doing, because it’s fun, it’s erotic, and as long as you’re going to have an orgasm why not have a powerful orgasm?”

He told me he is a Good Vibrations customer. “I believe in the idea of enhancing your sex life with tools. It’s like anything else, you can either use a screwdriver manually or use an electric screwdriver, depends how much screwing you have to do.”

Although I thoroughly enjoyed my intellectually stimulating conversations with both Scott and Bart, I still wasn’t sure what varietals to pair with fellatio, frottage or even simple fondling. So I posed the question to my friend Everett, a man experienced in things both sexual and viticultural.

“Ravenswood vintners blend if you expect it to be bad or they are young.” And what if you expect it to be good? “Bella vista pinot. And then a nice German ice wine like a gewürztraminer for post sex refreshment.” What about make up sex? I asked. “I like something with a bite. I like zinfandels and malbecs. Post make up sex wine cannot be subtle.”

For phone sex Everett suggests a chardonnay. “Not my favorite but nondescript, light and easy on the palate.” And for rough sex? “I like port. It’s unexpectedly sweet, intense…. thick and fruity and visceral. The taste lingers on the tongue….kind of like bad boy (or girl) sex…”

And Everett’s final piece of advice–“wait for the second date to break out the good stuff.”

1) Lesbian kinky erotica has grown and changed a lot since Macho Sluts (that was the first book of dyke kink smut, wasn’t it?). What are some of the shifts that you’ve seen? How did that affect this book?

If that wasn’t the first book, it was certainly one of the first. I’ve loved that for years, my copy is all dog-eared and broken-spined. The biggest shifts I’ve seen in queer smut writing is that there is just copious amounts more of it—more blogs, more anthologies, more tumblrs, more people putting their desires down into writing and out there into the world.

I think that’s meant that we have a more diverse representation of what’s sexy, of bodies and body types, of orientations, and of kinky, perverted, awesome sex acts than ever before. I’d love to see queer smut take on a serious (r)evolution in the same way that queer porn has, meaning that I think queer porn is pretty much the best porn in the porn industry these days, and we’re doing the most radical, ethically responsible, fascinating, gender-forward, kink-forward things, with directors like Courtney Trouble and Shine Louise Houston especially.

I love that we’ve got more queer smut on the market, but it’s also time to start making better queer smut, more specialized anthologies, and more quality writing. The book industry is doing some tricky evolving of their own, these days, but the one thing that will certainly remain true is that if you like what’s going on—queer porn or smut or bloggers or whomever—make sure you support it financially, as much as you can, by buying the book or the DVD or the membership or whatever, and that’ll really help us all to keep bringing you more and better fantasies, smut, porn, and general jack off material.

2) In your introduction, you write “the more I look closely at BDSM, the harder it is for me to bring my flogger down on it and define precisely what I think it means.” Can you tell us a bit more about that?

I thought I knew what BDSM was when I started this anthology, but as I read more and more submissions I realized that what I’d been thinking of as “BDSM” was really quite limited. I tend to use “kink” as more of a general umbrella term for BDSM, fetishes, role play, age play, toys, tools, and all sorts of sexual exploration, so I was thinking of BDSM as a small subset of that, rather than as an equivalent umbrella term. But as I started finding more stories that explored other fetishes or kinks in ways that I really loved—that were smart and sexy and really hot and well-written and perhaps a little unusual but still very relatable—I knew I wanted to include those, too. I think the closer I got to it, the harder it was to pinpoint exactly what BDSM is, and my understanding of it broadened after going through these stories.

Photo by ShiloMcCabe

3) Say Please offers an incredible range of fantasies and desires. Given how diverse people’s sexual turn-ons are, what were some of the highlights in the selection process? What were some of the challenges?

My own taste is definitely my biggest influence, so there are a lot of saucy butch/femme pieces, some daddy/girl play, lots of strap-ons, quite a bit of sensation play. But at the same time, I tried to choose a wide range of other explorations, like piss play and knives and threesomes. Some of the actual actions in the book I wouldn’t necessarily list as personal favorite fetishes or kinks, but they are so damn well written and queer and smart and sexy that I felt turned on and excited by the stories.

I think the best BDSM erotica can do that for a reader—turn us on to something we perhaps wouldn’t usually consider, and perhaps will never consider again, but for now, for the moment, the author takes us through such a rich and vivid description of not just what the characters are exploring but also why. And we, the readers, get it—if only for now. I love that suspension of our own orientations or desires, and I think it can help us grow as sexual beings.

It was a challenge to get a diverse range of stories, especially in terms of ethnicity, but the gender orientations were also challenging. It’s not a butch/femme book, even though that’s my particular favorite combination, so I did my best to include both highly gendered but not butch/femme stories and also lesbian stories that don’t necessarily have a gender component.

Putting together an erotica anthology is quite a challenge, especially because everyone’s taste is a little different. Cleis’s favorite story and my favorite story were different, and I bet your favorite story will be different than those two, too. Because of our different tastes, it’s hard to really review or recommend erotica—but hopefully the wide range and the good writing in this collection will mean that all the readers will find a few stories they love, at least.

4) Not only did you choose stories to cover lots of different kinks, you also have established writers, relative newcomers, and first-timers. Did you have a specific intention to do that when you started, or did it just work out that way? How did that influence the book?

I aimed to have a combination of seasoned erotica writers and newer voices in the book, yes. It’s a formula that the Best Lesbian Erotica series has frequently used over the years, which has been a huge influence on me and my work and how I am now editing anthologies. I love the combination of authors that I know and whose work I love in addition to the folks who are starting out.

Plus, I teach writing workshops, often sex writing, and many of the folks who come, write something, or share some of their work are incredibly talented, and I try to encourage them to submit to anthologies. I think the queer sex writing landscape is still missing dozens—hundreds!—of perspectives, and the more we can write about our own stories and our own desires, the more examples will be out there in the world. That’s a big part of why I started writing smut, really, was because I didn’t see what I loved reflected, so I started telling stories to my lovers, writing my own.

I think the largest influence of newer writers is that often, they are not stuck in a rut of their own ‘erotica voice,’ so they are more experimental and more raw. I love that in a good smut piece.

Pick up your copy of Say Please here. And be prepared for a fun evening in!