Goodballoon's paunch

Tonight on Radio 4

2008-01-14T20:09:00.001+00:00

18.00 - 18.30 - I'm sorry, this is my penis
Comedy panel show featuring Paul Merton, Willie Rushton, Brian Conley and Sandi Toksvig

18.30 - 19.30 - Paul Morley on silence
Paul Morley presents this exploration on peace and quiet and why it isn't quite as important as punk.

19.30 - 21.00 Stephen King's 'Cakes'
A presentation of Stephen King's most recent and, perhaps, most terrifying work. An evil baker creates an evil batch of cake-mix and unleashes it upon the English village of Titchmouse. Stars Peter Bowles and Alison Steadman.

21.00 - 21.00 Let's be 'avin' you
Punt and Dennis ensure they get paid this week by riffing on how various landlords may ask you to leave a public house.

21.00 - 22.00 Tired, tired, tired - Guest edited by the ghost of Fred Dibnah
The late night discussion show this week features Charles Dance, Delbert Wilkins and Jack Osbourne looking at the work of French arthouse maestro Jacques Biro.

22.00 - 23.00 Lady dance
This week: Jermaine Defoe

23.00 - 23.30 Quiet hate
Jon Gaunt whispers a stream of invective into a microphone whilst trying not to disturb a nearby puppy. This week the subject is 'Public money spent on immigrants'.

23.30 - Midnight Rock me to sleep, you crazy bitch!
Suzi Quatro lulls listeners to sleep with a select batch of rock songs carefully selected to ensure immediate sleep. Or death.

Midnight - 00.05 Trucking news
All the black-ice and glory-hole news from the A Roads and motorways of the UK.

00.05 Shut down

He's back!

2008-01-13T17:20:00.000+00:00

Who's back? He!

Now I know what some of you are thinking: why did I end up at this page? I was looking for a picture of a tube being inserted into a plastic penis. Well that tube and that latex appendage can be seen in the profile picture so suck it up you strange, medico-filthseeker.

Others may be wondering where I have been, and why I had bothered to start writing on this unmissed shit-bath again. There has been no public outcry since I stopped, no wailing and gnashing of teeth, no phonecall from Bono urging me to write something... ANYTHING!... for the sake of Africa. No... this is yet another instance of the self-indulgent, unwanted tripe that clogs the internet and makes finding any useful information nigh-on impossible. Lip-synching Taiwanese kids, 15 year-olds stripping on their webcams, lisping homosexuals talking about the latest splattery turds to fall out of Britney Spears... this blog is no better or worse than any of these, or at least it hasn't been until now.

From this moment on I shall try to make this a useful, informative and healthy depository of facts and opinion. I shall do what I can to nudge you, dear reader, along the road to being a better, more productive human being and in so doing, improve myself. Here is a list of facts to being our intelliventure:

- Jamie Oliver owns the word "herbage". He is also attempting to buy the words "zest", "olive", "clam" and "Jew".

- The Pentagon invented High Definition television as a way to cull some of the less attractive actors in Hollywood. They aim to make expectations of physical beauty even higher which will result in society becoming better looking. They also want 'Desperate Housewives' off of the air.

- Battery chicken farming involves very few batteries. Three or four at the most.

- The Beatles never really existed as a band. Their hits were written by a committee comprising Ray Davies, Spike Milligan, Harold Macmillan, Peter Cook, Eric Burdon, Rolf Harris and some senior civil servants. John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr were all inventions of 'Punch magazine' and were played by actors, some of which still make personal appearances today.

- Birthday cards are the size they are so you can better fit HMV vouchers in them.

- The Irish are not naturally as aggressive as they appear.

- Pleats were named after James Pleat, a Scottish pervert who was annoyed at constantly being thwarted in his attempts to see up "young ladies" skirts. After inventing the pleat he and his partner, Stephen Nonce, were jailed.

- The night does not, despite the song, belong to lovers. It belongs to rapists; please be careful.

So, I hope that this first step to a smarter world has been, at least, partially successful. Who knows how these facts may inspire some youngster to learn more, read more, become more... we can but dream.

Prologue: I lose my mind.

2007-09-30T18:20:00.000+01:00

If I had to hazard a guess I'd have said that James was a man. He had all the bits that men have, the feet and inches, the stones and ounces. His head was big and handsome, like a chiselled TV that had been showing an old episode of Blue Peter with Simon Groom and his dog, Doggy. He had first bounded into my life when, open-hearted and bottomed, I had been looking for love. Love wasn't on the cards, but it's remains soon would be.

James wasn't my usual type; for a start he was a man. I had always been able to admire the finer points of a masculine frame; the broad sweep of the shoulders, the strong arms coated with a fine dusting of dark hair, the delicate labia... but I had never loved a man. A man had never swept me off of my feet, never made me want to dance (Forsyth aside), never broken my heart; James was to change all of that. As soon as I saw him, I wanted to be close to him; close to the warm hum of his testes, the dank lesson of his neck, the ripe mantlepiece of his wrists. He had broken me. Ow!

It took me months to summon the courage to speak to James. How could I, a mere cat, make him mine. It was an impossible task... I would have to use every trick in the book. The Paul Daniels Magic Book. First up: the disappearing chinaman.

I would need to find a chinaman.

Please let me be the first...

2007-09-23T10:59:00.000+01:00

Au revoir Marcel Marceau. Thanks for the memories.

Any famous last words?

Why can't we do this?

2007-08-16T23:48:00.001+01:00

So here are some videos. Two are of Jon Stewart and one is a reaction to Jon Stewart. The first is Jon Stewart's first Daily Show after September the 11th. It is a moving, honest and candid record of the reaction to the event and it's aftermath.

Now this is deeply unpleasant. This is a right-wing nut-job called Jon Gibson who, whilst commenting on a columnist who feels America NEEDS another September the 11th, decides to take the piss out of Jon Stewart and, probably, those that died in the attacks.

Pretty good stuff, eh? What a stand-up fella. There's patriotism for you; it wishes death on it's own countrymen.

So anyway, Jon Stewart goes on, keeps doing his stuff. A couple of nights ago he interviewed Dick Cheney's biographer. Here he refers to Jon Gibson and hands a neo-con apologist his own arse.

Now, I know what it's like... some dick puts some videos on his website instead of writing something of note, but to be fair Jon Stewart is clearly a man of genuine intelligence, humour (with a u) and moral character. What he says should be noted and, if you don't like it, go fuck yourself and your sanctimonious, self-righteous, shit-doggery. Watch 'em, don't watch 'em. As if I give a fuck. It's only the internet, it aint important. Not like the press.

Thanks.

UPDATED BY ME!!!

It looks like the first one has been pulled. Probably cos they were getting so many hits from this mega site. Or not.

Love on the airfield

2007-08-08T00:01:00.000+01:00

I was securing the mounting bracket for the wing when he approached. Tall, good-looking but with a geeky hint of the teenager about him, his swagger doing a bad job to hide twenty-two years of little town oppression.
"Hey Jasper, how're you doing?" I wasn't quick to answer. I wasn't quick to anything. Being handsome and collosal meant I could be slow and that and it dodn't matter. And that.
"Howdy Daniel. What's going on?" I replied. I had recently taken to saying "howdy". It was the late nineteen-fifties and saying "howdy" had just replaced the hula-hoop as the height of fashionable fun.
"Oh Jasper. You're saying howdy now. Jeez, I just can't get into the habit." Daniel blushed as he spoke. I liked it when he blushed he looked like he was a bit sunburnt. That, in turn, reminded me of bacon and I sure did like a big slab of bacon. Oh yes.
"It's easy to do, Daniel. All you got to do is think before you speak." I said, sagely.
"How do you mean?" He said, anti-sagely.
"Well, when you approached me what were you thinking?" I hadn't meant this as an angle for compliments, I usually didn't have to angle being so darn cute. "Darn" was another word I was using these days.
"I was thinking how good you looked securing that mounting bracket. I thought how lucky the plane was to have you working its... er..." he blushed again.
"Nuts, Daniel?" I stared at him thoughtfully.
"Er... yeah." His eyes met mine. We drank one another in. Slowly we moved closer and closer, like two planets unable to defy gravity or the laws of physics.
"Goodballoon!" It was the airfield foreman, Simpson. Daniel and I jumped away from one another. "Have you finished securing that mounting bracket for that wing yet? mr Holly needs to be in the air in ten minutes."
"Yes sir." I spat back.
I returned to my work, by my concentration was on something else. The rest, as they say, is tragic musical history.

Campbell on The Daily Show

2007-08-06T11:09:00.001+01:00

Jon Stewart's last line is absolutely brilliant.

Someone give that man his own show.

Question

2007-08-01T00:09:00.000+01:00

If you were searching for a picture and ended up here because of the profile picture (and I know a lot of you do just that) then tell me, just between us, what the hell were you searching for? Please! It's really annoying me.

Well played Mister Monbiot

2007-07-31T17:16:00.000+01:00

Here is very nice article from George Monbiot in The Guardian. Beautifully written and incredibly damning of the Brown administration... pretty depressing too.

RIP Mike Reid

2007-07-29T23:01:00.000+01:00

God rest your soul, Mike Reid. You always seemed like a nice enough fellow, although I was never sure about your sartorial sense. You also seemed to miss the new wave of comedy in the 1980's which sometimes meant that a few of your jokes were a little... shall we say, misjudged. Anyway, I'll leave the last word to your agent,

"He would see the funny side of any situation, no matter how black it was."

Oh... that was a mistake.

Not clever, not insightful, but true...

2007-07-24T23:33:00.000+01:00

Jon Gaunt is a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt.

I could go into his ludicrous right-wing, violence-urging, nonsensical, xenophobic, lowest-common-denominator appeasing views, but why bother when copy-and-paste does the job so much better?

Damage done

2007-07-22T11:11:00.000+01:00

Alas, we have passed through the looking-glass once again. After Hutton, Lord Butler et al, we now have the CPS tirelessly helping to protect Blair's image by craping out of a prosecution of anyone involved in the Cash for Honours thingy. Now, we all know that they were renting out peerages to those that kept their Frankenstein's monster of a party afloat. We know they would help those who shored up pet projects like academies and Millenium Domes. We know that Levy and his ilk were part of a conspiracy of silence on the matter that went all the way to Blair, but the CPS has decided that the evidence is not there. Fine.

What isn't fine, however, is this little period after the fact. This is the point after Lord Hutton's enquiry where Alastair Campbell got to glower and gloat from a podium like some small-time mafiosi who'd scared a jury into getting him off a racketeering charge. It was here that Greg Dyke was forced out of his job and the BBC started a period of navel-gazing that still with us today. With Cash for Honours we are getting arsehole articles like the one in today's Observer by Sarah Helm, wife of Jonathan Powell, himself the ex-Chief of Staff of Tony Blair. She writes:

"I know one shouldn't make these comparisons, but I was writing about Nazi Germany right then and I couldn't help think: Gestapo tactics! Pick on the vulnerable, preferably a single woman, living alone. No matter that you may have nothing on her that will ultimately stand up in court - give her a scare."

And...

"At best we saw just sloppy, bad reporting, and at worst, cheap sensation and vindictive lies."

Brilliant. She accuses the police of "Gestapo tactics!" and then the press of "cheap sensation"; it's good to see that New Labour consistency still on display. Perhaps someone should speak to Ms Helm about the Gestapo and what they actually did. The Gestapo was a secret agency that operated outside of judicial control and so was able to lock people up without trial. The Gestapo were used to control those in Germany and occupied countries by means of arrest and execution, often in very large numbers and, again without any oversight by a court. They would often work on leads or "denuciations" by members of the public who were encouraged to inform on their fellow citizens.

Inspector Yates woke Ruth Turner up and arrested her because he felt she may have perverted the course of justice. She was taken to a police station, charged, questioned and released. Her file has gone to the CPS and they have decided she should not be prosecuted. Case closed, as they say.

On June the 2nd 2006, Mohammed Abdul Kahar and Abul Koyair were arrested in a 4am raid on their home in Lansdowne Road, Forest Gate. Kahar was shot in the shoulder during the raid, which involved over 200 police officers. The men were held for over a week without being made aware of the charges against them, but could have been held for up to 28 days without any charge under anti-terror guidelines introduced by the Government (who, along with the police, would have preferred 90 days). The raid was prompted by information from Mohammed Abu Bakr Mansha, a 22 year-old with an IQ of just 69, a full 31 points less than the national average. Reports indicate that Scotland Yard was not happy with the quality of the information and were prompted to act upon it by Sir Richard Mottram in the Cabinet Office. The full cost of the raid was over £2,000,000. Blair said he supported the police action "101%".

So here we have:

- 200+ police officers.
- Pre-dawn raid.
- Use of extreme force.
- A weeks detention.
- Use of sub-standard informants and information.
- Governmental intervention.

Now, I could get over-excited like most of the maniacs of the left and accuse the police and Government of Gestapo tactics (although I wouldn't add the tabloidesque exclamation mark that Sarah Helm feels inclined to use), but I won't. They were pressed into a untenable position and felt compelled to act. I would however say this: next time you are writing a piece for a Sunday newspaper and want people to take your position seriously, don't make ridiculous accusations and over-blown statements about police brutality that don't hold up. Don't bandy around comparisons to the Nazis when a friend of yours gets a taste of something that your husband and his cronies have helped to spread. Oh, and please don't push your luck too far by doing your best Campbell impression and gloating over the bruised body of your opponent; hubris is a terrible thing, you know.

I'll do it before 'Mock the week' does.

2007-07-18T08:26:00.000+01:00

From the BBC website today:

"One in 14 adults cannot answer a maths question aimed at eight-year-old children, a survey suggests. The question was: What is one eighth of 32? The options given were a)6 b)4 c)2 d)8 e)None of these f)Don't know - the correct answer being b)4."

Isn't that amazing? 1 in 14 adults couldn't answer that question. That's nearly 20%!

Boom.

Boom.

Wow! Look at this shit!

2007-07-16T17:27:00.001+01:00

I can't wait for Alan Bond's new exciting adventure, once he comes back to life.

Grades of shit

2007-07-14T20:16:00.000+01:00

Here's Michael Grade, quoted on Friday afternoon, talking about the BBC/Queen-storming-out thingy:

"We are in an age today where there has been a huge influx of young talent into the industry as it expands. They have not been trained properly, they don't understand that you do not lie to audiences at any time, in any show - whether it's news or whether it's a quiz show ... It's desperately important that we restore trust and that the programme-makers get to understand - whether through hard lessons or through training or a combination of both - that you do not lie to audiences under any circumstances."

Interesting. In less than twenty-four hours Michael Grade has been made aware of a problem, considered what the likely causes of that problem are, researched his hypothesis, concluded he was correct, and then made a statement to that effect. Now, what he says may be true; it may be that for years now a slow drip-drip of inexperienced talent in the media has lowered the quality threshold until we get to the point where nobody knows any better, but shouldn't their superiors (including one M. Grade) have been checking to see what was going on? Aren't they paid to do precisely that? And isn't it strange just how quickly Grade reached this conclusion? It's almost as if he's known about all of this for ages and didn't say anything; strange behaviour for someone who has been the Chairman of the BBC and head of ITV over the last couple of years.

Of course the real problem is that most television is made in precisely the same way as the Queen clip with timelines switched around and events being shown out of their correct order to better tell a story or to get a different effect. Most directors and editors do it skillfully enough that the public don't notice (or at least pretend not to notice). The problem here is that RDF, the programme-makers, are complete fucking idiots and made a pigs-ear of it, plus the palace complained and the Beeb shat themselves. You try getting them to move as fast as this if you get stitched up. It'll take more than a call to 'Points of view' to get Peter Fincham on 'Newsnight' on the verge of tears when 'Watchdog' makes you look a prick.

Suffice it to say this will all blow-over and it will be business as usual at TV Centre by Friday, although a ritual sacrifice or two may occur first.

Got ten minutes?

2007-07-04T20:20:00.000+01:00

This is what TV was designed for.

When you think of American television, ten minutes of a man talking probably isn't the first thing that springs to mind, but here it is; can you imagine someone doing this on London Tonight?

P.S. If your a Yank, and you've seen this, yet not written to your congressmen requesting an impeachment bid... shame on you.

Blow me

2007-07-03T08:18:00.000+01:00

Some lovely doggy-woggies that sniffed out the nasty bombs on July 7th are to be given special doggy medals for being big brave boys. Aren't you? Aren't you? Yeeeeeessssss...

Ahem. Other things to be honoured during the ceremony:

- Nelson of Nelson's column
- The carriage that exploded at Russell Square
- The dead Thames whale
- Roy Orbison's sunglasses
- Kylie Minogue
- A police breathalyser
- Einstein's chalk and blackboard
- Tower One of the World Trade Center

All fine and deserving recipients, I'm sure you'll agree.

Join me

2007-07-02T22:55:00.000+01:00

Right, I've had enough. I am absolutely going forward with my terrorist training camp. These so-called "jihadists" are a bloody shambles. Two car-bombs that wouldn't have scorched the radio volume control knobs, and an airport attack that did less damage than the average Scottish family at the Irn Bru counter. Jesus! We that follow Allah (and of course I have been an ardent pupil of Mohammed since 9/11) should feel nothing but shame at these second-rate subversives.

My new training camp will have all that any would-be suicide bomber, amateur pilot, or IED-maker would need to ensure that 75 virgins will be theirs in a few explosive moments. Facilities will include:

- Kidnap 101
- Rocket-launcher techniques
- Video production (including internet distribution)
- Beard care

Should you be interested in joining up then call us right away. Spaces are short (although around twenty should free up around the end of August - nudge, wink) and the first ten that sign up will receive a selection of box-cutters in any colour of their choice.

The training camp is part-funded by the National Lottery and our commercial partners at Nike.

Lost: T. Blair's mind.

2007-06-19T12:53:00.000+01:00

Blair today:

"It is so comforting to people to say there was an error made in the planning - Someone didn't spot what was going to go on. That is not what has created the problem. What has created the problem is that the people we are fighting have decided to give us a problem. What they have decided is that if they can hang on long enough in Iraq, or in Afghanistan, or anywhere else, then we will lose the will."

So the problem is not in the planning of the war. No, the problem is that the opposition in that war has... er... fought back. Didn't see that one coming, no? Really? Maybe you want to check on that "planning not-a-problem" argument again.

Goodnight, sweet prince.

2007-06-18T20:25:00.000+01:00

Alas, my dear, dear friend Bernard Manning has passed on to the great pie-shop in the sky. Bernard was something of a hero to me; I learned a great deal at his enormous, water-retaining knee about the ways of the world and all it's strange fascinations. He showed me the correct way to treat a lady, he ensured my entry into society was smooth and worry-free, and he was the first person to point out how a bludgeoning, charm-free racism could make one a millionaire.

I shall miss Bernard's company; he was always the first to have his cleaning lady offer you a drink or a bag of crisps. We would sit for hours on end discussing who was taking whose job, who had made what area go downhill and what constituted "foreign muck". That being said I shall, at last, be able to use all of those jokes that, for years, Bernard passed off as his own, or at least I will when dearest Jim Davidson finally shuffles away to the summer season on the other side. Sad days.

Groundhog day

2007-06-15T08:45:00.000+01:00

The Guardian are being all Guardiany and annoying in their music pages again today. You know that thing they do every three and a half days where they will have an oh-so-daring piece about things a lot of people think are good which they will say are rubbish? Well, they are doing it again today right here.

So, if you've ever wondered what a girl who was in the Sugababes before they were successful thinks of Abba's 'Arrival' or someone from The Kooks (whatever that is) thinks of 'Pet Sounds' go and have a look.

Here's me having a go:

The Guardian by Jasper Goodballoon.

I remember the first time I looked at The Guardian; I'd been told by all of my friends it was really good and had loads of great stuff and that about things but I soon found out wasn't as good as I thought it was and that so it was disappointing. I like The Times better. Or wanking.

Haven't you gone yet?

2007-06-12T13:59:00.000+01:00

Blair (and almost certainly Campbell) has made a speech attacking the press, and in particular The Independent, for lowering the standards of political discourse in this country. Apparently in modern day Britain the idea of doggedly following a story, reporting ministerial excess or asking questions of the government is a graver offence than unprovoked attacks on foreign countries, covering up billion pound bribes or selling voting positions in the House of Lords.

What a fucking arsehole.

Best of a bad bunch

2007-06-06T17:11:00.001+01:00

This message will self-destruct

2007-05-31T19:38:00.000+01:00

An explosive list? Jesus! Is there no end to these evil-doers cunning?

I'm sooo famous

2007-05-30T16:52:00.000+01:00

Look here. It's about bloody time someone started listening to my words of wisdom. I say my words but actually I stole that thing from Mister Lee at Pleasure of the harbour. The spelling mistakes were mine though.