TEN STAGES ON-MOBILE

TEN STAGES ON-MOBILE:Dreams and traumatic experiences are similar.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Thu, 23 Jun 2016 10:32:00 +0000

Dreams and traumatic experiences are similar.

Both involve intense emotion, though in traumatic experiences the emotion results from external stimuli, whereas in dreams it comes from internal flashbacks of the split-off trauma we carry in our psyche. No surprise that adults and children with Post traumatic Stress Disorder often have terrible flashbacks in their dreams.

Both involve periods of dissociation. Many trauma victims emotionally “fly away” in their minds to escape the horror they are experiencing. Not surprisingly, flying dreams are common.

Both are connected with our parents. Our parents in childhood are our primary traumatizers, because when we were children they had more power over us than will anyone later in our life. It’s no surprise that parents, either overtly or covertly, symbolise so much in dreams, especially when our primary traumas start to bubble up.

Both are connected with psychosis. Extreme traumatic experiences can cause psychosis, whereas dreams themselves are nothing more than psychosis during sleep. And the most traumatized people do their dreaming while awake – by hallucinating and having delusions.

Both involve denial. Society denies all but the most intense traumas and minimizes the rest; most people do the same with their dreams. In this vein, most people believe they had a happy, non-traumatic childhood; these are the same people who wish you “sweet dreams” at night.

Both involve the repetition compulsion. We compulsively replicate our unresolved traumas in an attempt to heal them. Likewise, we often have repeats of the same dreams – or dream themes.

Both rupture the borders of our personality. Traumatic experiences force their way through the psyche like a nail through a board, whereas dreams are the psyche’s attempt to pull the nail out of the board.

As such, both involve the essence of our life’s process. Traumatic experiences destroy life; dreams hope to reclaim it.

Becoming a Stager doesn’t mean you are a pushover.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 13:18:00 +0000

Becoming a Stager doesn’t mean you are a pushover. In fact, many times the loving-kindness and compassionate thing to do is to set boundaries.

As with everything we talk about here in our Stagers hangouts, the key is balance. Too many boundaries and you close off; no boundaries and we lose ourselves.

As Stagers continues to grow, time is getting slimmer and slimmer. And more people are asking for Stagers hangout time.

We have to learn the valuable lessons: of compassion and boundaries of loving-kindness.

One of the most challenging lessons we have had to learn was the lesson of giving TOO MUCH away to others. We have become so focused on this other person’s recovery and ideas that we were ignoring our own recovery.

As a result, resentment built up within us and we then projected it onto other stagers. we became pissed off once more. we thought at the time we were pissed off because other stagers were not seeing us, but the truth is, we were not seeing ourselves for who we really were or what we really wanted. So, it was through lack of contact with our child within that our lives became once more out of balance.

This is a painful and crippling lesson for us to learn emotionally, physically, and financially. We once more become bankrupt across the board. It was ironic because we were promoting a message of compassion, but we didn’t have any for ourselves.

Of course it is in giving that we receive, but that starts with ourselves.

If we are not full, we will have nothing to give away. We learned that boundaries are very important. We learned that we had to be in contact with our intuitive voice before we could be fulfilling in any relationship .

We learned this lesson through pain, but it has since become a path of joy. Our ego hates the transformation from that dark place of the hidden child within to our life now, but each time my ego got mad, my child within celebrated its pathway to freedom.

Now, we are living our recovery. which we started through contacting our child within, then grew from giving that loving-kindness away and is sustained by a balance of giving to ourselves and to others. We have never experienced more consistent joy in our lives as a result of those painful childhood years and we would do them all over again if we had to, because on the other side, life becomes beautiful and sweet.

Are you living your life for others and abandoning your child within in the process?

Our Recovery is going to fill a large part of your life

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Fri, 06 Nov 2015 14:23:00 +0000

Our Recovery is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great recovery work. And the only way to do great recovery work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.

We were all born powerful beings. Let us step into that power today and declare our worthiness as already existing.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Fri, 06 Nov 2015 12:44:00 +0000

We must remember our child within. Today we are stronger than our circumstances.

We can influence and transcend our environment.

Our natural ability to reason plus the intuition we were born with are invaluable tools that can help to bring us out of undesired circumstances.

One major issue that holds a lot of Stagers back is the belief that they are not worthy to receive something better. Before anything of greater value can come into our lives we must begin to believe we are worthy of people, circumstances and a life that has greater value. If we are keeping ourselves stuck in an abusive or toxic relationship, what will begin to change that is our thoughts and belief that we are worthy of happiness within our relationships.

If we lack the wisdom of our intuitive voice, the belief that we are more valuable is core to changing our beliefs and situation. Once we have the thoughts and beliefs of our child within, then we can begin to take action.

Action from this place may look like breaking up with persons we are in a toxic relationship with. It may look like continuing our education to learn greater skills that will set us free financially.

Action might also look like moving, either to a new part of town, or to a whole new city or country.

It is in our thoughts of unworthiness that we create a life that is out of harmony with what we truly desire. Slowly, day by day, as we connect to our child within our thoughts turn from unworthiness of our past history to worthiness of a freed child, from doubting our dreams and intuition to believing, we will begin to take subtle different actions. These actions will eventually add up one at a time until we don't even recognize our life anymore.

We all want something to change in our lives. We want to grow into recovery.

We want to evolve. We want to understand and be understood.

We must begin by acknowledging our child within. We are not worthy because of a degree, an honor or a grade. We are all equally worthy to live this kind of elevated lifestyle because we are all understood children. We must each realise that we are already were born worthy and then begin to take action from this place of already being worthy, while at the same time honour the worthiness of everyone else child within we meet.

We were all born powerful beings. Let us step into that power today and declare our worthiness as already existing.

Meditation-based interventions delivered on-line at Hangouts

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Sun, 25 Oct 2015 13:38:00 +0000

New research also shows that meditation-based interventions delivered on-line can produce behavioural and neural changes.
Google Hangouts is a communication platform developed by Google which includes instant messaging, video chat,SMS and VOIP features. It replaces three messaging products that Google had implemented concurrently within its services, including Google Talk, Google+ Messenger (formerly: Huddle), and Hangouts, a video chat system present within Google+. Google has also stated that Hangouts is designed to be "the future" of its telephony product, Google Voice, and integrated some of the capabilities of Google Voice into Hangouts. In current versions of Android, Hangouts is the default application for text messaging.

The Ten Stages, Recovering Relationships and Cyberiety are supporting an interactive method of contacting our members worldwide

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Thu, 22 Oct 2015 11:15:00 +0000

The Ten Stages, Recovering Relationships and Cyberiety are supporting an interactive method of contacting our members worldwide in forums,course work, studies and webinars.

UPDATED: Stagers Hangouts are moving to Sundays , we need your input to tell us which timezone you are from

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Thu, 22 Oct 2015 10:52:00 +0000

Stagers Hangouts are moving to Sundays , we need your input to tell us which timezone you are from and when you wish to HANGOUT.We hope to be on-line 4 p.m GMT next Sunday

Positive experiences that contradict a traumatised child's negative expectations are critical

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Sun, 18 Oct 2015 10:33:00 +0000

Positive experiences that contradict a traumatised child's negative expectations are critical to helping the mind to readjust itself.Our Stages Study, identifying with the child within opens a new scenario If our child within is removed from the traumatic environment and provided with a compassionate and nurturing , then healing will start to occur and the effects of childhood trauma will be minimised and start to reverse.

We are a gentle, moderated friendly and supportive on-line web based community for the discussion of

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 08:06:00 +0000

We are a gentle, moderated friendly and supportive on-line web based community for the discussion of and exploration of recovering relationships related to the ten stages of recovering the self and understanding our relationship to our child within. Not all forums are public or searchable. Registration is required for full access. Without registration, you can still see that Stagers Webinars is an interesting and informative site to visit!For more information thetenstages.blogspot.co.uk is a site to visit.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Wed, 14 Oct 2015 03:12:00 +0000

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”

“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together."

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

- Brené Brown

One of the most intriguing aspects of our Stagers Google Hangouts on Air

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 15:54:00 +0000

One of the most intriguing aspects of our Stagers Google Hangouts on Air is how our live audience accesses our Webinars. Each Hangout on Air is broadcast, recorded and uploaded to YouTube. We can share our Stagers Hangout in real time on our website.

We must remember our child withins power.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 04:49:00 +0000

We must remember our child withins power. We are stronger than our circumstances.

We can influence and transcend our environment.

Our natural ability to reason plus the intuitive voice we are born with are invaluable tools that can help to bring us out of undesired circumstances.

Instead of trying to change someone to be the way you want him or her to be, here's a new idea: send them loving kindness.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 04:40:00 +0000

Instead of trying to change someone to be the way you want him or her to be, here's a new idea: send them loving kindness.

Accept them, just as they are with no changes and just send them acceptance; we see them happy, healthy and living a vibrant life.

We step out of acceptance and into fear when we try to make people conform to our ideal of what we think they should be.

This is out of alignment for two reasons:

1. We are not unconditionally accepting someone when we expect him or her to be any other way than they are.

2. We are not unconditionally accepting ourselves if we are consciously choosing to be in a relationship with someone who isn't meeting our needs.

It is far easier to choose someone who you are compatible with from the beginning than to choose to be in relationship with someone who's potential you see, but who you want to change.

When we choose to only accept someone when they meet our expectations, we are letting our ego run the show. We have no idea what our intuitive voice is calling this person to do or become.
If we simply put them in the box of our expectations, we are limiting their growth and closing down intimacy in our relationship with this person. A person doesn't feel loved if they are constantly being judged and weighed and measured.

We are not here to judge and value the people in our lives, we are here to be a compassionate mirror, to show up and to support them in their growth and journey. A person feels accepted when they are seen and understood for who they are RIGHT NOW. Sure, we all have growth points, but that's not the point.

The point is, when we talk about creating rich, fulfilling and accepting relationships, when expectations and judgments creep in, we have gone down the path of our ego.

Let us release our expectations of others and let us release the expectations on ourselves. Let us accept ourselves and the people in our lives right where we are. We are growing daily; let us accept the process instead of trying to only accept a specific outcome that may or may not be for our greatest good.

And, let us choose to be in relationships with people we are compatible with us from the very beginning, instead of trying to change people to be compatible with us.

Related articles

Less mystery, more living in our own recovered healed reality

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Sun, 11 Oct 2015 05:16:00 +0000

In our recovery we all crave security, stability and peace of mind – and here, by delving into what our living processes can do, and deflecting attention from our origins and who we thought we really were, we can see that it does come about, that it is real, rational, and what’s more, healthier form of recovery.

The more streams of recovery and consent, the greater the stability, which is the essence of any real recovery. Less mystery, more living in our own recovered healed reality.

3x4 Stageology Study

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Sat, 10 Oct 2015 21:16:00 +0000

3x4 Stageology Study

Preparation: • Commit to practising the big silence for a minimum of 10 to 20 minutes daily for 30 days. • Practice it each morning. (Get up earlier if need be. If for any reason you miss a morning, that’s quite OK, simply begin counting the 30-day period over again! If you will do this for 30 days in a row, you’ll likely make it a practice for the rest of your life. • Choose a space - a quiet place where you can be alone. It should be comfortable and inviting. Reserve it only for meditation, if at all possible. • Buy a notebook to write down your thoughts - have it ready when you begin. Start: • Sit in an upright posture. Remember your child within whose Presence you are entering.

• Read a short passage from scripture preferably beginning with : the Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5, 6 and 7, Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 13 that’s know as “The Love Chapter,” and finally the Letter of James. • Breathe deeply 2 or 3 times - let go of all tension and worry with each outward breath. • Write a question. A very honest question that captures your real need. If you have a problem that’s troubling you where you really need the child within s guidance, write it out and ask. Child within me, I feel so alone and separated from you and from others, please help me feel your presence. 3. Child Within, I'm withdrawing / isolating again - moving further away from my child. Please tell me what to do. 4. Child within me, I need your guidance today as I face _______. Please show me the way so I can do your will. • Listen for your child within s Voice, with your pen & notebook in hand. If the connection isn't immediate and words do not come into your mind, use your active imagination, especially when you’re first making conscious contact: Say to yourself, “If my child were to speak to me this is what he might say:”

_______________________ • Write the words that come into your mind. Try not to edit them. Only listen and write. (If words come that you think are not from your child write them down anyway. Put them in brackets if you like and try to re-focus on listening for your child within s intuitive Voice. In time, you will come to distinguish your child within s Voice more clearly from the voices of the ego.) • If stuck, write your own name or write, “My child” . • Stop writing when it becomes strained. • Feel the closeness of your child as you experience conscious contact. Following your Guidance: • Share your writings weekly with a stager or with another individual who is also practising Quiet Time. You may find that their writings contain some particular guidance for you or yours for them.

• Check your guidance. Does it pass the test: is it Honest, Pure, Unselfish and Loving. • Act on your guidance – but only if it passes the test – and if it is a major move, check it also with others who are also listening to their child within.

Joining The Ten Stage course gently unpicks our perceptions rebalancing our intuitive beautiful childhood voice into nurtured reality and peace.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Sat, 10 Oct 2015 12:53:00 +0000

We are peculiarly susceptible to trauma and our invariable response is to pretend it’s not happening to us as children – consequently in adult life we cannot then tell ourselves that it has stopped. We as a matter of course deliberately disorder our perceptions then, to cope with that trauma, and this strategic distortion is continued into our adult life, in the same way it was when the trauma first befell us. The problem is that what was a survival strategy when little, is entirely counter-productive when large. The trauma inevitably continues unacknowledged, unaddressed and therefore entirely unabated in our heads, just as it did when we were small. Far from escaping their noxious nursery, we carry it with us well into our adult life, coping as best we can as we go. What a waste of our potential. Joining The Ten Stage course gently unpicks our perceptions rebalancing our intuitive beautiful childhood voice into nurtured reality and peace.

Google+ Hangouts provides a great way to connect with others in a similar situation.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Sat, 10 Oct 2015 12:42:00 +0000

START OR JOIN A VIDEO CHAT WITH UP TO TEN PEOPLE

Google+ Hangouts provides a great way to connect with others in a similar situation. Meet other people with loved ones in the military and chat with up to 9 people at once in a video hangout.

Go to Google+ Hangouts

Google+ Hangouts demo
Organize friends, family, acquaintances and more into Google+ circles

To get started, sign up for Google+ at plus.google.com - it's free and anyone can join. You can then add friends and family who are already on Google+ and organize them however you want into your Google+ Circles. For example, you might create a circle for "Family" and another for "Neighbors."

Here's how to create circles:
1. Go to plus.google.com/circles.
2. Select the people you want to include in your circle. You can select more than one person at a time by clicking on more than one name tile.
3. Drag and drop the tiles into the blank circle that says Drop here to create a new circle.
4. Each time you drop people into a circle, we'll display a number showing you how many people you've added. If you try to add someone to a circle they're already in, they won't be added again.
5. To name your circle, click Create circle. A pop-up box will appear so you can enter the circle name. Circle names are visible only to you.
You can put the same person into as many circles as you like. For example, your brother might belong in both your “Service Buddies” and “Family” circles. We'll notify a person that you've added them to a circle, but they won't be able to see the circle name or who else is in the circle.
Join a hangout to connect with other people

Hangouts are video chats with up to 9 people. You can join a hangout directly from your Google+ stream. Here's how:
1. Download and install the voice and video chat plug-in.
2. Go to plus.google.com
3. Click the Join this hangout button in your Google+ stream.
4. Your webcam will turn on and you'll be taken to a private "green room" where you can adjust your camera. (This is a good time to fix your hair.)
5. Click +Add names, circles, or email addresses to invite more circles or individuals to hang out.
6. Click the green Hang out button.
7. As people also click the Join hangout button, they'll pop up in the hangout window.
Start a hangout

Here's how to start a hangout:
1. Go to plus.google.com
2. Click the Start a hangout button on the right side of your window.
3. Your webcam will turn on and you'll be taken to a private "green room" where you can adjust your camera. (This is a good time to fix your hair.)
4. Click +Add more people to invite particular circles or individuals to hang out.
5. Click the green Hang out button. People you've invited will see your invitation in their Google+ stream or in their email inbox if they've enabled notifications.
6. As people click the Join hangout button, they'll pop up in your hangout window.
Want to add more people to your hangout? Just click Invite at the bottom of the window. You can also show or watch a YouTube video during your hangout.

To learn more about Google+ Hangouts, visit the Google+ Help Center.

Getting started with Google Hangouts.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Sat, 10 Oct 2015 12:25:00 +0000

Getting started with Google Hangouts. You can use Hangouts to send messages, make voice and video calls, and share photos. Hangouts are synced automatically across devices, so you can start a Hangout on your computer and continue on another device, like your phone.

We suffering from alienation from our child within

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 12:44:00 +0000

We suffering from alienation from our child within, we know what it’s like to have our quality of life devastated, and feel cut off from our self, our emotions, and the people around us. We obsess about others issues constantly and are frightened by the very nature of our childhood existence.

We feel detached from our own self, like an automaton without free will, numb to everything and everyone around us. The world feels flat, and two dimensional. People seemed like robots, and we felt that we have lost parts of ourselves.

There are many days we felt like we were going to lose control and go insane.

We have suffered alone, and had no one that empathised with what we were going through. No one could possibly understand what we were dealing with, or the nature of our disorder. When we are introduced to the stages experienced moments of realisation permeated us.

We at the Stages strongly believe it takes more than talk therapy to break through when there is severe trauma in the background.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Thu, 04 Jun 2015 09:12:00 +0000

When we reach and make the decision to study at the The stages we have become very proficient at dissociating. One of our favourite paraphernalia for our fix are Social Media, computers-games, films and books.

We use social media the way an alcoholic uses drink.

We do not question WHY we would need this addiction. It is just accepted as a matter of fact that we have become slightly flawed and weak and would attempt to escape living life whenever possible. We are seen as different ‘defective’.
Social Media are still a favourite way of feeding our dissociation addiction. As an alcoholic has bottles hidden all over the house, We have Facebook,twitter, Instagram etc. What will happen if there is an empty moment, and we did not have a phone or tablet to whisk our mind away from actually living in the present moment? What would happen if we actually had to ‘be’ instead of constantly dissociating???

The only way we have learned to deal with our difficulties is to dissociate. The idea of their being any other option is foreign to us. We even trained our children to deal with their difficult emotions by dissociating. When our children are very young and having trouble managing their emotions, We would tell them, “Go into the next room and do not come out until you have changed.” We have learned to become very obedient; we leave the room in a tantrum state, but soon will emerge, smiling, pleasant, and happy. Any vestige of a problem is gone without a trace.

Having dissociative parents, you learn dissociation from them – both by being taught it directly, and by example. Parents who dissociate are unable to help a child go through their emotions. They are to help the child learn that an emotion is nothing to fear, but something that is very valuable and precious, helpful in living life. We sincerely believe that switching off an emotion is the best way to deal with it.

We had never heard of the concept of self-soothing, it was pleasant to do some so-called ‘self-soothing ‘ activities, and I felt mildly better when I did them. But the concepts of staying with an emotion, sitting with it until it changes, and using a self soothing technique instead of switching, are all foreign to us. We are too terrified of emotions to ever do this. We are afraid of fear itself, and will go to immense means not to experience the emotion of fear, or any other emotion, without ever realising that we are doing this. We have control of ourself. We feel we can handle anything.
We become careful with organised groups of people, and with individuals who might not be safe. We learn what to look for, how to tell whether or not something was safe, how to tell whether or not we are accessed. Eventually, we realise we are safe, our children are safe and well on their way to healing, we all have our safeguards in place.We have no reason not to live in the present, We are relatively free from harm from external sources, so there was no longer a need to dissociate, so we are DONE with dissociation, right? we lived happily ever after, end of story?

Obviously WRONG!

Long ago, decades ago, We have made the decision that life was not worth living – it was something to ‘get through’ as smoothly and mindlessly as possible until we could die. The rule had been to imperceptibly stay as non-present as possible, while going about the business of doing what we had to do to ‘survive’, to pass as human. That was a rule we learned deep, deep down.
Einstein said: “I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.” That can be exceedingly difficult. When we embark on this journey of recovery we have not realised that healing required CHANGE on our part. We wanted the constant pain and anguish to stop, but we didn’t want my actual self to be different. We did not want to have to uproot the very foundations of our beliefs and actions and metaphorically relearn how to walk again. We wanted to be free of the continual anguish we experienced, the continual need to cover up our lapses due to dissociation; the continual sporadic loss of time, the hopscotching nature of our abilities – sometimes being able to do certain things; other times have no concept of, or even any desire to have certain abilities.We wanted relief of all my symptoms, but I did not really want to “heal”.
When a person is finally ready to start dealing with their addiction, they gradually realise that they then have to deal with what caused their addiction in the first place; what they had been unwilling/unable to face originally, what drove them to drink. Only now their problems were compounded by all the problems that alcoholism brings. “The worst would pass in a few days. I’d feel good and I’d think, “I’ve got it down pat.” But then I’d look at my life and feel bad. That’s the real pain when you’re an addict. USING HURTS, BUT REALITY HURTS WORSE.”
when we are not dissociating, we look at our life and realise this is so very different than what we have envisioned. We do not have a birth family, We do not have in-laws, We do not have blood relatives, We do not have a life partner. We give up an immense amount of ourself to insure that we would have all these things, and when we stopped dissociating, We realise that not only did we have none of those people in our life, We are also missing major portions of ourself. It has taken us along time to realise two things:
1. How can you lose what you never had? I never did have those things, only a pretence.And 2. We now have things that are far more important and valuable than those ever were in reality.But. We are still addicted. We know we would not have survived if we had not had the skill of dissociation. It served us quite well. It saved our lives. Now we don’t want to rely on it; we don’t want to do it automatically we have identified three types of dissociation we struggle with:1. The first way is the simple practice of spacing out or shutting off. we use this for two different purposes:1. Avoidance when we are unwilling or unable to face things2. A learned way to be able to switch. There are many times when we cannot access the parts that have the information and skills we need in a situation. Throughout the decades we have learned that a way to handle this was just to shut off completely inside, and sooner or later the information we needed would gradually seep to the surface or some other place in my mind where it would become accessible to me.2. A second way we dissociate is to switch to other parts inside.It has taken us time to be able to tell when we am not ourself. we blend through most alter personalities, and it used to be easy to believe we are just being ‘us’. We’ve learned to be alert to various factors. One is what age we feel. Other ways we have found to know when I am not Child Within present are to feel what size the body seems, relative to other people or objects; Sometimes we look at a dog, and it feels as if the dog is shoulder height to me. Ooops. No Child within present! Other ways are to recognise what the emotional tone is and what the values are, what sort of things are important to us. How do I want to spend my time? A numbing activity such as computer games? Oops. That is not a Child within choice for us. So who is out and why?

3. The third way we dissociate is one that may be difficult to grasp if we don’t use it. If we do, We will definitely know what we are talking about. We will tell us that some people whom we have discussed this with have found this concept highly triggering. We found ourself talking to our guides about a ‘construct’. They asked us what we mean by that term; at the time we had not a clue.We have since learned that we create a construct when we are functioning through something that is not an alter. We are always looking for a perfect ‘formula’ that we could leave in place, and personally go away. Life was something to be endured, and gotten through as gracefully and safely as possible, while the real ‘us’ was tucked away somewhere inaccessible. When we are preparing to be in a situation which we may perceive as threatening, we automatically figure out what qualities would be appropriate and useful for that event; find parts inside that have those qualities; put them together and create an ‘artificial’ persona to deal with the situation.

We do want to say that we do not believe all dissociation is from addiction. If a person is still around perpetrators, dissociation may still be necessary. But once dissociation is learned as the major means to handle difficult emotions, a person will continue to use it automatically from then on, and it greatly lessens the quality of our life.
Having decided we wanted to do away with this addiction and the pain it causes us, We find specific strategies helpful, when we are not dissociating our decision to stop dissociating: We would like to share these with you.We would like to start with a quote we found: “No one healing intervention will enable a person to manifest the full scope of his or her wholeness. To maximally heal it is important not to limit ourselves to a single modality but to incorporate several healing practices that encompass body, mind, and spirit.”

We at the Stages strongly believe it takes more than talk therapy to break through when there is severe trauma in the background. It takes physical actions, whatever form they may take. When we are faced with severe trauma, the fight or flight response gets activated. This shuts down the cortex; the part of our brain that can reason, plan and make sense of things. Pieces of the event, snapshot pictures, get recorded, but the meaning does not. They are memories that do not make sense. After the trauma, these unresolved emotions are frozen in the body. Think of what the physiological responses are to any emotion and what it means for these responses to be stopped before completion and remain in the body. There is an ‘act hunger’ remaining – the body wants to move through and resolve these physiological processes. The body remembers even when the mind forgets.

The body acts as our unconscious mind. At the Stages we have found a need to implement a full range of both play and safe drama therapies, to release our trapped body memories that are frozen into our child within.

We are ruled by trauma—not truth

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Thu, 28 May 2015 23:39:00 +0000

We are ruled by trauma—not truth. We are the norm. We remain unconscious of the legacy of poison that we carry from our families and ancestors. We are destructive toward ourselves, others, and our home. In essence, We are wounded children, seeking to exploit others and the world in order to make up for the deficits of our childhood. We are rapacious and violent—which are expressions of our childhood neglect.

In exile, far from their unconscious families, students of the ten stages have found their true home

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Thu, 28 May 2015 23:32:00 +0000

In exile, far from their unconscious families, students of the ten stages have found their true home

In exile, far from their unconscious families, students of the ten stages have found their true home—within their true selves. In this inner world of the child within, so feared by the conventional world and seen as tantamount to death, they find life. In their exile they establish an outpost that is safe and sustaining. In exile, far from the soul-crushing noise of the traumatised masses, they find truth—and it is within. They are enlightened in exile. In their solitude, they find others with whom to build a conscious community and a new creation. They expand the boundaries of what it means to be human and they lead the way for others. But there is a price to pay to live this new way. They must abandon self-deception and the comforts of conformity—and align with truth and creative vitality.

Emotional abuse is defined as any non-physical behaviours or attitudes that are designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate you.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Tue, 26 May 2015 17:29:00 +0000

Emotional abuse is defined as any non-physical behaviours or attitudes that are designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate you. Emotional abuse is like brainwashing that systematically wears away self-confidence, self-worth, trust in your perceptions and your authentic self-concept. Recognising how you allow abuse from other people will also help you to see how you continue to "abuse" yourself on an inner level by perpetuating the negative messages that you have heard from others.

Understanding the Patterns of Emotional Abuse

Domination - To dominate is to control another person's actions. The person who tries to dominate another person has a tremendous need to have their own way. Dominating behaviors might include having someone monitor your time and activities, interfering with your opportunities, excessive jealousy or possessiveness, threatening harm to you or your loved ones, abusing loved ones in front of you, forcing or coercing you into illegal or uncomfortable behavior.

Verbal Assaults - Verbal assaults include berating, belittling, criticising, humiliating, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, shaming, using sarcasm in a cutting way, or expressing disgust toward a person. This kind of abuse is extremely damaging to a person's person's self-esteem and self-image. Verbal abuse assaults the mind and the soul, causing wounds that are difficult to heal. Other forms of verbal abuse are withholding, countering, discounting, verbal abuse disguised as jokes, judging, trivialising, ordering, and abusive anger.

Constant Criticism/Continual Blaming - When someone is unrelentingly critical, always finds fault, can never be pleased, and blames you for everything that goes wrong, it is the cumulative effects of the abuse that do the damage. Over time, the abuse eats away at your self-worth, undermining good feelings that you have about yourself and your accomplishments. Constant criticism and blaming can be insidious and done under the guise of humour.

Abusive Expectations - Abusive expectations involves placing unreasonable demands and asks that you put everything aside to satisfy another's needs. It asks for undivided attention, constant sexual availability, or the requirement for you to spend all of your time with another. With abusive expectations there is always more that you could have done. You likely will be subjected to constant criticism, berated because you do not meet another's needs.

Emotional Blackmail - Emotional blackmail is one of the most constant forms of manipulation. It happens when one person consciously or unconsciously coerces the other to do what he or she wants by playing on fear, guilt, or compassion. Using withholding love, or affection or fear tactics to get you under control is emotional blackmail. With emotional black mail a person will try to make you feel like you are selfish or a bad person if you do something that they do not want you to do.

Unpredictable Responses - This type of abuse includes drastic mood swings, sudden emotional outbursts for no apparent reason, and inconsistent responses such as: reacting very differently at different times to the same behaviour, saying one thing one day and the opposite the next, or frequently changing one's mind (liking something one day hating it the next). Unpredictable responses causes you to feel on constantly on edge, never knowing what is expected of you. This kind of behaviour is common with alcohol and drug abusers who can exhibit one personality while sober and a totally different one when intoxicated or high. Living with someone like this is extremely demanding and anxiety provoking You feel constantly frightened, unsettled, and off- balance, and must remain hypervigilant.

Constant Chaos/Creating Crisis - This behaviour is characterised by continual upheavals and discord. If someone in your life is in constant conflict with others they may be addicted to the drama of chaos. Creating chaos provides excitement for people who are uneasy with silence, those who distract themselves from their own problems by focusing on outer problems, those who feel empty inside and need to fill themselves up with outer activity, and those who were raised in an environment in which harmony and peace where unknown qualities.

Character Assassination - This involves constantly blowing up someone's mistakes out of proportion, humiliating, criticising, or making fun of someone in front of others, or discounting another's achievements. It can also include lying about someone in order to negatively affect others' opinion of them and gossiping about a person's failures and mistakes. Character assassination can also ruin someone's personal or professional reputation, causing them to lose friends, or even their family.

Gaslighting - This term comes from the classic movie "Gaslight", in which a husband uses a variety of insidious techniques to make his wife question her perceptions, her memory, and her very sanity. A person who does this may continually deny that certain events occurred or may insinuate that you are exaggerating or lying. In this way the abusive person may be trying to gain control over you or avoid taking responsibility for his or her actions. Gaslighting is sometimes used to turn others against you, or as a way to justify inappropriate, cruel, or abusive behaviour.

Sexual Harassment - Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome sexual advances or any physical or verbal conduct of a sexual nature that is uninvited and unwelcome. It is also considered sexual harassment when a partner tries to force you into sexual acts that you have no interest in or that upset or repulse you.

Trauma addiction the dissociation of escapism of must be healed if the intergenerational cycle of re-traumatising is ever to be broken. There is no other way.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Sat, 23 May 2015 09:36:00 +0000

Trauma addiction the dissociation of escapism must be healed if the intergenerational cycle of re-traumatising is ever to be broken. There is no other way.

Many trauma victims emotionally “fly away” in their minds to escape the horror they are experiencing. Not surprisingly, flying dreams are common.

noreply@blogger.com (Fraser Trevor) — Sat, 23 May 2015 09:15:00 +0000

Dreams and traumatic experiences are similar.

Both involve intense emotion, though in traumatic experiences the emotion results from external stimuli, whereas in dreams it comes from internal flashbacks of the split-off trauma we carry in our psyche. No surprise that adults and children with Post traumatic Stress Disorder often have terrible flashbacks in their dreams.

Both involve periods of dissociation. Many trauma victims emotionally “fly away” in their minds to escape the horror they are experiencing. Not surprisingly, flying dreams are common.

Both are connected with our parents. Our parents in childhood are our primary traumatizers, because when we were children they had more power over us than will anyone later in our life. It’s no surprise that parents, either overtly or covertly, symbolise so much in dreams, especially when our primary traumas start to bubble up.

Both are connected with psychosis. Extreme traumatic experiences can cause psychosis, whereas dreams themselves are nothing more than psychosis during sleep. And the most traumatized people do their dreaming while awake – by hallucinating and having delusions.

Both involve denial. Society denies all but the most intense traumas and minimizes the rest; most people do the same with their dreams. In this vein, most people believe they had a happy, non-traumatic childhood; these are the same people who wish you “sweet dreams” at night.

Both involve the repetition compulsion. We compulsively replicate our unresolved traumas in an attempt to heal them. Likewise, we often have repeats of the same dreams – or dream themes.

Both rupture the borders of our personality. Traumatic experiences force their way through the psyche like a nail through a board, whereas dreams are the psyche’s attempt to pull the nail out of the board.

As such, both involve the essence of our life’s process. Traumatic experiences destroy life; dreams hope to reclaim it.

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TEN STAGES ON-MOBILE:Dreams and traumatic experiences are similar.

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In exile, far from their unconscious families, students of the ten stages have found their true home

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Emotional abuse is defined as any non-physical behaviours or attitudes that are designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate you.

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