goosey spot

5 Summer Getaways Every Kid Should Experience (sponsored)

2011-05-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

There are some obvious summer vacations that every child should experience: a beach vacation, an amusement park trip...But there are some other, slightly more obscure getaways that still resonate with me from childhood. I hope to let my children experience at least some of them:

A week in the country. My mom grew up in rural west Tennessee, just north of the booming metropolis of Jackson. Many summers, she took my sister and me up to visit our country kinfolk. I wouldn't trade those trips for anything. They were so different from our day-to-day summer in Memphis. Picking blackberries. Hiking gullies. Riding four-wheelers. Walking to "the store" to get a tall glass bottle filled with Nu-Grape soda. I can still feel/hear/smell/taste the entire experience.
A camping trip in a tent. This one didn't go so well for our family. We borrowed a tent from my uncle and headed to the Smoky Mountains (a great getaway of its own). As soon as we set up camp, torrential rains began pouring. At some point in the night, we abandoned the tent and slept crammed into the camper cover that was on the back of my dad's pickup. In the morning, we were awakened by park rangers on bullhorns, urging us to "evacuate immediately".We spent the rest of the trip in a hotel. But your camping trip will go much, much better.
A driving trip to Washington DC. There is nothing like the wonder of the monuments, the museums, and the general patriotism of DC. Our family spent one year living in Baltimore, so I was fortunate enough to take a couple trips to our nation's capital as a little kid. I hope to give this experience to my own children someday soon.
A cross-country journey. I've never done this, truthfully. But I'm a big advocate of road trips (really don't love to fly, actually). I'd love to drive west, stopping when the ocean begins. Along the way, we'd see all the great things we could, stop and eat road food, and buy lots of tchotkes. Ah, to be on sabbatical so that vacation days (or lack thereof) wasn't a concern!
A week at the gulf coast. This is my memory of older-childhood vacations. We would get a condo so we didn't have to eat out for every meal, but when we did get to go out to eat, we would gorge ourselves on shrimp and oysters (well, except for my dad, who has a deathly allergy). My mom and dad would lounge under beach umbrellas, nursing adult beverages all day while we body surfed and looked for shells. More years than not, we replicate this vacation for our children, I'm happy to report.

Vacations are memory makers for your children, and they don't have to break the bank. A week in the country holds just as dear a spot in my heart as those spendy trips to DC do. Get creative and make some getaway memories with your kids!

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Alamo blogging program, for a gift card worth $25. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

this couldn't be any cuter

2011-05-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

Curiosities

2011-05-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, I like to run downtown at lunch. There is a nice trail along the river, then I can run back through the city streets. And I get to see some oddities I don't see running through the neighborhood. Nothing earth-shattering, just a little bit of weirdness to break up the day:

Broken little bird eggs on the ground. I hope the birds are snug in their nests with their babies, rather than being consumed by a nasty raccoon. Even if their city pigeons.
On the bird theme, I saw a pretty little male cardinal, dead on the sidewalk. It was odd, cause he looked so dignified - almost like he was just asleep there under a tree. Natural causes.
2 old ladies on walkers, smoking cigs on the sidewalk outside an office building. One was wearing bright purple pants and an oversized acid-washed jacket. Kick it old-school 80's, smokin grandma.
Shattered green tiles from an abandoned building. I actually picked up a shard and brought it home. It's that opaque green glass from the 30s and 40s. Wish I would've gotten more.
The river is super-high right now. All of the trees beside the river are underwater.

In debt (guest post)

2011-04-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

Finance is not fun, ever. Even for my father, who worked with numbers everyday for a very large company. At the end of each of these days, he’d come home and cuss at the lingering budget numbers that would give him headaches long after he had left the office. Usually a conversation about money and debt only serves to prompt anxiety and trigger depression . . . kind of like talking about weight, or those hazy college Saturday nights. But the unfortunate reality is that sooner or later you have to deal with your debts.

Now that summer is rapidly approaching us, and the little ones will be home . . . all day . . . looking for trouble, the idea of saving money (let’s be honest, there’s something about warm weather that just coaxes the spender out of us – most likely it’s all that vitamin D that keeps us happy and carefree) seems a bit impossible. Not to say it isn’t a daunting thing to consider at any point during the year, but at least during the other 9 months out of the year there aren’t sticky fingered little people fighting with each other. Here are a few ideas to help bring in some income that don’t require the kids to be at school.

Sell your old/unwanted possessions. This isn’t a new idea, but it’s rare that most people actually follow through on it. Going through things, organizing, letting go, pricing, it’s all most definitely a process. This can be three times the project if you have children, but let them have a say – get them into the habit of letting go of material things, that they no longer actually need or want, early. When it comes to toys, donating may be an even better choice. I once had a stuffed animal collection that I never touched, but couldn’t stand the thought of selling. Who would these new owner’s be? Would they be as neglectful as me? But after visiting a local children’s hospital, I decided, much to my mother’s surprise, that I wanted to give them to the children there. Regardless if you’re donating or selling, in the long run the purge will leave you with a clutter free space and mind, and if you’re lucky some extra bucks in your pocket too.
Type/Proofread papers. Doesn’t it seem like everyone’s in school or is going back to school to avoid dealing with these bad unemployment rates? And where are these people getting the money to go back to school? Well, they’re all taking out loans, which means most of them are still also working some sort of part-time job while pursuing their degree. Not everyone has the time to type up and proofread their documents while juggling a job (or two!). If you’re good with spelling and grammar, offer these services to them at an affordable rate. They’ll be more than happy to pay for the help. Set aside library time a few days a week, let the kids sit and read while you make money.
Baby-Sit. Well, if you’re lucky (relatively speaking) to be home during the summer months (as my mother was), then you already know that not every mother is privy to such a gift. Many parents are seeking a reliable and affordable alternative to mainstream daycare, which can get costly or, even more expensive, camp. Not to mention the best benefit of all: instant cash.

This guest post is brought to you by Nicole Bostic of DebtConsolidation.com.

Spring storms

2011-04-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

Like most people, I love a cool, thundery shower on a spring night. Makes sleep so deep, so sound.

But in the south, we don't get that kind of rain in the spring. We get, angry black skies with vertical sheets of water crashing down. And when the rain stops, but the sirens go off? Get in the bathroom. Pronto.

I've lived in a hook-echo path from Memphis to Dallas for almost my whole life. Tornado alley. I've rode out literally hundreds of storms. My attitude toward tornado sirens has varied from complete fear (as a child) to nonchalance (as a 20-something, pre-kids) to my current healthy mix of fear and respect, which was brought on by a too-close-for-comfort glancing tornado blow - just 2 blocks from our house. That was 3 years ago.

Last night was one of those angry stormy nights. I'm a weather junkie, so I knew it was coming. Awoke around midnight and checked the radar on my phone. On cue, I heard thunder in the distance. Here it comes.

When the sirens went off, about an hour later, I went to turn on the TV (no signal). I looked outside to one of the angriest, windiest rains I can remember. Instead of pulling out the weather radio, I hit twitter, where the people I follow (a mix of friends, experts, and eccentrics) appeared to be doing the same. Weather geeks posting radar screen shots. Meterologists deploying storm chasers (badass).

And moments after getting the all-clear, folks posting videos and checking on each other. Amazingly, a friend posted a tree had downed on her house, and others, at 2 am, offered to "drive to Wally world" to get a tarp. It was the virtual equivalent of convening in the front yards to check on each other, and it was so amazing.

I know I've posted before about how technology has changed things, but this is ridiculous. In the best of ways.

little switches

2011-04-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, little switches make a disproportionate amount of difference. Over the past 6-7 years, I've become quite a bit more environmentally conscious. I HOPE that the little changes we've made around the house will eventually make a big difference, but the fact of the matter is: these little changes are just a drop in the bucket. To make a real difference, we all need to make little changes. For that matter, we really need to make big changes as a world to make a big difference. Here are some things we've done to try and make a difference:

Our city has a very easy, no-sort (hence no-hassle) recycling program, and I'm pretty meticulous about recycling paper, glass and aluminum. Weekly pick-up means you really don't have to have tons of recyclables laying around for very long. I estimate, that by recycling rather than trashing recyclables, we've reduced our trash output by about 30%.
Even though I detest the light put out by fluorescent light bulbs, we've made the switch. I don't hate them any less, but I cope.
By moving closer in to the city center (and moving to a smaller city), we've cut our commutes by about 50%. This is not only environmentally conscious, it also makes it so we can afford gas!
I consign my clothes (when they're in great condition), and donate them (when they're in not-so-great condition). Same for the girls' clothes. JB wears his clothes til they're worn out, so they are usually unsuitable, even for donation. Realistically, that should be my goal for all of us. But I gotta live somehow right?
I try to donate toys where they'll get the most use: classrooms, day care, or a family who is short on funds.
I have begun composting, and it really makes a difference in the soil quality for my small herb garden. We avoid some manufactured chemicals by composting food waste.

Here are some things I think we SHOULD do - most of these are bigger changes, which is why we haven't made them yet:

Further lessen driving. I go home for lunch many days, and that adds one more back and forth car trip to each day. With gas prices continuing to increase, reducing driving by at least one trip per day makes good financial sense, along with environmental sense
Begin avoiding plastic containers - things like food storage containers, etc.
Quit buying so much new stuff. Seriously. We have way too much stuff.
Move away from manufactured fertilizer/weed control for the lawn. I am so reluctant to do this, as I don't have a clue how to maintain our stupidly big yard without chemicals. And truthfully - I'm afraid it's going to be WAY more work than I'm willing to do.
Move to a less meat-based diet. I don't think we could become vegetarian (my family LOVES meat), but maybe just a few subtle changes to lessen meat consumption?

My 2 children need to learn to be good stewards of the world. I hope that, with these little switches, I'll help them learn by example.

I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Cottonelle blogging program, for a gift card worth $25. For more information on how you can participate, click here

Easter -- My favorite things

2011-03-28T14:49:00.000-07:00

Easter is such a pretty and inspirational holiday. Though not my top fave, it is definitely up there on the list (for the record, my faves are Thanksgiving and Fourth of July). Here are some things that make this a special holiday:

The symbolism. Spring is a time of rebirth, and as a Christian, it's also a time for me to "clean out" and start over. Nice and fresh. Just like the flowers, trees and grass do.
On that topic, church is always especially inspirational on Easter morning. And the little girls look so pretty in their new dresses with smudgeless white sandals. Also, I do love a boy (big or small) in white bucks. Add seersucker, and I swoon.
Ham. Preferably a Petit Jean ham, with homemade mac and cheese, lemony asparagus, a nice bowl of sugared strawberries, and some yeasty rolls.
Cadbury mini eggs. Good lord, if these were sold all year, I'd be as big as a house.
Easter egg coloring! This really should be at the top of the list, but I'd feel bad about putting it ahead of the true symbolism of the season.
Easter egg hunts are fun too, but the Easter bunny really would like to sleep in most Easter mornings. Hiding eggs before sunrise means that she often forgets where she put them. But I wouldn't miss the deviled eggs for nothing.
Easter pics. Taking my girls' pictures in front of my pretty pink peonies is one of the great rituals of this season. Now I feel compelled to go Easter dress shopping. Right now.
The weather. Yes, we have had cold Easters in Little Rock. But more often, the air is warm and mellow. Not too hot, not too cool.
Pretty bunny and chick images. The Golden Egg Book is so quintessentially EASTER. And so beautiful. I cherish it. You will too.

Here are a few things that DON'T make my list of Easter loves:

Jelly beans. Never have loved them.
Peeps. These marshmallow candies have a half-life. I used to enjoy these, but now I am grossed out.
Cadbury Cream Eggs. (See Peeps above).
Spring has sprung by the time Easter arrives. That means just a few more weeks til the heat and humidity set in. Summer is my least favorite season, I think.
Easter grass. Pretty? Sorta. Impossible to clean up? Always.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Hop blogging program, for a gift card worth $25. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

ski time!

2011-03-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

S and I went with our church youth group to Breckenridge, CO for a weeklong ski trip over spring break. I know just enough about skiing to be dangerous. My previous ski experience comprises 1/2 a day of skiing in the Poconos on the bunny slopes. 20 years ago. I remember being simultaneously terrified and invigorated, with a heaping dose of SORE.

This time was different. We started our ski days with 1/2 day of ski lessons, which was worth every penny. After that, we were, remarkably, cut loose on the mountain. Some thoughts:

Altitude AIN'T fun. Having to stop mid-staircase to catch your breath? A pain in the ass. But returning home and running your "long" run without getting winded is a gift.
Kids are remarkably resilient and superfast learners. They all schooled me on the slopes. Presumably because of their lack of fear and their flexible bones.
Traveling with a youth group isn't like traveling with your family. It's basically a week-long camping trip. No exploring the high-end restaurants and bars in the precious town. Also, many of the kids will burn through their money in the first 2 days. Be prepared to make pb&Js for these poor planners.
Another way youth group travel is like camping: sleeping arrangements. If a condo sleeps 8, they mean: sleeps 8 if you're sharing a couch-bed with 2 more people.
Ya'll, Kansas is HUGE. And WINDY. Death-defying in a church bus.

But I am now a ski-lover. I can't wait to go back.

Motherhood doesn't make you special: a rebuttal

2011-03-11T07:14:00.000-08:00

In response to a provocative post on the great blog: Damn You Little Rock: I agree. I'm not special cause I'm a mother. The only thing that makes me "special" or "chosen" for motherhood is a set of ovaries. That? Ain't special.

But. the job we do as parents is a very special, very important one. We hold the safety and well being of our children in our hands every time we load 'em up in a car to haul 'em to dance class or whatever. And even moreso: our parenting tactics can make or break the delicate self confidence of a child who will one day be an adult, who, God-willing, will be an incredibly special person.

What makes you feel lucky? (writing prompt)

2011-03-10T06:47:00.000-08:00

I heard in the news that redbox is expanding to online rentals, competing with Netflix. Our redbox kiosk is always slammed, so I think that they've already got a foothold in our market. Maybe their online rental option will lessen the traffic in front of Walgreens?

Anyhoo, they're launching online rentals with a referral promotion: Lucky to have friends like you, and they've asked the question: What makes you feel lucky? This is a great prompt for me, cause I tend to drift toward the negative and forget how lucky I really am. In fact, in the darkest hours of early morning, way before sunrise, I've spent some sleepless time: worrying that my luck will run out. It's hard to admit this, but when I'm healthy and my kids are thriving, I spend precious moments worrying that my luck will run out soon. I should bask in the blessings, right!? But I'm a worrier. It's what I do. How can I feel lucky while still maintaining a near-constant state of worry?

Something happened to me pretty recently. A friend of mine is a single dad. He has 2 children and the custody arrangement is complicated. The older girl is fully functional, but the younger boy is severely disabled: limited use of his limbs, wheelchair bound, difficulty eating....a litany of complications.

Dad regained custody a few weeks ago, and when he got his kids, his little boy, who is 6, weighed 32 pounds. Because of difficulty eating, he was malnourished and had to be hospitalized. As a single dad, my friend had to handle the hospitalization, make decisions about treatment....not to mention caring for his fully functional daughter and hold down a job. He needed help. Many folks volunteered to go sit with his son in the hospital so he could get his daughter into school and handle other essentials.

The overwhelming-ness of this situation was heartbreaking. All I could think was "I hope my friend is heavily medicated." Thankfully, treatment has allowed his son to get out of the hospital. In fact, he started school just this week. Interestingly, my friend maintains one continuous theme for his life: I am LUCKY (blessed, actually). Lucky to have children, lucky treatment was effective, lucky to have a network of friends who can help....

How can any of us say we're NOT lucky, really? If we're walking this earth, we have blessings. This is one of the hardest things for me to remember EVERY day.

The New York Times: Sexist?

2011-03-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

I'm a pretty regular reader of the national edition of the New York Times. I usually use the iPhone or iPad app and skim through the latest stories, then head straight to the most popular stories, where the human interest, editorial and cultural articles are hidden. The writers have a similarly liberal slant to my own. In spite of being targeted to an affluent reader (retirement savings articles "Assume you've saved $500,000 for retirement"), the authors usually try to root for the underdog.

With all this as a backdrop, I was especially surprised to read this article while battling insomnia last night. (registration required. sorry.) The article covers the brutal gang rape of an 11-year-old girl in the small town of Cleveland, TX. Now, perhaps because I have an 11-year-old girl of my own, I was struck by the angle of this story. Much energy was spent on how the girl spent lots of time hanging out with older boys at the abandoned trailer where the rapes occurred. She wore makeup and the clothes of a 20 year old. "Where were her parents?" asked the townspeople. The story closed with a resident remarking that "These boys' lives will never be the same."

Let me clear something up for you, townspeople: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE THAT GIRL'S PARENTS WERE. She didn't ask to be raped by men aged up to 27 and middle school boys. Just because she wore makeup, she didn't ask for her childhood to be stolen by a bunch of unregulated men who somehow enabled boys to participate in their brutality. Do you think that girl's life will ever be the same?

Maybe the tone of this article is intentional: to show how sexist the culture in small town America can be. It doesn't feel like that's the case, though.

What would you miss about me? 10 things - writing prompt

2011-02-28T14:03:00.000-08:00

This blog prompt is particularly pertinent for me. In the past few days, I've been trying to explain to JB how he and the girls take me for granted. Now, with the girls it's to be expected. I mean, who isn't guilty of taking their mom for granted? But you gotta set your husband straight on these matters. So I think it's rather serendipitous that this prompt came through my email on this particular day. Rather than bitch and moan even more about all of the things I do for my family, I'm going to take this in a different direction. Here are 10 things I would miss about my mom if she were abducted by aliens:

Our phone calls. Just today, we spoke about the Oscars as well as the freakish earthquakes we had in Central Arkansas last night.
She gets me, even when others don't. I can always count on my mom to laugh at my jokes, comment on my facebook status, notice my new haircut.
Her straightforward way of dealing with my kid-rearing anxieties. She tells me when I'm overreacting, keeps me in line.
My mom is a great shopping companion. If she were in Mars, we couldn't go to TJ Maxx anymore!
I would miss her help. My mom serves as swim team shuttle service, babysitter for date night, and countless other activities.
My mom makes a great Thanksgiving or Christmas feast. Especially her dressing. Better than any other.
For that matter, mom's a great cook. I would miss having meals with her anytime.
Her gardening advice. My mom has a green thumb. Me? Not so much. So she provides me with little plant clippings, tells me which plant needs sun/shade, etc.
Her walk. My mom had polio when she was a little girl, and it left one of her feet disfigured. I can always tell it's my mom, even when she's too far away to see her face, by her walk.
I would miss my mom as grammy to my children. In fact, S and I were talking recently, and we both agreed. Grammy is a very good grammy.
Her tupperware. My mom is in the habit of sending me home with tupperware dishes filled with chili, soup, spaghetti sauce. And it always comes when I most need it - after a long trip when the fridge is bare, for example.
Really? I would just miss the mom-ness of my mom. I'm a part of her - not to get all sentimental and philosophical in a blog post intended to promote an animated comedy, but if my mom were abducted, I would miss everything about her.

Next time you're leaning hard on your mom, think again. You may not stop leaning, but at least remind yourself to say thank you in a sincere, meaningful way.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms blogging program, for a gift card worth $25. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

a little bit of happiness

2011-02-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

I regularly get caught up in the rat race of life. Some days, I feel like I suck the happiness OUT of the room, rather than add the happy. So this is a good challenge for me: add happiness to the lives of others. Sounds easy, right? Not always. If you haven't had your coffee, or your head is pounding, or someone is kicking the back of your airplane seat as you head away from your family for another business trip - happy feels a long way away, and giving some happy to others may be the furthest thing from your mind. Here are a few ideas:

Wake up a little earlier than usual and surprise someone in your house with something a little different for breakfast - served as a surprise. If your high school kid grabs a breakfast bar on the way out the door, a nice plate of bacon and eggs will be a welcome change.
Next time you're in a familiar room where there's someone you don't know (think: PTA meetings. Church. The office cafeteria.), reach out and say hello, rather than staying in your own, comfortable place. That person may or may not respond, but at least you tried, right?
When you see little kids out and about, smile at 'em! My little girl and I were at the coffeeshop sometime back, and we saw a man enter, scowling vigorously. He's a regular and he always looks that way. My little girl says, "Why is that man mad all the time?" The fact is, he may or may not be mad. But children are remarkably perceptive. That "mad" man may have kind of ruined my baby's day.
For that matter. Try to smile at everybody. Not stalker-y, just a quick nod and smile as you walk along. Makes so much difference.
Turn off the news for a while. There's enough sad on their to drive all of the happy out of your mindset.
Get outside with your friends and family. Sunshine breeds happiness. And the bottom line? If you're happy, you'll bestow that happiness to others.
Look to do something nice for someone in need. It will make you feel good about yourself, and, well, you're helping others. Hopefully, that will bring a little happy to their lives too.
Lay off the horn when you're driving. I made a catastrophic error when driving my girls somewhere just recently. As I tried to switch lanes so I could turn, blinker on, a giant truck sped up to try and cut me off. I had plenty of room to scoot over without interrupting the flow of traffic, but he vaporized that space. I scooted over anyway, and the lovely truck-driver LAID on his horn. I'm not proud of what happened next. I yelled EFF YOU as my children looked on in horror. Horns breed anger. And anger is the enemy of happiness. Shame on me, but I vow to lay off the horn unless in a dangerous situation.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Hershey's blogging program, for a gift card worth $25 and some product. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

Local dining

2011-02-14T12:18:00.000-08:00

This weekend, we ate out quite a bit. This isn't unusual for us. We eat at home mostly during the week, but on the weekend, we dine out for lunch and/or dinner quite a bit. Problem with this weekend - everybody and their dog was trying to cram in a Valentine's day date OR just going stir crazy from the epic snowstorm of 2011. So long waits were to be expected.

But. But. I had a Groupon! To try a new restaurant! In North Little Rock, capital of the massively busy chain restaurant! (So many red flags in that set of explanation-pointed sentences.) So off we went, girls in-tow, to the super busy chain mecca, at the peak of the dining hour on the Saturday before Valentine's day. Stupid? Sure. In hindsight. Don't ask me why I didn't see this earlier. And the whole trip? My idea. We waited 45 minutes for a table after the host quoted us 20 minutes. We were seated in the bar, which was, by that time, getting pretty rowdy, as patrons were sloshing Big Gulp sized margaritas all over the place. The girls were hungry and tired from spending a day soaking up sunshine. In fact, A fell asleep on the table while we waited about 30 minutes for our food to be delivered. I wouldn't be surprised if someone spilled an entire Big Gulp of neon-green marg on her poor little head. The food? Bad. Cold. Rubbery. I am not sure it would've been any better on a "normal" night.

So did we learn from this disastrous night? sorta. I learned to never, ever dine at Santo Coyote again (seriously. don't go there. the dead-eyed glares of the workers should have driven us away to begin with). But we didn't learn enough to avoid dining out. Sunday night, JB and I were alone. Kids had sleepovers scheduled, so we were going to get a leisurely dinner at a local favorite. The Faded Rose was busy, but not frenetic. There were no fishbowl drinks sloshing about, just some fairly civilized drinkers/diners having a couple of beverages at the bar, along with families and couples dining at their tables. It was loud up in there, but not yelling-loud. The service? prompt and friendly. The food? As good as ever, served piping-hot. No, they didn't have a Groupon. They don't need such promotional devices. The high-quality of food and service keeps you coming back.

In case the moral of this story isn't clear: trust your gut. When you walk in to a place and get that "feeling": folks look like they've been waiting a while for assistance, workers have either frenetic looks on their face, or a complete apathy toward the situation. TURN AROUND. DO NOT TRY TO STICK IT OUT. THINGS WILL ONLY GET WORSE. Also, just because a Groupon is offered for an establishment doesn't mean you should eat there. Finally: when in doubt, choose the proven option (preferably a local joint). The place you count on every time to give you want you want.

On Table Manners and Home Training

2011-02-10T12:07:00.000-08:00

We're just not the most focused on good table manners here at home, and it's starting to show. What's charming when a little one is, well, little, isn't so delightful at 11. In some cases, it's downright wrong. So there are a few things we're trying to work on:

Mashed potatoes? Not for eating with the fingers. Neither is Mac & Cheese, even green beans can be downright offensive as a finger food. Please, use a fork.
It is most tempting for me to offer to cut your food as you struggle to get a bite. But I will refrain. You have to learn to cut your food at some point.
No screens at dinner. This includes computer, TV, cell phone. Certain exceptions for special occasions: super bowl, sleepovers, etc.
If the whole family is home, the whole family sits at the dinner table. No standing and eating so you can get back to whatever-it-is.
Blessing? Mandatory. Even if it is just "God is good..."
Milk or water with dinner. No soda or juice. (exception made when we run out of cow-juice).
Let's try to integrate something green in each meal. Or red, or orange. Just something veggie-ish. (fruit is an OK occasional substitute).
Thank you and please are NOT optional when dining out. The server isn't a servant, and deserves the same courtesy you give to your own family and friends.
Napkins: also not optional. And a sleeve is never an appropriate substitute. Never.
Phone ringing during dinner? Let it ring. If they need us badly, they'll call back. Also, if they're calling the landline, they probably don't know us anyway.
Music is optional during dinner, and should be at a low level. Mommy's deaf in one ear, so blaring music makes it hard to hold conversation.
Please. Thank the cook, and don't bitch about the menu. This ain't a restaurant.

So, so basic. But at least my girls won't grow up picky and eating soft foods with their fingers. (please, God. Make this so.) I have considered sending the oldest to etiquette training (may still do so, honestly). But in the meantime, we simply must master the basics. Sadly, we’re not quite there yet, and I need complete assurance that my girls will behave in a way that won’t embarrass them (or me) when they’re in the company of others. I also want to dine without being disgusted at the behavior of my own offspring. So, more work to do…

I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Kraft Homestyle Macaroni and Cheese blogging program, for a gift card worth $50. For more information on how you can participate, click here.

The facts of life

2011-02-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

S is going on 12. Middle school is a whole new ball game, and based on a few Glee viewings over the past several weeks, it was apparent to me that we had to go on and have a frank discussion about sex.

So, I told JB I was going to take her out alone and get this done, leaving him to watch our little A for a while. He told me he "would like to be there," but I talked him out of it. I wanted to get pretty specific, and I didn't want embarrassment or discomfort to get in the way of a complete discussion. When I say pretty specific, I mean we needed to cover "the deed," but we needed to cover some other stuff that doesn't lead to pregnancy, but that girls need to be prepared for. What I'm saying is: middle school kids these days are having parties where they exchange more than spit. The consequences aren't pregnancy, but guilt and a loss of dignity, along with a cheapening of sexual activity.

I asked S what she knew about sex. She told me it's when a man and a lady lay in bed and kiss a lot and then the lady gets pregnant. I told her there was some stuff that happened in between those two steps, and explained best I could. She squirmed.

Then I told her about the other things that boys may ask her to do, and I told her that she didn't have to do those things, even when boys threatened to tell her friends or called her a prude. Then we took a breather, and I asked her what her questions were. She responded without pausing: "None." I told her she had to ask 3 questions before we could move on. Here they are:

Why would a boy want to ask you to do something you don't want to do?
What do I do if I don't want to do what he asks?
Is it OK to call/chase a boy?

I did the best I could to answer her (very good) questions. I told her that someday she'll like a boy, to which she replied "Oh, I already do." And we had a great chat about her crush, whose name is Logan. "He's stupid, but funny. And cute." Says my little girl.

This whole chat closed with a pinky promise that when anything sexual happens in her life, she'll come talk to me. No judgment, and she won't get in trouble.

I'm losing my little girl, slowly but surely, as she grows up. When she comes out of the other side, I hope I'll have a lifelong friend and confidante.

Your first place (writing prompt)

2011-02-01T09:07:00.000-08:00

I got a little inspired by an article in the New York Times for this good-old-days post. I'd like to break this into 4 categories:

My only New York apartment. At 19, I decided I would like to move to New York with a friend. She was going to stay and become an actress (she may still be there today). I was just going to hang for the summer, then return to school. My friend scored a pretty sublet in a grungy building in Spanish Harlem. The apartment was tiny to me, but rather large by New York standards. The guy who owned the lease was going to London to work in Shakespearean theatre for the summer, which was perfect. I took a job at a deli near Bloomingdales which catered to Hasidic Jews. I had never met a Jew, much less a Hasidic Jew, so this rocked my world. Every day, I took the subway to work, stopping a mile or so from my destination so I could walk through Central Park. After work, we would go to bars and use our Southern accents to get boys to buy us drinks. I met a British student boy who wasn't actually that cute, but I was entranced by his accent. We made out on the subway. Then I came home and he sent me mix tapes and annotated poetry books. I realized that I love the city, but I didn't want to live somewhere where your clothes are perma-dyed a dingy grey and you don't see trees and fields. This was a formative summer.
My first place pre-JB, where I shared a little house with my lifelong best friend Karen. We lived in the midtown neighborhood of Little Rock. Not cute enough to be Stifft Station, not expensive enough to be the Heights. It was a ~~gunshot-ridden~~ diverse neighborhood. Apparently, the previous tenants were ~~devil-worshipper~~s skater punks, because they had stenciled little skulls and crossbones all over the stone wall that surrounded the property, the walls of the musty detached garage, and anywhere else they pleased. This was the late-80's, the skull was not ubiquitous like now, when little 4 year olds have skulls emblazoned all over their clothes. So the skulls creeped us out. We also had the obligatory stoner roommate. This girl smoked.so.much. But she didn't want/think we knew. She would hole up in her room, stick a towel under the door, and light up every afternoon around 4. Since Karen and I both worked as waitresses, we would always be about to go work our night shift as she started tokin. It was an older house, and we really didn't have much inclination towards cooking. So the one time we decided to host a brunch party (this was our go-to strategy to invite a crush over who wouldn't ask us out. in this case, the crush was mine.). Anyways, we fired up the oven to bake cinnamon rolls. Apparently, it hadn't been fired in a long, long time, and there was a dead rat holed up in there. Good god, that thing stunk. We had to get a man-friend to come over and rescue us. Karen and I moved on to several other places. We ditched the stoner roommate, but acquired a male roommate who was had a standing nookie appointment on Friday evenings with a married woman. Gross.
My first (and only) all-to-myself place, during my year in grad school at University of Tennessee Knoxville. At the time, many of the old Victorian homes around the campus had been cut up into little apartments for the students. I lived in a beautiful old house that had seen better days. But it was a perfect apartment for me and my little terrier Goose, complete with lovely original hardwoods and a hand-carved mantle. Too bad I was so lovesick I couldn't finish my graduate school tenure and keep my pretty apartment. Which led me to Dallas...
My first place with my now-hubby, down in the hood in Dallas. The place itself wasn't bad: a 50 year old duplex with pretty hardwoods, french doors, original windows. But the neighborhood? Wow. Gunshots more nights than not. And once, when my beloved decided to take a road trip with "the boys" to New Orleans, there was a murder 2 blocks away. We couldn't get out of there fast enough. Our next place had a BAD roach infestation, but it was still safer. And I say that in spite of the helicopter search lights that blared into our backyard one night when police were looking for a runaway rapist. Over the 14 years we spent in Dallas, each subsequent housing arrangement was a little better, thank god.

Somehow, I survived these errors in housing-judgment. Now, if only I can survive it as a mother when my girls embark on this ritual of self-discovery.

What did you wear to prom (writing prompt)

2011-01-28T09:50:00.000-08:00

I love this prompt from Good Housekeeping's Facebook page, cause it brings back so many memories. In spite of being brought up in a pretty open-minded Episcopal household, my parents, who viewed public schools in Little Rock as a warzone (they lived through the desegregation of Central High, so I guess I can't blame them. Also, the city's schools WERE pretty rough back then. Things have reformed since.) So I went to a relatively strict religious school, based on Church of Christ teachings. In other words, I lived a dual life.

Anyway, we didn't have a prom. (dancing was/is verboten in the Church of Christ). Instead, we had a banquet. I never had much luck with the boys in my school (read that as - never a single date. not one. during my entire high school career) So, I asked a boy from the ice cream parlor I worked at to be my date. I was crushing HARD on this boy, and was debilitatingly shy around any boy who was my crush. So things didn't go so well. In fact, my date couldn't drop me off fast enough after the banquet, even though there were several after-parties we could've attended. Hell, some of those after-parties might have had some decent music and wine coolers available!

At the time, I thought this would damage me for life. Thankfully, ~~I've had much more serious damages to my self-worth since then~~ I weathered the storm.

But I digress. Severely. The original prompt was about what I wore. This being the mid 80's, It seemed appropriate for EVERY girl to knock-off the billowy excess of Princess Diana's wedding dress. My particular knock off was a made from iridescent blue taffeta (the fabric was actually quite lovely). It had ruffles, billowy sleeves, and a full skirt. I accessorized with a poodle-perm, and "laid out" in the sun the day before, so I was lobster-pink. (remember laying out? I do. Sadly, my skin will never forget it.) I felt like a princess, even though my date thought I was a frog.

Truth be told, I'd like for the Princess D billowy fabric affairs to come back, considering most girls go to the prom looking like streetwalkers these days. By the time my girl graduates, they may be wearing a piece of aluminum foil over their lady bits and some slut-shoes. Nothing more.

One thing I couldn't live without for more than a week

2011-01-17T14:19:00.000-08:00

Here's a writing prompt from social moms. The first thing that popped into my mind in response? Coffee. I am an addict, and to live without it for a week, even MORE than a week? That would be hell.

There are many, many other, more noble items I ~~could've~~ (should've) thought about before coffee popped into my mind: family, friends, water, God....

And there are many things that didn't pop into my mind (but they're just as essential, I'm just not very proud of them): wine, money, my phone, words with friends.....yeah, I could go on here.

But, back to the coffee: without you, I'd have crushing headaches and fall asleep on my keyboard daily. I would also be considerably richer, since my habit costs me about $3/day (my drink of choice: grande nonfat misto, which is basically the starbucks name for a cafe au lait). Thank you for helping me get through. A big no-thank-you for making my teeth yellow and possible affecting my sleep patterns. It's a love-hate thang.

ladies and gentlemen: meet gus

2011-01-04T07:49:00.000-08:00

One possibility completed, many more to go (isn't he cute? and isn't Gracie majestic? Also, doesn't A need a good hair-brushing?). I am going to sign up for the San Diego rock and roll half marathon this month, so that commits me to the running posibility.

There's still much to do...

Possibilities?

2010-12-16T13:34:00.000-08:00

Life has thrown me plenty of curve balls over the years. Some big, some little. As the year closes, it's time to think about possibilities for the future. I know, I kInow. So many top 10 lists, so little time. But why not join the fray and consider what the future might hold for me and those I love.

I'm going to start running (well, actually, I already have). This will be a brand-new addition to my exercise routine, and one I've always avoided to be honest. Goal? Run a half marathon next fall.
We are seriously talking about getting a buddy for Gracie the Golden. JB is on-board. Our Gracie dog isn't, um getting any skinnier, and the girls have never experienced the glee that comes with a puppy. So this may be the year that we bite the bullet and adopt another animal.
I really want to make a focused effort to be a better mom, wife, daughter and sister. There are people in my life that I love dearly, more than life itself, honestly. But I take them all for granted more often than not. Time to make that right.
I have ANOTHER new job. That's my 3rd in as many years. I'm committed to making this one stick. I just hope they're committed to me, too. Truth? I think I've expected too much from work - I want work to give me joy, but I have to get joy from the situation, if that makes any sense at all. So I'm ready to stay somewhere.
I've done a decent job this year of curbing some excessive spending, but not all. Rather than eating lunch out at a restaurant, I bring my own more days than not. I have (slightly) decreased my clothing/shoe habit. And I've saved quite a bit of money on our food bill by clipping (then using) coupons and buying stuff on sale. But (there's always a but) - having sold piles of excess stuff in a garage sale just a few weeks ago, I can tell you that I still have a spending problem. This is the year to do better.
Having gotten into Glee and Modern Family, I can tell you that I'm missing lots of viewing possibilities through the Tivo. Less SpongeBob, more quality television!

These aren't resolutions. These are possibilities to make my life and the life of those I love better in the future. I think that's an important distinction, as I'm kind of "over" New Year's resolutions.

I wrote this blog post while participating in the TwitterMoms and OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network blogging program, for a $50 gift card. For more information on how you can participate, click here.

I am thankful: 10 things

2010-11-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

...and I need to remind myself of that every day:

My sweet husband. Sometimes I wonder why he continues to put up with my nonsense. Other times I wonder why I continue to put up with his. But somehow, we do, and we continue to love each other.
My girls. Holy cow. The biggest blessing God has given me.
My mom and dad, who love unconditionally and have shown their grace as incredible grandparents
My one and only sister, who I miss dearly
The fact that we have a roof over our heads, a fridge full of food, clothes and shoes aplenty. My year of non-profit work taught me that this is not something to take for granted.
My job. I am so glad to have one in a time when others are struggling. I've struggled before and hope never to do it again.
Health. A little girl in S's class is spending the holiday in the hospital with strep, infecting her eye and face. It can happen at any time.
Friends. New and old, including friends who I've just met on sites like twitter.
Coffee. sweet, sweet nectar.
My iPhone. Don't know how I lived without it!

Folks, have a great holiday season. Let's all resolve to make this one a simple celebration of thankfulness, shall we?

today's lunch wouldn't have been possible 5 years ago

2010-11-17T11:07:00.000-08:00

It's gorgeous in my town today, so I decided to take a quick walk for lunch. When I got a tweet that the hot dog truck would be in my neighborhood, I decided to take a route that would send me by the truck for a chicago dog. After all, I had a groupon, so my lunch would be free to me.

Right before I left, I checked twitter on my phone one more time, just to make sure I knew how to find the truck. The google map had it in an entirely different neighborhood, so I DM'd @hotdog_mike and got clarification.

According to runkeeper, I logged about 3 miles while listening to an ibook (The Corrections: A Novel) on my phone. I burned enough calories to account for about half of my lunch!

Other than the walking, none of this activity would've happened 5 years ago. And 5 years from now, the experience will very likely be completely different.

10 tips for new moms who are bringing a baby home

2010-11-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

Welp, it's been 5 years since we brought the fantastic A home from the hospital. And 11 years since S entered our little duplex in Dallas for the first time. I will tell you, it gets easier with repetition. I fully believe that if the stork visited us again (not gonna happen, BTW), we'd haul that little baby into our house and do a load of laundry after she got settled in. But the first time ain't like that. You're worried. Hormonal. And in need of advice. Here are 10 tips for you new moms out there:

Plan on having some help in the house for those first few days (2 weeks would be best). For me, the ideal helpmate was my mom. She brought me water while I nursed, made dinner and did the laundry. And you need help with all of these tasks (Hell, I still need help with these tasks. Other than the water/nursing thing).
Don't invite a bunch of visitors over to meet your new bundle. If folks invite themselves, feel completely empowered to say "perhaps later". Or, if you're feeling up to company, request that they bring food rather than a more traditional baby gift.
BEFORE you go to the hospital: get all your thank you notes finished. Your head won't be clear enough for this task.
Likewise, if you're sending baby announcements, get them all set at the printer, right up to the mailing labels, before you go into delivery. Then all you have to do is call in your bundle's vital statistics later.
For me, it was much, much less stressful to plan on co-sleeping in the first weeks of life. I couldn't bear the crying and stress of having my babies in another bed. I know there are many reasons not to do this. But consider it.
You don't need NEARLY as much stuff as you think you do. Wipe warmers, pacifier holders, mobiles...even a crib. All are extraneous in those first weeks of life.
But here's what you do need: diapers (by the truckload), dreft, heavy-duty diaper cream. And maybe some gas drops for those colic-y tummies.
Take pictures! This time will never come again. I sincerely regret banning the camera from the delivery room for my first daughter. My own vanity prevented it. But I could've just set some ground rules for photography and documented this wondrous time.
Be prepared. Hormones and fatigue WILL get the best of you at some point during those first weeks. It's OK. Just be sure to have a friend who you trust to help you through.
If you plan to nurse (and you really should try), take a breastfeeding class and keep the number of your health organization's lactation consultant. Folks try to tell you nursing is instinctive and it'll come to you. But you can eliminate the stress about how much your baby is eating by having a professional at the ready.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the TwitterMoms and Lysol® Wee Wisdom blogging program, making me eligible to get a $50 gift card. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

Halloween

2010-11-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

This year, as last year, JB and I couldn't seem to get our asses in gear to get our Halloween decorations out in time. It just seemed to be too much trouble. So A kept asking, right up to October 31, why we didn't decorate this year. Damn, we are losers.

We did, however, carve some pretty kick-ass pumpkins. And we went trick-or-treating. And S went to a Saturday night party that lasted past midnight. With cheese dip.

So now we sprint full-throttle to the holidays. This year, we're going to do it different.