Relationship Talks || Marriage || Stories At Your Door

Common Reasons Why Relationships Fail

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 04 Oct 2020 15:11:00 +0000

Relationships fail often. It's a fact of life.

You’d be hard-pressed to find two people who were each other’s first love and they loved each other until death.

That’s the stuff you find in many viral news stories.

And the reason these stories of perfect couples become so popular is because it’s what so many people aspire to be.

The problem, though, is that some people learn that their relationships are headed for failure, and they learn it the hard way.

So if you’re aiming for a relationship that’s practically fail-proof, you’d have to know some of the reasons why so many relationships end badly.

Below are the common reasons why relationships fail

Take note that the failure of a relationship can be attributed to one or a combination of the following factors.

So if you find that your relationship is facing these problems, it may be best to try and work it out so it doesn’t ruin the hard work you’ve put into your relationship.

#1 Relying on your partner for your happiness. This is common among people who have either low self-esteem or have very few good things going on in their life. The problem with this is that it may put too much pressure on your partner. How? It will always feel like your partner has such a huge role in your life, and that without him/her, you’d be a miserable heap of tears. This kind of dependence is not healthy in any kind of relationship!

#2 Not standing up for yourself. There may be times when you forego your own desires so you can make your partner happy. This is called a sacrifice.

But if you keep doing this and your partner learns that they can easily ignore your wants, you’ll start to feel your sacrifice taking its toll on you. One day, you might wake up and feel so used that you end up snapping and breaking up with your partner.

#3 Too much dominance. This is the opposite of sacrificing too much. Instead, you expect your partner to be at your beck and call, or else, they will be sorry! Instead of fostering a relationship based on love and trust, you’re instilling fear into your partner.

What this does is force your partner to be miserable and helpless or it can lead them to lie, sneak around or even find someone else’s shoulder or bed just to avoid your wrath and their misery.

#4 There’s too much jealousy going on. If you’re the one who’s jealous, you’re probably always going to be snooping around to check if your partner is faithful to you. Just one instance of you seeing them chatting with someone whom you consider a threat, and you’ll unleash a barrage of accusations.

On the other hand, if your partner is the jealous one, you may find yourself sacrificing your happiness just so you don’t get hit with the barrage of accusations.

#5 Selfishness. Selfishness in both of you will lead to a tug-of-war for who gets the final say in things. You can’t always get what you want, and neither can your partner. If neither of you are willing to compromise to make your relationship work, then you can both find someone who’ll be more accommodating to your every want and need. Good luck with that!

#6 Nitpicking each other’s faults. Honesty matters in a relationship. But being too blunt about your partner’s faults all the time may make them feel they’re always under your constant scrutiny. Not only will you slowly pick at their self-esteem, but you might also push them towards the arms of someone who’s much more accepting of their faults.

#7 Lack of time. Even if you both have a busy lifestyle, you still need to set aside time for each other just to keep the relationship going. A five-minute phone call or a text exchange may be enough to let you work through a time when you’re too busy for anything.

If you don’t spare even a few minutes for your partner, neglect starts and that will definitely eat away at your relationship.

#8 Lack of effort. So maybe you have tons of time to spend with each other, it should be no problem, right? Wrong. In fact, if you have lots of time, but very little quality time, this can lead both of you to take each other’s presence for granted. The effort here is to make each date together count through little sweet gestures or bringing something new to the conversation, whatever both of you are into.

Exerting a little something extra from time to time shows your partner that you would still go the extra mile, no matter how long you’ve been dating. In not doing this, you’ll slowly make your relationship more mundane until you just give up.

#9 Physical distance. There’s nothing wrong with having a long distance relationship. In fact, some relationships are tested and made stronger by the physical distance. However, the distance can bring about problems such as a lack of time for each other or lack of physical intimacy.

Unless you make an effort so you can finally be in the same zip code, these relationships usually break under the strain.

#10 Emotional distance. When you’re emotionally incompatible *i.e., one of you is more open while the other is withdrawn*, this can lead to a lot of unmet emotional needs. While two people are never 100% on the same page, it’s important to at least be on a somewhat similar level of emotional availability.

If one of you is aloof and the other is needy, then this imbalance can cause friction and resentment in the one who’s exerting more effort to feel more loved in return.

#11 Little lies that build up. A couple of white lies at the start of your relationship can be common. Of course, you want to put your best foot forward. But it’s also important to eventually come clean or at least try to prevent the lies in the first place.

When these lies build up, it might spiral into a web of lies that you can no longer get out of. It’ll be a huge form of deception, even if it all just started from one little white lie.

#12 Different goals. When you get deeper into a relationship, you may find out that you and your partner may have different goals for the future. One of you may want to focus on your career, while the other would like to start a family soon. This can lead to conflict when it comes to making big decisions in your life. If left without compromise, the rift in your desires may end up causing a rift between the two of you.

#13 Emotional baggage. It goes without saying that baggage will always affect your relationship. Unless you learn to deal with it in a healthy way, it will manifest itself in your relationship from time to time. In addition to this, the fact that your partner can’t help you deal with your baggage can lead them to see their own inadequacy, and may then affect how they acts towards you.

So be on the lookout for these 13 common reasons why relationships fail, and try to work on them. And if you don’t, you’re just setting your relationship up to fail!

Better Ways To Ask A Girl Out

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 04 Oct 2020 14:55:00 +0000

Asking a girl out is one of the most daunting challenges to a guy’s dating life. First, the burden of making the first move will always be in a man’s purview. Second is the competition. While girls might be able to pick and choose more easily from a horde of fawning admirers, men typically have to deal with the task of finding cute ways to ask a girl out and get her to say yes.

While not all men can be as smooth and dashing as Will Smith in Hitch, one thing they do have in common is the fact that they want their crush to say “yes” when invited on a date. There are many moves and styles that you can use, but most of these have become old and tired. The thing is, if guys really want their crush to go out with them, the only way is to up the ante and come up with cute ways to ask a girl out.

Some quick advice

#1 Keep it simple, yet creative. Coming up with something overly elaborate and expensive doesn’t always mean success. If you overdo it, chances are that your crush might get weirded out. Come up with something you yourself created and don’t rely too much on spending money to ask her out.

#2 Know your crush. Research will always pay off. A quick peek at her social media will give you tons of ideas about what she likes, where she hangs out, what activities she likes doing. Subtly fishing information from common friends and acquaintances helps, too. Just don’t be a stalker.

#3 Know what you can do. Are you the creative type? Musically talented? The tech-savvy geek? Or are you the witty comedian? This is the part where you put your cards on the table. Use your best talent to come up with something to make her giddy and say yes.

#4 Pay attention to timing. Timing is everything. Even if your crush secretly likes you back and is aching for you to ask her out, it could spell rejection if your timing is off. Always get a feel for her disposition, and choose an appropriate time to ask her out. Make sure you ask her out when you see that she’s in a good mood or if you feel that her schedule is free.

#5 Finally, it’s just a date! You’re not asking for her hand in marriage. Sometimes, attraction to your crush makes you overanalyze things and leaves you having second thoughts and missing a good moment. Keep in mind that you’re inviting her out to spend some time to get to know her better and have a good time, so hold off on those other moves for later *if things go well*.

Cute ways to ask a girl out using food

Aside from romance, one thing that easily gets to girl’s heart both literally and figuratively is through food. You can add that dash of subtlety by coming up with a good excuse to give her her favorite pastry out of nowhere and slip in that invitation for a date.

#1 Bake her a cake or some cookies to show your skill and effort. Slip in your invitation as a note or scribble it in frosting before giving it to her personally or leaving it on her desk.

#2 For coffee lovers. Commission your barista buddy to come up with a cute latte art message the next time your crush queues up on your corner coffee shop.

#3 A special fortune cookie . The next time you order Chinese takeout, give her that special fortune cookie that says, “You will be very lucky if you go out on a date with the guy who gave you this.”

#4 Make her a bento packed lunch. Bento lunches can be designed in a way that makes them look appetizing and cute at the same time. These are a perfect way to show her that you care and that you’d love for her to go out on a date with you.

#5 Send her a care package during her period. This is the ultimate gesture that is sure to leave her smiling. However, we’ll leave the task of knowing when her period is up to you. Send a bunch of chocolates and snacks to her desk or her apartment with a cheeky message asking her out.

For the artsy types and creative people

Girls admire talent more than good looks or money. Asking her out with your own handmade craft will definitely increase your chances of getting that date with her.

#1 Make her a playlist. So both of you have a similar taste in music? Make her the classic mixed CD, or a Spotify playlist if you’re more contemporary. Give her songs that will send a cute message, or insert your own audio invitation to ask her out.

#2 Draw her a comic. Comics can be a cute and amusing way to ask a girl out. If you’re good at this, you can come up with a cute story that will end in an invitation.

#3 Give her a Q&A card. Write something along the lines of, “Will you go out with me? A. Yes B. No.” She’ll probably enjoy the creativity and lightheartedness of your efforts.

#4 Create a crossword puzzle. Make a game or a puzzle that spells out, “Would you go out with me?” and watch her face light up.

#5 Rig a video game. If she’s into video games and your tech skills are up to the task, you can rig an old video game or come up with your own game that’ll ask her out in the end.

#6 Say it with Post-its. Cover her computer monitor with Post-it notes revealing your message typed on her monitor underneath.

#7 Stage a “kidnapping” of one of her belongings. This can be pretty invasive, but if done properly, it can be seen as cute and delightful. Pilfer a useless item from her desk and replace it with a clichéd cut-paper ransom note asking her to go out with you to get her item back.

#8 Say it with a pet. In classic Disney style, this one will surely get you a yes. But before you spring for a puppy, we suggest you aim a little smaller. Besides, what says, “Will you go out with me?” cuter than a bubbly little fish?

Although it can be difficult at times, sometimes you’ve got to muster your courage and put yourself out there to come up with cute ways to ask a girl out. If you really like her, coming up with your own ways to ask her will be just as much fun for you as it will be for her!

Why Dating Apps Don't Work

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Fri, 02 Oct 2020 14:52:00 +0000

As someone who spent a good six years on and off dating apps, I can tell you that wondering why dating apps don’t work for you is totally normal. It’s just a guess, but I’d say more than 50% of users would have more negative than positive things to say about dating apps.

Dating apps often feel more like endless swiping than a means to an actual real life date. Whether you do a lot of messaging and no meeting or meeting without any real connection or create a connection that doesn’t work out, this can be discouraging.

Dating apps do not promise you you’ll find what you’re looking for, but they sure make it seem convincing. I’ll bet you know at least two happy couples that met via a dating app.

If not, now you do. Because I met my boyfriend of over a year on a dating app. And if you told me 14 months ago that that would be the case, I wouldn’t have believed you. In fact, with all the bad experiences I had, I would’ve put money on not meeting anyone via a dating app.

So, when I say I get how you’re feeling, I mean it. I told myself online dating just wasn’t for me countless times. And I deleted and downloaded numerous dating apps over the years. I constantly wondered why dating apps seemed to work for everyone but me. And since you’re here, you’re probably asking yourself the same thing; why dating apps don’t work for you.

Why dating apps don’t work

Online dating and dating apps are not ed my fair share and not one met all my needs or desires. Some had issues with distance, others with narrowing down selections, and others with messages. But none of those things really explained why dating apps don’t work.

I’m sure you’ve complained that you aren’t getting enough matches or quality options. I’ve heard tons of people say they never get a message back. And yes, those things are true.

Only about 50% of the people I matched with turn into a conversation and only about 50% of them last more than a couple minutes of chatting. This is the downside of dating apps. They take away the respect and accountability that old-fashioned dating once had.

Maybe someone swiped through your photos and thought you were cute, but once you matched they read your profile and didn’t think you’d get along. Instead of telling you, they just don’t respond to your message. These things give you a complex. You constantly wonder why you aren’t getting more messages or matches, but you never get an answer. This unknown can make online dating difficult to deal with.

On top of that, we all have high expectations. We download these apps because we heard a great story. We think, what could it hurt?

But we underestimate the time and patience it will take to meet someone we truly connect with. We get so much immediate gratification in today’s world. You post a photo, you get likes in minutes. You order food, and it arrives in 30 minutes.

Yet, dating apps don’t provide that instantaneous response. Creating a connection with a stranger is not the same as ordering a pizza or playing a game.

If you get frustrated easily, dating apps only work on your patience even more.

Why dating apps don’t work for you?

But, with all of that, my biggest issue wed hited, I was not meeting the right people. I could overlook the flaws of the app, but on a feons are too high. This was one of my biggest problems with dating apps, and I never realized it. I would go into each date expecting the best outcome. I thought the connection was already there and now that I was going through the anxiety of meeting someone, it must work out.

These high expectations may not have ruined the date, but it ruined my outlook on the date. This way of thinking had my hopes up, so when the date was mediocre, I would convince myself it was better than it was because I had spent the time and energy on it. All of this made it feel worse when a simple date didn’t work out. I was upset and frustrated after just one date with someone I barely knew because of my disappointment.

#2 Your expectations are too low. Once I realized my expectations were too high, I started expecting the least. I expected everyone I met to ghost me. I went into dates and conversations without hope or excitement at all.

This sabotaged me. I went through the motions of dates without being open to the possibility of things working out because I expected it not to.

#3 You don’t have patience. If you have poor patience, it makes sense dating apps aren’t your thing. Dating apps are not instant. You will not feel fulfilled or like you got what you wanted immediately or even within months or years.

Dating apps aren’t supposed to make classic dating any easier or faster. They are just a digital way of meeting people. The rest is up to you and the person you meet. Over the years I used dating apps, I always felt like I was wasting my time, but being that frustrated only put me in a negative headspace.

#4 You’re sensitive. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive, but when using dating apps, a thick skin is recommended. Using dating apps for fulfillment or compliments will only leave you feeling empty and reliant on others for confidence.

And the lack of accountability and respect online leaves much to be desired. With rude messages, threats, and, of course, ghosting, you should be able to deal with rejection and let it go, or the pain and confusion of online dating could be why dating apps don’t work for you.

#5 You’re overthinking. When you’re an overthinker, it is impossible to stop overthinking. I was there. I read into every delayed message or change in plans. And, I would get so anxious about meeting people it took me years of using dating apps to actually have a date.

I even told myself that my overthinking is why dating apps don’t work for me. And I just wasn’t suited for something that is meant to work out. I felt like going into a date or conversation with the expectation that you’ll like each other stressed me out.

Without work or school to be a buffer, it felt so forced. I convinced myself of this for so long. And then I decided to let it go. If I met someone and it didn’t work out, it wasn’t a big deal and if it did that was great. And then, I met my boyfriend.

#6 You’re close-minded. When I say close-minded, I’m not talking about supporting other people’s lifestyles or not trying new foods. You have a goal of what you want and aren’t willing to waiver.

If you go into a date thinking you want a relationship and aren’t willing to be more casual for a while or just enjoy your time without knowing the outcome, you will be more focused on the outcome than what’s happening.

#7 You’re not being honest. Whether you’re not being honest with potential dates or to yourself, both will prevent dating apps from working for you. If you aren’t honest about what you want and who you are, you won’t get far in any form of dating.

How To Stop Making Same Mistake In A Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Fri, 02 Oct 2020 14:33:00 +0000

Most of us are not as self-aware as we would like to believe. This is why we repeatedly end up in similar relationships. So, how to stop making the same mistakes in a relationship? Well, let’s dive in and learn together.

We go from one breakup to the next without realizing that we are making the same choices; therefore, the same mistakes. And once we do realize that our breakups and relationships woes are due to the same thing, it is often too late to fix.

Well, realizing that it is happening and admitting is the first step. Once you know you’re doing than you can take steps to break your patterns.

Why we make the same mistakes

In order to work through a deep-seated issue like repetitive behavior, you need to find the source. Working on anything without knowing the root cause only silences the symptoms, it doesn’t cure the problem.

You may have already tried to stop making the same relationship mistakes by dating outside of your type or making different choices, but, at the end, it’s the same. That is because you are trying to find a solution without knowing what the problem is.

If we know we keep making the same mistakes in a relationship, shouldn’t we just be able to stop? It isn’t so easy. We often go bad to the same mistakes oddly, because they’re comfortable. I hate to say this, but, most of this is due to our childhoods. The way you watch your parents deal with problems tends to be how we deal with problems. We adapted to how our parents or adult relatives raised us.

Then as adults, we look for someone who shares those happy aspects of our childhoods. But along with those feel-good emotions, many of those characteristics have a flip-side. This means we often choose a partner who reminds of us someone from our earlier years for the good things, but they share the bad things too.

The same goes for earlier relationships. As you continue on in your dating journey, you tend to go for people that remind you of those from your past. Maybe your first partner was outgoing and charming but things went south. Eventually, you meet someone who triggers those same feelings you had when you met your ex. Without thinking of the pain of the breakup, you are interested because of the comfort you get from those initial feelings.

Being aware of these links can help you think more thoroughly about the partners you choose moving forward.

How to stop making the same mistakes in a relationship

After you realize that you keep making the same mistakes in a relationship and find the root of the problem, you can work toward a solution. But, it won’t be immediate. Just like any emotional or mental healing, this is a pattern you’re used to, and breaking out of it isn’t as simple as a realization.

Breaking such deeply ingrained patterns like making the same mistakes in a relationship require patience and practice until those changes come naturally. Making these changes is like breaking a habit. Cold turkey isn’t the best method.

So, how do you stop making the same mistakes in a relationship?

#1 Think about it. First, just labeling those patterns will help. Pointing out this mistake is the best thing you can do to really gain deeper insight. Do you rush into relationships quickly? Do you ditch your friends when you’re in a relationship? Are you prone to being codependent?

When you are able to answer this, you can take further steps.

#2 Answer questions. Not all of us have a therapist, but if we did, this is when they would ask you why you think that is. Therapists don’t offer advice but usually ask you questions to develop a different perspective.

Ask yourself why you continue on with this pattern? Is it protecting you from being hurt? How is it hurting you? When you can qualify your relationship habit as negatively affecting you, you will be more motivated to change it.

#3 Take accountability. Most of the time when we make the same mistakes in a relationship, we don’t notice it until it’s already happened. We don’t notice that we are falling for the same type of person until it’s too late. But, that doesn’t mean you’re too late.

You can say sorry to yourself and learn from that. You might find yourself complaining to a friend about your significant other when they say that’s the same thing your ex used to do. Instead of denying or ignoring it, sit with that.

Just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean you have to keep dating them if you know it isn’t the right choice for you. You should be able to admit what you were doing was wrong for you in order to find what’s right.

#4 Practice. It can be hard to practice unlearning a behavior when it comes to dating. You don’t want to date people to just work on yourself. And a lot of mistakes made in a relationship happen when things get serious.

But there are ways to practice the habits you want to break and the ones you want to pick up. If you want to meet a different type of person, go to different places. You don’t need to date anyone but just making conversation and experiencing different people can get you comfortable around other types.

Instead of a bar, go to a gym or a game or concert. Sign up for cooking or dance classes. Even talk to people outside of your circle at parties or work. None of this must end up with you dating someone. It’ll just open your horizons.

If you struggle to be honest or vulnerable with new people, start by opening up to your family and friends. See how it feels. Let them in. It will remind you that being vulnerable makes you strong and enhances relationships.

My issue was always expecting too much. I would expect every first date to be a relationship and for every connection to last. I would constantly be let down and disappointed. That made me bitter and negative about dating in general. I had to practice balancing my hope and my expectations. I had to let go of any expectations from a connection or date and just keep my hope there so I was excited but not too anxious.

Once I was able to find that balance, I met my boyfriend. I was able to take things slow and just enjoy our time together without being so eager about being in a relationship. I didn’t change what I wanted but changed how I thought about it.

It sounds easier than it is, but it is so worth it to have a new outlook. Whether you’re single or not, learning how to stop making the same mistakes in a relationship will help you in so many ways.

Handling A False Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 13 Sep 2020 09:15:00 +0000

What do you do when you realise that you are in an arranged relationship? How best can you handle a false relationship? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a way to honestly read someone’s intentions from the start? It would save a whole lot of pain, heartache, and time, if you knew your relationship is a lie at the start. Unfortunately, it’s not possible to know someone’s true intentions until you’ve spent a lot of time with them. Even then, they might be cleverly hiding the truth from you.

Relationships require trust to thrive, but it’s easy to trust the wrong kind of person. Some people are masters of disguise, dressing themselves up as something they’re not and using others for their own gains. When this happens in the world of love and your emotions are invested, the end result can be devastating.

Now, I don’t want to paint dating and love as a huge battlefield that forces you to play devil’s advocate with your own heart, but there are some situations which certainly aren’t what they seem. It takes a special kind of person *with the word ‘special’ uttered in the most sarcastic of ways* to take someone’s emotions and use them to get what they want. Unfortunately, plenty of those people walk the earth.

For the most part, the truth always comes out in the end. When you realize your relationship is a lie, it can be utterly heartbreaking. You struggle to trust anyone for a long time to come, and it can shatter your self-esteem.

Is it possible to shield yourself from this type of situation? Unfortunately, not. The only thing you can do is go into any dating or love situation with your eyes firmly open. But it doesn’t mean you should paint everyone with the same brush. Just because you realize your relationship is a lie with one person, doesn’t mean it’s will be that way with everyone you meet.

Love truly is a game of Russian roulette in so many ways. Dating mindfully is perhaps the only way to reduce the impact. This means knowing yourself before you enter into any type of dating situation. Understand what you want, need, and what you will and won’t stand for. You take your time, you don’t give too much away too soon, and accept rejection as a lesson, rather than a life-altering event. Even then however, there are some sneaky types who can fly under your radar.

How to know if your relationship is a lie

Before delving into this list, please do not look at it and suddenly try and mold your current relationship into one of the points below. This is for information and interest only—just because you and your partner have a few rough patches occasionally, it doesn’t mean your relationship is a lie!

However, it’s worthwhile understanding the main areas where this type of situation can occur. Going into dating with your eyes wide open is the only way to do a little potential damage limitation.

#1 You’re dating a narcissist. If you’re dating a narcissist, your relationship is a lie. That’s the simplest explanation. Narcissists are not capable of feeling and showing love. They have a total lack of empathy within them. In that case, a true and healthy relationship isn’t possible. Narcissists use and abuse those around them for their own gains. You deserve better.

#2 You’re being used. There are a million reasons why someone might be using you, and none of them are okay. Narcissists use you to look good. Nonetheless, others use for different reasons, such as money, convenience, a place to stay, work, the list goes on. In this case, the relationship is a lie because it’s not about love. It’s about something they’re getting from you, or you provide to them.

#3 They’re cheating on you. When someone cheats on you, does that automatically mean the relationship is a lie? Sometimes, but not always. Mistakes are made and it’s down to you to decide whether you can forgive and move on, or whether you can’t.

However, if your partner is cheating on you time and time again, your relationship is a sham. You truly do deserve someone who treats you with a hell of a lot more respect.

READ ALSO: Big Things That Ruin Relationships

#4 They don’t see a future with you. If you’ve been dating someone for a while and assume there’s a deep commitment, you would expect some kind of long-term future together. If your partner doesn’t see things that way, but they tell you or show you the opposite, you’re being manipulated. The type of situation can easily lead you to waste many years with the wrong person. It’s a dangerous relationship to be in for that reason.

#5 The foundation is built upon a lie. If your partner lied to you at the start of your relationship and it was a big lie *the foundation for your relationship*, question how rock steady the entire thing is now.

They might have told you that they were divorced when they were merely separated. Maybe they told you that they were struggling with being cheated on in a former relationship, when nothing of the sort happened. They might have children that they haven’t told you about.

It can be anything, big or small, but a lie is a lie. When a lie isn’t rectified and the truth told, it continues to snowball into something bigger and threatens the future of a relationship.

#6 You’re hidden away. If you’ve been seeing each other for a while and assume you’re in a relationship, you should be openly going out, meeting friends and family, and not hidden away. If you’re hidden away, your relationship is a lie because your partner doesn’t want anyone to know about the two of you. Huge shame on them, I say.

The risk for love is still worth it

A true relationship is built upon trust, mutual respect, and love. If your partner is lying to you, or something isn’t quite as it seems, it will certainly all come out at some point. It might not be right now, and it might not be for a while, but the truth normally comes out at some stage. When that does happen, you’re sure to find the news shocking and hurtful.

Learning your relationship is a lie isn’t something I would wish on anyone, but it happens far more often than you would imagine. People can be manipulative and dishonest sometimes. If you happen to meet one of them, or a good person who has lost their way, you can easily end up entangled in something not good for your emotional health.

How can you avoid this? As mentioned, it’s difficult. There is no magical way to understand someone’s intentions and truth as soon as you meet them. Even when you get to know someone, they can shock and surprise you in the worst way. Love really is a risk, but it’s one you should take to find true relationship happiness in the end.

Learning your relationship is a lie is a painful experience. But, it’s one you can learn and grow from in time. Then, you’ll meet someone who deserves you for the wonderful person you are.

Big Things That Ruin Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 13 Sep 2020 09:03:00 +0000

Once you get into a relationship, you may think the hard part is over. You survived the ghosting, the first dates from hell, and the messy kissers. Now you are settled with someone you actually like. Simple, right? Wrong. There are things that ruin a relationship that you may not even realize until it is too late.

Once you’re in a relationship, there are a lot of things that come easily. You don’t have to deal with new quirks. You know the person and are comfortable with them. But, just because you don’t have to deal with the annoyances of dating doesn’t mean that the hard work is over.

If you want your relationship to last, stay aware of these things so you can get ahead of them and keep your relationship healthy and thriving.

Staying aware of the things that ruin a relationship

You know that relationships require work, trust, communication, and respect to last. But, just because you know that doesn’t mean it is your daily focus.

Everyday stresses like family, work, and money get in the way of sustaining a relationship. When that happens, we take things for granted and forget to be on the lookout for red flags. The things that ruin most relationships are usually not purposeful or cruel intentioned. They happen because there is a lack of focus on sustaining the relationship in its healthiest state.

People get comfortable and forget to make their relationship a priority and things that relationships need to survive fall through the cracks.

Being aware of that and reminding yourself to check in on how your relationship is doing can help you prevent something from ruining it. You might even read the rest of this article and think, okay, this list is locked in. But within hours or even minutes, you get distracted and forget to turn those reminders into action.

We consider our relationships as part of our everyday life. They exist. They are there, and sometimes they make things easier and other times they are what cause us stress.

But, just because they exist daily doesn’t mean they are cared for daily. Make your relationship a priority just as you would your job, your kids, or even your house plant.

Taking the time to care for it keeps it thriving. And when you do that, you can stay ahead of the things that ruin a relationship.

Things that ruin a relationship

Relationships aren’t usually ruined on purpose. But not taking the steps to avoid these things can ruin a relationship.

#1 Manipulation. We all manipulate the people in our lives. We ask questions when people are in certain moods and offer compliments to butter someone up. Some of these things are innocent, but manipulation in a relationship can be very subtle and very damaging.

This could be your partner making you feel guilty about being sick during their last office party to get out of going to yours, gaslighting you, or convincing your partner they should change for you.

Manipulation is something that can go under the radar for years without recognition and can really destroy your self-esteem until you are dependent on a relationship. This may not end the relationship but will ruin a healthy relationship and turn it into a dysfunctional and codependent one.

#2 Defensiveness. When you first get into a relationship, things seem great. You want to impress your new partner. The mutual respect and adoration is in charge. But, as time goes on and the relationship has its ups and downs, communication can be misinterpreted.

When your partner asks if you can communicate more or just offer more clarity on something, you might take that personally, like an attack on your character. We go from honestly and openly communicating to getting angry, defensive, and lashing out.

READ ALSO: Wonderful Questions For Couples That Want To Go Deeper

If your partner tells you they feel ignored and want to spend time with you when you get home from work, instead of getting annoyed and saying you’re tired or they’re overreacting, take a step back and analyze your behavior. Then, work together to find a solution.

#3 Too much comfort. Comfort is a great thing. It is one of the reasons so many people dream of a relationship. You want someone you can be yourself around. But, you also want someone who you feel comfortable going outside of your comfort zone with.

Relationships often become routine. You get used to staying home and watching Netflix during the week, going out to eat Saturdays, and seeing a movie on Fridays. When you fall into your relationship role and stick to that, you are closing yourself and your partner off to new experiences.

A relationship should expand your horizons, not close them. When this happens, you can begin to resent each other and even look elsewhere for excitement which can lead to infidelity. Try new activities together. You can travel, hike, camp, or even sign up for a cooking class. Also, be sure to support your partner in what they want to try even if you’re not interested in it.

#4 Lack of action. You might think your relationship is healthy because you kiss each other each morning and never go a day without saying “I love you,” but words don’t mean much without the actions to match.

You can tell your partner you support their ambition, but if you are unwilling to move your schedule so they can go to an important meeting, you aren’t fulfilling your claim. Acting on the words you say is so important. Using those words can create a false sense of safety, security, and love, but without the real thing, a relationship can’t last.

Your partner may say they are so proud of you for completing your degree, but when they miss your graduation because there was a game on, they are not just going back on their word but breaking your trust.

#5 Codependence. Relationships are there for support and love. And one of the big things that ruin a relationship is codependence. But relying on your partner for all of your fulfillment is unhealthy and even dangerous. It is nice to know you have someone who loves you and is there at the end of a rough day to cuddle and listen.

But, building yourself upon that connection reduces your self worth to the success of the relationship. Then if anything happens in the relationship, like a fight, you question yourself and your confidence.

This is not only unhealthy for you but puts unfair pressure on your partner to maintain your happiness and fulfillment. You can be a team that works together; remember, you are both your own individual people that require respect and even privacy from one another.

Without that independence, there is an unbalanced level of pressure put on both of you and the relationship.

#6 Projecting. We all get angry, annoyed, and frustrated. Maybe you are having a rough time at work. Perhaps you feel like a failure in your new position. These frustrations can be projected on your partner because they are there and an easy and accessible target.

You can project your own self-confidence issues onto your partner and talk down to them. You may even hold them up to a standard that is impossible to meet because you hold yourself to a similar standard.

We need to love and respect our partners and ourselves for who we are, not or what things we expect, are accustomed to, or fantasize about.

#7 Avoidance. Not all relationships are meant to be. But, many go on longer than they should because we avoid the confrontation of a breakup. We push it off. We ignore it. Or we convince ourselves we can hold out.

The same way you might not mention something that is bothering you to prevent a fight, we put off initiating a breakup to avoid the bad stuff that goes with it. But, if those conversations came up when the feelings were fresh, a relationship could actually end on good and even mutual terms. Avoiding the subject is what leads a lot of relationships into an explosive ending or dysfunction.

#8 Control and vulnerability. A successful relationship requires being vulnerable with yourself and your partner. You must be able to have difficult conversations. Sharing your feelings and thoughts is what keeps a relationship honest and alive.

Without that, one partner maintains a level of control that makes the relationship imbalanced. You should both be willing to accept responsibility for your mistakes, apologize, and admit you’re wrong when you are.

We are all afraid of being hurt, especially when we are vulnerable, but without that, a relationship cannot fully develop.

The things that ruin relationships are not obvious. They hide in the shadows and eat away at a relationship until it is too late. Learn to avoid them and protect your relationship from harm.

Wonderful Questions For Couples That Want To Go Deeper

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 00:35:00 +0000

When you’re dating someone new, you want to find out as much about them as possible. But you don’t want to sit them down under a spotlight and ask intense question after question. That’s only going to traumatize them! So, how do you get to know your partner better without giving off the impression you’re investigating them? It’s would you rather questions for couples for the win.

Would You Rather is an easy game to play. You give your partner a question, and they choose one of the two options you give them. Oh, and they must choose one answer; there’s no “none” or “I don’t know”—they must pick one!

12 Wonderful Questions For Couples That Want To Go Deeper

It’s a fun game to get to know each other without needing to feel like you’re asking them serious questions. It’s best to start off with some playful and fun questions, then throw in some serious ones. Don’t make all the questions intense; it’s not going to be a good time for anyone.

READ ALSO: Keys For A Successful Marriage

Remember, you need to answer the questions your partner is going to ask you as well. They can’t be the only one answering would you rather questions. So, if you want to play a game, let’s get you some questions to start off with. Simply ask the right would you rather questions for couples.

#1 Would you rather have everything or know everything? What’s greater for them? Knowledge or material goods?

#2 Would you rather dine in a 5-star restaurant or enjoy a homemade dinner by the campfire? What’s more their style?

#3 Would you rather be caught cheating or catch your spouse cheating? Would they rather inflict pain on others or take on that pain?

#4 Would you rather let your spouse date your best friend or your arch enemy? Are you sure you can say either?

#5 Would you rather not be able to use search engines or social media? Do they value knowledge or Instagram photos?

#6 Would you rather spend $5,000 on traveling or on a physical item like a TV? What does your partner value the most?

#7 Would you rather send a wrong message to your boss or your ex? Ah! What could be worse than this question?!

#8 Would you rather elope or have a huge wedding? What does your partner envision for their future?

#9 Would you rather not shower for a week or not brush your teeth for a week? I could go without showering, but not brushing my teeth…

#10 Would you rather have one partner or multiple partners? Prepare yourself, who knows, maybe you two don’t have the same views.

#11 Would you rather lose the ability to read or lose the ability to speak? Ah! I love doing both so much!

#12 Would you rather go to jail for four years for something you didn’t do or get away with something horrible you did but always live in fear of being caught? What’s worse, to live in fear or live through injustice?

Now you have all the would you rather questions for couples you need. So, grab some wine or beer, sit on the couch, and have fun with your partner!

Keeping A Lady Interested After First Date

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 00:34:00 +0000

So, you put a ton of pressure on yourself to make sure the first date went as planned? And it went well! Congratulations! But, now what? You survived the first date, but you didn’t think long-term. If you want to know how to keep a lady interested after the first date, it isn’t that hard. You already nailed the first impression.

First dates can come and go. It is easy to break things off if they go stale after a first date because you still barely know each other.

What got her interested?

So, you already had the first date. Take that as a win. She agreed to go out with you and followed through. Obviously, she is interested in you already, so you’ve been doing something right.

Think about what you’ve been doing. Are you having deep conversations? Are you cracking jokes left and right? Do you ask her questions about her childhood or her job?

You don’t have to go to great lengths to learn how to keep a girl interested after the first date. She is likely already there so you can take what you’ve been doing and grow on that.

If she loves that you travel, plan a second date somewhere she’s never been but is still a reasonable driving distance. If she is interested in you because you share so many common interests, take her somewhere you’d both love like an arcade or amusement park.

You don’t have to put on a show or come up with these extravagant ideas to keep her interested until your next date. Just be yourself.

How to keep a lady interested after the first date

I know the advice, just be yourself, is so cliche. How do you be yourself? It is a weird thing to say but is effective. If you’re not being yourself, you’re letting her be interested in someone else. And if things progress, it likely won’t work out.

If you’re normally outgoing and talkative but very quiet and shy around her, she may think you’re mysterious when in fact you’re just nervous. Don’t lie to her and tell her you love something just because she does.

What will truly interest her after the first date is honesty and sincerity. She needs to feel a connection and will want to grow upon that. The only way for that to happen is by being genuine.

READ ALSO: Starting A Fresh Relationship

It is still pretty generalized advice. Try these things to intrigue her and feel a bit more confident in the fact that she’s interested in you.

#1 Follow-up after the first date. Don’t just leave her hanging to wonder how you think the date went. Let her know you hope she got home safe and that you can’t wait to see her again. This will put her mind at ease and keep her excited for the next date too.

#2 Ask for a second date. Don’t beat around the bush. No one wants to be lead on. Clearly, you want a second date with her so come out and ask her. You can do this while saying goodbye at the end of the first date or with a follow-up text.

#3 Take action and make a plan. Don’t just let her know you want to see her again but actually ask her out on a proper date. Pick a day and a place and ask her out. If you leave it up in the air, you may never nail down an actual plan. She will take you more seriously if you put in the effort to make a real plan.

#4 Don’t text too much. You don’t want her to lose interest or forget about you before seeing you again but you also don’t want to come off as clingy. You don’t need to text her all day long. Maybe chat a bit during your lunch break and then when you get home in the evening.

Try not to text about the weather or things like that. Go into each conversation with a purpose. Bring up a movie you watched or ask if she saw a new preview. This will help the conversation feel more natural and will forego the “Hey, what’s up?” text.

#5 Video chat. If you’re too busy or your schedules don’t align, you may not be able to see her again for a week or so. If you go more than four days after your first date before a second one, try a video chat date.

If you’re wondering how to keep a girl interested after the first date, make plans to eat dinner or even breakfast together for an hour over video chat. This will give you a bit of those pre-date butterflies and will hold you both off until your next real date.

#6 Do something cute. You’ve only had a first date so you aren’t trying to keep the flame alive in a marriage. You don’t need to do anything major, but doing something small and cute for her will definitely keep a girl interested after a first date.

I know it is sort of old-fashioned, but sending her flowers is actually very sweet. You can even put a modern twist on the classic mixtape and make her a Spotify playlist of your favorite songs.

#7 Start watching a show together. Whether you both start binging a Netflix show or are watching something on cable, being able to have something to consistently talk about will help the conversation flow more naturally. I once went out with a guy I had zero chemistry with, but once I found out we both watched The Bachelor, our conversations were so much easier and I saw a lot more potential between us.

#8 Make a list of future date ideas. If you really like this girl, talk with her about things she’d like to do with you. My guess is there are plenty of things she has wanted to do on a date but hasn’t had the opportunity to do.

Make a list together of places you’d like to go to. Maybe a public garden or park. Perhaps go on a picnic or ride bikes. Making this list together will give you both things to look forward to.

#9 Interact on social media. Texting isn’t the only way to keep a girl interested after a first date. At this point, you’re probably following each other on social media. Be sure to like her new photos and send her funny videos or photos back when she sends on to you.

Keeping your interactions playful can keep you from worrying too much.

#10 Send her memes. Memes are the modern-day flirting for dummies. They are the easiest way to make someone laugh while putting in little to no effort. With that, it does show that something you saw randomly made you think of her.

I know it can seem silly and you don’t want to go overboard, but sending one to three memes to her a day that reminded you of something she said during your first date or something you bond over can put a smile on her face.

#11 Ask her opinion. If you are struggling to find something to talk about to keep her attention after the first date, ask her opinion on something. This will show her that you appreciate and respect what she has to say. You truly want to know what she thinks.

You can go simple, by showing her two shirts and ask which she likes more, or which recipe looks better. Or you can even ask her about politics or religion which could be risky, but also beneficial.

#12 Don’t overthink. Try not to worry too much. I know this is hard. But, honestly, she is probably just as nervous as you are. She is probably wondering how to keep your interest after the first date.

And remember, this awkward time will pass. Once you get passed the third or fourth date, things feel a lot more comfortable.

Knowing how to keep a girl interested after the first date can seem daunting. But, with a little confidence and a lot of honesty, it doesn’t have to be so hard.

Keys For A Successful Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 06 Sep 2020 19:46:00 +0000

Wise couples realize that a nice home, car, or retirement account may appear nice to have, but they do not make a successful marriage. They understand that there are far more important principles at play.

They have learned to invest their money, energy, and time into the 8 essentials of a healthy marriage:

1. Love/Commitment.

At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever—and that is what defines healthy marriages.

Marriage is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life.

2. Humility.

We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving forward.

If you struggle in this area, grab a pencil and quickly write down three things that your partner does better than you—that simple exercise should help you stay humble. Repeat as often as necessary.

3. Patience/Forgiveness.

Because no one is perfect, patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. Successful marriage partners learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to their partner. They humbly admit their own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. They do not bring up past errors in an effort to hold their partner hostage.

And they do not seek to make amends or get revenge when mistakes occur. If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and relationship free.

4. Time.

Relationships don’t work without time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent.

The relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you have. Therefore, it is going to require more time than any other relationship. If possible, set aside time each day for your spouse. And a date-night once in a while wouldn’t hurt either.

5. Honesty and Trust.

Honesty and trust become the foundation for everything in a successful marriage. But unlike most of the other essentials on this list, trust takes time. You can become selfless, committed, or patient in a moment, but trust always takes time. Trust is only built after weeks, months, and years of being who you say you are and doing what you say you’ll do. It takes time, so start now—and if you need to rebuild trust in your relationship, you’ll need to work even harder.

READ ALSO: Starting A Fresh Relationship

6. Communication.

Healthy marriage partners communicate as much as possible. They certainly discuss kids’ schedules, grocery lists, and utility bills. But they don’t stop there. They also communicate hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties. They don’t just discuss the changes that are taking place in the kid’s life, they also discuss the changes that are taking place in their own hearts and souls.

This essential key cannot be overlooked because honest, forthright communication becomes the foundation for so many other things on this list: commitment, patience, and trust—just to name a few.

7. Selflessness.

Although it will never show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner. And begin to live life together.

This is a simple call to value our marriages, treat them with great care, and invest in them daily.

Accomplishing the marriage advice listed above will always require nearly every bit of yourself—but it so worth it if you want to learn how to have a happy marriage.

A successful and healthy marriage is more valuable than most of the temporal things we chase after with our lives. And will always last longer.

Starting A Fresh Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 06 Sep 2020 19:24:00 +0000

Starting a fresh relationship is not easy as said. The advice you’re going to read may be a bit of a buzzkill. Sorry to break it to you. Right now, all you’re thinking about is seeing your new lover and wondering if they’re thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about them. But if you want to know how to start a relationship, one that’ll last longer than a week, you should consider some things.

So, if you want your love-dovey romance story to turn into a series, well, this is what you should keep in mind.

How to start a relationship

When you’re starting a relationship with someone, there are a lot of things going on in your mind. Do they like me? Can I see myself being with them in the long-run? Are they the one? These are tough questions. They can make you feel a little anxious *trust me, I know*. This can make you feel unsure of what to do or blind you from seeing the red flags.

Ah yes, the red flags. But let’s put those to the side for now. When we’re starting a relationship, everything is blissful and lovey-dovey. You’re on cloud nine and thinking this love will last forever and ever. Now, that’s not to say it won’t last forever. But let’s not jump too far ahead.

It’s time for the fun to start!

#1 How does the relationship make you feel? Before anything, check-in with yourself and see how this relationship is making you feel. Does this person bring out the best in you? Do you feel you can be yourself around them? Does this person support you? Write down how you’re feeling, so you can reflect on things later down the road.

#2 What do you want? If you want to have a happy and healthy relationship, you need to be true to yourself. Don’t jump into a relationship knowing this person isn’t the one for you. Of course, being in a new relationship can blind you a bit from seeing your needs, but this is why you need to check-in with yourself.

#3 What are your deal breakers? We all have deal-breakers, and now it’s time for you to think about them. Do you want kids? Do you want to get married? How do you feel about family? These are important topics you need the answers to. If your partner doesn’t want to get married and you do, then this may not be the relationship for you.

#4 Be yourself. I know you want to show them the best version of yourself, but this is somewhat of a white-lie. Be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. If you don’t like spicy food, don’t pretend you like it. They’re going to find out the real you eventually.

#5 It’s time to listen. It’s always time to listen, but right now, since you’re trying to figure out how to start a relationship the right way, really pay attention to your partner. Don’t get distracted by the passion and romance.

READ ALSO: Finding Yourself In A Pull And Push Relationship

Focus on what your partner is saying and whether or not you two truly fit together. Romance is amazing, but it fades with time. Then reality kicks in.

#6 Be honest with what you want. If you want a long-term relationship, tell your partner that! Don’t stick around and hope they’ll change their mind. This is only going to hurt you in the end. Be honest with what you want and make sure they understand what you’re looking for. If they don’t want to commit, that’s fine. You just saved yourself a lot of wasted time.

#7 Meet their friends. If you want to know who they are, meet their friends. Who they hang out with can tell you a lot about who they are as people. Also, have your partner meet your friends. They’re not blinded by love, so they’ll give you the feedback you need, whether you like it or not.

#8 Don’t rush into bed. I know I sound so old fashioned, but from my dating experience, I really agree with this. Of course, if you want to have sex with someone on the first date, you can. No one is stopping you. But decide to have sex when you feel comfortable, not because your partner wants it. Take your time; do what feels right for you.

#9 Keep your independence. You should make sure you don’t get sucked into the relationship. Yes, falling in love is amazing, but you also have friends and family to see. It’s common for people to “disappear” once they’re in a relationship, but stay true to yourself, keep up with your hobbies, and see the people you love.

#10 Deal with your baggage. If your ex-partner cheated on you, that doesn’t mean your new partner will. You need to deal with your past. Whatever you need to do, whether it’s therapy or journaling, do it. We all have our own baggage, but you do not want that to come into a new relationship and cause unnecessary problems.

#11 Talk about sex. If you’re going to have sex with them, you should feel comfortable talking about it. Bring up the conversation of safe sex and STIs. You don’t need to talk about it right away, but it’s something to talk about before being intimate. When you’re both comfortable, bring it up.

#12 Be honest about your past. If you’ve been cheated on or cheated on someone, talk about it with your partner. We all have pasts, and this is something you shouldn’t hide. We all make mistakes as well; this doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love. Opening up to your partner will help you see if they’re someone who’s good for you.

#13 Enjoy it! You’re in a new relationship, it’s supposed to be fun and passionate. Enjoy this time. Don’t get too caught up thinking about the future. Right now, focus on letting your guard down and learning more about each other. With time, you’ll figure out if this is right for you.

Finding a partner isn’t necessarily the hardest part. What’s hard is knowing how to start a relationship that is healthy and happy.

Finding Yourself In A Push And Pull Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sat, 05 Sep 2020 10:25:00 +0000

A push and pull relationship is exhausting. If you find yourself in this situation regularly, understand why and break the cycle for a more peaceful life.

All relationships have ups and downs. It’s normal to have arguments; perhaps even break up for a short while and come back together. As long as you’re dealing with your issues in a healthy way and working together to solve them, it’s a normal situation to be in. However, if you constantly find yourself in a push and pull relationship, ask yourself what’s going on beneath the surface.

Do you enjoy the drama? Are you unsure what you really want? Do you even realize what you’re doing?

By constantly having these push and pull relationships, you reduce your chances of finding a healthy and settled union with someone you care about and who cares about you. Sure, we all bicker and sometimes push people away when we feel a certain way, but when it becomes a pattern, there is work to be done.

There are a few reasons why you might find yourself constantly drawn to these types of dramatic relationships. Let’s explore them now.

What is a push and pull relationship?

A push and pull relationship is basically a relationship between two people. One or both are constantly pushing the other person away, only to panic and want them back again, so they pull them close. It’s a constant cycle of together and apart, or in some cases it’s not that drastic; it can be pulling them close emotionally, only to shut down and act cold.

As you can imagine, this doesn’t particularly make for a healthy type of relationship. These types of unions are often full of drama, negativity, and don’t last over the long-term.

The main reasons why you might be drawn to a push and pull relationship

#1 You have self-esteem issues. When you’re very low in self-confidence and self-worth, it’s hard to have a healthy and normally functioning relationship. Instead, you attract drama and upset which pushes you back into a cycle of low confidence. If you’re always finding yourself pushing people away, only to pull them back to you a short time later, it could simply be that you must work on your own confidence levels first.

READ ALSO: Why You Keep Having Same Fight And How To Break Loose

Take a break, spend some time on your own, and learn to build up your confidence before you try and have another relationship. By doing this, you’re less likely to find yourself in a push and pull relationship in the future.

#2 You have a short attention span. Do you become bored and restless easily? Has the excitement of the first few months of the relationship worn off and now you’re craving that intense feeling once more? If so, slow down and realize that that crazy feeling of the first few months doesn’t last, no matter who you’re with!

#3 You’re scared of getting too close to someone. A common reason for having this unsettled type of relationship is because you’re scared of getting too close to someone. That means opening up and really showing someone else who you are on the inside. It means the risk of being judged or rejected.

The truth is, if this person really cares about you, they’re not going to do either of those things, they’re simply going to accept you for the person you are and love you for it.

If you had a bad experience in the past, it’s entirely possible that you’re carrying that baggage into this new relationship. In that case, understand that you’re self-sabotaging your own happiness by doing that. Do your best to let it go. Allow the past to float away and focus on the future.

#4 You’re terrified of commitment. Could it be that you’re actually scared of commitment deep down? The closer you get to someone and the more time you spend with them, the greater the chances of this relationship turning into something serious.

Some people simply feel great terror when they picture themselves ‘settled down.’ This could be because their parents had a turbulent relationship and they witnessed it, or simply because they had a different type of experience in the past.

Again, learn to let go of old wounds and focus on the future. If you want to be settled with someone, then you must overcome your fear of commitment. You also need to reassess and understand what commitment is to you.

#5 You don’t believe you’re worthy of a relationship. Again, this links into low self-esteem and low self-confidence, but do you believe you deserve love? Have you always been around people who tell you that you’re no good? Did your parents never show you the love you deserved as a child? This can be a very common reason for regularly entering into a push and pull relationship pattern.

In this case, you really need to spend some time exploring why you feel that way. Build up that confidence and understand that everyone is worthy of love, you included. Whatever has happened in your past, forgive and move on. It’s not easy, I know, but it’s the only way to ensure that you really get the deep connection you deserve in the future.

#6 You’re with the wrong partner. Do you have a type? It’s possible that you’re often searching for the same type of personality. As a result, you’re not connecting in the right way. We’ve all heard the old ‘bad boy’ adage, and how it never works out.

Are you doing the same thing with your partners? Perhaps you always go for the most popular person around. Maybe you always go for the musician type, who oozes creativity and torment. Perhaps you always go for the type of person who needs saving, and you can be the one to do it.

Never fall into a pattern of dating within a type. You never know what you might be missing! By choosing the wrong type of partner for you, based on something other than the connection you have, you’re avoiding finding someone who is the perfect fit for you. This can easily lead to that push and pull pattern. Deep down you know something isn’t quite right.

If you’re regularly finding yourself pulling your partners close, only to push them away, and it’s a cycle you’ve repeated over the course of several relationships, explore why. Do any of these reasons resonate with you? Maybe it’s a combination of a few of them. Either way, you should do some work on yourself if you want to overcome the negativity and work towards a healthier and happier future.

Assuming you want to be in a relationship *not everyone does*, you’re never going to find someone who you can have a healthy connection with unless you work out why you’re regularly drawn to the same pattern. The exploration might drag up some painful memories or thoughts but working through them will free you from the cycle.

A push and pull relationship is far from healthy. It’s both unpleasant for both parties and exhausting. Break the cycle and look forward to a future of happier relationships.

Why You Keep Having Same Fight And How To Break Loose

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sat, 05 Sep 2020 10:15:00 +0000

If your relationship is starting to feel like a bad pattern of similar arguments, you are probably asking yourself why you keep having the same fight?

Fighting in a relationship is normal and healthy. No couple will agree on everything. Things come up and cause problems. But, if you find yourself wondering why you keep having the same fight over and over, it could be a sign of a bigger problem that you aren’t facing.

If every discussion or argument circles back to that one topic, it could be a bigger problem than you realize.

Sure, you notice that topic creeping its way into your everyday talks and causing resentment. Do you know why? And have you thought about what to do about it?

Why you keep having the same fight

A fight that reoccurs numerous times is usually something from the past that you haven’t really dealt with as a couple. Maybe you talked about it but didn’t come to a conclusion. Or maybe you did, but are second-guessing that decision.

If small fights about taking out the trash turn into big fights like your partner going to lunch with their ex two years ago, there is something being left unsaid. It is leading to resentment and fears about the future.

Often times, these things cause additional fights because they are pushed off originally. When an issue comes up and you hold back, it can be brushed under the rug until the rug is so built up you keep tripping over it.

When you communicate your fears and problems to your partner as they arise, you get those feelings out in the open. They are more likely to be solved soon and smoothly. When you talk about these things, you build confidence in the relationship and in each other. But, if you don’t, it leads to explosive fights that could cause further problems.

Maybe you’re afraid to bring something up because you don’t want to seem like you’re nagging them or uncool for being bothered by your partner’s friendship with an ex.

Also, your fights could be repetitive but just that. You could keep saying the same things. Maybe instead of listening to the other’s side, you constantly blame each other for something.

Arguments are healthy in a relationship. When you keep having the same fight, it means that fight isn’t solving anything. You’re not really communicating but talking at each other.

You also must consider what the topic you keep fighting about is. Have you solved it already? If your partner cheated and you forgave them, bringing it up every time they do something wrong or when they’re mad at you isn’t right.

If you say you are over something or that you forgave them or let it go, actually follow through on it. Bringing up something from the past that was worked through just so you win an argument or make them feel bad is manipulative and unhealthy.

If you find that you actually can’t let go of something you thought you could, consider the long term effects. Do you simply need more time or will this bother you forever?

Now that you know why you keep having the same fight, figure out how to stop having the same fight.

How to stop having the same fight

Putting an end to something so big that it keeps creeping into all your arguments won’t be easy. You can’t just let go of something that is clearly on your mind, even if it is buried in the back.

READ ALSO: Coping With Losing Your Best Friend

In order to stop this messy circle of the same fight, stop and sort out the problem. Consider if the problem means more than you originally thought or if it can be worked through together.

#1 Have you faced it? Is the issue that keeps arising something you pass by in your fights but never actually discuss? Maybe you get mad at your partner because they never want to do anything exciting. Then, instead of talking about it, you both storm off until you cool down and move on.

Many of us grew up with parents that didn’t work through issues but instead avoided confrontation. That unhealthy communication pattern passed onto us. Fighting can seem like a stain on a relationship, so to maintain a sense of harmony many people ignore the problem hoping it will go away. But this method only leads to festering which makes things worse.

In that case, nothing is solved and the topic is only touched. Take the time to talk and listen so you can understand each other’s side. If you can do that, you can come to a compromise.

#2 Can you let go of being right or winning? These fights can keep arising because of you or your partner’s need to be right or be in control. Solving an argument that keeps coming up needs care and respect. If you only see it from your side and don’t consider your partner’s feelings, things will just stay as they are.

Be willing to give a little to get anywhere. We want to save face, so we hit below the belt. We attack our partner’s biggest insecurities or they us to get the leg up. This tactic keeps us from being vulnerable.

If anytime we have a fight, we bring up this sensitive topic we know we won’t be the one being attacked. At least we won’t be attacked regarding something we are sensitive about. These recurring fights could be a sign that one of you has a wall up about an even deeper issue.

If one or neither of you is willing to be vulnerable and really share your feelings, the true problem will never be solved.

#3 Is it a dealbreaker? Maybe when this fight initially started, you thought you could get through it. It’s something you could let go of. Now that you’ve been together longer, you might realize it is more important than you thought or maybe you were in denial before.

I hate to say this, but some problems are unfixable. Yes, couples should be able to have disagreements and beliefs that differ while being at peace. Nevertheless, some core issues are too much. If this topic keeps coming up because it affects you more than you originally thought or admitted, it could be time to make a hard choice about it if this relationship can survive such a split.

Maybe you both have different politics and can understand where the other is coming from on most topics, but have one that is something neither of you is willing to budge on or understand. You could tell yourself it’s not something you’ll have to deal with and forget about it. But if the issue does come up, it could cause irreparable damage.

You really have to be able to admit which issues you can face together and which you can’t. Maybe a certain topic is off the table for discussion because you know you’ll never agree. But, say that issue is religion. You can have different beliefs, but what about children?

Will you raise your child under both religions, none, or one of them? Will you be able to make a choice you can both be happy with? That is the question you ultimately have to answer.

Figuring out why you keep having the same fight is the first step to stop having the same fight. Make the effort to figure out why the same arguments keep looping forever and that will guide you towards a better future and a healthier relationship.

Coping With Losing Your Best Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Thu, 03 Sep 2020 20:46:00 +0000

We say romantic breakups are hard, but losing your best friend is even harder to experience. So, how do you navigate the grief of the loss of a friend?

Losing your best friend isn’t an easy experience, especially when you thought this friendship would last forever. But it’s time for you to go your own way. Here’s what you need to do to get through the process of losing your best friend.

I had a best friend who was also my neighbor. We spent most of our days together, hanging out or talking on the phone. And then one day I had found out she was spending a little too much time with my boyfriend. He was my first boyfriend; while we weren’t going to last forever, it was a special relationship for me. And then she slept with him.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken. Yes, I was sad that he did what he did, but that wasn’t the problem. I was heartbroken over my best friend. This was my best friend! How could she have done something like this to me?

It took me a year to get over what happened. Eventually, they started dating, and once they broke up, she came over to ask for forgiveness. By that point, I had already processed what happened and wasn’t interested in being friends with her.

Getting over what happened took me months. She was my neighbor, don’t forget. I would see and hear them outside all the time.

How to handle losing your best friend

The hardest breakup of all is losing your best friend.

#1 Not all friendships are meant to last. You may think this person will be in your life forever, but most friendships don’t last the test of time. People go their own ways, start new lives, and this is something you’ll need to accept. Friendships change, and it’s normal.

#2 Now it’s time to focus on you. You’re going through a hard time, but this isn’t when you should focus your attention onto their social media. Instead, practice self-care. Whatever makes you feel good, do it. Hang out with your friends, play sports, spend time with your family. Whatever you need to do that’s good for you, do it.

#3 Give yourself a break. This isn’t an easy experience to go through, so show yourself some compassion. You may feel it’s your fault, but don’t jump to conclusions. Instead, give yourself time and some self-love. A friendship is a two-way street; you’re not the only one involved.

#4 Grieve. The loss of your best friend is intense, and you’re going to feel like crying. Cry! You need to grieve and process the loss of your friend. It’s okay if you feel upset, and you want to break down. Let go of your emotions; don’t bottle them up inside of you.

#5 Don’t gossip about them. You’re angry and upset, so it’s easy to want to lash out and talk about your former best friend behind their back. But trust me, this isn’t a good look for you. If you’re angry, write your feelings down or talk about it with someone you trust. But take the higher road.

READ ALSO: The Big Struggles Of Being In Love

#6 You may not get closure right away. We all want to get closure, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen, at least not right away. You’ll need to accept this, and it’ll take time for you to do that. With time, you’ll be able to reflect on the situation and get the closure you need with or without them.

#7 Think about the positives in your future. Yes, your best friend isn’t around, but you have a lot of other things happening in your life that you’re just not seeing right now. Remind yourself of the good things you have in your life and create a routine that keeps you busy.

#8 If you need to change your social media, do it. You may have a lot of posts and pictures with your bestie, but they don’t need to stay visible. It’s okay to change things up after losing your best friend. You don’t need a constant reminder of them every time you look at your phone.

#9 Connect with your other friends. Your best friend isn’t the only person you know. Yes, they were the closest person to you, but you have other people to reach out to. Don’t pull back. Instead, hang out with your other friends and meet new people through them. Just because you lost your best friend doesn’t mean you can’t connect with other people.

#10 You don’t need to find a new BFF right away. Think of this as a breakup. It’s not healthy to jump from one relationship to the next, right? Same goes for best friends. You don’t need to find a new bestie right away. Give yourself time to heal, and you’ll meet someone who can be your new friend. But don’t rush this process.

#11 But what about mutual friends? Oh, well, this one can be a little tricky. But, it’s important you figure out if you’re able to handle seeing mutual friends. If you feel you can’t see them without bad-mouthing your bestie; perhaps, you should take a break from your mutual friends for a while.

#12 Accept the relationship is over. You may reconnect after some time, but it’s best not to fill yourself with hope. Consider the relationship over. If you reconnect down the road, great. But for your own mental health, accept what happened and emotionally process the breakup.

Losing your best friend isn’t easy; it’s going to be really hard. But you will be able to pull through and make it through this loss.

The Big Struggles of Being in Love

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Thu, 03 Sep 2020 20:33:00 +0000

I am a sucker for romantic movies. Whenever I go to a wedding, I cry sentimental tears. Since a little girl, I knew I was a hopeless romantic.

Growing up, I was always the hopeless romantic who found herself constantly lost in a daydream. I was fascinated with the idea of being in love. Perhaps because I spent a great deal of my growing up years watching Disney movies. As I grew older, I found myself trapped in an ideal I made for myself. And that made it hard for me to see reality.

As much as I was in love with the concept of being in love, I realized how terrified I was of love. I remember my first crush on my classmate way back in kindergarten. It was a hopeless crush, doomed from the start because I was the quiet kid who rather would read a book during recess.

I remember only telling one friend, who also happened to be my seatmate. Before I knew it, everyone knew about my little crush, even my teacher. From then on, I became terrified of relationships.

Falling in love is a frightening place to be

As I grew older, things didn’t seem to change. I found myself stuck in a world of disappointing relationship after disappointing relationship. My ideals were crushed. I found love a terrifying force to deal with, yet I was strangely drawn to it.

When it came to relationships, the years were tough on me. But I was stubborn, as I had always been. I found myself refusing to give up on this ideal I held since I was just a child. Hopeless romantics, as I learned, find themselves struggling in today’s heartless hook-up culture. Everything comes so easy, even sex. I was but a lost soul struggling to find my place in the world.

Being a hopeless romantic in a culture obsessed with hookups

What are the struggles of a hopeless romantic in today’s culture? Well, there are definitely quite a few.

#1 You constantly find yourself dating the wrong person. Remember the person introduced to you a few weeks ago? You initially found them to be very attractive, but he turned out to be a total jerk. As a hopeless romantic, finding love seems to be your ideal goal.

Yet I found myself constantly dating the wrong people and dealing with disappointments almost too much for me to bear. The good thing about dating the wrong people is that it only taught me what works and what doesn’t.

#2 Love is never like the movies. I grew up watching Disney movies. Perhaps one big mistake every hopeless romantic makes early in life. But hopeless romantics always hold some sort of an ideal, a dream to strive towards. Early on in life, I wanted my romance to be like the Disney movies, or even one of those cheesy romantic flicks that were a guilty pleasure of mine.

Did I decide to stay with my ex after he cheated on me with four women and got one of them pregnant? No. Love may be held to lofty heights in the movies, but it almost never works that way in real life, and I am just going to have to deal with it.

#3 Love becomes too much of an ideal and less of a reality. One of the most frustrating things about being a hopeless romantic is once you fall into a relationship, your ideals die altogether. While you tend to romanticize the situation you are in, you are blinded to the harsher truths of the relationship.

READ ALSO: Viral Tips To Note Before Sleeping With A Married Man

Many people perceive you as a martyr and call you foolish. Many hopeless romantics find themselves trapped in relationships that are either abusive or are clearly going nowhere because they stubbornly stick to their ideals.

#4 They dread the thought of dating. The dating game is a hard game to play especially when you find yourself to be a hopeless romantic. These days, the rules of dating changed so much that it confuses me even to this day. What happens when the person you date turns hot and then cold suddenly, or disappears after just one date?

These days, more people want a no-strings-attached relationship than pursue a serious commitment. This conflicts with the hopeless romantic’s ideals who are all about serious relationships and commitment.

The modern dating world is harsh, and too often the hopeless romantic finds themselves to be an old soul in an ever-changing world.

#5 You feel you have so much love to give that it scares you. When hopeless romantics find themselves in a relationship, they’re the more affectionate one in the relationship.

Hopeless romantics never run short of romantic gestures and sweet nothings. They do anything for the love of their lives. They give so much of themselves that they lose themselves in the process.

#6 Hopeless romantics go through a period of being alone. After fighting yet another losing battle, hopeless romantics often experience a period of loneliness before deciding to get back into the game. It’s a repeating cycle that many hopeless romantics find themselves in.

#7 Hopeless romantics are most often attracted to emotionally unavailable people. The attraction of a hopeless romantic to the emotionally unavailable ones is dangerous. It often leaves the more vulnerable hopeless romantic frustrated and scarred for life.

The hopeless romantic most often finds themselves fighting a losing battle trying to win the emotionally unavailable person’s affections, often to no avail. Perhaps one of the saddest kinds of love in the world.

#8 Hopeless romantics often develop feelings for almost anyone given their ideal of love. Hopeless romantics are so in love with the concept of love they find themselves developing feelings for anyone they get close to or share a bond with. Oftentimes these feelings are quiet and unrequited.

#9 People think hopeless romantics are picky. When it comes to the dating pool, many people often think hopeless romantics are rather picky. This is why many find the hopeless romantics to be too lofty with their ideals and have too high standards.

Many hopeless romantics often face a hard time choosing their dates because they already have this ideal in their head which too often is out of touch with reality.

#10 Hopeless romantics refuse to give up on love. If there is one thing that drives hopeless romantics to stand up and try again, it is the concept and the ideal of finding genuine and lasting love.

Maybe a relationship you held dear failed and scarred you, that does not mean you should give up on love altogether. Hopeless romantics consider love to be far too precious of a thing to give up on.

Perhaps the world needs more hopeless romantics to not give up on their ideals. The world can be such a cruel place to be in. After all, hope can be such an irresistible reality and the concept of love drives them. Love is beautiful and scary, but finding love, the real kind is worth the wait.

COVID Divorce: What It Is And Why It Is Trending

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 13:50:00 +0000

COVID-19 has warped our way of life all across the globe, and amongst those changes, a COVID divorce has become quite a popular topic.

COVID has uprooted our lives in endless ways. Quarantining at home with your spouse or partner can be hard on a relationship, even the healthiest one. Are you or someone you know facing a COVID divorce?

Being home for work, avoiding social gatherings and those outside your household, can put a lot of pressure on your relationship.

For partners that are independent and enjoy their alone time, it can feel overwhelming and even suffocating to be together every day without an end in sight.

It may sound bad, but marriage doesn’t mean you are connected at the hip. Most couples have friends outside their marriage, visit extended family, go to work, and social gatherings. These things keep your relationship healthy.

When your spouse or partner is your only source of socializing, it can be hard on good relationships and expose ones that may have already been failing.

What is a COVID divorce?

A COVID divorce is essentially a divorce or break up during the current pandemic overtaking the world. But, it is more than that. Sure, in some cases it may be a coincidence that a couple breaks up now, but for others, it is caused by the strain brought on by the hardships of the pandemic.

Some celebrity couples who have broken up and started the term, COVID divorce are: last year’s Bachelor, Colton Underwood and Cassie Randolph, Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart, and Kelly Clarkson and Brandon Blackstock.

These breakups could have been in the works for a while, but I’m sure COVID didn’t help things.

READ ALSO: Best Ways To Take A Break In A Relationship

Imagine spending all day every day with your partner outside of this pandemic. You normally have a night out with friends, run errands, and more. Now you are together in your home without the support and independence you’re accustomed to.

Now, this time has also given some couples a chance to rekindle their relationships. Dave and Odette Annable separated a while back but announced their reconnection a few weeks back. Perhaps this time has given them a chance to focus on their relationship in a way they couldn’t before.

But, that seems to be the exception, not the rule.

Why are there so many COVID divorces?

Now that we get what a COVID divorce is, why are they trending? Why does it seem like a new couple announces their breakup every day?

Well, according to experts, this adjustment has disrupted routines to a breaking point. Couples are forced together. This means they need to communicate and interact in ways they have never done before.

For example, a couple that is working from home may need to share some work essentials like an office, computer equipment, and more. This can put a burden on a relationship that thrived away from work.

Yes, this is likely temporary, but without an end in sight, many couples cannot cope with this new set of issues.

Everything from rescheduling an expensive wedding to losing income and working from home adds struggles to relationships.

According to a notable psychiatrist, most of these couples were struggling before the pandemic and lockdown orders were set, but the extensive time together brought the troubles to the surface.

Things that couples have been resenting or holding in for months or even years have erupted because there are fewer distractions outside of the home.

Not to mention, there is a lack of resources right now. Couples staying home may find it hard to do virtual therapy due to a lack of privacy. Therapists are also seeing a rise in new clients so it could be difficult to get an appointment for couples counseling.

Couples that loved to travel or were accustomed to one partner traveling for work have to readjust to something they are unfamiliar with. All of this introduces new hurdles and adds to existing ones.

Are you headed for a COVID divorce?

Maybe you clicked on this article because you’re curious. Or perhaps you were seeking it out for advice or insights. If you are in a relationship, living with your partner, and struggling right now, I can tell you, you are not alone.

Tensions are running high for family members as well. The anxiety and stress of the current climate along with all the changes are enough to stress you out. Add that to a delicate relationship and it makes sense that you are nervous.

If your relationship was on the rocks before the lockdown, the changes in your routine are probably making it unbearable. People respond to high-stress times so differently which is why big life changes often lead to divorce or breakups.

You may be anxious about contracting COVID-19 while your partner is a lot more relaxed. Maybe you want to be as cautious as possible while they are still visiting friends and refuse to wear a mask. These sorts of differences can cause a rift in a marriage that is as intense as a difference in religion or politics.

But, this time can offer you time to focus on these issues and work through them together. This time is something you may not have had before.

How to prevent a COVID divorce?

If you are feeling stuck during quarantine, you are not alone. Wanting to keep your marriage or relationship intact makes sense. Whether new issues arose due to the pandemic or this time is shining a light on old problems, work on them from home.

#1 Split your time. If you share a small space, you may feel trapped in your relationship which makes everything more difficult. But, just because you’re at home together doesn’t mean you have to be together all the time.

If you share an office take turns. One of you can work from the couch and the other from the office. You can even switch off days. Go for walks separately and even watch your favorite shows separately. Come together the same way you did before.

Maybe have breakfast and dinner together, but spend the middle of the day apart doing your own things.

#2 Have dates. Okay, you can’t go out to eat in a neutral environment. You may not feel the need to get dressed up or talk about things you would if you were in public but try.

Plan a date night once a week. Take turns cooking or ordering food and setting something up. Maybe an indoor picnic if the weather is bad. Go for a romantic stroll. And get dressed up if you’d normally do that.

#3 Vent. Just because you can’t meet up with your friends to vent about how loudly your partner breathes doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them. Have FaceTimes or phone calls with friends

Do this outside or on your daily walk to maintain privacy. Recreating the social times you had before virtually may feel off, but it will help you.

#4 Online therapy. Whether you want to schedule counseling together or alone, there are a lot of online resources that offer talk therapy during these times. A lot of traditional therapists offer virtual visits as well.

Whether you went to therapy beforehand or not, the help and guidance from a professional will offer you outside perspectives on your relationship.

#5 Don’t try for a baby. I know so many people are getting pregnant right now, but if you are struggling in your relationship, now is probably not the time. Adding a child to a marriage on the brink will only add more stress to your situation.

The distraction may push things off for a while but adding a baby to a risky relationship is never a fix to a problem.

#6 Check-in. This is a hard time for everyone. Don’t assume you know how your partner is feeling without talking about it. Take some time once a week to check in with each other.

Discuss your worries and fears. Listen to each other’s concerns. If you can communicate and work through your struggles right now, this time could bring you closer together.

The term COVID divorce seems to be trending now and has been for months. Remember, it doesn’t have to be the case for you.

Best Ways To Take A Break In A Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 13:37:00 +0000

Dating is not always easy. Sometimes you need to learn how to take a break in a relationship in order to come back to a better place.

When you think about how to take a break in a relationship, you probably think about Ross and Rachel from Friends and their infamous break that led to a nonstop joke on the show. Sure, it was great for some laughs and drama, but in reality, taking a break in a relationship does not have to be that ridiculous, painful, or dramatic.

Learning how to take a break in a relationship is about space, time, and growing. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re single or broken up. The thing is, taking a break in a relationship has this preconceived notion of an end, so people freak out when they hear the word “break.”

With some patience, understanding, and trust you can take a break in a relationship and come back to it stronger than before.

Why to take a break in a relationship

Let’s talk about why you might want to take a break in a relationship. Some reasons that come to mind are a fight, staleness, or doubts. Things like this can lead to a need for space, thinking, experience, or newness. It makes sense that some time apart could help these issues.

If you are angry at each other or can’t come to a decision together, some time apart can help you clear your mind and cool down. If you feel like you are in a rut, a break could remind you of all the little things you love about each other that you may overlook regularly.

And if you have doubts about moving in together, getting married, or just getting more serious, a break can help you see things differently and even experience things apart to see if you are happier without them.

A break can help you come to terms with the truth about your relationship. It can help you regain your independence. A break can give you the time you need to organize your thoughts and sort out your feelings.

READ ALSO: The 5 Phases Of Relationship

But, there are other things that taking a break won’t help. A break is not a cure-all, but a BandAid in many cases. A break can always help you gain perspective, but it will not fix everything if done without intent.

One of my best friends was in an empty relationship. She knew it wouldn’t work out. They were great friends, but the romance and excitement had dimmed. She wanted to end things before it was even harder to do so.

Instead of committing to a breakup, she got him to agree to a break. They took a couple of weeks apart. They remained loyal to each other but didn’t see or text each other. After that, they were so eager to see each other. They missed each other so much during that time apart.

But, after another six months, they broke up for good. Why? Well, their relationship didn’t last for plenty of reasons, but the break didn’t actually help because they didn’t need a break.

A break is not a fix-it for a breakup. Time apart won’t offer you much if your relationship is ending. My friend’s break was more like a temporary breakup than a break precisely for this reason.

They went through the pain of a breakup and missed each other but instead of struggling through that to become friends eventually, they decided to rekindle and had a messier breakup down the line.

Sure, even a proper break could end with a breakup, but the break helps you deal with those feelings and accept the outcome a bit better.

How to take a break in a relationship

Learning how to take a break in a relationship can be complicated. Taking a break doesn’t feel natural in a relationship. If you wanted to be apart you’d just breakup, right? Wrong.

A break isn’t usually what you want to do, but it is often what a relationship needs. If you want to make your relationship work, a break could be a huge step in repairing any damage.

Now, before we get into how to properly take a break in a relationship, let me remind you that a break is not a window for cheating. A break is not the end of a relationship. It is something mutually agreed upon. If you want to go on dates with other people during that time, it needs to be discussed. You should know why you’re taking a break and come back from it with something resolved or at least worked on.

So, how do you take a break in a relationship?

#1 Bring up the idea of a break. This may be one of the harder parts of taking a break in a relationship. Bringing up a break with your partner could be perceived as wanting to break up. Be sure to let them know you aren’t breaking up with them, but that you could just use some time apart.

#2 Discuss why you think it is important. This is vital for entering a successful break in your relationship. Let your partner know why you want this time and what it is you want out of it. Do you need time to get over a fight or come to an agreement? Do you need some time to rebuild your independence and loosen your codependence?

Let your partner know how the break could help you and your relationship. Remember to be realistic though. A break could end in a breakup if that is what is right for your relationship. Also, be sure to ask your partner what they think and what they want.

#3 Come up with ground rules. When you agree to take a break in a relationship, ground rules will help you get the most out of that time apart. Without these previously agreed-upon rules, you could spend this time worrying about what they’re doing instead of focusing on the matter at hand.

Decide if you are seeing other people. Decide if you are talking at all or cutting off all communication. Are you telling friends and family? What can you reach out to each other about? If you live together, who is staying somewhere else? When will you check-in?

Decide how long the break will be. This can help you know when to reach out and talk. Maybe you need more time, but this will give you both a bit more clarity.

#4 Take time to think. Try not to spend all your time doing things your partner hates like ordering smelly food or watching rom-coms. Actually take time to think about the reasons for this break. Consider if you are happier without your partner. Do you miss them? Why?

Do you miss all the nice things they do for you or do you simply miss the company of someone? Is this time calming you and helping you figure out your feelings? Use this time apart as wisely as possible.

#5 Return honestly. When your designated break time is up, meet up with intention. You have had time to think and figure things out. You do want to remain open to what your partner has to say, but don’t let them change your mind.

Do you need more time apart? Do you think it would be best to actually breakup? Or have you had time to think about what you need and want from each other?

Learning how to take a break in a relationship can be hard, but it can also help to give you all the answers you need. Use this guide to understand the steps in a relationship break, and make up your mind on the way forward.

The 5 Phases Of A Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 30 Aug 2020 09:23:00 +0000

Relationships are complicated and confusing things, but there are five phases of a relationship to consider. Which one are you in right now?

When you’re in a new relationship, it’s all fun and fuzzy feelings. You probably don’t want to be away from your new beau for even a second, and you have no perception of that ever changing. The truth? Every relationship changes, it’s a cycle, and understanding the phases of a relationship can help you side-step problems and worries as your relationship evolves over time.

The phases of relationship under the spotlight

To give you the 101 on where your relationship might be, let’s check out the five main phases of a relationship. Whilst every single relationship is different, you’ll certainly be able to recognize a few key points to tell you where your union is on the scale.

Phase 1 – Romance with a capital R!

This is that warm and fuzzy period. It’s when you can’t keep your hands off each other and everything about that person makes you smile. They have faults, of course, but you can’t see them at this point. You’re also likely to be looking your best every time you do see them, because you don’t want them to see you looking anything less than that.

This is the famous butterflies phase or the honeymoon phase as it’s sometimes called. It’s fun, but it can’t last over the long-term like this.

Many relationships don’t make it past this point, but for the ones that do, it’s important to remember that this stage isn’t designed to last and if you notice that the major romance side of things is ebbing and flowing, it’s totally normal. Let it be, don’t worry!

Phase 2 – You start to notice their flaws

After the first few months of being so incredibly infatuated with your new beau that you try your best to avoid any type of argument, you slowly start to notice that they’re not perfect after all. This is one of the phases of a relationship which basically decides whether you make it or you break.

This phase lasts for a few months and in this period of time, you are likely to have your first arguments. However, this phase is also healthy because the pressure is relieved. You no longer feel the need to be a picture of perfection and you can see that the other person isn’t perfect either. However, you still have periods of time when you remember the romance of the previous phase, which keeps you ticking through.

Phase 3 – The learning stage

At this stage you’re starting to realize that you’re human and you’re not perfect. There might still be disappointments and conflicts, but you start to work out ways to handle them by communicating in a way which suits the two of you. For some people however, this stage is one of the hardest because communication can be hard.

Out of all the phases of a relationship, this is the learning phase. This is the point where you can learn how to handle one another and of course, where you can learn whether you want to remain in the relationship or whether it’s too difficult and you have too many differences.

Phase 4 – The waters calm

By the time you reach the fourth of the phases of a relationship, you’re starting to notice an equal playing ground and calmer waters around you. You’ve learnt how to handle one another, you’ve learnt each other’s flaws and positive points and you’ve accepted them. This phase can last for a considerable length of time, a few years in some cases and it’s the period of time where you will start to develop a sense of safety within the relationship.

READ ALSO: Craving For Male Attention?

The downside of this phase? The romance is likely to have flattened out and you might start to miss the butterflies and the chaos of the earlier stages. At this point, you need to work on keeping the magic alive if you really do start to feel a sense of boredom.

Phase 5 – The future

The final phase is based around a commitment to one another. You might choose to get married, you might not, but this is the point at which you’re in it for the long haul. Of course, many couples don’t manage to reach the fifth of the phases of a relationship, but for those who do, they’re totally in love and content with one another.

This doesn’t mean that in the fifth phase, you’ll be all over one another and feeling the magic of romance, because it’s likely to be far less eventful than that! You should keep making efforts to keep the magic going, but you should also realize that you could still argue and have problems too. We’re all human after all.

The biggest point of this phase? You are building a future together and you don’t want to risk messing that up by even looking at another person in a serious way.

Which phase are you in?

The length of time each phases lasts for really depends upon the couple and what’s going on in the relationship and around it. There is no ‘one size fits all’ answer here. However, you’ll probably be able to identify which of the phases of a relationship you’re in from reading so far.

The biggest issue that most couples face is the lack of romance as the phases move on. It’s not possible for everything to be as magical and sprinkled in fairy dust as the first phase. You’d be exhausted over the long-term! It could also be that a lack of romance could push one partner into the arms of someone else, but in that case you have to question what they’re actually looking for in a relationship.

It’s vital to remember that the connection you have is far more important than a quick thrill. Perhaps this is one of the main reasons why relationships fail, because couples don’t understand that jumping on one another constantly just isn’t something you can keep up for more than a few months at a time.

After that, you start to develop an emotional connection that is far more valuable and far more important than anything lust-related.

For the few relationships that make it to the fifth phase, that’s the forever goal. However, does it mean that the relationship truly will last forever? Not always.

Every single relationship has its problems and it’s vital that you don’t try and compare yours with anyone else’s. Again, this is another problem for couples, because they start to wonder why they’re not doing and feeling the same as another couple. The reason? Because you’re not the same people and your experiences will be different because of your unique personality traits and the history you’ve lived through.

Your past experiences will always influence your relationships in some way. But the key is to avoid these influences becoming negative. In the second and third phases, when most of the conflict and upheaval occurs, past baggage can cause major problems in some relationships. It’s vital that you remember your new relationship is totally different to anything you experienced in the past, and that your new partner is not your ex.

All unions go through the different stages – the famous honeymoon, can’t keep your hands off each other phase, before starting to unpick each other’s personalities and realize that everyone has flaws. That’s when the conflicts occur, but by learning to overcome these by understanding that nobody is perfect, you can make it to the fourth and even the fifth phase – perhaps towards forever.

The five main phases of a relationship move at their own pace, however it’s easy to spot the same pattern in every relationship. Which phase are you in now?

Craving For Male Attention?

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 30 Aug 2020 09:12:00 +0000

Do you often wonder, why do I crave male attention? Wanting to feel good and attractive is one thing, but needing that attention is quite another.

There is a certain rush that hits you right in the chest when a guy you like gives you a little bit of attention. It can be something as simple as a smile or even a full-blown flirtatious conversation. What it is doesn’t really matter, because the sheer impact of attention is nothing short of addictive. Do you regularly ask yourself, why do I crave male attention?

If you do, is it a fleeting crave or a real need? There is a very big difference between the two.

If you crave it, that’s pretty normal. We all crave the attention of someone we’re crushing on. But, if you feel you need it in order to feel good about yourself, well, it’s time to take a look within and ask yourself why you’re not finding that feel good factor from yourself and from the things you do in your life.

Why do I crave male attention?

A craving is something you want. It’s something that you enjoy and that gives you a temporary high. Pretend it’s a hot, sunny day. Someone walks past you with a popsicle in their hand. Your mouth starts to water. You’re craving a popsicle and you know that when you get one, you’ll feel a temporary rush of satisfaction.

That’s what it’s like when someone you like gives you a little attention.

We all experience this. It’s part of attraction. And it’s normal to want them to show you attention because you start to think that perhaps it means you like them too. If nothing else, it means they see you, they acknowledge your existence and in some ways, that’s still a high in itself!

However, if that craving turns into a desperate need, take stock of the situation.

You’ve basically put this guy on a pedestal so high that nothing is going to knock him off it. As a result, just a look from him gives you an adrenaline rush so strong it’s like the world’s most addictive drug. When you don’t get that attention, perhaps he’s busy, he’s stressed out, or maybe someone else has taken his fancy, you feel down and your confidence takes a hit.

So do you find yourself wondering, “why do I crave male attention?” The issue here is that your confidence is already a major problem because you need that attention to feel good about yourself.

It’s time for an intervention.

Learn to feel good when you give yourself attention

The fact you’re asking yourself “why do I crave male attention?” means that you’re on the right track. It means you already understand the craving and you’re questioning it. From there, ask yourself whether it is the normal hit of feel good factor that comes from a regular craving, or whether it’s a need for attention in order to feel good about yourself.

If it’s the latter, you need to start focusing on number one.

What is missing from your life? Clearly you think it’s a man at this stage, but let me tell you one thing. A guy is not going to give you what you need in life, only you can do that. Sure, they can make life more enjoyable, and you can create a relationship that fulfills you emotionally. But there are certain things that you need to do for yourself and be there for yourself in order to understand. You have to feel like you’re enough on your own to find true happiness, because a guy isn’t going to do it for you!

The fact you’re asking yourself this is a good start. Now ask yourself what it is about that attention that you want. Is it because you feel like he’s taking notice of you? Or is it because you think that by him giving you attention it means he likes you back? Is it because you don’t feel seen much of the time and suddenly you do?

You can’t figure out the answer to the bigger question unless you unpick how his attention makes you feel.

READ ALSO: Making Out With Someone For The First Time

Let’s be honest, he’s just a guy. He could be the most good looking, kind, considerate, talented, and funny guy on the planet, but he’s a human being with flaws, just like everyone else. Why do you assume that you’re less than this? Because really, if you need attention from someone else, really NEED it, then you don’t think you’re enough for yourself as you are.

Build up your confidence

People can up and leave you at any moment. It sounds depressing, but it’s the truth. That’s the reason why you should be independent enough in the background to know that whatever comes your way in life, you’ll be fine, because you’ve got you. When you ask yourself “why do I crave male attention?”, be sure that the answer is a reasonable one. Otherwise, you’ve got serious self discovery work to do.

Now, I have been where you are now. A few years ago I lacked in confidence, and I didn’t feel like I was worthy of attention. So, when a guy I really liked threw me a smile, a glance, or even spoke to me, I suddenly felt like perhaps I was worthy. I stuck with that cycle for a while before I had a huge wake up call. He started seeing another girl, and he was giving all his attention to her.

It stung a little, I’ll be honest, but it made me question why I was so stuck on the small crumbs of attention he was throwing my way. What made him so special? Why did I feel so unseen and invisible? Why did I assume that I wasn’t worthy of attention in general? It’s only when I started to question all of this that I realized I wasn’t exactly living my best life.

What life is it when you are waiting for someone who show you a little attention in order to feel good about yourself? So, I started doing things for myself.

I started going to the gym and saying ‘yes’ to those invitations to go out with friends when I always made excuses in the past. And I started dreaming of far-flung destinations and travel. I basically started to do me.

And you know what? It worked. I no longer care about the attention someone gives me. I mean, if they want to give it to me, I’m not going to complain. But I’m equally not as bothered when they don’t. I’m too busy enjoying my life.

Do I still enjoy a little male flirtation? Of course! It’s part of being human! And it’s normal to crave it sometimes, but not to want it. Can you see the difference?

The ironic thing is that when you start to fall in love with yourself and cast aside those desperate needs for attention, you actually attract love into your life.

It’s a funny old world, isn’t it?

Ask yourself, why do I crave male attention? You might come up with some interesting *perhaps worrying* answers. To crave is normal, to want or need is not.

Making Out With Someone For The First Time

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 30 Aug 2020 08:56:00 +0000

Planning on having your first ever make out sesh? I’ll bet you’re nervous, but you don’t have to be. Learn how to make out with someone for the first time.

Whether you’ve kissed someone before or not, making out is a little bit different. It has a few more facets and takes a bit more teamwork, but it’s a lot more enjoyable. And you can learn how to make out with someone for the first time and really enjoy it.

I know you have nerves about it. That is totally natural and normal.

Making out is a vulnerable thing. Not only are you connecting with someone on a more physical level than before, but you are also worried about doing something wrong, wondering what to do with your hands, and concerned with how they think it’s going.

But, I’m not here to stress you out even more. Making out should be a fun experience. There is nothing like your first make out. It should be exciting. You should have butterflies, but not sweaty anxious nerves.

No matter how old or young you are, there is no perfect time for your first make out. There is no perfect age. The right time is different for us all. So, whether you’re going to your first boy/girl party or have your first date coming up, hopefully, these tips on how to make out with someone for the first time will calm your nerves and give you confidence.

Relax about making out for the first time

Before I get into tips and techniques for having your first make out session with zero experience, I need you to relax. I know telling someone to relax is the worst way to help them relax, but it will help.

I know I said your first makeout should be fun and exciting, but it is okay if it’s not. This one makeout won’t define your kissing skills forever. Whether you have bad breath, they use too much tongue, or if it’s just awkward, that is okay.

It is your first time making out with someone, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. No matter how many rom-coms you’ve seen, how many times you’ve practiced kissing on your arm, or looked for advice online, your first time is just that.

It will probably teach you a lot. It will surely take the pressure off every future makeout. And it will be something you remember for a number of reasons.

As an example, my first makeout was when I was 16, nearly 17. Some could call me a late bloomer, but hey, it worked out fine.

I had my first makeout with the same guy I had my first kiss with. I was hardcore crushing on him so when we went from a simple kiss to making out I was beyond nervous and also super happy, so I was smiling the whole time. Literally while kissing I couldn’t stop smiling.

I didn’t even realize it until a few months later when he told me I was smiling the whole time. I think that’s a sweet story now. At the time, I was so nervous I wasn’t even paying attention to what I was doing. I was so preoccupied with what was going on around me.

And I know he was more experienced than me, so I was nervous. I didn’t know what to do with my hands. And I’m sure I was sweating. But, I look back at that time and am not mortified or embarrassed, rather I think it was sweet.

I shared this story with you so you would know that no matter how your first makeout goes, you will definitely look back on it with joy and fondness rather than embarrassment.

How to make out with someone for the first time

Before getting into the details of understanding how to make out with someone for the first time, there are some things you can prepare for and others you can’t.

First off, whether the person you’ll be kissing has more experience than you or not doesn’t matter. Whether they know how much experience you’ve had also doesn’t matter.

Kissing isn’t about practice. The more you do it, the less nervous you may be, but kissing is personal. There is no perfect kiss. What one person may enjoy another may not.

Kissing is more about your connection with the other person. You have to feel them out. You both being comfortable and enjoying yourselves is more important than what you do with your lips or tongue or hands.

Your kissing style changes with each person you kiss, so the technical tips, although helpful, are very specific to the individual. So, try not to overthink your methods. Instead, feel out the moment. I promise you that that will lead to a much better first make out than putting your tongue here or there.

READ ALSO: 7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

So, now that you’ve got some of the bigger picture things out of the way, here is some advice for how to make out with someone for the first time.

#1 Keep up with your mouth and lip hygiene. If you know your first makeout is coming next weekend or if it is up in the air, still take care to keep your mouth as fresh as possible.

Brush and floss twice daily. Keep up with your lip balm application. Dry and crusty lips are not sexy no matter who you’re kissing. And in case that kiss sneaks up on you, keep mints handy.

#2 Focus on comfort. Don’t overthink your sex appeal or skill level. The most important thing about any makeout is that you’re both comfortable. You’ll both walk away feeling good about it if you both felt comfortable.

Trying too hard to be something you’re not or worrying too much about the next base will send you flying off your game. Just enjoy the moment, and let your instincts take over.

#3 Don’t be aggressive. This advice is for guys and girls alike. Being too intense right off the bat is not just intimidating, but it can ruin the moment. A first make out isn’t about being intense but sweet.

Don’t go all in at once. You don’t need to be biting their lip or sticking your tongue deep in their mouth. Take it slow. The build-up is half the excitement. Go from lightly kissing to opening your mouth with just the tip of your tongue. Any more than that too soon is too much.

#4 Read the other person. To understand how to make out with someone for the first time, you need to remember this most of all. You first makeout with someone is not all about you, it is about both of you. So even if you told all your friends you’d be making out for the first time, don’t do it to please them.

Read the person you’re kissing. Body language will clue you into the vibe. If they don’t want a kiss to become a makeout, you’ll be able to tell. If they are very stiff, pulling away, or hesitant, back away and ask them if it’s okay. You never want to kiss someone that doesn’t want to be kissed.

#5 Making out has levels. Making out can be anything from a short sweet kiss after a first date to an in-bed rolling around makeout. Don’t let any of your expectations get in the way. Maybe your favorite TV character made out with their boo in bed without a shirt on, that doesn’t mean it is the right thing for you.

Your first makeout may not be that intense. Take things slow and feel them out. Do what is right for you and your kissing mate in that moment. There is no need to rush because of what your friends have done, what your TV crush as done, or what your actual crush has done.

#6 Take it step by step. You don’t normally just go up to someone and kiss them and have it followed up with a magical makeout. Take it slow. Maybe you brush their hair out of their face or they put their arm around you. You make eye contact then close your eyes and slowly lean in for that first kiss.

Then, pull away, look at each other again to feel things out and ensure you’re on the same page, then you can kiss with more pressure, open mouths, and even wrap your arms around them or touch their neck. Making out is not all or nothing.

#7 Keep it private. Not everyone is okay with PDA. Maybe holding hands is okay in public, but making out in front of a crowd, your school, or *yikes* your family is not so cute. It adds more nerves and pressure and just isn’t all that romantic.

Not only is this your first time making out but it is your first time making out with this particular person. So be respectful of their wishes as they should be of yours.

#8 Ask. Consent is vital when it comes to kissing. If you can’t tell that they want to kiss you or that the situation is appropriate, ask them. I know it can seem like it breaks the mood, but asking and getting a yes is way better than not asking and getting a no.

Learning how to make out with someone for the first time does not have to be as nerve-racking as you might have expected, it can actually be fun. Just follow these steps, take it easy and have fun!

13 Signs Of A Good First Date

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 30 Aug 2020 08:35:00 +0000

First dates are equally terrifying and exciting. How can you be sure the other person enjoyed themselves? Well, understand the signs of a good first date.

If you’ve recently been on a first date and not sure whether it went as well as you thought or not, let’s check out the most important signs of a good first date for you to check against.

Signs of a good date to look out for

First dates are probably one of the most confusing events on the planet. You’re never sure if the other person enjoyed it as much as you. You’re terrified you might have said or done something they found strange.

Beforehand, you’re so nervous you have nausea in abundance. I often wonder why we put ourselves through these things.

Of course, we do it because love is a wonderful thing. But to reach that point, we must have first dates. The key to a good first date is to enjoy yourself, relax, and let things flow. You’re not at a job interview. If it doesn’t go well, you can always shrug your shoulders and move on.

Does that help when you’re in the moment? Of course not!

#1 The conversation flowed without many awkward silences. If there are one or two awkward silences, that’s fine. Remember, you don’t know each other at the moment. But if the conversation flowed well over the course of the date, that’s a pretty good indicator that the date was a success.

When the conversation stalls and stutters and the whole thing makes you want to cringe, that’s quite the opposite situation!

#2 The date lasted longer than planned. If you didn’t look at the clock once and when you finally do check the time, it’s way later than you thought. It’s one of the signs of a good first date! Losing track of time means you’re enjoying yourself and the other person must feel the same way. They didn’t subtly divert the date towards an end point.

#3 You didn’t notice much of what was going on around you. This is definitely one of the signs of a good first date. You were so absorbed in the other person and the thrilling conversation you were having, that you didn’t notice anything that was going on around you.

If you’re looking at the walls, checking out the wallpaper pattern, and memorizing the menu, the chances are the date is not as scintillating as it should be!

#4 The conversation wasn’t one sided. If the conversation was equal, and you were contributing as much as they were, that’s another good indicator. If the conversation is more towards one person than the other, it could mean that one person is enjoying it more. However, an equal flow of conversation means you’re both invested in what you’re talking about and enjoying yourselves.

#5 You regularly made meaningful eye contact and gentle touching. If you managed to hold eye contact a few times and there was the occasional brush of an arm or foot, you’re finding each other attractive. And you’re both enjoying the date. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to jump on one another as soon as you get out of the bar or restaurant. But subtle touches and looks go a long way!

#6 There was a lot of mutual laughing. Laughing together is one of the signs of a good first date. It’s a way we relieve tension and relax. So, if you’re both laughing, it’s a good indicator that the date didn’t only go well, but that the chances of another one are quite high.

#7 You completely forget about your phone. This is a rarity these days! If you forgot about checking your phone during the date, it’s one of the signs that things went well. You were so engrossed in the other person that your social media feeds and text messages simply weren’t important to you for those couple of hours. It also means that you were present in the moment. That’s never a bad thing.

READ ALSO: Growing A Long Distance Relationship

#8 Your nerves disappeared quickly. It’s normal to feel a little nervous before a first date and when you first arrive. If you failed to notice the nerves shortly after meeting your date, it means you were comfortable and at ease. That’s definitely one of the signs of a good first date!

#9 You talked about meeting up again and things you might do together. A bad date doesn’t have any mention of things you’re going to do in the future, e.g. perhaps go to a gig next week or go to a new restaurant you’ve both fancied trying. If there was talk of doing something else together, then you can rest assured that it went well.

#10 The conversation wasn’t just superficial. It’s easy to sit there and talk about the restaurant decor or the weather, but the conversation was a little deeper. For example, you talked about family, friends, life, work, etc. It shows you connected and started to get to know one another.

#11 The date continued elsewhere. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you went back home with your date, but if you did, that’s fine too. However, if you moved on to a club or a bar after your meal, it’s a sign that neither of you wanted the date to end. You wanted to talk some more. That’s a great sign!

#12 You simply felt comfortable. Whether you notice it or not, when you feel comfortable with someone, you instantly relax. You’re able to be your genuine self. When you’re not relaxed you’re stiff, your body language is closed, and it’s not easy to talk. So, if you felt comfortable, you can be sure that the date went well.

#13 You were in contact with each other soon after the date ended. If you received a text after the date ended or you sent one and had a reply, that’s one of the signs of a good first date. It shows that you wanted to follow up on the great time you had. You weren’t quite ready to cut the conversation so abruptly.

If you can nod your head to a few of these signs of a good first date, the chances of a round two coming your way are pretty high!

First dates are usually high pressure affairs. But when you break it down to what it really is, two people meeting for a chat, you can relax and break down those nervous barriers. Make it easier by meeting somewhere you both feel comfortable and where you can talk without having to shout over loud music.

The nerves that often accompany first dates are what cause the confusion over whether it went well or not. You might feel that it did. Then, you question the small things, such as whether or not they found your joke funny or whether they took offense to what you said about the food. Chill out! It’s just a conversation between two people who find each other attractive.

If you can identify a few signs of a good first date, the chances are that it went well. Be yourself! Always remember that the other person is probably just as nervous as you are.

Growing A Long Distance Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sun, 30 Aug 2020 00:22:00 +0000

A new long distance relationship is not easy, and can feel like it’s on hold even before it’s begun. Here’s how to grow your love from afar and feel close.

There are a lot of articles online about how to keep a long distance relationship going. And, as helpful as they are, they mostly discuss maintaining a relationship. But if you’re wondering how to grow your new long distance relationship from afar when you can’t spend too much time together, here’s something for you.

In most long-distance relationships, a couple has been together for a while before going long-distance for work or other reasons. In that case, trust has been formed and you have a bond that will help to sustain a long-distance relationship.

But, relationships do not thrive when stagnant. You don’t just want to keep a relationship going at a steady pace, you want your relationship to grow. You want to grow together.

Whether your relationship is starting off as a new long distance relationship or it became long distance before you were together for a decent length of time, this is the kind of advice you need.

As a matter of fact, while I am writing this, I am going through this too. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over six months. We don’t live more than 40 minutes apart, but we haven’t been able to see each other in more than 3 weeks. While I am navigating growing my relationship while apart, I thought I would help you by offering tips that have been helping me.

How to start growing a new long distance relationship from afar

When you are dating in person, it is easy to take steps to move your relationship forward. You can go on a weekend trip or meet your partner’s friends or family.

But when you are apart and can’t see each other for any reason, it can be hard to take steps together. You may feel like your new relationship is on hold while you’re apart and you will start growing it once you are together again.

The thing is, if you don’t grow together while apart, you will start to grow apart. You are both still living your lives and maturing but not together. So eventually, without effort, you will not fit together as well as you once did.

The first step to take to learn how to grow your new long distance relationship from afar is to talk about it. Bring it up with your partner. Talk about how long distance will work.

Make sure you aren’t just checking in with each other and summarizing your days, but are actually sharing experiences so you are bonding. Getting on the same page is vital. Because you are not together physically, you both have to be willing to put the effort in.

How to actually grow your new long distance relationship from afar

It may seem impossible to bond and grow together in your relationship when you can’t physically be together. You can’t spend holidays together, go on drives or even run boring errands together so how are you supposed to overcome hardships and improve your relationship?

Thankfully, we live in the 21st century and technology has advanced so much that you can pretty much connect with your new partner during every waking hour. But, that isn’t quite necessary.

You can learn how to grow your new relationship from afar and come together stronger than ever before.

#1 Plan date nights as if you aren’t apart. This is something that can seem like a big effort that isn’t necessary, but it can make a big impact. Think about how when you’re sick and you get dressed you feel that much better, this is like that.

If when you’re together, you would go out to eat once a week and get dressed up, do the same thing now. Plan a date night for a specific time. Get ready in a cute outfit and style your hair. You can even play soft music in the background and light candles.

This will show you are still excited to see each other. You want to impress one another and are taking time solely to share together.

#2 Do casual things together. On the flip side, do boring things together. This is where couples that live together have a benefit. You learn a lot about each other by doing laundry or making the bed.

Instead of logging off a video chat when you have chores to do, keep it going. You don’t have to constantly be talking just as you wouldn’t be in person. Help each other with house cleaning tips and talk just when you feel like it.

When you video chat, you can feel required to always have something to say or to be clever. But in person, if you were folding laundry while your partner made the bed, you might not be talking unless they tripped or they noticed you filed socks differently than them.

READ ALSO: What Are Bedroom Eyes?

That is totally okay and actually helps bond you in those casual moments so that when you are together, there aren’t awkward silences.

#3 Challenge each other. Challenging each other can seem pushy or even bossy, especially if taken the wrong way so talk to your partner about it. You want to bring out the best in each other and help one another break boundaries and step outside of their comfort zone.

Encourage your partner to apply for that job or even to start a home project. You can even create a workout competition to see who can run a mile faster.

#4 Don’t wait to have serious talks. A lot of new long distance couples wait to have serious conversations in-person, but what usually happens is that by the time you see each other, you are so happy you don’t want to waste those moments being serious or having an argument.

I recommend that couples who see each other regularly wait a few hours to have serious talks in person rather than texting. But when that isn’t an option, talk things out before they fester up into resentment.

Plan video chats to catch up on your feelings, not just the day’s plans. Talk about what has been bothering you. Make sure you are both aware that these talks are safe places to share more difficult topics so you can sort things out calmly and with respect.

#5 Play games. Keeping things fun with light competition is so healthy for relationships. Play games like charades or Heads Up! via video chat. You can even create quizzes for each other to see how well you know each other or find some online.

This keeps the fun alive and lets you spend time together virtually without feeling like you need to necessarily make the most of it but you can just enjoy it.

#6 Have group dates. You don’t just need to spend time alone virtually. You can add in your favorite couples or even your parents. Play games or just catch up as you would if you all went out together. You can play charades or even describe a food to them without saying what it is and see who guesses first.

Double dates or group hangouts virtually can add a lot to a long-distance relationship. You don’t have to miss out just because you’re not physically there.

#7 Order dinner for each other. Since you can order dinner online from just about anywhere, do that for each other one night. Don’t ask what the other wants. You order something for them and they order something for you and you eat together. See how well the other person ordered for you.

This seems small but can be insightful and exciting.

#8 Do something kind. When you live together, there are so many small things you can do to cheer up your partner or just make them smile throughout the day. Anything from taking out the trash to writing a sweet little love note and leaving it on the fridge. ??You can do these things from afar too. You can send each other actual snail mail. Or you can handwrite a note and send them a photo of it. I know it seems silly but these are much sweeter than just a text. Send each other flowers or something silly from Amazon.

Little gestures like this keep you both happy and knowing you are loved.

It can seem intimidating to learn how to grow your new long distance relationship from afar, but with a bit of effort and creativity, you can come together even stronger than before.

Falling for Someone? The Biggest Signs of an Emotional Connection

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sat, 29 Aug 2020 23:35:00 +0000

Relationships can be confusing. How can you tell if it’s just physical or whether you’re showing the signs of an emotional connection?

When you find yourself attracted to someone, it can be difficult to work out whether what you’re feeling is purely physical *lust* or whether it shows the deeper signs of an emotional connection.

For a relationship to really work and to become deeper over time, there should be a strong emotional connection which runs alongside all that bedroom action! The problem is, an emotional connection takes time to build, and it’s not something which can just happen instantly.

Sex, that can happen pretty quickly. Simply because lust can be immediate; however, emotions take a little longer to build, and trust takes even longer than that.

So, how can you tell whether you’re moving towards a deep emotional connection or whether your judgement is clouded by lust?

Signs of an emotional connection that prove you’re falling in love!

Check out these signs of an emotional connection. See how far along the line you are.

#1 You miss them when they’re not around. When they’re not around you, perhaps when they leave the room and they’ve been gone for a while, or you haven’t seen them that day, you miss them.

Now, this ‘miss’ isn’t the same as the ‘oh my god, where are they’ kind of intensity. It’s a gentle ache somewhere in the pit of your stomach. When you experience this, it’s definitely one of the signs of an emotional connection. It shows that you want to be close to them, and not just in a physical way.

#2 When something happens to you, good or bad, they’re the first person you want to tell. Who is the first person that pops into your mind when something happens to you? It could be something bad, i.e. you feel like you need someone’s shoulder to cry on, or it can be something positive, and you’re desperate to tell someone your good news.

If they’re the person who comes to your mind whenever something happens in your life, it shows that your connection is far deeper than just friends or just lovers.

#3 You find yourself sharing your feelings with them. Do you have deep conversations? Do you both share your feelings and tell each other things you don’t generally talk to people about?

In that case, you’re becoming closer. It is one of the clear signs of an emotional connection. We don’t generally share our deepest, darkest secrets and feelings with people we don’t trust or don’t feel close to.

#4 Sitting and talking to them is fun. It’s not that you never run out of things to say, because it’s normal to have the odd awkward silence. But if you find yourself sitting there and talking, and realize that you’re having the best time, it’s because of the emotional and deep connection you both share.

You’re getting to know one another. You’re sharing, giving and taking, and the more you do this, the deeper your connection will become. Most people in this type of situation find that they can talk for hours and not realize how much time has passed.

READ ALSO: 7 Kinds Of Hugs That'll Bring You Closer To Your Lover

#5 You find yourself wanting to help them. The thought of this person being hurt, upset, or simply in some kind of trouble causes a knot to form in your stomach.

As a result, you never want them to feel any kind of negativity. You want to be the one to help them. This is a sign not only of an emotional connection, but also of a flourishing love affair. When you find that you can’t stand the idea of them feeling upset, question how deep your feelings actually are.

#6 You just want to listen to them. Not many people actually want, or know how, to really listen. If you have no problems just listening to them when they’re speaking and you want them to keep talking so you can learn more, it’s one of the signs of an emotional connection.

In addition, they feel comfortable talking to you, which shows that the connection is two-way.

#7 You don’t judge them, you accept them. They do the same for you. Nobody is perfect and we all have our negative points. If you find that there is no judgement in your relationship, then that’s a clear sign of something deep and emotional. You simply accept them as they are, warts and all. In return, they do the same for you. Not feeling the need to change someone is a very special occurrence. In this case, your connection will deepen further.

#8 You know small details about them. Do you know how they like their coffee? Do you know about the way they like their eggs versus the way they don’t? And do you know their favorite food and how to cook it? These small details mean that you have talked, shared, and learned the small details about one another. It’s one of the definitive signs of an emotional connection.

#9 You feel understood and feel like you understand them. There is a feeling that simply happens when you’re close to someone, and it’s almost like a lightbulb moment. You feel understood, you feel like this person really gets you and you get them. You can simply be yourself without any censoring.

It’s such a comfortable and heart-warming feeling that you’ll want to be around them more and more. When you have an emotional connection such as this, it helps to make you a better person.

#10 It’s not all about sex. When you’re together, it’s not all about sex. Of course, sex probably comes into the equation. But you’re equally as happy talking, having experiences together, going on dates, laughing and sharing your thoughts and feelings. When you have this special combination, nothing beats it!

#11 You’re their biggest fan and vice versa. One of the biggest signs of an emotional connection isn’t just that you care about each other and are attracted to one another, it’s that you’re both each other’s biggest fans. You’re always cheering for one another through thick and thin.

When you develop an emotional connection, it’s almost as if you’ve met your soul mate. Of course, everyone has a different opinion on whether or not soul mates are actually real.

But if you connect with someone deeply, they know you well and you know them just as well, it’s special. It helps you to develop as a person, it boosts your mood, it makes you feel like you can do anything. As a result, you realize that some of your previous relationships were on the superficial side.

That’s not to say that superficial relationships can’t be fun in the short-term! Not everyone wants to have a full-blown relationship with someone. In that case, fun is on the menu only. Of course, it’s also possible that you may have any of the signs of an emotional connection with someone, but it never actually turns into a romantic relationship.

Emotions are funny things, but if you have a deep connection with someone, it’s important to hang on to it. Allow it to develop naturally without pushing or asking unnecessary questions.

If you have several of the signs of an emotional connection with someone, you’re lucky. Some people go through life and never develop this type of closeness with someone!

Why You Need To Slow Down In That Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sat, 29 Aug 2020 22:53:00 +0000

The pressure to be loved up is immense these days. However, rushing into a relationship when you’re not compatible, or ready, leads to heartache.

Is it me, or is the world on fast forward these days? Everyone is so busy rushing around, trying to get from A to B, hit so-called life milestones, rushing into a relationship, and doing better than everyone else. What happened to taking your time? Enjoying the moment? Actually living?

For some reason, being single still has that dreaded stigma attached to it. Blame it on the movies, TV, social media, whatever you like, but there’s a lot to be said for staying single for a while, getting to know yourself a little better, and actually living for yourself. No, it’s not selfish, it’s necessary!

If you’re nodding your head, ask yourself why you’re rushing into a relationship.

When you meet someone, do you automatically start thinking ahead and wondering what the relationship is going to be like? This is all before a relationship even begins! If so, chill out a little bit, let things evolve naturally, and see what happens. There’s a lot to be said for going with the flow!

The clearest signs you’re rushing into a relationship

To help you understand whether this is a problem you should address, let’s look at a few signs that you might be rushing into a relationship.

#1 You just don’t feel comfortable being yourself. It takes time to get to know someone, and, equally, it takes time to feel comfortable enough to just be yourself around someone. Most people are on their best behavior when they first meet someone and start dating. Think about the last time you met someone. How quickly did you feel comfortable lounging around in your sweat pants and not really caring about your appearance? It probably took months or longer!

If you feel pressure to keep up a certain pretense all the time, it’s probably because you’re rushing into a relationship that hasn’t had time to evolve naturally. There should be a period of time when you just get to know one another, when you simply focus on having fun and learning about the other person. When you’re rushing, you side-step all of that. It feels completely overwhelming.

#2 You feel pressured to be part of a couple. This particular sign is usually because everyone around you is coupled up. It’s one of the main reasons that people are rushing into a relationship these days. The thing is, you don’t have to compete when it comes to love. If your friends are all in relationships, that doesn’t mean you have to be. We all move at difference paces. Some people simply might prefer to be single.

READ ALSO: How To Turn Someone Down Without Being Rude

If you’re rushing things, it could very well be because you feel like you’re the odd one out or that you’re missing out on something. Remember, there are many perks to being single too!

#3 The L word is uttered very soon after meeting. While you might think you love someone the moment you set eyes on them, the chances of this being true are very slim. If the L word is uttered within weeks, sit back and think about your motivation here. You don’t know the person well enough to be telling them you love them, and if you hear it from someone you’re dating, you should wonder what’s going on.

Sure, it’s nice, but let’s be honest here, love takes a while to develop and strengthen. If it’s being claimed too soon, it can’t be that true.

If you feel pressured to say the L word quickly or you feel like you want to, it could be because you’re trying to lock the relationship down sooner rather than later.

#4 You try and put a label on your relationship too soon. It’s normal to wonder what the relationship actually is. For example, is it exclusive? Is it going anywhere? But, having this type of conversation with someone too soon can either scare them off, or take the fun out of the whole getting to know one another stage.

If you feel like you need a label and you’ve not really been together that long, it’s one of the biggest signs that you’re rushing into a relationship. There is no need to label what’s going on between you, it will become clear enough over time.

#5 You share everything about yourself. Over-sharing is a sign of rushing too. There’s getting to know each other naturally. Then, there’s feeling the need to off-load everything about your life. By over-sharing, you attempt to fast forward to the point where you know each other well.

Again, you can’t rush this stage because it’s something which evolves naturally over time. You’ll get to know the other person via the experiences you have together and the memories you create. There’s really no need to sit down and give your partner a verbal autobiography.

#6 People tell you to slow down, and you don’t listen. It’s likely that your friends or family members are telling you to chill out and slow down a little. When you’re clearly rushing into a relationship, you’re likely to be stressed. It will show to those around you because you’ll be questioning everything and tying yourself up in knots.

The early stages of dating is always confusing and full of questions. But, when you rush things, everything will be ten times harder and more confusing. So, if you’re being advised to slow down and you’re not listening, it’s one of the big signs that you’re rushing into a relationship ahead of time.

#7 You have moments when you realize you hardly know them at all. When you’re together, you might run out of things to talk about or you might wonder whether you really know them that well at all. The reason is because you don’t. It’s not possible to know someone that quickly. As a result, you’ll experience awkward silences and moments when you’re not sure what to say.

This can often lead to misunderstandings and even arguments. That’s because when you don’t know someone that well and you’re trying to force a relationship, the whole thing becomes a big stressful mess.

#8 You’re on a rollercoaster of emotions. Rushing into a relationship means that you’ll not have the time to process the delicate feelings you’re experiencing. As a result, you’ll go from high highs to low lows. It will all be so overwhelming that you’ll risk burnout.

If you’re always jumping from one emotion to another and you’re not spending time just relaxing and enjoying things as they are, question why you’re rushing things. What is it actually doing for you? The chances are, you’re going to end up stressed. Seriously, what’s the point in a relationship that simply stresses you out?

Rushing into a relationship rarely ends well. Take your time, learn about each other, and enjoy each shared moment as it comes. Your future relationship will be stronger for it.

How To Turn Someone Down Without Being Rude

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Sat, 22 Aug 2020 18:34:00 +0000

Most of us understand how it feels like to be rejected. Because of that, we don’t desire to hurt anyone else by telling them we don’t like them. But, now and again there is no way to avoid it.

Taking the time to study how to inform someond you don’t like them and doing it without being rude is the best move for you and them.

How To Inform Someone You Don’t Like Them:

DO IT QUICKER INSTEAD THAN LATER:

Just like a breakup, the longer you wait, the worse it will be. If you be aware of any one likes you and you don’t like them, simply let them know. Any quantity of time you let ignore solely leads them on. Even if you aren’t doing whatever to exhibit interest, they will stay hopeful besides the truth.

ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS THE PLEASANT YOU CAN:

This man or woman deserves some closure. some humans can cross on simply via you telling them you aren’t interested. Others choose answers. Answer their questions as actually as viable besides being cruel.

You can say you choose exclusive things, you don’t sense any chemistry, or perhaps you have emotions for anyone else. You don’t want to go into high-quality detail, however giving them some purpose as to why you don’t like them can assist them cross on.

READ ALSO: How To Make Your Ex Jealous: #3 Is A Bomb

PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES:

During this dialog and main up to it be mindful what it feels like to be rejected. Consider how you would reply in a comparable situation. It can be tough to see this state of affairs from any other viewpoint, however it can assist you continue to be as sympathetic as possible.

DO NOT CODDLE THEM:

This is the place the line between caring and too caring blurs. You favor to express regret and remedy the individual you’re letting down, however it is no longer your job. You can be well mannered and respectful, however making an attempt to remedy them sends blended messages.

If you get pulled into comforting this person, it can provide them false hope that some thing ought to show up later on and maintain them infatuated with you.

SHUT IT DOWN IF NECESSARY:

Although you favor to do the proper issue by means of being straightforward and respectful, there are some human beings who will take benefit of that. They will desire to sit down down collectively and get closure. They will desire you to reply a ton of questions or go on for hours about how you harm them.

This once more is the place the line can be crossed. You can be respectful and polite, however if matters appear to be going past a quick conversation, let them understand you’ve answered the entirety you can and are sorry for hurting them however can’t do something more. Then, desire them the first-class of luck.

PREMIUM STORY: Corper John [Episode 1-3]

noreply@blogger.com (Nwagboso Ifeanyi) — Wed, 19 Aug 2020 11:25:00 +0000

It was around 6 am when John woke up, he tried to get up and say his morning prayers when he noticed that TJ, his childhood friend had slept with his leg over his chest, he pushed his leg aside and cursed TJ ”when you go dey drink too much", Adebayo John was a 23 year old corper who hailed from Ogun state, he and his friend Timmy Johnson 23 whom also hailed from Ogun state have been together since childhood, they both attended the same primary school, secondary school and university, and surprisingly they were both posted to Enugu state for their NYSC. They had finished their NYSC and were going back home that morning, John was not really excited that morning because he was returning home to his busy father who never had time for him and his mean step mother who hated him because he was the only male child in the family, John’s mother had left him with his father because he was a drunkard and beat her up every time he drank, he had met John’s step mother at a club where he usually drank.

John quickly said his prayers and went to have his bath, when he came back TJ was still sleeping, John kicked him and said mumu you no go go bath, TJ then said ‘weray’ and went out to have his bath. John had finished dressing up when TJ came in, John was dressed in his Corper outfit, while waiting for TJ to finish dressing up he took his time to cross check his luggage, he then remembered that he had not picked up his novel, at least that would entertain him throughout the long journey to Lagos. John and TJ went to have their breakfast of moin – moin and pap at mama Nkechi’s buka, they then set out to the main road to look for a taxi to take them to the motor park, they waited for about 7 minutes before they saw a taxi, after a minute of negotiating the taxi driver then agreed to take them there for 200 naira, they then set off on the 15 minutes journey to the motor park, John looked sideways at TJ, TJ was the last born of a rich family of 3 girls and he was the only male child, his 3 sisters were based in the U.S with their mother, while his father was a busy business man who rarely spent a week without traveling, TJ was handsome, he was the ladies guy but te was not brilliant in terms of academics, he graduated with a second class lower, TJ also had a knack for getting into trouble.

They got to the park and alighted then settled their taxi driver, it was then TJ tried hiding his face when he sighted somebody in the garage , John noticed TJ’s action and asked oh boy wetin happen? TJ said padi mi na one of those girls I see o, make we do quick go enter bus, they hurriedly entered a bus with a Lagos sign on it, while in the bus TJ put his head on the seat to hide his face.

John, still a little bit surprised asked, which girl be that? TJ with his head still on the chair, it’s one of those girls who claimed I impregnated them, Job burst into an uncontrolled laughter which attracted some passengers in the bus, so you dey run from yourr esponsibility abi? Which kind responsibility? Na only me they dey follow sleep? If she see me for here she go hook me down come embarass me for this park. Luckily for TJ the last passenger entered and they set off, but TJ still had his head on the chair, John with a smile on his face tapped TJ on his head and said Baba Junior carry your head up, TJ grinned and said you don dey craze. John checked his wrist watch, they had set off around 8 am, John then took a moment to survey the faces of those in the bus, they were six corpers in the bus including them, 4 guys and 2 girls, one of the girls of which he knew, her name was Joy and she was one the few girls he admired. Joy Parker was epitome of beauty, she was an half-caste, her father was from England and her mother was from Nigeria, John had seen a lot of girls in his lifetime but he could swear she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, after a while John picked up his novel and got busy, he was reading the broker by John Grisham, he was in the 5th chapter when something happened.

Suddenly the woman beside him had an asthma attack, as she tried to use her inhaler it fell outside the bus through the window, John immediately shouted at the driver to stop, when the bus finally came to a halt, John got down and sprinted back in search of the inhaler, he ran for about 50 metres before sighting the inhaler, when he picked it up he ran back to the bus like a mad man and handed the inhaler back to the woman, she then used it and it stopped the attack in a matter of seconds, John looked sideways only for him to see that Joy was staring athim, John was immediately taken aback by her captivating beauty, she had a light skin and beautiful brown eyes, they had eye contact for about 5 seconds before Joy finally looked away smiling , after the woman had calmed down she thanked John for his help and prayed for him. Joy knew a trustworthy guy when she saw one and to her John would be trustworthy, she had only seen him a few times around camp but there was something about him that interested her, after being cheated on by her ex boyfriend, Joy decided that she was done with Nigerian men but maybe John was an exception. TJ was glad he was returning home, home for him meant he could go out with his father’s cars, go clubbing, bring home girls and move at his own free will, he remembered his ordeal with different girls with different sizes, shapes and skin colour, he was a player unlike his friend John, he felt sorry for John who didn’t really know what fun was like, his attention was drawn back by the screams of the people in the bus, when he looked to see what was happening TJ said “oh d--n ” because trouble was ahead of them Right in front of them stood six men armed men, the driver thought about making a run for it but thought again when he saw a plank full of nails right In front of him, he had no option but to stop the bus, the armed men ordered them all out of the bus, and asked them to drop all their valuables and money, the passengers immediately began to comply, the only thing John could think of at that moment was the safety of Joy, he hoped the men would do nothing more than collect their money and leave them alone but he was wrong, the woman who had an asthma attack earlier suddenly fainted, no one dared go to her aid, the leader of the armed men ordered the corpers and four other passengers into the bus where they were blindfolded, the next thing John heard was gunshots as the remaining passengers were killed in cold blood, the driver of the bus tried to escape but got six bullets into his back as a result of his action, the men then got into the bus and drove off, John’s heart started to beat fast he was half glad that Joy and TJ were in the bus with him, though he didn’t know this men but he knew one thing about them “don’t mess with them “, TJ had his heart in his mouth, he had never had a gun pointed at him before, he didn’t know where these men were taking them to but he knew it could not be good

EPISODE 2

Joy was so scared that her heart pumped like a pumping machine, she had different questions racing through her mind like Who were these people? Where are they being taken to? What do they want from them? Why were they the chosen ones? John noticed that the bus suddenly slowed down and took a turn, now there were off the tarred road, he knew because he could tell from the buses sound and movement, he heard one of the armed men talking about how much they will be paid for bringing ten people, one of the men said If na 100,000 naira per person then e mean say na one million naira we dey collect, now John knew where they were being taken to, they were going to be sold by the
armed men to ritualists who would pay them 100,000 naira for each of them, TJ’s worst fears were confirmed as he also heard their conversation, is this how his life is going to end? He thought, the bus had continued along the rough road for 30 minutes where it had taken different turns than they could count, they drove for another 20 minutes before the bus finally came to a stop. They were there, John thought, they were at the place where their lives might end, their blindfolds were removed and they were ordered to get down from the bus, as they got down lo and behold they were in the middle of nowhere inside a very thick forest, right in front of them stood an uncompleted building with hefty and heavily armed men, they were about 7 in number, one of the guards said they don come o, the leader of the armed men then ordered them to line up in a straight line and move into the building, John wondered how any human being in their right senses would think of building a house in such a thick forest in the first place, as they were moving into the building, John noticed that a car was parked beside it, it was a Range Rover SUV, John quickly crammed the number of the vehicle AA 885 AKD as they were about to enter into the building John thought, was that the last car he was going to see? Well if it was, it was a nice one. They entered the building which was dark and damp and smelled of death, escaping was not an option as they were surrounded by hard looking, heartless and hefty armed men, they were lead to a dark room they called the dungeon, where they were chained. TJ said to John ‘on the bright side we’ll pray to God for forgiveness and end up in heaven ‘ prayers! John hadn’t thought of that, he began to pray to God for forgiveness, he asked God to find them away out of this smelly, dark dungeon, he had not finished praying when one man walked in carrying injections all filled with a substance that neither of them knew about, the man began to inject each of them with the substance, as he was injected, John began to recite psalm 23, he had not reach ‘thou anoint my head with oil ‘ when he suddenly felt dizzy, as his eyes were about to close the last thing he saw was Joy who was already unconscious. It was almost evening when they woke up, they must have slept for about 5 hours, it was then John noticed that he was Unclad and all his hair was shaven, not only him but all the guys who were in the dungeon, he looked towards Joy’s direction, she was untouched and so were the remaining women in the dungeon, he and Joy’s eyes met, he was a little shy, he liked the idea of being Unclad in front of her but not under such circumstances, their clothes were in the center of the room, John felt uneasy, he was not used to being Unclad in front of women, but he knew TJ was, he had to find a way to free himself and get out of this mess along with Joy and TJ at least, he looked at the far end of the room and noticed that some of them were weeping, John studied the room for escape points, the window was not an option as it was high, very
small and had a hard burglary barricade in front of it, he looked up at the ceiling, the door was not an option either as two armed men were outside guarding it, he looked at Joy then he had an idea.

John looked at Joy’s hair and noticed that she had a hair pin, can you throw me your hair pin? John asked politely, okay Joy replied as she removed her hair pin and tossed it at John, with his shackle bound hands he pick up the pin, as he tried to use the pin to pick the lock of his chains, the door opened and 3 men came in and took the four other people who were not corpers, John heard one of them say something about beheading them and using their organs for money rituals, John silently prayed to God for a miracle, as the last armed man was about to close the door he mistakenly shut the door on the bunch of keys attached to his belt hole, the keys fell inside the room as the man shut the
door, that was the fastest prayer that God had ever answered him, now he had to act fast, heaven had helped him now he had to help himself, he got back to picking the lock as he was sweating as if he was inside an oven, he was relieved when he picked the first lock, he had never done such before but he had now put the movies he watched into good use, as his left hand was free he used it to pick the second lock,it took about 3 minutes for him to pick the lock until it opened, with both his hands free he stretched to where the key was but he was just a few inches short, he looked around and remembered their clothes which was in the middle of the room, he stretched to where the clothes were and took his boxers and used often it to try to get the key, He threw his boxers over the bunch of keys and pulled it nearer, now he had the keys, he had tried 3 keys before the fourth one opened the shackles on his feet, now free, he out on his boxers and went to release Joy first, he tried the keys that released him first and it opened all her shackles, he tried it for TJ too and It worked, when TJ was free John have him the keys to release the other 3 people while he dressed up, when they were all released and dressed up, John had a plan to get them out of there.

Bison was in the slaughter room when he noticed that his keys were not with him, he quickly retraced his steps in search of the keys, he searched everywhere but could not find his keys, he then remembered that he had not searched the dungeon, with his pistol in his hand he ran to the dungeon, he then ordered the two guards to open the door, when the door was opened, Bison could not believe his eyes The room was empty as all the prisoners had escaped through the ceiling, he raised an alarm and informed all the men that the prisoners had escaped and he needed to have them back, all the men ran out in search of John and his mates because prisoners meant money, John and his friends ran through the back of thebuilding into the forest as fast as they could because sooner or later their captors would find out that they had escaped, before they could say Nelson Mandela 6 armed men were after them, it was now a race of life and death called stop and you are dead, TJ had been in a similar situation before when he was being chased by cultists in his university for dating the girlfriend of one of them, that time he ran through the school premises to the nearest police station or else he would have surely been beaten to coma, he had then called his father who had then called the commissioner of police to get the cultists arrested, they ran through the forest without knowing where exactly they were heading to, luckily for John the men had not collected his wrist watch, he checked the time as he was running, it was 4:20 pm, as they continued running one of the male corpers whose name was Chidi fell and twisted his ankle, they had already ran far ahead before TJ looked back and noticed what had happened, none of them dared go back to rescue him, John felt sorry for Chidi as the men pounced on him and dragged him back, one man dragged him as the remaining 5 continued the pursuit, asJohn and his friends ran on they jumped over a pit which was full of bones and skulls and produced a bad odor, John concluded that that was probably where the men dumped the remains of their victims, they ran and turned left but the men kept pursuing them, they arrived at a cliff which had a river at It’s bottom, John and his friends looked back, there was only one thing to do
John looked down at that river, it was flowing fast, he looked at TJ who nodded at him he looked back and saw that the armed men were closing in on them, he held Joy’s hand and said we all jump at the count of 3 okay, by then the men were 50 feet apart from them shouting stop! stop there! With Joy’s hand in his John counted 1, 2 , and at the count of three the youth corpers Jumped down the cliff, by the time the men got there, John and his friends were half way down the cliff, the men turned back disappointed, Bison was going to be mad at them. Splash! John and his friends landed into the river, they tried to swim as the strong river current carried them along, he held on tight to Joy’s hand,
no matter what happens he’s not going to let go, he didn’t bother much about TJ, he knows he’ll be fine, he looked back and saw that the other male and female corper were doing well, they
journeyed along the river as the current continued to push them down the river, John’s heart raced as he sighted something that looked like a crocodile ahead of them, his heart pounded even faster as they got near it, it was then he realised that it was just a log of wood, he felt relieved as his heart beat reduced, he and Joy held on to the log of wood as their Journey continued, TJ looked to his side as he saw monkeys on the trees beside the river chattering and jumping happily, for one second he wished he could take their place, he had had enough worries for that day, he looked at John and Joy floating away with the log, he smiled a bit, he knew John liked Joy a lot because he had told him about her before, he had never seen John go crazy about a girl before, at least he was happy for John whose dreams were coming true but maybe not the way he had wanted or imagined it, the river slowed down as it brought them into a larger river, this was probably the end of the river , he thought, he was right, it was the end of the river but the beginning of a new journey as they felt something like ropes pulling them into the river, they tried to scream for help but their words became bubbles as they were
dragged underwater The corpers struggled for air as they were drawn down deeper into the river, suddenly a bright light shone and they all became unconscious.

Joy was the first to wake up in the unusual environment, as she opened her eyes a tilapia fish passed in front of her, she was shocked as she noticed they were underwater and she could breathe, John and the rest too woke up and were shocked but amazed that they could breathe underwater, as they tried to move they realised that they had been tied down by some mysterious sea plant, as they tried struggling to free themselves a voice echoed ‘what are you looking for in my kingdom you worthless and wicked human beings ‘? They looked around butcould not find anybody, you fish eaters disgust me and do not deserve to be alive, I don’t know why my daughter rescued you people from the drowners but you are going to face the panel tonight, it was then that the merman showed his self to the corpers, he was very handsome and had a the trunk of a human being and the rest of his body from his waist was like a fish, John had heard of mammy water, he had even seen them in
movies like H2O but he never imagined it was anything as beautiful as that, the merman swam towards them and looked at their faces before swimming away, then another figure approached them, it was a mermaid, the most beautiful thing TJ had ever seen in his life, she came towards them and told them how she had rescued them from the drowners, she also told them that her father, the king hated human beings and was going to put them on trial, if they were found guilty they would be eaten by fish, she also told them that they had to pick one of them to be their lawyer and that they had an hour before trial, she then swam away, they spent the next 45 minutes debating who would be their lawyer as John and TJ both studied law, they finally agreed that John should be their lawyer as he had taken good decisions for them, they had not waited too long when some huge mermen came to lead them to trial.

EPISODE 3

They were led to another part of the river where a lot of mermen and mermaids were, it looked like a place where they had their events , then the trial began, the opposition lawyer started by accusing humans of murder and pollution of their water world, he pleaded with the court to give the humans the justice they deserve which was death, then John was called to defend his friends, he first started by greeting that judge and the entire members of the underwater world, he then asked the opposing
lawyer what his best food was, the opposing lawyer replied and said he eats underwater plants, John then said he was also guiltyof murder because the plants also had life, he said that if the plants could move and talk they would also put the merman and mermaids on trial, he explained that fish was one of man’s best food and that man even reared them for food, he went ahead to say that they were some humans who kept fish as pet, he narrated their ordeal in the hands of the kidnappers and begged the court to have mercy on them as they all had families to return to, when John had finished speaking, the court jury then swarm away to decide on the outcome of the trial, TJ chuckled as the
jury swarm away, he could not believe his eyes, they were being tried by fish, he was guilty of eating fish ranging from cat fish pepper soup, tilapia, Titus, sardine and many more than he could count, in fact fish was in the moin – moin they hand for breakfast that morning, the jury were back and they were not smiling, they told the judge their decision and went back to their position, the judge cleared his throat and said here is our decision, after hearing from both lawyers, this underwater court finds the humans. Not Guilty! You are therefore discharged and acquitted, John and his friends heaved a sigh of relief as the judgement was passed, John was the happiest amongst them because he had won his first major case, it was a special and unique one, it was underwater against the mer world, he knew he was destined for great things, he went to give the opposing lawyer a hand shake, the opposing lawyers hand was the softest and smoothest hand he had ever touched, he was full of Joy, he was the man of the moment, Joy stepped forward and gave him a hug, yes! he deserved it, the rest of his friends stepped forward and hugged him too, TJ gave him a pat on his cleanly shaved head and said that’s my boy, the princess of the underwater world came forward gave John something that looked like a Pearl and whispered something in his ear, John looked at the pearl and nodded his head in understanding.

It was time for them to leave the underwater world, they were lead upwards by hefty mermen who helped them swim to the river bank and quickly swarm back to their underwater world, finally they were free from the water world, TJ had seen the mermaid tell John something in his ear, he wondered what she might have told him, maybe, she was asking for his bb pin or his twitter handle, TJ chuckled as he thought, John looked at Joy, she was dripping with water as her Corper vest stuck to her skin,
he could now see her Sexy and lovely body, she saw him looking and smiled at him, John looked back at the river which was now calm, if there was a world record for longest time spent by a human being underwater without air, they had now broken it, he looked at his watch which he could not see clearly, whatever the time was, the day was far spent as it was already evening, they continued their journey with great precaution as they could not afford another negative surprise that day, they found an orange tree in their path and plucked some oranges to cure their hunger, John watched as TJ devoured an orange, he just hoped there was no orange kingdom to arrest them again, they finally decided to spend their night under the orange tree, they would wake up in turns to keep watch of the others, as John lay down to sleep he looked at the bright side of their Journey, he had gotten a clean
hair cut and shave from his kidnappers and he had received a very valuable jewel from the mermaid, he had also won his first major case in court, he was also closer to that girl he loved, a cool breeze blew as John fell into a deep sleep. Shh! no noise They awoke to the sound of birds chirping in the forest, the sun was about setting, Tomiwa, the other male Corper had slept off while keeping watch over them, he forgot to wake John up to keep watch, John stood up and looked around, his back ached from sleeping on the ground, he looked at Joy, he was glad she had survived all what they had gone through, he somehow felt responsible for her safety, Becky the other female Corper was crying and lamenting that they would not get out of the forest, Joy moved closer to her and comforted her telling her all was going to be all right, John knew she was right, they didn’t know which direction they were going, but he knew that once there is life, there is hope, they went in search of what to eat, luckily for them they found a pawpaw tree with ripe fruits, they shook the tree until two pawpaws fell, that was their breakfast, they needed water so they set back to the river they had just come from, but they were careful not to go to close to it, as they drank and washed their hands, legs and face, it was the first time any of the had voluntarily drank water from a river , did they have a choice?
Now which way will they head? John called their attention so that they can decide, Tomiwa studied geography, so using the position of the sun he got their bearing and suggested they head west, what did they know? They rarely knew anything about geography, they set off on their journey, John was the one Who was in front, they had walked for two hours when they got to a wider road that was not tarred, they were glad because it meant they were closer to civilization, they navigated the road for 10
minutes when they suddenly heard a voice saying stop there.