Got-2-Laugh.... funny shizzle

Check this ...funny!

2022-10-30T23:31:00.001+00:00

Check this!

Eeni meeni???

2016-02-09T00:25:00.001+00:00

Footballers are pussies

2016-02-09T00:23:00.001+00:00

Say it...

2016-02-09T00:22:00.001+00:00

Tree Fellers

2016-02-09T00:21:00.001+00:00

EATING IN THE UK IN THE FIFTIES

2014-01-18T17:33:00.001+00:00

Pasta had not been invented.

Curry was a surname.

A takeaway was a mathematical problem.

A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower.

Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.

All crisps were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not.

A Chinese chippy was a foreign carpenter.

Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our dinner.

A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.

Brown bread was something only poor people ate.

Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking

Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.

Coffee was Camp, and came in a bottle.

Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.

Only Heinz made beans.

Fish didn't have fingers in those days.

Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi.

None of us had ever heard of yoghurt.

Healthy food consisted of anything edible.

People who didn't peel potatoes were regarded as lazy.

Indian restaurants were only found in India.

Cooking outside was called camping.

Seaweed was not a recognised food.

"Kebab" was not even a word never mind a food.

Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold.

Prunes were medicinal.

Surprisingly muesli was readily available, it was called cattle feed.

Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one.

Water came out of the tap, if someone had suggested bottling it and

charging more than petrol for it they would have become a laughing stock.

The one thing that we never ever had on our table in the fifties .. ELBOWS

Danger Sign : Mouth operates faster than brain

2013-12-09T18:23:00.001+00:00

The Brothel & The Church

2013-12-09T18:20:00.001+00:00

MT. VERNON, TEXAS … WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!

Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church across the street started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church. Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer." But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church ... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from > the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bullshit!"

Don't force children to pray

2013-12-09T18:01:00.000+00:00

At dinner, a little boy was forced to lead the family into prayer..

Little boy: But I don't know how to pray.

Dad: Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc

Little Boy: "Dear Lord" he started, "thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again.

Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.

This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's Blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work.

AMEN"

Mom and Dad did not have dinner that evening.

My house was clean... Until kids

2013-08-13T21:48:00.001+01:00

Vagina's are like the weather...

2013-08-13T21:47:00.001+01:00

Safe sex...

2013-08-13T21:46:00.001+01:00

How to solve a sore throat...

2013-08-13T21:43:00.001+01:00

I'm not fat...

2013-08-13T21:42:00.001+01:00

Yes I have a beautiful daughter

2013-08-13T21:38:00.001+01:00

Here's an idea...

2013-08-13T21:37:00.001+01:00

Dirty Mind

2013-08-13T21:35:00.001+01:00

Ass Watching

2013-08-13T21:33:00.001+01:00

Radio Glasgow

2013-07-27T12:44:00.001+01:00

ONE THING ABOUT LOCALS FROM SCOTLAND IS THAT THEIR HEARTS AND HUMOUR ARE ALWAYS IN THE RIGHT PLACE! JIMMY MACDONALD, A CITY COUNCILLOR FROM GLASGOW, WAS ASKED ON A LIVE RADIO/TV TALK SHOW, JUST WHAT HE THOUGHT ABOUT THE ALLEGATIONS OF TORTURE OF SUSPECTED TERRORISTS.

His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT: 'IF HOOKING UP THE TESTICLES OF JUST ONE TERRORIST TO A CAR BATTERY GETS THE TRUTH OUT OF THE LYING LITTLE CAMEL SHAGGERS TO SAVE JUST ONE SCOTTISH SOLDIERS LIFE, THEN I HAVE ONLY THREE THINGS TO SAY... RED IS POSITIVE, BLACK IS NEGATIVE AND MAKE SURE HIS NUTS ARE WET.

A million bucks

2013-07-18T17:18:00.001+01:00

This man walks into a bar with an old shopping bag in hand. He sets the

bag on top of the bar and pulls up his stool. The bartender comes over

and asks what he'll have to swill. As he states his preference,

something in the bag is moving around shaking the paper bag. The

bartender gives a puzzled look but proceeds to the tap. As he's filling

the mug, he looks at the bag again and sees that something is still

moving around in the bag. He brings the beer over and places it in

front of the man.

His curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the man what he's got in

the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little piano and

sets it on the bar... the bartender looks intently at the piano as the

man again reaches into the bag... pulling out a small piano bench. He

places the bench in front of the piano and again reaches into the bag

pulling out a foot tall man. The man sits at the piano and begins

playing.

The bartender says,"wow, he sure can play the piano, where'd you get

him?" The guy looks at him and again reaches into the bag and pulls out

a genie lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says, "Here, go ahead,

rub it.." So the bartender says, "Is there a real genie in there?" and

the guy says, "Yes, just rub it and see."

So the bartender says okay and begins to rub the lamp... and out pops

this beautiful genie. She says, "I will grant you one wish, and one

wish only." So the bartender ponders this for a moment and says, "Okay,

I'd like a million bucks." The genie disappears.. and they're both

waiting and waiting and nothing happens. They both look at each other

and shrug their shoulders. Then a minute later a duck pops up at the

end of the bar. They both look at each other, very puzzled, and then

another duck appears... and another, and another.. and it continues.

The bartender looks at the guy and says, "I think your genie is deaf. I

said I wanted a million bucks not a million ducks." And the man says,

"Yes, I know, do you think I wanted a twelve inch pianist?"

How to pee with a boner

2013-06-29T11:04:00.001+01:00

A sign for stupid people

2013-06-29T11:03:00.001+01:00

50 shades of Lego

2013-06-29T11:01:00.001+01:00

Chicks Kick Ass

2013-06-29T10:49:00.001+01:00

Dildozer

2013-06-29T09:28:00.001+01:00