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2010-07-23T22:48:00.000+10:00

shanankan.com

Finally got my arse into gear, bought the domain and configured a site. I've decided that I'm gonna use that domain as my main portfolio for my writing aspirations. Well, technically it's not just writing, it's all forms of storytelling, living up to my self-professed raconteurism. I intend to keep a record of articles, essays, humour pieces, short stories, poetry, lyrics, plays, screenplays, games and whatever else I can create in that portfolio.

There's also gonna be a blog section, which will *not* be replacing this, as this and that will serve a very different person. This one is, more than anything, a playground for my thoughts, ideas, concepts, and writing styles/techniques. That one is the "professional" (yes, I know I've argued ad nauseum that professionalism doesn't exist) one where I keep people updated on actual projects. Most of the stuff there will be edited and well-thought out, not the higgledy-piggledy, stream of consciousness approach I take here.

If you go there right now you'll note it's pretty much just all fluff content right now. I've got the template and layout all figured out. I've yet to actually make some actual social media'esque things, like Tweet buttons and sharing widgets and Facebook things. That'll come in due time.

There's a few blog posts on here I want to use. And that's not that surprising, as there are 600+ of them :P They'll be edited down and made more coherent.

A limitation of NameCheap, the platform I'm using, is that I can't change the A Record *and* give a redirect for the same domain, chiefly the main one, @. I'm not sure if other providers use it, but frankly I'm not too fussed about it. I've made it so www.shanankan.com takes you to a landing page where it'll be mostly attractive to potential employers and shanankan.com takes you directly to the blog. There's not much I could actually do about it :P Outside of building like 2 Tumblr accounts that look identical, I don't see it working.

*gets busy populating it with content*

I have no idea ...

2010-07-20T23:27:00.001+10:00

I have no idea what is happening with this blog anymore. I tried my darndest to revitalise it after The Incident, but I swear that entire debacle just ruined it for me. I'm not ready to call it quits yet and quite frankly, the blog never enters into my mind anymore. As a consequence of this, the mindfulness that I had developed over the past few years and the vigilant theorising and contemplative outlook seems to have vanished.

I seem quite content to sit back and just watch the world go by, neither content nor bothered with whether I throw a boulder into the stream or not. I suppose that's not that surprising, I seem to be right on schedule. I turn 21 in a bit over a month. In most parts of the world I'd be considered an adult.

Perhaps that Incident has pushed me out of being the beautiful thing that is a teenager into being a cynical, uninspired, boring and wholly predictable adult.

FML.

That said, I think I may have just discovered the best course in the entire world. Well AJ did and then he recommended it to me. And I took it. I've not even had my first class yet, but just based on the frenetic messages the course convener has been sending out as well as the absolutely brilliant course guide, I'm excited. I will have a judgement on Thursday. Perhaps I will tell you, but seriously in all likelihood I won't update this for another month.

Oh look, I truly have just become a cynic.

Quotes for y'all

2010-07-03T19:02:00.001+10:00

Some quotes for you all since apparently I can't be arsed to write here anymore :( There are a few really good ones here. Sourced from here.

And this guy knew that he wasn't accepted by the staff, didn't even try. He didn't dress well. He didn't pretend to be one of them. People around that place didn't think he had anything they wanted, except when they needed him - because he was right, which meant that nothing else mattered. And they had to listen to him.

-- Greg House

Doubt, n. The philosophical device Descartes so cleverly used to prove everything he previously believed.

-- L. A. Rollins, Lucifer's Lexicon

Man, n. An irrational animal whose irrationality is best demonstrated by his irrational belief in his rationality.

-- L. A. Rollins, Lucifer's Lexicon

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do."

-- Robert A. Heinlein

Menahem sighed. 'How can one explain colours to a blind man?'

'One says', snapped Rek, 'that red is like silk, blue is like cool water, and yellow is like sunshine on the face.'

-- David Gemmell, "Legend"

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

-- Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi"

"Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies."

--Friedrich Nietzsche

Nature draws no line between living and nonliving.

-- K. Eric Drexler, Engines of Creation

A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than yesterday.

-- Jonathan Swift (also attributed to Pope)

I do not think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday.

-- Abraham Lincoln

Hunches are not bad, they just need to be allowed to die a natural death when evidence proves them wrong.

-- Steve Moore, former FBI agent

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny..."

-- Isaac Asimov

The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.

-- Plutarch

A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time.

-- George Iles

Human stupidity is formidable but not invincible.

-- Robert C. W. Ettinger, The Prospect of Immortality

Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain.

-- Friedrich Schiller

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

-- Often attributed to Pablo Picasso

"Uproot your questions from their ground and the dangling roots will be seen. More questions!"

--'Mentat Zensufi admonition', Chapterhouse Dune; Frank Herbert

New Manga

2010-06-22T23:42:00.000+10:00

Oh shit, I've just noticed that I talked about the short film thing with Gordon, which as of right now has received little progress from what I had discussed last week; and that I've not mentioned starting a manga with my friend Chris.

Well starting a manga is going a bit far, right now we're working on developing some ideas and character designs. It's the story I conceived for a novel series. My preference, even then, was to use the story in a way that wasn't novel-based, I just hadn't the people-talent to ring it to fruition. I've since then discovered Chris as a viable candidate.

I quickly sketched out my nine major characters with some descriptions to him and he's got back with one so far and that was freakin' brilliant. Brought the character alive for me. I've also, through discussion with him, changed the setting of my story from a traditional medieval RPG-type world to a post-apocalyptic cityscape. This changes the geography of my world a little bit, but I think it would do the story justice and plays rather nicely with some of the thematical issues I wish to tackle.

Right now we're just trying to put together a polished package, and hopefully we can try to market it to some proper manga publishing folk. There's a local Australian magazine, Kiseki, which might be interesting. I even bought their first issue today, just to see whether we'd be a good fit and just to get a general idea of pacing for a chapter.

And I'm kind of at a loss, in the same way I was with Liberi Ex Janus. For me, the chapters that are released every 2 months, i.e. 20-30 pages, it not long enough for any good self-contained idea to take place. At the same time, releasing a graphic novel at once can't happen because my first story arc isn't self-contained enough to warrant a novel. Maybe I'm just a very verbose writer (in that I use dialogue far too much), but 30 pages ... isn't a lot at all. Especially in this Kiseki magazine where each page contains 3 rows max, this limits how much can be said per page.

The problem, I find, with short sharp pages with crisp dialogue is that it just always seems to want to make everything fast-paced. I like to play with light and shade. Slow things down, take a breather and reflect upon things. I feel like when I'm reading one of these things that all the characters are hurtling towards some designed ending, and that's precisely what I want to avoid.

It also means that characterisation through dialogue becomes far more difficult. I suppose this explains the heavy reliance in anime and manga on character traits and catch phrases, to quickly build character. I suppose in some animes music also plays that role, but for the most part, that's it. And that annoys me. I want to write genuine and true dialogue and speaks true to the characters in my mind.

This isn't a problem I'm going to resolve in one blog post, especially when I'm tired after 3 hours of playing Team Fortress 2. Just thought I'd keep you guys updated.

Same collaborators, new project

2010-06-13T13:28:00.000+10:00

I hate myself for not feeling the urge to update this anymore. 2 years later and perhaps I've burnt out? Even Gordon last night commented on how infrequently this baby is updated. That list of projects I compiled a while back ... this blog was one of 2 or 3 projects that I'd actually kept up with and now it seems like this too is slipping into the void of hiatus.

Well, not if I can do anything about it!

It occurred to me two nights ago that when Gordon and I first started considering creative collaborations together the first idea we jumped to was working on a manga, and not once did we even consider the remotest possibility that our skills could be put to other areas. And so I got to thinking, a manga is heaps and heaps of work and perhaps neither of us were really ready to take that on just yet ... but are there any other mediums? Then it hit me.

Animated shorts.

That is, short animated films, the kind of 2-3 minute videos that can be funny or dramatic or inspirational. In my mind I'm thinking "Kiwi" type videos, except not 3D, since neither of us are skilled enough in that field. I would write them and I guess direct them, and he could design and animate them. Neither of us are musically inclined, so I'd just have to find a musician to do the music, probably Ned or someone.

I decided that for the first few we wouldn't go lurching into the world of voices, since neither of us have the equipment to do it well. Perhaps one day I can enlist the help of Chris, who's big into the whole voice acting thing and even if he can't help he might be able to find the contacts who could. But first things first, let's see we can produce some quality content and build some kind of small audience at the very least.

With this in mind I went to be ... it must've been 2am at night and I was lying there, half asleep, desperately trying to come up with an idea. And an idea came. The more I thought about it the more of a plot came through, with specific storyboard-like key frames as well as the ending. I knew the metaphorical and allegorical meaning, and the message, if you want to be trite, of the short.

Last night, in a hotel bar no less, Gordon and I talked it through. It liked the idea of collaborating on shorts. We both realised that a manga, right now as a two man operation with no real prospects of it going anywhere, was too vast of an undertaking and commitment. Especially since we're both incredibly lazy people. As such animated shorts are a genius happy-medium. He's on a month long break right now and I will be soon too. What better time for two jobless teens to do this than now?

We're both in this. Right now I'm gonna finish off my exams and he's going to work on an artistic style that I'd be happy with. My goal is to make it look non-flashy and a polished looking product. I want it to look simple and not too laboured, I think the story needs a simple artistic style. Once he finds one that works I'll get to work storyboarding in stick figures, and then Gordon will re-storyboard in a better graphical style and also put his input into the idea. Then once he gets it, I can look for a composer.

And on music, Gordon and I both agreed that we don't just want the music to be a background soundtrack. It has to be an integral character and moving force of the story. It has to be memorable and something people can form an emotional attachment to such that each time they hear the music they relive those emotions. I listen to the Kiwi! music from time to time and I'm always just as inspired.

At the same time we wanted to avoid just making a music video. At least for this one. It does occur to me that making animated music videos could also be neat - anyone know what the rules on Youtube and stuff are about music videos? If all else fails I can look at some DFTBA artists, since I know that one can use their music in videos so long as it's credited to them as such. I need to double check that.

Either way, exciting times. I like being back in the saddle for creating things. It's been about 2 years since this blog started up. And even then I wanted to work on projects. 2 years ago I pictured that I'd've completed something by now :P

Here's hoping 2 years from now I'll have finished something. :)

So I've not been around, but here are some quotes

2010-06-06T23:48:00.000+10:00

I imagine that if my friend finally came to the conclusion that he were a machine, he would be infinitely crestfallen. I think he would think: "My God! How Horrible! I am only a machine!" But if I should find out I were a machine, my attitude would be totally different. I would say: "How amazing! I never before realized that machines could be so marvelous!"

-- Raymond Smullyan

If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use in being a damn fool about it.

-- W. C. Fields

To a very great extent, the term science is reserved for fields that do progress in obvious ways. But does a field make progress because it is a science, or is it a science because it makes progress?

-- Thomas Kuhn, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions

I know that most men — not only those considered clever, but even those who are very clever and capable of understanding most difficult scientific, mathematical, or philosophic, problems — can seldom discern even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as obliges them to admit the falsity of conclusions they have formed, perhaps with much difficulty — conclusions of which they are proud, which they have taught to others, and on which they have built their lives.

-— Leo Tolstoy, 1896 (excerpt from "What Is Art?")

"Sanity is conforming your thoughts to reality. Conforming reality to your thoughts is creativity."

-- Unknown

Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion.

-- Democritus

You wouldn't believe how much time people spend looking for evidence that something couldn't possibly work for them. If they spent one-tenth the time looking for something that DID work, they'd have their problem solved almost immediately.

-- Eric Pepke

Man's mind is a mirror of a universe that mirrors man's mind.

-- Joseph Chilton Pearce

Speak for yourself Sir, I intend to live forever

-- Jonathan Frakes, as William T Riker

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

-- Arthur Conan Doyle

The universe will expand, then it will collapse back on itself, then will expand again. It will repeat this process forever. What you don't you know is that when the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make, you will live through again, & again, forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around. Because this time is all you have.

-- KPAX

X_X

2010-05-29T01:20:00.000+10:00

Me: *some long-winded diatribe against some inane topic*

Gordon: Man, if I ever find out I'm going to die I'm going to spend it with you so I can stretch it out as long as possible.

X_X

Lost according to me

2010-05-26T00:19:00.000+10:00

I look at the main page of the blog here and can't help but notice that I've only written Lost posts, and to be honest with you, that's fine with me. It's really all I've got going for me these past few weeks, so whatever. Anyway, from here on out there will be Lost spoilers so if you wish to watch the finale with clean eyes I'm going to suggest you turn away NOW.

My thoughts on the finale? Great. Genius. Epic. Satisfying. What it wasn't was mind-blowing and in many ways I think this was a conscious decision on the maker's part. I do think that it could've been beautiful, but it shied away from that one smidgen. I do have one or two gripes with it, but the focus of this post in particular is to help articulate (for me) and elucidate (for you) precisely what answers were given in the finale, for I feel that the majority of the big questions were answered. Satisfactorily, I might add.

Before I move on, I need to clear something up that Esp on Facebook pointed out. I told him I thought there were answers given and he felt otherwise. And according to him, I was mixing up interpretation with telling. To this I am curious at what method of answer-giving would satisfy him ... Does he want a Matrix'esque scene with the Architect explaining it all? A lot of people expressed disdain at that notion and I actually feel that entire scene, though long, felt in place in the Matrix series as well as the stylistic construction of the direction of the films. Lost doesn't have that. What Lost has always done so brilliantly is that rather than just telling us answers, it shows us answers. The mode through which answers are given are incorporated into the plot that directly affects our characters and as such almost all the answers of Lost are given through metaphors and being shown in allegory and illuminated through inference.

My second argument to Esp's charge is this: A lot of people have come out of the finale under the impression that the Island was purgatory and that they all died when 815 crashed on September 22 2004. I think Esp, and probably the majority of you cultured readers, that people who come to that conclusion have not understood. Sure, I'm all for respecting the rights of people having their own interpretations the show, which is a necessity when Lost relies on our sense of inference to appreciate it, but, to me at least, to think it was purgatory all along just directly contradicts what was presented on the show.

My point is this: I feel that my interpretation is just along the same qualitative lines as that. At some level I am going to think that anyone who disagrees with my reading of it is at some level wrong. That it's not just an interpretation, but it's what the producers are showing us and hoping we understand through inference. Do I think they could've helped a little more? Probably, and at least it would avoid this fiasco of people thinking it was purgatory all along, including, I might add, an article in the LA Times.

So, without further adieu, this is Lost according to me.

The Sideways Island

When the final L O S T appeared on my screen I was a little surprised. To be honest with you, I was hoping for something a little more explicit, or at least some kind of epiphany to have hit at some point during the last 30 minutes of the show, not where they just tell you, but I mean when you figure it all out. That didn't happened to me at all during the actual show, which perhaps has detracted from my appreciation of the finale as a finale. This meant I had to spend some time afterwards just working through what we knew to see if I could find anything.

So my first thoughts were to consider the underwater Island in the sideways world. All this time before the finale aired we had no reasons to think why it would be at the bottom of the sea, my initial interpretations were that the Incident, if no Jughead detonated would pull it to the see. But in light (no pun) of the finale, I think it's pretty clear what an Island underwater means. It the normal world, when Desmond pulled the plug on the Island and the light went out, the Island threatened to go underwater.

Am I suggesting that someone pulled the plug and the Island therefore went down? No way. What I am saying is that the Island under the water is representative of the light having gone out. Or that there is no light in this sideways world. Let's not forget that the sideways world is not real, and therefore not bound by either time or causality, so any- and everything is first and foremost a symbol, not the effect of some causal chain.

The Sideways world

So what is the world? It's best characterised as the world in-between, after life but before whatever comes next. It is a kind of purgatory, but I wish to avoid that word for it has connotations with a single religious tradition. It's a kind of waiting room until all the important people in your life come together again and collectively to move on. Together.

What is the Monster?

I postulated after "Across the Sea" that the smoke monster is actually all the light. I was wrong in that the cave still had light, independently of the smoke monster, I will say that it did look somewhat dimmer than in "Across the Sea", but whether that was important or a CGI inconsistency I cannot say.

But let's look at the evidence. During the first course of the season, Richard, Ilana and Widmore all said things that the effect of MIB leaving would be that everyone would die, that people would "simply cease to be". In fact, Isabella to Hugo says that they all go to hell when they die. Not that they would go to the sideways in-between world, no, but that would go to hell.

Beyond that, Mother described the light as being a part of every man and that if "the light goes out here, it goes out everywhere". I can't be the only one who thinks the light and the effect of MIB leaving are very similarly described. Furthermore, in the end, the process of the light going out in the cave was the very same process that would let MIB leave.

At the end of all this, I think it's clear that the monster and the light are inextricably linked. Perhaps MIB leaving isn't that big of a deal afterall, and that what in fact is a problem is that if MIB leaves he must destroy the light, which is a big problem. Me? I'm still of the opinion that the monster is made of the light, or rather than the light made it to be a manifestation of the light's whims. So in my reading, the monster leaving and the light going out are the same thing.

The Nature of the Light

If the monster is a manifestation of the light, then it is my belief that the monster's intentions are that of the light's. That is the say, the light just wants to leave. It wants to go out. And that whoever the ancient peoples who created the Island, created the plug, made it so that the light couldn't leave, that it could continue being in every man. The plug was man made, it wasn't some natural pocket of electromagnetism. It was still around before some people made a device to keep it in play.

But I suppose that makes for a dreary idea, that mankind selfishly enslaves the light in this realm and keeps it around. The other way to look at it is that the light must be earned. That it is not given to every man, and that humanity was continually work to keep it around. So the existence of the monster doesn't become an issue of the light just wanting out, but that the monster's existence is a trial. In much the same way, the fact that, according to Mother at least, man are inherently evil and want more of the light and thereby threaten to put it out is more indication that the light is always under threat of its own doing.

Either interpretation, that the light has some kind of intentions or human aspects, or that the light merely is something to earned, both fit into this readiing.

Why MIB and not Jack

A lot of people online have wondered if Jack became a smoke monster when he teleported out of the pool of water onto the rocks with Jacob found MIB's body. I think the answer is a rather clear no, since it was Jack, soul and all, on the rocks while it was just MIB's body. Plus Jack could suffer from mortal wounds and MIB couldn't.

But then one must ask, why did MIB become a smoke monster and not Jack? I suppose one could suggestion that Jack willingly went down there while MIB did not. But my interpretation is this, because Jack's intentions were not MIB's. What was MIB's archetypal concern, that which I love so dearly? That he wasts to go across the sea. He wants to go home. Even though he has no idea what the hell is out there, he knows he does not belong on the Island, echoing philosophers and artists and theists throughout the years.

If the nature of the light is to want to leave/put itself in jeopardy then I suggest superpowering an entity that needs to destroy the light is a pretty good way to go about it. Superpowering Jack and turning him into a smoke monster is against its goals.

So what is the light?

Forgive me for going all corny here, but the answer to that is Salvation. Every man has a chance at salvation because every man has the light in them. At long as the light exists on the Island then every man can be saved. They do not simply cease to be when they die, they do not simply die. Instead they have the opportunity to transcend life and death, to move beyond.

That is to say, I believe the light is the ticket into the sideways world. If the light goes out and you die then your soul goes. It's gone forever. This is bad news for MIB, who died whilst the plug was out, so he's gone for good. But everyone else? They had the light when they died.

The light is the promise of eternal life.

This is why the sideways Island is underwater. There is no light in the sideways world because there is no need for the idea of light. They are already there because they had light.

With this in mind, I think why it's a nice thought that the light does seek to destroy itself. Salvation must be earned, eternally. It's not something that is given to us. We must earn the light for ourselves and then we must use the light to earn the right to move on.

NOTE that I am not saying one must endure these trials and save the light in order to go to the sideways world. All I am saying is that small groups of people will earn the light for all of humanity. Then it's up to humanity to use the light to let go. This is why people like Penny are in the finale church scene, though they were never on the Island, they can be saved.

Another point to consider is the whispers. If they are the people who cannot move on ... are they just people who are permanently stuck in the sideways world? Or have they lost the light altogether? Can they reclaim light??

Live together

I think this is rather clear from the scene with Christian in the antechamber. The connections you make, the bonds you forge and the community you create. These are the important things in life. In the end it really is "Live together, die alone". But with one important addition: "Let go together".

We must live together or we die alone. We must live together to let go together.

As our Losties made their way into each others lives they formed indelible bonds, each person's light inexplicably touched by another. In death this web of light-relationships, or community, helped form the psychic manifestation of the sideways world. It created the circumstances in which the people, in their catatonic sideways zombie state could remember. Once they all remembered then they can move on. This is what Christian meant when he called the world a place they "created", he didn't mean they actually created it, rather it was born of their connection.

And truly, this is what I fucking love about Lost, that you can think right up until that last moment you know what the show is fundamentally about, that it's about faith vs science or destiny vs free will or any other theme, but at the end of the day, what it really is all about is in front of you the whole time, you just didn't realise it. Lost is about people forming a community. People seeking redemption and salvation together. The phrase "Live together, Die alone" is so integral to the plot since season 1. This is the exact same thing with me and Ben. Lost, at it's best, forces you to realise what you should've known all along.

So then, what is the Island?

I think that's simple. The Island is the Covenant. Coming from a Catholic school this is really the first insight I had. I wanted to call it the sacrificial lamb, but Covenant sounds better. Like I said, the light is the promise of eternal life and I guess the Island is the promise of the light.

Protect the Island. Protect the light. Stop MIB from leaving. These are all seriously the same sides to the one issue.

***

Phew, that took longer than anticipated. And, in yo face, Esp, that entire thing was just about the mythology side of the show. Is it scientific? No. But is it an answer? You bet it's an answer. It might as well be The Answer.

Now to look at the character aspects as well as the construction aspects.

Misc points

I'm satisfied with Ben's arc. I'm not fully happy with it, I still think his arc necessitated that he die, but whatever. At the end he got what we wanted. No, not the Island as so many people have foolishly suggested, but he got acknowledgement. He belonged. I'm a little annoyed at him during the end though, he didn't have any plan to stop MIB at all ... he just kind of went with the flow. I will say this though, I thought it was genius that he didn't go into the church, that he decided to stay outside.

I enjoyed the last scene with it being Jack's eye closing and his death to end it. Though it was Jack's story, his story cannot be isolated from the people he met along the way. They had to leave together. Love that. As soon as Jack woke up on the rocks it hit me that Jack was going to go die on the patch of bamboo. Vincent was just a nice treat.

I don't think I've ever teared up so many times on separate occasions. Sure, none of the reunions broke me down and made me sob, but each one, even Sayid and Shannon gave me a few tears. I loved that to bits. All of them. Locke's especially.

Richard's fate was answered in a way that made me really happy. People who just tuned in to watch Lost must've been so confused that they dedicated such a long time to some guy who looks like he has eyeliner one obsessing over a gray hair :D

The plug? Honestly, I felt a lil' be cringey at the idea. But I did realise very quickly that it's just a device. It's a MacGuffin. The specifics of it are not important. Personally? I would've preferred something more abstract, but what I have no idea. Perhaps a set of scales or something, or even a board game. There's too much symbolism on Lost and anything they used would've just been a repeat of something else.

OH! Here's something. A fire. That is to say, the flame of Prometheus, that would fit right into the idea of Lost.

That fight scene with MIB? Pure epic. Thought it was visually mindblowing. It looked to goddamn cool, especially that aerial pan. I thought the timing was a bit odd, in that he died with like 40-50 minutes left. I would've preferred something closer tot he end. I understand that logistically they wanted to show the cliffs going into the ocean, with the boat, so the fight had to take place there. But if it could've been at the beach where it all began .. that've been cool. But logistics get in the way, once again.

My other problem with it was that the fight was very ... brutish. It was rough. It was just two men fighting ... which I suppose was the point. Two kickass fistally fluent punchers would've made it seem less real and raw. I would've preferred ... I dunno ... more people in on the fight maybe? Imagine Locke taking on Sawyer, Jack and ... Ben and Hurley and Miles? :P Kate shooting him in the back ... Didn't love it, though it gave her character a nice arc, closure and purpose. All the major characters had a role to play in the finale outside of Miles and Claire.

The end

It is over now. And I've been sitting here with a empty feeling all day, but I guess I could just be getting sick. Lost was something else entirely. Something I don't think we'll see again in a long time. And though, overall, I don't think it hit that beautiful mark ... I think it taught us all a lesson in storytelling. In how to tell a story and how to engage with an audience.

And in the end, how could we possibly ignore how this phenomenon brought us all together?

Lost - before the series finale

2010-05-21T17:19:00.002+10:00

I always end up writing far more than I ever want to, so today I'm just going to try and list as many predictive points as I can about the finale. But before that ...

Jacob

I wanted to write, in my last post, about my theory on Jacob and why he's adopted an outlook on humanity so contrary to MIB and Mother's, both of whom believe mankind is inherently evil and destined to doom. I had forgotten, then, the next day, I realised I'd forgotten, and make a big tweet about it, but never got around to writing it ... Boy do I regret not doing that, turns out I was right. Not that it was so much of a theory as more as an insight.

What I wanted to say was that Jacob believes in human's inherent redemption because he *has* to believe in it. His own redemption depends on it. He affords everyone the choice that he was denied. If one person can prove man is capable of choosing right and redeeming themselves then Jacob, is in a sense redeemed. The idea is far more eloquent and poetic than I've been able to convey here ... but whatever.

And as for spoilers ...

I've accidentally gleamed a spoiler or two, but none of that comes into what follows because I came up with this before I saw them literally moments ago. I wanted to get this out before the spoilers ferment and ruin my thinking.

The List

As always, all my predictions are looking at it from a narratological, a storyteller's perspective and therefore will be from the perspective of if *I* told the story, not what naturally unfolds from the empirical data, which would be, I guess, an inductive way of looking at it.

Ben is not evil

It pisses me off that so many people jumped on that idea that Ben is a power hungry dweeb. Of course, I'm biased because he's my favourite character, and I spend a great deal of time watching his beautifully acted out scenes and thinking about it.
Ben is not power-hungry. He never was. We may've thought he was and he may've thought he was, but "Dr Linus" proved, to me at least, that Ben's ultimate desires have been just to belong. In that episode I believed him redeemed, and that the only course for him to do would be to sacrifice himself to stop the monster.
Here's how it's going to happen:

Ben used MIB's doomed perception of humans against him. MIB once believed Ben would be swayed by getting control of the Island, but Ben denied that in "Dr Linus", opting to go with Ilana, who chose to forgive him. Ben knew MIB would use the same argument when they met again so he was ready to accept.
The walkie-talkies given to Miles will come back into play.
Ben walked in with MIB to see Widmore to overhear gamets of information that he could use.
Widmore's death was in part emotionally driven, but at the same time he did it to stop him from revealing too much.
Ben, over the course of the 2.5 hour finale, will seem a baddie for much of the first 2 hours, probably, and then he'll sacrifice himself to put MIB in a position where he can be stopped.
As for Miles, I'm torn between thinking he'll come out of the forest afterwards and be all "Ben told me to do this" or if we see that before Ben's sacrifice.

EDIT!!!: Here's a thought. A lot of people are peeved that the rules Ben and Widmore spoke of seem to have been ignored with his recent shooting of Widmore. How about this. Let's say the rules are still in play, which means Ben can't kill Widmore. Just seriously injure him. Why would he do that? So MIB will trust him, THINKING that he killed Widmore, preventing too much information from being leaked, and ALSO preventing MIB from killing Widmore.

It's a long shot, and will be complicated. But I can see it happening ... but I don't see much use in keeping Widmore around. We never got to find out what his giant missile shooting thing was.

"Thank you"

I think Mother's "thank you" right before she died is significant, and we will get an answer to that come the finale. What it could possibly be I've not the faintest clue.

Jacob's passing

We will see a scene of the fire where Jacob's ashes are burning go out. During that time, Jacob will probably disappear into nothingness before Jack and maybe others, in a beautiful scene with a great backing music.
He will probably impart one or two important things to Jack, his successor, before he goes.

Desmond's saviour

I'd like to think that Desmond was already saved by Miles, who Ben instructed secretly before MIB and he got there. Although Ben did seem surprised by seeing a well, so maybe that wasn't the case.
SPOILER: This is just something from a sneak peek. Scroll over if you don't want to see it.

James tracks down the well in the sneak peek. If Ben didn't save him and they didn't save him, who did? I'd love to think that Sawyer, in his cunning, saved him before MIB got there and went back to con MIB.
Else a higher power *shrug*

Flashsideways

As always I have no freakin' idea what the Flashsideways world really is, but I've recently been toying with the idea that that entire world is somehow the Light or is inherently linked to the Light.

I was thinking may, along that idea, that Desmond is getting them all together to ... I dunno, kill themselves or something, in a way of destroying the light in the "real" world, so that no one needs to protect it any more, and Jack's term will be over rather quickly.

What I like about this idea is that not even Jacob or MIB will see this coming. And that the Losties of the flashsideways world will choose to end it. It becomes a matter of free will triumphing over the pushing and prodding that Jacob and MIB have been doing all season.

Maybe not kill but to sever the tie.

We will see Eloise Widmore in the flashsideways world at the concert. She will freak out when she sees them all together, we will get our first real clue to the nature of the flashsideways in that scene.
Desmond needs to get all of those characters to flash ... I wonder how they're gonna do that, for the characters like Locke and Jack. I hate it, but I think it may be Kate who will get Jack to flash.
Sawyer and Juliet, who is Jack's ex-wife and David's mother will meet at the concert, and during that meeting for the coffee, Sawyer will flash.
I hope to dear God that we get John Locke to walk again. They've made such a big deal about it. I don't think the concert will be the finale sideways scene, and that it will be just for the first part of it.

I'm hoping during the second half, once they're almost all together and all flashed and remember things, they can all go to the hospital where Jack will perform the surgery.
My concern with this is that surgery takes a long time, and recovery too and this will mess with the pacing of the sideways world.
Anyway! Once the surgery is completed, Locke will take his first steps, which time time he will flash. He will remember everything. It will be one of those powerful scenes.

I honestly don't know what Desmond is gathering them together for, but it's either to severe the link with the real world, reinforce it, or to raise the Island in their own time.

Nature of the Monster

I said last time that I believe Smokey was the light, that the cave is now dim. This latest episode kind of contradicts that, as Jacob maintains the light is still there, even after the smoke monster erupted out of the cave.

It's possible that Jacob never returned there out of guilt, never noticed the light was gone. But this makes little sense. I think this theory is dead.

Final showdown

I think the showdown will probably take place at the cave of light or thereabout, or on the beach camp from season 1. Kind of hedging my bets there ... but I think the final scene from the show ever will probably be a neat talk on the beach, I have no idea between which characters, Jack will probably be involved. If that's the case then MIB will be stopped where he was born, the cave of light.

John Locke

I'd love to think Locke would be revived in the main timeline. Like if Locke's body gets dug up from his cave and is thrown into the cave of light maybe? It's far-fetched, and there's really no reason why he needs to be revived, unless it has to be done to stop MIB, but I cannot see why that has to be done, as much as I'd love it.
Maybe there always has to be a smoke mosnter? And so once MIB is stopped they make Locke into a new one ... one that wants to stay there and will willingly protect the Island, or something.

What we won't know answers to:

Who built the statue; why women can't get pregnant; who finished the wheel; the polar bear in Tsunisia and the "exit"; Eloise in the main timeline; Hurley bird; Christian; the cabin (maybe outside of MIB acknowledging that he was in the cabin; anything to do with Mother's origins; Ilana's backstory; Walt and Aaron; the origin of the ash circles and their power; Dogen's "power"; palette drops; any more DHARMA history; what MIB's name is, if he ever had one.

Rose and Bernard

I think it unlikely we'll see them play any critical role, and perhaps not see them at all. But I hope to dear god that we do see them. And Vincent.

MIB's death, resurrection or defeat

I think we're being led to believe he will be killed at the end. I'd love to think he can just be defeated. That maybe he will go on being trapped on the Island, and Jack and Locke will have the final scene on the beach, much like Jacob and MIB.
Maybe that can heal him, take the smoke away from the man and bring him back as just MIB without the smoke monster, but I don't know if that's possible.
I'm going to take a stab and suggest that he'll be healed in sense, but how I have no idea.

Destroyed Island

What happens if they sink the Island? Then they will all swim to safety and mourn how they've lost. Then the flashsideways people will somehow save the day and stop MIB.

Deaths

I don't think the death toll is at all near the end. I think there will be very few survivors by the end of this. I've already put it out there that Ben will die by the end, nay he must die for his character arc.
If there remains a need for a "Jacob" for the Island then Jack will live. Otherwise there's a very real chance he will die, but he if he does that then John Locke will properly be revived. One man of faith must come out of this alive.
Kate will live.
Hurley has a real chance of dying. Now that Jacob will go he's lost his use, and the audience doesn't need his proxy for much longer. If he dies it will be in the first half, rather than the latter half.
Claire will live.
Sawyer faces a grave chance of death as well. He's been flapping around without purpose for awhile now. If he dies it will be in the second half and will be what spurs Jack to kill MIB. That's not to say that if Sawyer lives then MIB will also, just that if Sawyer dies then MIB will too, or Jack will try very hard to kill him, at the least.
Rose and Bernard, if they appear will probably live. If they die then it will be the first half, maybe with or instead of Hurley.
Richard, assuming he's survived, and I do, purely because they can't killed him like that ... Will probably die, but not in the sense where he sacrifices himself. If he dies it will be during a fight and he will be a casualty, probably at Ben's hand, who will show some level of remorse but quickly hide it to continue his longcon.
Miles has no reason to live or die. So I can't speculate at all... he'll serve his purpose with Ben's plan and maybe MIB will race and kill him. I'd love to think that his power will come in handy again ... but I can't see that ever happening. UNLESS he goes to Adam and Eve and maybe reads Mother's last thoughts. Perhaps this will affect MIB.

Leaving the island

They can't all stay on the Island. That said they can't all just die either. So somehow they will leave the Island. Kate and Claire for sure.
If there is a need for a "Jacob" then Jack will definitely stay, maybe one or two others, the rest will leave, how I have no idea. If there is no need for a "Jacob" then they will all leave.
EDIT!!! This just occurred to me that this may be their finale image: Those who leave will leave in the Ajira plane. If at any point Frank washes up on sure, then that is what will happen. Who will leave? I have no idea, but I can see them ending the series on a plane. Perhaps MIB will destroy the main Island and then they'll swim to Hydra and leave from there, but that says nothing about how MIB will be defeated, assuming the show goes that way.

And there you have it. My Lost predictions before the finale. I'll probably update this list if I think of anything else, but this is kinda comprehensive, and non-specific in places.

Lost S06E15 - Across the Sea

2010-05-17T00:18:00.000+10:00

I had initially intended for this post to be a review of "Across the Sea", but I felt any post I made couldn't do justice to it. I, like many of the Lost fans, was a little miffed at the end of the episode, but given some time to think about it, I've grown to absolutely adore the episode, and I may go as far as to say it's a landmark episode in television. Whether this was a function of it being situated within Lost or as a standalone episode I don't know.

Ironically, I think it was the fact that it was ... I guess poorly executed is the right phrase, is what illuminated me to how great it was. Not that that can be forgiven, I mean I suspect it would've been the best episode of Lost ever if they managed to execute it well. But as it is, the difficulty relating to it forced me to look at it from a philosophical and conceptual angle, the ideas and stories it told.

What I will say of the episode is that it has created a myth, with characters who now stand as archetypes. Much in the same way that we speak of Romeo and Juliet all these years later, that is when we use the name, or even a similar type of scenario we always think of that, I think this is what Lost has done. In terms of the stories of two brothers, the stories of the crazy Mother, the character of the Mother (whether or not she was really all-knowing), the metaphor of the well of light. Perhaps most importantly for me, everything about the Boy in Black was amazing. The way the title, the phrase "across the sea" was used blew my mind. I can guarantee that my future writings I will use that phrase and expect my readers to fully understand what I mean.

And now onto my theories, judging from the last batch of episodes ...

I was kinda right ...

It's funny, thinking back to some of the posts I've written previously, and how many of the sentiments were somewhat echoed. For instance, I suggested very early on that MIB's story would be humanised. He could go from an ethereal being into a more well-grounded, human character that Lost so uniquely is able to create, and the entire conflict is rooted in human. Not only was he literally a human, but the emotions ... his character, as well as Jacob's is human.

I also mentioned at some point the idea that MIB and his soul was separated. I was kind of right in that regard. It certainly seems like Smokey is MIB's soul, with his body actually being Adam. Of course one still wonders just what the hell was going on in the cabin, but I'm hoping that's something that will be addressed (not answered in any great detail, but mentioned at least).

Where I stand

At the end of this episode, there were several questions that have been posed. My answers:

Did the cave of light go out when the smoke monster came out? Yes.
Is the monster MIB's soul or is it just embodying his memories? MIB's soul.
Did the monster exist before hand? No.
Is Mother a smoke monster? Doubtful.

(I seriously thought there was more questions when I started the list ... I kinda ran out :P)

My theory

In the big scheme of things, this seems to be where I believe it is heading. When MIB was sent cruising into the cave, he wasn't dead, and the interaction between his soul and the light created the smoke monster. Whether or not this is what Mother predicted when she said it would be worse than death I do not know. I think the light manifest itself around his soul, so when it came bursting out, that was all the light coming out as well, hence why the cave seemed to go out.

Whatever this light is, the Source, is now MIB, and maybe he doesn't know his own significance. This is why Jacob's mission changed from protecting the light to keeping MIB a prisoner. It was for his own good. It is also why he can appear as the dead, ie the souls that have returned to the source, he can access their memories and their appearance. It's also the white light that appears when he flashes. It also explains why Locke called it beautiful all the way back in season 1.

Perhaps most importantly, it's why he couldn't turn the donkey wheel once it was completed. Since he was the source of that power. I also believe he is the cause of the flashes, ie the time periods they flashed between, if he is the energy then he could control it, all to further his agenda. Although I wonder why he needs them in 1977 for Jughead and how the alternate reality plays into all this ... All I know is he needed Locke to meet Richard in 2008 so Locke would know wtf to do and die. Which is also why MIB, as Locke, knew he had to take Richard there in "Follow the Leader".

As for how this plays into the story, I have no idea. Whether someone will take the Candidate position and guard MIB for the rest of time, or perhaps they find a way to extract the light from him, restore the well or perhaps create a new smoke monster ...

Flashsideways

Well this far in and I have no idea what the flashsideways are. My previous theories have been that this was home for MIB, but now we know that's not the case. In which case ... Maybe it has something to do with the Light? Perhaps it is the Light world, but that would mean they are currently within MIB ... err maybe not.

I did wonder, if Eloise Hawking (or as she's known in the sideways-world, Widmore) is the Mother of this world, guarding the Light. I wonder if there is a Light in this sideways-world, and if so, is it still on the sunken Island or is it elsewhere? Perhaps it's a world without light?

*epic boggle*

Too meta

And just quickly, where I felt this episode failed was that it felt a bit too meta at some points, which perhaps made it a little too self-conscious. The there'll always be questions angle of it, although great, I think hampered the episode. And maybe they felt the burden of making this episode epic, rather than just letting it speak for itself.

I will say that I thought the light was an ultimate parallel for "The Answer", or the answers. In that everybody has a little bit within them, ie everyone watching the episode got bits of the answers, but they always want more. And the more they get, the more they risk extinguishing The Answer as a whiole. I thought it was neat. :P

***

I'm eagerly awaiting the next episode, and despite my humdrum latenight musings, I really genuinely did love the episode. I'm peeved that they aired the next episode at the Lost Live event, since now a good portion of fans know what happens and at this important junction I don't ever want to risk getting an inadvertent spoiler. Not going to forums or reading blogs has really taken a hit out of my life right now. I want to see what other theories/thoughts are floating around out there.

That said, there's only a week left. Holy shit. 7 days.

It only ends once.

Desperate measures

2010-05-16T20:58:00.000+10:00

Wow, I've just noticed that for the first time since this blog's inception I've written only 1 post in a week. Sure, I've not written for weeks at a time, but they're not as much of a sore thumb as it is when it just says (1).

I have no reasons why. It just is.

My thoughts on "freedom of speech"

2010-05-11T17:19:00.000+10:00

Freedom of speech is such absolute bullshit.

By which I mean the way it is used and the people who use it, not the concept of freedom of speech itself, which I think is noble and essential in our society. What I loathe about it is the way that it's misused in everyday society. To be fair, I suspect 90% of people who fall into this category aren't willingly being so wrong.

To contextualise: if you don't follow me on Twitter today I had a rather interesting conversation with GSK (though I suspect he could characterise the exchange rather differently *rolls eyes*). He was posting what I would consider spoilers - a term which you may or may not agree is applicable in that situation but nevertheless wholly irrelevant to the point I am trying to make (and I will write up a different post on it since my thoughts on the matter of both extensive and time consuming and I simply do not have time to bitch about two things right now), and I was telling him how it was ruining the show for me and asking him to stop.

Anyway, the exchange, where we debate the merits of the appropriateness of the term "spoiler", takes place for several tweets back and forth, and near the end he says: "... then I guess you'll just have to unfollow me. Freedom of speech. If I want to post about the episode, I will. Sorry."

(It occurs to me that this entire post sounds like I'm just bitching about GSK, but I swear it's not. I'm merely setting to scene and will further explicate my initial point further in a short paragraph's time)

He further characterised this, in a blog post: "apparently telling him that an episode of a TV show is amazing and he won't be disappointed is very very bad and he's threatening to block me." In his defense, he realised this wasn't smarted and that he didn't want to "shit around" with me so he deleted it. Apparently I won't be walking his moral highground :P

At this point I'm gonna switch gears to a more abstract mode, rather than harping on about GSK. The problem with how "freedom of speech" is used is that people think it's a legitimate rhetorical device. How often have you debated, particularly on the internet, some kind of issue, and someone just plays the "freedom of speech" card and raises their hands, absolves themselves of the debate, gets up on their high horse and ride's off into the next big debate?

Far too often is the answer.

This is something I've noticed, and I suppose it has to do with the legal system. There's this pervasive belief that the legal system is the epitome of rationality and of rhetoric in general society. Anyone who has any kind of rational brain, anyone who thinks about things with any sense of philosophy would vehemently disagree. The legal system is merely a body which arbitrates decisions. It is far more political and far less pure than we'd think it to be. It is not a basis on which we build the foundations of argument when intercoursing with others.

Let's look at this by way of an example: Hypocrisy. This one's simple. In a courtroom, a man can be sitting there espousing some diatribe about how evil some big company is, and then the opposition's lawyer goes, "Ah! But Mr X, can you explain this?" and going on to present some form of evidence which makes Mr X out to be a giant hypocrite, that he's just as guilty as the company he's witnessing against.

It's interesting isn't it, how this, for some reason, is a valid technique in the courtroom? I suspect it has to do with the accepted idea of Ad Hominem in the courtroom. It is probably the ONLY place that inherently allows one to bring up irrelevant facts to undermine another person's argument.

But one merely needs to think about it. What is inherently wrong with hypocrisy? All it means is that the person does not abide by the code they are suggesting all should live with. It does not mean that the code itself is somehow flawed. If a man is arguing that murder is wrong and it turns out he's a closeted serial killer, does that mean murder is fine? Of course not, it just means the man is just as wrong.

Anyway, hypocrisy is legitimised in the court. And society has leeched it out of the courtroom and started wanking it all over the place, incorporating it into everyday discussion. People begin to think, upon repeated exposure, that it's a valid form of argument. People begin to think of it as a card that they can play. It becomes one of those cliches that I often decry ... they're so blinded by their reliance on his crutch that they start subsuming anything that remotely resembles what it actually represents and just play the card.

So to is it so with freedom of speech. This perhaps is most strongly seen in America, where it's written into the very constitution. It is a legal concept. It is used in very specific legal situations. It is not a be-all and end-all argument. It is not a valid form of argument.

And the problem is when it becomes a collective cliche argument, all sorts of situations become subsumed under it. And this is where today comes into it.

Basically I've asked GSK to stop posting these tweets which I find to be a bad thing.
He says he won't.
I tell him that if he doesn't, then I will have to unfollow him and if he continues to @reply me so that I can *see* the spoilers he's posting then I will block him.

And, bless him, he's come from this and concluded not only the idea that this is a freedom of speech issue because it involves the request for him to stop saying something, AND the idea that I've threatened him.

Let's just unpack this a little bit. Freedom of speech is a very specific concept and used in specific situations. Is it applicable here? Don't be absurd. Of course it's not. This is not a threat because I hold no sway over him. This is not me abusing my authority and forcing him to stop. No one is forcing anyone to do anything.

All that is going on here is that I am making a request that he stop something. If he does not acquiesce then I must do the next best thing and avoid putting myself in a situation where that something can be done to me.

Unfortunately, society becomes so dependent on this "device" of freedom of speech that it blindly just moves anything that involves a request for someone to stop saying something under, and as such, any mentions of consequences get escalated into threat.

And that, quite frankly, is why freedom of speech is complete and utter bullshit.

Things I would like to do

2010-05-08T01:07:00.000+10:00

Two things I've been noodling around in my head over the past two days.

1. I want to take a couple of my friends and set up a challenge. Basically, beginning from some date until some other day, we each must create a business and earn money from it. I have no idea what the intricacies of the challenge would be, whether the winner will be determined by how much money is made ... are we talking gross or net? And it had to be an idea that neither one of us will have done anything towards yet, so we will all be on equal ground, meaning I can't use the t-shirt business idea (which I think is too broad of an idea anyway).

Potential candidates for this? Gobi, Connor, AJ, Kolby, Gordon ... They're the creative types who I think would get a kick out of this. May discuss the idea with a few of them next week and see what they say. I know Gobi said back in 2008 that he had a goal to make a set goal of money by some date, I was kinda inspired by that. But I was also inspired by The Spiral Project in that that took what could've been an arduous task and turned it into a game between friends.

Other rule would be fairly obvious ones, such as not being able to use each other for help. Maybe we can talk through ideas, but no actual helping, ie, no obligations to help so we can focus our efforts. We'd be allowed to use contacts and other friends however we please, as they would just be another resource in the game. I'd love to say I could supply each participant with a wad of cash to help them start up, but I really don't think that's gonna happen :P Although something to consider is maybe having each person start saving now and then by the time we begin we all have like $1000 or $2000 in the bank to use. *shrug*

2. I want to take the type, probably during a break, and spend it working 9-5. And by working I mean writing. Yes, I know disciplined writing sucks the fun right out of it, but the point of this is to transpose the fun into the idea of trying to work this way, not in the writing process itself or the written work itself.

It'd be kind of like a NaNoWriMo, but instead of aiming for any specific word limit, one is limited merely to the hours of the day that one has to write. With like one or two breaks for lunch, the hours will be spend actually sitting there working.

I reckon, so long as I can continually write something I'm satisfied with, I can push out 2-3 weeks before I get fed up with the routine and throw in the towel, at which point I've have enough of a book that I should be able to finish it and have some incentive to do so. I remember watching a video from John Green years back where he and 3 other authors locked themselves in an apartment and all worked together with their writing, leaning on each other for advice and reading out excerpts. If I had the friends who would write with that dedication AND the time I would definitely ask them to join it, but this definitely seems like an individual endeavour.

I guess part of this would be not writing completely and total quality. The focus would be to get what I can down and focus on the editing once it's all done. If I can get my mind over that hurdle then I'm certainly on my way to making this plan a reality.

What's motivating me with this is a yearning to do some writing outside of the Spiral Project. And since that's the only collaborative writing project that's worked it, it seems like collaboration, at least with the handful of people I've surrounded myself with, does not seem as feasible as I would've hoped when I began all this 2 years ago, and so I will have to resort myself to masturbatory writing.

Nifty quotes for a May

2010-05-03T15:42:00.000+10:00

Scientists spend an extraordinary amount of time worrying about being wrong and take great pains to prove others so. In fact, science is the one area of discourse in which a person can win considerable prestige by proving himself wrong.

-- Sam Harris

"A free man thinks of death least of all things; and his wisdom is a meditation not of death but of life."

-- Baruch Spinoza

"Society begins to appear much less unreasonable when one realizes its true function. It is there to help everyone to keep their minds off reality."

-- Celia Green, The Human Evasion

If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence.

-- Bertrand Russell

There will be some fundamental assumptions which adherents of all the variant systems within the epoch unconsciously presuppose. Such assumptions appear so obvious that people do not know what they are assuming because no other way of putting things has ever occurred to them. With these assumptions a certain limited number of types of philosophic systems are possible, and this group of systems constitutes the philosophy of the epoch.

-- Alfred North Whitehead

Science is not ’organized common sense'; at its most exciting, it reformulates our view of the world by imposing powerful theories against the ancient, anthropocentric prejudices that we call intuition.

-- Stephen J. Gould

The light dove, cleaving the air in her free flight, and feeling its resistance, might imagine that its flight would be still easier in empty space. It was thus that Plato left the world of the senses, as setting too narrow limits to the understanding, and ventured out beyond it on the wings of the ideas, in the empty space of the pure understanding. He did not observe that with all his efforts he made no advance—meeting no resistance that might, as it were, serve as a support upon which he could take a stand, to which he could apply his powers, and so set his understanding in motion.

-- Immanuel Kant, Critique of Pure Reason

Skeptic, n. One who doubts what he does not want to believe and believes what he does not want to doubt.

-- L. A. Rollins, Lucifer's Lexicon

We live in a vast and awesome universe in which, daily, suns are made and worlds destroyed, where humanity clings to an obscure clod of rock. The significance of our lives and our fragile realm derives from our own wisdom and courage. We are the custodians of life's meaning.

-- Carl Sagan

By definition, all but the last doomsday prediction is false. Yet it does not follow, as many seem to think, that all doomsday predictions must be false; what follow is only that all such predictions but one are false.

-- Richard A. Posner, Catastrophe: Risk and Response, p. 13

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

-- Douglas Adams

As a species we're fundamentally insane. Put more than two of us in a room, we pick sides and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion?

-- Ollie, The Mist, 2007

Dedication, absolute dedication, is what keeps one ahead -- a sort of indomitable, obsessive dedication and the realization that there is no end or limit to this because life is simply an ever-growing process, an ever-renewing process.

-- Bruce Lee

No problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking.

--Voltaire

We live in an age of uncertainty, complexity, and paranoia. Uncertainty because, for the past few centuries, there has simply been far too much knowledge out there for any one human being to get their brains around; we are all ignorant, if you dig far enough. Complexity multiplies because our areas of ignorance and our blind spots intersect in unpredictable ways - the most benign projects have unforseen side effects. And paranoia is the emergent spawn of those side effects; the world is not as it seems, and indeed we may never be able to comprehend the world-as-it-is, without the comforting filter lenses of our preconceptions and our mass media.

-- Charles Stross (Afterword: Inside the Fear Factory)

Just so hollow and ineffectual, for the most part, is our ordinary conversation. Surface meets surface. When our life ceases to be inward and private, conversation degenerates into mere gossip. We rarely meet a man who can tell us any news which he has not read in a newspaper, or been told by his neighbor; and, for the most part, the only difference between us and our fellow is that he has seen the newspaper, or been out to tea, and we have not. In proportion as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post-office. You may depend on it, that the poor fellow who walks away with the greatest number of letters, proud of his extensive correspondence, has not heard from himself this long while.

-- Henry David Thoreau, Life Without Principle, 1863

Q: How much does the smoke weigh?

A: Subtract from the weight of the wood that was burned the weight of the ashes that remain, and you will have the weight of the smoke.

-- Immanuel Kant

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

-- Aldous Huxley

Forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.

-- Lawrence Krauss

"History is like the weather. Themes do repeat themselves, but never in the same way. And analogies became rhetorical flourishes and sad ex post facto justifications rather than explanations. In the end, they explain nothing."

-- Errol Morris

Science must have originated in the feeling that something was wrong.

-- Thomas Carlyle

"I don't believe important statements just because someone makes them. Even if I make them."

-- William T. Powers

"The happiest people are those who think the most interesting thoughts. Those who decide to use leisure as a means of mental development, who love good music, good books, good pictures, good company, good conversation, are the happiest people in the world. And they are not only happy in themselves, they are the cause of happiness in others."

-- William Lyon Phelps

Narcissus muses

2010-05-01T18:53:00.000+10:00

A thought just occurred to me ... We often hear statistics about how prevalent certain demographics in society are and are often transposed onto our friendship groups, for instance, "1 in 10 people you know are left handed" or whatever trite fact it may be.

Why don't we have any statistics about famous people? Because when I think about it, of all the people I know, and perhaps more importantly, of those who remember me, how many of them are going to one day end up being famous? And I don't just mean make it in a movie, but I mean end up being so famous you're in a minority if you've not heard their name.

Because I've always thought there was a small handful of people who would become celebrities. And I base that not off talent, for we all know there is little to no correlation between talent and celebritism, but on personality. I've noticed something about celebrities as they're interviewed ... most of them have some kind of undeniable quality, one that I cannot and should not identify. There's a spark in them. And these handful of friends ... they have that quality. They've always had it.

Yet none of them are. Sure, we're all still young. But those people, none of them seem to be taking any kind of strides towards achieving what I'd thought they would.

I personally think it's about time that someone did ...

And if not them, then me.

Don't tell me...

2010-04-30T01:14:00.000+10:00

Sometimes I like to think of myself as unpredictable or an enigmatic kind of person. But there is one thing that will always elicit in my the same response. Being told what I can't do.

I can't help it, I was born with an innate urge to prove people wrong. Today, Connor, Gobi and I were discussing the t-shirt business idea. I mentioned my plans to take a more "build-my-own-business" idea rather than purchasing a package, as well as some ideas on how I could sell them. Connor kind of looked off into the distance. To him I said, "So what are your thoughts, Connor, or do you think this is just another Shanan-idea, never to be seen through?"

At this point both of them looked at each other, broke into a smile, turned to me and said, "this is a Shanan-idea."

I knew at one point or another that my incessant mania was going to give people the impression that I'm an all-talk no-action type of fellow. Tsk, how wrong those people are. Perhaps, one day, when I look back through my blog I'd come to the same conclusion.

But now these two have told me what I can't do. And this is a transgression for which I will not stand.

I'm on the verge of putting myself as 100% committed to this idea. Just so I can shove it in there face, indeed, I want to come up with a business name that subtly alludes to this.

To that end, Gordon and I have spent two hours brainstorming business name ideas. My main criteria mostly is that the .com domain is free, all the other big ones are also free, and that social networking sites have the handle free as well. Over 2 hours and we have 2 usable names. I like one of them in particular (you'll forgive me for not divulging this information, I'd hate for it to be taken whilst I'm working on it). It's good, but it's not "OMG THAT'S THE ONE" good, which I am certain is out there somewhere.

It's just a matter of looking.

Some crazy Lost theories

2010-04-27T21:45:00.000+10:00

Goal: Keep this extremely short. To wit I have condense this down into three major sections. Standard warning that all thoughts here extend up to "The Last Recruit".

MIB = Christian

Here's the thing I love about Lost. Up until this last episode, the community was, for the most part, divided, between people who thought MIB was impersonating Christian, or that Christian was his own entity. People well versed in the debate knew not only their own side's arguments, but also the other side's and the counter arguments. And the moment, a single answer is revealed on the show, comfirming either theory, a whole new set of sub-questions immediately arise.

For instance, in this case, when MIB said he was masquerading as Jack's father, I know everyone who's ever seen those debates will immediately think, but what about season 5, when he was overlooking Ben as Christian was on the main Island with Sun and Frank. What about Christian + "Jacob" in the Cabin when Hurley went to see it in season 4? What about Christian with Michael on the freighter in season 4? What happened to his body in season 1?! Are these inconsistencies, or adding further complexities to the issue?

If you know me at all then you know I've been a long time steward of the theory that Christian is his own entity, perhaps representing the will of the Island. So given that, I don't think MIB's admission should be taken completely truthfully. If it was the will of the Island, then I can see MIB taking credit for it, to further manipulate Jack. Alternatively, we've seen Christian in two sets of clothes ... in the suit with white tennis shoes, and the weird khaki garb we saw in season 5. Is one actually MIB, whilst the other is a claimed, risen version of Christian?

I'm still hoping out that maybe Christian, both versions, are not MIB and not Jacob, but the Island itself, perhaps the Island is sick of the games of Jacob and MIB or whatever. Anyways.

MIB's identity

You all know that I am a proponent of the flashsideways as prologue hypothesis. In theory, this is still intact given Desmond's inter-dimensional travelling. What isn't is the epilogue theory, for one wonders why we would have to bring them together if that's their ending. If it is a prologue hypothesis then it will just be another compass situation. That is, Desmond brings them all together and they create our current timeline, the events of which will necessitate that Widmore brings Desmond to the Island and blast him with electromagnetism which will then in turn cause him to need to bring together the sideways folk. Not as strong storytelling, but there's still room for them to make it better.

Anyway, I was just considering this and attempting to reconcile things, and I thought, if this is a prologue ... what will it mean for David? If they wipe out that timeline then his existence is negated. Then, I thought, if I were David, I would be completely pissed.

Maybe even smoke monster storming the temple kinda pissed.

If MIB is David then that explains why his name has been hidden, and why David's mother has yet to be revealed. Although, I would've thought that having Jack who was willing to destroy a timeline would make him a rather crazy father, rather than crazy mother.

That's my kinda running theory. In this case, MIB can travel across water, but doesn't to further the claim that he wants to leave the Island. In fact what he wants to do is leave this timeline, going back to his flashsideways universe. Or something to that effect. This means Jack's vision of his father was actually MIB, and the freighter was MIB and all that, contradicting my earlier position, I know. But I guess that doesn't *have* to be the case, but would be the Occam's Razor.

Widmores

I think it's clear that Eloise Hawking ... in current timeline, left the Island with the baby Daniel inside her totally griefstricken that she'd murdered her child. As such she became a disciple of MIB, for he promised that he could absolve her or whatever. In main timeline, this is why she is such a bitch to Desmond, ensuring he makes it to the Island to push the button to necessitate the events for MIB's master and convoluted plan.

The Hawking, or Mrs Widmore, in the flashsideways would be on the receiving end of this deal. Hence why Desmond's questioning = "a violation". It's interesting, and perhaps a theory breaking, point that she says "not ready YET" as if there's a point in time where he should be hooking up with Penny and potentially remembering the original crash.

Of course, I've once again contradicted my previous thoughts, in that this would be a ... not a prologue, but would be either an epilogue or totally sideways, which is possible, I guess.

***

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Wish Lost was coming out tomorrow, rather than next week. The suspense is killing me ... It seems like it will be a kickass episode.

Too busy, too busy.

2010-04-27T00:43:00.000+10:00

Am I the only one that feels the void each time I go on a blogging hiatus? This entire week has been rather busy for me, I'm sure you will understand, and so I've put the blog on the back burner for now. I may keep it in irregular update mode now. The constantly blogging style doesn't seem to suit me anymore, perhaps it's because I've increased the font size and now my long posts just seem epically long, or perhaps I've experienced a change as a person. Who knows, that's unexplored territory right now.

At the same time, I want my blog to hold enough of a record of my days, or more importantly, my cognitions about my days, that in future I can look back and have some semblance of an idea of wtf happened. It's interesting, when I look back at the 3-4 month hiatus I took from the whole Incident, I don't remember those details as clearly. Perhaps the act of blogging and forcibly engaging with my thoughts and my day I am thinking about it more. In the same way that reading a textbook is about as useful as licking a fridge for sustenance. One has to, or at least I do, actively participate and interact with the material to learn it. It's how I study for all my exams.

Which is the perfect segue into Why My Week Was So Busy.

Had two major exams this week, one on Wednesday and one to Thursday. I had a few nights to study for the first one and I only studied Wednesday night for the Thursday one, after watching MasterChef for 90 minutes, leaving me with only a coupla hours. My mother would probably lament reading this, but I can confidently say I completely aced my second exam, despite the relative lack-of-study. As for my other exam, I didn't ace it, but I did well enough, I think. Could I have studied more for it? No. The exam was are more thorough and searching that it should have been, so theoretically most people should've suffered through it as well, in which case my mark, comparatively ought to go up.

(I've noticed that I have a tendency to either have exams that I just do great at, or I have exams that are far too hard than they should've been. In either case, the amount of study I do is justified. Perhaps if you're not me you might think there was a relationship. Since I'm not not me and am rather astutely me, I maintain that is a pleasant coincidence)

Beyond that I also had to collect data for the research project I'm doing. We, as a group, basically decided to rent out a room in the library, and then go around the place approaching people and asking for their assistance. I have never been rejected so hardcore in my life. I mean it's occurred to me what little public speaking I do these days, and the little theatre I do and therefore a lack of improvisation, but honestly, whatever confidence I had retained was shattered in the face of nihilistic rejection by just about everyone. In two hours, me and my partner managed a niggardly 12 people to fill in our survey.

On the upside, it was an interesting insight into how others lie. I mean, we all do it. When people approach us in the street, we all come up with some excuse that kinda is rather lame, despite that small part of us that always congratulates itself thinking it to have been a genius at ad libing that completely original excuse. Having been on the other end of these badgerers, I know how decidedly stupid almost all excuses are.

This next week will probably involve a buttload more data collection. Will update you with details of how I go with that.

Sunday, i.e., ANZAC day, was spent mostly with Chris, who came up to watch "Kick-Ass" the movie with me. I am probably going to do a more indepth review in future, but if not, here it is: It is just pure, raw, unadulterated awesome. "Kick-Ass" is ... kick-ass. And I don't just mean it being hilarious in all the right ways, but it also had the right heart and ethos and spirit and everything. It was unashamedly awesome. There are really good, y'know, stupidly hilarious awesome movies, "The Hangover" comes to mind. But for films like that I feel no urge for ownership, by which I mean I don't feel the need to say "I wish I had written that" or "I will write something like that someday". All my favourite things in life MUST have this quality. And "Kick-Ass" has oodles of it. It is only my list of favourite films of all time, along with "Up", and ... I'm not sure what other films go there, I've never given it much thought, but those two sit there comfortable.

Chris and I chessed for a bit. And quite frankly, I really need to pick up my game. I can't remember the last time I beat Chris. Perhaps is the same condition that afflicts me in making me crappy at mahjong. My analytic, strategic skills have dissipated into the cosmic breeze. We Pokemon carded, and for the most part that was fun. But Chris just has too good of a deck right now that none of mine stand a chance. It's time for me to build a new one. I suspect a haymaker type deck will be the one to take him down.

I FINALLY got my copy of John Green's "An Abundance of Katherines" and his and David Levinthal's "Will Grayson, Will Grayson". I've read the latter. It is a really, really good book. Once of the few that has ever made me tear up at the end. Not blubbering crying or anything like that. Just a tear. The ending worked, that's all I have to say about it. More indepth review later.

But I will say that that book held a lot of significance for me. Purely because the structure of the book is very similar to Kolby and my Spiral project. John and David wrote it by alternating chapters and perspectives of their characters. They didn't really discuss the plot before hand, though I suspect there was some light discussion, unlike the total wall of silence erected between Kolby and myself. I couldn't help but draw comparisons.

For the most part, I think our half of a novel is probably long in terms of word length than their entire book. But this is to be expected, as stylistically Kolby and I are going for a detailed account. If anything, we write almost like a comic book in writing form, where we move through pictures. Or at least a TV series written in word.

The other major difference is that there's is young adult fiction ... had to get more specific than that, whilst ours is ... the best word to describe it would be mystery. So the feel is very different. But if we manage to give our characters the same pathos and telos and catharsis and just general emotional arc I will be very happy. LOST has probably had one of the biggest influences on us, and TPTB have always said that the characters come before the mythology, and ours, I hope, falls into that.

I have also done some writing. There's a short story competition here at ANU. I've decided to enter this year, specifically with a few months to go to give me some time. Two nights ago I wrote the first segment of my short story. I'm going with the idea I came up with the night I decided to enter this competition, but expanded it. The next morning I thought up a rough story arc for my characters. It's going to run along the lines of a post-modern/philosophical/absurdist fiction. I think it treads the fine line between the good and bad kinds of pretentiousness. Once I finish I'll have my test readers provide me with feedback. There are a lot of ideas going into this one, and intentionally going to be open to interpretation. This'll become clear once you read it, for once the competition is over it shall go up on here. Or my personal website, haven't decided yet.

T-shirt business. I'm probably not going to go with my friend. The entire company he bought his stuff from, I've come to realise does not suit my needs. Not only is a 4 jig screen printer not enough, but his only allows one shirt board. I need 4 at least. I'm looking at an option to get 6 of each, costing me $1000. On this I will need a heater ~$600, and with any luck my friend will still sell me the carbon printer, for the several hundred $'s. This will hopefully save me about $2000 which I can use to actually purchase the blank shirts and ink and maybe pay rent for a mini-stall or whatever. Need to think it through and talking it through with my peeps.

And this has grown to be far long than I had anticipated. With that, adieu.

Dinner

2010-04-18T22:45:00.000+10:00

Some interesting tidbits at dinner. I was having dinner with my parents tonight and at the restaurant the waitress showed us to our table and then placed down TWO menus. The instant I pointed this out my mother started quelling my anger by reminding me that at our restaurant she would give out 4 menus for like 12 people.

But this isn't the case at all. It was two menus for three people. One person will be left out. You only do that if the person to be left out is a child. This implies the waitress thought I was a child. Damnit. The following exchange then happened...

Mother: Shanan, I don't know why you take these things so seriously.

Me: *incredulous look*

Father: I'm pretty sure he's joking ...

Mother: He's going to go home and put this straight on his blog ...

Me: *smirk*

Then came our dessert. We ended up having 5 forks between the three of us ...

Me: Why the hell do we have 5 forks?

Father: The waitress must really hate the guy doing the dishes.

If anything, I'd love to include a joke like that somewhere in like a tv show/manga. A few minutes later:

Me: I don't understand how we have 5 forks.

Mother: Well the waitress brought us three straight after we ordered ...

Me: And then brought us 2 forks with the actual dessert?

Father: She didn't bring a third for the child.

Me: -_-

There are few things in life this amazing

2010-04-18T15:38:00.000+10:00

"The phrase "in the dark," as I'm sure you know, can refer not only to one's shadowy surroundings, but also to the shadowy secrets of which one might be unaware. Every day, the sun goes down over all these secrets, and so everyone is in the dark in one way or another. If you are sunbathing in a park, for instance, but you do not know that a locked cabinet is buried fifty feet beneath your blanket, then you are in the dark even though you are not actually in the dark, whereas if you are on a midnight hike, knowing full well that several ballerinas are following close behind you, then you are not in the dark even if you are in fact in the dark. Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, as well as to be not in the dark not in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about one thing or another, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark, although the sun can go down so quickly that you may be in the dark about being in the dark in the dark, only to look around and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark in the dark, but in the dark in the dark nonetheless, not only because of the dark, but because of the ballerinas in the dark, who are not in the dark about the dark, but also not in the dark about the locked cabinet, and you may be in the dark about the ballerinas digging up the locked cabinet in the dark, even though you are no longer in the dark about being in the dark, and so you are in fact in the dark about being in the dark, even though you are not in the dark about being in the dark, and so you may fall into the hole that the ballerinas have dug, which is dark, in the dark, and in the park."

— Lemony Snicket (The End)

Garage sale

2010-04-16T00:26:00.000+10:00

I once had a conversation with my grandmother and I pointed out to her that we Chinese people are weird in that we don't use our garages for our cars and that we instead use them as storage. Obviously I wasn't making a generalisation about Chinese people, merely pointing out that it's the case for all the Chinese people, family and friends. It always starts the same. At first the car fits fine with one small corner dedicated to a box or two, or maybe some exercise machine that eventually gets abandoned. This then invites some more items to be placed around, afterall, how can one or two more boxes hurt?

Next thing you know the car is permanently parked outside and every time someone mentions the need to go to the garage to grab some item the entire household falls into a deathly silence, as everyone looks around trying not to eye anyone else in case they get chosen for this arduous and time-consuming task. Not only that, but dangerous, for the years of neglect have allowed all manner of creepy crawlies (and birds!) to take refuge and breed.

In my mind, I make an association with that and Chinese people. Perhaps it is also a thing for Caucasians as well ... but in my mind such a thing is associated with the attic. I've never know a Chinese person to ever use their attic. *shrug*

In January, my father and I went to do an epic clean of the garage. Took an entire day, but we managed to clear all out crap out. An entire extra large skip full of old furniture and toys that we neither needed nor could fool another into taking. We had a pile there of China and other goods just waiting for a garage sale.

Last week, my father and I went to work on our kitchen. Turns out 20+ years has meant we have accumulated all manner of crap. Boxes upon boxes of unopened electronic goods. Other things used once then abandoned. We easily added another 30+ sale-worthy items.

Of course, being the busy people we are, we can't make it to Cooma to run a garage sale or anything like that. That's when a nifty lil' idea hit me. What I want to do now is to find a friend in Canberra, with the storage space and patience and a car, who can take me down to Cooma one day, help move as much of the crap as we possibly can, bring it to Canberra and store it at their place. And then we get to work selling it. Either open up some kind of online store or just doing the garage sale in Canberra, not entirely sure. And the partner gets a cut of the profits.

Chris happens to agree with this idea. Since so much of our stuff is brand new and rather expensive, going in at a garage sale price = selling ourselves short. Try the online route and leftovers go to locals. The way I see it, at this point anything sold can only create a profit, so in my mind it is literally just a sitting pile of cash waiting to be converted.

I've noticed that's the kind of thinking I've been adopting a lot lately regarding sales, where I don't value the intrinsic value of the stock and decide to alter the overall balance to $0 so that anything sold becomes a profit. Is this thinking wise? Only time with tell :)

Experience vs Experience

2010-04-12T23:57:00.000+10:00

I've had this mumbling away in my mind for a week now and I feel like I ought to just say my bit and let it be done with. Theoretically this is meant to be a short entry, but may end up not being the case. We shall see, eh?

It's kind of is paradoxical how many paradoxes there are in life. Our very way of life aims to preclude us from falling into logical traps and circular logic and yet in doing so we've established the complex systems of logic that lead one to paradoxes.

The one I want to (briefly) mention is that of Experience and Experience, that the one human commodity that seek about all others is that of the human experience, and the one human commodity that I hate most in life is that of others' experience. I guess it's not much of a paradox since I'm using two meanings. The latter experience being that of the culminate history of someone and then imparted as advice, eg, "In my experience ..." and the former experience being the other, the epiphenomenal subjective character of humanity.

And I hate the latter because is so severely impacts that of the former.

For the individual, their "experience"-as-advice is an inductive generalisation of the events in their lives. Once this advice leaves them and is passed on to another, it becomes an abductive piece of advice. That person's experience-as-phenomena becomes limited, even without conscious engagement with it.

Let me use an example. An obvious one is that of Alzheimer's. How many middled-aged people do you know manage to forget something and then immediately attribute it to Alzheimer's? Once or twice is not that big of a deal, but when it happens a lot, all other symptoms that occur suddenly get subsumed under the same 'brella. It is a kind of confirmation bias.

My biggest gripe with it extends beyond simple things like diseases, but just with the more general process. The most important thing we have as humans is how we experience the world, and why would be not want it to be as pure as it can be? There are no limitations or expectations of how we can experience things, the beauty of it is its indefinitability.

And the other major problem is that it ends up creating a huge mess of things, where we can no longer be certain if people are experiencing the world a certain way because that's the 'pure' reaction or if someone told them something and now they've conformed with that mode of experience.

For a few years now I've tried to live my life guided by principles of a pure experience. That the experience-as-advice is just that, advice that is no more useful than fortune cookies. Something I often say is that I'd much rather be proven wrong and stabbed in the dark alley at night than to be right and never once venture into a dark alley.

My philosophy about money and business and faith in humans all kinds of stems from this as well. At the same time, I don't claim to ever be completely and utterly pure. That, unfortunately, due to the fact that I am apart of this society, can never be the case, as I can never be sure if I think some of the things I do by pureness or by influence. The point is never to consciously let that happen, and thus far I think I've faired quite well :)

Apologies for the mess that this post is, it's really too important for me to fart out here half falling asleep. Perhaps one day I will come back to it and make it better. G'night.

:)

2010-04-11T21:47:00.000+10:00

Immediate feedback to my latest Spiral chapter :)

9:56:13 AM Kolby: Dude

9:56:18 AM Kolby: this is fucking insane

9:56:25 AM Kolby: you just made this into an epic :S

10:01:43 AM Kolby: HOLEY FUCKING SHIT

10:09:01 AM Kolby: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:09:07 AM Kolby : You have got to be kidding me.

10:09:10 AM Kolby : This is just....

10:09:14 AM Kolby : too much

10:09:17 AM Kolby : holey shit

10:09:22 AM Kolby : I just shat myself

10:09:25 AM Kolby : wtf

10:21:25 AM Kolby : DUDE.

10:21:32 AM Kolby : ...

10:21:33 AM Kolby : dude.

10:21:47 AM Kolby : You just made The Spiral Project an epic.

10:33:43 AM Kolby : I'm.... speechless.

10:33:49 AM Kolby : I just don't know where to begin

12 259

2010-04-10T23:49:00.000+10:00

I hate myself for saying this yet again but turns out the deadline I set for myself for 7.2 did not pan out. I said a week and a half upon receiving chapter 7.1, and turns out I received it on February 12th and I sent my chapter to him on April 10th. So that's nearly 2 months. It's still not the longest hiatus, that title still belongs to Kolby. (August 29th - February 12th :P). To be fair, he wrote the longest chapter to day ... 12 600 words or there about.

My chapter, in my meager 2 months clocked in with 12 259 words.

Upon finishing early this afternoon I went for a full outloud read of the chapter, and I fear I may've hurt my throat in the process. It really hurts right now ... that's what I get for talking to myself nonstop for about an hour and a half :P The fears I felt last time that I was a shit writer, turns out were ridiculously unfounded. My reread of the chapter made me feel really secure and there were just a few minor issues that needed to be addressed. For the most part it all flowed really well and I think the pace worked.

My biggest concern is that there is not immediate tension to my chapters. I guess there is the over-arching tension and character tension. Immediate tension ... perhaps I mean dramatic tension? I just mean general tension in the plot, the kind of obvious and unsubtle kind. I suspect most stories need to have a balance between blatant and nuanced tension and not really fully on the latter. Though I guess that's just my segments.

If I put it in the context of the book as a whole, Kolby's chapters definitely fit the former a lot more than the latter. So I guess I lack an intra-balance but in doing so create an inter-balance. Metaphorically, I think I could this book to season 6 of Lost. Kolby's segments are the on-Island action and mine kind of are the flashsideways. My big concern is that readers come to my chapters with head-scratching etc etc.

If anything, this latest chapter of mine works a lot like the latest episode of Lost, "Happily Ever After", in that it goes a long way to explain the flashsideways world or gives it some grounding. Mine does too.

I've learned that in our genre of storytelling, of creating mysteries, asking questions, red herrings and drawing answers out, it is absolutely invaluable to have live feedback from people. If you wait until the person has finished, then their opinion is tainted by the end, which usually has some game-changer/mindfuck/cliff-hanger type thing. They miss the more intricate construction details of the plot ... the misleading clues that lead the reader to think one thing before it's revealed.

I had desperately hoped Kolby could do that with this chapter for me, but could only get through about 3-4 pages before he fucked off on me. He said he'd text, but he's out of credit. I am disappointed by this. Particularly since this chapter is important ;)

Either way. I'm done. Hopefully not for another few months. A few weeks at best. I'm itching to see where he takes the story after mine ... twists. I genuinely have no plans at all for the next chapter, so I look forward to what he presents.

I'm a shit writer

2010-04-08T23:59:00.000+10:00

I am so terribly sorry for not having written a post in such a long time, and for the days I did write, not having written anything substantial with them. I don't really have any reasons for this hiatus, it's just that there's no time during any of the past few days when I've felt compelled to write a blog. I worry that over the past few months (when the blog came back up) that I've just been blogging for the sake of blogging, which would by fine by itself, but each time I post here it's long, verbose and unnecessarily wall-of-text with nothing at all to say.

My mind hasn't been as engaged lately. That's probably consistent with coming into a holiday break. The first few days are always used for vegetating. It doesn't help that not only am I not thinking about how I'm interacting with the world, but I'm not really interacting with the world either. That and when I do think of something, I usually just tweet it and due to the extended break I've set my level of explication to being satisfied with several tweets. A combination of these three points have lead to my apathy in writing here.

As for what I have been doing:

Played a bit more Pokemon.
Played Mahjong with my parents and grandmother on Good Friday. I was up and winning the lot of them, and due to my grandmother insisting we continue playing (since she was losing) I ended up loading and she ended up almost breaking even. *sigh* I need to pick up my game.
Went to Sydney for Easter to see relatives and get haircuts.
On Tuesday I started the pledge I made last time which was to do something productive each day, even if only for several hours. Unfortunately the past 3 days have just been writing Spiral project. It is taking a lot longer than expected.

I'm 7700 words into this latest chapter. I've discovered that I am not content with stopping writing in the middle of a scene and picking it up later. Content isn't the right word ... I mean that I have lowered my standards where such an act becomes permissible. I have a tendency to break all my chapters down into smaller scenes or episodes/acts (especially having started watching Lost halfway through, you can notice how my chapters resemble more and more episodes from a television show), and previously in my writing I found it abhorrent to stop in the middle of writing an episode and do something else (even if only for 10 minutes).

The way I see it, chapters ideally should have some kind of integrity. Something holding it together, whether it be a theme or a word or a character or a plotpoint or something. At a more micro-level, each episode should not only help explore this central integrity, but also have its own micro-integrity. When you leave to do something else and then you come back, it's hard to just 'pick up' the mindset.

So I never dropped an episode and picked it up later. I would write it and write it all in one sitting. Preferable I would try to write my chapters in the same way. This probably was always an annoying to Kolby (yeah ... it's apparently a K now), who would write in a very different way, slaving away at it for weeks. Meanwhile I arse about for weeks and then I write it all in one or two nights and then send it over.

Either way, I've picked up this more laborious style. In particular, I'm writing this blog post write now when I've actually left the plot at a cliffhanger moment. I should be writing ... but I'm just not going to.

Observations? I'm not sure if this is related at all or not, but I have come to the conclusion a hefty section of this chapter is complete and utter shit Not the plot points or the dialogue (for the most part), but the expositiony bits. I've never been a ... traditional writer when it comes to exposition and sometimes I just find it totally unnecessary and wishing I were writing it as a script.

Now I've adopted this new paradigm of "write now; edit later", which I know is the way most actual authors write, with them pretty much rewriting the entire thing in time. Previous to this that never was the case, I'd just write and be happy with it.

I wouldn't say that when I did write I wasn't 'in the mood', but there are definite crests and troughs of good vs bad writing. Perhaps it's a function of me not having written in such a fucking long time. I wouldn't write if I wasn't inspired to write, but just looking at it now, some of it is good and some of it bad, all in the same sitting.

My initial plan for this chapter had like 15 episodes. I've now decided, at my word length, and extending it much longer than what I have right now would just be detrimental. Initially I would've been halfway through, but I'm changing this to the 2/3rd mark and dropping those points completely. Those sections potentially risked ... jumping the shark, I suppose, in a chapter that contains some ridiculous elements already.

Another thing I've noticed, due to spreading it out so long, I fear I keep reintroducing concepts/metaphors that I've used previous, in this chapter and others. So upon a full reread of the chapter, I will notice that I'm really just pushing the same point home and will need to cut those out.

And, to finish off, I need to just put this somewhere, but I'm yearning to do some writing outside of Spiral. Something in a completely, less complicated genre. Not that this is bad, but I'm just looking for a change of pace. To get to work on something that isn't so ... intense in my thinking and scrutiny. Something more simple. And first person. I want to write in first person. This becomes increasingly important as I've recently ordered 'An Abundance of Katherines' and 'Will Grayson, Will Grayson' both by John Green (the latter by David Levithan as well; in what is a very Spiral-esque project, in that it's 2 characters told in alternating chapters by different authors, though I suspect that pre-collaborated on the plot, which is the opposite of Spiral). Mr Green has a wonderful first person voice that is both witty and real.

And quite frankly, I want to do something like that. I've just noticed how many first person I's I've written in this entire post ... though arguable you could say that has to do with my self-absorbed narcissism. Your call.