Got Ravings?

Introducing Whitespace2.0.vim!

2011-09-15T22:48:00.000+12:00

This is a raving that I wrote some months ago now while I was working a different job in a different country. I should point out that I liked the guys I was working with and they, generally speaking, were not retards... The guys I'm working with are fucking geniuses and I fucking love them! I've been doing some maintenance on their PHP apps at work, and their coding standards are so

Secret Potato Recipe Alpha

2011-04-07T16:18:00.002+12:00

Just pulled up the first bunch of my potatoes! Shite, I have so many! Now I just have to find something interesting to do with them... Experimentation time: ON. This time I boiled and woked those bitches with some shredded bacon and a selection of veges that were in the fridge. Then I garnished the living fuck out them with some parsley that I discovered in the garden - cheers to whatever bird

Colorizing and autopaging svn diffs and other commands

2010-10-12T01:08:00.007+13:00

I can't remember the last time I jacked off to black and white pornography. Can you? OF COURSE YOU CANT! Color is fucking awesome! No one yanks their crank to black and white shit anymore. Once you've tasted color, you can never go back. This brings us to the subject of version control. Over the last few years I've been spoiled by git, but have recently switched jobs and been using svn

Vim pr0n: Sample NERD tree plugins

2010-07-13T00:22:00.007+12:00

I'm a lazy wank, and additionally: a bastard. Which brings us nicely to our next point: The NERD tree API. In version 4.0 I added an API to allow people to add functionality to the NERD tree in the form of plugins. I did this because I was getting tired of politely telling people where to ram requests for features that I either A. Would never personally use and therefore would probably do a

Hacking line numbers into embedded gists

2010-06-28T20:56:00.003+12:00

Github has the only corporate mascot in existence that I fantasize about touching inappropriately. When github unveiled their gist service in 2008, I went into my room, jumped up on my bed, ripped all the playboy posters off the ceiling and taped up a giant portrait of the octocat. But HOT DAYYUMN is github's lack of line numbers on their embedded gists pissing me off! I've been trying to

The best of Lardcore Volume Three

2010-06-21T12:13:00.007+12:00

The other day I was rummaging around looking through the old junk on my hard drive. You know what I'm talking about. Those nostalgic moments when you rediscover some old game you spent ages getting to compile but never really played, or several incrementing versions of the JVM you saved over a period of time, or some long lost porn, or some filthy hacks to download porn, or some hentai that was

How csplit turned my software into hardware

2010-05-08T21:50:00.013+12:00

I'm typing this text with my penis. This is made possible largely due to the erection inducing side-effects of csplit — a program I'd never used until today. Story time! Once upon a time in a far distant land, there was a handsome, charming, young prince who had never known true love... Meanwhile, somewhere else, I was sitting at my desk, scratching my head, wondering how the cunting fuck I

Hacking IE6 With Sass Mixins

2009-12-19T01:44:00.001+13:00

Just recently I was raging against Internet Explorer 6 and the hacks that are required to overcome its shitty css support when it occurred to me that Sass mixins could be used to abstract away some of these hacks. Read this raving if you use sass and rage against having to support IE6. Bill Gates is way more awesome than Hampton Catlin (at sucking) Good morning class, let us begin today's

Mainframe molestation with looksee

2009-10-20T20:40:00.003+13:00

This morning when I walked into the server room, I must have looked real serious, because our mainframe took one look at me and ran for its fucking life! I took off after it, bolting across the office and down the back steps before I caught up with the bastard in the car park, trying to steal a scooter off some school kid. I slapped that bitch down, lifted its rear end up into the air, plugged my

Vim pr0n: ignorecase fails

2009-09-27T17:21:00.000+13:00

Fuck The Machine, lately the only thing I've been raging against is the ignorecase option.In practice, the only use for ignorecase is to make vims regular expressions case insensitive when searching. However, for some reason, it also affects the == operator. Check this shit out::set noignorecase:echo "foo" == "FOO"0:set ignorecase:echo "foo" == "FOO"1What the fuck!? Good job team, you just made =

The best of Lardcore, Volume Two

2009-08-18T00:04:00.000+12:00

These three pictures are from two separate tramps on and around Mount Fyffe in Kaikoura, New Zealand. The narratives that accompany each picture may not be 100% true, but then again you should never let the facts get in the way of a good story. That's what my old man always said. Of course, my generation is more direct, nowadays we say "Fuck you meat puppet, this shit is real, and if you can't

The best of Lardcore, Volume One

2009-08-14T15:20:00.007+12:00

Back (L to R) Michael, Cripple, Stephen. Front (L to R) Marty, TimWe got bored one weekend and decided to stomp up to the top of a mountain in the Kelly Range, in Arthurs Pass.Mid-afternoon, we arrived at the Carroll Hut (pictured) and dumped our packs before trotting the last hour or so up the mountain and back.By the time we got back, an old hardass army guy had arrived at the hut for the

Vim pr0n: Combating long lines

2009-07-06T14:22:00.002+12:00

The other day my boss found me locked in the server room, naked and bathing myself with dish washing liquid and toilet water. When he asked what in the flying fuck I was playing at, I told him my soul was filthy and corrupt from all the long lines I'd been committing. In reply he told me I'd better sack up and write some vimscript hacks to keep my long lines under control. So that's what I did.

Vim pr0n: Syntax checking on the go

2009-06-21T22:03:00.006+12:00

A couple of days ago I was in the office, hacking the mainframe with The Great Halorgium. We got to talking about our current vim setup when he told me that it would be awesome if the statusline displayed a warning flag for buffers with syntax errors.By the end of the day we'd written a couple of ftplugins to do just that for ruby and eruby. Read this raving to find out how.Note: although we have

Vim pr0n: Jamis Buck must die

2009-02-03T13:13:00.005+13:00

Sometimes I see something online that makes me rage so hard I long for a nail gun and a sack of adorably cute kittens. Lately I've been seeing assloads of vimrc files with this in them:map d :execute 'NERDTreeToggle ' . getcwd()Awww, isn't that cute? BUT ITS WRONG!!!1It all comes from this blog post. OMFG Jamis Buck, I will find you, and I will fuck you. Then I'm gonna shove my entire

Got Kombat?

2008-12-16T13:36:00.004+13:00

Once upon a time me and my cousins were milling about the backyard eating grass and sniffing each other crotches when, for some reason, we started taking photos.As usual, we eventually sought out props to photograph with. As usual, we ended up getting one of my huge fuck off knives, then a mattock, then a sword, and finally a chainsaw.Afterward, I chose my 4 favourite shots and brought out the

Gawt pix? ... Nup, got horse tranq?

2008-12-13T01:30:00.004+13:00

omg wtf?!Good question. A few years ago, me and my cousin went on a fucked up rampage trying to get photos of as many people as possible wearing the above hat and glasses while pulling the eastside sign. We got photos of 17 different people (including a cat) in a variety of poses before we came to our senses. The whole tard-fest was dubbed "The Eastside Niggas Collection".I put this photo (along

select count(*) as omg_wtf from postgres;

2008-11-26T13:38:00.007+13:00

This morning I discovered something that made me want to jump up on my desk and drop the f-bomb in my office with heart and soul. It was as though I'd just been sucker punched by a circus midget then fisted by his exceptionally well trained elephant as I doubled over in pain.Let me tell you a story.Once upon a time this morning, I was trying to figure out why the fuck one of our servers had gone

Vim pr0n: Statusline flags for bundy whitespace

2008-10-31T20:47:00.007+13:00

Lately I've been working on some projects with indenting so screwed you could print the source code out and wank with it and not be able to tell the difference. It's as though the author couldn't decide whether to use tabs or spaces, so they flipped a coin every time they began a new source file, and evidently the coin landed on its fucking edge more often than not since there are a fair number

Vim pr0n: conditional statusline highlighting

2008-10-27T13:27:00.008+13:00

I have a fair amount of info on my statusline, and have often thought it would be nice if certain parts of it could be highlighted under certain conditions. For example, I have &fileencoding displayed, but I only really care about it if its not "utf-8". In that case I would like it to be highlighted using the "error" highlight group so that I'll be sure to notice it.If you too have jacked off far

git add --patch gives me an erection

2008-10-05T21:06:00.005+13:00

One of the reasons I tossed out my playboys and husslers in favour of the git man pages is git add --patch (or git add -p)To say something like git add -p is the fucking bomb, I wish it was a pony so I could ride it around the backyard and pet it and feed it straw all day long would be the understatement of the new millenium.If you use git and aren't familiar with git add -p, then take off your

The MSN Chronicles Vol. 11: B-Sides and rarities

2008-09-10T12:47:00.005+12:00

Lately, I've been getting a lot of psychotic fanboys (even some cocksuckers that I know) adding me over and over with different fake emails so they can talk to me and store our conversations in their wank-o-dex for later. I would like you to know that I'm not some kind of e-whore you can come online and jack off to.I'm a rapist.Therefore, I'm announcing my retirement from professional MSN

Vim pr0n: Creating named marks

2008-09-06T12:55:00.011+12:00

A few days ago in #vim, someone asked if it is possible to create "named marks" with vim, i.e. marking a location with a name instead of a letter or number. The answer is no, but it was an interesting idea, so I turned down my pornography and wrote a script to do it.When writing the code, I used prototype based OO — mainly to provide a more complex example for my previous raving.Marks in vimIn

Vim pr0n: Implementing prototype based objects

2008-09-03T21:14:00.016+12:00

When vim 7 came along with support for lists (arrays) and dictionaries (hashes), nerds were delirious with joy. On the day it was released, geeks everywhere ripped off their pants and cartwheeled up and down their office aisles, their junk flapping freely in the air con. It was a great day to be alive.It was also a great day to be blind.One of the cool things about having dictionaries is that we

Vim pr0n: Making statuslines that own

2008-08-30T21:03:00.012+12:00

Many of vim's default options smoke boner hard enough to turn a man inside out. One such option is 'statusline'. By default this option is blank, causing the statusline to display only the tail of the filename for the current buffer. Most people like much more detailed information to be displayed. For example, check out my current statusline: set statusline=%t[%{strlen(&fenc)?&fenc:'none'},%{