Got Riz?!

I used to be

2010-10-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

different.

Oh shit..

2010-06-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

Dejavu! oh ohhh. im running out of ideas again.

Lol!

KTHXBAI!

Time To Get Creative People!

2010-06-02T02:22:00.000-07:00

Are you any good at drawing?

Are you creative?

Are you artistic?

Well then I need you!

Design me a header and the best work will be chosen and RM 100 will be given out! Before you put on your creative caps ask me for further info if you are interested. All the best!

This is my way of giving back to the people!

KTHXBAI!

Spanking them titties!

2010-05-31T20:22:00.000-07:00

Okay guys! Lets talk! ladies, you can either learn from what I'm about to say or just close this window because this might be a little offensive but who cares right? if you find it offensive means youre ugly :D

Anyways, today I wanna talk about the power of cleavages! Yes they have some mystical power over men. It is like a mind control device. Do you guys know what am I talking about? Come on don't lie! Half of you clicked my link from facebook because of this picture right?

If I had put another picture like this,

None of you wouldve even touched the link some of you may have ran away.

So now you get my point by what I mean cleavages have awesome mind controlling power over men. (maybe women too depends on how kinky you are)

Funny thing is, we all know that the (according to melayu) "Media Semasa" is using this to brainwash us. Its a conspiracy I tell you. There are a few theories I think that is happening around us.

But most obvious theory is that:

they and when I mean by they I mean the media is making us love boobies.

By having advertisements associating their products such as Pantene shampoos with boobies.

this is what happens

boobies + pantene

So think about it, What the hell does boobies have to do with having long silky straight hair. Nothing right? NOT ANYMORE! After repeated association by the media. This has brainwashed us to think that if any girl that walks around having this:

smooth silky hair

it will equal to having this =

boobies

and all that is forgotten is the face! Thats why guys are now known as shallow. Hey dont blame us. Blame the media. So ladies you want more guys? Do what the media is doing. Lets say you want them to do more sweet things for you ladies.

Associate the sweet things with boobies.

Not long after repeating this step when men see the oppurtunity to do sweet things for you they will act on it as soon as possible. Cause this is what they see from now on:

sweet things

equals to =

boobies!

For those who do not have boobies. Im sorry but thats why you ain't getting any action. Lollerskates! Try push up bras or drawing a cleavage okay? Pappaya helps!

You love me!

KTHXBAI!

Hoi Mak Cik!

2010-05-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

On sunday I worked at Pavilion for World Milk Day. It was great! But for one thing..

As you all know my job was to distribute free milk to the world. They gave us a bag to carry those boxes of milk in right?

One thing I couldn't figure out is why is there so many KIASU people! They kept asking for more milk. I mean I don't mind giving it out but.. Hoi Mak Cik! YOU ARE HOLDING 6 BOXES OF MILK ALREADY!

And there I was left conflicted. Bagi ke tak? Tak bagi I feel bad cause today IS world milk day, then i shouldn't bagi right?

While I was conflicted and her hand was extended out asking for more milk. She uttered one more thing from her mouth " Er, Adik can I have the bag too?" ahaha I mean For real?!

You really want the bag ah?

Of course I didnt give this out, the company wouldn't let.

Funny thing is it happened more than a billion times! Some old chinese uncle went to grab a plastic bag and started collecting milk from all over the Pavilion entrance and we had like a ban called "Don't-give-old-chinese-uncle-with-orange-plastic-bag-anymore-milk"

But overall it was a great event. Had fun meeting new people :)

KTHXBAI! :D

Good Morning

2010-05-28T01:15:00.000-07:00

Hello my fello yello readers. Woke up late today after a tiring day yesterday. I am now on holidays. Gotta sort some things out during this holidays! Anyways

Happy Wesak Day!

to everyone who celebrates it. Today I woke up feeling hungry as hell. Had an awesome jog the day before another 1000 Kcal burnt. I went to eat ssome BANANA LEAF! its damn awesome. I went with my fat friend Hasnul.

Hamster much? Funny dude though.

Anyways, I ate so much I puked. Literally puked. It was digusting. Funny enough I felt hungry after that. Anyways holidays are here and its time to take a chill pill and get away from all those monstreous assignments and homework. I wanna sleep now. If any P4 members are reading this can we organise a karaoke session? haha It be fun. Anyways peace out everyone! Stay healthy!

KTHXBAI!

Woot!

2010-05-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

Just got back from an awesome jog! 1000Kcal burnt. Im so awesome! anyone want tips on losing weight? dont hesitate to ask.

Anyways, the reason behind this post is to welcome all samantha koay's readers! I would like to welcome you to my blog! Hahaha! I promise you that this blog will bring you laughter! Dont forget to check everyday for updates. Now you are MY slaves! Thank you sam! sayang you! (dont read her blog anymore) JOKING LER! Love you peeps!

KTHXBAI!

Random Sampling

2010-05-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, today I am going to talk about relationships and its developement.

Ever wondered why you haven't found the Mr. or Ms. right? I've got the answer for you. (cause you're ugly, Joking ler)

With todays fast growing internet meet ups such as facebook. I personally think relationships and the art of courting has changed.

During the time of our forefathers, courting was judged by who was able to be the alpha male. Who was the strongest so called "Alpha Male" would easily win the hearts of their respective juliets.

The characteristics that women look for in an "Alpha Male" during the victorian ages has definitely changed. For instance, in the past a male individual who would want to win the hearts that they desire would have to prove their worthiness and competence to their female counterpart. Such proving of attributes would be potrayed through competitions or a rigorous test of capabilities.

Therefore qualities as such are in demand and would surface in an "Alpha Male" :

1) Competence

2)Strength

3)Independence

4)Protectiveness

5)Responsible

6)Discipline

7)Gentlemen-like

A set of attributes as such would attract older generations. That is why, the current era we have generation gaps, whereby an understanding between the older generation and the newer generation does not meet. The blame is on the plates of the media. They have caused a change in the art of courting. Currently, "Alpha Males" would be someone who is able. Able in the sense where he has to have the following:

1)money

2)fast cars

3)washboard abs

4)socially desirable characteristics

One of the culprits that is causing this is facebook. Think about it. You do not even have to meet the person in real life anymore. The logic is how do you judge if someone is good enough for you through facebook. Yes you might say that you will end up meeting with that person and make your judgements then. The honest truth is what their facebook profile potrays will be the expectation you have in mind. Therefore rather then sharping up the attributes of ourselves, now days people update their facebook profile. Put up "Hot" pictures of themselves. Trying to potray socially desirable characteristics. It is nonsense.

So stop trying so hard people. Especially on facebook. The media is putting perceptions into your mind and most people will say " Oh I am not that submissive" The truh is subconsciously you are submitting to the desires of the media to twist and turn your perception of the world. The world is only beautiful if you wish to view it as so.

Wow sorry people. The Wise Rafiki in me came out. Yeah im wise. surprised? cause youre ugly. JK! Love you peeps!

KTHXBAI!

Barney Stinson

2010-05-21T02:38:00.001-07:00

Extracted from Barney Stinson's Blog :D

The 24 Similarities Between Women and Fish

1. Both attracted to shiny objects

2. More fun to catch while drinking

3. Neither travel well, so best just to leave them

4. There's others in the sea and/or bar

5. Three words: catch and release

6. They can't go anywhere without their group

7. They just KEEP going to the bathroom

8. Easier to catch the weak ones (like going for two 4s instead of an 8)

9. They are oddly attracted to color

10. They want their mates to be big and strong

11. They get pissy if you grab their tail

12. Untrained dogs just don't know how to properly catch or handle them

13. Both wild and farm raised have their benefits

14. When in the right establishment, you can choose the one you want from those behind the glass.

15. Easier to reel in if you let them wear themselves out first

16. They keep opening their mouths, but nothing important comes out

17. They will suck up anything you drop infront of their mouths (High five!)

18. Neither can operate a vehicle

19. They both eat wierd green stuff like seaweed

20. The harder they shake their tail, the farther they'll go in life

21. They want the pretty plastic castle with a white picket fence

22. They never have to buy drinks

23. They both only care about their eggs

24. Can hook either with a great line

So anyone up for fishing? :D

Can I get a Woot Woot!

2010-05-20T01:59:00.000-07:00

Peeps! I know I haven't been updating for a while! Screw you, I had exams and now its

OVER!

So what else is there to do other than..

party like a pornstar!

eh? Or is it rockstar?

So if you wanna have an awesome time. Heh you know who to call :D

I can't be bothered updating properly right now, time to party. So you losers can sit at home and read my blog while I party okay. Woot! Love you people!

Ill be back!

KTHXBAI!

Cracks Ahoy!

2010-05-14T01:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I said the Table Theory is supposed to be next, but it seems that there is more preparation needed for that. So stay Chuned :D

Anyways, Ill post something else today.It's a little about cracks. No it's not about cracks in the wall or crack the drug. It's more off something that has been making me make faces as such:

Yes, you've probably figured it out by now.
BUTT CRACKS!

For real, no joke, seriously, cereally, my whole week has been full of BUTT CRACKS!
I mean its kinda ridiculous. There was one event where I turned my head away from a BUTT CRACK but to my suprise I spotted another BUTT CRACK!

You know what is peculiar though? You would expect guys/plumbers/construction workers to be the stereotypical butt crack agent..But no.. This week It was all female BUTT CRACKS! and its not one of those butt cracks coming out from the undies. ITS JUST BARE BUTT CRACKS!

I mean wtf? Don't you ladies wear underwear under those jeans. I mean ask any guy, not wearing underwear is just plain wrong. Its very rare to see guys not wearing underwear when theyre out cause we have "precious cargo" to be kept safe.

Nevertheless, I know you ladies don't have "precious cargos" but STILL, Come ON! THAT IS DISGUSTING! Now I have burnt images of this in my mind thanks to you ladies:

What I can tip you ladies is, If you do wanna show off your "assests" in public please at least wear something like this:

By the way before you can wear this you must fill out the following application:

Do you eat donuts everyday?

1) Do you jog often?

2) Have you ever broken a weighing machine?

3) Do you have more than one pair of granny panties?

4) If you look down, do you see your feet?

5) Do you memorise the menu at McD's? (Happy Meal Included)

6) Last but not least, When you see this sign:

Do you:

A)Ignore the sign and walk away

B)Go check out the buffet

C)Salivate

D)Take it as a personal challenge

If you answer yes to the above questions. Please. Do not show your "assets" and wear this until you are able to answer no to one of those questions:

KTHXBAI!

I wouldn't mind a traffic jam if this was playing..

2010-05-12T02:55:00.000-07:00

Coming soon..

2010-05-11T07:25:00.003-07:00

The table theory...

Insightful for women..

..embarassing for men

Stay tuned!

KTHXBAI!

Play Your Pocket Aces Right!

2010-05-11T02:22:00.001-07:00

Okay ladies and gentlemen, this post is dedicated to those who are in college or about to go to college. A basic crash course on how to dress appropriately in college!

This crash course will not teach you how to dress to kill, instead it will teach you how to dress normal AND kill at the same time. You might ask, " How its this possible?"

Check this,

You might think that dressing up in college is a brilliant idea. Of course you would, who wouldn't want that new LV belt or those crispy white Lacoste shoes. But I am here to tell you that dressing up in college is a disaster.

What you should do is, DRESS LIKE CRAP IN COLLEGE. (okay maybe not crap but just not too flashy)

Step 1: Find 2 plain outfits that are comfortable enough to wear to college. Its crucial that it is comfortable. You will know why.

Step 2: Alternate between the 2 outfits in college everyday.

Step 3: Don't stop wearing these two out fits.

You might be thinking by now, "WTF? You want me to wear the same thing everyday?" Hold on to your horses this is why you should wear it everyday.

Pay attention to this post's title. You should play your pocket aces (for poker noobs, pocket aces is one of the best hands you can have in poker) right!

You see, dressing normal or repeatatively in college doesn't attract much attention to yourself in college. No negative nor positive comment will be given to how you dress in college. It will just be neutral comments.

This is when you play your cards right. When you go out! Doesn't matter if it is on a date or just out with a couple of friends. At that moment, you should really dress to kill. Your friends who are out with you who normally see you dress normal would expect that you wear something pretty mundane. Dressing to kill would shock them and for guys, ladies love to be shocked! It's some kind of fetish of theirs.

Anyways, my point is save those Gucci caps and long sleeved Zara shirts for them ladies and not for your damn 80 year old lecturers in college please.

If you still do not understand this. Let me show you an example of how well this works!

Let me introduce you guys to my friend Mr. Shiva Chandru

This is him on normal days in college:

Day1

Day2

Day3

As you can see, he dresses pretty normally and you can say repeatatively. It's not cause he doesn't have nice things to wear but mainly cause he has mastered the idea of The Pocket Aces.

Now look at him dressed when he was out.

Hensem!

Now ladies and gentlemen, let me show you a failure of adhering to the Pocket Aces code. Let me introduce you guys to my friend, Mr. Raymond Wong.

Here is a picture of what he wears to college.

One of those flashy days.

And now what he wore when we went out for HIS BIRTHDAY.

The same shirt makes it pretty dang normal and not shocking.

So ask yourself, do you want to be Mr.Shiva:

Or Mr.Raymond:

KTHXBAI!

Spongebob!

2010-05-10T07:21:00.001-07:00

AHAHAHHAH!!! SPONGEBOB!!

Movies with cheese on it.

2010-05-10T02:09:00.000-07:00

Okay guys I'm not going to say much about the introduction this time but from the title of this blog post I'm sure you know what I'm gonna talk abouut this round. Just tell me what do you think of when you see the following:

Okay I hope you have watched at least one of these movies. (I'm gay cause I waatched all three) If you haven't then go to www.redtube.com and go watch some porn because that's what stereotypical-I-dont-watch-sappy-movies-guys would do.

Anyways, the point of this post is that, do you realise that these type of movies are extremely cheesy and they are some what similar? It seems like they were all produced by the same damn cheesy guy. Think about it. Look it doesn't take much to come up with this kinda movies. I'll show you.

Scene 1: guy does something to get girl's attention

scene 2: girl give's guy the attention

scene 3: make out session in the rain/in the middle of the street/(insert weird
place)

scene 4: Music montage of good times they both have. (preferably with sappy music)

scene 5: complication/break up/go to war/separation/" Im sick "

scene 6: A lot of tears/music montage of sadness/ (your living room tissue box
empties)

scene 7: this scene is special. This scene is the reason why I made this post.

In scene 7 is where all hell breaks lose. All of the craziness to why we guys are perceived as ***holes :)

You see ladies and gentlemen, what will happen in scene 7 can be separated from two points of view. Let's start of with the guys point of view.

See what we simple minded men will be concentrating more on is the action/booty that the male part in the movie is getting. All that steamy make out sessions and crazy sex in the rain kinda thing. See when men see such a thing only one question pops out in their mind.

What is this guy in this movies is doing right to deserve all that?

So If you realise, men only will remember the movie up to scene 3. This is why men do not cry when the ending comes. They are still pondering about scene 3. From scene 3 onwwards the male brain is pre-occupied thinking about and at the same time only paying attention to what the male character in the movie is doing. The male brain would pay 100% attention to what the male character is doing because in their brain this is what's going on.

"If that dude behaves like that and gets booty, what If I do? *horny face* "

Funny thing is after the whole movie is over. They would say that the movie is a waste of time and it is all a whole load of crap.Ofcouse this is just a cover up, they actually think the movie IS BRILLIANT!

Now for the women.

Women will literally watch the whole movie rather than drooling over a 2 minute make out scene. They would do what all women do. They FEEL for the characters. They relate to every situation that happens in the movie. The most important scene to women is always the ending of the movie or scene 7. And when this scene comes all hell breaks lose in the women's mind.Something along the lines of:

"OMG, did you see that?" *THE TURN*

Remember how I said scene 7 kills most men. Scene 7 is so significant in todays perception of what a great/awesome/dreamy/sweet/desirable guy is.Although we human beings know that a movie is just a movie. Beating all logic that god gave us as humans, the movie subconsciously will seep into our minds which will then influence our perception. In this case it influences the womens perception towards men unconsciously!(I said Unconsciously so dont come to me and say No I dont. the truth is you do. you just dont know.)

Now I'll explain about *THE TURN* Haha I love this. The turn is what the women does after expressing how amazing scene 7 is and looks at her male counterpart/boyfriend/fiancee/husband. And a message to all men out there. When this happens if you want some action PRETEND AS IF YOU KNOW WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT BEFORE SHE TURNS AWAY. See during *THE TURN* what women see is that their male counterpart is still slobbering and drooling over scene 3 and it makes them look worthless and an immediate comparison will be made between macho notebook man on the screen and towards a drooling horny boyfriend next to her. YOU WILL LOSE THE COMPARISON.

So both the man and the woman will part ways having this in their mind.

Man: "Damn I gotta have six packs to get some booty"

Woman: "I dont think my boyfriend is blablablablablablabla" sorry im a guy, since
when it matters what women say :P hahahaha you love me.

KTHXBAI!

Mother's Day

2010-05-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

You know why I hate mother's day? *oh snap* haha I hate it cause a lot of people use mother's day as an excuse to pamper your mother. You might be wondering, "whats so wrong bout that riz the hensem?" Well here is why I think it is wrong.

To me, I believe that everyday is mother's day. Why pick one day where you can be EXTRA nice to your mom. I am EXTRA nice to my mom everyday. Ever heard this conversation before?

Dude1: Eh what you doing for your mom ah?

Dude2: Ah? zho mei? Must do things for my mom?

Dude1: Oih tomollo is mother day lo!

Dude2: Eh, tomollo ah? yeah hoh.

Dude1: Haiyooo, you ah no use one. I buy my mom frowers and nice big big chocorate.
suspensive(expensive) you know! My mama sure like it one.

Dude2: Sei lorrrr, I dont have money. She la never give me my arrowance, see now!
how to buy plesent now?

Dude1: aiyooo okay la nonnit think bout it d. Lai lai dota finish load d.

Dude2: Diu, today I pick lina. If I win I dedicate to my mader. cause my mother lame
is ..* first blood* tiu, haven anything die d.

See how people are now days. They are just not appreciative of their mom. For those of you who have participate in a conversation like this I have a message for you all.

YOU THINK IT IS EASY AR GIVE BIRTH TO YOU PEOPLE! YOU TRY TO SQUEEZE A HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND SEE HOW PAIN ONOT! THEN AFTER YOU BORN YOU THINK YOU A NICE BABY KA? OYH EVERYNIGHT YOU MAKE NOISE PEOPLE CANNOT SLEEP YOU KNOW? THEN GROW UP MOTHER GIVE YOU MONEY YOU GO PLAY DOTA THEN PLAY POKER UNTIL POKAI ALREADY CANNOT BUY MOTHERS DAY GIFT. You memang champion!

For the rest of us who love our mothers from the very core! Lets show our mommys how everyday should be:

KTHXBAI!

Overappreciated and Underapreciated songs

2010-05-07T21:06:00.001-07:00

You know how now days we have songs that aren't just cool enough. Remember those times when music was still gaddaymn good! I mean look at what we have now:

wtf? Rubbish!

A DISGRACE to the music industry. These new artists are just no match for the old school! I mean what ever happened to the cool people like

(Limp Bizkit)

(Run DMC)

(Jay-z)

Ya knaw what I mean? Last time Music was cool cause it taught you valuable lessons like in "Shaggy- It wasn't me" It taught you the real meaning of being a player and how not to get caught..just say it wasn't me! and there was that song by "Limp Bizkit-Rollin'". This song might contain a lot of swearing and what not but it simply meant keep living! And now the current era things are just dumb. Artist are just making a quick buck by stringing a few words together and repeating over and over again just to make it catchy Eg:

The King of Repeatition lyrics are The Effin MataHitamKacangPea or matsalleh people say black eyed peas.

I gotta feeling

Imma be

shut up

boom boom pow

I mean WTF do you learn from this. I call tis running out of ideas! or in their case running out of weed to smoke to create ideas.But at least they are not half as bad as this guy. He is the newest and freshest singer on the gay block. I present to you:

Justin Wiener

Okay you guys might hate me for this but come on! Have you seen his videos! He is just trying to damn hard. It's not cool to try too hard. Plus he made this little girl cry :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI&NR=1&feature=fvwp:

Good Job Justin Wiener!

Okay enough of all this rants! The best song on earth has recently sufaced in the world of youtube. I found it while just surfing around youtube and I honestly think this guys are underappreciated! Someone give them a record label.

Here it is:

KTHXBAI!

Guess Who's Back?

2010-05-07T10:38:00.001-07:00

Guess Who's Back? Back Again? Rizal's Back! Tell some friends!

Waas' Sappenin' Peeps!

I told you people I'd be back. Now with a new and improved Got Riz?! blog. It would be better than the old Got Riz? (http://www.remote-controls-and-potato-chips.blogspot.com/) Way better! Now with more funny random crap like this:

Do you like my new URL? You guys must be wondering " Oh Emm Gee, He is like, such a perasan boy" The truth is.. DAMN RIGHT! I am so handsome and awesome and possum. So just to let you guys know, everytime you type my awesome URL you guys know that you love me,want me,need me and definitely addicted to the one and only Handsome...

..RIZAL RAMZAN!

Don't you hate it when you go on the net to find an interesting blog to read and all you find is crappy,emo,rantful,annoying,whiney blogs that just beats the purpose of reading a blog to relax and chill but instead pisses you off further and make you hate the world more. ( unless you're just a KPC!) Well I figured the world is effed up right now. So let's bring some laughter and lighten things up. So yeah screw those blogs! This blog will supply you with endless laughter and funny random crap! So do pop by once a while if you want to have a good laugh aight? Be good slavereaders and do post comments!

KTHXBAIZ~~LoLX