Goths up trees

gloryholebaby submitted this photo with the comment “This...

Fri, 25 May 2012 16:54:00 +1000

gloryholebaby submitted this photo with the comment “This is the world famous blog, pugs up trees, yes?”

Why, yes, this is the world famous blog ‘pugs up trees’. You will know it because of the vast array of one pug photo that has been posted :-\ At least your pug is black. Tip for those who think that getting a pug is a great idea: if you are a goth GET A BLACK ONE. Pug shed a lot. So much so that the vet told me once that I really should have gotten a black pug and I should stop wearing black (the cheek! and to think I restrained myself from giving HIM fashion advice). So, on vet’s orders, if I get another bossy snot-machine it will be black and I will name it something awesome like Dame Judi Stench or Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

This pug is not as high up the tree as Fifi was, but it’s up a nice gnarled tree. It’s looking wistfully off into the distance; dreaming of liver treats and friendly goths to pat it.

2 out of 5 - If I don’t post this then Fifi will kill me in the night, as has been foretold. It’s a pugs-owned-by-goths conspiracy.

prettylikebleeding submitted this photo with the comment: Dear...

Fri, 25 May 2012 13:02:15 +1000

prettylikebleeding submitted this photo with the comment:

Dear Goths Up Trees, This is me, a Goth, up a tree. I really love your Tumblr, so as a tribute to your amazing work I had a drink and climbed up a tree (with my ever so supportive bf, complete with the flu, behind the camera) especially for you :) I hope I have ticked all the boxes: it is night time and I am about 13ft from the ground, I’m not smiling and to shield me from any potential “moon burn” I even have my parasol. :F Thanks for making each day that little bit more entertaining :F

I have to give this one a 5, now don’t I? Look at this. JUST LOOK AT IT. How is she not falling out of that tree? 13ft (3.9m) off the ground! It’s taken at night and there’s no smiling; all done while conquering wondrous feats of style and balance. She even has a parasol to avoid moonburn, FFS. Good work to the flu-sodden b/f for capturing this moment.

5 out of 5 - No, thank you.

zombiestardust submitted this photo with the comment “I...

Thu, 24 May 2012 16:55:00 +1000

zombiestardust submitted this photo with the comment “I submitted a photo a couple of months ago (us up a tree at school) but couldn’t resist sending you this one too - the same friend and I up a tree at a party in the woods. Do we get extra points for being able to climb trees while drunk?”

Of course you get extra points for being able to climb trees drunk! To start with, I’m impressed by your ability to keep a straight drunk-face, and risking life and limb (get it, get it) to climb high up trees for this worthy cause definitely entitles you to bonus points. GO YOU.

Unfortunately, the goth on the left appears to be attempting to kick the goth on the right out of the tree. Or was it more a “can I just rest my foot here on your hip?” situation that seemed like a good idea at the drunken time? Either way, it’s unusual and I like it. It’s night time, no drunken smiles, high up the tree. GOOD.

5 out of 5 - If you can keep a straight face while drunk and climb high up a tree without injuring yourself, then you should probably kick your friend out of the tree.

Mackenzie Rainbow submitted this photo with the expansive...

Thu, 24 May 2012 12:08:03 +1000

Mackenzie Rainbow submitted this photo with the expansive comment:

“Here we have an elusive nocturnal tree goth, in tree camouflaging stockings, of course. They were unsure that I was worthy of their presence, but I lured them into a more visible perch via scotch on a stick. Single malt, because this is a classy up tree goth. And by classy, I mean they prefer a breakfast of scotch and bacon at 9pm. This tree lives in my backyard and is quite tall. I’m hoping that the nice booze will encourage this goth not to throw anything at unsuspecting people for a bit.”

Scotch on a stick? Breakfast at 9pm of scotch and bacon? A goth after my own heart! I like the little back story there. It explains why this goth looks like she was caught unawares and didn’t have time to adjust her skirt. She looks like she may be about to yell obscenities at the photographer, too.

It’s night time, she’s not smiling and apparently this tree is quite high. Well done. I’m sure the goth herself would have appreciated the opportunity for a more flattering pose but I suppose you’ve got to take the photos where you can get them.

4.85 out of 5 - Fashion yourself a scotch receptacle on a stick to lure goths out of their trees

blacktinged submitted this photo with the comment “Just me...

Wed, 23 May 2012 13:50:00 +1000

blacktinged submitted this photo with the comment “Just me climbing a tree on Easter.”

Surfer dude from the 90s: “Yo, what did you do for Easter?”
Blacktinged: “Dressed up in my gothest finery and hopped up a tree.”
Surfer dude: “Sweet, dude, how did you go?”
Blacktinged: “I nailed it. I wore my bazillion hole docs over my black jeans with my belt on backwards, my batty hoodie, my Jack Skellington beanie, that sweet ankh my Mum gave me for Christmas and my coffin bag!”
Surfer dude: “Whoa, dude, you really put on all of your goth stuff!”
Blackginged: “I know. I looked so awesome that I smiled in the photo, though”.
Surfer dude: “Bummer, dude. Were you high up the tree?”
Blackginge: “Sorta, not really. It was day time too.”
Surfer dude: “I’m sure your enthusiasm will be evident and therefore you will get a decent score”.

3.9 out of 5 - Don’t let your enthusiasm outshine your gothness.

Savannah submitted this photo with the comment “My face is...

Tue, 22 May 2012 17:42:59 +1000

Savannah submitted this photo with the comment “My face is naturally in a smile, so I’m sorry but this is my frowny face. Not a very good goth face, but it can’t be helped.”

Yes, my friend, you need to work on your sneer. If you want to practice, just talk to jocks at school and then the sneer will come naturally. That’s how mine developed and I possess a fine sneer. A sneer worthy of SONGS, I tell you.

Apart from her smiley face (that she’s going to have to work on if she wants to be an uber goth some day), she’s a decent height up the tree but it is sunny. I am doubting her commitment to being a goth in general but she’s only young. I’m actively ignoring the goggles.

3.8 out of 5 - Being a good goth up a tree requires commitment and practice, young lady, now GO AND TALK TO A JOCK.

the-lolli-pop-queen submitted this photo with the comment...

Tue, 22 May 2012 13:02:00 +1000

the-lolli-pop-queen submitted this photo with the comment “Saw this blog & loved it so I thought I would contribute to it. My ex-boyfriend took this a year ago at my old house oh & yes I got in that tree all by my self in those boots.”

Well displayed boots, Ms Lolli Pop Queen. I like your boot pompoms. They remind me of pompoms on the uniform of the Evzones (Greek presidential guards). I like the multi-layered stocking approach as well. It’s very useful for the colder times of year. Nice corset action. Lovely hair colour (is this a wig?). There’s no smiling, she’s high up the tree and I like the pose for its boot emphasis. Pity about the sun.

Also, I suppose I should mention that someone has decided that it’s World Goth Day today (22nd May). What does that mean? I don’t know. I celebrate goth day every day. But I will draw your attention to the Sophie Lancaster Foundation which aims to stamp out prejudice, hatred and intolerance and was started by the parents of a goth girl (Sophie) who was murdered for being a goth.

4.85 out of 5 - Support goths, support tolerance, support hosiery.

Claudia Little submitted this photo with the comment “ABQ...

Mon, 21 May 2012 21:13:00 +1000

Claudia Little submitted this photo with the comment “ABQ grave yard. Old Yale grave yard ;)”

Whoa! That’s some serious goth up a tree action! We have lovely Wintry skeletal tree, a graveyard, a goth with a serious expression who is high up the tree, awesome boots, and an expressive pose. SUCH a pity about the daylight but it is quite a great photo anyway. I’m sure the graveyard is of some cultural significance.

4.9 out of 5 - there’s a lazy goth reading your submissions here and she’s most likely drunk and wearing papal vestments.

nona smith submitted this photo with the comment...

Mon, 21 May 2012 14:19:57 +1000

nona smith submitted this photo with the comment “sometimes country goths climb trees barefoot”.

These must be Summer-time country goths which would explain the lack of clothing. They must be related, surely. If not, they’re friends linked by their hair, dresses and nice legs. This photo has been sent in at least twice so we know they are persistent goths too.

No smiling. High up the tree. Night time. Nice work. Has potential; could be gother.

4.5 out of 5 - Summer-time country goth siblings could be gother

Cocoa submitted this photo with the comment “Hello! I’m...

Fri, 18 May 2012 20:34:00 +1000

Cocoa submitted this photo with the comment

“Hello! I’m from Brazil and I love your blog! I’ve been climbing trees since I was 6 (the bullies did not see me up there) and I’ve been a goth since I was 14! :D So, of course I decided to take a picture for your blog!

I know I’ll lose points for daylight, but I can assure you I was wearing sunscreen, spf 60. Shame my pirate socks didn’t show up! Hugs! Cocoa (I know, not the best nickname for a goth)”

WTF is Molly Ringwald doing up a tree? JOKES. It’s nice to see a goth up a tree in a tropical looking location. I’m sorry that the reason you started climbing trees was to avoid bullies but I’m sure it was better than my anti-bully method of dobbing on them (because dobbers wear nappies, apparently, and dobbing bullies in sure makes them want to bully you less).

Yes, points off for daylight but I’m very glad of the sunscreen because she is so very pale. Points for her cute pixie cut and tropical surroundings. There’s a hint of a smile there but she looks to be a decent height up the tree.

4.3 out of 5 - Avoid internet bullies by taking a photo of yourself up a tree and sending it to me and then I will fight them for you.

outerspacegoth submitted this photo with no comment (and two...

Thu, 17 May 2012 17:10:00 +1000

outerspacegoth submitted this photo with no comment (and two other photos but I’ll post those ones later on).

I believe this is another photo from the tree house we have seen before, which makes this young lady technically very bloody high in the tree. I’m a big fan of her parasol. Every time I see a person walking down the street with a parasol I smile (on the inside) because they usually look very stylish and are concerned about keeping the sun off their skin. I also feel sorry for them because, in my town, if you have a parasol in public you are destined for ridicule from passes by who think it’s hilarious to tell you that it’s not raining. Oh the hilarity! Everyone’s a comedian!

Anyway, this lady is safe in the confines of her tree house and is free to look stylish. She’s not smiling. It’s day time but her parasol goes some way to make up for it.

4.6 out of 5 - Equal rights for parasolites! Don’t forget that parasols can double as rather effective weapons!

unstereotyped submitted this photo with the comment “This...

Thu, 17 May 2012 13:02:21 +1000

unstereotyped submitted this photo with the comment “This is my fantastic friend Andy. He was originally looking down on me from the tree, but I felt that my presence added nothing to the photo, and therefore, cropped myself out. I feel this was the right choice as now the focus is on him and his fabulous figure.”

Just look at her fantastic friend Andy and his fabulous figure. Actually, I can’t see his figure so I’m going to take the submitter’s word that it’s fabulous. This is photo is very cute and Andy certainly looks comfortable; like he was born for sitting up trees. I like the fence and pot plants in the background - very suburban goffick. He does have a hint of a smile on his face, unfortunately and it is daylight. At least he’s a decent height up the tree.

4.4 out of 5 - My comfy tree brings all the goffs to the yard and they’re like, it’s really comfy.

Joseph submitted this photo with no comment. There is much to...

Wed, 16 May 2012 16:52:00 +1000

Joseph submitted this photo with no comment.

There is much to like about this photo. First of all, I like to see a well-dressed man up a tree. I like to see a badly dressed man up a tree too so I suppose that comment is redundant. This guy has a bit of a deathrocker look going on and his up-tree pose really displays his outfit to its fullest ability. The other obvious things to like about this photo are: no smiling, high up the tree, night time. The photo is of a decent quality which also makes me happy. Everything about this photo makes me happy. HAPPY. I’m not smiling, of course, but I’m happy on the inside. There’s nothing else for it but to give it a top score.

5 out of 5 - This is how it is done, friends.

Rob Murderface submitted this photo with the comment...

Tue, 15 May 2012 17:35:11 +1000

Rob Murderface submitted this photo with the comment “metalwood”.

Metalwood? I assume this is something to do with the metal pose in a wood rather than the jazz band of that name. I like the black and white and the silhouetted trees in the background. The pose is excellent, of course, and the grimace is exemplary. Pity about the annoying film hole print thing because it’s distracting from the awesomeness of the trees. The goth looks to be a reasonable height up the tree and there’s no chance of a smile there. It’s daylight but I’m guessing it’s a cloudy day.

4.4 out of 5 - Black metal poses are more dramatic when executed up trees

Althea submitted this photo with the comment “OK, since...

Tue, 15 May 2012 14:46:29 +1000

Althea submitted this photo with the comment “OK, since I’ve been told I MUST submit this photo… this is me, a goth, up a tree, in 1995. The photo was taken during the filming of Lisa Hammer’s short film, “Jorinda and Joringel.” To be honest, I’m not sure if I made the final cut, but it did involve climbing a tree in a floor-length gown.”

Very ethereal! Even if you didn’t make the final cut, you have been forever immortalised on a blog. What more could you ask for? Probably a whole lot more, but it’s better than nothing.

It seems there are two up-trees in this one but the lower one looks to be playing hide and seek. I like that the original photo is a bit scratched and knocked around which adds to the atmosphere in the scanned version. There’s no smiling and Althea’s quite high in the tree. It’s daylight but bonus points for goths up trees in film (even if they didn’t make the final cut).

4.5 out of 5 - Being immortalised on a blog is better than being immortalised on film, don’t you think?

locography submitted this photo with the comment “Gothic...

Mon, 14 May 2012 17:14:00 +1000

locography submitted this photo with the comment “Gothic Portraiture”.

A lovely goth up a tree in an old cemetery in Sydney (Australia, fiends). She looks as if she’s having a little day-dream there (contemplating whether or not to see the latest Tim Burton/Johnny Depp/Helena Bohnam-Carter shenanigans, perhaps?) I can’t imagine she’s all that comfortable with her legs kinda hanging down like that but she’s not showing it in her face and we have a nice view of shoes and that’s what counts.

She is quite high up the tree and she’s not smiling. It is day time but she’s in the shade. Bonus points for the old cemetery and the general prettiness of the photo.

4.8 out of 5 - Many a goth has contemplated this very same problem.

pantera01 submitted this photo with the comment “this is...

Mon, 14 May 2012 13:02:12 +1000

pantera01 submitted this photo with the comment “this is the biggest goth u will ever meet in ur life, and it lives in Durham!!!”

Seriously? Durham? How could a goth live in Durham? Also, WHERE THE HELL IS DURHAM? We live in a global community, people, so you have to specify which country you’re talking about. Unless this goth lives in every single suburb called ‘Durham’ in the world, in which case the lack of country specification makes perfect sense! This goth is a jet setter. He only travels at night time and mainly from tree to tree (which makes over water travel difficult but he takes a couple of bonsai trees on the plane with him).

He does have a hint of a smile on his face. It’s night time and he’s high up the tree. Hooray. Apparently he’s the biggest goth we will ever meet, which is a pretty big call, especially as I have several goth friends over 6’5”. He doesn’t look anywhere near as big as that but I’m sure if I ever meet him I will be able to measure his height accurately. I’m concerned that the submitter referred to this goth as “it” but they clearly have no respect for goths, location or relative size so I have no respect for them and deduct points for that.

4.85 out of 5 - respect jetsetting goths no matter their size.

Elois Nightingale submitted this photo “Hello! This is my...

Fri, 11 May 2012 16:56:00 +1000

Elois Nightingale submitted this photo “Hello! This is my blog-friend Agatha from Russia. She is Goth and she loves trees:) PS: sorry for bad English, its not my native language.”

No need to apologise, poppet. Your English is better than many native speakers and the photos you’ve submitted of your friend are awesome. We have one where she looks casual and relaxed and another where she looks as if she’s a bit pissed off because she wanted to go for a swim but she didn’t bring her bathers.

She’s not smiling in either of these photos. She looks to be a medium height up the trees. It’s daylight, unfortunately, but bonus points for style and an obvious commitment to trees.

4.8 out 5 - Never forget to pack your bathers

Graham submitted this photo with the comment “Its me up a...

Fri, 11 May 2012 12:59:00 +1000

Graham submitted this photo with the comment “Its me up a tree with my kid below”

Nice tree, Graham. I see you’ve chosen to leave your small child on the ground while being an excellent role model and demonstrating how to be a first rate up-tree and ensuring this concept is passed on to future generations. I applaud you for your foresight. I’m concerned that your child isn’t actually looking at you, but I’m sure they took it all in anyway.

He’s quite high up the tree and he’s not smiling. It’s clearly daylight but quite overcast. His gothness is vaguely in doubt due to the inclusion of blue denim in his ensemble. Bonus points for passing on the important tradition of being a goth up a tree to your small child.

4.5 out of 5 - ‘Daddy, why are you frowning up that tree?’. ‘Shut up, Lestat, it’s tradition!’

countesskitsch submitted this photo with the comment...

Thu, 10 May 2012 16:47:35 +1000

countesskitsch submitted this photo with the comment “Taken by a mundane, but I suppose the subject is what really counts.”

You’re correct there, Miss Kitsch. I don’t give a flying f*ck who took the photo. It could be taken by a hipster upon a fixie bike with a polaroid camera that they paid 5 times the original price for from a ‘vintage’ store while wearing a trilby hat with a flashing light on it that says “Hit me, I’m a hipster” on it and I WOULDN’T CARE. I only care about you! I’m so caring, I know.

So, according to you, is anyone who isn’t a goth a “mundane”? I used to refer to people who weren’t from any identifiable subculture as a “normal” but “mundane” implies excessive dullness. Tsk tsk. Lets not make assumptions, now. Some normal people are quite interesting after a few drinks!

This non-mundane person is smiling and out in the daylight but she does have a massive umbrella to shield her from the sun, so bonus points there. She looks to be a good height up the tree.

4.3 out of 5 - When goths are the norm they become mundane (oh drat)