One of my greatest joys in life comes from discipling women.

I’m passionate about helping them get to know Jesus, then rooting them in Him, and most especially, helping each woman learn to pass what’s benefitted her about discipleship on to others.

Where else can you become a spritual grandma at the age of 25 and great grandma a year later? I agree with the apostle John when he shares, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth.” (3 John 1:4) 

This means the women I disciple, too. But, sometimes discipleship, just like physical parenting, can be hard: 

How do you respond when the woman you disciple isn’t making good choices? 

How do you respond when the woman you disciple has more needs than you can handle? 

How do you feel years later, after your discipleship relationship, when you hear her share her testimony and she doesn’t mention you? 

Relationships aren’t always easy. We can’t keep discipleship challenges from happening. But there are three joy robbers we can be diligent to get R.I.D. of: 

R = Responsibility for the Wrong Things 

It can be all too easy to take responsibility for the women we are discipling. This is wrong and quickly robs us of our joy and her of her joy, too. 

We are responsible to love. (1 John 4:7-8) We are responsible to consider how we can spur her on. (Hebrews 10:24-25) We are responsible to speak only that which is helpful for building her up according to her needs that it may benefit her as she listens (Ephesians 4:29) 

But, we are not responsible for the choices she makes, her actions or their outcomes. 

Spiritual maturity does not happen linearly. Failure is part of the learning process. 

Consider a baby learning to walk… have you ever seen a child take her first step and the next day complete a marathon? 

You won’t find any healthy parent berating a toddler for falling down or beating themselves up asking, “Why isn’t she doing better?” It’s more like, “Where’s my iPhone? I’ve got to video this. Come on honey you can do it!” 

The focus isn’t on the falling. This is expected. Instead, the focus is on celebrating and encouraging the child to keep learning to walk, step by step.

For all of us, it is a miracle and evidence of Jesus anytime we get anything right! But for the grace of God, we’d never even take a first step spiritually. If we feel responsible to keep those we’re investing in from making wrong choices, or feel responsible when they fall, the focus is on us not Jesus and it robs us of joy. We miss out on key opportunities to spur them on. 

I = Identity and Value 

I love being a mom, both physically as well as spiritually. For the past thirty-seven years this has been a key part of my life. As much as I love it, it’s not my identity. It’s not what I look to for value. 

Years ago, an older woman who I greatly respect shared, “You are the best discipler I’ve ever seen.” It wasn’t too long after this I found myself stressed, not enjoying interactions with those I disciple. This surprised me. I’d never felt this way before. 

When I shared this with a wise friend, he gently stated, “You believed her.” He was so right. Without even realizing it, I’d begun to feel every discipleship meeting had to be the best. 

Whenever people make statements beginning with “You are,” whether good or bad, these are pronouncements, which can easily impact our identity. This older woman meant well. But Proverbs 27:21 states, “A man is tested by the praise he receives.” 

So easily we can begin to define ourselves externally based on other’s opinions or how those we’ve invested in turn out. For joy and life I need to find my identity solely by looking to the Lord, so the way I see myself rests fully on the truth of who I am in Christ. 

He says I am loved. I am forgiven. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I believe Him. 

I find joy in helping people, but there can be a dark side to this. If I’m not careful, my helping people can quickly become using people to meet my needs, manipulating them so they’ll value me and make me feel valuable. No matter what I do, each act has the power to be beautiful and selfless or selfish and self- serving. People can still benefit. The difference is my heart. Why am I doing what I am doing? 

Where I find my identity makes a huge difference in my life. It influences my thinking, choices and behavior as well as my joy.

D = Divine Presumption 

After I gave birth to my son, I walked and prayed one night crying out to the Lord, “This is so hard! I hate not being available to the women I disciple 24/7.” I sensed the Lord ask, You mean you want to be me?

Feeling like I should be fully available, fix everything and know everything, gets me living as if I don’t have limits. God gifts us with our limits to remind us He is God and we are not. I need to ask myself, Am I living in a way that honors Him? Or, am I trying to be God?  

Still, all too often I can forego food, sleep and exercise going all out to do everything I can to help those I’m discipling. This is when I begin to be God to those I disciple and stand in the divine footsteps only God can fill. 

For the longest time I thought it was godly to do this. The Bible says, “Respect those who work hard among you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:12) And Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23) That’s what I thought I was doing. 

But, God made me human. And to be human is to have limits. 

Only God is infinite: able to do everything, be everywhere, at all times, fixing anything and know everything. He made me finite for a reason. I honor Him when I honor the way he made me and live within the boundaries he laid for me. 

When I live within my God given limits, this also provides opportunities for those I disciple to not become dependent on me, but on The Great Discipler Himself. In my weakness, His strength is made evident. When I don’t say yes to every need of those I disciple, I am not denying my humanity, but denying letting myself stand in the way of what God wants to do. I no longer give in to temptation and sin.

Living within my limits also provides opportunity for God’s strength to be made evident in my weakness. 

Psalm 35:27 states, “Let those who delight in my righteousness shout for joy and be glad and say evermore, “Great is the LORD, who delights in the welfare of his servant.” Even more importantly, my life is providing a much more accurate picture of the Lord. 

When people look at my life, do they see reflected a God who delights in my well-being? 

Sadly, if there’s too much activity and I live perpetually exhausted, I’m afraid not. 

Instead, I long for those I disciple to observe in my life the truth about our amazing God. He doesn’t just call us to be worker bees. We are beloved daughters whose well-being He cares so deeply about, He delights in this.

Rooting Out Robbers 

All three of these joy robbers can masquerade as love. It’s so easy to think I’m working so hard or I don’t want her to fail or I’m going all out to be the best because I love the woman I’m discipling so much. The women we disciple often see through this more than we realize. 

We must be diligent to root these robbers out, regularly inviting the Lord just as David did in Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, God, and know my heart; Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.”

Being intentional to get rid of these three robbers is making a huge difference in my discipling relationships and in my life. Not only is their absence preserving my sanity and well being, enhancing my joy, and enabling me to better love those I disciple, I can only imagine the delight this brings to God.

Deb Entsminger is a beloved daughter of God, uniquely designed by Him to delight in creatively equipping women to live a great story for His glory and their joy. From discipling for thirty-seven years to speaking at retreats and creating resources, Deb finds joy in encouraging women to know God, get established in their walks with Him and then help others know Him, too!

Deb helps women discover and embrace their unique God-given design (talents, motivations, and calling) so they can intentionally follow Jesus as He wonderfully hand-fashioned them, courageously doing the work He prepared in advance for His glory and their joy!

She lives in Florida where she serves as a campus minister. In her spare time she loves to hike, bike and kayak, savoring God’s creation and spend time with her husband Jim who she’s been married to for 33 years!

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I don’t want to fall for false teachings. 

I don’t want to be led astray regarding what the Bible teaches, and I don’t want my children deceived either. I’ll bet you feel the same. 

But I’m not a professional theologian, nor do I have time to become an expert on every doctrinal dilemma, and that’s okay. The good news is…we don’t need to be scholars to be aware. While regular studying is a biblical requirement, we already have what we need to be discerning church-goers who can spot iffy teachings.

Truth is, biblical discernment has far more to do with using basic critical thinking skills than experiencing a bad feeling about something. If we will choose to love Jesus with our minds while at church, we can take great strides toward filtering out good teaching from the not-so-good (and potentially dangerous). 

Here are three simple ways we can be more discerning at church:

1. Turn off the scary music. 

First let me say I’m not talking about your church organist here. I’m talking about the scary music that so skillfully builds terror in the hearts of folks who watch horror films. While I am definitely not promoting watching scary movies, I do remember watching a few in my younger years and occasionally thinking about how stupid the scenes would be without the music. Without that creepy Gregorian chant in the background, Freddie slinking out of the hall closet seems completely random rather than nightmarish. 

So, how does Nightmare on Elm Street help us have more discernment in church? It helps us see how powerful emotions can be and encourages us to practice tuning out the emotionally charged aspects of a worship service in order to think critically—so we can be discerning.  

I am not saying that God doesn’t involve our emotions in worship, or that all emotional aspects of a worship service are bad. I love having my heart gripped as much as the next person. But I am saying we need to practice tuning them out so we can take thoughts captive as we are told to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5. Thoughts are not emotions or feelings. They are claims. Claims about truth and reality. In order to give them the attention they deserve, we need to be able to isolate the content without all the hype. That’s what taking a thought captive means. 

I’m not suggesting we strive to attain a monotone faith experience with all the zeal of Charlie Brown’s teacher. But I do believe that if we become more aware of how things like the volume of a preacher’s voice or the build of the music or the tears flowing all around us have the potential to cloud our judgment, then we will give them the proper amount of influence. We will begin to pay more attention to what is being said rather than being swept away by the how. 

Unfortunately, there are far too many ways to manipulate a crowd than I can discuss here, but one great way to “turn off the scary music” is to read sermon notes after listening to a sermon to see if anything is off or needs further clarification.  Be in the habit of asking yourself, “If he or she was saying this in a straight voice with no dramatics, how would I respond?” 

2. Look for Skyscrapers 

Skyscrapers are built story upon story, and while chances are slim that you’ll find a tall building in the middle of your sanctuary any time soon, you might be exposed to some skyscraper sermons here and there. You’ll know them by their…stories. 

Stories are accounts of events, and they can be very inspiring. I personally like it when a preacher uses a good story or two to illustrate the biblical truth being taught, which, of course should be the main goal. A skyscraper sermon is the opposite of this, however. What you’ll hear is story upon story accompanied by a random Bible verse or two used to make the stories seem more legitimate. In this type of sermon, the Bible plays the supporting role. 

One of the most important reasons we gather together at church is to study the Scriptures corporately and learn what they teach and how to apply them to our lives today. In order to do that, we must actually be dealing with…the Scriptures. We must be focused on the biblical text…looking to it as our sole authority as Christ followers. 

I believe there are times when a topical treatment of the Bible is appropriate. This is when the pastor chooses to teach a biblical concept such as the character of God, or how believers should handle trials. But if we are not getting any expository teaching, there’s a problem. Expository teaching is basically tackling an entire book of the Bible verse-by-verse. This is where the pastor will actually teach the congregation how to read the book soundly. This is where we see what God wants us to know rather than what a person wants us to know with an added endorsement from a random Bible verse.

Skyscraper sermons are what I call “off the page,” meaning, the contents are not found in the Bible. They are found in the speaker’s experiences (which can sound spiritual…but are not the Bible). This is not always a sure sign of false teaching, but we must be aware—we must be discerning. Begin to listen carefully and ask yourself, “Approximately what percent of this sermon or talk is stories or personal anecdotes, and what percent is actually teaching me the contents of the Bible—not just one verse of the Bible, but a good chunk?”  I know of popular speakers who repeatedly present 90% stories in their talks, and the Bible verses they throw in are often taken entirely out of context. This can be dangerous when we aren’t discerning. Skyscraper sermons should not be given weight in our lives without diligent corroboration from the Scriptures. 

3. Remember 7th Grade English Class 

If you are like me, remembering 7th grade English class isn’t something I do for fun. In fact, the first thing I recall is the cool guy who sat in the row next to me quite boldly (and loudly) drawing attention to how hairy my legs were. But if you’ll push past the mortifying memories, I hope you’ll remember the lessons you learned about literary genres, literary techniques, plot diagrams, and figurative language because these concepts will help us be more discerning in church. 

I’ll be honest, I was a Christian for years before I learned that there are sound and unsound ways to interpret the Bible. I thought we all interpreted the Bible same way…every part of it.  What I’ve discovered is the study of something called hermeneutics, which is really what we learned in 7th grade English class. It’s how to interpret writings correctly. 

Historical Christianity teaches that the Bible is God’s inspired Word—that He superintended human lives in such a way as to have exactly what He wanted written down, and that the final product is true and authoritative.  This is a much larger topic than I want to address here, but what I do want to point out is that we become vulnerable to false teaching when we don’t know anything about this process and don’t understand the Bible isn’t simply a mystical menu of life verses to pick and choose from as we like, but is a collection of writings from antiquity. The collection contains poetry, histories, letters, and more. Each of these genres requires using appropriate interpretive skills.  

I won’t lie, you could get lost in books forever studying hermeneutics at a scholarly level, but we really don’t need all of that to have a healthy dose of discernment. Simply being aware of a book’s genre will help so much. For example (and this was a tough one to digest for me at first), when reading the book of Proverbs, it is important to know that we are reading…proverbs. These are short, pithy sayings for life that promote general truths for good living…like the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” We know statements like these aren’t so set in stone that we would put our life savings on the line. If I eat an apple every day and one morning find myself needing a visit to the minute clinic, I’m not going to plummet into despair wondering if my entire life has been a lie. The same should be true for us when we interpret verses out of Proverbs. They are not promises.  They are wisdom sayings God intended for teaching life principles. The original audiences knew this…and keeping it in mind will save us from following a teacher who is using a proverb the wrong way to instruct us. 

When we learned how to read poetry back in middle school, we learned about idioms, similes, metaphors, and hyperbolic language. We learned how different a poem is from an encyclopedia entry even though they can both express truth. We learned how important context is and the importance of knowing your audience. All these things come into play when reading and interpreting scripture. A great book to read for more of these simple but very important interpretive factors is How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth by Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart.

If the teaching pastors at your church aren’t explaining interpretive elements on a regular basis (which can be taught in a variety of ways and doesn’t have to feel like a classroom lecture), I suggest you be very cautious. A pastor who teaches sound interpretive methods is more likely to be using them in sermon prep, which is a very good thing.

Scripture: Read Acts 17:10-13 where we learn about why the Bereans were considered noble. 

Prayer: Father, please stir in us a greater desire to study your Word, to know Your heart and ways, and to be wise yet humble as we stand as your daughters. 

Teasi Cannon

Teasi Cannon is a wife, mother, teacher, author, and lifelong learner who loves to share this truth: God is real and good, and He never fails.  

A favorite author and national speaker, Teasi’s desire to strengthen her personal understanding—coupled with a passion to share real hope with those who need it most—led Teasi to obtain a master’s degree in Pastoral Counseling from Liberty Theological Seminary. She is a confessed book addict who can’t get enough of apologetics and theology, and when she’s not spending time with her family, you can find her sitting on her favorite spot of the couch with a book in one hand and a hot mug of coffee in the other.  

Teasi lives south of Nashville, Tennessee with her husband and best friend Bill. They have three amazing children who all grew up far too quickly and a new son-in-law who supplies all the board games for family fun. 

For more about Teasi, check out her website at www.teasicannon.com .

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Augausted

Yes, that is the correct spelling.  

August + exhausted= Augausted

May was coined several years ago as Mayhem, and we all understand why,  especially when you have kids in school. There are 10 end of year  ______ parties (fill in the blank with sports team, school club, social club, community activity, home school group, church bible study group) as well as teacher and coach gifts.

Remember, add to all this, the fact that you have to make peanut free, gluten free and sugar free (using no artificial sweeteners) treats for each of the these said parties. Did I mention the sports and academic awards banquets and oh, my kid needs to wear black dress pants for the end of the year band concert tomorrow night?!

As a church, we avoid scheduling anything for May. 

So, the world gets to take credit for Mayhem, but I’d like to introduce to the church community; Augausted!

The Definition of Augausted

If you are in any type of leadership position, whether you’re head honcho, team member or volunteer of any ministry at church, you know that August is kick-off and training season. 

Why August?

The rational is that everyone is back from their summer fun and ready to get back to a schedule and start churching. 

The problem is, it’s hard to plan for these events in the summer because everyone is out summering.

By the way, I do realize I am making up words, but, if you’ll accept Augausted,  I figured you’ll give me grace for churching and summering. 

Here we are closing out August and before we’ve had a chance to catch a week long nap, and after VBS, we’re running full steam ahead…we’ve launched into a potluck and prayer to send the kids to school, a training for our children’s volunteers (to remind them how awesome they are and slip in a few new policies), another training for the student ministry leaders, a small group leader training and a men’s and women’s kick-off night for fall studies.

Lest we forget, there’s the student kick-off night that you’ll need to bring those uber healthy treats for, the same ones you created for the end of the year part. Hope you froze some extras. 

If any of this sounds incredibly familiar, you and your key volunteers may be suffering from Augaustion.  A great gauge to test how much you might be suffering from this time of year is this: if the announcement page of your bulletin is longer than the Psalms and reads a bit like the book of Numbers you’ve come down with Augaustion. 

Still wondering if you’re experiencing this or not? You’ll also know by the 39 posters in the halls and 724 emails you’ve sent out reminding everyone of all the amazing things they should attend. 

Before you run screaming from your church building or pass out where you’re standing. I’m here to help–better yet, Jesus is here to help.

Ministry Survival Tips for the Augausted:

1. Do Something Different. Plan for next year and sleep a lot next July. Planning ahead is a great way to take lots off your plate next time. Take notes and figure out where you might make better choices for events next year. Include personal care to prepare for this crazy, busy time. Naps are a must. 
2. Design a Win Win. No one can be everywhere and do everything well. Prioritize what you actually must attend and bale out of the events that you don’t need to be at. Where you are, be all there. Win. Win.
3. Do Attend Events that Fill You Up. If you never get to be in worship because of work/volunteer duties, get coverage so you can worship. You can only pour out what God pours in first. 
4. Delegate Well. We all need help, even you. You are one person and you must make hard choices about your time and your energy. Don’t try to do it all alone. Give yourself and the volunteers on your team, grace and practice mercy when they don’t do things exactly the way you would. 
5. Do Practice Gratefulness. A thankful heart can only come from a grateful heart. Serving our creator, especially if you are paid staff, is an honor. Remind yourself that God is good and that He will give you the strength and energy you need. Above all else He is your audience. 

Augausted is real and while many of us are grateful to see September and fall rhythms, don’t allow August to steal your joy. Ministry work is the hardest job on the planet, but when we allow the Holy Spirit to fill us first, this job gets a whole lot easier–even when you’re Augausted.  Let God guide you and fill you with his purpose and energy to accomplish all that he has for you today and every day. 

Michelle Eagle is the Discipleship and Women’s Minister at her home church in Franklin, Tennessee. 

Michelle organizes and trains discipleship leaders from every type of group. She also coaches disciple makers nationally with Renew.org.  Also a regular contributor at Renew.org, she encourages Christian living and discipleship. 

Michelle and her husband have two grown kids in college and are learning to enjoy the “empty nester” lifestyle.

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…and the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone.” Genesis 2:18

I recently asked a question of the women who follow my newsletter, “What’s the one thing causing you the most pain today?” I gave about a dozen options for them to answer; everything from marriage, financial burdens, health problems, teenagers, adult parents, coworkers, and more. I left no pain unnoticed. All the boxes where there for them to choose from.

The thing most all the women suffered from?  The number one box checked off over and over again?

Loneliness.  

In an age where we hold the world in the palm of our hands, where we can choose from a thousand movies and games to entertain us at any time of day or night for the rest of our living days, we are in more emotional pain and feel more overlooked and disconnected than ever before.

Loneliness is on the rise but it’s not new to any of us. Look through the Bible and you’ll find many of God’s people struggling with it for different reasons. King David comes to mind most often because the Psalms are full of his emotional pain. But, King David didn’t wallow in feeling down, he went to the Lord.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Psalm 25:16

Loneliness is a forest fire of emotional pain. It’s the fast and swift current beneath the busyness of our culture and we need to know what to do about it.

All that noise you hear out there? All the news stories and popup ads and a hundred other things hopping up and down saying “look at me”, these are what distract us from the silence of millions more who are hurting and feeling terribly alone.

The cure for loneliness?  Discipleship

God created a road map to healing this pain. It’s called discipleship.

Discipleship between women helps us grow spiritually with the loveliest added benefit, it extinguishes loneliness like a wet blanket on a campfire.

Feeling alone is a terrible experience and can lead to all sorts of health problems. [i] Research has linked social isolation and loneliness to higher risks for a variety of physical and mental conditions: high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease, and even death.

We Are Hardwired by God to Need One Another

God created us for relationship with Him and His kids. It’s how we develop and learn the best.  God loves us and wants each one of us to recognize not only who He is and what He did for us through His son, but to understand He is with us and for us every step of our life.

If you and I were in a discipleship relationship together and you were struggling with feeling alone, I’d try to keep it simple. I’d share my two-step plan to eradicate loneliness, first –draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Spend time with Him in His word.

Read through a chapter of the Bible and write down the storyline that speaks to you and why. Write back a prayer to the Lord. Before I became a Christian I was lonely and enticed by “spiritual” things like psychics and astrology. I looked everywhere for answers about “me” when I felt alone.

What a mistake that was. Today, I know the very One who made the stars…and those exciting moments I craved that made no sense to the rest of the world has been fulfilled by the Holy Spirit in my life. The first step is to crave time getting to know the Lord. There’ s much we can do to develop a deeper relationship with Him, so what are you doing about it?

Second, I’d encourage you to reach out to someone, even if it feels awkward. Being in healthy relationships mean we grow not only physically but emotionally and even spiritually by leaps and bounds when we are encouraged by others. It’s important to be inspired and most especially loved by those around us. None of that can be done alone.  But, the first step is making that call or texting that invitation to meet for coffee. We need each other. I experience this big time in a discipleship relationship.

How to Combat Loneliness

• Don’t look at someone’s happy-clappy Instagram or Facebook post and think their life is perfect. I promise you it’s not. Who puts up photos or video of an argument with their spouse or a tear-soaked pillow?
• Don’t assume someone is busy because they say they are or their social media account showed them out and about. A busy life doesn’t mean a fulfilling life. Invite that person out for coffee anyway.
• Do step outside. Walking even at a snail’s pace helps combat a sedentary life which can be a gateway to loneliness and depression. Get moving!
• Do read God’s Word. If you’re struggling with relationships in your life invest in the One who desires to spend time with you more than anyone. Consider inviting a friend to read a book in the Bible and discuss the chapters. I had no idea how cool the Bible was until I began digging in.
• Do pray for a woman to disciple you. That woman doesn’t have to be perfect.  I’d run if she said she was. If you don’t know who to ask, contact your ministry leader and ask who they’d suggest.
• Do cancel that pity party when you throw one. Each time you feel sorry for yourself you’re succumbing to pride. Wherever “self” runs the show the enemy of our soul gives you a standing ovation. If that’s where you are, take the time to confess and pray for the Lord to show you how to take your eyes off yourself for a bit and put them on someone who may need a friend, too.
• And, if your loneliness has tipped the scales and you’re experiencing depression you just can’t shake, tell someone today and contact a counselor.

The Cure

In the Book of Genesis, God begins Chapter two by telling the story of all of humanity. Adam isn’t alive very long before God sees he is lonely and makes sure to let us know that loneliness is not good for us. We are social creatures, meant for interaction with one another. It’s how we survive and thrive in this world.

This is why I’m a big proponent of transforming women’s ministry into women’s discipleship in churches all over the world.

“No worse fate can befall a man in this world than to live and grow old alone, unloving and unloved. Henry Drummond

Discipleship is what Mary and Elizabeth experienced together in the gospel of Luke. Can you imagine how alone Mary must have felt the minute the angel Gabriel left her? He’d just told her God’s plan. She would be pregnant with Jesus—before marrying Joseph.

Take a minute and imagine how alone Mary must have felt.  It was legal to stone to death a pregnant woman out of wedlock in Jewish culture back then.  What may have began as excitement to be chosen, would quickly turn to racing thoughts of fear and loneliness.

The weight of worry is a lonely place to be. Now add to that the  weight of what she knew God wanted her to do. Where would she find help? Where were the Bible studies for women pregnant with the Son of God? Where was the church series on single moms or being stoned to death?

Gabriel encouraged Mary by pointing her to Elizabeth.

And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren; for nothing will be impossible for God.” Luke 1:36-37

Mary ran as fast as she could to Elizabeth. It was a three day’s journey and feeling alone was bone deep by the time she knocked on Elizabeth’s front door.

Elizabeth immediately welcomed her, even six months pregnant herself and even without a call from Mary to give her time to tidy up the place. Elizabeth flung her door open wide and began encouraging this sweet girl who was frightened and feeling terribly alone.

Mary spent the next three months with Elizabeth being encouraged by this godly woman just a few months ahead of her in her own pregnancy. Yet, those few months was far enough ahead for Elizabeth to know it was her duty to reach down and pull Mary along, one faithful step at a time.

This is discipleship and it cures loneliness every single time.

[i] (National Institute on Aging, 2019)

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Have you heard this word buzzing around lately?

Do you know someone who’s in a discipleship relationship?

If so, you’ve more than likely nodded your head up and down as your girlfriend droned on and on about what it means to be a disciple of Jesus.

But, you still have no clue what she’s talking about?

You wonder, What is she so excited about and why won’t she stop talking about it?

You’re trying to keep up, but you’re way too deep into the conversation now. You’ve passed the point of asking.

I promise, you don’t have to be fluent in Christian-speak to make sense of a two thousand year old word. 

What does discipleship even mean?

Disciple, Disciples and even the word Discipleship is being batted around conversations these days like a grad party beach ball. So, what does it mean, anyway?

Let’s start at the very beginning. The word DISCIPLE occurs 32 times in the Bible, while the word DISCIPLES (plural) shows up in God’s Word a whopping 267 times.

The Greek word for disciple is mathētēs (math-ay-tase) and it means to be a learner or a pupil and also the following:

1. to increase one’s knowledge

2. to hear, be informed

3. to learn by use and practice

As a new Christian, we need others to come alongside us and help us understand how to walk this road. God wired us for relationship and to need one another. Trusting and following Jesus is an intimate relationship that takes time. We are spiritual babies in need of help to grow up in our faith.

John MacArthur has this to say about our growth in Christ, “We are born spiritually just as we were born physically, with everything complete and intact. We do not add arms or legs or organs as we mature physically. These grow and develop but they are not added. Likewise when we are born spiritually, we are undeveloped but complete. We need spiritual food and exercise in order to grow, but we do not need and we will not be given additional spiritual parts.

Jesus cared about the spiritual growth of his apostles, so he modeled this relationship by inviting the apostles to come and follow Him.

They walked with Jesus for three years.

Our spiritual transformation is immediate and unseen by the naked eye–but the Lord sees. He knows the second we’re born into a new life in His son. From this point on, we’re babies of the faith. We need others to come alongside us and show us how to live out what the Lord’s gently placed in each of us–His spirit.

Paul reminds us in  his letter to the Corinthians, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 11:1

But, what does that even mean? How do we follow Paul and what does that look like on a daily basis?

A Road Map to Women’s Discipleship

I believe a simple road map of discipleship exists in Acts 2:41-42.

Salvation

 Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them. And they continued steadfastly in the apostles doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Acts 2:41-42

That moment God’s word walks into your heart and pulls up a chair. What you decide to do with what you know about Jesus will change the course of your physical and eternal life forever. Baptism and belief work hand in hand. If Jesus thought baptism was important, than we should, too. Once you’re saved, sanctification is next.

God’s Word

Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them. And they continued steadfastly in the apostles doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Acts 2:41-42

The gospel was taught by the apostles and thousands were saved. Once these people believed, they continued unwavering in and through the truth of the scriptures. They took sound doctrine seriously and remained faithful to it each and every day. They believed Jesus was the full Word of God. (John 1:1-4)

If Jesus said it, they believed it. End of story.

Fellowship

Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them. And they continued steadfastly in the apostles doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Acts 2:41-42

This is where encouragement takes its rightful place. The word used here for fellowship is koinōnia which is the Greek word for an intimate and soul-deep relationship. Your words will never be loud in a woman’s ears if she doesn’t feel close to you first. That old adage fits quite nicely here: No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Fellowship is not your everyday women’s Bible study relationship. It’s much more than that. Just short of pledging allegiance to one another, people knew this group of men and women loved one another well and took each others needs seriously.

Hospitality

Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them. And they continued steadfastly in the apostles doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Acts 2:41-42

In the middle east, eating together is a sign of trust and friendship. The same can be said about us in today’s American culture. Over 70% of families eat everywhere except around the kitchen table. Making a meal and inviting someone to sit around our table for a meal would be a kind and vulnerable gesture of hospitality.

Prayer

Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them. And they continued steadfastly in the apostles doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Acts 2:41-42

Prayer is a key ingredient of a disciple’s life. It’s an area where the woman who is discipling needs to encourage growth. Oftentimes, women have never prayed out loud. They need gentle encouragement to begin taking small steps to praying for themselves and others.

Helping women trust and follow Jesus is not a one-time Bible study. It’s not a women’s conference where a weekend together will do the trick. Women’s discipleship is a loving commitment from an older woman of faith  to a younger woman of faith.

Daily steps of one part God’s Word, one part fellowship, one part hospitality, and one part prayer can make up a powerhouse of a women’s discipleship relationship.

The next time your girlfriend drones on and on about discipleship, you’ll know exactly what she’s talking about–and my prayer is, you’ll ask her how to find a woman who can disciple you, too.

 

Joanne Kraft is a nonfiction author and national speaker. Her passion is for women to catch the Titus 2 vision of discipleship.  Author of The Mean Mom’s Guide to Raising Great Kids and Just too Busy — Taking Your Family on a Radical Sabbatical, she’s a frequent guest on Focus on the Family, Family Life Today and CBN. Her articles have appeared in ParentLife, Today’s Christian Woman, In Touch, P31 Woman and more. Her podcast Discipleship for Women is coming June 2019. 

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What is discipleship, anyway?

Have you been thinking about creating a women’s discipleship ministry in your church? Or, maybe you’re wondering how you can disciple your children, a girlfriend or someone at work?

We’re in the praying process of this women’s event and we’d love to hear what you have to say.

What is it that you need to know about discipleship?

There’s a BIG possibility this event is happening.

Discipleship for Women is heading up the women’s track at the Disciplemakers Forum this year and we’d love to have you stick around the next day for a gathering of just us! What a great chance for us to connect and learn together!

There’s a BIG chance this event will be happening the day after the Disciplemakers Forum in November and we’d love to have you join us!

Back to my question…

Are you interested in coming?

Just kicking the tires, but interested in learning more?

Excited and want to help by praying for this event?

Sign up for the Discipleship for Women’s newsletter here so we can keep you updated!

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Congratulations! You want to disciple someone.

There is no greater ministry work than helping another to trust and follow Jesus.

If you read Titus 2, you’ll discover all the ways you can teach another woman to love the Lord. Assisting the Lord to grow another woman in faith is the most rewarding ministry of all. But, taking that first step can be a hard one. It’s not just concern over who to invite into this spiritual relationship, oftentimes, we can be our worst enemy and it begins with our mind.

Let me guess, just minutes after your decision to disciple, thoughts begin swirling in your head. Just days later, the voice in your head becomes louder than the Lord’s still, small voice. Instead, you hear a thousand  worrisome and anxiety-riddled thoughts that sound right and true, but I promise you they’re not.

I bet I know exactly what you’re hearing:

“I can’t teach about Jesus when I haven’t had formal lessons.”

“I can’t share from the Bible. I don’t know enough.”

“I can’t encourage holy living when I’m a hypocrite.”

“I can’t warn someone not to do the things I once did.”

The common denominator in each thought is this; I can’t because I’m not perfect.

Perfection is the biggest lie of discipleship.

When my kids were very small, I was not a Christian. So, they can clearly remember my years without Jesus. They also remember my years with Jesus. They could easily say I was a hypocrite living differently than I once did and using God’s Word as my parenting handbook.

Even with the Lord today, I still fail and confess sinful behavior. I will until the day I die.  It would’ve been easy to rely only on the church alone to teach my children, but that’s not what the Lord asks me to do.

My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. Proverbs 6:20

If you are a parent, you’re already training and teaching them.  You are discipling whether you want to or not. They key is to disciple intentionally.  You are modelling a lifestyle your kids are watching. This is the same model for the women you disciple. As the women lean on you, you lean on Jesus until they’re leaning on Him on their own.

Once you make a commitment to begin pouring into other women, your words and actions will play a big part of the success of discipleship. So, I thought I’d share a little truth to erase the stinkin’ thinkin’ that lies to you and says you can’t because you’re not perfect.

• I can’t teach about Jesus when I haven’t had formal lessons.

Nowhere in the Bible does the Lord tell us we need a Dallas Theological Seminary degree to share the gospel. As a matter of fact, the apostles He chose to personally disciple alongside Him were mostly fisherman and the most despised of all—a tax collector. Yet, the Lord saw in them the desire to be discipled (taught) and their future as disciplemakers themselves.

• I can’t share from the Bible because I don’t know enough about the Bible.

Thankfully, discipleship relationships are for the Lord to guide. He equips your every need. Remember, this is not about you, it’s about Him. Humility is a necessity for those times you say or do something wrong. Transparent faith is the mark of a great disciplemaker. It’s that transparent faith that acts like a magnet drawing those who love Him into your sphere of influence. It’s laying yourself out there for God’s glory and the benefit of the women.

“When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.” Luke 12:11-12

• “I can’t encourage holy living when I’m a hypocrite.”

We are all hypocrites at one time or another. Thank God for confession and forgiveness. But, make sure your life is full of what you’re teaching the women in your group. Encouraging them to be in their Bible daily or memorizing scripture should be something you do right along with them.

You are God’s chosen people. You are holy and dearly loved. So put on tender mercy and kindness as if they were your clothes. Don’t be proud. Be gentle and patient. Put up with one another. Forgive one another if you are holding something against someone. Forgive, just as the Lord forgave you. And over all these good things put on love. Love holds them all together perfectly as if they were one. Colossians 3:12-14

• “I can’t warn someone not to do the things I once did.”

Yes you can. Sin is sin and it’s to be cautioned against.  I lied as a child but still taught my kids that lying is wrong. I lived with a man before I married, but I encourage every woman I disciple to follow God’s rules of relationship and marriage. You can most definitely tell someone not to partake in sin, even if that very sin ensnared the better part of your own life. Don’t allow shame to overshadow discipleship. Once you’ve confessed, asked the Lord’s forgiveness, you are righteous in His eyes.  Teach and preach on!

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.  For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh,in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:1-4

Don’t be discouraged when wrong thoughts pop up every now and then. Even when you’ve been discipling awhile, you will share something or encourage in some way and those thoughts of perfection will steal what you want to say or do.

Remember, Jesus is the only perfect model and example for each of us.

When we trust His Word more than our own and can express tender humility as we point to Him, He allows us to partake in discipling others. What a gift to be able to disciple women with all the forgiven sins and scars we bear. Don’t let perfection win. Replace the lie of being perfect with the truth of God’s perfect son Jesus.

Need a book for your next women’s study? Purchase Joanne’s books on Amazon or invite her to speak at your next woman’s event. Contact her at DiscipleshipforWomen@gmail.com.

I love giving and receiving gifts. So, here’s a free gift from me to you! It will replace your discipleship doubts with a whole lot of truth!

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I was a grown woman who was painfully thirsty for someone to come alongside and pour wisdom into me. What  I was really craving was discipleship.

To fill the desire for a spiritual mother, I made sure I was at church every time the doors were open.  I saw these people almost daily. We were at their kids birthday parties, impromptu pizza nights and weekly swim days in the summer. Our small church became like a family. My baby years of faith were filled with teachable moments watching dozens of godly women I loved and respected.

But, there was this one woman who knew her Bible so well. I was drawn to her.  She always seemed to know the right scripture to share and the right thing to say. Her wisdom and influence was huge in my life. She was beauty and grace to me. I wanted to trust and follow Jesus like she did.

Except, she only opened her heart  a little bit. She only let us come so far.  When this woman’s young daughter married a man who wasn’t a Christian, her mom-heart was crushed.  I watched her grief from the sidelines, selfishly hoping that when this painful chapter passed, I could learn what to do if I were in her shoes. Yet, she refused to speak a word of what their family was going through.

Discipleship died the day she refused to be transparent.

Discipleship Dies Without Transparency

Transparency is key to helping another person grow in faith. It is the ability to share our walk of faith with honesty and humility.

When we take on the heavenly task of discipling another we agree to live out authentic faith. This means trusting and following Jesus no matter what the cost. It means we lay down our reputation. We pick up our cross and die to self. We let the Lord use us, even if that means we don’t have all the answers. Humility is the truest mark of a disciplemaker.  Pride says, “I know more than you.” or “Come and learn how to be like me.” If this is what I’m thinking then I have discipleship all wrong. It’s not about me and it’s not about being perfect in another’s eyes. If I want others to think I’m perfect then I’m not the right woman to disciple another.

Every time I invite a woman into a personal discipleship relationship I am saying, “As I follow Jesus, follow me warts and all.” No one is perfect. As a matter of fact, when we disciple another, the less perfect and the more humble we are, the stronger the disciple will become.

The story of Mary and Martha gives us a perfect example of what authentic discipleship is all about.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Martha was busy serving. The house had to be perfect. The food had to be perfect. Her service to Jesus was in her own strength. Could it be, she also worried about what her guests thought of her? The Bible is silent about her need to do things perfectly, or if she worried about what others would think about her hospitality, but I know when I care more about what others think than what Jesus thinks.

Martha’s number one concern was to be the perfect hostess.

Mary’s number one concern was to be the proper disciple.

Are you worried about being the perfect disciple or disciplemaker? Then repent of this stinkin’ thinkin’. Jesus never asked us to be perfect. He asked for humble hearts willing to die to self.

It’s the transparent life that makes discipleship the perfect fit for you. Be authentic sweet friend. It’s the authentic humble soul who draws others to Jesus.

Need a reminder of what God says about being authentic? Download this printable of scriptures to encourage you to be transparent with the women you disciple.

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You’ve thought about it and you’ve prayed about it.

Now, it’s time to extend the invitation.

The first step in discipling women is prayer, the second step is the invitation.

My very first discipleship year, I invited five women to coffee, or as I like to call it- the awkward coffee.

Five different women and five separate coffee dates.

It was my hope that of the five, at least three women would be interested in participating in a discipleship relationship with me.

It’s not easy to put yourself out there. Rejection is a fear we all have. But, I fear not living my spiritual life to the full even more, so I found myself pushing past the fear and having coffee quite a bit.

And, honestly, I am nervous each time, still. 

No matter how long I do this, before I arrive at each appointed coffee house, there are lies that bounce around in my head telling me “You have nothing to give and nothing to share that could help this woman.” If you struggle with the same stinkin’ thinkin’ remember that you have much to share. Don’t let lies hold you back–ever.

I have life experiences (marriage, divorce, single motherhood, blended family, parenting teens, parenting adults, cancer and the death of my mom, and of course my sin nature) that help me relate to other women. My years of walking with the Lord through each mountaintop high and valley low with the Lord are the very things that give me the ability to speak into other women.

What life experience makes you unique?

Life experiences, both the joy and the pain, are what give you the right to have a voice in someone else’s life.  Never feel like you have nothing to share or little wisdom to teach, because you have more than you think.

And, it’s not about you anyway.

What do you talk about?

Once I’m face-to-face with the woman I’m meeting, it isn’t long before the Lord gives me a fresh wave of peace and the butterflies in my stomach flutter away.

Enjoy a little small talk. Ask about her life, her family, how long she’s been married or how she enjoys her job or school or even the weather. These are great ice breakers. Once small talk is over, I might share a snippet of my testimony before I share my hope in helping her grow in her faith.

I might share how I love the Titus 2 mandate for women to help other women. Sometimes I even share the story of Mary and Elizabeth in the Gospel of Luke and how I believe they’re the perfect picture of  a discipleship relationship.

Each time I have that awkward coffee, I bear my heart wide open, “I have been a Christian for about twenty years now, and while I am grateful for all the opportunities I’ve had to grow in my faith, I can only imagine how  I would’ve learned a lot faster had I had someone to walk alongside me while raising my family. I’d love to be this person for you.”

Share the Vision

Share the vision. Discipleship is a relationship that looks different on each woman who helps another into spiritual maturity. For some, theirs is a step by step process that is structured and doesn’t step out of the lines they’ve drawn. For others like me, discipleship is a weekly gathering together where we discuss our Bible reading, share in prayer and memorize scripture. (I’ll be sharing more on that in the weeks to come.) My discipleship method evolves. We move and bend where the Holy Spirit leads.

While we do read through the Bible each year, I try to meet the needs of the women in our group. If it’s parenting needs or marriage needs or whatever is happening in their life at the moment. This is where we camp in God’s word  and this is where we learn.

Be clear with expectations. I ask the women to sign a covenant. If they’re married, their spouse signs it as well. It outlines the guidelines of a discipleship relationship like accountability, transparency and their commitment to the group. We also discuss when we will meet and for how long. General questions like, what kind of study will we be doing? Will there be homework? What kind of topics are discussed? How much is too much to share?

Prayer

My coffee dates last anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour or longer. It all depends on the person. No matter how we begin, or how long we chat, each meeting ends the same way. I ask her to pray about it.

While I know it’s often a Christian woman’s go-to request, “Please pray about it.” It’s what she must do to bring clarity to her decision every time.

The awkward coffee may be how your time together begins, but it won’t be how it ends. Ask her if it’s okay for you to pray for her before you leave. Then, take a minute and petition the Lord on her behalf. Then let her know you’ll be contacting her in the next day or two to see what she decides to do.

Whether she takes you up on your offer of discipleship or not, prayer is a beautiful way to finish your time together well.

Not a master at meeting people for coffee? Need some help to start the conversation? No problem! Be prepared. Download this list of small talk questions!

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