hristiane Northrup says that with menopause comes a heightened sense of intuition that can last and grow throughout the rest of a woman’s life. I believe her. The evidence in my life proves it.

I’ve only just discovered the revised edition of her book, The Wisdom of Menopause. Whenever I read it, I feel as though I’m sitting down with a big sister who not only has all the information I need to make this transition as smoothly as possible but that she just loves telling me all about it. More than a book of how to survive menopause, sentences and paragraphs open up a world inside me I never knew existed. Reading this book, I’ve traveled secret pathways leading to hidden treasures that have given meaning to all kinds of relationships, episodes from my life, things I’ve regretted, things I should have celebrated at the time…it’s been fascinating.

One of the ways my intuition is opening for me at this time is through my night time dreaming. I’ve always dreamed in color but most of the dialogue in my dreams has never made sense. It’s been gobbledygook and I’ve depended on the feelings the dreams created to help me interpret the vivid images. Until recently I’d dreamt twice in story form – a dream with a beginning, middle, and end. Now I dream in story form quite frequently, people speak in coherent sentences in these dreams, and once I dreamt in black and white with everyone dressed like it was 1945!

And these days my night time dreams create feelings that run deeper and wider and give me even more to ponder upon awakening. It’s become a sweet and intimate game for my husband and I to play on our morning walks with Daisy when I share the dream I remember most from the night before and he interprets it. Between his psychology background, his own keen intuition, and being a spiritual teacher, I get a kick out of having my dreams interpreted by him.

Recently a dream that made an impression was both humorous and enlightening. In it Steve Carell and Tina Fey were married with children and were my neighbors. I needed to spend time with them for some reason. The reason didn’t matter. What was important about the dream was how meaningful it was to me that they opened their arms and their home to me. They were so welcoming and generous. And, of course, the humor that filled their home was an important part of their hospitable embrace.

Before the dream ended, I got caught up in a whirlwind of fear. Tina saw it and asked what was wrong. I said, “I’m afraid and I don’t know why.” She then explained that a friend of theirs was on his way over and he was someone who lived in fear and a sense of personal victimization all the time. She said, “You must be feeling his fear. You don’t have to hang out in that state if you don’t want to.” And I realized that neither she nor Steve were shrinking inside because a man inhabiting fear was about to visit. Then I woke up.

I struggle with fear a lot even though I’ve lived a very blessed life. Most things in life have gone my way and when they haven’t, when I’ve been chased and attacked by the slings and arrows of life, I’ve been able to depend on inner reserves, family, friends, and professionals to see me through. Nevertheless, the state the country’s in, the devastation so many have suffered in the last decade, the lack of hope for a better tomorrow for so many, and the seemingly endless reminders from the news media that my age group has become irrelevant in the job market, leaves me fearful for all of us.

The message I keep receiving loud and clear from religious, spiritual, and philosophical thinkers and authors; from friends who are spiritual teachers; and from my own dreams and intuition is that hanging out in a state of fear or dread, worry or fretting, isn’t helpful. In fact, it contributes in harmful ways to the over all well being of my immediate world – and, perhaps, to the whole of the planet as well. The message I keep receiving is that embracing life in all its goodness and mystery, living in the present moment with gratitude, and planning for the future with the realistic understanding that nothing is guaranteed; these things contribute to life.

And what a kick when that message is delivered with fun and humor by a pair of comedians who are geniuses in their craft! Intuition and the soul speaking can be entertaining, that’s for sure. With Christiane Northrup’s suggestion that one’s intuition, if embraced, only gets better with age; this is something to look forward to in menopause and beyond!

auren Bush and David Lauren were featured in Vogue magazine this fall with official wedding pictures from their Labor Day weekend nuptials and an article by William Norwich. In case you don’t know, David is Ralph Lauren’s son and Lauren is Neil Bush’s daughter (granddaughter of former President George H.W. Bush). One of Norwich’s observations about the couple especially caught my attention.

“Talk to Lauren and David, and they are as sweet as they are glamorous, as confident as they are sensitive and polite with not just you but each other. They listen to what the other says before offering their own opinions. They do not tease each other as so many couples do, mistaking complaint for wit and revealing the other’s foibles and outrageousness, comic or otherwise.”

That last sentence stung. “They do not tease each other as so many couples do, mistaking complaint for wit…” This isn’t just an observation of newlyweds as Lauren and David had been a couple for seven years before they wed.

So seven years in and finally married these two listen to each other and refrain from teasing in that “I know you better than you know yourself” way that skirts the boundary that separates politeness from rudeness, kindness from cruelty. It was this phrase that grabbed me, “…mistaking complaint for wit…” It felt familiar – like something I’d done.

I believe in laughter and its healing properties. The relaxation and internal expansion that occur with a good belly laugh is testimony to its ability to be a healthy tonic for the body and soul. Joseph and I love to laugh and teasing each other is an easy source for laughter. Yet in my own marriage and in others, I’ve witnessed the tangling up and accidents that happen when one or another skates too close to the border of revealing too much, making their beloved feel vulnerable and exposed rather than loved and accepted. It’s one kind of painful when it happens by accident and another kind of painful when it’s a veiled attempt at complaint and releasing of resentments.

I believe couples fall into the habit because it begins as a way of saying, “I see you. I am a witness to your life.” And, when the teasing is sweet, it is an easy and effective way of communicating, “I see and hear you.”

What I’m reminded of today is that respectfully listening and being fully present for the other is a slower, deeper, and perhaps more effective way of communicating, “I see you. I hear you. I am a witness to your life.” And maybe it even communicates a little of the heart lassoing feeling of “I adore you.”