Talking isn’t a problem. Discussion is. Americans seem to have forgotten the fine art of thoughtful discussion and meaningful debate. And that’s not just in Washington D.C. It’s true here in the heartland too.

I first started thinking about this when my daughter drew the short end of the issue stick in her sophomore debate class.  She had to defend a woman’s right to have an abortion, an issue she personally does not support.

Talk about an emotionally charged issue. America has been debating “freedom of choice” for at least as long as I’ve been alive.  So how did my daughter stand a chance to summarize a position she didn’t support in 8 minutes?

In having to “take sides” with something she personally opposes, my daughter learned the history of the issue and facts that don’t often make it into sound bites. She also read stories of women who struggled with a very personal decision, which helped her build some empathy. Even though the stories didn’t change her own position, she was able to fill her time at the podium with strong arguments and examples.

Imagine, knowing your own position AND having respect for another person’s right to have an opposing position at the tender age of 16. I couldn’t be prouder.

You might be asking why I would put such a polarizing issue like abortion on my blog:? Because the issue has two distinct sides and little room for a continuum of thought, let alone any room for meaningful discussion and understanding.

And that’s my point. 

Debate can get heated and emotional. Strong listening and empathy skills can lead to thoughtful and respectful discussion – even when the discussion is at its most intense.  

What if we all practiced a little more respect in our discussions? A little more research into the opposing view, if only to build a stronger case for our own POV?  Here’s an example of where a little extra thoughtful research could have gone a long way.

Rush Limbaugh told his radio audience on March 9 that he will move to Costa Rica if health care reform becomes law.  Later in the day, he recanted slightly, saying he will go to Costa Rica for his medical care.

Interestingly enough, Costa Rica has socialized health care, operated by the government.

Oops. He should have done a little more homework.

Listening is not the same as hearing.  I found a good guide on the difference between using your ears to hear and using your brain to listen from an unlikely source – City College of San Francisco.  Here is an excerpt:

“Hearing is physical. Listening is following and understanding the sound—it is hearing with a purpose. Good listening is built on three basic skills: attitude, attention, and adjustment.

Listening is the absorption of the meanings of words and sentences by the brain. Listening leads to the understanding of facts and ideas. But listening takes attention, or sticking to the task at hand in spite of distractions.”

What is the most important sense needed to really listen? I think it is the eyes.  Listening takes concentration. It is easier to focus on the speaker without thinking about your next question or what’s for lunch when you have more than one sense engaged. Use your eyes and your ears for active listening.

Most of my friends, when polled, have decided to give up their bad habits – everything from too much meat and Diet Coke to chocolate and alcohol. Two of my friends are giving up Facebook.  More on that in a minute…

This got me to thinking. What if we communications professionals gave up our bad habits for as well?

1. One size fits all press releases. Long gone are the days of writing a press release and just pressing send to a 1,000 person media list. Actually, this has always been a bad idea. 

With staff cutbacks at traditional media outlets, media types have to produce more content than ever in less time. That means you need to know 1) who you are pitching a story to, 2) what they traditionally cover, and 3) how they cover it (column, briefs, feature, news, online, etc.).   The press release should only be the start of your media relations efforts.

2. Twittering during meetings.  I’ve recently started following Jonathan Fields’ Awake @ The Wheel, and his recent post about banning twitter at events resonated with me.  As I commented to him, my new mantra is “We’re All Right Here.” Live tweeting means less listening. Respect your presenter. Unless it is explicitly encouraged, put your cell phone away and reflect on what is being shared.

3. Chasing technology fads.  Facebook. Foursquare. Twitter. Buzz. Wave. YouTube. Yelp. PhotoBucket. Flickr. LinkedIn. Friendster. Digg. Ning.  Grapevine. Newsvine. There are more ways to be social than ever before.  That doesn’t mean you have to use them all. Make strategy the first tool in your communications arsenal. Your clients will thank you with their loyalty.

3. Mass e-mails. See item #1 above and add a CC: list of everyone in your contact book.  Sometimes, it pays to treat everyone as a special contact.  If you must contact all of your colleagues at once, put their e-mail addresses in the BCC column to respect their privacy.  

4. Poor account coordination. Account management is an often overlooked skill. Even at a small firm and especially for freelancers who sub out bits and pieces of projects, meet as a team. Compare notes. Make sure everyone is working toward the same goal, on the same timeline. This will help you avoid the mistakes – missed deadlines and billing for unrequested work being two biggies – that often give consultants a bad reputation.

There are so many positive ways communications specialists can build a company brand. So, why not wipe out some of the less-than-positive habits in the next 40 days.

Is there a bad habit you are giving up for Lent? Do share.

I just don’t get who these companies are trying to reach. ESPN shares my curiosity.

The Dockers ad…okay, that makes a little sense. They want to sell pants.

CareerBuilder.com. I guess this one was a jab at the middle-aged men who are currently underemployed because of the recession? Then Coke has a boxer-clad man bumping into elephants in the Delta. Just who are you appealing to with all this winter-white flesh?

I’m not even going to get into the Dove for Men commercials or that the Dodge Charger being the last gasp of manhood in a world apparently run by women. (Slate does in a rundown of the best and worst Super Bowl commercials.) 

One interesting opinion - although not exactly based on industry research – came from one of my Super party guests.  To paraphrase her analysis, she suggested these ads came from agencies that are currently staffed by insecure 30-year-old men who aren’t sure who wears the pants in the family.

What is your take?

• Don’t forget what you stand for.  No matter how good a marketing machine they have, the real success of Lost is the storyline and the characters within it. The story is not about a plane crash on an island that travels through space and back in time, complete with mysterious inhabitants, smoke monsters and four-toed statues. (Seriously.) It’s actually about 10 passengers and their fate. Will they get off the island? Who is good and who is evil? Believe it or not, what Lost fans care about the most are the characters and what happens to them.

  Lesson:  Have a good story to tell. 

• It is important to stay in touch. 20^th century television sold 16-show seasons and then played them over and over again, ad nauseam.  21^st century TV still shows 16 episodes. But ABC.com shows enhanced episodes with new clues. “Lost” writers/producers go to ComicCon, do blog interviews, and find other ways to interact with the fans. The marketing team creates elaborate games, websites and partnerships to keep viewers anticipation at a high…and talking until the next season starts.

  Lesson: Create multiple channels for customer interaction.
  

• Take your job seriously.  “Lost” producers go to great lengths to protect their story. They believe not only in their story but in their ability to tell it. In fact, until today, they wouldn’t let ABC air any footage from the new season. That’s like Steve Jobs not offering a preview of the iPad…oh, wait.

  Lesson: Control your brand.
  

• It’s personal. While it may not have been the creators original design, several blogs including my favorite, lost… and gone forever, are dedicated to dissecting the show’s hidden meanings, right down to the episode title and guest star list. This gives the die-hard fans a chance to post their own theories and interpret the story along the way.  Some fans even re-create the story from their own perspective. Don’t believe me? Check out the always creative The Ack Attack.

  Lesson:  Let others control the conversation.
  

• Don’t overstay your welcome. A lot has been made of the fact that “Lost” is going out on its own terms. The writers developed the story arc and sold it as a six-season series. Instead of lingering and creating side stories just to take advantage of the ratings, ABC bought in and made the most of the six years they had with the very loyal viewers.

  Lesson: Your customers are as smart as you are.

That’s all I can write today. I’m too distracted by all the newly released clips, previously unaired footage, theories and discussion happening online. What tips would you add about creating loyal customers? You know, the ones that would go to any lengths to discuss you product?

Sometimes we’ll create a picture or collage of pictures illustration of the ideal audience to help our clients visualize who they need to reach. Lately though, I think this approach creates more problems than clarity.

Why? If you always are looking for a match to the “holy grail” customer photo on your wall, you may not see the customer right in front of you.

Try this…

Spend a week journaling the clothes you wear.  If you are like me, some days are business suit days, some days are jeans days (and today is a sweats and hat day).  I’m the same person, but I can’t even get the Sears refrigerator sales people to talk to me on sweats and hat days.

Now think about how you acted all week.  I know I behave differently with my 93-year-old grandmother than I do with my college friends. I’m more reserved in a prospect meeting than I am with a client I’ve known for eight years.   If you catch me at Hubbard & Cravens in the early morning I’m all business. But I’m not that way with my kids in tow at the same coffee shop on the weekend.

In other words, if your business is targeting moms who are in the 35- 49 range who live on the north side of Indianapolis, I fit your profile. Most of the time though, you won’t be able to tell that just by looking at me.

So why do marketers work so hard to put a picture of the ideal customer in clients’ minds? The true person is a mixture of all the clothes in the closet and all the shades of his or her personality rainbow.  

To really know your marketing audience, it is increasingly important to have conversations with them. Do not rely solely on one-way advertising or marketing that targets a certain demographic or socio-economic touchpoint. 

Social media is one way to really get to know your audience, and is becoming increasingly sophisticated.   If you are trying to reach consumers, you also can encourage your employees to actually talk to customers. (Especially about things other than your product.)  Understand their tribes. Learn more about who they trust.

And most importantly, go see for yourself.  As I’ve written before, you cannot really know your customers until you get out from behind the computer and really see beyond the statistics and find out who they are.

Be sure to learn all the different sides to who they are too. Today, tomorrow and next weekend.

1. Create demand by limiting availability.
By limiting sales to a two-week window each year, Girl Scouts can capitalize on fond cookie memories and limit the guilt of buying a calorie-laden box or two.  Since the cookies are gone before the next campaign, it is more likely customers will buy more.  

2. Don’t mess with the formula.
Yes, the Girl Scouts add new cookies each year or two. This year it is a cranberry-white-fudge gem of a cookie that is surprisingly popular.  But the top seller year after year is the Thin Mint.  Girl Scouts know that, which is why it will always be on the order form. 

(Have you ever noticed that Thin Mints are the last cookie on the list, which means you have to read the entire form to make sure It. Is. Still. There.)

3. Harness the power of networks.
You cannot buy a Girl Scout cookie online or in a store. You can only buy them directly from a Girl Scout.  Add in Facebook, Twitter and blogs, and it is easier than ever for scouts and their parents to alert their friends, family and colleagues when it’s cookie time. 

4. Take away the buyer’s objections.
Girl Scout cookies are an easy purchase. It’s a fundraiser. The seller comes to you. The price is reasonable. Once you order, the cookies are delivered to your door. There is no shipping, handling or sales tax. 

5. Know your message.
As a former Cookie Mom, I can tell you it is nearly impossible NOT to know the cookie message. Between training meetings, practice sessions, fact sheets, fill-in-the-blank scripts on the order form and safety information for parents, Girl Scouts know their goal, their message, and even knew how to pronounce Dulce de Leche.

6. Pick the right messenger.
We all know how hard it is to say no to a girl in a green or brown vest.  Or her mother.

7. Motivate your sales team.
Yes, the proceeds from cookie sales support local Girl Scouting but that is only one reason girls sell cookies. More sales = more prizes. If a scout sells 1,000 boxes, she gets one of everything in the treasure chest PLUS an IPod.  Kids love to get stuff for free.

8. Give to others.
Even with an earnest young saleswoman standing in the doorway, armed with an enticing sales pitch and a low-priced, easy-to-order product, some people just don’t want to buy a box of cookies. That’s why girls are instructed to ask if you would like to order a box of cookies to send to the US Troops overseas instead.  Who doesn’t want to donate a little piece of home to our men and women in the armed services?

It is no wonder the Girl Scouts of the USA sell more than 200 million boxes a year.  Every product team can and should learn from the strategies Girl Scouts have fine-tuned in the past century.

For two weeks, Indianapolis has been buzzing about the perfect season that wasn’t.  With the Colts postseason set to kick off on Saturday, you are guaranteed to overhear or participate in the ongoing debate about the Colts decision to sit the starters for the Jets game. Or the talk about going for personal stats one week later in Buffalo.

Regardless of which sideline you stand on, one thing is certain. Coach Caldwell and the Colts front office make the decisions, popular or not.  Not many decision makers can keep their companies “on message” as well as the Colts administration has managed the official word on the last two games of the season. 

“Well, we’re not gonna lobby because that’s not what a football team’s about,” Manning told NFL Network’s Scott Hanson. “The head coach tells us what to do and we follow his orders. Certainly, players have their hopes and wishes, but it’s just not set up that way. [Jim] Caldwell makes the call; we’ll follow.”

Some reporters and fans question whether or not the players truly believe that message, but one thing is certain.  Every player gave the company line about the perfect season because they all had their eye on the ultimate prize – the Super Bowl.

Would everyone in your organization speak from the same playbook if asked repeatedly to justify a decision? Does your team trust your decision making abilities?  Rather than waiting to find out during a crisis, here’s how you can make communicating with your employees – or partners, or vendors, or sales staff – a priority for 2010.

First, find out what they know about the company. Ask them about the company’s mission. Ask them what they do personally to support the mission.  Ask them what they wish they knew more about.  Ask them what they say to family and friends about what they do.

Do this in a group setting and again one on one in a regular meeting.

Each time, listen.

If there are gaps – and even if there aren’t – set up regular times to share information about the company’s goals, strategic direction and priorities. Make sure your entire team know what they are working for. Live your open door policy by encouraging your associates to share frustrations internally, when they arise, and to bring questions to you or the other decision makers.

One other important point: don’t trust a memo or e-newsletter to be your only internal communications tools. Ohio State University professor Edgar Dale discovered we remember only 10% of what we read (visual symbols) but we retain 70% of what we discuss with others (experiences).

Do you think the Colts would have spoken from the same playbook if Coach Caldwell had just circulated a memo?  They have team meetings for a reason.  You should too.

Unfortunately, a number of businesses approach their communications strategy just as teenagers approach high school, seeking out the rush of being first, being popular, being the best.Companies want the newest app, the latest network or the brightest consultant regardless of how effective it will be in helping them reach their business goals.

• The tedium of market research got you down? Ooh, look. TweetDeck has a new release!
• Competition gaining market share? Forget the basics of review product, price and promotion. Launch a blog!
• Fundraising declining? Who needs to re-assess relationships when you can raise money via Facebook!

Don’t get me wrong. In the right settings, for the right audiences, these are all great tools that can engage new people and lead to bigger results.   Especially when they are part of a larger strategy aligned with even bigger goals.

But when you only seek out what’s new, on a campaign by campaign basis, without goal-based, strategic direction or – gasp – the market research, monitoring, list building and content management that makes communications effective, even the best tools will only create a momentary blip.

Can we in the communications industry stop emulating the 13 – 19 year old crowd enamored with the latest distraction and start looking to create real results for our clients? (My colleague Kyle Lacy has a similar rant post on the importance of getting back to business here.)

Isn’t it time to stop talking about which is the more effective tool – social media or public relations? Blogging or op eds?  Twitchats or community forums? Blah or bleh.

In a world this connected, effective communication is built on knowledge, trust and relationships built over time. 

Yes, there is nothing like the rush from the pursuit of something new – new followers on Twitter, higher numbers of RSS subscribers, being the first person to break a story, a new survey or game to promote.  But the days we listen, observe and learn about human nature are just as, if not more, important.   

That might seem boring and routine. As I told my kids, that is reality.