Graduate Scheme Interview Answers

Going back to school

2009-09-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

My life has been fucked so hard in the last six months. I just realized I still have this site. Well I'm not going say anything about my employer or what I did or anything and keep this site strictly professional and helpful.

So a little about my life right now. I've just started at part-time program at a top business school. I love it. But there's this fat Indian (or some other country where they eat a lot of curry) guy with the worst BO I have ever smelled in my entire life. Like just imagine hot fermented wasabi mixed squirted onto manure of a gay American cow with a hint of tandoori soaked in the gym sweat of your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's thongs. That's what I first smelled when he sat next to me. And the color blue and flashing brown. I'm not sure if I can actually describe the smell but it was just horrible. It was 58.24 times worse then the stench of a Chinese shit hole in Guang Zhou.

I go to class and it's hard. The thing is no matter how late I come, this fat dude always comes in later and sits right next to me. It always happens. I'm so scared. Fuck. It's like the more they stink the more they want to sit in a crowd. Seriously, if you smell like shit and you know it sit in the corner. Fuck, for the entire class I'm just trying to NOT pass out.

Basically you have to start breathing on one side. But sometimes you'll start feeling sorry for the guy and think, damn he has to smell this shit everyday, maybe I'll take a charity whiff. You turn to him and take a whiff. Then it just smacks you straight up the nose like the wet chicken shit and expired ass hole moisturizer cream with peach. I think I actually said fuck this shit out loud in class and everyone turned and looked at me. Whatever. I'd like to see this fool get a front office job. Dude stop sitting next to me. Stop using expired ass hole cream. Fuck!

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Bad Advice from HR chick

2008-10-20T03:58:00.000-07:00

I hear a lot of shit. Especially at work. Everyone thinks they're right. I've made a lot of easy money that way. I read somewhere 50% of all doctors were in the bottom half of their class, and most of them can't believe that.

I was revisiting efinancialcareers to see what the job market is like for new grads. It sucks. I don't envy your young balls. Here's some crap I found.

Less is more when it comes to banking applications
Figures from research firm Trendence’s European Student Barometer suggest students interested in working for an investment bank think they need to make an average of 21 applications. The equivalent average in the UK is slightly less, but is still high at 16.
Stephanie Ahrens, head of graduate recruitment at Morgan Stanley, thinks this is over-kill: “Students really need to consider their career goals and whether a particular bank can help them achieve this. I would suggest three – a US investment bank, a European investment bank and possibly a boutique as a third option.”
My Take:

That's some bullshit right here. I won't even attempt to argue with the HR chick how wrong applying to only three is. Where do you get your confidence and experience first of all? Life is a numbers game. I dare you to talk to three girls and see if you can get married. Fuckouttahere.

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Josh McMillan's Answers to Lehman Brothers Graduate Scheme Interview Questions (2007)

2008-10-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

These answers got me an interview at Lehman. It's high risk, high reward game. Out shine with your creativity or get left behind with mediocrity. I already have a job with Deutsche Bank now so you can worship and copy my answers if you wish.

What was the last activity you completed that took you out of your comfort zone? (150 words max)

I was in China in 2006 for an exchange program and I had to use the toilet in Guang Zhou. It was the first time, I had to use the squat level one. You know the one with the foot marks grips for traction. The smell was horrendous and I was sent in with some brown napkins which was not enough. It was like two pieces. It was definitely out of my comfort zone. At first I was scared I would fall in (which I later did due to an unbalanced bowel effort) but after two weeks, I was completely comfortable with it.

Describe a time when you have contributed to motivating a team? (150 words max)

I was playing WoW online and my team was like down to combined +220 health. Everyone was like we can't do the raid right now. The dude from S. Korea was like I gotta log off my mom was coming and I didn't do my comp sci homework yet. Which was totally demoralizing because he had the dragon amulet which would have protected us against fire attacks with less than +40 damage for under level 30 attacks. Everyone wanted to give up. But I was like no let's do this $hit. Some punk from Dubai was like no dumb@$$, we'll die. I was like I'd rather die today and have to use my revive potion than miss this opportunity. ITS Friday Night COME ON!!!!! I typed. Leroy was like yeah I agree, we have a 33.33333333% of success if I do a shout and do devine intervention. And we did the raid and died. You can see the vid on youtube. I don't know if Lehman blocks youtube but you can watch the awesome vid later at home, just print this page and type "PasQHRbSyCM" in google.

Describe a situation where you took responsibility without being asked. (150 words max)

My team completed this awesome M&A due diligence project during my internship at Goldman and when we finished, the MD was like, what the fuck is this shit. Everyone was scared that he didn't like it, but I thought he was an easy going guy. Probably joking, so I said "That's my shit sir. I take full responsibility for the shit on your hands."

Describe the last time you delivered a task that required sustained effort. (150 words max)

The last time I delivered a task that required sustained effort was last Saturday when I was involved in some heterosexual three-way sex. Although I find it a bit strange you're asking me to describe it, I will because I am extremely interested in your firm and I am sure this is a test of my maturity level. It was about 3 AM and we had left the club very drunk. The girl we had pulled was very horny because she was ovulating which we calculated on our TI-89 program (high analytical skills right here) at the bar after we got her birthday. I convinced her to try three way using my interpersonal skills and persuaded her with chick logic. For example, I said you want to have sex with one of us but you can't decide whom, so why not have sex with both? However, since I had never been involved in a three way and I am a straight man. The sight of another jon intimidated my woody which has never seen it's own kind. With intense concentration and sustained effort I was able to meet and exceed the chick's needs.

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