Grandpa's Wisdom

The Secret to Success

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 04:40:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “The hardest part of being the best_________, is your own self control.”

This statement has the potential to change the way you view everything that matters in life. It remains one of the greatest “Ah-ha” moments I have experienced and I try to apply it's wisdom on a daily basis. I believe that to understand this statement is to unlock and open the door that leads to the realization of your goals and dreams and as I have found, it is the greatest gift of advice you can give to those you want to succeed.

What is it that you want to be? I am not only speaking of the “superstar” level wishes, but the most basic of goals that you have for yourself. For me, it’s to be the best dad and husband I can be, sometimes, I want to be a great at a sport or an eloquent writer, and other times I just want to be a good listener or simply a good example to the people around me. What I find is my greatest challenge to achieving these everyday goals on a regular basis is…well…me. Like most everyone, I am always on my mind; what I want, I need or think that I deserve – my rights or my opinion; we all have an open ended ticket for the “me” train. The truth at the core of my grandfather’s statement is simply this: to achieve what you want it takes hard work, and often times that hard work is controlling yourself.

The biographies of millionaires, pro athletes, business gurus and people who have changed their world tend to have a consistent theme; hard work and sacrifice. It is a great thing to have dreams, passions and faith, but as James 2:20 states “…faith without works is dead.” But even work, if not directed toward a goal can become wasted energy, like raking leaves in a hurricane. If hard work is the door you have to go through to get to your dreams, then discipline is the door knob and sacrifices are the hinges that allow that door to open.

In my grandfather’s statement that begins this post, there is a blank behind the word “best”, it is there for you to fill in what it is you want to be. As you fill in that blank with the thing you want to become, ponder this; what are you willing to sacrifice to achieve it? How dedicated are you to becoming what you yearn to be? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort, your pleasures, even your freedoms (as described in my post ‘Your Master Called Freedom’) to be the best? My prayer is that you embrace the sacrifices, the hard work and moreover the discipline and self control it takes to achieve your dreams. Take the time to apply them on a daily basis to be the best “you” that you can be. Remember that discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments and hard work is the road that leads to success. Be Blessed.

Your Master Called Freedom

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 19:25:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Be careful that your freedoms don’t become your master.”

In this July 4^th holiday season, I wanted to bring to light a quote that has everything to do with your freedoms. This country enjoys freedoms that are the distant envy of other countries and some freedoms that others pray never embeds itself within their borders or their home. I was fourteen years old when I heard this ironic yet enlightening anvil of wisdom and unfortunately saw the tragic consequences of not heeding such poignant advice. It was an eye opening statement that helped me reconsider my youthful definition of freedom.

Let me illustrate this with a story of a friend of mine, for the sake of anonymity, we will call him ‘Willy”. Willy had just turned 21 and he was spending the summer at his relative’s home which was near my grandfather’s house where I spent my childhood summers. Willy was one of the most natural basketball talents that you would ever witness. Dunking effortlessly, shooting 3-pointers like they were lay-ups and moves as smooth as silk dribbling the ball; he was truly the Lebron James our little home town. Willy was working with my grandfather this particular summer during his college break and at lunch we were discussing our plans for the evening. Willy was excited that now he was free to drink alcohol, legally, and he was going to go out with some friends to celebrate his birthday and his new found…freedom. My grandfather offered this quote to him and explained that although he was “free” to drink alcohol because of his age, he should reconsider whether it was something he really wanted to engage in with so much promise in his future.

Willy politely dismissed the warning and cited various people that we all knew, including his own dad, who drank and his hopes that it would help usher in his manhood and redefine his peer group. My grandfather further elaborated on his quote highlighting factually that each of the people that Willy mentioned had been unable to stop their drinking thus far. Careful not to spread stories of anyone’s detriment, my grandfather encouraged Willy to ask each of his mentioned “idols” one question; 'what was the worst thing that they had done, because of their drinking?' He insisted that Willy should ask before he began drinking. I am not sure if Willy ever asked or what happened that night, because Willy never showed up for work again, but what I do know is that he was eventually kicked off of the basketball team and out of college due to issues that were rooted…in his drinking problem.

Here is what my grandfather knew, just because you can do something, doesn’t make it a good thing to do especially in the absence of moderation. So many people defend their ability to get involved with an activity or a vise (usually addictive ones) as a freedom, not understanding that once you are engaged in it, you become bound to do what you felt so “free” to do, but now can’t get “free” from it. What about you, is there something in your life that has you bound? Is there something that you should exercise your freedom to say “no” to, versus your freedom to indulge? My prayer is that you do, as I do when I apply my grandfather’s quote introspectively. Question the things you do, if one seems to be a challenge, try to stop doing it for 30 days straight. If you can great, maybe there is no issue, but if not, maybe you should seek help from experienced counsel, considering the wisdom in John 8:32, so you can become free from it. Also remember that God is never so far that He cannot save and He is closer than you think…waiting for you to call on Him. Happy 4^th of July, may God bless those who have sacrificed so that we as a nation can be free. Be truly free and be blessed!

A Stones Throw

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 02:33:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “if that stone cold talk, it would probably tell on you.”

My grandfather would employ this statement to encourage others to take a moment and evaluate a judgmental comment, or to divert an accusatory conversation that was intended to slander someone else. Much like the biblical accusers ready to stone the harlot in John chapter 8, there are times when we all hurl proverbial stones at the guilty (and the innocent) but fail to realize that everyone has imperfections and only God has the right to judge. Not only does this statement apply to accusations, but it has enormous weight when you consider the concept of forgiveness…and that - we all need.

His statement within itself was not his way of condemning people for their actions, but merely a reminder that before we point out the grain of sand in the eye of another, we should remove the figurative sand dune from our own eye. It is amazing how often we forget how imperfect all of us humans are until we ourselves make a mistake, and then we are quick to claim the “I’m human” justification.Whether your criticism is in their face or not , the stones you throw at others don’t raise the pedestal that you sit on, they carry with them the condemnation of your own transgressions, and if those stones could talk...they would scream your secrets to the masses.

When it comes to forgiveness, the concept is much the same. So often we only read half of what a scripture has to say about forgiveness, if we read scripture at all. We are quick to claim that God forgives us, but many make a grave mistake in not understanding that in every scripture on forgiveness, we have a requirement to forgive others. I once spoke with a young man who was blatant about his hatred towards his younger brother. On his arm, he had a cross tattooed with the words “Only God Can Judge Me”. In an effort to help him consider forgiveness, I asked him “What is it that God is going to judge you for?” The question forced him to peer into his own mirror image and reflect on the scenes of personal failure that littered his mind. It’s true, no one is perfect, and sometimes – especially when we are judging others – we all need to be reminded of that.

Listen friend, bottom line is that we should all truly live by the biblical “golden rule”, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What does that mean? Well, for me, it is that if I don’t like condemnation, then I should not condemn and keep my rocks in my pocket. Moreover, I should be quick to forgive, because it is well said that forgiveness is not just for the offender, but more beneficial to the offended. When you forgive others you open the doors of forgiveness for yourself. What does it say to you? Hopefully it encourages you to stay away from rock piles unless you are laying your rocks at the foot of the cross, where they belong. Be Blessed.

The Gift of Disillusionment

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Sun, 30 May 2010 23:50:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “A person who will steal for you, will steal from you.”

This entry will hopefully challenge you to evaluate not only the way that you trust, but help you to look past the superficial displays of those close to you and understand how to dig deeper into character before you invest hope in someone. When it comes to relationships, trust is not optional, it’s required – if you want the relationship to be truly successful. The greater question becomes how do you learn who you can really trust and what do you look for to avoid learning the depth of your misguided trust by the gravity of their betrayal?

My grandfather’s quote is a reminder that the evaluation of a person’s character doesn’t begin when the big challenges arise, it begins immediately with every small interaction you have with those around you. In this particular situation, it was one of the crewmen working for my grandfather’s business. He was a very nice guy and had worked for my grandfather for a few years. We had just finished working on an elderly lady’s property when my grandfather noticed an extra lawn mower in the truck. After he inquired a few times of its origin, this crewmen spoke up stating that it had been sitting under the house and the lady probably didn’t even know it was there. It was in very bad shape and though she didn’t verbally say he could have it, he figured she would never use it and he would fix it up for my grandfather to use for his business.

My grandfather returned the mower to the elderly woman with a humble apology and without naming names. When he returned to us, he told the crewman that it was his last day working with him. The crewman tried to explain that his intentions were good; my grandfather just simply stated the quote above. You see, the crewman’s actions made my grandfather question his integrity, his decisions and consider the “what if” factor that turns a reflective moment into an introspective moment. In my grandfather’s wisdom he knew the action was more than just a simple slip-up, it was an indication of the condition of the crewman’s heart that surfaced without provocation. Furthermore, had he accepted the stolen gift, he then was guilty of the same thievery and it has been well said that there is no honor amongst thieves.

Much like the post “Gossiper Beware” from January, we should continually observe the actions of those around us to understand those characteristics that can only be seen by watching what they do, not listening to what they say. Just like love is a verb, so is trust, respect, communication – all of the components of great relationships and whether it’s someone you are dating who disrespects their parent, someone spreading gossip about someone else or a friend that you catch in habitual “little white lies”, keep your eyes open for the signs of their hidden personality, and be realistic about your ability to become a victim of those damaging characteristics. My prayer is that you continually evaluate the company you keep and in those times of question, you seek counsel from the one who loves you most…God. Be Blessed.

The Healing Grounds

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Sun, 16 May 2010 04:24:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say, “Sometimes you just have to give it time to heal.”

This tidbit of wisdom is often shared by the older generation because they have the diploma of wisdom that only comes from life’s institution of learning. Similar to the post “A word to the unwise” from earlier in April, this simple statement reminds us that some lessons in life can only be learned through experience, or the wisdom gained by attention paid to the struggles of others. However, it takes the concept a step further to help us understand how to deal with, not only the pain of life's hurts, but the wounds and scars they cause.

A very important thing to remember is that, like physical pain and scars, emotional pain and scars tend to follow much of the same process to heal. As a man, I often have the tendency to try and speed the process along or try to “fix it”, without truly comprehending that sometimes you have to just…let it heal. We teach kids not to pick at the scabs that cover their wounds, because we know that underneath that shell - healing is taking place - and if you disturb the natural process, you will impede the healing, and potentially create a worse scar. The wisdom in this statement isn’t just for those who get wounded, but those who cause the wounds as well. Even with the best of intentions, you can do more harm than help, if you do not allow adequate time to heal. The cycle is often perpetuated because we know that hurt people…hurt people.
I penned a poem a few years ago as I dealt with this very issue, I want to share it with you in the hopes that you understand the complex simplicity of my grandfather’s words and apply the lesson as opportunities arise in your life. Be Blessed.

The Healing Grounds

Under a callous, impervious and unsightly shell, the healing takes place.
Like a band aide, created out of pain and irritation, shielding our injury from infection.
At times an unattractive exhibit is the environment of restoration and repair.
A protective covering which requires solitude and tranquility to perform its work.
In the back of my mind I can hear my mother say “just leave it alone.”
Referring to the hideous scab that shelters my irritating wound.
You have to let it remove itself in its own good time, when the healing is done.
Profound wisdom applicable to the many wounds we encounter in life.
Not only the harm that is inflicted to us, but the damage we inflict to others as well.
In any case the process for restoration is the same…slow and delicate.
Time and peace are often healers of the body and the soul.
It’s our own impatience that prevents us from permitting the necessary time to heal."
Usually it is that same impatience that caused us to hurt in the first place.
Why do we attack our own shields, damaging the very device we have put in place
to guard against anything that would impair our ability to regenerate and renew.
If we don’t understand or regard the consequence of an ignorant success,
we will expose our vulnerabilities and impede the progression of recovery.
The absence of wisdom can be the birthplace of scars.
The graffiti of life, vandalism committed by the results of our bad decisions,
it’s our failure to let the wound heal, or our own series of unfortunate events.
When do we learn the lesson, an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure?
We should engage in proactive preventive maintenance, versus reactive disaster recovery.
If life’s greatest teacher is experience, then to learn from others’ mistakes is true wisdom.
It’s been said that knowledge is power, but the evidence of life is that only
applied knowledge produces results. Knowledge is not much if no one ever uses it.
Like the ingredients of the grandest dish, time, faith and wisdom work in unison to
create healing and facilitate the therapy that nurses our wounds.
Yet you can only see the whole miracle of rebirth and the power of restoration revealed
When you use the wisdom and patience necessary to let the scab fall away…

Copyright 2005 by William T. Holt

A Price Tag for Life

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 03 May 2010 03:48:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Life is not about what you gain, but who you touch.”

It was a business trip recently that reminded me of the wisdom at the core of this statement. I traveled to a client site to present the results of an operational study, which would potentially save them $1.7 million in direct and indirect costs over the next year. The presentation went very well and I received accolades from the client and my local business colleagues, but to me it was just…ok. What turned out to be the highlight of that trip was the “Thank You” note that I received a few weeks later. It was from a young lady that I had the opportunity to speak with, during the return flight. We had the length of a plane ride to discuss an extremely difficult relationship she was grappling with, where she struggled to see her value in it, or the strength to leave it.

Apparently, in our brief conversation, something said reached her value core and she was encouraged to make a change in her situation - it turned out to be the best thing for her and her children. I can’t take credit for it, God is the only one who has the ability to free people from those types of situations, but to have a part in helping her increase the value of her situation, far out shined the success and accolades that accompanied my professional endeavor. You see, many people could have gone to that company and used the same facts to save them money. To them maybe I was a good consultant, but who would remember that a year later? However, to this young lady, I may have put her in the mind of the type of person described in the entry “Calling All Heroes” or the "Real Heroes" poem posted the following week from January of this year. No, I don't consider myself anyone's hero, but if you have a moment, read those posts, it will take only a few minutes, but the words speak volumes.

The things that you gain in this world all have one thing in common; they will remain here when you die. Money, cars, houses – none of those things have any real value where it counts, none will remember you and they are not loyal, trust me, they will all find a new owner. But this quote is not just about the “things” of life; it also speaks to the intention of your actions and how you define value while you inhabit this planet. Selfishness is the enemy of humanity, but love is the most valuable and least expensive of human capabilities. Love remains one of the greatest equalizers, it doesn’t matter who you are…you have a wealth of it to share, the question is – do you, even when it doesn’t yield you an immediate return? Albert Pine said it well when he said “What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” So immortality, in this sense, is possible.

Do you want a firsthand example? Well, you are reading one now - my grandfather - he has been gone for more than 20 years and you may have never had the pleasure of meeting him, but if you have been reading this blog and continue to follow my weekly posts, you get to know him through the eyes of someone he truly touched. His body and “things” may be gone, but his legacy of touching the lives of our human community hopefully lives on through his memory in these posts. It warms my heart to see the comments and feedback of readers who say that one of my grandfather’s tidbits of wisdom has helped them in some way; it is my motivation to continue to share them. My prayer for you is that you come to understand the wisdom in these words, and like my grandfather, use the wealth of charity, powered by unselfish love to purchase a “real estate” in the heart of those you touch. Be Blessed.

The Ratio of Life

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 02:37:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “life is only 10% what happens to you, but 90% what you do about it.”

Within these words can be found the secret to progress, the power in action and a hope for tomorrow. Although I am sure my grandfather was not the only person to say these particular words, he introduced me to the truth in this statement at an unforgettable time and place in my life that charted the course for how I would handle and learn to overcome the ever present opportunity for failure in my life. You see, this quote neither justifies nor denies the challenges, disappointments and tragedies that life brings, but it encourages you to pay critical attention to where you focus your energy, effort and faith when these trials of life transpire.

This entry is a deeper dive into a subject of paramount importance started in the entry “Dance Lessons”, posted back in January of this year. The enormity of its importance comes from the fact that this issue touches everyone no matter who you are, what you have, or what you believe. Everyone falls victim to challenges, tragedies and events of detriment on various levels in life. However, your ability to not only recover, but to reclaim your victory and continue to progress hinges on what you do with your energy, focus and where you place your hope.

What was your latest disappointment? What has happened to you recently or in your past that still resurfaces when your current conversations take a negative turn? Here is the more important question…are you investing your time in securing a solution or are you wasting your time focused on the problem? One thing is for certain, you can’t change the past – you can learn from it – but nothing changes what happened, so why spend your time and effort complaining about something you cannot change? The wise investment is to spend your time, energy and faith is securing a solution, learning the lesson or progressing past the thing that happened. Now many times that’s easier said than done, I know, but think of it this way…after you expend time and emotion complaining, being depressed or angry, or using some vice to suppress the issue, you still have to face it and find a way to learn and move on from it. The philosophy in this statement is to bypass the wasted effort and energy and instead use you’re the “90%” of time and focus efficiently by working toward the solution and your victory.

When it comes to life, you are either moving forward or moving backward. There is never a time where you are just sitting still, because in those moments immobility you are losing the most important of life’s limited and irreplaceable resources…time. My prayer for you is that you take a moment to evaluate, either now or when the next difficult event of life occurs, whether you are investing or wasting your time. Something I have learned in life is that the enemy of our faith uses the failures and negativity of your past to bind you, discourage you and try to destroy your hope. God in His great grace uses His promises and the hope in your future to encourage you to move in the direction of freedom and victory. What you do with your decisions, time and energy supports one of these two initiatives…I pray that you choose your alliances wisely, your future depends on it. Be Blessed!

The One Thing That Matters

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 03:52:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Here is the secret to relationships: remember the one thing that matters, respond accordingly and the relationship will be fine.”

In my humble opinion, this may be one of the most valuable entries that you will read on this site. Why you ask? Because it has the potential to provide the secret to success in relationships with the men and women that you come in contact with. I can say with confidence, that in my life, this truth has helped me better understand the chasm that divides males and females; it has been the voice of conscience when I have faced daily interactions that challenge my patience, understanding and character. The “one thing that matters” is as complex as it is simple because it requires self-control to put a solution in to action…and self, as we all know, can be the hardest person to control, when it really matters.

For women, the “one thing” that they need to understand about men is that men desire to be respected. My grandfather would say it is because men are created with an ego, whatever the reason, it’s true. No man wants to be considered a failure; they want to be seen as “wearing the pants” whether it is in a relationship, a career or simply driving a car (without asking directions). It doesn’t matter if it is a challenge from a woman or another man, disrespecting a man tends to consistently produce animosity and eventually could lead to a display that will demand that respect he feels that he deserves. An elderly wife of a 37 year marriage said it to me this way when I asked her to share the secret to their resilient marriage. She simply said “I know that I run things, but make sure that he thinks that he does.”

For men, the “one thing” that they must understand about women is that every woman wants security. Whether it’s emotionally, financially, physically and any other aspect of life, they want to know that things will be ok and have some sense of control. Now I don’t claim to have unraveled the mystery of the feminine mind by no means, but I can say with certainty that in my experience a secure woman is a happier and a more peaceful woman. If you are a man, try this next time you can’t figure out what is “wrong with her”, simply ask yourself, does she feel secure right now?

When you think about it, this is not new news, why do you think advertisers gear their commercials towards a woman’s security (her youthful looks, time/money savings, etc.) and a man’s ego (sex, masculinity, etc.)? I know that this entry has merely touched on the potential enormity of this discussion, but what’s important is that we take a moment to remember the “one thing” that matters and do what we can to use this knowledge to strengthen our relationships. If you do, you can proactively diffuse potential issues before they create a cycle where insecurities are responded to with disrespect and disrespect leads to actions that challenge securities. Be Blessed.

Define Your Dash

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 01:15:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Remember your dash and make the most of it!”

My grandfather was - simply put – was a hard worker, and owned a business that covered various lines of work, all of which were based off of his belief that you will always make money doing what people don’t want to do. One of those lines of work was digging and covering graves, yes gruesome I know, but someone has to do the dirty work (no pun intended) when our loved ones are laid to rest and let’s face it…you will never run out of business. Since I worked with him every summer in my early youth, I spent my fair share of time in or around graveyards. Amazingly, even in the most solemn of places, my grandfather was able to drive home a spike of encouraging wisdom that still speaks to me to this day.

From time to time, I would take a moment and look some of the tombstones that marked the final resting places of the residents at the cemetery where we were working. One particular time, as I gazed at a headstone, my grandfather asked me “do you know the most important character on that tombstone is?” I gave a few guesses to the best of my level of rationale and while the name and epitaphs were important, he focused my attention to the character that most of us tend to completely ignore…the dash.

You see, on most all tombstones there is a date of birth and a date of death, he explained, and we all have obviously experienced our date of birth, but the great mystery is our date with death. He pointed out that what is most important in our lives are the memories we build, time that we share and legacy that we leave with people we have touched - all represented by that little dash in between those dates. Even at a young age, it hit me…we never buried cars or houses, educational degrees or trophies, never laid millions of dollars or a mirror to rest with the deceased, just their empty shell and the last outfit they will ever wear. As I began to drink in this reality, I looked at the people who came to view the grave sites of their loved ones differently. They weren’t coming to merely look at a piece of granite stone, but they came to pay respect to memories represented by that dash.

What is the significance of your dash to this point in your life? The mere fact that you are reading this entry means that you still have an opportunity to ensure that your dash has an everlasting impact on the world around you. We have to remember that life is not about what you gain, but who you touch and what you do with your dash has a major affect on the legacy that your children inherit, that your friends remember and that you account for when you meet God. How fortunate was I that my grandfather used a portion of his dash to invest wisdom in my life that I can now share with you. No one knows when that final date will come, so never use tomorrow as an excuse to waste today. My prayer is that you use your dash to live, love and laugh like there is no tomorrow…everyday. Be Blessed.

A word to the unWise

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 12:08:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Experience brings knowledge, but wisdom is the ability to learn from the mistakes of others.”

It has been said that experience is the best teacher and someone who learns from experience has gained a wealth of knowledge, but knowledge and wisdom are the same thing right…or are they? According to my grandfather’s quote they are not only different in definition, but in acquisition as well. In the end, what I hope you will find is that knowledge and wisdom have many similarities, but truly have a vast difference in value and exhibition of character.

In my last entry “Well...What do you know” we looked at the difference between life experiences and a true mistakes, and this entry would be the next progression in that concept of thought. Whether or not we want to be, we are all students in the classroom of life, and like any other classroom, there are differences in the learning styles of the students. Some students need to repeat a lesson over and over until they get a clear understanding of the message, other students learn the first time they are exposed to the new information and are ready to pass a test. Then there are those students who seem to know the concept before they are taught, almost ahead of their grade, so much so, that there are higher level classes available to them for accelerated learning and often they are referred to as “gifted.”

The school of life is much the same - and experience is an unrelenting, yet rewarding teacher of its indispensable education. Applicably, the tests and trials that we all go through each contain within them a lesson to be learned, intended to increase the knowledge of the learner. Unfortunately if the lesson is not learned, the test or trial is destined to be repeated. On the other hand, as we begin to understand the opportunities to learn through our trials, they can become more bearable as we focus on the lesson, not the trial as we go through it. Even greater, when we take a moment to gain the knowledge of a life lesson through the observation or wise counsel of someone who has already been taught by experience, then we gain the wisdom that can be displayed when we face that kind of trial, and may accelerate us through it. People who display this method of learning are often referred to as…”wise”

At times, when I was younger, people would say to me,”Thomas, you have an old soul”, a compliment meaning that I was displaying wisdom beyond my years...at that moment. It took me a while to understand, because usually I was just following some “right thing to do” that I learned from someone else, but that was just it – I learned it without having to go through it. The book of Proverbs in the bible is saturated with wisdom, I recommend you read it; additionally the older generation have volumes of wisdom that they would love to share and we all should learn something new every day. Access to wisdom is all around you, the question is what kind of student are you going to be? My prayer is that as you continue learning the lessons that come your way, you grasp those tidbits of wisdom available to you, so that life's tests and trials become less of a chance to merely obtain knowledge, and more of an opportunity to display the wisdom you have acquired. Be Blessed

Well...What do you know?

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 04:21:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “The first time you mess up is not a mistake, it’s a learning experience, the next time you do it...then it’s a mistake.”

I think that I tend to be the hardest critic that there is when it comes to my own life and it has always been that way. Whether it is the drive for success of something I am striving to accomplish or the occasional skepticism of my latest decision, I have historically been pretty hard on myself, especially in retrospect, when I find that a decision of mine was not the right one. I am fortunate that in my early youth my grandfather helped me understand, not only the concept of human error, but the greater fallacy in robbing yourself of the opportunity for knowledge in the name of condemnation.

Think back to the last time that you made a decision that you consider a “mistake”, you know, a miscalculation, a careless error or some moment of poor reasoning that turned out to be the wrong thing to do. When you consider the incident let me ask you a question…did you have the knowledge of the end result, prior to the decision? Did you know beforehand that the decision you made was going to turn out the way that it did? The quick answer is “well of course not, or I wouldn’t have done it!” Maybe...or maybe not... but the “mistake” can have a lot more to do with what you knew more than what you did.

For example, quite a few people made decisions to purchase real estate back in 2006, who would say with the knowledge that they have today, that was a mistake. Now each situation has its own set of specifics, I’m sure, but at that time, the decision was probably made with the best of intentions, who knew that the housing market would suffer the greatest collapse in the history of the United States? Sure, that scenario applies to a particular group of people, but message is the same and there are plenty of other examples out there; everything be it some merchant or service person that ripped you off, to the person you divorced, sometimes we simply don’t know - what we don’t know - but blame ourselves as if we did.

Don’t take this entry as an opportunity to side step the responsibility for your actions - that is not what this is about, you own every decision you make. It is however an opportunity to recognize that we are human and we don’t know everything and sometimes the learning process involves us to having missteps, bad decisions or errors along the way. The key is to learn from the experience and retain that knowledge so that the next time you face a similar scenario, you won’t make a true mistake. There is a two-fold lesson here, first you are not perfect and when errors are made you need to realize it, learn from it, and forgive yourself so you can move on. Second, others are not perfect and when errors are made you need to recognize it, learn from them, and forgive them so you can move on…yes, I said so YOU can move on. Remember, experience is the greatest teacher and unforgiveness is the worst warden. My prayer is that this entry helps you to recognize the differences between a learning experience and a true mistake, to be quick to forgive others...and yourself, but never forget the lesson of the experience. Be Blessed.

The Human Trap (Part 2)

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 04:14:00 +0000

My Grandfather used to say “It is all black and white until it comes to green.” (Part II)

So, in part I we discussed the complexity in the concept of compromise and identified one of the basic causes of the erosion of moral or ethical integrity…the LOVE of money. This realization brings to mind another saying that affords us the opportunity to take an introspective look at this issue in our own lives. Growing up in “the hood” we had a saying – “Don’t be a Sell Out” and this saying was usually employed challenge someone’s integrity in the very moment of decision. Clearly the term is more than applicable in this scenario, because when you trade your “black and white”, non-negotiable limits for monetary gain of some sort that is what you do…sell out.

Do you have a price point, an amount where you would “sell out?” Is there a dollar amount that would turn you like a public official who sells out their vote to the contributions of some selfish organization? What are you prepared to sacrifice to get that promotion or land that deal? Has your LOVE of money negotiated the surrender of your morals as you face the pressures that you once stood firmly against? I hope that you can answer “NO!” to all of the above. What our future generations need are more shining examples of everyday heroes who truly stand for what they believe, in the face of potential profit. It doesn’t have to be as grand as a protest on the steps of Congress; it can simply start with returning the extra money when the cashier gives you too much change. The truth is, when it is all said and done, no words ring truer than those of Matthew 16:26…”For what is a man profited, if he should gain the whole world and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?”

Often I refer to a poem that I have previously penned to help me convey a specific thought. I wanted to share this one, because it speaks to the core of this entry. My prayer is that this entry persuades you to remain…priceless! Be Blessed

The Human Trap

Needless greed, senseless greed consumes the world with blinding speed.

Ambition is often the subtle disguise, cloaked in a shroud of well-worded lies.

In a world where moral rules barely exist, like a web, you’re entangled as you try to resist.

This cancerous plague that eats souls alive, and manipulates your will as you fight to survive,

by changing what you want in to what you need, just that quick, your drive has become your greed.

Beginning sly and swift, eating away at your soul, stealing your trust, your peace, and then your control.

Until your friendly face is only a distraction, pursuing your pay off in every interaction.

Your flashy smile becomes a masquerade, like the blinding glimmer of a deadly blade.

Private whispers of malice let secrets slip, the same loose lips that sink friendships.

Yet the role you play is not as much the shame, as is your choice to exist in this futile game.

Be careful as you climb to your treacherous height, because your stepping stones by day,

are your stumbling blocks by night.

Once you reach the top to breathe the crisp clear air, you’re choked by distrust and lonesome despair.

You look back on your life and your heart, so cold. You’ve gained the whole world and yet lost your soul.

Soon reality crashes, as you fall from the sky, into a wretched grave, where your integrity lies.

You struggle to find someone else to blame, the mere users you called friends that now mock your name.

Head in hands, tears flowing, all alone you sit. Abandoned and desolate in a quicksand pit

Now the deeper you get, the more you dig, in a mud hole fit for such a greedy pig.

It is then you understand, in life, what means so much. Success is not measured in what you gain, but in who you touch.

Remember these words til you breathe your last, open your heart to your future and leave your greed in the past.

Copyright 2005 by William T. Holt

The Human Trap (Part 1)

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:00 +0000

My Grandfather used to say "It is all black and white until it comes to green"

I have battled over this particular post for 2 days because it is hard to fit so many thoughts into a few paragraphs. This is a tough subject, bursting with vital wisdom, so I decided to put it into 2 parts. My grandfather's words, in this scenario, was truly a warning for us to put courage and integrity where it counts the most...those situations when it is most profitable to compromise.

One of the most confusing concepts for many people to understand is the concept of compromise. In some cases compromise is a vital component of survival of especially when dealing with others in a co-existing environment. Other cases compromise reveals the failure of integrity, the inability to stand for what is right, moral or fair. Now considering these cases it may appear that the concept of compromise is an easy thing to grasp, but as you know by now, my grandfather’s statements are never that simple.

In most every issue that requires compromise there is a boundary, an imaginary line drawn in the sand, if you will, that should not be crossed for all sides involved. Although this entry is not specifically about those lines (that blog is to come) it is important to understand that they are there and if they are crossed, you have ask yourself… what was the motivation for your compromise?

We have seen so many scenarios where this statement applies, whether it is some rich person who is able to pay their way out of a crime, or the government permitting companies to operate unethically just to keep the money flowing. Maybe it is closer to home, how do you look at your taxes, are some exaggerations permissible because you need the money? Who is it that you are involved with? Do they get away with things that are beyond your “line” because they help pay the bills or provide you with spending money? It is all the same, your morals and ethics are solid (black and white) until you put money before them.

The bible is full of profound statements, but one of the most insightful to me is (I Timothy 6:10) which begins with “the love of money is the root of all evil...” It’s true, especially when you consider the definition of love as explained in my entry “Never fall in love” (last paragraph). But do you notice that it doesn’t say money is the root of all evil? It says that it is the LOVE of money at evil's core. Again, it is a matter of the heart, a matter of your will, the true intention behind your actions.

I know that we have just scratched the surface of this topic and I have some great information for you so please stay tuned for part 2 of this subject, I believe that the next post will really put some things in perspective, or at the least, provoke some deep thought. See you next week...Be Blessed

Bank on this!!

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:18:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Everyone has a bank account and for those you love, you should be sure that your deposits outnumber your withdrawals.”

It’s true, everyone has a bank account, but my grandfather was not referring to the brick and mortar bank that most people associate bank accounts to. What he is referring to is the bank account of the heart that we all possess, and his words admonish us to pay attention that our deposits outnumber our withdrawals, especially for those we love. Why is that you ask? Great question, let me explain with three simple points.

First, when it comes to the bank account of our hearts, it is important to remember that deposits and withdrawals happen moment by moment. Every interaction that you have with those you love is either a deposit or a withdrawal, from the first interaction of the day to the last. These deposits and withdrawals do not merely affect your relationship with your loved ones, but can have a profound effect on their entire day, mood or perception. An old saying comes to mind, that a smile is one of the most contagious things in the world…go out and start an epidemic.

Second, we should know that when it comes to our heart banks, the sizes of our withdrawals are usually three times the size of our deposits. Why is that? Well, for most people pain stains the memory and pleasure is like a fleeting moment, so an act of unkindness will linger longer than kindness. Think about it, when someone hurt you last, was it more impactful than their last act of kindness? I imagine it is because we don’t expect unkindness from those we love, so when it happens, it takes more time to deal with it.

Last but certainly not least, it is imperative to remember that we are not the only ones making deposits and withdrawals in the heart bank accounts of our loved ones. Why is that important? Well, sometimes they may have had a withdrawal from someone else that ends up affecting their relationship with you causing a withdrawal from your bank. If we can consider this point at that time, we can actually make a deposit with them, in the midst of their withdrawal. Another reason this is important is that when you are making deposits in the heart account of your loved one the deposits of others are not as significant, but when your withdrawals begin to deplete the account, the deposits of others become much more impressionable and the opportunity for major issues arise…for example, when you continually find fault in your spouse, the compliments of their co-worker have an opportunity to make an impression…think about it.

I know this is a long entry, but the subject is immense in depth and importance. Like our financial back accounts, let’s focus on making deposits in the heart accounts our loved ones, until we become MILLIONAIRES!! Be Blessed.

Dance Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:03:00 +0000

A wise person once said "Life isn't about waiting for storms to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain!"

Although this quote is not specifically accredited to my grandfather it has the depth reminiscent of something he would say. It brought to mind a poem that I published a few years ago while dealing with some baffling challenges of life. I read it again recently, and in retrospect, obviously I understand better what I was going through then, but just couldn't see at that time.

I think there are times in life where God allows us to get into a position where we have no other choice but to trust Him and it is in those times that we grow. I believe that most everyone is in one of three places when it comes to the trials of life, either you are deep in one, coming out of one or headed into one. I am not trying to rain on your parade, just encouraging you to recognize the opportunities you have to learn to dance.

I wanted to share this poem with you in the hope that the next time you are in a trial you can read it, and maybe it will help you as it did me. When you read it and take a moment to consider the gravity the lesson, if you don't mind, leave me a comment with your thoughts, I would really appreciate your feedback. Be Blessed.

Peacemaker

Life’s ironies and life’s mysteries,

seem to always travel together.

Floating swift throughout our lives

much like birds of a feather.

Revealing their perplexities

enigma beyond explanation.

Bewilderment that tests your faith,

to the essence of your creation.

The answers to the puzzles they pose

aren’t discovered in any class.

No study guide, no fine print found,

beneath a magnifying glass.

Yet those lessons learned will forge you,

into what your character displays.

Then time will mend you, as you pretend to,

understand their mysterious ways.

You see, to the degree you comprehend,

that much more difficult the tests become.

It seems irony tends to step in again

when the mystery has been performed

Therefore complexities and complications

will manifest without cease.

Let me offer this suggestion,

as you endeavor to find your peace.

Tests and trials will come our way

that’s a fact, no need to doubt it.

Victory isn’t in understanding what was done to you,

but understanding what to do about it.

What did you say?

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:38:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “If you don’t respect your words, then no one else has a reason to.”

It was a hot summer day in July and we were having a family get together in my grandfather’s back yard. I was probably 5 or 6 years old at the time and like all little brothers, I was doing my best to annoy my older sister. I remember chasing her around the yard with some vile grotesque object impaled on a stick as she screamed in terror, which made for typical adolescent comedy.

Eventually she reached my mother and gave yet another Oscar winning performance out of a horror flick, enraging my mother, probably more from embarrassment than any real fear of her danger. My mother looked at me with her patent-pending “death look” and shouted “boy, the next time you do that, I am going to knock your head off!” Just then the most amazing thing happened…my grandfather spoke…and it was the first time I grasped the awe and respect that others had for his words.

He simply said, “Wait a minute, let me teach you something right now,” and although he didn’t shout it, everyone heard him and immediately all activity came to an abrupt halt. In the stillness of that moment and all eyes fixed on him, he said “now the next time he does that, you are obligated to literally knock his head off.” My mom quickly retorted that she was just angry and wanted me to stop. He acknowledged her intent, but made it clear that if she doesn’t respect her own words, then there is no reason for me to. He said there are two things everyone should learn; one was to never say things you are not prepared to follow through on and the other is that action is the responsibility created by your words.

Maybe you know a parent whose idle threats are completely ignored by their kids, or a complaining co-worker who always talks about getting another job, but does nothing? Much like the lover who cheats or a drunken friend that swears…again…this is the last time, their hollow words are not respected because they have not given anyone reason to value them. The amount power in your words is validated by the respect for the actions that back them, not the amount of volume in your voice. In my grandfather’s day, people understood that the level of respect due a person was directly correlated to the value of their word, that hasn't changed. A handshake should be a contract and your word - your bond. My grandfather was so well respected because his actions consistently set the example for his words…and that is an example we can all follow. Be Blessed.