Grandpa's Wisdom

Strength or Weakness?

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 01:50:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say, “Any attribute you have, when taken to the extreme, becomes your weakness.”

It was a job interview years ago, that brought the wisdom of these words to the forefront of my mind, in an effort to answer one of those interview “trick questions”. The interviewer asked me ‘what I thought my weaknesses were?’ Who wants to answer that question about themselves in a job interview?! As I pondered my response - wanting to answer with truth but not torpedo my opportunity at the position - I was able to again employ my grandfather’s wisdom to save the day.

Have you ever taken a moment to consider this? It’s true. Anything that you can taut as a personal strength easily becomes your “Achilles’ Heel” if you take it too far. How is that? Ask yourself, do you know anyone who has a great sense of humor? Do the ever “play too much” or make light of serious situations? Maybe you know someone has been blessed with looks that can also be very conceited or shallow. Why is it that some people with great inner strength and determination can be so overbearing or stubborn at times? What about you? What are your strengths? Are there times you take them so far that you repel those around you?

The key in recognizing the point of extreme is by being observant; paying attention to the small details and warning signs that you may be taking your strengths too far. Often it’s the post-event evaluation of an experience that can best illustrate this point through the 20\20 hindsight of life. With some considerate evaluation, you will soon be able to avoid mistakes and make instances of failure more of a learning experience rather than a mistake. For more on that line of thought read my post “Well…what do you know.” (Click here to read)

Better yet, as we learned from my post “A word to theunwise” (Click here to read), you can get ahead and actually avoid potential moments of weakness by paying attention and learning from the errors of others. My prayer is that you take a thoughtful moment of reflection if you encounter a situation where your strength has developed into a weakness. Evaluate the incident, recognize the signs, and if needed, ask a trusted friend to help you realize when you may be taking things too far. Put this in practice and you will surely grow. I am sure you will see other people’s respect for you grow, as you grow in self-control. Be Blessed.

How to Win an Argument

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 04:14:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “The best way to have the last word in an argument is to say…I apologize.”

Ever had an argument and the other person just would not shut up? I mean they kept on and on talking in circles about the same issue. You didn’t see it their way, they didn’t see it your way and before you know it, you were both saying things that you didn't mean. Eventually, someone storms out angry or just shuts down and nothing gets resolved. Here is the crazy thing, if I asked the other person about the same argument; would they say that I was describing you?

My grandfather made two very profound observations concerning arguments:

First – Arguments and communication greatly differ in that once the communication is broken down – an argument is all that you have left. You see, communication is a two-way exchange; information (hopefully productive) is being delivered AND received by each participant. The goal of communication is aimed at moving forward towards a common goal. In an argument you care more about “winning” than commonality. It’s more about making the other person “see it your way” versus finding a solution, compromise or common ground.

Second – Arguments perpetuate and erupt in many cases because both people want to have the “last word”. Not sure who decreed that if you get the last word that means that you are right. Whoever they were...they're wrong. The need to get the last word only deteriorates an argument to its lowest form. This is typically where we say things that we don’t mean, because we want to “shut the other person up” using offensive comments, insults or sarcastic commentary. Ever seen that happen?

The truth is, life is too short to argue. Ultimately, arguing is fruitless and the results of it are wasted time in anger, frustration, resentment and unforgiveness. I compare it to raking leaves in a windstorm. No matter how hard you rake the leaves, you will not get anything accomplished. The difference is, with an argument…you control the weather. How’s that? You can end the argument because an argument takes two. Want to get the last word – then apologize, yes even if you don’t feel that you are wrong. Why?

It’s the wisdom in my grandfather’s quote above and in the words of the apostle Paul in his letter to the church in Corinth. (I Corinthians 6:7-8) What Paul basically said was if you can’t settle a dispute among yourselves you have already been defeated. Why not accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not just be cheated in the pursuit of peace instead of returning the wrong and malice, even to those we love. In short, sometimes maturity says “Be the bigger person.” In a month, most arguments will not have significance, but the pain they can cause might be very significant. If you offer a sincere apology in efforts to end the conflict you may feel like you lose a battle, but in reality you win the war of maturity.

I was once on a flight with a lady returning from her sister’s funeral. In a moment of reflection she became emotional recalling her last conversation with sister. They argued about some inconsequential issue and hung up, not knowing they would never speak again. Later that evening as I pondered her pain I penned this poem. I hope that it encourages you to pursue peace the next time you have the opportunity to argue. Be Blessed.

Rewind

Wait up time don’t fly so swift, I want to return to yesterday.

I said some things that weren’t so sweet to my friend that passed away.

Our quarrel was quite unnecessary a selfish tantrum on my part.

The doctor said that it was a coronary, but I know it was a broken heart.

Life is a lesson we all must learn, experience is the price we pay.

How foolish it is to use tomorrow as an excuse to waste today.

I can’t go back, father time won’t wait remember this, next time you fight.

You’ll never forget the pain and regret when you were wrong and can’t make it right.

Watch Out for Snakes!

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 05:06:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say: “There are always snakes in the grass, just be sure you know where they are.”

I learned this paragon of wisdom in one of those times where my grandfather took an ordinary event and transformed it into an extraordinary moment of understanding. It was a hot North Carolina day and as we toiled away at yard work, I was explaining how betrayed I felt when someone I knew tried to embarrass me behind by back. I employed a cliché to describe my perception of them time and related them to being a “snake in the grass.” The more infuriated I became about it, the more my conversation developed into hate filled threats of what I would do the next time I saw them.

As my grandfather presented this quote, he pointed out a small black snake he noticed earlier near the firewood pile. “Do you see that snake over there?” he asked. “Yes sir,” I responded. “Should I go kill it?” he inquired. “I guess not, it really isn’t bothering us at the moment.” I answered. He agreed and further explained that black snakes are not poisonous and actually help control rodent populations. Thoroughly confused, I asked the relevance. He eloquently related the same situation to people and relationships. How’s that?

He explained that, as social beings, its human nature to gravitate toward building relationships with people that we come in contact with. There are people in our lives that we choose to build relationships with and there are those with whom we have to engage by virtue of circumstance such as work, school, church or some other group gathering activity. Each relationship is different but one thing that we can count on is that there will be people who disappoint us, betray our confidence and many who don’t display the courage that friendship and truth requires. In some cases we have the luxury of ending our involvement in those relationships, but much like working in the yard, often the job has to get done, even with the presence of a snake or two.

What we have to remember is that people are not perfect, we ourselves are not perfect and there will be disappointments. However, it is not always beneficial to take an aggressive approach to every relational challenge. What would happen if we killed all of the snakes on the planet? Our ecosystem would likely implode and we would ultimately doom ourselves – why because even snakes have a purpose. So what do we do? We learn. It is the same concept discussed in my post “Conquering Fear” (Click here to read). Like my grandfather educated himself on black snakes, our goal would be to understand who those “snakes” are in our yards and realize where you are likely to encounter them and respond appropriately. This is how to combat the “fear” of a detrimental incident with them.

In a further evolution of thought, my post “The Ratio of Life” (Click here to read), elaborates on how life is truly 10% what happens to you, but 90% what you do about it. Going around and attacking every snake that appears in your life would be wasted effort in a crusade that will never end because there will always be snakes. My prayer for you is that you learn how to deal with the snakes in your life appropriately. There may be some truly poisonous relationships that you will have to “kill” – as for the rest, just keep an ever watchful eye to know where you may have to deal with a snake. More importantly, remember to be quick to forgive the bites and close calls as you learn from them, because we are ALL imperfect and you never know when you have become a snake in the life of another. Refresh your perspective on this line of thought by reading my post “Emancipation by Forgiveness.” (Click here to read) Be Blessed!

“In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.”

Psalm 56:11 (KJV)

Forever??

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 04:12:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary problem.”

It was a solemn moment after the funeral of a high school friend that left me wondering…why? Why would a young man in the beginning of his manhood want to take his own life? What could have been so bad that he lost all hope for any possibilities in his future? It was again one of those times, sitting with my grandfather on the tailgate of an old rugged pickup truck, where I poured out my confusion, frustrations and fears in a 90 minute rant. My grandfather gracefully played his role of master listener, and then righted my tumultuous world with this simple statement.

Although the situation for the original application was much more extreme in result, the statement holds true with so many of the tribulations we endure throughout our lives. When you are in the midst of one of those times were nothing is going your way, it can be easy to surrender to your despair. But if you allow your frustrations to feed on selfish thoughts, catastrophe is only moments away. The cliché that comes to mind is one used to describe many who make poor permanent decisions; its that they were on a “slippery slope.”

It brings to mind God’s words to Cain in Gen 4:7 “…Why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door and its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” (KJV) What is he saying to us? He is talking about our attitude and the outlook that we have on hope in the center of our challenges. In that moment God gives a simple but profound warning to Cain that he should be careful of how he responds to failure…one scripture before Cain murders his brother Abel over a temporary disagreement.

My Post “The Ratio of Life” (Click here to read) from April of 2010 is worth a quick read, as it elaborates on this very subject. What is it that’s challenging you right now? Is your marriage a little rocky and you’re thinking about divorce? Maybe you are a teen and thinking of giving in to peer pressure in reference to alcohol, drugs or sex. Or maybe you are thinking of quitting your job, giving up on finding a good mate or think that God doesn’t care about your financial troubles? Whatever life trial you may face, now or later, be careful that you don’t make decisions with permanent consequences because of temporary problems. Success and victory are often just beyond the moment you give up…so don’t give up! My prayer for you is that when life tries to push you down a slippery slope, you grab on to the rope of hope and climb back on top. Trouble may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Be Blessed.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. ~Jesus Christ

John 16:33 (KJV)

"Do Over!"

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 16:07:00 +0000

My Grandfather used to say: “Recognize and never waste a second chance”

Have you ever blown it? You know, those times when you thought that you made the right decision only to find that things didn’t go quite the way that you had planned. Or maybe you made a plan for accomplishment and just didn't follow through. I have. I know firsthand the disappointment of a wasted opportunity. My grandfather’s quote, however, casts an anticipatory light on opportunities that we often overlook or squander… second chances.

In basketball, there is a statistic tracked called “second chance points”. They occur when a team misses a scoring shot, but gets their own offensive rebound, retries, and scores. I can even remember playing football in the street as a kid, and when a play was interrupted by an oncoming car, we yelled “do over!” giving us a second chance to run our play. Here is the thought; in many situations a second chance is available, but far too often it isn’t utilized, because it isn’t recognized. Whether it is an opportunity to lose those extra pounds, quit smoking or say the right thing – this time, second chances are obtainable, if we acknowledge them and take advantage of the opportunity they provide.

In my post “Well…What Do You Know?” from March 2010, we evaluated the differences between life lessons and mistakes. This post evolves that line of thought, and hopefully evokes a pensive evaluation of your future plans. On the crested wave of our New Year’s celebrations, I want to cast a unique light on an age old tradition - the New Year’s Resolution. Have you made any New Year’s Resolutions? Are there any that were the same last year? Are there any that will directly affect anyone other than you? What are these “resolutions"…really?

Resolutions are commitments to implement a solution to a personal challenge. Resolve…that’s an interesting word. At a simplistic glance it is an opportunity to “re-solve” challenges that we maybe didn’t get right previously. My prayer for you is that you take 2011 as an opportunity to apply some re-solutions to the challenges in your life that really matter. To take situations where you might have dropped the proverbial ball, you pick it up and yell “do over!” then go make a difference in your life or the life of someone you care about. God’s grace fills our lives with second chances, seek them out and make the best of every opportunity. Be Blessed

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."
~ II Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)

Emancipation by Forgiveness

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 04:31:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Remember that forgiveness is not for the offender, it is for the offended.”

For many, forgiveness is a tender subject. Why? Well, to begin a discussion about forgiveness, it will inevitably resurface feelings associated with someone’s offense. Whether you are the offender or the offended, forgiveness is the key that will unlock the cell and loose the emotional chains that unforgiveness uses to bind you. Let’s face it, at some point everyone will need forgiveness, because none of us are perfect. The challenge arises when we forget that, with God, forgiveness is not merely recommended, but required, and the measure that you give to others is what will be given to you. When you learn to truly forgive, you realize you freed a prisoner, only to find that the prisoner was...you.

My grandfather’s statement is a consummate reminder that once we understand the power in forgiveness, we can learn to master our enemies, our circumstances and ourselves. I once asked my grandfather “what does it mean to forgive someone?” His reply is still the basis for my definition of forgiveness to this day. He said “when you allow God to avenge the wrong someone did in His time and in His way, you have forgiven them.” It was amazing to me that he didn’t say that you forget what happened or that the hurt feelings go away or that you allow the person to regain a position in your life. It is about releasing the need to be somehow a part of their revenge. Whether you desire is to be the catalyst, facilitator or the audience to the retaliation for what someone did, that jealousy for revenge is what keeps you bound to the offense. If you are bound then you are controlled and if you are controlled, that means something has power over you.

So is there anything mastering you? If so, how long are you going to allow that person or event to have control? When you harbor unforgiveness – sure, you may move on, but you don’t have control, the feelings are merely suppressed. It is not realized until you have to again face memory of the offense. God knows this concept all too well and I am convinced that it is why he tells us through Paul in Romans 12:19 that “…vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord…” Forgiveness is so important to God that He requires that we forgive others so that He can forgive us and as mentioned earlier, at some point, we will all need forgiveness.

Considering these words, I strain to understand why anyone would not want to be free from the captivity of unforgiveness. Maybe they think that it is a sign of weakness or maybe they don’t want to face it and hope the painful feelings just go away. Truthfully, it takes courage, maturity and strength to forgive. Mahatma Ghandi once said “the weak can’t forgive; forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” Listen, no one is saying that forgiving is easy, on the contrary it is difficult many times, but there is truth in the old saying “either forgive it or relive it.” My prayer for you is that you grasp the power of forgiveness and when needed you have the strength to use it to break the chains that bind. Forgive your friends, forgive your enemies and don't forget to…forgive yourself. Be Blessed.

Sticks and Stones

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 02:44:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Insults and encouragements are only comments until you own them, then YOU give the words power.”

Many would argue that there is power in words. Although words can be used to make things happen, the true power is not in the words themselves, but in the ownership of the person receiving the words. My grandfather’s statement addressed a vast spectrum from the discouragement of insults, to strength of encouragement. It is not as much what is said that counts, but what action is applied to the words that makes the true difference.

I remember growing up; we would play the “snaps”, which was nothing more than an insult contest. No one was safe and any imperfection that you had or were perceived to have was exploited for the amusement of anyone within ear-shot. It didn’t matter what was said about me or even my “mama”, every comment was laughed off in jest and rebutted by a more stinging comment back to my opponent. However, when a snooty little rich kid in my school called me a derogatory name…well those were fighting words. Believe me, there were more vicious insinuations in the words I heard playing the snaps, but I didn’t give the words any power – they were just comments. Granted, there was a different intent from the other kid, but it was still me who gave his words power by owning the insult.

On a different side of the same line of thought, growing up I heard a lot of encouraging words. Even the wise constructive words of wisdom my grandfather would impart - were only comments - unless I owned the action that gave them power to make a difference in my life. I wish that I could say I don’t make mistakes, especially when I know better, the truth is that I could even read the bible from cover to cover, but unless I follow the wisdom in James 1:22 and be a doer – mistakes are inevitable.

My post back in February titled “What Did You Say” focused on the action behind the words you say. This post is the reflection in thought of that concept and addresses the power in the words that you hear. The consistency is that we can’t get too hung up on words positive or negative; it is that action that we apply to them that give them the ability to make a difference. So what do you do with the words you hear? Do you empower them to positively affect your circumstances, or do you buy in to the degrading comments that people use to try and bring you down? My prayer for you is that negative words are taken with a grain of sand, like sand on a beach it is everywhere, and has little value. However when you receive words of encouragement, you take them with a grain of valuable salt, own them, and use them to flavor your life. Be Blessed.

Be Still

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 17:55:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say, “There is a major difference between being still and doing nothing.”

One of the greatest examples of this concept occurred during a visit to my child’s Pediatrician. I don’t know many children who like getting shots, in fact, I can’t think of a single one. The mere sight of a needle tends to send children in a panicked frenzy. While other children were crying, squirming and wriggling in their chairs, I noticed one little girl sitting calmly in her father’s lap. Other parents were directing their children to stop moving or to be quiet, the father of this child calmed her with five simple words – “it’s OK, just be still.” When she received her shot, she cried briefly and then returned to her calm state as her father carried her out in his arms.

Like any of my grandfather’s sayings, this icon of wisdom has the depth and width of the Grand Canyon, when you consider its truth within your circle of circumstance. Whether you are in a tempest of life or enjoying one of life’s moments of pleasure, understanding the difference between the absence of action and stillness will enable you truly understand the meaning of words like trust, relax and even faith. You see, doing nothing is about your level of activity, but being still is about your state of mind and the peace in your heart.

Doing nothing is unproductive when the circumstances of life cause anxiety and stress. Like the lesson in my post “The Ratio of Life” doing nothing is a waste of time and time is something that you can’t recoup once it is gone. On the other hand, a lot of activity such as worry, pressure and frustration are just as unproductive because it is “doing nothing” to assist in the resolution to your concern. However being still is vastly different. When you are still, you have done what you can do to affect your situation and now it’s time for patience, for reflection and positive focus, or simply, time to apply your faith. Maybe you are not in a challenge of life, maybe you just need to take a moment to be still and count your blessings, enjoy the majesty of God’s creation or the peacefulness of a moment, before continuing with the demands of daily life.

The gospels tell a story of Christ calming a tumultuous storm on a boat with His disciples with three simple words, “Peace, be still”. Do you find it curious that he didn’t direct the wind to stop blowing, or for the waters to calm down? The “awe” in the power displayed is that He affected nature’s state of being, not merely what it was doing. What do you do when you have turmoil in your life and you have done all you can do? Where do you search when peace is what you need to find most? My grandfather’s quote brings to mind the words in Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God.” Knowing that God’s track record of love and faithfulness is my hope for an uncertain future, it allows me to climb up in the lap of my father, take a deep breath – release a slow exhale and just be…still.

Be Blessed.

Stress Relief

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 14:00:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “You can’t control everything, but you can pray about everything. Do what you can with the challenges of today and for tomorrow…trust God.”

Would you like to relieve some of the stress in your life? Well, pay careful attention to the wisdom in these words and I am confident that, if applied, it will enable you to avoid some of the worry that constantly aims to rob you of your peace. You see, it is not merely the inherent stress associated with life that causes us mental and physical strain, but the pressures created by our own perceptions, conclusions and misunderstandings that lead to the unnecessary and avoidable stress that inhibits our ability to truly enjoy life to its fullest.

A survey conducted by the APA (American Psychological Association) revealed that 1 in every 3 adults experience extreme stress with 15% reaching their “stress high” for up to 15 days out of the month. It goes on to reveal that 48% experience health related issues due to stress and 43% either overeat or eat unhealthy foods due to stress. Those who smoke and drink alcohol - 47% and 17% experienced an increase in their consumption during periods of high stress, respectively.* Here is something that I have come to understand, everyone’s stress is different and affects them in different ways, but a key “first step” to reducing and dealing with your stress more effectively is realizing where your stress comes from and how much of it you can avoid.

It was one of those moments where I was stressing over a few different things when my grandfather offered this life line of wisdom, and as usual, the lesson has helped me to evade unnecessary stress in my life over the years when I apply it in the face of potential pressure. The opportunities to worry are endless; a money issue, work pressures, family and relationship challenges, the list goes on and on. The real question is how much of it can you really control? In the book of Matthew (verses 25 – 34), Jesus personally reminds us that basically, you can’t change a thing by worrying about it. We can only see life in the moment we are in, God sees what has happened, what is happening, and more importantly, what will happen. So the better question is do you trust God with your future?

What my grandfather wanted to convey with this quote was the need for me to understand that God is in control, whether I believe it or not, in fact he would often shorten the quote to just two words…”Trust God”. Much like my post “Dance Lessons” sometimes God allows challenges in our life to bring us closer to him. My post “The Ratio of Life“, reminds us that life is only 10% what happens but 90% what you do about it. The stresses and storms are inevitable, but it is how you handle them that will determine how heavy and how long you experience them. Head over to the archives and check them out, it may only take you five minutes. My prayer for you is that you begin to grasp tightly to this life line of wisdom when the tide of life’s pressure rises. Put your worries and trust in God’s hands, so that after the storm has passed you see that you still stand on a rock of hope in Him. No one said it would be easy, but I can attest that it works. Be Blessed.

*Resource - Hitti, M. (2007, October) Web MD: "1 in 3 Adults Feel Extreme Stress" Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20071025/1-in-3-adults-feel-extreme-stress?src=RSS_PUBLIC

The Secret to Success

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 04:40:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “The hardest part of being the best_________, is your own self control.”

This statement has the potential to change the way you view everything that matters in life. It remains one of the greatest “Ah-ha” moments I have experienced and I try to apply it's wisdom on a daily basis. I believe that to understand this statement is to unlock and open the door that leads to the realization of your goals and dreams and as I have found, it is the greatest gift of advice you can give to those you want to succeed.

What is it that you want to be? I am not only speaking of the “superstar” level wishes, but the most basic of goals that you have for yourself. For me, it’s to be the best dad and husband I can be, sometimes, I want to be a great at a sport or an eloquent writer, and other times I just want to be a good listener or simply a good example to the people around me. What I find is my greatest challenge to achieving these everyday goals on a regular basis is…well…me. Like most everyone, I am always on my mind; what I want, I need or think that I deserve – my rights or my opinion; we all have an open ended ticket for the “me” train. The truth at the core of my grandfather’s statement is simply this: to achieve what you want it takes hard work, and often times that hard work is controlling yourself.

The biographies of millionaires, pro athletes, business gurus and people who have changed their world tend to have a consistent theme; hard work and sacrifice. It is a great thing to have dreams, passions and faith, but as James 2:20 states “…faith without works is dead.” But even work, if not directed toward a goal can become wasted energy, like raking leaves in a hurricane. If hard work is the door you have to go through to get to your dreams, then discipline is the door knob and sacrifices are the hinges that allow that door to open.

In my grandfather’s statement that begins this post, there is a blank behind the word “best”, it is there for you to fill in what it is you want to be. As you fill in that blank with the thing you want to become, ponder this; what are you willing to sacrifice to achieve it? How dedicated are you to becoming what you yearn to be? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort, your pleasures, even your freedoms (as described in my post ‘Your Master Called Freedom’) to be the best? My prayer is that you embrace the sacrifices, the hard work and moreover the discipline and self control it takes to achieve your dreams. Take the time to apply them on a daily basis to be the best “you” that you can be. Remember that discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments and hard work is the road that leads to success. Be Blessed.

Your Master Called Freedom

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 19:25:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Be careful that your freedoms don’t become your master.”

In this July 4^th holiday season, I wanted to bring to light a quote that has everything to do with your freedoms. This country enjoys freedoms that are the distant envy of other countries and some freedoms that others pray never embeds itself within their borders or their home. I was fourteen years old when I heard this ironic yet enlightening anvil of wisdom and unfortunately saw the tragic consequences of not heeding such poignant advice. It was an eye opening statement that helped me reconsider my youthful definition of freedom.

Let me illustrate this with a story of a friend of mine, for the sake of anonymity, we will call him ‘Willy”. Willy had just turned 21 and he was spending the summer at his relative’s home which was near my grandfather’s house where I spent my childhood summers. Willy was one of the most natural basketball talents that you would ever witness. Dunking effortlessly, shooting 3-pointers like they were lay-ups and moves as smooth as silk dribbling the ball; he was truly the Lebron James our little home town. Willy was working with my grandfather this particular summer during his college break and at lunch we were discussing our plans for the evening. Willy was excited that now he was free to drink alcohol, legally, and he was going to go out with some friends to celebrate his birthday and his new found…freedom. My grandfather offered this quote to him and explained that although he was “free” to drink alcohol because of his age, he should reconsider whether it was something he really wanted to engage in with so much promise in his future.

Willy politely dismissed the warning and cited various people that we all knew, including his own dad, who drank and his hopes that it would help usher in his manhood and redefine his peer group. My grandfather further elaborated on his quote highlighting factually that each of the people that Willy mentioned had been unable to stop their drinking thus far. Careful not to spread stories of anyone’s detriment, my grandfather encouraged Willy to ask each of his mentioned “idols” one question; 'what was the worst thing that they had done, because of their drinking?' He insisted that Willy should ask before he began drinking. I am not sure if Willy ever asked or what happened that night, because Willy never showed up for work again, but what I do know is that he was eventually kicked off of the basketball team and out of college due to issues that were rooted…in his drinking problem.

Here is what my grandfather knew, just because you can do something, doesn’t make it a good thing to do especially in the absence of moderation. So many people defend their ability to get involved with an activity or a vise (usually addictive ones) as a freedom, not understanding that once you are engaged in it, you become bound to do what you felt so “free” to do, but now can’t get “free” from it. What about you, is there something in your life that has you bound? Is there something that you should exercise your freedom to say “no” to, versus your freedom to indulge? My prayer is that you do, as I do when I apply my grandfather’s quote introspectively. Question the things you do, if one seems to be a challenge, try to stop doing it for 30 days straight. If you can great, maybe there is no issue, but if not, maybe you should seek help from experienced counsel, considering the wisdom in John 8:32, so you can become free from it. Also remember that God is never so far that He cannot save and He is closer than you think…waiting for you to call on Him. Happy 4^th of July, may God bless those who have sacrificed so that we as a nation can be free. Be truly free and be blessed!

A Stones Throw

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 02:33:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “if that stone cold talk, it would probably tell on you.”

My grandfather would employ this statement to encourage others to take a moment and evaluate a judgmental comment, or to divert an accusatory conversation that was intended to slander someone else. Much like the biblical accusers ready to stone the harlot in John chapter 8, there are times when we all hurl proverbial stones at the guilty (and the innocent) but fail to realize that everyone has imperfections and only God has the right to judge. Not only does this statement apply to accusations, but it has enormous weight when you consider the concept of forgiveness…and that - we all need.

His statement within itself was not his way of condemning people for their actions, but merely a reminder that before we point out the grain of sand in the eye of another, we should remove the figurative sand dune from our own eye. It is amazing how often we forget how imperfect all of us humans are until we ourselves make a mistake, and then we are quick to claim the “I’m human” justification.Whether your criticism is in their face or not , the stones you throw at others don’t raise the pedestal that you sit on, they carry with them the condemnation of your own transgressions, and if those stones could talk...they would scream your secrets to the masses.

When it comes to forgiveness, the concept is much the same. So often we only read half of what a scripture has to say about forgiveness, if we read scripture at all. We are quick to claim that God forgives us, but many make a grave mistake in not understanding that in every scripture on forgiveness, we have a requirement to forgive others. I once spoke with a young man who was blatant about his hatred towards his younger brother. On his arm, he had a cross tattooed with the words “Only God Can Judge Me”. In an effort to help him consider forgiveness, I asked him “What is it that God is going to judge you for?” The question forced him to peer into his own mirror image and reflect on the scenes of personal failure that littered his mind. It’s true, no one is perfect, and sometimes – especially when we are judging others – we all need to be reminded of that.

Listen friend, bottom line is that we should all truly live by the biblical “golden rule”, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What does that mean? Well, for me, it is that if I don’t like condemnation, then I should not condemn and keep my rocks in my pocket. Moreover, I should be quick to forgive, because it is well said that forgiveness is not just for the offender, but more beneficial to the offended. When you forgive others you open the doors of forgiveness for yourself. What does it say to you? Hopefully it encourages you to stay away from rock piles unless you are laying your rocks at the foot of the cross, where they belong. Be Blessed.

The Gift of Disillusionment

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Sun, 30 May 2010 23:50:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “A person who will steal for you, will steal from you.”

This entry will hopefully challenge you to evaluate not only the way that you trust, but help you to look past the superficial displays of those close to you and understand how to dig deeper into character before you invest hope in someone. When it comes to relationships, trust is not optional, it’s required – if you want the relationship to be truly successful. The greater question becomes how do you learn who you can really trust and what do you look for to avoid learning the depth of your misguided trust by the gravity of their betrayal?

My grandfather’s quote is a reminder that the evaluation of a person’s character doesn’t begin when the big challenges arise, it begins immediately with every small interaction you have with those around you. In this particular situation, it was one of the crewmen working for my grandfather’s business. He was a very nice guy and had worked for my grandfather for a few years. We had just finished working on an elderly lady’s property when my grandfather noticed an extra lawn mower in the truck. After he inquired a few times of its origin, this crewmen spoke up stating that it had been sitting under the house and the lady probably didn’t even know it was there. It was in very bad shape and though she didn’t verbally say he could have it, he figured she would never use it and he would fix it up for my grandfather to use for his business.

My grandfather returned the mower to the elderly woman with a humble apology and without naming names. When he returned to us, he told the crewman that it was his last day working with him. The crewman tried to explain that his intentions were good; my grandfather just simply stated the quote above. You see, the crewman’s actions made my grandfather question his integrity, his decisions and consider the “what if” factor that turns a reflective moment into an introspective moment. In my grandfather’s wisdom he knew the action was more than just a simple slip-up, it was an indication of the condition of the crewman’s heart that surfaced without provocation. Furthermore, had he accepted the stolen gift, he then was guilty of the same thievery and it has been well said that there is no honor amongst thieves.

Much like the post “Gossiper Beware” from January, we should continually observe the actions of those around us to understand those characteristics that can only be seen by watching what they do, not listening to what they say. Just like love is a verb, so is trust, respect, communication – all of the components of great relationships and whether it’s someone you are dating who disrespects their parent, someone spreading gossip about someone else or a friend that you catch in habitual “little white lies”, keep your eyes open for the signs of their hidden personality, and be realistic about your ability to become a victim of those damaging characteristics. My prayer is that you continually evaluate the company you keep and in those times of question, you seek counsel from the one who loves you most…God. Be Blessed.

The Healing Grounds

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Sun, 16 May 2010 04:24:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say, “Sometimes you just have to give it time to heal.”

This tidbit of wisdom is often shared by the older generation because they have the diploma of wisdom that only comes from life’s institution of learning. Similar to the post “A word to the unwise” from earlier in April, this simple statement reminds us that some lessons in life can only be learned through experience, or the wisdom gained by attention paid to the struggles of others. However, it takes the concept a step further to help us understand how to deal with, not only the pain of life's hurts, but the wounds and scars they cause.

A very important thing to remember is that, like physical pain and scars, emotional pain and scars tend to follow much of the same process to heal. As a man, I often have the tendency to try and speed the process along or try to “fix it”, without truly comprehending that sometimes you have to just…let it heal. We teach kids not to pick at the scabs that cover their wounds, because we know that underneath that shell - healing is taking place - and if you disturb the natural process, you will impede the healing, and potentially create a worse scar. The wisdom in this statement isn’t just for those who get wounded, but those who cause the wounds as well. Even with the best of intentions, you can do more harm than help, if you do not allow adequate time to heal. The cycle is often perpetuated because we know that hurt people…hurt people.
I penned a poem a few years ago as I dealt with this very issue, I want to share it with you in the hopes that you understand the complex simplicity of my grandfather’s words and apply the lesson as opportunities arise in your life. Be Blessed.

The Healing Grounds

Under a callous, impervious and unsightly shell, the healing takes place.
Like a band aide, created out of pain and irritation, shielding our injury from infection.
At times an unattractive exhibit is the environment of restoration and repair.
A protective covering which requires solitude and tranquility to perform its work.
In the back of my mind I can hear my mother say “just leave it alone.”
Referring to the hideous scab that shelters my irritating wound.
You have to let it remove itself in its own good time, when the healing is done.
Profound wisdom applicable to the many wounds we encounter in life.
Not only the harm that is inflicted to us, but the damage we inflict to others as well.
In any case the process for restoration is the same…slow and delicate.
Time and peace are often healers of the body and the soul.
It’s our own impatience that prevents us from permitting the necessary time to heal."
Usually it is that same impatience that caused us to hurt in the first place.
Why do we attack our own shields, damaging the very device we have put in place
to guard against anything that would impair our ability to regenerate and renew.
If we don’t understand or regard the consequence of an ignorant success,
we will expose our vulnerabilities and impede the progression of recovery.
The absence of wisdom can be the birthplace of scars.
The graffiti of life, vandalism committed by the results of our bad decisions,
it’s our failure to let the wound heal, or our own series of unfortunate events.
When do we learn the lesson, an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure?
We should engage in proactive preventive maintenance, versus reactive disaster recovery.
If life’s greatest teacher is experience, then to learn from others’ mistakes is true wisdom.
It’s been said that knowledge is power, but the evidence of life is that only
applied knowledge produces results. Knowledge is not much if no one ever uses it.
Like the ingredients of the grandest dish, time, faith and wisdom work in unison to
create healing and facilitate the therapy that nurses our wounds.
Yet you can only see the whole miracle of rebirth and the power of restoration revealed
When you use the wisdom and patience necessary to let the scab fall away…

Copyright 2005 by William T. Holt

A Price Tag for Life

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 03 May 2010 03:48:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Life is not about what you gain, but who you touch.”

It was a business trip recently that reminded me of the wisdom at the core of this statement. I traveled to a client site to present the results of an operational study, which would potentially save them $1.7 million in direct and indirect costs over the next year. The presentation went very well and I received accolades from the client and my local business colleagues, but to me it was just…ok. What turned out to be the highlight of that trip was the “Thank You” note that I received a few weeks later. It was from a young lady that I had the opportunity to speak with, during the return flight. We had the length of a plane ride to discuss an extremely difficult relationship she was grappling with, where she struggled to see her value in it, or the strength to leave it.

Apparently, in our brief conversation, something said reached her value core and she was encouraged to make a change in her situation - it turned out to be the best thing for her and her children. I can’t take credit for it, God is the only one who has the ability to free people from those types of situations, but to have a part in helping her increase the value of her situation, far out shined the success and accolades that accompanied my professional endeavor. You see, many people could have gone to that company and used the same facts to save them money. To them maybe I was a good consultant, but who would remember that a year later? However, to this young lady, I may have put her in the mind of the type of person described in the entry “Calling All Heroes” or the "Real Heroes" poem posted the following week from January of this year. No, I don't consider myself anyone's hero, but if you have a moment, read those posts, it will take only a few minutes, but the words speak volumes.

The things that you gain in this world all have one thing in common; they will remain here when you die. Money, cars, houses – none of those things have any real value where it counts, none will remember you and they are not loyal, trust me, they will all find a new owner. But this quote is not just about the “things” of life; it also speaks to the intention of your actions and how you define value while you inhabit this planet. Selfishness is the enemy of humanity, but love is the most valuable and least expensive of human capabilities. Love remains one of the greatest equalizers, it doesn’t matter who you are…you have a wealth of it to share, the question is – do you, even when it doesn’t yield you an immediate return? Albert Pine said it well when he said “What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” So immortality, in this sense, is possible.

Do you want a firsthand example? Well, you are reading one now - my grandfather - he has been gone for more than 20 years and you may have never had the pleasure of meeting him, but if you have been reading this blog and continue to follow my weekly posts, you get to know him through the eyes of someone he truly touched. His body and “things” may be gone, but his legacy of touching the lives of our human community hopefully lives on through his memory in these posts. It warms my heart to see the comments and feedback of readers who say that one of my grandfather’s tidbits of wisdom has helped them in some way; it is my motivation to continue to share them. My prayer for you is that you come to understand the wisdom in these words, and like my grandfather, use the wealth of charity, powered by unselfish love to purchase a “real estate” in the heart of those you touch. Be Blessed.

The Ratio of Life

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 02:37:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “life is only 10% what happens to you, but 90% what you do about it.”

Within these words can be found the secret to progress, the power in action and a hope for tomorrow. Although I am sure my grandfather was not the only person to say these particular words, he introduced me to the truth in this statement at an unforgettable time and place in my life that charted the course for how I would handle and learn to overcome the ever present opportunity for failure in my life. You see, this quote neither justifies nor denies the challenges, disappointments and tragedies that life brings, but it encourages you to pay critical attention to where you focus your energy, effort and faith when these trials of life transpire.

This entry is a deeper dive into a subject of paramount importance started in the entry “Dance Lessons”, posted back in January of this year. The enormity of its importance comes from the fact that this issue touches everyone no matter who you are, what you have, or what you believe. Everyone falls victim to challenges, tragedies and events of detriment on various levels in life. However, your ability to not only recover, but to reclaim your victory and continue to progress hinges on what you do with your energy, focus and where you place your hope.

What was your latest disappointment? What has happened to you recently or in your past that still resurfaces when your current conversations take a negative turn? Here is the more important question…are you investing your time in securing a solution or are you wasting your time focused on the problem? One thing is for certain, you can’t change the past – you can learn from it – but nothing changes what happened, so why spend your time and effort complaining about something you cannot change? The wise investment is to spend your time, energy and faith is securing a solution, learning the lesson or progressing past the thing that happened. Now many times that’s easier said than done, I know, but think of it this way…after you expend time and emotion complaining, being depressed or angry, or using some vice to suppress the issue, you still have to face it and find a way to learn and move on from it. The philosophy in this statement is to bypass the wasted effort and energy and instead use you’re the “90%” of time and focus efficiently by working toward the solution and your victory.

When it comes to life, you are either moving forward or moving backward. There is never a time where you are just sitting still, because in those moments immobility you are losing the most important of life’s limited and irreplaceable resources…time. My prayer for you is that you take a moment to evaluate, either now or when the next difficult event of life occurs, whether you are investing or wasting your time. Something I have learned in life is that the enemy of our faith uses the failures and negativity of your past to bind you, discourage you and try to destroy your hope. God in His great grace uses His promises and the hope in your future to encourage you to move in the direction of freedom and victory. What you do with your decisions, time and energy supports one of these two initiatives…I pray that you choose your alliances wisely, your future depends on it. Be Blessed!

The One Thing That Matters

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 03:52:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Here is the secret to relationships: remember the one thing that matters, respond accordingly and the relationship will be fine.”

In my humble opinion, this may be one of the most valuable entries that you will read on this site. Why you ask? Because it has the potential to provide the secret to success in relationships with the men and women that you come in contact with. I can say with confidence, that in my life, this truth has helped me better understand the chasm that divides males and females; it has been the voice of conscience when I have faced daily interactions that challenge my patience, understanding and character. The “one thing that matters” is as complex as it is simple because it requires self-control to put a solution in to action…and self, as we all know, can be the hardest person to control, when it really matters.

For women, the “one thing” that they need to understand about men is that men desire to be respected. My grandfather would say it is because men are created with an ego, whatever the reason, it’s true. No man wants to be considered a failure; they want to be seen as “wearing the pants” whether it is in a relationship, a career or simply driving a car (without asking directions). It doesn’t matter if it is a challenge from a woman or another man, disrespecting a man tends to consistently produce animosity and eventually could lead to a display that will demand that respect he feels that he deserves. An elderly wife of a 37 year marriage said it to me this way when I asked her to share the secret to their resilient marriage. She simply said “I know that I run things, but make sure that he thinks that he does.”

For men, the “one thing” that they must understand about women is that every woman wants security. Whether it’s emotionally, financially, physically and any other aspect of life, they want to know that things will be ok and have some sense of control. Now I don’t claim to have unraveled the mystery of the feminine mind by no means, but I can say with certainty that in my experience a secure woman is a happier and a more peaceful woman. If you are a man, try this next time you can’t figure out what is “wrong with her”, simply ask yourself, does she feel secure right now?

When you think about it, this is not new news, why do you think advertisers gear their commercials towards a woman’s security (her youthful looks, time/money savings, etc.) and a man’s ego (sex, masculinity, etc.)? I know that this entry has merely touched on the potential enormity of this discussion, but what’s important is that we take a moment to remember the “one thing” that matters and do what we can to use this knowledge to strengthen our relationships. If you do, you can proactively diffuse potential issues before they create a cycle where insecurities are responded to with disrespect and disrespect leads to actions that challenge securities. Be Blessed.

Define Your Dash

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 01:15:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Remember your dash and make the most of it!”

My grandfather was - simply put – was a hard worker, and owned a business that covered various lines of work, all of which were based off of his belief that you will always make money doing what people don’t want to do. One of those lines of work was digging and covering graves, yes gruesome I know, but someone has to do the dirty work (no pun intended) when our loved ones are laid to rest and let’s face it…you will never run out of business. Since I worked with him every summer in my early youth, I spent my fair share of time in or around graveyards. Amazingly, even in the most solemn of places, my grandfather was able to drive home a spike of encouraging wisdom that still speaks to me to this day.

From time to time, I would take a moment and look some of the tombstones that marked the final resting places of the residents at the cemetery where we were working. One particular time, as I gazed at a headstone, my grandfather asked me “do you know the most important character on that tombstone is?” I gave a few guesses to the best of my level of rationale and while the name and epitaphs were important, he focused my attention to the character that most of us tend to completely ignore…the dash.

You see, on most all tombstones there is a date of birth and a date of death, he explained, and we all have obviously experienced our date of birth, but the great mystery is our date with death. He pointed out that what is most important in our lives are the memories we build, time that we share and legacy that we leave with people we have touched - all represented by that little dash in between those dates. Even at a young age, it hit me…we never buried cars or houses, educational degrees or trophies, never laid millions of dollars or a mirror to rest with the deceased, just their empty shell and the last outfit they will ever wear. As I began to drink in this reality, I looked at the people who came to view the grave sites of their loved ones differently. They weren’t coming to merely look at a piece of granite stone, but they came to pay respect to memories represented by that dash.

What is the significance of your dash to this point in your life? The mere fact that you are reading this entry means that you still have an opportunity to ensure that your dash has an everlasting impact on the world around you. We have to remember that life is not about what you gain, but who you touch and what you do with your dash has a major affect on the legacy that your children inherit, that your friends remember and that you account for when you meet God. How fortunate was I that my grandfather used a portion of his dash to invest wisdom in my life that I can now share with you. No one knows when that final date will come, so never use tomorrow as an excuse to waste today. My prayer is that you use your dash to live, love and laugh like there is no tomorrow…everyday. Be Blessed.

A word to the unWise

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 12:08:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Experience brings knowledge, but wisdom is the ability to learn from the mistakes of others.”

It has been said that experience is the best teacher and someone who learns from experience has gained a wealth of knowledge, but knowledge and wisdom are the same thing right…or are they? According to my grandfather’s quote they are not only different in definition, but in acquisition as well. In the end, what I hope you will find is that knowledge and wisdom have many similarities, but truly have a vast difference in value and exhibition of character.

In my last entry “Well...What do you know” we looked at the difference between life experiences and a true mistakes, and this entry would be the next progression in that concept of thought. Whether or not we want to be, we are all students in the classroom of life, and like any other classroom, there are differences in the learning styles of the students. Some students need to repeat a lesson over and over until they get a clear understanding of the message, other students learn the first time they are exposed to the new information and are ready to pass a test. Then there are those students who seem to know the concept before they are taught, almost ahead of their grade, so much so, that there are higher level classes available to them for accelerated learning and often they are referred to as “gifted.”

The school of life is much the same - and experience is an unrelenting, yet rewarding teacher of its indispensable education. Applicably, the tests and trials that we all go through each contain within them a lesson to be learned, intended to increase the knowledge of the learner. Unfortunately if the lesson is not learned, the test or trial is destined to be repeated. On the other hand, as we begin to understand the opportunities to learn through our trials, they can become more bearable as we focus on the lesson, not the trial as we go through it. Even greater, when we take a moment to gain the knowledge of a life lesson through the observation or wise counsel of someone who has already been taught by experience, then we gain the wisdom that can be displayed when we face that kind of trial, and may accelerate us through it. People who display this method of learning are often referred to as…”wise”

At times, when I was younger, people would say to me,”Thomas, you have an old soul”, a compliment meaning that I was displaying wisdom beyond my years...at that moment. It took me a while to understand, because usually I was just following some “right thing to do” that I learned from someone else, but that was just it – I learned it without having to go through it. The book of Proverbs in the bible is saturated with wisdom, I recommend you read it; additionally the older generation have volumes of wisdom that they would love to share and we all should learn something new every day. Access to wisdom is all around you, the question is what kind of student are you going to be? My prayer is that as you continue learning the lessons that come your way, you grasp those tidbits of wisdom available to you, so that life's tests and trials become less of a chance to merely obtain knowledge, and more of an opportunity to display the wisdom you have acquired. Be Blessed

Well...What do you know?

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 04:21:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “The first time you mess up is not a mistake, it’s a learning experience, the next time you do it...then it’s a mistake.”

I think that I tend to be the hardest critic that there is when it comes to my own life and it has always been that way. Whether it is the drive for success of something I am striving to accomplish or the occasional skepticism of my latest decision, I have historically been pretty hard on myself, especially in retrospect, when I find that a decision of mine was not the right one. I am fortunate that in my early youth my grandfather helped me understand, not only the concept of human error, but the greater fallacy in robbing yourself of the opportunity for knowledge in the name of condemnation.

Think back to the last time that you made a decision that you consider a “mistake”, you know, a miscalculation, a careless error or some moment of poor reasoning that turned out to be the wrong thing to do. When you consider the incident let me ask you a question…did you have the knowledge of the end result, prior to the decision? Did you know beforehand that the decision you made was going to turn out the way that it did? The quick answer is “well of course not, or I wouldn’t have done it!” Maybe...or maybe not... but the “mistake” can have a lot more to do with what you knew more than what you did.

For example, quite a few people made decisions to purchase real estate back in 2006, who would say with the knowledge that they have today, that was a mistake. Now each situation has its own set of specifics, I’m sure, but at that time, the decision was probably made with the best of intentions, who knew that the housing market would suffer the greatest collapse in the history of the United States? Sure, that scenario applies to a particular group of people, but message is the same and there are plenty of other examples out there; everything be it some merchant or service person that ripped you off, to the person you divorced, sometimes we simply don’t know - what we don’t know - but blame ourselves as if we did.

Don’t take this entry as an opportunity to side step the responsibility for your actions - that is not what this is about, you own every decision you make. It is however an opportunity to recognize that we are human and we don’t know everything and sometimes the learning process involves us to having missteps, bad decisions or errors along the way. The key is to learn from the experience and retain that knowledge so that the next time you face a similar scenario, you won’t make a true mistake. There is a two-fold lesson here, first you are not perfect and when errors are made you need to realize it, learn from it, and forgive yourself so you can move on. Second, others are not perfect and when errors are made you need to recognize it, learn from them, and forgive them so you can move on…yes, I said so YOU can move on. Remember, experience is the greatest teacher and unforgiveness is the worst warden. My prayer is that this entry helps you to recognize the differences between a learning experience and a true mistake, to be quick to forgive others...and yourself, but never forget the lesson of the experience. Be Blessed.

The Human Trap (Part 2)

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 04:14:00 +0000

My Grandfather used to say “It is all black and white until it comes to green.” (Part II)

So, in part I we discussed the complexity in the concept of compromise and identified one of the basic causes of the erosion of moral or ethical integrity…the LOVE of money. This realization brings to mind another saying that affords us the opportunity to take an introspective look at this issue in our own lives. Growing up in “the hood” we had a saying – “Don’t be a Sell Out” and this saying was usually employed challenge someone’s integrity in the very moment of decision. Clearly the term is more than applicable in this scenario, because when you trade your “black and white”, non-negotiable limits for monetary gain of some sort that is what you do…sell out.

Do you have a price point, an amount where you would “sell out?” Is there a dollar amount that would turn you like a public official who sells out their vote to the contributions of some selfish organization? What are you prepared to sacrifice to get that promotion or land that deal? Has your LOVE of money negotiated the surrender of your morals as you face the pressures that you once stood firmly against? I hope that you can answer “NO!” to all of the above. What our future generations need are more shining examples of everyday heroes who truly stand for what they believe, in the face of potential profit. It doesn’t have to be as grand as a protest on the steps of Congress; it can simply start with returning the extra money when the cashier gives you too much change. The truth is, when it is all said and done, no words ring truer than those of Matthew 16:26…”For what is a man profited, if he should gain the whole world and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?”

Often I refer to a poem that I have previously penned to help me convey a specific thought. I wanted to share this one, because it speaks to the core of this entry. My prayer is that this entry persuades you to remain…priceless! Be Blessed

The Human Trap

Needless greed, senseless greed consumes the world with blinding speed.

Ambition is often the subtle disguise, cloaked in a shroud of well-worded lies.

In a world where moral rules barely exist, like a web, you’re entangled as you try to resist.

This cancerous plague that eats souls alive, and manipulates your will as you fight to survive,

by changing what you want in to what you need, just that quick, your drive has become your greed.

Beginning sly and swift, eating away at your soul, stealing your trust, your peace, and then your control.

Until your friendly face is only a distraction, pursuing your pay off in every interaction.

Your flashy smile becomes a masquerade, like the blinding glimmer of a deadly blade.

Private whispers of malice let secrets slip, the same loose lips that sink friendships.

Yet the role you play is not as much the shame, as is your choice to exist in this futile game.

Be careful as you climb to your treacherous height, because your stepping stones by day,

are your stumbling blocks by night.

Once you reach the top to breathe the crisp clear air, you’re choked by distrust and lonesome despair.

You look back on your life and your heart, so cold. You’ve gained the whole world and yet lost your soul.

Soon reality crashes, as you fall from the sky, into a wretched grave, where your integrity lies.

You struggle to find someone else to blame, the mere users you called friends that now mock your name.

Head in hands, tears flowing, all alone you sit. Abandoned and desolate in a quicksand pit

Now the deeper you get, the more you dig, in a mud hole fit for such a greedy pig.

It is then you understand, in life, what means so much. Success is not measured in what you gain, but in who you touch.

Remember these words til you breathe your last, open your heart to your future and leave your greed in the past.

The Human Trap (Part 1)

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:00 +0000

My Grandfather used to say "It is all black and white until it comes to green"

I have battled over this particular post for 2 days because it is hard to fit so many thoughts into a few paragraphs. This is a tough subject, bursting with vital wisdom, so I decided to put it into 2 parts. My grandfather's words, in this scenario, was truly a warning for us to put courage and integrity where it counts the most...those situations when it is most profitable to compromise.

One of the most confusing concepts for many people to understand is the concept of compromise. In some cases compromise is a vital component of survival of especially when dealing with others in a co-existing environment. Other cases compromise reveals the failure of integrity, the inability to stand for what is right, moral or fair. Now considering these cases it may appear that the concept of compromise is an easy thing to grasp, but as you know by now, my grandfather’s statements are never that simple.

In most every issue that requires compromise there is a boundary, an imaginary line drawn in the sand, if you will, that should not be crossed for all sides involved. Although this entry is not specifically about those lines (that blog is to come) it is important to understand that they are there and if they are crossed, you have ask yourself… what was the motivation for your compromise?

We have seen so many scenarios where this statement applies, whether it is some rich person who is able to pay their way out of a crime, or the government permitting companies to operate unethically just to keep the money flowing. Maybe it is closer to home, how do you look at your taxes, are some exaggerations permissible because you need the money? Who is it that you are involved with? Do they get away with things that are beyond your “line” because they help pay the bills or provide you with spending money? It is all the same, your morals and ethics are solid (black and white) until you put money before them.

The bible is full of profound statements, but one of the most insightful to me is (I Timothy 6:10) which begins with “the love of money is the root of all evil...” It’s true, especially when you consider the definition of love as explained in my entry “Never fall in love” (last paragraph). But do you notice that it doesn’t say money is the root of all evil? It says that it is the LOVE of money at evil's core. Again, it is a matter of the heart, a matter of your will, the true intention behind your actions.

I know that we have just scratched the surface of this topic and I have some great information for you so please stay tuned for part 2 of this subject, I believe that the next post will really put some things in perspective, or at the least, provoke some deep thought. See you next week...Be Blessed

Bank on this!!

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:18:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “Everyone has a bank account and for those you love, you should be sure that your deposits outnumber your withdrawals.”

It’s true, everyone has a bank account, but my grandfather was not referring to the brick and mortar bank that most people associate bank accounts to. What he is referring to is the bank account of the heart that we all possess, and his words admonish us to pay attention that our deposits outnumber our withdrawals, especially for those we love. Why is that you ask? Great question, let me explain with three simple points.

First, when it comes to the bank account of our hearts, it is important to remember that deposits and withdrawals happen moment by moment. Every interaction that you have with those you love is either a deposit or a withdrawal, from the first interaction of the day to the last. These deposits and withdrawals do not merely affect your relationship with your loved ones, but can have a profound effect on their entire day, mood or perception. An old saying comes to mind, that a smile is one of the most contagious things in the world…go out and start an epidemic.

Second, we should know that when it comes to our heart banks, the sizes of our withdrawals are usually three times the size of our deposits. Why is that? Well, for most people pain stains the memory and pleasure is like a fleeting moment, so an act of unkindness will linger longer than kindness. Think about it, when someone hurt you last, was it more impactful than their last act of kindness? I imagine it is because we don’t expect unkindness from those we love, so when it happens, it takes more time to deal with it.

Last but certainly not least, it is imperative to remember that we are not the only ones making deposits and withdrawals in the heart bank accounts of our loved ones. Why is that important? Well, sometimes they may have had a withdrawal from someone else that ends up affecting their relationship with you causing a withdrawal from your bank. If we can consider this point at that time, we can actually make a deposit with them, in the midst of their withdrawal. Another reason this is important is that when you are making deposits in the heart account of your loved one the deposits of others are not as significant, but when your withdrawals begin to deplete the account, the deposits of others become much more impressionable and the opportunity for major issues arise…for example, when you continually find fault in your spouse, the compliments of their co-worker have an opportunity to make an impression…think about it.

I know this is a long entry, but the subject is immense in depth and importance. Like our financial back accounts, let’s focus on making deposits in the heart accounts our loved ones, until we become MILLIONAIRES!! Be Blessed.

Dance Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:03:00 +0000

A wise person once said "Life isn't about waiting for storms to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain!"

Although this quote is not specifically accredited to my grandfather it has the depth reminiscent of something he would say. It brought to mind a poem that I published a few years ago while dealing with some baffling challenges of life. I read it again recently, and in retrospect, obviously I understand better what I was going through then, but just couldn't see at that time.

I think there are times in life where God allows us to get into a position where we have no other choice but to trust Him and it is in those times that we grow. I believe that most everyone is in one of three places when it comes to the trials of life, either you are deep in one, coming out of one or headed into one. I am not trying to rain on your parade, just encouraging you to recognize the opportunities you have to learn to dance.

I wanted to share this poem with you in the hope that the next time you are in a trial you can read it, and maybe it will help you as it did me. When you read it and take a moment to consider the gravity the lesson, if you don't mind, leave me a comment with your thoughts, I would really appreciate your feedback. Be Blessed.

Peacemaker

Life’s ironies and life’s mysteries,

seem to always travel together.

Floating swift throughout our lives

much like birds of a feather.

Revealing their perplexities

enigma beyond explanation.

Bewilderment that tests your faith,

to the essence of your creation.

The answers to the puzzles they pose

aren’t discovered in any class.

No study guide, no fine print found,

beneath a magnifying glass.

Yet those lessons learned will forge you,

into what your character displays.

Then time will mend you, as you pretend to,

understand their mysterious ways.

You see, to the degree you comprehend,

that much more difficult the tests become.

It seems irony tends to step in again

when the mystery has been performed

Therefore complexities and complications

will manifest without cease.

Let me offer this suggestion,

as you endeavor to find your peace.

Tests and trials will come our way

that’s a fact, no need to doubt it.

Victory isn’t in understanding what was done to you,

but understanding what to do about it.

What did you say?

noreply@blogger.com (Thomas Holt) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:38:00 +0000

My grandfather used to say “If you don’t respect your words, then no one else has a reason to.”

It was a hot summer day in July and we were having a family get together in my grandfather’s back yard. I was probably 5 or 6 years old at the time and like all little brothers, I was doing my best to annoy my older sister. I remember chasing her around the yard with some vile grotesque object impaled on a stick as she screamed in terror, which made for typical adolescent comedy.

Eventually she reached my mother and gave yet another Oscar winning performance out of a horror flick, enraging my mother, probably more from embarrassment than any real fear of her danger. My mother looked at me with her patent-pending “death look” and shouted “boy, the next time you do that, I am going to knock your head off!” Just then the most amazing thing happened…my grandfather spoke…and it was the first time I grasped the awe and respect that others had for his words.

He simply said, “Wait a minute, let me teach you something right now,” and although he didn’t shout it, everyone heard him and immediately all activity came to an abrupt halt. In the stillness of that moment and all eyes fixed on him, he said “now the next time he does that, you are obligated to literally knock his head off.” My mom quickly retorted that she was just angry and wanted me to stop. He acknowledged her intent, but made it clear that if she doesn’t respect her own words, then there is no reason for me to. He said there are two things everyone should learn; one was to never say things you are not prepared to follow through on and the other is that action is the responsibility created by your words.

Maybe you know a parent whose idle threats are completely ignored by their kids, or a complaining co-worker who always talks about getting another job, but does nothing? Much like the lover who cheats or a drunken friend that swears…again…this is the last time, their hollow words are not respected because they have not given anyone reason to value them. The amount power in your words is validated by the respect for the actions that back them, not the amount of volume in your voice. In my grandfather’s day, people understood that the level of respect due a person was directly correlated to the value of their word, that hasn't changed. A handshake should be a contract and your word - your bond. My grandfather was so well respected because his actions consistently set the example for his words…and that is an example we can all follow. Be Blessed.