So I thought I'd take a deep breath here and get back to basics.

And by that I mean, how can you better communicate with women so that –

1: they can feel the man you really are, the best parts of you, the "gift" of you, and

2: they will be touched, intrigued and attracted to you before you even meet.

One of our guys just wrote to me from Calgary and asked for some comments, so I thought I'd share my response with you, too.

The learning never ends.

Here's his letter to me –

**

Hi Grant,

I met you at Ross Jeffries' SS conference in LA, don't know if you remember. Well I have just moved to a new city I had never tried internet dating and thought it would be the perfect opportunity.

I just got your program and haven't stopped listening to it. It's amazing! I've been working through the pre-game workout, doing all the exercises along the way. I was in a great state, writing the first draft of my profile and I just had to stop and write you. I'm sure when I go through it I'll find all sorts of improvements I can make but it felt so good to be writing it, I thought I would share…

Your comments are welcomed and appreciated.

thanks again,

F

HIS PROFILE:

I believe in positivity… being and surrounding yourself with it. I recently relocated from across the continent and left a very successful career… for a completely new, different, exciting and even more promising one here in Calgary. Complacency can feel comfortable but is ultimately growth limiting… "Don't let your special character and values, the secret that you know and no one else does, the truth - don't let that get swallowed up by the great chewing complacency" - Aesop. And in the process I had the opportunity to help my brother move forward in his life as well. Moving to Calgary from the only place he's ever lived, starting his own business. I've never seen him happier. Sometimes the look in his eyes almost brings a tear to mine… fortunately I haven't cried since I was like 3.

I love to get together with my friends and few things bring me more joy than evening recreating our travels in the kitchen… always delicious. Then slipping into a comfortable chair, dimming the lights and savoring a sweat yet sultry brachetto d'aqui while sharing laughs and stimulating conversation.

F

**

GRANT'S RESPONSE

Ok, it's a start.

But let's clean it up — a LOT.

1. "I believe in positivity."

FOUL! That is a statement. That is heady. That is thinking. Where is feeling? Rather than SAY that you believe in positivity, show it. Tell a story, not about yourself — that's boasting — but about someone you admire demonstrating positivity in the face of challenge. Say you admire that and you bring that same vibe to the party. Remember high school English class? Good writing starts with SHOW, don't tell. That means, give trenchant, emotional, sensually rich details so she can FEEL the point you're making rather than read a dry statement of your beliefs. That said, this may not be the best way to open, anyway — unless it's a great story. The first words should DRAW the attention in.

2. Why did you cross the continent?

Again, you TELL that it was for a better opportunity. It's good that you left a good job, and important to communicate that you are financially stable, but express the FEELING of what it's like to head out west. What drew you to Calgary. What about the landscape? The people? The culture, such as it is?
Remember: every compliment you give to Calgary and its people is an IMPLICIT compliment to your reader. If you talk about healthy, outdoorsy, friendly people, she will see herself in your words. If you talk about how you are drawn by the hard-drinking, bronco-busting, Harley-riding cowboy life, you might lasso yourself a cowgirl that fits that bill. Create a picture of what you value and your high hopes for Calgary and your Calgarina will step into the picture.

3. Aesop. Excuse me, but WTF?

Instead of a long, difficult quote, say something personal about watching good friends settle for complacency and how they've lost life force in some way. Then if you're going to talk about your attitude by contrast, give some real detail about your brother. What WAS his situation? Describe it in a few grim details. Then talk about the change you helped him make and what his life is like now. Show your LOVE of your brother and let the reader see how you are good man, a good brother and how you derive joy from helping others (without STATING it baldly).
What does he look like in his biz? i.e.: "When I drive past his café and I see him greeting customers or standing behind that counter in that goofy chefs hat, smiling, I feel like the Lone Ranger, ready to ride on to the next town and set things right." Or "When I drive past that street corner and see my brother slinging crack to those playground kids, I feel like it was me who was liberated from that 9-5 job at that Save the Children Office, rather than him."
Whatever you want to say, create a PICTURE of your happy brother. Let the reader have a vivid picture, let her feel the victory rather than just saying it. You have the right idea about the emotional impact on you, but I would lay off
the tears, this early in the game.

4. Hanging with your friends. First of all, I'm sure the wine doesn't taste like "sweat" so check your spelling, unless that's a misguided Speed Seduction technique (I don't think that's in Ross's playbook!). I like the idea of friends re-creating travels - again - throw in details - it gives her a chance to feel what kind of guy you are - luxury? Camping? Adventure? But then if you've got a bunch of friends over, slipping into a chair sounds like you're about to launch an orgy. So talk about how you all settle into the living room, make a fire, laugh and tell stories.
Hell, intrigue her with teases about some of your best stories and best travels. About the time you had to pull your sister out of a mud hole. About how you and your Dad climbed Kilimanjaro. About visiting your hee-haw cousins back in Missouri with the outhouse and the gin mill and the whole These Hills Have Eyes ambiance. Whatever is colorful or interesting. Just lit

Guys walked in with high hopes and walked out with a boatload of new ideas, techniques, opening lines, follow ups, mindsets and general rapport expertise.

One name that KEPT popping up was David Deida.

His ideas on masculine strength, direction, and honing our unique ability to guide a woman out of her fear, mistrust and emotional bounds into new landscapes of passion, trust, bliss, openness, lightness, possibility and - my personal favorite - sexual ecstasy — have UTTERLY CHANGED my life, and the lives of most of the teachers at the Rapport Event.

In fact, David D'Angelo recently told me that he thinks he is responsible for selling more David Deida books than anyone on Earth.

Why?

Because Deida speaks a language that few others do.

It's powerful. It's passionate. It's no-b.s. It raises the bar for both men and women to expect and cultivate the greatest gifts that we each have to offer to each other.

Yowza!

If you held a (pop) gun to my head and told me that I could only learn from ONE personal development and growth teacher for the rest of my life, I would choose David Deida in a heartbeat.

That's why I'm so committed to be able to share his teachings with you every chance I get.

In less than an hour, registration for David Deida's San Francisco workshop will open.

Deida's workshops are LEGENDARY and always sell out quickly, due to his firm policy on allowing only (75) men and (75) women at each event.

These workshops are intense and fiery and put you face to face, knee to knee, heart to heart with one woman after another.

You WILL learn. Even if you already know everything about women.

Since you are part of the Net2Bed Community, I wanted to give you a heads up that today, you can get first crack at these limited spaces.

At 6pm PST (9pm EST) there will be a very limited window of opportunity for the San Francisco Workshop, being help on April 25 - April 27.

If you can make this workshop (I'll be there), please:

Go here at 6pm PST (9pm EST):

http://www.GrantLikes.com/deidaevents

Your pal,

Grant

And I want to say a word about that before I get to some internet dating Q and A….

I don't do everything equally well.

I can teach you how to express yourself in powerful, sensual, crafted, suggestive, magnetic language — better than anyone in the world, in my opinion.

I can bring you cutting-edge teachers in advanced sexuality and tantra…

And, although I haven't really publicized what I've been doing privately, I can help any man bust through his inner limitations and change his entire life to not only be infinitely more attractive to women, but to be happy and energized.

But Day Game?

I gotta tip my hat to Lance…

Ya want great day game technique? Get your ass to S.F. and learn from Lance Mason, David Wygant and the others (yeah, including me) - about how to approach and intrigue women in a flash.

http://www.GrantLikes.com/rapport

If you want some serious personal transformation — acceleration into full, powerful manhood?

Go to David D's 5 Day/11 Week Transformation Workshop.

http://www.ManTransformationLive.com

Or go to David Deida's live 150 person workshops. He is a living master, and has done more than ANYONE to help me burn away the B.S. that held be back from fearless living and balls-out loving…

http://www.GrantLikes.com/deidaevents

Or go to Satyen Raja's Sex, Passion and Enlightenment weekend - also will burn away your B.S. Satyen worked closely with Deida for years and adds martial arts and FUN plus rooms full of women who are truly open to a man who can deliver.

http://www.GrantLikes.com/satyen

Or wait for the intense personal coaching I'm bringing out later this Spring.

All top notch trainings.

Listen, I've taught at Cliff's List. I've gotten to know who knows their sh*t and who's a poser…

I've seen the GREAT teachers. I've seen the ok teachers. And I've seen goofball newbies hawking playground tricks for $999 a weekend.

I only bring the best.

Ok, enough of my rant.

If you want to accelerate your learning, you now know your options.

On to some Q and A from the mailbag…

**

Hey Grant,

I purchased your N2B course yesterday and started working through the exercises tonight. The audio portion is great, and it provides a level of nuance that the PDF's can't match. The audio increases the value to the program to me.

I've had moderate success attracting and dating women online, but I'm now committed to taking my dating life to the next level, and one part of that is my online strategy.

You said you like hearing about screen name ideas and I would appreciate your advice. Typically I've done the "boring variation on my name thing"… like billy364 or billy1023… I see how boring that is to women after listening to your course. So I'm thinking of changing to "Live@Limits" or "LiveAtLimits" … which actually has some deeper meaning to me and my mission in life, although I don't plan on saying that directly in my profile in anyway (although I will demonstrate it!)

Your thoughts? Your most biting criticism? I prefer hearing blunt advice!

Thanks for your course,

Bill

**

Hey Bill,

Thanks for your kind words.

And yes, "Billy1023"… what's the word?…um…oh yeah… SUCKS!

Your new choice, Live@limits is getting closer.

But I want you to think about something…

One of the key N2B Principles is to offer a sense of open-endedness, expansiveness. The power of a well-pointed WILL.

Even before I dove deeply into the work of David Deida, who emphasizes the masculine appeal of "directiveness" I knew that women are IMMEDIATELY attracted to guys who are going somewhere…

That means that they steer the ship of their lives.

Maybe they pursue an art fiercely…

Maybe they run their own business…

Maybe they are wild physical risk takers…

But in each case, these men are CREATING their own joy and their own world.

Not waiting for someone else to hand it to them.

There is, of course, a deeper layer (there always is).

And that truth is that women instinctively feel they can TRUST these kinds of men…

Maybe not to buy them a house in the suburbs and father 2.3 kids.

But they trust these kinds of men to GIVE THEM AN EXPERIENCE OF LIFE as something VITAL.

Certainly more vital than most women can create for themselves.

Listen…

Men who live through their edges of fear and resistance TURN WOMEN ON.

Because they are AN ADVENTURE.

(The best kind of adventure, and the kind of man who attracts the best kind of woman, is the man who lives through his fear into deeper levels of expansive, unshakeable consciousness. But that's for later this Spring).

The point for now is…

You don't want to live WITHIN your self-created limits (fears). You don't want to live AT your limits.

You want to live THROUGH your limits.

Or as Deida puts it — you want to LEAN INTO YOUR FEAR — and pass through to the other side.

So, translation:

Make it not "Living@Limits"

But, "LivingBeyondLimits"…

Or…

"EdgeLiving"

Or…

"WhatLimits?"

These are even bolder and more open ended. There's a fearlessness about them — which, of course, you need to back up with some ballsy living choices.

So I put it to you…

How are you pushing your inner limits? Your outer limits?

What INNER ADVENTURE do you embody that would turn a woman on?

Women want men who are powerful. Not merely in bicep and thigh. Not merely in equity accounts and real estate.

But men who push through their own limitations and expand into new stages of inner strength, reliability, confidence, openness, compassion, fearlessness and truth.

But again, I'm getting ahead of myself. More on that later this Spring.

Live through your fears. Break out. Go beyond what you thought your life could offer.

DRINK life down in its fullness even though you know you might puke a little as your body and your spirit adjusts.

It's everything I outlined in my December Complete Attractor, The Seven Pillars of Male Magnetism.

Be vitality.

And convey that in your screenname — and then in how you carry yourself.

But let's start with the screenname!

For now, I hope this helps.

Your friend,

Grant,

**

Grant,

I have been improving myself at a snails pace. Look at the positive…..I'm moving forward and improving. I'm planning on going to David DeAngelo's Transformation event in April. I hear that you'll be there too. Look forward to meeting you there. I'll have to write to you about my thoughts on reading David Deida Book The Way of The Superior Man.

I've heard of Satyen before. Isn't he teaching Advanced Tantric Techniques and Enlightenment? It would be like putting the Cart before the Horse. First you have to have a woman interested in you before you can use his techniques on them. How is the Rapport Seminar different that David DeAnglo's 5-day Event?

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Gabriel

**

Gabriel,

First of all, I admire your tenacity.

We all move forward at the rate of our own impatience.

Me? I got to a point where I was just INCREDIBLY IMPATIENT to leave behind fears and old stories, and just get out and be worthy of the most beautiful, feminine, supportive, spiritual, happy, loving, high-spirited woman available.

(Happily, I succeeded).

My advice — do it all.

No, Satyen's Sex Passion and Enlightenment course rocks on all levels! Yes, he can take men and women into the deepest levels of spiritual-sexual bliss states in his workshops, but it all begins with the rudiments he teaches, just like Deida: Breath. Body.
Intention.

Essential building blocks for powerful masculine presence.

Go to http://www.GrantLikes.com/satyen for S.P.E. - I think he has workshops in February and March this Spring.

As for the difference between Lance and David D's workshops… I think I answered that above.

Lance's is to build instant and powerful rapport in any situation.

http://www.GrantLikes.com/rapport

David D's is to TRANSFORM you WHOLE WAY OF LIVING so that you are a powerful, purposeful, attractive masculine presence.

http://www.ManTransformationLive.com

**

As you can tell, I'm a bit on fire these days.

I have had HUGE BREAKTHROUGHS this past year for myself.

I grew impatient with my own limits. I grew impatient with not being the most powerfully happy, open-hearted, comfortable man possible.

I saw WAY past pick-up this year.

I even saw WAY past attraction.

I have been working in the arena of POWERFUL EXPRESSION OF YOUR BEST CORE SELF. Full throttle living.

Stay tuned on that. It goes WAY further than technique.

And it goes to the core of what makes life worth living in the first place.

Your friend,

Grant

I hike hard. I hike fast. I carry handweights. I do stop to take in the views.

And I always take along brilliant company.

Often it's David Deida. His audios, which will be available to the world in about a month.

Sometimes it's interviews I've done with dating "gurus." Or books on tape: 4 Hour Workweek. Freakonomics. Words That Work, by Frank Luntz. Pema Chedron. Chris Rock. Dave Attell.

This morning, it was Harv Eker. He of "The Millionaire Mind."

I've met they guy and he is a marketing genius. He's created a huge organization teaching people how to reprogram their internal programs so they can open themselves and act toward financial success.

I'm all for THAT!

Anyway, something he said on this audio caught my attention regarding success with women.

Because we are doing the same thing in this community - reprogramming how we think, how we carry ourselves, how we express ourselves to women - so that we attract GREAT women effortlessly, naturally and steadily…

… until we find that one amazing woman who makes our life better in virtually every way.

If that's what you eventually want.

So what ol' Harv said was this…

He was talking about the stories we grow up with around money. About the stories we tell ourselves about whether we deserve to be wealthy or not. Whether we think we are worth 50 grand a year or 500 grand a year or 5 million a year.

The line that caught my attention, and should catch yours is this:

"You will live into your story."

What he means is this…

Simply, if you tell yourself you're only worth 25G a year, you will probably never exceed that.

If your story is that you are a creative, dynamic, learning, positive, success-creating individual - you are FAR more likely to live your life into THAT narrative.

What is the story you are telling yourself about women?

If I've learned one thing since my divorce and zero-self esteem moment then, is that YOU GET TO CREATE YOUR LIFE!

And it starts with what story you tell yourself about yourself.

About what you deserve.

About what kind of happiness you deserve.

About what kind of WOMEN you deserve.

I did two years of therapy after my divorce to exorcise the demons a destructive marriage implanted in my self-narrative.

I did workshops with guys like Satyen Raja at http://www.GrantLikes.com/satyen (go to his Sex Passion and Enlightenment workshops!!! - tell them I sent you for the super discount).

I did Landmark type stuff.

I read and re-read David Deida's books until they crumbled back into pulp. http://www.GrantLikes.com/deidaevents
And I dated hoards of women, always trading up, up and up into the most loving, baggage-free, enlightened feminine goddesses that this fertile earth has nourished.

And through it all - I CHANGED MY INNER NARRATIVE of who I was and what I deserved.

I will be leading some circles on this later this year.

For now…

Please get to David D's Transformation Seminar in April.

I talk to him all the time and he will be doing GREAT work - actual exercises, not just talking about it - on EXACTLY this issue.

When you meet that AMAZING girl - you'd better be ready INSIDE to know you are worth her - and that she is worth you.

If you can get to David's D's Transformation Seminar - please come join me there.

Here's where to sign up:

http://www.ManTransformationLive.com

Tickets go on sale TODAY.

No B.S.

Live into the best, most expansive, most successful, most love-filled, love-creating, adventurous, hot, sexy, happy life you can.

Because, as far as I can tell - you don't get do-overs.

See you in April…

Your friend

Grant

P.S. - Here's your David D seminar link:

http://www.ManTransformationLive.com

Same old, same old?

Well, don't.

Here's the scoop — I'm giving away two of my programs - pick any two you want - for free.

I'm doing it because I want you to join me, if you can make it, to one of two EXCELLENT workshops:

1. The mother of all Attraction Workshops - David D's TRANSFORMATION INTENSIVE - 5 full days with 11 weeks of follow up teletrainings - which is devoted to helping guys amp up their lives in all ways so that they will be far more
naturally attractive to women.

I'll be teaching. Lance Mason. And Neil Strauss who wrote The Game. Plus plenty of surprise guest teachers. It is guaranteed to be a life changing event for anyone who participates. It's meant for BOLD change. So I'm making my bold offer, and putting my money where my mouth is.

To find out more, go here:

http://www.ManTransformationLive.com

Reminder: Tickets go on sale TOMORROW and might sell out, so act if you think you might want to make it.

2. Lance Mason's REAL WORLD RAPPORT seminar. The one question I get from guys more than any other is "how do I go from being just a friend to a sexualized rapport?" It really is a problem in this culture. You want to be respectful but you want also to turn her on.

Lance's weekend seminar at the end of February attacks exactly that threshold. Again, I'll be there, along with the best teachers I know - David Wygant, Dave M, Zan, the AMP guys, and more. It will be laser targeted and full of beautiful women to practice on.

http://www.GrantLikes.com/rapport

So that's it. My hands are tired from writing you about these two workshops.

I put my name on the line. I'm putting up to 500 bucks on the line by giving away my programs which cost me a LOT in time and effort.

But I'm doing well.

I've made HUGE strides in my life, partly by putting myself into workshops like these.

And I'd be a selfish a**hole if I didn't do everything I could to get you to make whatever changes you most want in your own life. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm getting older, but I don't have patience for procrastination.

So…

Make changes. Have breakthroughs. Accept no mediocrity.

And have fun.

See you there.

Your friend,

Grant

P.S. - Here are the programs I'm giving away to anyone who steps up and joins me at either workshop…

* Net2Bed/Net2Wed: How to Attract The Woman of Your Dreams For A Night, A Lifetime Or Anything In Between - My manual on standout online dating success

* How To Talk To A Beautiful Woman - An amazing curriculum of interviews with beautiful woman about what they want and don't want from you — and with 8 top Attraction Gurus

* Erotic Mastery - An unmatched multi-part guide to being a creative, outstanding lover

* Tantric 101 - A guide to deep communion and creating spiritual bliss through sex

I know, I'm hitting you pretty hard…

But life is choices. And the first one is action.

Or stasis.

I just wrote you about David D's Once In A Lifetime 5 Day Super Seminar on Personal Transformation for Attraction.

If you are even THINKING of going, get on the priority list NOW, because that sucker will sell out fast.

Here's your link…

http://www.ManTransformationLive.com

But maybe you don't have 5 full days free…

Or maybe you want to focus on the one KEY SKILL of RAPPORT.

In that case, join me in San Francisco in 4 weeks for Lance
Mason's Real World Rapport Workshop.

http://www.GrantLikes.com/rapport

You will have two of the best day-game teachers in the world there - Lance and Dave Wygant.

You will have two of the best internet dating masters there
- Dave M being the other one.

You will have two masters of the social night scene - Brent Smith and J-Dog.

And you will have my buddy Decker, who carries the work of David Deida and other masters into creating deep presence with women simply by how you hold your body and breathe.

One more thing… I will be getting deeper into what I've REALLY been thinking about recently, which is Deep Attraction. I'm going to get into and demonstrate the difference between surface rapport… and connection.

Which do you think women crave more?

Rapport is ESSENTIAL for certain social situations.

It is the foundation. The building block. The short-cut establishment of trust.

Connection…

… is how you bust through into deep intimacy in a matter of seconds.

With the kind of women you really want in your life.

It's the weekend of February 29th.

I guarantee it will be a gigantic information download, a chance to practice with real live beautiful girls everything you learn… and also… fun!

Because I am serious about getting you to the best teachers in the world, I am making the same offer I made for David D's conference.

Any two of the following are yours if you show up. Just a gift from me.

* Net2Bed/Net2Wed: How to Attract The Woman of Your Dreams For A Night, A Lifetime Or Anything In Between - My manual on standout online dating success

* How To Talk To A Beautiful Woman - An amazing curriculum of interviews with beautiful woman about what they want and don't want from you — and with 8 top Attraction Gurus

* Erotic Mastery - An unmatched multi-part guide to being a creative, outstanding lover

* Tantric 101 - A guide to deep communion and creating spiritual bliss through sex

Join me in San Francisco.

http://www.GrantLikes.com/rapport

One weekend can change your life.

And increase your success with women… forever.

See you there.

Your friend,

Grant

Mine include a leggy long-distance runner named Meg.

A slippery 7.3 pound boy who launched out of one my favorite places — already smiling.

A shaman's hut in the Peruvian Amazon.

And the day I first encountered David De Angelo.

That man changed my life.

I was a recently divorced guy who had quietly mastered internet dating on my own. And here was a guy with a RIGOROUS, SCIENTIFIC MIND who had broken down the attraction sciences and had collected around him a group of teachers (some great, some sketchy) who had done the same.

David was tough to get to know at first. He is like the scholar-monk of attraction. Constantly reading. Constantly testing. Constantly interviewing great thinkers. Constantly thinking and refining his knowledge.

But slowly we became friends, and as if by some great turn of global gravitation, he, I, as well as guys like Doc and Lance all began to realize that there was something WRONG at the heart of the pick-up community.

We all recognized that there is a problem with pickup, seduction, etc., as a GOAL.

And that problem is this:

* As long as the focus is on "getting" the girl, you are coming from need.

And neediness is, at its foundation, emasculating.

David D and I have been talking about what is the real goal for our own lives and the lives of men:

For me, it's what we've been exploring in The Complete Attractor and soon with Deep Attraction and something called Be The Ride.

For David D, he's calling it TRANSFORMATION.

And he's going through it all at it the mother of all attraction seminars.

It is the culmination of his work.

He's been working on it for well over a year.

And it is a ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPIERINCE.

Not some fly-by-night workshop.

Ready?…

It is 5 days of intense training aimed at guiding you to transform YOURSELF so that attraction isn't something you do, it's something you EMBODY.

Not just 5 days.

Five days plus 11 WEEKS of follow-up via teleseminar trainings to make sure we all put into action what we learn at the seminar itself

I will be there, teaching. As will, likely, Neil Strauss, Lance Mason and a few other genuinely masterful, deeply thoughtful guys and women.

http://www.ManTransformationLive.com

If you've grown impatient with your life in ANY way…

If you feel STUCK in your life in any way…

If you are ready to get your PhD in Masculine Power (plus have a blast doing it)…

Then this is a deal of a lifetime.

And I'm about to make it ridiculous…

I DEEPLY BELIEVE in the shift happening in men's attraction training. And I deeply believe in David D…

So I am making an unprecedented offer to you.

If you come join me at the Transformation Seminar, I will give to you, free, any TWO of the teaching products I have created in the past two years.

Pick two:

* Net2Bed/Net2Wed: How to Attract The Woman of Your Dreams For A Night, A Lifetime Or Anything In Between - My manual on standout online dating success

* How To Talk To A Beautiful Woman - An amazing curriculum of interviews with beautiful woman about what they want and don't want from you — and with 8 top Attraction Gurus

* Erotic Mastery - An unmatched multi-part guide to being a creative, outstanding lover

* Tantric 101 - A guide to deep communion and creating spiritual bliss through sex

Yup. Pick any two.

Free.

A value of about 500 bucks.

Free.

Why am I just giving stuff away?

Because I can.

And…

Because if you are not making REAL change in your life…

What the f*ck are we all doing here anyway?

See you in April at Transformation.

http://www.ManTransformationLive.com

Your pal,

Grant

"Grant and Robert…. WOW! Excellent Awesome call…. Really High Level new unique and DEEP ideas that I've not found elsewhere…very appreciated… THANK YOU! I'll be listening to this a couple times more."

If you missed it, you really missed out.

But here are a few things that were covered.

Polyamory - Having More Than One Lover… And Being HONEST About It

Our culture dictates that we must have just one partner for life, but our feelings and deep seeded desires often say otherwise.

How else can you explain that 1 out of 2 married couples get divorced?

But in terms of having multiple partners, there are really two sides of polyamory.

On one side its about sex and sexual freedom. This is what most people think of — the stereotypical "lots of sex with lots of different partners" image– when they think of polyamory.

No problem. And all to the better if talked about and made clear EARLY on in any relationship. Easy to say, harder to do.

On the other side it's more heart centered, focusing on multiple long term relationships.

This is not to say that one side that is wrong and another side is right. It depends simply on what the individuals involved want out of life. What they have in common is that they each can be pursued successfully – if the ground rules are made clear.

Takes all the furtiveness and jealousy out of the equation.

The surprising statistic, according to Robert, is that more women desire polyamorous relationships than men BY FAR.

The bottom line is, polyamory is common, and it is WOMEN, not men, who desire it more.

So How Do You Bring Up the Idea of Polyamory To Your Lover?

First of all, it is important to understand what drives both men and women towards polyamory.

Many guys are fulfilling their urge for conquest and sexual diversity when bringing polyamory up to their lovers.

According to Robert, many women begin to feel the urge to explore with different partners when their children reach an age where they start to take care of themselves.

When this happens, the women, as mothers, don't have to pay as much attention to their children, and can start becoming interested in themselves again.

This is not to say that women at ages younger and older than this do not feel the urge to maintain several partners. This has simply been Robert's experience.

You see, the underlying reason is to feel full satisfaction. To most people, one partner, no matter how wonderful, doesn't really keep them happy. Because we expect so much from that one person. It becomes almost impossible to live up to your partner's ideals.

And if you have a choice it is better to bring polyamory up early in a relationship.

It is always good to talk about when it comes up and not hedge on it. The direct way is the best way.

And you may be surprised at the results, as we talked about earlier. Your partner may have been waiting for YOU to bring it up.

The best way is to ask just ask, because if you don't ask for a year, you could be missing out on a year of sexual exploration… with PERMISSION.

The interesting thing about this approach, as Dark and intriguing as it may sound, is that it is so honest and direct.

Robert gave us some interesting quotes to consider. I love these and I think you can use them in your own conversations with women to STIR THINGS UP – and let them know you are not the average shlub.

That you’ve put some REAL THOUGHT into man/woman dynamics….

"There's nothing more edgy than having a conversation"

"There is nothing sexier than agreement"

"You have to show up to hook up"

Dark Tantra - How To Open Her Up To Your Darkest Fantasies

Prior to Tantra, Robert taught BDSM classes for lovers and participated in sex positive mixers. He quickly realized that there was a clear split between BDSM practitioners and Tantra practitioners that was always surprising.

Tantra people were fluffy and nice when it came to sex, and BDSM practitioners were edgier and naughtier.

This was surprising because in Robert's mind, they were practicing the SAME THING – heightened presence and honesty, and a devotion to personal growth through sex, not just sex itself. So he sought to meld these two paths through Dark Tantra.

And there is definitely a healthy balance you can achieve through DARKNESS and PLAY

A very simple example is acting out a fantasy you've had for a long time, but has always been too taboo to act out. When you actually perform it in a safe, controlled environment, there is a release of that desire that is healing.

Another example is that people who are pent up and frustrated like to be flogged (which is a BDSM term for being whipped or beaten in a controlled environment).

This kind of activity is almost like the physical equivalent of running or doing martial arts, which releases endorphins and pent up emotions. It also provides a break with the norm that allows our mind to emerge in a purer state.

So once again, how do you get your lovers to open up to this Dark state?

Be direct and honest in your sexual communication

Understand that the basis of Tantra is recognizing our shared divinity. Give her respect and recognize her as a divine equal.

Be present and be REAL about your intentions.

There are some guys who only want to fulfill their selfish sexual desires when they tell their partners about polyamory and they give off this vibe. This is not attractive, obviously.

Then there is the "too cool for school" archetype of the guy who is detached and disinterested in sex. He yawns when a woman throws herself at him. This too, is disingenuous. It may get you further than the previous behavior, but it won't get you long lasting satisfaction.

The real thing to do is be so down with yourself, so real, so authentic, that you can communicate your sexuality in a healthy, whole and genuine manner.

Remember what David Deida says.

Women want to fuck God. But in His absence, you'll do.

It's up to you to be so present, so whole, and fulfilling, that she recognizes the divine masculine in you, and will WANT to have her divine feminine recognized, and swept away, by YOU.

Hope this opens some eyes, some doors, and some opportunities for you.

Thanks to everyone who participated in this teleworkshop. I hope you learned a lot. I sure did. It’s damned refreshing to talk about going to your sexual edge with the directness and integrity Robert brings.

Be sure to post your comments and leave your thoughts here.

Our next adventures are coming up soon.

Your Pal,

Grant

]]> http://www.grantadamstrainings.com/dark-tantra-with-robert-allen/feed/ http://www.grantadamstrainings.com/dark-tantra-with-robert-allen/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GrantAdamsTrainings/~3/ZQ-315q4fjI/ http://www.grantadamstrainings.com/tantric-201-worshiping-the-goddess-with-triambika/#comments Tue, 20 Nov 2007 15:49:13 +0000 grant Blog Tantric Sex http://www.grantadamstrainings.com/tantric-201-worshiping-the-goddess-with-triambika/ Our call with Triambika just ended in a rush of new ideas and Tantric concepts.

Triambika gave us key insights into the divine feminine, and the role we play as the present, upholding masculine, to support, guide and unfold her.

Let’s review a few of the most intriguing points.

What men should know about “Divine Temple Worship”

Triambika stated that simply having a different PERSPECTIVE on what it means to have sex with a woman will open your woman up beyond anything she's ever experienced before.

Rather than always looking for what’s for the taking, approach a woman slowly, asking permission to appreciate her more deeply, beginning from the extremities, appreciating her beauty, describing it to her, perhaps in language she has never heard before.

Approach a woman as you would approach a sacred place, moving slowly through the outer chambers until you reach the holy of holies.

(Wow – THAT pun was not intended, but I like it!)

So think — how would you approach an actual temple? Would you run in, crude and unkempt, blustering and emotionless?

Of course not. You would pay respect and honor it. It is the same way with a woman's "yoni." And by honoring the feminine in such a manner, you shift a sexual encounter from the mundane to the enlightened.

She advises you just try it and see how a woman responds (for details of the step by step, you need to hear the interview)

How men can use sound to raise orgasmic potential?

Triambika gave us guidelines about how to vocalize to raise both your presence with a woman and to relax your bodies together.

The goal in the exercise she gave - to be done alone or with a partner - is taking and directing the sensation of pleasure as we're feeling it, converting it into sound, and releasing it into wide open space and the broadest consciousness.

Not the usual place of constriction and tightness that men usually feel when they are climaxing, but instead an opening.

There is power here.

Here's how that works.

As you begin feeling pleasure during sex, use your breath to direct pleasurable sensations upwards. Engage this sensation and let it rise within your body. Let it rise up through and within your throat as you exhale, in a sound of pure release and expansion. (The sound should be an exhale)

You do NOT want to keep these feelings and sounds bottled up in constricted breaths and tight sensations. Let your pleasurable feelings escape in SOUND that resonates and expands in space. By releasing your pleasure through sound you are giving all of that built up tension and pleasure a place to go and unwind (again, it helps to hear the sound she made during the interview).

When you are practicing your ejaculatory control with this exercise, you'll realize that by giving these sensations release, this spaciousness helps the pleasure spread throughout your body, not just in your genitals. Ultimately, your orgasms don’t have to be linked to an ejaculation at all, as we’ve discussed in other sessions.

One of the gifts of Tantra — you can have wicked, full body orgasms, again and again, without the sex coming to a sudden, jerky stop, as it does with 99% of men once they ejaculate.

How to teach her and guide a new woman into Tantric experience without freaking her out

One of the big things that turned me off originally about Tantra when I was first introduced to it was the classic Sanskrit jargon and impossible sounding Indian terminology.

How can you prevent this from happening to your sexual partners so they won't reject these practices?

Triambika told us that if you are currently in a relationship, you already know if your partner has an open mind to this kind of thing or not. And even with someone you just met, you can tell pretty quickly after a few conversations if she will be open minded about Tantra, or completely closed off to it.

But even if she is a bit closed off about esoteric subjects like sexual enlightenment and spirituality, you can still introduce her to Tantra by telling her that you want to "honor" her or "appreciate" her more. Tell her, "I really want to show you the inside of my heart and love every inch of you. Don't feel shy I love you just as you are."

In other words, skip the fancy Indian words.

Any woman worth investing your time into should feel grateful for receiving this kind of adoration and honor – however it might be very strange for her at first. She might resist such deep adoration of the feminine (remember, you are adoring through her – not her ego, but her as woman, as feminine, as incarnation of the Goddess)

There may even be some tears and initial discomfort – and key here- your job is not to FIX that but just stay present – using some of the presence practices she discusses in the first half of our session.

A lot of women may resist initially, not because they want to, but because they bring social, religious, or cultural shame into the bedroom. But just keep loving her. You don't have to do anything but hold her while she sorts it out in her mind and heart.

Patiently let her move through her feelings of self worth and trust. Because at the end of it she will open herself even more deeply to you.

And if she doesn’t. If she has too much self hatred to relax into your genuine adoration and attention, then she needs to do her own therapy and work out some deep issues.

Most women will WELCOME and RELAX into a man who brings these tantric-inspired attentions.

Be that man, and you will have the gratitude, sexual openness and return pleasure of almost every woman you’ll ever meet.

Which is one of the reasons we are doing this course.

I hope you enjoyed the session.

I hope you learned. A LOT.

Your Pal,

Grant

PS - Talk to you next week on Tuesday, November 27 when we have our last Tantric 201 call with Robert Allen. We will be exploring "Dark Tantra" so you don't want to miss it. Talk soon…

But like I mentioned on the call, TJ has the rare gift of taking complex concepts and breaking them down into simple and easy to understand pieces. He did so tonight by answering some extremely intriguing questions that came straight from YOU on the call.

What can a man do to make a women feel safe, secure, and open, despite the fact that she may have experienced sexual abuse in her past, and you may have no training in Tantra?

Without proper Tantric training, the best thing you can do is to BE there for her in your grounded masculine, and not allow yourself to be affected by what she wants to say or do. What comes out of her mouth has nothing to do with you. Understand, this doesn't mean ignore her, but ignore what you know is something you cannot change or fix.

You wouldn't run outside and yell at a cloud would you? In the same way, she needs to be heard, not argued with or fixed or corrected. And the best way to accept her is simply to stay grounded in your masculine.

Really and truly listen to her. Even if she needs to cry, scream, or be held. Be her clear and pure energetic connection. Remember, if you have an "agenda," or ulterior motives, this won't work. But if you're there for her with an open heart, an open mind, and a clear spirit of love, it will shine through. In short, be her protector not a predator.

What are some specific techniques I can use to create loving openness and make her feel safe if she's feeling scared or constricted?

Try this: Lay on left side, her head resting on your left arm, your right hand on her heart. And let her know everything you're doing as you're doing it. Tell her, " listen baby, I am here for you no matter what. There is nothing you can do to scare me away from us, here and now." Be her confident, and gentle guide through this tender process.

Tell her, "We're going to lie on our left sides and do a harmonizing energy opening practice…" Then match your breath to hers, inhaling and exhaling in sync to establish an emotional connection.

Then add a bit of sound to your breathing (which is actually soothing and alluring when she can feel and hear your breath behind her) and begin visualizing that the tight, constricted area in her chest (or wherever it is) is opening.

Tell her that you're infusing loving, smiling energy into her, that you're breathing this loving energy from your heart to hers. She has nothing to do but receive this love from you, this heart to heart energy. Once that particular area opens up, do it with every other chakra or energy point by putting your hand on the different constricted areas and repeating the process.

You can use different positions to achieve the same goal, but the principle is clear: Open up the energy points to open up the woman.

When a man lets a women lead, explore, and feel comfortable, isn't this a sign of weakness?

When a man lets a woman lead him, guys often wonder if this makes him look like a wuss. This is, in fact, the exact opposite of what happens. Remember, a man's job is to be secure in his masculine. To be so grounded and secure that it's not HIM who needs to feel comfortable and in control, it's the woman who needs to meet HIM.

So how do you accomplish this?

Do you lock eyes, get grounded, and let her open? Making a woman feel safe is the key to opening her. WITHIN your confidence, WITHIN your power, willingly offer yourself to her. Not from a position of insecurity in which you "need to be in control…" That is weakness. But from knowing that you are so grounded in your masculine that you can allow her the room to open on her own. That is true strength.

So lean into a woman 90% of the way so she has to do the last 10%. Clasp your hands gently around her back and don't try and do anything unless she commits to the final 10%. This requires a degree of patience which must be practiced by most men.

Because no matter how slowly you think you're going, you can always go slower. By doing this you allow her to open up first, like a flower. And it's a beautiful thing when you allow her to indulge in this dance, because she may have never experienced it before. Her past experiences may have only been with selfish, unenlightened men who thought only of themselves, and forced themselves upon her.

When you can show her how confident you are in your masculinity, that you are actually willing to stop at any moment to ensure her comfort, she will reward your nurturing, masculine behavior. So when she DOES open… guess how she will repay you?

That's right, with trusting, passionate, and powerful love. And isn't that the very reason why we're on the path to Tantric mastery?

Hope this helps and we'll get back to our Tantric 201 tele-workshop series in 2 weeks with Triambika when I get back from Asia.

Your Pal,

Grant