Graphic Designer Nerd

2010-01-28T19:38:00.002-06:00

Well thats it.

After 4 long and life-altering years of rollercoastering events. I have decided enough's enough. Its time for a change and definitely a change of house. Of the virtual kind.

Its time to let this one go and start anew.
So this is goodbye for good. If anyone hears this echoing note. Its time to move.

While i love coming back here and reading my early posts and laughing my guts out at my undoing of my own self, i feel i have not really been honest with myself , completely. Not on here and i dont think i could now.

Wish i could hug this blog goodbye.

Feeling the FuzzyWuzzies

2009-11-16T12:15:00.006-06:00

My mom is here! We drove to Atlanta and picked her up from a friend's home where she was pampered for a whole week and brought her home on Friday.

Next week is Thanksgiving and i have been preparing the menu. As usual our table will be stuffed with food and people. The menu will be:
Roast Turkey, Cornbread Stuffing, Green bean casserole, garlic Mashed potatoes with Turkey gravy, Sweet Potato with butter and cinnamon and brown sugar and Apple Pie and Pumpkin Pie for dessert!

Am planning on taking pictures of the inside once we have the Christmas decorations up... since after our meager apartment, this house is now rather bare and extremely echoey.

Christmas has already started...since last night my mom offloaded all the goodies from her suitcase a la Mrs Claus and Santa himself is going to arrive Dec 18th. So we will have a lot more than just one Christmas day this year!! Woohoo!

Now if i can find that perfect puppy ...that will add the cherry on my pie.
hope you like these pictures!!

The view from the kitchen window ---

how you? me too.

2009-11-09T08:31:00.002-06:00

Ah me.

Does anyone who read this , have penfriends?

I used to write to a ton of people when i was in college. Letters were so much fun, to rip open and learn about a person on the other side of the world. Not to mention all the goodies that would tumble out of a little envelope.

I still hang on to a few penfriends...people who withstood the obstacles in life and still wrote back thoughtful and sincere letters. The others faded away, when differences in opinion made things strange or just boring.

I got back into it recently and have found two more really awesome people with whom i clicked instantly. Both are e-pals...which i like better...because i can clatter away on my computer and get to know them a lot faster.
I do like writing letters and posting them and then getting a fat envelope in the mail a month later...but with a tight schedule and out-of-practice hands, my handwriting turns into chicken scratch and not even I can read it.

I have been getting quite a few requests and some are extremely interesting. I leave you with one of them. Ellipses and all.

Hi Dear friend......................
I have never seen you. I met your E- mail in web site. I like to know about you. if you like? please send to me.......
My dearest friend, let me tell you few things about myself. I'm sanjeewa ruwan.I was born December 10 1977. I have already registered myself at the "D.C.S" institute to follow a courses of computer program, German & English languages.....
my hobbies are movies. music, reading news papers, writing to friend and love to animals. my future ambition is good be a personage man and serve in the world. in whatever way I can I am making arrangements to reach that good...................
so , friend I hope you will answer me... I wish you a bright future........................
I'm sanjeewa ruwan. from sri lanka

2009-10-27T09:03:00.004-06:00

I miss you.

And i dont know how to get these thoughts out of my head without sounding like im a crazed person.
What we had was so good. It was the best friendship i have ever had in my entire life. The kind they show in movies and the kind of connection there is, that takes my breath away when i think about it.

We are both messed up in so many ways and yet i clicked with you. You let me in so grudgingly but when you opened up to me it made me feel like i belonged.
When i was so starved for a real friend. Someone whom i could be dumb and idiotic with and then be dead serious with and be taken seriously without a blink of an eye.

What happened? Is it because i got married? Moved away? Changed?
I need you now. More than ever. I need someone to talk to. Right now. And that person is you. Ive needed to talk to you since forever, and its been so hard without you.There are things that only you would understand. No one else.

Because i know you can keep secrets like no one else can and i need that trust.
Because regardless of how much you showed that you could care less, i know you did care about me.

try as i might, i cannot undo what has changed but i need you now.
Why must people drift apart?and if they do, why is it harder to reconnect again.
if a friendship is strong , then why cant it go back to the way it used to be?

And why do i still feel alone sometimes.

Decisions, Decisions

2009-10-20T13:14:00.002-05:00

My job ends in two months and I'm actually looking forward to it.

To freedom. Bittersweet. But still freedom.

Ed and I have been talking about me getting into freelancing for a long time now...and ever since i got this job, it sort of flew out the window and left to make a nest...right outside our window...so to speak...which i get mental reminders of ....every now and then.

I love my job. The people. The work. My boss, who almost cries and takes a good long puff at his inhaler each time i mention this to him. Bless his heart.

But, the more i think about it, the more i realize that i don't really have the time to do what I LOVE to do. Design, Paint and Cook.

And keep a dog. Something i dream about all the time.

Its a bittersweet sort of freedom though...somehow money has such a tight grip that shaking it off requires more than a shrug or two. Life doesn't present reality in black or white, and yet requires the grey matter to decide between the two.

On one hand, i have total freedom to do what i wish, sleep in, go window shopping, sit at the library forever or watch movie marathons all day. Paint until i faint or design until i cant see straight.

On the other hand, i could really go wild with no structure. Something that can really get the upper hand, resulting in Ed coming home to a disheveled house, day after day ( not that he cares....sigh. Men.)

This would give me all the time in the world to decorate our minimalistic home. Something i have wanted to do ever since we started looking for a house to buy.

The possibilities are endless. But it still feels weird to pull out of something that's good.
Would it give me the closure i need? Should i wait until i go nuts or until something goes wrong at work?..its been almost two years and i have loved every minute of it.

Which makes it all the more difficult to wrench myself out of there. But if i don't do it now, I'm never going to want to again...and i want to have kids ( without the getting fat part) i want to take care of my family without groaning about how tired i am or the lack of time.

I'm not exactly afraid of leaving...just of making such a strange choice when things are going so right .

Ed tells me i can quit anytime i want and since we aren't depending on my income, don't have reason not to.

On the other hand, my parents are wondering out loud about this " unreasonable" decision.
There's no way to explain that to a generation up .

Thankfully Ed is not someone to be trifled with and one word from me will set his mind. And i need that right now. Parents can really break a person down with emotional guilting and familiar reasoning.

Mine are particularly strong in both aspects.

I guess i will just have to keep wondering until my last day shows up...or search for some advice on this.

The birds have flown to a new nest!

2009-10-11T15:09:00.004-05:00

We bought a condo!!!

And I'm so psyched about it! Its been 3 weeks since we moved in and even though we are still in the "boxes" stage, i cant help but dance from room to room and kiss every wall.

Its such an elation. To come home each day and walk into your very own living room and then go to your very own kitchen and drink water from your very own fridge. Its wonderful. To walk out onto our very own deck and then walk down to the little garden waiting for our footsteps. Watching the first blue jay come twittering up to the tree outside our very own kitchen window. Its so calming.

The best feeling in the world is to wake up and patter outside onto the deck and sit in the comfy chairs, drinking our tea and listening to the swish of the trees and the chirping birds. Its our very own Fantasia.

Ours is the end unit. Which isn't just any end unit. Its the one and only condo that ends right where the woods start. Which means we get to see deer and turkeys ( yes! turkeys!) and other little wildlife wander into our garden. It also gives us the kind of gardening space that lets us grow roses as well as grapes...without the neighbors feeling like their neighborhood just turned into the local Farmer's Market.

We now have windows galore, high ceilings and plenty of light. So now i try to keep the blinds and curtains open until the very last ray of light has been eked out. Glorious light.

The previous owners were both police officers and left the home in the most pristine condition i have ever seen empty houses in. Not to mention they were kind enough to leave us all the window blinds and the gorgeous silk curtains and a bunch of other things that we would have had to go out and buy. They were really nice to us too.

To top it all, our neighbors started coming around and welcoming us. What a difference it made. 2 years in an apartment and we never knew anyone except our neighbor across the hall. I still couldn't believe it when each day, I'd check the mailbox and someone new would walk up to me ( usually with a dog in tow) and introduce herself/himself. Our next door neighbor is a single nurse...who by an amazing coincidence works with the same company that i work in, just in a different facility so we had a bit of oomph to our meeting.

The craziest thing is, and i kid you not, that one of the neighbors across from us knows someone that we know( and my parents).......IN INDIA!!!!! ( granted the man is American but what a small world this is!!)

We painted the entire living room and the fireplace cover and the two columns in the living room in one week. That's with work and school on top of that. I say I'm beginning to really expand my abilities here.

Been taking loads of pics but cant seem to set up the place a bit before actually getting decent shots of the house sans boxes. So that will have to wait for a bit. BUT....Christmas is coming and this year we will finally have decorations!!!

2009-09-12T20:55:00.002-05:00

Have you ever done something deliberately stupid, that you regretted majorly in high school?

Stupid question i know...who really hasn't done something crazy or out of wack and completely ridiculous in those heavenly teenage years.

Its ok if most people were nuts when i was in school, the problem was there weren't many. No , actually chalk it down to just 2.

And I of all people had to tango with them.

I dont know about you, but attending an all-girls school was boring for me, for the sole reason that i had grown up with mostly boys and being around prissy girls drove me up the wall. I didnt dress up, i didnt play with dolls, i couldnt handle the "why ya's" and the catty natures and so each day , wasnt much fun for me. i tried the whole "fitting in" thing, but it just ended up slapping me in the face.

In high school, i was just beginning to discover a whole new world of art, on my own time and so i got into quite a bit of trouble with each of the teachers, for doodling in class. Even though i spent many an hour writing out " i shall not draw in class", it helped me make friends with two awesome girls ( at least so i thought at the time).

They were both regulars with me in detention. That should have waved red flags at me, but the loner that i was, i actually welcomed the friendship that ensued.

We started hanging out after school and then we would go to the mall together, or go have a snack together and soon i started looking forward to going to school, just because they were there. It also helped that they had quite the popularity vote going for them in school, so i was "cool" too, by association... and the idiot in me surfaced.

Both these girls were crazy about boys, and by crazy i mean literally. They lived in the "cool" part of the city, where all the rich people lived and somehow all the good looking boys as well.

Strangely enough i had been invited just once to one of their homes. Something that should have told me right away that they weren't really my friends. And i quickly noticed how many male admirers they had. As well as their receptive body language. I felt a bit awkward, but the boys were pretty nice to me, so i felt it was ok to be there.

Back in school, i suddenly found my name being whispered around in several groups and many students started to notice me. Unsuspecting little me figured it was just because they knew the other two girls.

One day, i was sitting next to a long time "bench partner" and a girl i'd often eaten lunch with and then stopped because i had "cool" friends. She looked at me for a long time and then blurted out " Listen, be careful with G and K...they dont really have a good rep and youre probably going down with them if youre not careful" i was taken aback and the sudden outburst and then quickly assured her they were harmless and the whole thing was soon forgotten.

The very next weekend, while i was hanging out with them, things escalated to the point when i had to return home, pronto. And in big trouble to say the least.

All of which was blamed on me....for no reason , all of which i found out in a very public way the next day in school. And it was my "friends" who had gotten me into that soup....just to get themselves cleared and out of trouble with their parents.

And i had no proof at all to prove them wrong.

Thankfully my parents didnt hear about it, but for weeks i suffered embarrassment at school that wasnt mine to bear. And i wanted revenge.

Alone again and without any friends at all, i went back to doodling and found myself in detention , unsurprisingly again and with the two girls as well.

I sat way back and kept at least 4 rows between me and the now very smug looking girls.

They took that time to taunt me and to make fun of me....all of which i ignored and pretended to not be affected by. When on the inside i was seething with every bit of rage i conjured up.

Half way through the detention hour i overheard them talking about some boy and by what i heard, i figured he was some dude who hadnt given them the time of day and for which they were pretty heated up about.

That was my lowest hour yet. I piped up and told them i knew the guy.

Immediately they whipped around with renewed interest in me and before i knew what was happening, they had pulled their chairs up to where i was sitting and suddenly became my friends again. ( what a bunch of nitwits, i thought to myself....and i knew right then they were hooked)

I had started the game, now i had to continue it. I started making up a story of how i knew the guy and made it sound pretty believable, yet vague, so they wouldn't figure out too many details. They wanted to meet him. They said he was SO hot. So i made it hotter. I told them i could get them to meet him. Sounds pretty lame i know....but i really wanted to make them look as foolish as they did me. And they seemed to have "accepted"me all over again. So they had taken the bait.

This time i wasn't going to let them stick me. I was going to play a trick on them and get them to meet this "guy" at a specific place sometime this weekend. Only thing is, the guy wouldn't show up and they would wait until the cows came home and the next day, when they came to demand justification, i would feign ignorance and it wouldn't be my fault. And they would look foolish, and that would be that.

Problem is, they DID meet A guy at the same place i had told them to be there. The wrong guy.
It turned out that guy was a notorious douche bag, and sort of a drug dealer and hot, so they mistook him for the guy we were talking about. The idiots even gave him their numbers. There was a party that night and he had invited them. I dont know how they got into all this without even confirming this was the guy they were wanting to meet, but i heard the details only the next week....during which they were both suspended for "inappropriate behaviour and smoking pot and a string of other suspect activities".

I was blissfully unaware of any of this. When i noticed they were gone the entire week, i called them on Thursday and asked what was up. Their parents wouldn't let me speak to them, saying they had lost their phone privileges or something like that. When i did see them on Monday, they were a completely different set of girls. It seemed like all the fire had gone out of them. I was prepared to be tackled and yelled at but i wasnt prepared for the total "give up" attitude. They told me the police were involved and that just made everything blow into a different perspective. I could tell they were still terrified at what happened. I quaked inwardly and right then and there swore to myself that i wouldnt breathe a word of my "plan" that had gone awry to anyone. i'd take it to the grave.

The girls were both completely ostracized which made me feel even worse and i went back to being friendless again...Strangely enough, people still recognized me, but it wasnt with the disgust they reserved for the two outlaws.

Years later, i bumped into one of the girls at a mall, and thinking i could slink away before anymore than a " hi", she stopped me and exclaimed at having bumped into me after such a long time. We carefully avoided mentioning the incident which was obviously still fresh in our minds and chitchatted about nothing at all. After a few minutes, she looked at me carefully and said " Ive become a good girl now, you know". Not knowing what to do with that piece of declaration, i carefully nodded back and then hastily made an excuse to get out of there.

Never saw either of them again after that. I left for Canada, then life just blew in a different direction and i had boy problems of my own to deal with.

Just a few days ago i was scanning Facebook for a few long lost buddies and suddenly happened upon one of the girls' profiles. Something made me want to add them as a friend. Then i hunted for the other girl's profile and suddenly i thought. Nah. Not ever again. I dont even WANT to know whats up. Not going down that road again.

Progressive Digression

2009-08-27T15:00:00.003-05:00

Answer me this.

Does life ever feel "yuck" to you? and why doesn't chocolate cure it all.

Do you regret something you shouldn't be regretting? ( i realize i sound a bit cryptic...but.)

Do you ever just want something more out of your life and dont know what it is that you want changed?

Things are in strange transition in my life right now...some of which im not sure i can put a finger on my feelings about.

It makes me restless. Restless for things to settle down and start taking root. At least then i can decide whether im keeping it or throwing it out.

One thing's for sure. i wont be going anywhere for the next 4 years. not until Ed gets his degree over with. Im sure at the end of it all i shall be engineered to bits.

On the bright side, i get to paint again! Something i haven't even gotten a chance to these 3 years.... a rusty old me it shall be when i pick up my heavy bristle brushes again. The rec room in the new condo is just waiting for me to tarp it all and get down to the blue fingernails and turpentine grease on my hands. Not to mention late nights. And late mornings. Yum.

Not having blogged in a while has left me rusty as well. Back in Chennai my fingers would start itching if they hadn't met the keyboard in more than a day. I guess my thoughts just fly out of my head these days. important and unimportant alike.

I have been drowning a bit too much in web design and CSS and all that good stuff. Working on my first major website design...from scratch(hand coding is the way to go!)so im pretty psyched about that. The client has been very patient and it helps when you have lots of support too.

Maybe watching all the webisodes of my favorite tv shows has fried my brain a bit. Its hard to keep up with all the latest episodes and trying to divide my time between work and comfy TV.

Oh, to zone out and get paid!!

Has anybody gotten Morgan Page's new album " Elevate" if you do i want it right now!!! the first time i heard his music i was caught unawares and kept walking round and round trying to ask someone who's music that was, i swear people thought i was catatonic, the way i asked the same question over and over again like a cracked record.

Note: if you have no clue who this person is YOU HAVE TO HEAR HIS MUSIC!!! it is awesome!!( not to sound cliched) especially if youre ready to dance for a thousand days and need music that wont put you to sleep.Having thud-tastic speakers will be a great help too.
( 'course my favorite is still Deepest Blue. That's not going to change anytime soon)

Wow! i feel so much better already! maybe i should blog more often. Get the ol' system cleansed...um....yeah.

Life's Good.

2009-07-20T11:29:00.002-05:00

Its been such a long time since ive processed my thoughts enough to write them down.
Life has been a blur...a happy blur, and i think for once i managed to spend my time enjoying them instead of trying to figure out my thoughts and over analyzing things way too much as i always do.

I think im falling more in love with Ed with each passing day.
Im not sure why or how, but the passion has grown in leaps and bounds in these past 6 months and maybe its all the dinners we've been hosting every weekend,enjoying the laughter, the food, and the funny friends, after which we stand side by side at the kitchen sink washing dishes together and chatting...

or maybe its the whole "buying a house" process where each time we go into the house to check it , we do a little happy dance thinking about finally owning it.

The apartment complex we stay in is undergoing a lot of cosmetic changes and so each time i leave the apartment to get into my car, i am met with whistles and catcalls from the odd smattering of Latino workmen high on the roofs hammering and sawing away. Tired of me being mistaken for a Latina, Ed repeatedly yells at them in fluent Spanish and they go back to their work stunned . Or at Subway when an idiot up ahead in line looks me up and down and ignores the fact that im WITH A MAN, Ed puts an arm around me and plants a big one and leaves me blushing.

I have noticed a new "layer" of Ed being revealed month after month...and even though we have been married for 3 years now....it feels like just yesterday i put the ring on wrong hand and he struggled to get mine past my knuckle, laughing our eyes out about it afterward.

There isnt a specific reason why im blurting out all this sentimental twaddle, but this morning..when i realised i had locked my keys and handbags in the car and had no way of getting to work, i called him while he was sitting in the bus, goodness knows how far away from home . 5 seconds into my panicked message, he got off the bus and walked for almost half an hour all the way back to the apartment and unlocked the car for me.

I dont think i ever kissed him any harder than i did this morning.

Playing Doctor

2009-03-31T09:00:00.004-06:00

"Spread your legs, please" - she said, and i nervously complied.

My first visit to the gynecologist was quite the experience.

Having never been to one in India...the entire time i existed there, you can imagine the stress and tension that gripped my body , mind and soul!

As i waited nervously , in the little examination room, sitting in my blue paper gown, with nothing left to the imagination, my feet on the stirrups , legs wide apart, feeling extremely weird, the door suddenly opened and a slim, grinning person bounced in.

" Hey!! Im Dr. J and im here to do some MINING!!!"

Stunned, i found myself grinning back and then she whipped out her miner's hat and plonked another one on my head.

A nurse popped her head in the door and rolled her eyes " J" she said... Stop frightening our little Indian honey!" I told you to bring the pick-axe didnt I?!!?"

" Well hurry on and bring it will ya!" Dr. J gestured with her hat " I dont have all day you know..."

"Err.. will this hurt?" i timidly squeaked out my question.

"Not ay thang girl!!, Not ay single thang!" she twanged right back. "You just lay back and listen to us old biddies squawk on and on about our nefarious activities underground . We're just messin' wicha"

So i laid back and tried not to think about the probing fingers and the little tune being hummed somewhere between my knees.

Dr.J's head popped out over the paper gown and showed me a contraption she was going to use next.
" Ok this thingamajig here, is something i need to see your cervix with. This part's going to go in and this is going to be screwed open to stay." At my horrified look she quickly continued ." Oh no no!! Its not going to screw you!!"

I laid back, grinning while she tinkered on, talking to me or my cervix, i didnt know exactly.
Thankful that i had such a jovial and slightly insane doctor, i tried to relax.

The nurse came in, with a miner's hat on her head as well. I began to think this was a common occurrence in the clinic.

"How're we doing sugar" she crowed.

" We are doing just fine. I hope im full of gold" i said with my eyes closed.

" Oh youre full of gold alright" A voice boomed from between my knees. " Top notch best quality there is! I havent seen such a pretty cervix in ages!"

"err.. thankyou?" i offered.

After 10 more minutes, The Dr. emerged from my cervix and with a big grin she told me to get dressed.
3 minutes later, dressed and composed, I listened to the report. I seemed to be in mint condition.

Dr. J was a sweetheart, and after telling her i was so glad to have met someone on the insane side, to which she bellowed with mirth, i walked over to the nurse's counter for some blood samples.

The nurse extracting , was a slim, wisp of a person, greedily staring at the vials as they filled up. After 4 vials, i looked at her a bit alarmed. " So many?"
" Yeah... we need to run up quite a few tests to check for different things... you'll get the list"

"Vampire" i muttered , under my breath.

Thoroughly inspected, i waved goodbye at the doctor and her assistant, still wearing their hats and went to where Ed was waiting...rather anxiously.

"Everything's great" i said " Im full of the best quality gold"

" Huh?" he said... and i just grinned.

Wash your hands!!!

2009-03-17T09:35:00.001-06:00

It must have been the funniest day ever , at work.

I went to the bathroom. There were 2 other stalls already occupied, I got into the third . All three flushed at the same time. All three opened the doors at the same time and stepped out and formed a Charlie's Angel stance each.

We laughed SO hard.

Still laughing we had just gotten out of the main bathroom door and came to a standstill when the opposite door, belonging to the Men's bathroom swung open and 4 men came out.

Two had their flys unzipped and seemed completely unaware until the other two men noticed and then all of us at the same time burst out into wild raucous laughter until some had tears in their eyes...

Then we all walked away dead serious.

And its only 10:30 am.

No!!! No!!! Not me!!! NOoooOOOoOOOoooooOOOO!!!!

2009-03-10T06:57:00.003-06:00

Ed is going to drag me kicking and screaming to Thursday. He says he has surprises in store for me, that should be incentive enough right? Nope.

I turn 30 on Thursday. 30!!!!! *shakes her head in disbelief*

Never in all my life did i ever imagine i would come to this day!!!
I always thought i would stay 20. The day i turned 21 , i developed a permanent phobia about birthdays.

Birthdaphobia. B'daphobia. Thats what i have.

BUT!!! We are going to Atlanta to help birth me into the new year a bit more easily. I hear they have great doctors! Dr. Food seems to be the best there, along with Dr. Mall and Dr.Giftenstein.

And we will be staying with a sweet OLDER couple ( i feel better already) who will pamper us for the entire weekend. Bless my parents for making such good life-long friends for my benefit!!

sigh. well.....here i go...entering into a new phase. Hope its not as painful as it looks!!!!!

"Fidelity to a worthy Purpose"

2009-02-26T14:14:00.004-06:00

"Are you happy at your current work place?"

That's a question, someone asked me today.

"Define "happy" i said. Is it the same definition you would use to say you were happy with your boyfriend/husband or when you say you were happy FOR someone?

i dont think so.

I think happiness is something that you create within yourself. You could have someone try their best to "make" you happy, but if you're discontented inside and a miserable person...its a gloomy day for everyone. Its not something that you do ONLY for yourself, depending on where your priorities are. It also goes hand in hand with Contentment... for that matter.. with Joy too.

There's materialistic happiness-for some, when retail therapy takes you to giddy heights...also when you do it for someone ELSE... there's physical happiness when you need a 5 minute hug, or maybe a little more than that ( or a LOT more! whew! )... then there's spiritual happiness, where you wish you could just explain how happy you are , to someone and have them understand.

But what about work-place happiness.

For the past year, working at my job, has given me extreme satisfaction. I wouldn't call it happiness per se, since my definitions don't necessarily include being "happy" at work, unless i have a deliriously challenging week where i drive home each day, my head swimming with ideas and creative morphing or if i laughed my head off at a co-worker's crazy antics. I would call that wonderful, or great, but not happiness.

Why?, because at the end of the day , that's not who i am. Yes i create stuff, stuff for OTHER people, and i bring home part of the bacon, but when im home, im where i WANT to be, where i can be ME. I leave work behind...and THAT makes me happy.

Im happy designing stuff for myself, or for friends, but i would rate that after several other more important happiness factors. Like seeing my husband walk through the door in the evening and being enveloped in a bear hug, or falling asleep while reading and waking up several hours later to find that all the dishes had been washed.

Just the non-overloaded things in life that don't pressure you to perform.

Realizing that life is fleeting and that people need more love now than ever before...or appreciating the little things in life, realizing that you have SO MUCH MORE than most of the world.

Some may say, that you can do all of this and more AND enjoy your work, but the way people are built, one side eventually weighs a little more than the other...the balance is off and then one side suffers.

For me, work equals getting paid, and if youre fortunate, you get to enjoy doing the stuff for which you are getting paid. Most people i know , have a 'meh' attitude towards the question...quickly coming up with all thats wrong with their workplace...but people often forget that , just because they spend 8 hours or more at said workplace, that its NOT their life... nor is it their identity. If it becomes so, then you have a problem. Eventually.

Work isnt easy. And if it is, you arent being challenged enough. So it isnt expected of you to sail through things without any glitches.... and especially when you are around people who arent related to you ( there goes the understanding) or arent your buddy-pals( there goes the kindred spirit treatment) and who you have to answer to ( there goes the comfort level). Not to mention the competition, if you have more on your team. There are so many temperaments in one concentrated space, that so called happiness is merely fleeting, and at the most, during lunch hour.

If you have close friends who are co-workers, life is a little easier, but its still not without its guardedness, because, what if you disagreed about something at work? The grumpiness carries. I can say this from experience.

Happiness at work is so overrated. Its unfortunate that a job takes up so much of the day, which is why, im guessing most people start relating their happiness with it and expecting happiness from it...which skews things and stretches things out of proportion.

Stay-at-home-mothers are often equated to, in certain societies as "people who dont work", but even if they go nuts over the child crawling everywhere, or get muddled with how many nappies they have changed in a day and sometimes just sit in a corner and bawl their own eyes out at the stress of taking care of a child, i dont think that is the same kind of "work" as an office job. SAHMs dont get paid. But the effect of what they do, lasts for eternity. A career cant do that. Which drives home the point, that OFFICE work is overrated.

Career-driven folks, on the other hand,( if they are married to their jobs) who go home and think about work the next day, might love their job and what it entails, but is that happiness? I have met so many career-driven people who are wonderful folks, but because of their demanding jobs, have had to make the difficult choice of leaving their loved ones hanging, or end up fighting about money all the time, with egos and sometimes... very lonely. Its hard to not be independent ...once you're on that roller coaster, you never want it to stop. Its fun, its challenging, its exciting. And it makes you feel good about yourself. But what about someone else who needs you. What about when you cant work anymore. Work might please you for the moment. But its not going to hold you up when you're down.

Withdrawal symptoms, when a person changes gears from work to staying at home can be excruciating. Its hard to change direction on any level, but its only when your life changes and the work situation is taken away, when you realize how much of a limpet it was on your back when you had it. Dependency on having a career can be deceptively enticing, yet flimsy. Life can change in a second. Its realizing that, that helps to broaden the horizon and lighten the load.

Money in the bank can make you feel safe, for the time being, but like the adage goes. It REALLY cannot buy you happiness.

Its hard to draw the line between whats enough and whats not enough.

what do you think? Is slaving over a job, to the point where you get paid big bucks - happiness? or where is it that you draw the line, at what makes you happy?

Problematics

2009-02-19T08:12:00.004-06:00

Sometimes, things on your mind just wont leave you alone.

Not when you're trying to read a book, not when you're in the shower and not when you're driving to work. Half asleep.

Mostly its when something isnt "fixed" , or needs closure. If you're like me, or even have a teeniest idea of what im talking about, issues, or awkward situations will continue to haunt you until either you DO something about it, or really, REALLY let it go.

The latter of which is almost impossible for me to do.

Im the kind of person who feels antsy if any relationship that im in, either directly or indirectly or even a distant one, isnt 100% healthy.

What bothers me the most is if a relationship was healthy and pink to begin with, then somewhere down the road, either because of me or the other person, just went awry.

If its my fault , then i have this annoying ( to me) habit of apologizing for everything and then hoping the person would forgive me and get back to being friends again. IF i dont hear back soon enough, i get worried and then apologize again. Call it what you will, but it irks me when the person KNOWS im devoid of any armor, and yet refuses to meet me half way. What!? I like to nip small problems in the bud! i like peace! Even if i have to have conflict to get it!!!

What gets my goat even more is when i actually havent done anything huge, and yet am held at arms length for reasons that were deeper than what my catalyst brought out.

So, i have this friend, who has been a really good friend to me for a while, but then things became...complicated, and now we hardly talk. Actually we never talk and email rarely. No, make that Never email, unless i email HER and even then its debatable if i get a reply or not. It feels like IM groveling for her friendship. Not good.

What i know , at the back of my mind, and yet am unwilling to submit to, is the realisation that she actually does not care if this friendship continues or not. I know it sounds really simple. Forget the whole deal, right? Easier said than done.

What do i do with a friend like this? Someone whom ive been close to and who was my best friend . I know i sound like a petulant child, but this has been consuming me for ages now. Its been years and the gap is widening.

I know that people arent perfect and that some issues take a long time to get resolved, and im hoping that this does too, but at this point, im wondering if its worth it or not.

She acts tough, but i know she has a vulnerable interior that gets hurt and stays hurt for a pretty long time. I also know that she doesnt forgive easily and if she does, she holds a grudge for a long time. She gives the impression that she doesnt need anyone and maybe she doesnt, but if our friendship meant anything to her, then i would expect at least a fight to keep it.

Im someone who doesnt mind having a show down. Not if it means getting a friend back. Not if it means clearing the air or getting the truth out in the open. If i truly care about someone i will be honest with that person. I have in the past, said some things to her that were honest, but not really very easy to recieve. I tried to be as gentle as possible saying it , but as long as i kept my mouth shut, things were great between us and i knew inside my heart that i wasnt doing the right thing by staying quiet about it. I dislike avoiding situations immensely. Thats just not me.

We have differences in opinions and in some way, i think she feels that im judging her, which if i was, i wouldnt care to be her friend at all. When i first met her, i felt a bit intimidated to be honest. She seemed so "in control" and always knew what to do when a sticky situation came up and so i naturally leaned on her for a while. As long as it stayed that way, i think our friendship would still exist today.

Which brings me to the fact that, as long as i was the "needy" person, i was fine, but ever since i moved away and got married, I wasnt required anymore. Out of sight, out of mind? I think so.

Now that i think about it. Maybe i didnt mean anything to her. Maybe, this was a test of how real the friendship was. At the slightest imperfection, i was flung out of the circle. A real friend is fair. And i know that this situation isnt.

Our parents are good friends. Which makes it REALLY awkward when we have to meet. I used to look forward to it in the past, but now, im not so sure.

If she shoves aside people so easily then why do i keep wanting to hang on?

I dont guess im ever going to know anytime soon.

A short and sweet holiday.

2009-02-17T07:54:00.000-06:00

Ahh, the week after Valentines Day.

The slump of reality is certainly merciless.
For someone like me, who for years spent this red , pink and white suffused day without giving it a single thought, behaved like a total love-sick teenager.

To be honest, this was the first time , i ever gave a thought to this consumer-ridden day. I figured, that since everyone else around me was wandering around with roses and candy, looking goofy-eyed, why should i ignore my "un-singleness" and act like i didnt care?

I dont know about you, but as long as i was single, i ached to be with someone. I would imagine all sorts of scenarios where i would show my significant other how much i loved him, and here i was , attached permanently to Ed's hip, and had nothing to show for it.

Ed is the kind of guy who is 100% unconventional. To him, Valentine's Day is a gimmick, to get people to spend their money. Since he is also the kind of person who loves on me every single day, i give him a wide leash on that one.

One thing is certain. We werent going to forget how painfully lonely it felt to be single. And not a day goes by when Ed doesnt let me know how thankful he is for me.

So friday rolled around and since it was my day off i lazed around in my PJ's and generally looked like a slob. Ed came home and walking up to me, all dapper in his business clothes said " Get yer fancy spankin' clothes on little lady , Ahm takin' yew out tuh eat!"

Well! After that declaration, I jumped into the shower and got ready so fast, I surprised even myself. Dressed as slick as i could get myself, and delicately perfumed, i put my hand in his and we drove to the Olive Garden. Our favorite restaurant.

After a delectable meal, ending with their amazing Tiramisu, Ed drove me to the lake, where we strolled hand in hand...under the gentle moon light.

The night was unforgettable.

Saturday morning, Ed went to get the oiled changed in the car, and came back with his arms full of roses and a box of my favorite Ghirardelli chocolates. I swooned yet again ( im a sucker for ye olde roses 'n' candy deal).

I had planned on baking him a scrumptious cake and so i got him to promise to stay in the bedroom until i was done.

The cake was going to be half white and half dark chocolate with fresh strawberry and whipped cream filling. Not too sweet like the store bought sicky sweet cakes covered with fondant, and with real white chocolate icing, his favorite.

After 8 eggs and a long long looooong time, the cake was done and jigging up and down with excitement i led Ed to the table and showed him his present.

I think the man must have had seven or eight huge pieces , because after he was done i couldnt see much cake leftover.

Replete and feeling very sleepy, we had a deliciously long nap and then spent the whole evening yelling loudly at my Mac while challenging each other at video games. Geeks will have their fun.

On sunday we took our favorite little old lady out for lunch at a Chinese restaurant. Miz D is a hoot and at 82 she is as sprightly as a 30 something woman and even mows her own lawn. Her humor is to die for and we were almost crying ourselves into our plates before we even sat down.

Sunday evening Ed felt a bit down and then halfway during the night, he started sniffling. Monday morning brought a full blown cold , cough and a slight fever. Comfort food was in order so i made my Beef Macaroni and Cheese casserole, Turnip greens, cornbread muffins and corn on the cob. We had us a Southern Country meal!

Now why does Tuesday feel like Monday?

In Pursuit of Salivatory Foods

2009-02-12T08:18:00.008-06:00

*A big appreciative Thank You to everyone who de-lurked this week. It helps so much to know a bit about who my readers are, and i hope that you will continue to gimme a shout out every now and then and maybe whup my sorry butt if im outta line!* - now ... onto something more chewy.

Do you like Thai food?
Boy, what an "under-question" that is. I mean, whats not to like. BUT there is TONS to love! oh yeah.

I went for lunch with a buddy of mine to this sweet little , tucked away Thai restaurant in Nashville, which by the way if you ever live in , you will learn that only the best restaurants are "sweet little tuck-aways*. Why they want to hide i do not know, but im thankful i have friends who love food enough to hunt them out with a fervor.

She is Lao-American, with all the "badness" of both Laos and America delivered in two strong doses. Hence the friendship. I always make friends with wicked people. Except for a few strange cases where i either convulsed mentally, or felt a heartbroken need to be good for a bit.

Anyways. We both saw the SomTam and pointed at it almost at the same time. The waiter was most impressed. "Yoo Thoo ah velly good flend no!" he projected, and was promptly shocked when NK confirmed it the strongest Southern accent you have ever heard.

While we were waiting, we looked over the menu and noticed quite a few dishes that were new and so we were just thinking of ordering a couple of them, when our food arrived.

We forgot everything else.

SomTam, if you havent had it ( which im sure you have, if you like Thai food) is Green Papaya salad. What makes it incredible is the stinky fish sauce and the lime,sugar and chili combination that will make your mouth literally spout saliva everywhere.

Both NK and i love it red hot and with sticky rice that you can ball up with your fingers and wipe the juices with. Its a delicious healthy way to fill your tummy, if you dont eat too much rice that is.

I was hard pressed a bit to find a recipe for Som Tam ever since i first ate it at a dinky little Thai stall in Bangkok and because it was so cheap and easily available, i forgot about getting a recipe and just ATE.

Our Thai maid tried to give me the recipe when we were there in January, but after a few "thake like thith and doo like thath" sessions... i decided to hunt for one myself.

Im not sure why, but after yesterday, i was consumed (pun intended) with a desire to make it myself , by hook or by crook ( i like that saying .. dont know why ok) and after salivating over the thought of it the entire day, i forced poor Ed to drive me all the way to the international store and got me a bright green papaya and some lemons.

Came home and promptly found a real authentic recipe for SomTam. ONLINE if i might add. CookBooks are going to be passé soon.

The recipe looked real enough, and so i tried it.

I was amazed how quickly it came together and how easy it was to assemble. Thankfully Ed cannot stand the fish sauce so i lovingly held the bowl to my heaving bosom and sampled my first spoonful.

If anything stinky can be ambrosial... it is this.

Therefore.. here I am divulging of the recipe for you to try at home! Its incredibly easy and i suggest that you try it, if you havent had it before and do like Thai food. If you already have a great recipe.. WELL THEN MAKE IT AGAIN I SAY!!!

Here goes! Keep your mouth closed the entire time. Dont want unwanted liquids falling into the bowl.

SOM TAM ( Green Papaya Salad)

Ingredients:
2 garlic cloves
2-10 small green chilies- depending on how hot you want it.
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon fish sauce, or 1/2 teaspoon salt ( if you dont like it stinky)
1 long green bean, broken into short pieces(its ok if you dont have it)
1 tomato( chopped up and bruised to get the juice out.)
2 teaspoons lime juice
1 cup shredded green papaya
1/2 cup shredded carrots ( optional)
3 tablespoons dry roasted peanuts
1 tablespoon dried shrimp( skip it if you dont have it.. you can add tofu too)

Directions:

Peel the papaya, get rid of the seeds and the little white sprouts inside. Shred the papaya with either a grater or a peeler , whatever you like.. as long as the papaya has long thin slivers. Dont make it too thick or too thin. I use a grater with the bigger holes.

Mash the garlic and the chillis. DONT do it like an INDIAN ( you know how we GRIND things TO A PULP) Nuh uh. just mash it until its separated and bruised ( sort of like someone stepped on it a few times).
Add some papaya shreds to the bowl youre mashing the garlic in and mash it some more. the garlic should be in shreds now, but still identifiable.

Add the sugar, fish sauce (or salt) and pound more. Make sure everything is well mixed.

Add the tomato. Pound more, but not as hard. Add the lime juice, dried shrimp( or not!) and the rest of the papaya. Pound a few more times while mixing with a spoon. You want to evenly coat the papaya with the juices while pounding the flavor into the papaya, but don’t pound so hard that the papaya disintegrates. Add the peanuts and carrots, mix and serve.

IF youre the only one who likes this. You're fine. If you have other members in your household or worse, if you have a friend who likes it..... beware. You might have to divide it so there no blood shed.

Keep a bottle of fish sauce near you at the table, in case you want a little more, and maybe some lime wedges, sugar, and maybe some more peanuts ( i know i wanted some).

This goes really well with sticky rice and also just by itself.

And the best part is... you can eat the ENTIRE Papaya this way AT ONE SITTING if youre so inclined and not feel a twinge of guilt, because its healthy!!

*WARNING * - make SURE you do NOT kiss anyone after this meal.

HOWDY!! to ...Who?

2009-02-05T14:36:00.003-06:00

Alright. New game.

I Call this "Grafx's De-lurking Week"

Everyone who read this... even passersby, HAS to comment and tell me where youre from and how long you have been reading this blog. Yes, even if it has been .014 seconds.

There. Those are my rules.

Say hello already!!!

Bossy emails.

2009-01-30T11:10:00.002-06:00

Me: D, Here are the designs for the Tshirt logo . Let me know what i need to change?

D : K, thanks, about Next Tuesday, i wont be in. Its my daughter's 3rd birthday, but call me if you need anything.

Me : Awwww daddy's growing up so Fast. Do you feel old now?

D: Ofcourse. I cant run after her already. What are you doing messing about. Have kids already.

Me: OK OK. But do i get to I finish this project first?

D: Oh be quiet. Kids are great. Dont wait.

Me: alrighty then, will check my husband's schedule and get back to you. Im assuming you'd want to only review the finished product right?

D: Oh you young things. Shoo.

I love my boss. :D

OH MY GOAT!!!!

2009-01-13T07:41:00.009-06:00

*update* - pictures are below

Its good to be back.
But how do i sort out these mixed feelings of wanting to stay back in Cal, and yet being relieved to be back from all the chaos.

Most of it was utter chaos. From boulder busting jeep rides down a village road, to swerving around bike-taxis in Bangkok.
Haggling over prices to taking care of Ed's minor tummy upset.

Thailand was a dream. The best places to go for a holiday are where the Thais themselves go. That way you can be sure you arent around the whole "tourist" environment. Thais are way more relaxed and dont really go out that much, so believe it or not, we had the entire, ENTIRE beach resort to ourselves. All except for a smattering of people who kept out of sight for the most part.

I hadnt been to the beach in years and it was only natural that we spent almost all our waking hours in the water. Ed learnt to swim. In just 2 days. That man is a genius! By the time we left, he had beaten me and my dad at all the watery races we had. Even my mum paddled around and was soundly thrashed.

In just two years, my taste buds had all grown back i think, because everything i ate in Bangkok made me gulp down buckets of water. Much to the astonishment of my parents. " But you never thought this was hot before!!" they kept saying... and I kept drinking. I couldnt leave without eating the papaya salad though. So with ice on hand and milk on the other, i ate a whole plate. It was the most devilishly delicious thing ever. And ofcourse i paid dearly for it in the toilet.

It feels strange to come back and blog again. There is so much to say, so much to describe, that sometimes i dont feel like writing about it. But i know i would like to come back some day and read all of this again. To relive things.

Especially the goats. I have two rascals of a Christmas present. One is called Ruby, and the other Denny.
Both are insatiable and have voracious appetites. And nothing is spared.

From the moment i met them, my pants were sampled, the roses kept getting chomped off, the dogs ears were lovingly nibbled at and every five minutes one would hear a roar from someone in the house yelling at them.

My aunt ofcourse didnt have the heart to "murder" them. And as mischevious as they were, i couldnt see them in a pot. They'd probably try to eat it as they cooked.

The second day after we arrived, i was sitting on my aunt's bed, watching some good old Indian Tv, when i heard a soft clip-clop and turned to see the larger goat, Ruby, walk in and sit on one of the dogs' beds. Taken aback a little, i squeaked that the goat was in the house. Ruby stood up on the bed and cocked her head at me, her ears flip flopping as she bounced out of the bed towards me. She loved being petted so i scratched her ears for a minute, before all pandemonium broke loose. Jackie, the german shepherd , seeing a goat getting a scratch instead of him, promptly bit Ruby's bottom.
With a loud Baa-aah, she jumped onto my grandmother's bed which was just across from me, and proceeded to expel a very large quantity of goat pellets .
I screeched out loud and starting at the loud noise, Ruby ejected even more ammunition.

I grabbed her ears and pulled her off the bed, by which time, the maid came running and dragged the goat off. Thankfully, the goat poo, (which is the neatest poo i have ever seen, unless ofcourse they pee) was easily cleaned without any mess, except for a very irate grandmother loudly cursing the goat ... everything went back to normal after that with Ruby focusing on a chicken feather fluttering in the wind, and trying to catch it.

I ate puchkas til i could eat no more. The maids alerted the entire village i think, to get the puchka walla to come by every evening, because everyone who stopped by our gate informed me with great enthusiasm that the puchkawalla was in the village and had been called.

We had bonfires every night, roasting marshmallows...something new for my aunt. She kept eating them until my diet-inclined mother informed her it was pure sugar and corn syrup. After a shocked look for a moment or two, she couldnt resist them anymore and Ed was appointed chief marshman.

The goats were upto their old tricks each day, with intermittent screeches and yells from various parts of the house and yard signaling the start of a new activity. They were tied up for most of the day, but when they were let out, all hell broke loose and try as we did, we could never convince my aunt to tie them up permanently.

Ed enjoyed the whole thing though, laughing until he coughed, at each antic, then going to lie down . His tummy gave a bit of trouble at the spicy Indian food, but that didnt stop him from living every moment like it was his last!

My mum was cleaning some rice one afternoon. Without any warning or sound, Ruby appeared in front of her right when she lifted her head away from the plate, banging it on the goats face that was almost thrust into hers. Ruby was probably taking a sniff at Mum, and before Mum knew what was happening, the goat grabbed at the plate and started to tug. Mum , who probably would have jumped on the chair if she could, screamed in fright and just sat there tugging back. To make matters worse, Denny showed up and looking at the plate going back and forth, decided to take a munch out of it. Ruby let go at that very minute. The resulting cascade of rice , plate and my mum's chair falling backwards was a sight that i dont think i can even do justice to in describing it.

Mum, covered in rice, laughing soundlessly, hanging on to Ruby for support, called out weakly to anyone who was nearby. I was sitting right across from her witnessing this whole thing and holding my tummy, fighting to breathe .

Tears in our eyes, i helped her up and she went to get cleaned up.

I sat down and continued laughing until i cried.

Here are some pics from our trip:

I spent hours digging around in the rocks.

A boathouse!! err.... a houseboat?

The water was like liquid silk. No waves. No current. A giant swimming pool.

My dad teaching Ed how to swim. The land lubber learned in two days. The first day yours truly taught him to float.

We dubbed that rock in the distance " Alcatraz". And made up crazy stories of people held in captivity. My parents were most amused.

We stayed on the beach as long as we could, without falling asleep.

Thai fishing boats. How neat. Indian fishers, take note.

My aunt's delectable rosies. Very luring to the goats. Ruby managed to wallop a few.

Our church's 200th year anniversary. 1809-2009. With KC's dad as the new pastor!!! SO awesome!!

The children were so refreshing to kid around with. Kids here are so ....zombie-like. Thats what TV does to ya!

They sang such beautiful, haunting Bengali songs. We had tears in our eyes afterward. Even though Ed didnt understand a word.

Beautiful fields outside Calcutta. All sowed by hand. Eat that John Deere.

One of the many, many pictures of train scenes that Ed took. He is crazy about trains. My dad is ecstatic about that.

Ed's first chai in a madka. He saved it to bring it back home , much to the amusement of the chai walla.

And off we go!!!!

2008-12-17T09:21:00.003-06:00

Merry Christmas and a VERY Happy NEW year to whoever reads this blog!!!
We are leaving for Bangkok and India tonight and i am SO excited!!

I hope my Goat is a pretty one!

God bless you all!

of the excitement to come!

2008-12-15T08:03:00.006-06:00

i am so exhausted, but SO happy.

The weekend was a blur of shopping, chopping and serving food. Well, eating too.
Its a wonder Ed and I are still losing weight after so many smorgasbords of weekend gorging.

We had a bunch of people over on Sunday, for whom i cooked all Friday and all of Saturday, with mini "breaks" of sudden shopping , frantically trying to get everything on my list to take with us to India and Bangkok.

My parents alone have hogged two full suitcases with all the things they want us to bring.. out of which the Mini-Wheats are the funniest. food, Food, FOOD.

I got a call from my parents just before we were leaving for church, to hear that my dear little cousin wanted to know if i could lend her my wedding dress to refit her and then give it back to me.

WHAT?!??!?!?

First of all, you dont wear someone else's wedding dress. WHATEVER the reason. Unless its your mom's. I dont know why i feel that way, dont ask me. Second of all, when you have a cousin that has wanted everything you had from the time you were little and told you when you were 15 that "pretty girls dont get good husbands" out of pure jealousy of WHAT i dont know, thats even more reason to not pander to her.
Cat( my cousin) has always been the one person who always made me feel like i was unwanted and worthless. I have no clue why. Each time we would go and visit our folks in Cal, she would act uppity and critique my clothes, my hair, the way i wore my makeup, my figure, where i went to school, where i lived ( chennai) etc etc...down to the very way i walked. And all of it was delivered in very subtly pinching ways....thankfully, before i noticed fully what she was trying to do, we always had to leave for the night so i was saved from exploding.

I think what got her worst side the most was when i married Ed. To her, marrying an American or ANY WHITE GUY was the holy grail of getting a guy. No explanation of the fact that it was who Ed WAS that made me fall in love with him, convinced her of anything. To her.. i had gone and done the one thing that topped the cake of jealousy. To this day i cannot understand why, but everytime we have to go and visit her family, i cringe because secretly i hope she isnt there at home.

Have you ever had to deal with someone who was that way?

Strangely enough, for the past two years, she has suddenly been cozying up to me... I have a feeling its because in her eyes im living " the good life" .. i have been taking advantage of this and being extra nice to her to get us to be friends.. and we HAVE been emailing and chatting back and forth and i thought things were going to be different when we visited this time . Then ofcourse something comes up and you have the wedding dress disaster.

Ofcourse i told my parents i wasnt willing to give my one and only wedding dress up, to be hacked and chopped up . My parents werent wanting to say yes either but they were going to ask me first.. Ed just summed it up in one sentence" She needs to not want something that belongs to someone else!" ofcourse he had no idea of the past when he said that.

I wonder why she doesnt want to get a nice one made thats especially just for her?...i would think all brides want something unique.

Anyways. As always family get togethers always have something sweet and something sour..... I hope this doesnt ruin anything.

We leave on wednesday and i CANT WAIT!!!!!

We will be escorted to our very own island getaway after getting to Bangkok...Cozy cottage (with a fireplace!!)glorious Thai food, Clear blue water, fishies swimming around us, eating crab thats been roasted in the sand, roasting marshmallows, singing songs, lazing on the beach all day, for 4 days of pure heaven!!

Then we go to India, with incredibly light suitcases( ohhhh what relief!) and then have our family and friends engulf us in their enthusiasm!!!

OH MAAAN.... WHY am i at work right now!!!

WE leave next weeeeeeeek!!!

2008-12-08T08:25:00.002-06:00

Had a good weekend.

Friday was spent driving around town getting Christmas gifts...mostly food. My family back home is the easiest to get gifts for.. ALL of them are foodies. I can buy food with my eyes closed and they will fall upon it like they had never received gifts before.

Friday night i sewed and worked out while Ed worked on his complicated engineering/microchip/structural design projects....the man can say a string of technical garble to me and i will nod my head away to glory and be blanker than any white page ever. BUT i will never let him know it!! unless he ofcourse asks me what i understood from it and then i will respond back in my most complicated art terms with all the graphic design and pre-press garble that i have to offer and then stare back at him, eyes locked, until we both give in and laugh out loud.

Its so cool how we have such bipolar differences and yet find each other's skills and talents so fascinating. Its not everyday that i get to hear how a bridge that collapsed in some part of the country was because of a faulty design of a this and that and a whatamajig. And to know that no one else apart from that group knew about it! AHA!

When i run excitedly to Ed, telling him about a particular project i completed that recieved a positive response about the this that and the thingamajig, he nods away with a big grin, absolutely clueless but ecstatic none the less. I kiss him on his blond beard and we do the happy dance.

On saturday, i can tell you by experience that shopping does involve some dropping. Actually a lot of dropping. I had people pick up my things as i trailed away and at the end of the day i think i had dropped so many articles that i had a trail of people with the " Excuse me maam's" and the " hey honey's" and the " whoa there's" and not to mention the one " ay ma!!! Porey jachchey!" which took me by surprise and made me drop one more!

Thankfully nothing was breakable. ALL food you see. And packaged.
for ONCE i'd like to buy something sweet smelling, or pretty. BUT NO. When everyone else is in the seasonal gifts aisle..... im at the Deli...smelling like Salami all the way home.

Sunday was great. we were hugged and kissed by lots of people at church ( always awesome!!) i got my quota for the week and then i flitted about inviting our friends over at one last Christmas lunch bash at our home before we left for India and so now we are going to have a wonderful get together next Sunday!... lots of cooking again!
After that we drove to see a sweet grandma that had just recovered from cancer and was as sprightly as ever.

And then we drove very hungrily to A and M's home for dinner. She made REAL Mexican tacos which are soft by the way, NOT hard shelled . M is Mexican and i got a lot of recipes to try at home . we sang carols and laughed a ton .

Got home and crashed.
This morning i woke up and after i was mussed about by Ed for 2 whole sleepy minutes, i wished it was FRIDAY AGAIN!!!!

When the Blubber meets the Road

2008-12-01T10:02:00.009-06:00

I must admit. I dislike working out immensely. I will count calories til i am blue in the face, i will try every diet that sounds decent enough. BUT i have never been one to exercise.

ESPECIALLY when ALL i have seen so far are slim and trim, muscly women and men running up and down the sidewalks and NOT A SINGLE fat woman or man bouncing by.

NOT a single fat person i said. How was i to work out, when i was the fattest one among all the skinnies? Where did all the people who really needed to lose weight, go?

Lately, Ed and i have both noticed our bodies sort of floating towards each other and gently fluffing out in the bed, very similar to a jellyfish washed ashore and dismally poofed out on the sand.

Even though i have lost a few pounds, the body seems to not want to let go of its long standing friendship with the flab.

This Thanksgiving, as we sat around the living room, in several stages of euphoria , we sleepily buzzed at each other about how we just had to firm up and get with the healthy.

Friday morning, Ed dragged me out of bed while i was still drooling, and we drove to Walmart and picked out a treadmill. Yes. A treadmill.

Since we didnt have a pick up truck, Ed and i tied the huge mammoth of a treadmill to the car with bungee cords with half of it sticking out and drove home . I looked over to see the hood bouncing happily .

A friendly neighbor spied us with some alarm as i tried to hoick one side of it with Ed holding the other and then quickly told me to get out of the way while he carried it in the house with Ed.

The doors shut and we stood over our impulsive purchase and looked down at it sort of half crazed...realising that this was IT. I HAD to work out now. There was NO more excuses left for me in the jar. Ed had a mischevious gleam in his eye.

Since Ed is the "fixer" in the relationship. i let him set it up, happily tinkering away .

A half hour later, he yelled " its ready!!!" and i heard the motor and tread start winding.

He walked and ran for half an hour and then i got on it.

I half expected it to be torture, but when i looked down at the screen, i found i had walked for 15 minutes already and i actually felt great!

After a half hour, both sweating, we sat on the floor , talking excitedly about how great it felt to do that. If we walked or ran( me doing the walking and Ed doing the running) for just 30 minutes every evening after work, not only would we feel great but we would both lose weight quickly. And we could increase the time and speed as and when we got fitter. That sounded so great i swooped back and clapped with my feet in the air!

SO this was it!! I realised i could walk for 3.5mph as i had , for 30 minutes so that i had my heart rate up at 160, i would really lose weight. Plus i could watch a movie or listen to my iPod while i walked and the time would run by! Why didnt i think of this earlier?

Not only that , but i could do all of this , still wearing my pajamas with kisses all over it. With my hair messy AND my face un made up. It sounded WONDERFUL!

Also, since Ed and i are now seriously thinking about having children, i need to lose weight to be in good health to have one, since being overweight makes it harder to get pregnant.

Ed 's constitution is the kind that lets you eat like an elephant and not put on any weight except on the belly. And since he LOVES to eat, he has noticed his belly getting a little happy.

Last night , after a wonderful workout, i was still panting when Ed came in the room chomping on some Raisinets. The Banshee screech with which i flung him out of the room probably was heard by the very friendly neighbor who helped us bring the treadmill in.

I think Ed got the message pretty quick after that.

So now we have the second bedroom converted to an Exercise/Sewing room , where one half is now flowing with rich cloth and the other half, hopefully a controlled amount of sweat.

Next year when we get back from India, we are planning to get a puppy. Mostly for me. So now, Ed says he is going to train the dog to run the treadmill, so he doesnt have to take him out for walkies..

I didnt think working out would make us THAT lazy!

Black Wednesday

2008-11-29T19:18:00.007-06:00

Had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Its so important to be thankful, not just on this one day, but everyday. because life is short and we are but a vapour.

The horrible terror atacks in Mumbai shook us hard.

Not just because lives were lost, but that while we were watching the news live, we heard reporters talking emotionally about the Taj being destroyed.

Tell me this. WHAT use is a building when lives are at stake? WHY treat it as an icon? its stone and mortar. thats all.

Its the lives that are way more important. Valuable reporting time was being wasted on sentences like " we will rebuild the Taj" and " the Taj is a beloved icon in Mumbai".

um.. who cares?. Not me.

Move on to the lives of the Indians in the other nine places in Mumbai and the foreigners in the hotel, that were lost. Those Americans,( two from Nashville of all places!) British, Greeks, Israelis and other countries ( that the Muslim fundamentalists call infidels.. actually they call anyone who isnt a Muslim an infidel ) that were killed... for what?

I hope that this will not trigger hate among the people in India against whoever did this. Why? because theres enough hate and theres NO need for more.

But you CAN be angry. Angry at what happened. At how easily the terrorists got in, even after the owner had been warned of the attack. At how these people travel throughout the world and kill without being stopped only after the deed is done.

But most of all im angry at how they have such little value for life.

The Indian commandos, police and military who fought this are incredible. I was so glad when they decided against negotiations. Terrorism does not deserve it.

If the terrorists think they're floating on clouds in heaven right now because they have somehow fought a " holy war" and killed someone to score a notch for their ticket to heaven, they are sorely mistaken.

Thanksgiving already!

2008-11-26T08:59:00.003-06:00

OOHH!! its Thanksgiving tomorrow!! im so excited!!
last year we never did anything other than cook up tons of food and eat it.

But this year it will be even better!!

im going to leave work early to go do some decoration shopping. Lights, Fall leaves, lamps.. the works! Cant wait to decorate the living room and dining room tables! I know i sound like a nesting hen, but this is all so exciting for me, just because i love having company over and i love big holidays! Wish we had something like this in India... where you have a holiday just for giving thanks to God!!

Have been writing out the menu on bits of paper that are laying like snowflakes all over my desk! Im pretty sure when people walk by me , they know what im upto... or NOT upto!

This time Ed's brother in law is going to bring a honking big ham. I still want my turkey though so a small one is going to be on the table as well.

Im also going to get some games to play tomorrow. Right now we have bankrupted everyone a million times with Monopoly, so conquering needs a fresh new approach!

My boss left for Florida yesterday and so i have had 2 full work days ...with NO WORK. Just sitting in for him in case someone comes up with a design emergency.( um.. i dont think so?!)
His good bye was " Have fun. Pig out. I know i am!"

Watched the Andy Griffith Show the other day.... does anyone else love it as much as i do? i LOVE Barney!!what a nutcase! he is my all time favorite!! That show is what comedy should be! No innuendos, or kinky side meanings.. etc etc.. or even crassness.... its something even a little kid can watch but it still makes ANY adult cough up a lung laughing. And its REALLY witty with intelligent humor. Cant imagine Ron Howard being that small though!! and now he has no hair!!

ohhhh im still dreaming about tomorrow. This evening, i am going to get the food prepped, decorate and tidy up the home and then Ed , very courageously will vaccum. ( The man can vaccum gooooooooood.)