Grateful Dating

Portland

2012-05-24T10:57:00.000-04:00

After Louisiana, I came to Portland (Oregon). I haven't been here for a million years and I barely remember it well enough to say that I know it's changed. For example, I'm sure I would have noticed the dozens of food carts if I'd seen them before. What I might not of noticed is something like this (well, since I never FLEW to Portland until this week, I definitely wouldn't have noticed it!):

A "bike assembly area" (please excuse mediocre iPhone pics throughout)

Bike Assembly Area, PDX

I fleetingly thought it might be a place for cyclists to assemble, but no, it's a place to put your bike together. Because...that's how many people travel with their bikes to Portland? I've never seen this before in my airport experience and I wonder if one exists anywhere else.

Then I lucked into possibly the best hotel room I've ever stayed in:

Hotel Vintage Plaza, "Naked Winery" Room

I never really thought I was a "view" person. As long as the room is clean and the bed is comfortable (enough), I'm happy. If you have Turner Movie Classics (ALL hotels in Alaska have this channel!), I will love you forever. But, it turns out, being this high up with full size windows covering two full walls made me incredibly happy. The weather was terribly changeable--ranging from mild sprinkles to full on pelting rain to huge wind gusts to bright sunshine. The sun didn't shine much but it got hot when it did. Watching all the weather through the windows was fantastic. I never would have found this place if I weren't looking for a centrally located hotel that took dogs (my mom was going to come down from Seattle with her dog, but she didn't) and charged the government rate. The staff was lovely, the room was great, and the one night I got room service, the food was delicious. Also, if you ever plan to stay in a Kimpton hotel, join their rewards club. Such a good deal and free. (Travel tip: join all the hotel rewards clubs--you may never earn a free stay but they always give you better rooms and little extras that make your stay a little bit more pleasant.)

My first day here, I took a little stroll in the early morning and spotted this place:

I was embarrassingly unprepared for the weather. No proper shoes, no hat, and no water-resistant jacket. I resolved to go back and see if they had some shoes for me. They did. I won't go into details but I now own a pair of motorcycle boots that will probably last forever. I love them but are they practical? Well, sure, if I actually lived in Portland or Seattle. Or had a motorcycle.

Another thing that I've never seen anywhere else are the astonishing number of food stands. These aren't the mobile food trucks we have in DC, that have to jockey for good parking spots and show up in different neighborhoods. No, these are semi-permanent carts built on trailers that have permanent homes on the edges of pay parking lots all over downtown. Crazy!

Food Stands

During a brief sunny spell yesterday, I got out for a decent walk along the river:

The Church of Elvis

In between all that, I managed to go to the Portland Art Museum, shop like a mad person at Nordstrom's and see two movies. Oh, yes, I also did some work! This is a work trip, right? Well, it's more like a pause between two work trips. I can't really believe I managed to pack all that new clothing into my suitcase, but that's one of the virtues of packing light--you can pack heavy on the way back. (And yarn, I also bought yarn, of course.)

I also had lunch with my second cousin. A great young woman working just a couple of blocks from my hotel. We couldn't figure out when we last saw each other, but my mom used to come down to Portland a lot when my cousin's whole family was living here. But her mom died a couple of years ago (cancer, too young), her dad is in Colorado (work), one sister is married and in Missouri, the brother is in college in Ohio...they are scattered all over the country now. I know this makes my mom sad but mostly she just misses her cousin. That was quite a blow.

I'm off now, to work. Don't know if I'll keep up the blogging, but if I could get up at 5am every day like I do on the west coast, I bet I could.

Grateful for: the pause.

Moving

2012-05-19T10:40:00.000-04:00

Apparently, I only write when I travel and not always then. While I'm overall pleased with my work, I'm not happy with the ridiculous amount of work travel I have to do. For example, it's 8am on Saturday and I'm sitting at Union Station waiting for a train to take me to the airport. The week didn't end, I'm just going straight through. Boo.

This is my own fault, really. I was in charge planning these meetings. I agreed to a meeting on a Sunday in the middle of nowhere Louisiana. What was I thinking?

The upside is that I'm spending tonight in New Orleans with a couple of members of my team who I really like. We're going to drink and have a good dinner. Sunday we're driving to nowhere.

I have a few hours on my own this afternoon. I'll take a long walk and maybe a nap before going out with my friends. Now it's time to get happy.

Grateful for: opportunities.

Night and Day

2012-04-29T14:25:00.001-04:00

A little over a year ago, I was in Alaska and I was miserably sick with walking pneumonia. The skies were cloudy, slush was everywhere, and I still liked it. However, it was hard to enjoy due to my illness. Not being able to see the landscape was a huge disappointment.

This time around, we had two beautiful, clear days in Anchorage and I am in Seward now, moments away from taking a whale-watching cruise. I am super happy to be here. The only tiny downside is enforced companionship with one of the research team (we drove down to Seward together and are taking the boat ride together). She might not be my first choice for a traveling companion but she's pleasant, we are getting along, and she is easy going. I realize that I prefer traveling alone--what a solitary creature I am! Is that bad or wrong? Oh well.

I am taking pictures selectively and I'll put together a nice photo post when I get home. I'm going to Seattle on Monday for two nights. I'm looking forward to that too.

Grateful for: seeing the world.

Anchorage

2012-04-26T18:25:00.001-04:00

It's beautiful and clear here, quite a contrast to the hazy, gloomy weather I encountered when I was here last March. I'm staying in an ugly part of town but those amazing mountains are always in the background. Awesome.

Escape artist

2012-04-21T10:41:00.001-04:00

You know what's killed the blog (besides my lack of headspace for writing due to my heavy workload)? Facebook. All the little things go there and all I have time for anymore is little things.

Here's one...Tabitha the cat escaping for the second time this week.

Grateful for:

the little things.

Coffee

2012-02-19T11:46:00.001-05:00

Enjoying some good coffee an an ok scone before the madness of today begins. Tonight is my dad's party and we are all helping with prep. That means lots of cleaning, carrying, and moving out of people's way.

Mushroom bounty

2012-02-17T17:03:00.001-05:00

At Monterey Market in Berkeley. Almost lost Dad but he reappeared. He loves this store.

Philz

2012-02-17T12:33:00.001-05:00

Morning coffee spot.

Berkeley

2012-02-17T12:07:00.002-05:00

It's been a million years, right? What can I tell you, life gets busy and I get lazy/tired. Very tired. I'm on vacation now--in Berkeley. I'm going to do my best to make this an actual vacation. My dad is having a "significant" birthday and I'm here to celebrate. I bought him some fancy bags from my favorite bag company as a present (Tom Bihn) and they were already here when I arrived. He seemed to like them--we'll see. Anyway, I have promised myself that I will not check work email while I am here. This is a ridiculously hard promise to keep. I'm not going back to the office until Wednesday (Monday is a holiday). That's two whole days with no work email! But, too bad. Before I left, I told my supervisor that unlike previous vacations, I would not be working on this one. I hope they can manage without me.

Work is still the pits. I am days (ok, maybe weeks) away from taking active steps to leave. Not kidding this time. It's depressing as ever to contemplate. It really isn't right that I have to leave a job I like because of a horrible boss or two, but that's just the way it is. And, honestly, there is a lot about the job I don't like, and will never like, even with a wonderful boss, so maybe this will all turn out for the best. Now it's just a question of getting my ducks in a row and doing things properly. Moving on...it's not such a bad thing.

Grateful for: a real vacation.

Tired

2012-01-18T17:29:00.001-05:00

How many times have I written a post with that title? More than once, that's for sure. I am beat and I don't know why. I've been sleeping fine, eating well and moderately exercising. Yet I can't seem to catch up. Maybe it's just winter and too many dark hours. I don't know. I got home on Monday from my NY/NJ trip and it was great to be back. So cozy and nice, just me and Tabitha, hunkered down on the couch and later under the down comforter. I slept really well. I'm ok at sleeping in strange places but I had some odd dreams that made the nights not feel so restful.

This time, when visiting my brother, I hoped it wouldn't involve a lot of errands and trips to the grocery store. I thought they'd do that stuff on Saturday and I wasn't arriving until Sunday. Oh how wrong I was--not only did he drag me to the grocery store, but it was preceded by a trip to Home Depot. It was just the two of us and I think he actually wanted the alone time with me, so I didn't complain. Something about that whole time in NJ was exhausting even though I didn't move around much. I arrived, helped my niece bake a cake, went off to Home Depot and Whole Foods with my brother. Came home, unloaded the car, watched football while knitting, ate dinner and played 1/4 a game of Risk (first time, believe it or not). I was totally worn out! Maybe it's all that interacting with other people that did it. My oldest niece still didn't make much of an effort to talk to me and I didn't get an opportunity to engage her either. The second niece was receptive (see cake baking above) and even had me get her started knitting something again. My nephew was on a last-minute overnight trip, and while I missed seeing him, it was a much calmer time without him there.

I am also too tired to read Ulysses. I fear my email reading program is a failed experiment. Oh well.

Grateful for: long weekends.

Failure

2012-01-12T16:30:00.001-05:00

I am totally failing to read Ulysses. Why did I even start this impossible quest? I've skipped two installments. Maybe I can get back on track today. I've been busy, stressed, distracted, and it's hard to make time for a book that's about zero fun to read. It's just my foolish pride that is necessitating this--and maybe it's a good exercise in self-control. Hah.

Speaking of which, I did end up texting NYE boy. I won't go so far as to say that there was a misunderstanding but he was certainly pleased to hear from me. (He said we didn't have plans--true, I'm sure there was a "maybe" in there-- and that I could've called him. Sigh. I am not condoning his behavior, but he was truly surprised that I was miffed. Weirdo!) He wanted to get together but our schedules were incompatible this week. I'm going out of town this weekend and I'll get in touch with him when I get back. If I feel like it.

Sadly, work is still driving me crazy. I'm going to New York this weekend and it will be FUN. I need some fun!

Grateful for: New York

Tired

2012-01-10T10:59:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, we had a half-day retreat for the office. I'll say it wasn't a complete disaster but it wasn't terribly useful either. But, I'd rather not spend my time fussing about work. I will fuss about something else instead...

After work, I went to yoga. I almost canceled but I was determined. I'm trying to get myself more fit. I'm trying to eat well, exercise more, etc. It's not a New Year's thing--as you know I've tried to start this yoga habit for over a month. I'm getting in the groove pretty well, though I'm going to the studio instead of keeping up my home practice. Anyway, on my way home from the metro, I had that empty feeling that I sometimes get when I haven't eaten enough. You really can't eat before yoga, but clearly, I hadn't eaten enough earlier in the day. Then again, I thought maybe I was just feeling tired and I would shake it off in class. After class started, I knew the problem was lack of calories. I managed to make it through the class, but skipped the most challenging variations and spend more time than usual in "child's pose." I ate plenty when I got home but I woke up this morning feeling stiff and a little ill. I really overdid it. Annoying!

You know what else is annoying? The NYE dude. I thought he was gone, that I'd never hear from him again--and that was really working for me. I have some issues. Issues. And one of them manifests itself in the hope that boys I really like disappear before things get complicated. This was happening and I was pleased. He was going to fade slowly into a pleasant memory of a crazy night and I could dispense with the annoying bits.

And then at 10:10pm on Sunday, he sent me a text. The text was a nothing, just "Hey, how was your weekend?" But I was stunned. And angry. The last time we'd talked, the conversation involved making weekend plans. I wanted to make an actual plan. He did not. The upshot was, "we'll do something this weekend, ok?" Ok. I was quite confident that I'd never hear from him again. I'll admit that I held a very faint hope that he would get in touch about the weekend. But when Friday rolled around and he was silent, I let it go. By Sunday, there was nothing to say or even think about. I was right, he was gone, and our chance encounter would become a pleasant memory.

Damn text.

What did I do? First, I texted my friends. They agreed--don't write back. So I didn't. We agreed that if he were to make a second contact, I could respond. He hasn't. And while this hasn't put him right at the front of my mind, it's much closer than I'd like. It's like I had him sitting way, way in the back in last row of the upper balcony. Then he moved down to the first mezzanine. Now he's sitting in the orchestra level, but all the way in the last row. Still much too close for comfort.

I want to text back. The thought of responding is plaguing me. But it's so impossible. I don't want to chide him--why should I be the police here? I don't want to be carefree, because what he didn't isn't cool. Then again, handled differently, it could've been good. Say he'd led with something apologectic--"sorry I didn't get in touch about the weekend. things got crazy. how are you?" That might have merited a response. Or maybe not.

Pele is angry at him, which is touching. She hates that he is trying to keep me on the hook. I hate it too, but I'm also flattered. I'm worth hooking. That isn't the worst thing ever.

Oh--I do have a question for the readers. I'm not saying I will, but if I were to send him a text, what should it say? I would love to hear your suggestions.

Grateful for: bait.

Stretching

2012-01-06T17:42:00.001-05:00

I don't think I overdid it with the yoga yesterday, but I am a tiny bit sore. I'm enforcing a yoga rest day today. I will walk home from work (it's so warm!) and that will help with the soreness and keeping in motion. Tomorrow, I will try for a mid-day hike. I have an errand to run that's taking me near a big park with a trail I've used for biking. Why not use it for hiking? I want to go hiking more, maybe with groups, but I'm not sure I'm up for an 8 mile hike. I know I could do 4-5 miles easy, but beyond that I'd need to test my footwear and clothing. In the Spring, I did this scavenger hunt thing, and while the walking around was tiring, it wasn't impossible. The real problem was that my shoes really hurt my big toes and my pants were chaffy. Before an 8 mile round trip, I'd like to test the gear.

And...I really don't want to read my Ulysses installment today. Let me go do that right now. Ok, done! I did an extra installment, to make up for no reading over the weekend. It's kind of like poetry with the rhythm and flow of the words, but it's nothing at all like the way my thoughts go. I wonder--did Joyce actually think this way? Is it an accurate representation of his own "stream of consciousness"? Geez, that would be very unpleasant!

My weekend is wide open and I'm going to enjoy and relax. I'll do some grocery shopping, take my hike, maybe clean the bathroom. I'll finish up a couple of lingering knitting projects. Maybe I'll see Pele on Sunday. I'll be very happy to be away from the office. It works.

Grateful for: calm.

Intriguing

2012-01-05T14:50:00.001-05:00

A friend told me my recent blog posts were intriguing. I apologize for being elliptical, but I've always drawn a certain line on the blog disclosure and that line stays, given that my anonimity is paper thin. Unfortunately, while I thought I might have a bit of dating or romance or something burgeoning, it turns out I was mistaken. I have no regrets and my anxiety has passed. I think I actually had a sense that, despite the many intense words exchanged between me and mr.-possible-romance, the situation was too impossible to actually result in anything long-lasting--or short-lasting for that matter. I won't lie--I am disapointed. The prospect of having a boyfriend was attractive and I actually like this guy. That seemed good, a possible good start to something. A good omen? Something to worry about other than work? Lots of...exercise? Anyway, it wasn't meant to be and I am much better at accepting that outcome than I used to be--something to be grateful for. I'm also grateful that we didn't drag something out that he had already decided was doomed. Best to leave it at: we had fun, no regrets, and goodbye. (Full disclosure--we didn't actually, formally, say goodbye. Our conversation was something like this:

Boy: Um, I'm more interested in something casual, ok?

Girl: Sure, but, uh, why did you say all that serious stuff?

Boy: Uh, I do that. Sorry.

Girl: Um, ok...

Boy: But we can do something this weekend...

Girl: Okaaay, sounds good, I'm around this weekend.

I fully expect that he won't call/text (I made the first contact and won't be making the second) and that we won't see each other this weekend or ever again.)

So--oh well! On the good news side, I read several installments ahead on Ulysses today. I'm semi-confident that I will read the whole book via email. Bizarre! AT this rate though, it will still take around six months.

Oh, and I'm on a pretty good yoga regime. It's kicking my butt, but I'm starting to crave it. I've been going about every other day, but tonight will make two nights in a row. Hope that's not a mistake. Guess I'll know by tomorrow.

Grateful for: perspective, late though it may be.

Ulysses

2012-01-03T14:54:00.001-05:00

I've tried to read Ulysses (James Joyce version) a couple of times and once seriously. I couldn't get past the first 200 pages, but as an English major, this failure pains me. I want to read this book, unpleasant though it may be. Following up on something my brother told me about, I'm going to try to read it via email. There is a website that will email you a few pages a day. It might work. We'll see.

Reading this book will be my only New Year's resolution. As a rule, I don't make resolutions. I don't really understand them or the arbitrary start of the year nature of them. The only resolution-like thing I do is at Yom Kippur, when I resolve to try and be a better person. Hey, if you don't at first succeed...

I am not writing about the things that are really stressing me out. (Take two guesses, both will be right.) So I will end now and say, I've read the first two installments of Ulysses and I think I can do it.

Grateful for: a project.

About time

2012-01-01T17:33:00.001-05:00

I've been wondering if I'd ever have any dating-related content to share on this blog again. Of course I'd EVER have another date, and even a good date, but when? As it turned out, when was last night.

It used to be that if I'd meet a guy and had a great time with him, it would be straight to the journal the next day. Then it was straight to the blog. I am surprised to find that I've never been so unmotivated to write about having a good first meeting with a guy than I am now.

Setting the scene--all day, I'd wondered if I'd do anything for New Year's Eve. As I written in the past, it's one of my least favorite holidays. I have high expectations that are usually dashed. I've only had a kiss a midnight once and most other times, something went wrong (with a friend, a boy, or my mixed-up emotions). This year, I had no plan, no party and most of my friends were out of town. I didn't make an effort to round up a person to hang with. I thought if I were in the mood, I'd just walk down the street, find a mellow bar scene and be in proximity to people.

Around 11pm, I thought, I'm not falling asleep any time soon, so why not go out? I didn't dress up, just wore my same old pair of black pants, black shirt, a light sweater (not a hand knit one!), a black jacket and a colorful scarf (a hand knit one). I went to the bar with the friendliest bartenders. I stood around, ordered a drink, and talked to no one. And no one talked to me. I didn't feel bad, just a little out of place. It seemed pretty clear that a woman is not supposed to go out to a bar alone on New Year's Eve. Really, no one is supposed to go out alone. I was surrounded by couples and small groups of friends.

After the midnight toast (a free shot of whiskey), I slid up to the bar and started talking with a friendly married couple. They were great and made my night. I had three or four drinks over the couple of hours I was there, and it went right to my head, per usual. I think it was around 2 when I left. Before I got to the corner, a guy and his two friends started talking to me. The first guy complimented my scarf and I said, "I made it." Then he hesistantly confided that I looked like a librarian. I said, "It's the glasses" and "is that good or bad?" The second friend said, "It's good! Librarians are f*ckin' sexy!" The second friend and I hit it off and the four of us stood around talking on the corner for a bit. The NYE party vibe just rolled out of the bars onto the sidewalks and everyone was chatting and greeting each other. Everyone was mildly drunk, friendly and just wanting the party to continue. My party was just getting started.

And...this fellow...the "second friend"...what I can I say. He was so...enthusiastic about me, about everything, it was irresistible (but not absurd). We had a good connection and a silly late night time. I imagine we will see each other again. Actually, I'm sure we will. I may write more when that happens.

Happy New Year everyone! Let's hope it's great one.

Grateful for: chance encounters.

Rife

2011-12-27T18:17:00.001-05:00

I've always really appreciated being Jewish this time of year. (Especially when I see the frenzy so many knitters get themselves into. Wow.) Work is very quiet, which is great, but it's also a lonely time socially since so many people are out of town. Thus, I'm trying to take a lot of yoga and get a drink at a bar a couple of times, mostly for the human contact.

Work let out early on Friday and I caught a movie and ate dinner with a friend. I was supposed to go on a hike on Saturday, which would have been a great day for it, but I couldn't muster the energy. I pulled a "bad friend" move and canceled in the morning. Luckily, my friend was understanding. I swore the next day would be different, and I signed myself up for a 2-hour yoga session, which had a major meditative element involving forgiveness. Work is still pretty much a disaster (great big fight with horrible supervisor on Friday), so that sounded about right. I need to forgive her and, failing that, I need to forgive myself. Both, really. Anyway, this was at the yoga studio about a 2-mile bike ride from my house. the one that's two blocks away was also having a two-hour session, but it involved saying "om" 108 times and I couldn't handle it.

I roused myself on Sunday and made it out to the studio right on time. Not many folks were there--about eight of us. The physical parts were challenging but not impossible. Then we got to the meditative, breathing section. And there was an optional chant. and the word used in that chant wasn't "om" but sounded exactly like the name of the place where I work. Well. No fuckin' way. I almost burst out laughing. But, I stifiled and managed to get through the whole thing, though I just listened and didn't chant. Afterwards, I talked to the instructor and told him about the sound of the word. I talked to another lady who was lingering (the partner of the teacher, I suspect). We talked about where I work and how it's doing good things, despite challenges, politics, etc. Then I said, it was a great place to work in many ways, but that I was having a terrible time there because of my horrible supervisor and I can't figure out how to fix it. I stood to leave and the instructor gave me a hug and said "Merry Christmas!" Yes, I look that sad.

Yesterday, I went for a jog in the morning (more of a lope). Then hung around and did a lot of knitting. I signed up for a yoga class on Monday evening but couldn't deal so I canceled. I fell asleep on the sofa around 5pm for an hour. Then I got up and went to a bar, had a snack, a beer and a free shot of whiskey. I talked a little to the bartender, but that was it. It was all couples, families and pairs of friends. Lordy.

Today, it's back to work and no horrible supervisor to torment me. Tonight it's "restorative" yoga. Tomorrow it's a jog/lope in the morning or at the gym. Thursday it's more yoga. And on and on until I find another job that can take me away from this mess.

Grateful for: understanding strangers.

Dreaming

2011-12-12T11:35:00.001-05:00

Last night, I dreamt that I was standing in line at a film festival with my boyfriend. I had to leave him in the line to hold my place while I left and found our tickets. When I got back to him, we had to balance our making out with standing in line.

I'm pretty sure this dream is directly related to: the cute guy I spent almost an entire party flirting with on Friday and all the tv I watched over the weekend. One show involved people standing in line to buy something and some of them were kissing. The other show was about unrequited and impossible love, but in the end it all worked out.

I guess I'm hoping that will be the story of my life. So far, it's all been unrequited or impossible love. But it's bound to work out eventually, right?

On Friday, I went to two parties, which lead to possibly the most I've drunk in one day in my entire life. Not that I was counting. The first party was for my office and held at TR's house. I worked at home in the morning, baked cookies and walked over to the party. My ex-bf who works in my office was there and I gravitated towards him. I don't know why. He is good looking, sure, but married and not appealing to me. After the first two glasses of wine, I mentioned that my last boyfriend was a Republican and added, "No offense, but I'm a terrible picker." The ex gave a slight start and then laughed heartily and said, "None taken!"

The second party was held by the girlfriend of a fellow in my newer group of friends. Not sure why she invited all of his buddies, but it was a nice gesture. As I mentioned above, I spent most of the night focusing my attention on one boy, who was age-inappropriate--like everyone else there (ok, you tell me--is 14 years younger age-inappropriate? What about 10?). He was one of maybe four single people at the party. Two of those were friends and already deemed out of contention. The other single guy did seem interested in me at one point and I did shine some of my light his way, but I was already deeply committed to my other flirtation. I've always had a one-track flirting mind. (Thinking back, I may have been the only single woman there. Wow.)

Yet, even though we left at the same time, he made no gesture or overture of interest. No vague future plan was mentioned and no numbers or emails were exchanged. When we parted, I thought, "If I were 17, I'd be calling the host and getting his info." Later I realized that I could easily find him on facebook. But I didn't because my friend Nancy counseled me (after tsking me for the age-inappropriateness) to "find someone who wants it so much, he pursues you."

But I wonder about this advice. Why can't I pursue him? I'm not aiming high. I'm just a little lonely. I'd like to make out with someone while standing in line at the film festival of my dreams. Is that too much to ask?

Grateful for: friends who care.

Typical blog content

2011-11-30T10:05:00.001-05:00

Today, at the coffee shop, they put a different diminutive name on my cup than the one I gave. I gave a one-syllable version of my real name; they wrote down a two-syllable version. I imagine it’s because they like me just that much.

Last night, I listened to an interview with Francis Ford Coppola and this quote stuck with me, “If you write every day, you’ll get better at it.” Does blog writing count? I feel sure I should be writing fiction, but where do I find the time? It’s all I can do to be consistent with my yoga practice. Maybe writing comes next?

Speaking of yoga, I have done my home practice for 11 days in a row. I’m actually on day 17 of a 28-day plan (skipped a bunch of days early on and didn't have the heart to reset the clock--forgive me yoga gods). I can feel the difference-- even 20 minutes a day pays off. I’ve now started walking the slightly more than a mile to my favorite coffee shop in the morning. It feels good and is better exercise than biking such a short distance. Now that it’s getting dark so early, I’m off biking home, so this first thing in the morning walk is a nice addition to my routine—the bonus is that great cup of coffee. The walk, yoga, plus a little gym and I’m really picking up my game.

Another thing I’ve been doing is wearing all my knits. I won’t say winter is my new favorite time of year, but it has to get pretty cold before I can wear a sweater. I have knit myself three warm cardigans and I can’t pull them out until the temps drop to around 40. Much colder than that and I’m not sure if I can wear them at all because they’re semi-bulky (the nature of hand knits) and may not fit under my coat—but we’ll see. I also have two vests, two short sleeve cardis and one long sleeve, light-weight cardigan that may all see some use this winter.

Today is pretty typical in terms of hand-knit-wear: cardigan, scarf, fingerless mitts and socks. The question: is it too much?

A knitting blogger who I really enjoy and who is a talented designer (I even bought one of her books), writes that one shouldn’t wear more than one hand knit item at a time. Is she right? She lives in LA and is rather fashion concious, so maybe that accounts for her opinion. I've tried to be less judgemental about what people wear because it's so arbitrary. Who decides what constitutes "flattering" or "frumpy" or "ill-fitting"? While I find it fun to judge others' clothing, it's fundamentally unkind and I'm trying to curb my tendency to engage in that kind of commentary. (Though, apparently, it's still ok to judge myself. Of course! Oh, and judge others for judging. Whoops.) Then again, all my knitting is about designing clothing that fits me (and others) properly. So...is more than one hand knit item overkill? Is it ok if they coordinate but aren't too matchy? Are her rules just as arbitrary as any others? (Well, yes, of course). This particular blogger also had a post adamantly against shawl pins recently. I just bought a shawl pin and I'm using it to keep my brand new hand knit cardigan closed. I've only gotten compliments on it. So, maybe we just have to agree to disagree! (No offense intended towards the blogger in question, but it's hard when someone you enjoy reading so much is indirectly critisizing you--it makes me wonder mostly.)

Anyway, I've managed to post again. Thank you, Francis Ford Coppola.

Grateful for: things to ponder.

Knitting and Marx

2011-11-28T14:37:00.001-05:00

While I apparently don't blog regularly anymore, I still read blogs every day. I will note that the personal blogs I read have slowed to a trickle and most of my reading is out of my "knitting" and "sociology" folders. In the latter, I group all the political, feminist and otherwise "sociological" blogs. One of the political/feminist blogs recently had a post that, in part, criticized knitting and claimed that no one wants knitted gifts and that sewing is more useful and practical skill. This claim raised my ire, but I read through the comments and saw that many had written just what I wanted to say. I didn't leave a comment.

My response to the author would have been: knitting is practical because after the apocalypse, people will still want to wear socks, sweaters, hats and gloves, and sewing is a poor way of producing those items. If machine knitting no longer existed or weren't widely accessible, we'd go back to hand knitting socks, which was the way most poeple got them pre-1900 or so. That while many hobby knitters don't knit fast enough to produce socks at volume, we would get faster if it were our only job and that the younger generation would need to learn how to knit and we would teach them. Last, only annoying people give gifts that they know people won't like--it's hardly confined to knitters. I never give a hand knitted gift unless it's small (thus low cost) or if expressly requested/ negotiated in advance with the recipient. I'm not taking the long amount of time to knit something nice if there's no chance the person will like it. They're not obligated to like it, but there should be a chance.

One of the interesting comments on the post was that knitting wasn't production in the Marxist sense because it didn't yield a necessary commodity. A response to that was that Marxist definitions left out craft areas that were traditionally feminine. And that knitting has value as artistic expression. The Marxist commentor stated that we didn't understand what "production" meant and we couldn't just re-define it to include our hobby.

This got me thinking along a few different lines. First, I have read some Marx, but not the big stuff (Das Kapital) where all this business is fleshed out. I can see it both ways--there is definitely a product when you knit, which is part of why it's an enjoyable pastime. Them again, similar products can be purchased, usually for much less than the cost of the time+materials needed to produce a hand knit item. However, sometimes you cannot purchase the item in the correct size/style/material to suit your individual need/desire. Just like hand sewing clothing (which, btw, usually involves a machine!), hand knitting clothing can be practical, especially for those who are fast knitters and good a finding cheap, high-quality materials. Even slow knitters can produce practical, attractive items that cannot be found for sale in the regular commercial market. However, it's very small scale production and we are still enslaving ourselves to an essentially meaningless activity when we could be uniting the workers of the world or Occupying something.

All that said, I think knitting is my current creative outlet. Thus, it doesn't matter if it's productive or a distraction. I must needs distract myself with something. For a long time, it was this blog. I also play silly co-rec sports to provide myself with a social outlet. That's not very Marxist either. (I'm not really a Marxist, but I am anti-capitalist). I have a small creative streak and it needs to get out somehow. I don't know why sewing doesn't appeal to me--maybe I'm not skilled enough? Maybe it's too relentlessly practical? Maybe it's not creative enough? (I doubt it's the last one--you have an equal number of choices to make--pattern, materials, modifications for sizing and style--that are similar to knitting and where the creativity sneaks in). For whatever reason, knitting is my main hobby now, not blogging.

Knitting is portable and you need only a few things to get going with it. You don't need a computer, only light, and if you keep it simple, you can carry the pattern in your head (or make it up as you go). Sure, it's smart to take notes and record the details of your work. It's fun to keep a photographic record and create a project page on "ravelry" to see how much work you actually put into your hobby. But it can be very low key too. It's not that interesting to write about, except for other knitters, since it carries its own specialized language. I still can't see becoming a "knit-blogger" because, well, I'd still rather be knitting (or reading someone else's knit blog) than writing about it. Or starting a new blog about it...that's probably the solution but the two blog thing is cumbersome and doesn't really work for me.

Anyway, I still do have a blog and it seemed like a good place to write all this down. Way more interesting than the guy I never had a date with who nevertheless thought it was a good idea to send me a multi-part text harangue when I didn't return one of his phone calls. Sigh.

Grateful for: a "productive" hobby.

Mellow

2011-11-06T15:33:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I went to yoga. I went last weekend and managed to practice once at home during the week. The class this weekend was great and what I needed--a beginner level. I need to stick there for a while--so it's the entry level classes and home practice for now.

I just found out that Spesh (good friend who lives in Israel) is coming to visit next week, which means I have to get the house in order. For some reason this means sorting all my yarn and clothing, even though what I should be doing is cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming the house. I will have time enough for all that. Today has been about laundry and knitting (what a surprise!). I finished my sweater and the hat for my nephew. I also managed to acquire more yarn...all but one skein of which has a project already attached. I think it's ok to have more yarn than I can knit if I know what I have planned for it. But it would be good to stop buying yarn for now. At this moment, I can easily store it all but I will soon run out of space. I wonder what I will start next.... The socks for my nephew? The hat for Pele's baby? A scarf for work friend Nancy (can't--still in the design phase)? My black sweater? The infinity scarf I just got the yarn for?

Work is hard but I'm dealing with it. It's the work itself that's difficult. The supervisor situation is in a holding pattern and I'm surviving it. It's not making me miserable because I won't let it. Sure, sometimes I get frustrated, but I'm keeping my distance from those feelings at least for now.

Grateful for: options.

Iceland

2011-11-01T16:49:00.001-04:00

Should I go to Iceland for Thanksgiving? As usual, I'm a few weeks out with no plans. The weekend prior, I have a family event in NJ so I will have had some family time around that. I guess I could go see my mother, but I always think a three/four day trip to Seattle isn't time well spent. So...why then would I think a trip to Iceland would be time well spent? I don't know, but I keep getting these travel alerts about low prices on package deals to Iceland, a place that, it turns out, is a kind of knitting heaven. Everyone wears wonderful sweaters with interesting colorwork, often in black and white, made from the wool of the local sheep. They sell big bags of it in the grocery stores. I love the Norwegian sweaters, though I couldn't imagine making one (too complicated), but the Icelandic sweaters are similar, many patterns are simpler and I could totally imagine knitting one. Does it seem silly to go on a trip motivated by yarn? I don't know--I've made a "yarn tour" an element on many other-purpose trips and it certainly increased my enjoyment. I used most of the yarn I bought in London about a year ago. I made a sweater from yarn I bought in New York about a year ago...I use the yarn I buy on trips and it gives me great pleasure. I think I'd enjoy Iceland even if it were yarn free--the wool is just a bonus. Speaking of yarn and etc., I have been on a finishing tear, mostly because I want to start several new projects. Wanna see some pics? Good, here you go...

Don't look now KJ, but these are your new socks! (I even brought them to work today for mailing purposes...maybe tomorrow.)

More socks (for my sister-in-law):

A vest for a stuffed bear:

I finished this vest (for my mom) a while ago:

And this isn't a great picture, but a lacy scarf (for me):

One progress shot of some socks (for me):

These are taking forever because it's tiny yarn on tiny needles and some other project keeps bumping them off the list, but they will be wonderful when I finish.

Oh, and here is a sweater in progress (for me):

The sweater now has collar, button bands (no button holes, it wants snaps), and one and 1/4 sleeves. I ran out of yarn while making the second sleeve--but extra yarn is in the mail, so this sweater will be completed within days of its arrival. Then I have the challenge of finding a ribbon to sew into the bands and adding the snaps (which I already have). I give it a month or so to completion. Not in time for Iceland. Heh.

Lots of other stuff going on, sort of. But let's not get into that now. Another post, another time.

Grateful for: my hobby.

Home again

2011-10-13T15:06:00.001-04:00

I am back from my trip to Paris and laid low by a chest cold. Oy! On Saturday I could feel it coming on. On Sunday I was ok. Monday, I was done. I thought I would be ok by Tuesday, but not at all. I just keep getting worse! It feels like I have the dread atypical pneumonia again. And I haven't even called my mother, who is officially angry at me. Don't ask how I know, it's too ugly to write about.

On the other hand, my dad, whose regular call I missed due to France, just kept calling. When we finally talked on Tuesday night, he told me I had to stay home (I sound terrible) and was delighted that I'd taken a last minute holiday to Paris for myself.

The trip went well. It was short but enough time...though I could have lived with getting into my hotel room earlier. I arrived around 8am and they told me to come back at noon. I went out for a French breakfast (croissant, bread, oj and coffee). I took a bus to a park I'd always meant to visit and somehow managed to stay awake. I had more coffee, soda, a sandwich and I survived.

I also had a good time with my friend, a lovely expensive lunch, a field trip to Reims and a tiny bit of clothing shopping and buying.

On the plane trip home, I sat next to a fellow knitter--fantastic. We chatted a bit and got along well, though it weirded me out to see that her meal consisted of a head of lettuce. Yes, she had a head of lettuce in a plastic bag and broke off leaves and ate them, along with bits and pieces of the meal that was served.

I have always been a fan of airplane food (I know), but now that it's so rare I enjoy it even more. When I take an international flight and I have the chance for free wine and a decent meal, I enjoy.

Anyway, it's good to be home, though not leaving the house for several days isn't what I had in mind.

Grateful for: easy international travel.

I like to ride my bike

2011-09-29T18:58:00.000-04:00

Recently, I bought a new bicycle.

If you know me, that I chose a bike with an upright seating position and a chain guard should come as no surprise. It should also come as no surprise that I immediately began modifying it. Let me count the bike-related purchases and mods:

Swapped pedals & saddle from old bike.
New light weight wool hoodie.
New rear lights (old one broke). I got two, just in case.
Front basket.
Kit to attach water bottle holder, since frame has no braze-ons (wtf?).
Reflective tape to brighten up black frame.
Additional spoke reflectors.
Park 4/5/6 mm Allen Y wrench (nothing quick release on this bike--I have allen keys in these sizes but this tool is super handy and was only $9).
New seat post with more setback. It didn't fit so I'll have to return it. Sad face.
Very heavy double kickstand. It's kind of awsome, though, since now the bike doesn't fall over and it doubles as a simple work stand.
Front wheel stabilizer--keeps the front wheel from flopping. Not strictly necessary now that I have the heaviest kickstand in the world attached. Will be handy if I remove the kickstand. Still cool.
Double saddlebags--to replace my favorite Dutch ones, which don't fit on the rack of the new bike. It was either get a new rack or get these saddlebags that are the same style but slightly smaller. They haven't arrived yet so I don't know if they'll work.
Special double bungee cord.

I scoured the internet world for these things and bought from several different retailers, including amazon (2 & 3). Where else did I shop?

Bikesomewhere.com (4 & 5)
Rivendell Bicycle Works (6, 7, 8)
Velo Orange (9, 10, 11) (Handily located in Annapolis, MD, meaning very short shipping times for me)
Public Bikes (12, 13)

I am now an expert on ever so slightly off-beat bicycle retailers. Also, this isn't an advertisement.

Last, guess where I'm heading tomorrow afternoon for five full days? Paris! I doubt I'll post while there, but you never know. Also, I'm bringing as little as possible. Did you know it's supposed to be 80 and sunny for most of the time I'm there? I'm feeling lucky. (What would be extra nice is if I didn't suspect my mom had hurt feelings about my going on this trip. Mom, I know we discussed taking another trip to Paris sometime. We still can. This was an impulsive, last minute decision. I needed a non-family, truly relaxing thing to do and going to one of my favorite places, on my own, fit the bill. It's not personal. REALLY.)

Really last, I turned in another job application today. That's three out in the world and one or two to go. Also, my horrible supervisor has left me alone for the last few weeks and been really helpful when we have interacted. I think she must know about my pending transfer. Whatever works!

Grateful for: a real vacation.

The number keys

2011-09-22T11:38:00.001-04:00

My father insisted that I learn how to touch type (I'm doing it now!) and I even took a typing class one summer. It is a good skill to have though I still think his insistence on it was misplaced. He tells a great story about how he got a job as a clerk because he was the only one typing who wasn't looking at his hands, even though he wasn't the fastest typist. What's left out of this story is that my dad's handwriting was so terrible in high school that his teachers made him take a typing class. Even then, I think the feminization of clerical work was well underway. And the clerk's job? It was in the Army! My dad never actually worked a clerical job in civilian life. So, I remember once telling him that if I were a really good typist it would set me up for jobs being... a really good typist, and that wasn't what I had in mind. Who knew we'd live in a world where everyone does their own typing?

One of my first summer jobs was in my mom's office. I didn't have much to do but one task was typing labels. I spent a lot of years doing menial clerical work (no fast food jobs for me) and a big part of that was typing labels, often address labels. And, while I did know how to touch type (more or less), I never mastered the number keys. Talk about tedious-- and I had to look at the keys all time.

I was thinking of this while I am engaged in a tedious clerical task of my own making at work that involves using the "-" key and the "ctrl" key--two keys I have never mastered. No wonder this is taking so long...

Grateful for: learing to touch type.