Gray Like Me- A Voice from Multiracial America

Birthday Gifts

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:29:00 +0000

Yes yes I know... why am I talking about birthdays now... birthdays happen all year. Well... my birthday is in less than a month and if you want my present that your purchasing online to arrive in time (can't trust shipping and handling these days with the airline problems) you gotta order NOW!

so in keeping with Gray Like Me's theme... here's my birthday list:

HAPPY NAPPY STYLES f/ Blended Beauty Hair Products
$19.00
.... finally the beauty market has found the mixed niche! who knows if it does anything different than what I buy in CVS, but it's nice to be recognized.

FADE- MY JOURNEYS IN MULTIRACIAL AMERICA by Elliott Lewish
$19.00

summer is coming... i need a book to read as I lounge on the beach. this one seems small enough to fit in my beach bag. plus it has a cover that fits into my blog's color scheme.

HUMAN. WHAT ARE YOU? tshirt from mixedraceshirts.com
24.99

Time for some spring/summer clothing. Plus, I'm tired of answering this stupid "What are you?" question. I'm still torn about whether I prefer having strangers read off my chest or ask me the question... don't let that keep you from buying it! I love the shirt...
gosh i Love stars

COLORS OF MY FRIENDS MULTICULTURAL CRAYONS
$1.39

"The eight different colors range from peach to mahogany, with olive, terra cotta and bronze in between."
With these I could do arts and crafts at work without worrying about using the wrong colors when drawing my family... and coworkers. I'd probably also need a book teaching me how to draw...

"DONT WORRY PEOPLE, IT CAN STAY WHITE ON THE OUTSIDE" tshirt
$24.95

OBAMA 08... I just had to support my man. Of course, this shirt is a bit offensive and testing some boundaries... but isn't it a conversation starter... hehe

HAPPY SHOPPING!!!

Just for Fun, Searches that Make Me Laugh

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:03:00 +0000

DEFINITION OF RACE (from Merriam Webster):
chiefly Scottish : the act of running2 a: a strong or rapid current of water flowing through a narrow channel b: a watercourse used industrially c: the current flowing in such a course3 a: a set course or duration of time b: the course of life4 a: a contest of speed bplural : a meeting in which several races (as for horses) are run c: a contest or rivalry involving progress toward a goal race>5: a track or channel in which something rolls or slides; specifically : a groove (as for the balls) in a bearing

Now search "race" on google or cnn.com right now... let's see which definition people care about.

SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION ENDORSES OBAMA!!!!

hmm... I wonder why Hillary hasn't insisted that the word Race be not used in the context of talking about the election... cuz this race business is giving Barack a double bump in the search results... racial race and election race... ooo that Obama campaign is tricky tricky with this internet stuff....

Polling Gone Too Far

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:45:00 +0000

According to Cnn.com:

"The results in Pennsylvania followed trends set in previous contests: Clinton won the white vote, Obama won the black vote; Clinton won the older vote, Obama won the younger vote; Clinton won in rural areas, Obama carried the urban vote"

A good friend of mine is black. most people assume she's italian. she's young, but isn't in college and spends most of her time with older adults. She's spent have her life in Philly and half in one of those Jersey suburb areas that represents why it's called the Garden State.

She also voted in Pennsylvania on Tuesday.

Her mix of demographics is not unusual.

Polling these days seems to be taking up too many headlines and newscasts. Demographic polling doesn't seem to represent real people. Maybe if the media stopped drawing conclusions, the candidates could talk to actual individuals for a CHANGE... and stop trying to appeal to demographics.

It's really time to put polling in it's place... it's kind of on an ego trip right now.

Blanguage, the language of the Black People

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:03:00 +0000

I applaud Jon Stewart (and his wonderful writers) for their chat about race last night. The folks at the Daily Show have taken some steps that so many media outlets are afraid to do... they are actually talking about racism issues. In Monday's broadcast, my man Jon tackled two age old stereotypes about black people... 1. they have a secret language against the white man 2. if they reach the white house, they will enslave the white man. Oh gosh... of course... Jon didn't solve these issues, but at least he did bring them up. Take a look at the videos and tell me what you think!
I'm sure some people might find these offensive, but I just love that they are saying the stuff that scares the pants off the rest of the media!

The first one is Jon Stewart and Senior Black Correspondent Larry Wilmore and the second is Jon and Barack Obama.

Bob Johnson Does it Again

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 01:22:00 +0000

Is anyone surprised that Bob Johnson is supporting Geraldine Ferraro's comments about who Obama wouldn't be where he is if he wasn't black.

ahh the same Bob Johnson who founded BET and then sold it off... goodbye black owned television.

A quote from Mr. Johnson in a CNN article today,
"What I believe Ferraro meant is that if you take a freshman senator from Illinois called ‘Jerry Smith’ and he says I’m going to run for president, would he start off with 90 percent of the black vote?"

Well in response to Mr. Johnson... if he was a democrat who had a strong record with the black community, he probably would... Bill Clinton basically did. This conversation sounds a lot like the debates on Affirmative Action. As someone with the same background as Obama, it bothers me that Mr. Johnson would assume that Obama's race is what makes him popular. As a black male himself, does Mr. Johnson really believe that the black community is that superficial? How rude!

Mr. Johnson:
I strongly disagree with your point of view. My counter argument consists of two words: Clarence Thomas.
He's black, but has never gained the support of the black community like Obama has. Gosh darn it, maybe Obama is just what the people want.

Mixed Moment ALERT!

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:45:00 +0000

i was across the room from a guy and we shared a glance.... and then snuck another glance... and then a smile and a nod...

no no no... this wasn't a sexual thing!

DING DING DING my mixedar had gone off... and I think his did too... what a great feeling

i'm not saying all mixed people look alike or that there's even a "certain look"... but i dunno... there's a mutual recognition... i wonder what causes that....

The Colors of Spring, a seasonal racial transition

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 03:08:00 +0000

VIOLET PUTS ON HER SPRING SKIN

Until spring break, I was a certified southern italian, my beloved winter ethnicity (disclaimer... i love all of my perceived ethnicities equally)... this winter identity of mine has it's benefits... free canolis (mmm), the ability to speak english... and an easier time getting taxis
it also has its downfalls... i lose the nod of acknowledgment from other people of color, and i get looked at funny when I speak on behalf of people of color.

now as i bask in the sunlight a bit more, my ethnicity is changing again... i go from a position of ethnic power (oh the privileges that come with being white) to belonging to an immigrant racial minority. this can become a challenge.... within the span of a few weeks, strangers begin to assume that I can speak spanish and am not an American citizen.... all with a slight shift in skin color. Today, high school students that I work with swore that I was Dominican- they thought I was lying to them when I swore back that I wasn't.

I notice that I get treated differently as this colorful transition takes place. While people from the racial majority tend to disregard me more than they do in the winter, another group opens up to me. It's like i become a part of a family or community based only on my skin color. I love feeling accepted into new groups, but at times it can feel like I'm an impostor.

I wonder if it's my responsibility to correct people when they assume I'm a certain race or ethnicity... on the other hand, it's kind of fun getting to explore what it's like in the other boxes.

.... plus.... we seem to give some extra benefits (like a free canoli) to those of our own ethnicity... the more ethnicities people assume I am... the more extra benefits I get! (hmm that might be a bit selfish, but it's kind of a fun idea)

Mixed Race Hall of Fame

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:12:00 +0000

Our community has been hidden and disguised, but ALAS we do have some super stars among us...
take a look at some of the powerful representatives of mixedness....

PHOTOS Ann Curry, Derek Jeter, Jessica Alba, Cameron Diaz, Tia and Tamara Mowry, Tiger Woods, Keanu Reeves

Did you know that these celebrities were mixed? Test your mixedar and take the Race Quiz.

My Mixed Friend takes on the New York Times

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 02:09:00 +0000

Yesterday, a good friend of mine made his New York Times debut talking about multiracial identity and Barack Obama in the article Who Are We? New Di alogue on Mixed Race.

I can't tell you how excited I was to see this on the front page. Yes, Barack Obama is great... but it's even better to hear people my age getting a chance to talk about being mixed on a national stage.... gosh.. the NY TIMES IS A BIG DEAL

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the article... enjoy!

p.s. James McBride is one of my favorite authors... his book the Color of Water helped me gain a better sense of who I am

From James McBride:

“I really wanted to be like all the other black kids. It was the larger group around me.” And through life, because of his brown skin, society has imposed its own label. “If cops see me, they see a black man sitting in a car,” he said.

But being proud to call himself African-American, Mr. McBride said, does not negate his connection to his “Jewish part,” his mother’s heritage. Asked which part of him was dominant, he said, “It’s like grabbing Jell-O.”

“But what difference does it make?” he added. “When you’re mixed, you see how absurd this business of race is.”

(Photo Phillip Handy from NY Times.com)

From Phillip Handy on Barack Obama:

“He’s really having to play the field and know his audience really well,” said Phillip Handy, 21, a junior at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J., whose mother is white and father is black. “In the end, when I hear his message, I don’t think he’s bailing out on any of us.”

Last thing... I promise it's worth it... The article features Carmen Van Kerckhove who runs racialicious.com. Her blog is pretty darn fabulous!

Mixed Babies Take on Jet's Readership

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 04:11:00 +0000

This past week, Jet readers were tested... well sort of. (FYI Jet is a weekly magazine that predominantly focuses on the black community) The gorgeous Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon graced the cover of Jet with her two beautiful baby boys... but not without some controversy. Garcelle appeared in the magazine with her husband, and it is clear the fraternal twins are MIXED!

Personally, I'm excited. More mixed people. (my army is growing... soon we will take over!)

But seriously... can we talk about how racist the responses are to this cover? Take a look at some of these comments that appeared after the article on Bossip.

to black people, specifically those who think they have the liberty to say whatever they want about white people: white people aren't the only ones who can be racist. RACISM DOESNT DISCRIMINATE. Being a person of color does not give u the right to call white people names based on their race. on a practical note, stop giving ignorant white people evidence for their arguments about how people of color hate all white people.

My personal favorite comment because it provided something for conversation and wasn't straight up ignorance:

"thank you man, this is a f***ing a joke! Could you imagine the outrage if a brother appeared on this “BLACK” magazine with two white as snow babies and a picture of him and his white wife chuckling it up….That nigga would be lynched by the “mad-black women” mafia so quik"

I think he's right. And it's something that the black community needs to have a conversation about it. There are HUGE differences in the acceptable dating practices for black men and black women. Secondly, I'm thinking... its time we get over our fear of interracial dating... it's not getting us anywhere. Hate begets hate. Why do some people think that interracial dating is a demonstration of some type of conspiracy to break down the "blackness"?

Fact: Interracial dating and multiracial children won't destroy the traditions of the black community. It may make a few lighter skinned babies... but it will also open up the traditions of the black community to more people. My life is proof. I'm mixed (a bi-product of an interracial relationship) and I still know about black history and what it means to be black (and a person of color) in America.

I hope Garcelle's twins get to grow up in a world that was a little more welcoming for mixed kids than the one I grew in. They're people. not racial objects.

The song that brings multiracial tears to my eyes

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 02:57:00 +0000

I know what your first question... other than what's the song... is... tears have a race? Since my post about my ears, I've been doing some research on the racial identity of my body parts. Here is what I've found out. My hips are white. My butt is black. And apparently, my nose and eyes are mixed. Thus, since tears come from eyes, they must also be multiracial. And so are my boogers. That may have been too much information. Sorry.

Anyway back to the cause of the tears...

Kevin Michael and his song , "Don't Make a Difference to Me," have gotten me hooked. I've grown up hearing songs about race (hiphop loves the topic), but could never really connect to them. His song talks about his biracial identity and the struggles of his parents' interracial marriage. i.e.MY LIFE! I have to admit that i put this song on when I need a pick me up after a bad mixed moment (an incident where someone or some event brings up or questions my racial identity). It feels so good to finally have a song about race that I can fully connect with.

I wonder how BET feels about him... is he black enough to be played there? Or, Hot 97 (my favorite nyc hip hop station)? I wonder if they'll play him... and if their audience will accept it... Barack Obama almost wasn't "black enough"... but Halle Berry was... let's see how this one plays out...

p.s. It also doesn't hurt that this gentleman is quite adorable... he can sing to me any day!

Tell me what you think about him.

Gray's Guide to Racial Rhetoric... i.e. words I use to talk about race

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:14:00 +0000

Before I start delving in to race, I just wanted to give you a little heads up about how I talk about race. We all have our preferences on word choices and understandings of words. Just in case you were wondering about mine, now or in the future, I started a mini dictionary below. I'll try to update this as issues come up in posts. Please let me know in a comment if you see any changes that should be made or explanations that need to be added.
Forgive me if the following lacks alphabetical order.

the basics:

black --> Other people choose to use African- American and in the past it was Negro. I personally prefer the term black. Not all people identified as black in the US are directly from Africa or feel a direct connection to Africa. Here's a few people's perspectives on black.
white--> some people prefer Caucasian, but I like the contrast of black and white when writing. You'll notice that I often refer to "people of color" versus "white people". If speaking about a specific ethnicity or country of origin, I will use that identity. For example, I will often refer to my mother as Italian instead of white.

**Note: I never capitalize either of these words or any racial identity, unless it's for emphasis.**

Words that mean the same thing, and some that shouldn't be used:
Multiracial-->A person who identifies with more than one race. Not to be confused with multiethnic, someone who identifies with more than one ethnicity.
Mixed --> Someone who identifies as having a multiracial background.
Mulatto--> A person who identifies as being half black and half white. Many people consider this a racial slur. I used to, but as I learn more about it my opinion may change. Click here to learn more about the history of the word Mulatto.
Mut--> In my mind, a pretty blatant racial slur meaning a person who is a combination of many races. To prevent fights, I wouldn't use this term to describe someone who is multiracial unless they say it's ok.
Zebra, Oreo, Half Breed --> Racial Slurs for multiracial people. aka... fighting words
Swirl --> Used to identify people of multiracial AND multiethnic decent. Created by the mixed community. Also the name of "a national multi-ethnic organization that challenges society’s notions of race through community building, education, and action." Check out Swirl.

Words I've created (I think):

Mixedness --> Short for: Multiracial Identity. That phrase was too long and mixedness just rolls off the tongue a little easier.
Brite--> A combination of the words brown and white. When I was a wee little girl (a little older than I am in the picture to the right), I wanted a word that represented my skin colors. So, with the help of mom, I put the colors of mommy and daddy together. (daddy is called black, but his skin color is much closer to the brown Crayola crayon. mommy isn't really white, she's more peach, but I only had the set of 10 crayons)

*** How to Create a Made Up Word ***

To Langston, My Multiracial Brother

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 01:03:00 +0000

I knoooooow. Two posts in one day is one post too much, but I realized I haven't given credit where credit is due.

The title, Gray Like Me, comes from two places (well really one, you'll understand in a moment). In the late 1950s, white journalist John Howard Griffin used chemical treatments to dye his skin darker and then traveled for 6 weeks as a black man in the racially segregated south. Griffin raised awareness about the violent discrimination and civil rights violations against black American in Black Like Me, the book he wrote about his brief life as a black man.

(PHOTO Right Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin)
If I was Oprah and I had a bookclub, I'd put it on the list (for a month other than February though). Since I'm not, I still suggest you read it or read about it. (I won't tell anyone you just read the spark notes)

Now to the second (primary) influence. Although his title fits perfectly, Griffin didn't come up with it all on his own. (yes, there was a bit of plagiarism involved) The title comes from Langston Hughes' poem, Dream Variations. (the poem is short, if you read the spark notes and not the text below, I will make fun of you... publicly)

Dream Variations

"To fling my arms wide
In some place of the sun,
To whirl and to dance
Till the white day is done.
Then rest at cool evening
Beneath a tall tree
While night comes on gently,
Dark like me--
That is my dream!

To fling my arms wide
In the face of the sun,
Dance! Whirl! Whirl!
Till the quick day is done.
Rest at pale evening . . .
A tall, slim tree . . .
Night coming tenderly
Black like me."
- Langston Hughes-

(PHOTO Left Langston Hughes Black Heritage Stamp)

Yes, Yes, I know the question still remains how did it go from Black to Gray. In textbooks, Langston Hughes is referred to as the great black poet. He lived his life as a black man and probably took on that identity. But a fun fact for mixed people like me, is that Hughes was really one of us. During the era of the Harlem Renaissance, there was only black and white- no in between. Today, in our multiracial world, Hughes may have racially identified a little differently. I do. Between the worlds of black and white, there are clear shades of gray.

Mommy, Where Does Race Come From?

noreply@blogger.com (Violet Gray) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 23:39:00 +0000

Hellooo..... No One!

As I begin my first post, I must admit it's nice to know nobody is actually paying attention yet. (except for mom of course, but luckily, as my mom, she'll tell me it's wonderful)

WARNING: I'm about to moonwalk across that line. I will be discussing race and how it affects our everyday life - and not in the pc Martin Luther King , JR versus Adolf Hitler in a history textbook kind of way. (PHOTOS left to right Martin Luther King, Jr. and Adolf Hitler)

Here's how race became an inevitable part of my life:

Twenty years ago, on a warm August day my black father and my white mother got together and made a child. (no further details necessary here... please... i don't want to know anymore) Nine months later, I entered this world and almost immediately my race became a part of my life. At the time, I of course didn't know anything more than screaming and breastfeeding, but apparently, the color of my skin caused many discussions.

My mom often tells me this story, which I consider the beginning of my racial identity formation:

Several weeks after I was born, my mom brought me to her friend's house. Two of her female friends, one black and the other white, were waiting in anticipation for my arrival! (I doubt an exclamation point is really needed here, but my mom would put one so I did) We arrived to the house and my mom did the big reveal to the women. The white woman did the normal cooing and ooing at me (she had met me already the night I was born when my mother requested she bring a large tunafish sandwich, a hershey's bar, and a diet coke) The black woman stood there for a moment in silence and then said to my mom, "Hey, you know that baby isn't white." The friend obviously thought she had an incredible revelation. My mom responded to her friend, "Yes, I know that."

And, that's how it was confirmed that I am not white. Interestingly, my mom's friend now gives a more detailed explanation for how she knew. Apparently, it wasn't my dark features or darker skin color. It was my ears! I had black ears!!! When I look in the mirror, they look tan to me. My "black ears" have been confirmed by several other experts on "black ears," but I am yet to learn the characteristics of "black ears." I'm still dying to know what makes my ears "black," so I can one day know if my children have "black ears." Can someone explain to me what "black ears" are?

(PHOTO My ear that apparently demonstrates my race. Clarification: The line on the inner lobe is from a pulled earring and is not genetic.)