When I mediate with you,  I suggest you follow five basic tips which help you benefit fully from the mediation process.

1. Leave fault and blame out of the discussions.
Why? This is because people generally have a negative reaction to any allegations of fault or blame. They feel the need to justify their behaviour and this can lead to counter allegations and you then fall into the trap of good -v- bad, right -v- wrong.
Why waste energy trying to justify your position, we recommend you instead take a step back and look at the big picture. You have probably agreed you want to separate or agree you cannot live together harmoniously, so what are you trying to achieve?

2. Co-operate and work together to resolve issues.

There is the old adage “there is no I in team” and this applies to any negotiations. You will be aware that when you smile at someone, they usually smile back. In the mediation context, if you offer something to the other party, they are more likely to offer something in return. When you only consider the impact decisions have for you, you are unlikely to be able to reach resolutions.
Consider the needs of the other person.
Listen to what the other person is saying and sometimes not saying.
Try and walk in their shoes, put yourself in their position and consider what might benefit them.
You will be amazed how this approach can often help you achieve what you want out of the negotiations.

3. Speak to each other as you would wish to be spoken to.
Mediation takes place in a safe confidential environment.
You may have fallen into a habit of communicating badly with each other, resulting from the hurt and emotional upheaval following your relationship breakdown. Do your best to speak to each other as you would to any other person you wanted to negotiate a deal with.
Consider how you would speak to a car salesman if you were seeking a discount or his co-operation to add bonuses to your purchase – you wouldn’t insult him or be aggressive towards them.
When you are in mediation the situation is the same. You are trying to negotiate a deal and you need to put aside your own feelings about the other person.

4. Be respectful and allow each other to speak without interruption.
It is common knowledge that in most conversations people are thinking more about what they are going to say next, rather than listening intently to what is being said. This means that people often blurt out what they believe is the important thing to say rather than actively listening and then responding appropriately. If you have something important to say, you will be given time when you will be able to speak.
Everyone has two ears and one mouth. Use each of them proportionately.

5. Consider how your outcome will impact on each of you and your family.
You and your ex are not the only ones who will be hurt or affected by your relationship breakdown. Your children, your parents and extended family will all be affected like the ripples in a pond following a pebble being thrown in. This can manifest itself where a child no longer has contact with one half of his extended family without comprehending why this had to happen.

Where children are involved it may be very hard for them to understand why they can no longer see extended family members connected to one parent.

As a parent you are a role model for your child and it is important that they can understand that conflict can arise, but that it can be dealt with in a respectful and calm manner rather than remaining bitter and hostile which helps nobody.

How many times have you heard someone say … “oh I thought you meant …”

Have you ever had a friend or family member relay a story to you, and you questioned if the other person really meant something the way it was being portrayed to you?

Presumption can affect an outcome, quite dramatically. Incorrect presumptions, misunderstandings and communication difficulties can destroy a relationship.
Perhaps your spouse or partner is more outgoing or flirty than you. They may be flattered by some recent attention. This doesn’t mean that they are having an affair or are looking for someone new. They may even be seeking a little re-assurance of your affection for them.

A colleague may carry out a task in a different way to you at work, or have a different way of expressing themselves. Just because you tackle things differently, is it right to presume less of them or that they unable to do the job, or that it won’t be done correctly?

Beliefs are personal. Have one opinion or another does not mean one person is right and the other person is wrong. Try to understand one another whilst respecting each other’s different beliefs on a subject.

Bad communication can cause real harm. Saying nothing can be dangerous, saying too much in the heat of the moment can be just as devastating.

Dwelling on misunderstandings or poorly judging someone or a situation can wreck a family, friend or workplace relationship. Try to ensure you are in possession of as many of the facts as possible before you make a presumption. Consider you may not be being told the whole story, or the other person may feel unable to voice this.

TALK to one another, calmly and politely. Show the other person respect, even though you may not agree with what they are saying. This encourages dialog, an exchange of opinions and helps restore communication so you can begin to understand one another again.

Greater Manchester Mediation help you learn valuable communication skills to enable you to talk again in a positive and constructive way.
If your relationship has come to an end, we help you resolve your issues and move on in your life.
If you can’t talk to one another, come and talk to us!

Divorce coaching is one to one support designed to guide you through the emotional minefield of divorce. It helps you build your self-confidence and discover your inner resilience.  Coaching will help you to rediscover what is important to you,  and help you create a new, vibrant and fulfilling life.

Divorce represents a massive change in your life.  It can be a challenging and painful time, and your life will be different. But change can be good and it can be a time of transformation, possibility and opportunity.

I work with you to help you understand how your current emotions may be keeping you in a negative place. I help you find the strategies, skills and techniques that will help you to take control and move forward positively.  As you gain clarity on where you want to go, you discover how you can take responsibility for your life. Making positive, sustainable and measurable changes leading you to a happier and more fulfilling future.

I work with the ‘private’ you to help you discover what you really want in your life. As you start to incorporate the strategies and techniques I share with you, you gain more and more confidence, and the benefits are felt not only by you but by those around you. These strategies are going to stay with you, far beyond our time together and you will be able to identify how you can do things differently whenever you are facing a challenge in years to come.

To achieve the results you want, you too will have a part to play. After each session I will give you an action plan to help take positive steps forward, one at a time. All that is needed from you is a decision to be committed to making your future life, the one you would love to live.

Connect with me for more information.

If you are not sure where your relationship is heading, but do not want to separate, with my support you can restore the harmony in your relationship.

I use the same skills used in divorce mediation to help couples stay together.

Often couples are unsure how to go about seeking reconciliation and how to make the first move. Deciding the relationship is over can seem so final but when the lines of communication are difficult or have completely broken down, seeking a reconciliation can appear extremely difficult.

Past misunderstandings may have fuelled arguments, causing hurt or anger. Well intentioned relatives may have offered a sympathetic ear or freely given their opinions. How then do you repair the damage?

I help you focus on the future, rather than the pain of the past.

Working with me gives you the opportunity to improve the communication between you both, so that you are able to talk again and find solutions.
You decide on the areas where you want support, and I will explore these with you.

I help you find creative solutions, acceptable and suited to you both. You are then more easily able to re-build your relationship and face the future together.

The very words Marriage Guidance or Counselling can be perceived negatively. Whilst these services have their place,  you may not consider these to be the best option for you and wonder what else is available to you.

I help clients re-build their future, together or apart. I give you the opportunity to explore options in a safe environment where there is no room for blame.

Meeting with a mediator may open your eyes to an alternative you had never thought imaginable or even possible.

You are expected to consider mediation if you are getting divorced or separating and wish to make an application to court.

Engaging with Greater Manchester Mediation enables you to remain in control of how much time and money you spend in deciding how you are going to separate your finances and parent your children. You avoid lengthy legal battles that drain you of your energy and money, and if you do have children, you show them that problems can be overcome in a friendly, amicable and respectful manner. These are valuable life lessons for them which also helps them come to terms with the divorce without worrying about their parents fighting with each other.

We guide you through the mediation process and provide you with the skills and tools to enable you to reach a satisfactory and mutually acceptable resolution.

If you want me to support you throughout the process, I work to your time scale, with you in charge of the outcome.

Imagine having your divorce and separation issues, the finances and parenting of your children dealt with in the space of a couple of months.

I am committed to helping you decide, in your own way, what you want your future life to be like. I help you move on and face the future free of debilitating disputes.

You will not have to worry about the escalating legal costs, will it ever end or what the outcome will eventually be, because you are in control.

Choose mediation and own your life.

Don’t hesitate to mediate.

1. Try not to let your divorce take over or consume your life.
2. Communication is key! During mediation, give each other the time to speak.
3. Make a point of really listening, and hearing what each other has to say.
4. Try to see things from their perspective and avoid scoring points or devaluing their point of view.
5. Consider, a negative response may be caused from seeing things differently, from different angles, rather than being difficult.
6. Be prepared to compromise a little, as you once did in your relationship. A negotiated agreement is far better than a legal battle. In court there are winners and losers and someone else decides for you. In mediation, you both make the decisions and remain in control of your own futures.
7. Remember, you are not alone. Your family and friends are there to support you. Be mindful not to wear them out with your divorce tales or make them choose between you and your ex.
8. You may find support groups, forums or divorce coaching helpful.
9. Try to stay positive. Consider the freedom and choices your new life can bring you.
10. Look after yourself. Make sure you are eating and sleeping well, and take time to de-stress.

Making the decision to separate or divorce is difficult enough. Resolving your financial issues is often the next hurdle to face. You will need to carefully consider both your current and future financial needs, and those of your family.

Where you have children, we help you reach your own maintenance agreements, tailored for your children’s needs. We also ensure such payments are affordable to you. In addition, you may wish to consider not only their day to day living expenses but future educational costs. Additional expenses can include activities, holidays, and anything else relevant to your child.

There is truth in the old saying “two can live as cheaply as one”. Whilst living as a family you will have benefited from the cost of one mortgage or rent, used the same heating etc. Once you separate, your income will then need to stretch to cover two separate households.

We can help you find acceptable and affordable solutions for you both, looking at your daily and future financial needs to enable you to reach fair agreements.

We help you reach solutions when splitting your assets and any debts. Will the family home need to be sold? Can one of you afford to remain there? Would this be the best option for you and any children? If so, can the other parent afford to re-house themselves? Future financial implications also need careful consideration.

We also help you how you may deal with consider any other assets; such as vehicles, pensions, inheritance, antiques, collections, second homes, property abroad, businesses, savings, shares, bonds etc. Our Lawyer Mediators help you look at all the options. You then both decide what would be the best outcome for you both.

Would you be willing to take a chance on legal proceedings? A legal fight or court proceedings can result in choices being taken away from you. In a fight there is always one winner, and one loser. In a court case, a Judge will make the final decision if no agreement has been reached. This decision could mean an unhappy outcome for you.

Are you ready to give such a life changing decision to someone who doesn’t know you or your family? Wouldn’t you rather make your own decisions within mediation?

Why gamble with your future?

Stay in control and reach your own decisions with our help.

Preparing for a court case is stressful. It almost feels like preparing for battle. Preparing and collating documents needs careful thought and planning. This can be extremely time consuming, causing worry and stress.

If you choose a legal fight, you will be giving away control of how your matter is dealt with and the outcome. Someone you don’t know, lawyer or Judge, will deal with things on your behalf. They know little of you, but they will be making decisions for you.

You will be at the mercy of court timetables, waiting for court hearings to be listed. Once listed, you wait again, until it’s time to attend at court.

How much better would it be to avoid all this waiting and worry and be able to spend this time with your family or friends or doing something you love?

The approach your legal advisor takes when dealing with your matter will have a positive or negative effect on costs, time and outcome.

Attending at court can be traumatic in itself. Final decisions are made on your behalf. Will the Judge see the case from your point of view? Will they understand your needs or concerns? The outcome may, or may not, be what you hoped for. One of you will win, so one must lose.

You may not want a legal fight, but a court case can end up this way.

Consider the anxiety and stress all this preparation and waiting can cause. Consider the impact upon your children. They are very perceptive, picking up on your distress, hostility and tension. What impact could this have on them? How do you continue to be a role model for them, when at war with their other parent?

So what is the alternative? Mediation! Resolve your issues with the support of a fully trained and experienced Lawyer Mediator.

It makes sense to retain control. In mediation, you make your own decisions, and both achieve a win result.

You can have the support of both a Mediator and Solicitor, when needed. Using each professional for what they do best, saves you time and money.

Julie arrived for her appointment, dreading the thought of talking with Tom, her ex, again. She was fed up of everything turning into an argument. She was worried about the future. They had been together for a long time and the thought of living alone was frightening. She was emotional, exhausted and suffering from sleepless nights. Their divorce was taking over her life. How would she cope with the children on her own? Would Tom continue to help ferry them around? She was desperately worried she wouldn’t cope alone or financially. Who would she turn to when things broke down or needed repairing? Tom was so good fixing things around the home. How would she juggle work, children and a home?

In contrast, Tom arrived very agitated. He was defensive and desperate not to cave in to Julie’s demands. He’d been working long hours for years to ensure they had the best of everything. He was really feeling the strain of work, coupled with the stress of divorce. He too was concerned about money. How could his income stretch to enable him to provide financially for his children and fund the cost of starting over, and the cost of living alone? He was dreadfully upset at the thought of not waking up each morning seeing his children. How much time would he be allowed to spend with them? He envisaged it would not be enough. What if Julie met someone else and another father figure came into their life? Would there still be room for him?

Bickering was wearing them both out. It was also having a real negative effect on their children. Misunderstandings and misgivings seemed to be fuelling the fire. Why couldn’t they be civil with each other?

Prior to their mediation session, they feared they would never be able to talk, let alone reach agreement. To their surprise, through mediation, they discovered they could air their views and move on from the hurt. Mediation helped them to begin to communicate with real purpose. They discovered they each had similar fears and wanted similar things.

By compromising a little, and considering each other’s circumstances, they discovered they could reach a fair agreement in mediation. In reality, they were doing what they had done all their married life; compromising and accommodating each other’s different wants, beliefs, wishes, likes, dislikes, working hours, hobbies etc.

With the help of the Lawyer Mediator they were able to reach final proposals that suited both of them, and their children. They avoided the anguish and stress of legal proceedings. They also saved on the time and cost this would have taken. They discovered they could choose to have their mediated agreement made legally binding.

They were now able to start to move on with their lives. Communication was effectively restored, enabling them to talk about their children, and both be able to take an active part in their children’s future.

Through mediation, we helped them reach a “win – win” result.