Green Cheese

PARTNER Vs PALS

2011-04-20T21:30:00.001+05:30

When your spouse hates your friend, letting go of your old pal isn’t the way out

Parul got married to boyfriend Aditya two years back. An introvert, he had few friends of his own and didn’t want Parul to interact much with her friends either. After they got married, she gradually drifted away from her pals.

Snigdha’s boyfriend Gaurav did not approve of her best friend Shweta. He wanted Snigdha to part with her. Snigdha had a tough time trying to convince Gaurav not to make such a demand. Finally, she took a stand.
She asked Gaurav to better call it quits with her for she found no reason for breaking ties with her childhood friend Shweta. Gaurav soon realised his mistake. Though, Gaurav and Shweta still don’t meet or talk to each other, he knows that Shweta is an integral part of his girlfriend’s life and now respects their friendship.

Gossiping all day, enjoying pani-puri on the roadside, giggling at those not-so-funny incidents, crying on the other’s shoulders, keeping each other’s secrets, and calling each other up at ungodly hours to share something utterly stupid… the time spent with friends is one of the most wonderful periods of life.

But what do you do when your partner can’t accept your friendships? Absolutely ludicrous as the whole suggestion may sound, many close ties go awry and wear away eventually because of ‘the spouse’.
Many prefer bartering away their friendship, willingly or unwillingly, for the sake of peace in the house. “We wouldn’t be married without my best friend Sumeet’s support. From convincing Ekta’s parents to making all marriage arrangements, Sumeet had managed it all.

Initially, my wife and Sumeet bonded well. Soon after marriage, Ekta started avoiding Sumeet; she wouldn’t even come out of her room whenever he came home. He is the same guy whom she had once tied rakhi to.
Suddenly he was an ‘intruder’. Everything about Sumeet—mannerisms, sense of humour, body language—would drive her mad,” remembers Rohit Saluja, chartered accountant. He adds, “Now that we were married, he was needed no more. Tired of everyday fights with my wife over the issue, I had to distance myself from Sumeet. Thankfully he understood my position. Friends like him are difficult to find. Still I had to lose him.”
Sometimes, one of the partners forges bonds with the spouse’s friends, leaving his/her own behind. Quips writer Chetan Bhagat, “After marriage, either your friend is your wife’s friend too or he’s no more your friend!”

“While I try to befriend all her friends and make them feel comfortable when invited at our home, my wife isn’t nice to most of my friends. While I respect her space and relationships, I wish, she did the same,” says Prakash Paranjpe, a manager.

“Whenever we had rows, he would bring up my best friend Sapna, criticising her and dismissing her as an intrusive, interfering element in my life,” reveals 27-year-old Aruna Thakkar, a housewife.
Upon realising that she was causing a rift in her best friend’s marriage, Sapna drifted away from me on her own. It’s been two years since. Sapna doesn’t even receive my phone calls,” says a dismal Aruna.
Some individuals don’t approve of their partner’s outings with friends after marriage. So they either go out together or don’t at all. Besides, some have reservations—they approve of one friend, and dismiss the others. It is as though they want to control everything in the partners’ lives, starting with friends.

In one such instance, a Delhi-based couple’s marriage had come to a breaking point. The rift in their relationship had to be mended by a marriage counsellor. It took time, but finally the unreasonable spouse understood that her partner had to be treated as an individual who needed his own space and freedom. She began showing more trust and understanding in the relationship. With time their bond strengthened.
“A reduced social circle leads to low self-esteem, stunted personality, limited social skills and a cloistered existence. This may lead to depressive disorders and ultimately the breaking up of a relationship.
For their own relationship to bloom, both men and women need to understand and appreciate each other’s need for that private space,” says Samir Parikh, senior psychiatrist at Max Healthcare, New Delhi.

Each relationship has its own place and importance in a person’s life. Rather than giving in completely to your other half’s wishes, give due preference to your wishes and desires at times. You need to prioritise.
It’s important to chalk out means by which neither the peace at home nor the age-old friendships suffer. “Even if it means no bringing friends home, it’s easier for guys to catch up with their friends outside home and continue with the friendship.

KAT’s OOMPH

2011-04-07T13:30:00.000+05:30

From Boom, the movie in which she is skimpily clad, to Sheila Ki Jawani – the item number in which the actress without baring it all has oozed out that oomph, KATRINA KAIF has surely come a long way. She is sultry yet sweet; intense yet fun-loving.

SHILPI SHUKLA ALEXANDER gets talking with one of the leading actresses of Bollywood…

Director Farah Khan did keep her promise of giving you the best item number of the year.

Yes she did. With so many fan mails an calls, Sheila Ki Jawani’s success did make me feel like a celebrated artist. Although a major credit goes to Farah as I just almost blindly followed her instructions.

You are rated as the hottest actress of Bollywood today.

This is for the audience to decide. But I don’t find myself hot or sexy.

Do you think you are lucky to have made it so big in Bollywood?
Surely. Not only do I get the best of films, they also turn out to be box office hits. This surely pleases and amazes me. However, I do wish that I was as lucky with bagging awards as well.

Year 2010 has been really good for you.

With hits like Rajneeti and Sheila Ki Jawani, I seriously couldn’t have asked for more. While rajneeti established me as a serious actor, this item number well showcased my dancing skills.

Given the fact that Farah is known for yelling at her crew and actors on the sets, how scary was it for you to work with her in the film?

Oh! I used to enter the sets with my hands trembling. I was so afraid of her initially. But thankfully she never yelled at me. She was either being too sweet to me or my wok did please her.

What qualities should an actress have to stand a chance in Bollywood?
To each his own. In my opinion, other than having loads of acting talent, one does have to have his or her own appeal. You must have something special that sets you apart from the crowd. It could be one’s oomph factor, beauty, grace, intelligence, ethnic looks, expressiveness, chirpiness or anything else. Every actress has her own plus point that draws the audience.

Did you always want to become an actor?

I always dreamt of becoming an actress. Acting was my biggest passion. But I never wanted to pick just any role in haste to make a place for myself here. With time, right opportunities came my way which I took no time in availing.

What would you be if not a model?

A model.

What kind of movies do you particularly love working on?

While I am open to doing different roles and prove my acting skills in all genres, I particularly love working on romantic comedies. This is one genre I directly relate to. I am eager to work on something like When Harry Met Sally.

Which actors are you keen on sharing screen space with?

I would love to work with Aamir Khan and Shah Rukh Khan. All I am awaiting is a call from a director for one such film.

Actresses are known to never be friends with one another. Have your say.

See. To be social or not is a personal choice, not professional. But if you are talking about professional rivalry, I must say that all of us excel in different genres. While Vidya Balan is known for her ethnic roles, I am good at playing fun roles. It is likewise with all other actresses in the film industry. So where’s the comparison?

What’s your beauty secret?

(Laughs) Onscreen, it is the camera, lighting and the makeup. And offscreen, it’s good food, exercise and mood. I largely credit inner peace and happiness for one’s good looks. So be happy if you don't want wrinkles on your face.

Do you have plans to enter Hollywood?

No Hollywood for me. I am quite happy with where I am at the moment. I might consider a few meaty roles in regional films though.

Which projects do you have in your kitty at the moment?

I have Zara Akhtar’s Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara that stars Hrithik Roshan, Abhay Deol and Farhan Akhtar. Then there is Mere Brother Ki Dulhan opposite Imran Khan. Next is Dostana 2 opposite Abhishek Bachchan and John Abraham.

Is it true that you are soon planning to settle down with Ranbir Kapoor?

I prefer keeping my personal life to myself.

FREEDOM OF THE F-WORD

2011-04-05T19:56:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Photo Credit: Ambro

Is it the blatant use of expletives that offend people or is it more about the gender who is swearing? A discussion...

We have recently had Rani Mukerji utter profanities in public in the highly acclaimed movie No One Killed Jessica. The well-lettered sophisticated character that she played in the movie was even heard using the Hindi G-word on a flight – shocking fellow passengers and audience. Not many Rani fans able to take it in their stride while watching the movie. “I had gone to watch the movie with my kids. It was quite discomforting to have Rani Mukerji use foul language. I thought No One Killed Jessica was a family watch,” says chartered accountant Anil Makhija. When asked if he had watched Shah Rukh Khan and Aishwarya Rai starrer Josh, the pat reply was – “Oh! I loved the movie. It was such fun.” The lead song sung by Shah Rukh - apun bola tu meri laila – despite having ample expletives in the lyrics became quite famous (not infamous though!). Anil does seem to like the song too! Such contrast reactions. Why? “Well, it’s okay for a man to use expletives. Like I didn’t like Aishwarya dancing to the tunes of ishq kamina in the movie Shakti – The Power,” says MBA student Tarun Wanvari.

While it’s never pleasant to hear them from any gender, it’s particularly unpleasant to have the softer sex pour out expletives. Seemingly, it’s never so much about the word as it is about the person swearing it.

It’s not about the word, but the gender

Photo Credit: Ambro

Expletives have always been a part of most cultures and languages. From the most elite to the downtrodden, people from different strata and class have used cuss words since ever. However, women have always been expected to refrain from using foul language. A world used to gender-specific behaviour accepts cuss words far more willingly from men than women. Our literature tells us that there has always been a general understanding that women, who indulge in name-calling, whether in Victorian England or traditional India, haven’t been brought up or educated well. It speaks low of their family backgrounds as also the socio-economic status.

Gary W Selnow, a professor at the San Francisco State University and director of World Internet Resources for Education and Development (WIRED) wrote in his journal Sex Differences in Uses and Perceptions of Profanities, “Language always serves as the reciprocal role of reflecting shifts in society while simultaneously contributing to the character of that society.” “While my brother could use invectives even in the most casual scenarios, I was never allowed to swear words no matter how pissed off I was. This is the rule I follow for my daughter as well. I think this is the way most girls around the world are brought up,” says Kamini Verma, an English professor. Many women would agree with Kamini.

Shifting trends

While men may not like it and many women still be wary of swearing words, social experts claim that the social scene is reversing today and women are heard using bad language more than their male counterparts. “Be it the corporate world or colleges, we now get to see more women than men using the F-word. The use of expletives doesn’t remain confined to that,” says Shobha Agarwal, a social commentator. “This probably is the modern woman’s way of expressing her freedom and strength in the corporate-social world,” she adds.

Rimi Shukla, who has been working as a marketing executive for the last 10 years has seen a sea change in social norms, especially in the work culture. “There was a time when if a male colleague would use a bad word before a woman, he would immediately apologise. Surprisingly, today I notice women pour out profanities more than men, that oo quite apologetically,” she says.

Agrees psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Chugh, “Women have always had to prove their strength, potential and skill in a society that’s essentially dominated by males. Today working women swear words to pass on the message – don’t mess with me – to their male colleagues.”

Cinema Comes Of Age

A lot has changed in the recent past. With the censor board getting more and more lenient, in many cases than not, many once-forbidden words, dialogues and concepts are getting uncensored entry in Hindi films. Be it the F-word or the ‘usual’ Hindi expletives with kamina or saala, one gets to hear a lot of these in contemporary movies. What with bold and crude movie titles like Kaminey, Ye Saali Zindagi, being the latest rage in Bollywood. “Like it or not, such titles do attract sharp reactions from people and pull masses to cinema halls,” says film trade analyst Taran Adarsh.

“Gone are the days when an actor would react with a simple “what the hell” and a director would refrain from using cuss words in his script. We are more realistic today,” says filmmaker Vishal Bhardwaj whose films Omkara, Ishqiya and Kaminey had more expletives than one could possibly bear. All three movies were massive hits.

For director Sudhir Mishra nothing could be more annoying than the censor board objecting to the use of the word Saali – in his recent movie Ye Saali Zindagi. As per him, saali is not a gaali (abuse) at all! “In my film, I want to portray the imperfect world we live in today.” Is it the gender of the term that bothers members of the censor board? “The word saala was used 40 years ago in the song saala main toh sahab ban gaya in the movie Sagina, and no one objected to it. This has more to do with the gender of the word,” says Mishra. Nevertheless, the film got an A-certificate.

Defending her expletive role in the movie No One Killed Jessica, actress Rani Mukerji says, “I play a woman who uses Hindi expletives after being vexed enough by the society at large. It’s an expression of her liberation from the clutches of baseless societal norms that only tie women down, not men.” “Had the girl, I play in the movie, not been this tough, she wouldn’t have been able to seek justice in the bad-bad men’s world,” she clears her stand.

Like it or not, the trend seems to be reversing today. Whether for good or worse is quite debatable…

(This article was featured in BR International, a publication for Indians residing in HongKong.)

TIGER MOM TO YUMMY MUMMY

2011-04-05T19:00:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

American lawyer Amy Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom has had parents from round the globe reviewing their parenting style. For youngsters, tiger moms are a strict no-no. What’s the take of Indian mothers on the same? A discussion…

Photo credit: photostock

Writer-lawyer Amy Chua swears by the principle: strict upbringing helps build children’s career and life. In her book, the writer proudly talks about how she made her daughter do 2,000 sums every night till she topped in mathematics in her class! One of the most controversial books, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom has created a buzz that very few books on parenting have managed to.

In Chua’s opinion, while western parents are extremely anxious about their children’s self-esteem, Chinese parents aren’t. “They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently,” says the writer. While some Chinese parents might believe that their kids owe them everything, as Chua puts it, the pertinent question here is: how does the Indian mother fare in the parenting business?

Maniacal momzilla

Known for their unconditional love, benevolence and sacrifice, Indian mothers have always been the prime mover behind their children. Little wonder that many blockbuster movies have centered on the theme of mother-child love. Lines like – mere pass ma hai (I have my mother by my side) – define the essence of popular Hindi cinema. However, with changing times, priorities and rising competition, how do we define Indian mothers today? Where do they fit in the polemic between the tiger moms and the ones who practice benign neglect? Is the Indian ma a tyrant to her kids, the one who over-pampers her kiddo or someone who, as a dear friend and guide, helps her child grow with strong value systems?

“There is a mix of ideologies here. She sometimes masquerades as a martyrish Nirupa Roy character. At other times, she is the aggressive Kaikeyi, the king-maker, and can set off an entire epic. There are those who are constantly trying to stimulate their children's cerebrum, and also those who rather follow Kahlil Gibran's liberal philosophy that your children are not really your children but the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself . . .,” says social commenter Neetika Batra.

English lecturer Geetika Soni couldn’t agree more - “While some mothers are hard task-masters who expect their kids to excel in every field – be it maths or music, others just expect the child to work hard in everything he does,” she adds.

Even if they are few in number, the woeful tales of oppressed kids are innumerable. “My mother just hates second rankers and runner-ups. For her someone is either a toper or a complete loser. At times it seems that I study, play, sing or dance not for myself but for her. I am expected to top in every field!” says an anguished Arshi Jain (name changed), a student of Class 8 in Delhi. Arshi’s not the only case. A good athlete, Gaurav Madaan has now stopped participating in his school’s annual sports day events. “It was suicidal to watch my mother howl in front of my batch-mates and teachers every time I was declared second in a race.”

Haven’t we seen moms who fret if their children don’t score full marks in mathematics? Or losing sleep over their school or college admissions? Aren’t we aware of those moms who pop up just everywhere from their child’s parents-teachers meeting to basketball practice sessions?

Chua’s theory claims that the ultimate veto is in the hands of the parents who can override the child’s preference. She believes children inherently aren’t interested in work, so it’s the responsibility of parents to overrule their likes.

So does tiger momism really help children? “It doesn’t,” says senior psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Chugh. “Mothers who believe in physical or verbal spanking only sow seeds of emotional trauma and loss of self worth in a child. The poor child, subconsciously, struggles with this feeling of self-hatred till his last breath. There’s a lot of difference between nurturing your child with good values and education, and enjoying absolute rule very his very existence. Tiger momism, in every sense, is a wrong concept,” adds Chugh.

The yummy mummy

Photo credit: Healingdream

Nevertheless, psychiatrists and social experts vouch for the valued-based style of Indian parenting. They believe that Indian mothers have evolved over the years and are experimenting like never before. They attend parenting seminars, put their children in alternative schools, and go the extra mile in democratising choices. “Many Indian mothers are pushy, result-oriented and focused on academic performance like some Chinese. However, most Indian parents are nurturers and affectionate. Apparently, some Chinese parents don’t allow kids to watch TV, but in India it’s an over- dose of TV, computers and other gizmos,” says child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr Chirag Sen.

So what does it really take for today's mothers to produce a generation of achievers? Many Indian mothers and youngsters believe that it only takes the right way to approach the children and share their opinions with them.

“Medical science has proven that children today are smarter than their parents. They ought to be trusted and respected. Not that they pay heed to what you say. Just that you have to know how to say it,” says Sneha Gulati, mother of two teenage daughters. “If my parents want me to excel in my career, that’s because they love me and want to see me happy in life. They are always the first ones to hold me each time I fall. They are the ones who cheer me up, every time I lose. And this is what makes their dreams, mine,” says Falon David, a Bangalore-based MBA aspirant. For many youngsters like Sunidhi Chopra, freedom comes with acceptable conditions. “My parents are my friends. I can’t be out too late, but that’s fine with me. Sleep-over is ok only with friends whom my parents know. The best part is that we understand and respect each other’s viewpoint.”

If modern-day ads are really imitating life, we could well believe that more and more Indian mothers are increasingly accepting the weaknesses of their children and just letting them be.

(This article was featured in BR International, a HongKong publication)

PROTECT YOUR VISION

2011-04-05T14:47:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Try these simple eye exercises to reduce eyestrain and maintain a healthy vision.

We understand that regular exercises, gymming, jogging, swimming and other fitness regimes help us remain fit and in shape, and help us fight diseases even as we age. However, with time, our vision is also all likely to start blurring together with the weakening of other organ systems. Our vision is at a greater risk of damage today, given our hectic work life and increasing dependence on computers and laptops.

To maintain our best eyesight level and prevent it from further deterioration with growing years, we need to do some eye exercises on a regular basis. However, these exercises can’t be substitutes for those who have already been prescribed glasses. Adopt them in your daily routine for eye relaxation and to avoid further damage to your vision:

1. Pen exercise: Hold a pen in front at your arm’s length. Focus on the pen for approximately 3 seconds and switch the eyes to an object at quite a distance either inside the room or outside the window. After focusing on the distant thing for 2-3 seconds, return your focus on the pen for another 3 seconds. Repeat the steps for 5-6 times. Dr Satish Mehta, consultant, ophthalmology, Moolchand Eye Clinic, New Delhi highly recommends this exercise for maintaining a good vision.

2. Eye Stretch: This is another simple eye exercise advised by Dr Mehta: Stretch your eyes as far as possible by looking up, down, left and up repeatedly. Do the same exercise in the reverse direction. Use 20:20:20 vision rule to take an off from computer screen to avoid eye stress.

3. Clock movement: Eye specialist Dr Nidhi Panwar from Sir Gangaram Hospital, New Delhi recommends this exercise: Imagine that you are standing in front of a large clock. Look at the middle of the clock. Then look at any hour mark, without turning your head. Look back at the center. Then look at another hour mark. Do this at least 12 times. You can also do this exercise with your eyes closed.

Senior Eye Surgeon of Max HealthCare, New Delhi Dr Parul M Sharma suggests the following exercises for a good vision. “Before exercising, find a quiet place and sit with your back straight and your head held high. Remove any glasses or contact lenses," she says.

4. Palming: Rub your hands together until they feel warm (about 15 to 20 seconds). Then place your cupped hands over your closed eyes, being careful not to touch your eyes with the palms of your hands. The fingers of each hand should overlap and rest gently on the center of your forehead. Don't create any unnecessary pressure on your face. If your arms get tired, rest your elbows on a table. Sit quietly for one to two minutes with your hands over your eyes. The more relaxed you become, the blacker the darkness you will see with your eyes closed.

5. Figure of Eights: By tracing an imaginary figure of eight (the horizontal version, like the infinity sign), approximately 10 feet from you, this exercise increases the flexibility of your eyes while relaxing the eye muscles. Trace the figure with your eyes without moving your head, first in one direction, then in another. Remember to breathe, relax, and blink from time to time to help your eyes relax.

6. Near-far focus: “This exercise improves eye flexibility and accomadative effort,” says Dr Parul Sharma.

Hold your thumb six inches from your nose. Focus on your thumb. Take one deep breath and exhale slowly. Then focus on an object about 10 feet away. Take another deep breath and slowly exhale. Repeat back and forth 15 times.

7. Scanning: Sitting or standing at one end of a room, let your eyes scan around the edges of objects in the room - clocks, televisions, doors, lights, computers, etc. The object of this exercise is to keep your eyes moving in a loose and fluid way. Do this exercise for two minutes. Remember to breathe.

8. Head Rolls: Dr Sharma affirms that this exercise is to relax your neck, head and face muscles and reduce shoulder tension. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. On the exhale, slowly drop your chin to your chest. Relax your neck and shoulders. As you inhale deeply again, slowly and gently roll your head around to the left, then back, keeping your shoulders still and relaxed. Make your movements slowly, carefully and deliberately. Now exhale full as you roll your head to the other side and down to your chest again. Repeat this sequence twice then change directions and repeat twice more.

Always finish up either with palming or another eye relaxation technique.

Massage your eyes

o Soak one towel in hot water, and the other in cold. Take one and lightly press it to your face, focusing on your eyebrows, closed eyelids, and cheeks. Alternate between the two as desired, making sure to end with a cold compress.

o Soak a towel in hot water. Rub your neck, forehead and cheeks with the towel, avoiding the eyes. Then, use your fingertips to gently massage your forehead and closed eyes.

o Close your eyes and massage them with circular movements of your fingers for 1-2 minutes. Make sure you press very lightly and have washed your hands to avoid damaging your eyes.

For those on the desk

“As jobs are getting oriented around computers and lap tops, it is important to take a few precautions,” says Dr Satish Mehta, consultant, ophthalmology, Moolchand Eye Clinic, New Delhi. Dr Mehta sums them up as under:

· Computer screen should be kept 30 to 50 cms away from the eyes.

· Top edge of the screen should be in line with the level of eyes.

· The chair should be ergonomically designed for comfort and correct posture.

· Take a break every 20 to 30 minutes to walk 20 paces. Look beyond 20 feet and blink completely 20 times.

· Increase font size for comfort and adjust picture quality for comfortable viewing.

· White background generally gives les strain as contrast is more.

For students

Dr Mehta further suggests the following advice for students:

· Read in adequate light. Keep a table lamp handy. Light should fall on the reading material from front or right to left

· Do not read lying on your belly

· Adequate sleep is important

· Maintain correct posture

And let there be light...

2011-03-11T10:01:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander
Eminent spiritual leaders bust some of the most common myths about spirituality. Read On...

I should first rid myself of all sin and be pure to grow spiritually.

Not quite so. Without the knowledge of what we truly are, we will always find it difficult to rid ourselves of sin. In the opinion of Brahmakumari Sister Shivani, to rid ourselves of sins and then grow spiritually is like healing ourselves first and then seeing a doctor. She says, “Spirituality is healing. It is the journey of shifting our focus and thereby our behaviour from body consciousness [ego of all the acquired labels in our lifetime] to soul consciousness. It is then that we return to our true consciousness of a pure being.” Sadhvi Bhagwati, an American who adopted sainthood and devoted her life to serving mankind 14 years ago, feels that it’s only after we embark on a spiritual path that we grow aware of our innermost qualities and divine nature. And it is then that we shun all wrong deeds. “It is then that true transformation happens,” she says.

I can’t be spiritual if I am still interested in gathering material possessions and making money.

“Blessed are those who have material wealth for they have the opportunity to help the poor and needy,” says Swami Ramdev. Spirituality is a way of being, thinking and interacting. He adds, “To say that the rich and affluent are not spiritual is wrong. I know many who are more enlightened and Godly than many of us. A person should not be greedy, miserly, overambitious and too money-minded.” The essence is to not run after wealth. In the words of Sister Shivani: “We earn, buy and use but not for pleasure but physical comfort. We understand that everything material is designed for the comfort of the body, but our happiness is our creation and it is independent of anything or anyone outside. This means that we don’t earn them so that we will be happy, but we are happy while working to earn them. Money or no money, if this aspect doesn’t disturb our state of happiness, there is no problem with amassing wealth.”

To err is human, to forgive is divine.

Spiritual master Osho believes that to err is human and to forgive is also human. Osho’s philosophy is, “If forgiving is divine then you are raising the level too high, beyond human reach. Bring it within human reach and learn to forgive.” As per Sri Sri Ravi Shankar of the Art of Living Foundation, it is important to respect a bad person. “There is a saying in Sanskrit: durjanam prathamam vande sajjanam tadanantaram.First worship the bad person and then the good one. The bad man is falling and giving you an example, ‘don’t do what I did.’ Do not hate a prisoner because he’s a criminal. Consider him to be an embodiment of God. He has done you a great service. Don’t ever hate a drug addict because he has given you such a beautiful lesson, and he has been given that role. He is just performing his role,” says Ravi Shankar. It doesn’t matter what happens, regardless of the nature of the event or the sharpness of the words intended to insult, our response is always our own creation. “When we forgive someone, we actually do ourselves a favour because through forgiveness we release all the negative thoughts, emotions and energies that we are holding onto in our anger. By replaying the moment again and again in our mind, torturing ourselves in so many ways, we hurt ourselves more than anyone else does. This is a deep realisation,” says Sister Shivani. It’s never them, it’s always me is a deep realisation indeed!

(There are many such myths that often block an individual's spiritual growth. To read the complete article and tread on the path of the Divine with a better understanding, pls visit the site page of Complete Wellbeing)

AJAY DEVGN: Actor Of The Year

2011-02-25T14:02:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

From Athithi Tum Kab Jaoge to Toonpur Ka Superhero, Ajay Devgn was one busy bee in 2010 with seven releases, of which six which were declared blockbuster hits. Not to digress, but 2010 was an interesting year, which found mega-budget films like Hrithik-starrer Kites and Abhishek-Aishwarya starrer Raavan bombing at the box office. Ajay Devgn sailed through admirably well. Shilpi Shukla Alexander chats with the versatile and outspoken AJAY DEVGN.

Ajay Devgn

With six successful films in your kitty, you are indeed the undisputed hero of Bollywood 2010. Congrats!(Smiles) Thanks.

You are known as an actor who can deliver many films in a row.
I know. But now I want to cut down on films. However, as of now I am not being able to do that. But in a year or so you will see a sharp decline in the number of projects I sign.

How do you play a variety of roles…all with such precision?
That’s the essence of acting for me. I try to diverge from the norm and do unique and different films. And hope they get appreciated.

(To read the complete article, visit the site of Darpan, a Canadian publication...)

PUSHKAR: World’s Largest Cattle Fair

2011-02-22T15:54:00.000+05:30

Article By: Shilpi Shukla
Photos By: Lovejeet Alexander

Every November, in the pond-sized sleepy town of Pushkar, India comes alive with a riot of colors and a frenzied burst of activity, attracting visitors from around the globe to the famous Camel Fair.

(The complete article was featured in Little India, a US publication...)

Renowned for hosting the world’s largest camel fair, the quiet town of Pushkar exhibits a rare and fascinating combination of religious fervor and cultural effervescence every November. Around 50,000 camels are sold, decorated, shaved and raced during the Pushkar Fair, the largest cattle fair in the world.

The picturesque morning view of the Pushkar Lake.

The festival is quite a hit among foreign tourists. This year’s whopping 200,000 crowd inundated Pushkar’s 14,000 population. The profusion of colors that run riot in the desert sand, the glee and the contagious enthusiasm of the village folk charm every visitor. “Very few fairs in the world, if at all any, can match the liveliness of the Pushkar fair — the world’s largest cattle fair,” said Jamie Jay, a tourist from California, who has been attending the fair regularly for the last four years.

The ambience evoked during the seven-day festival is that of rustic Rajasthan, more so of rural India — vibrant, colorful and quintessentially Indian. Bards and poets recite and sing tales of valor and heroism of bygone days. Singers and dancers stage folk performances throughout the day. Various competitions, such as turban tying, tilak, water pot race, mandna, langari taang, Indian bride, moustache, and wrestling, etc., enliven the event.

A flock of pigeons taking a flight from one of the 400 ancient temples of Pushkar.

“I like the turban tying and tilak competition. They are so Indian,” said Daniel Schwenegger, a tourist from Denmark.

In addition, many animal competitions, such as camel decoration, camel dance, horse dance, fast milking, gir and cross-breed and champion cattle contests delight visitors. “The lumbering beast of burden, the camel all decorated in finery, imagines itself to be an ostrich, and rushes through the race like one. It’s such fun. I have never seen anything like this before,” said Australian college student, Diana Wheat.

Visitors are particularly enamored by the musical chairs competition. “As the music stops, the beautifully decorated camel is supposed to manage to stick its long arching neck between two poles, each camel owner guiding its entrant by means of a silken cord attached to its nose ring. This is really interesting,” said Mac Matusow, a 10-year-old boy from Denmark.

(To read the complete article, visit the site of Little India, a US publication...)

BEING CRAFTY!

2011-02-22T15:02:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

(This article was published in The Hindu newspaper

Photo: Lovejeet Alexander

Handicrafts Cluster Creations at Dilli Haat brought in the best that the States could offer...

The Handicrafts Cluster Creations 2011 that was on at the Dill Haat till recently saw avid shoppers thronging the place even during weekdays. Welcoming the fresh hues of spring, the handicrafts exhibition-cum-sale allowed visitors to indulge in a world of traditionally rich and awe-inspiring craftsmanship. With an exquisite range of metal, brass, wood and bamboo handicrafts to those in iron, marble and clay, the fair had something for everyone.

The stalls from the North-east came laden with exciting bamboo and cane craft pieces.

Handloom rugs, carpets, floor mats and durries came were made to floor anyone! “I bought two Kashmiri carpets richly adorned with traditional chain-stitch embroidery. The collection in the fair was really exciting this time,” said Ritu Malik, a teacher.

Zardozi and jamdani silk from Benaras, kantha silk from West Bengal, chanderi and tussar ghicha silk from Madhya Pradesh, cotton handloom from Uttar Pradesh, pashminas from Kashmir and the many silks from the South were a delight for the textile connoisseurs. For those interested in rich traditional work, there was kalamkari work and crochet embroidery from Andhra Pradesh, crewel embroidery and patchwork from Jammu and Kashmir, and kinnari work from Himachal Pradesh, among many others. “I particularly loved the Kashmiri crewel embroidery and kinnauri shawls from Himachal Pradesh,” said Su Li, a tourist from China. Decorations for home ranged from beautiful terracotta to wicker work, papier-mâché bowls to wooden trays, and lac items to kolhapuris.

While the regal touch came with marble artefacts, miniature sandalwood and silver items, reasonably-priced pottery and ceramic work from Maharashtra was surely not worth a miss. Foreign tourists seemed particularly fascinated. According to Marc Jacobs from Canada, “The marble artefacts from Agra and these beautiful miniature paintings from Rajasthan exhibit marvellous workmanship, which is the USP of India indeed.”

Other attractions were the gems and jewellery at the Rajasthani counter. Also, bead necklaces and footwear of Nagaur, textiles printed in Ajmer and Jodhpur, brassware of Jodhpur and Jaipur and colourful puppets.

For those who had their fill of shopping, the exhibition featured interesting cultural shows, live performances, food from the states, and interesting competitions

SURAJKUND FAIR - Silver Jubilee Fiesta

2011-02-02T15:07:00.000+05:30

Article & Photos: Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Come, see... and get bewitched by the brilliant cultural tapestry that comprises India at the Surajkund Fair 2011

Think of awe-inspiring craftsmanship, cultural vibrancy, rustic charm, folk performances, sumptuous regional cuisines, and you picture the grand Surajkund Fair. Rightly described as a 'mini India', the fair comes alive with vivid shades of rich Indian crafts, folk traditions and cultural heritage every year. Skilled artisans, painters, weavers, potters, sculptors and craftsmen from all over the country come and display their traditional and splendid craftsmanship, in the typical setting of a rural Indian marketplace. Characteristic of its cultural mélange and exquisite exhibits from India and abroad, the fair is a riot of splendid colours yet again.

Organised for the first time in 1981 by Haryana Tourism, the fair completes 25 successful years in 2011. And this is why the fair (from February 1 to February 15) is more sparkling and eventful this year. Andhra Pradesh being the theme state at the Surajkund Fair this year, many famous folk performances are staged at the fair all day through. So if you want to enjoy kuchipudi, burrakatha, veeranatyam, butta bommalu, dappu, Tappeta Gullu, Lambadi, Bonalu, Dhimsa, Kolattam, Butta bommalu and other famous Andhra folk dances, Surajkund is the place to be. Also on display are beautiful craftworks of the state including banjara embroidery, brass artware, cherial scroll paintings, kondapalli toys, bidriware, pearls, kalamkaris and other appealing art forms. Besides, almost a caravan of 400 state and national-level award winning craftsmen from all over the nation has participated in the fair. The partner country in this year’s fair, Uzbekistan, has organized several interesting cultural shows and stalls in the fair. Craftpersons from SAARC nations have also exhibited an interesting array of collectibles.

Uneven and unpaved paths, dusty air, open ground, folk music playing at the backdrop and thatched platforms - coming to the Surajkund fair is like entering an Indian village. This rural fair is a good place to pick up some rare and beautiful items which one does not get in run of the mill handicraft exhibitions, local markets and malls. “The wide range from different states and countries is really exciting here. What’s more, here at Surajkund, everything ethnic and rustic can be bought at very reasonable prices. Though some of these items, specially ornamental jewellery and artifacts are available at these big malls, they are very high priced,” says Shruti Chauhan, a student. We couldn’t agree more! From beautiful mirror-embroidered fabrics, woven silk and cotton blended saris, floor coverings, intricate embroideries, beautiful lace work, folk motifs on terracotta forms to stone craft, metal ware, block-printed fabrics, leather goods, cane artifacts, woodcraft, jewellery, silverware, dolls, brassware, shimmering bangles, toys, trinkets, home décor items and many other hand-crafted products, there is a lot to see and shop in the fair.

Come here to buy fabrics, ornaments, footwear, furniture or artifacts, there is an amazing regional variety and traditional diversity in each item from one state stall to the other. Interested in embroidery? Check out the colourful phulkari work from Punjab, chikan work from Lucknow, suzni, chainstitch, crewel and mirror encasings from Kashmir, banjara and bunni from Gujarat and Rajasthan, kantha from West Bengal and Tripura, lace and crochet from Goa, and many other offerings from other states. Redefine the aesthetics of your living room with floor coverings from Namda, carpets from Kashmir, punja dhurries from Haryana, woolen carpets Mirzapur, and coir and rags from South India. For art connoisseurs, there are madhubani paintings from Bihar, phad and bani-thani paintings from Rajasthan, kalamkari from Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka, temple paintings from Orissa, are also displayed in the Surajkund Mela. There is a fascinating variety of bamboo and cane artifacts from Punjab, sholapith and shital patti from Assam and West Bengal, rosewood and sandalwood woodcraft from South India, and chikri from Kashmir.

Enjoy some vivacious folk music and dance performances of different Indian states and other participating countries every evening at Natyashala, an open-air theater. Various competitions organized to entertain youngsters and playful rides and swings for kids at the amusement zone make a visit to the fair an ideal family outing. The umpteen food stalls offering scrumptious delicacies from various states are an added delight. When here, do visit the magnificent 10th century Surajkund lake too.

Live Empty!

2011-01-27T15:54:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

An out of order electric iron, junked gramophone, half-torn books, empty cosmetic bottles, and a wardrobe full of clothes that don’t fit you anymore... You keep it all for years hoping to use them some day.
Likewise, you have reproaches, resentment, sadness, fears and painful experiences stacked well in your memory. The past that’s well-engraved in your memory, inadvertently marks an indelible impression on your current and future actions. The Buddhist ‘philosophy of emptiness’ claims to free you from the clutter; let’s try and unravel this secret mantra of happiness.

The theory of emptiness was developed as a fundamental philosophical standpoint by the Indian Buddhist master Nagarjuna [circa 2nd century CE]. Tibetan Buddhist thinkers see this theory as an elaboration and refinement of the basic Buddhist theory of No-Self.

“All things and events are devoid of any intrinsic and absolute existence. They come into being due to the aggregation of multiple causes and conditions,” says The Dalai Lama. Their material existence and identity is contingent upon other factors such as language, thought and concepts, that together make up worldly convention.

(To read the complete article, pls visit the site of India's leading health and wellness magazine - Complete Wellbeing...)

MARRIED TO A PERFECTIONIST?

2011-01-11T12:20:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Extreme cleanliness, zero tolerance for deviation from standards, acute image consciousness, the know-it-all attitude…meeting a perfectionist partner’s standards can make life really difficult. It is said that two imperfect individuals make a perfect bond.

But having a perfectionist for a partner often means an imperfect relationship, over laden with endless criticisms and scorns. However, if you are at peace with yourself and love your partner despite his ‘imperfection’, you could work towards making yours a wonderful relationship too. Here's how...

(To read the complete article, pls visit the site of Complete Wellbeing)

INDIAN WOMEN MAKING HISTORY

2011-01-10T13:43:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Indira Gandhi

Indian women around the world have not only made the nation proud, but have also distinctly raised the standards of feminism and power across the globe. Let’s focus on the few who continue to make headlines around the world.

Because I am a woman, I must make unusual

efforts to succeed.

If I fail, no one will say, “She doesn’t have what it takes.”

They will say, “Women don’t have what it takes.”

– Clare Boothe Luce

At a time where the playing field has been thrown open to men and women alike, Indian women have risen to the challenge and proven their mettle. Results are seen beyond one or two isolated cases, as Indian women all over the world have shown competency in every sphere – be it politics, sports, the corporate world, or even entertainment. The past few decades have seen the emergence of a generation of Indian women who are propelling the world to reach new heights in economy, politics, philosophy, arts and environmental development.

Click here to read my cover story published in DESH VIDESH, a US magazine...

Kiran Mazumdar Shaw

Indra Nooyi

Chanda Kochhar

WINTER FASHION FOR YOUR POOCH!

2011-01-03T13:41:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Pet stores now promise a hot winter fashion for your doggies with an exciting range of winter wear like embroidered denim jackets, velvet coats and funky caps.

There’s no need to request relatives abroad to get chic winter apparels for your dear pooch. Right from embroidered denim dress with a faux fur collar to acrylic and wool blended hoodie sweater with a red bandanna print collar - Delhi has it now. “Oh it was mainly plaid jackets that one could expect to get for one’s pet dogs in Delhi till a few years back. But in recent years, the stuff has amazingly pleased me,” says college student Tanya Deshmukh, who just bought an all new range of winter wear for her pet..

Click on the link below to read the complete story published recently in The Hindu newspaper. Deck Up Your Pooch This Winter

(All the pictures showcased above are only representative and have been picked by Google Images)

The Reel-n-Real Life DABANGG: SALMAN KHAN

2010-12-31T12:57:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla

Smiling through a series of painful breakups, face-offs with the media, ample lawsuits, and showdowns with close friends from the cine industry, Salman Khan has come a long way. He has worked in more flops than hits during this long journey of two decades and two years. However, his craze among his millions of fans is undying. And riding high on the wave of success with Dabangg, has proven that his magic on the people is long from over.

Click on the link below to hear the actor talk about his recent blockbuster, upcoming films and more in a Canadian magazine, DARPAN. Read on...

The Reel-n-Real Life Dabangg: Salman Khan

Wine Safari In India

2010-12-31T12:47:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla

Click the image below to read my article on the wonderful wine safari experience in India.. The article's been done for an Australian magazine...

Fitness Regimen: Just For 'U'

2010-12-31T12:35:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla

Click on the pix below to read my article on how our different body types/shapes decide our fitness regimen. The article was done for an Australian magazine...

OPEN SPACE

2010-12-11T13:17:00.000+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla

It was Indians to have pioneered the idea of domestic toilets and drainage system in the world. Perhaps no other civilization gave so much importance to sanitation and cleanliness as the Aryans did. However, in a tragic and shameful turn of events, in following 5,000 years, we now stand at a point where the glorious history has been soiled to shame. The nation today is short of toilets and that too by millions. Full circle drawn, that is!

Click on the image below to read the complete story published in an Australian publication...

KANGANA'S CURLED UP SUCCESS

2010-10-29T16:01:00.001+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

With a blockbuster hits like Tanu Weds Manu and Once Upon A Time In Mumbai behind her, Kangana Ranaut sure has a long way to go. She currently has as many as 10 movies in the pipeline . The sexy damsel went candid during a recent dialogue. Read on...

How was it working with Madhavan in Tanu Weds Manu?
Madhavan is a fine actor and a fun person to be with. It was great sharing screen space with him.

From dark and intense roles, you have now switched over to comedy and thriller. Any reason?
I had been getting many requests from fans to do some comic and action-packed roles. hence, the latest choice of movies that I have signed.

Though both you and Emran are in the movie, you two are not paired opposite each other in Once Upon A Time In Mumbai.

Yes. But that’s the director’s call. Our director Milan Luthria wanted me to couple with Ajay Devgan. I personally feel that Emran’s my lucky charm.

How was it working with Ajay Devgan?

Ajay is a pretty chilled out person, unlike what it seems onscreen. He is a pleasure to work with.

You have as many as 10 films under different stages of production!

Yes. I hadn’t planned it this way, though. Good offers came in, I kept signing them and worked continuously. And now everything is coming one after another.

So, when do we get to see you next this year?

Very soon indeed! At least three of my films – Game, Double Damaal and Rascals will hit theatres very soon.

(To read the complete article, visit the site of Darpan, a Canadian publication...)

EMF: Home Truths

2010-10-15T14:17:00.000+05:30

By: Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Home appliances and gadgets sure make life easy but they also have an unhealthy downside

Medical scientists confirm that many people fall victims to electro-magnetic field [EMF] pollution that badly affects their health. EMFs are invisible lines of force that surround electrical equipment [including cell phones], power cords, and power lines. "Strong EMFs of about 50–60 cycles per second [hertz, or Hz] and the related electromagnetic radiation [EMR] are extremely harmful to human beings," affirms Bipin Walia, senior neurosurgeon and head of spine surgery, Max Healthcare, New Delhi. They can harm our brain, heart, lungs, eyes, thyroid glands and nervous system."EMR rays in general cause irritation, concentration lapses and in many cases even proliferation of cells cause cancer," says neurologist Rajeev Ranjan, Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, New Delhi.

In human beings, complications arising out of continuous radiation exposure are known as electro hypersensitivity [EHS]. Under this condition, the person becomes highly reactive to EMR. In extreme cases, he can have severe breathing problems, heart palpitations and loss of consciousness. Many can feel electricity going through their body and experience disabling symptoms such as convulsions, memory problems and depression. "Many health complications, which can't be diagnosed could be linked back to such invisible radiation attacks," adds Walia. These radiations can even interfere with the functioning of medical devices like pacemakers.

Based on various studies, here goes a short list of EMF pollutants at home:
Television, music system and all other electrical equipment even doorbells;
Radio and television transmitters and remote controls;
Computers, laptops;
Mobile phones;
Cordless phones;
Microwave ovens;
House wiring;
Power lines;
Cars, motor cycles.

The extent to which one can be harmed by these damaging radiations largely depends on the strength of the EMFs emitted by an appliance, one's proximity to the device and the time for which one is exposed. With proper knowledge and precautions the effect of these radiations can largely be reduced. Over the years various studies done by different universities and scientists claim that the most commonly used home appliances have quite high EMFs, the reason often being incorrect wiring. Let us see how you can make your home safe from these harmful radiations...

(To read the complete article on how EMF radiations harm us, pls visit the site of Complete Wellbeing.)

En-light-en This Diwali

2010-10-11T17:00:00.001+05:30

By Shilpi Shukla

You have spent many Diwalis lighting diyas, firing crackers and merrymaking. Let’s seek spiritual solace and enlightenment on this festival of light.

Diwali or Deepavali is commonly referred to as the festival of light; the day of gaiety and merriment. Many Westerners often call it the Indian Christmas and believe that it is celebrated with frivolity and self-indulgence. Not quite so. There’s more to Diwali than a row of lights and perky festivity. Here’s unravelling the divine significance of this day...

Click on the link to read the complete article published in Desh Videsh, a US magazine: Spiritual Diwali

THE LOST INDIAN ART OF DESIRE

2010-09-16T13:25:00.000+05:30

Is modern Indian sexual vitality going dead?

In present-day Indian context, the term ‘sensual’ is generally used to either portray someone as beautiful or label someone as sexy (a term which itself is stricken by a definition crisis). With the new Indian woman striving towards achieving zero-size figures and botoxed beauties, little wonder that Indian erotica, that reminds one of our glorious legacy of Khajuraho, Konark, Ajanta-Ellora, Kamasutra, and Tantric sex is fast getting dumped in the past. Here’s a peep into the glorious past, gradual transformation, changed sensibilities and the umpteen reasons.

This is my COVER STORY in the Sept Issue of Little India, US. Click here to read more: Indian Erotica, Thing Of The Past?

DYING MELODIES!

2010-09-16T12:50:00.001+05:30

DYING MELODIES

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

There’s a clear divide in the Indian music world between film and non-film music. With their huge budget, films are growing ever bigger. The blend of pop, rap and Sufi music in Indian film songs has doomed the independent music genre.

Alisha Chenoy had young India crooning “Made in India.” Shaan’s “Tanha Dil,” Abhijeet’s “Deewana” and Sonu Nigam’s “Tuuuu” made them the voice of the new generation. Daler Mehndi’s “Bolo Ta Ra Ra” made him the unrivalled Bhangra King; Colonial Cousins brought in western fusion to classical ragas; Bombay Vikings’ “Wo Chali” introduced a genre of English fusion to old Bollywood tracks; Remo Fernandes “O Meri Munni” and Baba Sehgal’s “Thanda Thanda Paani” had us jiving to Hindi rap, Sunita Rao came up with the mesmerizing “Pari Hoon Main”; Ila Arun’s “Maaro Ghaghro” and Shubha Mudgal’s “Ab Ke Saawan” made us fall in love with rustic melodies. Adnan Sami and Asha Bhosle’s “Kabhi Toh Nazar Milao” and Alka Yagnik’s “Saare Sapne” symphonies touched virtually every Indian heart. The 1990s saw many independent musicians rise to fame with chartbuster albums. Non-film music was a rage.

Today, however, this music culture is in its death throes.

Click on the link below to view the complete article as published in Little India, US on...

The genre of non-film music seems to be dying out in India.

All For A Cuppa!

2010-07-20T13:23:00.001+05:30

ALL FOR A CUPPA!

Tea Tourism In India

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Ek garam chai ki pyaali (a cup of hot tea) is what pulls those with refined tastes and polished pursuits to India.

The silky sunrays kiss your forehead, the cool breeze caresses your hair and the fragranced air infuses your spirit with prana (life force). Walk out of your room, holding your bespoke hot cuppa and sit in the verandah of this old colonial building set amidst lush tea estates. Watch tea-pickers plucking the newest leaves and tossing them into the wicker baskets on their backs or witness the soft drops of the hill rain turn the landscape into a misty wonderland. Enjoy a fascinating tea tour and indulge in flavoursome tea tasting sessions. What’s more, with the world’s best range of teas available in these 500-plus plantations, have your tea custom-made. And how about planting your own tea bush to mark your visit?

Quite in tune with the wine regions of Europe and the coffee plantations of Central America, India’s tea estates, that together boast of being the largest exporter of tea in the world (with as much as 810 million kilograms being produced annually), promise a tasteful retreat for tea-connoisseurs from around the world. These refurbished tea gardens offer exciting tours and package holidays to Assam, Darjeeling in West Bengal, Munnar in Kerala, Palampur in Himachal Pradesh and Ooty in Tamil Nadu. Given that this highly popular beverage is laden with life restoring anti-oxidants, is powerful at preventing cancers, and their herbal varieties are caffeine-free, tourists from round-the-globe have reasons aplenty to taste the heady flavour and raise their daily brews in an ode to the colonial past.

(Pls click on the given link to read my recently published article on Tea Tourism In India in a US magazine.
http://www.littleindia.com/news/154/ARTICLE/6731/2010-07-08.html)

Royal Embellishment

2010-07-10T13:40:00.000+05:30

To read the article, follow this link: http://www.deshvidesh.com/Current_Issue/Desh-Videsh-July-2010/royal-embellishment.html