Green Kangaru ~ The One In The Middle

Don't Blink

2016-09-12T10:11:00.000-05:00

Where've you been? No one has really been asking but here I am. I'm feeling the need to write and this is where I find myself.

2 years have FLOWN by, total blink-of-the-eye type stuff. It's hard to keep up.

2 years ago we had the extreme pleasure of welcoming our first son-in-law to our family. The day was perfect. I was, of course, an emotional wreck. Watching that first baby move completely on from childhood was tough. It was also very fulfilling. She chose well. Aaron is such a good person.

We've had the joy of watching them grow as a couple. They love and support each other completely. You can never, as a parent, ask for anything more for your child.

Then not quite a year ago we were blessed with our 2nd son-in-law. Aspen and Chad were engaged about 6 weeks after Sofi's wedding. We love Chad and his family to pieces. He complements Aspen well. He's supported and encouraged her and we couldn't be happier. The day was beautiful. Aspen was breathtaking and the realization that most of our children were grown ups hit like a freight train.

Aspen graduated from USD in May and wow! I could not have been more proud this day. Watching her cross that stage and accept that diploma was incredible.

When Aspen was little she had an extreme desire to be first all the time. Well she shocked us in April by announcing she and Chad were going to be parents. She will give us our first grandchild in December. We cannot wait to spoil our first granddaughter. And yes I'm way too young! *wink *wink

Which brings me to...

The first day of school. Sadi's last, first day to be exact. I'm devastated. It's happening whether I want it to or not. Rubi, thank goodness, is just a 6th grader. I'm really not ready to be an empty nester.

Now you know why I'm back here. It's so much worse than Sofi getting old enough to graduate. It's so much worse than Sofi or Aspen getting married. It's so much worse than becoming a grandma. This one was NEVER suppose to leave me. Ever. I'm happy and sad and so unbelievably proud of her. I can and can't wait to see what the coming years are going to bring for her. She'll graduate and leave and be just fine. Will I? That remains to be seen. Sadi is pretty amazing and her life will be her's. She will never do anything just because someone else thinks she should. She's fiercely independent and a quiet observer of life. She's pretty special.

Stay tuned because it's going to be an incredibly emotional year for me...

The Pieces of My Soul

2013-11-15T14:35:00.000-06:00

When I started this blog it was to cope with Sofi graduating high school. I needed to work out how to let go and chose words to do it. My postings have been fewer and fewer as the months go by. I've recently been reminded of why I started this blog, my love for my kids. I was 20 when I had Sofi and 21 when I had the triplets so we've all kind of grown up together. I realize more every day the lengths I would go to for these kids. I realize that when it comes to my kids I am ALWAYS ready for war.

I think in the last year that my older 3 girls and I have grown closer and maybe developed a better understanding of each other. I love the site Pinterest and admit to being a bit of a junkie. Today I creeped on my daughters Pinterest accounts and was intrigued by some of my findings.

Sofi has become this incredibly strong-willed woman. Her Pins include recipes to future kids and everything in between. I'm sharing some of the ones that I think make Sofi, Sofi.

I love this first one. Sofi is the BEST big sister. She's been Rubi's 2nd mom and has been supportive of EVERYTHING that Sadi and Rubi have done not to mention Aspen and Greer.

All the girls Pinned sister related quotes and interestingly enough they were all different. I've watched my girls join together or travel in a pack I like to say. I'd be careful because if something is worth defending these girls will do all of this and then some!

Sofi's board Paradise is her travel wishes. All the girls have a board about this same thing but they all referred to them differently. Sofi Pinned Lake Louise, Canada. I'm not surprised she Pinned both the water and the mountains in the same picture. Sofi is happy anywhere outside.

Sofi has a weird obsession with Pocahantas and I Pinned this on my board entitled Sofi. It was never one of my favorite Disney movies and why it's Sofi's is anyone's guess.

Sofi is finishing school to teach preschool. I've been working at the daycare with her for a few weeks now, and while I might be biased I truly see her at her absolute best when she's with the kids. They love her and she adores all of them.

Sofi is pretty incredible. She is sometimes not very confident in her sparkle. It's pretty bright though and hard to miss even if she can't always see it.

Aspen, so crazily unsure of herself, I'm baffled by it. I can feel the sadness in her soul, probably because it's also in mine. She is beautiful and so smart. One day she will change the world because changing mine just seems like it isn't enough.

Aspen doesn't Pin much but from her boards it's clear she's a planner and appreciates order over chaos, maybe because the house she grew up in was the opposite.

I don't know if every parent feels like a complete failure but I've had many instances where I've known I could do better. I've prayed that they didn't hate me and that I had a better relationship with my kids than I had with my parents. Then I find this and I know that I must have had times when I wasn't such a bad mom, times when I did something right, when I know that in a small way they get me.

This sister quote is interesting, I think, because she's 1/3 of a whole and shared a room with a sister most of her life. It's this quote that tells me that on the rare occaisions there were slamming doors and harsh words that she knows what she has in her sisters.

Aspen is my old soul. She is years older than her age. She appreciates the quiet and simple. She is this girl.

I'm so proud of my kids ability to see past hate and ugly to be able to see the person. My kids care NOTHING about race, religion or sexual orientation. This, I consider to be a huge parenting accomplishment.

Aspen's travel board is her Bucket list and ranged from visiting a trampoline bridge in Paris to something as simple as jumping in a pool fully clothed. I hope I'm there to see this one because when Aspen is excited about something few lights in this world shine brighter.

Clearly by Pinning Louboutins it proves she is my child...

Ahhh....yes I have passed on my crazy to her... I'm so sorry A. I hope you are better at learning to let go and take a leap or two than I am.

Oh Greer... where do I even start. She is my mini me. While I hate to admit it sometimes, she is pretty awesome. I love her fun and zest for life and am envious at how sure of herself she ALWAYS seems.

Even Greer knows what's really important and that she's a sister first. I do have to say that few could rock a tiara quite like Greer could though. She really should go find that one specific Ginger Prince.

I love Greer's Style board. It is ME from high school and I had a closet to be envied back then. I had every color of Converse hightops and high-wasted jeans/shorts and cropped shirts and jackets were a staple. She secretly wants to be me but don't tell her because she hasn't figured it out yet. ;)

I'm pretty sure Greer's pen is only held by her. You can't make up the stuff that happens to her. She's got an adventurous spark that I hope never goes out. Keep writing Greer, your story is only beginning.

Greer doesn't think about Paradise or have a Bucket list, her board is titled Some Day. I'm certain it's because she knows one way or another she'll get there. Greece is on her agenda for spring semester of 2015. I so hope she stays the course.

Greer has a SHOE board?!? Yep, she's mine... also pinning Louboutins... Is there a shoe gene? If there is three out of my five girls have it.

Oh G...I sure hope you are always someone's shot of tequila. Keep that fire 'cause you're gonna need it. Tea is totally overrated by the way.

My kids love 80's movies and music thanks to Jeff and I. Greer's one time, out grown motto was YOLO, so for her love of Ferris and YOLO I Pinned this for her. I'd have to say she's our family's Ferris.

I hope my girls always listen for the whispers and watch for the glances and realize that it was these things between their dad and me that led to their existence. I've often told my girls that if the person they're with doesn't treat them the way their dad treats me then that person isn't worth their time. Sofi's found him so the other's can too. He's out there but you have to be listening for the whisper and not the scream.

I am so proud that these are the kind of girls that Jeff and I have raised. They have goals and dreams. They are kind and intelligent. Their spark is pretty incredible. I'm sad for those that don't get to witness it. When they are all together I just sit back and smile. They've become incredible women and are each their own person. They are very much the same and yet very, very different. They are large pieces of this incredibly intricate family puzzle that Jeff and I created. I can't wait to see what their next chapters bring, whatever they are I'm positive that they will be spectacular!

Wordless Wednesday

2013-07-17T18:44:00.002-05:00

Why Can't They Stay Little?

2013-05-20T23:38:00.000-05:00

Somehow at Christmas Sofi became old enough to get engaged. The ring is gorgeous. The boy is a really good man. The Mom? She's becoming a bit of a mess... I know you're all shocked by that. I see so clearly the days she was a baby; things she did when she became a big sister. I remember when she was barely a year old and my sister taught her how to lick her plate. Now she's on the brink of turning 21 and she's engaged. Most days I'm ecstatic for her. Some days I am sad for me.

She's older than I was in this picture. I was such a baby still. What the hell were Jeff and I thinking?
We were so sure she was a boy. I mean Jeff prayed to the Carp God and all... Then we ended up with this tiny little baby girl and our lives changed, for the better, forever.

We've been shopping for dresses and found the one. It's gorgeous and it's Sofi and part of me hates to see her in it. I mean she's my biggest baby and she can't possibly be old enough for this can she?

We were just buying prom dresses for Pete's sake! (Does anyone know who Pete is?) She always chose the most amazing dresses and the wedding dress is no exception. I knew it the minute she put it on that it was the one. She looked more like herself than ever in it.

She's chosen an incredible group of girls to stand with her and help her celebrate the day. Hopefully the bridesmaid dresses will allow Courtney to be able to do the Cha Cha Slide without problem. Trying on those dresses we discovered that the Cha Cha Slide was of great importance. I love this girl.

She's been an incredible "leader of the pack". There isn't anything that she hasn't done for her siblings. She'd go to the mat for them every single time. Family is first for this girl and is only one of the zillion things I love about Sofi.

This is Sofi's penguin. He's pretty awesome. She's chosen well. They are a good match with equal amounts of crazy. We've known his parents for as long as we can remember and Aaron about as long. He's good people and Newton will be a good last name.

Next August will come too soon. She can't possibly be old enough...

Can't-Live-Without-Each-Other Love

2013-02-15T00:03:00.000-06:00

“I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.”

~Carrie Bradshaw - Sex In The City

I've spent 22 Valentine's Days with Jeff, I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope for 22 more.

It hasn't been easy and we've had to work for ALL 22 years. It's definitely been worth it. For the first time in several years I feel like he and I are back on track. We both decided that we'd let things become too comfortable. We let too much of our lives focus on the kids and none of it working on us. If anyone ever tells you that marriage is easy they are lying.

Real love is donuts and soda every morning. It's taking his kids to school EVERY morning.

Ridiculous is finding out less than 2 years in we were having Triplets. Uber-Ridiculous!

Inconvenient is stopping everything because your wife is sick and needs to be carted to the clinic several times in one week. It's him taking off work to stay home with a sick baby because it's your busy season at work.

Consuming is feeling like you need him the way a person needs air or food; feeling like you wouldn't be able to breathe without him. Sometimes so much so that it's painful.

Can't-live-without-each-other love is watching The Notebook and hoping that your "ends" happen in that very same way. Knowing that when you remember NOTHING else you will always remember him.

Does it always feel ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming or can't-live-without-each-other love? No but it has always, ALWAYS felt real.

I've told my daughters that if the guy they are with doesn't treat them how their dad has always treated me then he is not worth the time or energy.

Real love is knowing that you would do it all again...

EXACTLY the same way.

December 18, 1992

We were 20 and 24 years old

May 10, 2011

No longer 20 and 24...

Happy Valentine's Day!

This Is The Year To GET REAL

2013-01-14T00:01:00.000-06:00

fail·ure

[feyl-yer] Show IPA

noun

an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure.

nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.

a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency: the failure of crops.

deterioration or decay, especially of vigor, strength, etc.: The failure of her health made retirement necessary.

a condition of being bankrupt by reason of insolvency.

I've decided to "over-share" this year; bare my soul, so to speak. Stop reading now if you don't want to know these things...

Failure is what I feel a great deal of the time. I am probably one of the most insecure people you'll ever meet. In the last several years that insecurity has created anxiety in me that now requires medication. I never thought I'd be "one of THOSE people", you know, taking a pill to get through their day. I am though. The times that cause the most anxiety are when I have to be in large groups of people, going to games at school, Jeff's family for holidays, etc. The feeling of inadequacy; of not being "good enough" is really hard to manage. This makes me feel like a failure.

I've felt this way most of my life from when I was little. I have an incredibly successful older sister and I've never quite measured up. She's wonderful and I love her but she's perfect and that can make things difficult at times. I've called it Middle Child Syndrome. I have never been perfect.

I have a younger brother which defines failure in a completely different manner. I failed him in many ways. We have no relationship now and there are days I feel if I was just a little stronger I could allow him to be part of my life but I've grown to feel that a relationship with him is toxic and not good for either of us. I'd like to save him and he doesn't want to be saved. Fail... I've had to let him go and remember when he was good and not the tortured self he is now.

College... yet another of my failed attempts at the important things. I didn't appreciate it when it was handed to me. I couldn't manage 4 babies and keep up the college pace when I tried again. I'm hoping someday to finish and mark this one off my Chart of Failure.

Parenting. Not always do I feel like I've failed but recently things have been tough with the Big's. I feel more like a failure at this juncture than I EVER did when they were Little's. I'm too paranoid and because of that, it is extremely hard to let go. I have very vivid dreams of car wrecks, accidents, assaults on my children. I am terrified whenever they drive off - is the road slick, will there be deer out, are they texting? I was told in not so many words the other night that I have failed miserably as a parent. Thank God they have Jeff because I know that in many ways I have failed them.

I have a hard time starting things because I know that whatever it is will end in failure. I'm sure I could take more pills and numb these feelings and insecurities into oblivion, however I also know that would solve nothing.

I am shocked that I am in a marriage that has survived 20 years. It's been so hard to make it work sometimes. When will he walk out the door? Ask for a divorce? Not come home? I struggle daily to quiet these thoughts. There are good days and bad, right now the bad are outweighing the good. Too much thinking is never a good thing for me.

I try to be a good person and do the right thing but it always feels like I'm chasing my tail. I will never be good enough. I have contemplated disappearing and letting Jeff find someone more deserving and giving my kids a chance to breathe. If I just disappeared somewhere they could forget I existed. I could forget that I ever existed. If I did it would be one more huge failure. I can't help feeling that the people in my life deserve better. For 40 years I've felt like such a failure and my hope is that finally saying this out loud will allow me to let it go, to get over it, move on, succeed.

Insomniac

2012-11-19T01:16:00.001-06:00

in·som·ni·a

Chronic inability to fall asleep or remain asleep for an adequate length of time.

[Latin nsomnia, from nsomnis, sleepless : in-, not; see in-¹ + somnus, sleep; see swep- in Indo-European roots.]

This describes my life in a nutshell. I Facebooked quite a little lately about my inability to sleep. Many people have offered up their solutions to my problem. I love that people care and want to help. So tonight I am going to give a little backstory...

I believe that I have always had sleep issues. I remember having a recurring dream when I was little. I can still remember that dream...

It was at out house in Pueblo. I can still see it clear as day. Our neighbors, a girl named Marnie and a man that Dad called Squat-to-Pee (don't ask, I cannot tell you what this man's real name was, I just know that my Dad was obviously not fond of him) were in this dream. It was very weird. It involved standing in line and waiting to get into someplace, Heaven maybe? I've never been sure what we were standing in line for. I know that no one else in my family was in this line; maybe it was the line to Hell? I NEVER not once got to the end of this dream or the end of that line. There were things that flew, like the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz, but I can't tell you that they were bad things nor do I know what their purpose was. I don't have this dream as often anymore. Maybe once every couple of years but when I do the dream is the exact same, my six year old self standing in line and waiting.

By high school I was what people call a night-owl. I always, ALWAYS felt more productive at night. It was nothing for me to do homework or read until 2 or 3 a.m. I never had a problem running on a few hours of sleep. It was much easier with a raging metabolism and 25 less years than I have now. When I went to Lincoln after I graduated I took night classes and would often drive home at 1:00 a.m.

I read an article once, one of those What Kind of Person are You? articles. It talked about how a person dealt with life happenings. It turns out that I am a "RUMINATOR".

ru·mi·nate

v. ru·mi·nat·ed, ru·mi·nat·ing, ru·mi·nates

v.intr.

1. To turn a matter over and over in the mind.

2. To chew cud.

v.tr.

To reflect on over and over again.

This is what happens when I go to bed. It's worse if I feel I've said or done the wrong thing at some point during the day. It's the one piece that stays in my brain and rolls around and around for hours. I remember the worst things about what I've done or how I've acted for YEARS after the fact; insignificant pieces of dialog that I wish I hadn't said or wish hadn't been said to me lodge themselves in my head and take up residence for years.

Now I add worry to my ruminations. This usually has to do with the kids and the older they've gotten the worse it is. There are so many things that I can't control now that they are in college. I lay in bed at night hoping that they are making good decisions. I hope they are eating and taking care of themselves. I hope that they are being safe. I worry about them getting in the wrong car or going on dates with people we don't know. It terrifies me that I will outlive any of my children because that isn't how it is supposed to be. I need them to get married, have kids, careers, happiness and success. I need them to grow old and yet there is now very little that I can do to get them there. Their lives are their own.

People say drink tea, and I have. People say go to bed the same time every night and I did for a long time. People suggest this herb or that OTC and trust me, I have tried them all. I took Ambien for 12 years and in the beginning it worked fantastic, however, the longer I was on it the more difficult my days got. It became really difficult to function. I NEVER woke up feeling like I slept although I know I did. I stopped taking it about a year ago and while I now go as many as 4 nights with little to no sleep. when I finally "crash" I'm out cold.

I think until someone finds a way to completely disable brain function and put it into "sleep" mode I'm stuck. I appreciate all the suggestions and when I come across 1 I haven't tried I do try it in the hopes that I will eventually happen on to the magic sleep solution.

On the up-side I had a good weekend with all of my girls here and I felt reassured that they are, in fact, making good decisions, making the grade, taking care of themselves. It is strange how the worries and concerns evolve with the years. You go from worrying about diaper rash to the first day of kindergarten to college applications to college graduation to whether they will meet someone who deserves them.

Take care all. Sleep tight...Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Lists in a Bucket

2012-09-30T02:25:00.004-05:00

Jeff and I married YOUNG. I was 20 and Jeff was almost 25.
I'm pretty sure there were a lot of people that counted us out.
Here we are 20 years later. How did that happen?? I don't
look in the mirror and see 20 years. I don't look at Jeff and
see 20 years.

I find lately that I'm lonely. A lot. I didn't deal well with the
chaos that 6 kids brought and now I find I miss it. I think about
MY future a lot. And Jeff. And another 20 years. We will be
young enough to do some of these things in 10 years when Rubi
graduates. I have classmates who have just started having kids and
I can't even imagine it. I'm at the tail end and am looking forward
to being able to enjoy the next 20 years.

The definition of "Bucket List" is as follows:

noun

informal

a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime: making this trip is the first thing on my bucket list

Most of my bucket list includes Jeff. Someday I'll tell him about it...

1. Travel to:
    New Orleans
    Maui
    Ashville, NC to see the Biltmore House
    London to glimpse the Ginger Prince
    Paris to add our locks to the Pont des Arts Bridge
    Venice to ride in a gondola

2. Finish my degree.

3. Write a book and have it published.

4. Stand in the ocean with Jeff.

5. Be married for 50 years.

My list is short. I am content with what I have. I married a good man. I have six fantastic kids. I have a loving, supportive family. I have a nice house. I have great friends. Did I mention I married a good man?

Some day life will stop for us and I want to look back without regret. I want to know that I lived.

What's on your List?

Time Marches On...

2012-09-20T01:03:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I've written.
I've spent weeks trying to find the words
to explain graduation for the Triplets.

I am not sure there are words appropriate
to describe the feeling of pride I have
when I see this picture.

Graduation day was gorgeous.
We lucked out 2 years in a row
and had beautiful weather.
Our most favorite family members
managed to find their way here
to celebrate with us.

I'm shocked that 18 yrs have FLOWN.
I think most that came for graduation
felt the same way.

I watched them walk the aisle to take
their seats and all the crying that I
hadn't done, I did in this hour long ceremony.
The 1st tear fell with the first note of Pomp & Circumstance.

We were all pretty emotional with the
recognition of Cords & Collars.
If you had told me their Freshman year
that they would all eventually be on
National Honor Society and have a B
average or better when they graduated I
would have laughed. Hysterically, I might add.

To hear Olsen, Olsen, Olsen announced was
pretty special. To see them all walk the stage.
To see the diplomas were signed...
Relief was a feeling Jeff & I felt many times that day.

Once again I must say that Jeff & I did not
do this on our own. There are many that
we cannot thank enough for what they
have done for these kids.

First and foremost, their Grandparents.
Three pretty incredible people. They
supported, encouraged and loved these
3 kids, and us.

Someone so special surprised us,
Barb Schroeder. She is an Early
Childhood Services Coordinator and
the first person we met on our very long journey
with Parker. We managed to have some pretty
incredible ladies that helped get this boy to
this point. Parker was her 1st ECSC kid to
graduate and we couldn't have been more thrilled
to see her.

I cannot EVER repay what my sister Mickie
and her husband Chris have done for my kids.
These are 2 very special people and I love them.

And we cannot forget the most
amazing babysitter EVER.
Frannie is the person that managed to
help me stay sane. She started sitting
for these kids when they were 2. Most of
the time it seemed she was much better
at it than I was. She had WAY more control
that's for sure! We love you Frannie!

I have a pretty incredible family.
This day ABSOLUTELY would not have
happened without each and everyone of them.

My crazy babies...

It is now September and they have moved on.
ALL are in college and seem to be doing well.
Aspen is blazing her own trail on her own by
going to college where the other 2 are not.
Greer has been very social and is loving college
life. Parker is settling in. His schedule is pretty
light this 1st semester and he seems to like it
that way.

Our house is very quiet now. I jokingly
refer to us as The House With Half A Family.
Some days it's just too quiet...
Jeff and I now get to figure each other out
again after 20 years. We've been so wrapped up
in kids that time for us just hasn't happened much.
It's very different having just 2 kids at home.
We've never had just 2 kids.

So it feels like a period of rediscovery,
of new beginnings and good things ahead.
I'm lucky, I still see another 20 years with
the same man. I see lots of grandkids in
the years to come. I look forward to seeing
the 4 graduate from college and to Sadi and Rubi
graduating high school.

To everyone that shared the day with us,
please know how special it was for us to
have you here. These kids are the people
they are because of the people in their lives.

The Sum of the Three

2012-04-27T11:25:00.002-05:00

“Our destiny is in the way we were born, in the way we were raised, in the sum of the three of us.”
― Eleanor Brown, The Weird Sisters

Aspen

Parker

Greer

People have wondered why I haven't written about the Triplets the way I wrote about Sofi last year. I don't really have an answer except that I am not overwhelmingly sad this year. Writing last year helped me alleviate my anxiety and sadness about Sofi leaving. This year I am excited. Excited about what they've accomplished and about what their future will be.

I cannot even begin to think how many people counted us out when we had 3 more babies less than 2 yrs after our first baby. I cannot even count the number of times in the hospital that I wondered if any or all of them would be born alive, healthy... Some moments are so clear and then others are so blurry and muddled.

I cannot believe that these tiny creatures have become full blown 18 year old, almost college students. Where has the time gone?

We've weathered Aspen's very critical start and Parker's diagnosis. We are still standing. I am so grateful for the blessings that my kids are.

I believe the saying, "everything happens for a reason". Most of the time it isn't clear what that reason is. The reason I was lucky enough to be given these children has yet to present itself. I'm keeping an eye out for it though.

Aspen was the first born, at 11:56 p.m., weighing in at a whole 3lbs 6oz. She came out fighting. She fought the nurses at every turn. She would have to be sedated in order for them to work on her. I can't tell you how many times she pulled out her own IVs. Seeing her with little patches shaved in her hair so that an IV could be put somewhere that she maybe couldn't reach it was heartbreaking. She came home after 6 weeks only to return to the PICU for surgery. She ended up back at birth weight after 2 weeks at home. I was probably more terrified at this than I was the first 5 weeks. While her temper could be SO frustrating I was so glad she had the determination and fight. I do not think she would have lived through this period without it.

She was a stinker from day 1 and took great pleasure in terrorizing Greer. She was often the boss in the first 5 years of life. The other 3 just kind of stood back and let Aspen take charge. I guess it was better than the fit that ensued if they didn't. She was the first to walk, the first to get teeth and ironically she was the LAST to speak. She and Greer had the twin language that people talk about. Greer would translate for Aspen on many occasion.

Aspen had the true awkward stage - so skinny and stringy hair, glasses too big for her face. She has turned into the most beautiful creature. She has beautiful curly hair and eyes that people would die for. She went from being the one that didn't talk to a state recognized Poetry contestant. She spends most free time with her head in a book. She has truly evolved into a completely fascinating person and I so look forward to watching her achieve many great things.

Parker was born 2nd at a whopping 3lbs 8oz at 11:57 p.m. He was in the worst shape of the 3. Statistically preemie boys tend to have a more difficult time than preemie girls and that was certainly true in this case. His lungs were not as developed as the girls' and he went immediately on a vent. He suffered collapsed lungs, a brain bleed and many other things as he spent his time in the NICU. He came home with Aspen after 6 weeks.

I started to suspect that things were not ok with Parker at probably 6 months. He had trouble holding his head up and had yet to roll over or attempt to sit up. At 9 months we saw the first of many specialists. It had to have been the most awful period. The first dr declared within 5 minutes of seeing Parker that he'd never walk, never hold a pencil. She told us the fair thing to do was to look at "institutional" living for Parker. It wouldn't be fair to our other children to try and raise him. I walked out of that appointment and never looked back. I knew that this boy was bound for greatness. I pushed and he pulled and somehow he's turned out to accomplish things that most able bodied people never even attempt.

At 18 months Parker had a tremendous grasp of the English language and was holding full on adult conversations with just about anyone willing to chat. He was/is pretty charismatic and you kind of get sucked in. I always attributed his verbal skills as a need based ability - he couldn't get to things physically so he had to be able to tell people what he needed.

I'm not sure at 18 months that I ever thought we'd see him run track or wrestle. Boy am I glad we didn't listen to that dr.! He has great ambitions for his future and I believe he's capable of conquering all of them. Keep watching ESPN folks, I gaurantee that one day you'll be listening to P call some sporting events, it may be dodgeball but it will be something!

Greer showed up at 11:59 p.m. and was all of 3lbs 4oz. She might have been the smallest but somehow she was the healthiest. She was born with this gorgeous bunch of dark hair and her eyes were deep. I swear you could see her soul when she looked at you. She never had a ventilator and had a feeding tube for only a couple weeks. She came home 1st at 5 weeks. She became Sofi's baby and was called Beer for quite awhile. Greer was not the easiest name to say for an 18 month old.

Greer was a very sensitive baby and as the toddler years crept up, Aspen put her to the test, A LOT. We always wondered why Greer didn't fight back and encouraged her to stick up for herself. We had no idea how this would manifest itself later. Let's just say that Aspen didn't see a lot of it coming.

Greer was a beautiful baby and child. As a matter of fact she looks exactly the same now as she did when she was 2. Greer is clearly the most social of the 3, people just gravitate towards her. We wondered when she got to highschool whether she would learn anything or just make friends. She's vice president of the National Honor Society so I guess she's learned something.

Greer surprised us in high school by deciding to play basketball and run cross country and track. It turns out she loves athletics. ( I know those of you that know me are wondering how that happened.) Her love of these things is shaping her future. I expect to attend sporting events for the rest of my life, first to watch my kids play, then to watch Greer coach and finally watching my grandkids.

I don't suppose I had any idea here just what the next 18 years was going to be. I'm ok with that. I may have run for the hills if I'd known. I'm grateful, a lot, that I was 21 when I had all the babies. We kind of lived by-the-seat-of-our-pants and somehow they've made it.

They've become speakers and runners and wrestlers but above all, survivors and I am truly blessed. I am so excited to see what their future brings. It'll be a walk in the park compared to their first 2 months of life. They are going to do great things and change people's lives. They changed mine 18 years ago... For the better.

Congratulations Graduates!

You Are My Sunshine

2012-04-10T15:21:00.001-05:00

Wow I've not written in months. I'm not sure why. Life is busy. I'm trying to soak in the last several weeks of the Triplets high school days.

I am not going to talk about my own kids today. With the upcoming prom and graduation seasons I am compelled to write about someone else's child.

Last week we buried one of Sofi's closest friends. A girl that had spent some time with us while they were in school. She was killed when the car she was riding in rolled several times ejecting her from the car. Yes there was alcohol involved. The driver was well over the legal limit at a blood alcohol of .16 according to published reports. Legal limit in the state of Nebraska is .08.

I have been reading the comments attached to the online articles at The Kearney Hub website. The exchanges have become heated and have gone back and forth but the following comment triggered a need to write: "Sad.......the focus is lost here.....4 lives were changed that night".

I beg to differ, MANY lives were changed that night. I will even say that communities were changed by the decisions of 4. The consequences for these actions will linger for the rest of the family's lives and the lives of the survivors, of which there were 3. Rebecca was the only casualty.

For those that knew Rebecca they would know that she was a force to be reckoned with. Her personality was larger than life and the theme that came up over and over during the last week of pain was that she loved life, she loved to make people laugh and she loved to laugh. She was beautiful. Her parents and siblings were able to tell stories of Rebecca and how she was such a comediene. It was easy to see where Rebecca got her strength from. She has a very strong family.

She died on March 31. April 1st was her 19th birthday. Last year on her birthday the community sang as she was crowned Prom Princess. This year the community sang as balloons were released in her honor.

The class of 2011 is a very tight knit group. I never dreamed last year as I sat watching them cross the stage to get their diplomas that less than a year later I would be attending a funeral for one of them. I mean when you're 18 you're pretty invincible right? What a wake up call for these kids and a horrible way to grasp the concept of mortality.

Rebecca was brighter than the sun and there aren't enough words to describe this girl's power to make people smile. When the song You Are My Sunshine was sung at the service it was so very approriate. The number of flowers was incredible. She touched MANY lives. I'm not sure there are any Gerber Daisies left in northeast Nebraska. They were Rebecca's favorite. After the service and before the burial, a number of pink, green and purple balloons were released one more time for her. Sofi says that Rebecca used to say when she died she wanted 1000 balloons released at her funeral. I don't suppose any of those kids realized how soon that they would be called on to do just that.

I am heartbroken for this class, my daughter and most especially her family.

I am hoping that something good and positive will come from this horrible tragedy. If even one kid chooses not to drink, not to drive when drinking or not to get in the car with a drunk driver because they remember how Rebecca's too short life ended than I feel that she will not have died for nothing.

I do not know how I feel about the driver. We were all 20 once. We have all done some really stupid things and I don't imagine that any of the 4 thought the night would end in such a terrible way. I want to be angry and place blame but the sad fact is, is that all 4 people and their decisions contributed to the end. Again, hopefully this sad, tragic story will make people pause and think. Please let Rebecca's death be your lesson.

I am going to end with a piece written by Rebecca herself. She was pretty special.

Born This Way

Last night while writing this I had the most difficult time trying to think of what to write. I took stand up comedy into serious consideration and realized that I didn't have a clue what to do it on. Then, I thought of the song "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga and wanted to somehow relate it to that. Finally, I thought of the perfect thing to write about and that was my imperfections.

I know what you are all thinking "How could somebody like Rebecca Fischer have any imperfection"? But it is true, I don't have many, but there are a few. The imperfections have been a part of my life forever and at times have given people, even a few of you, a good laugh or two. They sometimes make me self-conscious and uncomfortable but just recently I have come to except them and realized that they are what make me, Rebecca.

First, I think the most obvious one and the one I get made fun of the most for would be my pinky toe on my left foot. It sits on top of my #4 toe and just hangs out up there all day long. I never thought of it to be a problem until one day I was in the house with sandals on and my dad asked me if I put it up there on purpose. Once I told him no he got really concerned about it and told me I could go and see if a doctor could fix it. I told him no because I liked it up there. To be honest I'm just afraid to experience the pain.

The next thing would probably be my ears. I have never noticed how small they actually were until someone pointed it out. I always just assumed they were normal sized. Although when the subject comes up I get really self-conscious about them I just realized not to long ago that I would rather have small ears than big ears that stick out like some peoples.

Finally, my last imperfection would have to be that one dangly thing in the back of your throat. Most people have one, but I however have two. When I went to the doctor for itshe was surprised to see it because she has never seen one before. This made me feel super special until last night when I Googled it and it said that it's caused by the soft palette not completely fusing during embryonic development. Once I found that out I no longer had that special feeling inside.

These are all minor deformities that make me up. I'm glad none of them are serious, medical, or painful. These are all characteristics of me that over time I have come to except. And, although I may get made fun of for them it doesn't bother me that much because I know they could be a lot worse. Everybody has something they feel uncomfortable about. I'm just glad that I have become close enough with the people in this room to share these things with you. I hope that when you meet new faces and people you don't judge them on what they look like or what they have wrong with them. I hope that you get to know them on who they truly are, because you never know they could have been born that way.

Rebecca Jo Fischer

April 1, 1993 - March 31, 2012

May Your Memories Be Yellow

2012-01-05T11:36:00.001-06:00

It's been a long time.

I hadn't realized how long until I was asked if

I was still blogging.

Funny...

I wasn't sure anyone ever read this.

November is a hard month.

My Grandma died 3 yrs ago.

She was my yellow Grandma.

I don't mean yellow as in cowardly or jaundice.

I mean yellow as in her favorite color.

This was my Grandma's house.

Yellow.

When I was little it was red.

And HUGE.

The hallway upstairs was REALLY wide.

The bed I slept in when we stayed here had a "roof on it".

Great fun for a little girl.

Gratefully it's still in the family and still yellow.

The day it becomes something else will break my heart.

This house was made to be yellow.

Now this is not my Grandma's actual kitchen but the cabinets are right.

The kitchen was bright yellow for years.

When they left they went to live with my Hollyhock aunt.

She's now living with Grandma.

I'm pretty sure there is Chicken Tuesday in Heaven.

My Grandma had a little yellow Ford Pinto like this.

I loved this little car.

Bucket seats, hatchback... VERY cool for a Grandma.

She almost killed my sister and me in this car once. :)

We camped at White Crane with her every summer.

On the way back from town we'd stop at the damn to check the gates.

OH how she would have been fascinated by the water pouring from them this summer!

Anyway... She pulled in and forgot to put it in park. I flew from the back seat

when the car hit the pylon.

It was funny then. It's funnier now...

Funny how the first flowers a child brings you is yellow...

I sent yellow roses during Caring Rose week for years.

Just because...

Yellow is spring...

Renewal...

Life...

Beauty...

My maternal Grandma had a chair like this.

It seemed to be a fight in her little bitty kitchen which of us

would sit on that chair.

I got a yellow one.

And then I made her match Daisy...

When I was able to order my mixer there

was no doubt I'd have yellow.

Yellow...

Thanks to my sister I have a new obsession.

Temp-Tations stoneware.

While my kitchen won't be yellow.

I have no doubt because of my memories of Grandma's yellow kitchen

you'll see a great deal of yellow in it.

November is a difficult month.

I had a horribly fractured family and hung on these memories

for all they were worth.

I hope in death my family is finding the peace and love

they didn't always have in life.

I'm pretty sure Grandma's heaven includes a yellow house...

with a yellow kitchen...

where she wears yellow clothes...

and crazy, sparkly socks,

and drives a little, yellow Pinto

to Chicken Tuesday's with HollyHock Aunt.

Thank you for my yellow memories...

Get Your BAKE On!

2011-11-16T10:52:00.001-06:00

Just some things I've baked PD (Pre-Daisy).

Easter Sugar Cookies

Chocolate Chip Whoopies

Spider Cakes

Christmas 2010

My favorites

Rainbowlicious

So FUN!

Plain ole white

Pinkalicious

Whopper

Caramel filled dark chocolate

Triple chocolate Zebra cheesecake

Red velvet

TURKEY!

Sour Cream Pound Cake

PW's Cinnamon Rolls

Cream Cheese Icing

Pecan Pie bars, Red Velvet Crackles, Sr Cream Pound Cake

and homemade peanut butter cups

Oatmeal Fudge Bars

4 Berry Crumble

TIKI!

Dr. Seuss Cupcakes

Foot cookies

1st stacked cake

Sofi's Candy Bar

Let the Train Come

2011-10-25T13:08:00.000-05:00

How often do your crises come?
How often do you feel like a failure?
Is your life NOW what you expected?
Mine's not...

It's taken a LONG time to admit that.
Is this what a mid-life crisis feels like?
How come I was so sure at 19 where
I wanted to be when I was 40?
How come now that I'm 40, am I no longer
sure where I wanna be?

My sister told me last night I turned out all right.
That felt laughable when she said it.
Failure was HUGE last night.
It's been a very long time since I cried myself to sleep.

Why can't 1 day BE Freaky Friday?
Why can't you give your memories to your child for just 1 day?
Would they learn from your mistakes?
Would they understand your only regret?

I had to let go of 1 last year.
She's doing so good.
I didn't give her enough credit.

I have to let go of 3 more this year.
I'm not as confident.
I see the trainwreck of regret baring down on 1.
Do I sit back and just let the train come?

Will I always need to "get to" my kids?
Does that feeling EVER go away?
When they have their own?
This feeling has evolved in ways I least expected...

No more crying...
Sink or swim...
Forge ahead...
Trust in them...

If not Himself...

2011-10-03T11:07:00.000-05:00

Life is funny.
I used to think I didn't want marriage.
I didn't want kids.
What a sense of humor God has.

Parker has been the child I least expected.
Why would I have a disabled child?
What did I ever do to deserve this?
It took awhile to realize it wasn't "done to me".

I'm pretty sure that this was done "for" me.
I had things to learn.
P became one of my biggest teachers.
I am grateful.

This was how P started.
All of 3.8lbs.
Not very healthy.
I was blissfully clueless - just glad they were alive...

We had no idea yet the struggles HE would face.

1996 and learning to sit.
2 years old.
Recently diagnosed.
TAILSPIN...

They were just babies.
Yet to be defined.
Creating their own normal.
Expressing their own personality.

I remember this day clearly.
He was so excited.
His sisters have taken such good care of him.
They'll never admit it though.

1st crutches at 4.
So cute.
So much determination.

7th summer.
Both legs broken.
Both hamstrings lengthened.
Not much in the party spirit.

By next summer we were on a bike.

In Junior High he ran track.

In High School he's wrestled.

He's been on the speech team.

He's now on National Honor Society.

We had NO idea here:

That we'd ever get to here:

The lyrics to the song My Way sum up how I feel about this boy.
Whatever we've asked...
Whatever he's chosen...
He's done it HIS WAY.

To think I did all that

And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not

To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Somehow P became a man.
He did it on his own.
He created his normal.
And I am proud.

Survival

2011-09-14T16:43:00.000-05:00

This is the first day of school.
Squirrelly looking bunch huh?
Is there one missing you ask?
Why YES I answer...

I fixed her all up before we left.
She's always such a good sport.
She's very good at humoring me.
OH WHAT WILL I EVER DO WITHOUT HER?!?

Survive.

This would pretty much be Sofi's whole life.
In one pile,
On the curb,
and very, colorfully so.

Looked like a lot bigger pile close up!

Moving was an adventure.
She looks pretty spent, right?
I know it looks like she needs a Dr.
But truly, she always looks like this...

Yes the Boy was there to help.
I hope she's more organized now.
I'm not there to help her you know.

Obviously the position of the lights is extremely important.

It's all about the ambiance...

Ah... The alert look of dorkdom...
Dry erase fridge...CHECK
Microwave...CHECK
Mini lanterns...CHECK
Pretty green desk chair...CHECK

I swear that ALL those (specific) items were on the list we received...

She's never spent a birthday without me.
I provided some essential college materials.
Yes those are coloring books.
She her excitement?

Success! All moved in.
Birthday present for the next day...
Dorky name tag...
And Wayne Wear.
She's official people!

Now back to the important things.
The first day of the last year of high school,
for the majority of my children.
Apparently this picture thing is SO uncool.
Who know??

It was a difficult morning...

Sir Fattington and Lord Vinegar are SO over the drama of it all...

When school starts so starts the Animal Vacation.

Sofi left Rubi with a little gift to remember her by.

We now have 1 dog, 1 cat and 6 fish.

If anyone is counting.

And now to the biggest news of all:

This is Daisy.
She's fabulous.
And she's a whole post in and of herself.
So next time we'll discuss Daisy.

P.S. Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy Labor Day!

2011-09-05T09:07:00.002-05:00

New post tomorrow. Promise.

A Million Things

2011-08-03T14:55:00.000-05:00

So I applied for a job.
One I really kind of hoped I'd just fall into.
I've heard nothing.
It seemed perfect and that makes me sad...

I'm ready for my kids to go back to school.
I have so many things that just don't get done when my kids are home.
I need to shampoo this carpet!
I need to do MY laundry.

I need to clean MY room.
I need to go through Rubi's clothes.
My list gets longer everyday.
So many things just don't get the time they need when everyone's home...

It's been so dang blasted hot that I haven't cooked much.
Lot's of cold sandwiches and spaghettios and frozen waffles.
I have baked very little and am having withdrawals.
I have 3 tiers of cake in my freezer begging me to be practiced on and decorated.

I find myself thinking of Close Up bake sales
and all the things I want to try this year.
Pecan pie, pumpkin pies, caramel rolls, banana bread,
cupcakes GALORE!

I have another graduation to plan...
TIMES 3.
I LOVE the 1st day of school.
Knowing that my house will be quiet, REALLY quiet, for just a few hours everyday.

Of course I'm stressing over Sofi moving.
I'm really trying not to think about it too much.
She's on to the next chapter.
As a parent that is what you hope for - chapters.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-20T14:43:00.002-05:00

Wicked Weekend With The Jones Bros

2011-07-14T12:51:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite musicals is Wicked.
The music makes me cry.
The show makes me giggle.
And the book is shocking.

I saw it 2 years ago in Omaha.
My sister and I couldn't NOT see it when it returned in June.
My BFF Maggie got to go with us.
YAY!

We decided to make a day of it.
Old Market, good food and Jones Bros Cupcakes!
We Googled Old Market food online and came up with
The Twisted Fork.

Hidden in the depths of the OM
it turned out that some Omaha friends were
unaware that it existed.
Can I just say it is a must venture place!

The food was phenomenal and HUGE!
The drinks were VERY interesting.
I had a liquored up strawberry basil something or other.
Maggie had a Bloody Mary:

We had read on line about their signature appetizer,
Chicken Fried Bacon.
None of us wanted to admit it sounded DE-LISH.
As the waiter started to walk away Maggie shouted,
"BRING US SOME BACON!"
(Maybe she didn't shout but it was definately an afterthought.)

This is what he brought us:

If you think it looks wrong...
You are right.
And, NO, that isn't chicken strips under all that scrumptious breading...
IT'S BACON!

I am excerpting a piece of the Wikipedia post that accurately
describes this most yummy dish:

"Since the dish is rich in saturated fat, those health experts that favor low-fat diets suggest consuming it in moderation or not at all.[9] Sally Squires of the Washington Post acknowledged chicken fried bacon's appeal to the palate, but suggests moderation.[9] Other experts note the dish's low nutritional benefits: "They've taken fat, they've double-coated it in fat, they've fried it in more fat, and then they've served it with a side order of fat."[2] Jane Hurley, senior nutritionist at the Center for Science in the Public Interest in Washington, D.C., stated she's "never heard of anything worse."[2]"

It doesn't get more accurate than that.
When we got together again on the 4th (a MONTH later),
we found ourselves STILL talking
about the CHICKEN FRIED BACON!

We all had delicious sandwiches.
My sister and I both had the French Dips and decided next time
we would share a sandwich. I had mashed potatoes with mine
and she had waffle fries I believe.
Maggie had a HUGE burger and had to cut it in half to even begin
to be able to deal with it!

The decor is WONDERFULLY kitschy and I googled
the chandeliers when I got home.
I've put them in my pretend bakery.
We give The Twisted Fork 5 STARS!

On to the show.
I've already talked a bit about that.
I don't have words to describe Wicked.
It's worth the money.

Then onto the place I'd waited since Cupcake Wars to see
and sample!

Yes the dork there is me...

I am a cake addict.
I love cake.
I make cupcakes at least once a week.
I love for people to ask me to make cupcakes.

My sister had been here once and gave it, yes...
5 STARS!
I had been FBing them for weeks asking about their
"Wicked" cupcakes.

I was so unbelievably excited but Bill was not working.
His parents, however, were sitting at a table very close to us.
I threatened to make a big scene.
But I showed GREAT restraint.

See my excitement?
Mickie not so much.
She's humoring me at this point.
Mind you I had just had a mini meltdown
about a driver who was texting with a kid in the front
seat and a baby strapped in back. NOT GOOD!
I needed cupcakes!

The one on the left is lemon.
The one on the right is strawberries and cream.
S&C is my favorite.
It is OMG! good.

Yes that dork is me...

Jones Brothers is located at
2121 S 67th st, East Omaha, 68106.
You will not be disappointed.
They are on FB.
They have a cupcake of the day, usually about 96 of them.
If you come in an name it you get 1 for free.
They don't last long especially if it's chocolate!
They have also ventured into gluten free that launched this week.
Tell the Jones' that Sheila sent you!

The Twisted Fork Grill and Bar is located at
1014 Howard St
Old Market
Omaha
Definately get the Chicken Fried Bacon.

Thanks Maggie for the pictures!

Tale of the Tiki

2011-07-05T13:47:00.000-05:00

Another chapter in my adventures in caking.

We had a 4th of July luau this weekend.

My sister and I decided to change things up a bit.

My mom thinks we're crazy.

I suspect she's right.

I searched online for weeks for authentic luau food.

My sister found red, white and blue leis.

We thought we were pretty fabulous.

Sir Fattington and Vinegar just had to be in on the action.

So my most fabulous, favorite niece turned 13 on the 1st.

We had a 4th of July/Birthday luau.

I can't believe she's 13.

Mostly because it means Sadi will be 13 in 6 months.

I made Lu a cake.

I joked on FB that I was going to make it look like this:

My mom had a little meltdown and thought this was disgusting.

First of all it was a joke and

B, I'm flattered she thinks my caking abilities are up to this. :)

Soooo... I looked at a cake that looked like a coconut.

I hate coconut though so that was out.

Then I thought a cake shaped like flip flops would be cute.

I kept searching luau, tropical themed cakes.

I happened on cakes that looked like tikis and

the idea was born!

Lu requested chocolate and that I could surprise her with the icing.

I chose cookies and cream. Yum!

I was entering new territory as I was going to have to do a little carving on this.

I found myself worried about maybe overestimating my abilities once I started.

Five 6 inch layers of chocolate cake.

It's filled and frosted with my SUPER SECRET cookies and cream icing.

Here it is covered with Duff's chocolate fondant.

Fondant YUCK! you say?

I'm a fan of this brand. The chocolate tastes like fudge.

It's not difficult to use.

This being my first completely covered cake and it being 100 degrees...

I was NERVOUS!

I kept the air set at 68 degrees while I worked on this baby!

He is a very happy tiki!

I should have taken a picture when we sliced the face off.

The layers were perfect.

I was so proud of myself.

And the cake got rave reviews.

Lu took the face home to eat later. :)

Happy birthday my most fabulous Lu!

Pure of Heart

2011-06-20T10:45:00.000-05:00

A few years ago I was informed by a SIL that I was talking about 1 particular child too much.
(Can you talk about your kids too much?)
So I don't talk to her anymore.
A. It was incredibly hurtful and
2. I wasn't even talking about Rubi.

Isn't this the best picture ever?

It shows all the ornery.

It shows all the innocence.

It shows the extreme lengths she went to on Graduation to have just 1 more grape soda.

This one is incredibly silly.

She's also incredibly kind.

This one has no one to compete with.

She gets all the attention all the time.

This one just loves.

She has no prejudice.

She doesn't care who you are

or where you're from.

She's excited about everything.

She doesn't care if your clothes are up to date.

She doesn't care if your hair is combed.

She doesn't care who your parents are or where you live.

She just likes you.

She's hurt when she detects that people don't like her.

You tend to get all of her when you meet her.

She's not shy and she doesn't hold back.

At what age do kids lose that?

When do they discover brands and labels?

When do they figure out that the parents are the kid?

I hope this one stays this way.

She's unconditional.

I love that about her.

Chapters, Endings, Beginnings and Love

2011-05-31T10:44:00.000-05:00

Okay.
I promised.
Graduation.
Fabulous.

The day ended up gorgeous.
For 2 weeks we had rain and wind.
This day was just beautiful sun.

Gorgeous aren't they?
From the moment I got up in the morning
It was not lost on me the significance of this day.
The fact that this would be the last time they
Would all enter this building as students of this school.

A little bonus.

I hate to have my picture taken.

I wish this was a little closer...

Gratefully He and I were having the same issues this day.

Greer and Gabe were Jr. Attendants.

Yeah it was a pretty rough day...

I don't know how to explain the amount of pride.

She's turned into so much.

This is the most beautiful photo.

All the promise of the future in that smile...

Then this happened.
It was signed.
Apparently that means I HAVE to let her move on.

Don't even ask.
I went with 2 boxes of Kleenex
And came home with 1/2 a box.
This is where 18 years of life flashed.

It was a pretty emotional day.
I cried. Jeff cried. My sister and my mom and my dad cried.
However, this was the worst. Rubi cried...

And then it was over.
Just like that.
18 years.
Graduated.

Seriously that is how it felt.

Like I went to bed and she was a baby.

Like I woke up THIS morning and she was graduating.

WTH happened?

This girl is phenomenal.

This girl is beautiful.

This girl is kind.

Somehow God allowed this girl to be mine.

I can't accurately convey my feelings.

I cry every time I make the attempt.

I can't quite get there when I write it.

I'm leaving you with family photos.

My sister Mickie and my Mom

Mom & Dad

Mickie and Chris

This is love.
There is no other way to say it.
The day was beautiful.
She was beautiful.

Through all of this I learned,
I've raised good kids.
They have a tremendous dad.
And they are completely and solidly loved.

On to next year.
X's 3...

Wordless Wednesday

2011-05-18T11:42:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Maggie Fleming for the photos

Not Quite Ready and 4 Berry Crumble

2011-05-17T14:37:00.000-05:00

I'm sure that you are waiting for a post about graduation.
I can't do it just yet.
Too many feelings still.
The day and the daughter were gorgeous
And that is as far as I can go right now...

Rubi graduated from Kindergarten
4 days later
Much less emotional
And far more hysterical. :)

This is Mrs. Sudbeck.
She was my teacher.
She taught all my kids.
She deserves a break. :)

Over the weekend I decided
My baking hiatus and exhaustion
From graduation readying needed
To be over.

I had berries in the fridge,
Rachael Ray's Mini Bubble and Browns,
And weather much too cool for
This time of year!

I love my Mini Bakers.
I wish I had Ray Ray's whole line
Of Bubble and Browns.
AWESOME!

This is your typical topping.
Adapted over MANY
Evenings of apple crisp.

1cup flour
1cup quick oats
1cup granulated sugar
1/2cup brown sugar
12 Tblsp COLD butter

Mix the first 4.
Add nutmeg or cinnamon
If you wish.
Then whisk together.
Cut in butter til crumbly.

4 Berry Crumble

Strawberries cored and halved.

Blueberries washed and drained.

Blackberries rinsed.

Raspberries rinsed.

Whisk together granulated sugar

And cornstarch and dump on berries.

Stir and set aside.

Line heavy duty sheet pan

with parchment.

Spray each mini baker

With cooking spray.

Fill each Mini Baker
With berries.
Mine were a little more than
1/2 full.

Add topping and bake

In a preheated 350 degree oven.

Bake for close to an hour or more.

Berries should bubble and top should

Look crispy.

My kids FIGHT over the "crumble".

Jeff ate 3 in an hour.

1 with Cool Whip and 2

without.

Next week graduation.

I promise.