1. … time off from work that reminds me that I am not my job (and takes me far enough out of my routine that I forgot to post one of these on Monday).
2. … time spent at the park with my family and my nice niece and her family.
3. … a clean house.
4. … girls who regularly astound me with how much they’re learning and the wonderful people that they’re becoming.
5. … the scary realization that people at work put a lot of trust in me.

In case you didn’t notice, I took last week off from blogging, both reading and writing. I responded to a couple of comments here to avoid being discourteous. Other than that, I put myself on a strict no-blog diet.

Twyla Tharp’s book The Creative Habit (via 43 Folders) inspired me to swear off blogs for a week. Her examples of voluntary sacrifices that can foster creativity made it clear that blogs were a perfect choice for me.

My conscience had been nagging me that blogging had become an unbalanced part of my life. My daughters often came to me as I sat on the couch reading blogs and asked to read a book or play with me. I (irritated by the distraction) would brush them aside, “Not now. I’m reading. Maybe later?”

How fucking backwards! My time with my daughters is slipping away one minute at a time, and I feel obligated to get my feed reader down to zero unread posts? That is the very definition of having my priorities upside down.

Blogging is great. I love that people the world over are having conversations. I have let that conversation with relative strangers distract from my relationship with the people closest to me. There have been far too many days where I came home from work and spent no meaningful time with my family because I was blogging.

Blogging also provides an easy way to procrastinate while feeling like I’m accomplishing something. I do my duty to stay an informed citizen by reading blogs while I put off all those projects that intimidated me too much to even start them. The blogosphere kindly provided a never ending supply of new blog posts to read. Meanwhile, I left important things undone.

So I took the week off from blogging. I also took a week off from work and spent my time at home. So what did I do with all that time? I read the newspaper. I caught up on my reading (books). I played with the girls. I watched movies. I did a few chores. We took field trips to museums and state parks. I worked on long neglected projects. I relaxed. I remembered what it was like to live in a world without blogs.

I noticed something. The non-blog stuff that I read or watched was well thought out and lucidly presented. I felt rewarded for my time spent with them. I imagine the creators put their creations through at least two drafts before giving me the finished product. Let’s face it. With occasional exceptions, a lot of the blog world barely makes it through one draft. It’s a world full of rough drafts that we dash off and send out with a spellcheck (maybe) and a smile. It’s easy to waste time on this noisy channel trying to separate out the valuable from the dross.

Perhaps I am judging the blogging world too harshly. It is more like a conversation with friends than reading a book or watching a movie. Even so, I think I should spend less time chatting with friends and more time with my girls while they’re still interested in spending time with dear ol’ Dad, more time romancing my wife, and more time accomplishing something meaningful to me.

So now what?

I’ll make a deal with you blog-o-sphere: I’ll keep reading in moderation and put my posts through at least two drafts when it’s appropriate (I sat on this post all week), if you’ll forgive me for not reading everything that comes my way. Once I can read all my blogs in about 30–45 minutes a day, I’m done. Any new kid on the block who has a chip on his shoulder and something to prove will have to bump someone else off my reading list.

Deal?

1. … a week spent with my little family.
2. … a week without blogging. (More on that later.)
3. … new clothes in cheering colors.
4. … friends who ask where I went on my week off.
5. … the chance to work for a living.

This photo of Seo You Jin in the classic Nyan-Nyan pose is overloading the cuteness recognition circuitry of my brain. These illicit levels of cuteness are activating the never-intended-for-use grandma portion of my psyche. I have an irresistible urge to pinch her cheeks and give her cookies and milk. Get her out of my mind!

(via kottke.org)

Amen!

Having daughters has changed my perspective tremendously. I want desperately for them to see that their gender won’t prevent them from seizing life by the collar and shaking it down for every last nickel of its lunch money.

Making their 2012 movie about a princess places Pixar in danger of descending into the trite. I still have faith that Pixar can turn the princess motif on its head, but…

Why does every animated heroine need to be a princess?

Mohammed married Aisha, the daughter of his brother-by-oath. They were married when she was six. They consummated their marriage when she was nine. He was 54. While marriages at such ages were apparently common, I understand that it went against custom to marry the daughter of your brother, even if only by oath.

Even Aisha held suspicion about Mohammed’s self-serving revelation that allowed him to marry any wife who desired him:

Narrated Aisha:

I used to look down upon those ladies who had given themselves to Allah’s Apostle [Mohammed] and I used to say, “Can a lady give herself (to a man)?” But when Allah revealed: “You (O Muhammad) can postpone (the turn of) whom you will of them (your wives), and you may receive any of them whom you will; and there is no blame on you if you invite one whose turn you have set aside (temporarily).’ (33.51) I said (to the Prophet), “I feel that your Lord hastens in fulfilling your wishes and desires.” (Sahih Bukhari, Book 60:311)

Joseph married Maria and Sarah Lawrence whose father had died. They lived in Joseph’s household as foster daughters. In fact, William Law filed a lawsuit in the spring of 1844 against accusing him of marrying Maria Lawrence in an attempt to make public his practice of polygamy.

Joseph had secretly proposed a polyandrous marriage with William Law’s wife. She refused and William—then First Counselor in the First Presidency of the Mormon church—asked Joseph whom he considered a fallen prophet to renounce polygamy. Joseph refused and subsequently excommunicated William.

William then attempted to expose Joseph’s duplicity in the Nauvoo Expositor. Joseph ordered its printing press destroyed. Joseph was arrested on charges related to the destruction of the printing press and imprisoned in Carthage, Illinois where a mob killed him in the summer of 1844. So Joseph’s marriage to his foster daughters contributed to his death.

It’s interesting to me that both of these men used self-serving, alleged revelations to justify sex with their followers, including those who could be considered their daughters.

(Inspired by Jesus and Mo.)

So, I try to never use the word “but” when expressing gratitude. Instead, I focus solely on the parts that I’m thankful for.

1. LDS Church, thank you for introducing me to many good people. There are worse ways to start out in life than being surrounded by people who try hard to do what they see as the right thing and who repeatedly emphasize how important it is to know the truth.
2. Thank you to my employer. I am grateful for the means to consistently put food in front of my family.
3. To my daughters, thank you for teaching me what it means to be a human being.
4. To the authors of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex, but Were Afraid They’d Ask, thank you for giving me a more reasoned, accepting view of my own sexual development. It’s good to know that I grew up rather typically. I’m sure my daughters will also have reason to thank you in years to come.
5. I am grateful for the chance to get good sleep. For this, I mostly have to thank myself. It’s up to me to make the most of the opportunities I have.

DO YU HAVE FAITH IN AND TESTIMONY OV GOD TEH ETERNAL FATHR, HIZ SON JESUZ CHRIST, AND TEH HOLY GHOST?

No.

DO YOUZ HAVE TESTIMONY OF TEH ATONEMENT OF CHRIST AND OV HIZ ROLE AZ SAVIOR AND REDEEMR? KTHX.

No, I’m no longer convinced that I need saving from anything.

DO U HAVE TESTIMONY OF TEH RESTORASHUN OV TEH GOSPEL IN THEEZ, TEH LATTR DAYZ?

No. The Orthodox churches look a lot more like the New Testament than the LDS church. The LDS church looks more like a mixture of the various influences in Joseph Smith’s life, fermented in Rocky Mountain isolation, and filtered through modern American culture. Not so much like a restoration of early Christianity.

DO U SUSTAIN TEH PRESIDENT OF TEH CHURCH OF JESUZ CHRIST OF LATTR-DAY SAINTZ AZ TEH PROFET, SER, AND REVELATR AND AZ TEH ONLY PERSON ON TEH EARTH HOO POSSESSEZ AND AR AUTHORIZED 2 EXERCISE ALL PRIESTHOOD KEYZ? DO YOO SUSTAIN MEMBERZ OF TEH FIRST PRESIDENCY AND TEH QUORUM OV TEH TWELVE APOSTLEZ AZ PROFETZ, SEERZ, AND REVELATORZ? DO YOO SUSTAIN TEH UDDR GENERAL AUTHORITIEZ AND LOCAL AUTHORITIEZ OF TEH CHURCH?

No.

DO U LIVE TEH LAW OV CHASTITY?

Hmm, if I go by the temple ceremony that the “law of chastity … is that no one of you will have sexual intercourse except with your [spouse] to whom you are legally and lawfully wedded”, then yes.

AR THERE ANYTHIN IN YORE CONDUCT RELATINS TO MEMBERZ OV YOAR FAMILY THAT AR NOT IN HARMONY WITH TEH TEACHINGZ OF TEH CHURCH?

I feel happy to be free of church-service—induced absenteeism from family service and the requirement to indoctrinate my children instead of teaching them to think for themselves.

Let me be charitable and assume that this question was meant to ask whether I am a good husband, parent, son, etc. under the assumption that the church is good for families. Then, yes.

DO YOUZ SUPPORT, AFFILIATE WITH, OR AGREE WITH ANY GROUP OR INDIVIDUAL HOOSE TEACHINGZ OR PRACTICEZ AR CONTRARY TO OR OPPOSE THOSE ACCEPTED BY TEH CHURCH OV JESUZ CHRIST OF LATTR-DAY SAINTZ?

Hell! I am one of those individuals.

So yes.

DO U STRIVE 2 KEEP TEH COVENANTZ YOO HAVE MADE, TO ATTEND YORE SACRAMENT AND UDDR MEETINGZ, AND TO KEEP YORE LIFE IN HARMONY WITH TEH LAWZ AND COMMANDMENTZ OF TEH GOSPEL?

No. Instead, I’m striving to be a good person.

IS YU HONEST IN YOAR DEALINGZ WITH YORE FELLOWMEN? KTHX.

Yes.

R YOUZ FULL-TITEH PAYR? KTHX!

No. However, I am accepting applications from charities that I can verify are doing good things with my money. Can I see your books?

DO YUR KEEP TEH WORD OF WISDOM?

Yes, with one exception: I don’t drink mild alcoholic drinks as suggested in D&C 89:17. Instead, I abstain from all alcohol.

DO U HAVE FINANCIAL OR UDDR OBLGASHUNZ T 4MR SPOUSE OR CHILDREN? IF YEZ, IS U CURRENT IN MEETIN THOSE OBLIGASHUNZ?

No.

IF YOUZ HAVE PREVIOUSLY RECEIVED YUR TEMPLE ENDOWMENT: DO YU KEEP TEH COVENANTZ THAT U MADE IN TEH TEMPLE? DO U WEAR TEH GARMENT BUDD NITE AND DAY AZ INSTRUCTED IN TEH ENDOWMENT AND IN ACCORDANCE WITH TEH COVENANT U MADE IN TEH TEMPLE?

No and no.

HAVE THERE BEEN ANY SINZ OR MISDEEDZ IN YUR LIFE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN RESOLVED WITH PRIESTHOOD AUTHORITIEZ BUT HAVE NOT BEEN?

No.

DO YU CONSIDR URSELF WRDY 2 ENTR TEH LORDZ HOUSE AND PARTICIPATE N TEMPLE ORDINANCEZ? KTHXBYE!

Yes, though I probably won’t attend. I haven’t missed going these past two years. I take my naps at home these days.

Actually, I feel better now that I don’t feel like a schmuck for not attending. Toward the end, trying to get meaningful insights at the temple—something that would make me a better person—was rather like trying to wring water from a dry sponge. I tried really hard, but I received little reward. Mostly, I felt good for fulfilling my obligation to attend… and a little better rested.

(Special thanks to the LOLCAT Interactive Translator.)

[Now that I've answered the questions without reviewing my previous answers, let me take a look, return, and report.… It's funny to see how little has changed. I gave very similar answers in some cases. The biggest thing to have changed is my general lack of angst. My reaction is generally "meh" unless I start thinking about being barred from my daughters' weddings. Grrrr.]

I’ve been thinking about it lately (there’s a cerebral daddy for you) in terms of improvisational theater. Improvisers take an attitude known by “Yes! And…“. If an improviser adds something to the collaborated scene, it helps things to keep flowing if her partners take that idea and run with it rather than refusing the offer. So if one person says hello to the gorilla that just walked into the room, everyone goes along for the ride.

Kids are natural improvisers. They’ll make an entire world from whole cloth without batting an eye. Most of the time, I’m the drag trying to keep things real.

“Why is that cat flying? That’s pretty crazy!”

“How can that car float in the ocean? That’s silly.”

From now on, I’m going to try to pull my own weight and see where my girls will take me.