Greg's Gourmet

Food Blogging Retirement

2016-08-25T22:52:00.000-07:00

Well, ladies and gents, readers from all over the world, the time has come; Greg's Gourmet is shutting its doors.

Truth be told, this is a decision that's been several years in the making. I haven't considered myself a "regular" food blogger since 2013. While it was fun to write about all the crap I'd eat, it became repetitive and boring after a while. How many times can I write about the latest burger or about how Company XYZ sucks at life? It takes a toll on you. I tried numerous times to rebrand and relaunch the blog but every attempt was short-lived. Between those rogue relaunches, I set myself to a system of posting once per month to the blog, just so it didn't look abandoned.

But I simply can't do that anymore. My heart is no longer in it. My appetite is no longer what it once was.

My eating habits have changed drastically. Gone are the days of four slabs of prime rib, giant chocolate chip scones, and mountains of candy. Present are the days of fruit salads (every day is Fruit Salad Friday), green salad once a week, and trying my best to go vegetarian during the week. Aside from a few token appearance, I'm completely off dairy, I've cut my candy down to almost nothing, and I'm in the process of cutting bread and related products altogether. Not that I needed to lose much weight, but I'm down half a belt size. The flip side of that is now my pants don't fit; they're either too loose or too tight. Just can't win.

We've had some fun times here. We've had contests, giveaways, challenges, videos, events, television recaps, reviews, Hall of Shame rants, food news, and even the occasional troll. It's been a blast to say the least. I started this blog in January of 2011 as a joke where I would post pictures of the food I'd eat for the world to see. For some reason, people seemed to dig it and I watched its readership grow. After about a year the blog gradually transformed into the visual layout you see today, which was the result of going back to school to learn various coding languages.

Greg's Gourmet was more than a blog; it was a playground. It gave me the freedom to experiment and try new things to see what worked and what didn't. Today in 2016, when people reference Greg's Gourmet, they're not referring to the blog; they're referring to the brand. I created a brand and even after the blog posts dwindled, people still saw me as Greg's Gourmet. That's when you know you've done something right.

I want to thank everyone for your loyal readership and enthusiasm over the years. It's been fun. Greg's Gourmet the brand will continue on in its own way. I'll still take pictures of my food and I'll still post them to Facebook and Instagram and the such, but as for this blog? It's been a good run. There may be a time in the future when the site is revived but right now I just need to focus on other things.

As always, thanks for reading.

A Fruit Salad

2016-08-17T21:58:00.001-07:00

I call this...Summer Breeze (Makes Me Feel Fine):

A delicious summer assortments of colorful fruits, comprised of: pineapple, watermelon, peach, strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, plum, and Maraschino cherries for extra flavor.

Delish!

St. Louis Gourmet

2016-07-31T20:26:00.003-07:00

Just wanted to get these pictures up. Food from St. Louis:

1) A club sandwich

2) A steak sandwich

3) Burger with an egg that was, shockingly, cooked properly

4) And, of course, a pizza

Tasty. All of it.

Pulled Pork Sandwich

2016-06-30T21:48:00.000-07:00

Went on the road for a few days in St. Charles, Missouri (part of the greater St. Louis area). This was a significant trip because A) I hadn't been on a plane in over 10 years, B) I would be working 12 hour days and C) The people in this region of the country know how to eat.

Day 1 of this trip was no exception, as I was bestowed with a massive pulled pork sandwich from a joint called Sugarfire Smokehouse BBQ:

Quite a large sandwich if I do say so myself. The pork was moist, tender, and cooked to perfection. I added my own portions of BBQ sauces to turn this baby into an organized and delicious mess.

Overall - 3.5 Gargantos out of 4.

What's the Deal with Red Robin?

2016-05-31T21:59:00.001-07:00

Now, I like Red Robin. I haven't been there in years but I like it. Sure, the patties are frozen and they make some of the unhealthiest burgers on the market, but every once in a while it's a real pleasure. Recently went there and had a good time, but the question was proposed: what's the deal with the "endless fries"?

Red Robin's fries aren't really "endless." In fact, quite the opposite. Every time I've been there and have asked for a refill of fries it always takes the server a long time to bring them out. Like, purposely stalling. This is obviously a ploy because if it takes a long time to get the fries out then you'll be less inclined to take advantage of this deal. I get it. But still, it's obnoxious.

However for some reason during this recent visit I did not have that issue, as the server promptly brought out not one, not two, but THREE baskets of fresh steak fries for our party of seven. Well played.

This is a Whiskey BBQ cheeseburger or something. I kinda forgot but it has BBQ sauce and onion rings. Pretty good.

Let me tell ya, when the company is paying for your food you ALWAYS order dessert.

Karl Strauss Asada Fries - With Cheese Whiz?

2016-04-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

So I've been on the "Passover Purge" for a week where I refused any form of bread, crackers, cake, etc. When we went to Karl Strauss last week I was kind of limited in what I could order but alas the "Asada Fries" jumped off the page to me.

On a plate they look quite attractive as you'll see here:

Pretty dish presentation for sure. You've got the steak, gorgonzola, avocado-chimichurri, cilantro, pickled onion, and chipotle ketchup...and house-made jalapeno cheese-whiz...

I dunno, dude. Cheese whiz? When I think of cheese-whiz I think of this:

To me this is, like, a cheap imitation cheese product, right? It's overly processed junk is what it is. So...what exactly is "homemade" cheese whiz? What does that comprise of? This is what I don't understand. It seems to me that utilizing cheese whiz over real cheese is a pretty lame way to save a few bucks. Overall it added an odd texture and peculiar taste to an otherwise solid dish. Karl Strauss boasts some really tasty fries and the steak was delicious as well. So why use cheese whiz? I don't know. I don't understand.

KARL STRAUSS

ASADA FRIES (WITH "HOMEMADE" CHEESE WHIZ)

ONE AND A HALF GARGANTOS

OUT OF FOUR

Little Caesars Bacon Wrapped Pizza

2016-04-19T10:08:00.001-07:00

Rarely does something come along that's so egregiously revolting that you'd rather sniff a bag of decomposing horse crap than risk the quadruple bypass you're likely to incur with said enigma.

Enter: The Little Caesars Bacon Wrapped Pizza.

A concoction so greasy that Pizza the Hutt's arteries would clog themselves with pepperoni just from laying eyes upon it:

Remember in Lord of the Rings when Frodo or Boromir or whoever would fall into a trance with the ring? That's a lot like staring at the Little Caesars Bacon Wrapped Pizza

I bought this because curiosity got the best of me. This sounded like something so disgusting yet so delicious that I just had to try it once. Fortunately, I have no desire to try it ever again.

Is this thing any good? Well, yeah. Sometimes being bad feels really good. That's what the Little Caesar's Bacon Wrapped Pizza is all about. When you dance with this devil, all of your dieting and lifestyle restrictions go right out the window. It's eight slices of acne-inducing firepower baked onto the devil's pizza stone originating from the seventh layer of Hell.

Grease soaking through the cardboard

Again

Hey, I can almost see myself in the reflection!

Would I recommend this? No. Absolutely not. What I would say is that it's something you can try once just to say that you did. Several people who partook in this pizza reported heartburn immediately after. I would think that explosive diarrhea followed considering how this pizza is probably the equivalent of an industrial-strength laxative. Is it so good that you have to have it again? Not really. Once is enough.

Bottom line:

LITTLE CAESARS BACON WRAPPED PIZZA

ONE AND A HALF GARGANTOS OUT OF FOUR

The Return of Hostess Chocodiles!

2016-04-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

When Hostess initially went out of business in 2012, I saw the end of one of my favorite sweet snacks that I'd pick up on every supermarket trip: the Chocodile. Chocodiles are chocolate covered Twinkies and they're pretty much the greatest mass-produced sweet treat in the world and possibly the universe.

Hostess returned shortly thereafter when they were bought over by a Mexican conglomerate, but Chocodiles seemed absent from that revived lineup. Years went by and I never so much as laid eyes upon a single Chocodile...until recently at my local Ralphs when I found THIS box on the clearance rack:

WHERE THE HELL HAVE THESE THINGS BEEN???

My first thought was they had these sitting in back from the original Hostess crash four years ago, but that wouldn't make much sense. Plus, the "best by" date wouldn't be 2016. And no, Twinkies do not have apocalyptic expiration dates. In fact, their best by dates are typically only a month or so after their original shelf placement. Don't believe everything you hear; it's all lies. Especially on this blog hahaha.

Anyway...

Huh...Chocodiles kinda look like Nutella-coated turds...

...but I promise they're not.

Glad to see these back.

What Do Red Bananas Taste Like?

2016-03-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

Picked up some red bananas at Sprouts over a week ago. Yes, bananas come in red in case you didn't know:

I had these once as a kid and I remember them being sweeter than regular bananas, so you can imagine my surprise when I bit into one and found it to be the equivalent of eating a piece of chalk. All of this was after I had to practically perform a surgical procedure just to get the darn peel off.

Something didn't seem right, so I contacted Dole to ask them how long it takes their red bananas to ripen. This is the response I received:

Thank you for contacting Dole Food Company.

We appreciate your taking time to write to us. Dole Food Company is not affiliated with the product you referenced. We wish you luck in finding your answer.

Thank you for allowing us to be of assistance.

Please do not reply to this email. It has been computer generated. If you have any additional comments, please contact us again at http://www.dole.com.

Sincerely,

Dole Consumer Response

010470526A / DCR/cl

Huh...

Wait, it's not coming in clearly...

...

Must have been Joe Dole's first day on the job or something. So yeah. Anyone know how long it takes these red bananas to ripen? I tried one the night I purchased them and it was awful. I tried another one a week later and it wasn't any different.

If you know anything about red bananas Tweet the info to @Wyld_Stallyn

To the filmmakers of Bill and Ted 3 - I'll consider trading the handle for a cameo in the movie, just FYI. :)

UPDATE!!!

Dole responded to my Tweet saying that yes, this is absolutely their product (what gave it away?) and also sent me this video which prominently features the red bananas. Apparently they're ripe then they turn purple. Just the answer I was looking for!

Chocomize Custom Chocolate Bars

2016-03-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

Chocomize has been well documented on this blog over the years, but whenever a bar is in my possession I see it as just one more opportunity to deliver quality food porn to the already overly-saturated Internets.

As you can see, it was my birthday recently and a Chocomize bar is seriously an awesome gift for anyone. Behold:

What makes Chocomize bars an awesome gift is that A) they're delicious B) they're more than affordable and C) you can customize them, which means you can cater a bar to the giftee's liking. Thought goes into these things!

The above diabetic beauty features the following:

1) Nerds: I like going with Nerds because they're small and plentiful, meaning there's gonna be more of them and you'll get a taste in every bite.

2) Gummy Bears: The softness of the gummy is a nice contrast to the hardness of the chocolate, plus it brings an additional fruity flavor into the mix. What can I say? I'm a fruity kind of guy.

3) Pop Rocks: You can't really see them but they're there. Much like Nerds, they're small and you're bound to get them in every bite, plus they bring a little zest to the presentation.

4) Junior Mints: Other than the cool and refreshing chocolate minty flavor, these things also tend to either melt or break apart, thus making the bar a colossal mess of sugary goo and stickiness - which is all rockets to me.

5) White Chocolate Birthday Plaque: Because, you know, it's my birthday. Duh.

CHOCOMIZE CUSTOM CHOCOLATE BAR

FOUR GARGANTOS OUT OF FOUR

February 29

2016-02-29T18:39:00.002-08:00

I just wanted to make a post on February 29th.

lololol

Shaq Fu Punch

2016-02-22T21:23:00.004-08:00

Shaq apparently has a beverage line, under the Shaq Fu brand name no less. What the hell?

I saw this stuff as I was browsing CVS. It sat in the upper left-hand corner of the fridge, peculiarly isolated from the other beverages. Like trying to guard Shaq on defense, none of the other drinks, apparently, wanted to be anywhere near this stuff.

Honestly, I don't get it. I bought it simply for the fact that it had Shaq on the label but I don't get what the hell this is supposed to be. As a juice it's just below mediocre. Not as bad as say, Kool Aid, but only a step up from something like Sunny D. The good news is I was able to drink it without gagging myself. The bad news this really isn't anything to write home about, but rather something to write on the Internet about and inform anyone who is curiously browsing.

Overall, not the worst thing on the market, but for $1.34 you can buy a pack of gum or a scratcher or sample size of travel shampoo.

SHAQ FU PUNCH - GRAPE

ONE AND A HALF GARGANTOS OUT OF FOUR

4 Egg Omelet - Broken Yolk Cafe

2016-02-20T18:09:00.000-08:00

It felt like a breakfast-for-lunch kinda day in Pacific Beach, and after a morning of lugging heavy boxes around, I was pretty hungry for something big, wholesome, and probably constipation-inducing. Enter the Broken Yolk Cafe's 4 Egg Omelet:

So this is called The Californian, which is eggs, American cheese, bacon, and potatoes. Yes, I ordered hash browns as one of the sides despite there already being potatoes underneath that fluffy pillow of an egg pile.

First off, the zigzagging sour cream here is really weird. It looks like cake frosting which is probably the last thing you want on your Mt. Rushmore of mixed cheese and eggs. Second, I originally ordered home fries but then switched to hash browns, which is something I regret for two reasons; A) I should have ordered fruit because there were already home fries in the omelet, and B) Frequently I find that restaurants tend to overcook the hash browns which creates an overly crunchy shell. That's what happened here. The toast, which I only ate one slice of, is just overkill for this meal. It's simply not necessary. If I had ordered the fruit instead then maybe. Otherwise it's just too many empty carbs.

The good news is that this is indeed a very wholesome meal. The omelet was exactly what I needed and it was pretty tasty. Despite the fact that I've cut dairy from my diet and am also avoiding anything that has sodium nitrites and nitrates (i.e. bacon), I'm in a cheating mood this weekend.

The Broken Yolk is always a solid meal whether you're there for breakfast or lunch. I've been there several times over the years and have never been disappointed, though I've never considered it to be *THE* best breakfast in San Diego. It's kinda like the Portland Trail Blazers; always finding ways to win and get into the playoffs but never good enough to win it all. That's the Broken Yolk.

This particular omelet isn't the best thing I've ever had on the Broken Yolk's menu but it was good and if I happen to be super hungry the next time I'm there, I'd probably order it again, or something similar.

THE BROKEN YOLK CAFE

CALIFORNIAN OMELET

THREE OUT OF FOUR GARGANTOS

Greg's Gourmet: The Rating System!

2016-02-12T20:28:00.001-08:00

The other night I was at Karl Strauss for a little company get-together. Most were there for the happy hour while enjoying some childish appetizers but naturally a few of us gravitated to the menu for some real man food. I'm a trendsetter, what can I say?

Richie and I ordered a pair of Mesquite Chicken Sandwiches but that wasn't the evening's highlight from a gourmet perspective. No, instead it was the revolutionary idea of a GREG'S GOURMET RATING SYSTEM! After 5+ years of food blogging I've never implemented any kind of official rating system to grade my meals and I just kinda sat there like...

So consider this the inaugurative post of...

GREG'S GOURMET:

THE RATING SYSTEM!

The Garganto - the official rating of Greg's Gourmet (until I decide to change it)

It took me all of four seconds to decide on the burger logo as the official rating system, but I soon realized that even after all these years, the burger didn't even have a name. Right now, at least in the interim, I'm calling it The Garganto, a play on gargantuan which, if you type into Google, will turn up a definition with an example of "a gargantuan appetite." Seems appropriate.

The rating system will be applied to all featured meals and food and will go something like this:

4 Gargantos = Orgasmic

3 Gargantos = Good, I'd eat again

2 Gargantos = Eh, you can do better, dude

1 Garganto = This food sucks

Half Gargantos will be awarded where appropriate. To kick things off, here's a pic of the Mesquite Chicken Sandwich from Karl Strauss:

On this rare occasion I was one of "those" guys who ordered the sandwich with no cheese and requested fries instead of chips. I have no shame. Anyway, this was quite tasty. A very generous sized sandwich with perfectly seasoned bacon plus the additional smoke flavor of the chicken made this a really fun thing to eat. What I didn't like, however, were the two GARGANTUAN (lolz, see what I did there?) pieces of avocado that were served on the sandwich. Seriously, it was like eating a sandwich with a damn catamaran on it and I don't think this picture does justice for just how big these things were. Take it easy on the avocado, guys.

Overall? I enjoyed it and would get it again.

KARL STRAUSS BREWERY

MESQUITE CHICKEN SANDWICH

I think I'll be making some future posts with ratings for past meals that I've eaten, just for fun. I like the idea of an official rating system and I honestly feel like a schmuck for not thinking of it sooner. Thanks, Richie.

Also, Blogger sucks. That's all.

Thanks for reading!

Food Blogging with a Canon T5i?

2016-02-07T18:56:00.000-08:00

Sup.

So, I invested in a brand spankin' new camera: the Canon Rebel EOS T5i:

It seriously looks badass and I can't wait to play around with it but I want to read the manual first to see what does what so I don't feel like a total dumbass trying to operate it. My primary focus with this camera is actually gonna be video, but doing some photography I think is something I'd like to give a try as well, and what better subject to try it on than some food?

I guess my question is to anyone who may use this camera for photography: have you ever tried it on food? What lens do you use? How's the overall quality?

In general this camera is very well received and I'm obviously not looking to start a photography business or anything, but I think this opens up a lot of possibilities. I mean, a couple viral videos here and there and I'm all set.

So far I'm impressed with the camera quality, most notably because the first picture I took with it turned out really well despite me not knowing what the hell I was doing:

Jenny is used to me sticking my phone in her face, but this was something completely new.

Anyway, if anyone has any thoughts on the food photography, that would be most appreciated. Otherwise, I'll be looking to amass my fortune when I get back to vlogging.

The Best Eatery in the Country (According to Yelp)

2016-01-31T16:35:00.000-08:00

Last year, Yelp released a list of the Top 100 Eateries in the Country based on "data". The eatery that holds the top spot and distinction of "Best in the Country" is a little place called Copper Top BBQ located in a tiny town called Big Pine, California. Big Pine, situated in Inyo County (say that out loud) with a population under 2000, rests along U.S. Highway 395 en route to the Sierras. I haven't done the research, but a fun fact is that it may be the only place on the list of 100 that's not a city, but rather a "census-designated place." Another fun fact is that although many entries on this list are in California, Copper Top is the only one I've been to. I haven't visited the others because I suck.

Getting to Copper Top BBQ

So the Sierras are a somewhat regular vacation spot for my uncle and I and the 395 is the artery we take to get there. It's a beautiful scenic drive and, at times, it feels like going back in time. This past October we made a visit to the now famous Clown Motel in Tonopah, Nevada, but we stopped at Copper Top along the way based on this distinction. How often do you get to eat at the best restaurant in the country? In ANY country?

Typical scenery along U.S. 395

What Constitutes Number One?

On the surface, Yelp seems like a very black and white website; companies with 1 star ratings suck and those with 5 are awesome. But it's a lot more complex than that, and the fact that Yelp's explanation of these ratings is simply "from lengthy reviews to photos and searches, there’s a lot that our data can tell us about small businesses and consumer preferences" is proof.

The truth is, NO ONE understands Yelp's system of doing anything. I tried to understand once upon a time but then made a butthole of myself so that was that. Try figure out Yelp's filtering system; you may learn a few interesting things about how the website works.

My guess is that this list puts more weight onto people with an exuberant amount of total Yelp reviews and those who are Elite status. I applied for Elite status twice in the past and Yelp denied me twice because they suck. In fact, I think that alone is grounds for giving them a 1 star rating on their own website. Seriously, you can actually write a review for Yelp ON Yelp.

The Actual Experience

I gotta say: this really was an experience. We were already on a road trip and this was one of our first destinations and we were truly excited to try the BEST eatery in the country. The actual eatery (notice I'm labeling it an eatery, as it's not really a restaurant, per se) is kinda small but they cook everything outside on their grill or whatever the hell it is so you can see everything as it's being prepared. Big bonus points considering you can actually watch how they do it.

Because we were stupid and didn't bring a cooler, I wasn't able to order what I REALLY wanted, which was the sampler plate that consists of tri-tip, pork ribs, and a quarter chicken. Believe it or not, I just didn't have the stomach for something that big. Look, guys, even Michael Jordan had off games. We went simple and ordered tri-tip sandwiches. While the picture is kind of anti-climactic, it was really very tasty:

You're not gonna find this kind of craftsmanship at a chain, that's for sure. The way they run things here really does make it an experience more than anything else.

Send in the clowns

Worthy of Number One

The reality is you have to ask what, exactly, are the qualifications of a number one eatery. Everyone may have a skewed opinion of this, but here you have a nice little location that's well maintained, the food is fresh and delicious, and the staff is very nice. The owners here take a lot of pride in what they do so that, I think, makes it worthy of the distinction of number one. I just hope next year we bring a cooler so we don't have to hesitate about making a large order.

Conserving resources is what successful businesses do

And just for fun, here's our vlog from the trip which features Copper Top:

Copper Top BBQ: Greg's Gourmet Approved!

The Best Dog Kibble Out There: Orijen and Acana

2016-01-24T19:37:00.000-08:00

Being a dog freak, people frequently ask "what's the best food to feed my dog?" My response is usually prefaced by "every dog is different, so what's good for one dog may not be good for another." I usually say that to cover all my bases. The problem is there's a lot of misinformation out there about pretty much everything under the sun, dog food included. For example, the BEST diet for your dog actually consists of raw meat, fruits, and veggies. Is that surprising? Shouldn't be. A natural diet is the best diet for dogs, cats, humans, buffalo, antelope, gremlins, etc.

But I'm not here to preach a raw diet; instead I'm writing this to preach about what I think is the best KIBBLE on the market since that's what people predominantly feed their dogs.

The answer: ORIJEN and ACANA.

Click here to check out Acana's website.

Click here to check out Orijen's website.

Orijen and Acana are actually sister companies owned by Champion Petfoods out of Canada. Simply describing the benefits about the superiority of these foods isn't enough. No, these things need a damn list:

1) As close to a natural diet as you're going to get from any kibble

Both of these brands pride themselves on being "biologically appropriate", which Champion trademarked as "MIRROR THE QUANTITY, FRESHNESS AND VARIETY OF MEATS THAT NATURE EVOLVED DOGS AND CATS TO EAT." Translation: if a dog (i.e. wolf) is out in the wild, what are they gonna be eating? Will it be the corn or wheat that Purina tries to convince you are part of a healthy canine diet? No, it'll be meat because dogs are frickin' carnivores.

2) A wide variety of healthy and natural ingredients

First I'm going to introduce you to the ingredients panel of a dog food called "Prize" that was found in the fabled Haggen (soon to be Albertsons, hopefully) down the street:

Crap dog foods pride themselves on convincing you that corn, soy, and wheat are part of a "balanced" canine diet when, in fact, a lot of dogs actually exhibit allergies because of it. Does your dog neurotically lick its paws? Does your dog get a lot of ear infections or staph infections? How about excess shedding and hot spots? These could all be the result of a food allergy. Let's go through the "Prize" panel piece by piece: GROUND YELLOW CORN is the main ingredient. Bad. MEAT AND BONE MEAL. What the hell does that mean? When you see "meat and bone" without an animal attached to it, that means it's mystery meat. It's basically the leftovers of slaughterhouse waste that wasn't used for human consumption. Think hot dogs for dogs. Sure, I love a good hot dog but eating them everyday would probably make me pretty damn unhealthy. Continuing on we get CORN GLUTEN MEAL, GROUND MEAT, and WHEAT MILL RUN. Corn, wheat, wheat. So far in this food we have a ton of corn, a ton of wheat, and mystery meat.

But that's not all, as we've got MORE mystery ingredients in the form of ANIMAL FAT and ANIMAL DIGEST. Again, if you don't know what animal it's coming from then you should stay away.

Now, let's move onto the ingredients panel for the Duck and Bartlett Pear formula of Acana:

I think the big difference between the two panels, other than "Prize" being crap, is that with Acana (and its sister brand Orijen) you can actually READ and UNDERSTAND the ingredients. DUCK is the first and second ingredient. Notice also the use of DUCK FAT as opposed to ANIMAL FAT. They're telling you exactly what you're getting. When you read an ingredient you should ask yourself why it's being used. WHY is the first ingredient in "Prize" corn? WHY is there mystery meat? WHY is there so much corn and wheat instead of meat?

By now you may be asking what the difference is between Orijen and Acana and it pretty much comes down to a slightly different selection of flavors and Orijen having more protein. In fact, it's pretty much the richest kibble you're gonna find on the market, with Orijen's Regional Red formula leading the way with 38% crude protein, almost twice as much as that "Prize" crap up there. Here are the ingredients for Regional Red, as taken from Orijen's website. Prepare to be blown away:

Boneless Angus beef*, boneless wild boar*, boneless lamb*, beef liver*, boneless pork*, pork liver*, whole herring*, lamb liver*, beef meal, lamb meal, herring meal, salmon meal, Pollock meal, beef tripe*, bison*, lamb fat, whole egg*, red lentils, chickpeas, green peas, yellow peas, green lentils, herring oil, pea fibre, yams*, sun-cured alfalfa, pumpkin, butternut squash*, spinach greens*, carrots*, Red Delicious apples*, Bartlett pears*, cranberries*, blueberries*, kelp, licorice root, angelica root, fenugreek, marigold flowers, sweet fennel, peppermint leaf, chamomile, dandelion, summer savory, rosemary, Enterococcus faecium.

* FRESH AND PRESERVATIVE-FREE

The first FIFTEEN ingredients are MEAT. FIFTEEN!!! You've also got fruit and veggies in here, not to mention an abundance of super foods (i.e. blueberries and kelp). With Orijen and Acana you do pay more, but you get more, and on a rich diet like this you'll actually be feeding your dog less than you would with some crap food that's loaded with fillers.

3) Champion Petfoods is extremely transparent:

There aren't any sourcing mysteries here: everything that Champion uses is locally sourced, and they openly list the companies they work with on their bags of dog food. There's nothing from China. You're not going to get more transparent than that.

4) Dogs are carnivores, not omnivores. Their bodies respond well to meat-based diets, not grain-based diets:

Believe it or not I actually like Purina. They put a ton of effort into their marketing and it's almost like they're blatantly proud of how disgusting their food is. You gotta respect that. They also like to pretend that dogs have evolved into omnivores, i.e. they eat both meat and plants. This is the reason they market "the power of grain" because as an omnivore their systems can easily handle the excess plant protein. But that's not true, and you need to look no further than this simple graphic that, conveniently, was PROVIDED BY PURINA:

Alright, guys, look at the molars on the damn omnivore skull. Those things are for grinding meat. In fact, they're MORE pronounced than the carnivore's and look NOTHING like the herbivore's! AND THIS WAS ON PURINA'S WEBSITE!!! Just look at your dog's teeth. Those are teeth are built for meat, meaning dogs are still carnivores. They may all evolve one day to be plant eaters but today that's simply not the case. This is why a corn diet is not healthy for your dog.

5) My dogs are the only proof I need:

I've had golden retrievers my whole life. My second golden, Cara, was diagnosed with an aggressive (and becoming all too common) cancer called hemangiosarcoma when she was only 7. She passed away 3 months later. Cara's diet was Blue Buffalo's chicken and rice formula, which was packed with grain and wheat. Her treats consisted of Milk Bones and Blue Bakery, which are also loaded with wheat and grains (Milk Bones also contain the mystery MEAT AND BONE MEAL). For much of her life she would neurotically lick her paws, routinely get ear and staph infections, and shed excessively, even for a golden's standards. Vets gave her steroids and other antibiotics but no one ever suggested all of this could be a food allergy. I don't blame anyone for this because the vets didn't know and we didn't know. Simple as that. During her post-diagnosis stage, she went on a raw diet of fresh meat and veggies. For those last 3 months ALL of these problems went away. You'd think during a time when her body was more compromised (especially after surgery) she'd be more susceptible to allergies but nope. Nothing.

Fast forward to today. Her successor, Jenny, another golden, is 2. She has been on Orijen and Acana for most of her life. Her diet is supplemented with fresh fruits and veggies (blueberries, carrots, radishes, etc.) and her treats contain minimal ingredients, some being purely raw meat. She's healthy as a clam and has never had the issues Cara had on Blue Buffalo. She barely sheds, which is unusual, especially for a golden. Ears are good. Doesn't lick paws. No skin or staph infections. See a pattern here?

The only real "power of grain" is how sick it can get your dog. Canine cancer is on the rise. The life expectancy of purebred canines is going down. Why? Well, poor breeding is one reason, but how about the fact that the dog food market has exploded over the last half century? Kibble is convenient and most are affordable, sure, but a lot of these big brands are sacrificing healthy nutrition for garbage. That's why it's important to KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEEDING YOUR DOG! Do your research, ask questions, and think about the ingredients.

Jenny approves of Orijen and Acana

Orijen and Acana: Greg's Gourmet (and Jenny) Approved.

Bison Burgers

2016-01-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

STOP.

THE.

PRESSES.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls; I have just had a perfectly cooked piece of meat. Let me tell you something: I got a steak at Chili's. Asked for medium rare...I got rare.

Got a steak from Olive Garden. Asked for medium...I got a living cow.

Saw the bison burger on the menu of the Pacific Beach AleHouse. How could I resist? I ordered medium...I got an orgasm:

Hallelujah!

Let me tell ya - this burger was probably the best I've had in recent memory. It was big, it was moist, it was juicy, and it was delicious. Seriously outta sight. And the fries weren't anything to skip on either! Flavorful, seasoned, fantabulous.

One thing that didn't work, however, were the Rattlesnakes:

Looks like poop on a plate

These are bacon wrapped jalapenos stuffed with some kind of spicy cream cheese sauce. Normally I love jalapenos and anything that they're stuffed with, but these things were hotter than the frickin' fires of Mt. Doom. I was ready to drown my pallet in that ranch because these things were so damn hot. What the hell happened here? Is that normal?

It's honestly gotten to the point where if a restaurant can cook a piece of meat properly then they're already in the upper-tier as far as I'm concerned. This bison burger, though...a thing of beauty.

Fruit Salad Friday

2016-01-06T20:15:00.002-08:00

Hello everyone and Happy New Year. This post marks Greg's Gourmet's sixth year of food blogging, carbohydrates, and fart jokes. Although this blog has been quiet the past couple of years, it had something of a rejuvenation this winter, with nine of 2015's 25 posts coming in November and December. I'm hoping to keep that up.

Anyway, while Greg's Gourmet is generally known for eating challenges, full-fat beef, and intestinal reorganization prior to large meals, one thing I've been steady with for several weeks has been delicious, delicious fruit salads. I find that when I have a fruit salad at work I'm better able to get through the rest of the day. I get a jolt of energy and in general I just feel good. Shouldn't be surprising - the closer you are to an all-natural diet the better you'll feel. Because of my dedication to healthy eating at work, I've created the theme of "Fruit Salad Friday," though it's kind of a formality because technically EVERY DAY is Fruit Salad Friday:

This was actually from Christmas (which, coincidentally, was a Friday), but it exemplifies what I'm going for in a layered, multi-colored concoction of fresh fruit. This one in particular is 10 layers deep: Pineapple, apple, watermelon, grape, kiwi, banana, blackberry, blueberry, raspberry, and Maraschino cherry.

Here's what the work fruit salads are looking like:

I always try to create some kind of base for each salad, usually a melon or pineapple because, obviously, they're larger fruits. Then you top that with your mid-sized fruits (bananas, kiwis, apples), and then top it with berries. I also like to throw some chia seeds on top for a cheap source of protein and fiber.

I'd highly recommend giving a fruit salad a chance. Check out Sprouts for the best priced and highest quality produce and create your own. For the work salads like the one above I usually include 5-7 fruits. Give it a try.

O Christmas Sandwich, O Christmas Sandwich!

2015-12-30T21:46:00.000-08:00

Well, the holidays came and went. Hope everyone had a swell time and ate some good gourmet. I know I did. Of course with the holidays comes all the seasonal goodness and with all the seasonal goodness comes...CHRISTMAS SANDWICHES!!!

The Greg's Gourmet Dictionary defines Christmas Sandwiches as "turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy packed into a buttered dinner roll." See, the trick is you don't want too much of any one thing because then you're gonna make a mess and look like an asshole. What you wanna do is start with a thin slice of turkey, top it with some stuffing, then use the potatoes as a paste to keep everything together. Top that with some gravy and you're good to go. In recent years I've become fond of trying the sandwiches on all different kinds of rolls: white, wheat, Hawaiian, sourdough, ciabatta; it's a pleasure.

Moving on, here's the entree:

This was actually very poorly plated on my part. In a twist of Greg's Gourmet fate, I began my plate off with a small side of fruit salad, which is something I never do. I think packing that onto the plate is what caused such a spacing discrepancy and, in turn, created some wasted empty space up front. But that's okay. I made up for it:

It's a lot harder to make leftovers look attractive.

Oh, and here's something new - the delicious and sensuous 10 Layer Fruit Salad:

I have a story about this salad that I'm gonna post later, but for the record it contains: pineapple, watermelon, blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, grapes, bananas, kiwis, apples, and Maraschino cherries.

If you haven't tried this then you should! Candy Cane Marshmallows dipped in dark chocolate, available at Sprouts.

Oh, and here's a piece of fake poop just cause:

Anywho, hope everyone had a great holiday season and wishing you all a Happy New Year!

The Return of Albertsons

2015-12-21T20:32:00.000-08:00

Well, sort of.

Return in the sense that I had to make a special trek to visit the closest Albertsons, which served as my first such visit to the chain since Haggen came in and destroyed everything. I guess that dates back to February or so.

Anyway, I made a special trip to Escondido to pick up two specific items that only Albertsons can deliver. At work I started a little theme day called "Wedges N' Wings Wednesday" which, of course, capitalizes on the glorious combination of chicken wings and potato wedges. I don't know about you but I think the pair goes together like milk and cookies or turkey and gravy or Jared Fogle and jail; it just seems like a natural combination.

Albertsons has a nice deal at their deli called "Pick 3"; an entree and two sides for $5.50. It's a deal I used to get once a week in the early days of Greg's Gourmet, but eventually it was time to move onto other eating challenges, so I haven't had the "Pick 3" since 2013 or so. Imagine my happiness when I stepped into this Albertsons, ventured over to their deli, and saw the same sign that I grew to know and love once upon a time at an Albertsons not so far away: Pick 3 for $5.50. Oh, the glory! Granted, the Albertsons in Escondido doesn't have the extensive 8-flavor wing bar as the one that used to be on Balboa Avenue, but hey, it had 3 flavors of wings plus wedges. Good enough for me. For my second side I got, of course, mac n' cheese:

I don't remember the wing flavors here but I think they were regular, zesty, and honey...and they were FANTABULOUS. Everything about this meal was awesome, even the epic farts it gave me afterwards. I can't wait to go back.

The second item I came for is a product that has been a favorite of mine since before the Pick 3 and that is, of course, the purple bag of Albertsons chocolate chip cookies:

Seeing that shade of purple again made me feel like Indiana Jones first laying eyes on the Holy Grail. These cookies are THE BEST. THE BEST, JERRY. THE BEST! I bought two bags; one for home, and one for the Cookie Party at work the following day. My plan (and hope) was that no one would go into them and I'd just take that bag home at the end of the day. At 5 PM I was in the kitchen and they were still sitting there, untouched. When I headed out at 5:50 the bag was gone. GONE. Obviously someone missed these things as much as I did.

Oh yeah, I also bought some Strawberry Lemonade Gatorade which, for some reason, is really hard to find locally. Albertsons easily went 3-for-3.

The question I'm curious about is when (and if) Albertsons is moving back into the stores they bought back in San Diego. They purchased the Haggen in Rancho Bernardo but due to ongoing legal issues, it's not exactly known if (or when) they're coming back. The other question is what will this reincarnation of Albertsons be like? Keep in mind they're now part of Safeway/Vons and that chain sucks big time. I guess as long as they have the wing bar, chocolate chip cookies, and strawberry lemonade Gatorade then I'll be happy. Actually, you know what? I think having ANYTHING there other than Haggen will make me happy.

5 Things Haggen Did Wrong When Entering Southern California

2015-12-07T21:46:00.000-08:00

I went on an extensive visual rant about Haggen a few weeks ago as they were commencing their "going out of business sale." The question on everyone's mind is how could a large grocer fail in such a short period of time? It's a case study that I'm sure will find its way into college business courses for years to come, but in the meantime we're left with the scattered pieces of a failed business, multiple lawsuits, and a whole lot of questions that don't have answers. What we can do in the meantime, like all good Americans without rhyme or reason, is speculate.

Although it's now closed for good, the empty aisles within these walls aren't much emptier than they were when the store was open

In my fascination of this failure, I've been researching Haggen for a few days trying to find clues as to what the hell happened. I've uncovered some interesting tidbits about the company as well as a handful of corporate conspiracies, like this was all preordained. While I lean more toward it being a failure of general idiocy and incompetent management, all of Haggen's 146 stores ultimately suffered the same fate.

So...

5 Things Haggen Did Wrong When Entering Southern California

(and Nevada and Arizona)

1) Entering Southern California

Yeah, just entering Southern California was a dumb move from the beginning. No research of the market, no understanding of the demographics, no clue on anything. You know why everyone makes fun of us Southern Californians? It's because we're crazy. We're nuts. We panic at the first drop of rain but then wear sandals during a storm. We pay large amounts of money to fill up our gas tanks and then sit in traffic for two hours on one of our 57,895 freeways. Why Good Will Haggen felt compelled to join us down here is as surprising as Ted Cruz saying something that doesn't sound like it originated from a can of horse feces.

I've never actually been inside a closing supermarket; it's a surreal and eerie feeling

2) Expanding from 18 stores to 164 overnight

I don't know if these Albertsons and Safeway stores were a packaged deal or if Haggen just went all in when acquiring them, but what kind of dumbass expands tenfold overnight? Even if those 18 stores were more successful than a pig that shits bacon, why even flirt with that kind of disaster? Heck, even if those 146 stores WERE a packaged deal, WHY WOULD YOU DO IT? I used to work for a retail company that operated two successful stores for many years. One day they decided to expand and opened three new stores within the span of five months and have struggled ever since. Now, let's do the math; if that family-owned retail business were to expand like Haggen did overnight, then they would have gone from those two original stores all the way to EIGHTEEN. How can a business sustain that kind of growth in such a short period of time? Answer: they can't.

The aisles became narrower and narrower as the going out of business sale dragged on

3) Cut employee hours and pay

Having somebody take over your company and then cut your pay is like giving money to someone who just bought your house. Click this link to shimmy over to Haggen's Glassdoor page where you can read rants and reviews from Haggen employees where one of the most common complaints is that shortly after arriving, the company immediately cut the hours and pay of its employees. According to Glassdoor, many full-time employees were demoted to part-time as schedules were randomly shifted and paycheck numbers gradually decreased. How can you expect your work force to give a shit if that's how you're going to show your appreciation right off the bat?

The first time I entered a Haggen was a couple weeks after it transitioned from one of the local Albertsons. Immediately upon entering I noticed that employees seemed unhappy and I think Glassdoor confirms why. You may need to sign up for an account, but it's worth it if you want to read firsthand accounts of those who were trapped in the hull of the ship as it sank.

Shrinking produce

4) Jack up the prices

Haggen was frickin' EXPENSIVE. Who the hell conceived this pricing structure? Haggen was so expensive that it wasn't until their going out of business sale hit 40% off that their prices became moderately competitive - and even then it was a stretch. The other thing is that these stores were operating in neighborhoods that simply couldn't afford that kind of a price increase and those who could didn't bother because hey, I could get the same product for 50% less right down the street! A Naked juice and small thing of blackberries goes for about $8 at Haggen. I drive up the street to Sprouts and the price drops to $4.50 for the pair. It was like that ALL THROUGHOUT THE STORE!

I guess this ~~dildo~~ banana keeper is one of them Trader Joe's-esque items Haggen was so proud to carry

5) Zero marketing upon arrival

I don't know, maybe they did have marketing but it was probably so dumb that I never noticed. I think they sent out an insert or two in the beginning but outside of that we may as well have invited Kevin Bacon from Hollow Man to stand on a street corner waving a sign and the results would have been the same. Dude, how do you even pronounce Haggen? Is it Haggen like HAHAHA or is it Haggen like HEY HEY HEY? One of the articles I read today actually answered this question: it's pronounced HEY-gen which means I've been saying it wrong like an asshole for eight months. See, if they had any kind of introductory campaign to the community then we could have learned how to say the damn place's name properly.

At least they weren't in short supply of 3 Musketeers bars!

Nobody even knew what this place was about. The general thought was it would be like a Trader Joe's or something but it didn't really carry any new or unusual products. It also tried to pride itself on having great-tasting fresh produce but let me tell ya: their produce tasted like donkey shit and looked worse. The worst watermelon I ever tasted was from Haggen and their berries looked like they had tuberculosis crawling on them. Oh, and their Honeycrisp apples went for nearly $4 per pound, but you could find the same apples for 99 cents a pound right up the street at Sprouts. Boom.

8000 people were in danger of losing their jobs. Some managed to find work but many were let go just in time for the holidays. Oh, that's another thing: the original closing date for our local Haggen stores was two days before Thanksgiving. They extended it 10 days into December, but eh. Who gives a shit? You'd like to think that maybe this was a mistake based on pure ignorance but the reality is Haggen operated like a bunch of assholes. Employees didn't find out about the closures until they heard it on the news or read it on the Internet.

Currently Haggen is suing Albertsons for, like, selling them failing stores or something. Albertsons bought back a lot of their original properties but anti-monopoly laws may prevent them from setting up camp. Even if they do win their case, it'll be months before these stores are up and running again. Unless your local store was purchased by a Gelson's or a Sprouts then chances are you're gonna have a large vacant building to stare at for a while. Oh, and it also seems that Haggen is selling off their original 18 stores in Washington and Oregon. They claim the stores were doing well but who the hell knows? I guess the idea is they'd sell them but maintain the Haggen name but who really cares anymore?

Thank you Haggen for providing future business students with a fascinating case of corporate greed and idiocy. Also, congratulations on being inducted into the Greg's Gourmet Hall of Shame where you'll join Vons, Jack Link's Beef Jerky, Wendy's, and Blue Buffalo as true demonstrators of incompetence. Kudos from all of us at Greg's Gourmet!

There's something oddly poetic about where the stop sign is framed in this picture, like, stop being a jackass, Haggen!

Greg's Gourmet - The New T-Shirt!

2015-12-02T21:38:00.000-08:00

Don't look now but Greg's Gourmet blogged a whopping *FIVE* times in November, the most in any month since July of 2014 and only the second time since July of 2013 that I've hit that number. Is Greg's Gourmet officially back? I'm not sure. It's been a good two years or so since I've regularly blogged and I've tried to relaunch this site a few times since then but it just hasn't stuck. We'll see how the updates continue along before officially declaring GG back in the game. I will say this though: life is a lot more entertaining when people know you're a food blogger, a critic, and kind of an all-around douche. All the more reason to stick with it.

But check this out: coming soon to a discount rack, dollar store, or rag bin near you - Greg's Gourmet...THE BRAND SPANKIN' NEW T-SHIRT!!!

The product turned out better than I expected. With the vast amount of colors and detail I wasn't sure they'd come out as clearly as they did. The guys at VistaPrint did a heck of a job!

I made this logo several years ago during this blog's prime but never did anything with it, which is weird because this one is superior to the others in virtually every single way. Here's a closer look at it:

I love that this asshole is wearing his own t-shirt as well, a clear nod to how egotistical and all around narcissistic this blog is.

I don't have a devised plan for this shirt yet. I experimented with a product line a few years ago via Cafe Press. If you hop on over to the Gourmet Models section of the site you can see some of the old shirts and other goods we produced. For some reason the "Gourmet Gear" store at Cafe Press isn't working, but I've got a note into them to figure out what's going on. Either way, trying to pimp out that store and sell products was hard enough. Plus everything there is a rip off anyway so it's like what's the point? I sell a $20 t-shirt and get eighteen cents from it? Nah.

Still, I'm really happy with how this one turned out.

Thanksgiving Recap

2015-11-28T14:56:00.001-08:00

Quick recap of my favorite holiday in the history of the universe because it's the one day of the year where you're actually encouraged to eat like a pig.

First up, my specialty and signature dish: the mashed potatoes:

I wound up mashing 5 pounds worth of potatoes this year. My response when people ask me what my secret ingredient is: love. My response when people ask how much of each ingredient I put in: haven't a clue. I just keep experimenting until it's just right. Yessir, these potatoes may have been my best ever:

Main course:

Got two types of stuffing there; one with sausage and the other with sage. Obviously this is all fantastic but one of the things I love most about Thanksgiving is the return of the mighty CHRISTMAS SANDWICHES!!!

Turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and gravy packed into a dinner roll. It's the PERFECT combination of everything that is right in the world. The only thing that tops it might be this:

The bummer is that these guys are seasonal, unless we bust out some turkey at other points during the year. Remember that Faith Hill Christmas song from The Grinch? There's a lyric in it where she's all like "it'll be Christmas alllll the tiiiiiime!" That should be changed to "it'll be Christmas Sandwiches alllll the tiiiiiiime!" For real.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope you weren't fighting anyone in Walmart on Black Friday like a loser! Happy holidays!

Star Wars Micro Machines

2015-11-23T20:31:00.000-08:00

My boss had a birthday recently. He's not a fan of anything flashy but we wanted to present him with something cool and, since he's a huge fan, something Star Wars themed. It may have taken too long to get custom Star Wars pastries made in the short amount of time we had so I thought hey...let's just get the cupcakes and then top them ourselves with...STAR WARS MICRO MACHINES!!!

With all the frosting here they're clearly reenacting the Battle of Hoth

So I grew up in the 90s during the boom of the wildly popular Galoob line of Star Wars Micro Machines. From 1994 to about 1998, Galoob produced a plethora of Star Wars toys including playsets, ships, and action figures, but few matched up to the awesomeness of Micro Machines.

Virtually every ship seen in the original trilogy, and to an extent the special edition releases of the late 90s, had its own Micro Machine. Even frickin' Dash Rendar's Outlander, which appears as a tiny speck in the re-release of Episode IV, received its own Mini-Me. Business was booming...until it wasn't. Eventually Galoob overextended itself, producing different variations of toys that were already on the market. Sales tanked and they were bought over by Hasbro, who maintained the Star Wars Micro Machines brand for a few years but discontinued it following the lackluster release of The Phantom Menace line.

Over the years they gained kind of a cult following and certain pieces sell moderately well on eBay. I should know - I started buying certain figures earlier in the year to complete the collection that I started all those years ago - toys from my childhood that I kept.

With the relaunch of the Star Wars franchise, Hasbro decided to revive the Micro Machines line and they've invaded stores nationwide. I bought these cupcake bad boys at Target for about 10 bucks total. Considering that 3 ships in the 90s went for about $7, I'd say $10 for 7 ships and two figures is a pretty good deal. Are they the same quality? Absolutely not. These ships feel flimsy and are obviously made with different material. Some also sport slightly different designs and colors from the Galoob lines which makes certain ships look like cheap knockoffs that may have been produced to fool people in the 90s. But, hey, they're back and that's good enough for me.