I’m feeling a weird sense of anticipation lately. I’m not entirely sure what I’m anticipating, but I compare the feeling to when you have a friend who has been away for a really really long time and you start talking about the possibility of getting together again for a nice long visit. Or maybe not even a visit, maybe they’re coming back for good. You start remembering all the good times you had and you think about the cool things you always loved about your friend but had forgotten because so much time has passed. Remember how she used to always wear those sandals and toe rings and those super long skirts all the time even though they made her look frumpy? She used to talk about wanting to drive a Jeep Wrangler, or better yet a Mini Cooper. And I wonder if her favorite color is still red? Does she still listen to music? She used to love listening to music. She always seemed so organized, so focused. She used to talk about being a counselor or working with kids. I remember she used to always carry around this weekly planner and she would write in it what her goals were in life.

Whatever happened to that girl? Oh yeah, she is me. I may be different but I am very much still me. And while I like who and where I am now – I do not want to go back to where I was – there are pieces I left behind that I would like to pick up again if I could. Or am I just being too nostalgic? We can’t go back and recreate moments. It will never feel the same. The best we can do is hold onto the memories of the past and enjoy the moments we are creating now.

(Thanks to Unkie Mike for this gem) All I can say is this: I feel a lot more like I do now than I did before.

So I passed my last EA exam. Did I mention that? Yes. Yes I did. I passed all three exams and each on the very first try! So now I just need to send in the application and fee to the IRS and then I’m done. The hard part is over! I am done studying and stressing about tests. I am still breathing a sigh of relief. I know that I still am because each day I’ve been having these moments where I’m doing absolutely nothing of importance and after a period of time goes by I catch my breath and panic with this thought: “Oh no! Am I supposed to be doing something?!” But alas, I am not.

It’s kind of unnerving, not having a huge task over my head, and while I enjoy it I still think I operate more productively when I have a lot on my plate. Because I am focused and forced to prioritize and be strategic about how I’m going to Get Things Done.

I am addicted to To-Do Lists and I quit cold turkey a long time ago, but the cravings are creeping back in. I so badly want to make a list. Studying is done, tests are done, what now? Financial Peace University will be coming up again in January, gotta prepare for that. Natalie needs to be baptized, and her first birthday is coming soon. I just ordered prints of photos of the kids for framing. Bills? Paid. Checkbook? Balanced. Cat litter? Clean. Laundry? Mostly done. Did I floss today? Yup.

So I guess there’s not much for me to worry about now except this: What’s for dinner?

Again, with the misplaced mojo. I just don’t know where to look, nor do I have the time. I’ve been studying like crazy for this damned IRS exam. I’ve passed two out of three and will be taking the third on Thursday. Third on Thursday. If I fail I will have to do more studying and take it again, and someone better hide the guns because I do not believe I will handle failure well. I am so sick of studying and I am ready to move on already. I’m ready to send in that application and add those silly letters to my name. Melinda Richmond, E.A. I need to pass this test.

And then? Then we’ll see. I’m not sure where to go from there but it will just feel nice to have accomplished a goal I set for myself oh, I don’t know, over a year ago?

And while accomplishing goals is always a good thing, you know what I am ready to do? Rest for awhile. I’ve just been so tired. So. Tired. Rest would be good. And I don’t want really want one big rest every once in awhile. I want it sprinkled all over. A little rest here, a little rest there. That would be nice.

Psalm 127:1-2 “Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good. It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.”

I like nachos, I really do. The problem is that when I eat them I always have this inner conflict about the toppings. I want every chip to have the proper allocation of meat, tomatoes, sour cream, etcetera. Meaning I want each chip to be identical. But this secret (well, not so anymore) conflict goes one step further. Not only do I want the proper allocation on each chip, but I want each bite to have the same ratio of chip to toppings. It’s a lot to stress about, and almost makes it not worth eating.

Almost. You know I still love my food, even if it is a tad off-balanced.

There are some perks to unemployment (besides getting to spend all your time with two adorable children): my husband remodeled the half-bathroom in our bedroom, and now we actually use it

You can click on these thumbnails to get a closer look at his handiwork:

It’s official. Natalie is mobile. She made her first forward motions a couple weeks ago while we were up north on vacation. While those first moments are exciting, it doesn’t even compare to seeing the look on her face every day as she’s cruising down the hallway or across the living room rug; she’s all full of smiles. She is accomplishing so much and she knows it.

For the record, she is now eight months old and a day. She is still ginormous. She’s just shy of 20 pounds and who knows how long. We estimate her to be around 29 inches. She’s growing out of her clothes very quickly and thank goodness it’s sundress weather so we don’t have to worry about the length of pants and such. Dresses work fabulous but they do make crawling a bit more challenging for her.

She is starting to show some personality and while very different from her big brother, they have some similarities as well. They are both pretty laid back, happy kids. We do not deserve this rich life we live. Thank ya Jesus! 

Luke has a new toy. His cousin gave him a really cool book for his birthday but it happened to be one he already owned. So we’ve been holding onto it all this time and finally took it to the store to exchange it for a new toy on Monday. For the past 30 hours all I have heard about is Buzz! Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! To infinity, and beyond!

This kid loves Buzz so much, he prayed for him five different ways last night before bedtime. And then he inserted his name into every other person’s name he prayed for: “Thank you Buzz Mommy, thank you Buzz Daddy, thank you Buzz Natadee…”

Luke talks to Buzz, and Buzz talks back. Buzz helps him find lost toys and rescues him when he’s falling off the couch. He’s a real friend, that Buzz.

This kid absolutely loves his new Buzz Lightyear doll action figure and he doesn’t want to go anywhere without it. Yes, just like Andy did in Toy Story. In fact, I almost think that Buzz has taken Blanket’s place in Luke’s heart. (Almost.)

I had a rough week last week. In short, I was stressed about money. In the past seven years we have learned so many valuable lessons about budgeting and living beneath our means and staying out of debt. Were it not for that, when Mike lost his job two years ago we would have been totally screwed. But we weren’t. We breathed in and out and then said to each other, “We’re going to be okay.” First of all, God has never let us go hungry. He has always made sure we have everything we need and more. Second of all, we have very little debt now and low monthly living expenses.

Mike has been working a part time job since April and that has been helping to cover the portion of our monthly expenses that my income does not. He’s driving for a limo company. It has been a huge blessing. He can take the jobs that fit around my schedule (nights & weekends) and it’s something he loves doing. He loves to drive and he enjoys meeting new people. We knew things would still be tight and we would still need to be careful to stay within our budget, but it’s been a good thing.

And then last week. Last week we were informed that our monthly expense was going up effective now. The short notice and the impact it is having on our household budget sent me into a tailspin. I have been running the numbers and looking for areas to cut and Mike is trying to get extra work, but on paper it still doesn’t look like it’s going to be enough.

There is no question that we need to figure out how to get our income up. And what I want to do is obsess about it and plan and scheme; basically I want to solve the problem. But I can only do so much. We as people can only do so much. God is the sovereign one. He knew this was coming and we have to trust that he has a plan to get us through it.

I get nervous that we won’t have enough money to provide my children the things they need. Then I sometimes regret that we won’t be able to also give them the things they want. God has a wonderful way of putting things into perspective for me and he sometimes uses my own children to do it.

This afternoon my son said to me with a smile beaming across his face:

“That was fun Mommy… I love you.” 

What had he just done that he found to be so fun? He rode the mechanical horse at the grocery store. How much did it cost us? Two cents.

“Mommy!”

(Pause)

“Mommy!!”

(Mommy rushes out of bed and opens the boy’s bedroom door)

“Where’s my blanket?”

He does love his woobie.

The following is from a draft I started on March 16th of this year (The title of which I have re-purposed for this post):

The Geniuses at Rubbermaid

Tortilla Pizzeria

That’s as far as I got, apparently. Just the titles. Titles I have no problem with. It’s actually getting the chance to sit down and put thoughts into sentences and paragraphs with capital letters and punctuation even! Yes, titles enter my head all day, every day. The above are just two I happened to get down on “paper” before they escaped. You can guess from the titles that the content I was intending to right (did I really just type that?) write was super important. It’s a shame I never finished the posts, because I’m sure something I may have said in one or both of the posts could have maybe possibly saved the world. If only…

But seriously, aren’t you at all curious what I was meaning to write about with those titles? I know I am.