Grief, Loss & Transitions - Journey of Hearts Blog

Healers and Healing - Learning to Let Go

2012-01-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

Healers and Healing was written soon after I finished my residency program in 1996. It was written as my way of expressing my experiences with as a medical student, resident physician and physician in training hospice and hospice care.

What I discovered (and this is even more difficult with all of the new advances and new technology) is that often the most difficult role of a physician may be knowing when to "let go," and just "to be."

Healers and Healing

Healing,
the ancient covenant between physician and patient
a promise to cure,
to save,
and to restore.

Healing
appears in many forms--
The right antibiotics for an infectious organism
The curative chemotherapy for a malignant tumor
The correct diagnosis in a complex case.

But what of the terminal diagnosis
with no treatment options
when your diagnostic skills are no longer required
your presence will not alter the course?

Then
Healing manifests on the purest level--
an extension of the soul,
aiding in the acceptance of the process
finding peace and serenity
on the path leading to transition.

Healing
of pain,
suffering,
and emotional distress.
No longer with technical devices
and the newest medication.

But just
A cheerful smile
An open ear
A gentle touch
A warm embrace
Taking the time to listen, to be
to share a part of yourself.

Healing
becomes an expression of caring and love.
The greatest gift of all
may be the ability
to walk with a person
help provide them with strength
and courage
on their path to transition
and then let go.

About the Poem
Healers and Healing poem was one that I used in a resource included for an AMSA presentation that I gave in 2001 to medical students on Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. It was featured as an article on "Healers and Healing: Learning to 'Let Go' published on the old Beyond Indigo site in 2002.

Healers and Healing is a poem that I continue to shared with my bereavement graduate students as part of the Bereavement Course that I teach.

Sources
Dyer K. 1996. Healers and Healing. 1996. Journey of Hearts Site.
Dyer K. 2001. Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. Dealing with Death & Dying in Medical Education and Practice. AMSA's 51st Annual Convention, Friday, March 30, 2001.
Dyer K. 2002. Healers and Healing: Learning to Let Go. Journey of Hearts Site.

Butterfly from Auora 26

An Angel Blessing for Those in Challenging Times

2012-01-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

From a quote card that I created several years ago for someone going through a difficult challenge:

May Angels comfort you
in challenging times,
Encircle you with loving arms,
Hold you in a warm embrace.

May they give you strength
Sustain your spirit,
Bring you grace and
a calming sense of peace.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS

The quote was intended for anyone facing a challenge, whether a health-related challenge or one at the end of life. The original cards featured the beautiful SpiritArt Angels of J. Ann Maskier. This quote went with her beautiful Spirit Guide angel.

Angel Embrace by ppdigital.

Poems for Healing - A Better Place

2011-10-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

A Better Place was written many years ago to memorialize young girl who was unexpectedly and suddenly killed. The poem is shared in memory of several other young girls who died recently suddenly and unexpectedly in the hopes that it will bring some comfort to family and friends left behind.

The poem has been helpful for those who believe in a life beyond this one to bring hope that they will one day be reunited in the better place.

A Better Place

Cry for me no more
the many tears of sadness
My time in this world was over
and it came for me to pass.

Bring the photos of old time
and see them not with tear-filled eyes
But with eyes of joy and laughter
and smile once more with me.

Know that I am in a better place
one without disease
without hatred and without death
In this kingdom I now call home

I wait here for you
When your time comes to pass
to ease the transition
from the old to the new.

Cry for me no more.
Remember only the laughter.
For I am in another realm
And I wait to see you again.

About the Poem
This poem came to me after a request by a visitor to the Journey of Hearts site to find a poem that would be appropriate for remembering a birthday of a young woman, killed by a drunk driver in 1999.

The story reminded me of another young girl, the daughter of one of my teachers, who has killed in the mid 1970's during plane crash at the very young age of 3.

To both of them, their families and the many other families since who have lost loved ones suddenly and unexpectedly, we hope they have found their better place.

Angel image from boslea

Seeds of Promise - A Poem of Hope

2010-06-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

The new background image reminded me of a poem that I had written many years ago called "Seeds of Promise." I've included it here for readers.

Seeds of Promise

Golden beams of joy
Illuminate the day
Transform to a fragile flower.
Intricate lacy patterns,
Woven with gossamer threads
of dreams.

Translucent desires,
Visible for those with feelings,
hidden from those with none.
Whispers on the breeze
of promise.

Seeds scatter
cast on the wind.
Spreading wishes and dreams.
Messengers of hope
and renewal.

A promise of new life,
of beginnings.

© 1996 Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

About the Poem

Seeds of Promise, is a poem that I wrote to inspire and to bring hope.

The poem is about messengers of hope being scattered on the wind, to grow in other places. With the scattering of seeds comes the hope for the future and in time a promise of a better tomorrow.

The poem appears in the Emergency Pick-me-up section of the Journey of Hearts website.

Image: boymk. Big Dandelion. Royalty Free Use.

A New Look for the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog

2010-06-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

With all of the new changes being made to Blogger and new templates and template designer now available, it seemed time to update the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

One of my favorite things to do into adulthood and to share with my girls now is making wishes on 'Wish Wands' as we call Dandelions.

The Dandelion image from cmisje seemed to be a good one to use to update the blog.

My wish for those grieving who find this blog, is that they find strength to help them cope with challenging times.

Engage with Grace Project - Thanksgiving Blog Rally

2009-11-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

I received an email this week telling me about the blog rally being held by several health care bloggers to get the word out about starting the difficult questions on End of Life Care.

Their project Engage with Grace: The One Slide Project was launched in 2008 with the hope of getting people talking about end of life care. They created a single slide with 5 questions "designed to help get us talking with each other, with our loved ones, about our preferences."

Furthermore they are asking people to share this One Slide — wherever and whenever they can in blogs, in presentations and in conversations.

Thanksgiving Blog Rally
For Thanksgiving they are hosting a Blog rally, asking bloggers to post information about the Engage with Grace project starting Tuesday November 24 and leaving it up through the Thanksgiving weekend.

For examples of what other bloggers are doing this year the the blog rally see:

Eliza Blog's 2009 post on Some conversations are easier than others from their Eliza blog.
Paul Levy's 2008 post on Engage with Grace from his Running a Hospital Blog.

Spreading the Word
They are also asking people to help spread the word in their social networks:

Donate your Facebook status by posting something about the Blog Rally.
Donate your Twitter status by posting something about the Blog Rally, using the hashtag #EWG

They are suggesting using “Pssssst - Engage with Grace at www.engagewithgrace.org. Join the Blog Rally. Pass it on. #EWG”

You can learn even more about this project in the moving video by Engage with Grace co-founder and sister-in-law of Za, Alexandra Drane.

Engage with Grace from Health 2.0 on Vimeo.

To learn more about what you can do visit the Engage with Grace website.

Poems for Healing: The Messenger

2009-11-18T12:11:00.000-08:00

The Messenger was written many years ago to provide a bit of solace and soothing words for a family friend and patient, both of whom had recently lost their spouses.

I decided to share the healing poem, The Messenger since it has been used as a remembrance poem by so many people in newpapers, brochures, online and at funeral services.

The Messenger

From an Angel on high
a tender message of love was softly whispered into the ear
of this humble scribe....

More about Journey of Hearts Poetry
I am always a bit surprised when I go searching for some of the healing poems that I wrote and included in the early days of the Journey of Hearts site.

My poems (The Messenger and In Memory of You) show up on many spontaneous bereavement sites from those whose deaths were not major news events to those whose deaths were major news events like 9-11, Laci Patterson and Michael Jackson. Unfortunately the poems are often unattributed to "Anonymous" and do not include a reference to the Journey of Hearts website.

The poem seems to have sprouted wings and flies around the Internet spreading healing words. By reposting a newer version of The Messenger online, I am hopeful that people will find the version of The Messenger and correctly link to the blog or the Journey of Hearts site.

More on Poetry on the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog
Dyer K. Words to Comfort - In Memory of You July 2007. Grief, Loss & Bereavement Blog.
Dyer K. Poetry - To Help You Make it Through. August 2007. Grief, Loss & Bereavement Blog.

Image: Asafesh. Ink Pot. Royalty Free Use.

Water Blessing Label Bookmarks for Focused Healing

2009-09-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

In September 2009 The Spirit of Water added several news products to their product line that I have already supported in this blog and in the NICU Parent Support Blog.

The new product that I am really excited about is their Water Blessing Labels Bookmarks, particularly the one for focused healing.

Blessing for Weight Loss, Focused Healing and for Awakening

There are three news Water Blessing Label Bookmarks, one for Weight Loss, one for Focused Healing and another for Awakening.

The 6 phrases on blessing labels for Weight Loss are: "fresh start," "mindful eating," "breakthrough," "vibrant health," "ageless beauty," and "boundless energy."
The 6 words on blessing labels for the Focused healing are: "acceptance," "serenity," "courage," "patience," "humor," and "energy."
The 6 words on blessing labels words for Awakening are: "love,""gratitude,""peace," and "joy."

The Focused Healing labels contain the 6 static-cling blessing labels, bookmark and inspirational mini cards. The words on the bookmark carry a healing message as well:

You are guided from within as your healing journey brings you back to yourself.

The bookmark can be used to inspire you in your healing process. Place it in a book as a reminder of your healing journey.

More affordable
These bookmarks are a smaller number of blessing labels than the regular size, so half the price $4.95 compared to $9.95 for the larger size.

Find out more about the bookmarks and other new products, the Water Blessing Labels and specially offers at their website, The Spirit of Water.

More:

Dyer KA. 2009. Water Blessing Labels a Way to Help with Healing and Coping. Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer KA. 2009. Spirit of Water - Love is in the NICU. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Water Blessing LabelsTurn Water (or Medicine) into Liquid Prayers. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2008. Water Blessing Labels. Squidoo.com

Image Source: The Spirit of Water Website.

Remembering on the 8th Anniversary of September 11, 2001

2009-09-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

This year marks the 8th Anniversary of September 11, 2001. For some losses, such as this type of tragic loss, the grief remains. A quote from Senator Ted Kennedy written to a widow of 9/11, that was heard at his recent funeral, captures the nature of coping with tragic loss:

As you know so well, the passage of time never really heals the tragic memory of such a great loss, but we carry on, because we have to, because our loved one would want us to, and because there is still light to guide us in the world from the love they gave us.

Now 8 years later, we stop to remember those who died, in different ways around the country. This video clip from WPRI.com News shows some of the many ways that September 11th is being remembered in the United States and around the world.

From WPRI.com" With familiar rituals of grief and a new purpose to honor those who rushed into danger to help, the nation marked eight years since the Sept. 11 terror attacks Friday, with volunteers reading the names of the World Trade Center lost.

- Remembering 9/11 -

Ways of Remembering
If you can't make it to New York to celebrate, there are other ways that you can remember and honor the memory of those lost online:

Wear Red on 9-11 - A grass roots effort to encouraging people to wear read on September 11 to show your support to those who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks of 2001. People on Twitter and Facebook can also participate in special ways.

911 Day of Service- My Good Deed has been working since 2002 to get September 11 established as a National Day of Service, to honor the victims and those who rose to service in response to the attacks on America. This is the first official year of celebrating 911 as a day of service.

For more suggestions and ways of coping, you can read the blog post that from last year on What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction?

More Resources
Dyer KA. 2009. Coping with Grief on the Anniversary of September 11, 2001. Coping with Grief Group. The Circle.
Dyer KA. 2008. What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction? Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Anniversary Reaction - When Remembering Isn't Always a Happy Occasion. Squidoo.com

Image: Roderick Yang. Ground Zero. Royalty Free Use.

Senator Kennedy's Gift of Time: Dying on His Own Terms

2009-08-31T12:27:00.000-07:00

When I heard that Senator Kennedy had died, one of my first thoughts was that he had been able to die on his terms. He announced in May 2008 that he had a malignant brain tumor. When he died on August 26th this year, he had lived over a year with his cancer diagnosis.

Ironically, Senator Kennedy outlived three brothers, four sisters and three nephews. His tribute to nephew John Kennedy Jr after his fatal plane crash was such a moving reflection on time and the years one is given to live.

His time, which was not doubled, but cut in half, will live forever in our memory...
But like his father, he had every gift but length of years.

A Gift of Time
He was given the time to say good by to family, friends and colleagues. He was given time to be honored for a lifetime of public service, receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor. He was given the time to even plan and orchestrate his memorial and funeral services. President Obama also spoke of this gift of time in his eulogy for Senator Kennedy:

He was given the gift of time that his brothers were not, and he used that gift to touch as many lives and right as many wrongs as the years would allow.

The Final Year
In her interview with Maria Shriver spoke about her uncle's final year as a beautiful blessing. He lived to experience the love and the gratitude of his family and his colleagues, something that his brothers had not done.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The Gift of Time given to Senator Kennedy allowed him to experience death on his own terms, to say good bye, to receive love from others and to have a say in how his final days would be spent.

This is the type of desired outcome that most practitioners of end-of-life care wish for their patients, the chance to experience the Gift of Time.

Update September 11, 2009
CNN.com reported today that Senator Kennedy began planning his funeral in 2007, long before his brain tumor. According to the article, Senator Kennedy had informed fellow members of the Massachusetts congressional delegation in 2007 that he had been working on his memorial plans and reflecting on his legacy, most notably that of Health Care.

In addition, as I'd suspected, an unnamed source in the article told CNN that the senator had focused on specific arrangements of his funeral and memorial service in the months leading up to his death.

Source: CNN.com. September 11, 2009. Kennedy began planning funeral before brain tumor

Motherland the Film - A Tribute to Those Coping with Grief

2009-08-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

Motherland the Film is an amazing look at six women's journey of healing following the loss of a child by reaching out to help others half a world away.

Film-maker and director Jennifer Steinman documents a 17-day trip to South Africa of six grieving women from different parts of the United States to visit what Stephen Lewis, UN envoy for HIV/AIDS in Africa, refers to as "an entire continent in mourning."

As noted in the Movie's home page,

Unexpectedly and eight thousand miles from home, each finds comfort and healing in a landscape that appears, at first, to offer little more than melancholy.

You can also listen to an interview with director Jennifer Steinman about the making of the film:

This film really speaks to the healing power of volunteerism and also of the benefits of grieving in a community.

Awards for the Film
"Motherland" was the winner of the 2009 Emerging Visions Audience Award at the South by Southwest (SXSW) Film Festival. Its other awards include the Jury Prize for Best Feature at the 2009 Sebastopol Documentary Film Festival and Best Documentary at the 2009 California Independent Film Festival.

Opening Online - August 26, 2009
You can watch Motherland the Film when it premieres online August 26, 2009 on Gigantic Digital for the amazingly low price of $2.99 for a three day access pass. Visit Gigantic Digital to find out more about accessing this inspirational film.

Gone Too Soon - Michael Jackson's Prophetic Song

2009-07-09T01:39:00.000-07:00

I thought I knew most of the great songs for dealing with loss, but this one, "Gone Too Soon" written by Michael Jackson came out while I was in Medical School and didn't get much air play, so was one that I missed.

The song has been going through my head since I heard Usher sing it at the memorial services. The song is a beautiful message of sadness and sorrow over the loss of a friend, but more so as a prophetic message of Michael Jackson's own passing.

Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire,
To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

"Gone Too Soon" is a song written by Michael Jackson as a Musical Memorial Tribute for his friend Ryan White, a young boy at the center of the AIDS epidemic in the late 1980's. Ryan was a hemophiliac who contracted the disease from blood transfusions, before the blood supply was screened.

You can watch a live performance of the song by Michael Jackson below from President Clinton's 1992 Inaugural Ball.

Knowing Life Might End Too Soon
Sometimes people have a sense of their own mortality. Working with younger hospice patients in particular, one gets a sense that they know they are dying.

According to Lisa Marie Presley, Michael Jackson's wife, he may have had a sense, a knowing that he would die young, like her father (Elvis Presley) had. Soon after his death she posted on her MySpace Page, Michael had told her:

"I am afraid that I am going to end up like him (Elvis), the way he did."

I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that.

Their conversation would have occurred several years after "Gone Too Soon" was recorded and released.

Passing the Torch
This poignant, prophetic nature of this song also reminds me of a quote that seems to apply by George Bernard Shaw:

Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

Michael Jackson now joins the rankings of Princess Diana, John Lennon, John F. Kennedy Jr., Steve Irwin, John Denver and John Kennedy and so many others who shone brightly as possible but passed that torch on much too soon.

P.S.
This blog post was the inspiration to create a tribute lens on Squidoo for all of those, famous and not so famous who have Gone Too Soon.

Image Source: NASA. Comets. Planetary Systems Library. Government Document.

Smile - A Beautiful Heartfelt Musical Memorial

2009-07-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

It was only fitting at the Michael Jackson memorial service that was a celebration of his life ceremony that there were so many moving musical tributes. This service was a event shared around the world, a moment when the world stopped to grieve, to breathe and to remember together.

One of the more touching moment for me came first with Brooke Shields reminiscences that Michael Jackson's favorite song was "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin. His brother Jermaine took the stage with his version of "Smile."

"Smile" has been one of my favorite songs, a song that helps people cope with death and loss. The words of "Smile" offer hope as a way of making it though on those tough days.

Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Smile is a good song to remember and to listen to on days when the world seems to b e filled with sadness, like this day when we said good by to the person being called "the greatest entertainer that has ever lived."

More
Dyer K. Smile Though Your Heart is Aching. Squidoo.
Dyer K. 2007. Life is still worthwhile if you just smile - An Inspirational Song by Josh Groban. Grief, Loss and Transitions Blog.

Pocket Cemetery Inspired by Recent Celebrity Deaths

2009-07-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

The pre-release of the new iPhone app, Pocket Cemetery has been inspired by the recent series of celebrity deaths, most notably Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon and Billy Mays.

Remembering Michael Jackson

Remembering Farrah Fawcett and Billy Mays

About Pocket Cemetery

According to their Website Pocket Cemetery is the first iPhone application that allows users to create virtual memorials for departed loved ones using customizable tombstones with pictures, bios and favorite memories. Users can easily create personalized plots for dead relatives, friends, pets, celebrities or anyone they want to memorialize. Aside from creating memorials, Pocket Cemetery also allows users to place virtual flowers on graves along with sending personal prayers and messages to dead loved ones.

Debating the Merits of Pocket Cemetery

Technology people are twittering and debating the merits of an application like Pocket Cemetery. Many feel it is exploiting those who have experienced a loss. With an introductory price of $1.99 and the regular price of $2.99, it seems like a very small price to pay for an application that could be very beneficial in helping someone cope with a loss.

Share Your thoughts on Pocket Cemetery

You can share your thoughts on Pocket Cemetery on the Pocket Cemetery page or by Tweeting your thoughts on Twitter with the hashcode #iGrief.

I am curious to know what some of the other people in the fields of grief, loss, bereavement and death and dying think about using new technologies to help those grieving a loss.

More:

Dyer K. 2009. Pocket Cemetery: A Way to Carry Departed Loved Ones in a Pocket. Squidoo.com.

Press Release. 2009. New iPhone App Memorializes Dead Loved Ones In The Palm Of Your Hand. PRWeb.

Rest in Peace - June's Deaths

2009-07-02T15:02:00.001-07:00

People often believe when a celebrity dies, they go in three's. This isn't the case for the month of June.

There must be something in the air or the planets must be in the wrong alignment during the month of June. In the span of a couple of weeks we have lost more than just a few celebrities. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and early in the month David Carradine.

Hopefully the trend won't be continuing into July. Yesterday we saw the death of Karl Malden.

Some of these deaths were more anticipated--Ed McMahon and Karl Malden both advanced ages, Farrah Fawcett battling cancer--some of these deaths were sudden, accidental and unexpected--Michael Jackson and Billy Mays both only 50 years old.

I found this image from Mary Ann Hernandez this morning and the photo was such a good visual and a healing visual in some ways. It helped put all of these deaths into some perspective.

The other song that has been going through my head this week after hearing the death of Michael Jackson is the Righteous Brothers, Rock and Roll Heaven.

If there's a rock and roll heaven,
Well you know they've got a hell of a band.

Thoughts and condolences to all of the families, friends and fans of those who have died this June.

More:
Dyer KA. 2009. Twitter to Announce Deaths, Send Sympathies and Condolences. Squidoo.
Dyer KA. 2009. June 25, 2009. A “Where were you when…” Day. Grief, Loss and Bereavement Edublog.

Image Source: Mary Ann Hernandez. R.I.P. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.

Strength in Adversity - Quote from Grey's Anatomy

2009-04-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

Another inspiring quote came from Grey's Anatomy Season 5's Episode 19. The quote is part of the speech that Derek gives to Meredith in their unorthodox "proposal."

This quote from Derek focuses on being strong in the face of adversity.

You say
you’re all dark and twisty,
it’s not a flaw,
it’s a strength.
It makes you who you are.

I managed to find the perfect dark and twisty image to accompany the quote.

Image Source: Lynne Lancaster. Black Sun, Dead Tree. Royalty Free Use.

Surviving a Crisis - Quote from Grey's Anatomy

2009-04-16T14:44:00.000-07:00

This quote came from Grey's Anatomy Season 5's Episode 19. It is probably one of my favorite quotes on surviving a crisis.

The quote is part of what Derek tells Meredith when giving her reasons why he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

If there is a crisis you don't freeze, you move forward.
You get the rest of us to move forward, because you've seen worse.
You've survived worse and you know--we'll survive too.

This quote really hit home for me as it would for anyone who has survived a major loss. It is a beautiful testament to survivors. "You get the rest of us to move forward, because you've seen worse."

I loved the quote so much that I went back to listen to the episode so I could write it down and then had it put on a mug for myself.

I can't help but think how many times in the past this would have inspired me to keep moving forward. Now I can keep it on my desk as a reminder to keep going.

Water Blessing Labels a Way to Help with Healing and Coping

2009-04-10T12:45:00.000-07:00

I discovered the Spirit of Water website in 2007 and immediately was drawn to the concept of these Water Blessing Labels. I have always been inspired by words and quotes. These Blessing Labels provided an easy way to help focus one's intention on health and healing, by putting labels on things that you use or that you see from water bottles to mirrors or windows.

The labels serve as a reminder of what you want to be focusing upon whether "health," "healing," "miracles," "faith," "courage," "energy" or many other words and symbols. As a physician their motto resonate with me:

Transform your water into Liquid Prayers.

What are Water Blessing Labels?
Water Blessing Labels are reusable static cling blessing labels allow you to using words as a simple way to enhance healing especially in the hospital setting and turn water or medicine being given to a patient into a liquid blessing. They can also be used to create liquid blessings for family members with words such as "guidance," "acceptance," "courage" and "faith."

Blessing Patients with "Liquid Prayers"
The imagery of "Liquid Prayers" or "Liquid Blessings" was one that really resonated. The labels were a way to enhance the healing process, especially for patients who believe in the power of intention. An example from the website really hit home for me:

After you shared the idea of putting healing labels on I.V. bags for chemo therapy, I took the ones I had bought for myself and got permission to use them on the I.V. bags of some of my patients in hospice care. I usually use "love" but sometimes I ask the patient what they want to use. Some use other words from the set.

I think it has made all the difference in the morale of those who undergo their treatments. I can see the amazing difference in their attitudes.

Thanks for that brilliant contribution.

Bonnie M., Ames, IA

It didn't take much for me to make the leap about how we might have used Water Blessing Labels when my youngest was in the NICU, to bless her fluids and to help us focus and stay positive by scattering inspiring, motivational messages all around. One of the things that was so frustrating as a NICU parent was the feeling that there wasn't much you could do. Using water blessing labels was a way to do something and also to focus positive thoughts on healing.

You can find out more about the Water Blessing Labels and other products at their website, The Spirit of Water.

More about the Water Blessing Labels:

Dyer KA. 2009. Spirit of Water - Love is in the NICU. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Water Blessing LabelsTurn Water (or Medicine) into Liquid Prayers. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2008. Water Blessing Labels. Squidoo.com

Image Source: The Spirit of Water Website.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep an eBook of Comfort

2009-02-11T07:09:00.000-08:00

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep is a helpful resource, an eBook with over 250 poems, quotes, words and readings of comfort for those who have experienced a loss. It is a beautiful collection of bereavement poems

I am honored that one of my own poems In Memory of You is included representing a contemporary bereavement poem.

You can read In Memory of You in one of the earlier posts on the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep eBook - A Helpful Resource
The Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep Book is also a very helpful resource for writing a eulogy, funeral or memorial speech. The eBook pdf format makes it easy to navigate the over 250 resources to find and copy the right words to used in writing a funeral or memorial speech.

Some of the many uses for this eBook include:

Funeral speeches
Funeral planning
Memorial Services
Writing Eulogies
Sending Words of Comfort as Condolences
Writing a Sympathy Letter or Note
Grieving a Loss - finding the right words to express how you are feeling
Writing an Obituary or Death Announcement
Reading Classic, Famous and Contemporary Bereavement Poems

Ordering Information
You can order your own copy of Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep, the special collection of more than 250 poems, quotations and readings to comfort, by clicking on the book title link, or any of the live links in this post or here.

The eBook is available for Immediate Download from the Light Beyond website.

More Resources for Coping with the Sudden Death of a Child

2009-01-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

I wrote several articles for Suite 101 on coping with the death of a child or coping with the sudden death of a child as part of my response to the Travolta-Preston Family Tragedy.

Navigating the Grief Journey is another article I have written on coping with a death or with a sudden loss.

Navigating the Grief Journey: How to Find Your Way During Challenging Times

Suite 101 Articles Featured on Compassionate Friends

The Compassionate Friends featured the article that I wrote for Suite101.com "Coping with the sudden death of a child" on their Grief in the News Page.

Deepest Sympathies to John Travolta and Kelly Preston on the Loss of their son, Jett

2009-01-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

The loss of a child at any age is for many parents the most difficult type of loss. Add to that a sudden loss, or a death that the parent is helping to prevent and you have the recipe for a sudden, traumatic death.

The death of John Travolta and Kelly Preston's son Jett is one of those deaths. It occurred while the family was on a vacation. It was a sudden, unanticipated death, apparently the result of a seizure. It was also a death that according to reports, John Travolta worked to prevent, providing CPR to his son with the help of an EMT.

How does one Cope with the Loss of a Child?
Coping with the loss of a child is never easy, coping with the sudden loss of a child can make the grieving process more difficult and prolonged.

Organizations like the Compassionate Friends have been helping families cope with the loss of a child at any age and from any cause since 1968.

In this video from the Compassionate Friends, family members who have experienced this loss firsthand share thoughts and insights of the grief journey, how the child’s death has affected their lives, and how finding support from The Compassionate Friends has helped them to survive.

Mission of the Compassionate Friends:
The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive

Brochures Available from the Compassionate Friends:

Sources:

Streit. V. January 2, 2009. Actors’ son Jett Travolta dies at 16. CNN.com

Lucas L, Lauinger J, Goldsmith S. January 4, 2009. John Travolta, EMT struggled to save 16-year-old Jett. NY Daily News.

Poems for Times of Turmoil

2008-10-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

Another gift arrived in my mail box this week.

This email was a message offering hope to people coping with challenging times

The email "gift" came from the staff of the Academy of American Poets with links to a collection of poems specially selected for Times of Turmoil.

It arrived with a note from the Executive Director, Academy of American Poets, Tree Swenson, who offered these comforting words:

We seem to be able to do so little against the loss and fear and panic. Yet poetry’s realm is precisely here — in the emotional center, where desire and terror and hope and dread converge without easy answers.

Poetry to Help During Challenging Times
I have been a long-time supporter of the use of poetry to help in challenging times, particularly to help with the grieving process. As I noted in this earlier blog post, Poetry - To Help You Make it Through

Poetry can help us realize we are not alone or unique in our grief or desolation. Someone else has lived through these intense emotions, felt what I am feeling and survived. I am not alone in these feelings of grief.

Executive Director, Academy of American Poets, Tree Swenson also noted that "Poetry can provide solace, give voice to despair, restore optimism, or simply remind us of our common connection through words."

William Faulkner said in his Nobel speech,

"The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail."

Poetry Therapist John Fox so explains the beneficial effects of poetry:

Poems speak to us when nothing else will. Poetry helps us to feel our lives rather than be numb. Poem making helps us move through grief, life transitions and illness by providing comfort and sustenance on this difficult journey.

Poems for Turmoil - The Collection
I couldn't find the list of poems yet on the Academy of American Poets, so I have included the list with links to the site below.

The times are nightfall, look, their light grows less by Gerard Manley Hopkins
blessing the boats by Lucille Clifton
Identity Crisis by F. D. Reeves
O Little Root of a Dream by Paul Celan translated by Heather McHugh
Chaplinesque by Hart Crane
Thing by Rae Armantrout
O Me! O Life! by Walt Whitman
In a Country by Larry Levis
Poet's Work by Lorine Niedecker

These poems are offered with the hope they will open the possibility of a different kind of reflection in the fog of uncertainty.

Growing from Challenges

2008-10-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

I figured I would continue to explore resources for coping with challenges. With all of the craziness going on I think that many people will continue to need some comforting words.

Comedians often turn to comedy as a way of coping with their own life challenges and hardships. Carol Burnett is no exception.

I have always grown
from my problems
and challenges.
From the things
that don't work out,
that's when I've really learned.

Carol Burnett

She has faced many hardships and losses in her life, including the death of both a husband and a daughter.

One revelation in facing challenges is that many of us discover a strong internal sense of strength, for some a light, that helps to guide us through the difficult times.

Remember that these are the things that make us stronger.

Photo Source: Stefanie L. Breakthrough. Royalty Free Use.

Coping with Challenging Times - Face It!

2008-10-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

With all of the craziness going on with the economy, the election and other dis ease in the world, many of us are understandably feeling uneasy. These are troubling and disturbing times.

Many people have experienced significant financial losses, job losses and other personal losses. It is hard to know what to do, where to turn or how thing will eventually turn out.

In the last couple of days I've started receiving emails in my boxes from people hoping to capitalize on these troubling times by selling their services to help people find comfort and calmness when they might be fearful, advice for what the most important thing is to do in the current economy and also to find ways of pinching pennies by purchasing their products.

I was glad to see Paul's weekly Ripples Newsletter arrive this morning as a splash of inspiration and hope to start the week. Paul offered some simple, helpful advice (for free) for coping with these challenging times.

Free advice and hope that didn't require a price tag to read it.

Thanks Paul!

Enjoy!

*************************

Ripples v10.41: Face It!

October 13, 2008: a free weekly splash to 21,410 subscribers from Paul & The Ripples Project

__PEBBLE _________________________________

Facing it, always facing it, that's the way to get through. Face it.
-Joseph Conrad, submitted by Lin H., Bloomington IL

__BOULDER _________________________________

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
-Frank Herbert, submitted by Stephanie W., West Des Moines IA

__PONDER _________________________________

If you are feeling scared or bewildered or frustrated by the crazy events recently, you need to remember a few things:

1. You are not the only one.
2. Things will get better.
3. You can handle this.

Yes, you can. You can FACE IT just like you have dealt with other challenges in your life. And I have a sneaking suspicion that not only will you come out of this okay, you might even be stronger, smarter, and braver.

So put your game face on, and FACE IT!

Peace,
Paul

The Ripples Project

For More information about The Ripples Project, see their website.You can also sign up to join the more than 20,000 subscribers and get your own weekly dose of free inspiration.

Image Source: Martin Boulanger. Lyon 4. Royalty Free Use.

Dr. Dyer to talk about the Anniversary Response and Healing on 9/11

2008-09-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

On 9/11 I will be joining Dr. Sally Witt as one of her guests for her blog talk radio show “9/11 Remembrance and Healing with Dr. Sally.”

The show is about continued healing, seven years after the tragic attacks. It is schedule to be a show of love, respect, and remembrance without political discussions.

I am one of the scheduled guests as the Bereavement Specialist, based on the Anniversary Reaction lens that I created on Squidoo. The lens was written to help people understand the Anniversary Reaction and why sometimes remembering isn’t always a happy occasion.

If you want to tune in to hear the show, I am scheduled to be on the show from 3:00 - 3:30 EST, 12:00 - 13:30 PST (My time). It is supposed to be recorded, so I’ll include a link once the file is available.