Grindhouse Gothique

The Horror of Hee Haw: Deadly Blessing (1981)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Wed, 10 Jul 2013 15:25:00 +0000

Wes Craven’s early work was pretty solid. I’ve seen all the classics and they hold a special place in my heart. Probably my favorite growing up was surprisingly, Deadly Blessing. This strikes people as odd. I’ll explain. I would rabidly consume anything featuring an actor or actress I liked, any movie or TV appearance was immediately on my most see list as long as it featured an actor I was into. Maren Jenen, being on Battlestar Gallactica and having few credits to her name, was most sought after and so Deadly Blessing became a special film.

Deadly Blessing opens with Martha Schmidt (Maren Jensen) and her Brawny Man husband Jim (Doug Barr) happy and expecting their first child. Things are pretty normal except for the weird Amish people next door lead by Ernest Borgnine’s Isaiah. They seem quiet except for William (Michael Berryman) who constantly harasses young Faith (Lisa Hartman).

After Jim informs the mother hen of the Hittites, Louisa (Lois Nettleton), that he and Martha are expecting a child, he turns up dead. Distraught and alone, Martha calls on her friends Lana (Sharon Stone) and Vicky (Susan Buckner) to keep her company. Their arrival sets several things into motion that threatens to destroy Martha and her less happy by the moment home.

Deadly Blessing is one of Wes Craven’s earliest films but shows the control and increasing mastery of suspense that he was gaining. As an example, a scene involving a gas drenched car and an incoming flame. The scene toys with our expectations several times before heading towards a payoff that we were never sure we were gonna get. Also look for the bathtub scene which of course he repeated in a Nightmare on Elm Street, but also has echos of Cronenberg's It Came From Within.

Also satisfying is the ending which given the grounded and subtle execution of the film as a whole, comes as a shock and surprise. I jumped out of my seat because I just didn’t see it coming. If you will be watching this for the first time, I highly suggest that you crank up the sound for the end scenes.

As for the cast, what can you say? It’s like a time capsule of my childhood. Maren Jensen played Athena on Battlestar Galactica, Susan Buckner was in Grease, Jeff East played Young Clark Kent in Superman the Movie, the list goes on. Everyone is sharp and believable in the film and that really helps bring such an odd story to life.

Ernest Borgnine is scary as the head Hittite. He has a presence and wild look in his eyes that says “Don’t mess with me” and I wouldn’t. Sharon Stone is as gorgeous and sexy as ever and has a couple a good character scenes.

There is a lot of eye candy in the film, and not just Sharon, Susan and Maren. Mother hen Lois Nettleton is sexy as hell in a Hee-Haw kinda way and of course we have super sexy Lisa Hartman plays a young painter who has been labeled the Incubus. Is she misunderstood?

This is a fun film. Not traditionally spooky but more in line with the likes of The Devil’s Rain with its rural feel and setting. Good performances all around and a shocker ending make this one a keeper. Check it out; I think you’ll enjoy it.

Other Horrific Musings:

Blood Sucking Swingers: The Velvet Vampire (1971)

Fresh And Raw! Sushi Girl (2012)

Blood Sucking Swingers: The Velvet Vampire (1971)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 14:26:00 +0000

A woman walks down a lonely street and was assaulted by a surrogate jeans and a T-shirt. He puts her on the ground straddles her holding a switchblade to her throat as she stares at him. She resists but only slightly, never taking her eyes off of him. As he goes in to kiss her, she stabs him with the same switchblade in the gut. She then washes her hands of blood in the nearby decorative pool outside the stoker gallery. Such is our introduction to Diane LeFanu, the velvet vampire.

Oh the swinging 70s, it's a wonder people we bothered putting clothes on at all. After our introduction to Diane, the film gets going proper inside the stoker gallery where a party is in progress. There we meet Susan and Lee Ridder, a young couple that likes to play games, though it seems that Lee enjoy so much more than Susan. In any case, the couple soon find themselves driving out to the desert to hook up with Diana for a weekend of fun. As usually happens in films like this, the car breaks down stranding them there was no hope of escape. People began to die in a wedge is forced between Lee and Susan. What does the velvet vampire want and how far will she go to get it?

This is a fun slice of 70s softcore that manages to bring something new to the vampire myth of those. For one thing, Diane lives in the desert. Not a desert town mind you, the middle of the desert with nothing but dunes on all sides. It seems odd at first but it does give a new dimension to the story which ones otherwise be there, that alone is a nice change of pace. The interesting dynamic going on in this film since early characters are different sides of the same coin. What I mean is, Diane is all about sex and experimentation while Lee and Susan are all about free love and experimentation. The difference between sex and free love becomes evident quickly as Susan constantly rebuffs Diane's advances and watches with disdain as Lee falls under her spell.

This was a common theme in 70s horror. This seemingly perfect couple exploring their sexuality and it driving them apart. This theme ran in films as varied as Satan's blood and the Rocky horror picture show. It's a direct reflection of the times in which this films were made and though they may not have had as much to say as we would've liked, they are an interesting time capsule to a time that now long gone.

This film is Celeste Yarnell her spot in horror eternity. Though she appeared in many TV shows over the 60s and 70s including Star Trek, land of the Giants, and Hogan's heroes, it is a valid vampire that has burned her name into our collective consciousness. She had a mature sexuality that, like Ingrid Pitt, gave the character weight and presence.

Sherry Miles, who plays Susan, was only active for about 10 years with only a couple of features of which the velvet vampire is her biggest part. She had an innocence to her and perhaps that was part of the problem since she probably could have used just a little bit more edge.

Michael Blodgett was an actor who appeared in everything. You can find him in the monsters, beyond the Valley of the dolls, and Electra woman and Dyna girl. He plays leave this film as a somewhat unsympathetic character, yet one very true to the time. We is a man in traditional sense and has no problem putting his needs and desires above his wife's.

Sexpot Director Stephanie Rothman has fun with a lot of small in jokes for vampire enthusiast sprinkled throughout the movie. The film opens with the "Stoker" gallery named after the author of Dracula and our main vampire is named Diane LaFanu, after the author of the ground breaking lesbian vampire novella, Carmela. That's not the only references so please have fun picking those out as you watch the film.

The film is centered on the relationship between these three and though it's not the most dynamic it'll occupy your mind for an hour and a half without causing any serious damage. Like I said it's not the greatest of the sexual wedge horror subgenre, but it's not the worst it's a fun map film with interesting moments in a locale that sets it apart. The film attempts to be different and to achieve horror on its own terms and that alone is admirable.

Other Horrific Musings:

Grindhouse Gothique Review: Hammer Film's Vampire Circus

The Greatest Vampire Movie Never Made: Hammer Films Vampirella

Hammer Horror: Ingrid Pitt In Countess Dracula (1971)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 23:22:00 +0000

In honor of Women In Horror Month, I thought I would have a look at one of my favorite Hammer Films starring my all-time favorite woman in horror. Ingrid Pitt is a star you’ve heard me rave on and on about. Interestingly enough, her horror films are very few. We’ve discussed The Vampire Lovers before and now it’s time for her other great Hammer Horror; Countess Dracula.

Countess Elizabeth Bathory is a recurring theme in horror. If you female mass murder is a history and more than likely the most bizarre and blood thirsty. Her live a door is as the female Dracula, in fact, the first extensive book written about her was entitled Dracula was a woman by Raymond T McNally, Co-writer of the book that unearthed the connection between Vlad the Impailer and Dracula in the book “In search of Dracula”.

Hammer films Countess Dracula was one of the first based on her life. Ingrid Pitt was tapped to play her in the extravagant production that would mix reality with a touch of hammer horror. Though the results are not as exciting as we hope, is a film well worth seeing nonetheless.

The film begins with Bathory an old and bitter woman. Her husband is dead and her power limited because the kingdom was left only partially to her, (the other half belonging to her young beautiful daughter). While disciplining one of her chambermaids in a brutal fashion, some blood splashes on her, making her skin young and smooth once again. Almost immediately she begins to kill her young maids, using their blood to make her young once again. With her newfound youth and beauty rather he sets out to claim the entire kingdom and rule is the most powerful woman in Europe. Batteries start several relationships, even with her own daughter’s fiancé. Obsession leads to greed and disease to greed leads to mistakes.

Ingrid Pitt is spot on in the role. The thing about her that made her so engrossing to watch was that she had a presence and power that other women did not. She never presented herself as a young silly girl and I think that's part of the reason why she endures. She was always a classy woman, sultry and sexual, but never slutty or dumb.

Hammer did it like nobody else. They made lavish looking films on minimal budgets with the same creative team year after year. This was one of their greatest strength; the other was spotting marketable beauties. Countess Dracula marks the horror debut of 70’s icon Lesley Ann Down. She plays Ingrid’s daughter and romantic rival (after Ingrid has consumed virgin blood of course). So not only two you have these two hotties, but you have a lot more in the numerous peasants that Ingrid murders.

The production value is Hammer's usual high standard and every set piece has a classic style that screams of a budget much larger than they actually had. Where does the film go wrong? That depends on the individual. Is slow at times and the title itself is a bit of a misnomer for the era considering most people would expect a traditional vampire tale coming off of Christopher Lee's long-running Dracula films.

In any case, of the many films based on Elizabeth Bathory, this is definitely one of the highlights that is worth watching for anyone curious about her and her strange and wicked legend. Did I mention that Ingrid Pitt is in it?

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True Christmas Evil: Silent Night, Bloody Night (1974)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 15:07:00 +0000

When most horror historians talk about the slasher genre, one film comes to mind as being a catalyst,... Halloween. Many mainstream critics believe that it's the film that started the genre, however, there were others. Halloween isn’t even the first film about the night HE came home. There's no denying that Halloween is a masterpiece. Nobody in their right mind would ever consider it otherwise, but it was not the first. That honor belongs to a little film called Silent Night, Bloody Night.

Silent Night, Bloody Night is one of those films that has been unjustly forgotten, dismissed, or outright attacked. Though it has certain aspects in common with Bob Clark's original Black Christmas, it is also equal parts town with a secret film and European horror sense to supernatural element.

On Christmas Eve in 1950, a man comes running from his home on fire, only to fall on the lawn and burn to death. The house itself was left to his grandson on the condition that it cannot be sold. That's a pretty bunk deal making the grandson an unpaid caretaker of sorts.

Eventually, years later, the grandson decides it's time to sell off the property and be done. He sent a lawyer to take care of business and the townspeople couldn't be happier, as it was demolished. It should be simple enough, but there is an ax wielding maniac and he is out for blood on this Christmas Eve. Why? Let’s just say that the inmates are running the asylum.

The thing that stands out about this film is the fact that not only is it a slasher film, but because of the countless secret elements, it's also a mystery. There are a lot of things going on and you actually do need to pay attention. Strangely enough, there is no nudity in the film, but that doesn't stop it from being erotic in certain moments. The 1970's were just a better time for film once you get past the disco anyway.

Mary Woronov is striking as the female lead. She is kinda the key to the towns history and her role may be confusing at first but reveals itself to be pivotal as secrets are revealed. Megan Fox reminds me of her (she’d remind me of her more if she was a better actress). As I’ve said before, the film is as much a murder mystery as a slasher and in that way, it reminds me of the excellent Murder Mansion.

The rest of the cast is good as well. Everyone, including John Carradine, are appropriately odd, which makes sense as the film moves on.

The film is not overly Christmasy in the least and though it does take place on Christmas Eve, it could have used a better title. Many people pass this film up believing it to be a Silent Night, Deadly Night knock off. Not the case. This film is far superior in every way.

Silent Night, Bloody Night, along with Bob Clark's Black Christmas is a film that you should be watching every year. There's something very smart about it and is by far, a superior film to Silent Night, Deadly Night. There are a lot of films that I review that, unfortunately, are in public domain here in America. This does not make them lesser films, HELL, Night of the Living Dead is in public domain. Not every film I review is going to be great, but it is a film that brings something to the table that you should see, at least once.

Christmas slays: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 18:16:00 +0000

Christmas, that special time of year when people give and get, go out of their way for their fellow man, and yes, the suicide rate spikes through the roof! This holiday has always had its dark side, simply because one person’s happiness is often another’s misery. Sorry, that’s just the way it is. Not that I’m a scrooge or anything, but ones happiness and success often magnifies another’s failures and sadness. I think we do society a great injustice by not recognizing that simple and important fact.

That is why there is always at least one horror film during the holiday season. People need to get out that aggression and work though their hidden desires to hurt and maim. Horror films do this, but it wasn’t always that way. Horror films during the holiday season or more to the point, about the holiday season, weren’t always acceptable. Not until one film changed the playing field forever…Silent Night Deadly Night.

Silent Night Deadly Night begins with a bit of fun. A man and his totally 80’s hot wife (yes I know it’s supposed to be 1971), are on their way with their kids to visit his father in a rest home. When they get to grandpa, he is supposedly catatonic, but this is an act as he proceeds to terrorize the older of the kids, Billy. “Christmas is the scariest damn night of the year! If you see Santa, you’d better run!” Well isn’t that creepy? I’d be traumatized too. On their way home, Billy explains that he doesn’t want to see Santa but it doesn’t matter, Santa is coming to see him. Minutes earlier, a man dresses as Santa robs and kills a clerk at a convenience store and then breaks down on the road ahead of young Billy and his family. What ensues is something right out of the Crow comic and as a matter of fact, I wonder if one influenced the other as far as staging.

The aftermath of the encounter leaves Billy an orphan who goes on to be tortured by the Mother Superior of the orphanage until he is an adult. When and why he becomes Santa is a series of coincidences but the result is Billy, dressed as Santa and drunk for the first time. Not a good combination. Billy is disappointed again and with the idea in his head that he really is Santa, decides that enough is enough. He has an agenda now. To punish the naughty, and there are a lot of naughty people at Christmas.

This is one of those films whose reputation is talked about more that the film itself. Is it actually a gem amongst horror films? A film whose merit can be argued time and again? Or is it just another slasher from the era of boobs, blades and blood? In all reality, it is a bit of both.

Silent Night Deadly Night was sort of the bad boy of slashers. It didn’t really deviate from the formula and hell, every movie was about naked girls having sex back then (awe the 80’s, forget the fashion and most of the music. It was about the films). The problem that this film ran into is that it did it with a Christmas theme. People were so outraged at the thought of a killer Santa that there were protests in the streets. It was a different era back when parents still gave a damn. Though it is no work of art, it does have its nuances. Billy is betrayed by everyone he looks up to (or at least should look up to), his Grandfather, Nuns, first love and co-workers. He isn’t equipped to deal with the world because he has never been in it. As ludicrous as it sounds, you can understand Billy if you truly want to.

Is it a film to watch every Christmas? Not really, because lets face it, there is better offensive material out there to have a black Christmas with (like Black Christmas for instance). But the film should be in your collection. It is a part of horror history that can’t be denied and though it is debated and discussed thoroughly when brought up, the problem is that it is rarely brought up at all.

The acting could be better, but for the time and type of film it is, we’ve seen worse. And for every couple of bad performances we get a good one (or at least a memorable one). After all, this film does have Linnea Quigley in a typically sexy performance and some of the kids are priceless.

The important thing here is not whether or not the film is solid, but is it entertaining? And that it is. It’s one of those films that still carries a sense of “WOW I can’t believe I’m watching this”. That alone is something worth experiencing. This film, if nothing else, has some of the most bizarre and disturbing imagery ever.

This year, if you’ve never given this film a shot. Pull it out and grab a drink or four. It’s a fun movie with friends and could be even more fun as an adult drinking game/ strip movie night. Have a happy jolly Christmas indeed.

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Barbara Steele's Black Sunday AKA Mask of Satan (1960)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Sat, 27 Oct 2012 23:40:00 +0000

Every year I start off the season with some key films to set the mood. Its just the thing to do. I love witches, vampires, and spooky settings and one film makes the most of these things, that film is Mario Bava's Black Sunday.

Black Sunday opens with one of the most atmospheric and intense scenes in movie history. A woman is tied to a stake and being tortured for not only being a Witch, but a Vampire Witch! Pretty evil. Now when people are burned at the stake in movies, they usually plead for their lives. Not this woman, she curses her killers in the name of Satan. Who is this ballsy woman? Asa, played by The English Queen of Italian Horror; Barbara Steele. Both her and her lover are condemned to death but vow revenge. Over two hundred years later, two traveling doctors break down near her tomb, and after sticking their nose where it doesn't belong, manage to resurrect the evil woman to rake havoc. Not knowing what they have done, they walk out un-phased, only to run into the owner. A beautiful woman named Katia who is the spitting image of Asa. It turns out that she is the descendant of Asa and the tomb is on her property. A romance ensues while, unknown to them, evil is on the rise. Asa's plan? To take over the body of her look alike descendant and destroy humanity.

This film is absolutely gorgeous. Filmed in stunning black and white and featuring mood setting camera angles that have never really been replicated, Black Sunday is a masterpiece unrivaled by his contemporaries in the genre (unless we are including Alfred Hitchcock). Some have wondered why he did not use color as he did just a couple of years later on Black Sabbath. The only thing that can ce said is that Bava's films don't need color. They are works of art with so much depth that color is irrelevant.

Each performance is a finely tuned component. Nothing hammy or overacted, and that alone shows the control of the vision never strays. If you haven't ever seen this film despite hearing about it for years (I'm sure you have), see it. Rent it, buy it, own it in your collection. Bava is to be marveled at and Steele is to be worshiped. This film is a little bit of everything that we love as horror fans and it will not disappoint. OK I'm done. Go watch it.

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JAWS Gets Real: Mako: Jaws of Death (1976)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 02:51:00 +0000

How many killer shark flicks are there? More than you can shake your fins at! It’s time to look at one that’s a little different, a film that actually doesn’t have one fake shark in it. Today on Craptacular Shark Week we look at Mako, no not the little dude from Conan the Barbarian, Mako: The Jaws of Death! Mako came out one year after Jaws and strangely, maybe because of that, the film is a cut above the rest.

Mako is about a man named Sonny Stein, a Vietnam Vet who is a tad closed off from society. While out one day he comes across an Island inhabited by a mythical old man (aren’t they all?) Sensing something in him, the old man hands Sonny a medallion, giving him powers and abilities far beyond those of other mortal men. That’s right, he can now talk to the sharks like Aquaman, sans the Orange shirt, green pants and the crazy bling bling belt buckle!

Now Sonny has the power to control sharks and since he is a war veteran, he understands killing. Hmmm, what’s he going to do? Sonny’s paying gig is that he rents out his pets to the local aquariums, but after finding out that they are mistreating the animals, Sonny unleashes the full fury of his Mako army upon them. Of course one thing leads to another and soon Sonny’s army of sharks are attacking hunters everywhere! Good stuff!

Mako is a different kind of film than I expected. I remember being disappointed when I was a kid because I wanted Jaws all over again and this film even had Jaws in the title. That said, having watched it again when I was older, I really enjoyed it. Sure, its B-movie fun and certainly silly, but its heart’s in the right place.

The film is filled with assorted scumbag types that you want to see eaten. You even get James Bond favorite Harold 'Oddjob' Sakata, he’s even called that in the credits. Awesome! Well this one is watchable on Netflix so you may want to check it out. It’s a pretty decent killer shark flick, just keep in mind that there are no fantastic elements to this film (other than Aquaman anyway). Enjoy.

Other Craptacular Shark Week Entries:

JAWS Runs for the Border: Tintorera: Killer Shark (1977)

JAWS TOO: The Last Shark (1981)

Boris Karloff's Tales of Terror: Black Sabbath (1963)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 07:34:00 +0000

It’s getting to be that special time of year once again where I dust off the exceptional classics and indulge in the pleasures of the masters. That time when man made monsters walk the earth and blood sucking demons lurk behind castle walls. Halloween is drawing near, and with that it’s time for a Sabbath, a Black Sabbath.

Black Sabbath is a 1963 film by Italian master Mario Bava, an anthology that touches on his many mastered styles and strengths. A film famous for being the only time Boris Karloff ever played a vampire. Though anthologies are rare now, at the time, they were part of horror’s arsenal to shock and terrify you. This film accomplishes that in spades.

The film opens with Boris Karloff lurking in the darkness warning us of the horror to come. He speaks of ghosts and goblins, of horror and being horrified. The first tale is a tale of ghosts and the dead, a tale called… "The Drop of Water"

A blonde woman, Helen Chester, stares out the window before cranking up the music and pouring a drink. She obviously plans on getting ripped, but she is interrupted by a phone call begging her to come quickly. Where is she going? She ends up at an estate and is apparently a nurse, a saucy one at that. She has been called because her occasional patient, an elderly medium, is in the throes of death. Once she gets upstairs and into the room, she finds that the lady of the estate has passed. While preparing the woman’s corpse, Helen spies a Sapphire on her finger and decides to take it! That doesn’t go well for her as the dead woman is still very much attached to her stuff.

All the classic elements are here. Cats, Ghosts, Dripping water, Flies, and of course, a dead body, the image of the dead woman alone, sitting up in bed and watching you, is enough to cause nightmares. Great stuff.

Karloff then reappears to introduce the second segment, "The Telephone". A young and mega sexy Yvonne Molnaur knockoff, Rosy (Michele Mercier), is a high priced callgirl (good for her)! After returning her from work, she begins receiving harassing and sexually threatening phone calls from her Ex-pimp, Frank. He wants his money and revenge. Rosy soon calls her lover Mary (Lydia Alfonsi). Mary tells her not to worry and gives her a sedative to sleep. Little does Rosy know, but Mary writes a note confessing to making all the phone calls. If this is true, who is the deranged looking man lurking in the shadows?

The Telephone plays like an episode of Tales from the Crypt. All the elements are there; sexy Femme Fatales, money, and dangerous sexuality. More noir than true horror, its none the less a top notch story.

The final segment is “The Wurdalak" starring Mark Damon and Boris Karloff himself! A young nobleman, Vladimir Durfe (Mark Damon)is riding when he comes along a headless body with a dagger still plunged in its chest. Not being one to leave a good weapon, Vlad takes the weapon and goes on his way! Eventually, he stops at a small cottage for shelter and as he looks around, he sees that there is a space for a missing dagger on the wall. The outline clearly fits the one he is now carrying. He meets the family and it being Mark Damon, he quickly latches onto the hot blonde sister, Sdenka (Susy Anderson). He learns that their father has been gone for 5 days, having gone to slay a local outlaw named Ali Beg, who happens to be a wurdalak or walking corpse. Vlad decides that he will stay and await the man’s return. And return he does, severed head in hand, and quite, quite hungry.

The film reeks of classic Hammer atmosphere coupled with Bava’s gorgeous angles and compositions. One can see just what Black Sunday would look like in color and it would have been a thing of beauty.

Black Sabbath is a rare film that delivers on all levels even after being tooled with by American International Pictures. They wanted more horror in their film so scenes were shifted, added, and eliminated. Karloff’s part was beefed up. All the usual things that the studios do, except in this case, it didn’t hurt the film, because when Mario Bava was on his game, he was unstoppable.

This is a film that belongs in any collection; it is an engrossing sampler of the many different styles mastered by Mario Bava. Black Sabbath is a snapshot of his career and his talent to be admired and studied by all those who dare to create and simply love horror.

Other Horrific Musings:

With this Ring, We be Dead: The Devil's Wedding Night (1973)

An insatiable creature who loves the dead: Lady Frankenstein (1972)

Just Another Fright at the Park: Universal Halloween Horror Nights - Opening Night

Elvira Mistress of the Dark comes to thrill you! Returns to Knotts Scary Farm for ONE night only!

Update - Rob Zombie's Lords of Salem has found a home!

JAWS Runs for the Border: Tintorera: Killer Shark (1977)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 04:59:00 +0000

"There's a monstrous killer churning up the sea... Tintorera ...Tiger Shark"

What? There are even more killer shark flicks for Sinful Celluloid’s Craptacular Shark Week? God yes! Moving right along, we are going to jump from Italy to Mexico with 1977’s Tintorera! Is this movie better than our previous two Shark flicks? It depends on what you want. This flick has non-stop sex, nudity, some gore and Celluloid Sinners Susan George, Fiona Lewis, and even Priscilla (Terri from Three’s Company) Barnes…yes please! Oh, and there’s a shark too. Yes, the shark is listed last. Let me explain.

The film gets off to a JAWSTASTIC start with a POV shot of something swimming along the ocean floor. A local fisherman named Colorado (Eleazar Barcia) stands with a group of vacationing Americans and spins a yarn or two about the local shark population and how the Tintorera (Tiger Shark) scares the hell out of him. Way to boost tourism buddy! So the sharks presence is established, good, let’s move on to “The Boat” What is The Boat? It’s the hottest ticket in town. It litterly is a "drawer dropping ass smacking" magnet! Enter the super stud known as Steve (Hugo Stiglitz). The boat belongs to him of course, and he wastes no time rockin it (yes its bad pun day)! The first notch on his post is Patricia (70’s sex pot Fiona Lewis of Blue Blood which is discussed HERE), whom Steve picks up at beach-side club. After tagging her for what seems like an eternity, he says “I think I love you”, wow! Patricia’s pretty hot, but still. Anyways, I think I love you is not good enough for her, so she storms of and finds a new plug for her hole, Miguel!

Miguel is a local playboy whose bad move is to get punched out by jealous ex-boyfriends. Yep, he gets pounded by Steve after pounding Patricia. This of course causes her to run to his side and take him home for even more pounding. Poor Steve should have learned that that kind of bullshit doesn’t play after high school. Wait…where’s the shark?

Oh, you may have forgotten that this is a shark movie, let me remind you. Patricia goes out for a midnight swim after riding Miguel like the Kentucky Derby (Who does this?) Once she gets in the water, it’s all over. We are treated to the sexiest shark attack ever…trust me.

The two men are devastated upon find that Patricia has gone missing. So devastated in fact that they decide to become a tag team of testosterone! That’s right; they join forces in a quest to get women aboard the boat! Who will be the lucky meat in their stud sandwich? Enter gorgeous Susan George as Gabrella. The three spend their nights sexing it up aboard the boat. This must be what pisses the shark off, after all, there’s a lot of fish munching going on and he’s not getting any (Yes, I went there…but it was funny, don’t lie).

The sex goes on and occasionally someone gets eaten, like Priscilla Barnes, who is naked as a J-bird (never understood what that meant but I’ve always wanted to use it). Eventually, the jealous shark sees that the only he can get in on this action is to take out Miguel and put in an application as Steve’s new wing man! Probably sounded like a plan on paper but Steve the stud doesn’t take too well to his dead BFF (Best Fucking Friend) and sets out to kill the Tintorera!!!

Tintorera really wanted to be a skin flick and might have actually been one until JAWS came out. The shark plot of which it is sold on seems more like a footnote, it a symptom rather than the problem. The problem in this film is represented in the form of the dickish nature of the two “heroes”. The film isn’t bad but it depends on what you want. Of course if you want the movie depicted on the poster, you’d be mad. However, if you caught this as I did, on a Sunday afternoon while flipping channels, you might be drawn in. There are worse movies out there and at least this film has distractions to attempt to keep you interested. It may not be a good shark movie but at least there’s no Crocosaurus in it.

Other Horrific Musings:

JAWS TOO: The Last Shark (1981)

The Shark Never Worked Better! JAWS (1975)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 07:01:00 +0000

Well we’ve looked at the worst, we’ve looked at the weirdest and the most laughable, it’s time to look at the best. I thought I would conclude the Sinful Celluloid Craptacular Shark Week with the one film that is anything but, the original 1975 timeless classic, JAWS. This film scared me out of the water. I was only about 4 or 5 when I saw it and then around 11 when we pretty much went to the movies to see it every day on the rerelease. It has remained a big part of my life ever since. Jaws is such a great film that set the bar high, mainly because there is a lot more going on here than just man vs shark. There are a few key differences between the film and the original novel. That’s to be expected, so we’ll look at those as well. Come with me now, back into the water.

JAWS opens in 1975 on a beach in Amity, Long Island. Martin Brody, his wife, and two boys have recently moved to the Island, an interesting choice for Martin because he doesn’t like the water or boats for that matter. After a young woman is found in pieces washed up on the beach, Brody is sucked into a whirlwind of sea going madness that he was never prepared for. The death, being ruled as a boating accident, doesn’t sit well with the new Chief , so he makes some calls to get an expert out to Amity, what he gets is Matt Hooper. Matt is a fun loving but extremely educated young man who comes in and basically sets everyone straight. Everyone is all ears of course, except for the Mayor. Larry Vaughn, the Mayor of Amity, is a weasel, a sniveling politician who is a slave to his own greed. That description may sound mellow dramatic, but my god is it true!

Larry forbids the beaches to be closed or any action taken. Well, there’s action all right, and a young boy is eaten in front of everyone during 4^th of July weekend! After that its "shark season" off the coast, cause every yahoo on the East coast is hunting sharks. However it’s not until The Mayor’s son is put in harm’s way that he begins to take the problem seriously, and seriously means Quint! A sharkin man by trade, Quint is the one Captain on the Island that isn’t losing his mind over the $3000 reward. Quint wants $10,000 and he gets it, so in the morning, he, Chief Brody, and Matt Hooper head out to slay the beast.

It’s easy to forget that Jaws was a low budget film, by an inexperienced director. Now we all know that Spielberg is a god, but back in 1974, no one cared. The shark itself didn’t work well and even sank to the bottom of the water at one point. This forced Spielberg to scrap his originally planned shots and rely on suggestion, music and effects for most of the film, an involuntary decision that would prove one of the films greatest strengths, fear of the unknown.

Another great thing about the film is that the camera is often at water level, even dipping below. As a child, I would constantly be lifting my head up to keep it “above the water”. Silly now, but it goes to show you how effective that angle was.

One of the greatest accomplishments was the trio of Brody, Hooper and Quint. These characters didn’t just represent specific types of men, they represented every man. Brody is the man most of us find that we are when pushed out of our comfort zone. Hooper is the light-hearted boy in all of us and Quint is the ultimate grizzled warrior we like to think we’d be (and seldom are).

These are the kinds of things that are going on beneath the surface of the film and they are welcome. Also welcome is the fact that the book from which it is based is stripped down to its essentials. Spielberg saw it as a simple adventure story and jettisoned the unnecessary baggage. Some of it more interesting than others, there is still no place for it. What are the key differences between the book and the movie? Let’s see.

For one thing, Mayor Larry Vaughn is in bed with the mob. They are the ones keeping pressure on him to keep the beaches open. Though not seen in the film, it is an added dimension that gives Larry a little sympathy (though not much).

Quint isn’t much of a talker in the book but in the movie, he does nothing but bark at everyone! I much prefer Robert Shaw’s embodiment of the character. There is also less lounge time in the book because our Orca crew only goes out for the day and returns every night.

Probably the biggest change and most welcome I might add, is in the characters of Brody, Ellen and Hooper. In the novel, Ellen is miserable all the damn time. She seems to resent Martin for marriage and kids, you name it. They fight all the time. And once Matt Hooper comes into the picture, they fight even more. Why? Cause in the book Hooper is doing some deep sea fishing in Ellen’s pond! Martin’s not too happy about that either so he attempts to kill him at one point. Yeah, everybody kinda sucks in the book.

Keep these things in mind next time you watch the flick and you’ll definitely get something new out of it. Speaking of getting something new outta it, there’s one last thing I want to talk about. It’s called JAWS: The Sharksploitation Edit.

This is probably the greatest Fan Edit of all time. For those of you that don’t know, a fan edit is basically a new version of the film made by fans. They either cut stuff out or add it back in to achieve whatever effect they feel the film is lacking. However, JAWS doesn’t lack anything, so this is just for the fun of seeing Jaws as a less prestigious grindhouse release.

The film is now broken up into days which actually kinda wrenches up the tension. There is a lot more shark kills and shark killing in this version and one of the most authentic 70’s low budget soundtracks ever. Another great thing is that the Sharksploitation edit actually steals back from those who stole from it. There is footage from The Last Shark, Cruel Jaws, as well as Jaws 2 and 3. Trust me it rocks! Here is a vague breakdown from fanedit.org:

New opening credits

I will not list all the cuts because there are to many of them, some big and some very short.

Grainy picture, scratches and noises. Warm and cold tint added.

Some almost entire scenes from JAWS 2 added (as well as a lots of shots from various movies and documentaries)

Most of the deleted scenes and alternate takes are back in the movie, not all of them though; And some are a bit poor quality.

New music here and there (70′s style JAWS theme, pop, rock etc..)

Few, but noticeable, special effects to add more blood into some shots.

NEW ENDING (a bit cheesy, but hey, it’s a grindhouse edit after all!)

New ending credits.

I can’t go into detail without spoiling the fun so do yourself a favor and track it down. The ending alone will BLOW YOUR MIND and is worth the price of admission alone!

Well that puts an end to Craptacular Shark Week. I hope you’ve enjoyed it. I have. Now I’m gonna go watch my new JAWS Blu Ray. Later.

Craptacular Shark Week Entries:

You're Gonna Totally Need A Bigger Boat! Megalodan: Shark Attack 3 (2002)

JAWS Gets Real: Mako: Jaws of Death (1976)

JAWS Runs for the Border: Tintorera: Killer Shark (1977)

Return of the Italian Shark: Cruel Jaws (1995)

JAWS TOO: The Last Shark (1981)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 03:54:00 +0000

“It wasn’t a Mako, wasn’t a Tiger, There’s only one shark big enough to cause that kinda damage!”

I am a huge Jaws fan. Hell, I must have seen it in the theater over 15 times between the initial run and the rerelease, of course since I was so young it scared me from the beach for life. Oh well, it’s a small price to pay. It wasn’t till I was an adult that I realized the impact of Jaws, not just here, but all over the world. Everybody loves Jaws, and those that don’t damn well should! Little did I know that there was so much more shark fun to have and it was all coming from Italy!

Italy is known as the home of horror knock offs, I disagree. Zombie has little in common with either Night of the Living Dead or Dawn of the Dead and I’d also argue that Fulchi is a far superior film maker to George Romero. Anyways, I digress, we’re not talking about zombies, we’re talking about working for a living, we’re talking about sharkin! We’re talking about The Last Shark!

The Last Shark was made in Italy by Director Enzo G. Castellari and is the most notorious of the Jawsploitation flicks, so notorious that it is banned in America! Not in that cheesy “Banned in 14 countries!” poster ad kinda way, no, this film is actually banned in the U.S. by court ruling. Universal sued and won an open and shut book case. Why? This film is not just a Jaws knock off; it’s what the film would be if you made a home movie version in your back yard, it’s Jaws beat for beat with a little Jaws 2 thrown in!

Port Harbor (I know) is a small seaside community getting ready to celebrate its town centennial. One of the events to be held is a wind surfing competition (Just go with it), but after the favored surfer goes missing, the waters are searched and what is found is a 35 foot Great White! Now, let’s do a roll call shall we? Take charge family man? Check! Salty shark-expert sea dog? Check! Greedy and self-absorbed mayor? Check! Ok, all the players are here.

Once the shark is discovered, Ron Hamer (Vic Morrow) and his buddy, author Peter Benton (!) (James Franciscus) must track the shark and kill it! Not an easy feat since the Mayor doesn’t care, the kids want to do it themselves and everybody has an angle. This film has it all, there’s kids that take the boat out without permission, a helicopter attack, dynamite and more! Eventually the Mayor’s son and author’s daughter are attacked and you know what that means…its personal!

I know you’re reading this thinking, “Good God! Why should I bother?” I’ll tell you this. I watch films to be entertained, period. Granted, if I pay $25.00 for tickets and an additional $35.00 for popcorn, hotdogs and drinks, the film better be pretty fuckin good. That said, you’re not seeing this film in the theater. If you can even track it down, you’ll be watching it at home, eating whatever you want and hopefully drinking a brew or two…dozen. Point being, you will be entertained. This film is fun, and the better you know JAWS and JAWS 2, the better it is!

The film gets little love and I can understand that but like I said, all I ask is to be entertained and damnit, this film sure as hell is entertaining. Nuff said!

Satan's Blood (1978) AKA Escalofrío

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 03:24:00 +0000

Ah, the Satanic Seventies. I call them that because there were just so many satanic movies coming out during that time. Satanism was big in Hollywood, the latest “thing”. So of course it would bleed into the work as well. Rosemary’s Baby was the first large scale film of its kind, but like all successful films, it created its own sub-genre and imitators, the good along with the bad and the truly disturbing. Such a film is 1978’s Satan’s Blood.

Satan’s Blood opens with a documentary style introduction where technical consultant Professor Vesio explains that Witchcraft and Satanism are real and flourishing in today’s society. Once you are sufficiently disturbed, the film begins proper and let’s just say that it starts off with a bang! A woman is dragged into an altar room and sexually sacrificed by a robed man as other robbed figures watch. It’s an odd scene but acts as both a punctuation to the docu-intro and a prelude of things to come.

Soon we meet Andy (José María Guillén), Anna (Mariana Karr), and their dog Blackie, who are out enjoying a day at the park. Anna wanted to go dancing, but Andy wasn’t too keen on that idea since Anna is 4 months pregnant. While driving home, they are stopped by a second couple, Bruno (Ángel Aranda) and Berta (Sandra Alberti). Bruno says that he is an old collage friend of Andy’s though Andy doesn’t remember. Bruno insists they follow them out to their place for a drink. Problem is that they live in the boonies. After nearly an hour’s drive, they arrive at the place. After some drinking they realize that their “old friends” are into witchcraft and Satanism. Strange things begin to occur immediately, and hey, where is Blackie?

The film descends into a nightmare that is never fully woken up from. Thanks to a storm, Andy and Anna are trapped there and can’t leave till morning. We just don’t know which morning. Rape, orgies and strange practices ensue. The film isn’t just bold sexually; there is a slickness to the presentation that stays with you. Every deviant act is almost a violent assault on the viewer. Several scenes have double meanings and the end is not only typically horrific, but up to interpretation.

Andy and Anna are a decent enough couple and their trip into Satanic sexual madness is as sad as it is unnerving. Everything in the house is to be feared. Bruno and Berta certainly, but there are other people at the secluded estate, lurking in the shadows, hell, the house and everything in it seems to have an agenda.

The film seems to be a metaphor for lost innocence how Satanism is destroying modern values. Other things are seemingly set up with a purpose, but are never explored. The thing is, they don’t have to be. People have ticks; they have things that happen in their lives that isn’t necessarily a “plot point”. I admire that the characters have lives and histories that flesh them out but are not there for the purpose of serving the story. It’s also nice to see that Anna has the unfaithful past; it’s such a rarity in film. See ladies, it’s not always our fault. ;p

Satan’s Blood is a quiet film, sexy without being erotic, gory without being repulsive and scary without making you jump. It is a film designed to play on you physically as you watch it and mentally as you lay in bed later. There have been many forgettable satanic horrors over the years that only give you surface. This film gives all of what you expect and layers beneath it for those that wish to dwell deeper. This film gives you a choice. And for that I am grateful.

Other Horrific Musings:

Call it Rosemary’s other baby: Black Candles aka The Sexual Rites of the Devil (1982)

The baddest bloody butler in town: Blue Blood (1973)

The Devil inside us: A Candle for the Devil (1973)

The Horror that Could Have Been: The Curse of the Crimson Altar (1968)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 22:29:00 +0000

What would it have been like to have the Universal monsters meet Hammer Horror in Italy? I like to think that the outcome of that meeting would be glorious. Though their eventual meeting was less than what we've dreamed up, it was still an interesting glimpse into the possibilities that would soon cease to be. I'm talking of course about “The Curse of the Crimson altar.” Starring three horror icons and boasting a supporting cast of stars in their own right, this film will live on if only for that reason.

"Crimson altar" features the godfather of universal horror, Boris Karloff, in his final completed role as Prof. John Marsh, an expert in witchcraft and the occult, how fitting for one of the first true masters of horror. He is joined by his hammer films counterpart in many ways, the seemingly immortal Christopher Lee. Lee plays J.D. Morley, a sinister man if ever there was one. And then, of course, we have Barbara Steele as the ancient witch in green paint no less (or blue depending on your particular print).It sounds awesome right? It’s not really but it’s enjoyable for what it is.

Robert Manning (Mark Eden) is in search of his brother Peter, who disappeared while in the country looking for antiques. His search leads him to a small forgotten town and a man named Morely. Morley says he never heard of Peter but Robert is welcome to stay at Craxton Lodge. Having nothing else going on, he does so and thus meets Morley’s ridiculously hot daughter Eve (Virginia Wetherell) and ends up all brother Peter, who’s that? Maybe they weren’t very close. He also meets the witchcraft expert extraordinaire, Prof. John Marsh, now isn’t that handy? He’s gonna need all the help he can get because soon he begins having dreams about beautiful witch Barbara Steele, who asks him to sign his name in her big black book. Will he succumb to her wishes? How is J.D. Marsh involved? Whose side is Prof. Marsh really on?

This film has a bad reputation that I feel comes from high expectations. Sure, it by Tigon films, considered the low end of British horror in their day, but still, this film suffers from having a merely serviceable script and an exceptional cast. If the film was cast with lesser known actors instead of three horror heavyweights, I doubt it would have been so harshly criticized. Mark Eden actually stands his ground against the living legends and there is also good support from Michal Gough as the village idiot manservant Elder.

Besides the awesome cast, I did like the way the two worlds are presented very differently. The opening scenes take place in swinging London, filled with hot Mod girlies in all manner of undress and intoxication. But when Robert leaves in search of his brother, there is a shift and the film becomes very Gothic in intent and traditionally creepy. Not unlike The Wickerman, this movie has two distinct realities.

The film is based on H. P. Lovecraft’s "The Dreams in the Witch House" but buyers beware, there is little to nothing at all in common with Lovecraft. This film was made in 1968, long before we realized that we can’t make Lovecraft stories into films (Re-animator and From Beyond being exceptions). For a better crack at the story, check out “Dreams in the Witch House” from season 1 of Masters of Horror, directed by Stuart Gordon.

It’s a slow paced film with good atmosphere, creepy costumes and great actors. It’s kind of a town with a secret story, not too inventive but it sports some interesting moments. In the end, this is Karloff’s final film and the only one he does with fellow legends Lee and Steele. Though not what we would have liked, it stands as a reminder of all the things that could have been.

Other Horrific Musings:

The baddest bloody butler in town: Blue Blood (1973)

This place is creepy and it's somber too..."Horror Hotel" (1960)

Sexual Daydreams: The Devil's Nightmare (1971)

El Hombre Lobo: Dr. Jekyll vs the Werewolf (1972)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 18:39:00 +0000

There's nothing cooler than when two monsters go head-to-head. It seems like a no-brainer, but it really isn't something that happens all that often. Sure, we had monster mash is like House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula, both for universal, but those films aren't very good. By the time those films were made Lon Chaney Jr had become a caricature as the Wolf Man, and I never liked John Carradine as Dracula. He always seemed a bit too frail. Universal's reign of terror really ended with the 1930s with the exception of the original Wolfman (1941), and the creature from the black lagoon (1954), arguably, one of the few good things to come out of the 1950s.

Europe, however, learned from these early ventures, and in the 1970s, one man rose to fame restoring classic monsters to their former glory, his name was Paul Naschy. Now she played almost every horror archetype in the book, appearing as Dracula, Frankenstein Monster (briefly), the mummy, hunchback, a zombie, and of course, the werewolf. Though he never played Dr. Jekyll, they did share the screen, in 1972’s Dr. Jekyll versus the werewolf.

This time we open in London where wealthy Imre Kosta (José Marco) enjoying the company of friends before leaving to Transylvania to celebrate his honeymoon with his new and practically jail-bait wife Justine (Shirley Corrigan of The Devil’s Nightmare). Imre is busy showing off his hunting trophies that hang on the wall. This leads to discussions about Lycanthropy. One of his guests, a Dr. named Henry, (Vampire’s Night Orgy and Ghost Galleon alum Jack Taylor), is disgusted by the conversations of man and beasts and excuses himself. Though Justine attempts to comfort Henry, Irme thinks little of the incident and parties on.

The next day they arrive in Baliavasta, a small town from which Imre is from, and grab lodgings at the only INN in town. Making small talk, he tells the innkeeper of his plans to visit the local cemetery and pay his respects to his parents. He is warned not to visit the cemetery and rather superfluously, the old black castle either. Apparently the entire village has gone to pot and he would do best to lock himself and his new bride up in their room. This may have been a good idea since the local unsavory types have been eyeing Justine since they walked in. This is not going well.

While they're at the cemetery (which rivals The Return of the Living Dead’s Resurrection Cemetery in dumpiness), the sleaze balls from the INN have followed them and break into a Imre’s Rolls Royce, he should've seen that coming. He decides that instead of getting his wife to safety, he's going to go save his car, and again things do not go well. Imre ends up face down on the ground, stabbed to death, as the sleaze balls attack Justine. But never fear, for once more, Waldemar is here!

Once again, Naschy makes an awesomely cool entrance, taking out the bad guys, and rescuing a half-naked hottie from a fate worse than death... maybe. Justine awakens (In true Waldemar fashion) in a bed wearing a slinky black nightgown (let's think about that for a second). It's dark, and not knowing where she is, she grabs a candelabrum and begins to wander. It's not long before she finds her husband, who of course is nowhere near (that's not how Waldernar rolls). His body is laid out on the dining table, with Waldemar standing above him. Justine freaks out and runs for it. This castle has got to be the coolest I've ever seen in a film. The corridors and stairways are beautifully Gothic and create a complete picture of the architecture without spending the time to pan around the sets. She eventually heads down into the dungeon area only to run into a disfigured derelict (who had scarred her outside the INN earlier) and Waldernar, who has cut her off. With nowhere left to run, she passes out. OK, let’s try this again. She wakes again, only this time in a brightly lit room, with Uswika Bathory (Elsa Zabala) at her side. Sure, she’s a witch, but what Justine doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

Waldemar comes in and she freaks once again. Uswika explains the family history and plays the sympathy card by telling her that Waldemar is very ill. Justine soon finds out how ill he is when she sees his transformation out of her bedroom window. It’s takes a while to sink in, but eventually she comes to trust Waldemar, and that’s a good thing since the family of the sleaze balls that he killed are coming for blood. And fear not, its blood they get, only it’s not Justine’s or Waldy’s, it Uswika’s and his lowly leprous friend. With nothing to keep him in own, he does what any guy would do, follow the chickie to London. I know there’s a lot going on and we haven’t even gotten back to Dr. Jekyll yet, but don’t worry, he’s coming back with a vengeance.

Once in London, Justine goes to see Dr. Jekyll, explaining Waldemar’s predicament. It just so happens that Jekyll has a plan. It doesn’t sound like a good one, but basically, he and his beautiful assistant, Sandra (Mirta Miller of Count Dracula’s Great Love), wants to inject Waldemar with a serum that will turn him into Mr. Hyde. Then, on the next full moon, the Hyde personality will kill El Hombre Lobo’s personality, seriously? I thought he was a Doctor, not a Quack! Wait, I jumped the gun, he has an antidote for the “Hyde Syndrome” and he can fix that problem. OK, now I’m on board with this plan. But things don’t go smooth when Waldemar turns into a sadistic and murderous bastard with Lycanthropy to boot.

Dr. Jekyll vs. the Werewolf is a fun film. Beautifully shot and directed by Naschy pal Leon Kilmovsky, who brought us so many awesome Spanish horrors. The sets are gorgeous, especially Waldemar’s Castle and the Attic, and the film moves nicely. If there is anything I would have wanted more of, it’s Dr. Jekyll. Jack Taylor is an interesting actor and his Jekyll leaves you curious about just what he would be like transformed. Shirley Corrigan is drop dead ridiculous as Justine and rivals Barbara Steele in perfection in the Candelabrum scene. Naschy is at his best as always. It seems like he really wanted to throw a curve ball at the audience and give them something different, rather than simply a monster mash, and that alone is worth notice.

Always deeper than one would expect, Naschy’s films have deeper stories going on beneath the blood and boobs. It’s an interesting twist giving Naschy the serum, because it gives him a chance to play with themes, the “Beast-Man vs. the “Man-Beast”. What would a man be like if his primal inhibitions are unleashed with the temperament of a wild animal? These questions are only hinted at, but for the viewer asking, it’s a rich subtext. Not the best of the Naschy/Klimovsky offerings but at least they strive to surprise and entertain their audience rather than just collect a paycheck. That alone is worth the rental.

Related articles:

Sexual Daydreams: The Devil's Nightmare (1971)

Monster Mash: Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman AKA Werewolf Shadow (1971)

The Blind Dead: Ghost Galleon (1974)

Victim swapping: The Vampire's Night Orgy (1973)

Till death do us part: The Night Evelyn Came out of her Grave (1971)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 18:23:00 +0000

“It's not uncommon for a man to want to do strange things to get his kicks”

Have you ever had a film that you rarely watch, but somehow, it stays at the forefront of your mind? That's my deal with “The Night Evelyn Came out of her Grave”. It's not a film I watched often, but one I'm always excited to read something new about. I would probably watch the film a lot more if the opening few minutes didn't disappoint me so, let me explain.

“Evelyn” opens up with a man trying to escape a psychiatric clinic and failing. But that's okay, soon he's let on his own and after a sexy drive through the nighttime sky, we meet him proper. His name is Alan Cunningham (Anthony Steffen), and he's been released from the clinic after suffering a severe bout of depression following the death of his abusive Red-headed wife Evelyn. All should be well and good but it's not as we soon learn.

Alan arrives at his huge estate with the drop dead gorgeous redhead named Polly (Maria Teresa Tofano). Polly appears to be a whore, and I don't mean that in a bad way either, let's not judge. Anyways, he immediately offered her a large amount of money to play some games, she's all for it and follows him downstairs. Where they end up is a medieval torture dungeon, this place is creepy even for me. Believing that Polly will be surprised if taken aback, Alan is shocked to see that she has no reaction whatsoever. She simply states that whenever she is offered a gift so generous she expects a little weirdness along with it. Wow, I was in love. Obviously, I know that this is going to get weird, but I didn't know in what way.

Just when things were about to get even more interesting, out came the whip, and not in a good way. Alan proceeds to beat her, forcing her into some weird contraption and preparing to brand her like an animal. Then, he freaks out, in a different way, I mean. He sees the face of his dead wife Evelyn, and he immediately drops to his knees and begins to pray for forgiveness, not to Polly, to "Evelyn". A glimmer of hope sparkles in Polly's eyes, but it doesn't last long. While Allen is having his mental episode, he sees Evelyn running, almost naked, with just the sheer white nightgown hanging off of her. The memory continues as a POV shot, as if he is following her, eventually running into the arms of another man. That snaps him back into his own violent psychosis, and he moves in for the kill with Polly. The last things we see of her are her personal clothes that she left in the upstairs bedroom as Alan prepares to cover his tracks. So now I'm bummed out because quite frankly, this girl was the most rocking crumpet I'd ever seen and I wanted to see more of her. So there you have it, that's what disappointed me about the opening sequence. I know that's a man's reason. But hey, I'm man, sue me.

So Alan has a deep-rooted problem, well, several, does that make him a bad guy? His friend, Dr. Timberlane (Giacomo Rossi-Stuart), who owns the clinic, apparently has concerns, and he’s not the only one. Alan’s friend, George (Enzo Tarascio), has set up a séance so that he can speak to Evelyn, and maybe put his mind to rest. George is kind of a shiesty fellow is that I personally wouldn't trust as far as I can throw him. You might want to keep an eye on him. Evelyn does appear at the séance, causing Alan to hyperventilate and faint. Well I guess that didn't work. Apparently Alan just need some hot tail to make him feel better, and George apparently is the man to see for hot women (see, shiesty, I tell you). George says he is just a woman for him, even more beautiful than Polly (that's a lie). Enter, the queen of Spanish/Italian Grindhouse Gothique, Red-headed Erika Blanc (The Devil’s Nightmare). Yes, they have to be red-heads. Erika plays Susie, a stripper of course, and good friend of George. Susie has one of the greatest character introductions of all time, dancers take note, this is trying to make an entrance. A dark coffin was brought into a club filled with people and sat down amongst large lit candelabras. Out slinks Susie, performing one of the most seductive dances I've ever seen, and I've seen quite a few. It doesn't take long for her to end up at Alan's table and eventually, his dungeon.

This is Alan's pattern but it all is about to change. For on Allen's next trip out, he meets the beautiful and strawberry-blonde (close enough), Gladys (Marina Malfatti), and instead of taking her back to his home and beating her to death and his creepy ass dungeon, he actually had sex with her. Again and again and again. It seems Alan has fallen in love and the next thing you know he's married. This alarmed some people since Alan is worth over 3,000,000 pounds and she is not. Things are normal at first, but soon the visions begin again, Evelyn has returned, and she's none too happy about the insatiable new hottie filling her vacant Spot in bed.

What follows is a series of possible ghostly visions, and odd occurrences that test not only Allen's sanity but that of his new bride. Everyone seems to want how utterly trying to pull Alan from the ledge or help him off of it?

“Evelyn” is more exploitive Giallo than horror, as the plot unfolds we find that many people are actually playing roles in a passion play designed to destroy Alan for all the obvious reasons. It's a great little whodunit that after watching it once, you can go back and notice all the pieces falling into place the second time around. Movies like this and the excellent 1972 film Murder Mansion often get unfairly categorized as Scooby-Doo mysteries, that's like calling Barbara Steele's "The Horrible Dr.Hitchcock" just a sick horror film without any psychological trappings going on. No educated horror fan would ever do that, and it shouldn't be done here. It seems that sometimes a twist ending can turn on you especially when it changes genres. People often complain that they're not surprised and of course when they are, they complain.

This is a gritty, Gothic textured thriller with an excellent cast and a viewing experience that lends itself naturally to a second. So go ahead and pop this one in, sit back, have a glass of wine, and maybe even jot down some notes for the bedroom. This is definitely a mood movie, hiding concept and low in morals. It's the best of both worlds.

Loving your mother to death: Burial Ground AKA The Nights of Terror (1981)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 18:20:00 +0000

When I would go into the video store looking for a new shock, I would always pick up the movies that didn’t have any pictures on the box. It just seemed that it was soooo terrifying that they couldn’t show you anything (Hey, I was young)! One such movie was “Burial Ground: The nights of Terror”.

The film opens with Professor Ares (Renato Barbieri) studying ancient ruins in a cave. Unfortunately for him, sometimes things are better left where they are. A horde of zombies rise up and tear their way out, heading towards a small vacation villa in a remote country side.

After the opening, we meet our fresh meat, and fresh they are. We have George (Roberto Caporali) and his wife(?) Evelyn (Maria Angela Giordan) coming out with two other couples; Leslie and James (Antonietta Antinori and Simone Mattioli) and Janet and Mark (Karin Well and Gianluigi Chirizzi), to relax and also hear the findings of the afore mentioned Professor Ares. It seems country home for a fun and sexy weekend. Red flag number one: Evelyn has brought her creepy kid Michael played by the nightmare inducing Peter Bark (if nothing else in this film fucks with you, this kid will). Much has been made about his appearance and demeanor but in this case, you can’t say enough. He’s truly disturbing, like having “The Sinful Dwarf” in a zombie movie, but I digress. Also along for the fun is Anna Valente as the housekeeper Kathryn and Claudio Zucchet as Nicholas, the beef-cakiest butler you have ever seen outside of a porno. I really am surprised that these two don’t get any action.

Anyway, as soon as they arrive, most everyone ends up naked in their bedrooms, which would be great except for the fact that young Michael’s sexual spider sense starts tingling. He knows mom is getting some and he feels compelled to barge in like a jilted lover. OK, trust me, that’s not the half of it. So, while most everyone is getting boned in one way another, the last couple, Janet and Mark, are having a bone of their own. It seems that Janet is a bit of a clairvoyant and has had a vision of bad tidings coming their way. Mark calms her down and they go to bed. I guess mark is assed out in the sex department, but ya can’t win them all I guess.

The next morning, with the professor nowhere to be found, the love fest continues. Both Leslie and James and Janet and Mark throw down in the garden. George and Evelyn try and get crazy themselves inside the Villa, but Evelyn invited Michael (WTF?!?!?!) and the second George moves in for the kill, he intervenes. What’s even crazier is the stare down Michael gives his father. He comes off similar to a dog protecting its bowl of food when you try and touch it. I know and all I can say is that I warned you. Shake it off.

The dead make their way to the grounds and now things heat up (in a more figurative way). While Mark is heating up his lunch on the blanket, he is grabbed by one of the rotting dead. The dead are on the grounds and the real nightmare now begins.

This movie is relentless. It kinda hits you like a boxer, throwing a right, and a right, then a left out of nowhere that leaves you unbalanced. The film does have the typical zombie film esthetic but it has a slasher film structure. We are introduced to a group of sexed up friends and one weird odd ball, out for a fun time at a secluded home. The couples are picked off one by one in a grotesque manner and there is even a bit of a twist with one of the killers at the end. The zombies seem traditional at first but they use tools and weapons to accomplish goals. These zombies are not only very cool, but have an awesome wardrobe change at the end that tips the hat to Amando de Ossorio’s Blind Dead series. There is definitely a Fulchi-inspired dream-like element to this film. After all, Zombie2 had already come out and set the standard very high not just in Europe either. The Zombies themselves move in a slow motion like manner that echoes the vampires in León Klimovsky’s “Werewolfvs. the Vampire Woman”.

Though all the characters have their moments, the real driving force and “meat” of the story is Evelyn and her weird fucking kid, Michael. We don’t know for sure if George is his father or just Evelyn’s lover. That would make sense, allowing for Evelyn and Michael to have spent time alone, worsening her loneliness and desire for physical contact as well as feeding Michael’s Oedipus complex…or maybe they’re just horny. In any case, Michael’s eventual death plays like a metaphorical castration that you could easily loose an hour discussing. Yeah, the film is deep than its given credit for.

Incest themes, much like Satanism, ran rampant in the 70’s and early 80’s thanks to films like “Taboo” and “Forbidden Fruit”. It seems that once porn started exploring these themes to big box office, the mainstream, as usual, followed suit. If you look at the time this film was made, it shouldn’t surprise you too much. The action moves at a good pace and the kills are varied for a zombie film. As a matter of fact, the film is solid all the way around. I actually believe that most of the objections to this film come from the more disturbing sub-plot.

The rest of the group is less fleshed out but like I said, have their moments. After all, you can’t beat James’s line “You look like a little whore, but I like look on you”. Way to go James. That’s a line that takes a special kinda man to pull off without getting slapped. Though most of the cast would list this as their career peak, including Peter Bark, whose Michael is his only credited role, Mariangela Giordano had a long and consistent career including the tantalizing Satan’s Baby Doll (1982), only retiring recently.

Some feel that the ending is abrupt but it ends the only way it can. Remember, this era in film was all about unhappy endings, which in away, were more satisfying sense you never knew what was gonna happen. If you’re hungry for flesh, then this is a film for you. Interesting, gory, and definitely sexy, it delivers the goods on many levels and gives you something you won’t find anywhere else (I promise you that!).

A cycle of life and death: ALIEN (1979)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 18:07:00 +0000

"In space, no one can hear you scream"

Horror and Sci-Fi are often grouped together as if it was a natural thing. It’s interesting that there are so few space/ horror films. It’s just something that doesn’t happen very often and in 1979 it was all but nonexistent, and then came ALIEN.

ALIEN opens up as a very quiet film. A seven person mining crew awakens from suspended animation after two years under. They assume that they are home but in actuality they are nearing an alien planet. “MOTHER”, the artificial intelligence onboard the ship has detoured to this world after picking up a distress signal. As a commercial starship, the crew argues that basically, this is not their job. It doesn’t make any difference.

Captain Dallas (Tom Skerritt) takes his Executive Officer, Kane (John Hurt) and his Chief Navigator Lambert (Veronica Cartwright) and heads out to the downed derelict spacecraft. While there, they discover a large humanoid alien sitting at a consol of some sort, his chest having exploded from the inside out.

As King looks deep into a chamber, he discovers a large nest of eggs. Upon closer inspection, he is attacked by the most disgusting creature ever seen. It leaps from the egg, burning through his face mask and attaching itself to him. Dallas and Lambert return him to the ship desperate to get him inside; however Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), the ship Warrant Officer, will not let them in, citing that they need to be quarantined for 24 hours. Against her wishes, the ship Science Officer, Ash (Ian Holm), let's them in, and with the alien on board, it only gets worse.

While trying to remove the alien species from Kane’s face, they discover that the blood coursing through its body is some sort of molecular acid that nearly burns a hole through the hull of the ship. At this point tension is building between the crewmembers, who are angry with each other over decisions made in the heat of the moment, then things turn. The alien creature has detached itself from Kane, and after finding the creature dead, they assume that life is back to normal.

We all know what happens next, one of the most horrifying scenes ever put on film, and absolutely mind blowing if you were lucky enough to see in the theater back in 1979. The alien face hugger had laid an embryo within Kane's throat, and the newborn baby bursts through his chest. There is an alien loose on the ship.

Alien is basically a Gothic horror film set in space, Its long dark corridors and movement in the shadows. It's the fear of things that go bump in the night. Like its namesake, the ALIEN film is perfection. You get a real sense of who these characters are without spending much time with them. The alien threat grows bigger and bigger with every incarnation. It's hunting the crew down one by one in glorious Agatha Christie fashion.

ALIEN was the second film from director Ridley Scott. It is a masterpiece unparalleled in the science fiction and horror genres. I know that sounds pretentious but the proof's in the pudding. There is nothing that comes close to this film not even James Cameron's sequel. Every detail has a lived in pseudo-cyberpunk look to it. The world is believable and tangible.

Tom Skerritt as Capt. Dallas is the essence of future cool, by way of the 79. His mannerisms suggest someone who does his job, doesn't want to deal with a lot of headache, and at the end of the day just wants to go home and relax.

I always felt the Veronica Cartwright was rather spastic as Lambert. I always felt that she had some sort of a crush on Dallas only to have Ridley confirm that they were in fact sleeping with each other. This explains her emotional deterioration after his death.

Harry Dean Stanton as Brett was the picture of blue-collar worker in Middle America. He is the kind of man on earth that would drive a Ford pickup with a rifle on the back window and an open container in his hands.

Yaphet Koto as Parker, the other engineer in the group, is more the disgruntled worker, the kind of guy that stirs up trouble when he is discontent. Parker is a hard worker, no doubt, but the biggest thorn in your side when he's unhappy.

Kane, as played by John Hurt, with all the cool is that comes with being a first officer. He's the kind of guy you wouldn't mind working for; smart, authoritative, but pleasant to work with. He is a man who gets his hands dirty and unfortunately it cost him.

Ian Holm is Ash, a man with more secrets than pleasantries. There is a certain arrogance that would come with being the ship's science Officer, but Ash definitely takes it to the next level. The less said about him the better.

That brings us to Sigourney Weaver as Ripley. Ripley does not become the main character until halfway through the film, but, when she does step up she holds the screen better than any man on the crew. There is calmness and a strength that comes through in her eyes that leads to little doubt on who was running that ship.

But what about the alien you say? H.R. Giger designing the alien based on his painting Necronom IV. It was the first time anything as original as this had been seen on screen and many would argue the last. Everything about the alien is phallic and threatening. Its structure is essentially black boned with a giant phallus for a head. Its sole purpose, it would seem is to reproduce. Since it stops at nothing to do so, the alien can be seen as misogynistic, since it will take what it wants when it wants it (and leave a bun in the oven to boot).

Much has been made of the film being very sexual and that isn't without merit. The whole film is the act of sex and reproduction. The ALIEN comes from an egg and grows up; the alien head is phallic shaped. Its tongue protrudes and penetrates. It Implants seed and its alien babies are birthed. In simple terms ladies and gentlemen, if the Alien meets you, you are fucked!

The cycle of life is repeated over and over in the film. The crewmembers are all birthed from their egg shaped sleep chambers. The first sexual act is against Kane, impregnating him with an unwanted child. When the child is born King dies, and from that point forward the cycle of life and death repeats again and again. However, just as the film opens with an isolated set of births (the sleep chamber emergence), the film concludes with an isolated death. The alien, who has latched on to this family, is attacking its mother, Ripley. She shoots the alien with a grappling hook, its cord creating a link between her and the unwanted child. The alien is pushed out the door and the cord is cut, leaving the child to fend for itself just as we all must. Ripley is left with one child, Jones the cat, the unofficial mascot of the crew. The film ends with one child and one mother asleep in the egg shaped chamber, waiting to be born again and for life to start anew.

Others have tried to elevate their film by having H.R. Giger draw a poster for them. It’s more than that, it’s not just the man who paints the painting, it's what the image represents, and that will never happen again.

Another great thing about the film is more subtle, the world rings true. Now we never see Earth or is it talked about, but we see the average working Joe, and we can relate to him. I can go on all day about the perfection that is alien, but I won't. If you have never given ALIEN a shot, please do. It is a film unmatched by its contemporaries as well as its namesakes. You could do worse but you'll seldom do better.

Monster Mash: Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman AKA Werewolf Shadow (1971)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 17:58:00 +0000

“Things happen that have never been seen by human beings. The blood flows like vintage wine.”

I love a good monster mash, vampires, werewolves, zombies, all fighting over each other’s prey. Sure, Universal invented it, but Europe did it better. There was as much lust for flesh as there was for blood in those films, and Paul Naschy (The Hanging Woman) set the bar. The film Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman is quintessential Naschy, having all the elements that make his films captivating and enduring.

A morgue is where the film opens. Two Doctors are performing a late night autopsy on the body of Waldemar Daninsky, a supposed werewolf who was shot by a silver bullet. According to superstition, if you remove the silver from the body, the werewolf will come back to life. Well they do, and he does, and the blood begins to flow.

Soon we meet Elvira (Gaby Fuchs), who is having a drink with her boyfriend Inspector Marcel (Andrés Resino). While he discusses wedding plans, she is planning a trip to a small village for a paper she is writing on Satanism and black magic. She believes she has located the tomb of Countess Wandessa d'Arville de Nadasdy, an evil woman who practiced all manner of the black arts. Eventually she was trapped and executed for her satanic blood drinking ways. Elvira heads out with her friend Genevieve (Bárbara Capell) but soon get lost and end up far from their destination. Never fear, Waldemar is here.

Waldemar takes the girls in for the evening promising to help them with their journey, he has been writing a book and has been alone for a long time. Wow that's a line that only Paul could make work. The women settle in for the evening but the peace and quiet doesn't hold long. A woman soon barges into the room and attacks Elvira. What the hell? Oh, it's Waldemar's crazy sister Elizabeth Daninsky (Yelena Samarina from Murder Mansion) who wants to protect her brother. In the morning Genevieve wanders around the grounds and finds an S & M chamber. OK, really it's Waldemar's restraints for his wolfing out problem. While she is distracted, she is attacked by Elizabeth who rips her dress open and then leaves. I know, but its fun. Anyway, in dashes Waldemar who attempts to comfort her. Gen wants to leave but is willing to put up with one more day. Waldemar goes straight to Elizabeth and rips her a new one.

He believes that these girls are his last hope to undo his curse. He needs to be killed by someone who loves him (that he's sleeping with I guess), so he feels his odds are good with these two hotties. Defeated, Elizabeth agrees to back off. The next day they head to the ruins where the tomb of Wandessa is located, half buried by a tree. As Elvira decides she’s not into desecration so she wanders off as Genevieve and Waldemar open the coffin to find Wandessa’s skeletal remains. Waldemar eyes the silver cross embedded in her but Genevieve removes it, cutting her hand in the process. Her blood flows into the open mouth of Wandessa’s skull. You know what happens next, lesbian vampire madness ensues!

Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman benefits from great Gothic settings, beautiful women and Paul Naschy’s sincere portrayal of Waldemar Daninsky. The vampire action is shown in slow motion which creates a real sense of surrealism as if the world of the vampire is dreamlike. It works surprisingly well. It could use more action but the story moves along well enough to keep you interested. European horror at the time was mainly slow paced, focusing on the mystery and supernatural visuals. I appreciate a good kill, but it’s the haunting and eerie vision of a dark room or hallway that follows you home.

This is Naschy’s first collaboration with director León Klimovsky (Vampire’s Night Orgy) who would go on to direct him in several horror features. They seemed to have a great short hand and Klimovsky was good at bringing Naschy’s written word to the screen. This is also the defining moment for the Daninsky character, where he shifts from villain to tragic hero. You can truly see the pain and torture in Naschy’s face without it becoming overbearing and comical like Lon Chaney Jr.’s later portrayals of Lawrence Talbot.

Andrés Resino (Also from Murder Mansion) has little to do in this film as Marcel. He has a charm and confidence that goes along way but he really wasted here.

Let’s talk about the ladies since they make up the bulk of this cast. Gaby Fuchs as Elvira is a fine lead. She reminds me of Erna Schürer in “Scream of the Demon Lover”, you know, that tight lipped, button downed professional that really is just a dirty freak waiting to get out (hey, it’s just how I see it). She never did a lot of horror but she could have been an interesting leading lady.

Bárbara Capell as Genevieve is beautiful and stylish. She’s sexy and adventurous, so of course she ends up a vampire. This was her only horror film proper but she was a regular in exploitation fair of one form or another.

Yelena Samarina is strong here and makes an impression as Elizabeth. She is really good at playing obsessed and hysterical. She also has a matriarchal sense about her that brings weight to her scenes.

Finally, Paty Shepard is Countess Wandessa. She had costarred with Naschy in “Assignment Terror” but has no lines here. It’s a shame because she really has presence.

Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman has its silly points but every film does. It has good performances and Paul Naschy doing what he does, bedding hot women and ripping out throats! It may not be the best film in the Waldemar Daninsky saga but it has a style that none of the others can really compare to. Vampires, a werewolf, skeletal zombie priests and more, now that’s entertainment!

The Hanging Woman AKA Orgy of the Living Dead (1973)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 16:55:00 +0000

I love movies about people that go to strange places and enter a terrifying supernatural world. Hell, even Rocky Horror falls under that category. They used to make a lot of films like that and one of my favorites is The Hanging Woman.

The film opens with the death of the local Count. Soon after, a mysterious woman is sneaking around the cemetery and entering the crypt of the dead Count. After retrieving a document from the corpse, she is found and screams in terror as the screen fades to black. Enter Chuck Norris knock off Stelvio Rosi as Mr. Chekhov (No not THAT one) who arrives to claim his inheritance. Since no one will take him to the Manor after dark, he must fend for himself. Wandering in the darkness, he soon comes across the cemetery and the hanging corpse of the grave robbing woman!

Soon Chekhov cashes in on his inheritance and is met with a fair amount of spite from slutastic spiritualist Nadia (Maria Pia Conte) and prudish good girl Doris (Dianik Zurakowska of The Vampires Night Orgy) who has some wicked secrets of her own. Paul Naschy plays second fiddle this time as necrophiliac gravedigger Igor who has his own issues as well as dealing with the Count’s deranged family.

Basically the Countess Nadia and the Houseman who is also a scientist are fighting for control of the grounds and the secrets that lie within. The Houseman’s daughter Doris lends her sexuality reluctantly but hey, she’s willing to take a hit for the team. And what is it that lies beneath the grounds? Well for starters, there’s a devil-worshiping coven and an army of sexually compliant living dead!

This film treads onto some seriously demented territory. Not often do we get films that deal with necrophilia in such a graphic way (and still manage to be classy). Voodoo, striptease, zombies, mad science, and hot women, this flick has it all. What’s great though, is that it wrenches up the mystery consistently until the climax answers all questions in a barrage of horrific images. The film drips with atmosphere and creepy set pieces, a must for any rainy afternoon!

The baddest bloody butler in town: Blue Blood (1973)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 17:17:00 +0000

Oliver Reed is my hero. He was just such an awesome actor. The first time I remember seeing him was in Night Creatures and I thought he was just bad ass. He did all kinds of roles but nothing like 1973's Blue Blood. You might compare his performance to Tim Curry's in Rocky Horror. I can't describe why, (they couldn't be more different), but there is something in it that says "Frankfurter".

Derek Jacobi is English lord Gregory who is married to Fiona Lewis and is banging equally hot Anna Gael on the side.He fancies himself an aristocratic Lord and does his damnedest to convince others of his absolute power. This usually works except on the Butler, Tom. Tom pretty much runs the show behind the lords back and seems to have his sights set on bigger and more sinister things.

Enter Beate, the new Nanny, who will care for Greggory's young son. She is foreign and somewhat poor so she is constantly under suspicion when things go array. The boy constantly is found to have bruises on his body and though the parents believe he is being mistreated, they truly have no idea what evil is in store for him or the rest of the aristocratic family at the hands of Tom the Butler.

This film isn't for everyone. It's plays like an episode of masterpiece theater as hosted by the Devil. It really doesn't contain enough sex, horror or weirdness to be entertaining for the most part but is made satisfying by Oliver Reed, who chews scenery and exudes power in every scene he is in. Fiona Lewis is at her icy best as the often absent lady of the estate who is indifferent towards her husband so long as the riches stay in her name. If you are an Oliver Reed fan it is worth seeing, otherwise, pair it with Black Candles for a Satanic double feature. This films modest tone will cut the extreme stimulation of Black Candles, much like a Jameson and Ginger Ale.

Other Horrific Musings:

Call it Rosemary’s other baby: Black Candles aka The Sexual Rites of the Devil (1982)

The Devil inside us: A Candle for the Devil (1973)

Call it Rosemary’s other baby: Black Candles aka The Sexual Rites of the Devil (1982)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 17:16:00 +0000

Every now and again I come across a film I have never heard of that blows my mind, but never like this. A lot of things get blown in José Ramón Larraz's 1982 satanic opus Black Candles. If you think you’ve seen some crazy satanic films before, I assure you, nothing beats this one!!!!

Starting off with a young sexy girl having sex with the ugliest man she could get her legs around; not long after, we are soon treated to his murder by voodoo doll! Enter, Helga Line (Vampires Night Orgy, Horror Express). Helga plays Fiona, the widow of the dead player who must now grieve for him even though she knew he was cheating on her. Now get ready cause things are about to get weird...

No worries because she’ll be OK, thanks to sister-in-law Carol (Vanessa Hidalgo) and her husband Robert (Mauro Ribera). They have come to help settle affairs but since it is a stormy night, the power is out and the estate is lit with black candles. Fiona hints at her allegiance to Satan in passing, which disturbs Carol slightly, but she shakes it off. Turns out that Carol is a little freak herself, sporting a nightie and Knee high boots, she seduces her husband the moment they are alone. Enjoying the show through a peep hole is Fiona, “playing along at home”. Yep, Fiona’s a freak, but still a normal freak, that is, until the Goat!!! Yes I said Goat, I’m not even gonna get into it. Just remember that this was a mainstream movie and no animals were harmed in the making.

The Goats special sauce is needed for the ritual and you know what they say; “chores don’t have to be unpleasant” …moving right along.

They want to induct Carol and her husband Robert into their coven or get rid of them by the Sabbath since a seat or two open up along the way. I won't say how but there is an anal invasion featuring a sword that you won't want to miss.The problem is that though Robert is extremely susceptible, (sex is an unfair carrot to dangle in front of a man), Carol is not playing the game and is getting suspicious.

Black Candles came out in 1982 long after his horror hits Vampyres (1975) and The House that Vanished (1974). He is not happy with the film, though it did quite well when it opened. Helga Line headlines the cast and looks as sexy as ever despite her Sharon Mitchell ‘do and being over 50 years old at the time of filming. What’s interesting is that it was contractually obligated to give a nod here and there to Rosemary’s Baby. Though it is similar in some respects, it can be seen as a sister film, perhaps going on at the same time as Rosemary’s New York plight.

Anyways, this is the king of all satanic cult films. It takes it further than rosemary’s baby but doesn’t slip into parody, though it does slip into sleaze (come to think of it, there’s a lot of “slipping into” in this flick). If you want something different, and have some alcohol on hand, this might be the one for you. It will touch you in places that you shouldn’t be touched, and the weird thing is, you may like it. Yep, my work here is done.

Can you see what I see?: Eyeball (1975)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 17:14:00 +0000

Giallos are a great diversion. During their heyday, I believe there was nothing better, a crime or mystery thriller with sex and horror thrown into the mix. My favorite Giallo is Murder Mansion (1971), but Eyeball has a charm all its own! What a great title and poster. A red cloaked killer stealing the eyeballs of their victims on a euro tour. Yep, that’s fun.

We join a group of Americans on a euro tour in Spain. We get the usual group of deviants which include a sleazy husband Mark (John Richardson) hooking up with his secretary, Paulette (Martine Brochard), a priest (Georges Rigaud of Horror Express), and the requisite lesbian couple (Mirta Miller and Ines Pellegrini) among others.

Mark is in love with Paulette. His wife has been ill for some time and all they do is fight. Paulette doesn’t want to be the “other woman” (who does?), and is a little stand offish with Paul when he shows up in Spain to see her. This doesn’t go unnoticed by others in the group as they are all from Burlington. The secret is out!

After the group is detained by the murder of one of the models, Paul calls the hospital where his wife Alma (Marta May), is supposed to be only to find that she never checked in. Paul switches into stalker mode, determined to find his wife and we soon learn that it’s not to dump her. It turns out that Alma, was found at the scene of an earlier crime with blade and eyeball in hand. Yes, I know, too easy.

As tourists and townies are knocked off, it is clean that the killer may be among them as the red parka worn by the killer matches the ones handed out to the tour group. It’s all not quite what it seems and that’s one of the great things about Giallo films. Everyone and anyone is a suspect and for good reason. Everyone is a little shiesty.

Umberto Lenzi crafted a thriller that is more style over substance but in this case I feel it works due to the subject matter. The killer’s M.O. is enticing, and we follow the plot for what it’s worth, after all, these are the most unlikable people in Spain. One of the tricks that Lenzi uses in this film is the tour motif. The scenery is always changing; keeping us interested visually in this crazy story. It’s a slasher before it’s time and a fun mystery that may keep you guessing. Check out Eyeball if you get the chance.

Island of the living dead: Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things (1972)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 17:12:00 +0000

“Get out of the grave, Alan. Get out of the grave and let an artist show you how to call a curse down on Satan!”

You know those films that you have heard about forever but never had the chance to see? Those films that you built up in your mind as being the end all be all of that type of film solely because a magazine article said some nice things about it. Well for me, that film was “CSPWDT”. I had seen so many lurid pics and its reputation was so good, that when I walked into the Tower Records on Ventura Blvd., I about had an orgasm finding a newly released VHS on the shelf. I forget what I was doing that day, but I blew it off to go home and watch this film.

Children begins with an unknown figure exhuming a corpse on a foggy night. I am aware that this usually only happens in horror films but it does set the mood. Before he can finish, the caretaker approaches him, since, well, he’s digging up a body! Damn it! That doesn’t fair too well for our careless Caretaker who is jumped by a second top hatted figure in a vampire cape and fangs. Once he is out of commission, the two body snatchers remove the corpse and one takes its place in the grave. The other fills the whole, effectively burying his partner alive. Yeah, it starts off weird.

Anyways, soon we are introduced to our actual protags, an actor’s troupe and their tyrannical and diluted director Alan (Alan Ormsby). Also along for the ride is Alan’s current squeeze, Anya (Anya Ormsby), his ex-chickie, Val (Valerie Mamches, Jeffery (Jeffery Gillen), his yes man, and the “good” couple, Paul (Paul Cronin) and Terry (Jane Daly). Yes Jane breaks the mold by actually not using her own name as her character’s name (and also seems to be the only one still acting today).

Alan wants to take the group to the next level by trying some extreme theater exorcises. The Island once housed a resort, but having fallen on hard times, it’s now used as a potter’s field by the mainland city, burying criminals and various rift rafts. Alan promises them a night of fright and wants to raise the dead. He pulls out a robe and large ancient looking book (everyone has a large ancient book in movies and it makes me feel that my vast library is inadequate for not containing one). Ok, done with my digression, back to our story.

Alan proceeds to cast his spell to raise the dead, as the others watch in disbelief and then nothing happens. This angers Alan, as he looks foolish to the rest of the group and is definitely not used to it. To add insult to injury, Val, the mother hen of the group, and his ex-girlfriend, all but kicks him out of the grave and performs her own spell which is eerily powerful sounding before slipping into a Jewish yenta shtick and causing even more laughter than before. It seems that Allan sucks on all counts. He orders the body taken back to the cabin where they will be staying since he’s gonna have his fun one way or another. The problem is that Val’s spell did work and the dead are beginning to rise and they want revenge for Orville’s mistreating.

CSPWDT is the brain child of Alan Ormsby and Bob Clark, the duo behind the ultimate teen sex comedy of its day, Porky’s. Often cited these days as another spin on Night of the Living Dead, I fail to see this and feel the movie stands well on its own merits. Alan handles all the make-up effects in the film and the zombies are some of my favorites. I also love the setts and lighting in this film, they stand out to me as truly creepy and real, especially the room that Orville and Alan share there “moments”.

Alan only acted in this film, though he can be seen in 1974’s Death Dream and Deranged (via photo under a bald wig. He has supposedly stated that he hated the way he looks on camera and that is the main reason he stopped appearing in films. The rest of the cast is actually pretty good since they come off as real weirdoes who would go along with this crazy shit as opposed to “super cool” people that wouldn’t be caught dead on this Island.

Did the whole experience live up to my self-created hype? Yes it did. It features good make up, a creepy and effective grave rising sequence (one of the keys to any zombie film), and decent gore effects (we're not even gonna get into the weird same sex necrophilia). I was glad when I finally saw this and it made my day. Not that it’s great, but it was satisfying and still is today.

Things that go bump and grind in the night: Vampyres (1974)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 16:41:00 +0000

I remember when the Lost Boys came out in 1986; there were all these video store vampire reissues. Everyone was trying to cash in on vampire mania, just like today. One box that caught my attention was Vampyres with the small tag line in familiar font that read: They’re “lost Girls”. OK, I thought, what the hell, let’s check it out. I took the video home and settled in for some horror antics, not a film to watch with the family.

Vampyres starts off with a bang, in every sense of the word as two women are making love in the bedroom of a large mansion (again, yes, all women were bi-sexual on film, in the seventies). Suddenly, an unknown assailant opens fire on them, killing them both. See, a bang I tell you. This appears to be the origin of the vampire couple, who now haunt the castle and feed on the blood of many a male victim.

Actually, it is a story really about how five separate lives (and unlives) converge to a very unpleasant end. Besides our two living dead beauties, we have Ted (Murray Brown), a passing motorist who falls victim to our lesbian vampire couple and likes it so much, the guy just won’t leave, or die. Plus a young couple named John and Harriet (Brian Deacon and Sally Faulkner) who set up camp in the wooded area near the castle so they can relax. Harriet is a painter and a little on edge, John wants to fish and really doesn’t care about much else. Harriet spies our two cloaked beauties wandering the grounds at night, but John doesn’t really care, he thinks she is overreacting, that’s never good.

Vampyres really has no equal in the gothic horror arena. The nature of Fran (Marianne Morris) and Miriam (Anulka) is never explained, but it seems they are most likely ghost who need to feed on living blood to stay material. Also there is the sexuality, usually found in many 1970’s films as just sleaze to keep you interested (not that I mind). In this film it is a central theme, making the sex much more interesting and dangerous. And there is a lot of sex in this film, but it has meaning other than the sake of showing naked flesh, it’s what binds the girl’s relationship together and ultimately may be tearing them apart.

Director Jose Larraz turns things on its ear in Vampyres. It all at once discards the gothic traditions and enforces the esthetics to create a vampire that truly is original in behavior. The characters may not be as fleshed out as one would like but he more than makes up for this with mounds of atmosphere and eeriness. Harry Waxman’s cinematography lurks through the gothic landscape creating a feeling of uneasiness that is enhanced by composer James Clarke’s score. The primary location, the gothic mansion, is in actuality Oakley Court, famous for several Hammer films and as Dr. Frank N Furter’s castle in The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975).

Vampyres may be the best lesbian vampire film ever made, out doing Hammer’s entire Karnstein Trilogy of films with one blow. Many people feel that there are a lot of plot holes and inconsistencies but watch it again with a different and open mindset, I think you will be surprised. Not to say that it doesn’t have its flaws, but the plot is presented secondary to the visual nightmare. Like a (un)living painting that penetrates your primal senses. Thanks to the VHS box, I never watched the Lost Boys the same way again. Every time I reach for it, I put this film on instead.

The Devil inside us: A Candle for the Devil (1973)

noreply@blogger.com (Sinful) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 16:40:00 +0000

The 70’s were a hedonistic time and self-indulgent time. There were more films about Satanism during the entire decade than there were about GOD, just an interesting fact. This isn’t an American phenomenon either, across the pond in Europe and Spain; they were doing their own dirty work. One of the best was ‘A Candle for the Devil”.

Two sisters, Veronica and Marta, who run a small Spanish Inn, and are slowly going mad! Religion and sexual frustration are two of the biggest breaking points for any person and this film shows us why. Veronica deals with her needs by sleeping with a younger man, though she remains dressed during these shenanigans, but Marta has a different and more interesting method. Marta likes to watch young men naked then punishing herself to a sexual climax by running through the thorn bushes, each laceration pushing her forwards sexual climax. I know, I’m liking that too.

Anyways, back to our story. A young girl comes to town with some girlfriends and they flaunt their sleazetastic selves around the Inn like mad, including topless sunbathing on the roof. Well, Marta, who is uptight anyway, isn’t having any of that. She heads up to drag the girl down if necessary, except during the confrontation the girl falls through one of the religious themed windows and dies. Psycho Marta takes it as a sign and decides to rid the town of all immoral visitors. Soon, Laura (Judy Geeson), sister of the dead girl, May (Loreta Tovar), arrives to find her sister missing and decides to investigate, not just her sisters disappearance, but the strange meat being served for dinner…

A Candle for the Devil was directed by Eugenio Martín, the man who brought us "Horror Express". I would have liked to see him do more horror since he was a skilled director, but you can’t always get what you want. One thing we do get is plenty of 70’s style madness. This film touches on most of the popular early 70’s plot points including religious psychosis, cannibalism, and loose sexuality. Yep, they just don’t make them like they used to.

This is a deranged kind of film, more Psycho than creature feature obviously, but a serious addition to any fright library. “A Candle for the Devil” is also known as “It Happened at Nightmare Inn” No matter the title, you should find this motel of the macabre. Check in and check it out.