If you are looking for the best way to overcome the paralyzing task of giving a toast or speech at your own wedding, then I’m glad that you’ve found this website and I strongly suggest you keep reading…

This is my uncensored story of overcoming fear regarding that dreaded groom wedding speech.  I’m going to share with you the good, the bad and the ugly - what stuff didn’t work and finally helped me overcome my fear and anxiety enough to achieve my goal of giving a great groom’s speech at my wedding.

A bit about my story…

First of all, I’m petrified of public speaking of any kind.  The thought of getting up in front of a group of people is enough to make me want to vomit – the stress is that bad.  I don’t exactly know where the fear started – perhaps in high school where we got those awful projects where you had to make a presentation.  AND, I swore to myself that I would NEVER put myself again in a position where I would have to speak to a crowd of people.

Then, along comes Linda… she hit me like a freight train – and boy, I got it bad.  We did the dating thing and then it was time to move to the next level – marriage.  I scrimped and saved and got her the best ring I could afford (rings aren’t cheap – especially what she likes ).  Then I did it, I popped the question.  We were excited.  Then the hard part came in – the wedding preparation.  So were doing all the usual picking out dishes and stuff – we started talking about the wedding ceremony and then it hits my like TON OF BRICKS.  I was going to have to make a speech at my wedding.  My blood ran cold…

This is a huge moment and it was no time to wimp out – not now.  The stakes were too huge to imagine.  I was going to have to face this fear as best I could.  So what was I really afraid of?  Looking like a fool in front of all those people, in front of Linda, in front of her parents.  I could just envision myself getting up and totally losing my cool and saying ‘dah, dah, dah’. I had to find a solution.

It occurred to me that I might be able to get some pointers from other guys who have already gone through this and not botched it.  I started asking around my circle of friends and I got a few pointers here and there, but for the most part, most of them just kinda winged-it.  That was no use to me whatsoever.  I did some other research – like at the bookstore and the internet, but the information was really scattered.

Although, very late in the process, eventually stumbled across a little gem of a book – an ebook actually, about giving groom wedding speeches (what I learned from this book on groom wedding speeches is a lot).  For me, it was a life saver because I was having to frantically check all over the place for every little bit of information I needed.   All in one place, it really addressed the majority of my issues in single resource.

On criticism,  however…

The author used the 1st few pages to talk about general wedding fluff – which I thought was a waste of paper.  For me, I don’t like fluff, I want to get right down to the meat – however, he eventually delivered the goods.

Some additional things…

The guide talked about planning and preparation for the groom wedding toast (huge help for me) as well some great techniques for dealing with my ultra-hyper nervousness.  Another helpful thing is the author gives lots of content, which was very helpful to help get my own ideas – I simply used some of his as a template to make my own.

In summary, I think you’ll get a lot out of it - I found it indispensable.

Anyway, so I’m a week away from getting married and I’ve got this speech looming over my head – I start to write down some thoughts.  Unfortunately, I’m not very brilliant and I’ve not a creative bone in my body – NONE.  So, am I stressed out?  YES.

I started just jotting down everything that came to me – but I had no master plan, so I didn’t know which ideas were worthy and which were not.  As far as tone goes, should it be funny, should it be serious, should it be somewhere in between?  I’d gone to weddings before, but I’d never really paid attention *that* closely to the groom wedding toast.

So after compiling and wading through mountains of notes about various events – long forgotten memories, events about our dating relationship, I finally came up with my final draft – 1 day before the wedding!  At the wedding all went fine – I made it through – some laughs were heard, some tears where shed – it all worked out okay.

So guys, do yourselves a favor, for such an important moment – Don’t put off the planning of this process.  It does take good planning, but to keep your stress levels in check, start much earlier that a week before the wedding.

From everything that I was finding in my research, the purpose of the groom’s wedding speech is help everyone feel connected to the big event.  For me, it was a big, nasty ’supposed to’ that I didn’t want to do.  Not that I was terribly ungrateful, but I just hate talking/speaking in large crowds…  And if you think back on weddings you’ve attended, the groom’s wedding speech mentions, acknowledges the presence of those who have contributed a significant amount to the bride and groom’s lives.  Also, many attending may have come a long way to attend your wedding, at great expense.

So who do you need to mention?  Before we get into that, let me also say that if you go into great lengths mentioning everyone and their brother, and then leave a significant someone out, you can really hurt feelings – I would suggest notes to help you keep this organized.  So who do you mention?

Family – your family and your bride’s (that you know – and if you don’t, do some research with your fiancé! – getting this right will score big points with her family).

Friends – it is possible to have a load of friends at your wedding.  Make sure you mention the most significant, but it’s okay to make a blanket statement to cover the less-significant relationships.

Significant Influences – this could be a pastor, counselor, role model, etc.  It’s a way of stating who has helped shaped your life.

If you forget someone during the speech – it’s bound to happen if your wedding is of a significant size – make sure to pull them aside afterward and apologize for the omission.  People are very understanding, generally.

The good news for me was that the groom’s toast is a very short ’talk’ if you will.  However, it was suggested that I not read verbatim from note cards – but to use them as reminder notes.  That’s what I did – and actually, the toast was surprisingly better than what it could have been.  I used the note cards, I didn’t read anything verbatim and it worked out.

So from my learning, here are some train-wreck elements you may want to avoid…

Don’t mention or talk about past relationships – don’t laugh, it’s been done before!

Avoid alcohol until after your speaking duties are done, if at all possible.  The alcohol can affect your sense of timing and your ability speak clearly.

Don’t do an open-mic type of toast, where multiple people are getting up after you and giving toasts – this can be a real disaster.

Here are some helpful things you should do…

Make sure to stand up before giving your toast.

If you are not mic’d, make sure you speak up loudly and clearly.  If you have a mic, make sure to talk toward the microphone, not moving your head around back and forth too much (unless you move the mic too).

Don’t forget to have everyone raise their glasses after the toast – this is frequently forgotten during the nervousness of the moment.

Being organized for your groom’s wedding speech is pretty essential for success, unless you are one of the rare few who can wing it.

You want to get your information/facts collected, at the very latest, the night before.

Tip #2 – Try Not to Drink Alcohol Until…

• Fact – alcohol affects your judgment.
• Fact – alcohol can make you slur your speech.
• Fact – alcohol can cause you say things that you may not want to say.

If you must drink, do yourself a favor and wait until after your speech is done.  If you must imbibe (say for adhoc toasts), do so very sparingly.

Tip #3 – Make Sure to Get a Least 8 Hours of Sleep

This is going to be a tough one, especially if your groomsmen have scheduled a fun bachelor party.  However, trying to give this very important speech while sleepy can be tough.  You don’t want to yawn in the middle of it, if you know what I mean.  If you are the least bit skiddish about speaking in front of others, you are going to need to be well-rested to help calm your nerves.

Remember that just because you are using another’s sample as a blueprint, you are not copying everything verbatim – in other words, use what you find as a guide – you want to make the speech totally, entirely your own.

Fortunately, good wedding speech outlines are just that outlines, with fill-in-the blank type of a format.  You have to come up with the detail about:

Those whom you are going to say thanks to

Funny stories about you and your fiancé (tasteful – not embarrassing)

Your feels about this huge day

etc.

Another great benefit of the groom speech layouts is that they helped me to stay focused – my mind tends to get lost in detail.  If wander when you talk, like me, have a structured outline will help you stay on target – which is a benefit for you and your guests.   You don’t want to bore them!

I started doing the usual brain-storming thing, writing down everything that came to mind – not judging it, but just writing it all down.  This exercise was very helpful for me – it helped me uncluttered my brain.  I had a ton of material to choose from.

And then it occurred to me that there is a remove possibility that my speech content me conflict or overlap with my bride’s content, so at a high-level, I should probably have a little chat with her about what she and I could talk about – we shouldn’t be telling the exact same stories!  So we met together, kind of worked it all out in at a high level.  Although, in hindsight, because men and women communicate so differently, they could tell their version of the same story and it will be equally interesting because of the different view points.

So, some tips for you in trying to brainstorm for your wedding speech ideas…

Go to a physical place where you feel very comfortable – for me, it’s a coffee shop.

Write down every thought, good or bad or ugly on paper – don’t judge anything at this point.  You want to get about 100 things on paper if you can – it’s really pretty easy to do, especially if you’ve been dating a while.

Then go through your list and look for high-level themes – or different points that somehow relate to the same story.  If you have a lot of funny elements related to a single event, then that may be something to tell.

Try to whittle your short stories down to about 3 to 4 – no more than that, else your speech will be too long.  Pick the best of the best.

At most of the weddings that I’d been to, in the groom’s wedding toast, there is usually a little bit of humor involved, just to lighten things up a bit.  The funny groom wedding toasts are, for me, the most memorable.

So, in thinking about my own wedding speech, I was in trouble, because I wasn’t then or even now very funny – not sense of comedic timing at all.  So I started looking around for funny, respectful, yet relevant stories that could be used – and let me tell you, it was quite a search.

I had finally put together some funny things to say and I practice in the mirror for hours – just to work on the delivery – something that I suggest you do as well if comedy is not your strong suit.

I did pretty well with the comedy stuff – people chucked and even laughed – so I guess that it was a success.  Here are some of my observations that may help you out…

The use of the humor really seemed to capture the audience’s attention and engaged in the speech.  I used three jokes – one at the beginning, one in the middle of all the serious acknowledgment stuff and then one at the end to kind of wrap things up – the effect was that it added some variety to the speech.  Let’s face it, people don’t like to be bored and they like a little humor – so give them what they want, right?