Groompy Tom

Tough Love

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 16:19:00 +0000

Microwave Mayhem

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 03:09:00 +0000

Tattooed Oafs

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 04:48:00 +0000

An article in the online print today about reforms of some sort or another that will see people with visible tattoos barred from joining the Australian Police.

Assistant Police Commissioner of New South Wales, Michael Corby, who heads the Education and Training Command, said he believed visible tattoos, particularly those above the neckline, were a blight on the Police Force and asks the question;

"Does the community want someone knocking on their door with a Mike Tyson tattoo on their face or neck?"

Hell no, Mr Corby, Sir. I don't want some tattooed oafs at my door...

I'd much rather some gentlemen carrying semi-automatic weapons, billy clubs, pepper sprays, electric torture devices and handcuffs knocking at my door in the dead of night because I'm kind of fucked up in the head like that, see?

Another interesting observation was made by Paul Carey, head of the Professional Standards Command who says;

"Other aspects of the policy deal with specific types of tattoos, including tribal tattoos which could be seen as 'culturally insensitive'...There are a lot of tattoos written in another language, and who knows what they say? So that's something we also need to address."

Oh my good Lord. They haven't really thought any of this through, have they? If they had then they would have realised quickly enough that not only will people fluent in a language a tattoo is inked in always know what that tattoo says, but also that there is a slight hypocrisy about promoting the Police as being all multicultural and sensitive like, whilst at the same time putting the opposite into legislation.

Back to the drawing board perhaps?

Cut And Paste

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 03:08:00 +0000

Australian Transport Minister, Anthony Albanese, putting on a performance worthy of an Oscar nomination during his recent National Press Club address.

And what was Prime Minister Julia Gillard's response to this embarrassing little episode?

"I love Michael Douglas because he's married to a Welsh woman. [Albanese] not bad either".

And I'm sure that as a Politician she simply can't help but admire Mr Douglas's acting skills either.
Now, can someone with some photoshop skills please get busy with the image below.

It shouldn't be too hard. Change the title, change the flag, change the names. Keep the clothes, keep the pose, keep the ginger hair and put a filthy minger in there. Done!

It's Just Not Cricket

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 13:08:00 +0000

What is it with the offspring of Australian Police Commissioners?

I mean if they're not blowing themselves up during the production of Methamphetamine, then they can be found at the cricket, letting loose a few punches on some bloke whilst private security guards hold him down.

Also at the cricket, the same ground just a week or so before in fact, here's former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke showing us what originally endeared him to the average Aussie voter.

Deliberate Mistakes

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 09:10:00 +0000

Pictured below is Alex Norris. He doesn't like mistakes being made and he's none to happy about the way you put your bins out.

No, seriously, they were fucking out here! Her bloody cans were all the fucking way out here!

"There will still be a fine there for people who deliberately make a mistake but it's going to be proportionate and if people settle it early it will be as little as £40." - Nottingham City Councillor Alex Norris

Deliberately make a mistake, eh?

Deliberately: Done with or marked by full consciousness of the nature and effects; intentional.

Mistake: An error or fault resulting from defective judgement, deficient knowledge, or carelessness.

Good grief! Is that an oxymoron?

Anyway, Alex also goes on to say:

"The Government talks about £1,000 prosecutions for people who leave bins out by accident. Now actually to have been given a fixed penalty notice [£110] in the first instance you must have left your bin out four times and to get the £1,000 fine you must have not paid that notice.

No one seems to pay much notice these days, Alex. No one.

Now then, where was I?

Unfortunate Picture Caption Of The Day

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 01:21:00 +0000

A warning to parents indeed!

All praise to the Ambush Predator for first pointing me in the direction of this hilarious article.

Being lectured by Fat ~~Albert~~ Abbott on the dangers of obesity?
My goodness! When will it end? My sides hurt! Hey, hey, hey!!!

.

Sunday Morning Easy Listening On Groompy FM

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 00:42:00 +0000

Emotional Damage

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 08:53:00 +0000

That's exactly what French fans of Michael Jackson are suing Doctor Conrad Murray over.

Is it just me, or are these people fucking ~~emotionally damaged~~ retarded?

Sunday Morning Easy Listening On Groompy FM

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 05:42:00 +0000

HAPPY NEW YEAR
To all of you, whether or not you agree with my rantings.

This Blog will fire up again in this new year, in which I wish ALL OF YOU well.

Death And Taxes

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 14:47:00 +0000

In life, 'tis impossible to be sure of anything but...

Or something like that.

So, now that this fucker is dead.

Watch your taxes be funneled into propping up this lot.

Ain't taking life grand !

The Rioting And Looting

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 13:48:00 +0000

I've thought long and hard about the issue at hand and after much painful analysis I have reached a verdict on how best to deal with it...

On the day that was filmed, at that exact moment in time, evil did not triumph. Because on that day, at that exact moment in time, a good man decided he would not just stand by and do nothing.

.

Staying Till The Bitter End

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 10:18:00 +0000

Well, you wouldn't want to miss the speeches now would you?

The Law Is The Law

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 14:23:00 +0000

There's a circus in town at the moment featuring an Australian attorney general playing the part of ringmaster and attempting to pass an act requiring all Australians to undress when instructed to do so by his clowns.

Yes! Roll up, roll up! For the most amazing show on Earth!

And it really is that amazing.

That depressingly fucking amazing how many people are actually comfortable to watch a show that mistreats it's animals in that way.

OK. Enough of the circus shit.

Late last year a Muslim bird dressed in a Niqab was pulled up by a ~~man in a funny suit and hat~~ traffic cop and asked to reveal her face to confirm her identity. She was then fined for the completely trivial offence of having her rear P-Plate partly obscured by the car's number plate (It is a trivial offence, but hey, even if it weren't you'de have to admit, what's wrong with partly covering up your P-Plate when you're completely covered up yourself?) Perhaps being slightly taken aback by the revelation that obscuring things down-under is frowned upon or perhaps having never dealt with your average Aussie traffic cop (her driving records would suggest it was the former, not that latter) she innocently mistook his cuntishness for racism and threw a bit of a temper tantrum.

Nothing too out of order, no violence, no crying. Just lots of jumping up and down and screaming 'racist', to no effect.
Carnita Matthews is then alleged to have gotten way out of order when, in the following day or so, she popped down her local nick to make a formal complaint of racial so and so and accuse officer Plod of attempting to tear off her veil. Having been shown by Plod's dashboard camera to be telling porkies she was then sentenced to six months inside, but later escaped doing any time whatsoever by convincing the retrial judge that it wasn't her who made the complaint, oh no, it was some other bird dressed up like one of them ghosts from Pac-Man. 'We all look the same, see' Very clever.

As The All Seeing Eye pointed out, the reaction to the quashing of the sentence from the Islamic communtiy was completely predictable and also culturally appropriate for a bunch of deranged savages. Very funny.

This cluster-fuck of a trial obviously ruffled a few feathers and some in the law enforcement and revenue raising business were 'shocked' to learn that they had no legal powers to physically remove our clothing when we have not committed or been convicted of any crime. Wait until they're told they have no legal powers to taser us just for laughs, they'll be fucking flabbergasted!

Now all this talk of powers to dictate how people dress is catching and some state police departments are urging businesses and shopping centres to create 'hoodie-free zones'. The logic behind this is that crackheads willing to shoot and stab shop-owners for their daily takings will be confronted by a sign politely asking them to remove their hoodie to identify themselves and suddenly no longer feel the need to fund their drug habit. I have my doubts.

It's also catching in that an awful lot of Australians are all for it and say police should have the power to remove a persons clothing when that person has committed no crime and is not under arrest. They then usually back it up with some throw-away statement like 'well if that's the law you must obey it'

Well Carnita Mathews chose to blindly obey certain laws and take a look how that worked out for her... Dressed from head to toe in a bloody garbage bag because 'that is the law'.

Or maybe I'm being a touch over sensitive about all this. I mean police having the powers to strip us of our clothing, how bad can it be, right?

Wrong.

Now, tell me again how more Islam in the West won't result in less freedom for us. Tell me again that Western Governments aren't using this backwards religion as a crowbar to pry us from our rights.

.

Well, Just Fuck Off Then!

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 15:39:00 +0000

No not you, dear reader.

The fucking Pork-Chop pictured below, I mean.

Yes You, Abdul Tiba.
You can just fuck off back to Lebanon, son.
You won't be missed.

"I tell them I want to go back, I don't want to stay in this shit country."

Then fuck off!

"No one helps me in this country, no police, not any community, no St Vincents, no one."

Oh poor you!

Could I help in some way?

Do you need directions to the nearest airport, where upon arriving you could buy a ticket, hop on the very first plane, taxi up the tarmac, prepare for take off and then just fuck right off?

"I've been sleeping in the car. They give me two days in a motel like a fucking gypsy."

What was that? "In a motel like a fucking gypsy"

But Gypsies don't stay in motels.

Gypsies travel about having a good old jolly at the expense of...

Oh now I see. You mean in an Australian taxpayer funded motel.

A motel where you could always just, well you know, check out, leave us to foot the bill and just fuck the fucking fuck off!

But what is it exactly that Abdul Tiba doesn't like about the oh so fucking lucky to have him country?

Well, in his own words:

"Australia country they bring on 2006 from Lebanon all the citizenship, they spend 20 million thousand dollars but no one can spend $1000 to save my family."

And what is it that the Australian taxpayer should spend 20 billion hundred ten nine eight seven six five four three two one and fucking zero dollars on to save Pork Chop and his family from?

Well that would be an escalating gang-war that he and his family are allegedly involved in.

Well, as I said...

Not because you're an immigrant, not because you're Lebanese, not even because you're yet another bearded, middle aged, male, Islamic arsehole making life hard for every other arsehole...

But simply because you dare to come over here and start shooting shit up like some type of outlaw with a big fucking beard.

That's fucking why!

Only Ned Kelly can get away with that shit and he never went squealing to the coppers to protect him and his family.

Which is why we love him and not you.

Now, watch the door on your way out.

Waiting In Arrivals For Allah

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 12:06:00 +0000

Perhaps his flight was delayed.

Maybe due to volcanic ash.

Which would serve him right for making volcanoes.

. .

A Kronic Overreaction

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 03:30:00 +0000

Those of you who haven't been bombarded endlessly with state-sanctioned propaganda about the unfathomable dangers of synthetic cannabinoids should think yourselves lucky.

For those of us unlucky enough to live in Australia it's been a nightmarish couple of months of endless newspaper columns, radio segments and news items about how the latest craze of smoking something for personal enjoyment is akin to mowing down puppy dogs while drink-driving above the speed limit and it's been gone about with such, almost religious-like, fervour that it felt like being stuck inside one of those 'Evil Weed' films of the 1930s like Reefer Madness or Assassin Of Youth.

An interesting little journey to say the least but not at all surprising in its outcome.
That outcome of course being that the righteous bansturbators have once again saved us from ourselves and synthetic cannabinoids are now banned in Western Australia, with the rest of Australia soon to follow suit. Remember; this is a country whose government seriously considered trying to outlaw 'planking'. For those who don't know planking is basically lying down. Quite how they would go about outlawing lying down escapes me but I'm guessing it would probably involve bright lights and cattle prods. The Primespinster of Australia, Julia Gillard, even got in on the act by bringing herself down to the level of a teenage hoodlum and commenting on the planking craze.
Churchill fought Hitler, Gillard fights lying down.

Anyway, so the interesting part of the journey was not the end but rather the beginning and the middle, the parts when Kronic and the other legal highs were still, well, legal.
My own dear Father's first reaction, upon hearing that our local delicatessen was selling this over the counter, was

"What? Our deli? So they're selling it to schoolchildren then".

Quite when our family took ownership of a Vietnamese-run delicatessen and how he knew for certain that our employees were selling Kronic to kids, I'm not sure. But such is the wisdom of the baby boomers that I never bothered to question it.
And it became nothing short of fascinating to observe the state having to deal with something they never expect to happen any more i.e. That people may disregard all the government health warnings, all the noises being made from taxpayer-funded concern-groups and go ahead and engage in something that is frowned upon yet completely legal, even something that involves inhaling smoke and getting high.
All the usual tactics were employed but nothing seemed to work. Think of your fitness for work! They cried. Think of your lungs! They wailed. Think of the children! They screamed. But still the workers smoked away. Stoned and happy in the knowledge that these drugs wouldn't show up on any workplace drugs test.

But the Nanny State does know best and the Nanny State won't be outdone - not least when the multi-billion dollar mining industry is pressuring it to act and certainly not when there's money to be made - so when all else failed it just ignored the fact that these drugs were still legal and in showing its true colours it resorted to the old fashioned, heavy handed, tried and tested method of getting its attack dogs in the Police Force to threaten and intimidate people out of engaging in a perfectly legal activity.
The Western Australian health minister, Kim Hames, when commenting on the above outrage, showed us all that not only is he a prat with a girly name but that he also struggles to understand the difference between 'inappropriate' and 'illegal' by moaning

"I just think it's inappropriate - the reality is that we are going to ban a substance that causes harm to people and they're out there promoting it as though it's a wonderful thing".

Unless I am mistaken, it was also Kim Hames who said Kronic use was rife in Australian prisons, without having any proof whatsoever that that was the case and also said he didn't feel for retailers who will suffer after Kronic became outlawed because they 'ran the risk' of selling it whilst it was still legal to do so. By that twisted logic I guess he wouldn't take pity on dairy farmers should milk ever fall foul of his Health Nazis. But really, would you expect compassion from someone who is part of a government-sanctioned program to pump thousands of school kids full of Ritalin and Dexamphetamine in order to make them more manageable in the classroom?

As I said earlier; The Nanny State knows best and won't be outdone...

...Or will it?

According to some sites there will be new formulations of synthetic cannabis launched soon and these will enable Australians to once again reach a legal high.

But only the government didn't see that one coming.

.

Sunday Morning Easy Listening On Groompy FM

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 03:00:00 +0000

Get It While It's Hot!

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 13:40:00 +0000

This particular clip doesn't seem to last very long out here in cyberspace...

Perhaps that has something to do with the naturally occurring censorship that pollutes the aquifer from which we drink.

Of Special Police And Naughty Words

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 12:38:00 +0000

Blogging has been a bit light as of late and this is in no small part due to the fact that Australian-based bloggers are now being watched by the 'special' police and that swearing is now a crime downunder...

No, just fucking kidding. I really couldn't give a toss whether my blog is 'being monitored' by a bunch of window-licking freedom-hating cuntbubbles or not and, just in case it isn't fucking clear enough, I will continue to exercise my right to free speech in using profanity, even if that does make me some type of cunting criminal.

On those anti-swearing laws, the headline so far just has to be Heathen Scripture's

Fine Me For Swearing? Get Fucked, You Cunts.

And the lost freedom of swearing has of course been added to the growing list of Freedoms Lost.

Anyway, changing the subject just slightly, here is a video that implies that Jesus is not just your run-of-the-mill zombie, but an overly-jealous stalking zombie hell bent on making you suffer for not loving him.
Interesting take on it all, I think.

Anything You Say In A Taxi...

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sun, 29 May 2011 14:00:00 +0000

...Can And Will Be Used Against You In A Court Of Law.

I originally posted about this abomination of an idea a few weeks back but something went wrong and that post seems to have disappeared into the ether.

Anyway the gist of it is that all Australian Taxis will soon have to record all conversations that take place within them. Opening the door or starting the meter will start the tape rolling and every word uttered thereon in will be held for 35 days or until the state has deemed that no speech-crimes took place during the journey.

I can see a lot of business types feeling a little uneasy about taking important calls in Taxis from now on and I also suspect I will get a few strange looks from Taxi Drivers who, upon attempting to start up a friendly conversation, or polish up on their English skills, while at the same time giving me a crash-course in Afsoomaali, will be confronted by my best paranoid-schizophrenic impression and me pointing at the interior light, saying in a hushed tone...

"Shhhhhh, be quite, they're listening!"

News items detailing this fucking outrage can be found here and here.

The Government of Western Australia's new Taxi surveillance standards can be found here.

.

Sunday Morning Easy Listening On Groompy FM

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Sun, 29 May 2011 03:00:00 +0000

Zippy & George Do Top Gear

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Wed, 25 May 2011 04:00:00 +0000

"Why do they call you Carmen?

Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?

Lagerfanny! Ha ha ha ha!"

Piss Take Of The Week I

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Tue, 24 May 2011 15:00:00 +0000

This week's piss taker just has to be Australian Liberal backbencher and compulsive pie-eater, Dr Mal Washer who, on commenting about a parliamentary report that states Australian MPs are overworked, says;

"At the end of the day, I don't care what the public thinks about this... We don't think as well if we are all fatigued. I am not impressed by the public that doesn't understand, or lacks the intelligence to understand ... that you want productive people."

Not impressed by the public that "lacks the intelligence" to understand a report by greedy, self serving and odious MPs that recommends, amongst other downright outrageous things, that greedy, self serving and odious MPs do not start work until gone bloody lunchtime on Mondays, eh?

Now being a Doctor himself, you would think that Mal would understand that this 'fatigue' he suffers may, in no small part, be due to his age and weight, but that's a story for another day.

Are you, like me, represented by the good Dr Washer in his Moore constituency?

Perhaps you, like me, would care to contact him.

Go on, give him a piece of your mind:

Electorate Office:	3 Boas Avenue, Joondalup WA 6027 Phone (08) 9300 2244 Facsimile (08) 9300 2245
Canberra Office:	Parliament House, Canberra ACT 2600 Phone (02) 6277 2114 Facsimile (02) 6277 8587
Email:	mal.washer.mp@aph.gov.au
Internet:	www.malwasher.com

You Got A Fast Car...

noreply@blogger.com (Groompy Tom) — Tue, 24 May 2011 13:36:00 +0000

...But is it fast enough so we can fly away?

Err, no. Actually it isn't.

For the story behind the vid click here.
Just the usual 'Police to harsh on a poor wittle car thief' stuff.