• How to help children internalize virtues and values and how to help them practically live out the character of God in their life.
• What parents do to foster insecure children and how they can fix the problems that might now exist.
• How to say “I love you” to your children and spouse in such a way that each member actually feels the full sensation of parental love.
• How fathers build or undermine their children’s sense of trust and confidence in parental leadership and how to build family loyalty and identity.
• What is true character and how do you teach your children to love and prefer each other?
• You will learn how not to raise a moral robot” but a child with moral sensibility.
• Learn what true biblical discipline is and what are the principles of first time obedience.
• How to train right behavior into children so you will not have to spend unnecessary time correcting wrong behavior.
• How to successfully handle sibling conflict, temper tantrums, and the three sister sins: lying, cheating and stealing.

• How to instill that wonderful life-virtue of personal self-control and a sense of responsiblity

How to implement your own ministry of Growing Kids class ministry.

There were many good questions and the discussion was very fruitful. We enjoyed the encounter very much.

We recognized a need to place the actual application for the class online and that will be done by tomorrow afternoon.

Here is an outline of a few of the things we talked about:

What do you consider to be greatest challenges for parents of children these days?

GKGW is based on the belief
that child rearing is a responsibility given by God to parents.

As husband and wife we are a complete family

· In Genesis God said it was not good for man to be alone so he created him a child?
No a helpmate.

· Aftercreating woman God said everything was VERY good. It was then he rested seeing
that everything was complete.

· We are complete as husband and wife.

· Children are an extension of the family and should not be the focus of the family.

· Our relationships should be prioritized: God, Husband and Wife, Children (Eph 5:22-6:4)

Parents are the ones directed by God to guide, nurture, and discipline their children.

· Not teachers

· Not coaches

· Not Friends

· Not Grandparents (even though they can have a huge positive role)

NOTE: more on this in correlation with the interdependent
family.

GKGW believes that the Goal of Parenting is to raise, by way of salvation, morally responsible and biblical responsive children.

· We should all be praying daily for our children’s salvation.

· We can not raise “godly” children without the child’s salvation.

· This does not mean however that we wait for salvation before instruction in Gods’ moral precepts.

·It is through the law that the need for redemption is discovered

· We are the first introduction our childrenhave to God’s law and his Grace.

Its is through your child’s desire for obedience that they discover they need Grace.

We teach our kids to first act morally and then to think morally.

Example of hitting.

· at age of 1 hitting is wrong

· no moral reason is given but one should be in your mind

· consistency is the key

· this provides a safe place for the child

· instead of the child having to guess when they are in the wrong

· Say what you mean, mean what you say.

· at age of 3 hitting is wrong and reason why is the focus.

· the principle is applied

·moral warehouse

· by age 3 the moral reason or practical reason why should always be given.

·not in the moment

· obedience first then reason

The
Standard

(right standard)

The bible is our standard.

· biblical ethics do not change

·we do not adjust the standard for each child

· shy children

· strong willed

· other oriented

· The preciousness of others

·My behavior toward you is based on how precious you are to God

· You will surprised at how many things come down to this one

The
Standard

(Practical Application)

Heart Training

· Do you know the moral reasons why (I have hidden thy word in my heart so that I many not sin against thee)

·Duet 6:5 – Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind.

·Mt 5- the Beattitudes

· be humble

· be hungry for righteousness

· be steadfast

· be merciful

· be gentle

· be pure of heart

· be a peacemaker

·Mt 22:38-39 Love thy neighbor as yourself

· This implies love for ones self. – self depravity trap!

·We love ourselves because God loves us.

·He finds us important… worth everything.

The Place Parents Can Impact

The goal of Heart Training is to help a child gain self control.

· tongue

· actions

· emotions

·sound judgments

Self control is a fruit of the spirit.
Make sure that you are prayed up!
Parental Prayer book.

Conflict

In early parenting, external pressure is necessary to bring about acceptable behavior.

Remember that conflict is normal part of parenting.

· Don’t be surprised. or better yet be prepared.

· Think ahead.

· You know your child.

· Plan to fail

·schedule a trip to mall/grocery store/ restaurant when you know you will have to leave

Conflict is natural to human personality.
Resolving conflict is one of the most important requirements of developing healthy family relationships.
We must teach our children to resolve conflict properly with others and within themselves.

Inter-Dependent Family

Nurture Strong positive family identity

· statements We McFaddens do this or don’t do that.

· Hobbies

· gamenight

· walks

· reading together

·sit together in church (at least every other week)

Imagine your family in a circle holding hands and everyone facing out/in.
How many nights a week is your family together as a family?

Inter-Dependent Family

(Exercise)

1.Excluding yourself and your spouse, list all the people who spend at least one hour with your child during the course of a week. (teachers, coaches, friends, grandparents, parents of friends,
babysitters, etc)

2.Next to their names, place the total number of hours per week they spend with your child.

3.Circle the number of hours of people you have listed that have values and principles which differ from your own.

4.Add up the number of circled hours.

5.Add to this the number of hours your child watches television and plays video games unsupervised.

This is what you are up against.

The Relational Goal of Parenting

John 15:15 “No longer
do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but
I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father
I have made known to you.”

4 Phases of Parenting

· Discipline Phase(Birth to 5)

·constant and consistent daily training

·filling the moral warehouse

· Training Phase (6-12)

·working out the kinks

·not the real game

·drills and repeating

· Coaching Phase (13-17)

· real game

·encouraging

·time outs

· Friendship Phase (18-Life)

·advice

·assistance

Positive development takes place when parents build into their child’s conscience the reason why “right is right” and “wrong is wrong.” A child will develop a healthy conscience when his parents are good models of the qualities they desire to see in their child and when they encourage the child to do right as opposed to only discouraging him from doing wrong. Such a child sees obedience as attractive, not as a distasteful action done merely to avoid punitive retaliation for failure to comply.

The prohibitive conscience is not a guilty conscience, but an ongoing state of potential guilt. The person who lives this way has not necessarily done anything wrong, but lives his life as if he were always on the verge of doing wrong or constantly worries that others will think he is doing something wrong. In this case, doing wrong is the overly sensitive fear of disappointing someone, being misunderstood, or being rejected if he or she does not conform. Practically, this results in the coward that dies a thousand deaths. He may do many virtuous acts, but not out of love of what is right, rather out of fear of rejection. Here are some of the ways parents instill a prohibitive conscience in their children.

• Parents manipulate their child by creating the fear of losing Mom or Dad’s love. Conditional love then becomes the motivator for right behavior.
• Parents manipulate the conscience by making their child feel guilty. For the child, avoiding guilt becomes the motivator for right behavior.
• Parents fail to provide the moral reasons for behavior. As a result, the constant fear of punishment, reproof, and rejection—not the love of virtue—becomes the motivation for right behavior.

The one who lives with the fear of potential guilt (i.e., potential rejection for wrong decisions) does not work from a pure heart. Virtues become burdensome, and a life of moral freedom is nonexistent. The effects of a prohibitive conscience can be lifelong.

Gary and Ann Marie Ezzo

1. Eat with your children.
Change schedules, cut down on activities (”good things”) and replace them with family meals (”better things”). But don’t just eat together; talk about your day(s). Have kids say three good things about today before they can share any complaint. Talk about character values mom and dad saw or heard about (work, store, news) that were positive or negative. They won’t know exactly what you believe unless you teach them. Read to them after the meal (Bible, books, biographies, Christian literature, adventure stories, etc. Keep variety alive!)

2. Play with your children.
The value of organized sports can be a good thing (occasionally, for some kids) but it is very often the altar upon which the family identity is sacrificed. Families get squeezed into the world’s mold and believe kids from a very early age actually benefit more from those activities that years later prove to have driven a wedge into the family’s identity. Dad and mom ought to teach their children to play together all kinds of different sports or made up games, both inside and out. One reason is to learn the skills required and the rules, but the more important reason is to learn the character qualities associated with true teamwork. This is sadly lacking on most organized sports teams. Does that coach have time to work on your kid’s heart? And who cares more about shaping their attitudes for their future success than you?

3. Work with your children.
Teach them early to be diligent in their tasks. Teach them how to work with you until they can do whatever it is you give them to a level fit for their age. Again, you’re looking to train the heart here. Not all work is fun, but much can be more fun if mom or dad take the time to work with them, to compliment them, to encourage them. It pays great dividends as they learn to do household chores early in life. But more importantly, in their teen years, it instills in them the ability to tackle new tasks, to learn new skills because they’ve seen how they’ve been able to learn other skills in the past. Then you can comfortably and eagerly watch them enter their adult years.

4. Read to your children.
This means you’ll need to cultivate the habit of turning off the TV and maybe staying home more evenings. Daily you want to deliver your children the message that reading can be fun, exciting, and instructive. Parents who read to their children teach them that they are willing to sacrifice their time to be with them. They teach their kids that the shared memories built around the stories they read together are part of their family identity.

God says teach your children the values and character of God while you are at home, while you work with them, while you have leisure time. This is not just a suggestion. God knew we’d be challenged to conform to the culture – dare to break out of that mold!

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updated 9/10/2007

It was the practical side of moral truth that attracted the first Growing Kids God’s Way small group in 1984. Back then six couples joined with Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo every Wednesday night for six months. They talked about life giving principles of parenting, virtues and values, right and wrong, good and evil, and how to reach the heart of a child with words of life. The Ezzos had no plans of going beyond the six months or working with a second group, but the public display of the children from those first six couples became a compelling testimony of how God-centered parenting can change lives. As a result others began to inquire.

For 2007-2008 First Baptist Church Sulphur Springs Texas

*contact information is on flier

*Both husband and wife must sign a copy.

Commitment Letter