Growing Up Geeky

Weaning fail

2013-05-22T20:49:00.004-04:00

No, not Aurelia.

Me. Zoloft.

I'm one of those obnoxious procrastinators who waits until their medication has run out before requesting a refill. After working as a Pharmacy Technician for years, you think I'd know better...but anyway, so I order it online and go to pick it up last Tuesday. Except they tell me there were no refills left so I'd have to come back. I requested they check the original prescription because I knew there were refills, but they couldn't because their computer system was down. Awesome.

So I forgot about it...one day, two days, three days. On Saturday I told myself that no matter what I had to go get it. And then we got sidetracked. Monday came around but hey, I thought to myself, I've been feeling pretty good. Maybe I could just stop taking it?

Well, here we are just over a week since I've had my last pill and today was the nail in the coffin on my attempt to let go of SSRIs. I've been anxious as work is beginning to demand more of my time than I'm able to give and people are pulling me in all sorts of different directions. Tonight I have to do a ton of laundry and pack us all up for our trip to visit my family in Cape Cod this weekend. And both girls won't stop screaming; it's almost 9 PM and they're both still awake, PISSED. I feel myself beginning to shake and panic and I know it was stupid of me to try this.

All I want to do is crawl in a hole and fall asleep...only to wake up on the beach this weekend where I will hopefully get the chance to relax. Nothing is going to stop me from swinging by the pharmacy and grabbing my prescription on the way out of town, though.

I so badly wanted to not need it, but I'm just not there yet. le sigh.

The pros of working

2013-05-18T20:59:00.002-04:00

After re-reading my last post, I realized how negative I sounded. It's not all bad. Promise.

In fact, things are pretty good.

Yes, I'm exhausted. Yes, the girls are having some difficulty. But...

I'm getting to use my brain again. I really like this job and not to toot my own horn, but I think I'm pretty good at it. I'm attacking the queue of outstanding issues and resolving them quickly; the Pharmacists are so grateful.

My anxiety has diminished. I am calmer and more relaxed than when I was at home. I'm equally stressed {but for different reasons now, of course} but I find that I'm dealing with the stress better. Along the same lines, the agoraphobia is completely gone. We're going out every day and having so much fun. Dare I say that I'm enjoying the girls more than before?

The money. Money isn't everything, of course. But this job means that we'll be able to save a hefty down payment for a future home. We can now afford a second car and are living comfortably. It's nice to not have to worry about money for the first time in a long time.

Last, I feel productive and fulfilled...I'm helping other people out and contributing to our family at the same time. But I miss my little princesses. If I'm able to negotiate for a ~25 hour workweek (half at home, half onsite) come July, I think I'll have the best of both worlds.

These girls <3

Thanks so much for all of your messages and words of support, and for sticking with me despite my sad sad lack of posts lately. And I think I'm a few weeks behind in e-mails. I'm sorry! I promise I'm not ignoring you.

Oh and apparently Top Baby Blogs just reset (who knew?) Me lurve you long time if you click below and send a vote my way ;)

The cons of working

2013-05-15T20:28:00.003-04:00

We're slowly starting to settle into our new routine. There have been a number of difficulties including the fact that Mike and I are both exhausted all.the.time and the house is a dump since cleaning is the last thing I want to do when I get home after a long day. But, the worst has been how it has affected the girls.

When I leave in the morning, Aurelia fusses and Carina gets upset. For Carina, it ranges from just a sad pout to full blown tantrum depending on the day."Momma gotta stay", "Mommy snuggle!" and "Nooo Mommy!" are what I hear most often. We had been slowly weaning her from the binky but now she has started regressing; the Nanny told me today that she wants it most of the time. We're down to only 1 and we were hoping to avoid buying more since Aurelia doesn't take them. I'm not sure if cold turkey is the way to go, though. I can't believe it's almost a year later and we're still dealing with this...

Teeny went from chillest baby ever to whiny and fussy, freaking out if I turn the corner into the kitchen to cook dinner. She won't let me out of her sight when I'm at home. Fortunately, she has taken to sippy cups and is drinking enough breast milk during the day. She's also developed a fond love for food and is close to eating whatever we're eating for meals. I'm glad our bottle troubles are behind us; it was a rough first week until we tried sippys.

I LOVE FOOD

Their sleep is regressing. Both girls went from sleeping 7 PM until 7 AM straight to waking multiple times a night. Carina calls out for me and I usually end up bringing her in bed with us so she doesn't wake the baby. It's also taking them longer to fall asleep in the evening, and they often wake early. Aurelia was up at 5:30 AM yesterday. Uhmm BRING MOAR COFFEE.

I'm hoping this becomes easier for them soon. Probably just in time for my contract to end, though, right? Doesn't it always happen that way? Although all signs point to the probability of them keeping me on board longer than mid-July. I'm hoping to negotiate to part-time at that point. ~12 hours onsite and ~12 hours working from home would be my ideal situation. We'll see. I think that kind of a schedule would be easier on all of us.

How was adjusting to working for you?

On top of the world

2013-05-13T20:13:00.000-04:00

I apologize. Cheesiest post title ever, as we were actually on top of a mountain yesterday. Well, not a mountain, but the rather large peak just a few minutes away from our house. We had never been, despite its proximity.

My Mother's Day began with Mike letting me sleep late and making me a lovely breakfast of coffee, eggs, Nutella on toast, and a chocolate chip croissant. Me likey chocolate. After Carina's Noontime nap, we headed out to West Rock State Park. It was beautiful out and Carina had a blast running alongside the stroller (BTW pushing the stroller up the hill was quite the workout). What we didn't realize was that it would take us 45 minutes to reach the top. We were exhausted, but had a nice picnic once we reached the top.

Aurelia was hungry?

Teeth!

For dinner, Mike grilled salmon and shrimp and sauteed 2 lbs. of mussels - 3 of my favorite foods. Dessert was some chocolate fondue and Moscato while we watched Game of Thrones. I couldn't have asked for a better day. My gift was a Garmin GPS -- something I've been wanting for quite some time now. And yes, we used it when we traveled to the park, just 1.5 miles away ;)

How was your Mother's Day?

This week's Toddle Along Tuesday topic is Mother's Day! What did you do? There are no rules here, except that you link up a relevant post (old or new) rather than your whole blog.

What I do all day

2013-05-10T19:47:00.003-04:00

Oh hi there, blog. It's been a little while.

Most nights this week I crashed as soon as I put the girls to bed or had so much to clean I didn't even get a chance to turn the computer on. No matter how much laundry I do or dishes I wash, a few hours later there are more. I hate those chores that you can't ever be finished with. And even more I hate not being able to find a way to construct a sentence so that I don't have to end it in a preposition. Ugh. Oh, and yesterday we drove 2 hours each way to Mike's Grandfather's interment at West Point. That part of New York is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. But I digress...

A few of you have asked what I actually do at my job. So here, it is...with a warning. It's probably pretty boring to the majority of you, unless you get turned on at the thought of electronic medical records. And yeah...said no one ever.

My days are spent in a cubicle, making my way through a queue of outstanding issues from the most recent Go-Live in the health system for which I work. I read through the problems and then tweak the build of the software system as appropriate. Sometimes changes are quick and easy, like adding a button so that a physician can order a 10 mg dose of a certain medication or specifying that a medication can be dispensed at a particular pharmacy. Other times, the problems run deeper and I have to spend hours investigating what went wrong. In truth, I love these issues. The ones that require me to run queries and search through line after line in an attempt to identify the problem get me all hot and bothered. Okay, not really, but you get the idea. When I finally find that pesky root cause I mentally high-five myself {yeah, I'm that cool} and triumphantly respond to the user who reported the issue, letting them know it will be fixed shortly.

One afternoon a week I go to the hospital and meet directly with the Pharmacists and help solve their issues and explain aspects of the system to them. I'm hoping to do this on a more regular basis since it is so productive, and the hospital is less than 10 minutes from home (versus a 20+ minute drive to my office).

In many ways, it's very similar to my old job. I'm working with the same software and investigating issues much like I did before. Except now, I'm trying to fix the problems rather than cause them! In Quality Assurance, we basically did everything we could to make the software not work as intended. Now, I do the complete opposite.

It's been easier than I thought it would be to jump back in after 20 months away. My boss has been really impressed with my efficiency and told me today he wishes he could hire me directly. I'm feeling confident and happy that I can help them whittle away at their list of 400+ issues. And I'm making more money than I ever thought I would.

Carina is still having a hard time when I leave in the morning, and they have both regressed a little bit in their sleep schedules. More on that when I'm not about to fall asleep myself ;)

Here comes Carina!

2013-05-06T20:45:00.001-04:00

Toddlers say the best things, and Carina is no exception:

When she hurts herself, she says, "Mommy kiss it!" And magically, after I kiss her arm/leg/head it's all better. Yesterday she had a mild diaper rash and demanded, "Mommy gotta kiss the bum!" I told her that no, Mommy wouldn't be kissing her bum...to which she replied, "kiss it just a little bit?"

Zooming off in the car or stroller, she yells, "here comes Carina!" While walking to Mike's soccer game this weekend I began pushing the stroller and preemptively announced, "here comes Carina!" Instead of repeating it (like she usually does), she added, "and baby sister!" ::heartmelt::

Each day when I return from work she asks me to take off my coat and shoes. Then she proceeds to step into my shoes (usually heels) and walks around in them exclaiming, "Carina's so big and strong!"

Her favorite treat in the whole world is Orange Sherbet. Of course, that's not what she calls it. To her, it's "Clementime Ice Cream".

She's going through a bit of a nudist phase, and would rather not wear clothes. She'll take off her shirt and then come up to me and say, "oh no! What happened to Carina's clothes?" No idea, love. No idea...

What awesome things do your kids say?

This week's Toddle Along Tuesday topic is things your kids say! Cute, funny, weird, gross, ...whatever you'd like to share. There are no rules here, except that you link up a relevant post (old or new) rather than your whole blog.

Baby led win

2013-05-05T20:44:00.000-04:00

You might remember that we had a lot of trouble getting Carina to eat enough early on. She started out chunky but when I first returned to work back in May of 2011, she went on a bottle strike, thinned out, and never recovered. She still probably doesn't eat as much as she should.

I'm sure you can imagine that we want to do our best to avoid a food battle with Aurelia, so we were a little disheartened when we gave her her first bite -- roasted sweet potato puree -- and she gagged and drooled and spit it all out. She either didn't like it, or didn't appreciate being spoon fed...or both.

So, we tried something else. Many of my friends have been successful with baby led weaning so I did a little reading and figured it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. Baby Led Weaning simply means letting your child feed him/herself from the beginning. No spoon-feeding purees or rice cereal. "Weaning" in this sense doesn't mean stopping breastfeeding, it is referring to the British word which means "adding complementary foods". You give baby small pieces of food and let them have at it. We were a little nervous at first that she would choke, but she's done unbelievably well.

Aurelia at just over 7 Months is already eating better, and more foods, than Carina was at 1. She's had toast, sweet potato, avocado, rigatoni, pastina (re: last two, we're Italian, so they're two separate categories), cucumber, banana, applesauce, apples, yogurt (which she feeds herself), cheddar cheese, mozzarella cheese, American cheese (can you tell we like cheese?), pancakes, mango, hot dog (the fancy nitrate-free kind), and puffs. And I just might have let her try her first {very tiny} taste of cupcake today ;)

Sure, it's messy, but she loves feeding herself and it let's us eat our own meals while she eats hers. I wish we had gone this route with Carina. No stress. No fuss. Just happy well-fed baby.

Since returning to work, she has rebelled against the bottle just like Carina did, but after a suggestion from a reader (thanks!) we tried sippy cups and it's actually working pretty well! I guess we'll just skip the bottles altogether. And with how great of an eater she is? I'm not worried at all :)

Has anyone else tried baby led weaning? How did it go for you?

The most technologically advanced baby wear out there!

2013-05-05T13:33:00.000-04:00

This is a sponsored post, but all opinions are my own; you cannot have them.

It was likely only a matter of time before some of the cool technology currently being used to make clothes entered the realm of baby wear. What could be better than combining cute styles with geeky antibacterial and moisture resistant properties?

Meet my lovely sponsor Julieta, co-owner of SanBelle:
Together with my father, we have created a family business focused on introducing the concept of health in clothing. Babies are in contact with their clothes all day so why not offer clothing that protects baby and keeps him/her comfortable at the same time?

Tell us a little bit more about SanBelle:

SanBelle is a unique, innovative new brand of infant clothing (newborn to 12 months) that uses textiles made with nanotechnology that protects babies and keeps them comfortable. We are the only brand on the market that use this kind of technology for baby clothing. Our soft, comfortable fabrics, which are imported from France, contain tiny particles of silver, making them:

Antibacterial: Using freshFX technology, our fabrics help the skin maintain a healthy balance of microorganisms which work to prevent irritations and infections, and fight bacteria and fungus.

Moisture resistant: CoolMax technology makes our fabrics fast-drying and helps keep babies (and their clothes) moisture-free.

UV resistant: The fabrics we use contain permanent UV 50+ solar protection, meaning it does not come out in the wash - perfect for babies with sensitive skin that cannot tolerate sunscreen.

Static resistant: Our clothes repel dust and animal hair, ideal for babies with allergies.

What is your personal favorite item?

I just love SanBelle pajamas, they are really soft and adorable!! Babies look so cute in them.

Here's Aurelia sporting the long sleeve bodysuit. It's pink with white trim, and is super soft and slightly stretchy. The material is reminiscent of a more lightweight and flexible swimsuit. It's breathable and keeps Aurelia comfortable. The 12 Month size is just a little long on her arms and leaves plenty of room for her to grow.

SanBelle long sleeve bodysuit

I love that the clothing provides sun protection because I have been known to forget the sunscreen (oops!) and repels animal hair, as our two rather long-haired kitties get hair everywhere imaginable.

SanBelle clothing is available on Amazon and you can find them on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

So comfy!

Living for the weekends

2013-05-02T21:21:00.003-04:00

Since beginning work, I've realized that I took advantage of my days at home. Partly due to the agoraphobia I'm sure, but also? I confess...I was lazy.

Days upon days to do anything and everything spread out before me, with no end in sight. There was no sense of urgency to make sure we did something fun each day. To hoard all the snuggles I could. To experience enough giggles and "Mommy I love you!"s and milk drunk boob-hugging naps.

I know I still get these things, but they're just in small doses until the weekend comes. I feel like I'm living for them now.

Last weekend:

Until the next one...

Verdict: this grass isn't greener

2013-04-30T22:05:00.001-04:00

As I left for work this morning Carina ran up behind me yelling, "no! Mommy gotta stay!" I looked into her big brown eyes and for the first time, felt regret at my decision to go back to work. Turning the key to lock the door on my way out was like twisting a knife into my heart as I could hear her on the other side calling, "Mommy!"

I guess I'm lucky that this didn't happen until work day #7, but for this and a few other reasons I'm feeling pretty certain that I don't want to continue full time after my contract is up in July. Part-time? Maybe. Part-time remote? Even better. I knew it would be hard to be away all day, but I didn't count on being exhausted all the time. On a nightly basis I'm fighting falling asleep right after dinner and succumbing to shut eyelids before 10 PM. Then up again at 6 AM. Rinse. Repeat.

Is it Friday yet?

Daffodils & my first week at work

2013-04-26T21:34:00.002-04:00

There's a local park that is famous for its Spring Daffodil bloom. We took the girls last Sunday; it was our first trip in the brand new Minivan.

I thought a nice relaxing day would be the perfect thing before beginning work on Monday.

The week started off rough. When I arrived at work, I didn't have a computer or access to the system so there wasn't much for me to do. Then they sent me to another campus 25 minutes away as the team representative to a meeting I knew nothing about. When I left for home I started crying, I missed the girls so badly. I was disheartened when I arrived at home to learn that Aurelia only drank 1 oz of breastmilk.

The next morning they had me observe users in a hospital unit who were unhappy with the software configuration in the hopes that I could offer suggestions as to how to improve it. I had no time to prepare and felt put on the spot. I guess you could say they threw me into it. Carina pitched a fit when Mike left for work {right after me} in the morning. And Aurelia drank NO breastmilk at all. I began to panic.

Since Wednesday, I've made great strides in solving some of the issues they are encountering and have begun offering my recommendations. The software is coming back to me quickly and easily and I'm beginning to really enjoy working with it again. More importantly, with your help and advice (thanks!!) Aurelia is now taking more milk. Carina seems to be having a lot of fun with the Nanny. I think in a week or so I'll ask my boss about working a couple afternoons from home (this was something we had discussed as a possibility during my phone interview).

I'm feeling really good about this. Thanks for your support!

Projects lately

2013-04-24T21:03:00.000-04:00

Last night I was going to blog about how the new job was going, but it would have been whiny and depressing so I figured I'd give it another few days before sharing -- with the hope that it would get better. I'm glad I did; today was great. Still, I'm going to wait until the weekend before I pass any sort of judgment on my time so far.

So what have we been up to lately? Preparing for my new job and doing a few things around the house that we've been wanting to do for quite some time now.

First, we succumbed to the Minivan. On Saturday we test drove and bought a 2013 Dodge Grand Caravan. It's enormous, and I feel like I'm driving a boat but I've never been more in love. Carina calls it the "family van" and loves riding in it. I can't believe how much storage space we have and did I mention the back row folds backwards into tailgate seats? Yeah, that.

I'M THE COOLEST SOCCER MOM EVER

Before bed, we read the girls a few books. We like to all sit together for story time so we set up a little reading corner in their room. It's nothing fancy, but Carina loves it.

Every night Carina picks one story, and then Aurelia picks another. Until she can select her own, I'm her book choosing proxy ;) I was looking for a way to display the books in such a way that Carina could see the pictures and titles on the front, and was so excited to receive a complementary Canvas Bookcase from Personal Creations.

Our white bookcase with pastel canvas pockets is made of sturdy wood composite. It measures 28"H x 25"L x 12”W and can be embroidered with any name up to 10 characters. Since Carina has so many personalized items already, this one's Aurelia's. It's adorable and only took me about 15 minutes to assemble all by myself. It fits many more books than I thought it would, and Carina loves looking through them all before selecting her bedtime story. When we move someday and the girls each have their own rooms, we plan on getting another for Carina.

Now that the girls share a room we're realizing that there isn't nearly enough space for their clothes. And due to my slight (okay, not slight) addiction to buying them clothes, we've got overflowing drawers. So I hung up a canvas shelving unit in their closet for all of their pants, skirts, and shorts (come on, Summer!) and a shoe organizer for all of their tiny little soles.

Ignore the mess around the organized shelves ;)

Both of the girls' shoes fit in one pouch of this adult shoe organizer. Perfect.

Beer. After spilling a great deal of it, Mike {with a little help from me} finally bottled it. We tried the first one tonight and it was GOOD. Like, it actually tastes like beer; I'm a bit surprised to be honest. We plan on heading over to the home brew store in town and buying a few more kits. We'd love to brew on a larger scale once we have our own home.

Oh, and lots of Spring cleaning. We have too many baby clothes. My closet is full of tops that no matter how badly I will them to fit me again, they just won't. That's what 2 babies will do to you, I guess. Although I'm not sure that flowery halters are a good look for anyone anymore. And Mike has T-shirts from 1997 that NEED to be thrown out. You hear me, Mike? TRASH. Or donate. Although I'm not sure anyone would want your Middle School musical T-shirts with holey pits. Sorry, babe.

P.S. I've rounded up a bunch of cloth diapers that aren't our favorites, so if anyone is looking for some gently used ones (mostly Fuzzibunz, but a few others, too) shoot me an e-mail.

Our new routine

2013-04-22T21:36:00.000-04:00

Phew. I'm tired. Today was my first day going to work since August of 2011. For the next 3 months, our days will go like this:

Wake at 6 AM: get dressed, pour some coffee, empty dishwasher. Nurse Aurelia when she wakes up around 6:30, and get girls changed. Have family breakfast, which usually consists of fruit and yogurt.

Head to work at 7:15 AM. Try to look like I know what I'm doing (okay, just kidding) until I pump at 10 AM. Grab some lunch around Noon, pump again at 2 PM.

Get home at 5 PM and enjoy lots of snuggles. Play, start dinner, eat, give girls baths, nurse Aurelia, bedtime stories and then to bed I said, around 7:15 PM.

Dishes, laundry, e-mail, {possibly} blogging, {probably} wine, a little TV with Mike and to bed by ~~10:30 PM~~ ~~11 PM~~ 11:30 PM. But really, I need help getting to bed earlier because Momma is TIRED.

This post was supposed to have pictures...but I forgot. And I'm too exhausted to care. Today was hard -- more on that later. For now I think I need to get some sleep.

This week's Toddle Along Tuesday topic is A Day in the Life! Tell us about your day...the usual, or a special one. Share your schedule, photos, whatever! There are no rules here, except that you link up a relevant post (old or new) rather than your whole blog.

Conflicted

2013-04-19T13:47:00.002-04:00

I start work on Monday.

I'm excited, but nervous. Happy, yet sad. Both relieved and anxious at the same time. Hence the post title.

As soon as I was offered the job and the prospect of being away from home materialized, I realized just how badly I need a break. From tantrums, diapers, the incessant "Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy!" and the burden of being completely responsible for the needs of two living and breathing people {aside from myself} all day every day. ::sigh:: I hate admitting this...it makes me feel like a terrible Mom.

But as Carina asks to snuggle me on the couch and throws her arms around my neck coming in for a big hug, my sadness is palpable. As if on cue, Aurelia then flails her arms and squeals and I wonder how I'm going to bear to be away from them.

Snuggle Mommy!

This girl. I just can't even...

What I'm concerned about:

When I worked Full-Time for three months during the summer of 2011, Carina barely took a bottle. I suspect that her Failure to Thrive issues stem from these months of not eating enough. Aurelia is not a fan of bottles, either, and I'm worried that history will repeat itself.

Carina is really attached to me. To the point where when I leave to go downstairs to the basement for 2 minutes to throw in the laundry, she calls for me over and over. I think it'll be good for her to be away from me but the thought of my sad little toddler crying for me breaks my heart. I hope she likes the Nanny.

Can my brain go from stay-at-home Mom mode to focused on work quickly? It's been quite a while since I worked with the software that I'll be modifying/updating, and I'm worried it won't come back to me easily.

I've been feeling a lot better lately, but I have to admit I'm a little apprehensive about this all intensifying my anxiety.

Why this job is so important to us:

I need a break. I'm with my girls all day every day and generally speaking, I love it. But, I need some time by myself. This job is currently only for 3 Months, so it might be the perfect "break" for me. There will be the option for continuing after it ends, and I'm crossing my fingers that {if I'm up for it} they will be open to part-time.

My brain is begging to be challenged. Other than for how best to handle a poopsplosion or tantrum, I haven't had to use my critical thinking skills in quite some time. I'm eager to learn and think and produce again.

The money I'll be making means we'll go from qualifying for government assistance (which, by the way, we never accepted) to more than doubling our annual income - for only 3 Months of work. We'll get to buy another car, go out on dates more often, save a {hopefully} hefty future down payment for a house, and maybe even go on a vacation. Simply put, we don't have to worry about money anymore. The most exciting aspect of this for us is that it means we can definitely afford a baby #3 sometime in the near future... ;)

I'm hoping this will all work out with minimal anxiety, stress, and sadness for our little family. We'll see. Here goes.

All there is to come

2013-04-18T09:47:00.002-04:00

Four years ago today I married my mad scientist.

Today we celebrate. We celebrate our love, our two beautiful girls, and our accomplishments. The last four years have brought us immeasurable joy, but quite a bit to overcome as well. The stress of completing Mike's doctorate, a move half-way across the country, Carina's Failure to Thrive, and my anxiety, to name a few.

But today, we also celebrate all there is to come: our girls growing, adding to our family (as we both agree that it isn't complete yet), and in about two years -- when Mike is finished with his Post-Doc here -- we'll be moving somewhere else to {hopefully} settle. In our immediate future, I begin working on Monday. After more than 18 Months as a stay-at-home Mom I'll be reentering the workforce. Eeek! As nervous as I am, this means great things for our family. But more on that this weekend... :)

One of my favorite things about blogging is the ability to go back and read what I was feeling on any given day in the past. While I didn't start this blog until a few months after our wedding, I did chronicle our anniversary each year (and I went back and posted some wedding photos more recently). Reading through these milestones makes me smile and thank God for Mike, and for all of our blessings.

Our wedding | 1st Anniversary | 2nd Anniversary | 3rd Anniversary

Up a size

2013-04-16T20:23:00.002-04:00

When your child has been diagnosed with Failure to Thrive, noticing that she is outgrowing her clothes brings a sigh of relief, a sense of triumph, and maybe even a smug "I told you so" -- directed at her pushy doctors, of course.

After wearing teeny tiny size 18 Month pants for over a year, she blew through size 24 Months and now her 2T pairs are even too short. Thank goodness for elastic waistbands. She has slowly begun to fill out her tops, outgrowing many of her 2T sized ones as well. I can't believe I'm buying size 3T for my little girl. Sure, they might be a little long, but she'll grow into them.

24 Months sweatshirt? Way too short!

Here we go 3T!

She's hit 35 inches and is approaching 26 lbs. To think that this time last year she weight about the same as Aurelia does now is mind boggling. We have come such a long way.

Her Failure to Thrive diagnosis and the subsequent testing and constant shoving food at her was one of the hardest things I've had to manage, and I know she was so frustrated, too :(

I hope and pray that her growth continues.

Mother's Day Gift Idea - Origami Owl Giveaway! CLOSED

2013-04-15T22:00:00.000-04:00

This is a sponsored post.

Meet Shelly, an Independent Designer for Origami Owl, a jewelry company that allows you to design customized lockets that reflect your interests and tell the story of your life! There are over 200 different charms so -- in Shelly's words -- whatever your pleasure, there's a charm for that ;)

More about Shelly
I'm Shelly. First I chase three kids, second I chase the dream of being a filmmaker/actor. So I'm a story-teller by nature…I started with Origami Owl for just that reason, they give everyone a chance to tell their story through the lockets they design. I love hosting parties and doing events because I get to hear everyone's stories and also their hopes/plans--it's really interesting and exciting.

Tell me a little bit about Origami Owl
First the lockets are so awesomesauce! They are really well made and beautiful for any occasion. What's so cool about the company is they are all about inspiring women to good things. It's really empowering, especially because the whole concept was started by a 14 year old girl in AZ! It is still a new company which makes it exciting to be part of the growth curve. It's fun to talk to people about because it is the perfect gift for everyone and a really fun way to own your own biz.

I love my Origami Owl locket! For Mother's Day, I might see if *ahem ahem* someone might want to add a few charms to mine. I particularly like the "M" initial and music notes. Oooh and this cute key dangle.

Shop:

E-mail Shelly your Origami Owl order and she'll add in a free charm with a $50 purchase, or 2 free charms with a $75 purchase!

Win:
One lucky reader will win (a $59 value):
1 Medium Living Locket with Crystals in silver or gold
3 Charms of winners choice
1 16-18" Ball Station Chain in silver or gold
1 Medium Stamped Plate in silver or gold

How to Enter:

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Two down, just one to go

2013-04-14T22:56:00.002-04:00

1. I did some shopping.

Okay, that's not quite the truth. I did a lot of shopping. Since my last job didn't have a dress code, and pajamas sufficed much of the time while I was a stay-at-home Mom, my closet is sorely lacking in the professional and presentable clothes department. I'm really excited to get dressed up in my new outfits ;)

2. After posting our Nanny position on Care.com we received a flurry of responses {including one that simply stated "I want Melissa" uhhh....what? Needless to say, I didn't reply to that one} and had four interviews today. It was more exhausting than I thought it would be and towards the end I worried I was repeating myself or accidentally omitting important information. Narrowing it down was difficult, but we think we have found the perfect person to care for the girls.

Both Mike and I feel really confident with our Nanny choice. She'll be spending some time with us on Saturday to get acclimated and to watch the girls while we go test drive cars, which is our one remaining task!

I think it's safe to say that I'm a veritable emotional roller coaster right now. One minute I'm so excited about working, and then the next I look over at the girls and can't help but worry. Will Carina be upset with me? Will Aurelia take a bottle okay? Will working exacerbate my anxiety? I'm hoping and praying that everything will be fine...

And not even 30 hours later...

2013-04-11T19:52:00.000-04:00

I have a job.

I start April 22nd ::cue freakout::

We have to hire a Nanny. We should probably buy another car (YAY IT'S MINIVAN TIME!) I desperately need to go shopping for an entire wardrobe because I haven't had to wear professional looking clothes since 2007. Not that those would fit anyway, after the number that two pregnancies did on my ass and thighs...

Anyway. This has been a crazy whirlwind. I received a call yesterday at noon from a consulting company that I have spoken with in the past. They wanted to submit my resume for an opening at a local hospital. I told them to go for it. I had a phone interview this evening and was officially offered the job. I'm going to be helping this hospital (specifically, the pharmacy inside the hospital) fix issues that arose during their electronic medical record installation. In my previous life, I tested the software that they use at the company that develops it.

It's full-time, but they are open to me working closer to 30 hours some weeks and/or from home here and there. And the best part? The contract is only for 3 Months. So if I don't like it or have a tough time being away from the girls, I'll be back home with them mid-July. If I like it and want to stay on? There is the possibility of extension. Did I mention I'll make more than 4 times what I did at my old job? Yeah. I just couldn't say no.

I'm super excited, but also nervous and a little overwhelmed. I don't know how Carina is going to do without me, and I'm worried that Aurelia hasn't ever taken a bottle. SO MUCH TO DO.

I might have to neglect the blog a little since there is a lot we have to take care of right now, so please bear with me as I prepare for and settle into my new {temporary} role as working Mom.

But right now, I'm going to eat a giant bowl of ice cream. I figure I deserve it ;)

I never thought I'd see the day

2013-04-10T21:16:00.002-04:00

When I was a teenager, I thanked my lucky stars that my parents didn't have a Minivan. I was never forced to drive up to the Mall in shame, hiding down below the steering wheel of a soccer Mom mobile, praying that no one I knew would see me. I felt sorry for my high school boyfriend whose only choice was to take his parents' Dodge Caravan around to his sports games, friends' houses, and even to pick me up for dates -- or stay home.

I vowed to never EVER EVER drive a Minivan. No way, no how.

Now, after:

multiple trips to visit family where we've left stuff behind because we couldn't fit it in our station wagon
having to lean over the car seat and dangle a boob to satisfy a hungry screaming baby
resorting to changing a stinky diaper in the passenger seat while the baby {on the changing pad} slowly slipped down the leather seat
our decision to have more babies

...I CANNOT WAIT TO GET A MINIVAN.

Oh how I want to roll around in the backseat and inhale the new car smell. I'm currently salivating over how much space we would have.

We've been researching them and are contemplating trading in our current car for one before baby #3 arrives (whenever that may be). Or, we might need one sooner...as it looks like I might have a job interview in the works (umm...eek?!) I'll keep you posted.

So...Minivan Moms unite! Who has one? What kind, and do you love it?

Peeking at Daddydoo's Diary

2013-04-09T09:00:00.000-04:00

Hey folks, Mike here with a new post. Missie wrote about a few confessions of hers, reflecting on her parenting skills (which are amazing if I say so myself). Here is my crack at it:

1) Carina takes Disney princess gummy "vimamins" every morning...

...and so do I. My vitamins taste the way cat barf smells. The Disney princess gummies taste like gummy bears and have all the same stuff. Win.

2) Every parent out there probably knows a few cartoon theme songs/songs from kids movies. In our case, the songs from Super Why were first. Lately, it's been the theme to Sofia the First, and (thanks to Pandora and a CD my mother gave us) a princess song from The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Princess and the Frog, Aladdin, Tangled, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or... yeah one of those. Here's the confession part. I'm not complaining about it - I rock out to A Whole New World, and will probably tear up when, at the start of an episode of Sofia, I don't hear a little voice say "Daddydoo gotta sing it, singa Princess Sofia!!" Notes are too high for a guy who sang baritone in high school and college you say? My falsetto pwns yours.

3) I am terrified of Aurelia headbutting me and will be so happy once the occasional baby head flops are gone (the loss of other baby phases is sad, but not this one). Why am I afraid? Because Carina headbutted me when I was a new dad, and her forehead hit my chin. I left a tiny dent in the skin on her head. It was barely noticeable, but I sure as hell could see it. I think it's gone now, but for months, I was reminded that yes, I dented my kid's head. When we fight during her teenage years, maybe this will come in useful, but until then, I'll still look apprehensively when the light hits her little forehead to make sure the evidence is gone.

4) I'm afraid that because of the hours I work, Carina and Aurelia are used to me not being there. As it is, they both giggle when I walk in at the end of the day. Sometimes Aurelia reaches out to me when she's cuddled up to Missie in our bed. But on Saturdays or Sundays when I run into lab, Carina runs after me and says, almost exasperated "Carina go to work with Daddydoo, go see Dinosaurs" or Aurelia lets out a whimper or fuss as I give her back to Missie when I leave. I walk out the door and tear up as I turn the key, and I hope my little ladies will understand that I'm putting in the time to give them opportunities and good life down the road.

5) I want my girls to be better than me. I have high standards for my own behavior and interactions with other people, and to be honest I don't always live up to them - those moments really stick with me and I try to learn from them but mostly I just feel badly, which isn't helpful to anyone. I hope my girls get it right way more than I do because, and this applies to many situations in parenting and my career in academia/education as well, I'm not sure how to teach and discipline certain things when I know I struggle with them too. It's pretty scary and I hope my little ladies one-up their Daddydoo in this one.

Well folks, that's what I've got. Parenting is what I call a "full-life" experience - we run the full gamut of emotions, from being happy and celebratory, to being just a little embarrassed sometimes, to feeling proud, having regrets, being afraid, and being fearless because we have to be. These early years and I think probably every year to come are what remind us of the range of who we are as people. I love every minute of it, even the hard stuff.

This week's Toddle Along Tuesday topic is Dad Confessions! If you can't convince your man to actually write the post, ask him what some of his confessions would be and transcribe! Or? I bet you have a few things you could write about on his behalf, without him even knowing about it ;) There are no rules here, except that you link up a relevant post (old or new) rather than your whole blog.

Next week's topic will be A Day in the Life! It's been exactly one year since we've done this topic, I thought it would be fun to revisit it.

What I missed last Spring & Summer

2013-04-08T09:00:00.000-04:00

The better I feel the more I'm slowly realizing that my anxiety {specifically the agoraphobia} may have predated Aurelia's arrival. Last Spring and Summer we didn't get out much. It would have been the perfect time to explore this new city and state we're living in, but we only made it to the park a couple times a week and that was it. I told myself it was because I was pregnant and tired, but in retrospect...that was my easy out.

This year? Nothing is going to stop me from enjoying everything: the fresh air, the sun, this city, my girls.

We went to the Peabody Museum at Yale on Saturday and Carina circled the dinosaur room over and over. She informed me that Brontosaurus is her favorite and that he says, "RAWR!!" She also enjoyed the butterflies, ants, and "YUCKY snakes!"

On Sunday we let the girls play outside while we cleaned up the yard. We also set up the girls' Christmas gift from their aunt -- a water and sand table.

Helping Daddy

Almost finished!

All done!

I'm not so sure about the sand, though. We might fill it with something a little less messy since sand + water = mud, and Carina discovered mud this afternoon and practically bathed in it. Daddy wasn't quick enough ;)

Any ideas for what to put in the sand side?

Cloth diapering 2

2013-04-07T14:25:00.000-04:00

Some people thought it was crazy to attempt to cloth diaper two children, but it's been a lot easier than I suspected it would be. We're still using our sort-of hybrid system I described last year which includes cloth diapers during the day, and a disposable at night -- for both girls. For wipes, we use cloth (little fleece rectangles) with a homemade wipe solution (baby oil, baby wash, and water) for #1 and disposables for #2. Rounding out our "half and half method" is our diaper pail set up -- one disposable diaper pail, and one cloth diaper pail. It might seem crazy and/or redundant, but this works well for us and I can't tell you how much money we've saved not having to buy case after case of disposable diapers. We don't use a sprayer, but have opted instead for flushable liners. I do diaper laundry once every 3 days and use Rockin' Green detergent.

What is particularly awesome right now is that Aurelia is no longer in Newborn and smaller-sized diapers, so she and Carina are sharing the exact same diapers, even on the same rise/button setting. Some may fit a little more snugly on Carina's tiny and lean waist while others better flatter Aurelia's chunky rolls, but we can pretty much use them interchangeably. They take up almost two entire drawers in our changing table. Our top drawer contains everything except the BumGenius 3.0/4.0 and extra inserts:

And the middle drawer includes the Bum Genius 3.0/4.0 and our disposables -- Luvs Size 4 (and some miscellaneous baby outfits).

A few of the diapers have emerged as the best because they fit both girls so perfectly without necessitating any changes to the diaper settings or stuffing levels. One of those is our Kung Poo.

Kung Poo Diapers is a new company in the cloth diaper world. Their diapers are manufactured here in the U.S. and are sold individually, or in packs of 12 or 24. The one-size-fits-all pocket diapers have snap down rows so they will fit from birth until potty training. The diapers also boast a "smart sleeve" that has openings on both ends, which contains the microfiber insert. The diapers come in an variety of colors (or belts - ha!) We received the "black belt". I thought this would make a wonderful addition to our stash since the majority of our diapers are pastels or prints.

Carina in the "Black Belt"

Okay seriously how can you see that label on the bum and not laugh?

Features we like about the Kung Poo diaper:

There is no need to remove the microfiber insert when you take the diaper off of baby; it agitates out in the wash
The edge of the insert is threaded with color so it's easy to match up after washing. Since I can't figure out which of our inserts go with which diapers for the rest of our stash, this is clever!
The crossover and rise snaps make for a perfect fit, and they are easy to snap and un-snap
It's trim and fits really well in Carina's jeans (it might look a little bulky in the photo above, but that's because it's actually not on the setting we usually use...the husband unsnapped some snaps and I didn't realize it!)

Aurelia in the "Black Belt"

The diapers are 100% Polyester with a soft Alova Suede Cloth inner lining and each comes with a Microfiber insert. We haven't had a single leak or blowout and we've been using it on both girls since New Years' (yeah, I'm a bit late on this review). I've also been washing and drying it (in the dryer on low -- I'm lazy) and the insert is still fluffy and absorbent. This is one of the few diapers I can dry quickly and use right away instead of line drying.

Inside, outside, and insert

Blue Belt

Shop:

At only $9.95 per diaper, Kung Poo are the cheapest diapers that work well for us, and additional inserts are only $1.95. If/when we determine we need additional cloth diapers, I WILL be purchasing them from Kung Poo. Kung Poo also offers free shipping on every order, and has a 30 Day Risk Free Guarantee.

Win:
Kung Poo Diapers is offering one of my readers the diaper of their choice.

How to Enter:

This is a Rafflecopter giveaway. Click "Read More" below and then follow the instructions on the widget. Make sure to click "Enter!" after you complete each entry. All currents count! The giveaway is open to residents of the US only and ends at 11:59 PM EST on Saturday, April 13th.

The first entry is mandatory - Visit Kung Poo and tell me which color -- er...belt -- you like best! Once you complete this entry, the widget will give you the option of completing the rest. Complete more steps for more chances to win!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And the Mommy guilt washes away...

2013-04-05T13:43:00.000-04:00

A few weeks before Aurelia was born I was overcome with a wave of sadness and guilt. It had finally hit me that from the day of Aurelia's birth, my time would forever be divided. Carina would never {consistently} receive my completely undivided attention anymore, and Aurelia would never have the opportunity at all.

Then Aurelia was born, and the guilt was almost palpable every time I let Carina's little hand go as she tried to pull me off the couch to "play, Mommy!" while I was nursing the baby. Her eyes, begging, "love only me" as she tugged at me and then walked away dejectedly. I cried. I lamented -- and feared -- that the close bond we had enjoyed for so long would begin to fade, especially as Aurelia began napping less often and things became more chaotic around the house.

Months later, Carina has really come to enjoy playing independently, but there are still often times when it pains me that I can't focus on her as much as I used to. But then, within the last couple weeks, something amazing has happened --

They're playing with each other.

Sure, it's mostly just Aurelia sitting still and giggling uncontrollably as Carina runs into the room, kneels down, and laughs in her face (and then does it over and over again), but it's heart warming and dare I say, guilt ameliorating? Then yesterday Carina showed Aurelia how to eat a banana and she watched intently, and then did it herself. Well, she tried to. Most of it ended up on her clothes and the high chair.

With each interaction I can't help but sit back and imagine all of the joy that they will share, fits of laughter they will experience, and how much they will teach and learn from each other. They will so often be the subject of each other's undivided attention.

Show baby "Railya" shapes!

And my heart is at rest, for the first time in a long time.

P.S. I'm sure there will be arguments, too, but let's not think about those today, mmmkay? ;)

Blogging about blogging (sorry!)

2013-04-04T13:43:00.000-04:00

I read two blog posts earlier this week (here and here) that really spoke to me. They prompted me to rethink some of my procedures when it comes to blogging, social media, and sponsorship.

As a result of some reflection in the wake of these posts, I will be following suit and will no longer accept sponsorship from bloggers. It's not that I don't love reading blogs (because I do) or sharing posts I enjoy (again, I do), it's that I want to tweet/link/share/promote posts because I enjoyed them, not because someone paid me to. I certainly don't judge or think ill of anyone else who promotes other bloggers in exchange for money, it just isn't what I want to do anymore. I'll share when I read something that I think is awesome...and I won't expect anything in return.

If you are a blogger and currently have an ad with me, it will remain until the end of your term. This is just a from here on out change. In lieu of charging, I've opened swap spots once again. If you're interested in swapping ads on our blog sidebars for one month, head to my Sponsor page. I'll also be resurrecting my Blog Roll (which needs an update, badly...sorry) for blogs that I regularly read and love.

I've also made some changes to my ad packages, including lowering prices slightly and morphing my monthly sponsor post into a group giveaway (note: no changes will be made for existing sponsors).

I think this is a step in the right direction for me. I've made some blogging decisions in the past that {in retrospect} I'm not proud of or didn't sit well with me for whatever reason. I hope you'll bear with me as I continue to try to figure out what's right for my little geeky corner of the interwebs :)