Grrr... I Want More Fruity Pebbles!

Did you vote to legalize it?

2010-11-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

It's okay if you didn't.

SOCIAL NETWORK TAKES IN 8 Million On The First Day

2010-10-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

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On Friday night, the Social Network took in a sweet $8 million bucks, which was okay, but Eli Roth produced The Last Exorcism made $20 million it's opening weekend and it only cost $2 million to make. Just an interesting note.

Here's the Friday night breakdown:

1 (new) The Social Network Sony Pictures Drama $8,000,000
2 (1) Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps 20th Century Fox Drama $3,278,000
3 (2) The Town Warner Bros. Drama $3,103,000
4 (3) Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole 3D Warner Bros. Adventure $2,600,000
5 (4) Easy A Sony/Screen Gems Comedy $2,193,000
6 (new) Let Me In Overture Films Thriller/Suspense $1,900,000
7 (new) Case 39 Paramount Vantage Horror $1,800,000
8 (5) You Again Walt Disney Pictures Comedy $1,640,000
9 (6) Devil Universal Thriller/Suspense $1,107,000
10 (7) Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D Sony/Screen Gems Horror
11 (8) Alpha and Omega 3D Lionsgate Adventure $601,000

Kesha At 13!

2010-02-24T20:20:00.000-08:00

The Tik Tok singer can really sing.

Can you imagine this girl turning into the girl below!

Tiger Is Sorry... Again

2010-02-24T12:10:00.000-08:00

This time Tiger isn't apologizing to the public, or to the whores, or to his wife, or...wait... did he ever apologize to the whores? Those poor women (see bottom of post).

Anywhore, Tiger and his pretty wife Elin, who I'm pretty sure is going to slaughter Tiger in his sleep at some point (just a guess), have sent out an apology to the parents at his daughter's school for all of the paparazzis being camped out all over the place.

Here is the full note:

"Dear Premier Academy parents, We would like to share our appreciation for your support over the past several months and offer our personal apology for any inconvenience you are experiencing due to the increased media scrutiny surrounding our children.

We truly understand how frustrating it can be. We hope that the paparazzi will find something better to do with their time in the near future.

In the meantime, it is our goal to keep life as normal as possible for our children. We are sure that as parents you can appreciate that. For Sam, that normalcy means attending the school that she enjoys so much.

Again, we truly appreciate the support from the entire Premier Academy family.

Kind regards, Elin and Tiger Woods"

Poor Elin. You need to get your money and get out. Or you could just suck it up and say, What the fuck, and let Tiger get his game on. The only problem is, and my mom pointed this out to me, and I'm pretty sure she's right... TIGER IS A SOCIOPATH. The dude is freakin nuts. And I'm pretty sure he's an evil sunufabitch. He might be one of dem aliens come down to Earth to take over the world. Any day now, that cheap fifty cent Halloween mask he calls a face will melt off under the heat of the Paparazzi flash bulbs and he'll stick out his tongue of doom and eat the cameramen one by one.

Also, check out one of Tiger's mistresses' Press Conference. She and her attorney, uber bitch Gloria Allred, are suing Tiger (I think). And what are they asking for?

A good for nothing apology! She's distraught over all the unwanted attention the scandal has given her... so SHE HAS A PRESS CONFERENCE TO TELL EVERYONE!

I've never seen this bitch, and I hope this is the last time I do. And Gloria Allfuck for that matter.

First There Was Couple's Counseling...

2010-02-23T14:31:00.000-08:00

In true Charlie Sheen fashion, Chuck has checked himself back into rehab, so he can chill out and run out the shakes. Meanwhile, his wife, Brooke Mueller, has ALSO checked into rehab.

ISN'T THAT CUTE!!! (*awkward smile/grimace)

Some sources are saying Brooke doesn't think that crack is whack. And my guess is that whatever Brooke's doing, Chuckles is doing it in spades.

Maybe they were just huffing glue or good ole fashioned boozing.

Although, I can't seem to get the image out of my mind of Charlie sitting in front of a mound of Peruvian Flake practicing his lines for Two And A Half Men.

"Is that funny?" He asks his dealer.

"Fuck no" the dealer responds.

Here's something for you little Career People to look at whenever you want a laugh sandwich:

Free Betty White!

2010-02-22T09:42:00.000-08:00

So rumor has it that the lovely and talented Betty White will be hosting the big SNL! Saturday Night Live.

But, there is one serious problem.

That same pesky rumor also says that she'll be CO-HOSTING the show with other famous women... I think it was former women of SNL.

FIRST OF ALL! Fuck that.
Second, fuck you.
Third, Betty is not a former lady of SNL (FOR SHAME!). She doesn't need anybody to help her host this shit show.

Fuck, five minutes of Betty White on the Craig Ferguson show is more laughs than three and a half seasons of Saturday Night Losers.

Seriously Lorne Michaels, give Betty her own episode. Don't be stooopid!

Leo Still Has It

2010-02-21T21:34:00.000-08:00

And Martin Scorcese helped, too!

Shutter Island, Martin Scocese's latest flick about a cop who goes to a haunted mental institution (go figure!) made $40 million at the box office this weekend making it the number 1 movie in America.

Leo can take the money to get some facial lipo... dude's got a little fat face. He used to be so well proportioned. And now it's like that extra roll at dinner goes straight to his cheeks (insert ass hole joke here).

Valentine's Day came in at number 2 with $17 million while Avatar (wtf?) came in at third with $16 million.

Okay people. You need to see Avatar, then let it go. James Cameron is wiping his ass with our hard earned recession dollars, while we're standing in line at the free Church lunch. Why? So we can save enough money to see fucking Avatar again.

Just watch old reruns of Smurfs on Youtube instead. Everyone knows Avatar is just a rip off of the Smurfs anyway.

Rue McLanahan Is 76 Years Young Today

2010-02-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

I want all of you stone heads and Golden Girl Fanclub presidents to get out to the Hallmark store (They have a 99 cent section) and purchase the wonderful Rue McLanahan (the ho from Golden Girls) a beautiful 21st birthday card (she is eternally young).

It's Rue's 76th birthday today, and if it weren't Sunday, I would take the day off work and go to Church or something (Church's aren't open on Sundays, right?).

If you're too lazy to leave your apartment today, then just sing-a-long with the video below, and you'll be forgiven.

And yes, I'm reposting!

Whatchu Talkin Bout Insider?

2010-02-17T11:14:00.001-08:00

Oh Gary. My sweet little hershey kiss. My fair little lady. My poor little poo poo.

This video just shows you not to F$%# with Gary if you want an interview. You do it Gary's way, or you don't do it at all.

I wonder if they still paid Gary the millions he's worth even though he walked off the set. He probably only got his standard six figures, and a bowl of cheerios served to him on his favorite High Chair (Fisher Price makes 'em like no one else!).

Let this be a lesson to all of you other media types. Don't screw with Gary Coleman or you ain't get nothing! You're just lucky, INsider, that Gary didn't hog-tie your asses with his "I'm A Big Boy Cowboy" play set from Leap Frog.

Here's the Real Question

2010-02-09T11:15:00.000-08:00

Do you like cheerios? Do you think the box of cheerios above is sexy? Do you like the way it stares at you?

I certainly do!

May Your Nightmares Be As Brilliant As This

2010-02-09T11:06:00.000-08:00

Edgar Allen Poe with moving lips and old fucking film. This is golden!

Bitty Betty

2010-02-09T10:58:00.000-08:00
Betty White is on top of her game lately.

She's making appearances on late night, taking hits on a Snickers commercial, and telling Rue Calahan to stuff it!

Betty White is the Beyonce/Michelle Williams/Kelly Rowland of the Golden Girls.
She's a survivor. She's not gon' give up. She's gon work harder. She's a survivor. And she'll keep on surviving.

To continue, this blog wants to also give props to Betty White. Because it is cool to give props to Betty White!

Of the bottom two videos, one will sooth your heart, and one will stimulate your prostate.

You decide which is which.

The Most Interesting Things Going On In Entertainment...

2010-02-07T07:20:00.001-08:00

I was at the house of my parents recently, and as I was hidden away in their food closets (making rounds between the fridge), I pulled out a jar of peanut butter, which I began to spoon like it was Brad Pitt (circa the 22 year old Benjamin Button). And as I was eating this peanut butter, I noticed something extra special about it. Something you just don't come across everyday.

When I check the bottle, I nearly fainted (but i actually just kept on spooning it). It was honey roasted peanut butter. It was like they put all of the sugar of honey roasted peanuts into my peanut butter.

I was happy, my dog was happy (i put a spoonful on his nose), and my jiggly tigglies were happy (i put a spoonful there for good measure... thanks dog!).

Best Drunked Speech of 2010 Goes To...

2010-01-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

Mariah keeps it real... real drunk.

After drowning all of her troubles (i.e. weasel husband, bad cover of 'I Wanna Know What Love Is,' is a little piggy) in a third apple-tini, Mariah gave this wonderful acceptance speech at the Palm Springs Int'l Film Festival (don't quote me on the title).

I think all speeches should be given drunk. These celebrities need to realize that it makes us feel better about ourselves when they slur their words.

If I were going to start a philanthropy, it would focus on getting celebrities hammered. It would be called DRUNK.

(There's no acronym there, it says what it means.)

Watch the queen of drunk speeches below, and may she rest in peace.

Mrs. Cruise, I'm Trying To Watch K-Stew and R-Patts

2009-11-25T08:11:00.000-08:00
So Katie Holmes walks in to this joint, a New Moon screening in New York, and she's all, talking with her friends throughout the entire movie.

Was she on the bad shit?
Maybe she was just malfunctioning. Tommy probably forgot to upgrade her to Windows 7!

Why didn't Suri lay down on this biatch?

Anyways, below is a reenactment of Katie at the scene.

She's Still Got It

2009-11-21T19:36:00.000-08:00

Janet outdoes Britney. No question.

This Song Encourages Victorian Ideals

2009-11-21T19:27:00.001-08:00

One man to one woman. This is bullshit. BULLSHIT!

As if every woman needs a man. Those 4 lovely ladies don't need those three greasy boys and their gay gay papa. They need to learn some skills! You know, some useful skills to make them productive citizens.

If you ask me, Alice was the only biznatch with any sense. That broad kept that house spic and span. That's not easy to do with SIX (count 'em), SIX ungrateful, smoking, broken nosed, jealous, stupid (the little girl), horny (greg), pubescent, and ugly (...) brats.

If you ask me, they ought to update this show and make it useful to kids today. Hit the books. Become a doctor, and don't do blow! (I'm looking at you Marcia!!!)

Those awful Brady kids could have learned a thing or two from the other on-air family.

Now I know they both sang and danced, but at least the theme song to the Partidge Family doesn't encourage prostitution!

Be Free. Be Jonas

2009-11-13T17:34:00.000-08:00

There is now an unoffical 4th Jonas Brother. Some Spanish dude lost his cahonies and rushed the stage at a JoBro concert in Madrid.

"Ay Ay Ay. Caliente," he thought before he lost it and jumped the stage. Dude actually has some good stage presence. Much better than the ugly one, or the diabetes one, or, well, any of them actually. Give this dude a record deal!

A Test

2009-11-12T09:48:00.001-08:00

Quiznos Is Only Good For A Little While, Then You Have To Switch

2009-11-04T15:16:00.000-08:00

What is it with these "real" pictures that make food look so unappetizing.

I feel like asking what companies do to their food to make it look so appetizing is one of those questions you start to ask with vigor, and after a while, you lose interest.

WE NEED TO TAKE A STAND!

What sort of delicious chemicals are being put into commercial food and why aren't they putting them in my meal?

This is what a Quizno's commercial meatball sub looks like:

Come to think of it, for 2.99, I don't care what it looks like.

Another Retro Barbie Doll Becomes A Housewife

2009-10-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

The oldie lady with the large vv is the newest Real Housewife of New York, replacing the newly departed Bethenny Frankel, who is now set to appear in her won Bravo show. That'll show those other bitches that Bethenny and her "parting of the red sea" hair can do whatever they want. The newbie's name is Sonja somethingorother. Really, who gives a shit? (not me!!!!!! I swear. Don't look at me like that!)

Kiyah!

Rumor has it that Bethenny and Jill Zarin, of the Housewives of New York, are no longer talking since Frankel's split from the show. Jealous much? Uh.. duh.

Jill is probably squeezing out the last of her worry lines with botox as we speak.

Poor, poor, rich ho.

If you ask me, they should have just replaced Bethenny with Beaker the muppet. It would have been much more interesting. Finally, there would be someone with something to say. And more dramz!

Kelsey Grammer Relapses

2009-09-30T20:28:00.001-07:00

WTF Kelsey Grammer? No thank you. Good day sir.

I said good day!

Here It Is World!

2009-09-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

It's purrty good!

It's about a threesome.

I bet you'd think different about Brit Brit after being in a 3some with her.

Now THIS Is It!

2009-09-28T23:34:00.000-07:00

Britney's new single is coming out. Since I'm Jewish and have never fully celebrated Christmas, whenever Britney launches a debut single, it's like my Christmas.

3, ladies and homos. 3. 3. 3.

It's Not Real, But I Love It Anyway

2009-09-28T02:56:00.000-07:00

I want this movie to come out, because the trailer makes me cry with happiness.