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And so, our final offering from GrumpyOldFootballers:

Dimitar Berbatov

2 min: A terrific flick from Mr. Anderson puts Berbatov through. He pulls the ball back to Argentinian bad boy Carlos Tevez, who slots the ball home easily despite the sun reflecting fiercely off Pepe Reina’s forehead.

26 min: Edwin van der Sar, who is shortly due to replace John O’Shea as the fan’s number one target for booing, flaps aimlessly at a nothing ball again. He pushes the ball onto Wes Not Wes Brown‘s shin, and despite being able to Walk The Dinosaur Brown can do nothing to stop the ball trickling over the line. Fact: under Benitez, no Liverpool player has scored against United in the league. The last two goals registered by Liverpool were own goals by John O’Shea and Wes Not Wes Brown. That’s the second really bad mistake that the goalkeeper has made this half – the first one nearly cost a goal too.

Carlos Tevez scores against Liverpool

Half-time: United were the stronger team up until the equalizer, but there’s no doubt that it’s much more equal now and the Giro Boys are right back in it.  We’ve barely heard Berbatov and Tevez’ name since van der Sar’s howler. Following up his red for Argentina in midweek, goalscorer Tevez has picked up a yellow card.

In the great tradition of Jermaine Pennant and Mark Gonzalez, Albert Riera looks like complete no-hoper on whom Benitez wasted quite a few bob. How does he have the nerve to say he never gets any money to spend? Whilst flicking through the channels at half-time I came across “When I Grow Up” by The Pussycat Dolls. Christ on a bike, what a pile of shit it is! (Shameless plug: if you want some decent music, try my music blog Ad Fundum)

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45 min: Giggs comes on at half-time for the returning Michael Carrick, who was injured due to his involvement in the first tackle of Yossi Benayou’s career.

47min: First shock of the second half; Edwin van der Sar catches a corner.

51min: Ouch! That hurt! A cross from Riera was so wayward it hit me on the head, and I’m in Sheffield.

56min: That whooooooshing noise you can hear is an air shot from Robbie Keane, open net, three yards out. The Giro Boys are well on top and I’d be a lot more nervous if I wasn’t spending so long looking at the PC monitor whilst typing.

65min: Paul Scholes is replaced by Owen Hargreaves. Worryingly, we’ve just seen Michael Carrick limp on to the bench with his foot in a protective cast.

69min: King of the Unemployed Steven Gerrard gives the ball away the World’s Oldest Man Ryan Giggs, whose dipping long range shot is well saved.

70min: Benitez remembers that Shitty reject Albert Riera is still on the pitch so substitutes him immediately. In true Benitez clueless fashion he takes one of the continent’s brightest young centre-forwards (Ryan Babel) and plays him on the wing.

75min: An ill-advised toilet trip sees me out of the room when Liverpool score. Shit. The only bright spot of the afternoon is that I decided not to make Wayne Rooney my captain for this weekend’s fantasy league games. It’s fair to say that we’ve gone backwards gradually since our goal and for the entire second half United’s front six have been passengers. In the time that I’ve typed this United have picked up two yellow cards – what the smeg is going on?

84min: Benitez decides to sub Robbie Keane, then while Keane is walking over changes his mind and decides he might sub Mascherano. But doesn’t. I’ve just seen Liverpool’s goal – what the hell was Giggs playing at? Why not just put the ball out? I don’t understand why Giggs even has a squad number, let alone a place on the pitch. And now Benitez has decided he will take off Mascherano and bring on Hyypia.

89min: Vidic is sent off and now my life is ruined forever. Traditionally I don’t watch any more football in a weekend when United lose, so it’s anyone’s guess as to whether I’ll post anything else over the weekend. Norman Vidic’s red card means he misses the next game, but it’s only away to Chelsea so it probably won’t matter …

91min: Dirk Kuyt misses a sitter from a foot out. I’m not kidding – a Weetabix would have scored from there. Dirk Kuyt is shit.

Full time: A 2-1 defeat to the Jobseekers Allowance XI. I hate them. We started well and got progressively worse. Last season we lost our third game to a local rival and it didn’t end up too badly, but crikey we need to get sorted out quickly. At least Cristiano Ronaldo is almost fit.

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Jean-Pierre Papin

Papin scored 30 goals in 54 games for the national team. In France, the overheard kick is now known as “Le Papinade” in his honour. Papin also played for Valenciennes, Brugge, AC Milan, Bayern Munich, Bordeaux and Guingamp, but is most well-known for his time at L’OM where he is still revered as a legend, up with the likes of Fabien Barthez, Didier Drogba, Chris Waddle, Abedi Pele and Tyrone Mears:

And so to Drew’s prize. Drew even managed to correctly name the three European Cup winners that Papin played for, and so for that he deserves something special; probably the finest pair of boobs on the interweb:

Yeah baby, oh yeah

Tune in again soon for more mystery transfer targets on The Price is Right!

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“Theo Walcott hit a stunning hat-trick as England thrashed Croatia in a World Cup qualifying tie in Zagreb.

The 19-year-old got the nod to start ahead of David Beckham and he drilled England ahead, before Robert Kovac was sent off for an elbow on Joe Cole.

Walcott grabbed a carbon-copy second and soon after the exceptional Wayne Rooney slotted in a brilliant third.

Mario Mandzukic notched a consolation for Croatia, before Walcott collected Rooney’s pass and rolled in his third.”

So, a great result than from Fabio’s boys. A terrific hat-trick from Theo Walcott and a sublime allround performance which bodes well for Saturday’s match at Anfield, seeing as I’ve just put Wazza in my fantasy league team.

The one disappointing part of the night was Croatia’s goal. England “captain”, John Terry, fails to win a simple header on the half way line and then, when he sees he can’t catch the Croatian, falls to ground like Robert Pires. The Radio 5 commentators were furious at him, but then 5 Live commentator Alan Green is furious at everyone alll the time; he’s the only person that’s ever right about anything, in his opinion!

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The match went into extra time. Lee Martin was substituted for Mark Robins and, after a through ball from Mike Phelan (recently made the new Manchester United assistant boss), Robins scored the winning goal. He’d already scored important goals at Nottingham Forest and Newcastle, but this was the most important of all.

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Now that Manchester Shitty have got all this lovely money to play with, they’re making all sorts of bold and somewhat rash predictions about who they’re going to sign. It doesn’t matter who they are, what they cost, or who much they’ll need to be bribed paid; apparently it doesn’t even matter if they stopped playing ninety years ago! Hell, they’ll just build a time machine and go back and get them!

Now, we here at Grumpy Towers have managed to get hold of Shitty’s shopping list; this is a top secret list of their transfer targets. All you have to help you identify each transfer target is one partly obscured image and a  vague description – sounds like one of Kevin Keegan’s team talks when he was King of the Kippax!

If you think you can identify today’s mystery transfer target, leave your answer (and your name) via the comments link below. Winners wil be named and suitably rewarded when I can think of a prize, or indeed if anyone even answers. Are you ready to play The Price is Right?

The Price is Right!

Today’s mystery transfer target is an international forward who played in four different countries, and lists three different European Cup winning teams on his CV. During his most successful spell in his home country, his team won the league four times in succession and he finished top scorer in the league five years running. He is the only player to have won the Ballon d’Or whilst playing in this particular country. He played in the 1986 World Cup and the 1992 European Championship. In his native country, one of his particular tricks with the ball is so famous that it is now named after him. At his last foreign club, he was voted the club’s best foreign player of all time earlier this year. He began his managerial career with an amateur side, but was swiftly snapped up by one of the coutry’s bigger teams to help them return to the top division.

Rodrigo Pereira Possebon

Rodrigo Pereira Possebon is a 19 year old central midfielder, born 13th February 1989 in Sapucaia do Sul, Brazil. As his father has Italian ancestry, he holds an Italian passport and therefore is not subject to Work Permit difficulties. His command of the English language is supposedly very good, so hopefully that will aid his settling-in at United. He was signed from Internacional of Brazil for an unknown fee – Wikipedia reports it as being around the 3.5 million Euros mark, but I’ve seen no evidence to back that claim up. He joined United in January 2008 and for the 2008-2009 season was initially handed the number 34 shirt that Ryan Shawcross held before his transfer to Stoke City, but appears to have been registered in the number 35 shirt for this season.

Possebon’s performance against Blackburn, highlighted on MUTV

Possebon is primarily a central midfielder of a type that has been lacking at Old Trafford for a while. He’s not a dribbler like Ryan Giggs; he’s not really the type to break into the box with a late run like Paul Scholes; nor is likely to fall over his own feet whilst standing perfectly still, like John O’Shea. He’s a box -to-box player, something between Bryan Robson and Roy Keane in style. He doesn’t – yet – have Captain Marvel’s finishing ability, although you should see how he hits a volley in this match against Bolton, which was the 2008 Manchester Senior Cup Final:

In his time at Old Trafford, he’s alllready made a name as someone who is able to hit shots from long range with power and accuracy. He was a late call-up to the African pre-season tour, playing against the Kaizer chiefs in a display that left Sir Alex Ferguson purring.

Possebon as an Internacional player

Possebon made his league debut against Newcastle in the drab 0-0 draw at the start of this season and settled immediately, distributing the ball well without giving it away once. He also came on against Portsmouth, and gave the ball away with his first touch. However, he chased back after the player and won the ball with an excellent clean tackle on the edge of his own box.

Finally, this is the 2008 Lancashire Senior Cup Final. This is Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s first match as reserve team manager, and Possebon played in midfield:

In the interests of making England fans feel better, I managed to find a YouTube clip of England stuffing one of the minnows of world football. On 24th May 1975, a rampant England side bulldozed through the Scottish defence at Wembley, winning 5-1 in a Home Championship international.

Watch the match, have fun, and think of better times …

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I only started last night, so there are only a few mixes and it’s the early stuff, but please drop by, have a listen, download some music, watch some videos, check out the links to other music sites etc. I posted the video for Stephen “Tintin” Duffy’s song ‘Icing on the cake’ last night, so if you feel like a bit of eighties nostalgia, click here to check it out!

Dennis Chewits

So, in joint first is Chris Gordon, whose fantasy league team “Leeds from the Front” sits proudly in second place in the GrumpyOldFootballers fantasy league game. He chimed in to say:

“I recognize that picture – I had his football card when I was a kid.

Without completely giving away the answer and spoiling everyone else’s fun, my earliest memory of this MC legend is of him playing left wing for his former team in the 1973 cup final when, with more jam than a Tiptree factory, upstart outsiders Sunderland beat a superior but desperately unlucky Leeds team 1-0.

If memory serves I swapped his card for a pack of chewing gum and a Top Trumps 1976 Fiat X1/9. The Fiat was quicker in a straight line but our Mancunian transfer target had a better turning circle.”

It’s quite clear Chris is a Leeds fan so I could never actually let him win the competition outright. Still, he obviously knew the answer and props go to him. And kudos too for the comedy answer.

But in actual first place (in that he actually provided the correct answer before anyone else) is Paul Lowry. His fantasy league team sits just behind Chris in third place (in the absence of any actual football this week – internationals don’t count as football – we’ll be having some form of fantasy league related posting this weekend). Paul will doubtless be thrilled to know that we’ve splashed out on a very special prize for our first ever winner – a time machine! Yes, you too can travel back in time in style with our 2009 registered, top-of-the-range time machine complete with alloy wheels, furry dice and iPod cradle. Unfortunately Paul can’t take delivery of his new time machine until I get the insurance sorted out, but in order to prove the time machine’s existence I travelled back in time to fix a mighty injustice inflicted on Paul’s home town of Chesterfield.

Take a look at this video of the 1997 FA Cup Semi-Final between Chesterfield and Middlesborough, taken after my short journey back to 1997:

Keep an eye out for a brand new episode of The Price is Right, coming soon!