A week ago I wrote this.

I was feeling optimistic and hopeful, but I’m still waiting on some blanks to be filled in. Questions that weigh heavily on me, and will possibly change the outcome. I’m still not certain as to which way I want to go, fully knowing it’s not up to me anyway.

In cases like this, where I have no control, it’s easy for me to feel defeated and discouraged. I could very easily sit and have worrisome thoughts all day long, pondering the what ifs. I can choose to listen to the lies of satan, or listen to God’s promises. Psalm 91:4 He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

When I feel myself slipping, and it’s a very slippery slope, all I can do is pray.

I don’t want to carry worry, it’s not my cross to bear.

I don’t want to carry defeat. Jesus gave me victory when He withstood a horrific beating and was hung on the cross.  I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. Psalm 62:1

When I start to worry or have the desire to control the situation, I just turn to Him and repent. Jesus, I’m so sorry I keep picking up worry and trying to control situations and outcomes. I know that You have a plan, and You are in control. Honestly, I don’t want that pressure, and I’m thankful that You are willing to walk me through all this. Please forgive me, Lord, and guide me in Your ways. Take my thoughts captive and fill me with Your love and joy. Amen

Last night I simply gave the situation over to Him. I asked Him to take it from my hands and mind, and help me to trust in His ways.

Truthfully, I don’t have control over much of anything in this life. When I think about the presidential election coming up, it would be easy to be disheartened that I don’t want either one of the two running our country. The current state of the world is extremely frightening if I choose to dwell on it. I don’t want to be politically correct. I want to be biblically correct.

I choose to trust in Jesus daily, most days multiple times a day.  I see the bad and give it up.

It’s a choice. If I carried the bad with me, my heart would change for the bad.

How do you handle worry and stress?

I’m linking up again for Just Write.

Life often times gets messy, and that makes it harder to be thankful. But that is when we should be the most thankful.

It’s hard to learn, but I’m getting there. Looking at my surroundings and being thankful, even in the mess and trials.

I’m not really a worry filled person, but I do struggle with fear, and I’m confessing that to you now for a reason. Fear does NOT come from the Lord. He did not equip me with a spirit of fear, in fact He equipped me to be a warrior for Him. His word tells me over 365 times not to fear! I’m not a mathematician, but that’s once for every day of the year. So really, I shouldn’t fear.

I’ve been praying about something for a while now, and nothing has happened with that prayer. I was ok with that, because sometimes God says it’s just not the right time. Sometimes He says wait. My favorite is when He tells me to Be Still and wait.

Yeah, I’m a control freak, and He’s working on that with me.

Anyway, the other day I was talking to my daughter about this prayer, and telling her I wasn’t sure what to be praying for, so I just placed it totally in His hands. Then I asked Him for a sign.

A couple of hours later I received an email, and that was my sign. Seriously, He gave me a sign, and it was a direct answer to the prayer.

Was I happy? Or filled with fear of the what ifs?

Fear

I carried it with me for three days before I thought to myself, “give it up!” So I did, and today I’ve felt ok about it. I’ve had a long talk with my very supportive and encouraging husband, and I feel good about what may come.

There’s still so many unknowns involved, and questions to be answered, but I am not going to walk in fear any more.

What makes you walk in fear?

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Isaiah 11:2 And the Spirit of the LORD will rest on him—
the Spirit of wisdom and understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and might,
the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.

I’m linking up today with several wonderful writers over at The Extraordinary Ordinary- Just Write

What does my creative heart need and want in 2012?

My creative heart seeks peace, and to be fully present in each moment. I need love and acceptance from those around me and to be around others like me, who GET me. I feel like my heart is telling me to share my story. The ugly and the unique. I want the courage to do that, and I really want to build a community that we can help each other. Encourage!

My inner woman who lives inside of my creative heart wants me to know it will be ok. Trust in the plans He has for me and lean on Him to lead me through the journey. Trials will strengthen and refine me. I will come out a changed woman. A woman with a story to share. A woman who is better in ways I never imagined. A woman who is stronger than I ever knew possible. A woman who knows love and is overflowing with gratitude for the journey that sparked the change.

Six word memoirs

Having courage to tell my story.
Full of hope and yet afraid.
Can I do this? Will I?
Faithful yet timid. Desiring all strength.
Embracing life, choosing joy and love.

What is your inner self saying? Share with me?

I guess I have questions.

Lots of questions.

Why do you go back to the pit when you’ve seen the LIGHT? I get that it’s comfortable, a place you’re familiar with. You’ve spent so much time there. But why is it so easy to go back to that place and dwell there?

Why do you not fight? It’s so easy for you to give up. And don’t tell me you’ve been through crap and back, because I KNOW THAT! I just want you to speak up to those that are doing wrong and stand up for yourself. And maybe even realize everyone goes through their own kind of crap, some of which is far worse than what you do.

Why do you call me to vent about someone yelling at you, that you’re not going to be yelled at again today, and end up yelling at me. How is that right? Why do you not see that? Do you wonder if, or when I will be done?

How can you not see the effects of your attitude? It’s like a riptide that carries everyone out to sea and underwater. It’s not just you.

Why do you shut me out and push me away? You close yourself off to anyone who wants to help. You withdraw when you need to reach out.

Why do you think so little of yourself? You are a child of God, created in His own image. He loves you and He has great plans for you. Believe His promises. Rebuke satan.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

So what do people get in this life for all their hard work and anxiety? Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless. Ecclesiastes 2:22

When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. Psalm 91:15

For He loves us with unfailing love; the Lord’s faithfulness endures forever. Praise the Lord! Psalm 117:2

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. Romans 8:35-38

Why not pick up the ball and take a step forward? I’m still here, waiting

Maybe it will be fun to go again, you think.

You come to a slow and enter the chute again, expecting to stop this time, and continue right on through and back up again.

That’s what I feel like right now. I just want to get off of the roller coaster and take a breather.

I mentioned a few days ago that God was moving Big time, and it was wonderful! But ya know what happens when God moves? Satan gets worried that he’s losing the battle and he starts getting ugly. He fights dirty too. Pulls out all the nasty stuff and uses it to pull us back to his ways.

So, there’s a battle going on. It’s ugly. It’s not fun. It makes me cry.

It makes me lean closer to God.

It makes me call my prayer warriors.

It draws me nearer to Christ.

For some, it makes them question.

I know the victor. I will stand firm in His promises, and know that this is working for His good. He has a plan and I’m trying not to step in the way, all the while I’m trying to lead by example.

It’s not easy because I’m human and I fall short every day. The beauty of that is forgiveness and grace.

If only we choose to accept it.

So I will continue to ride this coaster until the journey is done. Each hill gets us closer.

1. This has been a really good week in that God is moving BIG time in the heart of someone I love dearly. I’m talking radical changes that make my head spin! It’s a total answer to prayers, but I also know it is a journey that begins with a single step. That step can go forward or backward. There will be good days and hard days. We’ve had a few of both. There’s been lots of tears and laughter, and they seem to go together right now. I am trying to let God run the show and not take over, which is hard for me. I want to step back and let Him lead us. I’d appreciate your prayers for this!
2. This has been a trying week because I feel under pressure. I feel the pressure to remain positive and strong, when sometimes I’m just lost. I’m trying to remind myself that I’m human, and I need to fully rely on God
3. Homework has been a chore for the youngest this week. He had a project for a famous American, so there was writing and memorization and nerves. We couldn’t find him a coonskin hat so dad saved the day and made him one out of a stuffed animal. He rocked the presentation this morning! I think part of the problem has to do with playing his iPod when he is supposed to be sleeping. I’ll be keeping the iPod for charging purposes at night from now on. Hopefully that will help with tiredness and attitude.
4. As I type this, satan is hard at work. He sees the changes that have been happening and he’s trying to stop it from happening. Please join with me in prayer that my loved one can shut out his voices and rest in the promises of Jesus.

Manassas High School was founded in 1899, and the Tigers had never won a playoff game. It’s a school that doesn’t have the funds for a fancy field, proper equipment, or even a coach. What it does have though, is kids that want to be a part of something bigger.

Bill Courtney loved to coach. It was his dream actually, but it wouldn’t pay the bills, so he started his own business in 2001. He says he never quit coaching though. Coaching was his passion. His passion led him to Manassas, and 17 players that had a 6-54 record for the previous six years.

Courtney and his team of volunteers impacted those boys that were from the inner city. They cared about them and they prayed with them. It was more than just football, but it changed the way that football was played by those kids.

It changed lives.

It changed Manassas football.

There were a few times that I cried while watching. The stories of the boys are so endearing and heart breaking too. I was rooting for them personally and on the field, just like Courtney was.

There’s a line in the film where Courtney says, “If you think football builds character, it does not. It reveals character.” It’s such a powerful moment. I think I can still hear him saying it.

My husband came in while I was watching it, and sat down with me. He’s telling his friends they need to see it. That’s what I’m telling you. See it, it’s great. There are a few curse words in it, so you’ve been warned. It is PG-13, from The Weinstein Company.

Click here to watch the trailer. UNDEFEATED

I grew up spending the weekends with my grandparents, and attending church with my maternal grandparents. I didn’t know why I did it, I just did. I found out a few years ago that my dad was frequenting bars and my mom didn’t know if he would come home, or in what shape he would arrive if he did.

I was baptized at the age of 9, and fell away from God when I was in college. College is also where I met my husband.

We graduated, got jobs and were married. Almost two years later we expanded our family, and two years after that we grew again. Looking at things from a mothers eyes changed my perspective, and I knew I wanted our kids to grow up with Jesus.

It was around this time that my dad was in horrible pain from herniated discs in his back and on disability. He felt useless and picked up the gun to take his own life. Something made him cry out, Jesus help me, and at that moment my dad felt His presence so deeply that he was a changed man. He is now an Elder in his church.

My family began attending church and in 2003 my husband was baptized. He has struggled with depression and anxiety, and I know that God has carried me through those trials. Some days it felt like faith was all I had.

God is currently working miracles in my husbands heart and it makes me so happy.

I’m still praying about the changes I’m going to make to this blog. I have to make the change to self hosting and that requires a domain name change. Last time I opened up the bible and landed on Proverbs 24:5-6. Simple, right? I’m open to suggestions if you have any!

I’m also trying to write my story, my testimony, and it’s changing so radically right now that my head is spinning. I sit back in awe and amazement at how quickly God is moving and changing hearts right now! Seriously, if you don’t know Jesus, I want to help you get to know Him. He heals all wounds.

What’s going on with you right now? Can I pray for you at all?

I won a free conference pass to Blissdom a while back and I was really unsure if I would be able to go or not. Well, I went and had a great time. I also met some crazy talented women! I also made some new friends for life.

I seriously mean it when I say God had this written in my plan from day one. I am blessed and incredibly honored to have amazing people in my life.

At this conference I was challenged to write something dangerous and not safe. This has been brewing in me for a while now, and I’m working on it. I promise I’m going to share it soon.

I drove home late Saturday night with the help of two energy drinks and arrived safely into my husband’s arms a little after 4 am. My family is a huge part of my heartbeat and I had missed them terribly.

It was good to be missed too!

I’m going to be making changes around here soon, so I hope you’ll continue to hang around with me.