9 months ago, I wrote a post about which passion you should pursue; if you’re lucky and have more than one.

But what if you don’t know what your passion is? Actually, forget that. What if you don’t know what you really want out of your life?

How will you ever get it? You won’t because you have no idea what you’re even pursuing.

I call this the “Interior Decorator Problem”. If you know your style and your likes and dislikes why pay someone to decorate your own home? People pay interior decorators when they have no idea what they want or like. (Or, they just don’t want to be bothered with decorating their house.)

I think many of us have the “Interior Decorator Problem” and are running around like organic chickens with our heads cut off.

Let me explain: When I’m working with my clients I try to find out their core motivation. I want to know why they really want to get in shape.

How about an aspiring entrepreneur? Whenever I get requests for advice (which I love) I’m curious to know why they really want to start the business in the first place.

If it’s not to solve a problem they have or because they feel they must start this business my advice usually is to not bother starting it at all. Because if it’s based on money, not only will they get bored, but there’s an even deeper reason why they want the money, that could be obtained without starting a business, which I’ve said before is only something you should do if you’re nuts.

However, once you know what you want, it’s so much easier to work backwards, and actually make it happen.

Many people believe that feeling guilty after eating something that’s unhealthy is ridiculous. If you want it – just eat it, they say. But can you really control guilt?

I think guilt comes from knowing that your actions (say, eating crap) aren’t in alignment with what you really want (say, weight loss, a flat stomach, more energy, looking good in jeans, etc.). In fact, when there is a disconnect between our actions and desires unhappiness will ensue.

I believe we all know exactly what we want when it comes to our health and fitness goals. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t want to be healthy and fit nor someone who doesn’t have a dream vision of themselves.

It’s just that fear, excuses, rationalizations and justifications by our short term self convince our long term self we don’t want it when it comes to our health and fitness.

(That’s why self-aware people are the most successful. They don’t delude themselves into believing they’re taking action when they’re really not. Or, that they need don’t help when they clearly do.)

But health and fitness is one thing. Figuring out what to do with your life (one of the 3 questions we all have to try to answer) is another.

So working backwards again, maybe if you feel guilty or sick to your stomach, you know for sure that’s not what you want do with your life.

And knowing what you don’t want is certainly a key to finding out what you do want.

It takes a lot of focus to achieve anything worth achieving. But it’s so easy to lose focus if you’re not 100% certain that’s what you want.

Chances are if you’re not putting forth the effort, you don’t want what you thought you wanted. (I believe what we all want out of life, if you don’t have it already, is a lot closer than most people realize.)

But like all human beings we waver. We teeter. We jog in place.

All while reaching for more.

After I hung up my SAE underwear junior year, I immediately began looking forward to the day I could start helping the next guy in my fraternity prepare. I guess it’s the teacher in me.

I waited and waited. Finally, I got my wish! It’s been 5 years since anyone has competed for SAE at Binghamton so I was very excited when Petar emailed me in May asking for help with a huge goal of losing (what turned out to be) 35 pounds and competing in Greek God.

Although I’ve never met him in person (and I still haven’t) I was eager to help because not only do I love helping people realize their body’s full potential but I also know how overwhelming getting prepared for Greek God actually is.

The thought of having to stand on stage in front of 3000+ people in your underwear is enough to make anyone sick and with the added tasks of creating sets and skits and, uh, school work – it’s enough to make anyone go crazy.

So for 5 months, I treated him like a regular client. At first, he was worried that we weren’t working together in person. I assured him it’s never stopped me from helping anyone. (It actually helps!)

I felt like I was reliving my days of prep for Greek God especially as we got closer to October. In fact, I actually enjoyed the training more so than I did the actual event.

For a hot minute in high school, I wanted to be a bodybuilder but when I learned that professional bodybuilders are drug addicts that dream dissipated as quickly as their muscles deflate when they’re off steroids. I always loved the lifestyle though.

When we’d talk on the phone for our weekly chats, it was as if nothing changed. The rumors of who was taking steroids were in full force as was the realization that some competitors were and have taken diuretics. Petar was worried that he was at a major disadvantage.

I felt his pain because it’s very easy to get caught up in the buzz that surrounds Greek God. But it’s also important to remember that it’s only one night and he was smart enough to know this.

I told him not to worry about the other competitors. That he could only control what he does in terms of how hard he trains and how well he eats. That’s it. I assured him that not only is it obvious who takes steroids but it doesn’t look good either. He agreed whole heartedly.

But again, the frustrations and fear don’t go away.

In the end, Petar was an amazing and gracious student. I mean, look at his before and after photos! (And in case you’re wondering that’s self-tanner in the after picture.) He went from 220 pounds and husky to 185 pounds and absolutely shredded.

He also has an experience he will never ever forget and neither will I. I got way more out of helping him than he did.

I just hope it’s not another 5 years before someone represents SAE.

I have nothing left to say about Greek God.

Except:

Petar IS Greek God!

Some might argue, the ultimate question, we’re all trying to figure out is what will make us happy? After all, everything we do is in the pursuit of happiness, right?

You could even argue that someone who acts altruistically is making them self happy too. But even so, what if there was a formula for living a good life. Would you follow it?

Well, George Vaillant has been trying to figure out this very answer as the longtime director of one of the most extensive projects in history. Known as the Grant Study researchers tracked the lives of 268 men who entered Harvard College in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age for 72 years!

And for the first time he’s granted access to what he thinks are the “keys to Fort Knox”. Most undertakings like the Grant Study falter because the funders expect results too quickly. W.T. Grant was no exception. After holding on for about a decade he gave in too.

Lucky for us, as a young man, George Vaillant fell in love with the longitudinal method of research, which tracks relatively small samples over long periods of time – so when he came across the Grant Study he wanted in. “To be able to study lives in such depth, over so many decades,” he said, “it was like looking through the Mount Palomar telescope,” then the most powerful in the world.

The findings of the project have made their way into a 17 page fascinating article in the June issue of The Atlantic which has been getting a lot of much deserved attention. The article offers profound insight into the human condition which I’ve become fascinated by.

I’ll share what I found to be the most interesting nuggets:

Vaillant’s central question is not how much or how little trouble these men met, but rather precisely how – and to what effect – they responded to that trouble. His main interpretive lens has been the psychoanalytic metaphor of “adaptations” or “defense mechanisms”.

We have unconscious thoughts and behaviors that can either shape or distort our reality – depending on whether we approve or disapprove of it.

By age 50, almost a third of the men in the study had at one time or another met Vaillant’s criteria for mental illness. Underneath the tweed jackets of these Harvard elites beat troubled hearts.

What is mental illness anyway? Vaillant believes much of what is described as mental illness is the use of unwise deployment of defense mechanisms. If we use defenses well, we are deemed mentally healthy, conscientious, funny, creative and altruistic. Yet, if we use them inappropriately we’re deemed misfits by society and mentally ill.

Essentially, everything we do in life is trying to adapt to what happens and that’s what determines our ability to live a good life.

Defenses are a basic biological process.  They can either save or ruin us. When we cut ourselves, for example, our blood clots – which is an involuntary response that maintains our homeostasis. Similarly, when we encounter a challenge large or small such as a parent’s death or a broken shoelace – our defenses float us through the emotional swamp.

4 Categories of defenses, starting with the most unhealthy:

“Psychotic adaptations” – like paranoia, hallucination or megalomania can make reality tolerable for the person – but seem crazy to everyone else.

“Immature adaptations” – which include acting out, passive aggression, hypochondria, projection and fantasy. These aren’t as isolating as psychotic adaptations but they impede intimacy.

“Neurotic defenses” – are common in “normal” people.  These include intellectualization (mutating the primal stuff of life into objects of formal thought), dissociation (intense, often brief, removal from one’s feelings), and repression – which can involve naiveté, and memory lapse.

The healthiest are “mature adaptations” – which include altruism, humor, anticipation, suppression (a conscious decision to postpone attention to an impulse or conflict, to be addressed at a later time) and sublimation (finding outlets for feelings, like putting aggression into sport, or lust in courtship).

Many of the “psychotic” adaptations are common in toddlers and the “immature” adaptations are essential in later childhood, and they often fade with maturity (hopefully).

Humans when confronted with irritants engage in unconscious but often creative behavior although sometimes the creative behavior can be destructive.

7 major factors that predict healthy aging, both physically and psychologically:

Employing mature adaptations was one. The others were education, stable marriage, not smoking, not abusing alcohol, exercise and a healthy weight. Of the 106 Harvard men who had 5 or 6 of these factors in their favor at age 50, half ended up at 80 as what Vaillant called “Happy-well” and only 7.5 percent as “sad-sick”.

Of the men who had three or fewer of the health factors at age 50, none ended up “happy-well” at 80.

Depression:

Regular exercise in college predicted late-life mental health better than it did physical health. And depression turned out to be a major drain on physical health. Of the men who were diagnosed with depression by age 50, more than 70 percent had died or were chronically ill by 63.

Relationships:

The power of relationships, it’s not intellectual brilliance or social class that leads to successful aging. Warm connections are necessary – and if they aren’t found in a mother or father, they can come from siblings, uncles, friends, mentors. The men’s relationships at age 47, he found, predicted late-life adjustment better than another other variable.

Good sibling relationships seem to be especially powerful. 93 percent of the men who were thriving at age 65 had been close to a brother or sister when younger.

When Valliant was asked what he had learned from the study, he said, “That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”

How industrious you are as a child might predict adult mental health better than any other factor, including family cohesion and warm maternal relationships. For example, having part time jobs, taking on chores, or joining school clubs or sports teams all make a huge difference.

What we do affects how we feel just as much as how we feel affects what we do.

Try happiness. You’ll like it a lot more than misery but why do people tell physiologists they’d cross the street to avoid someone who had given them a compliment the previous day? It’s very hard for most us to tolerate being loved.

Positive emotions make us more vulnerable than negative ones. One reason is they’re future oriented. Fear and sadness have immediate payoffs – protecting us from attack.

Gratitude and joy, over time, will yield better health and deeper connections but in the short term actually put us at risk because negative emotions are insulating and positive emotions expose us to rejection and heartbreak.

Happiness:

For 30 years, Denmark has topped international happiness surveys. Why is that? Ask an American how it’s going and you’ll usually hear “Really good.” Ask a Dane, and you will hear, “It could be worse” (in their own language, of course). Danes have consistently and realistically low expectations for the year to come. Year after year they are pleasantly surprised to find that not everything is getting worse.

Happiness scientists have come up with all kinds of straightforward and actionable findings like money does little to make us happier once our basic needs are met and that marriage and faith lead to happiness.

But we do have “set points” for happiness. While 50 percent is a predisposition, circumstances account for 10 percent and 40 percent is in our control.

Why do countries with the highest self-reports of subjective well-being also yield the most suicides?

How is it that children are often found to be a source of “negative affect” (sadness, anger) yet people identify their children as their greatest source of pleasure?

Well, the very way we deal with reality is by distorting it – and we do this unconsciously. We’re not a good source of information about our own lives because we distort it. “With the passage of years old wars become more adventurous and less dangerous.”

Distortions clearly serve as a protective function.  “Maturation makes liars of us all.” We constantly fool ourselves.

Seeing a defense is easier than changing reality. Only with patience and tenderness might a person surrender his barbed armor for a softer shield.

So, can the good life be accounted for with a set of rules?

Perhaps in this, lies the key to a good life – not rules to follow, nor problems to avoid, but an engaged humility, and an earnest acceptance of life’s pains and promises.

“Gilbert you’re up!” yelled one of the Alpha Epsilon Phi girls. As I approached the stage my heart was pounding like crazy. All I heard was “Gil IS Greek God! Gil IS Greek God!”

I’ll never forget the deafening noise and the blinding lights as I walked up the stairs on to the stage. I had my pose down memorized inside and out. I was focused.

Just the night before, I was prancing around, in one of the gross third floor bathrooms of Newing’s Broome Hall, trying to figure out the best way to shave my legs. Apparently, all of the contestants shaved their legs. Too bad I had no idea how to. I called up the girl that was running Greek God and asked her how. She was absolutely meticulous in how she ran the event.

After all, the real purpose of the event is to raise money for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric Aids Foundation. Not to have college fraternity guys pose in their underwear.

But when I called her it didn’t go over as well as I had hoped. Although she laughed hysterically – she didn’t really appreciate my lack of preparation. I was on my own.

So, I was kneeling down ready to begin my pose down staring at my tanned feet with all eyes on me. As if being thrown into Greek God 3 weeks prior, competing against juniors and seniors as a sophomore, having an awful experience shaving my legs the night before and building all the sets that morning wasn’t enough – the wrong music started playing!

To say my one and only Greek God outing was underwhelming is an understatement or was it?

Flash forward to my junior year of college. My boys and I came back from the summer extremely excited for the year to come. We were now upperclassmen living in the fraternity house feeling pretty confident.

Until, 4 weeks before Greek God when my boys and I were talking about how fun it would be if we had a contestant. Before you know it, we were on the phone with every fraternity president and contestant asking if they had a problem if I competed again. Apparently, competing 2 years in a row is not allowed. Like Bloomberg though, I was in business. Again.

The diet, the exercise, the tanning, the rumors and the procrastination all started once more. Evidently some fraternities take Greek God extremely seriously. Which, I’m sure, puts a lot of pressure on the actual contestant to look good. After all, it’s expensive to participate. It’s also a chance for lesser known fraternities to make a name for themselves. But c’mon – it’s also only one freakin’ night!

As a lifelong fitness freak (not safe for work – watch the last 5 seconds of the clip), I’ve gradually added muscle throughout the years.

However, it wasn’t until my junior and senior year of high school when I became absolutely obsessed because I finally had access to a gym whenever I wanted being that I was able to drive. My mom always wondered why I ate the way I did and I’d always have to explain to her that I didn’t want to take drugs. For her own peace of mind, she had me tested for any and all steroids which I was totally cool with because I no longer had to explain my eating.

I always knew, somehow, I’d end up doing something in health and fitness so I’ve had her or my sister take pictures of me once a year to document my progress. As ridiculous as that sounds (and believe me they let me know) I only did it because I take great pride in being able to say the only things I’ve ever taken were protein shakes and protein bars. And not that I think I’m this (Greek) God because I certainly don’t. However, I always laugh when I see people who gain 35 pounds of muscle very quickly. Sure, that’s natural bro!

So, I took it as a compliment when in the weeks before Greek God both my sophomore and junior year, people would ask me if I was taking steroids. And although it was slightly annoying it made me laugh because I’ve truly been a fitness freak since I was in 4^th grade. How would they know that though? While most kids were getting ready for school in the mornings probably eating Fruity Pebbles, I was working out in my room, a make shift gym.

Although my life is way more than protein shakes and protein bars now, it’s still a part of me. In college, steroids were certainly available. It’s pretty obvious who took them. But the good stuff – the stuff that sticks – takes the longest to gain but is actually sustainable and always lasts.

In the end, Greek God my junior year turned out to be awesome. My toga skit was fun as was my formal wear skit. And, as always, the part I trained the most for was the pose down (see picture above).

Unfortunately, no one in my fraternity has competed since my junior year of college. That’s like 5 years!

But a few months ago I got an email from Petar (yes, Petar) that he is doing it for SAE this year and that he’d love some help.

Petar has been an extremely gracious student and a lot of fun to work with.

I’ll say no more. Except:

Petar IS…

It was a gorgeous October day of my junior year of high school. I got home from school and decided it was time to start looking through the two books I had on colleges. I knew of Binghamton and how it was a great public school but didn’t really know much else. I flipped through one of the books until I got to the few pages on Binghamton.

I saw under special events that every October there was an annual sorority/fraternity bodybuilding event sponsored by the sorority Alpha Epsilon Phi. Destiny? I was intrigued! It was called Greek God.

A few paragraphs down I saw that the tuition per year was a little less than $10k. They also had a great business school. The choice became so clear right then and there.

Spend in 1 year what my entire Binghamton education would cost elsewhere or go to Binghamton. In my mind, I was going to Binghamton.

My senior year, I applied to the business school early admission…

Binghamton it was.

Fast forward 1 year to the beginning of my first semester freshman year of college. I remember going into one of the two huge gyms and seeing the entire place packed out on that Saturday evening. The music was bumping. The bleachers from floor to ceiling were all pulled out. What looked like at least 8 basketball courts in between all the bleachers, were covered with paper to protect the floor from the hundreds of folding seats on top of it. There was a huge stage with balloons all around it. The fraternities were going nuts and the sorority girls were screaming.

And for some reason, I was nervous. Even though I wasn’t in a fraternity (pledging didn’t start until the second semester) I knew I was going to do this one day. Posing in front of 3000+ fraternity/sorority members in my underwear seemed very intimidating.

I had time though. People only do it once in their college career. I figured I’d do it either my junior or senior year.

Fast forward 11 months and 1 week. I pledged the fraternity Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) and my pledge brothers and I were all so excited to reap the benefits of actually being in the fraternity, not servicing it as a pledge! In Binghamton, most students live on campus for 2 years and off for 2. My friends and I had worked it out so we were near each other. It was going to be awesome.

An older frat brother was set to do it for us. He had been training hard all summer long and was looking real good. In what could’ve been a made for TV movie, he broke his arm.

Not only are shirtless line ups uncomfortable while you pledge but for someone who is as obsessed with their health and fitness as I am – torture ensued.  Being forced to eat mayo and drink oil were common punishments. Of course, it was all in good fun though. Most of it was brought on by me anyway because I can be a wise ass.

So, I got the call. “Gilbert, you’re doing Greek God. You don’t have a choice.”

Great!  I had 3 weeks to prepare for what every other contestant had been preparing months and months for. And unfortunately, the Greek God competition is only 1/3 body building. There is a toga skit where the contestant must be brought out on a chariot (that was to be built by the fraternity – to demonstrate our team work – ha!) and then a formal wear skit. In essence, it was a talent competition with only 1/3 of it being a 60 second pose down.

Three problems: My fraternity didn’t really care about Greek God, in terms of helping me build the sets and the chariot. And I didn’t really care all that much about the other parts of the competition.

And I lived in the dorms which meant I didn’t have access to a kitchen. I had to rely on dining hall food which was barely edible. For 3 full weeks, my entire hall had to endure my (illegal) usage of the good ol’ faithful George Foreman grill while I stunk up the floor.

As health and fitness has been my passion since I was in 4^th grade, I was lucky in that I was in good shape. But I had to take my body to the next level in 3 weeks. Thankfully, I was born for this. (Although later I realized I enjoyed the training way more than I did the actual competition.)

Other fraternities took Greek God extremely (and way too) seriously. My favorite part of doing Greek God my sophomore year was probably waking up early on the Saturday of Greek God to build my chariot (that’s what you’re looking at above. It’s a boxing ring. And I was Rocky!) with one or two other helpful brothers. Of course, other fraternities had theirs built for months.

Don’t get me wrong. They were there to support me like crazy during the competition. While other fraternities screamed their representative’s name is Greek God, it was awesome to hear my friends scream mine.

Hearing  ”Gil is Greek God” being yelled with all of their hearts as I was getting ready for my pose down back stage was a feeling and an experience I’ll never forget…

Recently, Time Magazine featured an article by John Cloud, entitled ‘Why Exercise Won’t Make You Thin‘ that is generating a ton of buzz.

I addressed my thoughts on this in my Daily Inspiration the following day and I strongly considered doing so on this blog but I didn’t want to contribute to the buzz because it doesn’t deserve the attention.

But when I received an email from the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM) I felt as though it was my responsibility to address this to the world being that this is what I do and have lived since I was in 4^th grade.

This is just too important to ignore. The email from them said: “Last Friday, an article appeared in Time Magazine making statements that we believe run counter to fact and the public interest. The article claimed that exercise, contrary to the research with which we are all familiar, is not an effective health tool, particularly as it pertains to weight loss…”

They continued, (addressing the fitness professionals on their mailing list):

“Your assistance is needed in getting the right health message out to the public. Also we encourage you to adapt our letter to the editor and submit it to your local news outlets, helping readers and viewers get the best evidence-based facts and information.”

So here I am. Never fear MyBodyTutor is here! I’m going to make this as simple and concise as possible.

Ridiculously enough, this debate made the rounds last year and the year before that as well. It’s nothing new!

Of course, the media loves stories like this because it’s attention grabbing. It makes you stop in your tracks and say, “Wait a second. What? Exercise won’t make you thin?” It’s written for the same people who seek out the get rich quick schemes that don’t really want to change. Sadly, that’s 95% of the population.

Here’s the deal: To lose weight, you must burn more calories than you consume. Energy (food) in must be less than energy (movement) out.

When we exercise intensely – it can make us very hungry, even ravenous. There in lies one of the problems.

It’s called overcompensation. If you exercise say for 30 minutes at a moderate pace – you may burn 200 calories. And you’ll (most likely) overestimate how hard you worked. (Most people think they worked out harder than they really did. Most people also think they eat better than they really do.)

And if you think it’s now okay to eat a donut or a piece of chocolate – you just negated your entire workout for purposes of weight loss. (I’m not even going to mention the gazillion and one benefits exercising has on our health, fitness and over all well being. This is just about weight loss right now as was Time’s moronic article.)

(Ugh. I can’t resist. Here’s a few.)

Or, why not slog down a Gatorade to aide in your recovery. Whoops! There goes your workout. (Sports drinks are only necessary when you are running marathons and the like!)

Which leads to the real problem at hand:

Food (or drink) as a reward.

This is the problem we all have. While you’re working your tail off exercising, you might be thinking about how hard you’re working. And because you’re working so damn hard – you might feel you deserve a reward – a food reward.

In fact, exercising might make you feel that you deserve food as a reward a lot more than if you weren’t exercising at all. After all, you’re working your butt off! “I’m working my butt off and I can’t eat junk?!?” you say to yourself.

That will make you feel deprived.

Because you still believe food is the reward! It’s not your fault. We’ve been conditioned to think of food as the reward since we were infants. But when food is your reward that leads to bad news!

So all of this brings me to several important points:

1. Food shouldn’t be a reward. And if it has to be one – let’s make it about fresh food. Indulge yourself. But with real food!

2. If you exercise, and of course you should – don’t throw away all of your hard work with poor eating. You literally can negate a hard work out with 10 bites!

3. The best exercise of all: Keep your mouth shut. (I know this is a lot easier said than done. The rationalizations and justifications we come up with are brilliant! We will always fool ourselves. Enter MyBodyTutor!)

4. Thinking about how intensely I exercise makes me want to eat healthfully because I know how hard I work and I don’t want to waste my time. I want to get all of the benefits that exercise yields.

5. When we eat sugar, fat and salt we get a temporary rise in dopamine. But of course, it’s very fleeting. (Which is why once you start, it’s hard to stop. We want more and more!)

However, it’s been proven that we get the same feeling of reward and pleasure from exercise. So if you can look at exercise for the immediate short term benefits of pleasure – like you might do for junk food – it becomes a treat to workout. Not a sacrifice.

6. Going back to point 3 – who wants to workout and workout and not see any changes in your body? I see so many people in the gym that look exactly the same month after month – even with a personal trainer.

Obviously their diet is lacking. And of course, they’d be even bigger if they didn’t exercise. But what a waste!

In short: Exercise is critical in helping you to lose weight because it burns lots of calories. It creates a calorie deficit. But only if you don’t overcompensate!

In fact, diet is 70-80% of the battle. If you can’t control yourself like John Cloud, you’re not alone. Most people can’t.

But he shouldn’t make ridiculous claims.

Instead, he should admit that he needs help. Sadly, most people can’t do that. And that’s the first step to getting in to the shape you want to be in.

Sadly, most people can’t admit when they’re totally wrong either. And in this day and age, when 2/3 of the American population is overweight, the last thing we need is messages like this being put out there. There is enough conflicting information.

So John can you admit that you need some help? I’ll tell you what. I’ll even work with you for free. All I ask is that instead of making bogus claims like exercising won’t make you thin – you tell the world that what they really need is daily and personal accountability.

A very hopeful,

-Adam Gilbert
Chief Body Tutor
MyBodyTutor, Inc.

I get so many emails from aspiring entrepreneurs of all ages who want help with their business. But is starting a business all it’s cracked up to be?

Here’s the problem: Starting a business won’t necessarily make you happy.

And most people believe it will. Why do you want to start a business? If your answer is money then you’re in the wrong field.

I’m not saying you can’t make a lot of money from owning a business, but there are easier ways. If money is your sole motivation, then you’ll probably never make a lot of it anyway.

But even so, let’s say you do make a lot of money. Barry Schwartz, a professor of psychology at Swarthmore College focuses on how people make choices. And when it comes to career choices, Schwartz recommends going a safe route, if you can find one. “I believe that security is more important to happiness than wealth,” he says.

I don’t know about you but my ultimate goal is happiness. That’s why I study it so much. Why not live the happiest life you can live?

In my opinion, the only time you should start a business is when you have to. When you must! When there is so much pressure in your head, that you if you don’t – you feel like it’ll explode.

Otherwise, you’re going to start a mediocre business and that’ll help you become one of the staggering numbers of businesses that fail. And that’s not going to make you happy.

For example, a big part of what I do for my clients is ignite fires under their butts. But once I do that – I try very hard to keep them burning. Because after all, fitness (and business) is about starting and keeping on going! The magic lies in the keeping on going part, which looks 1000x easier in words, without any emotions, than it is in reality.

So, since February of 2007, I’ve written a daily inspiration every morning. It’s like writing a blog post every day. And clients always ask me if I ever get writer’s block.

Not once in 2 years. The daily inspirations fly onto the screen. Actually, I have to hold myself back. I have to write them. If I don’t, I feel off. It’s as natural to me as sand between my toes. It just feels right.

Let’s talk about how ignorance is so bliss for a second. Once you know something – it’s hard to ignore it and not care. Well, when you truly believe you have created the best solution in the world for helping people reach their health and fitness goals,  it’s hard to ignore that. I feel as though I have a responsibility to share it with the world.

In fact, I’m constantly thinking about it. My mind is always wondering. When I’m relaxing, I’m not really relaxing.

If I’m not thinking about one of my clients, I’m thinking about one of my tutors. If I’m not thinking about one of my tutors, I’m thinking about how we can help more people.

One of the reasons why I hated being a student was because you can always be doing more. You can always prepare more for a test. You can always be reading and reviewing. And because of that I drove myself absolutely crazy.

I couldn’t wait to get into the working world so that when I was done with work for the day – I was done with work for the day.

Of course, owning a business is like school. You can always be doing more. And that feeling is not very satisfying. The same drive that makes someone want to start a company is the same drive that makes someone not appreciate any milestones they may reach.

It could make you insane if you’re not emotionally mature. But then again, I think you have to be nuts to start a company in the first place.

At least a company that you believe will change the world. Or else, it’ll be mediocre.

And then you certainly won’t be happy.

The other day after I got off the phone with a friend/adviser who told me how mature I am for my age I started to think about what he really meant. He’s been telling me this since I first met him my junior year of college when my then business (Ultimate Discount Card) was starting to take off.

He always used to say, “Dude, you have to relax a little. You’re very mature for your age. You’re going to be a rock star. Relax.”

He wasn’t the first person to tell me that I needed to relax. He also wasn’t the first person to tell me how mature I was/am for my age.

People have been telling me how mature I am since I was a little kid. I’m sure you got the same thing.

Let’s explore what that even means and why someone would say that.

Well, there are several different types of maturity (emotional, intellectual, physical) and what I think most people are referring to is ones emotional maturity.

You know: You’re ability to deal with the bad and the good, your perspective on life, knowing what’s really important (the standard will this matter in 5 years from now is always a recommended question to ask yourself although I think that’s a little hokey) and what’s really not, knowing when to be serious and when it’s okay to let loose, how you deal with rejection, etc.

Certainly, it would be a little condescending to tell a grown man how mature he is. You’re only going to tell someone younger than you or a peer how mature they are.

Do you find yourself telling younger siblings, friends, advise seekers how mature they are for their age?

To me it seems as though telling someone how mature they are is your approval of the way they think. You feel that because of the way they think – they’ll be just fine. After all, you turned out just fine, right?

You also might recognize yourself in that person. Similar thought processes with similar perspectives and conclusions. It takes one to know one.

For example, every person who has told me how ‘mature’ I am at some point in my life seemed to have their life together.

This happened a lot especially when I was a little boy growing up with divorced parents. In elementary school, I was the only kid in my grade with divorced parents. (Sadly, as I grew up it seemed as though having divorced parents wasn’t so uncommon.)

Growing up with divorced parents (since I was 4 years old) forced me to deal with a lot of things most kids didn’t have to deal with. But I am exactly who I am today because of everything that has happened in my life for the good, the bad and the ugly and I am very grateful for that.

However, one can only wonder does shit have to happen to you to gain emotional intelligence? To appreciate good does one have to endure bad? To know what’s really important doesn’t one have to know what’s not in the grand scheme of life?

To be able to effectively deal with reality doesn’t one have to be forced to deal with the cards they were dealt and make the best of it?

What about those that weren’t forced to deal with unpleasant situations? You can’t hold that against them, of course. Unless, they are a poodle. But are they at a disadvantage to face the real world where there reality isn’t always made as perfectly as their bed was?

How many times can someone say they are going to retire?

Retirement in the sports and entertainment industries has become somewhat of a joke.

Jay-Z convinced us that the Black Album was going to be his last album. He’s released 3 albums since his supposed retirement.

Brett Favre announced his retirement from the Green Bay Packers. He has since gone onto play with the New York Jets and after announcing his retirement yet again – is supposedly under contract with the Minnesota Vikings.

Michael Jordan announced his retirement to pursue baseball and came back to win three NBA championships in a row. And then retired again, only to come back and play for the Washington Wizards.

The examples are endless. And the demand you can create if you’re an artist or sports figure is incredible. Especially, if people believe you.

Everyone wanted to see Mike Tyson’s last fight. Or Michael Jackson’s last tour. His planned European tour quickly sold out all 50 dates.

The more demand you can create, the more money you can command. Everyone wants to see your last hoorah!

And that’s why artists have an advantage over athletes when they ‘retire’ and announce one last tour, concert or CD as opposed to one last season.

But money talks for some people! And enough of it will ignite a comeback!

Or, too little of it will force a retirement.

Who can forget Latrell Sprewell’s public outrage. He said, “I have a family to feed” after the Minnesota Timberwolves offered him a 3-year, $21 million contract extension, which was substantially less than what his then-current contract paid him.

He felt that if he held out he’d get what he wanted. Sprewell’s agent, Bob Gist, said his client would rather retire than play for the NBA minimum salary, telling Sports Illustrated, “Latrell doesn’t need the money that badly. To go from being offered $7 million to taking $1 million would be a slap in the face.”

In February of 2008, Sprewell’s home was up for foreclosure and he was forced to sell his yacht.

I don’t blame him. He has a family to feed!

Ultimately, I think suggesting your retirement whether you’re a boxer or a singer or a basketball player is the fastest way to create demand for your services.

But who can trust when someone ‘retires’ these days? And how many times are we going to fall for it as consumers?

We all want that encore!

But sadly, the only time we can be certain we’re not going to get it is when the artist passes away.

If in fact, they really did…

Any business, like any relationship, has ups and downs. It’s the ups that keep you going through the downs. If there are too many downs then it’s time to get out.

Thankfully, there have been plenty of ups!

Recently, MyBodyTutor.com was featured in a segment on Good Morning America. The segment was about outside the box fitness solutions. It’s very flattering and really exciting to be recognized for your idea!

You can watch the segment by clicking here. (There will be an ad that you have to watch first)

MBT has a very different philosophy than the gazillion other diet/fitness/wellness companies out there. It goes against conventional wisdom because I’m not claiming you don’t know what to do! I don’t try to create an information advantage like a lawyer or a accountant or a web developer. I’m sick of seeing all of these diet programs out there claiming that they have the secret or magic formula.

In this day and age information advantages are disappearing rapidly. Any and all information is accessible 24/7/365! Being aware of this can really change the way you conduct business too.

So my premise has always been very simple:

*We all know what to do for the most part! We all know that eating McDonald’s and cookies all day is bad for us. Lack of knowledge isn’t the problem!

*We have become insanely good at rationalizing our lack of exercise and poor eating. It’s incredible the excuses we can sell ourselves on. As Nobel prize-winning physicist Richard P. Feynman said, “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.”

*As Albert Einstein said, “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” Getting in shape is about 3 things. Eating right. Exercising. And doing those two things consistently! That’s it!

*Unfortunately, the consistency part is very hard. Many people start programs. But most people don’t keep on going with them. Why? Well besides the excuses and the rationalizations Zig Ziglar said it best, “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.”

By keeping my clients honest with themselves and by keeping them consistent and motivated and inspired and guiding them on a daily basis I make it very hard for people to make excuses and very possible to stay consistent. In short: by providing daily and personal accountability it makes all of the difference in the world.

And that’s why my clients are so successful. Because I help them eat right meal by meal, workout by workout and day by day! Nothing sexy. But it’s ridiculously effective!

I know if I can help my clients stay consistent then they will absolutely see and feel the results they want! As Tom Seaver said, “In baseball, my theory is to strive for consistency, not to worry about the numbers. If you dwell on statistics you get shortsighted, if you aim for consistency, the numbers will be there at the end.”

I wish they spoke a little bit more about that on GMA. Because we don’t know just tell you what to do. Anyone can do that. We actually make sure you do it!

But hey I’m not complaining!