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Google Apps @ Google Webstore (Like)

2012-01-12T21:05:00.000+08:00

On the techy side today. I’d like to share some stuffs that I get from Google Chrome Web Store (https://chrome.google.com). What’s good about them is that they can be easily installed (takes not even a minute) and does not eat a lot of space in your computer ’coz they’re online materials. Here are some of the stuffs that I have installed in mine.

This is a nice photo-editing tool. You have to upgrade to premium to be able to use the full features but even if you don’t you can still do a lot of things. Grab a picture from the net or from your computer and then doodle on it or add cliparts using this tool. If you like this click ….. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/inmnggcpelemfookhlhkdfbechcdadfp

If you are tired of the usual PowerPoint presentation, then it is high time for you to use Prezi. It is a presentation tool that allows you top be super creative as it sets no limits in your ‘canvas’. It provides you with numerous ways to show your presentation. Likewise, your files are saved on your account and not on your hard drive. When you need it for presentation you can dowload it as flash. The best part is, it’s free. If you like this click ….. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/acoonfmhnndodekhecidldfdjgooefpg

Found a good stuff in the net? Paste to quick note. The source of your data will be copied as well. It can be placed as a side feature when your browsing so you can copy and paste easily. Plus, whenever you open Google Chrome, your files are there. If you like this click ….. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/mijlebbfndhelmdpmllgcfadlkankhok

If you do not have the space to store Google Earth then this application is for you. You just click on the application and you launch Quick Earth just like Google Earth. The view is as clear although not as detailed but for quick place searches it will surely do. If you like this click ….. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/khodocggeplgfhppgagfdpbjkniadmdh

This is a cute and simple game of, well “alchemy”. You simply combine together elements and come up with new substances. Some are scientifically sound but there are some which are just for fun. There are 200+ substances to be formed. ( I only have 30 substances formed as of the moment…still a long way to go) If you like this click ….. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/knkapnclbofjjgicpkfoagdjohlfjhpd

There are lots of apps that you can enjoy through Google Chrome. These are just some of them. Explore and find the ones that fit you. You may even like the one below…..

The to do App for Procrastinators.

Be hAPPy!

Bangs Ka Dyan!

2012-01-11T10:25:00.004+08:00

Uso talaga ang bangs! Ako nga may bangs (pati mga friendly friends ko; sabi ko nga kami ang Power Bangs Girls!) Di naman ako fashionista (kse kung oo eh di sana fashion blog tong site ko). As a matter of fact, by chance lang ang pagkakaroon ko ng bangs. Yung tipong advise lang ng kasama ko sa salon. Nung una, sobrang ikli, parang semi-Dora. Pero nun tumubo na...carry bells naman pala. So, pinandigan ko na din.

Saan kaya nagmula ang bangs? Meron na ba ang mga ninuno natin nito? Uso ba to non o di lang pinapansin? At bakit bangs ang tawag? Hmmmm... Out of curiosity, I researched. And, Google says...

Tawag talaga dito ay fringe. O di ba? Pag pumunta ka sa European countries, you say it as fringe. Sa North America nagsimula ang term na bangs (mula sa bang-off). Sa Pilipinas syempre ang tawag din ay 'bangs' (mas intense lang ang pagkakasabi!)
Apparently, may relasyon ang term na "bangs" sa "bang" na tunog ng baril. The latter evolved to have more meaning such as "to hammer" or "to strike violently" and even to convey suddeness or finality. "Bangs" are so called because they are created by cutting the hair "bang-off," abruptly and straight across the forehead. (Asiiimmm...creditshttp://wiki.answers.com)

Matagal na pala ang bangs as in 1940s. Dati pangbata lang. Meron ako bangs nun maliit ako. Straight bangs lng kse tatay ko lang gumugupit. (Aminin, dati magulang lang ang gumugupit...hehe...era...????)

Tapos di lumaon sinabi ng mga elders, "Aaay. I like that hairstyle." So ginaya nila. Yung kanila lang mas mataas. :)

Marami palang style ng bangs. May straight , blunt, side-swept, V-shaped , pin up, choppy at (eto ha!) shaved! Wonder what that looked like. Di nagresponse ang google image. Wala pa ata nabuhay na nagpaganung bangs.
Wala akong nakitang ninuo na may bangs. Wala pa akseng flicker noon eh. Pero, may nakita akong hunter na may bangs. Eto…………………………………………………………………………….

(City Hunter @ http://www.dramacrazy.net/korean-drama/city-hunter/)

Di lang pang girls, pang boys din! Ang rule of thumb lang naman, kung carry mo…go!

intrigued by the Feast

2012-01-09T08:53:00.007+08:00

I am simply amazed at the faith of the Black Nazarene devotees. Despite the threat (as per Malacanang yesterday http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/124501/terror-alert-at-feast-of-black-nazarene-2), they still pushed through. Hundreds of thousands had flocked Quirino Grandstand, Mendiola and Quiapo to be part of what is referred by the Archdiocese of Manila as the most spectacular religious event that take place in the Philippine history). I am a Catholic and a devoted one but I don't think I will be able to go to such a religious event. I will not be able to endure the sacrifice. Yes, it is truly a sacrifice. Imagine walking barefooted for a very long procession (expected to be from 2pm-9pm) with almost half a million people (mostly men) who will squeeze their way towards the image or even the rope that pulls it. People everywhere, sweat and smell and white towels being thrown in the air. I feel tired just writing about it. It is a huge, huge sacrifice.

Yet the devotees still go. The faithful believer brushes of the dangers or any threat and practice their devotion. They believe that God, through the miraculous Black Nazarene, will hear their prayers more because of their sacrifice. I listened to some of the devotees and they all profess about the blessings they have received through their devotion. Many of the blessings they received are ordinary. Nakapagtapos sa pag-aaral ang mga anak nya. Nakabili ng bahay at lupa. Nakaraos sa buhay. Yet, despite the simplicity, it led them to believe more.

As Catholics, we have the same faith but we have different means of practicing our faith. Some are satisfied with attending mass. Some attend as much religious activities as they could. And some have their devotions such as this feast. None is more correct than the other so long as the practice gives us a feeling of Christ's presence, so long as it gives us hope in the Lord, so long as it changes us to be better Christians and stronger believers.

May the Black Nazarene answer your petitions and hear your prayers. Happy Fiesta!

*To know more about the Feast of the Black Nazarene visit http://www.rcam.org/feastday/feast_black_nazarene.htm

Kids are Stress Relievers (Pag walang sumpong!)

2012-01-08T21:21:00.004+08:00

I am not yet a parent but being with nieces and godchildren gives me a feeling of how it is to be one. Hirap! Pero masarap! Being with them changes your day. Yup, it's quite a trouble having to deal with all their whims and shallowness but it's also a lot of fun. Here is an example of a day with them (true to life story....7 January 2012)!

1. In church. Ordinarily, I would want my church time to be solemn and reflective. But I can't do this when I'm with my godchildren and nephews. Your listening time is interjected by translations on what the priest is saying and explanations on what he is doing. Some moments are used to answer questions such as, "Bakit nakaganun si Jesus? (referring to Jesus on the cross)" and "Bakit madaming Papa Jesus? (pertaining to the many images)". You even have to accommodate them during communion when they say "Ninang, sama ako sa pila." Instead of singing your heart out, you sing with a smile in your face as you hear them singing (out of tune at times) even if they are barely reading the words. Church time becomes a bonding and teaching time. But it surely doesn't make it less valuable and meaningful.

2. With money matters. Oh how expensive it is to be with kids. After the mass, we were lovingly forced to buy some fries, burger and Mcflurry (paging http://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en/home.html). Additional ice creams would have to be bought during a trip (to add to the fun). Then there are the other unexpected expenses if something catches their eyes. But these expenses may not be too expensive. They may just be as simple as a 1-peso candy or a 10-peso sundae cone. Truly, one might need to shell out some money when going out with kids but in my case, these are always openly given. I spend because I want them to have fun. I spend because I want them to cherish the experience. It is ok for me to do a bit of spending (not too much) because the fun and joy I see in them makes it worth it.

3. In road trips. Road trips are fun with kids around because they're always noisy! They're energetic and they make the trip really interesting. They ask about all the billboards. They sing with the radio. They give you a super exaggerated "Wow!" when they see Christmas lights-surrounded structures and LED screens. They ask if we are near to the place every time. And they make you stop wherever, whenever when they need to make "wee-wee". Despite the seemingly unwavering energy, they let you have a peaceful return trip (zzzzzzzzzzzz.....they're dead tired....)

4. In events. Reunions, parties and family celebrations are venues for child antics. They sing and dance when you tell them to do so. They play formal, informal, make-up and even imaginary games. They tell enormous stories (even lives of their parents, which brings about laughters of course). They say hi to everyone and ask endless questions even to people they do not know. You'll never know when they'll strike. You'll just know 'coz the room's gonna be filled with laughters (or shouting at times).

Despite all hassles, I love being with kids. I love hearing their innocent thoughts, their brave inquiries and their repeating stories. I love how they appreciate the ordinary, how they trust adults and how they deal with things simply. They're transparent so you need not guess what they want. They're truthful so you need not doubt. They're loving, sweet and fun to be with. :)

We were once kids. We were once like them. But years had passed and we had to grow. The best we can do now is to enjoy the company of the little ones. It'll revive the kid in us. It'll remind us of joy and fun which we once had but were unfortunately covered by problems and concerns in our lives as adults.

For me, kids are the best stress relievers. Try it if you haven't. ;)

(How to Conduct) A Prayer Meeting

2012-01-07T11:34:00.012+08:00

I was with fellow youth ministers in a prayer meeting last night. And as always, it felt great being with friends and co-believers. It was a meaningful moment to share oneself, knowing that these people will be there to simply listen and pray with you. The atmosphere of trust and love envelopes you and assures you that everything will be fine. And all these we achieved without being overly serious (we seem to have funny bones and even muscles everywhere). This order of prayer meeting works for us. Allow me then to share some of the things we do, in case you would want to start your own prayer meeting (which is a good thing,I assure you!). (I tried looking for a how to on prayer meetings when we were staring and I didn't find any so I hope this one could be of help.)

1. We eat together. No matter how simple the food is. During our first prayer meeting, we had a slice of pizza each, wala pa atang tubig. The essence is you bring something to share and whatever you accumulate you eat it together. We usually do this in the beginning as we wait for others to come. The eating time breaks the ice and gives everyone a chance to say their hi's and hello's. It is a chance to be casual and relaxed. It is also a time of great laughter.

*Point of caution though: Allot a specific time for eating and stick to it. Remember that this is only a part of the whole thing. It would also be good to announce what you are going to bring just in case you will just to prevent from bringing the same thing. We almost had a donuts party last night because of donuts overload!

2. We start (and end) with a prayer. Obviously we have to start (and end) with a prayer. It is up to you how you would have the prayer. Assign someone or have a community prayer. Whatever works for your group. We usually hold hands in the closing prayer and pray for each other and for other special intentions. It sorts of seal the community and the bond that holds everyone.

3. We continue the prayer with songs. Medyo sumasabit kami dito kse wala kaming instrumentalist. That being said, it would be good if you have someone playing the guitar or the organ for the worship songs. If you do not have any instrumentalist (like us) you can resort to a capella, minus one or even mp3 accompaniments. It would also be good to practice a bit before the start just to make the flow more fluid. (hindi ba DYM pips?)

4. We have a bit of Q & A activity before the bible reading. The Q & A portion are simple sharing questions that could run for 30 mins. If it exceeds that, just let it be. Allow changes in your plan during sharing moments. Hindi naman kase natin mapipigilan ang pusong nais magbahagi. When one shares, let him/her do so to her heart's content. Yes, this will eat up time but that should be least of your concern. Some people attend a prayer meeting to be heard so let them feel that. Make adjustments after the sharing, not during. (Don't worry about your trip back home. God will give you a ride. )

5. We read something from the bible and reflect on it. The readings can be a story, a verse or a gospel. It depends on what your theme is. It would be nice to

have it based on liturgical celebrations or any monthly event. Again, you can deviate depending on the message you want to deliver. Make sure you have copies prepared for everyone in case they do not have a bible. Then, allow sometime for them to reflect and share what struck them.

*This part is essential because this is a chance to hear God speak. It is important to be in a reflective disposition to be able to listen to what God wants to say.

This is how we do it. Add lots of laughters between parts and personal stories and you get a meaningful and memorable prayer meeting. Remember that each encounter is unique. Be ready to be surprised by God! Be ready to deviate to make it a more personal experience. In the end, one can only plan so much. Th rest of the flow will be lead by the Holy Spirit. I pray that you will be open to this, that you would have the heart to recognize the presence of God. And I pray that your prayer meetings be beautiful opportunities to know more the people in your community. May it be a chance to hear and love others. May it be a source of hope for people who are losing it and a venue for rest to hearts that are too tired to speak and love.

God bless everyone! ;)

Special thanks to my TGIFF community. Great time with you guys! :)

2 0 1 2

2012-01-06T09:45:00.007+08:00

2012 is the year of the water dragon. I, being born in the year of the dog, will be unluckiest this year as dragon's worst enemy is the dog. I wonder if the indifference is due to any mythology related stories. Hmmm... Anyhow, if I were to believe Chinese astrology I would have bought all lucky charms and obeyed all feng shui just to get my way through 2012. Fortunately for me, I don't believe in such foretelling.

I believe that each year is a fresh start (whatever is your element/sign, etc.) I believe that everyone is given an equal chance to be happy and to be successful each new year. I believe that one is as fortunate as the other, may be not in similar things but in what we actually value. I believe that each new year is a chance to reinvent and re-fashion our lives. It is an opportunity to set new goals and aim for them. I stopped doing new year's resolution around 5 years ago. For some reasons, I go back to old habits and never fully achieve my resolutions. Instead of new year resolutions, I set my year goals. These are things I want to achieve not particularly things I want to change. They worked better for me as they pressure me less and motivate me more.

2012 will be a great year! Believe that with the gifts and capacities He has given you, you will prosper and be blessed. Life is never about signs or birthmarks or stellar positions. Life is about you appreciating and cherishing every moment. Life is about you living to the fullest. For life is what you make it - so make it your best! :)

Happy New Year everyone!

I Am Afraid of Death But It's Ok

2011-11-03T07:23:00.006+08:00

I am afraid to die!

For some un-Christian reasons, I am afraid to just leave this life. Well as a believer, I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. Why will I be afraid to die if I know Jesus awaits me in the next life? Heaven is out there. That should be enough reason for me to be happy. Unfortunately, I am afraid. And here are the reasons why.

First, I am not sure what 'really' lies after this life. I believe in heaven but it freaks me out not knowing how exactly heaven is. Is it full of clouds? Is it all smokey and white? Will you know people around you? Will you really see St. Peter with his chicken? Will you have houses as big as the goodness and kindness you showed to others? Or will it just be a state of peace? There are speculations and theories about it, but no one really knows. Uncertainty equals fear.

Second reason. Due to my limited theological background, I cannot fully grasp the idea of forever. I simply cannot fathom it. (Is it meant to be unfathomable?) I kept on thinking how forever is and I kept on seeing routines, repeating events, over and over. And then, I'll hit a wall! What if time just ceased to stop? What if, bang, everything just end! Where will we be? What will happen to us? Indescribable. I literary shake in fear when I think about this. I go berserk with the idea of forever and so does its absence. Weird, right? Ignorance equals fear.

Third reason. I am afraid to die because I am not ready. I do not want to die afraid. I do not want to die having these unresolved fears. I do not want to die holding on the life that I have here. Maybe I feel that I still have a lot of things I haven't accomplished. I still have a lot of dreams I haven't fulfilled. And I still have a lot of sins I haven't confessed. I am not ready and I want to be when it happens. Unpreparedness equals fear.

You might think I am screwed with all these fears. Na-ah! I am afraid but not hopeless. I believe that when the time comes, I will be ready. ???????? Well, let me put it this way. Some people say you can never be ready for death. I do not believe that. I believe that all deaths are purposeful. That there is a reason for one's dying. There is a reason why it is too early or why it is too late. There is a reason why it happened to one and not to the other. Death is mysterious only for us. To God, it is meaningful and perfect. As life is special, so is death.

Death comes when one is ready. I believe that God, in His endless love for us, grants death in a time when we are not anymore afraid. He grants it at a time when our hearts are filled not with anger, pain or hatred but when it is filled with peace. How many dying people had breathe their last after forgiveness was granted to them by family or friends? Even in those who die in the midst of tragedy and unexplained events. They too, I believe, died with Jesus by their side. I am no theologian but I rely my premise on the belief that we have a merciful, loving God - one who wants the best for us. A God who wants to spend eternity with us and who would do everything in His power for this to be realized.

So yes, I am afraid to die now. But I am sure that when the time comes that I have to go, I will be ready. God will grant me the peace that I need. Death may come like a thief in the night but not God's love and providence. And when that moment comes, I will be still, knowing He is God of life, death and resurrection.

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." - John 14:27

buhay tambay

2011-07-08T10:55:00.003+08:00

matagal tagal ko ding pinangarap ang magkaroon ng break sa super hectic schedule ng buhay ko. yung tipong wala akong iisiping trabaho. di ako gigising ng maaga at di ako magmamadali para di ma-late. pinangarap ko yung wala akong full time trabaho para makapag devote ako ng time sa pagsusulat. feeling ko kse kung hawak ko ang oras ko, mas matatapos ko agad yung sinusulat ko.

well, hello? kamusta naman? isang buwan mahigit na akong nakabakasyon di ko pa rin natapos isang lesson! haaiz...mahirap palang magbakasyon ng matagal na panahon lalo na kung yung mga kaibigan mo eh nagsimula ng magtrabaho. yung wala kang matawagan para lumayas o makipagdaldalan man lang. kse lahat sila..busy, ako lang hindi! tama yung isa kong kaibigan, kapag bum ka, "you get lost sa kawalan ng routine". trulyly....yung parang walang purpose ang bukas mo dahil wala ka naman gagawin. well in my case may plano akong gawin, di ko lang nagagawa.

what i realized out of this extended vacation? tinatamad din ang utak! pag nasanay "s'yang" walang ginagawa, nahihirapan gumana pag kailangan. kailangan pala, ineexercise lagi, as in lagi. and you get that from the daily dose of mental work you do. well, meron sigurong mga tao na nakakatrabaho in their own terms. un tipong mga freelancers. galing nila! kse ako parang di ko kaya. i need structure. i need real demands and deadlines. i need pressure. otherwise, natetengga ako.

salamat na lang at matatapos na ang buhay kong ito. thank God, next week papasok na ko. dahil kung hindi pa, mawiwindang na ako ng wagas!

in the end, i say, be careful what you wish for. a lot of things are not as grand as we thought they are. there are temporary things and there are permanent ones. and there are reasons why they should remain as such.

GANYAN MAGING SIKAT

2011-06-17T14:27:00.006+08:00

New Zealanders are mourning the death of the world famous sheep "Shrek" in Wellington. The shaggy icon named Shrek was renowned for avoiding being shorn for years. Shrek captured the public's imagination in 2004 after he evaded the annual shearing roundups for seven years by hiding in caves on his farm on the South Island. (Credit: Yahoo News)

"Akalain mong sumikat si Shrek dahil nagtago lang? Magtago kaya ako ng matagal na panahon, tapos di din ako magpagupit and all, sumikat kaya ako? Guess, iba-iba talga kapalaran ng mga nilalang sa mundo. And if it your time to shine, you will...It is your show, your time...Your showtime! (Aseeem!)"

The Search for the Red Moon

2011-06-16T16:19:00.003+08:00

I knew about the eclipse quite late so I was not able to make preparations. :( Good thing Nhanie and I went walking along the bay area in MOA. There we saw Kuya Kim giving a weather update. Well, we didn't hear the news from him but we saw it in the tarpaulin at his back. Ha,ha.....Kuya Kim was sort of the "THIS WAY" sign for us to notice the ad. Thanks Kuya Kim! (close)

The lunar eclipse was expected to take place from 1 AM to 7 AM, the peak of which is at 4AM. So I decided to wake up at 4AM to just see the highlight. :) Unfortunately, I woke up at around 4:30. I went out to the street in front of our house and saw nothing. (I wasn't looking on the ground ok? I was looking up!) So I walked and looked for the moon. When I have walked several meters and still didn't find it (and realised I was still on my sleeping attire), I went back to change outfit. I decided to walk further, even out of the subdivision to get a better sky view. I started walking towards the first street ('coz there's a mad dog barking on our own street!) and continued looking from left to right. It's around 4:45 and I was actually fearing that the sunrise will overshine the moon. But I continued on, putting my chances on the still dark other side.

When I reached the gate, I had to walk a bit further down the big road to see an unobstructive view of the sky. (I felt several tricycle driver eyes on me, possibly asking, "What is this woman looking for?") Keberrr! I went on checking the sky for it. And, at last, at the left side of the sky, where the firmament is still dark, I saw the moon, big and reddish, silently glowing its final light. (poem ito??! :0 ) The sight put a smile on my face as I realized that my waking up (in the early hours) and walking (like crazy!) paid off. Yes, I might have not seen the moon in its glorious red color, but I still saw it during its longest totality time over a period of 10 years. (just reseacrch the meaning guys!)

It was a great sight! It quenched the naturalist and scientific thirst in me, reminding me the technical terms on eclipses like...hmmm...like....Did I just say technical? Well actually, more than the scientific side is the feeling of being part of something BIG, something PHENOMENAL! I would look back to 16 June and say to myself, "I saw something great that day!" That although I am a small speck in the Universe (naks!), I witnessed something way, way beyond my capacities, one that is not only mentally but heavenly!

It might have been a small quest but it was still a search nevertheless. I searched for something that I want. I didn't get it the first try, nor the second. But I pushed on. And saw it in the end. The reward was not only the finding of it but also the feeling of achievement. So whether it's as small as a coin or as big as the moon, never give up on your quests. You'll never know. What you are looking for might just be on the next bend. :)

Good morning! Happy Red Moon Day! :)

how I wish….

2011-04-08T23:12:00.001+08:00

stressed ako to the highest level…toxic na toxic…how I wish, I could change my day and turn it into something I like more…kung posible lang, gusto ko sanang…

manood ng mushy romantic comedy film,
mag karaoke kasama si Dhan o kung sino mang tropa,
pumunta sa bookstore at bumili ng maraming school supplies,
magbasa ng libro,
makipaglaro sa makukulit pero uber sweet na mga inaanak,
kumain sa jollibee ng Yum with TLC with matching fries and pineapple juice,
magpa-massage at matulog pagkatapos,
manood ng pinoy teleserye (pati patalastas papanoorin ko, promise),
at ibalik si Pia sa American Idol! hahaha

well, ung iba talaga imposible ko naman magawa pero I realized that there are things in my list that I really can do, I just don’t do them for reasons higher than my desire for enjoyment. ganun naman sa buhay, di talaga pwedeng laging cloud nine. kailangan may stress, may hirap, may pagod. as they say, you will not enjoy your vacation if you did not sweat in your work. in lay man’s term, di mo maa-appreciate ang maganda kung walang pangit!

on the other side, tayo naman ang gumuguhit ng kapalaran natin di ba? so kung meron mang mga sources of stress and unhappiness sa buhay natin, resulta un ng mga desisyon natin sa buhay. may be it is telling us something. may be it is trying to open our minds to oher possibilities that we failed to see in the past.

so in short, tiis tiis lang. tanggapin na lang, kung bad trip eh di bad trip! wag magpanggap, period! feel the bad mood, then move on! so dahil bad trip ako ngaun (slightly…hmmmm..yeah slightly!), ang masasabi ko lang ay…SHEMERS!!!! TOTSEK to the highest level!

dugtungan ng salita

2011-03-16T20:40:00.001+08:00

….work…overtime…drain…kitchen…pagkain…refrigerator…freezer…yelo…kulay…rainbow…rain…baha…leptospirosis…daga…malaki…higante…Goliath…David…Hasselhoff…Baywatch…beach…swimming…sunblock…radiation…nuclear…Japan…tsunami…disaster…2012…pelikula…cinema…dark…brownout…boring…lessons…students…stress...work!

kwentong guro 2: let’s spell ‘ipis’!

2011-03-10T20:49:00.001+08:00

matapos ang ubos oras na pagbabantay sa mga estudyante sa pagkuha nila ng test, sumunod kong kinaharap ang pagche-check! kung pde lang na multiple choice na lang lahat ng tanong para mabilis mag-check. haaaiz! pero dahil, mabuting guro ako (ehem! actually un kse ang requirement sa school…hehe…), may mga structured questions at alternative to practical na mga tanong. at yun ang nagpapadugo sa pagche-check. pero may dulot rin namang saya ang pagche-check. may dulot na kakaibang tuwa (at malakas na tawa) kapag nabasa ko na ang mga kwelang sagot ng mga kyuuut kong estudyante. sa araw na ito, ang napagdiskitahan ako ay ang iba’t ibang paraan ng pag-iispel ng hayop na “cockroach”!

1. Cocorch – pde siguro ‘tong gamitin ng Kellogs, shortcut ng cococrunch!

2. Chockroach – siguro gawa sa chalk ung ipis!

3. Coachracs – gamot ba to? sounds like anthrax…

4. Coachroche –trainor ni pacquiao?

5. Cocroach – muntik na…isang letra na lang

6. Chocroach – chocolate flavored cockroach

7. Cacroach – slang sana, pero wrong spelling pa din

8. Coakcroach – mahilig ba sa coke ang ipis?

9. Cokorch – layo! sinong magaakalang ipis to???

all rights reserved. pag-aari ito ng mga estudyante ko kaya ipagpaalam nyo muna sa akin kung gusto nyong gamitin itong mga spelling na ito - sakaling you find this more fun over the typical spelling ng coc…k..roc…ay IPIS na lang!

hanggang sa muling kwentong guro…hehe…

Paalala ng Buwan

2011-03-09T22:19:00.001+08:00

Kanina nung naghohomily si Fr. Adrian, nakita ko sa bintana ng simbahan ang buwan. Crescent moon. Ganda nung pagkaka-pose nya sa me gilid ng bintana eh parang nagpapkitang gilas sa akin. I was amazed by the sight. Medyo nawala ung atensyon ko kay Father. Saglit lang tumagal ung buwan sa posisyon na yun. In a matter of 2 minutes lang ata. Tapos nawala na siya. It was a swift moment of awe!

At that moment, na-realize ko na ang tagal ko na palang di napagmasdan ang buwan..Ang tagal ko na palang di bumuntong hininga sa harap nito. Ang tagal ko na palang di namanghanga sa galing ni Lord bilang isang tagapaglikha. Kanina lang ulit. Sa sandaling “kanina” lang ulit.

Maramig bagay sa mundo ang minsan nakakalimutan nating tingnan at pansinin. Maraming mga bagay, at minsan pa nga tao, tayong di nabibigyan nga atensyon. Katulad ng pamilya, ng kaibigan, ng bagong umaga, ng simbahan, ng ngiti ng mga katrabaho, ng pagkain sa mesa, ng oxygen sa hangin, ng carbon dioxide sa halaman (huh?!) at kung anu-ano pa. Pero ang pinakamasaklap sa lahat ay ‘yong di natin mapansin at maramdaman (hindi dahil wala kundi dahil medyo manhid tayo) ang pag-ibig at habag ng Diyos. Lagi, halos araw-araw, Nyang pinaparamdam kung gaano Nya tayo kamahal, kung gaano Nya tayo hinihintay. Di Sya sumusuko kahit pa madalas natin S’yang iniisnab. Kaya minsan napipilitan S’yang magparamdam sa ibang anyo, minsan maganda at nakakamangha, minsan masalimuot at medyo mapait. Ganun ang ginawa ng buwan sa akin kanina. Ang ipaalala na ngayon, sa Miyerkules ng Abo, kailangan kong bumalik sa Kanya, na kailangan kong bumilib uli sa Kanya at maniwala na lahat ay aayon sa Kanyang mabuting plano (kahit na may nangyayring parang saliwa dito!).

Buwan….abo….simbahan….paalala….pananampalataya….pananalig.

Konektado lahat. Maniwala ka!

kwentong guro 1: Passing Time (Creatively!)

2011-03-08T17:05:00.003+08:00

It is exam week – the most dragging time in a term. As a proctor, I find it so boring invigilating students during exam week. It is an hour and half (sometimes more) of time spent watching, checking, reminding (with both eyes and mouth) and monitoring students through out the exam.

I realized though today that once students finish their exam, they also feel the drag of waiting for the time to end. Most of them finish way early so they try o come up with creative things to do. Here are the interesting ways by which our students pass time:

review their test (just joking!)
stare (at nothingness)
doodle on their desk
erase the doodles on their desk
doodle again, erase again (and the cycle continues)
collect eraser residues (imagine the amount of residue from all those doodles!)
arrange pencils, erasers and rulers on the desk (it looks like a mini bookstore with all the stuffs on it)
make planes from pencils, ruler and protractors
use a flexible ruler as binoculars
bend eye glasses
make a mini seesaw using a ruler and an eraser (sometimes even testing it by putting another eraser on one side and tapping with the palm the other! have you seen a catapult? works like that!)
drink
go to the toilet (in slow motion)
get tissue from the toilet (if the “may-I-go-to-the-toilet” excuse has been used already!)
take a nap
observe a classmate (and laugh at him when he does something foolish)
look at the clock
create a soft, high-pitched sound using the metal hook on the side of their table
play with their tie (fold it in different shapes like an origami paper! amazing!)
look at the teacher (so they know when the coast is clear!)

Indeed, creativity is the mother of all invention. And humor, at times, is the sister of stupidity. Stupidity, finally, is a close relative of idleness.

Another exam day tomorrow.

balikbayan diaries 6: How Am I?

2011-03-07T23:21:00.003+08:00

Sometimes life just passes so fast, we forget to pause and ask how we are? We often ask this question to other people but seldom to our self. Why? May be we do not feel the need to. May be we already know the answer (or at least we think we do). Or may be it is just not part of our habits.

But come to think of it, it is an important question that we have to ask ourselves because more often than not, we do not see how we truly are. We think of a lot of things about ourselves only to find out that we are mistaken. We think we are healed, until something triggers the pain again. We think we are happy until we see a source of dissatisfaction. We think we are complete until we are left alone to feel the emptiness. We have to take the time to reflect, and ask ourselves, “How are you?”

So how am I? Hmmmm…

On the physical, I am fine. I am not sick, not coughing, not weak or anything close to that. I just played basketball last week and apart from the normal body aches, I was able to get over the past days.
Mentally, I am stressed! I have so many things to think about and so many work to do. I have exams that needed checking, book that needed writing, documents that needed revising and cards that needed commenting. In all the parts of my body, my brain is the most abused, followed by my eyes. There’s just so many work in so little time. And I just don’t know how I could put everything together. So, am I mentally fine? Hmmm.…Close to being not I guess (but I am keeping my sanity, that I am sure of!).
Professionally, I am missing a certain level of career growth. I am thirsting for new knowledge, for learning. I am lacking of academic challenge – something I get from studying and from teaching “grade conscious” students. Despite that, I am committing myself to be the best teachers I can be. It is equally hard but I have accepted, eventually, that that is my turf in here!
Emotionally? Aha! I would say I am emotionally stable. True enough, I am missing some people but I am getting by knowing that soon I will be with them. No crying episodes! There had been bursts of tiny anger in the past but I am trying my best to control it. Mind over heart! Good things will come. I know it!
Spiritually? Now that needs deep questioning. I have a lot of spiritual activities here – prayer meetings, masses, Sunday school teaching, bible reading and praying. All these guide me. Still, there is a certain dryness in me. I know that something is still missing. I am still not fully at peace. I hope, deeply, that I will be able to resolve this in this coming season. I love Lent! I love it because it gives me an opportunity to retreat and see myself for who I truly am. It is an opportunity to feel God’s mercy and love. It is a time to com back to Him, to be with Him. I just hope that I would experience all of that in Surabaya (I’m keeping my fingers crossed!).

How am I? I am a fine, thank you! I am 80% happy, 10% excited, 5% disappointed, , 3% hopeful and 2% guilty. That makes up a 100% living, loving and laughing me this 3rd month of 2011.

How about you? How are you?

*PS. Ash Wedesday is on 9 March! Let us hone our spiritual needs.

Ayoko (kuno) ng Valentines!

2011-02-13T19:45:00.001+08:00

AYOKO NG VALENTINES! Ayoko ng mga maraming puso sa paligid at mga pulang rosas na nagpapaalala sa iyo na DAPAT mag-celebrate ka. Ayoko ng mga promo ng mga restaurant na “Love is in the air, Come and eat here” (nyahaa! (dapat “hair” he,he). Ayoko yung naglalagay sila ng kandila sa table dahil valentines kahit sila ay fast food lang o kaya ay karinderya. At pinaka-ayoko ang mga taong naguusap ng plano nila sa Valentines! Dahil ang sunod na tanong dun, “Ikaw? Anong gagawin mo/nyo?”

Prrrrrrt! Awat muna! Di naman talaga ako galit sa Valentines. Galit lang ako sa pagiging “overly commercialized” nya. Minsan kse nagiging “superficial” na lahat at lumalabas na isang malaking pagpapanggap. (Beep! Beep!) Example. Dahil Valentines may bulaklak ka? Dahil Valentines may malaki kang bear? Meron ka ba nun pag ordinaryong araw? O natatapos lang lahat sa Valentines? Dahil Valentines, mabait ka at sumusundo ka? Pero di mo siya sinisipot pag ordinaryong panahon? Ayoko ng one time event. Kse pagdating sa pag-ibig, dapat tuloy-tuloy at consistent.

Eto pa. Ayoko ng natutukso at napapansin ng ibang tao sa araw na ito. Bad trip kse ung mga ibang tao pag Valentines. Kesyo nakita kang kumain sa mall, sasabihin a “Uuuuy, may date!” (Kahit wala naman!) o kaya pag hinatid ka, “Uuuy, Valentines kse!”. Hello? Di ba ko kumakain ng normal na araw? Di ba ko hinahatid lagi (naks!)? Ay ewan! Pwede walang pakialamanan ng trip!

Panghuli, ayoko ng ‘social pressure’ ng Valentines. Pag wala kang boyfriend, parang nakakapanghina kase lahat lumalabas at nag-dadate. Parang naiwan ka sa isang parte ng mundo, habang ang lahat ng tao ay nagdidiwang. Parang di ka in. Di rin ligtas ang may boyfriend. Pag in a relationship ka, dapat mag-celebrate ka! Dapat may gawin ka. Dapat may date kayo. Kahit saan ka lumingon sa ika-labing apat ng Pebrero, ganyang pakiramdam ang bubulaga sa iyo.

Hep, hep. Ulitin ko, di ako galit sa Valentines. Lalong di po ako galit sa pag-ibig, ok? Ayoko lang modernong pagpapakahulugan sa Valentines. In its truest essence, Valentines is a celebration of love against the odds. Kaya nga pinapatay si St. Valentine dahil sa matinding paniniwala nya sa pagmamahalan at sa kasal. Hindi lang siya bulaklak o tsokolate o magarbong date. Ito ay pagpapaalala na maganda, mabuti at banal ang pag-ibig. Ito ay panahon ng pagpapasalamat sa presensya ng isang kasama, kaibigan, kabiyak. Dahil di lahat ay nabibiyayaan. At sa mga nabibiyayaan, di lahat ay tumatagal. Kaya kailangan ipagpasalamat.

GUSTO KO NG VALENTINES kung ang mga nagdidiwang nito ay nauunawaan ang tunay nitong kahulugan. Natutuwa ako sa mga taong simple lang ang nagiging pag-alala pero makahulugan. Natutuwa ako sa mga taong nagbibigay ng regalo o kung ano mang “memorabilia” at ginagawa ito kahit sa mga orindaryong panahon. Natutuwa ako sa mga taong kahit papaano ay nag-eefort, not for the purpose of the celebration but for the purpose of the person they are celebrating it for.

Siguro kung single pa ako, kung hindi ako pinagkalooban ni Lord ng mabuting partner, iikot na sa first paragraph ang usapan dito. Malamang nun, naging certified bitter ako. Pero hindi ganun ang nagyari sa akin. God has given me a wonderful person. A person, who despite his imperfections have loved me completely. Ipinakita sa akin ni Lord, not in an easy way I tell you, na hindi lahat ng gusto mo mangyayari at di lahat ng “standards” mo maabot. Ang ibibigay Niya lang talaga ay yung kailangan mo at yung dapat sa iyo.

Kung wala kang partner ngayon, ok lang yan! Di mo kailangan ma-pressure. Believe that God has plans and they are always good ones. Kung meron ka namang partner, then remind yourself how blessed you are for the gift of love. Despite the complexities, the whirlwinds and the problems, be thankful that the person you love, loves you back.

Para sa lahat ng tao ke ayaw o gusto ng Valentines, HAPI PUSO sa inyo!

A Letter to Lolo Gustin

2011-02-03T16:26:00.002+08:00

Dear Lolo,

Hi! How are you? How are things up there? It is quite rainy here in Indonesia and possibly very hot in the Philippines. How about there? Is there any change in weather or is it just always “cloudy”? They say that in Heaven they prepare your place based on your desires and dreams. If that is true, then I imagine you resting near the sea, in a small stone house. You probably have a boat nearby and some woods you can use for your carpentry. Although, I know you would have wanted some beers and cigarettes on the side, I bet that would not be granted. I strongly feel that there is a “No Smoking and Drinking” policy up there.

Have you seen Lola Severa, Uncle Digoy and Uncle Joe? I bet you were ecstatic when you saw them. It had been a very long time. Now, you have all the time (if there is even the acknowledgement of “time” up there) to be with them. Enjoy Lolo. You deserve it!Say “hi”to them for me. Also, don’t forget to tell Uncle Joe that Mai Mai is doing good and that you have seen her last Christmas.

Because of my limited capacity to speak Ivatan, I was not able to tell you a lot of things while you were still here. So I am taking the opportunity to tell you now. I’m sure you could request for an interpreter or better yet to have this letter flashed on a big screen with subtitles on it. So here it goes….

Lolo, I know these past few years had been difficult times for you. We had to take you away from Batanes and pull you out of your comfort zone. You had to live with us and stay in your mini house without doing anything. And because we go to work , we are not able to talk to you a lot. Sorry that you end up being overly bored with the routine. Sorry that we have to be strict at times because of our concern.

Also, I am sorry that I was not there during your last days. I wanted to be there and help out personally but circumstances didn’t allow me. But although I was not there, I know you got the best possible care from Papa. I also know that God, in his love and goodness, had made things easier for you. He had helped you every step and didn’t allow you to suffer any longer.

I was not able to verbalize it but I know you know that you are truly dear to me. I love you a lot. There is something in you that draws me to you. When I came to Batanes 10 years ago and visited you, I didn’t want to leave you. I felt the desire to be with you and to take care of you. I can’t explain the feeling, basta kakaiba. Parang di kita kayang iwanan. Parang kung pde lang i-adopt na kita. And that has always been my feeling towards you. Probably that is why God gave me an opportunity to care for you. Or probably I feel that way, because He knows I will care for you in time.

Lolo, I will miss you when I get back to the Philippines. I will miss visiting your place and giving you food to eat. I will miss looking at your plastic container to see if you hid any leftovers. I will miss cleaning up your bed and shooing ming-ming which you always allow to stay beside you. I will miss your simplicity and the joy that you show over small things. You never demanded anything, never asked for gifts of any kind. You simply take what is given to you. I will miss hearing your “thank you” and your “babay!” I will miss hugging you and telling you “love you!” Finally, I will miss talking to you, asking you about your life before and forcing you to tell more stories than what you like. You told me about Papa and how you taught him stuffs. You told me about the sea, about fishing and about fishermen. You told me about the war and how you dealt with it. And you told me about yourself, how you had lived and struggled in life. It was not much, but it was enough.

You told me before that the years added to your age of 80 are simply ‘bonuses’. Somehow, you don’t need those years because you have lived your life. I guess Lolo, those additional years were not for you but for us. They were years given for us to be with you. They were times granted for us to learn from you and be changed by you. Those years have allowed us, especially me, to grow in love and appreciation for our family. You have united us, not in grand ways but in simple yet extraordinary ways. And for that, I am grateful.

With love and warmth in my heart, farewell and thank you Lolo.

Enjoy your new life. Enjoy peace and happiness. Enjoy Heaven.

P.S. I have a friend there. His name is Benedict. Please say hi to him. Matutuwa yun. Thanks po.

Love,

Mean

AYD Top Ten

2010-11-27T15:20:00.002+08:00

A year ago, the Philippines hosted the 5th Asian Youth Day. And WE TOOK PART IN IT! The journey towards AYD was not smooth. It was full of brain-squeezing planning, body-tiring meetings and sleep-robbing preparations. It was a long and stressful way to November but one which is not without joy and fun. Yes, it was difficult but it was also rewarding, in many ways I cannot fully describe. But for purpose of our anniversary, I will try my best to describe some of the most unforgettable things I have about AYD.

Presenting my AYD Top 10!

Top 10 – THE COMMITTEE MEETINGS. The AYD was composed of a lot of teams/committees all of which conduct their own meetings and their own planning. I was from the Program Implementation Team (PIT) and we meet A LOT of times! Holiday equals meeting. The rains were not a match to the persistence of the team to meet. So even if there’s flood and bad traffic, the meeting pushes thru. Pag walang PIT meeting, may DYM meeting. Pag walang DYM meeting, nagkakasakit kami! Ganun siya kaparte ng sistema! Our mantra. “by hook or by crook!”

Top 9 – THE FORMATIONS(SSSSS). We had a lot of formations before AYD. Formations on professionalism, on being a team, on leadership, on spirituality, on faith, on anything! We were taught and guided by competent and dedicated people. We were readied for the battle that is to come. We were molded just in the right shape so we can be of right service in the event. We were squeezed and pressed so the best would come out. Our aim, “world class service!”

Top 8 – THE OPENING NIGHT. This was the spark that started the whole blast. This night, I officially started my emcee tasks for AYD. In front of me were the delegates from every Asian nation, full of enthusiasm and excitement. There were a lot of cheering and dancing, getting to know and budding friendships, and most importantly, praising and thanksgiving – spoken in different languages but with similar intentions. It was an overwhelming experience, something I am blessed to have experience and happy to share. This was also the night that I first met my co-emcees. I was so excited but at the same time nervous because I do not know so much about them. I met them on the stage, each with their own styro pack of food. On that fateful night, I met them and knew that the event especially the emcee task will be challenging but enjoying as well. My prediction. “looks good, (hopefully) works even better!”

Top 7 – THE CLERGY, BISHOPS AND RELIGIOUS. There were the delegates and there were the holy ones. The AYD experience is one filled with wisdom and guidance from these religious men and women. One thing I loved about AYD was the chance to meet these religious in a more personal way. I was able to laugh with Bishop Tagle, dance with Bishop Baylon, earn praise from Bishop Tirona, see techy stuffs from Bishop Sim , exchange insights with so many priests and shares stories with very youthful sisters. Along with the serious matters are the bloopers I experienced involving them like introducing a speaker as a bishop when he was actually a cardinal and calling Bishop Tirona as Bishop Baylon. :) But because they were really kind and loving people, they have easily forgave my shortcomings. Ang dialogue, “Sori. Tao lang!”

Top 6 – THE YAsian WALK. What does a footstep-shaped guidebook, a bamboo pole and a joyful chant have in common? They were all in the YAsian walk. The YAsian walk was a Eucharistic celebration ‘on the road’, an active community prayer and a spiritual exercise. It allowed us to reflect on how we can truly be ‘blessed, broken and shared’. But its depth was not the only reason why I chose this event. It was also because during this time, I saw the sensitivity of the youth. On many occasions, the youth are noisy. But in this event, they showed how they can sense what is appropriate. There is chanting, singing, talking during the procession but once we arrived at the station, everyone stopped and listened. It was a beautiful, touching site. One which I was able to immortalize in paper. One which I will keep in my mind and heart. My feeling, “Aaaaawwww…So nice!”

Top 5 – THE YASIAN FOODIES. Aside from dancing and singing, the Asian Youth Day was marked by the bountiful food. I remember the bread and Filipino delicacies served during Yasian breaks, the Jollibee (Langhap Sarap) breakfast meals and burgers and the extra food served in the Rogationist canteen. I remember being treated for Italian ice cream by Father Sam. (Remember Sister Franz????) And, of course, who will forget the buffet dinner? Haba ng pila, box office! But it was worth the wait, in pernes! Sorry na lang sa mga nawalan ng stub dahil medyo strict ang mga waiters. Pero kung may nawalan, meron naman mga may sobra so nabigyan din…He,he.. Da hu itong pari na maraming stubs??? He,he…Secret… The point is, all eating time were also bonding moments for the delegates. The motto, “Eat, Pray, Chat!” (pelikula ito?)

Top 4 – THE VIGIL NIGHT. This was a very solemn night for me. Let me paint the picture again: It was dim. Candles provide much of the light. The Taize cross is in front. All are quite, meditating, waiting. Then the procession started. Songs were sung. Chants were followed. Then the cross was presented for veneration. A line was formed. It included me. It was a long line but one which was waited with much desire. I don’t remember my prayer then, but I do remember that I was at peace. And that I did not want it to end. That I wanted to bow and kneel for the rest of the night. But I had to do another important thing. So I stood up and went to one of the many pious men stationed to give confession. I confessed to a white priest. I do not remember his face nor his name. But I remember that he laid his hands on me gently yet strongly. And once again, peace was with me. My thought, “Shalom!”

Top 3 – THE YASIA FIESTA SONG AND DANCE. “From many different roads now converged as one…” Who can forget that line? Or the action that came with it? It’s probably the most played and performed song in the whole of the diocese for 2009. Di pa lumalabas ang original na soundtrack, meron ng raw version sa mga cell phones ng core team. Wahaha! Umamin! :) The song was taught and played in all districts, parishes, masses, formations, morning assembly, break time, bus waiting time and many more. It was danced with so much gusto (especially ni Friendship! Da hu?) and enjoyment. Our appreciation to the Deaf Community who helped put together the actions and to Friendship for the dance steps. :) The song and the steps are joyful and festive, a mark of the true Filipino and Asian youth spirit! Our tune, “Tenenten, tenten….tenenten, tenententen!”

Top 2 – THE EMCEE TEAM. If there is one thing that has fulfilled me during the event, it was heading this team. When I was given this task, I really do not know how I’d go about it. The script writing was tasking but possible but the preparation of the team was not. How can I practice with people miles away from me? Worst, how can I communicate with people whose names were not yet finalized? Our practice was at the same time our getting-to-know moment. In short, we were strangers from five countries forced by opportunity to work together. But we are strangers no more! For the same dilemma and challenge had drawn us closer together. Time was not on our side, so we had to force moments together. We had to innovate to be with each other. We met early, ate together, sat together, walked together and prayed together. They were my family and my flock during the event. I remember not knowing how to say goodbye on the last day, wanting to still stay and talk to them, practice with them some more. But it cannot be. So I bid so long, instead of farewell, in the hope that in time our paths will cross again. To my dear co-emcees - Loraine, the smart and strong woman from India, Lucky, the young and energetic student from Pinas, Audrey, the adventurous dreamer from South Korea, Agung, the charismatic, techy guy from Indonesia and Lawrence, the hopeful, Sunshine boy of Myanmar – thank you for the beautiful memories. My message, “Till we meet again!”

Top 1 – THE VOLUNTEERS. This is my Top 1, not because I was one of them but because they were the ones who made everything possible. They are the unsung heroes of the 5th AYD, the backbone and the ‘wind beneath its wings’! They were the ones who tirelessly dedicated themselves to the event, those who beat every deadline and roadblocks, who took quick naps and snacks to make things possible, who ran here and there for errands, who cut school and used up their leaves just to attend the pre-event and the main event, who turned the world upside down just to make AYD the best! And it did! It did become a momentous event, it did become successful and it did make a mark in the history of Cavite, of Philippines and of Asia. Cheers to all of you guys! You were great and it was such an honor working with you! And to the DYM Team who are above volunteers in my heart (because you are my friends!), you were amazing. Your dedication and passion was overwhelming. Your energy, unmatched. And if I will be asked to do another equally tasking and challenging event, I would accept it in the condition that you are there as my team mates. I may not be there to celebrate our anniversary, but I am with you always in mind and spirit. My shout-out, “Love u Lykas!”

That’s my AYD Top Ten. But that was not everything. AYD was so much more than that. And it would be impossible to transfer all the wonderful things in paper. As with all good memories, the rest are kept in the deepest recesses of my heart.

To all that I have met and have forged friendships with, to the delegates of the many beautiful Asian countries who joined, to the elders who trained and guided us, to my friends and co-volunteers, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! May we continue to be source of hope in Asia. And may the fire of passions and love be with us for all times. My end line….”Yasia Fiesta!”

balikbayan diaries 5: home not sweet home

2010-10-12T20:42:00.001+08:00

Busy is good. It keeps my thoughts from anything that will bring me sadness. When I work, I feel safe – safe from any unwelcomed emotion. So I have no problem when I’m at school. It’s like my safety net. It protects me from the harm that “homesickness” brings. So, instead of feeling relieved during dismissal time, I feel sad. I dread going home because it doesn’t actually feel as home. It’s a house. It has the structure I need to be able to rest and to still work if I wish to. But it doesn’t have the feeling of a home.

When I go home, I either watch TV or work on my computer. Many times I cook which is another good thing because it keeps me busy again. But once we’re done eating and chatting a bit, silence sets in. We get into our own nooks and mind our own businesses. And that’s when the sadness rushes in – when I realize that at the end of the day, I am alone. Yeah I know that somewhere out there, there are people caring for me and loving me, that I do have a family who is thinking about me, that I am not “really” alone. But, at times, it is just hard to convince yourself when they are physically absent, when you really do not have any family physically present. Don’t I have friends here? Of course, I do. But they too are busy with their own worries.

How I wish I could just work until I am too tired to work. That way I’d go home and go straight to bed,so I won’t be reminded of the family which am not with, the love that I could only enjoy virtually and the reality that I am away from everything that I used to call home.

balikbayan diaries 4: Second Tears in Surabaya

2010-09-20T14:35:00.003+08:00

My co-teachers were saying that I was brave for only crying once since I came here in Surabaya. I told them I was blessed to have the ability to control my emotions. But today, I was not able to. Today I lost a dear friend, a baby, a pet. Today I grieved the death of our pet Jessie. Jessie was me and Dan’s first dog. He was given to us as a gift around 4 years ago. He was really dear to us and we have loved him so much. So losing him is like losing something valuable. His death saddened me so much that despite my strength, I was weakened. Too bad, I won’t get to see him again. Too bad, he won’t be with us when we get our own home. Too bad, he left us already.

There goes my dog...and my second tears in Surabaya.

Jalan Salib Bukit Golgota, Kediri

2010-09-10T15:33:00.004+08:00

I was privileged to be part of a group to visit Pusarang, Kediri which according to Pa Ramon is located at the very scenic Pohsarang mountain-side. We visited Goa MAria, prayed the rosary and the stations of the cross. I would like to share this video that I made showing the beautiful life size dioramas and the virtues which I was able to reflect in each station. I hope you appreciate it as much as I do. :)

the balikbayan diaries 3: beautiful nightmare?

2010-09-06T18:25:00.003+08:00

Last night, I had a really bad dream. I was actually dreaming of something beautiful, something nice when everything just went pitch black. Then I realize I am in my room, lying in bed, just the way I was when I went to sleep. I can hear the raindrops. And then some noise which I didn't mind since it seemed ordinary. Then all of a sudden, something just pressed on me and I can't move. I am trying to push it away but I seem to can't move my hands. Then I broke free and I ran outside. I saw different basins on the floor. I shouted to Ms. Lisa but there was no voice which came out. And then I awoke rushing to open the lights. I lay on my bed, palpitating but thankful that it is over.

I was afraid but still brave enough to not cry or freak out. I wished badly I was home so I could call my mom or my brother. But I was not, so I just had to lay there holding my rosary and calling on to Mama Mary. In Filipino culture, they call this bad dream "bangungot". I know because Dan had told me about his experiences before. Some, they say, die in their sleep because of this. I am not superstitious but I did feel terrified during this time. It was a very scary dream, one which I do not usually have. What led me to that dream? I don't know. And that curiosity led me to asking people and searching the net, desperately trying to make some sensible explanation about it. Here are what I got:

1. "Full stomach" - According to Mr. George, the stomach has difficulty digesting too much food in the evening. The digestion may interfere with the heart's activity so the heart has difficulty functioning. This is why those who die in sleep are usually due to cardiac arrest. * I did eat a lot that night so that may be possible. Now, I am afraid to eat at night.

2. "Stress and anxiety" - This includes traumatic experiences, financial anxieties and major life transitions. *Hmmm...I worked in Indonesia so that is a major life transition. I am stresses that is for sure and I am not totally comfortable yet. Sounds highly possible for me. Plus I was very uneasy with the Vitamin C that I took before sleeping. I was so paranoid that it is expired. Another hmm...

3. "Negative attitudes/thinking" - A source says that by holding on to negative thoughts or feelings you are instructing your mind to process this data. This leads to "unhappy dreams." *The past week I have watched 2 movies about crimes and I guess that contributed to a certain negativity in me. The movies have affected in me in a way that they affirmed in me that there are really bad people in the world. A definitely negative attitude!

4. "Bad spirits" - They say it is the spirit that does this to you, preventing you to be awake and all. *I would admit that I considered the idea at first. Anyway, there are really spirits around us. But this is a possibility that I would "want" to discount because in this light, reason fails. And thus it is hard to prove. Plus, I believe that God, through Mary and His angels, are always looking after me. I would want to believe that He is and forever will be greater than the "other " force.

So having thought of those four areas, I have come to the conclusion that my bad dream was brought by my too much watching of bad films and anxiety and sadness in my daily routine especially at home. I am discounting the "full stomach" theory BUT I will try my best to eat light especially during dinner for health reasons. I am also discounting the "bad spirit" theory but will pray harder for guidance. I am also keeping my lights open for comfort and peace of mind. Finally, no more crime movies for me!

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I end with another thought. Are nightmares all that bad? Is there really anything that is just bad? Or there is another side to it? So what if having bad dreams is part of the body's systems to stir us up in our dream state? What if it's the body's way of bringing us to reality to immediately normalize our system? Just imagine if the mind produces good dreams instead of bad dreams during emergency? How will we ever struggle to be awake from a beautiful dream? "Bad" dreams might just have a "good" purpose at all.

the balikbayan diaries 2: Nasi Goreng Edition

2010-08-28T22:33:00.005+08:00

Nasi - Rice; Kanin

Goreng - Fried; Prito

Eto ang kauna-unahang kinain ko sa Indonesia, ang nasi goreng. Halos hindi ko pa maalala nung una pero ngaun memorize ko na pati spelling. Eh ito lang ang alam kong orderin eh.

Waitress: (binigay ang menu)

Mheng: Hmmm...

Ms. Lisa: Mi Goreng satu (One mi goreng)

Waitress: (waiting....) Apa? (What?)

Mheng: (nagtitingin sa ibang menu...) Hmmm...

...After 5 mins...

Mheng: 'Ba, nasi goreng! (nyee!!)

Feeling ko kse safest ang nasi goreng. Alam ko na kse kung ano siya. Hindi ko na tatanungin kung ano ang mga laman. Saka kumpleto na - may itlog, manok, kanin, gulay (pipino). O di ba? One serving has it all.

Di tulad ng nakagisnan kong sinangag, and nasi goreng ay punong puno ng iba't ibang sahog at rekados. Amazing! Sa sobrang tagal ng luto na ito sa Indonesia, ito ay naging isang kultura na -mula sa sahog hanggang sa paraan ng pagluluto. Amazing tlaga sila pag nagluluto, parang di nagiisip. Sige lang ng sige. Eto ang rough draft ng pagluluto nila ayon sa nakita ko kanina kay Pa (Mr.)

1. Painitin ang mantika sa napakalaking kawali. Dapat malakas, ung tipong narramdaman mo yung init kahit 1 metro na layo mo. He,he...Cge na nga mga 0.5 m.

2. Ilagay ang bawang at sibuyas at kung anu ano pang special spices. Sa puntong ito medyo lumayo ka dahil siguradong tatalsik ang lahat ng pdeng tumalsik dahil hindi hihinaan ang apoy. Pero ung mga naglulto "keberrr", parang may metal armor.

3. Hinaan ang apoy at ilagay ang itlog. Tapos lakasan uli ng sobrang lakas ang apoy. (Bakit kaya?) Galing din nila mag shoot ng egg shell, no look!

4. Isama ang bahaw at manok at haluin ng super effort. Ala chinese cooking. Yng may sound effects na "whoosh, shoosh". Habang ginagawa to ay nilalakasan, hinihinaan at nillakasan uli ang apoy. He,he..

5. Ilagay ang 3 iba't ibang klase ng sauce. Sori, hindi ko na alam kung anu-ano yun. Basta may dalawang black at isang reddish. Depende din kase sa uri ng nasi goreng ang mga sauce - may jawa style, chinese, hongkong, etc...

6.Kapag napagod na maghalo halo, at sa tingin mo ay luto na, pde na patayin ang kalan at hanguin ang nasi. Dapat may style pa din ha. Wlang maiiwan, walang matatapon. May hand movements na di ko na madescribe.

7. Ilagay sa plato (dine in) o kaya sa brown paper (take out).

8. Lagyan ng garnishing na pipino at berdeng sili.

After nun ay read to serve na ang nasi goreng. O di ba? Simple lang...At dyan nagtatpos ang cooking with Chef Mheng...Ay! Blog pala to. He,he...

Anway, naisalba ako ng nasi goreng sa maraming pagkaktaon kaya paborito ko yan. Lagi ko lang sinasabi "Tidak Sembal" meaning "hindi maanghang". Awa ng Diyos, di nila ako naiintindihan. Iba ata pronunciation ko o sdayng maanghang talaga ang nasi goreng.

So sa mga nagbabalak pumunta ng Indonesia, isama nyo na to sa "Food to Taste". Order and be amazed at their art of cooking! Magtatayo nga pala ako ng fans club para sa nasi goreng, pde kaung sumuporta...He,he...

the balikbayan diaries 1

2010-07-27T20:50:00.002+08:00

It’s been so long since I wrote a blog. I guess it’s because life got more complicated for me. More work, more obligations, more expectations. And the more responsibilities, the less time you have for things you love to do. What has happened to me since my last entry in May? I’d say there were a lot. Things I’d probably not have time to share in detail. But in a nutshell, my life got overhauled. J

I am writing this blog in Indonesia. How in the world did I get here? Well, to make the story short, I was offered a teaching job and I said yes. Impossible? I thought so. Crazy? Probably a bit. Not so me? True. For 27 years I have firmly stood on my principle not to go abroad. Even if I could. I told myself, I do not need to go abroad. I have all I need here. I am not rich but I live well. Plus, I do not want to jump in the bandwagon of teachers moving to a better pasture somewhere else. The Philippines has lost a lot. I do not want to add. I felt, then, it was more proper and nationalistic to just stay.

When I decided to leave, I cannot describe how guilty I felt inside. I do not want to share it with people because I felt ashamed of what I am about to do. I was afraid to see in their faces the “what–has-happened-to-your-conviction” expression. I was not ready for it. I was not ready for answers because I myself was at a dilemma. I felt unworthy to explain, believing that no amount of explanation will justify what I am about to do.

Now, two weeks had passed since I arrived in Indonesia. I am not having the time of my life, I tell you. I am too busy to explore the place. I go to school, I work, I go home or sometimes go to the mall to buy supplies not to roam around. But one thing I was able to do is to win back my peace, to forgive myself and to be mature with my decision. I realized, truly now, that purpose justifies an action. If one’s purpose is clean, then the action becomes clean as well. I left not because I stopped being nationalistic nor because I felt nothing good will happen to me there. I left for growth, for experience and for learning. I should not be ashamed of that. Plus, seeing the other Filipinos who work here made me realize that you do not stop loving your country when you leave its boundaries. You continue loving it, missing it and appreciating it. There is a certain pride that Filipinos have and care for once they step on other lands; a pride that is innate wherever we go or whatever we do.

So goes the start my story as an OFW...a Filipino away from home...a woman chasing after her dreams and.......hoping to find its fullness where it all started.

Expat now, balikbayan in time.