Guts and Grog Reviews

Subspecies, Or How I Spent My Post Oscar Hangover Day

2012-02-28T11:55:00.000-08:00

Sunday started with a day full of work as usual. I wanted this day to be over so I could start my yearly Oscar party. Sure the Oscars are outdated and usually wrong but I still have to watch. I don't care that they snub my favorite films. I am glad they do. I love sitting around drinking with friends yelling at the TV. It is probably the closest thing to a sports game I will ever care about. Well the Oscars came and went and by the end I was a bit inebriated. We continued the party listening to music, drinking and dancing. Well I was dancing. It only takes one for a dance party god dammit. Well it was late and I puked my insides to the outside and passed out. The next morning I woke up feeling less than a hundred percent. I had to do something with myself so I looked around my room and saw my Subspecies box set. I hadn't watched any of them in years. Growing up I always would go for puppets over vampires so I figured it was about time to see what Radu was up to.
Subspecies(1991)- Ted Nicolaou

A couple of American girls show up in Romania to study Romanian culture with a friend. Radu shows up and kills the Tall Man. Radu wants these bitches but his brother is the nice one and loves their feelings. Radu wants their blood. He is cooler. The overall feel of this film is awesome, which is not surprising when you get a guy named Vlad to be your DP. It is Full of great sets and the countryside lends itself to the creepy nature of the film. There are some great effects in this. One moment is when Radu cuts off his fingers and they do a metamorphosis from gross finger to gusher, gusher to coyote dick, coyote dick to some awesome Harryhausen stop motion cyclops looking bastards. There is also a great scene at one the local rituals that is insanely unnerving. The whole town is dressed up and doing a ritualistic dance/parade in what looks like Muppet's costumes if they were designed by the Marques DE Sade. All in all I have nothing but love for the origins of this series.
BloodStone: Subspecies II- Ted Nicolaou

This picks up right after the end of the first one. Michelle tries to escape Radu but he wants to bang her vampire style. She takes the bloodstone and runs. Her sister comes to help but Radu is one persistent bitch. This is probably my favorite of the series. The effects are fucking amped up like Jose Canseco in the ninety's. Some of the highlights are the head reattachment scene which is quickly followed by a blood geyser of awesome. Numerous stabs to the face and all around badassary. The plot is unique and at times turns into a random buddy cop comedy. The cast is awesome and features William Shatner's daughter and the final guy from Friday the 13th part seven. They go to the coolest most realistic metal club that even has Beavis and Butthead style graffiti including the term "Metal Rules" as well as other super creative phrases.

Bloodlust: Subspecies III- Ted Nicolaou

A direct continuation from two keeps Becky and Michelle running from Radu. All the same characters are back and to me is the least impressive out of the series. Still necessary in its own right and not bad by any means just the slowest of the series. The mummy in this one is pretty awesome I will say. She is trying to keep Radu grounded but he wants nothing to do with it. He says "Fuck you mummy, I will train this bitch." There is some sweet shadow stop motion and a great melting scene where you find out Radu kind of looks like King Diamond when he is on fire. There are plenty of sex and death scenes to keep you happy including one where Radu is fucking some chick Frombee and draining her neck. That alone is worth it.

Vampire Journals- Ted Nicolaou

Not a direct sequel but it does take place in the same universe. Radu is mentioned and Ash ends up in Subspecies four. I really enjoy this one. I feel like I am watching the flashbacks in old episodes of Angel/Buffy or even the more recent Vampire Diaries. Zachary, who is the younger James brother in one of my personal favorite films Real Killers is a vampire out to severe his bloodline. He has feelings and all that bullshit. He is still kinda badass in this. Well he is on the hunt for Ash who is being an evil weirdo. Their paths cross when Ash get this super hot Pianist(I said pianist you child) in his sights. Zachary wants to protect her because of those stupid feelings. I am not trying to paint this movie as a tweenish bullshit film. It's not. In the first minute of the movie you get nipples and a beheading. I like those numbers. There are plenty of great kills including a exorcist style forced head spin. In the end while not fully a Subspecies film this is a great watch and full of blood and boobs. Two of my favorite B's.

Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm- Ted Nicolaou

The final installment of Subspecies finds Michelle in a hospital after a car crash. The Doctor realizes she is a vampire and tries to help her. He of course also has ulterior motives as he knows of Radu and wants the Bloodstone. Ash also is there and along with his lady friend sets out to fuck up Radu's day. They get help from the humans to get rid of him. Basically everyone wants to fuck over everyone to get the bloodstone.
A lot of people hate this one. It is by no means perfect but I still had a lot of fun with it. The opening is great and reminded me of Lethal Weapon four or Final Destination five with the montage of clips from all the previous films. The montage is a bit different as it is Enter the Void style with its fast cuts that would most definitely send a epileptic into seizure. Some of the effects are less than perfect but overall they work. This one probably has the most be headings and they are all bad ass. It ties everything up nicely and for a final entry works for me.

Well that is it for my revisit of the Subspecies series. In the end I was very happy to go back. In a time full of bullshit romantipires it was refreshing to see some Gothic vampires that actually drink fuck and kill.

Tromeric

2 Headed Shark Attack- Christopher Ray

2012-02-13T23:09:00.001-08:00

Let me start this off by setting the scene for movie night in my house. We gather the kids, get comfy on the couch and pop in 2 Headed Shark Attack. It’s family movie night with all the blood and tits that entails. We have a long tradition of watching all the Asylum movies we can and this one is up at the top of the heap. You know when your 8 year old son is laughing his ass off because some dude just got ripped in half that the movie is doing something right.

One thing to keep in mind about this movie is that it sucks, but in the greatest way possible. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a sucker for the genius that goes into making an unabashedly bad movie that works on almost every level. It just goes to show that if you acknowledge what you’re working with and use it to it’s fullest you can make a fun movie, and that‘s all I can ask for. There’s no pretense or delusion about what’s been put on the screen and I love the film makers for it.

The movie kicks off with a great kill right off the bat and lets you know what to expect and it never fails to deliver. The shark effects are actually pretty decent for these low budget creature features, right up there with Sharktopus. Now that doesn’t mean the effects are anything close to good, but do you really want them to be? Personally I prefer the dirt path that somehow changes into smooth plastic when it cracks and the explosions that look like they were rendered on a PS2 and added into the movie with a 10 year old version of photo shop. It just adds to the fun.

Pretty soon we’re introduced to our cast of usual players. You have the d-bag bro and his loyal followers, the nerd, the crazy bitch that won’t shut the fuck up, plenty of big titty sluts, sassy black girls, and let’s not forget the tough girl with a chip on her shoulder. All of them play their parts perfectly and you just can’t wait for them to die in the worst way possible.

Special mention should be made for Carmen Electra, she really turns in a stirring performance as the most believable doctor I‘ve ever seen. I also want to take a moment here and thank Asylum for offering an outlet for washed up celebrities to desperately cling to any fleeting bit of fame they can without having to get double teamed by Bret Michaels and Flava Flav on VH1.

The real star of the show though is Jerry O’Connell’s brother Charlie. I really believed his pain when he broke his leg and just made the same groaning sound over and over for the entire movie. Frank Stallone had better watch out.

Soon the students, oh yeah they are on a semester at sea boat, have to abandon the boat and head to a nearby atoll. Which the titular shark manages to run into hard enough to get it to start sinking. Let me just say that the science in this movie is tight as shit, but again not really why you’re watching this movie.

Now the real reason you’re even thinking about watching this is for the kills and oh baby are there kills. I won’t go into too much detail because it’s more fun to just experience them, but have no fear they rule. Nice and bloody and completely ridiculous.

In closing, watch this movie. If you have enjoyed any of the recent low budget monster movies this is right up there with Mega Piranha and Sharktopus as one of my favorites. Plus it has what may just be the most romantic onscreen kiss I’ve ever seen. So really it’s the perfect Valentines Day movie for you and that special someone.

This movie has tits, blood, and a 2 headed shark. Do you need to hear anything else? Two times the heads, two times the awesome.

3.5/5

Jacob VonKlingle

The Bunny Game- Adam Rehmeier

2012-02-13T16:59:00.000-08:00

     We are introduced to "Bunny" right of the bat with a close up of a dick in her mouth. This isn't a blow job like I watch at night for two minutes to help me fall asleep either. This is dirty, empty and full of despair. We know this right away by her eyes, something I will get into a little later. First a quick rundown minus the Rock of the film that I had to hit the play button on again once it finished. The Bunny Game.
     Bunny is a pro who will suck a cock for some blow. We see this right away as the film opens with blowjob to nose candy. She has some sex, gets paid and does a line. This is the first few minutes. She then is robbed and has a melt down. She gets in a semi with hopes of making some cash where she is kidnapped. She is tortured for the remainder of the film . Don't let this skew your opinion. This is not a run of the mill torture flick, This is just an overly simplified version as I never want to be accused of ruining a film.

      Lets get back to Bunny. She is played by Rodleen Gestic, and not to minimize anyone else involved in the film but I think it's safe to say that without her this would be something completely different. This is possibly the most fearless acting I have ever seen. It should go down in history along the likes of Isabella Rossellini in Blue Velvet or Charlotte Gainsbourg in Anti Christ. There is such a miniscule amount of dialogue in this and yet you feel the torture and the pain she feels. The emotion she gives off with her eyes is unbelievable to me. Sure the things happening to her were far from pleasant and watching them isn't necessarily suppose to be fun but I think if it would of been an actor that didn't own the role as much as her it would of just ended up another shock for the sake of shock, run of the mill made by Lionsgate Saw sequel.
     While the acting is the thing that impressed me the most that is not to say that the rest of the film wasn't given the love that it deserved. Adam Rehmeier directed/edited/shot/scored and co wrote along with Gestic. These are all elements that are obviously important to the outcome and he nailed it like the Romans did. It is shot completely in black and white and edited like the most precise seizure you could imagine. The music punches you in the gut one minute and buys you flowers the next. When all of these elements are put together it is like the Planeteers summoning Captain Planet.
The Bunny Game gave me a soul just so it could rip it back out.

     4.5/5

Tromeric

The Theatre Bizarre- Douglas Buck/Buddy Giovinazzo/David Gregory/Karim Hussain/Jeremy Kasten/Tom Savini/Richard Stanley

2012-02-07T20:41:00.000-08:00

Look at that list of directors. Is it possible for my dick to be any harder. I will just list some of the things that these guys are responsible for. Hardware, Dust Devil, Combat Shock, Cutting Moments, Home, Prologue, The Wizard of Gore(remake), Night of the Living Dead(remake), and my personal favorite Subconscious Cruelty. That is just his directing credit. Karim Hussain also was responsible for how beautiful Hobo with a Shotgun looked as he was DP(not donkey punch you sick bastard) on that. Tom Savini has created effects for some of the best films made in history(Maniac, Friday the 13th, Dawn of the Dead, The Prowler, and on and on and on). Most of these guys also take on other responsibilities such as editor, writer, and cinematographer. The cast is rounded out with all kinds of faces you will recognize. Debbie Rochon, Lynn Lowery, Udo Kier, and even Tom Savini himself. All of these much different yet all equally amazing men come together and with the help of the one I haven't mentioned yet David Gregory who from what I can tell is the backbone of this put together The Theatre Bizarre.
     Horror anthologies are not the most common sub genre in the modern age. We saw a lot more of them in the seventies and eighties. Creepshow is probably the most recognizable of the bunch but you of course had the TV shows turned movie anthologies like Tales from the Crypt(I guess that was before the TV show), and Tales from the Dark side as well as a few hits(The Willies) and misses(Campfire Tales) along the way. Recently we received Chllerama which was fun but definitely not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. The closest thing to a perfect anthology film would be Trick r' Treat and that is arguable if it even fits in the sub genre. Well History pulled straight out my ass 101 is over lets get our asses to the theater, and don't forget to turn off your cell phone and shut your fucking mouth or I will sick one of these madman on you.
   I am not going to dissect these one by one as I want you to have as much fun watching things unfold as I did. If I spelled it out for you that would be like if the publisher of Scary Stories to tell in the dark decided to take out all the amazing artwork and replace it with more modern less exciting artwork, wait.......Sorry I can't get that off my mind. Seriously though. I am not here to ruin these so I will just give a quick overview of the film and you can judge my excitement. Things you will see in this movie. Eyeball injections, frog sex, human marionettes, crab vaginas, girls injecting themselves with unborn baby juice and so much more. Each of these entries have so much to offer and that is just the tip of the iceberg.I don't want it to sound like this is a shock film either. It has some obviously, but it also has some insanely beautiful moments. Douglas Buck's being the most notable. His story while being the least horror is the most heart wrenching. You also have everything from Lovecraftian creatures to highbrow cannibalism.
     Seven directors, seven segments(including the wrap around) and two hours of everything the title promises you.

4/5

Tromeric

2 Headed Shark Attack- Christopher Ray

2012-01-31T23:53:00.000-08:00

Anyone who follows my nonsense knows that I am unashamedly obsessed with creature movies of all kinds and the badder the better. I am pretty sure I have some kind of split personality disorder as I love both sides of the spectrum when it comes to film, and I mean that in a severe way. One day I will watch David Lynch, Terence Malick and Luis Bunuel then the next switch to anything with The Asylum, Full Moon or Maneater logo on it. I am a glutton when it comes to film, and booze and drugs and music and well you get the point. Well today I woke up and went on a hunt. I was like Jeffery Dahmer looking for a little boy. I started in one corner and worked my way through. 2 Headed Shark Attack was nowhere to be found. I wiped the tears from my eyes and gave in and just rented it. I luckily live Portland where I can go to the store where coincidentaly the writer works and rent this bad boy. It's not the same. It's like when you call for a hooker from Craigslist and think you are getting the one in the picture and Edith Massey shows up(actually if Edith Massey showed up I would do unspeakable things to here while she talked to me about eggs), it's still sweet but not quite the same. Well I guess it was fate as when I got home with my rented copy in hand I found out I randomly won a copy from The Asylum. Now with all this excitement it was time to put this bad boy in. So what are the results?
2 headed shark is a no bullshit movie, or an all bullshit movie I guess depending on how you look at it. It starts right of the bat with some dickbag kids getting the shit killed out of them. We then meet a group of students on a boat, said 2 headed shark fucks up their boat so they go to an island. Well it's not really an island but that is besides the point. Gabe Nye can explain the difference to you. I don't give a shit. Sound kind of familiar? Well it is and that is the fucking point. This is where you decide if you are gonna like this movie. Are you going to argue logic, originality and quality? If so why the fuck are you watching an asylum movie. These guys know what they are doing. They are possibly the smartest filmmakers out there. There is a time for art and there is a time to just have a good time. Do you fall in love with everyone you sleep with? If so you probably fell for that super long joke all those one syllable dudes in sandals wrote and you are probably too busy watching Bibleman with Buddy to watch awesome movies like this anyways. OK, I am ranting as I am sleep deprived, less then sober and well it's what I do. What I am trying to say is you know by the name and cover if this is something you would be interested. No one is going to pick it up and think it is based off of the work of Francis Bacon.
I will just get to the point. I loved 2 Headed Shark Attack. I love Shark movies and my math is tight enough to know that two is better than one. Most of the characters are insanely stereotyped, Carmen Electra is a Dr. and the Shark either looks like the Jaws NES game or the Lobster from Multiple Maniacs. I say all of these things in highest regard for everyone involved. This movie is self aware, sure in a different way then something like Scream but more in like an Expendables way. They give you everything you could possibly want in a film about a two headed shark. The kills are all fun as hell and will probably make you spit beer everywhere. My one complaint is that this shark is kind of a prude. One thing I have learned in all my years of creature film watching is that while being evil they still will stop unspeakable acts, for instance crocodiles and alligators always stop rape. They have some built in rape sensor that works better than their eyes. I assume Gabe Nye could explain the science behind this so I will have to get back to you on that, but I promise you it is true. Well what I learned today is that two headed sharks hate threesomes. This also leads me to believe that they are the true dicks of the ocean. You don't interrupt a three way.

3/5

Tromeric

Can’t Look Away: The Lure of Horror Film- An event overview by Jacob Von Klingele

2012-01-28T19:43:00.000-08:00

The Experience Music and Science Fiction Museum in Seattle has been running this special horror movie exhibit for the last few months and I finally scraped together enough money to go check it out. I’ll just get this out of the way right off the bat, it was fucking amazing. I’ve been to the Sci-Fi museum a couple of times before and it was cool as hell. Original props from Star Wars, Star Trek, and a whole slew of other stuff, but a lot of it I’ve seen before and obsessive sci-fi collections are nothing new, but how often do you get to see Jack’s actual axe from The Shining? Hell, how often do you get a whole museum exhibit devoted to the bastard child of cinema?

The exhibit is curated by Eli Roth, Roger Corman, and John Landis. They have a really stylish display for each film maker that focuses on one of their movies. The display is done up to look like a model kit with all the pieces still on the sprue with a video playing interviews with them talking about their influences and movies. The entire middle of the exhibit was sectioned off into different areas to watch some of the usual horror guys, John Landis, Mick Garris, Eli, and so on, talking about some of the most influential horror movies of all time. These were pretty great, a little on the light side for the general public that isn’t obsessed with horror movies like we are, but still a fun watch. Luckily someone behind the scenes must have been reining Eli Roth in a little, he wasn’t his usual cocky, obnoxious self and I’m guessing at this point I don’t need to describe John Landis or Roger Corman to you. I’m pretty sure at least one of them is in every horror documentary that’s been made in the last 20 years.

Along both sides there were some great displays. The best being the timeline of 100 horror movies to see before you die. It was laid out as a timeline with most of the usual movies you’d expect on there and some cool quotes. They didn’t get too obscure, but they were all well worth a watch. Along the bottom of the timeline they had small movie posters for each movie. This was my first clue that they had people with some horror nerd cred working on this, They had a great selection of obscure posters. Most of these movies have posters you’ve seen a million times, so it was great to see what are almost always the better posters. Along the opposite wall was a list of horror creatures with descriptions of their abilities and weaknesses. These had a really cool style to them, but the info is nothing new for a seasoned horror fan. Side note, I tried getting pictures of these displays, but they were too large and I couldn’t get far enough back.

The real highlight though, and the thing that gave me an enormous nerd boner, was the props. There was a great set up with so many amazing things. They ran from the Monster’s boots and head piece from Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein and the mask from the original Mummy all the way up to the hacksaw from the first Saw movie. It was so great to get up close with some of the older props, like the mask from The Creature From the Black Lagoon, and really see the craftsmanship that went into them. Then there are the just straight iconic movie items, like Jack’s axe from The Shinning and the face hugger from Aliens that are just incredible to be in the same room with. Even the stuff from movies I don’t care for like Constantine and the Buffy TV show were great to see and appreciate the work that goes into them. The real highlights had to be Jason’s mask and machete from the newest movie, Freddy’s glove from the 5th movie, and the mother fuckin’ Critter, but the best of all the was Xenomorph costume from the first Alien. Anyone who knows me knows I love the hell out of that movie and H.R. Geiger, so seeing this in person was incredible on a whole new level. There was almost too much to take in, but hopefully some of the pictures will help.

One of the cooler things about the sci-fi museum in general is just getting to see some incredibly rare items and they don‘t let you down here. I mean props are one thing, but seeing those one in a million things that you’ll never see again is just incredible. They have the original script for Night of the Living Dead with a handwritten title page and George Romero’s name on the cover. It’s great to have such an important piece of horror history being preserved. They also had Guillermo Del Toro’s idea journal. It’s was amazing to be able to see into his head in a way, especially with someone like him. There was one thing that just floored me though. They have the original manuscript for Bram Stoker’s Dracula, with notes and corrections by Bram and his brother. It was unbelievable. I don’t even care about vampires and this was like seeing the rough draft for the bible, except with less D&D bullshit. The manuscript is so old and fragile they only display 3 pages at a time and they have to rotate them out to preserve them. This kind of priceless stuff is worth the price of admission alone.

There were a few interactive kiosks discussing the music of horror, with a great interactive menu and tons of movie clips. They went well with the discussions of the important horror films I mentioned earlier. There were also a couple of interactive things that my kids had fun with were you could get your picture taken screaming and some kind of shadow puppet thing that was pretty cool.

All in all this was an amazing exhibit and I couldn’t recommend in more if you live anywhere in the area and even kind of like horror. It was well designed, well laid out, and the people involved obviously love horror movies as much as we do. I was pretty surprised with the amount of violence and gore to. They had a warning saying it was PG-13 when we were going in, but they had some of the more graphic moments from the movies playing in the clips. It was nice to see, I was worried they would pull it back too far, but it was a good balance of keeping it accessible to the masses without forgetting that horror should be shocking.

Well, I’m going to go try and get rid of this boner that I’ve had for the last 4 or 5 hours.

Jacob Von Klingele

***While Jacob is trying to get rid of his boner here are some pictures to get your blood flowing.

Father's Day - Astron 6(Adam Brooks/Jeremy Gillespie/Matthew Kennedy/Conor Sweeney)

2012-01-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

     Father's Day is one of those rare films that is about as hard to explain as pro-life is to a rape victim. So much happens in these hundred minutes that I am pretty sure Astron 6 just filled a baby up with ideas, ran it over with a semi, rolled it into a little baby ball and fed it to the manatees that write Family Guy.
     Basic idea of Father's Day is that there is a dude who kind of looks like the Dr. from Human Centipede two raping, disemboweling and killing Fathers, and not necessarily in that order. A team assembles that includes a one eyed bad ass, a priest and David Arquette's character from that Lukas Haas movie. Strippers, rapists, dirty cops, angels, demons(no Tom Hanks, thank god), and Lloyd Kaufman are just some of the obstacles they will have on their epic journey.
     Over the last few years there has been a kind of grindhouse resurgence and as with most things it has felt the kind of overkill that Sharon Tate's baby felt in 69. I am happy to say that Father's Day is one of the stand out's and like Dear God No! and Hobo with a Shotgun has a lot more going for it than just a gimmick. Father's Day stands on its own like a cripple in space even when listed next to those films. It takes every convention set and stabs it in the butt hole in slow mo while a killer guitar riff is strummed. Every time I thought I saw where it was going it would punch me in the dick and say "not this way fucker" which I admit is a strange thing for a movie to do.
     All rambling aside when Father's Day hits your city or any city you can drive to, Go! Father's Day is offensive, surreal, hilarious, sexy, over the top, ridiculous, insane, full of amazing music and characters, brilliant, full of some of the most creative special effects and set designs, and it will have you asking your dad to play with your insides while they're on your outside.

4/5

Tromeric

2011 A Year in Review: Films

2012-01-08T16:54:00.000-08:00

So 2011 is over and we are in the year of the apocalypse if John Cusack was right, and I assume he was. I saw a fuck ton of amazing work genre and otherwise this year. You had some brutal throwbacks, some amazing indie fare and Lars Von Trier even took a stab at remaking the above mentioned John Cusack end of the world action fest. OK well maybe not a direct remake, 2012 for art fags. I had a really hard time narrowing down a list. I considered doing separate lists for horror and other but I decided fuck that, horror is on the same playing ground so I just went with it. I know lots will disagree and that is OK. Along with what I found to be the 25 best films I am including some side lists and a list of films that I failed to see in time that I think would have had a good chance for the list. Blah Blah Blah, enough foreplay lets get to the good stuff.

I am starting with five films that I absolutely loved but just don't feel like they are 2011 releases. I have been hearing about most of these since like 2009 and thanks to importing saw most of them last year. They however need to be recognized and all five would be in the top ten if included if not even the top five.

The Taint- This is one of the best low budget sleazy, bloody, offensive masterpieces of the last century. I have watched this so many times. Review here.

A Serbian Film- What can I say that hasn't been said. One scene makes people not pay attention to how fucking great this film is. Review here.

Life and Death of a Porno Gang- Another offering from Serbia. Shocking but gets lost in a certain other Serbian film's shadow. Review here.

Red White & Blue- I saw this in the theater and was blown away. It was soon after released to Netflix where I basically watched it on repeat for weeks. Review here.

Dead Hooker in a Trunk- This is finally getting distribution and everyone owes it to themselves to see it.

OK. Now I have a list of films I have not seen yet. Some due to not being able to make it to Fantasia or TIFF. Some I just didn't get around to, and some I would of seen but recently threw out my back and have been stuck at home.

The Artist

Livid

Absentia

The Divide

Shame

Fathers Day

A Dangerous Method

The Millennium Bug

Panman

Carnage

Detention

You're Next

Sleep Tight

Into the Abyss

We Need to Talk About Kevin
The FP

So much greatness is possible in this list of films. A new Herzog documentary, the madmen that brought us Inside are at it again, Cronenberg, Polanski, and even Troma. Panman is one of my most anticipated films and I hope it finds distribution just so I can finally see it. OK, now that you know what I didn't see and what I did but don't feel like it fits the criteria that I made up lets get onto it. These films all had their main theatrical debut in America in 2011. Dates are a confusing thing, sometimes the math to figure out eighteen is a lot harder than Alice Cooper may sing about. Well onward wayward son. I give you the twenty five best films in my intoxicated opinion.

25A- A Haunting in Salem- I am never afraid to profess my love for The Asylum. While admittedly more then once I have been let down/bored/suicidal after a viewing there are more that I have more fun watching then I do banging your mom. AHIS is a fun throwback to haunted houses that makes you feel thirteen again without the molestation. Review here.

25B- I know I will get a lot of shit for this. I know people love to hate Michael Bay and even more so his take on the Transformers. Well I don't give a shit. I have fun watching them and sometimes that is what I need. Michael Bay basically just cums explosions and awesome all over the camera lens for three hours. I was never bored. This is the darkest and most well executed of the trilogy and for that I am thankful. Michael Bay please cum on my face again.

24. Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Clever- I love Full Moon. I have been with them since I first was jerking off to my grandpa's porno mags in grade school. I have loved all the GDM films. The fist for Busey, the second for a crucified cookie and this one because he dances and time travels. Review here.

23. Rubber- A lot of people did not enjoy this. That is OK. I don't mind being right when everyone else is wrong. It happens a lot. This movie is insane, fun and the music rocked my balls off. Review here.

22. 13 Assassins- I went and saw this on my birthday after a day out with friends full of drinks and sushi. I was hopeful as I hadn't really cared about any of Miike's movies since Gozu. I assumed he would rock a samurai film pretty hard but after his bull shit western I was leery. I am glad to be wrong. His take on Kurosawa has elements of Miike with some strange and haunting imagery but is also and action fest full of blood and awesome.

21. Snowtown- Bleak and captivating and close to what I assume it would feel like to have a baby kicked out of your stomach. Australia has been responsible for some of my favorite films of the last ten years with films such as Wolf Creek and The Loved Ones. This is quickly added to the list. A must see.

20. The Innkeepers- Ti West has quickly become one of my favorite modern horror directors. House of the Devil is one of my favorites in years and I was very excited for this. The thing is ghost stories overall are not my favorite sub genre. Well I am happy to report that Innkeepers is great and would be higher on my list if it wasn't for such stiff competition this year. Review Here.

19. Stake Land- The Road with vampires. I loved this movie. Bad ass and brutal while remaining believable. Review here.

18. The Last Circus- Alejandro Jodorowsky with some Del Toro. Clowns with guns. Beautiful and exciting. Review here.

17. Super- I was lucky enough to get into what ended up being the first official American screening of this in Seattle. Rain Wilson and James Gunn were in attendance and I was blown away. Moments of hilarity while still being brutal, realistic and touching.

16. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo- David Fincher outside of a couple of flops (I'm looking at you Panic Room)always sucks me in. He tells a story like Grandpa from Troll 2 and that is the best compliment I can think of just to clarify. I mean he made a movie about Facebook that I watched numerous times. That is an achievement I can't even understand. Trent Reznor plays a large part in this with his unbelievable score and the actors all are on their game.

15. Bereavement- The prequel to Malevolence was a surprise for me this year. I like Malevolence a lot but after years of waiting was not even sure we would ever see this. A third film in the series is rumored and I really hope it happens.

14. Hesher- Great cast in this dark dramady where Joseph Gordon-Levitt summons Cliff Burton to the screen. So many laugh out loud moments while still staying dark and realistic even if approached from a fantastical POV. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's best performance since Mysterious Skin.

13.Kill List- A British crime drama full of realistic violence and brutality that eventually punches you in your pregnant stomach with its insane conclusion.

12. Bellflower- Wow. I don't feel like anything I say will make you understand how amazing this movie is. Sure some of the acting isn't perfect but it is so full of awesome I don't give a shit. I want Medusa in my life so bad, and a flame thrower? Yeah, a flame thrower.

11. Auschwitz- Uwe Boll who I think is a misunderstood genius brings his most insane work yet. No video games this time. Instead he takes on one of the worst events in our history books. Part documentary part exploitation you are even less human that me(that is not a good thing) if you aren't moved by this. His most stunning work as a director as well. Outside of the fucked up subject matter the sound and film are beautiful. Review here.

10. Super 8- Some people loved this some hated it, for me it was everything I wanted. I felt like kid again.

Review here.

9. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil- A perfect example of a horror comedy. I had more fun watching this than almost any film this year. If you haven't see it you need to fix that now.

8. I Saw the Devil- Korean Revenge film like you have never seen. I saw this in the theater and was blown away. Things happen in this film that you would never see coming. It's like this. You are my dad and the movie is the semi that killed him. Review here.

7. Melancholia- OK the fact that I have a Lars Von Trier film at number seven shows how good of a year it was for film. All hope is gone.

6. The Skin I Live In- Almodovar made a monster movie. The best way I have heard it was from a friend of mine. "Just saw The Skin I Live In. Pretty fucked up. I could give you a review, or I could just show you on the doll where this movie gave me the bad touch" - Nicole Lovit. I couldn't of said it better myself.

5. The Tree of Life- I am not even going to try and explain why I love this. You know if you do. It was an experience like no other I had this year.

4. Dear God No!- This movie bent me over. I was not ready for the awesome that was about to be unleashed on me when I entered the theater for this. Review here.

3. Drive- Brutal, entertaining, fast, amazing. I could go on and on. After Valhalla Rising I was excited to see what Nicolas Winding Refn would do next and he kicked me right in the dick with this. The soundtrack which was roughly in the same spot on my top albums list is just a much of a character as Ryan Gosling.

2. The Woman- Lucky McKee has done no wrong in my eyes and him teaming up with Jack Ketchum gave me the biggest boner I am capable of getting. The first time I watched it I was blacked out drunk. I even reviewed it while I was blacked out which I will include. I then watched it two more times the next day. Every time I watch it, it guts me. Review here(Blacked out drunk)

1. Hobo with a Shotgun- I knew it would happen. It had to be Hobo. I watched this so many times this year. VOD/Theater/Netflix/Blu Ray. It gets better every time. Review here.

Well there it is. So many great movies this year. These are just a taste of the best. There were some great comedies but none of them were quite "best of." Bridesmaids would be the closest for me. That movie made me question my heterosexuality. Other ones were fun like 50/50 which showed us the funny side of cancer or A Good Old Fashioned Orgy which was surprising subtle while still being a lot of fun. Young Adult almost made my top list as well. If anything I hope Patton Oswalt gets an Oscar for it. Paul and Your Highness were fun while Our Idiot Brother and Horrible Bosses surprised me. There were some great documentary's on film such as Machete Maidens Unleashed, More Brains, American Grind house and Nightmares in Red, White and Blue. Errol Morris proved yet again that he is the master of documentary with Tabloid and Herzog made a 3D movie. Comic Book films filled the theaters and there was a few standouts with Thor, Captain America, The Green Hornet and one that came out of nowhere and almost made my list X-Men: First Class. Lets hope Marvel uses this as a model of how all comic films should be made.

Well now that 2011 is over I leave you with a list of films that have me shitting myself in excitement for 2012.

The Dark Night Rises

Prometheus

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie

Puppet Master X

Piranha 3DD

The Toxic Avenger 5: The Toxic Twins

The Expendables 2

Two Headed Shark Attack

The Sleeper

The ABC's of Death

American Mary

The Cabin in the Woods
VS
John Dies at the End

Well mother fuckers.......See you next year.(or this year if you want to be technical)

Tromeric

Top 10 Games of 2011- Gabe Nye the Science Guy

2012-01-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

10. Infamous 2: Fucking hell, another sequel. Can we all agree that 2011 was the year of brilliant sequels? There were some great original games, and most of them were download only (which is a fantastic move forward in game design, go future) but the best games of the year were follow ups to previous games. It makes sense, big studios get the most money and, unlike the film industry, that generally leads to the best games. Indie games are great and innovative, but none of them have given me the thrill that I got from even the introductory mission in Infamous 2. It was still re-teaching me the control scheme from the original, and I was fighting a massive monster that (gorgeously) looked to be made out of fire and ash. The epic scale and improvements over the first game made it a must play this year, and would've elevated it to a much higher standing on my list any other year. It was just such a great year for sequels that it'll have to settle for number ten.

9. Portal 2: Full disclosure: this was probably the most fun I had playing a game this year. The writing is just awe inspiring from the very beginning. Whomever wrote this should be at the top of Hollywood/network TVs list for comedy writing. Every single line is hilarious, entertaining, and moves the plot forward. As far as the game goes though, it is (and I'm getting pretty tired of saying/thinking this during this article) everything that made the first game great plus some. In a year of sequels, though, this one is very probably the most improved over part one. The puzzles are more cunning, the story is more interesting, and the voice acting is bar none the best I've ever heard in a video game.

8. Dead Space 2: This is hands down the best horror game of the year, and I really wanted to give it first place just because of how much I love horror. The first Dead Space impressed with a mix of Resident Evil 4's proven game play, mixed with a plot that combined Alien, The Thing, and Event Horizon. Part two pretty much just takes everything that was great about the original and makes it better. Honestly, that's what dropped it down to #8 though. It just doesn't add enough to the formula to make it truly amazing. It's a phenomenal game that you will love from start to finish, but if you played the first one you just might be asking yourself “OK, but what else is new?”

7. Dark Souls: This game will kick your ass all over the place. It's a spiritual sequel to Demon's Soul, a PS3 exclusive from a year or two ago. This time it's available on the 360 as well, and it's even more unforgiving and addictive. Seriously, only give this one a chance if you started playing games back in the 2600/NES days. Back when games actually challenged your skills. It will annihilate your being and make you feel like a child. If you're a fan of dying eighty times in a row before you even get to the first boss, this is your game. You will feel like a god every time you accomplish anything in this though. Not for everybody, but if it resonates with you, you'll probably be pissed that I didn't give it #1

6. Saints Row the Third: The Saints Row games started out as a Grand Theft Auto ripoff. The first one was good, but pretty derivative. It made money though, so we got a franchise out of it. The second one changed things up by making things a little more ridiculous than GTA, and that made it a lot of fun to play. Part three really took things to a new level though, you'll pilot a futuristic jet fighter, beat people to death with dildos, and throw yourself in front of cars to earn money through insurance fraud. All of this is incredibly fun, and everything you do earns you experience points, which gives it a leg up on the GTA games. It's just pure fun, and I encourage anyone out there who's dismissed the franchise to give this newest installment a chance.

5.Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception: This one was a no brainer. The first two Uncharted games were brilliant, and they just keep getting better with each installment. The graphics are probably the best I've ever seen, and the game play is like anal sex; tight and satisfying. I kid though, I've never had anal sex, but I can't imagine it's better than this game. (and I have a very vivid imagination.) If you have a PS3, you should've played this one already.

4. Batman: Arkham City: I really thought this was going to be my number one for game of the year. Don't get me wrong, it really would have been anytime in the recent past, but 2011 was a hell of a year for video games. Considering how much I love Batman, and how great a job Rocksteady did bringing the Batman experience to consoles it's crazy that this isn't my number one. Everything that was great about Arkham Asylum has been cranked up to eleven for the sequel. You absolutely feel like Batman through the entire game from start to finish. It constantly makes you feel like a badass, which is something most games fail miserably at. I don't have much more to say besides “If you even kind of like Batman, this game will consume your life until you finish it. Buy it, now.

3. Super Mario 3D Land: Much like Skyward Sword, I wasn't necessarily expecting much from Mario 3D Land. Don't get me wrong, I bought a 3DS the day it came out and never looked back, even when Nintendo dropped the price for the latecomers. Mario was the title that really justified my purchase though. It's still the only game that has used the 3D effect for anything more than a gimmick. They actually made it part of the gameplay. It looks gorgeous, controls like a dream, and will keep you entertained for hours, and then frustratingly challenged for several more hours. Come on, it's a new Mario game, why wouldn't you buy it?

2. Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword: I was fairly unsure about this one before it came out. And that's really saying something when it comes to a new Zelda game too. I've loved every installment of this series for basically my entire life. (Except for you Majora's Mask. You know what you did.) Believe me though, if you weren't impressed by the videos or screenshots that you saw for Skyward Sword you should reconsider. It is (by a long shot) the best looking game on the Wii. Much like Wind Waker this game has a more stylized approach to the graphics. Where Wind Waker went for a “cartoony, animated” look (That still looks great today, by the way. I revisited the game earlier this year to get ready for Skyward Sword.) Skyward Sword went for a “watercolor painting” vibe. And it works, so well. I can easily see revisiting this game in 10 years and still thinking it's beautiful. Aside from the visuals, this game finally brings us the amazing interaction that Nintendo promised with their motion control way back when the Wii was released. Every aspect of the controls for this game are brilliant and bring you in to the world in a way you've never experienced. I've already said too much about this game, but I have a lot more I'd like to say, so I'll try to summarize. Amazing puzzles, both in dungeons and in the overworld, the most challenging combat in a Zelda game since the second one, and the best storytelling Nintendo has ever given us. This game tells the first story of Link saving Zelda, and they do it so well. Pick this one up if you've ever loved Nintendo the way I do.

1. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim: I really didn't want this one to come it at number one. I wasn't that impressed with Elder Scrolls 4, beyond the graphics. I almost didn't even pick this one up right away. I figured I'd wait until it came down in price before I gave it a chance. But then I started hearing about how amazing it was. From everyone, everywhere. Friends, Twitter, Facebook, video game sites. Everyone. And you know what? They were all right, but none of them came close to describing how awesome the game is. I won't get into details, because I'm sure all of you have played it already. The point is, if you're one of the 12 people that still haven't played this game yet (I'm looking at you, Eric) you're fucking retarded, and you need to go buy this one right now. (This includes my own brother, who is an asshole for not playing this game yet). Take that Jacob. Simply put, this is a game that I put 70+ hours into without even beating the main story and never got bored.

So, that's it for my year end synopsis. I didn't realize until I started typing it up how much of a year for sequels this had been. A big part of me wanted to go back and add some original games into the list, just on principal. But, I can't argue with any of these games being in the top ten, they were all phenomenal and absolutely deserve their place in the best of the year. Frankly, all of my runners up were sequels too; games like Mario Kart 7, Rayman Origins (a prequel), Battlefield 3, or Modern Warfare 3. I would've loved to have given a spot to Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D for the 3DS, but it was a remake of a game from the N64 days. It may be the best remake/re imagining I've ever played, but it's still a 13 year old game. So what can I say for 2011 when it comes to games? Overall I'd have to say that it was a year for awe inspiring skill in programming, but a pretty disappointing year for creativity. Still, who can complain when you've got such entertaining software to keep you busy? Besides, some of these sequels are easily the best in the series, like Saints Row The Third, or take the gameplay that you've come to expect to new levels like Legend of Zelda the Skyward Sword. If you're one of those people that demands originality, this wasn't your year. But the rest of us, who appreciate solid gameplay and pure fun, it was a hell of a year in gaming.

Gabe Nye the Science Guy

Top 10 Figures of the year- Jacob Von Klingele

2012-01-04T09:46:00.000-08:00

     Time to look back on the year in toys. It’s been a pretty slow year for horror collectibles, but any horror toys are good horror toys. All in all the amount of action figures not based on a summer blockbuster of some kind or a video game is shrinking pretty quickly. There are a lot of different reasons, money being being chief among them, but there’s also a lack of good horror movies coming out that lend themselves to figures.   There have been some great movies, but they lack the mainstream appeal to warrant figures. Which is too bad because I would straight up murder some orphans for a Hobo with a Shotgun figure or maybe The Taint. Really I just want an action figure with a raging boner. On the upside this means they are going back to the well and bringing some classics back to figure form with updated sculpts and articulation and even re-releasing some older figures that were tough to find when they were originally released.   Well enough of me bitching, on to the list.

10. Iron Maiden: Eddie from Killers
       NECA

Few things go better with Horror movies than metal. It’s like chocolate and peanut butter, but with more blood and lightning. Eddie is the perfect mix of these two flavors and Neca did him justice. There are a couple re-releases in the assortment, but the new figures make up for it, The New Frontier figure is a perfect example of NECA’s new blend of sculpt and , but the killers figure is the real money shot. The paint and sculpt work together to make it look like he stepped right off the record cover.

9. Munsters: Grandpa Munster
      Diamond Select Toys

Here’s a perfect example of going back to an old property for new figures. Now I’ll go on record as not being a very big fan of the Munsters, it’s all about The Addams Family, and that’s part of the reason they’re lower down the list than they maybe should be. All of the figures in the series are nice, but I had to go with Grandpa for the accessories. He comes with his lab equipment and it‘s great stuff. It’s becoming more and more rare that you see this. As the cost of production go up these kind of things are the first to go, luckily that’s not the case here and it‘s the perfect compliment to the top notch sculpts and decent paint work.

8.Retro Cloth Figures: Dracula
       Emce/Diamond Select Toys

Your opinion of these figures will vary greatly depending on what you think of Mego figures. Mego is the grandfather of companies like NECA, Mezco, and even Hasbro. They brought figures to the market that had never been seen before and dominated the action figure world until a little toy line for some space movie came out in the late 70’s and changed the game and took Mego down. These retro figures do a great job of keeping the feel of the old figures while updating them with better head sculpts and better soft goods. They have some cool properties out there, but for our horror purposes The Real Ghostbusters and Universal Monsters are where it’s at. The Dracula in this line is great, he just screams “Bleh” right from the package and that’s what I love about these figures, they’re just cheesy enough to be fun.

7. Dead Space: Necromorph Slasher
      NECA

One of the biggest outlets for new horror material is video games and the toys they spawn. Easily my favorite horror game of the last few years are the two Dead Space games. They scare the shit out of me in the best way possible, but that’s for a different list. We’re here to look at the toys and the Necromorph is beautiful. I can remember back in the hey day of McFarlane figures and how much I loved walking in to Toys R Us and seeing a mutilated corpse suspended by hooks in his face with a deformed fetus bulging out of his crotch (god bless you Clive Barker) hanging in the same aisle as the
Power Ranger and Pokemon toys and this figure brings me right back there. He’s gory as hell and they don’t hide it, plus you have a fantastic sculpt and paint and you have a winner. The new Isaac figure is great as well and kind of a must to keep your toy shelf safe from these monsters.

6. Gremlins: The Flasher
        NECA

This isn’t the first time NECA has produced Gremlins figures, but it’s certainly the best so far. They have a series of three Mogwai and three Gremlins, so far, all with improved sculpts, paint and articulation (the Mogwai have poseable eyes!). Plus they’re smaller figures with a smaller price tags which lends itself to having a bunch of them all over your shelf. The best of the bunch so far is the flasher. Really it’s just because he’s always been one of my favorites from the movie and it was the only way to chose from a batch of really solid figures.

5. Universal Monsters Select: The Bride
       Diamond Select Toys

I feel like a huge ass for not picking theses figures up right away. I’ve always wanted solid figures of the Universal Monsters and these are the best to date. All around the sculpt and paint are fantastic and the online versions come with some great bases and accessories. I chose The Bride for this because it’s nice to finally have a figure of her and what a great figure to start with. She has a really solid face sculpt, with some great attention to detail (love the hair) and good paint. Although I have seen some that were a little sloppy, so look for that. Add all this to a simple, but effective base and you have a win in my book.

4. Revoltech Sci-Fi: Jason Voorhees
       Kaiyodo

Normally I’d stick to non import figures for this list, but I can’t help it. This figure is just plain awesome. If you’re familiar with the Revoltech figures that should be enough to get you excited for this figure. If you’re not, than my friend you are in for a treat. These are series of Japanese figures that have been predominantly based on anime, but they have been branching out as of late with offerings like this one and the xenomorph from Alien. The figures are know for their ridiculous amounts of articulation and yet they manage to stick to the look of the source material. That’s what makes this Jason so amazing. He’s more articulated than you’d ever need and the sculpt is perfect for a 5 inch figure. Add in the fact that he’s loaded with different weapons, a great barn base, and one of the best severed head accessories I’ve ever seen and you can see why he’s on this list.

3. Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy Kruger
      NECA

You’d think after getting roughly four hundred thousand different Freddy figures I just wouldn’t care anymore, but here we are. NECA went back to the well and gave us the best versions of our favorite child killer. They seem to be going through making basic, but perfect representations of Freddy from every movie. My favorite so far is straight up classic Freddy. The attention to detail is obvious, you can tell what movie he’s from even without his awesome elongated arms. From the lack of stripes on his sleeves to the dead on face sculpt this figure really shows why NECA remains the go to company for affordable movie collectibles that look great on the shelf.

2. The Walking Dead comic series: Frank Grimes black and white variant

McFarlane is back! It felt so good to care about a McFarlane figure again, and a horror figure no less. His figures throughout the 90’s are the reason I still collect toys today. Now, whatever your feelings are on the show or the current state of zombie over saturation there’s no denying that this comic is one of the best to come around in a hell of a long time and there’s no one I’d rather see make figures for it than McFarlane. He uses his 5-6 inch scale that he uses for the Halo figures and manages to pack more detail into them than some full size NECA figures. Sharp sculpts, clean paint, and even some creative articulation make this a really solid figure. It was tough to pick Rick over the zombies in the line and they’re great as well. McFarlane even throws in some great play features on the zombies like an exploding head and pull apart action that easily makes them worth buying. Plus what good is Rick if he doesn’t have a zombie skull to embed his axe in.

1. Ultimate ¼ scale Predator
       NECA

This feels a little redundant since my last list ended with a huge amazing NECA Alien figure, but I can’t help it. This thing is a work of art in every sense of the word. NECA has really done great things with the Predator line mixing new and old with great figures, but this thing is in a league of it’s own (insert shitty movie reference here). The sculpt is one of the most detailed that NECA has produced to date, with paint apps to match. Not to mention some soft goods and multiple versions (masked and unmasked) and I want this figure more than anything in the world. This is another case of NECA going to bat for hardcore collectors and doing everything they can to bring out a figure that doesn’t make any financial sense to release like they did with the Alien or the Balrog from a few years back. In my book this makes NECA a hell of company and I’ll always keep an eye on what they’re doing even if they are producing fewer and fewer horror figures.

Well there you have it. Even in a light year there’s still some great figures out there. Here’s hoping next year brings even more figures and some good movies to inspire them.

Jacob Von Klingele(Check out his page of Customs)

The Innkeepers- Ti West

2011-12-30T22:10:00.000-08:00

     Haunted House or ghost films are generally not my favorite sub genre when it comes to horror. Overall I find them boring, predictable and cheap. Exceptions of course would be classics such as Poltergeist, stylistic modern gems like The Others or over the top awesome, fun fangasm giving movies like A Haunting in Salem. Well Ti West has added another one to my list. The Innkeepers, a film I have been waiting all year to see and finally got my chance just in time to use it for my year end list.
     The Innkeepers follows two Innkeepers(shocking right?) who are working the last weekend of a hotels existence. There are not a lot of characters in this. You have the cute girl next door and your every nerd filled out by a creepy old man, an irritating mother and son combo, a new age washed up actress and some ghosts. The nerd runs a site following haunted happenings in the hotel which she helps him out with from time to time. Since it's the last weekend they are just staying in house all weekend. They take turns recording EVP, looking at porn, and getting drunk. That is as much of a plot as you will get from me. I even feel that may be to much.
     The Innkeepers like most of West's other work is about as slow burning and tension filled as fucking an eighty year old corpse. Let me stop for a second. I mean an awesome super hot eighty year old corpse, like Rue McClanahan and this is coming from a Rue McClanifan. What I am trying to say masked somewhere in this bottle of vodka is The Innkeepers albeit slow is fun, exciting, smart and worth it. It sucks you in like a vacuum in an abortion office and doesn't let go till you're on a poster in front of a planned parenthood.

4/5

Tromeric

Top 15 Albums of 2011

2011-12-16T20:16:00.000-08:00

So I have always been all over the place with music. I grew up pretty much a metal and punk kid but have always been all over the board. My Itunes on random has been known to cause more seizures then the opening to Enter the Void. This is my personal top fifteen albums of the year. I am in no way saying that these are all horror themed, granted a large majority are. I also am posting this as a view into my fucked up brain and not arguing talent or quality. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has them except the patient of that midwife in China.

15. Burzum: Fallen- Varg is out of prison, he is a horrible person. The first two Burzum records have raped my face off with pure aggresion numerous times. This one is epic, beautiful and brutal. Pour a drink and turn this shit to eleven and drift away into another world with less daytime drama.

14. The Tree of Life: OST- Tree of Life was an experience more than a movie. This is not about the movie though. The music is fucking atmospheric and I have spent hours just laying listening to it.

13. The Lonely Island: Turtleneck & Chain- Lonely Island are fucking funny. Outside of that their songs are catchy like AIDS. Anthems like I Just had Sex will have you singing with Akon. Michael Bolton deserves a Grammy for his work on this album. Hearing him say "this whole towns a pussy just waiting to get fucked." well I can scratch that off my bucket list.

12. Creature Feature: It was a Dark and Stormy Night- After a hiatus Creature Feature returns with this dark,horror inducing, children's fantasy.

11. Zombi: Escape Velocity- Sure these guys are basically just Goblin reincarnate but I am OK with that.

10. Weedeater: Jason....The Dragon- Doomy, stoner, heavy fucking metal. Choose your poison, turn this up loud and enjoy.

9. Exhumed: All Guts, No Glory- Gore metal returns. Loud, brutal and rapingley in your face. I was lucky enough to see these guys on tour with Macabre and it owned my soul.

8. Macabre: Grim Scary Tales- Nursery rhymes of death. Nothing quite as memorable as Vampire of Dusseldorf but I am always OK with Macabre.

7. Rufus Rex: Dead Beat- Dark and fun punk rock from have of Creature Feature.

6. Trap Them: Darker Handcraft- Fast, brooootal and amazing. A little more melodic than their last couple but that doesn't bother me one bit. This shit will kick you in the face, which is funny because when they came through I got kicked in the face super hard by some douche jumping off the stage. Great fucking show.

5. Drive: OST- The first few songs will make you feel like you are watching Silk Stalkings back in the ninety's then the score just owns you. One of the best soundtracks in ages.

4. Doomtree: No Kings- Basically a super group of awesome. This has only been out for a short time but I can't stop listening to it.

3. Sadistik/ Kristoff Krane/Graham O' Brien: Prey for Paralysis- I have already reviewed this here and I still haven't gotten enough. It is like being raped by the most romantic dude ever.

2. Blood Freak: Mindscraper- Blood Freak is back with a mother fucking vengeance. The first song is pretty much samples for five minutes. Everything from Freddy to Elves. After that they just get to the beating. This hits hard, fast and to the point. It's just how I like my men.

1. David Lynch: Crazy Clown Time- And you know it had to come to this. David Lynch makes fucked up, insane, beautiful, chaotic movies. Why would his music be any different? Crazy Clown Time is like if Crystal Castles did a meditation in the Black Lodge. This needs to be heard. Modern Masterpiece.

Well it was quite a diverse year in my world. Some great albums, not as many as some year but the top three specifically will be in my rotation for quite sometime. What were some of your choices?

Tromeric

Silent Night, Deadly Night: All Day Drunken Marathon

2011-12-13T14:49:00.000-08:00

So after a night of debauchery with many of the Grog's contributors which included lots of booze, gift exchanges, wandering of the streets of Portland, multiple bars and strip clubs and just all around family fun I slept for a few hours, got up and started an epic journey. It seemed right. It is only a couple of weeks a ways from Christmas and even though I am seeing Silent Night, Deadly Night in all its 35mm glory next week I wanted to sit down and watch all five of them in a row with nothing but a couple bottles of booze, a notebook and my sanity. I was curious which of those I would have left when it was over. Well I am proud to say pretty much the notebook is all that made it out, and that is just further proof of me losing my sanity. I sit here the next day at the crack of noon with a notebook that supposedly has reviews of all five films. I am getting out my decoder ring and trying to decipher this long lost language I created.

Silent Night, Deadly Night- Charles E. Sellier Jr.

    A family goes to see their Grandpa who gives grandpa from Troll 2 a run for his money in the crazy department. When he gets Billy alone he scares the shit out of him. They then leave and see a stranded Santa on the side of the road. Thinking they will win parents of the year award they stop so the kids can meet Santa early. They have instead signed their death warrants and created a couple of monsters. This Santa brings rape and murder and we have him to thank for the next ten hours of my life.
   We now jump ahead and Billy and his brother Ricky are just hanging out being orphans with a bunch of boring ass crazy nuns. Billy draws a sweet picture of a reindeer getting decapitated that mirrors many of the pictures I drew back in elementary that got a call home to my mom about my stability. Well since they don't have a phone that reaches six feet under they just punish him. He then catches some teens having some pretty awesome Catholic guilt sex. The mega bitch nun now whips him in a scene that has turned on pedophiles for years. We now jump ahead again and Billy is all grown up. He gets a job at a toy store. Everything seems fine until they ask him to be Santa and he thinks about it and is like "I am insanely afraid of Santa, he killed my parents while I watched and I wake up screaming from night terrors dealing with it every night, sure I'll be Santa, why not?" Well maybe he didn't actually say this, but it was implied. We are now where we want to be. The reason you go to see Silent Night, Deadly Night is to see a madman dressed like Santa punish and kill innocents. Silent Night delivers. There are some super creative kills, fun campy dialogue and Billy is basically the Bukowski of killer Santas with all his poetry reading.
Silent Night caused quite the controversy when it was released. Every major critic condemned it, Jesus freaks were disgusted with it and there were more protests at screenings than you would find at a liberal arts college. People take shit way to seriously. Have fun. When I was a kid I watched it and it didn't traumatize me. I loved it. It scared the shit out of me, which is what I was going for so good job. Today when I watch it I have a blast. It is a fun yearly tradition and the house of grog is not complete without a viewing of it.
4/5

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2- Lee Harry

     Silent Night two follows Ricky, Billy's younger brother who saw him gunned down after his exploits in the first one. He is in a psych ward learning about his feelings. Silent Night two is so many flashbacks to the first one it is hard to count it as a separate film. You get moments of Ricky using his eyebrows to tell the story of Billy and other crazy things but it isn't till about forty five minutes in you really get any new footage. With that said. I don't give a shit because part two is god damn amazing.
     You get such memorable moments as a redneck trying to rape a girl who takes a break to get a beer. Ricky then runs him over for which the girl thanks him. Finally a intelligent woman in a horror film. She recognizes that Ricky is like every crocodile from any giant creature film and is the rape avenger. She is appreciative and not whiny like " you're crazy! Why would you kill someone that was attacking me? That makes no sense." Once Ricky gets a gun the fun really begins. He takes out his girlfriend like Bambi's mom because he realizes she's a lying whore. "Garbage Day" two words that are will forever live in infamy thanks to this movie. If nothing I say convinces you how awesome this is, let me tell you "Garbage Day" will. It is the best line reading in the history of film. The Acadamy owes Eric Freeman an apology for not winning best actor in 1987. That's right, " Fuck you Paul Newman" The Color of not garbage day is more like it. It comes to its finale with Ricky vs the nun that looks like Seal. Now that is a fight I would pay to see, and have many times.
4/5

Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out- Monte Hellman

     I always remembered liking three the most outside of the first two but after revisiting them all back to back I feel I was wrong. Monte Hellman takes the reigns for this and is the first one to take the Christmas theme out, it is there in the background and used as a backdrop but overall it is a paranormal slasher. Ricky who is in a coma after the events of two is being treated by Benjamin Horne himself, Richard Beymer. He has a patient who is the world champion of blind orphans, he realizes she can get into Ricky's dreams and thinks he can somehow fix Ricky. This of course goes all wrong when Ricky wakes up and starts stalking her. He gets a ride to her grandmas house with some dude who doesn't think it's weird that he is in a robe and looks like the bad guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She is there with her brother who is played by another Twin Peaks alum Eric Da Re who looks like the result of Kenny G joining W.A.S.P.

     It has moments of fun, and some cool shots which I am sure Monte had a lot to do with. You get more flashbacks in case you didn't get enough in part two and the cast is pretty rad with all the Twin Peaks faces, as well as another Lynch lady Laura Harring who shows off her boobies before science fucked em up. Bill Moseley gets the part of Ricky which is quite different from the other two psychos he is known for as Ricky hardly speaks as he is half a retard with a glass cage for a head. In the end it is pretty forgettable but for the completest like me it is a must own.
2.5/5

Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation- Brian Yuzna

    Brian Yuzna came along and was like "yeah I'll make SNDN4 but instead of Christmas I am gonna fill it with bugs and witches." (*may not be an accurate quote)
     A lady jumps off a building while being on fire. Clint Howard(who plays Ricky, not sure how that works) finds a burger with no cheese. He is pissed. A newspaper worker decides she wants to be a real reporter so she investigates and ends up getting sucked into a world where the cast of The View chases her down, gives her an insect facial and invites The Applegates over. Her vagina pukes and she is transformed into a combination of Belial and Grant Grant.
   This gets a lot of hate and I don't get it. It is nothing like the other films. It can't be compared to the other films. It is full of slimy, splattery awesome that only Yuzna can bring. The score is done by Full Moon favorite Richard Band and it is full of "surrealistic visual effects" by Screaming Mad George. When I saw that credit I must admit I chuckled but after finishing the film it works and I can totally get behind it. Like Brad Pitt did for Gwyneth Paltrow get your head out of the box and enjoy this.
3.5/5

Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker- Martin Kitrosser

    The final entry brings us Mickey Rooney who was very vocal of his distaste for the first one as a toymaker who runs a shop called Pettos's. His name is Joe so I guess it is suppose to be clever, to me it is the complete opposite of what you should call a store for children unless your store is in the back of a windowless van. Mickey Rooney looks like the left side of a ball sack anyways so what does he know? I will tell you something he knows and that is how to make toys even cooler than they already are. The surrealistic visual effects are back in full force and Yuzna steps down as director and just sticks to producing this time.
    SNDN5 opens with a very Lynchian slow mo shot of a kid watching his dad get killed by a bad ass evil Santa that he found on his doorstep. We then jump ahead a bit and the kid doesn't talk and is not so stoked on Christmas. I don't get it. He sees a commercial for the toy that killed his dad and freaks out. Get over it dude. I don't throw a hissy every time I see Maximum Overdrive. The next seventy minutes or so are filled with plenty of awesome. Toys that shoot, a real life Leech Woman, Roller Blades that kill you(which they should), fake arms that will finger your butt hole like the one that got away a giant size Ken doll trying to rape a lady with his nodick while calling her mom.
     The Toymaker is an excellent film that should be watched and not compared to the other SNDN films but set aside in its own world of badassary.
3.5/5

     Well I survived. Five films, lots of liquor, and a notebook of what would be memories if I could understand them or remember them.

Tromeric

Top 50 Xmas Films

2011-12-06T14:04:00.000-08:00

I have ranted before about Christmas and my thoughts so I will keep it limited. I don't care about religion or consumerism or any other bullshit. I do care about having a good time. My whole life is spent just trying to do this and Christmas is something I enjoy. I enjoy hunting for gifts for people, I enjoy having drinks with friends and watching shitty movies about said holiday and I enjoy all the random traditions I have created. There is a moment of bliss when wrapping a gift in Batman paper while watching Gremlins that can't be recreated. With this list I went outside my usual area and included all genres of film, not just horror. There are just to many that I watch on a yearly basis that I had to include. I also am not rating these on quality of film. I know that Pandora's Box is actually better than Jingle All the Way. These are based off of my love for watching them as part of the cult of Christmas. I included some films that are not full Christmas themed but at least have the holiday season involved. I thought about just doing a killer Santa list but it sounded less exciting so I went with the massive fifty film list so I could include Hulk Hogan. Enjoy and make sure to spike your eggnog.

50. A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas- So this is number fifty because I wanted it on the list but to be honest I haven't had a chance to see it yet. My work schedule has not matched with the limited screenings it has here in Portland. I will see it soon and can almost guarantee it will be a tradition from now on. NPH owns.

49. Santa with Muscles- So I will be honest. This film is far from good. It is not even one I feel the need to watch every year. It does however have Hulk Hogan in a Santa costume and that needs to be recognized. It has its moments and with the right amount of nog and friends can be pretty god damn enjoyable.

48. Beethoven's Christmas Adventure- I love talking animal movies. I always have. Growing up I would watch Faces of Death then switch to Milo and Otis. It has never left me. I loved the original Beethoven when I was a wee lad and when I saw that he had a Christmas adventure I knew I had to see it. I was expecting something pretty awful and sure in a lot of ways it was. It was also pretty epic and fun. Tom Arnold is the voice of the dog and John Cleese is the narrator while a slew of other bad asses from the asylum's catalog fill out the rest. Not perfect by any means but a fun watch while you're wrapping up that prop replica of the dick from Piranha.

47. Pandora's Box- Not your typical Christmas movie by any means but a classic and I don't want to ruin it but the ending takes place on Christmas and involves one of my favorite Serial Killers and is just amazing. Louise Brooks also is super sexy as that is what she does.

46. Die Hard 2: Die Harder- Not a great film, probably my least favorite out of the franchise but still fun and you get all the Christmas love.

45. Tales from the Crypt- Long before I would stay up late to watch the Cryptkeeper tell me a story an anthology film was made based off the EC comics and the first segment is the one I am focusing on for this list. Joan Collins is hunted by a man in a Santa suit. Do you need to know any more?

44. Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker- These films are all fun in their own right and are all pretty bad in their own right. They get worse and this being the last one is the lowest on the list. This basically has nothing to do with Christmas but if you are gonna do the marathon you gotta involve all of them. It is a fun watch but don't expect to be blown away unless it's by your own gun as you decided to watch all of them in a row.

43. Santa Claus conquers the Martians- sixties sci-fi fun that had a viewing on MST3K. Watch when you want want weird and bad but in all the right ways.

42. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York- The guy from C.H.U.D. and the guy from
Goodfellas are after that Culkin kid. The weird looking one that played with Michael and was in that Sonic Youth video. Not as good as the first but the city brings enough hijinks to keep it entertaining.

41. Silent Night Deadly Night 4: Initiation- Still basically nothing to do with Christmas but you get Reggie and the better Howard.

40. Dead End- A great film with Ray Wise headed to Christmas and shit gets fucked up.

39. Inside- One of my favorite films ever. A French woman is attacked on Christmas in her home. Crazy happens. It is beautiful and fucked up all at the same time. My favorite juxtaposition.

38. Sint- Not exactly Christmas but it is directed by the guy that did Amsterdamned and has a evil Saint who looks like one of the guys from Ghost killing the shit out of people.

37. Silent Night Deadly Night 3: You Better Watch Out- Ricky has woken up and fucks with a psychic. Great cast in this with pre boob job Laura Elana Harring and Richard Beymer and rounded out by Chop Top himself Bill Mosley as Ricky. This was directed by Monte Hellman the man who brought us Two Lane Black Top. This one seems to get the most hate but I think it's a fun ride.

36. Cronos- A alternative take on the vampire legend that takes place during the holidays. Beautiful.

35. Eyes Wide Shut- One of my favorite Kubrick films. Cruise is attempting to prove his heterosexuality with his sexual odyssey. While not being a Christmas film it is full of the feeling and you even see them shopping for gifts.

34. Grumpy Old Men- That Shar Pei looking mother fucker has all kinds of hijinks with his neighbor and the Penguin says some funny ass shit.

33. The Nightmare before Christmas- Tim Burton gets all the credit for this. Hot Topic pretty much killed this for me but as a movie it is still a great watch. I just try not to picture that fat girl wearing Nightmare Before Christmas spandex.

32. Female Trouble- John Waters is one of my gods. This has always been my favorite of his films. The whole film is not Christmas themed but the part that is owns. She just wants her cha cha heels. Divine was one of the best people to ever be shit onto the planet.

31. Burton does deserve the credit for this one. Winona was hot and it just sucks you into the world. It is like a cult, only a cult of awesome.

30. I watched this way to much as a kid. I can't help but still love it.

29. Trapped in Paradise- Great cast and always fun to watch these three rob a bank then fall in love with Shelly the waitress and get soft hearts and hard dicks.

28. Ghostbusters II- A great sequel that MC Hammer did a song for before he fell asleep in the alley behind the firehouse. Christmas is the backdrop and ghost be hunted.

27. Lethal Weapon- He is getting to old for this shit but I never will.

26. Don't Open Till Christmas- A gory slasher that takes place in London. Comes out today on DVD and I will be out hunting for it as soon as I am done with this list.

25. Denis Leary robs the wrong family on Christmas. Hilarity ensues.

24. A fun short staring Ken Foree. I was lucky enough to see it on the big screen when I met Ken Foree. You can download it online for like three bucks or something and I suggest doing just that.

23. Jack Frost- Killer snowman, snowman rape. Sold.

22. The Muppet Christmas Carol- A classic as told by muppets. Math says awesome.

21. Tim Burton returns with my favorite of the Batman films(not counting Nolan's) and it is full of Christmas goodness. Devito is amazing in this.

20. A Christmas Story- After Bob Clark made one of the best Christmas slasher films ever he made this which a bit more heartwarming and all that bullshit. It still has to many great moments to ignore though.

19. Die Hard- One of the best action movies ever happens to also be a great film to watch during the Christmas season. Mother fuckers best enjoy Bruce at his best.

18. Rare Exports- I saw this in the theater last year and had a blast. Like a Spielberg film with some random mythology and awesome effects. The end is kind of anti climactic but I am guessing that was due to budgetary restraints. Sadistik and I disagree on this film. I think the overall film makes up for the lack of ending. It is like fucking the hottest girl in the world and not being able to cum. Sure you wanted to but at least you got a chance to enjoy it even if the end you are left wanting more.

17. Silent Night Deadly Night part 2- Sure this is made of more flashbacks than Dollman vs Demonic Toys but what it has going for it is "Garbage Day." Yeah, one of the best moments in film period.

16. Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas- Kermit rules, animals basically get drunk and play washboards. Love this. Have been watching this since I was a kid.

15. Gremlins- Joe Dante is easily one of my all time favorite directors and this is one of his masterpieces.

14. Jack Frost 2: The Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman- One of the best titles, one of the best sequels, and so many god damn one liners it could get its own Arnold Schwarzenegger type montage.

13. A Very Sunny Christmas- Danny Devito oozing out of the couch as if he was being born is one of the most disturbing things put to celluloid. It gives newborn porn a run for its money.

12. Elves- Nazis, Grizzly Adams and a pervert brother who loves his sisters tig ol bitties.

11. Scrooged- Bill Murray is amazing and this movie is a must watch. Only Bill Murry could tell this story better than Dickens and Muppets.

10. Classic. Sinbad, Phil Hartman and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

9. Before he made Hobo with a Shotgun we got this short film full of so much awesome it is hard to contain my excitement. Starts off with the song from Cannibal Holocaust and then trees talk and kill. The end is worth the price of admission.Which at this point is free but I still hope for a DVD. I don't care if it is fifteen minutes I would still buy it.

8. Jewish Santa, amazing deaths, surreal dialogue and Curling. A must watch every year at the house of grog.

7. Christmas Vacation- Classics are classics for a reason. "Shitter was full" one of the best lines in cinema history. I could go on for hours about this but instead just revisit it.

6. Silent Night Deadly Night- The original. This movie pissed more people off than The Westboro Baptist Church. People take Santa way to serious. Great cast, great kills, like your mom just a great ride.

5. Friday after Next- The third Friday and maybe the best. All the characters are so god damn funny. More bootleg snacks than a canned food outlet and ghetto Santa.

4. Bad Santa- ball punches, funny fat kids, drunk Billy Bob, John Ritter and so much more awesome. Super underrated.

3. The Original Slasher and all around a great flick. The better of Bob Clark's Christmas double feature.

2. Ernest Saves Christmas- Ernest is one of my heroes and this is one of his best.

1. Christmas Evil- I love everything about this. So awesome and the end is so fucking insane.

Well there you have it. Start hunting if you want a little boost in your Xmas season. I know some of these I am probably the only one who enjoys but I am OK with that. Make sure you head over to Shit Movie Fest and check out their 25 Days of Shitmas where a lot of these films will be looked at in a more complete fashion.

Tromeric

Prey for Paralysis-Sadistik/KRISTOFF KRANE/Graham O'Brien

2011-11-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

     Prey for Paralysis will punch you in the stomach harder then than a guy that just found out he should of worn a condom and that his life is over. It won't just hit you and make you look like Sloth from the Goonies. It will get the job done. You will start crying but the vacuum will attach itself to your soft spot and suck the life out of you.
      Sadistik and Kristoff Krane have both put out albums that I have loved and appreciated. Listening to Sadistik is a way to embrace the darkness. I don't mean in a douchy Hot Topic goth emo kid. He is like the best philosophers and he will take you to a place where you know life is shit and yet you are OK with it. It is comforting to just let go of all hope and live. Kristoff Krane is a bit more on the positive side. He knows shit gets real sometimes but he will guide you along and make sure you know it is not that bad. The two individuals are both at the top in my opinion for different reasons and when you put them together you get something unique. Prey for Paralysis has Graham O' Brien in the producer chair and he brings something that you have never even thought of hearing. I have listened to this album many times already and still hear something new each time. It is haunting and beautiful while still throat punching you in the soul. The album flows better than an anemic on her period. Each song precisely placed with the precision of a David Lynch film. The two instrumentals are a welcome breath of fresh air so you can process what you have just heard and let it sink in like the passengers on the Titanic.
    These three gentlemen have created something so close to perfect I don't even know completely how to put it into words. The best way I can describe it is that it is like being brutally raped by someone that try's to romanticize you at the same time. It's something you don't expect, all of your fears have surfaced and you are scared for what comes next yet still intrigued because he just keeps longing into your eyes lovingly.

5/5

Tromeric

Dear God No!- James Bickert

2011-11-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

I was a bit leery going into this. I mean the poster is bad fucking ass and I love sleaze/bikers/rape(only when it's nuns, relax)/and blasphemy but the trailer while looking awesome was a bit off putting. I still of course had to go see it when I saw that we had it playing at Portland's own grindhouse The Clinton Street Theater, plus through my years of movie watching one of the many lessons I have learned is trailers usually mean about as much to me as I did to my dad. I love trailers, let me be clear. What I am saying is I have seen some of the best trailers in the world and been bored out of my fucking head with the film or vice versa, not the one with Judge Reinhold but the saying. Well I am happy to report that the trailer, like the those crazy family radio people, was wrong.

     The movie starts off with our rapist of rapists waking up and cunt punting a nun. Well James Bickert definitely knows how to start a movie.  The opening credits that follow are fun and reminiscent of many of the old biker films such as Pyschomania and Werewolves on Wheels. This is just the opening people. The rest of the film if full of awesome that you just have to see with your own eyes.

      Dear God No! has more blasphemy than the Satanic Bible, more PBR than Portland, more freeze frames than  The J. Geils Band, more rape than a bro down, more badassary than you can put on paper. John Waters got together with Russ Meyer and raped  Michel Levesque while Herschell Gordon Lewis watched, jerked off and ordered Roger Corman off to the corner to sacrifice a virgin Doris Wishman to summon the dark lord to face fuck Jesus. 

4/5

Tromeric 

The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence - Tom Six(Guest review by Sadistik)

2011-11-01T15:41:00.000-07:00

Today we have a guest review from Sadistik. Make sure to click the link and go over and pre-order his new record Prey for Paralysis. Now onto ass to mouth.

As this is my first review at The Grog I will do my best to avoid using the pun "shit-eating grin" or anything of the sort. This is the sequel to the popular film "The Human Centipede" and it, thankfully, takes the movie in a fairly new direction. Instead of following the characters of the original, it follows an odd, mentally handicapped man who is obsessed with the original "Human Centipede." He is so engrossed in the concept that he is determined to create a 'full-sequence' and create his own string of twelve ass-to-mouth humans. In order to this, our protagonist ends up kidnapping and maiming people in order to enact his deranged fantasy.
Enough with the premise, how did it actually fare? It is very evident that Tom Six wanted to raise the bar with the shock value and he certainly achieved that. It is also evident that he was aiming for a more cult-based unsettling vibe than the original. This one is in black and white, and at times even had an "Eraserhead" tone to it (I only said tone, relax). One thing that I found redeeming about the first movie was its streak of black humor throughout and that is definitely not the case in the sequel. This movie, while self-referential at times, takes itself very seriously and is relentlessly bleak.Towards the end; however, it gets pretty ridiculous and is basically just a string of repulsive and shocking images, but that's what you signed up for when you watch this, right? All in all, I thought it did a really good job of accomplishing what it set out to do and, in my opinion, surpassed the original.

4/5

Sadistik

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Thirty One: Halloween

2011-10-31T15:39:00.000-07:00

This is what it all ends and begins with. Halloween. The holiest of holidays. You keep believing in your invisible man in the sky and I will have fun, carve some pumpkins, watch horror films and listen to the crypt jam. When I think back to what has turned me into the monster horror nerd I am it has to be Halloween.
It comes once a year but as far back as I can remember October 31st was the day I looked forward to the most. Christmas was cool as I got some shit but the idea of dressing up, watching horror films and getting a fuck ton of free candy always had me harder than a priest at Chucky Cheese.
The thing about Halloween is I live it everyday now, just like Count Gore De Vol said, "Every Day is Halloween." I don't give a shit if it is a summer day I will sit down and do a Friday the 13th marathon while eating Count Chocula. I listen to horror soundtracks all year, sure in the month of October it's all I listen to but Halloween has become my life. The thirty one days of horror nerd indoctrination happened because when I was a kid I realized how much I loved Halloween and by the time I was in school already had committed.

The House of Grog's pumpkins. Pumpkinpede, Christ has Failed Pumpkin, Sam and Puking pumpkin.

Now that I have ranted about how life is Halloween I will go off a bit on things I do for Halloween as it still is my favorite holiday and October is a month that makes me happier than I could put in words. I love that it is the one month most of the world is on par with my addiction to the macabre. I love that I can go to the store and see cereal with vampires and ghosts while I hear Monster Mash and pick up my special edition of It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown at a sale price. I can get intoxicated, carve pumpkins and listen to the theme song from Ernest Scared Stupid over and over again. I can write these articles. Sure I have written my fair share over the years but with the Countdown to Halloween it gives me a reason, its like fucking someone your in love with. Orange Oreos. They are so much better than the white ones. I don't care if it's just a color change I can taste it mother fuckers. Halloween party's are essential. I unfortunately have to take it easy this year as work comes early on a Tuesday but I have had my fair share of insane Halloween party's. People are more inclined to be as crazy as me when they are costumed. The first year i was in Portland I woke up freezing in someones backyard confused and half naked. I promise you it was an awesome Halloween. This year for a pre-funk I am told I ended up half naked doing the Thriller dance looking like the Rancor Keeper from that super overrated movie Star Wars.
Carve a pumpkin, listen to Adams Groove, have a Trick or Treat/Trick r' Treat double feature, eat some candy, get infuxicated, tell ghost stories, read a Lovecraft book and add anything else that makes you as happy as I am right now.

Tromeric

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Thirty: Video Stores

2011-10-30T16:34:00.000-07:00

So everyone knows I love VHS and DVD. I have rambled on about ordering them, buying them hunting for them and a million other ways to get a movie. Movies are important and all the mediums they have come on in my lifetime from TV to Blu Ray. One place that I hold closer to my heart than the big black empty space surrounding it is a video store. Growing up I would spend hours looking through the horror section, the covers were art and I was an artsy fartsy figuring out what the artist meant by putting blood on the left side instead of the right. Video stores were my sanctuary, even if I didn't have money I would go hang out and talk movies. I just felt comfortable in them, like a vagina it was a place I could spend the rest of my life in.

In the early part of the century Jacob Von Klingele and I opened our own video store Videodrome. We of course specialized in horror and cult and tried to get some cool merchandise like posters, shirts, accesories and anything else we could get our hands on. The Ma and Pa video stores for the most part were gone by now and it was the closest we could get. We did VHS and DVD and at first we were just sales. We were planning on moving to rentals for the hard to find but due to money not quite working the way we had hoped never made it there. We did however have a fucking blast the whole time we were open, it was a lot of work and I was working six to seven days a week at like twelve to fifteen hours, luckily for the most part work meant talking film and throwing parties and watching movies. We had a Halloween Party the year we were open with costume contest and an all day movie marathon where we showed everything from Nightmare on Elm Street to Eraserhead.

These days I am lucky enough to live in a city that still has some pretty epic movie stores. We have one of the biggest in the country with Movie Madness. Rooms and Rooms full of VHS and DVD with a museum as the backdrop. Everything from the knife from Psycho to the ear from Blue Velvet.

Things have changed and it is OK to embrace the future similar to the vampire but I for one hope home Video Stores never fully die.

Tromeric

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Nine: TV

2011-10-29T17:53:00.000-07:00

Horror and TV. In my opinion Movies are the greatest medium and I do my best not to waste my time watching shitty reality TV when there are amazing films to be seen, however through the years the boob tube has been pretty god damn rewarding when It comes to horror. As a Kid I would watch reruns of The Munsters, The Adams Family, Twilight Zone, One Step Beyond and even Dark Shadows if I wanted to get my woman on. It was great. Rod Serling was my favorite host and The Munster's were my favorite family. I wanted to trade in my life to move to 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

I would sneak over to my friend Ryan's house and to watch Freddy's Nightmares. It wasn't the best show by any means and Freddy was barely in it but it was fun and I still revisit it from time to time. His intro's were, well kind of ridiculous but I just couldn't help myself, hell I still can't. Friday the 13th also got its own show, Jason had nothing to do with this. It was about an antique shop and hunting down possessed objects. I have very fond memories of this and have recently watched through all of them and really like it. It's like Halloween 3. You have to forget that it's linked to Friday the 13th and it rules. Poltergeist and Swamp Thing also got their own shows. I have watched a few Poltergeist episodes but it never stuck with me. Swap Thing however I fucking loved and still do. Twenty two minutes an episode and most are pretty ridiculous but I just fucking love it. It has such a unique feel to it.

Over the years there have been many a great anthology show, it kind of started with Twilight Zone but in the eighties and nineties they really took over and we even have had some this millennium. The quintessential of course would be Tales from the Crypt. I watched the shit out of this show. Every week I was glued to the TV like the time I had that accident with the super glue. The Cryptkeeper was perfect, he was creepy, kind of an asshole, and funny as shit. So many great guest stars and directors were involved in this and so many memorable episodes. The Santa one is a Christmas must and my personal favorite was the Harry from Night Court episode where he draws pictures and they come to life. When he made his wife a fat gross monster I was terrified and excited at the same time, I mean she was kind of hot. Monsters, Alfred Hitchcock presents and Tales from the Dark side pretty much were similar without the cryptkeeper. They were fun but like that song Sinead O' Connor wrote about the cryptkeeper, "Nothing compares to you." Night Gallery was Rod Serling's horror version of Twilight Zone and it was phenomenal. Nightmare Cafe was fun for like the six episodes it lasted, not really anthology but the cafe kind of makes me feel like it was the shows cryptkeeper. Anthology shows got a resurrection in the oughts when Masters of Horror premiered on Showtime. While a lot of people hated on this show I found a lot of the episodes to be excellent. The standouts for me were Stuart Gordon's Dreams in the Witch house and Don Coscarelli's Incident on and off a Mountain Road with Takashi Miike's never aired Imprint a fun fucked up ride, kind of like having sex with the girl you know that has all the issues that benefits her performance if you know what I am saying. All the episodes for the most part are entertaining. It only made it two years and tried to reinvent itself as Fear Itself on NBC with mixed results.

In the nineties and into mid 2005 Joss Whedon controlled the airwaves with his vampire tales, first with Buffy the Vampire Slayer which had failed as a movie and then the spinoff Angel. I always enjoyed the movie for the campy fun and was hesitant to watch the show. I always assumed it was made for teenage girls. Well I finally gave in and was instantly hooked. Sure you had your love bullshit but there were so many great characters and the writing was excellent. Angel went over to his own show with mixed results. The first season started strong and I actually enjoyed Angel where in Buffy I thought he was a whiny douche. Some seasons worked for me and some didn't,( I am looking at you season four) but by the final season with Spike moving over to the show it was damn near perfect.

There have been tons of other great shows of course, some funny, some serious, all fun. Twin Peaks which is my favorite show of all time may not be strictly horror but it has some of the most horrific scenes ever played on prime time. Wolf Creek was A Twin Peaks rip off with werewolves that got canceled faster than a Joss Whedon show but was a good time killer. Reaper and Dead Like Me were more numerous takes on horror. Ray Wise as the devil in Reaper is fantastic plus you get half of Tucker and Dale(Dale). Dead Like Me was entertaining while still being creative and emotional. Mandy Patinkin owns his role and the rest of the cast is amazing, and Daisy O' Dare gives me a rock hard boner, and that's important. Eerie Indiana was like a cross between Twin Peaks and X Files for kids. One of my favorite shows ever didn't get the life it deserved. Sam Raimi did American Gothic which was really creepy and fun and also like many of the great horror shows cancelled early. Millennium was Chris Carter after he saw Seven. Lance Henriksen owns this role as Frank Black and is a great fucking show. It made it threeseasons and all three were completely different in tone. Speaking of Chris Carter you know I have to talk about The X-Files. One of horror/sci-fi's longest running shows. I would walk over to my friends every week to watch it and loved it. Scully was so hot and Mulder was hilarious. The monsters were awesome and for TV is was pretty fucking terrifying.

As a kid there were two shows that got my little kid boner raging. Are You Afraid of the Dark and Goosebumps. Kids horror is important as it fattens them up for what's to come and these are two of the funnest shows out there. I still watch both of these all the time. Classic and amazing.

One last mention is of course MST3K. I have watched all of these so many times. Some of the first times I saw a horror or old sci fi movie was because of this. The jokes are hilarious, the aliens are hilarious, basically everything is amazing about it and if I could sum up the way I felt as I child this show does it.

Tromeric

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Eight: Friends

2011-10-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

     When I say friends I don't mean that shitty show with Jenifer Aniston. If I was talking about her I would be talking about her pre boob job in Leprechaun because that was sweet, plus it had that dude from Pee Wee's Playhouse that ended up being John Wayne Gacy. When I hear the word friend if I was gonna talk about a sitcom it would be Perfect Strangers because the theme song encompasses friendship. I mean you just hear it and you wanna buy your friend a drink and talk horror. I also would think of the Golden Girls because they were fucking hilarious and had amazing friendships. The thing is though I am just rambling. Who gives a shit. When say friends I mean the fucking bad asses that you talk horror, go to conventions and go hunting with. That is a friend.
     I remember in elementary school just waiting for recess so I could go out to the playground and talk to my friend about how Child's Play was or how fucking bad ass it was that Jason was on the Arsenio Hall show. These are some of my earliest memories of horror broner's. After school we would walk to the video store and look at all the horror movies pick one out each take it home and the next day we would meet back on the playground and discuss. We were like Siskel and Ebert only less douchy.
     Later on in life when I became obsessed with collecting it was essential to have a hunting companion. I mean I had a good time going out alone and it wouldn't stop me but there is something to be said about sharing the experience. Weather it Jacob Von Klingele, Gabe Nye the Science Guy, Jimmy Caution or Jeremy Gaulkenstein and sometimes all of the above. We would go from store to store trying to find that out of print copy of Last House on Dead End Street or The two disc Big Trouble in Little China special edition. We would bullshit movies as well as other things the entire time and grab coffee and food in between and after and talk about our finds. We had a code. It was like honor amongst thieves. We may all be excited to find Industrial Symphony Number One but they all knew I had Lynch's cock down my throat way farther then them. The same was said the other way. If we found the Hellraiser tin I would be stoked but I wouldn't suspend it from my dick like Jacob Von Klingele. The code was of course off if they weren't there. I mean a little friendly competition was necessary. That phone call explaining that you found the Criterion Robocop was priceless. You could hear the tears through the phone.
    Holidays are also important as finding that gift that you know is gonna make them shit their pants is as rewarding as the cash you get for finding a missing child. Getting gifts is sweet as well, don't get me wrong. Gabe Nye getting me the Puppet Master chest with the Blu Ray for Axis of Evil or Jacob getting me a Serial Mom cereal box.
    Conventions and signings are definitely amazing but better with friends. I went to the first Twin Peaks fest by myself and while amazing the next year when Jacob joined me it added to it ten fold. There is a euphoria about planning these with friends and once you get there it's like having the best orgasm, like when you get some help from the prostate.
    Now that we are in the distant future, and yes I realize that this makes no sense. It does to me and that's all that matters things have changed. You still have all that but with it being easier than ever to meet and stay in contact with people from all over the world you get a whole new group of friends. I have made some pretty bad ass friends that I have never met. Mr. Gable and I share a bond with bad movies that would combat those rapey eyed vampires any day. I don't think Edward bought Bella a signed The Room poster. Eternal love my ass. Micah has sent me movies, Robo sent me a package that made me feel nine all over again. More people than I can name have helped me by spreading the grog love. Re-tweets, re-blogs, recommendations and just support that you can't always find from your friends that are around all the time. The Bad Netflix Movie Marathons that have you watching a movie with tons of friends that you have never met in all the time zones. Does that mean we can all cheat on each other with each other? I mean if a different zip code changes the rules what the fuck does a time zone do?
    Without sounding like an emo bitch I am just saying that all the support I have received over my thirty one years of existence weather it be on the playground or on the interwebz I raise my glass to you and may you drink until you vomit blood and summon a dark lord who will grant you wishes that aren't a trick, unless your wish is a trick.

Tromeric

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Seven: Conventions

2011-10-27T10:26:00.000-07:00

Conventions are a great place for a horror nerd. I would always see advertisements for them in Fangoria and Rue Morgue but they were always either east coast or at the closest LA. I dreamed of going, seeing pictures of some my favorite actors and directors and all the party's. It just looked amazing. I would fantasize about all the amazing things I would find. Props, movies, toys and tons of things I couldn't even imagine. I went to a couple of com-icons that were fun and I found some cool stuff. I met Robert Kirkman, Julie Benz, Eric Powell, Steve Niles, Brom, Tony Moore, and James O'Barr. I also frequented the Twin Peaks/David Lynch festival which was amazing. I met some rad people including tons of the cast and Jennifer Lynch. I got to see Eraserhead on the big screen while being more intoxicated than Hunter S. Thompson. My Twin Peaks box set was signed by most of the cast and I saw ninety percent of the filming sites.
While at a Portland com-icon I found out there was gonna be a horror convention in Eugene, OR. I shit my pants right there. Eugene was only like five or six hours from Yakima so it was doable. The list kept getting better. Most of the cast of Last House on the Left, I was gonna get Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning signed by weasel. The majority of the cast of Return of the Living Dead was also gonna be there as well as tons of other greats. Well a few months my dreams were crushed as it got cancelled. Turns out all the hippies in Eugene were not interested in having it in their city.

Well, it finally happened. I was surfing the net in my shit garage and came across a site for Crypticon: Seattle. Kane Hodder, Bill Mosley, Sid Haig, Danielle Harris, Tony Todd and Ashley Laurence among many more. I immediately bought tickets and Gabe Nye got us a hotel and we were set. It was a dream come true. Below is what I wrote after I got home, a bit insane and plenty nonsensical as I was insanely sleep deprived. Please excuse the gramar and spelling. I know it is worse than usual. I had been awake for four days, still kind of drunk and typed it on my cell phone. I just want you to understand the welcome insanity these conventions bring.

Cryptikizzle

I stayed in a Hilton....not something i ever thought i would do....the glass elevators made some skid marks in my pants but i got used to it...the skid marks that is...Keith and i wore they live glasses while freaking out on the balcony of the ninth story room i had...Jason Mewes is funny as shit kinda like Jay but smarter...not classier by any means...he hoped us well on getting pussy so that was thoughtful....Kane Hodder almost knocked Gabe on his ass and choked the shit out of us....i won the puppet master box....Jacob won the full moon classics box....and Gabe won...well nothing...we all learned we love bawls(no homo) and floats made with bawls(no homo deuce)are awesome as well...lix online is a great t-shirt company and we will be on the website soon...Danielle Harris is tiny but still sexy...Ashley Laurence is also very sexy and has very cool art....Hanna Hall is sexy, nice and enjoys a pall mall which is a-OK in my book...and i do have a book...Sid Haig should be president....Candyman dwarf's me which is not something I'm used to...Roddy Piper is amazing and will soon have a book about soap monsters and has a great collection of doorstops.....Bill Mosley made fun of a fish and has an amazing voice....Gabe almost bought a pirate costume to win over the girl of his fantasy's(no pun intended) i even spill my beer when im sober....Steph hung up on Jason Mewes and he told her she loves the teabag and i dont think he ment earl grey....crazy skull guy from willow was there but no Warwick Davis or Val Kilmer action...Joe knows more about nkotb than the average male his age....cigarette smoking man has a soothing voice for such a smoking champ....i got a pack of

Morley's no smokes in it though to bad I'm sure old made up cigarettes are tasty.....59 year old's still have game and can get the poon...fancy wedding party likes talking about horror movies...shots through the cage on the ninth floor....in no order or comprehensible fashion that(longest sentence ever) sums up my weekend...now a couple hours of sleep then 17 hour day of work at Sasquatch....good times.

Next up we have my insane rant about the second one I went to.

cryptikizzle 2 the search for curlys gold

Bumper to bumper traffic on I5.....almost pissed my pants trying to find parking...found a McDonald's with a lot so stopped to piss...gotta have a key so had to buy a shitty 99 cents burger and almost pissed myself again in the process...got in..nerded it up...Coscarelli is a bad ass and way taller than expected..scared of TCM....the sphere attacked me and i giggled like a schoolgirl.... Reggie Banister is a gentlemen and a scholar..but probably spelled better..sweet hair as well...keep rocking the bald ponytail....got a picture of frankenhooker's boobs....sweet...lixonline lady was back...amazing stuff...unfortunately no money caused no buying of sweet slaughterhouse shirt...lots of smokes....pig hunt was bad ass...act 1 dudes going hunting movie...act 2 deliverance part 2...act 3 culty kool aid drinking hot naked bitches..act 4 gigantor the killer pig movie....can i just say amazing....jim issac has himself a masterpeice...who knew...i mean jason x was badass...but....well i dont need to explain...smokes and more smokes...makin fun of all the goons larping(i guess)...next ken foree in black santas revenge...also badass...nothing hat guy was stoked...more smokes..black devil doll closed out the night....funny as shit...but also wore out its welcome...car was scene seet but not need to be ten mins long...nothing hat guy not as stoked....next up need to get some dicks....burgers that is...then walk up the hill of hell...keith and i out of breath...eat me some dicks...burgers that is...bullshit with the boys...shark atack 3:megladon it is....sleep a couple hours on the floor...run some water over myself...dry off with a dirty shirt...ready to go...day 2.....top ten movies u should see...overall agreed....phantasm panel....bad ass...funny, interesting, and angus scrim via phone....booooooyyyy...sweet...the fog pannel also bad ass...tom atkins is the man...night of the creeps like a mutha fucka...pics with tom atkins, doug jones, and adriane barbeau....plus harras the excorcist lady so we can take a pic of her retarted sign...brian and christy show up...get a beer....wander aimlessly...go to eddies...bullshit and shitty movies, road trip, ID4, jeepers creepers 2, and end it off good with swamp thing...best PG movie ever...sleep a couple more hours...day 3....watch a boring woman of horror pannal...ladys afraid of boobs and gore....awsome...reggies wife was interesting...that was about it...overdose on venom...watch dead snow...badass...nazi zombie can kill them some nerds...gory fun and awsome....super awsome panel with ken foree and michael berrymen....aside from "that girl" and her questions....pics with foree and berryman...foree is pretty bad ass...he could kill me...even though he went down like macauly caulkin in from beyond...nicest dudes ever though...time to go...quick twin peaks tour for christy and brian....eat huge burgers and fries...get a refill on fries...bad idea...gas up at the vanishing gas station .....time to drive 200 miles on a food coma..good times....in one mispelled, poorly worded sentance that was crpticon part 2....hopefully part 3 will be in 3D...ill give the camera a joint...pix up soon...

I have now missed a few conventions that I should of attended. I guess that's what happens once you have something you take it for granted. Before I would of driven days for a convention now they are near me and I am like "well, maybe next year."

Tromeric

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Six: Troma

2011-10-26T22:09:00.000-07:00

It is safe to say that one of the biggest influences on me has been Troma. I saw Toxic Avenger when I was a wee little lad on USA Up All Night and was hooked like Dustin Hoffman in that Spielberg movie. Speaking of Hook, I ended up seeing that in the theater as I was trying to sneak into Candyman and got caught so I had to go into the movie I actually bought the ticket for. What a bunch of shit,anyways back to Troma. After Toxic Avenger I saw the sequels and Class of Nuke em High, Sgt. Kabukiman, Troma's War, Tromeo and Juliet. One of the big Troma films that wasn't a Lloyd Kaufman film that I have the fondest memories of was Monster in the Closet. I also saw that for the first time on Up All Night and fell in love. I taped it off the TV and watched that shit so much. I was like a stalker. I would sneak up on the movie, slip it some drugs and tie myself up while watching it. OK, so maybe that's not all true but I did fucking love it.

I would go to the video store and rent anything with that Troma logo on it. When I got home and put in the tape I would hear the music, you know the music and see that backdrop of New York and would cream my pants. Seriously, like cream of wheat but with way more power and excitement. Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz present was my bible only less made up. I was convinced that anything Troma put out was great, that all changed but I will get into that later. The stuff Lloyd did was my favorite but there were still some other films that I loved. The aforementioned Monster in the Closet, Combat Shock, Redneck Zombies, Rabid Grannies, Killer Condom which is one of the most bizarre Troma films, not just because of the subject matter but because it is not at all what you would expect. When I think back to early Troma films the one that stands out is Cannibal the Musical. I bought the VHS at a local comic book shop based off the title and I recognized the names of the director and stars. It was Trey Parker and Matt Stone. South Park had just hit and it peaked my curiosity. I of course also saw the Troma logo so my boner made me buy it. I watched this movie so many god damn times. The songs were amazing, it made me laugh more than I thought possible and it was just a fucking blast. I have heard that Lloyd turned down South Park because he thought it would cost to much and that it wouldn't be all that interesting to people. Not sure the merit behind this but I can only imagine if Troma had the rights to South Park. It would be like an alternate reality story, like Superman: Red Son but with less commies.

Jacob Von Klingele, Lloyd Kaufman, Tromette, and me.

Once DVD hit the scene my love for Troma reemerged. A friend of mine bought me the two disc Terror Firmer and Gabe Nye, Jeremy Gaulkenstein, Jimmy Caution and myself put it in and lost our shit. I was laughing so god damn hard I couldn't breath. It was like the best orgasm ever, luckily I remembered the lemon so I woke up when I came. It was like a whole new Troma. Terror Firmer is also where I first saw the trailer for Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger four. I was as excited as a Nekromaniac in a morgue. I watched this trailer so many times and couldn't wait. It took a few years but It finally was released to DVD and I woke myself up right when Borders opened, well when Jeremy Gaulkenstein told me it opened, which was wrong even though he worked there. I waited in the parking lot for like and hour smoking cigarettes and waiting impatiently and it finally opened. I took it home, watched it and yet again came in my pants. The group was divided on this one. Gabe Nye and I loved it while Jimmy and Jeremy weren't so fond of it. It wasn't to long after this that Jacob Von Klingele and I made a trek to Portland(I still lived in Yakima at this time) to meet Lloyd. He was gonna be giving a lecture and signing his new book Make your own damn Movie. We made all the arrangements and drove the two hundred miles. His lecture was awesome and he was hilarious. I got my copy of Citizen Toxie signed and that folks was a historical moment. He signed it to the moniker Tromeric which of course has become my name. Eric fuck that, Lloyd says my name is Tromeric. I will not argue.

Tromeric

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Five: Websites/Blogs/Podcasts

2011-10-25T17:35:00.000-07:00

    It being the future and all I would be crazy(which I am) to not include a place that ninety five percent of horror news comes from. The internet. Yeah, I love magazines and books and will never give them up. The thing is the internet is fucking convenient. It also has made it available for hacks like me to post my thoughts(I might be pushing it with that) for everyone to see.
      I would say my first real interaction with a horror news site was Bloody Disgusting. When I first found that site I read it religiously everyday. It was amazing instead of waiting every couple of months for a new Fangoria or Rue Morgue I could just click a couple buttons and find out that Jason was gonna fight Freddy. Since then I of course have found tons of places that I check religiously.
     News is great and necessary but what else has been a great addition to my life is reading other peoples thoughts and listening to podcasts. It is so interesting to hear all the different views and places people are coming from with their love for horror.
      So instead of writing about every place I can think of I am just going to link to some of the sites/blogs/sites I read. Check em out. There are so many great ones I know I will forget some. I am sorry. I am doing this on a whim with no preparation.

Bloody Disgusting

One of the biggest sites and always a good place to check for up to date news.

365HorrorMovie

He watched a horror film a day for a year and documented it. Now he has interesting articles, reviews and lists.

Mr. Gables Reality

Mr. Gable is my brother in bad. He will tell you how shitty a movie is and why he loves it. Some of the most fun you will have reading about one mans insanity.

MorbiDementia

Scary Larry is a whore for whore. You can find out about all the horror babes,comics,movies, and music you want with insightful clever write ups and pictorials.

3BlackGeeks

Video Reviews of film and TV. This shit is amazing and hilarious and you should check it.

Back on line. Back on Duty

Robo will teach you about his sad side with some of the most insightful, intelligent while still be entertaining reviews on the internet.

HorrorStuff!

A super entertaining and informative Podcast, reviews, and other random bits of awesome.

Direct to Video Connoisseur

Love of all film, specializes in awesome. Horror,Action, comedy and more. He gives love to the lesser known or distributed work. Amazingly insightful and hilarious write ups and more love for Dolph than you thought possible, and that's a good thing.

Vincent's Handmade Art

Great blog where Vincent shows off some of his amazing art. You must see this.

40oz of Horror

A podcast after my own heart. Horror and beer. These guys have had some great episodes and I am sure there are plenty more lined up.

Committed

He loves The Asylum so much they had him write for them. His first feature A Haunting in Salem was a fun throwback haunted house flick and I pretty much have a rock hard boner waiting for 2 Headed Shark Attack.

Dread Central

Another great place to get up to date news with some pretty entertaining reviews and articles.

Dr. Terror's Blog of Horrors

Lover of film and music Dr. Terror will teach you things you knew nothing of. His articles on soundtracks and novels will have you screaming for more. No malpractice suit here.

She Blogged by Night

Great blog with super interesting write ups on films of all genres. You owe it to yourself to check this out. Her love for Reb Brown alone warrants a view.

Son Of Celluloid

Super insightful articles with plenty of humor mixed in for good measure. I knew I had found a blog I had to read when I read his write up on Joe Bob Briggs.

Critters and Gods

The man that brought you the grog's logo and has contributed with some of the most popular articles shows off his art skilz. Title says it all.

Toy's Can't Hurt You

Another contributor to the grog Jacob Von Klingele shows his toy making which will rape your face. Not all horror but all amazing.

Well I know I missed about a million but here is a start. More knowledge and entertainment are at your fingertips. Use them.

Tromeric

Sadistik/Kristoff Krane- Higher Brain Video

2011-10-25T15:04:00.000-07:00

I met Cody(Sadistik) a Christ age ago when I had the Videodrome open and he would come in often and buy some of our best films. Suspira, Maniac, Street Trash. It was nice in a shit hole of town to have someone with taste. I remember him coming to my trailer to look through my collection and bring over the Guinea Pig collection as I wasn't luck? enough to have seen it yet. Well from there on it has been years of horror talk and drinks. He stops every time he is on tour and if he has no show planned we even will throw together a drunken house show. He knows his shit and it shows. On top of all that he is an insanely gifted musician. I suggest giving this a shot. If you don't like Hip-Hop, no worries. I still suggest you check it though. His music will tear your soul apart. This is a video from the upcoming album Prey for Paralysis which is a collaboration with Kristoff Krane. Kristoff Krane is another unique musician that I highly recommend. I have had the pleasure of meeting him a few times while on tour and I can only imagine the soul punching they will give you together. I was originally supposed to have a small role in this video but unforeseen circumstances caused me to not make it up to Seattle. I did a review for Sadistik's last album The Art of Dying Which you can read by following the link and i would also like to say that Prey for Paralysis is now available for pre-order (with limited edition T-shirt packages as well) at both Sadistikmusic.com or Michaellarsen.com

Tromeric