Guy Code

Steve Harveys Ten Commandments (Guy Code Analysis)

2011-02-26T12:45:00.000-08:00

After watching a bit of Doctor Phil the other day (yes...I know...but Steve Harvey made it tolerable) I caught Steve's segment on his "Ten Commandments to Pleasing your Woman". He does a really nice job of compiling these 10 things that we men NEED to do, in order to avoid a fight and enjoy our relationships.

I wanted to take a bit of time (and Space) and break these Commandments down for you.

"Ten Commandants to Pleasing Your Woman"

Commandment 1. Thou Shalt Give her Free Time

Our ladies care about us, they genuinely do. However, just like us, sometimes they just want to have their own time. I don't mean to do dishes or laundry...that is not a source of escape or entertainment, contrary to popular belief. Time with friends or even just some time curled up with some tea and a good book will do. Whatever the case, give her that time. There is a really good chance she's earned it.

Commandment 2. Thou Shalt Remember the Small Things

This isn't referencing your car keys or to turn off the iron before you leave for work. The small things to her, are generally none existent to us. This is actually a plus, because women don't expect you to remember the small things (they just hope you do). Make sure that you do remember the arbitrary things in your relationship. For example, where you took her on your first date, what she ordered and if you're really good, what she was wearing. Men have given women a reason to get excited about these things, because we naturally overlook them. Take the time to remember the little things, and you can win some serious points.

Commandment 3. Thou Shalt Consistently find new ways to say "I Love You"

"I Love you" is a powerful phrase. However, just saying those words over and over again can get a bit repetitive. "Actions Speak Louder than Words" fellas. So, instead of just telling her you love her, show her. Maybe surprise her by making a romantic dinner or go out and start her car for her on a cold morning. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. The smallest things can bring a smile to a woman's face.

Commandment 4. Thou Shalt Chip in

This commandment isn't necessarily about money. Sure, you should pay for things, but I believe this is geared more toward things in your daily schedule. Unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the bathrooms. Things that we men consider mundane and unimportant. News Flash gents, it isn't the 1940's anymore. Women are independent. We cannot expect them to sit in the kitchen and stay home with the children. It's time housework became priorities for both parties. Just remember to help her out. It shows that you care about things, that she cares about.

Commandment 5. Thou Shalt Help with the Kids

If you don't have children, that's fine, but if you do, they're yours too. Help her take care of them. It shouldn't be a chore or a burden either. Enjoy the time you have with your children, even it it's changing diapers or giving them a bath. That time is going to fly by and you don't want to miss out on all of the little things, that actually matter.

Commandment 6. Thou Shalt Embrace the Art of Foreplay

We men are geared for sex at just about anytime. Foreplay for a man, is walking by Victoria Secret in the mall, it doesn't take much. Women however, are like a diesel engine, she's gonna need a few minutes to warm up. We men, take sex for granted a lot of the time. We're in-out-and on our way. Women (in most cases) enjoy the emotional aspect of sex. They like to be romanticized. Why the hell do you think there are so many soap operas on daytime television? It sure as hell isn't the acting. Women just want to be appreciated, and believe it or not, foreplay is a perfect way to show them your appreciation.

Commandment 7. Thou Shalt Respect her Schedule

Have you ever tried to get a woman to do something she doesn't want to do? It's like trying to force a man to watch the Notebook for the 500th time. Yeah, they died together...he loved her a lot, we get it. I digress...a woman's schedule has to be put into a mans schedule. You have to work your life around her. Let's not forget about that little bump in the road we hit every month. Not only are we not getting sex (or you are if your all about getting those "red wings"), but in some cases we have to deal with a caged lion for a week. Best advice I can give you is to nod your head and memorize these two words, "Yes, Dear".

Commandment 8. Thou Shalt Send Her Roses, Just Because

Roses are Red, and your balls are Blue, if you never send her roses, she'll never fu*k you. I may not be the next William Shakespeare, but it conveys a message. Some men don't understand the significance of roses. Women, for the most part, love flowers. They also love, showing flowers off to other women. Your best bet is to have flowers sent to her office or wherever she works. The other women at work will be jealous and say things like "I wish my bf would send me flowers, that's so sweet." Remember this, a mans greatest enemy and greatest allies are his ladies friends. You'll either be praised and loved, or they'll drive over you with a Semi. Send her Flowers and they'll love you.

Commandment 9. Thou Shalt Remember the Golden Rule

The Golden Rule...Treat Others as you want to be treated? No...no...sorry this is with your wife and or girlfriend. The Golden Rule is simply this, you can be in a happy or you can be right. If you are arguing with your significant other and you want to remain happy, you let her win that argument. I don't care if she's calling the NFL the MLB. You nod your head and agree. She'll find out the truth eventually, and she can be mad at the person that tells her. It won't be you and you'll be happy.

Commandment 10. Thou Shalt ALWAYS take Her Side

This is a no brainer. Anyone who's ever been in a serious relationship, knows not to take someone else s side, against your wife or girlfriend. You'd be better off just asking for someone to smack you in the balls with a sledge hammer. You're her crutch, so don't go bailing on her....Ever. If you do, just go on home and get that couch ready. Take some books and your pillow, you'll be there for awhile.

Follow these Commandments and you should have a happy life together.

If you have any Questions or Comments Please post below or Follow us on Twitter @Guy_Code

3 "Tips" On Getting Past the Cock Block

2011-02-22T23:23:00.000-08:00

So, you walk into a bar or other social gathering and you spot an attractive female. You walk up to her and you try to start a conversation, when all of a sudden BOOM! Her uglier, and much meaner friend, whisks her away to the bathroom. Cock Blocked like a champ... It's happened to all of us and it sucks. However, take a step back a minute and think. This girl has no idea who you are. She's obviously not comfortable at this event alone or she wouldn't have a friend there with her. For all she knows, your a rapist and or, serial killer. Unfortunately, guys like Ted Bundy and Richard Ramirez have made picking up women, even more difficult for us men. We have to come off confident and clever, while still trying not to look and act like a complete creeper. So what's the key to getting around the cock block? Well, actually, there are three.

Bring a Wingman

The more people you are with the more comfortable you feel right? When you approach her bring your buddy along. Not only does your friend provide a nice buffer for conversation, but he can also help you with the Cock block. Wingmen have been doing this for years. It's a proven system. You just have to find a guy that is willing to bite the bullet. Just be prepared to do the same thing for your buddy one day.

Have a Solid Ice Breaker

More often than not, women are on their guard from the get go. You may be attractive and suave, but if she's been hurt before it's going to be ten times harder to start a conversation. Have a solid ice breaker. And NO PICK-UP LINES! If you have to make something up, then do it. I know it sounds bad -starting off an relationship with a lie- but later on down the road, you can explain to her why you did it, and I'm sure she won't hold it against you. You can use one of mine. Try this. "Wow did you see that fight outside? The bouncer just beat the crap out of that guy!" Obviously, save this one for a bar setting, but it definitely gets her attention. Women love drama.

Be Genuine

A woman can always tell if your being sincere or just spewing bull shit. If she can't tell, then she's too dumb for you, and you should move on. Stay honest with her (aside from the icebreaker) and she'll hopefully see that you are a good guy. Remember, if at first you don't succeed, then it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes she's legitimately, not interested. There is nothing wrong with that. Swallow your pride and move on.

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked it.

2011-02-21T11:32:00.000-08:00

There's a lot that can be said, about a kiss. Kisses are like, relationship handshakes. They leave important impressions on the person your kissing. Almost, like a job interview for your relationship promotion. According to "Hitch", women take that first kiss VERY seriously. They have to be firm, but not smothering. You want them to be passionate, but not sloppy. Nobody likes leaving a make out session, looking like they just came down a water slide. Perhaps, you'll spice it up, and throw in some tongue. If you are like me, and your tongue is ridiculously wide, maybe it's not a good idea. Along with a Picture of me and my tongue, below is my "TAC" policy for kissing.


I want to Kiss her, not Kill her.

The 3 Keys to a Good Kiss

Timing- Make sure it's the right time in your relationship, before you even attempt this. Mistaking a kiss, for what should have been a hug, is awkward as hell. You can "kiss", that relationship good bye. See what I did there? Hehe....I crack myself up....moving on.
Approach- Much like an Airplane pilot, you have to ease your way onto the runway. This is a delicate situation, and you shouldn't go rushing in there, with all your testosterone on full tilt. Approach slowly, but with confidence.
Contact- If you've gotten this far, it's all about rhythm from here on out. Think of it as a dance. Generally, if it's my first time kissing a girlfriend or acquaintance, I let her do the leading. I'll simply follow suit and try not to screw things up.

Without sounding like a total jackass, a person can't really explain the exact way to kiss another. Most of the experience is improvisation. Give and take. I will say this, the more comfortable you become with another person, the more compatible your kissing will be. The only real way to learn is to get out there and do it.

Keep in mind, that this is your audition for a shot at sex. A women isn't just going to sleep with a guy who can't kiss....unless she's drunk...and tells you she wants the lights off...and that there's no talking...and you don't even have to worry about kissing, because she doesn't want to...and if I tell anyone about it, she'll kill me....Er hem...

Just remember the "TAC" policy. Oh! and don't forget the Tic "Tacs", nobody wants to make out with dog breath.

Leave us a Question or Comment below. Follow us on Twitter @Guy_Code

Top 5 Types of Women to Stay Away From

2011-02-20T22:24:00.001-08:00

Having been to various Social Occasions in my life, I can tell you that everywhere you go, you will find many similarities in the women you meet. Obviously, these women are different. They have different backgrounds, looks, likes, dislikes and so on. However, many women exhibit striking similarities as well. So, as any male chauvinist would do, I've categorized and labeled them. Here are the Top 5 Types of Women to stay away from.

1. "The Head Case"

We've all seen them, the girl that's just too cool for school. Unapproachable and egocentric. Impossible to negotiate with, and only around other people, to be stared upon. She doesn't have to be the most attractive girl at the bar, but 9 times out of 10, that is the case. Our Guy Code recommendation, is to steer clear of these types. Money and good looks are all this little numbers really interested in. It's not worth your time buying her drinks. She'll sure as hell let you, but really, you're just throwing your money away. Take our advice. Have a couple shots and move on down the line.

2. "The Book Worm"

You ever try and pick up a woman at a coffee shop? You know, reading glasses, scarf, possibly a beanie? You: 'Yeah! I've seen plenty of these types of women' Us: 'Good, now turn around, pick up your coffee and walk out.'. Most women aren't looking to get asked out, while sipping a frappuccino at their local Starbucks. Most would prefer to be left alone. We recommend you take this advice and do just that.

3. "The Mysterious Chick"

Ok, so we've all met this girl...The one who always seems like she's got something special about her. She's not the most attractive and she may have a hippie or punk rock vibe going. Whatever the case, she's hard to ignore. Chances are, if a girls got something "mysterious" about her, she's far too much work. Let this be a red flag to all of you. Go find yourself a less mysterious and more obvious choice.

4. "Mrs. Emotionally Scarred"

I didn't want to say "damaged", but that's really what this profile is describing. She's clingy, she's emotional, she's head over heels for you after a 3 minute conversation. Big time no-no. Steer clear of these girls. They don't need a boyfriend, they need a counselor. It's not your fault that her father abandoned her and her mother's an alcoholic. It's definitely NOT your job to help her through these issues. Once you make a commitment, you can say good bye to your free time. Texts, voice mails, emails, facebook "pokes", the whole sh-bang. "Stage 5 Clinger" for all you Wedding Crasher fans out there...Stage 5 Clinger...

5. "The Bitch"

These women are by far, the worst. Half the time, they aren't even the woman that you're interested in. Their that angry, jealous, slightly less attractive friend, of the woman you are hitting on. If at all possible, bring some pepper spray or a taser, and just eliminate their bitter ass from the equation. Now, if the girl you are talking to is, said bitch, just turn around and walk away. She's not worth your time. Women with an attitude problem are like Hookers, they suck.

Steer clear of these damsels of despair and you should be fine. Good Luck gents.

Questions or Comments? Post below or Follow us on Twitter @Guy_Code.

Valentines Day. Friend or Foe? It's Up to You!

2011-02-20T22:22:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Hallmark and Chocolate makers, we men, have the most difficult holiday ahead of us. The dreaded Valentines Day. To women, its a day for flowers, candy and various gifts. For men, its a day that can make or break an entire relationship. That is a lot of pressure for a guy to be under. Sure, there are Birthdays, Anniversaries and Christmas, but these do not even touch on the guilt your significant other can make you feel, for messing up Valentines Day. So, I've compiled a list of 5 keys to not screwing up this Valentines Day.

1) Plan Ahead!

Procrastinating your preparations for this Holiday, is the fastest way to end up in the dog house. Have a plan up to two weeks ahead of time. You might be thinking, 'Guys, come on, two weeks? Seems like a bit much!' Trust me, not only will you be more prepared for the Holiday, but your little lady will appreciate all the time you spent planning. Perhaps, she will even show that appreciation...later in the evening, if you catch my drift.

2) Flowers and Chocolate...meh

Flowers and Chocolate are fine, but fine, is not what your lady is looking for. You may get away with giving her a bouquet and a heart shaped boxed of chocolate, but you do not want to just coast through this holiday. Make sure you make the experience unique.

3) Cash for Ass...Not always

For some reason, we think that if we throw enough money at her, she'll put out. News flash gents, your wife or girlfriend is not a stripper. And if she is, well, then she doesn't need you throwing money at her, she gets that for a living. Try to incorporate something genuine into gift giving. If you do purchase something for her, maybe, also write her a poem or make a scrap book. Ok, ok...I feel the glaring eyes... just hear me out. You are going to have to step out of your comfort zone to put a smile on her face. Trust me, women love when you've shown that you've thought ahead...Love It!

4) Be careful with Jewelery

Jewelry can get a man in trouble. If you are in a relationship for the long haul, make sure you pay close attention to this next piece of advice. Jewelry is like the epitome of gifts for most women. It's also a mans bread and butter. DON'T...I repeat, DON'T go buying her the most expensive piece of jewelry that you can afford. 1. She will know how much you paid for the jewlery (Googles a bitch and will tell her anything she wants to know) 2. You've now set the standard for next year. Women will never say anything outright, but if you skimp on the following years gifts...you can bet your left nut it's being noted. Do not fall into this trap. Work your way into a comfortable price range that you can gradually raise. Oh, and stay away from Wal-mart and stores like this for anything jewelry. ***Underspending is Faaaar worse, then Overspending***

5) Don't Skip It!

If you are in a relationship, you are obligated by your penis, to follow through with Valentines Day. Do not for one second, presume you are coasting through this day. If she says "don't worry about it" or "we can just hang out at home" she is lying to you. Don't fall for this. It's a test. I hope, you've already made plans. If you have not made plans, I recommend getting on your phone and trying to make something happen, last minute. I hope, you've read the first "no, no" in my list and you are not left on the couch for the night.

Bottom line, women love feeling appreciated and you need to look at this holiday, as another opportunity to show her just how amazing she is. Good Luck men, I wish you all the best.

Dating 101

2011-02-20T22:21:00.001-08:00

After writing my previous post on Valentines Day, I figured it might be a good idea to write a follow-up on dating. Dating for most of us, is a complete mystery. You ask yourself all kinds of etiquette questions like, Do I pay? Should I bring her a gift? Should I open the door for her? What's a good place to take her on our first date? and so on... If you aren't asking yourself these questions, you need to be.
Chivalry isn't completely dead. Women find it refreshing in today's age of one-night stands and that awkward "talking" stage. For those of you oblivious to this, "talking stage" I'll elaborate more on that at a later date.

Here are some Tips to making sure your date runs smoothly.

1) Chilvary

--As before mentioned, Chivalry isn't dead. I encourage all of you to open doors, pay for meals and show the utmost respect when on a date. Dates are like a delicate flower. If you don't take care of them, they die on you and you're left alone and miserable.--

2) The Dad

--How do you impress a father? You don't...You just do your best not to screw up. We men are very protective creatures, it's in our nature. I don't have a little girl yet, but if I ever do, I can promise all of you she's not leaving the house until she's 30. The problem with dads...they've been there. They know what we're thinking, because they've thought the same thing. So,your best bet with fathers, is just to show respect and hope for the best.--

3) First Dates

--For the most part I'm generalizing in this post, but I need to express the importance of any first date. The first date is an opportunity to show her what your made of. No, I don't mean in bed...You need to show her that you know how to take care of a lady. Again, not in the bedroom. Take her some place quiet, but with a lot of people. A nice restaurant, or perhaps ice skating....something along those lines. I'm against going to the movies on first dates, because you really can't talk to the person at all. Save the movies for later in the relationship. And YES, you will be paying for everything on the first date. Just accept it. I'm all about equality, but it's been this way for years. You can work out financial aspects of your relationship when your married, but you ain't gonna make it past first base without some manners.--

4) Group Dates?

--Personally, I enjoy Group Dating. It provides a nice buffer for a new relationship, by taking a lot of the awkwardness away. Sure, there's probably going to be a few crickets throughout the night. When in doubt, turn to your buddy and start a conversation on sports. I say this, with a word of warning. Don't end up forgetting about your date. It's important to find a balance. Women need attention and if you want this to work out, I suggest you feed her attention by the gallon--

5) Gifts, Compliments, Good Night Kisses, Oh My?

--Forgive the Wizard of Oz Pun, but I think it captures the fear we exude on these topics perfectly. We're in a strange place when it comes to women. We have to get our bearings quickly and always be on our toes. Now, when it comes to gifts on a first date, I submit that less, is more. Perhaps, a small bouquet of flowers or a tiny stuffed animal. Don't come charging in with a full on arsenal of crap,that's only gonna freak her out. A cute little teddy bear can go a long way and a single rose, always sets you up for a win.

From the moment you see her, to the moment she leaves, she's got to feel like the most beautiful woman on Earth. Compliment her immediately after saying hi. A safe bet, is hair. Women, for the most part, spend a good deal of time on their hair and that's going to be compounded on a first date. Even if it looks like she hasn't done anything with it, go for it. Keep it simple and pretend like she's changed it. Try this: "Your hair looks great, did you do something with it?" Even if she says no, she's going to be tickled to death that you even asked. It's most certainly a win-win. Follow-up that compliment with the very general, but very effective, "You look great". I know, it sounds so boring, but it's a winning phrase. **Note: If you notice something new on her, point it out. Compliment her on it. Chances are, if it's new, she's into you.Women don't always purchase new things, just for the hell of it. If she went out of her way to look good, your off to a good start.**

Finally, the Good Night Kiss. For this one my friends, you're on your own. I can't tell you anything about them. They are a great mystery to us all. This, is all about you. You are going to have to read the non-verbal signals your lady friend is giving you and react. My only advice is make sure it's the right time. "Hitch" was right...The first kiss is extremely important.** I would steer clear from tongue unless she initiates that herself.**--

I hope you guys were able to take something away from this entry. It's a simple run down and only touches the surface of what a Date entails. If you have any questions, leave a comment or tweet us @Guy_Code

"How to: Start a Conversation"

2011-02-20T22:20:00.001-08:00

Allow me to preface this next bit of information with the following. There is no sure-fire, 100% guarantee, when it comes to meeting a person. There's a lot of information out there on dating and meeting the right person, but obviously, people can't read. This is why we have sites like, Match.com and eHarmony.com . What I'm about to tell you, you can find in almost any, mens magazine. Our recommendation, is to talk to your closest girl "friend" about these things. A Woman, is the best source of information about women...go figure?

So there you are, sitting at the bar. A cute little lady walks in and glances over at you and for the briefest of moments, you feel a tickle of excitement. She sits down across the room, alone, perhaps waiting for friends. Now, is an ideal time to walk over and introduce yourself. You tell yourself, that right now is not the right time...you'll wait another 5 minutes, ya know, because, this isn't your song. 5 minutes eventually turns into an hour and by now her friends have shown up, making talking to her, even more difficult. Eventually, the night ends and on her way out, sure enough, there's another glance in your direction, only this time, she's on her way out the door.

Has this happened to you? Ok, not exactly like that, but something similar? That used to happened to me a lot. Courage was not a strong personality trait for me when it came to women. It takes a bold, and fearless man to strike up a conversation with a stranger, especially, when that stranger is a knockout. We've decided to start up a nice little section in this blog on "The How To's" of women to help guys like you out. Today's, How-To....

Unfortunately, after years and years of bad experiences, women are always on their guard when out. Most men, are complete morons. Some men are complete douche-bags. Whatever the case, when a woman only feels safe with pepper spray, there's something wrong with the world and news flash, it's not the ladies. Sure, there are the occasional bitches out there. However, don't let one bad apple ruin the experience for you.
Men have been courting women since the dawn on time, so you know it can be done. Keep in mind that there are roughly 4 Billion women in the world. If you screw this one up, you'll have a couple more chances, life will go on. Here a few things to remember before you go rushing in there.

Stay Confident Women like confident men. However, don't confuse confident with cocky or pompous. She wants you to be comfortable in conversation and prove to her, that your worth her time. And yes, you have to prove to her, that you are actually worth her time. That's our job. Whether its a peacock flaunting it's feathers or a lion roaring it's heart out. The males in almost every species of animal on the planet, must prove themselves to their mates. Stay Confident and you are off to a good start.

Pick-up Lines? Dear God No... I have always hated the idea of a pick-up line. Perhaps, because 90% of the time, they DON'T work! Pick-up lines are cheesy and juvenile. I will admit, that in some cases (if really clever) they can break the ice and you come off looking funny. I still would advise against these 100%.

Ok, So Now what Smart Ass? If you really want to start a conversation with a complete stranger, why not just say hi? You: 'Wait, what? That's ridiculous...say hi? That's too easy...its Brilliant!' Thank you...I know. I've found, that being honest with a woman, is the best way to prove your intentions. Just be honest with her right off the bat. You noticed her, thought she was beautiful and wanted an opportunity to buy her a drink and talk a bit. I promise that this approach, will work a hell of a lot more, than a pick-up line. And I know she'll find it refreshing when a guy just comes out and just tells her what he's thinking. If it doesn't work out and she's not interested, oh well.

I Crashed and Burned...now what? You do what countless men before you have done. You pick up your pride (or whats left of it) tell her it was nice meeting her (yes...remain a gentleman. You never know who's watching) and head back to your seat. Who knows, women are very perceptive creatures fellas. Someone may have seen your fail, but respected the way you handled the situation. All women want is a good guy. A six pack wouldn't hurt either, but we'll get to workouts later on.

It seems way to simple I know, but here's a little insight on women. They aren't really that complicated. In the end we all want the same thing. We want to find out if there is someone out there made just for us. If men and women would just be honest with each other, there would be no need for magazines like Cosmo, and no need for websites like eharmony. Couples counseling? Puh, out the window. Communication, Trust and Respect. Keys to a solid relationship.

Good Luck out there Gents. Stay Confident, Stay Honest and Always a Gentleman. Remember, if things don't work out the first time, keep trying. You'll find her.

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A Recent Night Out (Quizzo)

2011-02-20T10:34:00.000-08:00

I've become quite a fan of going out on Wednesday nights. Wednesday is hump day, both figuratively and literally. I decided to head out to a bar known for it's Quiz game, "Quizzo". Contestants recieve 6 pieces of paper and on each piece, are 6 questions. At the front of the room is an announcer with a microphone. He's really what makes quizzo, so damn great. Now, the best thing about this game, is that you can make up your own name! I know your thinking 'Who the hell cares? What is so great about that?' Well, my naive friends, to those of us who are Quizzo veterans, THAT is the game... sort of. You see, when you combine alcohol, college students (grad and undergrad), a funny dude with a microphone and did we mention alcohol? You get some seriously creative names. Mr. Announcer man, doesn't censor these names either. Below are a list of the best Quizzo names we've heard so far...

**Keep in Mind, these names are read aloud, over a microphone, in a bar filled with roughly 60-70 people.**

Couchs Pull out, but I do not
My Wife used to be a Tight end. Now, she's a Wide Receiver
Laugh if you Swallow (you'd be surprised how many people laugh)
Your moms Crabs, taste better with butter.
(Someones Name), You owe me a fu**ing beer
My wifes at home cleaning the kitchen, because I told her to
Hot Beef Injection
I only dock in my wife's Hanger.....on Fridays
Fu*k the Names, Buy me a shot.

Now, There are some people who actually play the game and have names like "The A-Team" or "We Rock". Those people are forever shunned. The point of going out, is to have a good time and no one likes being made fun of. People learn quickly what this game is all about.

After hearing some of those creative names, I feel safe knowing the future of our country is in their hands....

We'd appreciate ideas for next weeks Quizzo. So if you have Funny names Similar to those above, please leave us a comment.

Click on any of the tabs "Facebook" "Twitter" or "Youtube" to post your suggestions.