Have you ever wondered why orange juice and toothpaste make for the most disgusting combination for your taste buds? This video from Bytesizescience explains it all.

Orange juice and toothpaste…the Montagues and Capulets of our hasty morning rituals that we entirely bring upon ourselves because we refuse ]]>

Have you ever wondered why orange juice and toothpaste make for the most disgusting combination for your taste buds? This video from Bytesizescience explains it all.

Orange juice and toothpaste…the Montagues and Capulets of our hasty morning rituals that we entirely bring upon ourselves because we refuse to have 15 minutes less sleep.

Vince Vaughn’s new comedy Delivery Man features every guy’s nightmare: finding out they have a bastard kid. While you’re worried about one slipped nut, Vaughn dropped a load off at the clinic and wound up with 533 kids. I’m not even sure how that’s possible, but who am I ]]>

Vince Vaughn’s new comedy Delivery Man features every guy’s nightmare: finding out they have a bastard kid. While you’re worried about one slipped nut, Vaughn dropped a load off at the clinic and wound up with 533 kids. I’m not even sure how that’s possible, but who am I to second guess the comedic genius of Ken Scott. I’m going to get snipped just thinking about it.

Synopsis:

…
In debt to the mob, rejected by his pregnant girlfriend, things couldn’t look worse for David when he’s hit with a lawsuit from 142 of the 533 twentysomethings who want to know the identity of the donor. As David struggles to decide whether or not he should reveal histrue identity, he embarks on a journey that leads him to discover not only his true self but the father he could become as well.

via DreamWorksStudios

Selena Gomez has been absolutely killing it lately, what with her sexy new music video and one hot photo shoot after another to promote it. Today is no different as this time we even get a hint of underboob. This behind the scenes look ]]>

Selena Gomez has been absolutely killing it lately, what with her sexy new music video and one hot photo shoot after another to promote it. Today is no different as this time we even get a hint of underboob. This behind the scenes look and interview for Selena Gomez’s photo shoot for the latest issue of InStyle magazine is how these types of videos should be done. Not only do we get to see Selena up close, we also get to see how the shoot took place, and (here’s the key) we ALSO get to see some of the finished product with actual photos. The fact that the photos of Selena Gomez are hot as the sun is just the icing on the cake.

Want a even more Selena Gomez? We’ve got you covered right here.

Photo credit: YouTube/InStyle

Sometimes you are so deep in the trenches of a relationship that you can’t even see the mess you are in until it is too late. Here are some signs it’s time to leave your rehateshunshit.

Lil Dicky is back to remind everyone he’s the best Jewish rapper in the game today. “White Dude” is a heart-warming tale of not being black, Hispanic, or female.

Rap fans love a braggart. Whether it’s having the best cars, pushing the most weight, or pouring Andre over the ]]>

Lil Dicky is back to remind everyone he’s the best Jewish rapper in the game today. “White Dude” is a heart-warming tale of not being black, Hispanic, or female.

Rap fans love a braggart. Whether it’s having the best cars, pushing the most weight, or pouring Andre over the finest ladies, we enjoy hearing people boast of advantages we’ll never have. Lil Dicky got that message, and he’s doing the same thing with the one luxury he has that most rappers don’t: his whiteness. He’s also pretty happy he’s not a woman, a sentiment we all share.

It would be easy to read behind the lines and look at this as a legitimate social commentary, but I just want to sit here and bask in my male whiteness for awhile. I’ll contemplate the inequalities of the world tomorrow.

Lil Dicky “White Dude” lyrics –

Chorus

And y’aint even want it wit da boy
Cuz the way I’m livin life, is a muthafuckin joy

On some grown man BI
I could have been a girl
Or any ethnicity up in the world

but I’m rollin with the top back
I ain’t gotta worry where the cops at
I ain’t gotta wear a fucking bra strap

Me and the crew
Are really doing everything that we like to
Man it’s a damn good day to be a white dude

Verse 1

shit, im living good up in this bitch
dicky rollin round the city, blowin good up in that wip
I aint black or Dominican, not Hispanic or Indian
So imprisonment is not a predicament, I envision

For a white boy
Hollatcha muthafuckin kike, boy
Higher than a muthafuckin kite, it’s iight boi

They ain’t suspicious of jews
Ill show contrition it’s cool
Slap on the wrist, get ma daddy to choose
One of them top lawyers dat be rollin round in his crew
I’m eating chop soy and bowlin on a carnival cruise

Das what I do kid
Happy that my name aint stupid
Dave coulda been Daquan wit a few kids

But now I’m farting, overeating at meals,
If ain’t I gotta theme party, Ion’t be at goodwill
I’m dentist paying, tennis playing, smellin on some cabernet
And I aint gay but if I was, everything would be okay, look…

I know I’m being condescending in ma rhymes
But ma premium channels mean tyler perry’s never live
getting tickets, they sick, I sit at the eagle
where I’m eating when I’m high’s where they eat at to survive (food chainssss)

Chorus

And y’aint even want it wit da boy
Cuz the way I’m livin life, is a muthafuckin joy

On some grown man BI
I could have been a girl
Or any ethnicity up in the world

but I’m rollin with the top back
I ain’t gotta worry where the cops at
I ain’t gotta wear a fucking bra strap

Me and the crew
Are really doing everything that we like to
Man it’s a damn good day to be a white dude

Verse 2

Yeah. It’s little DI in this bitch ho
Happy that I’m white, but relieved I aint a chick yo
I never wake up and have to cake on ma make up
Or straighten hair, I aint given a damn

I’m wearing whatever I wanna in this muthafucka
They up in heels
And tummy tuckin, theyon’t grub except for takin them pills, foreal…

And ion’t bleach shit
Ion’t gotta eat dick
I aint bleeding up out ma penis
Smoking the weed, ion’t fall asleep because I’m cheefing
In disagreements, i participate without weeping
And when I’m freaking, I’m getting daps, high fives, and all that
Ma rep goin up, and at best, ho a slut

So what up
Ya boy cut up
But eat butter
and I ain’t gotta speak to ma mother…to still love her
And I been getting better looking with age
But a guy can get who he deserves wit a horrible face

Seal interlude

I go on dates, and never have to worry bout getting raped
And I watch a game and never have to worry bout how it’s played
And I meet a babe and never have to act deliriously fake

And if impregnate I can pack a back and be on my way, but good luck girl!

Chorus

And y’aint even want it wit da boy
Cuz the way I’m livin life, is a muthafuckin joy

On some grown man BI
I could have been a girl
Or any ethnicity up in the world

but I’m rollin with the top back
I ain’t gotta worry where the cops at
I ain’t gotta wear a fucking bra strap

Me and the crew
Are really doing everything that we like to
Man it’s a damn good day to be a white dude

Outro (arguably the best part, stick around for it)

In today’s Must See Imagery for Hump Day we get ready for the Arrested Development season 4 premiere on Netflix with this first pic, and more! Aggregating content from the web’s hottest sources: Facebook, Tumblr, Imgur (often via Reddit), amongst others, we’re able to ]]>

Imgur/CopEatingDonut

In today’s Must See Imagery for Hump Day we get ready for the Arrested Development season 4 premiere on Netflix with this first pic, and more! Aggregating content from the web’s hottest sources: Facebook, Tumblr, Imgur (often via Reddit), amongst others, we’re able to save you those precious man hours that can be used for things like grilling red meat, or wondering who the hell that sexy girl was in that commercial you just saw. If you come across any photos you think should be included in this daily feature then head on over HERE and post them to our Facebook wall, and I’ll be sure to include them (provided they don’t suck, and you actually understand what funny is).

Facebook/Haters Page

Facebook/Epic Demotivation

Imgur/brom333

Facebook/4chan

Facebook/Epic Demotivation

Facebook/Haters Page

Facebook/Dafuq Funnies

Facebook/Insanely Funny Sh*t

Facebook/No Hop For The Human Race

Facebook/Insanely Funny Sh*t

Facebook/No Hope For The Human Race

Facebook/Insanely Funny Sh*t

Facebook/Dafuq Funnies

Facebook/Epic Demotivation

Facebook/4chan

Facebook/Anything Goes Party

Facebook/Save On Brew

Imgur/xNiNjA013

Imgur/rocktopus

Imgur/Dastuffdave

The Don Jon trailer just dropped, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt did a bang up job. Don Jon is Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s directorial debut, and it might be the first romantic comedy that’s actually worth watching. I’d be more excited if the characters weren’t from Jersey, but the addition of Tony Danza ]]>

The Don Jon trailer just dropped, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt did a bang up job. Don Jon is Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s directorial debut, and it might be the first romantic comedy that’s actually worth watching. I’d be more excited if the characters weren’t from Jersey, but the addition of Tony Danza makes it all OK.

If directing and starring in weren’t enough to impress you, JGL wrote the movie too. That’s right; he wrote himself a part in which he gets to hook up with Scarlett Johansson. HitRecord Joe is living the dream for all of us.

Greatest moment from Nashville this season. By far. Here is what you need to watch tonight.

MasterChef @ 8pm, FOX: Hard to keep up with all the reality food shows these days. Is this the one where Gordon Ramsay swears at people?

Modern Family @ 9pm, ABC: ]]>

Greatest moment from Nashville this season. By far. Here is what you need to watch tonight.

MasterChef @ 8pm, FOX: Hard to keep up with all the reality food shows these days. Is this the one where Gordon Ramsay swears at people?

Modern Family @ 9pm, ABC: Season finale. Show’s not nearly as fan as their fans think.

Chicago Fire @ 10pm, NBC: There’s a fire at the Cook County penitentiary and our friendly neighborhood firemen are called to extinguish it.

Nashville @ 10pm, ABC: A solid, solid show for ABC placed in a perfect time slot. Looking forward to future episodes of Hayden Panettiere stripping.

Game 1, Pacers-Heat @ 8pm, TNT: Well, that was a long break. Thanks David Stern. A$$hole.

If you’re going to get a red card, go out in style. A soccer player in the Thai Premier league stripped down to his skivvies to celebrate a goal. He was unceremoniously ushered from the game. Nevertheless, he’s a hero. A hero to pantless athletes everywhere.

Arianny Celeste, as I hope you know by now, has a Web series called FilmStrip in which she shares movie trivia about current film releases and then takes off most of her clothes. In other words, it’s a must-see show. This week Arianny has chosen to cover ]]>

Arianny Celeste, as I hope you know by now, has a Web series called FilmStrip in which she shares movie trivia about current film releases and then takes off most of her clothes. In other words, it’s a must-see show. This week Arianny has chosen to cover The Hangover films since Part 3 is coming out this weekend. See? Timely. I’d go further into detail on the video, but I know you have already hit play so I’ll just shut up now.

Can’t get enough Arianny Celeste? We’ve got you covered right here.

Photo credit: YouTube/Cinefix

Even though we think some sports records are absolutely unbreakable, here are the ones that are more than likely going to be broken within the next few years.

In this week’s Facebook Idiocy we take a look at some interesting advice for McDonald’s, hilarious grammar slipups, and more! Every week on the Internet we see screen shots of unfortunate interactions on everybody’s favorite social network, Facebook. If we’re lucky enough we actually get to encounter these hilarious lapses ]]>

In this week’s Facebook Idiocy we take a look at some interesting advice for McDonald’s, hilarious grammar slipups, and more! Every week on the Internet we see screen shots of unfortunate interactions on everybody’s favorite social network, Facebook. If we’re lucky enough we actually get to encounter these hilarious lapses of judgment but alas we are not all so lucky. But don’t despair, we here at Guyism are now offering you the very best in weekly Facebook mishaps. Whether you’re looking for the funniest Facebook fails, ultimate Facebook cringe, or enjoy seeing some Facebook win, I’ll try to provide a bit of everything here. So contrary to the name, you may in fact find some hilarious Facebook statuses here that don’t necessarily fall into the idiotic category.

If you enjoyed this and want more funny content then go like us on Facebook for an endless stream of hilarity.

PhotoCredits: Facebook Screenshots

Did you get cut from the 53-man roster? Are you still interested in sports entertainment? Well, the WWE wants you. Legendary announcer Jim Ross is meeting with the NFLPA today to discuss ways of steering cut players towards a WWE tryout. “Some guys are going to be looking for work, ]]>

Did you get cut from the 53-man roster? Are you still interested in sports entertainment? Well, the WWE wants you. Legendary announcer Jim Ross is meeting with the NFLPA today to discuss ways of steering cut players towards a WWE tryout. “Some guys are going to be looking for work, and we’ve got some job openings. Maybe we can put the synergies of those two entities together and create something wonderful some day”, Ross said.

USA

This is a win-win for the WWE. They get the publicity and perhaps a few noteworthy players at their new training facility. If if pans out, awesome. The WWE could use more athletic folks in their talent pool. If it doesn’t work out, well, they tried. No harm, no foul.

The bigger question is from the player’s perspective. Do you take a run at being a WWE star or are you content as another guy on the practice squad? There’s financial stability in the latter. Minimum salary for a practice squad player is $5700 a week. If you’re valuable to the team, it’s much more than that.

Are you willing to give up $80k for four months of work? All for a slim chance at being the next Rock, John Cena?

Interesting dilemma.

In this video of a fat comedian named Jay Ward convincing a hot chick to make out with him, you can behold the awesome power of drugs! Or love. Love.

That might be the world’s most efficient cock block ever pulled by the blonde chick. Sure the other girl is ]]>

In this video of a fat comedian named Jay Ward convincing a hot chick to make out with him, you can behold the awesome power of drugs! Or love. Love.

That might be the world’s most efficient cock block ever pulled by the blonde chick. Sure the other girl is making some bad decisions but pulling her back as if she were Daffy Duck getting yanked off a stage with a cane? Come on now. Let the fat guy have his moment. Plus the diabetes probably made him taste like a Pixie Stick to her.

An entertaining showdown is brewing between Magic Hat and Sixth West over a beer label that might be a little too similar. Can’t we all just get so drunk we forget trademark law ever happened? Apparently not.

Magic Hat filed a lawsuit against Six West Brewing Co. for trademark infringement ]]>

An entertaining showdown is brewing between Magic Hat and Sixth West over a beer label that might be a little too similar. Can’t we all just get so drunk we forget trademark law ever happened? Apparently not.

Magic Hat filed a lawsuit against Six West Brewing Co. for trademark infringement based on the logo for Magic Hat #9. Decide if you think there’s a case before reading on the the bitch fight below.

PitchEngine Composite

The public battle started with Six West Brewing creating a petition to tell the big bad Magic Hat to back off. In it they tout their sales and charitable donations as reasoning why a big brewery would see them as an enemy. They go on to say this about the lawsuit.

Now, we all know that their claims are just a little bit silly:

• Our logos were professionally designed by a designer in Lexington called Cricket Press who has a long history of fantastic and creative logo designs.
• Their federal trademark is simply for the text “# 9”, and our logo contains neither a “#” nor a “9”. (our favorite part of their argument is where they call a 6 an “inverted 9”. Yeah, and did you know that a “p” is just an inverted “d”? They’re totally the same letter!)
• Finally, our logo includes the words “West Sixth Brewing”. We think that makes it pretty clear.

That’s certainly nice and snarky. They also go on to say that the hiring of a law firm in New York means they know the case has no merit. Really? Is this a Pace Picante commercial? New York City???

On the other side of the fermenter you have Magic Hats response. They point out West Sixth desire to paint this as little brewer vs bigger brewer and not a matter of law. They also claim that talks for West Sixth to change their logo had been ongoing and this was a social media ambush.

Talks between the two breweries started in September of 2012 after marketplace concerns surfaced by a Kentucky wholesaler who refused to carry West Sixth Brewing because he felt it too closely resembled Magic Hat, which he already distributed.

I have no way of knowing if that story is true or not, but if so it’s pretty damning evidence that the labels are too similar. It may not be a ‘#’ or a ’9,’ but this isn’t some dumb drunk consumer that think they look the same. It’s a professional beer salesman. Magic Hat goes on to say that West Sixth had actually agreed to make changes but backed out and went the smear route instead.

In letters proposing a resolution to avoid a court case, West Sixth Brewing agreed to:

1. Remove the design element that mirrors Magic Hat’s #9 starburst/dingbat star packaging;
2. Use and promote the wording West Sixth Brewing in conjunction with the design (Magic Hat agrees that this will help eliminate confusion);
3. Work in good faith to phase out and replace any existing materials that may contain the prior version of the encircled “6” design;
4. Amend its current federal trademark application or re-file the application with the new design.

That’s where we stand right now. The bitch fight is only a couple of days old now, so it’s sure to get even better in the coming weeks. Let the battle of he-said/she-said for public opinion begin!

I’m leaning towards Magic Hat as being in the right here, with the wrench in the canning line being the use of a stylized 8-point star. You can read the full arguments/slam sessions here for West Sixth and here for Magic Hat.

Tip of the mug to @KThorJensen for alerting me to Friday Night Sissy Fights.

Instagram has opened up a whole new world for beautiful women to get noticed. Instead of having to hire a PR firm, they now can just post their pictures on the Internet and people will follow them.

Today we take a look at one such woman in Alena Shishkova. ]]>

Instagram has opened up a whole new world for beautiful women to get noticed. Instead of having to hire a PR firm, they now can just post their pictures on the Internet and people will follow them.

Today we take a look at one such woman in Alena Shishkova.

Alena on Instagram: @alenashishkovarussia

Less than 1,500 people follow Alena Shishkova on Instagram, which is far too low a number as you will see.

Alena doesn’t give a description of herself on Instagram, but a little of research reveals that she is from Moscow, Russia, she is a model (duh), she is on the Russian version of Facebook (where she shares a LOT more photos), and she is on Twitter. She also has a very well-trafficked Facebook fan page and tumblr fan page. Why we are just finding out about her today is a mystery because she is absolutely gorgeous. I am guessing that this won’t be the last time we see her though.

Are you or do you know someone who is “Hot on Instagram“? Drop us an email with the subject line “Hot on Instagram” to be considered for publication.

Want to see more women who kill it on Instagram? Just click here and here.

Photo credit: Essence Tatiana, Instagram

If you’re the kind of person who just has to own a little piece of plastic with a movie on it, here’s what you can get. Tuesday is new DVD and Blu-Ray day, and this week’s releases include a comedy classic and

National Lampoon’s Vacation

Before Chevy Chase ]]>

Warner Brothers

If you’re the kind of person who just has to own a little piece of plastic with a movie on it, here’s what you can get. Tuesday is new DVD and Blu-Ray day, and this week’s releases include a comedy classic and

National Lampoon’s Vacation

Before Chevy Chase was a weird quasi-racist getting fired from Community, he was actually a pretty funny dude. The 30 year rerelease of this 80s comedy classic was his first go-round as Clark Griswold, a befuddled suburban dad just trying to drive his family from Chicago to “Walley World,” a thinly-disguised Disneyland analogue. This sucker’s eminently rewatchable and quotable, so definitely worth picking up to remember the good old days.

Side Effects

Steven Soderbergh is kind of pumping out films at a frantic pace before he “retires,” and this one got lost in the shuffle. It’s good, though, so check it out if you missed it. Rooney Mara plays a stockbroker’s wife who gets put on some new depression drugs that screw her brain up… or do they? It’s a tight, modern Hitchcockian thriller with some great performances and twists you won’t see coming. Recommended.

The Last Stand

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first lead role since leaving the political arena wasn’t too well-received, but it’s a competent action movie at least as good as his 90s B-level stuff like Eraser. Arnold plays an Arizona sheriff who has to deal with a brutal Mexican drug kingpin and his entourage passing through his sleepy little town. Don’t take it too seriously and you’ll have a good time.

Beautiful Creatures

Like Twilight but with witches and Civil War re-enactments. Pass.

The ABCs Of Death

Innovative and disgusting horror anthology in which 26 directors each tackle one letter of the alphabet. This is probably the movie on this list that you’ll most want to own, as it’s packed with content. Even if you don’t vibe with every short on the disc (and you probably won’t), there’s enough high-quality stuff that it’s worth buying. Watch L, V and F first.

Parker

Another year, another Jason Statham movie. This one’s at least based on cool source material – the gritty crime novels of Donald Westlake – but it never manages to rise above mediocre. Statham is at his best when he’s totally out of control (ie Crank), so when he has to play it cool he’s just boring. J-Lo still looks good in her underwear though and the supporting cast is fun.

Stand Up Guys

There’s not a lot to recommend this semi-mediocre crime flick except the cast – when you get Al Pacino and Christopher Walken in the same room playing aging gangsters, you’re sure to get fireworks. Pacino plays Val, who just got released from prison, and Walken plays his best friend who’s been hired to kill him by the next morning. It’s surprisingly low-key and funny, mostly due to the lead actors.

If you’re at a place in life in which you’d buy a love spell from a fortune teller, there’s probably no limit to how low you’d sink.

If you’re at a place in life in which you’d buy a love spell from a fortune teller, there’s probably no limit to ]]>

If you’re at a place in life in which you’d buy a love spell from a fortune teller, there’s probably no limit to how low you’d sink.

If you’re at a place in life in which you’d buy a love spell from a fortune teller, there’s probably no limit to how low you’d sink.

Flickr/Jordan Smith

Police say Spanish man Jose Laparra paid a fortune teller $210,000 to devise a love spell that would help him win a former lover back into his arms.

Laparra, a former manager of a Spanish soccer club, did not get the results he wanted and allegedly decided to take action.

Police claim that Laparra broke into the female fortune teller’s home and attempted to reclaim the cash he spent on the bogus bit of magic.

During the break-in, Laparra suffered a panic attack and had to be rushed to a local hospital.

Both Laparra and four accomplices were charged in a conspiracy to commit the break-in.

Perhaps this is all an elaborate part of a plan for Laparra to win back his ex? No one said the love spell was instant. Love spells work in mysterious ways I presume with no empirical evidence at all to back it up.