Guyism » Humor

Saturday Night Links: Ridiculously hot

Douglas Charles — Sat, 26 May 2012 22:00:59 +0000

Good stuff from around the Web to help you through the rest of the weekend.

Australian Model April Vaughan is Ridiculously Hot
Chuck Norris Plays MarioKart
Alison Brie Talks About Her Naked College Coed Days
The Hottest Women in Black
Britney Spears’s Breasts Look Rejuvenated

Ranking the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Rookie Candidates
The Most Useless Baby Products of All Time
Ana Braga is the Babe of the Day
Hot Girls in the Middle of Nowhere (NSFWish)
The 60 Sexiest American Olympic Athletes

Katy Perry Drops Some See Through Cleavage
5 Giant City-Wide Parties You Won’t Believe Are Real
Horror Movie Hottie Julianna Guill
Nicole Kidman Looks a Little Chilly
Lucy Collett and Holly Jade Peers

2012 Eagles Cheerleader Bikini Shoot
25 High Speed Photos of Objects Getting Destroyed
30 Must-See Pictures of Nicole Scherzinger
The Great Britain Beach Volleyball Team in Bikinis
Anna Torv is a Woman We Love

9 haircuts parents should STOP giving their children

Max Steven Miller — Sat, 26 May 2012 12:00:07 +0000

There is a point early in all of our lives when we just aren’t developed enough to make certain decisions for ourselves. So, it’s up to our parents to make those decisions for us. Unfortunately, this includes the areas of style and grooming. And chances are if your mom thinks it’s cute, then you’re pretty much doomed. We’ve all been through it, so it’s up to us to protect the defenseless children growing up today. Here’s a list of some horrible haircuts that parents need to stop giving their children.

9 The Bowl Cut

Made popular for dorks everywhere by Moe from The Three Stooges, it’s hard to believe that this kids hairstyle is still making the rounds. The fact that this ‘do is prominently featured on Jim Carrey’s head in a film called Dumb & Dumber should be reason enough for parents to turn to any other possible style before this one. Plus, if your kid is fat, it just looks like he got his head stuck while licking the butter from the bottom of a popcorn bowl.

8 The Jimmy Neutron

Unless you’ve somehow managed to give birth to a cartoon or a certain famous redheaded late night talk show host, then this is another style to avoid. The only reason to style your child’s hair like this is if he needs those extra couple inches to ride the roller coaster at your local amusement park or he happens to be playing Gozer in his school’s play version of Ghostbusters.

7 The Bieber

This is obviously a more recent trend, but one that should be stopped immediately. Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t you want to actually see your child’s smiling face? On the other hand, if your kid happens to be ridiculously ugly… then by all means, let that hair grow until he looks like a young Cousin It.

6 The School Picture Day

Mothers, don’t overly gel your little boy’s hair. It’s just gonna get messed up the minute he leaves your sight anyway. Also, don’t ever use your own saliva to push his bangs out of the way. We’re humans, not cats. Are you yourself ever able to look back at your own elementary school class pictures and not cringe? Didn’t think so. So help your kids out here… Let’s start with not combing your kid’s hair this way. We’ll get to the clip-on tie, the suspenders, and the khaki shorts another time.

5 The Mohawk

Hmmm… I’m not really sure how this one ended up on this list. This is awesome. Everyone should give their babies and young children a Mohawk. Grab those clippers and help make this world a more entertaining place. One badass baby at a time.

4 The Bart Simpson

If your child is blonde, short, and even slightly portly… please refrain from giving him any type of spikey do. We all love The Simpsons, but none of us want to walk around looking like a live-action version of one of those cartoon bastards. No hairdo from this show should be mimicked in real life unless it’s Halloween. Then again, if you’re going to do it, go all out. Cut off one finger from each of your child’s hands and dye him yellow. Don’t half ass it. The final result would provide endless hours of entertainment for all of us.

3 The Hair Helmet

Yes, you want you’re child to be safe from harm always. But just because this style has “helmet” in the title doesn’t mean it will provide protection when you’re not around. In fact, you’ll find it does quite the opposite. Send your kid off to school with this hairdo and he will most definitely come home with remnants of toilet water glistening in it.

2 The Rat Tail

The name of this style alone should push you away from thinking it’s a cute choice for your child. The Rat Tail is the distant cousin of The Mullet and should only be attached to your child’s head as a punishment. If your kid is bad, make him walk around looking like he’s got a raccoon humping his skull. The shame he experiences during that period will put him on his best behavior for many years to come.

1 The Mullet

Never. This is never okay. Either go short or go long. Just because you’re indecisive doesn’t mean your kid should have to suffer. Give your child this hairdo and he’s on his way to a life of Pabst Blue Ribbon drinking, cow tipping, and greased-pig wrestling… Okay, that actually sounds pretty fun, but the hair still looks horrible.

Originally published on November 11, 2010.

GIFterpiece Theatre: Memorial Day, Homer Simpson, and more!

Cass Anderson — Fri, 25 May 2012 23:30:44 +0000

Welcome to GIFterpiece Theatre–Guyism’s daily installment of the internet’s best GIFs. Check out some of our favorites from the world of celebs, TV, sports and humor.

1.

Welcome to this Friday edition of the GIFterpiece Theatre, let’s warm up with a bit of a Shake Weight workout, shall we?

2.

Now let’s go for a stroll on the treadmill.

3.

Ok, just a little bit longer, aaaand we’re done. Treadmills are stupid anyways, don’t you agree?

4.

I know what you’re thinking, we’re all thinking it. Luckily Tyrion Lannister of Casterly Rock can put it in to words for us.

5.

I know it is wine that you asked for but here’s some bees. Deal with it.

6.

Finally! Mythbusters is cracking myths relevant to my interests. Now I don’t have to try that cinnamon challenge that causes everyone to vomit.

7.

If you’ve never done the cinnamon challenge, this is precisely how your mouth will feel afterwards. Take it from Advice Homer Simpson.

8.

Is it just me or is this girl shooting off t-shirts from a cannon kind of sexy? And why can’t I stop staring at that Bojangles advertisement?

9.

Sexy Jack Black knows precisely what I want to do to her.

10.

Looking forward to The Expendables 2, I think its necessary for us to look back at how awesome Jean-Claude Van Damme once was…

11.

You know what else is awesome? High-fives. Its true, they are. Well, not all the time…

12.

I know with proms happening all around the nation some of you out there might be worried about navigating the bra, but just watch Wall-E here and you’ll learn everything you need to know. Trust me…

13.

Oh, sorry, prom’s not your thing? Bigger plans eh?

14.

Well, you’re right, we all have bigger plans. It’s Memorial Day weekend and you better go out and party your patriotic asses off to celebrate the beginning of Summer.

15.

Seriously though, go grab your Chimp, put the boat in the water and have a fantastic holiday weekend. We’ll see you on Tuesday!

Sending you off for the holiday weekend with terrible ‘Final Countdown’ cover

Chris Spags — Fri, 25 May 2012 20:00:36 +0000

“The Final Countdown” by Europe is a classic song to get things started. But what about if you play it with the dexterity of a person who’s never seen sheet music before? You get this.

Does that even qualify as music at that point? I mean yes they used instruments to make noise, but if I land scrotum first on a pole and let out a squeal, that’s not music. And it’s probably more pleasing to the ear (albeit far less pleasing to the aforementioned scrotum). I had a point somewhere..oh yeah, this is bad and please don’t hit me in the testicles.

This week in e-cards

Cass Anderson — Fri, 25 May 2012 19:30:45 +0000

We’ve all seen these Someecards, whether it be on Facebook or in a chain email they’ve inevitably crossed our paths. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re so awful you want to reach into the internet and slap the comic’s creator, but the week is long and surely you can’t be expected to wade through them all yourself?

If you liked this article and want more hilarity from Guyism please to follow us on Facebook!

via someecards

via weknowmemes

via someecards

Broken Lizard’s Jay and Kevin hilariously answer ‘Which animal would you blow?’

Chris Spags — Fri, 25 May 2012 18:30:52 +0000

Jay Chandrasekhar and Kevin Heffernan of Broken Lizard (Super Troopers et al) fame answered a bunch of questions from Redditors in video form. This question is about which animal they’d give oral sex to.

The idea of getting revenge on a friend by blowing an animal is probably the funniest thing I’ve heard today. Nothing I can add here would top that.

Jay and Kevin’s new movie, The Babymakers, hits theatres August 3rd.

A very special Memorial Day weekend Guyism Speed Round

Chris Spags — Fri, 25 May 2012 18:14:33 +0000

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan encourages you to hit on Bar Refaeli, provides you with pictures of girls in less-than-normal amounts of clothing for your enjoyment, and more.

Make sure to subscribe on YouTube to see the bonus video every single day.

What’s winning the Internet today (05.25.12)

Douglas Charles — Fri, 25 May 2012 17:00:28 +0000

Since we here at Guyism pretty much live on the Internet we run across an awful lot of good things each day. These are some of the funniest, sexiest, most entertaining things we’ve seen so far today.

Insane Dating Video Games

First off, it’s a game, about dating…
The 6 Most Insane Video Games About Dating

Hot ‘Street Fighter’ Cosplay

Did you know there are over 30 female characters in Street Fighter? You do now.
The Hottest Street Fighter Cosplay

How to Pick Up Girls at the Pool

Not that you need any help.
6 Hot Chicks Give Us Their Do’s and Don’ts of Picking Up Girls at a Pool Party

WWE Star Chris Jericho Suspended

@DukesWrestling re: this

Courtney Walker

Courtney’s a 21-year-old model, go-go dancer, and bikini contest competitor!
Courtney Walker — Babe of the Day

Summer Beers

Because you really need a reason to try new beers, right?
10 Beers You Should Drink This Summer

Blake Griffin Dunks, ‘NBA Jam’-Style

Jordan Carver Playing Soccer

Looks like she stuffed a couple of soccer balls into her bra.
Could Jordan Carver Possibly Play Soccer Without Killing Someone?

The Best ‘Family Guy’ Fights

Ernie the Giant Chicken is prominently featured.
Watch Family Guy’s Best Fights

Kim Kardashian’s Dress

Even if you hate her, but you have to like this dress.
Kim Kardashian is Busty Cleopatra

J.R. Smith Arrested

@barryap1 re: this

Badass Depictions of Hell

These almost make Hell look like a cool place to hang.
The 5 Most Badass Depictions of Hell

Kelly Brook’s Dress

Some dude offered €1million for one night with her. Sounds reasonable.
Someone Really Wants to Have Sex with Kelly Brook

Funniest NBA Playoff Moments

The NBA… it’s fun-tastic!
The 13 Funniest Moments of the NBA Playoffs So Far

Models Turned Actresses

Note: This doesn’t say “good” actresses, just actresses.
The 50 Hottest Models Turned Actresses

Little league umpire is douchiest douche ever in his strike three call

Chris Spags — Fri, 25 May 2012 15:20:35 +0000

A little league umpire is an easy job. You call a lot of strikes and stay out of the way. One umpire did not get that memo and showed up a little kid on a called strike three in the most douchey way possible.

Either way, I’m sure this umpire will have a long and prosperous career. If there’s one thing little league parents are known for, it’s their tolerance and indifference regarding their children’s respective experiences in athletics.

GIFterpiece Theatre: Dark Knight Rises, Mario, and more!

Cass Anderson — Thu, 24 May 2012 23:30:19 +0000

Welcome to GIFterpiece Theatre–Guyism’s daily installment of the internet’s best GIFs. Check out some of our favorites from the world of celebs, TV, sports and humor.

1.

Who’s ready for some GIFterpiece Theatre? Time to celebrate with some DANCE

2.

Too intense? How about some jazz hands?

3.

Not a fan of jazz hands? This cow has some choice words for you.

4.

Is it just me or is Mario kind of a dick?

5.

If you’re wondering about that last one, trust me, since we saw it on the internet it is definitely real.

6.

Look’s like someone’s a little too big for his cage. Get this puppy a bigger cage ASAP!!

7.

Not a fan of puppies? How about cats? Albeit dumb cats

8.

Double whammy! Cats and dogs! Bow down internet.

9.

Serious question: is it wrong to find a cartoon character hot?

10.

Cartoons not your thing? Take a trip to Wal-Mart!!

11.

Seriously though, trade shirts with me right meow female soccer player.

12.

Looks like cats are winning today, hugs and all.

13.

Let’s get weird with nature. On second thought, sorry little bee, your time came too soon.

14.

This awesome GIF dropped today on the making of the Dark Knight Rises poster.

15.

Fun with science!!

16.

Because head shots are always funny, especially in GIF.

17.

And finally, the greatest birthday prank of all time.

New Meme You Should Know: Advice Homer Simpson

Cass Anderson — Thu, 24 May 2012 21:30:59 +0000

In today’s New Meme You Should Know we’re bringing you a new take on one of our oldest favorite characters in television, Homer Simpson. Homer is without a doubt the quintessential lazy father, worker, and role model who is most deserving of a meme but up to this point has not had one. Thankfully, the Internet has caught up to television and we now have Homer both online and off to give us much needed advice on how to skirt all responsibilities and aspirations.

Two-year-old girls have li’lest cat fight at dance recital

Chris Spags — Thu, 24 May 2012 21:15:19 +0000

Somewhere between Toddlers and Tiaras and WorldStarHipHop is this video in which a couple of little girls have a fight at a dance recital. It’s adorable and terrible!

I’m happy for the little girl that she didn’t back down in spite of a big size differential but, man, she’s already shaping up to be a problem. Is it possible for someone to be a prodigy at a career in reality TV? If so, I’m putting all my money on Petulant Little Girl stock futures.

Guy playing ‘Aerodynamic’ from Daft Punk won yesterday’s Google Doodle

Chris Spags — Thu, 24 May 2012 19:30:52 +0000

Yesterday’s Google Doodle of the Moog synthesizer in honor of Robert Moog had a lot of people creating bad synthetic music. This guy, Brett Domino, did something much better: Covering Daft Punk.

Sure this guy was able to create very competent music using an HTML 5 music creation device. But was he able to bang on the fake Moog synthesizer like a child or moderately advanced chimp might, as I did for 30 seconds? Doubtful. Very doubtful.

We are all this kid stuck upside down in a laundry hamper

Chris Spags — Thu, 24 May 2012 18:20:57 +0000

Meet Akiva. He’s a little dude in a karate outfit. He also fell into a laundry hamper while trying to grab his shoe and finds himself completely incapable of getting out. He is awesome.

I love how non-plussed Akiva was by the whole situation. He could have hung out in there for days if he had to. Started a new life there. Made friends with some socks and hopefully not-too-disgusting used underwear. It’d be like a somewhat disgusting “Be Our Guest” performance. The power of positivity.

Fake reporter who tried to make out with Will Smith talks about the situation

Chris Spags — Thu, 24 May 2012 17:30:24 +0000

Will Smith slapped Vitalii Sediuk in the face after the Ukrainian reporter tried to kiss him on the lips during a red carpet event. Now, Sediuk is riding that 15 seconds of fame all the way to the top…a YouTube video exclusive.

Given that he does that lame kissing shtick with everyone, his explanation is pretty weak. After watching this moronic interview, I hope more people slap him in the face regardless of the situation. Birthdays, bat mitzvahs. At least it’d be a meaningful contribution to society.

Guyism Speed Round for May 24

Chris Spags — Thu, 24 May 2012 17:10:22 +0000

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan discusses Ochocinco’s Twitter rant about a minor theft, rumors that Gisele and Tom Brady are expecting, and more.

Make sure to subscribe on YouTube to see the bonus video every single day.

What’s winning the Internet today (05.24.12)

Douglas Charles — Thu, 24 May 2012 17:00:37 +0000

The Commandments of Grilling

Can you ever have enough grilling tips? We think not.
Things a Man Should Know About Grilling

Summer Tailgate Prep

Warm weather tailgating is so much better than when it’s cold out.
The 5 Games That Should be Incorporated into Your Tailgate Party

Benefits of Being a Dictator

Being a dictator really is pretty much a free pass to go nuts.
The 5 Awesome Benefits of Being a Dictator

Facebook on NASDAQ

@headhntr

A Woman’s Abs

Boobs and butts are good, but don’t sleep on abs.
A Woman’s Abs are Like Magic (33 Photos)

Awkward Moments

As illustrated by animals, naturally.
15 Incredibly Awkward Moments

Katy Perry’s ‘Wide Awake’ Video

Wonder how much Facebook paid/got paid for this?

Cheryl Cole’s Dress

Cameron Diaz also had on a white dress. See if you notice her.
Cheryl Cole Drops a Sexy Bomb, Annihilates Cameron Diaz Doing So

More WTF Tumblr

Even these peppers can’t believe the weird crap people put on Tumblr.
WTF Tumblr: 5 Photos That Will Make You ROFL

Candice Swanepoel

No description necessary.
Candice Swanepoel Still Looks Fine in Lingerie (21 Pics)

Tips for Life

@allieiswired

Snubbed Hotties

Sara Jean Underwood and Irina Shayk weren’t even on the list?
Top 12 Hotties Shamefully Snubbed by Maxim’s Hot 100

Skater Girl Chanel Spencer

She makes a skateboard look really good.
Chanel Spencer, Sexy Skater Girl

Stand-Up Comedy Cliches

You know what’s funny? Not these things.
5 Cliches That Stand Up Comedians Need to Retire

Casey Connely

For some reason she can’t seem to keep her shirt buttoned.
Casey Connely (NSFWish)

Flock of seagulls plays ‘Flock of Seagulls’ to sell potato chips

Chris Spags — Thu, 24 May 2012 15:20:43 +0000

Every time I see an attempt at viral advertising, I wince a little, as if someone were throwing a punch at me of obnoxious marketing. But this video from Cape Cod Potato Chips featuring a flock of seagulls playing Flock of Seagulls’ “I Ran” absolutely nailed it.

Drummer Seagull seems like he’d be hard to play with. Destroying your instruments while your bandmates are putting on the show doesn’t show me you’re a team player, seagull Keith Moon. Work on it.

Bill Clinton with porn stars is Quintessentially Clinton

Chris Spags — Thu, 24 May 2012 14:20:45 +0000

Bill Clinton may not have been aware that the women taking this photo with him are adult film stars Tasha Reign and Brooklyn Lee. But then again, maybe he specifically requested it! I guess we’ll never know.

Photo Credit: @brooklynleexxx

The next tweet on Lee’s timeline says:

“Photo: @brooklynleexxx and her first #MrAnal. Check out this pic of her sexy *** before it gets pounded!”

What a perfect juxtaposition.

GIFterpiece Theatre: Jessica Alba, Snow White, and more!

Cass Anderson — Wed, 23 May 2012 23:30:08 +0000

Welcome to GIFterpiece Theatre–Guyism’s daily installment of the internet’s best GIFs. Check out some of our favorites from the world of celebs, TV, sports and humor.

1.

If you watch this GIF long enough you’ll discover the meaning of life. I promise you.

2.

Enough cats already, its some Jessica Alba you need, right?

3.

Now if only she would…..

4.

I get it, I get it, I’m creepy. But come on, she’s gorgeous!

5.

If condoms were this interesting in my safe sex/abstinence classes in elementary school I certainly would have paid more attention.

6.

I can tell you’re getting bored, here’s some Nick Offerman to bring you back.

7.

Is it just me or are dogs taking over the internet from cats?

8.

See what I mean? No regard for anyone but themselves.

9.

Frankly, those dog GIFs just make me want to dance.

10.

But all this dancing has made me quite hungry.

11.

High-five for that face plant! Because who doesn’t love people falling down?

12.

Again proving my point, people falling down is funny.

13.

Not awkward enough for you? Well, this one should do the trick.

14.

Asian girl getting hit with balls in her face, that one deserves a high-five.

15.

You’re not in to high-fives? Deal with it.

16.

Time to play with some guns! Oh wait…

17.

Cops are coming! You know what to do.