Guyville

Navigating the Language Barrier: A Quest to Seduce Foreign Hotties

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:39:18 -0800

She is an icon. The driving force behind Rosetta Stone advertisements and the American Pie franchise. The wet dream of any male student whose high school has the good fortune of a sister school. The real reason college graduates put off the real world to "find themselves" in the public showers of hostels.

Hot. Foreign. Chicks.

But how oh how do you communicate your ready willingness to do...well, pretty much anything when you have barely mastered "where is the bathroom?" Guyville is here to save the day with some much-needed pointers on landing the girl of your exotic dreams.

The Guyville Guide to Foreign Females: The Western Europe Edition

Study the demographic. Depending on where you are (at home attempting to land the sexy exchange student or abroad, a lone tiger shark in a whole sea of opportunity), you have one thing going for you. You are not them. You are different. And as much as that piques your interest in the opposite sex, often times the reverse is also true: they will be attracted to you because you are different.

This, however, is not enough. In most parts of Western Europe, the reaction to an average American dude does not equal your reaction to petite, cigarette smoking, throaty-voiced French women. Tough luck. The trick is to straddle the wavering line between being noticeably different and at the same time comfortably familiar. This can be done in several ways:

Fashion: If there are three things that really differ between American fashion and that of Western Europe, they are footwear, glasses, and cold-weather paraphernalia. You may hate to hear it, but faux-artistic super-metro Bill from work is heading in the right direction. Embrace the world of wing-tips with casual wear or retro-high tops with your everyday jeans. Pop on a neutral-colored scarf over your Northface jacket. Forget the contacts and pull out the old horn-rimmed specs from days gone by. Cardigans. Adding in a few Euro-approved accessories to your everyday look creates the kind of tension in appearance those overseas ladies love. Giving them a reason to give you the time of day is step one.

Language: There is no need to become a Francophile or Anglophile or any other type of -phile and drop American English from your repertoire. But learning how to say a few choice phrases in the language of your (wishful) lover is ideal for a number of seducing strategies. Imagine this: you approach the woman of your foreign fantasies, translation dictionary in hand. In stumbling, poorly-accented German, you stare her in her sparkling blue eyes and stutter, "you... are...beautiful." What a killer pick-up. Guaranteed at least a small chuckle, if not a segue into full-fledged conversation. Step two, complete.

Dance: Conversation is tricky, especially if a mutual proficiency in a common language is absent. If a extensive verbal exchange is imminent and neither of you have a clue what the other is saying, don't panic. That is step three. Do. Not. Panic. Because, when there are no words, music and motion speak. So figure out how to dance. Not like a 50 Cent music video. Please, for the love of God, anything but that. Different countries have different standards of dance. Unfortunately for the U.S., the "grind-line" has become the paradigm of gettin' down. Do not fall to this primitive style of lustful expression, certain to alienate and horrify any girl who did not grow up in the American public school system. Learn some killer moves that let her feel like a lady. A tip: Start out facing her, with about two feet between her torso and yours. If she goes for something a little more pelvis-oriented, all the better for you. But let her make the move.

If, even after these almost-surefire steps, you still fail in fulfilling your life-long foreigner fantasy, do not fret too much. Long-distance relationships almost never work. And there is always that tricky obstacle of mysterious dental hygiene to consider, so really... you might be better off without.

Nicolas Cage is a Shopaholic

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:08:22 -0800

There's a reason why Nicolas Cage played the voice of a Guinea Pig in last summer's G-Force. As it turns out, Nic was out of money.

It's not like he fell from the graces of Hollywood. He made four movies in 2009, and he's got another five lined up for 2010. Sure, you haven't actually gone to a Nic Cage movie since National Treasure, but he still commands a multi-million dollar payout.

After the IRS charged Mr. Cage for some $6 million dollars in unpaid income tax, The Daily Beast uncovered that he filed a $20 million dollar lawsuit against Samuel Levin, his former business manager for what Nicolas Cage argues as "profiting while he went down the path to financial ruin." Based on the talk around town, the Cage's money troubles are limited to poor financial advice.

Where did Nicolas Cage's money go?

It all starts with a crazy Christmas party at the Cage estate in 2003. Everyone was there. There was a 20 ft. tall tent with a buffet table made out of ice. A production crew shot off fake snow and lighting specialists set up a display of Cage's favorite cars as if they'd been touched by the hand of God. The party was so off the hook that Cage's people found a stray pony galloping around the grounds the following morning (turns out the partying pony was a gift from one of Cage's guests - and there wasn't a place to put it yet).

Nowadays, you won't find anymore holier-than-thou lighting displays from Nicolas Cage. The decorators are gone and the personal chef is cooking for someone else.

You see, Cage likes to buy stuff. Mansions. Jets. Yachts. Growing up with money meant he could never have enough. A man can only have so many cars, and for Nicholas Cage, too many cars topped out at the 50 mark (only because he had to lay off his full-time mechanic). In fact, Cage had so many cars he decorated his Bel Air mansion by enshrining a 1955 Jaguar D-Type in his billiard room with car-dealership showroom lighting. Nicolas also had a sense of flair for eclectic decorating by throwing an expensive motorcycle or two in the foyer for good measure.

As the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola with practically unlimited access to wealth, this list of extravagant spending doesn't end with practical means. Nicolas Cage has two New Orleans mansions, two Bahamanian islands and a $500,000 Lamborghini once owned by the Shah of Iran.

He's known to own a zoo of animals including exotic birds, a pet octopus and two King albino Cobras, which he kept the "antidote serum" on the wall for the freakishly likely chance he got mauled by two of the most dangerous snakes in the world. His most famous animal acquisition was when he beat down Leonardo DiCaprio in a heated auction for a dino skull that cost $276,000.

Cage's purchases weren't all nuttier than a squirrel turd. He did donate $1 million to the Red Cross for the victims of Hurricane Katrina and another $2 million to Amnesty International. Furthermore, Cage made many sound investments through buying and selling vintage cars and real estate - until he borrowed heavily against his house right as the housing bubble burst.

It just goes to show you nobody can spend money willy-nilly these days. Even if you're a movie star, you need to spend within your means. As for Cage, he'll have to make a few more stinkers, but when he gets his act together for National Treasure 3, I'll reluctantly stand in line for it.

World Series Makes Players Nervous?

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:47:32 -0800

Not for Cliff Lee. That's for sure after a six hit complete game topped off with his patented "who give an eff" catch.

No. The most nervous man in the World Series is none other than Mr. 0-for-four with three strikeouts, Alex Rodriguez. Another A-bomb for A-Rod turned into a stink bomb on Wednesday night when the 2009 playoff superstar fell back to earth in a fiery crash.

Throughout the playoffs, analysts from the NY Post to ESPN celebrated A-Rod's playoff feats by saying "he's got his confidence back." After an 11-game playoff-hitting streak, batting .438 with five home runs, Rodriguez enjoyed one of the greatest playoff performances in Yankee history - that is until he choked on his supplement pills during the biggest game of his life.

Alex lost his groove, and if history can tell us anything, it's not coming back. When it comes to big games, A-Rod switches from big-time slugger to the Louisville fanner. ESPN reported that throughout A-Rod's playoff run in pinstripes; he averages a swing and miss for one out of every three fastballs he saw before the 2009 playoffs. He had a great run, but Alex won't be the man with a clutch hit in this fall classic.

For all the Yankee-haters out there, lets hope this is part of another epic baseball curse. I don't care if it's the curse of 9/11 (maybe it's poor taste to mention, but they lost that year during game seven in the bottom of the 9^th with the most dominate playoff closer of all time) or if it's the curse of new Yankee Stadium with its cracking ramps, or just a simple curse of steroids. They should go another 100 years without a title.

While I want nothing more than to keep Alex Rodriguez out of the champagne shower of a World Series locker-room, I've had terrible luck in casting baseball curses. Just the act of proclaiming the Yankees are cursed means two things:

The New York Yankee will probably win the 2009 World Series
You should pre-order your Personalized MLB Locker Room Sign, so your jersey can hang shoulder-to-shoulder with a baseball all-star who choked for one game.

Halloween Cocktails, Murderous Martinis and Spooky Shots

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:36:14 -0800

Just because you don't go trick-or-treating on Halloween, doesn't mean you can't enjoy a tasty treat. Halloween is all about spooky parties, ghastly costumes and murderous martinis. If you're throwing a Monster Mash at your place this year, take our advice with these ghostly concoctions to get your party started.

Crystal Head Vodka

OK. We know it's not a mixed drink, but this new vodka distilled by Dan Akyroyd is perfect for Halloween. As the heart of the Ghostbusters, Dan Aykroyd is a guru for all things paranormal and unbelievable, and claims he spent the last 13 years researching the legends of the crystal skulls. Based on Native American beliefs, these skulls represent mystical properties and represent a life-affirming symbology.

Even if you don't believe in any of that crap, you can still enjoy a Ghostbuster brewed, sweet grain, premium vodka out of a freakin' skull!

Stay Puffed Marshmallow Martini

Staying with the Ghostbusters theme, cross the streams of your favorite booze to make this creamy treat.

Stay Puffed Marshmallow Martini Ingredients

1 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream

1 oz. Cream de Cocoa

1 oz. Vanilla Vodka

1 oz. Marshmallow Fluff or 3 mini marshmallows

Chocolate syrup

Crushed graham crackers

Instructions:

Rim the Martini glass with chocolate syrup and crushed graham cracker.

Place Irish Cream, Cream de Cocoa, Vanilla Vodka in Personalized Martini Shaker with ice. Shake well.

Gently pour contents into a blender with the Marshmallow Fluff (If you don't have a blender, substitute fluff with Mini Marshmallows, and pour into martini glass).

Brain Hemorrhage

This shot looks like a demon lives in your glass. No matter how crazy it looks, it's a great conversation starter with the hottie in the Princess Leia Slave girl outfit.

Brain Hemorrhage Ingredients

.5 to .75 Peach Schnapps

1 tsp Grenadine

1-2 Tbsp Bailey's Irish Cream

Instructions:

Fill a Personalized Shot Glass with Peach Schnapps.

In a Tbsp. place a tsp. of Grenadine, and fill the rest with Irish Cream.

Slowly float the Grenadine/Irish Cream on the top of the shot. The cream should fall without separating.

Fill the rest of the shot with Irish cream to taste.

Blood Orange Martini

If you're skipping the creamy crawly concoctions, try this lighter martini instead.

Blood Orange Martini Ingredients

1.5 oz. Orange Vodka

1.5 oz. Campari

1.5 oz. Orange Juice

Sprinkle of cinnamon

Instructions:

Mix the Orange Vodka, Campari and Orange Juice in a Personalized Martini Shaker with ice.

Pour into a chilled Personalized Martini Glass.

Sprinkle with cinnamon and possible garnish with slice of pumpkin.

Midnight Martini

You'll wake up the dead with delight after you try this black treat from beyond the grave.

Midnight Martini Ingredients:

3.5 oz. of Blavod Vodka

.5 oz. Blackberry Brandy or Black Raspberry

Lemon twist or olive for garnish

Instructions:

Pour ingredients in an iced cocktail shaker. Shake well.

Strain into a chilled cockatil glass or old-fashioned glass.

Garnish, and enjoy.

Rush Limbaugh Bidding for Rams Ownership (Sorry, St. Louis)

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:16:09 -0800

For someone who grew up with the L.A. Rams in the Eric Dickerson era, I'm forever wary of their ownership.

Former owner Georgia Frontiere was a pariah in Anaheim - and rightly so - after taking away the only NFL team that ever mattered in Southern California (in my humble opinion), only to win a title for their new city 5 years later.

But now, in the wake of Frontiere's death, her family seems content to sell off her majority stake in the team. And guess who's shopping? Rush Limbaugh. That's right. Just when Rams fans thought their ownership couldn't get any worse, it just might.

I'd elaborate on that, but really, Steve Rosenbloom, sports writer for the Chicago Tribune, said it best:

"Rush Limbaugh wants to be part of a group that buys the Rams, and I'm thinking, perfect, an NFL owner who can compete with his players for abuse of prescription drugs. The Rams used to be owned by serial-newlywed Georgia Frontiere, a former nightclub singer and dancer, so there's your legacy: from showgirl to blowhard."

While I was sad to see the Rams leave California, I've never harbored any ill will towards the folks in St. Louis. The point is this: The Ram faithful deserve a break after 30+ years of having a certifiably crazy figurehead running their affairs.

To take your thoughts off the mind-numbing possibility of Limbaugh owning the team, check out our line of Personalized NFL Locker Room Signs! But when you're personalizing your new Rams sign, do me a favor and leave Rush out of it - that joke is too potentially depressing to be funny.

Owen Schmitt's Bloody Excitement

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:35:58 -0800

When Own Schmitt was drafted by the Seattle Seahawks in 2008, he said he's willing to "stick his face in the fan."

Schmitt proved his point when his trademark helmet-to-forehead amp-up routine went overboard during Sunday's pregame warm-ups.

The next time you need to get amped up for the game, enjoy all of the head-splitting excitement with an NFL Engraved Pint Glass. Enjoy all of the buzz with none of the blood when you choose any of the 32 NFL teams, and engrave your initials on the back of the glass for no extra cost.

The Top 10 Sexiest Men's Halloween Costumes

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:50:42 -0800

You have to love Halloween. It's one night a year when women compete for the sexiest, smuttiest, most cleavage-popping outfit in the room. From sexy nurse to sexy Hitler, Halloween is a time women let their guards down and flaunt it. But guys don't despair - you can be sexy on Halloween too. Join in on the fun with Guyville's Sexiest Men's Halloween Costume Guide.

Top Ten Men's Halloween Costumes for 2009

10. Hot Vampire Costume

True Blood and Twilight are a hot phenomenon, and make for a crazy easy costume choice. Let your lady friend hook up with Edward for a night.

How to pull it off:

Long gray coat or flannel shirt, circa mid 90's Seattle grunge
Navy blue shirt
Rayban sunglasses
Leather cuff bracelet

Go the extra step with powder or white face body paint mixed with body glitter and Twilight contact lenses. Don't use the pick-up line "Can I suck your blood?" Lame. Hide out, dark and mysterious in the corner.

9. Michael Jackson

The King of Pop's death will have everyone wanting to "Beat It" one last time. Unfortunately, Michael Jackson's death in June didn't give manufacturers enough time to produce those terrible looking rubber masks. He might be dead, but he's still sexy.

How to pull it off:

Throw on your wig and rhinestone glove and tell Billie Jean that she's not your lover. You can start crotch grabbing with this red "Beat It" jacket for only $100 dollars.

8. Star Trek Blue Uniform

Boldly go where so many other people are going this year. Thanks to J.J. Abrams, everyone is setting their phasers to freakin' awesome when they rock this science officer Spock costume.

How to pull it off:

If you're a diehard trekkie, I shouldn't have to tell you.

7. G.I. Joe Cobra Commander Adult Costume

You saw G.I. Joe: The Movie, and you still want to represent? Good for you. Dedicate yourself to the cause by practicing the Cobra lisp all month long.

How to pull it off:

There's no getting around it. If you want to be the Cobra Commander, you're out $80 bucks.

6. Red Ranger Classic Adult Costume

Hell yes, it's morphin' time! Sure, Power Rangers aren't in the main stream, but that's why everyone will say "look at that bad ass Red Ranger!"

How to pull it off:

Add white gloves, and you'll be karate kicking up the place!

5. Patrick Swayze

Who cares if it's too soon, nobody puts this costume idea in the corner. We admit Swayze didn't have many roles with crazy props or outrageous costumes, and you might have to explain your costume to the chagrin of mopey faces. But he's still a movie icon.

How to pull it off:

Wear all black.The key is to rock the black tank top (and if it's cold outside, pop the collar on a black leather jacket). Grow out a tight mullet, and grind up on every sexy nurse in the room!

4. Kate from John & Kate Plus 8

A little cross-dressing can go a long way for a memorable costume. Kate Gosselin exploited her litter of kids for fame and fortune, there's no reason why you can't get a laugh at her expense.

How to pull it off:

The hair is the key. When you throw on this Eight is Too Much wig, everyone will completely believe you crapped out 8 kids and you belittle your estranged husband. For an extra touch, grab black sunglasses with giant round lenses, and rub on some blush to look like you're always pouting. Carry around 8 kids if you really need to drive the point home.

3. Green Man from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Even if they've never seen the show before, this costume is a jaw dropper. The site claims that it's fairly easy to see through the mask in well lit areas - I guess that's good news?

How to pull it off:

This is a skin tight, polyester/spandex suit. Try packin' a little extra something down there to feed the ladies' imagination.

2. Don Draper from Mad Men

Suit up and smack a secretary on the hinny. That's what Don Draper would do. With a personalized highball glass in your hand, you'll throw down witty advertising clichés all night long.

How to pull it off:

Once again, you can make or break this outfit with the hair. It might take a few tries, or a hand full of grease to master the raked-back, shiny black hair of Jon Hamm. After that, the gray suit with a skinny tie will bring you up to speed with early 60's fashion.

1. Halo 3 Master Chief Supreme Edition Adult Costume

A costume so cool, it makes comic book guy jealous. With EVA molded armor, molded gauntlets and a two-piece deluxe Master Chief helmet, you'll be ready to defend against the Flood of women coming your way.

You are impressed with how I handle my sniper? You should see what I can do with my weapon under the armor. Worst pick-up line. Ever.

How to pull it off:

Shell out $900 and grasp onto what's left of your dignity.

Why Major League Baseball Needs a Salary Cap

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 11:52:43 -0800

MLB needs Salary Cap for Good of Game

Major League Baseball appears to have lost its fan appeal. Ticket sales are in the toilet for 2009 and the 2008 World Series saw some of the worst Neilsen ratings in almost a decade.

The 2009 MLB post season is set. What do these franchises have in common? Except for the Rockies and Twins, they all have the biggest markets and the heftiest player payrolls in the game. This wouldn't be a problem if '09 was unusual, but these expensive teams usually finish the season with a playoff spot. Last year was the first time the Yankees didn't make the post-season under the new revenue system. What is causing a lull in the popularity and TV viewer-ship of America's pastime? It boils down to a lack of competitive parity and a short post-season.

Unlike the MLB system, the NFL institutes a 'hard' salary cap. This forces franchises to stay beneath a predetermined maximum. The cap ensures talent stays relatively uniform across NFL teams regardless of their market size or a team's past success. So far, the NFL's system appears to be working.

The MLB's attempt at creating similar equity has been to institute a luxury tax and revenue sharing system. Baseball's luxury tax rules are so relaxed that deep pocketed Steinbrenner has been fined only twice since it was instituted in 2002. The MLB revenue sharing, where, according to Neil DeMause "every team in the league gets to keep about 60 cents on every new dollar earned" doesn't provide an equal playing field for wins and losses as much as it ensures an equal revenue stream for a majority of owners.

An overly relaxed luxury tax allows players' salaries to stay high - so players like it. Owners see a similar gain in revenue sharing because it lowers their investment risk.

We all know how much revenue a successful post-season provides. Since so few MLB teams get a shot at the playoffs, few clubs get a post-season revenue boost.

With the same collection of franchises winning year after year - teams with the largest salaries become the same teams to consistently make the playoffs. If you're not in this cycle, you have to create your own magic.

By administering policies that serve owners and players, Major League Baseball creates an ideal environment for high-paying franchises to dominate. The majority of fans are excluded, and eventually these fans lose interest and shift their focus to sporting events with more exciting races.

More players and owners would benefit in the long term from a league wide salary cap because it would mean closer post-season races. Closer playoff races would mean more fans for baseball.

A salary cap would give more teams a chance to make the MLB post-season. More playoff diversity would allow new markets to flourish, in turn opening up the game to a wider audience. This would benefit the brand of baseball, and we all know the brand of baseball is in desperate need of a makeover.

Pilates for Men 7: Grand Finale

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:26:38 -0800

Judgment Day for Art: The Final Installment

Drum roll please...

Thirty sessions in two months time and we're all wondering one thing in this final installment of the Pilates for Men series:

Did Art achieve the goals he set out with at the start of the show?

The 'before and after' shots say everything. The beer gut Art was lugging around in the first video is gone. Art's arms and chest look toned. And is that a six pack we see surfacing around Art's midsection?

When we first aired the Pilates for Men video series we were skeptical Pilates could transform a man's physique in just two months.

Well, after checking out the video below, we're officially convinced. Pilates is an exercise regimen with big benefits for anyone looking to shed a few pounds.

In this final installment of Pilates for Men, Josh puts Art through a set of advanced workouts. Sure the 'Rocky Balboa' move looks tough, but what's the name of the exercise where Art juggles the medicine ball as he performs seated squat thrusts?

Those look tough!

This seventh installment is a testament to Art's accomplishment and the Pilates fitness program.

There is no way Art could've done any of these advanced Pilates exercises when he first started.

Take a look at the video below, and see why Art and Josh have us convinced Pilates is the workout plan for us.

Here at Guyville, we're always looking for the latest and greatest gadgets. If you're interested in getting back in shape, the WiFi-enabled bathroom scale will help you organize your diet and fitness plans so you stay on track with your fitness goals. It even estimates statistics you didn't know existed, like your Body Mass Index(BMI).

Top 5 Tailgating Gadgets for your Pregame Party

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 10:21:12 -0800

Season ticket holders around the country flock to stadium parking lots for beer, food and sporting activities before the big game. Tailgating season is finally here, and the mighty chefs of the blacktop will have a few more household amenities this year. Guyville celebrates the 5 greatest tailgating innovations ever.

Tailgating Technology Innovations

5. Blenderblaster

This blender is a real gas powered party machine! Why gas powered? It's loud. It's powerful. And it gives you an excuse to rev a twist throttle while you're totally smashed. The Blenderblaster pulverizes ice cubes in seconds, but it's powerful enough to make mincemeat out of your rival's foam mascot. Make your Blenderblaster fully loaded with a windshield, rearview mirrors and leather saddlebags... because you always wanted to decorate your blender as a kid.

4. Tow Hitch TV

It's not cool to miss other games while you wait for your game. The Tow Hitch TV attaches to any truck tailgate, and carries a flat screen television up to 50". It also comes with a power inverter so you can run the TV off your truck's battery. Now all you have to do is figure out how to attach the satellite dish to your dashboard.

3. NCAA Logo Stick Brand

Combine your hunger for victory with your bloodthirsty lust for steak. The NCAA Logo Stick Brand will mark your favorite NCAA logo on your tastiest meats, or you can turn the tailgating tables by branding your meal with the logo of your most hated rivals. Nothing is sweeter than taking a bite out of the enemy.

2. Personalized Sit 'N Sip Cooler

You're not playing in the game. Be lazy. With the Personalized Sit 'N Sip Cooler, you can reach for cold beers all afternoon without ever getting up. Personalize the front pocket with your initials, and your gridiron throne will be so comfortable in the parking lot, you might never make it to the game.

1. Freedom Grill FG-900

Because everyone needs to feed an entire football team from the parking lot. The Freedom Grill FG-900 come complete with:

304 Stainless Steal Construction

6 Burners with 99,000 BTU

Actual weight 852 lbs.

This self-proclaimed "Official Grill of Tailgating" will make your football season a memorable one. If you need a $10,000 dollar grill built like a tank, this is the one for you.

Pilates for Men 6: Art goes on Vacation

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 11:42:51 -0800

Has Art destroyed our hopes and dreams by going on vacation? It's the first session in the final home stretch. Only ten sessions left.

After Art's return from a gluttonous week-long break, Josh is less then pleased. Watch Art undergo another grueling Pilates exercise gauntlet. He may be getting into shape, but that hasn't stopped his complaining.

Check out Jeff's expression when Art asks him if he's upset about him taking his vacation. That's one ice cold look of silence.

Still think Art is going to make it through to his initial goal?

Did the week long pizza-fest ruin his chances? Chime in on our poll attached to the first article we did on the Pilates for Men video series. This series proves that Pilates isn't just for the ladies.

Guyville Goes Green: Switch from Detergent to Space-Age Magnets

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:59:45 -0800

Green is the new black, and it doesn't get any more green than giving up laundry detergent forever. This isn't like the time you resisted wasting toilet paper by giving up wiping. Or like the time you gave up soap during your hippie stage in college (the smelly years). The Life Miracle Magnetic Laundry System won't make your butt itch, plus it's eco-friendly and economically sound.

We realize the Life Miracle website is more annoying than a teenager hustling cell phones at the Verizon mall kiosk. They use buzz terms like "harnessing the earth's magnetic polar caps" and "space-aged materials developed by NASA."

These magnets shouldn't be a kitschy infomercial from the late great Billy Mayes. But, just like the Awesome Auger, this product is Guyville-tested and receives the golden seal of awesomeness from one of our own writers.

The Magnetic Laundry system works just like detergents by ionizing laundry water. The ionized water has smaller particles that penetrate clothing and lift out all that funky stink and dirt. Unlike detergents, these magnets don't break down clothing or leave a polluted byproduct. You'll never have to know the difference between OxiClean and Tide again.

The Life Miracle Magnetic Laundry System is a great guy gift for dorm dwellers or those guys who made their bachelor pads eco-friendly. Throw in this Personalized Sports Duffle Bag. With its U-shaped top zipper, secret compartment for shoes, and embroidered initials on the side panel, your college buddies will be the big men on campus.

Housewarming Must-Haves to Warm Up Your Cold Bachelor Pad

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 10:19:03 -0800

Bachelor pads are for men. Not boys. Make it look that way. Invest some cash into your fortress of solitude. Register for cool housewarming gifts for bachelors and turn it into the place to be Saturday night.

Less is More

Minimalism makes your place look bigger, cleaner and manlier. Minimalism can also make your place seem as cold as a bitter stare from your ex-girlfriend. Fill your space with stuff that makes you feel cozy but doesn't clutter.

This Ikea Hamra "seating unit" gives off a swingin' hotel vibe without a hefty hotel price tag. This bachelor pad centerpiece has enough seating for your fantasy football draft party.

Get a Dog

Chicks love dogs. They especially love "rescued" dogs. Saving Astro from the pound (and certain death by euthanasia) not only makes you a hero, it gives you an excuse to bring your new lady friend upstairs. Guyville Pickup line: You should come up and help take my dog out... then you can help with Astro.

Get a Bar

Pimp out your place like Don Drapper's office. This Ebony Folding Home Bar adds sophistication with a space saving design. The bar part really doesn't matter - it's the idea of the bar that counts. Invest $50 bucks in liquor, and get these housewarming essentials:

Vodka

Whiskey

It doesn't matter if it's cheap. People don't care what they drink if it's presented right. A personalized set of Double Old Fashioned Glasses sets the standard for your minimalist bar - convince your friends to spring for it as a housewarming gift and you're set.

Entertain your Friends

The quintessential bachelor pad has a TV so large, it's obviously overcompensates for something. No one wants to sit at your house and watch your big TV. Bring something more to the party. Board games like Apples to Apples, Catch Phrase and Cranium are gender neutral and make awesome drinking games.

Woman-proof your Bathroom

When a girl walks through the front door, the bathroom is the first place she's heading - to scope out your medicine cabinet. Place extra toilet paper in plain view, keep a stack of fresh towels and always have a spare toothbrush on hand. A Silver-Plated Shave Kit is an elegant accessory that says, "I'm a classic, worldly gentleman who cares about every detail."

Art adds Class to the Dude Sanctuary

You don't live in a T.G.I. Friday's, don't put up crazy crap for the hell of it. And your Tony Montoya "say hello to my little friend" poster isn't doing the trick either. I'm not a mobster, I'm not a mobster - repeat until it sticks and you're ready to get rid of the mobster memorabilia. Tasteful wall art shows off your personality and adds depth to a room. Change the focal point of your bachelor pad with a well placed personalized bar sign.

Framed Pictures are a Chick Magnet

Women gravitate toward them, and judge with an iron fist. You pictures show your history, values and passions. Pictures of you with the family are great. Pictures of you and the ex are not.

The point of a bachelor pad is to create a home fit for a man. Keep an eye for detail. Stay classy and choose comfort over style. And do not put a reed diffuser anywhere. Remember, you're a man.

50 Great Gifts for Men Over 50

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 09:00:00 -0800

Shopping for men over 50 can be quite a challenge. A 50 year-old man brings with him a lifetime of experiences, wisdom and a closet full of more belts, socks and ties than a church donation bin. Since you want his journey into the golden years to be a memorable one, here's a list of gifts for men over 50 that will help him along the way (or at least put a smile on his face).

50 Gifts for Men Over 50

An iPod- help him sample all the music playing devices made in his lifetime!

Woodstock 40th Anniversary Box Set

A leather bomber jacket- complete with elbow patches.

Personalized Leather Shoe Shine Kit - because gentlemen don't spit.

A straight edge razor

Amazon's Kindle -he can enlarge the print and then won't have to wear his reading glasses. It also reads to you!

Camping Backpack from the Army Surplus Store - just like the one he had in the Boy Scouts.

Neil Young CD- for extra points, pre-load it on the iPod.

Old Maps - he'll not only know how to read them, but how to fold them.

A GPS unit- reading a map while driving is never a good idea.

Personalized Humidor-stores his cigars for those special occasions.

A set of personalized stationery cards- much shorter than a letter, it's clear who it's from and easy to drop in the mail.

Nose hair trimmer- more necessary than you'd think.

1001 Paintings You Must See Before You Die- by Stephen Farthing

A new fishing pole- to replace the one he chucked into the lake last year.

The complete original Star Trek TV series on DVD

Monogrammed bath robe

Portable Solar Charger

Build a ship in a bottle kit

Nintendo Wii - they're not just for kids!

Membership to Wine of the Month Club

A subscription to Netflix

Stainless Steel 8GB Video Watch- being able to watch videos in a watch is cool at any age

Textbooks from his childhood talking about how we'd all be living on the moon by now- just for laughs

The iPhone - he'll love scrolling and downloading apps.

Brew your own beer kit

Personalized Pub Sign - a man cave should always be clearly marked

Vibrating Football Game - bring back the frustration of watching your quarterback run in circles

A set of flavored olive oils- help him channel his inner chef.

Mr. Roger's sweater

A REALLY, REALLY, LARGE remote control

Flip Video Camera- so you can borrow it.

Season Tickets to a Minor League Baseball Team

Dance lessons- so he won't do the "dad dance" at the next wedding.

A Tivo - so he can record 60 Minutes, JAG and The Daily Show

Stand up comedy classes at the local comedy club - he thinks he's funny anyway, let him prove it.

A powder blue jewel encrusted Elvis jumpsuit- why not?

Monthly vitamin and pill organizer

A Snuggie

A WordPress.com blog- set it up, pick a theme and let there be blogging!

A red Radio Flyer wagon- preferably the All Terrain version.

Personalized 24K gold plated putter- bling!

Tuition for bartending college

Classic comic books from the 1960's and 1970's- you know he read Captain America every night before bed!

Replica Gold Phaser and Communicator from Star Trek

A 18 year bottle of Talisker Island Single Malt Whiskey

An ASUS netbook- so he can write that WordPress blog from anywhere.

A hammock- to recline in while he uses his netbook to blog about his iPod.

On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen by Harold McGee

The DeWalt 18 volt 9 piece Heavy Duty Cordless Combination Kit- hundreds of pounds of torque, thousands of RPMs and more teeth than a Tyrannosaurus!

Still not sure? Check out Guyville's Gifts for Men over 50 category!

The 10 Commandments of the Slurpee

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 11:53:50 -0800

Slurpees mean many things to many people. Back in the days when alcohol wasn't an option, a Slurpee was a refreshing substitute. When we were kids, Slurpees kept us cool on hot days and sugar buzzed on boring ones. Slurpees not only tasted amazing (and still do), they made the perfect sludge to pour over your friend's head as an ice-cold prank.

In honor of the beverage we love so much, Guyville.com presents you with The 10 Commandments of the Slurpee.

Handed down on paper cups to man in 1959 by way of a Kansas hamburger stand, these commandments are the imperatives that serve as the moral foundation for Slurpee enjoyment and promotion. The holy covenant between man and 7-11:

I am the Slurpee and there shall be no other carbonated iced beverages before me.

Doth not attempt to create a false Slurpee. Get thee to a 7-11.

Doth not take the Slurpee name in vain. Always speak well of the Slurpee.

Remember that 7-11 is always open and therefore, everyday is Slurpee Sabbath.

Honor thy Slurpee machine and wait until the orange light goes off. It shall tell ye when it is ready.

Doth not kill a Slurpee. Thy brain will freeze.

Stay true to thy Slurpee. Doth not commit adultery with Icees, Slushies or Squishees.

Doth not steal Slurpees. Always pay at the counter.

Doth not be untrue to thy Slurpee, always drink out of the official Slurpee cup. They are inventory after all.

Thou shalt not covet another man's Slurpee. Get thy own.

Thou shalt not judge another man's Slurpee flavor combination.

Follow these commandments as they have been laid out for ye and ye shall find yourself in the good graces of flavor, tingly tastebuds and refreshing cool slurps. For extra caution, an 11th commandment has been added to protect the multi-Slurpee flavor believer.