gweipo 鬼婆

江河水

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:01:00 +0000

OK. Not bad. Give me some more? To be honest I don't really mind that much whether the school had Chinese or Western music. I'm sure I can learn to love it and understand it. But HAVE it. And do it properly. To the highest possible level.

CV building ...

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:25:00 +0000

So we're having this little discussion at school about music. I dare to suggest that many of our families appear to have chosen for 'western' instrument lessons for their children the school could support with the 'missing' instruments (i.e. not violin and not piano), to fill the gaps for example in the secondary 'orchestra'. I'm told that in primary a Chinese instrumental program is what the school is going for. But I'm not exactly seeing that moving at a rapid pace (apparently hard to get teachers etc etc).
To which one parent replies that the HK Chinese orchestra has been invited and is playing abroad all over to huge interest and acclaim and western music is 'passe'. And besides, it's much better for our children to learn Chinese instruments since it will add an edge to the CV's when they're applying to big name schools abroad...

I resisted. Kept quiet. Heavens above. I can think of many reasons to learn an instrument, 'western' / 'Chinese' or whatever. But CV building would not be something that would even cross my mind!
Music is glorious. It is beautiful and wonderful. To be a part of making music is to be a part of the humming of the universe when it is in harmony. Music is the only thing I know of where it can simultaneously take you out of yourself while allowing you to reach deep within yourself.

More mundanely it's a discipline, a challenge. It enhances memory, encourages left and right brain co-operation, helps kids with ADHD and ADD. But good for your CV?

A fellow music loving Chinese friend of mine remarked later - "Chinese music? Bahh, I just don't get it. And I don't like it. Do you?" To which I replied that I'd not had that much exposure to it so didn't feel I really understood it. But what I'd heard so far hadn't touched my heart they way that some other music did. Perhaps I need to make more effort. Much more effort.

agony aunt ...

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:26:00 +0000

Occasionally my dear readers (some of whom are dear friends) send me questions and ask me for advise. I'm not sure sometimes how qualified I am to give this, so I'd like to throw this question to the open forum I've put some of my response below, but please add in what you think ...

=========================================

I have been wanting to send this email for weeks but like you, I have not been in such a great place in my personal bubble so thought it best to wait.

We have been in X for nearly three months. What a strange place to fit into. Where to start............ After six weeks in a hotel and literally we were in the hotel because it was on average 48 degrees we moved into our villa....

We have a few schooling issues which I just feel so unsure about. I would value your opinion. (Please). The older three are happy .... and then there is F................ Since arriving here and starting school he is a different child. He is aggressive, angry and so sad. He hates the school, Hates stupid x teachers and their stupid x songs.( His words !!! ) Words that would never have been used by other others seem to flow freely with him even though I plead with him to find some happy words. I have just found a primary school teacher who has also studies child psychology and works with difficult children. She is coming to play after school every day and to try and be his special friend !!!!

Let me throw another obstacle into this dilemma , I am not impressed with the school in anyway. The x education system (non challenging ) suits only one of the children. Does it really matter at 3 and 4 academically is it just important to make sure they are happy and having fun or should I be worrying about academics ????? Even after 5 children we don't always know the answers !

I hope you do not mind my ramble, the truth is I do not know where to turn and you are the only person I know who has been in a similar situation!!

I will ramble next time about how hard it is to fit in here !!!

Best wishes to you and the family
=======================================================

How I feel for her. 3 years ago I was in a similar space with R. And of course, child unhappy, mum unhappy. Mum unhappy, rest of the family unhappy too, which makes mum even unhappier.

Yesterday afternoon my great friend who lives in Burma (of all places! my friends do seem to choose them) came around with her son. He was also enrolled in the French system (OK, I can't disguise it, otherwise this posting will make no sense at all). She removed him after a few months since he hated it, hated the "Hates stupid x teachers and their stupid x songs."
So when I got this email from a friend from another country completely complaining about the same system I found it rather odd. She removed him, put him in a more relaxed environment in his home language (English), faced up to the French grandmama's scorn, derision and anger, and everyone is much happier.
I know nothing about the French education system, and know plenty of people perfectly happy with it here in HK, so perhaps it isn't the school. But the school and the language and the move all in combination with each other. And kids, have to blame something and someone. And they don't want to blame their all important and loved parents (at this point. I think that comes later in their teen years), so they blame the school.

There are so many issues happening in this short little plea for help. There is moving countries and cultures with children in tow. (Did anyone see the interesting article in the FT weekend about the Women of the British Foreign service?) There is the inability of small children to express their unhappiness and powerlessness in rational and sensible ways (ha ha, can any of us adults claim to be able to do so?). There is coping with a new language and system of education. And there are the dynamics of a home with all this going on.

What I did when this happened to us? I cried and got depressed. Then I realised it didn't help anyone, least of all my children. Then I made sure R was in the right school in the right class (we found the right school but had to move him to a higher group with a MUCH stricter and more demanding (behaviourly) teacher - (ironically that helped), and I engaged the help of a child psychologist. We went there every week for about 6 weeks and she taught him to behave again and me how to make sure he behaved again. Without crying and feeling sorry for him and myself.

I'm not a psychologist but I think what helped is that R was floundering. He was homesick and out of sorts. And I was feeling sorry for him (and myself), so I wasn't setting the normal boundaries. So his behaviour inside and outside the house became worse and worse, which didn't help anyone, least of all himself. Because at the end of the day, whether we're 3 or 13 or 30, we have to interact with the rest of the world, no matter how we're feeling. And the rest of the world doesn't make allowances. Or if they do, it's only temporarily. Hard isn't it?

There is another thing I believe plays a role with little boys: Testosterone. I find with R, if my husband has been away from home traveling for a while, or hasn't had much physical contact with R, he gets worse and worse as he tries to assert his biological imperative as alpha male. When H is back to put him in place, things calm down again. Boys need daddy time, and failing daddy time, they need a male around. A coach, a sport, a male nanny, a male teacher, tutor, whatever you can get your hands safely on.

Never mind someone to be nice to him, actually he needs someone who can simultaneously be tough on him and distract him and help him like where he, like who he is, is rather than pine for what he's lost.

To another point. Do academics matter at 3 and 4? I'd emphatically say NO. The most important is to make sure your kids at that age are well adjusted, social, mannered nice human beings. Because if you don't do it at that age, there is not going to be any time to do it later. The world has enough precocious smart a*holes. Look at the key figures in the financial crisis if you're short of examples. Take the pressure off him and yourself to learn to read and write and count, and put the pressure on him to be a nice guy who plays fair, is not inappropriately aggressive and angry.

Those are my view points - let me know what other people think.

water works walk

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 11:50:00 +0000

I did my longer run on Saturday in Tai Tam. There, I was most gratified to see that finally someone has put some thought into the combination of nature trail and history in creating the Tai Tam Waterworks Heritage Trail. It's only 5km long, but there is plenty to see. And I must even commend them on doing a rather nice job graphically and in signposting, with a good clear explanation and photos to document what they're talking about. They also have a rather nice leaflet which I saw groups of kids bandishing about - hopefully they'll be recycled ... which is also available online.

Of course I wouldn't be known for my cynicism if I didn't add something else to the discussion. While the water supply department is to be commended here, this mornings run made me quite cross with them. I was just doing a quick 9km in the Pokfulam area and was most annoyed to see that the various taps (?? what purpose they serve I'm not sure) along Victoria road are STILL leaking copious amounts of water and have been doing so for at least the 9 months I've been running / walking this route. So much for their slogan on their website about "save water, every drop counts" - while these taps pour out water into the drain every day. Think I'll send them a little email and see if I get any response!
I've seen that it is really easy to do so, with this online email form: so anyone else in the area wanting to save water, please also drop them a line!

Response

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 05:44:00 +0000

So R's report came home in the post yesterday. As expected, it was not covered in 3's and 4's but there were a few 3's. The rest was rather dismal. We're not really sure what our response should be. We've decided not to do a dissection with him. Don't think it would be particularly meaningful. I'll go to the parent teacher conference (unfortunately H is in Dubai so won't be able to make it), and discuss with his teachers what action will be necessary to bring him up to par. See what we could be doing differently or what he should or could be doing differently (not daydreaming?) Of course he's only had 2 months of Chinese, compared to the year and 2 months of his class mates. And Chinese makes up 70% of his curriculum. And I doubt that he's going to 'get it' as quickly as his sister did. Then there is the issue of his distractability.
I'm meeting a potential new tutor tomorrow morning, so we'll see how that goes. I have to keep reminding myself that he is not his report card. As H says - 'he's such a lovely kid' but that won't get him through school for the next 12 years!

Expectations

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:11:00 +0000

N's report card came home yesterday. R's seems to have gotten lost, or maybe they held it back it was so shocking or something. Better that way I think. Have a few days between so that not too much comparison goes on.
I didn't want to give it too much prominence anyway. So I glanced through it with her, naturally all 3's and 4's (meeting or exceeding expectations). She asked me about the column "learning attitude" and I said to her it was how enthusiastic she was about learning and how hard she tried. With R in ready earshot, I also emphasized how I thought that was the most important mark. Even if they were to have 1's and 2's for everything in every subject, if they had 4's for attitude I was happy.

I've been thinking about expectations as my next Chinese test looms. Certainly the expectations for my class (the asian stream) is different for that of the other class. Our exams are also more difficult and the approach to teaching us is less structured and more varied. At times I feel freaked out. But then I remind myself of the expectations of the course aka standard text book and spend the time I have meeting the official requirements. And then when I'm feeling lazy about learning to write or read a particularly tricky or obscure character I have to give myself a mental shove and tell myself that it's just NOT about the official expectations, it's about becoming literate and conversant in a language, so get on with it.

I wonder too about how the kids are assessed in terms of expectations. Are their 'global' expectations for the grade? Or does a teacher look at each child and assess them in terms of their capabilities? The latter would be natural, but of course limiting the children who are capable of doing more. I firmly believe that people rise or fall to what is expected of them.

Light classics

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:00:00 +0000

Here's a bit of light fun with tonight's soloist at the Sinfonietta - Matthew Trusler. Who professes he's fallen in love with HK and is planning and imminent move here wonder if he tells that to all his audiences! Good concert, but we had to leave at intermission as the kids were totally exhausted. I really enjoyed the premier of George Lam's "The Queen's Gramaphone". Pity he's not on youtube, which one would expect of a gent of his vintage. You can hear bits and pieces on his website. Hopefully they'll allow him to use bits of the Queen's Gramaphone for his site as well. And good on the Sinfonietta for commissioning young composers to do works. R was ever so impressed that no-one had 'ever' heard this before, even his mum! Poor guy shares a name with another famous canto-pop star (not sure if they're related).

In the programme I saw that Matthew Trusler had started a record label to support his charity, LTCF, so I googled it. It's the kind of thing that makes the mum in me cry. It sounds like they're doing interesting things though both on the musical and charitable front, and his forthcoming CD looks like one to look out for:

" CD "FAIRY TALES AND GOBLINS' DANCES" ON ORCHID CLASSICS

This new project, from acclaimed independent label Orchid Classics, is for children. Titled ‘Fairy Tales and Goblins’ Dances’ it will consist of some of the great children’s poetry by Roald Dahl, Edward Lear, Lewis Carroll, Spike Milligan and AA Milne, read by actors including Danny de Vito. Alongside the poetry will be new recordings of wonderful and fun pieces by classical composers, such as the Cinderella Suite by Prokofiev, Children’s Corner by Debussy, Danse macabre and The Swan by Saint-Saëns. The CD is due for release in later 2009. "

I've added his blog to my blogroll - may be an interesting variation from the HK scene!

not invited to renew ...

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:27:00 +0000

So I had a little bumper accident earlier this year with my car. First accident in 26 years.
My front bumper had to be replaced and the taxi needed some bump taken out his door. Nothing major.

I get the expiry notice from my insurance company for the insurance due in December and there is this little note : "Not Invited to renew"
What?
Not, you loose your no claims bonus. Not we're going to charge you and exorbitant amount for insurance. Just Not invited to renew? 3rd party insurance is compulsory here, so are they actually allowed to not insure you?
I phoned the company and got someone on the line who had no idea about anything and just said, no you're not invited to renew and would shed no more light on the matter!
What should I do?

Quote from Dr. Suzuki

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 23:39:00 +0000

I read this a while back in one of the Suzuki books. What does it mean? Do I agree with it? Is it profound or mundane or an excuse to drive your kids? As an impatient person by nature, I like its message.

"Patience is merely the absence of expectation" Dr. Suzuki

cash for credits ....

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:21:00 +0000

N was brimming over when I got home from taking R to his violin class. She'd gotten all her Chinese something or another correct, every single page of 5 pages. And best of all, she was the only one in her class that had done that. She'd even stayed in at recess to finish it all off. I said that was great, but reminded her that the point of recess was for her to go and clear her head, get the blood flowing to it, run around a bit chat with friends, socialize and relax. Not to stay in the classroom getting stale. Even if it means getting extra points. She thinks I'm weird.

After I'd finished reading with R, I left him with a recording of the 3 character classics. It's my desperate effort to help him to memorize them. He professes to enjoy listening to it before he goes to sleep. I hope he's lying. Before he had his Suzuki CD's - his favourite was book 4 with the Bach concertos. I know what I'd rather fall asleep to.

N was in bed, writing out characters and testing herself. Apparently she has a test tomorrow. We put the book down, did the reading, and over teeth brushing (since a friend of mine's 9 year old went for root canal treatment 2 weeks ago I'm supervising their brushing with extra attention these days) she told me that one of her classmates gets $100 for every assessment or dictation he gets 100% for. I was flabbergasted. She also expressed amazement that it was $100 rather than say $10. I was amazed that it was necessary to motivate a kid with cash to study. We've used the whole gambit of things from stickers to colouring in blocks, to M&M's to the READING TROPHY which R is 50 reading lessons and 30 out of 200 sightwords away from attaining. It's been a nearly 3 month process so far and will probably go on for another 2 or so. I said I hoped she didn't expect that we'd be giving money for good results. She looked a little hopeful and then said "of course not". I explained that I wanted her to keep on enjoying learning and doing well for the sake of doing well and knowing she'd mastered things not because I said so or would give her money for it.
Did I disappoint her? Well, I guess she didn't tell me this was happening just for the sake of it. Perhaps there was some kind of an ulterior motive. Should I be rewarding her? It hadn't even crossed my mind. Nor hers I think up to this point.

Oh life as a parent is a funny thing. You keep on having things thrown at you that make you wonder about your normality compared to others. I don't presume I'm right in this, but it does reflect a value system that I don't necessarily subscribe to.
But then again, I'm in HK, where money reigns supreme.

And great news - my lovely friend who I first met as one of the first people I met ever in HK is coming back for a week next week! It's going to be great catching up with her. She has the most exotic and exciting life, so I'll no doubt feel like a peahen next to her peacock existence. I keep on telling her she needs to start blogging, hopefully I can persuade her in the next few days.

so just how important is sleep ....

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:32:00 +0000

Thanks to Batgung who had the pointer to this article in his latest missive on racial education.

here are a few salient quotes:

"A few scientists theorize that sleep problems during formative years can cause permanent changes in a child’s brain structure: damage that one can’t sleep off like a hangover."

"The performance gap caused by an hour’s difference in sleep was bigger than the normal gap between a fourth-grader and a sixth-grader. Which is another way of saying that a slightly sleepy sixth-grader will perform in class like a mere fourth-grader. “A loss of one hour of sleep is equivalent to [the loss of] two years of cognitive maturation and development,”"

"Teens who received A’s averaged about fifteen more minutes sleep than the B students, who in turn averaged eleven more minutes than the C’s, and the C’s had ten more minutes than the D’s."

Of particular interest for those of us with children in bilingual education:

"Dr. Matthew Walker of UC Berkeley explains that during sleep, the brain shifts what it learned that day to more efficient storage regions of the brain. Each stage of sleep plays a unique role in capturing memories. For example, studying a foreign language requires learning vocabulary, auditory memory of new sounds, and motor skills to correctly enunciate new words. The vocabulary is synthesized by the hippocampus early in the night during “slow-wave sleep,” a deep slumber without dreams. The motor skills of enunciation are processed during Stage 2 non-rem sleep, and the auditory memories are encoded across all stages. Memories that are emotionally laden get processed during R.E.M. sleep. The more you learned during the day, the more you need to sleep that night."

So I'll continue putting them going to bed on time ahead of all other priorities in our life - and not rake up a sleep deficit - don't you just love this analogy:

"Long before children become overscheduled high schoolers gunning for college, parents start making trade-offs between their kids’ sleep and their other needs. This is especially true in the last hour of a child’s day, a time zone let’s call “the Slush Hour.” The Slush Hour is both a rush to sleep and a slush fund of potential time, sort of a petty-cash drawer from which we withdraw ten-minute increments. During the Slush Hour, children should be in bed, but there are so many competing priorities. As a result, sleep is treated much like the national debt—What’s another half-hour on the bill? We’re surviving; kids can, too. "

And what applies to them, applies to me too. I've just added another very respectable 16km run to the clock this afternoon, so I'm suffering from rather sore legs and a bit of fatigue myself. Averaging around 40km per week now and still climbing. And my long term memory and body needs to recover too before bootcamp alarm rings at 5.40!!

Above and beyond

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:37:00 +0000

We had a curriculum meeting at school yesterday morning. All the theory underpinning what the kids are doing was explained. It was all so nice and logical and pedagogically and psychologically and developmentally sound. But as with anything, the devil is in the detail, and the execution. Before I walked into the meeting I bumped into a friend of mine with 2 kids in the same years as mine. I asked how things were going. "We're not coping" she said. "Do you also get the feeling there is a lot more pressure this year? I can't get through a day, let alone a week without a shouting match over some homework or another."

I concurred that I was getting that tightening of the chest and feelings of dismay, as, after I cleared the battlefield each evening (our dining room table where the homework gets done) that I discover yet another something that hasn't been quite finished, or, even worse, not even touched at all.

And then the assessments and dictations. With the marks so clearly written in red. And the children coming home of tales of who did worse and better than them. And the teasing they endured if their scores were either too good or too bad. And R has started wetting his bed again. Nearly every week night. Not in the weekends. Something's not good.

At the meeting, the lady leading the meeting told a few tales of parents going 'above and beyond' - like the parents who have bought their children the entire set of PM readers. The ones second guessing the school with additional tutoring and help. I looked at my friend in dismay. Where would they find the time? Let alone the energy. I've always steadfastly believed that one has to leave a large chunk of educating children up to the school. Since my kids started school, my quest has been to find the school that I can trust and where the overlap between what I consider the educational needs of children and what the school both considers AND IS ACTUALLY doing, coincide to the largest degree. In that, I think, we've found a match at ISF. I do not believe in plonking down significant amounts in school fees each month, only to plonk further large amounts down in additional tutoring and then even more of my own precious time and energy to fill in any gaps. And I'm not talking about the imaginary gaps, the 'above and beyond' gaps. I'm talking about children being able to read, write and do simple maths.

Do I want my children to have an edge? Well, what parent doesn't. But I don't want that edge to be as sharp as a knife. I want that edge to be that they are exceptional human beings. With sociability and compassion and understanding and enquiring about their surroundings. Extra math and English and mandarin ain't going to get them there. Music, sport and doing stuff with friends and volunteer work is more likely to be the answer. But if we're spending every spare minute with homework, there's not much time for any of that.

At N's birthday party last week, the story was the same. One parent remarked "his stress is making me stressed". I'm trying to downplay stuff. Especially R's 'scores' on his assessments. In his class he's one of only 2 children who are 1) not Chinese and 2) weren't in the school last year. We're talking more about maintaining a positive attitude to learning and Chinese (something which he says is troubling his compatriot who 'hates' Chinese) than about improving his scores. Although, there too work needs to be done. Extra work. Above and beyond work. I don't know how we're going to fit it in without stressing the situation completely.

How does an afternoon work in Chez Gweipo? If they have no extra activities, they get home at 4pm. They have a lightening quick snack and then start doing homework in the dining room. They have dinner at around 5.30 and then we move up to the study. One child practises their instrument for 20-30 minutes while the other continues homework / reading with me in the study and then they swap. By then it's 6.30 and I'm in a rush to bundle then into the bath and from there to bed. If we've not managed to get the reading in during homework time, we're then first having a session of them reading to me one on one, followed by me reading to them one on one. As far as it's humanly possible, lights out between 7pm for R and 8pm for N. On the days that they have activities, everything goes completely pear-shaped, and I'm spending that time around 4.15 picking one or the other up, and the whole thing is shifted anything from 45 minutes to at the worst (on music ensemble day) an hour or 2 back. And then we still discover undone work. Or thank you letters not written. Or get to a music lesson semi-prepared.

I'm not prepared to compromise on bed-time. And they already have a very long day at school. They're on the bus by 7.20am and there's no time in the morning. They do their music and sport which are part of being a healthy, well rounded person. They only have a tutor 1 hour a week each to help with Chinese library books and book reports. And with R we're working very hard together to get his reading up to par. That's one thing I've learnt the hard way NOT to trust schools on. I'm yet to encounter a school with a good reading programme. A school that does what in my mind has to be done to teach children to read. Teach them the phonics, give them sight words to memorise in a structured manner and let them come home with sight words and a level appropriate reader EVERY SINGLE DAY. Unless your child is a 'natural' reader, and even if they are, that's what's required. No short cuts. So I know that now with English - can anyone explain to me the way to do it for Chinese? I have no clue. And I'm at a distinct disadvantage in that, both for myself and my kids. We try to keep weekends free of homework. They just do their music practise and nightly reading. That worked last year. This year the homework is spilling over onto both Saturday and Sunday. I resent that. Playdates? Forget it. Their only playdates these days are kids' birthday parties. Partly I guess because we like to have a family weekend and assume most other people are the same.

How on earth do other families do it? What are we doing wrong?

weekend in Nanjing

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 11:53:00 +0000

Just back from a long weekend in Nanjing. Have been wanting to visit the city for a while now, and we had the perfect excuse as N was invited to help open a friend's restaurant there on Friday night. We arrived and she was told she'd be saying a few words in front of about 160 people. Undaunted, she sat down with her notebook and my laptop with the trusty mdbg dictionary and wrote down what she thought was appropriate. She then went to the friend's wife and asked her to help out with some words and characters she wasn't sure of. The rest of us disappeared while she then committed it all to memory as if it was the most normal thing in the world to be doing.

An hour later, in our evening finery she stood up, and said her say after other auspicious people said their bit to tremendous applause. For a naturally shy and retiring child, she sometimes astounds us. After the obligatory 10 course dinner we went for a tour around the city, visiting the Confucius temple and the site of the Jiangnan Imperial examination school. I love Chinese cities in the evening. All the youngsters parading in their finery, the ladies outside the stores hollering at you to get in there and see their wonderful bargains, the older people strolling around, the groups of ladies and the odd gentleman doing a fan dance or tai chi en-masse. It's very Southern Europeanish.

The next day, we also got to see our friend's wonderful art collection. He explained to us that collecting art in China was a number's game. Despite how many experts you have helping you, despite the fact that you only buy at reputable auctions, the chances are 50-50 that what you buy is fake. So as long as you buy enough good stuff, you live in the hope that you're only getting the average in fakes and not a higher number! The kids were impressed no end with the Chinese brush painting and calligraphy of all things. That's something that I haven't not yet grown to appreciate. They both demanded pencil and paper to be able to copy the characters (even R?!) and sketch their favourite scenes. And then were even more impressed when he showed them his secret passage way to the rooftop in case of an emergency evacuation by helicopter. I was rather more astounded at the true price of wealth and fame. If I ever got to the point where I'd even have to think about escape I'd know I'd gone past the point of enough. We then went on to the Sun Yat Sen memorial - gorgeous park with it's coloured trees with falling autumn leaves, the Xuanwu lake and yet another dinner. This morning was brief before having to catch the plane back.

All in all, I don't think we did justice to the city at all and will definitely have to be back to see it at a more leisurely pace. Something the kids no doubt will be quite happy with - they were terribly impressed with the hotel, where the bathroom was larger than our bedroom (and we have a BIG bedroom by HK standards). R was so enthusiastic about Nanjing and the hotel he's practically been made an honorary citizen there. And when N went up to one of the monuments at the Sun Yat Sen park, she was greeted by name by one of the fellow tourists who recognised her from the dinner from the night before! One downfall at least - discovered you can't access gweipo in China. In fact, all of blogger seems to be persona no grata. Which is rather strange. I can get China Droll, and the old site of Joyceyland, but not the blogger version. Oh we must be terribly dangerous us middle aged women with too much time on our hands! This blog explains a couple of ways around the situation. If anyone could be bothered. If only censors could understand how mundane most blogs are. And that most of their citizens are more overly concerned with making money and lots of it, than anything else!

Chinese math ...

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:20:00 +0000

This is rather cute.

When N started at ISF, it took a little while for us as Westerners to understand why and how there could be a difference between Chinese Math and English Math which are 2 of her subjects. After we went to the first Math curriculum meeting, it was all explained how they divided the mathematical universe into topics that would be taught in English, and topics that would be taught in Chinese. (I've blogged about this earlier, but even I can't find stuff on my own blog - how bad is that!?) Anyway, stuff like calculation, times tables etc. is taught in Chinese and stuff like geometry, word sums etc. in English (that's a broad overview, there are nuances of course). Now interestingly enough, she's always found Chinese math "easier". So much for the people who like the 'back to basics'. Yes it is easier to manipulate numbers without having to think about them I guess. The other thing is psychological. In grade 2, for English math, they're using an Everyday math grade 3 book. So the fact that the book has a larger number on it, means it has to be harder ... If the same book had a "2" on it, they'd do the same work without an issue!

Then yesterday she came home triumphantly and announced that her teacher had shown her a new type of Chinese math. Giggle, giggle. "Let me show you mum," more giggles. Then she sat down and produced the little slip of paper above. Basically, taking characters and adding or subtracting components of them to make other characters. She thought it was the funniest thing out. By the way, for the purists, she has pointed out to me that some of the characters are not entirely correct. But I'm a proud mum, and think her handwriting is pretty good for a westerner who's only been at it for little over a year!

more on mosquitoes ...

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 06:51:00 +0000

Thanks very much to one of my readers who shared the following with me! I haven't tried it yet, but as soon as I have a few minutes free I'm going to tackle the back yard where the planter has a huge number of mosquitoes. Apart from a fundamental lack of time, I've been reluctant to work in it due to being bitten every time I got out there - even when I'm watering my poor plants! I'm also a pretty useless gardener. I kind of need to get hold of some sort of expert to get me going. At the moment we've got huge banana trees there - except they don't make any bananas, all they do is breed lots of mosquitoes in their hollows. So if anyone can recommend someone who knows anything about plants in HK ... it's not much, just a big planter of about 3m by 2m, but something interesting could be done with it, if one knew what the heck one was doing, unlike me.

By the way, if anyone knows how to take care of orchids - I'm all ears. I inherited quite a few pots of leaves of what are apparently orchids from sfgf when she left me (sob) for foreign shores, but I have no idea how to take care of them.

------------------------

Hello Gweipo,

I enjoy reading your blog very much and I have learned a lot from you. I remember you mentioning your daughter suffering from mosquito bites, like her, I am very loved by the mosquitoes. A friend told me about killing mosquitos with Listerine, at first, I thought it was a joke, then a couple of weeks ago, I sprayed Listerine on the areas where I was bitten, the itch went away quickly. It worked better than any other ointments I had used before. I also sprayed the mosquitoes with Listerine, it also worked. Give it a try and N will thank you for it. BTW, the Thai Snake Brand prickly powder is very effective, thanks for sharing.

when will it ever settle?

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 12:06:00 +0000

I've decided that never mind self actualisation and all that other crap, what I in fact am in search of is the domestic equivalent of "Human homeostasis" (the body's ability to regulate physiologically its inner environment to ensure its stability in response to fluctuations in the outside environment and the weather - wiki)

It seems that things never just hum along from day to day or week to week without the constant need for intervention, change, manipulation, movement, adjustment, rethinking, renegotiating, more intervention, additional manpower, extra work, extra hours, whatever.

The first change I had to set into motion this week is to convince the soccer coach and school to let N quit soccer to free up some more 'me' time for her. R is going to do it in her place for the rest of the term, since I have to be at the sports ground anyway for her tennis on a Thursday and I don't want to leave him with the current helper, nor does he want to stay with her. Actually, she wants to stop tennis, and I agree with her, since the coach is not great - as a personality or as a tennis coach, but we can't get out of that, so it's a 2 phase movement extending over 3 months before we get to the point of homeostasis. At least that is in progress.

Then there is the new helper movement, which is also in progress, paperwork started, d-date set etc. etc. but once she's in and the old one is out it's going to be that awkward 'getting to know you' stage of training and explanation, which I'm really bad at.

The next great movement (and don't underestimate what it takes to get these things implemented!) is going to have to be on R's Chinese tutoring. Now before I moan or complain or even get worried about him and school and his Chinese, I first have to re-iterate the positive. As much for myself as for you.
He's loving school. He has gone from being barely able to count to 20, OK, in fact he left HKA incapable of counting to 20, to being able to count to 100 with ease and no mistakes and to read any number straight off up to 1000. He's also discovered that he not only can do maths, but that he really enjoys it and is pretty good at it.
We're making great progress with reading, he's up to 160 of the 200 sight words and reading easy readers and working our way through Batgung's suggested "Teach your child to read" (which really works by the way!).
He's spouting more and more Chinese, telling me "kuài kuài (快, 快)" and what he does and doesn't xǐhuan (喜歡), and making an honest stab at learning the san zi jing . His character writing is not bad at all - for a child who 6 months ago could barely write in English it's actually pretty beautiful. And we've been working hard to unlearn the silly thing he was taught that capitals and small letters and size of letter doesn't matter at all and get him to distinguish between letters that go all the way up, all the way down or stay in the middle etc. etc. So there has been amazing progress.

But then, while I was running around on Sunday finding bits and bobs for N's birthday cake, H was under strict instructions to sit in his Chinese tutoring session and play 'bad cop' as he had a rather lot of homework that neither N nor I could help him with. So after the session H declares that the tutor is a lovely girl, but she just won't do for him. Far to nice and can't control him and he's not learning enough. Which I suspected. Which I KNEW, but which I didn't want to have to deal with as she's new as their last tutor, a nice guy who had him sassed and motivated him with extensive point systems had gone back to China, and she's his friend and I JUST want something to be OK and easy and not require more intervention on my part. One of the things they had to prepare for was his pinyin dictation today. And he got back from school with 2/21 for the dictation. Lord help me. I know I didn't get 2/21 for the dictation, but I may as well have (see comment on the cello ... could try harder etc. etc.). He must have been fast asleep with his hands tied behind his back since he'd not even tried to do 1/2 of it.
So that's it. The quest is on for a new tutor. We've always had 'hand me downs ' up to now, so I don't even really know what I should put in an advert. I can pin one up at university.
"wanted, friendly ogre with a determination of steel while capable of making phonics, tones and characters fun" - how does that sound? I guess I need someone with a touch, experience, whatever. I could send him back to Earth Village where he was thriving, but they're in such an awful place logistically it would just do my head and body in to get him there each week.

Darn. Back to the drawing board again. And now I need to go and learn MY character for MY dictation tomorrow.

Our desire to kill each other

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:16:00 +0000

I was listening to this during my morning run. It's horrifying, but well worth watching and thinking about.

It's not about the cello ....

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 03:16:00 +0000

Well, in fact it's never about anything that it seems to be about anyway, but this time, it's the cello. The first time with kids that it was "not about" was when I was breastfeeding R. It was an absolutely bloody nightmare. Within a few days I'd had to come to grips that two children, same parents, same womb were not the same thing. He was a slow feeder. He was a no feeder. He was a distracted feeder. And he was a vomiter. I can't tell you how many times I sat there in tears, desperate to give up. But not giving up. And thank heavens I didn't, as it turned out he was suffering badly from reflux and was allergic to just about everything, including my own breastmilk until I cut out dairy from my diet. And thank heavens for a paediatrician who supported me in all of this and didn't just shove some formula at me.

There have been other things along the road - too numerous to mention. But each time, it's been a case of, here is the tunnel, it is unending, but there is a tiny flicker of light at the end. I have to focus on the light and not the tunnel.

So now we have another type of tunnel with N and the cello. She doesn't want to give up, but she doesn't want to practise. Or at least, she doesn't want to start practising. Then once we've started it's going fine until the first thing that needs correcting. And then she gets all cross and sulky and gets that slump in the shoulders, that look on her face - you know that stubborn "I'm not going to" look? That "try make me and it will all get worse and you'll also start getting cross" look?

Well we've had a few weeks of that. She had her lesson on Monday and it was a disaster. We had practised, but not very well, since it had turned sour each and every time. And then of course, her teacher picked on EXACTLY the same points I'd been emphasizing and told her she "could do much better and he was disappointed" oops. Now, if you're anything like me, when a teacher says "you can do much better" to your child, it is as if that teacher had actually said that to you.

Is that ridiculous? Well yes, and no. I believe children should and could and can take responsibility for all sorts of things, including their learning. As should adults. But, as my husband reminds me when I vent about these matters, it's in human nature to take short cuts and to want to just do the fun bits. And just as we as adults have to guard against our faulty nature, so do we have to guide them to do so.

The fact remains that neither of them are at the point yet, musically or developmentally where I can leave them to their own devices with practising. Even just the simple fact of playing it wrong a few times will mean that the wrongness goes into muscle memory and then they spend 2x or longer trying to unlearn the mistakes. Oh yes, I am also learning from their learning.

So why do we bother at all? Well, after N ran downstairs after her lesson I had a quick chat with her teacher about what was going wrong. He's a wise person. And the first thing he said to me, was that it wasn't too hard for her, that she was perfectly capable physically and mentally and musically of doing the pieces. But on the other hand, it seems it may be the challenge in combination with everything else going on in her life? We also agreed with each other that it's not about the cello or the music or the practising. It's about life skills. Diligence, perseverance, not giving up at the first hurdle. Memorisation, acquiring skills and fluidity. And practise. The habit of practise. And that anything worth pursuing is hard.
I felt better and worse after our chat.

Making them both do music is not a random choice. It's part of our value system. That the children do a 2nd language, a musical instrument, a team sport. But living up to that value system and reinforcing it, isn't so easy.

I've chatted to her about it. She (naturally, don't we all) just wants it to be easy. We've discussed how special music is and how much she enjoys playing in the ensemble. And the need for each to not let the other down (the chain and the weakest link et al). How we can play for fun, but we also need to practise for improvement and progression. Intellectually she gets it all. Until the next practise session.

Any ideas / hints / suggestions from anyone?

Race

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 23:55:00 +0000

So N and I are reading a book together last night, it's the awfully PC book "How to behave and Why", (which she LOVES reading - I don't know what it is - certainty and absolute in an uncertain world? Convincing her that the 'bad' things kids sometimes do at school are in fact not acceptable, and even if I say so she wants external proof?) and she comes across a passage that advises one that you shouldn't treat people differently because of race.

"What's race mum?"

"Well, that's got to do with the colour of your skin and where you're from, like white, black, Indian, Chinese or whatever"

"Oh"

She looks down at her arm. It's tanned from a summer outside and lots of outdoor activities in her free time.

"That's kind of tricky. I don't know what race I am. My arm is kind of brownish."

I hug her.

"So there are 2 kinds of race. One like when you're running a race, and this other one?"

"Yup"

I leave it at that and tell her to go and brush her teeth.

Oh the wonderful innocence of it all, and the joys of living in a multi-cultural society.

Happy Chinese Learning

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:49:00 +0000

These videos on YouTube are quite a fun way of listening and seeing more Mandarin Chinese!

First in the family

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:54:00 +0000

Some days I wonder if Singapore isn't in fact correct in its treatment of news. Ignore the bad and embrace the good. At times it seems like HK media has taken the role of a yapping dog chasing a car - noisy, annoying and totally ineffective. Issues get raised and highlighted and then it all dissolves under the auspises of "lack of political will". I've been wondering about that. I think it is a lot more complicated. When last did HK have a true leader at its helm. One who took control and did what was right with his might? When did a HK leader actually have any might to speak of? When has HK ever not been accountable to another political authority - UK or mainland China? Would our political leaders ever in fact allow a true leader who could do what has to be done in HK - say with the New Territory villagers?

Anyway, so I love stumbling on actions and intiatives that are grassroots, apparently effective and make darn good sense. Earlier this week this took 2 forms.

While waiting for the bus I saw a banner at HKU advertising their fundraising and assistence programme for "First in the Family"

Basically this is to help students, NOT ONLY financially, to actually attend class, but also all the other added on bits that are part of learning, if they are the first in their family to attend university.

An extract from their website:

Higher education today puts an increasing emphasis on experiential learning activities, such as fieldwork, internships, study trips, overseas service learning and exchange programmes. However, these cost money. While HKSAR Government provides financial assistance to cover tuition and basic expenses of tertiary education through the Tertiary Student Finance Scheme of Student Financial Assistance Agency (SFAA), it does not cover the aforementioned learning activities and thus place students from poor families at a disadvantage.

HKU believes that no students should be deprived of good education due to financial difficulties. It tries to address this issue and shows its commitment to equal learning opportunities among students with an initiative to provide funds for students, who are the first generation in their families to attend university, to take part in different extra-curricular activities.

The First-in-the-Family Education (FIFE) Fund was launched in April 2008 which meets the aim of supporting students, who are the first generation in their families to enter university, to actively take part in experiential learning activities.

Suddenly it puts the university in a whole new light for me. It says that someone there is thinking and understanding. Certainly South African universities could do with a scheme like that.

Last night at ISF's AGM the new principal gave a talk on education in the future (based on presentation below), he also emphasized experiential learning. Discussing the talk afterwards with some mums, I was surprised to hear a couple of mums asking how they could encourage their children to 'ask questions'. In our home, we have the opposite problem, as I'm tucking R into bed he asks "please mum, just one, just one more question" and of course that question and answer leads to more. He exhausts H in the weekend with his non-stop queries. We love his little 'passions' - I explained to him what it meant to have a passion about something and learning something. His latest, I think I've mentioned is rocks, minerals and fossils. Particularly diamonds. Yesterday he informed me that he just had to go to the 555 section of the library to find anything he needed on that matter. In fact the whole 500 section was specifically designed to meet his needs and questions about the world since it told everything about nature! YES! The school is meeting his needs!

And in the newspaper a few days ago, there was an article about Crossroads' experiential learning programme : x-perience. So I sit there reading it and wondering whether the kids are too young to take part in something like this. That's the concerned middle class mum part of me. And the other part of me is reminding me that there are children living these experiences regardless of their age. We like to protect our children from reality don't we? Perhaps not quite so extremely as this mother in Italy which Hr sent me a link to - that's taking things a little far most of us would agree.

going slightly mad ...

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 06:41:00 +0000

So I've been doing some extra exercise, training for the 1/2 marathon and desperately trying to turn back the body clock which my girlfriends say dictates that you put on a pound a year after (this varies) 35, 40, whatever. But, after some initial successes, my scale has been stuck for the last month. Well, given the amount we've been entertained and are entertaining, it's actually a miracle it's not going up. But it's frustrating. So, when I get this email from GNC, the place I get my Vitamin B and Glucosomine (which I swear by for my joints when I'm running a lot), offering me "Burn 60 TM" which promises to "increase calorie burning by 60%" on the same amount of exercise, I'm all ears. Or rather wallet. So I get the stuff yesterday, and like Alice, take one small tablet 1/2 hour before excercing this morning.
Didn't really notice that much. But by the time I hit the coffee morning for R's class I'm humming. My usual introverted self has become loud and unruly. I get to University and we're doing an insanely fast listening track and my mind is humming. We get to see the wonderfully corny video of LinNa, MaDaWei and SongHua and I've started a fit of giggles everytime SongHua clears his throat (which he does a lot). Speaking and reading is suddenly no problem.
I hit the gym for my speed training. Off I go. After 15 minutes I feel like I'm burning up - ask the trainer if they've turned the aircon off for any reason. Nope, it's fine. I'm sweating like mad. My heart rate is up. After the session I ask one of the girls in the bathroom if she'd found it hotter than normal - she gives me a strange look and says no. OMG, it all starts making sense. It must be that little red pill.
I get home, have my shower. Look at the label. Warning, not for pregnant women, not before surgery, take 2 (thank god I only took one), don't take before bedtime (are you kidding me - at this rate, having taken one at 5.30 this morning I think I'll still be spinning at 5.30 tomorrow mornings). Contains - Gurarana seed extract (yup remember that stuff from Brazil - it could move a nation), Caffeine 180mg, black tea leaves, grape skin, ginger root, dill weed. Whatever.
I suspect the caffeine. I don't drink coffee or tea. Never have. It made me ill as a child so I avoid it completely.
Do you mean that's what keep all those mums and dad buzzing all day? At this rate I'd never be depressed again. Be humming forever. The stuff's actually legal?? I'm so reminded of that episode of desperate housewives where Lynette discovers Ritalin.

I can't find it on youtube, but this one is nearly as good!

too busy and too tired to blog ... more later

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:31:00 +0000

and if anyone has suggestions on motivation for cello music practise, much appreciated. Sometimes I want to give up on the music lark!

our shared humanity

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:27:00 +0000

I've been asked on a number of occasions if I post all comments. And usually my reply is yes. Unless it is spam (I do have a regular Chinese language spammer offering all sorts of unmentionable services), or the commenter begs me not to publish the comment (or part of it - in the days I didn't publish my email).

This time, I've received a comment that I prefer not to publish. You know who you are, but the comment was anonymous, so I don't. I don't mind publishing comments that are objectionable to myself, or which poke fun or ire at my blogging or world view. Sometimes it hurts, most often it's a good nudge to keep me in place.

This time the comment was about the person I referred to in my last post and the comment was both unnecessary and inhumane. It's made me very sad that there are still people with those views out there and has had me bothered all day.

I'd like to dedicate this post to all those people out there who are spending their lives teaching our children. I'm going to tell you a little bit about some of my more memorable teachers and some views of the people who have taught and who are teaching my children.

The best professor I ever had as a student had a serious alcohol problem. It was obvious to all of us around him. It did not make us respect him any less. He had a magnificent mind. Even when drunk, which is more than could be said for the rest of us. He was human, he had his problems, and the way he went about resolving or coping with them was perhaps more obvious than most. I had a magnificent language teacher, who balanced strictness with latitude, knew all our names before we even entered her first class. She was almost certainly lesbian. Apart from a few crude jokes from the boys at the back of the class who were future-less despite her best efforts, it didn't impact one bit on her teaching. Another inspirational teacher was an extremely large lady. You could almost even say obese. She was our school's answer to John Keating - the English teacher of the movie "Dead Poet's Society". We had an excellent math teacher with the scars of suicide attempts on his wrists.

I've also had a piously religious married family man teach me religious instruction, all the while he was peering down the girls open necked shirts and twanging their bra straps. He was a creep before we knew what creeps were. I've had a pious pillar of society headmaster who was sacked for sexual misconduct with a student. I've had asexual nuns impart dogma, guilt and fear to me.

I grew up in a society where people of colour were not permitted to even attend our schools, let alone teach at them. Where all sorts of things harmless were swept under the table and things harmful had a blind eye turned to them.

My children know a different society. One where you teach because you teach and that is your vocation and you have something to share with the next generations. They are being taught in environments which embrace diversity. Where people are judged on their merit. Not on colour, gender, sexual orientation, weight, belief or lack thereof.

I am proud to have a 6 year old son, who when, after saying how much he loved his "boy friends" and "girl friends" and that he was going to marry them all (and his mother of course) was told by an adult that "men can't marry men", and he corrected that person. A persons has more chance of changing the colour of their eyes than their sexual orientation.

I have many ideals for myself and my children. I have hopes and fears. I am fortunate that they probably already have ready-made rights that most children don't, just by the accident of their birth in our family. I would like them to be tolerant and humane people. Who participate in our shared humanity, and who would never even think in the way of that commenter, let alone put those thoughts to paper.

A few words on dying ...

gweiposter@gmail.com (gweipo) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 11:34:00 +0000

(some pretty pictures of the sunset from our balcony)

I've been thinking about this a while, or at least ever since the teacher from Canadian school died of Swine flu complications. I didn't know him, never met him. But I know a lot of people who's kids go there and they were all devastated. I knew quite a few who went to the memorial services at the exhibition centre. I was discussing with one of the mums the other day our own mortality and what it was we'd leave behind? We wouldn't have a school of kids and a school of graduated kids from ever since we'd started working there all remembering us. Not to mention the parents and other teachers. I know when I was at school the teachers started out of training college and went on for 45 years until retirement. We all had the same teachers as children, and even my young nieces could have teachers that we'd had. That's a lot of children.

Would even a handful of people care if I was around or not? Then H gave me a couple of pages consisting of Steve Job's Commencement address (2005) - yes I'm a few year's behind, so apologies to those of you who've seen this before. I thought it was highly relevant to the discussion we'd been having about women in the work force, choice of career, choice of lifestyle. Here is the salient point, and then the youtube clip:

"your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voices. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."