GwynneTastic

Happy Columbus Day!

2010-10-11T15:24:00.000-07:00

Here are some interesting facts:

1. He really discovered the Dominican Republic and then showed the natives how to play baseball.

2. He was the 1^st and last Italian Person to work for a Spanish person.

3. He was named after Columbus Ohio. Where his parents frequently vacationed.

4. While people believed the world was flat, He believed it was triangular.

5. Johnny Depp played him in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

6. He is the 6^th most famous Italian behind Robert Dinero and the cast of the Jersey Shore, but after he saw the show, Columbus admitted he would have never ever landed in New Jersey.

7. His 1^st wife died of Consumption. I have no idea what that means.

8. His Parade in New York draws less people than the Nigerian and Albanian day parades.

Mr. Ed Rooney and Poor Ferris Bueller's tooshie.

2010-10-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

Mr Rooney a Sex offender

I had no idea Ed Rooney was into taking pictures of 13-year-old boys!

I always thought Mr. Rooney was the kind of guy to make Sloane Peterson Blow him, just so she could get into community college.

This is such a shame Ed, you were better than this!

But now that I think about it Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) always did seem a bit “off” was Ferris forced to take it in the poop shoot to avoid detention? Get those sick days down from 9 to 1?? Who knows the torture he was put through.

Sure Broderick may be married to the big nosed ugly Jewish looking chick from Sex and the City but read between the lines. She likes to shop, so does he. She likes shoes, so does he. She likes to have sex with random men, so does he!! Wow. I should become a Private investigator.

The guy was also on Broadway, In a musical!!! He 100% puts form the rough.

Mr. Rooney. How sad. How could you do this to Ferris? Look what his life has become? I am glad they caught you. Maybe now you can tell them where they buried Cameron.

Bronx Teacher Admits Being A Former Prostitute-So What?

2010-10-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

Bronx grade-school teacher at P.S. 70 Melissa Petro admits being a former prostitute - NYPOST.com

I really don’t know why they made this into such a big deal. It wasn’t like she blew anyone to GET her actual teaching job; she just got paid to blow people before she got it. We all have had shitty ex-jobs we hate and are embarrassed about, what makes her different? We should at least give her some credit; her new job does provide health insurance, a pension and paid summers OFF. Tell me how many pimps give their hoes the ENTIRE summer off PAID? Not any I know of.

I guess in some old-fashioned peoples eyes having an ex-hooker teaching kids isn’t the best thing. But hey at least it was in the Bronx, where only 1 in 30 public school kids will make a meaningful contribution to society. 9 of 30 will probably go onto hooking, so maybe she could have helped in some ways. Just saying.

A few other things she could have taught or helped with:

Sex Ed: She could show the kids her Herpes outbreaks and how to apply condoms using their mouths.

Entrepreneurship: running a cash business, avoid taxes and being an independent contractor.

At least she wasn’t banging any of the kids.

Career Day Gone Wrong!

2010-10-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

Tiger Woods' 'No. 1' mistress Rachel Uchitel is going back to school - NYPOST.com

Tiger Woods former #1 Putter and ex-nightclub hostess, Rachel Uchitel is now pursuing her Masters Degree in Forensic Psychology. That is not a joke, I am dead serious. This truly is an apparent situation of Career day going horribly wrong.

Guidance counselors don’t tell: Fat girls to become Ballerinas, Women to be Racecar drivers, Midgets to go play in the NBA, Retards to become Astronauts. They tell people somewhat of the truth and try and guide them in what they are actually capable of. I am sure Ms Uchitel was either blowing her guidance councilor and he was moaning, “Sure you can become whatever you want, uh huh” Or she missed her appointment totally because she was getting double teamed by the football team under the bleachers. Either way there is a total disconnect.

I could only imagine super psychologist at her first murder scene. “I once found a half of pill of ecstasy in a couch cushion at Marquee, then found the other half in a bathroom stall. I will solve this case in a minute.” Who wouldn’t she make feel like she had the crime all wrapped up?

I am really just concerned because she usually has most of the D.N.A in her Hair and on her chin. You can’t sole crimes that way. Maybe she actually become C.S.I- Cock Sucking Instructor.

Women Sports "Reporters"

2010-09-27T16:12:00.000-07:00

The Brash and loud N.Y Jets made headlines a week ago for what was called “inappropriate” behavior towards Ines Sainez.

No, this is not a hooker a player slept-with or beat up. She is a “Reporter”.

On the field and in the locker room players ALLEGEDLY hissed and made catcalls towards her. They also threw balls (Footballs) towards the area she was standing in so they could walk by her and get a closer look at her.

The NFL Lockeroom is a player’s sanctuary. We watch, pay and want these uneducated steroid freaks to smash, tackle and rip each others heads off. We can’t expect them to be Choirboys 10 minutes after a game. Testosterone is not a light switch that can be turned on and off. If Sainez wanted political correctness and calm athletes, maybe she should interview Tiger Woods in the Clubhouse after a round of Golf. Maybe he isn’t the best person to interview. But some other lame-ass golfer if she wants to be taken serious. Stay away from the real sports NFL, MLB, NHL, and NBA. Thanks.

Yes, Ines Sainez is smoking hot, but she is not a “Reporter”. She is Bleach and Silicone with a microphone. She knows as much about sports (Especially the NFL) as a deaf, dumb, blind, partially retarded amputee.

Do I fault this woman for becoming a reporter? No. Whatever you can do to make a buck off of your looks, go ahead and do. I am sure acting and modeling didn’t work out for her, so this is a step above porn and posing for playboy.

Good for her making a living anyway she can. But two words lady- PANTS SUIT. Nobody hisses at Hilary Clinton due to her always-professional attire. Ines, you are a reporter not a cocktail waitress in Las Vegas. Call Brooks Sisters for some custom made attire.

There is also a HUGE-HUGE Double standard here. Another reason why women will never truly be equal in this county. Men Reporters are not even allowed to walk into Women’s locker rooms!! Not that many men would want to walk into a WNBA or a women’s Softball team locker. But if I was put in the situation of having to report on, lets just say: Women’s college soccer at an ACC or SEC School. Just saying if I had to, I would. But because I am a man, I could not “Report” from the locker rooms. Fair?

I think not.

Why you always should wear a belt.

2010-09-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

Segue to Safety

2010-09-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

Segway boss dies after riding scooter off cliff in northern England - NYPOST.com

The Segway owner dying from a Segway crash is a great segue to Segway safety.

'Shore' star Snooki treated for alcohol poisoning: report

2010-09-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

'Shore' star Snooki treated for alcohol poisoning: report

I spoke to the Medical Examiner: It was a near deadly concoction of Pickle Juice, Hawaiian Tropic Tanning lotion, Semen and Coconut Vodka. Thank God she did not die, that would really have screwed things up in this country.

Top 5 ways to seduce a shy gal - NYPOST.com

2010-09-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

Top 5 ways to seduce a shy gal - NYPOST.com

My responses may be different from some but still work.

1. Get her Drunk.

2. Send her a cell phone pic of "it"

3. Drunk Text her.

4. Get Her Drunk.

5. See 1 and 4

Braylon Edwards Fumbles 3x in one night.

2010-09-24T17:24:00.000-07:00

We all know this Genius was picked up for a DWI the other night. While a few of us read between the lines we know why he was really picked. DWB- Driving while Black. You cannot be Black and be Driving a Range Rover at 4:30am on a Monday Night! anywhere in Manhattan. Before 3:31am is fine, but after, you got no chance. Cops would even pull over Al Sharpton at that time and not be afraid of having to justify the reason.

To top it off he has a Terrorist looking Beard as well. No cop in his rightful mind was letting him off. Lessons learned. Just get a Driver. Ask Puffy circa 2000.

At The Movies

2010-09-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

Reviews:

Inception

If you only have your G.E.D please do not see this movie. Also do not see this movie if you have smoked weed or taken physcadellic mushrooms in the past 9 hours. Unless you are looking to commit suicide buy pulling your brain out through your nose, then don’t.

The movie has Leonard DiCaprio looking cute as ever going into people’s dreams and making decisions for them. Bad enough your girl wants to blow him, now he can just go into our dreams and tell us what to do? It’s messed up. Leo is the best Dream Diver on the Dream diving Team. Then Juno comes around (after she had the baby) and then she becomes the best dream jumper, herbing Leo. There are some fights inside people’s dreams. There is Snow Mobiling, Mountain Climbing, Bridge Jumping and shit like that. It is like the Matrix of Dreams. Then you wake up at the end of the movie and think you just dreaming. Real creepy.

The Town

So this movie was truly a wicked pissah. The crew from Good Will Hunting. (Minus Will who actually became an actor in real life). Can’t hang out at Bahhrs and the Batin' Cages anymore, decide to Rent Heat, Shawshank Redemption and Point Break on DVD. They then decide to just become bank robbers instead of janitors and construction workers. Chucky (Ben Affleck) wrote and directed this movie. So no shock he is the hero-mastermind-guy who gets the girl and wants to go straight. Also, the chick in the movie he falls for could have been way better looking. Blake Lively from Gossip girl didn’t have to stretch her acting skills to far. She played a 22-year-old Drunk/Oxycotin snorting whore. Do they give out awards for people playing themselves in movies?

So the end of the movie is a shoot em up, 4 bad guys vs. 400 Cops outside of Fenway Park. The dumb skinny kid who doesn’t say a word all movie gets shot in the head, first. Then the fat kid goes Kamikaze and dies next. Then the Dude from the Hurt Locker goes all Scarface and gets Swiss-cheesed, going down in a blaze of glory. Then Afleck somehow escapes and moves to Florida, while leaving Cash and an Orange (To let he know he was going to Florida) buried in dirt. Movie is over. I am down $40 after Tickets Popcorn and Soda. Coulda waited for the DVD.

Haven’t seen it yet, but I will tell you what happens:

The Social Network aka The Facebook Movie:

The movie starts with a skinny, nerdy, unathletic, curly haired Jewish kid at Harvard.

Nobody wants to hang out or be seen with him. So just like High School he sits alone in his room for 12 hours a day on his computer whacking off and playing fantasy-world games. Some cool kids want to make an online pseudo-porn sight of all the girls at Harvard. Sort of like a computerized black book. The Nerd likes the idea but not only wants to get laid, but also wants to make friends and stay connected with other kids who don’t get laid. So the nerd Steals the idea and makes it better, The American way, right?

Then Justin Timberlake shows up in the middle of the movie (So we know any Oscar consideration or real acting award wont be won by this movie.) A few girls in the theater squeal when they see him n screen as if they can hear him. Then he goes off screen and we never have to see his attempt to act for the rest of the film.

The nerd gets threatened; he hides in his room of course. Then behind a lawyer etc etc. He becomes a billionaire and now finally can get laid.

But in a strange and sick way he turned our current and future societies into what he once was, except without a billion dollars. Kids are now on the computers for 14 hours a day. Can’t play sports. Talk to live girls. Or get laid and only have virtual sex.

Damn you Facebook!

Making a Ho a Housewife!

2010-09-18T09:10:00.000-07:00

The old rules: Never shop for a Ho, Never hold a Ho’s hand in public, never introduce your mama to a Ho and never marry a Ho. Simple.

But just like global warming, the Ho climate has changed.

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2010/09/08/2010-09-08_couples_who_hook_up_can_still_have_a_stable_longlasting_relationship_study.html

Ladies by evidence from the above article it is now o.k. to have sex early and often. While we may still judge you and tell all of our friends we plowed you the first night we met, it could possibly lead to a long term “real” relationship and maybe even (possibly, but not likely) marriage! Who knew???

In the olden days when a girl would blow a guy or sleep with him the first night the chances of her ever becoming a “real” girlfriend were few if any shot at all. There was no chance of her being brought to a family function. The “How did you meet” question would not be a topic of conversation we would want to discuss. Also we didn’t want to have to worry about you maybe giving Uncle Milt or the Bus boy a hand-job in the bathroom at your cousins wedding. But all those worries are now gone! Hopping into bed it a good thing! Not just for us guys, but for you girls as well. You get to test drive the machine/merchandise right away. That way maybe you can make the decision after sex and say “Yea he is nice, great job, but I can’t bang that the rest of my life”. It gives you options! A win win for all.

This study was done in Iowa, where all they are known for is Sex, Corn and Crystal Meth. So it must be 100% accurate. So have fun and let the Bed hopping begin

Gwynnetastic Eats!

2010-09-16T17:25:00.000-07:00

*This is a new section: Why not combine my loves of eating and giving my option. It only seems natural. Right?

Nancy Lee’s Pig Heaven: 1540 2^nd ave. Between 80^th and 81^st NY, NY

http://pigheaven.biz/

Type: Chinese Price: Bargain Service: Excellent

This is one of the New York's best Chinese restaurants not in Chinatown and it is THE best one on the East side!

It is very rare when an owner of a restaurant stops by a table and asks how a tables dinning experience is going. Yet owner Nancy Lee does this to every single table, every single day. While she may dress like a 1960’s Bangkok Hooker, she is the most friendly and accommodating owner I have ever encountered.

The atmosphere is also incredible with indoor and outdoor seating. There is a live Jazz musician playing most nights.

The food is excellent. I recommend the Pig Butt,Young Chow Friend Rice and Grand Manier Shrimp. My boy Pete says “Best tasting Butt he has ever had”. For an appetizer the Seafood dumplings are also wonderful.

*Note: I was not paid for this review. But I will email it directly to Nancy in hope of some free lo mien or a happy ending during my next visit. Enjoy.

FAKE BOOBIE-BACKLASH!

2010-09-16T17:18:00.000-07:00

I wrote an entry a few months ago regarding the great worldly debate: Fake Boobs vs Real. It was not a shock to see which won. The feedback which was in abundance and was pretty aggressive in content I feel I need to address:

There were plenty of both positive and extremely-negative emails. I apologize for anyone I did not respond to, your question probably sucked or I didn’t want to waste my time.

First for the Haters: Not one male sent me an email in support of natural boobs. There were plenty of females who responded negatively with things calling girls cheap, fake, whores etc etc. All for having fake boobs? How can a person be upset at another person for wanting to better themselves? Isn't that what we strive towards everyday. Improvement? I feel bad for those jealous flat chested girls who cant afford boobies. Save up and stop whining! As for the naturally busty girls who think its so called “cheating” wait until your god given natural D’s meet these things called: Old age, Kids and Gravity. When your boobs are being used as your own personal soccer balls, you will be calling Dr Fake-Tit real quick.

A wonderful girl referred to her body as Real Estate. Exactly. You mow your lawn, fix your roof and upgrade your kitchen when needed. Fake boobs is just like a person getting Lasik surgery. Corrective of an imperfection!

I have never ever met a girl who said “O I wish I didn’t have these fake boobs and want to return them” “Ugghh I hate the attention my big boobs get me" No. These words are never even thought.

So ladies if you cant beat em join em!

SHE IS HOT-I TOLD YOU SO.

2010-09-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

I once was asked by one of my followers if I would sleep with Kelly Osborne. She is hot, yet extremely Pale.
Look at her on the right which was taken a few days ago. Before it was her Big Boobs and British accent. Now it is that Tutu that I am hot for.

Welcome to the world of Antoine Dodson

2010-09-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

This unintentional genius will now be in our lives for years to come. From YouTube sensation with 20 million views and counting to whats next? Reality show? Cook book? Dating a Kardashian sister? We all know what awaits poor Antoine. Mo money, Mo Problems. So after the book deal, Oprah appearance, Celebrity apprentice… I am sure Antoine will O.D on some heroin and crack with his new found money. But for the time being Hide Everything. Yo mama, Yo food, yo Car and you can Run tell Dat Home boy!!

YOU ARE WHAT YOU ORDER!

2010-09-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

I am 100% into that Male-Female, equality thingamagig and am all for that feminism B.S.

A few things that will always remain FACT: Men are better drivers than Women plain and simple. Also, Women should should not be allowed to announce Pro-Sports unless they have ever dunked a Basketball or are willing to be Topless while doing so, just saying

(Next week: I will weigh in on the Hot Mexican Reporter the NY Jets Made Cat calls at Inez gutierirz or whatever her name is. )

But I want to alert the world to a small situation I encountered that really knocked the male species back a huge step: It also taught me a big life lesson.

A Male friend of mine and his girlfriend sat next to me at a wedding recently. When the female waitress came over to take our order he went first: "Stuffed Chicken and a Pinot Grigio". The waitress' eyes semi-rolled, implying: "O.K that was for your lady friend, now what do you want, Sir". Then his girlfriend says during the awkward silence "I'll have the Steak, Medium Rare a Beer and a shot of Whiskey". My whole world stood still for a few moments:

I thought "What the Fuck just happened" ? I looked at him with total disgust, not just my own, but for the whole entire Male Species. I already knew then she wore the pants in the relationship, always wanting to watch sports and hang out late at night, all the while he wanted to cuddle, share feelings and be a Hugh Grant type.

I was truly upset this was my friend.

Since I am so loyal and would never DE-Friend him in real life, I spoke to him about this new dilemma.

I let him know that there is no excuse for being a pussy in public. None. Not his supposed high cholesterol or he is on a diet crap. Man up. You are what you order! Have Tofu at home when nobody is looking.

Lesson Learned:

Things I learned this Summer: New York Mets Suck and are- Now Hiring !!!!

2010-09-16T12:17:00.000-07:00

Being a N.Y Met Fan sucks!!! It is like having the town whore, drunk, naked, lying in your bed watching porn, yet you only get a freaking hand job out of it! It is just sad, disappointing and truly embarrassing.

I actually like going to work every morning more than I like going to CitiField for games.

So what better way to truly ruin my life but go to try and go to work for them?

They are now Hiring: Please watch

Lebron James' Kid Smokes Weed!

2010-09-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

I thought growing up in Rockaway we did things early. Whew!

Precious Tries to Coffee table surf!

2010-09-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR-Welcome Back to School Kids

2010-09-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! MOZEL TOV!

Weeks #24-27 HALF WAY There!

2010-07-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

Apology:

I would like to apologize for the long lay-off between entries. But being so awesome and living such a wild and glamorous life, things can cut into a persons writing time. But the good news is, I have tons of new thoughts/ideas/stories and theories for the world. Read on:

G#1 Soccer Sucks Part #2 (cont). Thank God the World Crap is over!

Part #1 originally published G#3 entry http://gwynnetastic.blogspot.com/2010/05/weeks-19-and-20.html

Can we stop this ridiculous charade now? Soccer sucks! Period. Yes, I am patriotic and was rooting for those 'Mary’s' on Team USA, but how do you lose to Ghana? A country, whose name is easily mistakable with gonorrhea. How the F did they even afford cleats? Blame Sally Struthers and Bono for their charitable efforts over the years (aka plot against US Soccer). Sure donate and send money, then have the kids who you send $0.29 cents a day to kick our asses in soccer! I want my F’ing money back.

More Reasons Soccer sucks and why it is really annoying:

The Dumb Names: Ronaldo, Kaka, Ronaldinho, Thierry and Landon. (Sounds like a bunch of Elton John back up dancers). I would take Shaquille, Tyreke, Bo or Amare as a real name any day of the week!

The 'Italian' American fans. I use Italian in quotes because 90% of these Howard Beach, Staten Island Fucks have never been to Italy, nor do they know two words of Italian besides 'Ciao' and 'Ragu.' Please don’t ever put up 'Forza Italia' or whatever the fuck you put up on your Facebook Status again. If you love those longhaired grease balls so much, please move back to Italy. Because I know a million Mexicans that would stab the entire Mexican team, wrap themselves in an American flag and scream “USA-USA-USA” in a second to live in this country.

On a positive note: The one good thing about this is fan from Paraguay and her tremendous Hammers. I thought Paraguay was a grocery/sporting goods store. But thanks to the many pictures of this chick, I am going there on my next vacation. I will probably double the GDP in so doing. See: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gross_domestic_product) - for my readers who went to public High Schools or S.U.N.Y Universities.

G#3-The Booty call Flip-Flop

The Confession: I am currently in a situation/predicament I have NEVER-EVER-EVER been in before. I am a Booty-Call-E. Yes, I have been in BC situations where the girl had somewhat of an upper hand. But I now for the first time have NO hand or control whatsoever. I can call on a Monday, (no response. Text on a Tuesday, no response. Email or Facebook message on a Wednesday, nothing back! Yet when my phone rings and she tells me to come over, I run like I am Usain Bolt. Regardless of what time it is or where I am, I run there like the wind. I know some people are like, wow you are lucky. No dinners, movies, long phone conversations where women just talk for hours and it is just blah, blah, blah, blah; all the while you're watching SportsCenter on mute and are praying for the conversation to be over. So I have no 'boyfriend dating duties' (I will mention she has a boyfriend. Yea, so what? Sue me, she isn't married). It is not that I even want the boyfriend duties or anything like that. I just need some leverage on my end. I tried swearing her off, “F this, this is B.S” all that nonsense man talk. But I can’t bring myself to do it. Why? She is hot and great in bed! What else is there? I just wish I had some leverage on my end, damn it! Email me suggestions/thoughts. I am so confused. gwynnetastic@gmail.com

G#4 Fake Boobies: The Debate (Finally)

This has been the most anticipated thing since LeBron James’ free-agency decision. I probably will get as much scorn and backlash as he did.

Fake Boobies, the Debate:

Disclaimer: The names of implantees have been changed for fear of physical harm to myself and because I hope to bed or re-bed them.

To Enhance, or Not to Not Enhance: that is the question. A timeless debate, similar to which came first; the chicken or the egg. I myself have swung back and forth with this.

At first I thought, no way, I didn’t like the feel of them. My first experience with fakies was at a baseball tournament in Fort Lauderdale when I was fifteen. Two of my roommates/teammates (Neil and Rob) and I went to a strip club right next to a Papa Johns, Arcade and Baskin Robbins. We were playing Video Games in the Arcade, like fifteen year olds should be. Then the owner told us he was closing up and going next door. We tried ignoring him and just kept playing Pinball. Then he just shuts the power off and is like “Get the fuck out, I am going next door!” We were scared shitless and were pissed he ended our games. Being the good-natured soul he was he said we should come with him next door. We looked at each other and were like, what the F!. So we just walk right into this place Fred’s, it smelt of body odor and sweat from ten feet outside. I think no way, I can get into this place. I don’t even have a fake ID. We walk up with the fat arcade owner and the bouncer lets us right in. Then he says “Yo” calling us back. We're busted right? Nope. He just takes a big black marker and literally paints a huge X on out wrists. So we are in. The arcade owner knows everyone in the place. It was as if the strip club was Cheers and he was Norm. He leaves to sit with some stripper. So my two teammates and I (who I had met four days prior) go and sit down in the back. An obviously pregnant, barely seventeen year-old waitress comes over and takes our order for two cokes and Neil asks for an iced tea (I swear to God this dufus from Rhode Island asked for a Lemonade). She comes back: $15 bucks. DAMN. We thought it was going to be free, we were fifteen, what the F did we know? But $5 for a flat fountain Coke (in 1995). Awesome. The kid Rob paid and so awkwardly tipped her two dollars in the waistband of her shorts. She is pregnant and wearing shorts almost down to her knees and a t-shirt showing her belly. This kid was 100% a virgin. Neil and I goofed on him a little for tipping her down her shorts in such a weirdo way. But it was all in good fun. Now the talent starts coming by and checking out the huge X marks on our hands. I have never been called “Big Boy” or “Big Guy” as many times as all those girls did that day. Christ I was 15 and looked 12. So one girl asks if I want a “dance”. Like a first timer, I was scared shitless and said no. She walked away. Totally polite. Then this black dancer comes up and Neil springs off his seat like the place is on fire. She didn’t even ask him and he was like “yes”. So Rob and I are sitting there and a real cute shy dancer comes up (I don’t know why, I thought she way shy, she gets naked for a fucking living). So we go to the back corner and she starts dancing. Dress comes off, grinding on me backwards, then she turns around and Bam! Rock Hard-Ice cold Fake Tits: right in my face. They felt like Frozen Grapefruits. Plus her cleavage gap was literally the size of my head! So, the dance continues, I am in shock and awe of my first set of fake tits and how incredibly flexible this girl is. The dance is over and I am numb. Fake boob de-virginization, Wow. So I go back and sit with Neil and Rob; and the 3 of us have a boobie conversation. Neil was shocked I she had fake tits, like most 15 year olds he has never felt a pair either. Rob, he began to hate. Saying Fake tits are for whores, low lives, strippers (yes), trashy, etc. etc. etc. Then he hit me with poetry I still have not forgotten to this day: “You want your wife having fake tits?” Every one of your friends will always be staring, plus your kids will get made fun of at school. There it was. I didn’t give a crap if my friends stared at my wife’s fake boobs (I now stare at my friends wives fake boobs) but it was the kids, that’s what hit me. I can see it now: My kid cracking jokes, abusing kids, almost having them in tears (Just like his old man), Then the bomb. F you, your Mama got fake titties. Trump Card. He wins and now every other kid has that ammo forever! Despite the glorious lap dance and size of those boobies, I was anti Fake from that day on.

Then I decide to go to college in Queens, New York. Wow, were there fake boobies everywhere. Girls, who couldn't afford to drive a car and took the bus, had fake boobs. They were everywhere and I could not stop staring. So eventually I conned some girl with a set of fake ones into hooking up with me. We will call her Valerie. Valerie had a decent size job; I didn’t know they were fake until her fat friend (who tried banging me behind her back) told me over AIM. So finally I got Valerie naked and they were rock solid. Like two baseballs, no movement, nothing. Again, they were super far apart! Boobies should be able to be squished together, not be running away from each other. Valerie was cute and a nice girl, I think her personality really helped me be in favor of her boobs. I did also brag to everyone I knew that they were fake. But again, she was real Italian and wanted marriage at like 21. Pump the breaks girl. So I think, no way am I getting married now and then it came into my head again. My kids having to deal with mommy having fake boobies! So things ended and I was still anti-fake boobie.

Then came Jess. We were friends in college, hooked up here and there, nothing serious just casual sex like college kids should be having. Then 3 years after college, she gets them. I never had a girl pre-fake, and then go to Fake, after. She had a great job, not too big, not to small, close but still a big gap. So by now, I was indifferent. “Hey if my wife had these, I could probably deal,” I figured.

Then there came Linda. Authors Note: I don’t believe in love at first sight, but she was gorgeous. She was the first girl whose face was a 10. Her smile, Teeth, hair, skin, 10. I didn’t even realize her boobs were fake because I could not top staring at her face. We end up hooking up a few weeks later then I discover them. The best set of fake tits on God's green earth. It was like Jesus himself did the Surgery. Then it hit me. I can love and marry this pretty face, then when she is 50 and wrinkly, I will be married to this wonderful set of fake tits. Epiphany.

I know what you all are thinking. But I do not care. I think it is a woman’s right to improve herself in any way she sees fit. It is like Lasik surgery. Who are we to judge what a woman should or shouldn't do with her body? Society should accept fake boobies and love them, just as I do. As for my kids being made fun of, toughen up you little shit! If mommy didn’t have those you would not be alive.

G#3 Douche bags “icing” Douche Bags:

Know how I know you are gay? You went to a store bought Smirnoff Ice and tried to get a man drunk and on his knees. Yeah - you are queer. For those of you lucky enough to not know what Bros Icing Bros is: I will give the short version. You try and make another man touch or accidentally find a Smirnoff Ice on their person or around them. Then he has to get on one knee and chug it.

Or here is a link to show you how douche this is: http://www.wonderhowto.com/how-to-play-bros-icing-bros-smirnoff-ice-drinking-game-375794/

Is this not the fucking gayest thing since skinny jeans? If you have ever Ice’d or been Ice’d please come out of the closet. Because if some guy tried to Ice me, I would crack that fucking bottle of Smirnoff over his head for lying to me for however long we've known each other, about him being queer. Ice that.

G# Overtime/Quips/Notes/Extra Baggage.

-Why does Kimora Lee-Simmons' neck look like a pack of cold hot dogs?

-Has anyone ever seen the advertisements for Astroglide? What a great and fitting name for a product. I can’t wait to say "Honey, pass the AstroGlide” and see the look on her face.

-Why do those big sunglasses make ugly girls look decent? I think its complete hotness fraud! There should be some type of law against them. Complete summertime mis-representation.

-LeBron James really signed with the Miami Heat because he wants to be on the next season of Basketball Wives.

G# Next Week/Coming Soon:

Mel Gibson: Warrior Poet, explained.

Lady Gaga: Put some Clothes on

NEW SECTION: Gwynne-Eats: NYC Restaurant Review

iPod Play List

The Rub and Tug Conversation

Week #23 AS THE WORLD TURNS

2010-06-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

G#1 Fired for being hot??

The phrase sounds and seems utterly ridiculous. It should read, fired for refusing to give blowjobs or bang management. Debralee Lorenzo (from Queens! of course!) Is suing Citibank because she was “allegedly” fired for being hot. Yes, she 100% is a fine piece of tail. But fired for being hot sounds and seems completely ludicrous! She truthfully doesn’t even look capable to work a fill in shift- cocktail waitressing at Hooters, never the less having a job in finance.

Her Bosses allegedly “Banned” her from wearing formfitting, low cut and revealing clothing to work. That sounds like total horse shit unless her bosses were Ryan Seacrest and Mario Lopez. You encourage hot women to dress slutty in the office; it makes the day go by so much faster. Try my trick of turning off the A/C so it is like a sauna and they get damn near naked.

Also Deb, a great way to shift public opinion towards your favor and away from you just simply being a total attention seeking, money grubbing whore; is not to be posing for pictorials in the NY Post, in which you are straddling fax machines and dry humping office chairs. A better way would be working with blind kids or something like that. But good luck Deb, I look forward to seeing you on an upcoming VH1 reality show, posing in Playboy or on Showtime After-Dark doing soft porn.

G#2 Why I need new friends: A Text/Phone Conversation.

(I will use the names “Fred” and “Wilma” to protect those involved)

Text Fred: What you doing tonight? Movies?

Text Me: Sure. What and Where.

Text Fred: Sex and the City. 4 Chicks.

(I immediately pick up and call him. Confused to say the least)

Me: What the fuck are you talking about?

Fred: Let’s go to the movie there will be tons of chicks there.

Me: Yea, but it is a movie you really can’t talk during them.

Fred: So, let’s go and just chill by the theater. Play videogames or whatever.

Me: That’s retarded. We are not 11. I’ll see a different movie or watch the Mets somewhere.

Fred: I don’t wanna watch the Mets at a bar. They suck and only ugly girls like them.

Me: Where is Wilma? (His live in girlfriend) She move out?

Fred: Nah, She has class tonight.

Me: Lets just go to Redemption. I am hungry. 20 minutes.

Fred: Fine.

@ Redemption “Fred” told the female bartender that he remembered a way better looking staff that usually worked there. Needless to say we didn’t get one drink on the house and I refused to order food due to fear of it being spit in. It amazes me how he has a rich/good looking girlfriend. I really need some new friends.

G#3 Oil Spill in the Gulf.

The Nation/World is in real crisis mode with this oil spill. It is the first time in my life I can say that I would much rather have seafood caught off the waters of Broad Channel, NY than from anywhere in the south.

BP has brought in some of the world’s greatest scientists and thinkers in, all trying to plug/solve this problem. They even reached out to Mr. Waterworld Kevin Costner and Avatar Director James Cameron for help. Have they seen Waterworld? They really must be desperate. Of course I have a wonderful and simple solution for a fix. Let’s say we fly about: 30 Italian guys from Howard Beach, 35 from the Bronx, 20 from Staten Island and about 25 or so from Bay Ridge Brooklyn, down to the Gulf. But the Government confiscates all their hair products flying down there. This was they have to dip their heads into the ocean in order for them to spike their hair for the night.

How simple is that??

G#4 GwynneFlix: Anaconda 3.

Besides- Making really Bad decisions, cavities, risk of heart attack, diabetes along with plenty of other negatives are reasons not to drink Red Bull. But the #1 reason is that while your body is twitching and you can’t sleep at 5am, Anaconda 3 may be the only thing on Television!!!

I didn’t even know there was an Anaconda 2 and I know everything about the movies!

I have 300+ fucking channels and this seriously is the only thing on TV at 5am?!?!?

But the movie as you could imagine was god-awful. The one bright spot was that it starred David “The fucking man and worldwide pimp” HasselHoff!!! That’s right Knight Rider and Mitch Buchanon starred in Anaconda 3!

If he needs to do movies like this just for a paycheck- newsflash to the world (Pre-NUPPPPP!!!). The movie has a typical monster /cliché ending, with super fake fight scenes, explosions, bad guys dying, good guys surviving by hanging off a building with a show-lace. -Etc etc and all of that. And of course one little baby Anaconda survives through it all. So be sure there is going to be an Anaconda 4 staring Ian Ziering coming soon! So don’t drink Red Bull kids.

G#5 Half-pint Brawlers on Spike TV. (Check your local listings).

I have always been a huge (pun intended) fan of little people aka Midgets. But after watching this show I am now truly obsessed!!! The show follows around a bunch of wrestling-gypsy midgets!!! How awesome and original! There is a god and he makes TV shows on Spike TV! These little dudes are a mix of the Jackass characters and the steroid freaks from the 80’s WWF. They haze new midgets by shaving their heads and midget testicles. Then they make them wear thongs and run around random parking lots screaming, “I am a midget, I am a midget” How F-ing awesome??? Then they get drunk and put on wrestling performances in bars and nightclubs!! I am already freaking addicted to this show.

I think I either need to hook up with a hot little midget chick and get my fix or get me one as a friend/sidekick. I know Chelsea Handler has a midget, but he is Mexican and really just short. I want a real full blooded American Midget-to call my own!

G#6 Deaths come in 3’s, well 2 and halves that is.

I am guessing most of you think I m going to make a ton of mean-spirited and inappropriate jokes about the “Celebrity Trio” whom all just passed away this week. Well for the most part you are 98.7% right.

First I will say a few kind words about Dennis Hopper: He was truly one of the best actors/people in the history of Hollywood. Just check the credits over 200+ acting roles! He was in: Speed, True Romance, Hoosiers, Apocalypse Now, Easy Rider and they even used his voice for Grand Theft auto vice city! Gangster! I am also sure this guy did more drugs and plowed more hot chicks in his lifetime then I could ever dream of!

Sean Penn named his son Hopper, how cool is that? Having somebody else name his or her kid after YOU?? R.I.P to a true Legend. These little fags like Shia Lebuttfuck or Harry Potter or whoever could not hold one of your nuts on screen. God Bless.

“What-chew talking bout Willis” an iconic line from an iconic little dude.

Heaven forbid you were black male and under 5 ft 2inches in the past 20 years because Gary Coleman was most likely your nickname. Let me say Different Strokes was one of the most racist and unrealistic programs in the history of television. (Alert my Brother/Hood’ side is coming out)

Sure, a super rich white dude would adopt his dead maid’s two black sons. False, he would have maybe offered them jobs when they got their driver’s licenses and his chauffeur. If he wanted more kids either he would have found some 25 year old gold digger and made more babies, or he would have gone the Adopt-an-Asian route.

Some weird rich old dude who likes little boys and showers them with gifts and toys? Hmm makes you think. Did anyone think maybe Mr. Drummond might have been foreshadowing/inspiring of Michael Jackson’s living habits? You didn’t think of that did you?

The title of the show is even has racist/pedophilia undertones Different Stokes! No wonder why Dana Plato killer herself and Willis was so messed up in real life. There was funny business going on at the set!

Little Arnold was just crying for help all this time. That’s why he was acting so crazy all these years!! We just didn’t see it. He needed our help. Shame on us. Further proof of it, why the F was he living in Salt Lake City? He didn’t play for the Utah Jazz, so there is no other reason for a brother to be living in Mormon country! Crazy. R.I.P little man.

Blance from the golden girls. She really doesn’t deserve that many words. Maybe in her prime Dennis Hopper would have gotten her a decent acting role in exchange for some “casting couch” action. But alas she was a true OG (Old Girl-for new readers). Death happens to people her age.

G#7 In Closing

I probably will get axed for being so sexy. I need a midget in my life to keep me from drinking red bull and so I can get rid of some of my friends. We need Guido’s to save the world. Death sucks and legends should not die the same week as midgets and wrinkly old hags.

Next Week/Coming Soon:

GwynneFlix-goes 80’s RED DAWN

Fake Boobies:

The Meaning of Life:

Ashlee Dupree

The Finale of Basketball wives.

I update and Re-new the Baseball Rules

Jordan Van Der Snoot vs. O.J who would you rather date/marry

Where are they now???

Naming a IPod play list after your friend? Gay or Really Gay?

Week #21 and #22- Dear Summer! I have arrived

2010-06-02T15:33:00.000-07:00

G#1 Ask Gwynnetastic

Q1. Would you have sex with Kelly Osborne ?

A1. Obviously you already know me. I love girls with Tattoo's. I love girls who are a little "healthy" in the physique department. Plus, I am such a sucker for British accents.
After a drink or two, I 100% would. I am sure holidays with her family are awesome! So-Yes,I would!

Q2. You seem to go on a lot of bachelor parties. What really happens on them?
A2. There is a ton of man cuddling and walking around naked together. Then while out at night we drink out of penis straws. We also wear sashes, crowns and play dumb games. Hope it helps.

G# 2 One Liner-Joke of the Week

I went to the eye doctor for my wandering eye. He told me his wife has the same problem and that I really need to stop F*cking her.

G #3 Word of the week and a quick discussion:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Wedi-quette&defid=4998003

Weddings: like death, herpes, infidelity and taxes-are just simply unavoidable. While they can be extremely fun-they also can really suck. That is why I think people should take into account Wedi-quette. This is not just for guests

attending, this is for the people/families throwing these weddings. Nobody wants people mumbling before and after a wedding, that it sucked and was just a huge mess. Right?
I have been on the wrong end of some bad Wedi-quette recently. I was invited to a wedding 400 miles away-and it was NOT NEAR A BEACH. How freaking rude??
How about being invited to a wedding single and not really knowing anyone who is going to be there?
Also I know these weddings are expensive but I think if you are having a questionable wedding ie: One on a holiday weekend, Thursday/Sunday at the local Knights of Columbus. I think somewhat of a sales pitch is deserved for the invite-E to entice them to go. Examples: Letting people know that XYZ are going to be there, who the DJ/Or who the Band is. Also let people know you are doing a full venetian hour instead of just a simple wedding cake. I will 100% go to a wedding anywhere/anytime if there is cotton candy, sour patch kids, Brownie and Rice-crispy treats with a Melting chocolate waterfall!! So keep it all in mind and step your Wedi-quette up!!

G#4 Necessary Male Behavior

I have lately noticed some disturbing trends taking shape in the NYC Nightlife scene. First, if you are a straight heterosexual man- you cannot drink out of a martini glass!!
Sure Martini's are fine, but not the glass. Ask for it in a rocks/pint or highball glass. The only way one can drink out of a Martini glass and have it be o.k are:

1. You wear a Rolex, drive an Aston Martin with machine guns on the bottom of it and wear
   2.7 lbs of hair get.

2. You are on a Yacht: with at least 3 people in plaid and two people named either - Muffy,
   Trip, Bianca, Chad, Roger or Dick.

3. You are gay and proud. Cheers to you. At least you came out.

The Napkin around the beer bottle also infuriates me. I never understood this. I guess girls say the beer is either cold or they don't like the condensation on it. So they put a napkin around it. But if you are a man, please don't do this. Suck it up.   Thanks.

G#5 This is a long running debate:

One as old as: which came first, the chicken or the egg? The Question, how old is to old old for a share/summer house?
As a crafty veteran of 6 summer/share houses (3 summers I paid for-The other 3 times I told the people in the house to Fuck off (Really)

   So, I weigh in:
In the summer house life/scene I have seen it all:
People have ended up getting married, females pooping in the 3rd floor bathroom- it overflowing and flooding the whole entire house, dripping down 3 flights. People crashing other peoples cars (then denying it), throwing eggs all over the place for no reason at all, the beginnings of great friendships, tons of fist-fights, boobies being flashed  and so on and so on.
Share houses are truly amazing!
In every share house there is that one "Old Person" whom may of once
had a summer share with the apostles. That person on the first weekend gets a ton of stares the first weekend and is the subject to plenty of whispers- Ranging from "Who brought their Mom or Dad" "Is this a nursing home or a share/house?" But that old person always has awesome value in the end. They either are so awesomely drunk one weekend you forget their age and you end up saying "I love this geezer!"
Or when the cops come to the house for a noise complaint, that oldie talks the cops down from giving the house a ticket; just because the cops respect their elders and they are so shocked someone so old can be in a share house.    So- the answer is-There is no age limit or you can never be to old. Rock on seniors, Rock on. Just don't die on us between Memorial day and Labor day.

G#6 GwynneFlix:

These Asshole Hollywood- executives think we are stupid. How dare they try and re-make two true classics with Brutal actors and what I am sure are movies full of crap dialogue and cliché after cliché!

Let’s begin with THE KARATE KID. How fucking dare they try and pawn Jackie Chan off as Mister Miagee. Pat Marita was in Happy Days for Christ sake. He is an Asian Acting Pioneer. Jackie Chan- I will give him those Rush Hour Movies, pretty decent. But he was in Rumble in the Bronx! What a joke and utter disrespect to a legend. Next we have Jayden Smith playing Daniel Fucking Larusso! That is not a type-o; The son of Will Smith will be playing the Crane Kicking-All Valley champion Larusso. This is like Will Smith playing Tupac in a bio-pic. Unfathomable! Next, the movie takes place is China where Smith is bullied by classmates and forced to learn how to fight. First off Smith is black and Chinese people think all black people are either related to Obama, Micheal Jackson or are members of the Bloods or Crips. I am not joking, either- They really do! Plus Smith should not be getting bullied; he has to be 2 feet taller than every Asian in his class! What crap. Plus if you do a remake how could you not have another "Johnny" Or have the sweep the leg scene! I am Outraged I tell you!

A true crime against humanity this move is. Boycott! Boycott! Do not even watch it On- Demand when it comes out in October!

Next: Robin Hood

How the F does Maximus Aurelius-Russel Crowe agree to play this part? Let me go from an iconic sword swinging, queen banging Gladiator, to a Green tight wearing-archer, who skips around the forest with clergy (Friar Tuck-You never saw the hidden gay-church symbolism in this did you?). I wish this was like the NCAA where you can take away past accomplishments with asterisks. The IMDB website would now Read Gladiator staring: (Actors name removed after putting on tights and elf shoes for a paycheck in the summer of 2010). He also played Richie Roberts super cop in American Gangster. Great part, he went Toe to Toe with Denzel! Now he is in the forest butt-fucking Friar Tuck! C’mon Russell. This movie should have been barred from remakes after Kevin Costner laid the smack down for his portrayal of the English folk hero with a So-cal accent. Damn this movies and everyone in it!

While I love the movies I just hope Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure is never remade.

That is a true classic and a wonderful piece of Hollywood Cinema. If Aliens came to earth right now, it would be the 1st movie I give them for a better understanding of our culture. SO please Hollywood. Get creative and leave these classic alone.

G#7 The Re-cap

I would bang Kelly Osborne. I would not take her to see the Karate Kid, but we would Netflix Bill and Ted.
If I see an annoying person on yacht I have reason to kill them and Hi-5 an old person, just for the hell of it!!

Next Week Coming Soon:

The Meaning of Life

More Basketball-Wives

Ash Dupree- The Next Oprah

Fake Boobs

I update and re-new Baseball fan rules
Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper Eulogy's.

Weeks #19 and #20

2010-05-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

G # 1 Happy Mothers Day:

Happy 1st Mothers day to Sandra Bullock. Great idea, adopting a new baby. For a women who couldn’t keep her Ex-Husband satisfied; adding a crying, snot blowing, pooping baby to the mix-seams real smart in the pursuit for a new husband.

I am guessing, Sandra is either releasing a pop album soon and is trying to get some publicity; or she trying to get Brad Pitt to give her the bone one night.

Happy Mothers day to Angela Dianne Bryant. The mother of NFL-Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant. Think you got a shitty Mom and Dad? Maybe they didn’t buy you the G.I Joe with the Kung-Fu grip, maybe they didn’t let you finish you PlayStation 2 game and made you do homework instead. Maybe they even smashed your face in a plate of linguine one night at dinner.

But I am sure none are as awful as Mama and Papa Bryant. When Dez Bryant was asked in an interview “What did your father do for a living”? HE answered “ A Pimp”- The follow up question was “Well, what did your mother do?” Bryant's response “She worked for my dad”. The obvious next question, other then “Excuse me can you repeat that?” was logically "So your mother was a prostitute?" Bryant looked at the floor and said “No”. That is all the info we have the interview. But when he said his Dad was a pimp and his mom worked for him, I didn’t think she was working in accounting or the promotions department. Do you?

Angela Bryant did admittedly sell some crack and was arrested for it. Not Butt crack, The drug kind. So happy mothers day to her and add this to the list of why your Parents really aren’t so bad!

G #2 I answer magazines questions:

*These were ACTUAL reader questions that were sent to the magazines. I think my answers are a little bit more helpful.

GQ May 2010:

Q. What is your take on cutoffs? Can a grown man pull them off? Are they only for jeans or can I do it with a pair of courds too?

A. Cut offs are for people with Rat-tails, motorcycles, mustaches and truckers. If you live in Arkansas or Alabama you can pull them off, not to many other places you can. But if you do have anything corduroy, please burn it immediately.

* Please note in the May 2010 issues the Open Letter: Is to the class of 2010. Please check http://gwynnetastic.blogspot.com/2009/08/run-this-town.html eerily familiar?

Men's Health May 2010

Q. My girlfriend is not into sex from behind. How can I make it better for her?

A. Put it in her butt when she is sleeping. If she wakes up pretend you were doing it in your sleep. If she doesn’t, win for you. Or you can just dump her and tell her why. There are plenty of girls you can mold and have do anything you want/need.

Playboy May 2010

Q. Should I ask my girlfriends father for his blessing before I propose. Is it to old fashioned?

A. You should ask his permission only if he is throwing in some cash for the wedding and giving a substantial size gift. Old fashioned? The brides family always used to pay for weddings., none of this out of pocket/spay your own wedding b.s Men used to trade a goat and a cow for a young bride. Sounds good to me. A bottle of milk and a Boars head roast for a girls hand in marriage. Its fair, right.

G# 3 World Cup!

Yippee the World Cup is being played this August in South Africa!! Awesome! But who really cares? Name two players or the coach on the American team off the top of your head. Quick, try it......couldn't do it? Soccer is not a real sport and never will be.

*Authors note: Soccer is fine for girls, there is a ton of hot-chick A$$ in female soccer. It is the un-butch-hot chick sport.

But guys who played soccer-could not catch, throw, shoot and /or were frail bodied wusses. Sorry. Go team USA!

G#4 A trip down the Runway!

Can guys please stop wearing Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers? Unless you are in a Punk-Rock Band, Homeless or are Bill Russell you cannot wear them! Ditto for men in Leather Sandals. Unless they were hand me downs from Christ himself or you are auditioning for Spartacus 2, leave them for the Mesopotamians.

What would posses someone to wear a Bow Tie, unless it is mandated by a tuxedo these should not be worn. People who wear bow ties are pretty much assholes.

Same goes for suspenders. Assholes. (Exception anyone who is over 50). There is this wonderful invention called a belt! Wow technology is wild. Please look in your closets and in the mirror before you go out. I may wind up sucker punching you if you are in any of the above articles of clothing.

G#5 GwynneFlix: Iron Man 2- Sex and the City 2

Iron-Man 2

Certain movies you must actually see in theaters despite the $12.75 ticket price, you can’t see it on a Bootleg DVDs from 40-deuce, this movie is one of them. The special effects are good. (Note: The Movie Theater on 62nd and 1st has awful Nachos, the chips come in a bag and the cheese is single serving.)

Robert Downy Jr is witty and on point in this movie. He is such a better actor that Charlie Sheen.

A few issues and notes: What is more believable- A billionaire in a metal suit, who fliers around shooting things and blowing them up. Or that Gwyneth Paltrow would be the CEO of a company? Yea, the later is total fantasy.

Scarlett Johanssen is in the movie as well. While she is a sexy piece of veal, seeing her as a secret agent who kicks 20 people’s asses with Kung fu is not the right role for her. She should be bubbly and bouncing around the screen in little or no clothes. That's reality.

Sex and the City 2

While I haven't seen it because it is out yet, I will tell you what happens. Four old crusty sluts, who wear expensive clothes/handbags accessories, who can't read and who have no morals, take a trip. They have sex with Random guys, go shopping, and have dinner at expensive restaurants while having the most mind numbing and moronic conversations. O and yes they will be in high heels

G# 6 Summary

May the Lord Help me!

Next week/Coming Soon:

The Meaning of Life

More Basketball-Wives

Ash Dupree- The Next Oprah

Fake Boobs

I update and re-new Baseball fan rules.