h e l l o . i n t e r l o p e r

Retired

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Wed, 04 Jan 2023 08:13:00 +0000

Retiring this blog.

New blog @ aceofmonsters.blogspot.com

Depression

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Mon, 02 Apr 2018 23:04:00 +0000

I'm using Google's speech to text, so things are probably not going to be very accurate. I just don't feel like typing.

Things have been very rough today. I'm not very sure how to explain how I'm feeling right now, but I feel as if there's a strange numbing sensation from my upper arm down into my fingers. I feel like I can't fully move my hands, like they're stiff, or bit like pins and needles. It's as if my grip is not as strong as it should be, or my spacial awareness of my hands is not proper. I know that sounds very strange, but that's the only way I could possibly explain how I'm feeling at the moment. In addition to that, I feel completely despondent. Nothing I do gives me any sort of satisfaction. Nothing gives me any pleasure. Being alone has been really getting to me as well, it is so incredibly lonely being in a space that was once always occupied. I find myself crying and mourning, although I'm not sure what I'm mourning for. Am I just crying for myself? I really can't tell, and that's what's driving me crazy. I can't put my finger down on what I'm feeling, and I think a lot of it has to do with the withdrawal symptoms. I'm sure there's some depersonalization that I'm going through right now, because a part of me feels like I'm just playing pretend. That my whole life is just an act, and I'm just the actor. That I'm just saying things, and I don't feel anything. This emotional flatness is really terrible, and I wish it would stop. I just want to be able to feel something other than feeling dissatisfied with the current state of affairs.

Survey + Beermoney Apps - Followup Report

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Fri, 16 Mar 2018 12:22:00 +0000

Hello again, everyone!

If you have read my first Survey + Beermoney App blog post, you might be wondering... How did these apps hold up in the long run? Which did I end up keeping?

Well, here's a follow-up to my original post.

I have used each of these apps for approximately three months now. (My previous summary was after a month of use.)

Remember that my experiences with these apps might not be reflective of yours! Every survey has a different target audience, and while I might be rejected from every survey an app throws at me and think it sucks, you might adore it and hit bank.

ONTO THE REVIEWS!!!

#1 iPoll

Since my last post, iPoll has been completely reworked to be oddly familiar...

...because it looks and fuctions exactly like QuickThoughts. The difference is that there is no $0.10 consolation prize for being rejected from a survey, and you most likely will get rejected from most. The pay is also a lot lower, with most being under a dollar.

Final verdict: The amount of money I have made from this app has not changed at all. I'm still at $0.30, and frankly this app pisses me off. It's like QuickThoughts' illegitimate cousin. I would honestly pass on this one.

Referral Link: http://bit.ly/pSgd31

#2 1Q

Oh 1Q, how I love and hate you. Questions come rarely, but I always seem to be asleep or busy when they do... And then they expire.

As you can see, I haven't been too lucky when it comes to answering questions as soon as they become available. I went and switched my notifications to pop-ups and am hoping for better luck.

Final Verdict: Okay, so I only made $0.50 more since my last review, but remember... This is cash that gets sent straight into your PayPal account. No thresholds, no gimmicks. I'm still holding out hope that more companies will use this app for data collection, and thus more questions will become available.

Referral Link: http://1q.com/SJLPd

#3 Surveys On The Go

Surveys On The Go still fails to live up to its name as being a go-to for a bored person with some free time.

Still, I've been getting a new survey every once in a while, and they're rather short. If you don't qualify, you get a $0.10 consolation, which I was previously unaware of.

Final Verdict: Since my last review, I have amassed $7.60 which is pretty close to the cash out threshold of $10. I'm definitely going to stick through to get my money.

#4 Survey.com (the app!)

Survey.com continues to disappoint in a whole new way.

Rather than giving actual surveys, they're now giving me work opportunities to do product demonstrations. What the hell? I'm trying to make money from my phone... In my spare time. I don't want job offers.

Final Verdict: This app has been a complete waste of space. My account remains unchanged at $1.00 and I don't see that changing. What a waste of a good app name.

#5 Swagbucks

Though many people love Swagbucks, I just haven't been feeling it. Being rejected from lots of surveys sure gets you down.

I don't check this one as often as I probably should, but I just hate survey disqualifications so much.

Final Verdict: Don't let my lack of enthusiasm for Swagbucks get you down. Ask any Beermoney expert, and they will put Swagbucks on their list of essential sites/apps. Also keep in mind that every survey is looking for different demographics. I might just not be what they're looking for.

Referral Link: http://www.swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=1186798&cmp=197&cxid=2001-app

#6 CheckPoints

This app confuses the hell out of me. Nothing has changed, but I get notifications to "check in" to shops all the time.

I open the app, and I receive no points. I haven't been shopping lately either, so I haven't had a chance to check out the bar-code scanning feature.

Final Verdict: I'm still keeping this one despite my confusion and lack of use. There will be a time when I'm at the mall and will have a use for this app. It just hasn't come up yet.

Referral Code: hellointerloper

#7 Acorn Hunt

I'm going to be honest... This app is a drag. Videos give you barely any acorns. The GIF section was broken for a while and may still be broken, but I wouldn't know because it's been ages since I bothered to open this app.

I don't want to complete offers, and surveys provided by Peanut Labs suck big time.

Final Verdict: Peanut Labs is awful. The pay rate is awful. Offers that make you pay to get a little bit of money back are awful. I just dislike this app altogether.

Referral Code: MLAMEDICA

#8 QuickThoughts

This app is the absolute bomb. It continues to provide surveys that pay a dollar each, $0.10 for surveys you don't qualify for, and just generally has been my favorite app.

The surveys have been released on a consistent basis and I can't say enough good things about this app.

Final Verdict: If there is one app that you should have, it's this one. I have already cashed out a $10 iTunes gift card and am working my way towards my second. Keep in mind that if iTunes isn't your jam, there are many places online where you can sell or exchange your giftcard code for something else. I personally used mine on an app game. No regrets.

#9 Inbox Dollars

This app annoys me. The surveys are constantly broken (whether they're dead links, never load, etc...) and the money just isn't coming in.

Did I mention the telemarketers? I get at least 4 calls a week. I'm convinced it's thanks to InboxDollar's "offers."

Final Verdict: If you're into masochism, then be my guest... Download this app. I'm done with it.

Referral Link: http://www.inboxdollars.com/?p=z&qid=1370608954&ic=c5ZYZ8894525&aid=9

Well, I hope this review write-up helped you determine which survey and money-making apps are worth your time and which to avoid.

Cheers and happy hunting!

ADHD Mini Essay

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Fri, 09 Jun 2017 04:59:00 +0000

ADHD was actually an evolutionary advantageous adaptation to hunter/gatherer societies. The ADHD brain needs constant stimulation and short-term rewards. Hunting and tracking an animal, or searching for food/resources is full of stimulation, sensory data, and great reward. In other words, people with ADHD were amazing hunter/gatherers, and it started to become more genetically common because hey, people who can bring food home were sexy back then.
When we moved towards an agricultural society, aka very boring, repetitive crop and animal care with long-term instead of short-term rewards, ADHD started to become a "problem." Watering crops and weeding each day is boring, with very little reward on a daily basis. Feeding an animal, breeding it, waiting for it to give birth, and waiting for it to reach maturity for eating takes a very long time too. People with ADHD do not thrive in these kind of jobs. It's boring, it isn't stimulating, and has a low reward factor.
In our society ADHD is no longer an advantage, because we are all expected to do the same shit every day, keep the same routine, etc... Wake up, go to school, sit still, graduate, get a job, wake up, go to work. It's a terribly boring routine. This is unfortunately why so many kids and adults with ADHD look for outside stimulation. Some become addicted to tech like video games (constant stimulation and rewards), drugs (instant reward), or high-risk behaviors (high stimulation and rewards). They get punished or drugged for trying to seek what their genetics and brains crave.
This is why people with ADHD need to throw away other people's expectations and do what they know they enjoy, and schools need to stop expecting every kid to "sit still, shut up, and learn."
I have ADHD, really fucking badly. Meds gave me really scary heart palpitations and sent me to the cardiologist, because my heart rate shot up to 140. That's not normal. It was so hard to make it through school. But you know what? Now that I'm done with it, I finally figured out what my real talents are. I love mycology, the study of mushrooms and fungi, and hunting for them out in the wild. I love dogs and taking care of them. I love herping... literally hunting for amphibians/reptiles. I love making art. What I really want to do is breed pacman frogs. Can't do it now because of my living situation, but it's a legitimate job that a lot of people can't handle or can't be bothered to do because it's a shit load of work. For me though, that constant stimulation sounds like a dream.
So fuck the system, and fuck society trying to make people with ADHD fit into their idea of what a "normal" person should be. Drugging people with ADHD isn't the answer. We're just good at different things. We just need to stop being told that different is bad.

- originally a comment I was making on Facebook, but it devolved into an essay

Anxiety and the daily suffering it brings

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Tue, 16 May 2017 06:03:00 +0000

I feel that a lot of people get anxiety and stress confused. Sure, they both sound like similar afflictions, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Stress is something that we all feel, usually in response to something that makes us uncomfortable. For example, an upcoming exam could be stressful because we do not know for sure what is on that exam, or if we have studied all the material that is necessary to pass it. Anxiety, however, is very much a different thing, and I would go so far as to say that it is more of a medical condition.

Of course, is very difficult for people who do not suffer from anxiety to understand what exactly it feels like. There are so many possible symptoms of anxiety that one cannot simply summarize it by its symptoms alone. To give a quick example, it is a common misconception that a panic attack is when somebody begins to hyperventilate and lose control of themselves. While that is one type of panic attack, and it is true that many people do react that way in response to their anxiety disorder, there are many different other kinds of panic attacks. Someone suddenly overheating terribly and feeling as if they need to throw all of their clothes off, even when it is not warm in the room, can be a panic response. A panic attack is just a very extreme reaction to anxiety, and that is really all that can be said about that matter in particular without over generalizing.

In order for one to actually understand what anxiety is compared to stress, we must keep in mind that all humans have a flight or fight response. Is something that is ingrained in us and passed down through Evolution. It is what has helped us survive and evolve all this time, and it helps us in our daily lives to this day. When we are faced with stress, like that exam for instance, we know we must either study for it, or just give up completely. It is very simple to do either one, and therefore we are only stressed out. We can fight the exam through studying, or we can just simply concede defeat and not study at all. We could even drop the class if we so choose. We are uncomfortable, but we do not have anxiety. We have a solution to our problem that we can act upon, and that is solvable by our own means.

Now, here is the main difference between Stress and Anxiety. Anxiety is the response that we have when a fight-or-flight response is triggered, but we can do neither. Whether or not we are missing the means to fight it or it is all in our own mind does not matter. Mental illness doesn't have to be rational, so perhaps one could fight it yet their own afflictions are keeping them back from doing so. We could also just not have the means, because fighting back in every situation is not possible. The same goes for flight. We cannot run away from every problem, and there are some things that we simply cannot give up on or avoid in life. When you can neither fight something nor run away from it, anxiety takes over and begins to consume you. You panic, and it hurts whomever it affects tremendously.

In order to explain a little more accurately, I will begin to get into my own personal case. I have been diagnosed by a licensed psychiatrist with what is known as situational anxiety. It is different than generalized anxiety disorder because it is caused by a certain environment or life situation. Once I am away from that environment or that situation ends, the anxiety will be alleviated and no longer be a problem for me. For me that environment happens to be my own home, and the situation is that I am 27 years old, currently disabled, unable to work, and have no income. That is probably over simplifying things; what is needed to have some background into my source of anxiety. One of the most prominent sources of my anxiety is specifically the topic of income.

Without telling my entire life story, I did have to drop out of 4 year college because of a bad case of anemia. After my recovery I began to work and was making very little money. I had decided to go back to college after almost a year of working, and despite my worsening physical and mental health, I continued on with my education. It was only when I got to the very last credit needed for graduation, English literature, that I realized that I had a huge issue with the class. It actually triggered anxiety in me, where I had night terrors, extreme chest pain, and terrible dizzy spells. I was trying my best to fight, but was losing the battle. I absolutely did not want to flee, because all I wanted was to finally graduate. Either way, no option was possible because I could not mentally handle the symptoms I was suffering from taking that class. Though in the end I did have to drop the class, and subsequently tried and dropped two more times, flight was never considered an option for me until the very last moment. Then it was the guilt that I could neither fight nor flee from, along with the overwhelming feeling of failure.

When it was clear that I could no longer continue my education and I could not work, that is when I began to look into signing up for disability. It did take a very long time to come to terms with the word. Disabled sounds so negative. I felt ashamed, and almost as if everything was my fault, though I know all of it was out of my control. When I did finally muster up the courage to apply, I felt a sense of relief knowing that perhaps I would get a little bit of financial aid to help me move out someday. When my application was denied I couldn't have been more crushed. I did not have enough work credits because I had chosen to go back to school instead of working, and because my health was so poor during that time, I had quit my job in favor of going to college. The only way to possibly get more work credits would be to get a job, but that was exactly why I had chosen to apply for disability in the first place. I obviously would never graduate college, and I couldn't work, so I needed help.

And here we have the biggest conundrum of all. How can I gain work credit if I cannot work? Simply put, it's impossible. I am stuck in a terrible situation, one which I can either fight, because I cannot work and get those work credits comma and because rules are rules. There's no way around the work credit problem, so there is no way to fight it. I can't just flee either, because there is nothing to flee from. How can I run away from all my troubles? Do I become homeless? Clearly, I would never want that to be an option, so I continued to stay at home with my parents. It is an absolutely miserable life though, because I have no sense of independence.
I cannot drive a car due to my anxiety and the medication that I take. I'm not allowed to operate heavy machinery. I tried to learn how to drive, and just ended up getting screamed at by the instructor. Trying to drive with my boyfriend got me screamed at by my boyfriend. It is clear I'm just not competent enough to drive, or maybe my brain is too addled to focus on it. Either way, it is not an option for me.
I can no longer sculpt with clay or cast in resin because of the mess involved. There is no work space in my house where I can do either of those things that I used to love so much. Previously, my parents were unaware of the process that I would go through because I did everything in the morning hours while they were asleep. It was an accidental awakening that clued them in to what exactly I was doing, and how it could possibly damage the surrounding area. Even though I insist that I am neat, I can no longer do either of these things. I could potentially work in the garage, but once again, there are problems. There is no room whatsoever to work because there's too much being stored there. I would also need to open the door for ventilation, which could be potentially dangerous in the middle of the night. Our neighborhood is a prime area for car robbery, and I do not want to be out in the open like that.
I tried painting on canvas, but none of my paintings sold. That was very disheartening and I no longer feel like doing any more paintings. I don't cope very well with failure.
I wanted to raise dragonfruit cacti, but my parents did not allow me to bring my cactus into the house this year because it was way too large, and it died due to the cold weather in the garage. That was six years of nurture and around $200 worth of actual cactus and trellis wasted. It absolutely broke my heart.
I have taken up an interest in frogs, and proposed raising a few in order to start a breeding operation. In order to do so, I would have to keep each frog for about a year until they are mature enough to go through the breeding process. By then, I would hope, I would somehow have moved out so my parents would not have to deal with the breeding. There is no room to do that anyway, as I previously have stated. They absolutely will not allow a frog in the house, not even in the garage if I rigged it with heating.

Every potential thing that I want to do is blocked from me somehow. I do not have the means to fight. To be honest, I don't know if I even have the strength anymore. I've suffered from depression since puberty, because unfortunately the case I have is hereditary and comes from both sides of my family. I feel like all of the restrictions I have on my life through my parents, my health, and just society in general, are causing my depression to come back in full force. Still, the most prominent thing that I am suffering from is the anxiety. The anxiety is absolutely terrible.
I have no income. I cannot work. I cannot make art in my spare time to possibly sell. I cannot start new hobbies that might potentially lead to money. Even hobbies that I was into previously have been destroyed, like my cactus. I am stuck, constantly stuck in this fight or flight mode, always dealing with the symptoms of anxiety. I wake up at night and don't know what to do with myself. I cannot fall asleep some nice. The chest pains, the dizziness, the lack of appetite, the voracious hunger, the racing thoughts, the feeling of being a caged animal, I absolutely cannot take it.

I am not stressed out. I have anxiety. I have it badly, and I feel like I am slowly being defined by it. It has made me want to avoid contact with people. It has made me unable to fall asleep without the aid of a sedatitive, because being alone with my own thoughts eventually leads me into a panic. It has taken the fun out of my hobbies because I can no longer focus on them without having the worrying and pain of knowing tomorrow will be no different gnawing at the back of my mind. It has kept me from keeping up completely with my personal hygiene because sometimes I feel too dizzy to stand in the shower. I still try my best, but some days I just fall asleep in my clothes, and others I don't change out of my pajamas for the entire day.

In summary, anxiety is horrible. It is so much different than stress. It is an all-encompassing mental affliction that saps away your being... and I feel like I am fading away more than ever.

A Glimpse Into the Shitshow

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Tue, 28 Mar 2017 11:41:00 +0000

Okay... so I know that lately I've been just complaining about how life sucks like a little bitch, but in all honesty I am just so fucking lonely that posting how I'm feeling is actually a semi-effective coping mechanism for me. Saying it instead of keeping it inside is like relieving pressure in a shaken soda bottle. It takes a bit of the pain away.

So now I will finally explain PART of why things have been so bad lately. Fuck, life is bad for a variety of reasons right now, but the most recent development is that Bruiser is still heartworm positive. On top of that, he's now showing up positive for a tick-borne illness.
The thing is, his heartworm injections AND monthly preventative are effective at killing both these parasites. There is absolutely no reason for these to still be in his body. This means something is either wrong with the testing equipment, which the internist said is very highly unlikely, or the worst case scenario is that Bruiser has the new, dangerous, drug-resistant "Mississippi Valley" strain of heartworm. He's from Tennessee. The chance that this is likely is... well, very high up there.
Bruiser is a 6lb chihuahua. A very small dog. This treatment has been hard enough on his little body. It's incredibly worrying, because heartworm is such a deadly disease. Google it, and check out Images. I fucking dare you.

Today he has an echocardiogram to see if the worms can actually be seen in his heart. This will determine the next course of action. The price tag on this test though? $400! Not covered by our vet plan, either.
I'm too ill to work, my art isn't selling, and I already liquidated some of my most prized possessions last time he incurred a huge vet bill. This is absolutely breaking my heart and my savings, which I have been hoarding desperately in order to help make a downpayment on a house someday.

So there. You have just the tip of the iceberg of why depression is eating away at my mind currently. I'm not being a little emo shitbag. I'm not seeking attention or even sympathy at this point.
Things just fucking suck.

Just please wish Bruiser luck today. Jon and I love and adore that little bugger, and we just want him to be okay.

Blarg on a Blog

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Mon, 26 Sep 2016 08:36:00 +0000

Haven't really been up to anything artistic lately.

Unfortunately, I think I've been relapsing into depression, and things just aren't very appealing at the moment. I definitely haven't been playing PC games as often, haven't watched a movie in quite a long time, haven't touched any of my art stuff, and just have been a bit of an apathetic mess.

Pokemon GO has gotten kind of stale, so I don't really have much motivation to walk around anymore. Plus I have this sense of anxiety when I go outside and walk alone... I guess that's what happens when you get honked at too many times, and spoken to by strange older men. I don't feel safe. Sure, call me a pathetic fear-mongering woman all you want, but when a creepy guy walks past you and then circles back to complement your fucking boots, which REALLY aren't that special, you start feeling a bit uncomfortable. (Not to mention that our neighbor had a truck pull up next to her once, and a few years ago a woman got kidnapped and raped about 2 minutes away from where I live.)

I've tried to force myself to work on art things, I really have. I usually just get bored and stop. I don't feel inspired or motivated. I've even tried going shopping for art supplies to try and get my creative juices flowing, and that hasn't really helped at all.

I'm not really sure what I need to do in order to fix this. I guess it's just tough to be in my position. I'm 26, I live with my parents, and I'm too much of a mess to hold down a job. I can't even spend my time on my hobbies, how the hell can I hold a job? It's so hard to feel like anything I do matters.

Speaking of being a mess, I got pretty sick this past week. I haven't been sick for a while. I've had migraines and anxiety, sure, but this was a pretty nasty sort of head cold. Thankfully I'm getting better. Maybe being able to get out of the house again will help a bit.

Another frustrating thing has been trying to explain to people that I can't attend their parties/social gatherings. Something has come up and I really just don't feel comfortable being around alcohol for the time being. How do you explain that without it sounding like an excuse, or having to explain your reasoning why? I don't have to share every particular of my life with everyone, I share enough. I just hope that nobody feels like I'm brushing them off, or am a "sober party-pooper" now.

Town of Salem (the game) Wills I've Written Up.

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Sat, 10 Sep 2016 09:47:00 +0000

Name: Lychee
Role: Arsonist
Will:

I AM LYCHEE.

I HAVE A BURNING HATRED FOR OTHERS BECAUSE I NEVER BECAME A STAPLE FLAVOR IN THE UNITED STATES.

I AM SO DELICIOUS THOUGH! HAVE YOU TRIED ME? I TASTE WAY BETTER THAN THAT FREAK STRAWBERRY WHO HAS THEIR SEEDS ON THEIR OUTSIDE LIKE A DAMN SLUT. KEEP THAT COVERED, STRAWBERRY.

I WILL BURN YOU ALL.

Name: Giles Corey
Role: Veteran
Will:

HEY I'M GILES,CHECK OUT MY FILE.
I SWAM THE NILE
FOR MANY MILES;
IT WAS QUITE THE TRIAL.
THREW UP SOME BILE
ALL THE WHILE,
BUT I'M IN DENIAL,
SO I JUST SMILE.
WASH MY HANDS WITH DIAL,
AND INSTALL SOME TILE
THAT I PUT IN A PILE
WITH MY BUD KYLE
AND HIS TWIN LYLE.

Name: A Weird Puppy
Role: Amnesiac
Will:

Who will I be? Who will I be?

I'm king of the graveyard,

been given they key.

Almost every role is open to me!

Oh my lord, I have to pee.

Bruiser is not well again. (a rant)

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 08:03:00 +0000

Fuck people who neglect and abuse their pets.

My pup, Bruiser, had to be brought back to the vet. (His normal vet, not the emergency vet, thank goodness.)
He was peeing blood again after a long walk last week with lots of marking, so we booked an appointment. He also lost a tooth while rolling around in the grass, of all things.

Initial findings were:

he lost a pound since his last visit, from 6.5lbs to 5.2lbs
his gums appeared to be pale, to which the doctor assumed he's anemic/losing blood
his temperature was normal
he has a heart murmur (which may be because of the anemia, or may be a new issue)
his pee is unusually yellow despite access to water at all times
his tooth likely fell out because of continued periodontal disease

They did a blood draw and are doing a full blood panel and urinalysis. We'll get the blood test results back tomorrow, and we'll know whether he needs a bladder/heart ultrasound based off of these results. The doctor is also concerned that there might be something wrong with his liver.

I am fucking seething because I know that most, if not all of this, is because of his past life before he was dumped in the shelter and pulled by the rescue we adopted from. After owning him for almost a year now, we've figured out some things about him that hint at his past.

Sometimes when you touch his ear he will yelp. Nothing is wrong with his ears. I think his previous owner used to pinch or pull his ear when he did something wrong, so he yelps preemptively in fear.
We think he may have lived in a hoarder house because he does things normal dogs would have to be trained to do. He is an insane acrobat. He jumps from furniture to other furniture, squeezes through small spaces, squeezes under things, nests in weird places, can climb over crazy obstacles by balancing on them... He climbed over a 3 foot tall cardboard partition by leaping up, balancing on the edge on all fours, and leaping off. It was impressive.
He's terrified of sinks. He obviously had bad bathing experiences. I tried to help this by bathing him in the tub, but he hates it. It's a necessary evil.
His teeth were so bad when we got him, that he must have either been eating human food scraps, the worst dog food on the market, who heck knows what. He needed a full teeth cleaning and 5 teeth pulled. I know bad food also affects organ function, so... Yeah...
When we got him he hadn't been washed, and he was COVERED IN FLEA DIRT. Flea dirt is basically flea shit, which is basically blood. The water ran red when I bathed him for the first time. He was also underweight and had to be on puppy food for a while.

SO FUCK YOU, PAST OWNER. Bruiser is the fucking sweetest dog, and you fucked him over. Now we have to pay to make his life manageable. But you know what? We will pay what it takes, because we love Bruiser. We love him so damn much. We will try our best to undo the damage you've done to his tiny body.

A shoutout to one of my favorite blogs: Kaiju Korner

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Thu, 28 Apr 2016 03:44:00 +0000

Today I just have to make a brief shout-out to one of my favorite blogs...

Kaiju Korner!

Basically, there is no other blog like this on the net.

Andy, the owner of the blog, makes sure to photograph and attend toy festivals in Japan so those of us overseas can see the new releases and general amazingness that these festivals have to offer.

He also does write-ups on various aspects of Japanese culture, from vintage toys and memorabilia to modern customs and more!

If you want to take a peek into the world of kaiju, sofubi, and Japanese madness, please take a visit

by clicking here!
Or by just visiting kaijukorner.blogspot.com

Microworkers: An Honest Review

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Sat, 23 Apr 2016 04:10:00 +0000

Today I review a site called Microworkers, which is a site that most "beermoney" enthusiasts either love or hate.
The fees that are taken from withdrawing your money annoy a lot of people, but some swear by the site, saying it's a great way to make cash in your spare time.

PHASE #1

For my first foray into Microworkers, I chose tasks that I thought I could complete fast under the Jobs section and HG jobs section. (The HG jobs are also known as Hire Group jobs, where job posters put specifications on who can actually do the work. They're usually timed and require a certain amount of success in previous jobs, or a clean record.) These usually consisted of leaving comments on blogs, searching on Google for top hits, or following someone on Instagram/Facebook.

My Phase 1 experience:
Microworkers (new user): 5 hours of work = $9.24 = $1.85/hr
This, of course, was barely worth my time. Being a new user, a lot of jobs were closed to me, so though I grinned and beared it, I came up quite short of what I was hoping for.

PHASE #2

After my first foray into Microworkers, I saw that "PL jobs" had unlocked. Intrigued, I was faced with my nemesis: PEANUT LABS.
For some background information, Peanut Labs partners up with many "make money" sites/apps and provides surveys to do. The catch?
If you do not report your annual earnings, you will probably get disqualified from ALL the surveys you take. Living with my parents, I'm not privy to our annual earnings. 50% of the time I get disqualified as soon as I check "Prefer Not to Answer." The other 50% is for something dumb, like not having kids, not drinking/smoking, or stupid shit like that.
After a grueling 20 minutes of non-stop rejection and frustration, I just gave up. The wealth of information they manage to glean from you before rejecting your participation in a survey is insane, and it's simply not worth my time.

My Phase 2 experience:
Microworkers (Peanut Labs): 20 min = $0.00 = n/a
Peanut Labs is a joke, and I recommend staying far, far away from their surveys.

PHASE #3

With my newfound success rate, I spent approximately an hour and a half doing various tasks on the site. A lot of these were Google+ reposting, searching Google, and a survey. Frustratingly the university that held the survey deemed my answers "unreliable and too quick" which I guess is a product of me being a wizard at taking surveys. (Been at this a loooong time.)

My Phase 3 Experience:
Microworkers (user with 30+ jobs completed): 1 and a half hours of work = $4.82 = $3.21/hr
That's still a long shot from even minimum wage work, but it's better than the new user rate I was making. I also have become better at identifying easy jobs.

PHASE #4

This time around I focused mainly on jobs I knew I could complete quickly. There was a lack of Google+ post jobs, so I did a few YouTube and Google search related jobs, as well as posting a link to an app on Yahoo Answers. I meant to only spend an hour on jobs, but ended up spending around an hour and fifteen minutes.

My Phase 4 Experience:
Microworkers (user with 50+ jobs completed): 1 hour and fifteen minutes of work = $7.20 = $5.76/hr
Hooray! That's better than Georgia's minimum wage of $5.15! (Not sure how exactly that's possible when the national minimum wage is higher than that, but oh well. I never understood law jargon.)

A CONCLUSION

So, it seems that Microworkers won't ever be a real replacement for a job. Seeing that the USA's federal minimum wage is $7.25, and Connecticut (where I live) has a whopping $9.60 minimum wage, Microworkers just can't cut it as a "real job."
That being said, the more you work and the more jobs you complete, the better the jobs you receive. You also soon learn which jobs can be completed in the shortest amount of time, and for the most money.

In conclusion, Microworkers is a great website to make money in your spare time. If you have some time to kill, it's worth it to log in and check if there's a survey or some easy tasks that you can complete in a few minutes and make a buck or two from.
Sometimes you'll get lucky and get a great task that pays well.

At the end of my experiment, I have $21.26 in my account.
Withdrawing that money to PayPal cost me $1.47, leaving me with $19.66, and $0.13 left in my Microworkers account.
I think I'll bank it and save it for a new headset...

Survey + "Beermoney" App Roundup - Which Apps Are Worthwhile, and Which Deserve a Delete

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 03:45:00 +0000

Hello everyone!

Since I'm sure this post will likely make the rounds past my original audience, I'd like to take a moment to introduce myself.

My name is Maddie, and I am a 25 year old thrift-a-holic. I love to save money, I live in the clearance rack, and I love a good bargain.

That being said, I'm a bit of a failure in life, or at least as far as society's opinion goes. I live with my parents, am still in college, and have more health conditions than I have fingers. (And I'm not talking conditions that I've brought upon myself through bad habits, either. If only, that at least would mean I could fix them!)

As you can probably assume, I can't work right now, so I've been doing what I can... Selling my artwork, selling plants (yes that's a thing!), and keeping a tight grasp on my wallet.

I used to do a lot of surveys-for-cash years ago, blogged, and made YouTube videos, but my favorite survey site closed down and the advent of AdBlock ruined any hopes of ad revenue from my other two ventures...

You can assume my surprise and joy when I discovered that there are now apps that allow you to make money through surveys! I can make money while eating breakfast! I can make money on the toilet! I can make money while hopelessly waiting for sleep to grace my insomnia-riddled brain!

MONEY IN MY FREE TIME OMG!

But alas, not all survey apps are created equal.

That's why today I am writing up a whopping HUGE summary of my personal experience with every survey app I have downloaded.
I have used each of these apps for approximately a month.

ONTO THE REVIEWS!!!

#1 iPoll

iPoll has a very simple interface and while it has some claim to fame online, it falls flat as an app.

First of all, iPoll is a bit of a misnomer. There really aren't any surveys available at all. The only survey I have available to me requires a photo of my cell phone bill, which I'm not really willing to share. The "missions" are all not available in my area, though their payouts seem to be anywhere from $3-$10.

Why are quizzes and scavenger hints greyed out? Who knows, but I wonder if it's because I haven't earned enough yet.

Final verdict: Absolutely not worth my time. I have made a total of $0.30 with this app, which isn't even enough to cash out. There are never any new "polls" to do, even though I always have "new profile questions" available. Stick to the desktop version of iPoll if that's your thing, but this app has been utterly useless to me.

Referral Link: http://bit.ly/pSgd31

#2 1Q

1Q is a bit of an odd app because despite its smart concept, the lack of questions to answer makes it a bit of a dud.

1Q operates unlike any other survey app, because it gives you instant payments straight to your PayPal account. That's right... Instant. No waiting for a certain threshold to cash out. The problem is you will never get questions other than the first two, and when you do get a new question to answer the window of opportunity is so short that if you don't answer within a few hours, it'll be gone.

Final Verdict: This app is worth downloading just so you can put the initial $1.50 in your pocket in less than 5 min. Is it worth keeping on your phone? Yes, because maybe one fine day you'll get a new question to answer and you'll notice fast enough to participate... But don't count on it. It's been weeks, but I'm holding out hope. After all, I have nothing to lose.

Referral Link: http://1q.com/SJLPd

#3 Surveys On The Go

Surveys On The Go is once again, a bit of a silly name for an app that doesn't dish out as many surveys as the name insinuates.

Surveys come up a lot more often than 1Q or iPoll, but they usually pay about $0.50 and are mainly about you and your habits. These surveys do add up though, and if you keep your notifications on you shouldn't miss any surveys. Some are time sensitive though, and I have missed quite a few because I was taking a long nap.

Final Verdict: This app is one to keep your eye on because it does seem to have more surveys to do than the previous two. Though it does have a $10 payout threshold, I have reached $4.55 so far. Payouts can come as Amazon credit, Visa rewards, or PayPal cash. The convenience of the payout options makes this app a potential keeper.

#4 Survey.com (the app!)

It's sleek, it's minimalistic, and utterly devoid of surveys. With a name like survey.com, you'd expect to be drowning in surveys.

Unfortunately, this is what you will usually be greeted with upon opening this app... Nothing. No surveys, but a promise of surveys that never seems to be fulfilled.

Final Verdict: This app is a total bummer. Though the payout threshold is low at a mere $7.50, you probably won't get there within even a month. I have amassed a mighty $1.00 off of this app, and don't expect that number to go up anytime soon. Another waste of space that I still pathetically keep on my phone... Just in case.

#5 Swagbucks

Swagbucks is something probably everyone has heard of. It started out as a search engine that rewarded you for searching, but as abuse of the system flourished they scaled down the amount of "bucks" and continued to change their business model. Though it still is a search engine, they offer other services and ways to earn "bucks" too, such as surveys.

If there is one thing that Swagbucks has an abundance of, it's surveys. The issue is these surveys are tough to qualify for (you'll usually get disqualified halfway) and they don't pay a lot of bucks. With 1 SB = $0.01, you're very likely to only make a few dollars a day... If you're lucky. Still, the daily poll, profile questions, and large range of surveys available each day can potentially man you a good amount of money over time.

Final Verdict: They say the more you hear about an app or program, the more likely it's worth a try. Though being disqualified for surveys is infuriating at times, the satisfaction of completing a survey worth nearly a dollar is great. Though I don't mess around with cash-back offers and such (after all, I'm looking to MAKE money, not spend it) there are some interesting offers that under the right circumstances, may be beneficial to you. I've amassed 1760SB ($17.60) but a good portion of that was from before I downloaded the app itself. I'd say at least $6.00 of that is stuff I've earned in the past month. With lots of giftcard payout opinions, this app is a keeper and worth checking out daily. Just don't throw your phone at the wall of you get disqualified from a string of surveys.

Referral Link: http://www.swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=1186798&cmp=197&cxid=2001-app

#6 CheckPoints

Alright, so this isn't exactly a survey app, but it's pretty similar in concept. You can watch videos for credits, check into stores for credits, scan barcodes for credits, and all that random stuff.

I'm going to be honest, I haven't really used this app much. I don't go shopping very often, and I rarely have time to just leave my phone on to let some random videos play. It seems like it has potential though for shopaholics.

Final Verdict: I'm keeping this one around for one reason only: mall trips and holiday shopping. Those are times where I am scrambling in every store, tight on money, and I'd be more than happy to scan barcodes if it means I can nab myself some Amazon gift cards. Speaking of gift cards, there are more choices that you can shake a stick at, so if you shop and have some time to just leave your phone plugged in and run a bunch of videos to farm credits... DO IT.

Referral Code: hellointerloper

#7 Acorn Hunt

Another app that is very similar to CheckPoints, except this one includes two interesting things: Reddit exclusive codes weekly, and surveys.

Acorns are an odd form of "currency" because unlike Swagbucks, which are equal to cents, one acorn actually equals $0.025. That means 4 acorns = $0.01, making conversion a bit silly. Being said, between the offers, surveys, Reddit exclusive codes, and daily poll, you can start slowly collecting acorns.

Final Verdict: While the pay is a big subpar, the biggest downfall with this app is the fact that the survey company they have partnered with is Peanut Labs. They are notorious for disqualifying you in the middle of a 10 minute survey and leaving you angry and empty-handed. I only have amassed a grand total of 720 Acorns ($1.80) but to be honest, I don't put in a lot of effort into this app. While it may be worthwhile to those who have the time to run videos and do offers, and those in niche demographics that surveys are looking for, this app just doesn't cut it for me. It also has a minimum withdrawal threshold of $10, so I don't see myself being able to cash out very soon.

Referral Code: MLAMEDICA

#8 QuickThoughts

QuickThoughts completely lives up to it's name by giving you the quickest surveys with prequalifying questions before the actual survey itself. This means a lot less disqualifications, and if you are disqualified you still earn $0.10. Yes, that's right... You get paid if you get disqualified.

This app gets everything right. A sleek interface, surveys formatted perfectly for mobile, and new surveys almost every day.

Final Verdict: Out of all the survey apps I've used, this one has been by far the least frustrating and fair one out there. The sting of being disqualified is softened by the $0.10 consolation prize, and the surveys are usually so short and worth one dollar that you can get it done on the toilet. Yes, you can make a buck while you poop. As you can see from my screencaps, I've made $7.70 so far and the threshold for payment is $10, so I'm almost there. This is definitely one app that I check daily and is so pleasantly simple to use that I recommend it with full confidence.

#9 Inbox Dollars

If I had to humanize Inbox Dollars, I would describe it as an abusive boyfriend. It screws you over again and again and yet you keep coming back.

InboxDollars works like this: you do offers (which usually means submitting your information and getting spammed to death by emails and inundated by telemarketers) or watch videos, do surveys, and enter sweepstakes for a buck or two. The problem is you will likely get disqualified from every survey minutes in, giving you a chance to "spin the wheel of prizes," if you can even call it that. You'll most of the time win nothing or get a "sweep" which is a sweepstakes entry, and you're probably not going to win the sweepstakes anyway so it's an empty prize. You can also confirm you've read an email for $0.02 each, which is pretty much as useful as searching your couch for change.

Final Verdict: This app reels you in with an amazing $5 survey, then lets you down with impossible-to-qualify surveys and general douchery. Many of the surveys will send you in endless circles of "you didn't qualify, but you can qualify for this longer survey!" ...and even then, you'll likely get nothing. I managed to collect $7.03 so far (remember, that's the guaranteed $5 survey included) and you need a whopping $30.00 to cash out. In other words, this app blows chunks.

Referral Link: http://www.inboxdollars.com/?p=z&qid=1370608954&ic=c5ZYZ8894525&aid=9

Well, I hope this review write-up helped you determine which survey and money-making apps are worth your time and which to avoid.

Cheers and happy hunting!

Movie Night With Maddie: Inside Out + Afflicted

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Sat, 19 Mar 2016 09:48:00 +0000

As usual, I find myself awake for no good reason and I'm too tired to do anything else but sit on my ass and watch some TV.

A few nights ago I was bored and started looking through the premium channels' movie listings, and I actually was surprised to see quite a few that looked interesting.

First off:

Inside Out

I've heard a lot of good stuff about this movie, and heck, it's Pixar... What could go wrong? To be honest, nothing. It was a pretty fascinating movie especially since I'm taking General Psychology this semester. Pixar's portrayal of different aspects of personality, memory, and the brain's functions were quite humorous and clever.

That being said, I do believe it is one of Pixar's weakest films. I know a lot of people may disagree with me, but I found the plot to be somewhat lacking. Rather than being a movie that followed a strong story arc, I felt like I was rather watching a series of events unfold.

I also felt like there wasn't enough emphasis on the conflict between Joy and Sadness. It's insinuated that they are a bit at odds, but it never really coalesced into an actual conflict. When they do have their differences put aside, it isn't quite as cathartic as it could have been. Joy is just too rigid a character to get upset at Sadness.

I guess that's one issue with the movie... Every character is so tightly locked into a role that certain interactions aren't possible.

That being said, it was still and enjoyable movie that had me thinking for a few days... And especially wondering why my imaginary friends weren't as interesting as BingBong.

(Mine were cats. Just... Cats.)

Moving on to...

Afflicted!

Now here's a movie that truly caught me off guard. When I read the description and saw "found-footage," I cringed. I almost just passed over it, but plugged it into good ol' Rotten Tomatoes and was surprised to see a positive consensus. That intrigued me enough to press play.

I was relieved to find out that this wasn't a "Paranormal Activity"-like movie where grainy footage and jump-scares were the norm. Think more in the direction of "American Werewolf in London" with Go-Pros. Two friends go on an around-the-world adventure, document their stops in Europe, and... Bam, a one-night stand at a bar turns into a strange assault that leaves one of the pals, Derrek, out cold and bloodied. His behavior begins to change, he can't keep down any food, but he insists he's fine. He shows off crazy feats of strength as proof, running past motorcycles, breaking rocks in two, and insisting that he's at the peak of health. That doesn't last long though, and as his condition deteriorates, it isn't long before both he and his friend figure out what is going on: he has become a vampire, and his need to feed is growing.

I won't spoil the rest of the plot line, but this movie does a great job at keeping vampires in the realm of horror, and not the sparkly romantic bullshit Twilight so elegantly crapped on top of Hollywood. It humanizes Derrek's suffering and his downward spiral into madness and isolation, to the point where you can't fault him for anything he does.

This movie isn't about the boogeyman, and that's why I enjoyed it. It's not about evil. It's about an affliction. (Hohoho see, that's the title!)

So that's a wrap!

I'll probably post more opinions on movies I watch as time goes on.

I'm so bad at this

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Sat, 19 Mar 2016 09:24:00 +0000

Seriously, I don't know how everyone keeps up with all their social media.

Guess I need to get back to writing and stuff, though.

I'll actually ATTEMPT to keep up with this blog starting now.

If I don't succeed, forgive me... I just have other things going on.

The (Past) Adventures of Maddie: The Ungrateful Kindergarten Bitch

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Sun, 24 Jan 2016 19:44:00 +0000

This was a response I wrote to this image on Facebook that a friend posted.

Yes, I learned this lesson in kindergarten. True story.

Girl went to the bathroom, dropped her ring in the shitter, flushed it and cried while the janitor pitifully tried to plunge it in case it'd come back up. (It didn't, but he tried.) She bawled for the rest of the class.

I had lots of rings back at home. My aunt had bought me a whole box of rings with different colored gemstones, all fake of course, but to a kid they looked super real. I put one inside one of those little plastic containers you get from supermarket vending machines, sealed it with one of my most precious Lion King stickers, and brought it to class the next day.

I presented her the ring and she was so happy. I felt really good about myself. Then later during class I feel a poke on my back, and this bitch, this fucking bitch is poking my back with a gray marker. SHE IS POKING MY FAVORITE MICKEY MOUSE SHIRT WITH A FUCKING MARKER. I tell her to stop it and she just laughs and turns around.

Fuck that little ungrateful bitch. And people wondered why all my friends in 1st grade were boys.

The Adventures of Maddie: The Disgruntled Apprentice

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Wed, 07 Oct 2015 01:09:00 +0000

This is a cross-post from my personal Facebook page, so don't think I've written up anything special for you blog-followers. I don't have the time for that, so at least enjoy your scraps.

ANYWAY.

THE ADVENTURES OF MADDIE!

Today's adventure: The Disgruntled Apprentice!

I've been donating my time after my sculpture class to add glaze to abandoned ceramics pieces, so they can be sold in November to buy new glazes for the next semester. I ended up glazing all of the scrap box, so I asked the ceramics teacher if she had any more pieces. She said I could glaze her own personal demonstration pieces, and put them in the scrap box for me.

Cut to after class, when my "charity" glazing time begins. I grab this nice little serving dish, decide to glaze it up with earth tones. I finish in about an hour, go to put it the kiln room, and I notice THE BOX IS EMPTY AND THE PIECES ARE GLAZED ON THE SHELF. And they look like they were glazed by a 5 year old throwing a tantrum.

So I go outside the kiln room and ask one of my buddies if he saw anyone glazing. He says he saw the ceramics teacher's apprentice hanging about in the kiln room, and it all makes sense.

This girl, this apprentice, is a little full of herself from what I've seen. Back when I was taking Ceramics class she hovered over my shoulder and grabbed a plate I was making, and took a tool and said "YOU MUST USE FINESSE!" and she literally starts smoothing my piece while repeating the word "finesse" over and over, and I'm just sitting there like "wtf is happening" until she hands it back to me and is like "SEE?" and leaves.

Anyway, she must have either recognized her "master's" pieces or overheard our conversation earlier in the day (she's always lingering about somewhere in the studio) and was jealous as all hell, so she grabbed the remaining pieces and glazed them as fast as she could so I couldn't get to them.

At first I was like "wtf" but then it was just funny because here's this chick who is supposed to be an artist's apprentice, and here she's intimidated that I'm glazing her master's scrap pieces... And in the meantime she makes them look like shit.

I also think that this plate might have had something to with it.

See this plate? I glazed that. It's not the most amazing thing on the planet, but it was a scrap piece and I decided I'd freehand a pattern onto it while testing out some fun colors. Well, today when I walked into the Ceramics studio, I had the entire group of older ladies and even an older gentleman crowding around me asking me which glazes I had used. This silly plate was the hottest thing to come out of the kiln, and I think that might have sparked some animosity in the apprentice.

Too bad, so sad.

Gonna keep on glazing, AND sharing all of my glaze secrets, because I'm cool like that.

I'm an awful blogger (and social media user in general)

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Wed, 07 Oct 2015 01:02:00 +0000

Holy crap, am I horrible at keeping a blog.

How do you all manage to keep up with social media? I mean, between Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and blogging, how the hell has half the population of the Internet not gone mad yet?

I can barely keep up with TWO of those platforms, and some people seem to have wires coming out of their asses, keeping in tip-top social media standing.

Do you secretly have clones of yourselves splitting up the work? Have hired minions to do your work for you? Previously unknown twins that you've managed to keep under wraps for your social media updating needs?

Maybe I'm just getting fucking old.

It's Creepy Story Time! (Story from Dawn of the Dragons)

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Mon, 30 Mar 2015 22:10:00 +0000

Dawn of the Dragons is a fun game/app that I played for a few months. What amazed me the most about the game was the lore. Every quest had story text, every item, goddamn everything. It was a reader's dream in game form.

One of the best stories that came from that game was that of good ol' Timothy the Butcher.
Thought I would share it with you all, because it's pretty damn good, and deserves to be seen outside of a game.

Timothy, the butcher's son, was a precocious child. He was always filled with questions, which he'd pose to all and sundry. On one occasion, after a service at the temple he and his parents attended, he approached the priest and asked whether it was a sin to devour human brains as zombies did. The priest wasn't shocked by this question, for he was used to the boy's eclectic curiosity. So he merely smiled and told Timothy that it was a sin to eat the flesh of creatures which possessed souls. The boy frowned. He asked the priest how anyone could know which creatures possessed souls, since souls were both invisible and intangible. The priest thought about this for a moment. He considered saying that the scriptures revealed which species bore souls and which were mere beasts. However, he knew that answer would only bring forth another barrage of questions. But as it happened, the priest's order was one which embraced philosophy alongside theology. Thus he explained to Timothy that some beings -- such as humans, elves, and gnomes -- were sentient. They possessed self-awareness, and were capable of recognizing themselves in mirrors. Whereas other creatures, such as cows or chickens, weren't sentient. The priest cautioned Timothy to never eat sentient creatures, lest he consume their souls and in turn do harm to his own. Timothy thanked the priest for instructing him. Then he returned home with his parents and enjoyed a meal of roast beef.

As a butcher's son, who was already being trained to help his father, he ate a great deal of meat. Thus the priest's teachings were comforting. He was glad to know that he wasn't eating any souls, and risking corruption to his own. That knowledge served him well a few years later, when it was time to slay his first chicken. He looked at the creature, saw that it possessed no signs of sentience, and lopped its head off. Then he sat down and smiled as its decapitated body ran around. In time his father died, and Timothy became the town's butcher. By then he'd slain many hundreds of animals, and hacked countless slabs of meat. He knew his craft, and the townsfolk said that if anything the boy was even more skilled than his father had been. So he killed and cut, both for his customers and for himself -- he loved his meat, as any good butcher would. Each breakfast, lunch, and supper, he dined on chicken or beef, lamb or pork. But he always remembered what the priest had told him. When a merchant offered to sell him monkeys for slaughter, Timothy examined one of the creatures and learned that it understood mirrors. It even made use of its reflection to pick food from its teeth. Thus he refused to buy them, for he knew it was wrong to eat things with souls.

Pigs. He had eaten them all his life. One of Timothy's earliest memories was of his father setting a huge plate of bacon in front of him, and of the rashers' almost intoxicating scent delighting his little nose. His father had smiled, and told him that bacon was a proper butcher's breakfast -- something to get him through a hard morning's work till lunch. Over his life he'd probably eaten enough pigs to form a porcine army. They'd helped nourish his big muscles, and the thick tendons that wielded his cleaver. But in the end pigs became Timothy's nemesis.

One day, when he was visiting the farm that bred many of the animals he slaughtered, served to customers, and ate himself, he saw something in the pigsty. One of the hogs had managed to work the latch on the wooden gate. He'd used his snout to lift it and maneuver it, slipping it aside so he could escape to freedom. The farmer was there in time to grab the gate, hold it closed, and clout the animal over the head. But Timothy's mind reeled. If a pig could do that, what else could it do? So he tried the mirror test. And that was what proved it. When he set it before cats or dogs, they acted as though another animal had appeared in front of them. Yet with the pig... The pig seemed to recognize its reflection.

That night Timothy lay sleepless in his bed. Pigs... Pigs were sentient. That meant they had souls. And he'd eaten them. Porcine soul after porcine soul had been drawn into his body. They'd become part of him. The priest had warned him against such terrible deeds. He'd told him that his own spirit would suffer if he transgressed. And he had done so... As he tossed and turned, images of ghostly hogs and sows floated before his vision -- glaring at him with red eyes. He heard the sound of distant oinking, each oink a grim accusation. He was doomed. His soul had been corrupted.

Timothy rose from his bed. He pulled on his bloody garb, the clothes he wore when he slaughtered animals. There was a pig's head on his block, from a beast he had butchered before his terrible discovery. He took its face and donned it as a mask. Then he seized his heaviest cleaver. He had sinned. But so had all the other townspeople who dined on the flesh of swine. Timothy was the one who'd learned the truth. So it fell to him to visit justice upon them.

Stolas "Weathered" Clutter Edition - SOLD OUT!

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 06:44:00 +0000

Thank you everyone for making my first gallery feature a success! And a huge thank you to Clutter Magazine for the opportunity.

Skullbrainer Show @ Clutter Gallery

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Sun, 15 Mar 2015 01:59:00 +0000

I'm exhausted from all the excitement so I'm not going to type much (again), you can read about my experience on my Instagram post.

Some crappy phone photos from the show. Wish I got more photos (I know for sure I didn't photograph everything) but there was a professional photographer going around and I didn't want to get in his way. Then blah blah blah I forgot.

All You Need To Know About Purina Beneful

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Fri, 27 Feb 2015 00:41:00 +0000

A lot of people have been frantically asking around due to recent developments involving a class-action lawsuit being filed... is Beneful actually bad for your pets?

I've always believed that the best way to answer any question is to look at the evidence, and then form your own opinion. Sadly with Internet searches being over-saturated with news venues posting the same article over and over, it's hard to find real evidence.

Today I've compiled a whole bunch of information for you under one page.
After viewing this information, I'm confident that you, the consumer, will be able to form their own opinion on this controversy.

What is Beneful?

Let's start with the basics. What is Beneful?
Beneful is a popular brand of dog food made by Purina. Purina is owned by its parent company, Nestle. It consists of brightly-colored kibble in a bag that is decorated with pictures of vegetables, fruits, and a happy fluffy dog.

For this demonstration, we will use Beneful's Incredibites formula.

But just what is Beneful made of?

According to the Beneful website, Beneful's Incredibites ingredients are as follows:

Ground yellow corn, chicken by-product meal, corn gluten meal, whole wheat flour, animal fat preserved with mixed-tocopherols, beef, rice flour, soy flour, meat and bone meal, propylene glycol, sugar, salt, phosphoric acid, mono and dicalcium phosphate, animal digest, potassium chloride, tricalcium phosphate, sorbic acid (a preservative), non-fat yogurt, dried carrots, dried peas, calcium propionate (a preservative), choline chloride, L-Lysine monohydrochloride, Vitamin E supplement, zinc sulfate, ferrous sulfate, manganese sulfate, Red 40, niacin, Vitamin A supplement, Yellow 5, Yellow 6, copper sulfate, Vitamin B-12 supplement, calcium pantothenate, Blue 2, thiamine mononitrate, garlic oil, pyridoxine hydrochloride, riboflavin supplement, Vitamin D-3 supplement, menadione sodium bisulfite complex (source of Vitamin K activity), calcium iodate, folic acid, biotin, sodium selenite.

Most people can't make heads or tails of what any of that means, so let's break these ingredients down in our next section...

Okay, so what's up with the ingredients?

We all know that dogs thrive on meat-based diets. Wolves, after all, don't go around eating salads.
What should be in our dog's kibble, however?
When we take into account a dog's dietary needs, and look at Beneful's ingredient list, the shadiness of Beneful really begins to take root.

Let's look at the ingredient list again, with some added help from dogfoodadvisor.com .

Keep in mind that ingredient lists are ordered from most abundant to least abundant ingredients, ex. Beneful's most abundant ingredient is ground yellow corn.

Ground yellow corn, chicken by-product meal, corngluten meal, whole wheat flour, animal fat preserved with mixed-tocopherols (form of vitamin E), beef, rice flour, soy flour, water, meat and bone meal, propylene glycol, sugar, salt, phosphoric acid, tricalcium phosphate, animal digest, potassium chloride, sorbic acid (a preservative), non-fat yogurt powder, dried carrots, dried peas, dicalcium phosphate, calcium propionate (a preservative), choline chloride, vitamin E supplement, zinc sulfate, ferrous sulfate, red 40, l-lysine monohydrochloride, manganese sulfate, niacin, yellow 5, yellow 6, vitamin A supplement, blue 2, calcium carbonate, copper sulfate, vitamin B12 supplement, calcium pantothenate, thiamine mononitrate, garlic oil, pyridoxine hydrochloride, riboflavin supplement, vitamin D3 supplement, menadione sodium bisulfite complex (source of vitamin K activity), calcium iodate, folic acid, biotin, sodium selenite

The bold red ingredients are what dogfoodadvisor.com calls "problem ingredients."

Let's start at the most basic problem here: artificial dyes.
Dogs do not care about the color of their food. The artificial dyes in Beneful are there to give the illusion of freshness, vegetable content, and healthiness to the human who buys the food.
There is no other reason for the dyes except to get you to choose that product.
It's clear that first and foremost, they have to resort to cheap tactics like dyes to get you to want to buy their product.

Now for a full step-by-step analysis of the ingredients...

The 5 Main Ingredients:

ground yellow corn - an inexpensive filler that provides energy, but minimal nutritional value
chicken by-product meal - a low-quality ingredient consisting of whatever is left of a chicken when all the prime cuts are removed (anything from organs, feet, beaks, underdeveloped eggs)
corn gluten meal - an inexpensive ingredient commonly used to boost the total protein content of dog food. Made of the gummy, starchy material left over from corn that has had its carbohydrates removed.
wheat flour - just like ground yellow corn, it is an inexpensive filler that is of minimal nutritional value
animal fat - byproduct of rendering, but the main issue is the source is unspecified. It can only be speculated what kind of animals this fat came from. (Roadkill, spoiled supermarket meat, dead, diseased, or dying cattle, and even euthanized pets are often sent to rendering plants)

Keep in mind that these are the five main ingredients, which means this is mostly what Beneful consists of... and that they are all low-quality, filler, or mystery ingredients.

The other "problem ingredients" are...

soy flour - usually used as a replacement for meat to save money on production, although it has less nutritional value than meat
meat and bone meal - an ingredient made of mammal tissues and bone, usually used to boost total protein levels of dog food. This is another "mystery source" ingredient, which could possibly come from the same sources listed previously under animal fat.
garlic oil - ingredient used for flavor, though in some rare cases it has been linked to Heinz body anemia in dogs
propylene glycol - I have highlighted this one in red because of the current controversy surrounding this ingredient. Though the FDA has approved of its use as a moisture-retaining food additive, it has been proven to be safe in humans. However, there hasn't been extensive testing done on its effect on canines. It should also be noted that despite the fact that it is used often in antifreeze, it is not of the same chemical composition as ethylene glycol, a known poison associated with antifreeze. Despite this, it is used in large amounts in Beneful's food, and the long-term and high-dosage effects on canines is not fully known. For this reason, it is a problem ingredient.
sugar - an ingredient that first of all, is completely unnecessary, but also can unfavorably impact the blood-glucose levels of an animal soon after it is eaten. Because of the high carbohydrate content of Beneful as is, sugar shouldn't even be an ingredient at all.
animal digest - a chemically hydrolyzed mixture of animal by-products that is sprayed onto kibble to improve flavor. Another "mystery source" ingredient.
artificial dyes - already discussed. Provides no added value except for manipulating the buyer's attitude and beliefs towards the product.
menadione sodium bisulfite complex - a controversial form of vitamin K that has been linked to serious issues such as liver toxicity, allergies, and the abnormal breakdown of red blood cells

There are also some unknowns in bags of Beneful...

What are Mycotoxins and Bacteria doing in my food?

This is perhaps the most jarring reality of Beneful... The presence of mycotoxins and bacteria in independently-tested bags of Beneful.

What are mycotoxins?

They are created by fungus and have various adverse effects on mammals. According to this handy diagram from mycotoxins.info , many things can happen to a dog exposed to mycotoxins, none of which are good.

Though it's not clear at which step of manufacturing the fungus and mold enter the bags of Beneful, independent testing has proven their presence. Unsanitary grain storage and inadequate facilities are usually to blame. Whether the fungus was present in the ingredients to begin with or introduced in the packing plant is a mystery, but even if introduced later in the manufacturing process, the dark, sealed environment of the bag and moist food can become a breeding ground for fungus and thus, mycotoxins.

According to a large study done on popular pet foods conducted by the Association For Truth In Pet Food, Beneful is not only a high risk for mycotoxins, but also dangerous bacteria.

(click here to see the full chart)

These unwelcome additions to Beneful only create more issues for the dogs who eat it.

So what kind of effects can Beneful have on dogs?

In some dogs, none at all. Just like some people seem to survive perfectly on a diet of fast food and junk, some dogs don't seem to have any issues eating Beneful.

Some dogs, however, have found Beneful to be a death sentence.

The most common symptoms described by owners of dogs who had suffered after eating Beneful are:

an odd odor emanating from the body
vomiting
diarrhea
dehydration
lethargy
weight changes
seizures
liver failure
kidney failure
internal bleeding
death

Many owners, after bringing their dog to the vet, have been told it "appeared as if their dog had been poisoned."

My dog had/has some of these symptoms. What do I do?

First of all, stop feeding Beneful, if you haven't already.

Feeding any more Beneful could have dire consequences, especially if the bag you have is contaminated with mycotoxins or bacteria, or if your dog is already in poor shape.

Second, find a new food on dogfoodadvisor.com .

They are an unbiased source that rates foods based on the nutritional needs of a dog and the ingredients in the food. A four or five star rating is what you want to be aiming for. (For comparison, Beneful is a one star food... the lowest rating possible.)

Third, assess whether or not you want to fight back.

Many people who have contacted Purina have been able to get their vet bills paid for. This can be helpful for those who cannot afford to pay for the treatment, but if your pet has already passed, it will not bring them back.

For those who don't want to deal with the company that may have potentially killed their pet, and want better compensation than just a vet bill, joining in the class-action lawsuit may be the right choice for you.

You can join the lawsuit by visiting the website of Morgan & Morgan and calling the phone number in the upper right corner, or filling in the assessment form on the right side of the page.

Fourth, find support if needed.

Losing or almost losing a pet is a tough thing to deal with. Finding support in friends or family can help you recover.

If you feel the need to talk with fellow pet owners who have experienced something similar related to Beneful, there are two groups that you can join on Facebook:

Is Beneful Killing Or Sickening Dogs? Post Your Story! - group for sharing discussion and stories of dogs affected by Beneful

Beneful Angels - The Faces Behind the Statistics - page for sharing pets that have died while eating Beneful

How come this food is still on shelves?

There isn't a clear answer to this question.

One thing is for sure, Purina continues to deny the claims made by pet owners. Even in the face of independent testing, they continue to claim that their food is of the utmost quality, nutritional content, and safety.

Unfortunately we know all of this to be false. Most of their ingredients are cheap filler, mycotoxins are not heavily present in quality foods, and dogs continue to get sick.

At the end of the day, money speaks. Nestle is a giant company and a recall would mean a heavy loss. It is always easier to deny an issue than admit fault.

I want to take action. What can I do?

Feel free to share this article with anyone you know through email, social media, or word of mouth.

Join the lawsuit if you had a dog that was harmed or killed under mysterious circumstances by visiting the website of Morgan & Morgan and calling the phone number in the upper right corner, or filling in the assessment form on the right side of the page.

Tell your local pet food store about Beneful and suggest they remove it from their shelves.

Make your local vet aware of the mycotoxin test results.

Join one of the support groups on Facebook.

Educate yourself on dog foods and canines.

Best luck to you and your pups.

Stay safe.

A rant about pets aging.

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 04:59:00 +0000

The family yorkie is 13.
She sometimes sharts herself.
Her breath is atrocious, like a barrel of fish left in the sun for a few days.
You can sneak up on her when you get home and she won't realize you're there until she turns around.
Her eyes are cloudy and she hates being in the dark.

And you know what?
WE FUCKING LOVE HER.
She is our best bud, our partner in crime, our little yappy bitch.

Pets aren't a novelty.
They're a best friend whose shoulder you cry on, and who will in turn lick those tears away.
They are there next to you on the loneliest days.
They share your excitement when things are awesome, and make them even more memorable.
They make you laugh, they make you mad (but never for long) and they enrich your life like nothing else can.

If you disagree with this, maybe a pet isn't right for you... because that is what pet ownership is supposed to be.
It's a relationship, a friendship that you see through to the very end.
It's trust to care for each other forever and always.

If not... get a plush animal, and call it day.

The Fantasica / Super Battle Tactics Debacle, and getting a refund

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Sat, 08 Nov 2014 02:06:00 +0000

If you're a Fantasica player like me, you probably were so excited to get your 8* Tank Ticket from the SBT/Fanta crossover event.

Well, too bad your hopes and dreams are now crushed, because DeNA / Mobage fails YET AGAIN at treating their customers right! (Like I'm going to forget THIS anytime soon...)

Once again I've made your pain a bit easier to cope with by creating a video and a document for you to send to Apple/Google, outlining the issues and providing evidence in favor of a refund.
Keep in mind that this document only requests a refund FOR THE EVENT'S DURATION.
(Let's be honest here, though Fantasica's pay packs are often disappointing, there is no valid reason for a refund until this event specifically.)

HERE IS THE DOCUMENT, FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE!
Best of luck to all of you for the duration of this event and for your refund requests.
POWER TO THE PLAYERS. We keep this game running, and this is no way for DeNA / Mobage to treat us.

Day Z: Day 1 Shenanigans

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Mon, 20 Oct 2014 04:18:00 +0000

I finally got DayZ: StandAlone, and it's utterly hilarious.
I'm going to share my crazy stories with you all. They're not Steam Store Review material, but hopefully it'll be worth a chuckle or two.

My first encounter was early on when I had no idea how to talk over voice chat. I was in a small shed when suddenly a guy walked right in, and I had nothing equipped but a hardhat and a fire extinguisher in my hands. We stared at each other for a second and he said, "Oh, hello!" at which point I backed up brandishing my red metal canister, and he excitedly exclaimed "WHOA! I'm friendly!" Unwilling to take a chance, I backed my way out the other door and fled as he screamed, "Uhh, okay, bye!"
It was only afterwards that I was told that Caps Lock enables talking, so I remembered that for next time.

A bit after the first incident, I was exploring a house for some goodies. I had fallen off of a ship and died, so I was playing a fairly new character. I heard something behind me and turned around to see that some guy had just entered the room, fairly more equipped than I was at the time. He exclaimed, "Friendly! Friendly!" and I backed away, screaming "DON'T LOOK AT ME, I'M HIDEOUS!" and fled out the door.
I think I thoroughly weirded him out.

A while after this on the same play-through, I was heading south on the coast hoping to run into Jon or his friend Jake. I was just about to cross a bridge over a small body of water when I encountered a newspawn in a black tee. I only had a spanner as a weapon, but at least I wasn't limited to nooblet fists of fury. He types out "friendly" at which point I sidle around him in a semi-circle suspiciously, spanner brandished. "Relax" he types, at which point I notice a woman running straight towards us literally out of nowhere. She had a kitchen knife in her hand and she immediately lunges for the newspawn, stabbing him repeatedly and not saying a word. I jump into the fray, swinging my spanner wildly in an attempt to fend off this crazy lady, but I begin bleeding and I think the newspawn accidentally hit me a few times as well. Suddenly I black out, dead from repeated stabwounds. I respawn and begin the tedious task of re-equipping myself, when Jon says he's found two bodies in the middle of the road. I look over at his laptop screen and there we are, the newspawn and I side by side. Apparently she had slaughtered the newspawn shortly after I had died.
The moral of the story is... Beware of silent crazy ladies, and don't stop in the middle of the coastal road.

My last story is one of hilarity, yet tragedy. I was a newspawn (again) and had just looted a few houses for food and water. I was running south on the coastal road in an attempt to once again meet up with Jon and Jake when out of the corner of my eye I see movement. I look behind my shoulder and see three guys fully decked out in military gear screaming for me to stop. Screaming out, "I DON'T WANNA DIEEEEE," I run as fast as my little athletic shoes will take me. I hear one of the yell out "DON'T RUN! DON'T RUN!" and I refuse to obey. A shot rings out and I'm hit, but I keep running. Another shot is fired and I fall to the ground, dead. I hear them saying things like "Stupid motherfucker," and then one guy says "I'm going to take your orange. NOMNOMNOM. Delicious."
I respawn, missing my orange.

Well, that's it for the crazy adventures on my first day of DayZ. I will continue writing up a few more silly stories and encounters as I keep playing.

Toys in SPORE: My sofubi obsession has no bounds

noreply@blogger.com (maddie) — Thu, 09 Oct 2014 21:35:00 +0000

I made some of my personal collection of sofubi (Japanese vinyl) toys into creatures in the game SPORE!

Thought I'd share.

(Excuse the horrible quality of these photos, I was lazy and didn't care about lighting.)

2011 Lucky Bag Glow-in-the-Dark Zagoran, Marine Larvagon, Glow-in-the-dark Gumoz, and Lunar Shub Zeroth

And here are their SPORE counterparts!