Hallucinations!

Day 18 - Quality vs Quantity

2013-06-18T22:34:00.001+05:30

I had just put up a post which was boring even by my standards. It kept bothering me and so I took the post down. As you can see, I haven't been feeling communicative since yesterday and I feel it is simply not worth putting up substandard posts just for the sake of writing something.

So what is this, you ask. No comments.

Day 17 - Link to online book

2013-06-17T21:40:00.002+05:30

Today is a day where I don't feel like writing anything at all. I have a number of topics in my head but I just don't want to write.

So, I'm just going to take the easy way out and use this post to point you to the online version of the book I helped create through Storybook Me.

You can also read the other books in the series here

Day 16 - Feminism

2013-06-16T20:54:00.001+05:30

Feminism is just common sense. A sense of equality and justice, and the belief that what holds good for one, holds good for the other.

Thankfully, the impression that feminists are rabid, crazy creatures, is fading now, with more and more people, both men and women, proudly calling themselves feminists.

But, being brought up in a conservative and patriarchal society like India, feminist ideas don't come naturally to most of us. Some beliefs are so steeped in our psyche that to step aside and look at those ideas anew, you need a trigger, or else, you need someone to plant the seed of a new outlook in your head. Sometimes, it is just some random thing that encourages you to question what you've always believed to be right. But once you start thinking and questioning, your world will expand by leaps and bounds. It can be painful at times, to realize that what you have been taking for granted is fundamentally flawed. But it can also make you happy, and free.

If you wish to look, there are hundreds of people writing beautifully about such topics all over the internet. But if you are lost, let me show you a good place to begin - IHM's blog. It is a great go-to spot for issues relating to the Indian context. I urge you to explore the archives too. You'll also find resources, and links, and you'll be taken to the blogs of other people writing about women and patriarchy and misogyny and feminism..... and once you are attuned to this way of thinking, you'll start questioning things yourself.

Let me know how it goes.

Day 15 - Half asleep

2013-06-15T22:32:00.002+05:30

Whew, this day nearly got away from me!

Been on my toes since morning, except for some time sitting in a car, which, I can tell you, isn't too pleasant in Bangalore.

Finally, the day is done, and I am half asleep, and every bit of me wants to curl up with a book, and then go to bed. [sidenote - anybody else out there who thinks that one of the sweetest moments in life is to sit in bed with a good book just before bedtime, listening to the patter of rain outside?]

But yet, here I am, writing this, hoping I am making sense, and wondering why, when I set my mind to it, I can make the time for anything even in the most uncomfortable of circumstances. Well, I guess one needs to have a project worth being committed to.

This was one of the reasons I set myself this challenge. To see whether I could keep this up even when I can hardly move my fingers across the keyboard.

Day 14 - The breadfruit tree

2013-06-14T12:07:00.002+05:30

The school I went to was a very small one when I first started going there. Just a handful of students, a few loving teachers, a small shed or two where classes were held, and lots of trees. Sometimes, we had classes under the trees, and most of the classrooms were the kind where you sat on the floor on mats and wrote on little desks. It was lovely.

As the school grew, new buildings had to come up, and the trees needed to be cut down. The first one to go was a magnificent breadfruit tree. It had been the backdrop for most of our activities, and when our teachers told us about its fate, we were really upset.

We were asked to draw pictures of the tree as a keepsake. I remember the picture I drew very clearly. The tree had a little broken branch jutting out from the trunk at a height that was within an adult's arm's reach. Our headmistress used to hang her bag from that branch. My drawing included that too, and I remember it made the teachers laugh.

When we went back to school after the weekend, there was just an empty space there.

I told this story to Puttachi last night. She dissolved into tears, and couldn't be consoled.

Day 13 - Body Beautiful

2013-06-13T14:35:00.004+05:30

When I was trying to understand the source of the pain in my foot, I did a bit of reading on the structure of the human foot. I was highly impressed. What a marvellous feat of engineering! (Yes, I'm talking about the foot.) Its structure, flexibility, its ability to bear so much weight - it is nothing short of wonderful. And it got me thinking. How often do we look at our feet and whine about their ugliness, or about how tanned they are, or how misshapen our toes are or how wide our feet are, and all along, the foot is an elegant body part that does so much work for us.

But that holds good for everything - we are the result of thousands of parts of our body working well in tandem - our stomach, our heart, our kidneys, lungs, intestines, little glands that we haven't heard of but are vital to our well-being, our brain (Our brain! I've been reading VS Ramachandran's "The Tell-tale Brain" and it makes mysteries and thrillers fade in comparison.) - so many beautiful parts in perfect harmony.

This magnificent body of ours, working so hard, and so smoothly, to enable us to - whine about how ugly that very body is!

Ridiculous, or what?

Hair too dry, nose too blunt, eyes too wide, skin too dark, legs too fat, lips too thin, breasts too small, teeth too crooked, tummy too flabby - all we can think of is what's on the outside, and we feel inadequate. Why? Because we are aiming for a standard of beauty that is never within reach. Never within anybody's reach. Movie stars, who are supposedly supremely beautiful, go in for nose jobs and chin reconstructions and tummy tucks - what does that show? Nobody can truly be happy with whatever they look like, if they try to strive for some silly standard of beauty! Such a waste of time and energy!

But that is not all! We transfer that feeling of inadequacy to our children too! Look at this beautiful letter a daughter writes to her mom. Heartbreaking. But that story is playing out in millions of homes all over the world even now.

What do I hear you say? That even if we don't give our children these wrong ideas of beauty, they will get it from outside anyway? From peers, and from the media? Yes, they will. It is inevitable. But if you inculcate into them a healthy sense of respect for their bodies, maybe they will be grounded enough not to be too swayed by those images that the media thrusts at them. Just maybe. Worth a shot, right? If we start throwing at them false notions of beauty right from childhood, then the poor things don't have a chance at all.

Look at this wonderful incident. This is what we should be telling our children. That their bodies are beautiful.

But I know, easier said then done. I'll finish writing this, get up, catch a look at myself in the mirror and cringe at how frizzy my hair is. That's called social conditioning.(and the lack of hair conditioning, in this case.) Who said that frizzy hair is ugly? Why is it supposed to be ugly? That's what I am trying to get at.

Trying to look beyond all these notions of beauty is hard, but we can do it. It is just not worth the agonies that women, and even men, go through every day. And more importantly, we owe it to our children. Let them, at least, grow up free from the constricts of these silly notions of beauty!

Day 12 - An atypical day

2013-06-12T13:53:00.002+05:30

Today has been, so far, a very different day. For one, after dropping Puttachi off at school, I decided to - dust. There, that should tell you. And since the day had anyway started off on a tangent, I decided to just go where it took me. So, apparently this was a day when I wanted to watch television, and potter around the house doing nothing. So that's what I did.

Today was different in another respect - that I had nothing ready for lunch. This doesn't ever happen, and so while I was lazing about, I was vaguely wondering what to cook for lunch. And then, serendipity - this post made me decide - what's good for breakfast is good for lunch. So lunch was ready in five minutes.

Just as I was feeling a little guilty about "wasting" my day, this article came by - "Why Can't I be a Housewife?" Read it, please do, especially if you are a housewife/homemaker who is battling with people, or with yourself about wasting your life, your education, and not having any ambition.

But ambition is not necessarily a virtue that needs to be solely linked to a career. Aspiring to become a better mother, a better cook or a better friend is also being ambitious. The competition really needs to be with you, not with anyone else. Are you a better person today than you were yesterday? That is ambition to me.

Reminded me of this ridiculous article by Chetan Bhagat on why men should have working wives. And this great response to it.

I think everyone needs a day like this (or half a day) when you absolutely do not have to be responsible for anything, and have no pressing duties to perform, and just go where the day takes you. Refreshing.

This day of mine would perhaps not have taken me to the laptop had it not been for this challenge.

Now, let me go back to doing nothing - for another hour, until Puttachi comes back from school.

Day 11 - How to be a better writer

2013-06-11T12:19:00.001+05:30

I get many emails asking me for advice on how to write better. Ironic, considering that I myself am on that quest! Anyway, my general response is: Read more, and write more.

One thing that really helped me was joining the Practice Group at the Internet Writing Workshop. Every week, you are given a prompt, and you have to submit a story of less than 400 words based on that. Then, you critique others' work, and others critique yours. Through this, I learned:

1) Economy of words - if you have to tell a meaningful story or a snippet of one in 400 words, each word counts. And I think it has helped me choose my words well.

2) By critiquing others' work, I learned to observe how people wrote. What worked, what didn't, and why. Very illuminating.

3) Critiques of my work - I agreed with most comments about my work. And they helped me improve. There were a handful of experienced writers whose critiques I would wish for, and hope for, and when they did critique my work, I always learned so much.

4) I read other people's critiques of other people's works - and that was equally educative.

Apart from all this, you should realize that writing is not just, you know, start at line one, write the whole piece, put the pen down (figuratively), and you're done. No way. There are, I'm sure, people who can do that, but the majority of writers, even the big ones, have to slog it out. The first draft is usually very different from the final version. Writing is more of editing, and re-writing, and wondering how this could be said better.... it is hard work.

And it takes time. Like Blaise Pascal said, "I'm sorry I wrote you such a long letter. I didn't have time to write a short one." Makes perfect sense!

And ever so often, the lovely picture you have in your head doesn't show up on paper. And you agonize, and wonder why, when it sounded so great in your head, it is so bland when put in words. And then you try and polish it, or give up on it. So if this happens to you, don't worry, you are not alone.

So the next time I get a mail asking me how to become a better writer, I'll just point them to this post, because this is all I know. And then I will go away to find out more about it myself.

Day 10 - A conversation about what "me" is.

2013-06-10T09:34:00.000+05:30

This conversation with Puttachi happened a couple of months ago.

Puttachi: Amma, I have a question.

Me: Bring it on.

Puttachi: When we say "I" or "me," what are we talking about? What is "naanu" (me)? Is it my head, or my face, or my body, or my heart, what is it?

What do I do when faced with a question I don't know how to answer? Throw it back at her, of course.

Me: What do you think, Puttachi?

Puttachi: (thinks) I think it is the face, Amma.

Me: But there are doctors who can perform surgery and change the way you look. If somebody changes my nose and my lips and my chin and my eyebrows, and gives me a new face, will I stop being Amma?

She: No! You will still be Amma. Then maybe it is the body.

Me: You know, there is a scientist called Stephen Hawking. He cannot move any part of his body, except a finger, through which he controls a computer, and he communicates through that. But his brain is very active. So what do you think?

She: Ohhh, then maybe it is the brain that is "me."

Me: Do you remember Doddamma Ajji? (S's grandmother, who had Alzheimer's.) She was very healthy, but she didn't know who we were. She didn't even know who she herself was. So does that mean she is not Doddamma Ajji?

She: Oh, Amma, then what is it? Maybe everything together is "me."

Me: Yeah, maybe, Puttachi.

And that is how we answer difficult questions around here.

Day 9 - TED

2013-06-09T21:09:00.004+05:30

Another boon of the internet is the access we have gained - to people, places, and most of all, to ideas.

"Ideas worth spreading" is the tagline of TED, which I think is one of the greatest things available on the internet today. Superlative, uplifting, inspiring, thought-provoking talks by amazing people on all kinds of topics - it broadens your mind and expands your horizons.

I'm sure you've all watched some TED talk or the other, but if you haven't, (or even if you have), this is a good place to start. You can even google for "Top 10 TED talks" or "Most-watched TED-talks" and then one will lead you to another, and before you know it, you'll be hooked.

These talks aren't too long - less than 10 minutes, some around 20 minutes - you can watch them instead of watching TV, for instance. When do I watch them? When I'm having lunch, when I'm folding a heap of laundry - and most often, when I am engaged in that very boring but necessary task of cleaning and processing green vegetables. Sometimes, if I need a break from work, or cooking, or if I just need to sit down, I watch a TED talk.

It is so heartening to see the kind of things going on in the world, to come to know about the latest ideas and research and technological developments that is happening out there.

You can listen to renowned scientists and writers and engineers and artists and performers. You can listen to some great talks on education. Or you can be quietly, but equally inspired by unknown, lay people from remote corners of the world who are silently making a difference in the world. Like the Afghan girl who speaks about secretly educating Afghan girls, or a 13-year old Masai boy who created a solar-powered device to scare lions away.

Every time the news in the papers sickens me, every time the cheapness, perversion and corruption of humans starts to get to me, I turn to TED talks. They offer me solace, inspiration, and restore my faith in humanity.

Day 8 - Online courses

2013-06-08T17:58:00.000+05:30

Just about a couple of years ago, if someone had told you that you could take a course from the top universities of the world, from stalwarts in the field, sitting in your home, for free, would you have believed it?

It is wonderful how MOOCs are growing. And I experienced it myself first hand, when I took a course "Think Again: How to Reason and Argue" from Coursera early this year. It was good fun, in many ways. The video lectures and assignments and quizzes were well-structured, and technically, it was excellent. One of the instructors, Dr.Walter Sinnott-Armstrong, was very good, and I thoroughly enjoyed his lectures. I later found that he is a very well-known person in his field. The discussion forums on this course abounded with comments by students who gushed about how lucky they felt to be learning from such a bigwig.

The best part about this course was the fact that I could view the lectures whenever I wanted. And if I didn't understand something, or if I dozed off in the middle (I did!) I could always play the video again. What an advantage over a real classroom situation! I earned myself a certificate with distinction too at the end of it.

There are a couple of things I learned about online courses. One, the instructor matters. I signed up for another course, but I didn't find the instructor impressive enough, and I un-enrolled in a couple of weeks. Another thing is that you have to choose the course depending on your level of interest and the time you have available to do it. I know, sounds obvious. But I signed up for Astronomy with a lot of enthusiasm, but I couldn't spare the kind of time or attention needed for the level it was taught at.

I have now signed up for an Archaeology course. I found to my great joy that the instructor is a very robust, ebullient, likeable lady, and I actually feel like she is talking to me personally (felt that way with Dr.Sinnott-Armstrong too) and it makes me want to give my best to the course.

There are many other sites out there, like Udacity, apart from Coursera where you can find online courses. And of course, if you go the websites of several top universities, you can see information on courses they offer there.

A great way to learn more about something you're already interested in, or to add to your skills. From the comfort of your home. For free.

Day 7 - The downside of loving to read

2013-06-07T13:58:00.000+05:30

I have written before about my love for reading and how it eclipses everything else in my life.

The issue has come to the forefront again, with Puttachi getting hooked to books. One part of me exults, because it means that entire worlds are going to be opened up for her, she'll never be bored if she has a good book with her, and as long as she remembers to take a book with her, no wait will ever feel long or boring.

But the other part of me worries that it will take over her life as it has mine.

A few weeks ago, I had taken her along with me to the doctor, and there was a long wait ahead. She had a book with her, and so she didn't whine even once. She read her book, and she was content. When she was younger, I would have had to keep her engaged, tell her stories, convince her that there aren't many people ahead of us, device games, and still she would get bored and restless. Yes, even if I had taken one of her books with us, and read to her from it. Now, this reading by herself is apparently so interesting that she doesn't even remember that I am by her side, which leaves me free to ready my own book!

On the other hand, previously, she would look at everything around her and ask questions about it. What do those boards say? Why is that person in a wheelchair? Why do they have a picture of bones here? Tell me about these bones. Why does this clock not have a second hand? Why is this building built this way and not any other way? What is the name of the flower we can see outside?

Isn't it important to know about the world around her? Is it right that she gives up her curiosity about what is around her, for what is in a book?

And then there is another issue. She has lately started preferring to read than go out to play in the park. Honestly, she has never been a completely outdoors person, and there have been many times over the years when she has preferred to stay at home and play with her toys, or paint, rather than go to the park. Which is ok. But now, she has yet another reason to want to stay at home. And this bothers S, who is a very outdoors-loving person, and who believes whole-heartedly in the power of fresh air and sunshine, and the importance of physical activity. I believe in that too, but I can understand Puttachi's wish to read that book rather than go to the park, because I am like that too.

By getting lost in the world of books, are we missing out on our own world?

I've got to try and steer Puttachi to a middle ground - but is that fair on my part? Drawing her away from something she apparently enjoys so much?

Any thoughts on this?

Day 6 - The joy of owning less

2013-06-06T11:02:00.003+05:30

Every increased possession loads us with new weariness. -John Ruskin, author, art critic, and social reformer (1819-1900)

This quote came along with AWAD a couple of days ago. Coincidental, when I was just experiencing the freedom of owning just two pieces of footwear.

Ok, to start from the beginning. From the past few months, I've had a pain in the ball of my foot, for which I've been advised to wear special footwear, and get a bar attached to it for support. Temporarily. (Hopefully.)

So, in essence, I now have just one pair to wear at home, and one to wear outside. Whether or not the outside pair suits or matches with my current outfit - I have to wear it anyway. Initially, I felt quite wretched, not being able to wear footwear that I found elegant, but as the days flew past - what freedom it brought me! No having to decide what to wear - will I have to walk a lot, will this suit this dress? Nothing! And this is being said by me, I, who at any given time in my life, possess just about 4-5 pairs of footwear! Can't even begin to imagine how all those with dozens of pairs of footwear manage.

It reminds me of my mother telling us about how many clothes they had back when they were young. She and her sister both together, owned 3 sarees for regular use. And perhaps one for special occasions. It could all fit into one single shelf of a cupboard! And there is a Kannada phrase "mai mElondu, kOl mElondu." "One on your back, one on the pole (a horizontal pole on which they used to hang clothes)" - meaning, they just had two outfits. Wear one while the other is being washed. That's it!

Many new items that you buy force you to buy something else for them. We call this "Sanyasi samsaara" in Kannada, referring to the traditional tale of the Sanyasi who bought a cat to get rid of the mouse that was chewing up his dhoti. And then he had to buy a cow to provide milk for the cat, then a shed for the cow, and then an attendant to look after the cow, and so on until he ended up becoming a landed man with a wife and three children.

Sounds familiar, huh?

I don't know about you, but I am a great believer in owning fewer things. Those who know me well will nod their heads sagely and say that it is only because I am too lazy to maintain things, and it is my way of shirking responsibility. Be that as it may, but for me, less things = more peace.

Day 5 - Impostor syndrome

2013-06-05T14:07:00.000+05:30

When does a writer start being a writer? The moment she writes a word? The day she completes a piece of writing? The first time her work is published?

Turns out that for me, none of that was enough. I had won an award for a short story, had published a few children's stories in a newspaper supplement, and yet, I didn't consider myself a writer.

At a party, a friend was introducing me to someone, and she waved her hand at me, and said, "She's a writer." I looked over my shoulder to see whom she was pointing at. And then grinned sheepishly.

It was at this time that I won a prize for my children's story. What followed after that was beyond anything I had expected. First of all, my story was performed by schoolchildren. It gave me such a high. Shortly after that, The Hindu called to ask if they could do a feature on me.

It was unreal. Why would they want to do a feature on poor little me? In my head, a writer is someone mature and accomplished. And I was the opposite. So why would a newspaper want to feature me? And it wasn't even just any rag - The Hindu, of all papers.

And then it got wilder. On the day of the interview, the photographer arrived first, and went click-click-click, making me pose, and turn, and saying - stand in the light, stand facing the light, smile, relax your features.... and I obeyed like a zombie. Just as he was leaving, the interviewer arrived, and she talked to me for about an hour. It was fun to give the interview, but the moment she left, my brain couldn't take it anymore.

It was a severe dichotomy in my head - "what should be (a writer)" vs. "what is (me)." And I couldn't reconcile the two. Then it turned physical. My teeth started chattering, I started trembling, and my legs wobbled. I was alone at home. I heated a cup of water for myself (I was shivering too much to trust myself to brew a cup of tea.) I wrapped myself in a blanket and curled up on the sofa and sipped the hot water until my body relaxed.

And then, I started crying. I have no idea why. Hot tears flowing down my cheek like they wouldn't stop. I don't remember too much what I did. I think I called S and my mom, but I am not sure.

And what thoughts were going on in my head?

"This shouldn't be happening to me."
"I'm just an average writer who had a stroke of luck - they shouldn't be making so much of me."
"I'll never be able to write another good word, and then the whole world will know I am fake."
"They should stop calling me a writer - I am not one."
"Is there any way I can get them to stop the article getting published?"

In a few hours, I was completely back to normal. I even looked forward to the article, and though it initially shocked me to see my face printed across half a page, I enjoyed all the attention when it did come out.

Later, a conversation with my aunt revealed to me that what I was feeling was called "Impostor syndrome" and it is very real, and that I am not alone. Can't tell you how relieved I was to find that I wasn't abnormal after all!

Even then, I could not call myself a writer. I would cringe if I was refered to as a writer. Given that I hold so much esteem for writers, why do I run away from that name? Do I think so low of myself? I don't think so. Is it a false sense of modesty? I have no idea. Or maybe my idea of a writer is someone with a book to her name or something big like that, and so I don't consider myself "there" yet. I wish I knew what it was.

Only in the last year, I have been comfortable with that tag, and though I hesitate slightly before I say it, I do say - "I'm a writer." And the more I say it, the easier it gets.

Note: I needed a year and a half to bring myself to write about this! Gotta thank my post-a-day effort.

Day 4 - Puttachi at Six.

2013-06-04T10:21:00.001+05:30

Many people ask me why I don't put up Puttachi updates frequently any more. There were many more LOL-worthy incidents when she was younger. The way her mind worked, the funny things she said.... not that there aren't any now, but she's - let's face it - growing up! And updates about a big little girl are not as much fun, or of interest to a general audience, as those of a little girl.

Anyway, Puttachi turned six last month, and at least for myself, I need an update post.

At this age, this is how she is:

Her nature -

Still very sweet.
Vocal about her feelings
Very empathetic - cries during movies, actually seems to feel my pain if I stub my toe.
Very very very lavish with the hugs and the cuddles and the kisses. She likes nothing better than cuddling up to me as soon as she wakes up in the morning. Had a luxurious time indulging in this during the summer holidays, but have limited it to three minutes now that school has started.
She's started showing spirit (more on that in another post)
Enjoys humour, loves jokes.
Loves to laugh.
Always in high spirits (90 pc of the time)
She still loves to talk, and does the talking for both S and me all the time.

Reading

Has to be the single greatest skill she has learned in recent times - and I don't mean just learning to read - I mean loving to read books. We are members of JustBooks, and we cannot seem to borrow books fast enough for her.
I have had to drag her away from books, apply time-limits, and have even had to admonish her when she reads at the dinner table. (Sounds familiar, huh, Amma?)

Sports and Games

She's been learning badminton for the last 8 months or so, and seems to enjoy it. I'm glad I put her into an organized sport - something that will compel her to exercise regularly - her stamina has increased.
She loves the water- and though she cannot swim yet, she enjoys splashing about in the pool
She doesn't enjoy jigsaw puzzles as much as she used to, and she loves board games. She also enjoys word games. She is still in love with her little tricycle.
She's crazy about the swing - we have a big wooden plank-swing inside our house, and she and her friends really have fun with it.

Increasingly plays by herself - is happy doing things on her own. Still plays with dolls, and talks to them all the time. Makes up elaborate stories that she enacts with her dolls, that go on and on for days.
Enjoys making tents with dupattas and bedsheets and setting up her family underneath them

Music

I've been trying to teach her the basics of classical music. The initial progress was slow, and then she picked it up quickly and sings pretty well. But it is really hard to get a routine going when your teacher happens to be your mother as well. In the middle of singing, she stops and starts telling me something funny that happened to her that day. And if I tell her to sing a particular line 10 times until she gets it, she laughs half the time. I've told her that she can stop if she's not interested, but she insists that she wants to learn. So....I need to handle this differently. Still trying to work it out.
Especially when she is painting or drawing, she sings under her breath constantly. It is so much fun to watch her do that.

Art and Craft

She enjoys art and craft, and messing about with paints, and paper and scissors and glue. She is thrilled if both of us sit together to create something new.

Eating

Puttachi has never been fussy about food. She even declares sometimes that she didn't like a certain something "that much" but will finish it anyway because it is healthy. I know, too good to be true. But ever since she started eating all by herself (about 2 years back) - it has been a nightmare because she takes ages and ages to finish. Either talking or dreaming. And she insists on finishing the food on her plate, which can be really annoying at times, when I just want to clear up the kitchen and go, and when she doesn't let me feed her to hasten the process. Finally, after two years of torture, things seem to be looking up. There have been mis-steps, but the going seems to be good. Phew!
Finally I am also getting to know her food preferences. That she prefers chapati over rice, that watermelon and sapota are her favourite fruits and she doesn't care much for mango, that she worships cashews and sev, and that she prefers eating vegetables just like that, and loves the simplest of dals.

Friends.
She has a highly-favoured inner circle of friends now, and enjoys spending long hours with them, play-acting, or just behaving silly.

What she looks like

She's tall for her age - lanky, long-legged. But her cheeks are still reminiscent of their childhood roundness. As she loses more and more of the little-girl look, I find myself increasingly drawn to her baby and toddler pictures and videos. What has remained constant is the intensity of the look in her eyes, and the way she furrows her brows when she is listening intently or concentrating, or thinking.
She is still in the I-want-long-hair mode, and I am cooperating. Though, I have warned her that if it takes too long to do her hair on school mornings, I'll have to cut it to a more manageable length. That makes her cooperate in so many ways!

Day 3 - Storybook Me

2013-06-03T09:34:00.000+05:30

Storybook Me is a non-profit organization that creates personalized storybooks for underprivileged children. It is the brainchild of 18-year-old Sanjana Tadepalli. They had called for volunteer writers and illustrators for their first set of books, and I offered to write a story for them.

I was paired with an illustrator, and one child was allotted to us. We never met the child, but were given details about her - her picture, her likes, her fears, her dreams.... Based on this, I came up with a story featuring the child, who gets to do in the book what she actually would like to do. Then the illustrator, Manoj Nath, created the pictures. I received a copy of the book a couple of weeks ago, and I must say it is very well-produced. Good paper, clear print, even a glossary at the end for difficult words. And finally, a photoshopped picture of the child with her favourite movie star, who makes an appearance in the story too! :)

The books were handed out to the children last month, and we were told that we would be sent links to the video. I am looking forward to that, and will update this post with it.

Here are a few pictures:

The cover:

Loved the detailed illustrations by Manoj Nath.

Writer and Illustrator Bios.

No, this is not a book you'll be able to buy - there are just a handful of copies for all the, shall we say, stakeholders?

Such a good idea, isn't it, to make children feel special?

(This post is part of my one-post-a-day effort for the month of June.)

Day 2 - The Sound of Music - through the years

2013-06-02T15:32:00.000+05:30

The Sound of Music is probably one of the first movies I ever watched. And it is a movie that I have watched again and again throughout my life. I'm sure that holds good for many of you.

- My earliest memories of the movie are just of those parts with the children. At each watching, I understood more and more of the movie. Like layers of paint being applied to a canvas, each time with more detailing.

- At every age, different songs appealed to me. Initially it was "Doe a deer." In my teens, it was "You are sixteen" (I could sing it well too, and my friends kept asking me to sing it for them.) Later, it changed very frequently, and has settled down to "Edelweiss" since the last few years.

- When we were young, all characters appeared black or white. I would treat the Baroness like a wicked witch. It was such a revelation when I watched the movie after a long gap and discovered that she was just, well, human!

- On my latest viewing (last month) I discovered that some of the songs and dialogues in the movie are totally at odds with the feminist ideas in me. Over the last couple of years, I've become increasingly aware about social norms and patriarchy and misogyny, and I've repeatedly discovered that many of my favourite songs and movies are so terribly chauvinistic. It's not a good feeling - to find that something you loved before makes you uncomfortable now - but I'm not sorry. This new awareness has done me good.

- Every time I watch the movie, I view it differently. But one thing that has remained constant over the years, is my swooning over the elegance of Christopher Plummer.

- I watched the movie with Puttachi for the first time last month, and of course I had to keep up a constant explanation for her. I had considered stopping the movie after the first half, but she would have none of it. She even protested hotly when I insisted that we watch the second half the next day, for it is too long a movie. I prevailed, of course, and she was restless until she got to watch the second half.

The highlight of the movie-watching with her, is this conversation:
(The song "My favourite things" is playing.)

Me: Puttachi, good idea, isn't it? When you are scared, just like you think of your "happy place," you can also think of your favourite things and that will make you feel better.
She: Yes!
Me: So, what are your favourite things?
She: (thinks for a second) You, Amma.

Didn't you see me floating with the clouds?

Day 1 - The greatest challenge in blogging

2013-06-01T16:29:00.002+05:30

I broke my head for over a month, wondering if I should indeed give myself this challenge. It's one thing giving yourself a private challenge, but it is a completely different matter to make a commitment in public, and then scramble about, trying not to fall face first in the mud.

After I put up yesterday's post, the mouse kept moving towards the delete button, but my will prevailed, and so it stays.

But why is it so difficult to blog nowadays? It came so easily to me before. Now, though I have started writing professionally, it seems more difficult to articulate my thoughts on the blog.

My blog has been running for eight years. Initially, I made up blog posts on the long commutes to and from work, and when I got to a computer, I would write it all down. I wrote about my life, my experiences, my opinions - everything I saw would turn into a blog post. I liked that. I had the time to turn thoughts around in my head and format it into a nice, interesting post. My old posts are jaunty, carefree, and fun to read, even if I say so myself! And oh, I had lots and lots of commenters, and I had the time and the patience to answer them all individually and with wit. That made more people comment, and so, my blog was a very lively place.

After Puttachi was born, my blog took on a whole new slant. Posts on parenting and posts about my baby became frequent. The young and the restless looked elsewhere, but from another direction, a whole new audience came by. But at this point, I didn't have the time nor the energy to reply individually to comments, though I tried. But thankfully, that didn't drive my readers away - the numbers tell me so. But the blog is more of a one-way affair now. It is sad, but inevitable.

So coming back to this question, why do I blog less now? The main reason pops right up - I am more judgmental about my writing now. I am too critical about what I write, and before I put anything up, I think twice, and thrice, and four times, by which the urge to put that post up has long since fizzled out.

So this challenge is my way of trying to get over that mental block. Let's see how it goes!

Day 1 of the month-long posting challenge.

The month-long challenge

2013-05-31T15:33:00.001+05:30

So hear's the deal. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to put up a post every day. One for each day of June. That's 30 posts in one month.

Yes, this is a challenge, one I have set for myself. Many thoughts flit about in my head each day, and a few of them reach the stage of "I've got to write about it." But then it goes nowhere. This month, every time a thought fructifies enough to make me want to write about it, I will write about it. It is going to be hard work, because writing is more of rewriting and editing than anything else. And this will require a daily commitment from me. And that is my intention.

So I hope you'll go with me on this journey, and cheer for me, perhaps?

Traditional games

2013-05-20T19:13:00.001+05:30

Ok, seriously - I have a blog-block. I come to the laptop all fired up to write a post - and immediately, everything fizzles out. I'm not having any trouble writing otherwise. Just the blog. I've got to work it out, have to think of something.

Why I mention this is that I actually intended to write about my experiences with traditional games, while mentioning my article on reviving traditional games that appeared in this Saturday's DH Living. But now, all I feel like doing is leaving you with the link. Sigh.

Anyway, do read it - I enjoyed researching and writing about it. The layout in the newspaper was good too - colourful, with lots of pictures. If you get a chance, do read it in the paper, because the formatting in this online version is not too good - the paragraphs run into each other. Anyway, let me stop rambling and give you the link. Here it is - Reviving good old fun.

Some more published work.

2013-05-15T06:35:00.002+05:30

Dropped by to tell you that I have been updating my Published Work page with all my, well, published work.

Here is a line or two about the latest -

I've always been keen to know how to praise right. So much of the praise we give children seems overexcited and unnecessary and repetitive. Thanks to a lot of reading with the help of resources sent to me by friends, over the years, I've discovered that praising the effort, and not the result - is very important. A small article to that effect is here - Praise the effort - Deccan Herald Living, Mar 9, 2013.

The last of my series for City and Neighbourhood for The Hindu - An easy ride at your fingertips - Mar 21, 2013

After one last, here is a first - the first time an editor commissioned an article to me himself, including the topic, and the brief. Here is the result - about neighbours and neighbourhoods - There are humans next door, you know - DH Living, Deccan Herald, April 27, 2013

And then, an article for Women's Web about cover letters - How to write a cover letter for a job - Women's Web, May 7, 2013.

Prisoner to books

2013-05-05T08:03:00.001+05:30

In all my years of reading, which amounts to thousands of books, I've never abandoned a book midway. Okay, maybe a couple of them over the years, but that was because I didn't understand them.

But why don't I feel like leaving a book midway? I don't know. Firstly, very few books have made me want to toss them aside, and so, perhaps my faith in the readability of books makes me want to persevere. And then, usually, books that made me want to give up were often those that were called "classics" or "must-read" or they were the latest bestsellers and I forced them upon myself because I thought I "ought" to read them. Also, I feel a kind of compulsion to get through to the end of any book. A responsibility towards the book. As if to redeem my perseverance and faith in it, many times, the book has picked up later and proved its worth to me. But there have also been times when I have plodded through the book, tearing my hair out, and gouging my own skin with boredom and irritation, but yet, not abandoning the book.

And so, it came as a surprise to me when about four months ago, I just stopped reading a book that did nothing for me, looked at it once, and then set it aside.

I waited for a couple of days. I kept looking at the book from time to time, from all angles. I couldn't believe I didn't feel the compulsion to finish it. I waited, and waited.

And I did not finish the book.

It was a kind of liberation, literally. Because, in the four months after that, I have set aside nearly 8 books without finishing them. That doesn't mean I have stopped enjoying books altogether. In the same four months, I have read and loved a dozen books. But the compulsion to finish a book I have started - that has disappeared.

I don't know what it is. Some kind of wisdom? (High time, I would say) A new attitude towards reading and books? The realization that there is too much to do and too less time to do it in?

But you know, I think I'd made myself a prisoner to books until now. And now I feel free.

New phase!

2013-04-18T15:58:00.000+05:30

The summer vacations are here again, and so far, ever since Puttachi has been born, it has been the easiest time for me with Puttachi at home.

For one, she increasingly spends time alone, without needing me to sit by her. She could be reading a book, or play-acting, or just playing with water, but she's lost in her own world for extended periods of time. She does come to me from time to time with queries and stories, but still, it is not the incessant bombardment of before. Next, there are many more things we can do together, and since most of those things don't require as much patience and forbearance from me as they did before, it doesn't drain me that much. Plus, she does most of her own work herself - dressing, brushing, bathing, washing, eating, getting herself a drink of water - so all the endless, repetitive, mind-numbing work of early childhood is also past us now. So a major chunk of time has been made available for me.

Besides, the open kitchen I told you about has helped make cooking more enjoyable, and cleaning more tolerable, with Puttachi sitting at the table talking to me, or me telling her stories. So that also doesn't really seem like a huge load of work.

In fact, she has turned out to be quite the mother hen herself. If she sees me tired, she brings me a glass of water, or advises me to take a nap, and if that she will be by herself for a while. If there is coffee decoction available, she falls over herself to make me a cup of coffee (with help of course.)

If I don't feel like taking her to the park, she goes by herself, since at this apartment complex, we have a good garden, and a safe park to play in, where I am comfortable leaving her though I can't see the park from my house.

And so, today, when she is off spending the day in her classmate's house, I was happy to have a few full hours all to myself to get some work and reading and cleaning done. But now, I am actually missing having her around. Hmmm. New-phase-of-life alert!

Why the sky is blue

2013-03-13T10:03:00.002+05:30

My blogpost was adjudged one of the three best in the Tulika Books Science Day Blogfest. As a prize, I received (with a handwritten note by the editor) a copy of the book Why the Sky is Blue by Chandralekha and Dashrath Patel.

The book is an extract from Sir CV Raman's lecture in Dec 1968 in Ahmedabad, where he speaks about science, nature, the wonders of the world around us and the never-ending questions that arise from learning more and more about it. When Raman was speaking, Dashrath Patel clicked photographs, and later, Chandralekha wrote the text down. The beautiful black-and-white photographs, every one of them frame-worthy, are very evocative, and portray the great man in different moods - involved, excited, and passionate.

Puttachi needed explanations (the book is for Age 8+), but she understood and appreciated the simple truths in the book. CV Raman is urging his listeners to probe deeper, keep their eyes open, and ask more questions.

"The best way to answer questions is to ask another one," he says, which Puttachi was very pleased with.

"Even at the age of 80, I am wondering about things I don't understand," he says another time, and again, Puttachi was awestruck by that. She stayed silent for a long time thinking about that.

"Science never stops. It goes on and on. The more you find, the more you have left to find," he says. "An endless quest," he calls it. I could go on quoting from the book!

The book also has a very crisp Timeline of CV Raman's life, and some interesting Snapshots of his life that throw light on his character. There is also a simple explanation of The Raman Effect.

Meanwhile, the book's explanation of why the sky is blue wasn't simple enough for Puttachi. She wanted to know more - I had to dig deeper and explain to her in simple words so that she'd follow. But then I used some terms which she didn't understand. So I had to describe those to her. After that, she had some more questions about colours..... and voila! We found ourselves doing the very thing that CV Raman urged us to do!

Praising the effort, and not the result.

2013-03-11T09:58:00.002+05:30

A piece I wrote on Praising the effort of children, and not their result - was published in Deccan Herald Living.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.