After a quick little discussion about that one comic-book movie utterly ruling all Pop-Culture conversation over the past two weeks, Dawn gets off the subject of auteur theory, and why she thinks the Avengers really works, and gets onto the subject of Patrick’s latest stint in the hospital, nutrition and the longevity of the average human being, and how sleep is maybe the most valuable commodity of all. Why does Portland seem to transform normal guts into gluten-hating torture chambers, why does science insist on prolonging life even though the life that lasts longest is the life that is the greyest, and how Dawn plans on getting her thoughts back down on paper (so to speak) in regular installments. Laughter is important, probably moreso in the most important moments. Today’s show tries to remind people of that.

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Been awhile since we’ve gone behind the curtain to see how the podcraft sausage is made, and the first half of this show is dedicated to Dawn letting everybody know about the successes and messes being made as she tries to get her new show up on its wobbly legs. And then the show shifts sideways to the idea of “creep-shaming,” a relatively new phenomenon making its way around the internet: Men complaining that women are throwing around the word “Creep” way too liberally and carelessly, and thus stigmatizing men unfairly. Dawn digs into this notion with both hands and pulls out every last absurdity and ridiculous assumption within. Also discussed – the joyousness of trolling, and why roguishness is one of Dawn’s favorite aspects.

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What does it mean to even be “Weird” in a town that has commodified the concept to the point that it’s being used as currency? Dawn is sent down a rabbit hole of metatextual rumination after seeing an overgrown Oompa-Loompa walking down the street, and a huge discussion breaks out as to what “Keeping Portland Weird” even means, if everyone’s going to accept all this “weirdness” as “normal”? And what defines “Weirdness” anymore, anyway? You think those bumper sticker slogans we stole from Austin, TX applies to the really weird people living their weird lives east of 82nd? If being weird is a legitimate currency in Portland, then how much is sincerity actually worth? You know what’s weird? Trying to psychoanalyze an entire city.

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After a two week hiatus, the show returns with it’s carefully measured blend of education, information, neuroses and overanalysis. The topics of such Ham-Fisted goodness? Well, you’ll learn how to make iced coffee the Dawn Taylor way, and then you’ll learn how to make friends the Dawn Taylor way – which involves getting over the strange societal coding that says you can’t simply tell people you like them and you’d like to hang out with them unless you wanna sound like a stalkery weirdo. Also, how to spot the signs that you’re getting the brushoff, and why you need to develop a plan for when you get rejected, because you’re GOING to get rejected, and it’s better to prep for it than to just sit around scared. Finally – Dawn is getting back into poker shape, and if you’ve ever wanted to figure out how to play, or what playing can do to your head, Dawn’s gonna spell it all out.

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Dawn Taylor helps Bobby wind his way through the wonderful landmines that is marital frustration brought on by the sort of futility only felt during pointlessly stressful situations, like, say, moving. And having the movers lose a bunch of little, important things. And knowing that the ikea directions can’t be wrong but whatever THAT is doesn’t look right and that helping isn’t always helping especially when you don’t want to hear that you’re being foiled by an inanimate object. Lucky for the rest of the world, Al Swearengen has some sage words on the subject of standing pain like a man, and giving some back. Other topics include – The Hunger Games came out, and while Dawn’s under embargo – PATRICK ISN’T. Why Mad Men and Game of Thrones work so well despite characters who aren’t what anyone would call “instantly likable,” and the specific note that Prometheus is hitting that’s made Bobby absolutely nuts for it already.

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This show has a few recurring themes, two of the bigger ones get revisited in today’s episode: 1) Words mean things, and 2) Food is awesome. The various etymologies of words like “Woo” and “Hoo-Hoo” are explored, leading to an examination of Dawn’s hatred of Patrick’s inability to pronounce “Jaguar” in any other way but the Northwestern way, which is to say “Jagwire.” That leads to discussions on the rich, and the weird ways they seem ashamed of the money they have, until it comes time to spend that cash, and then there’s no shame whatsoever. Then the show hops in a car and drives to the nearest Sonic, to discuss superhero tater tots, and the weird food foibles that control Dawn’s fork even when she doesn’t realize it, and finally, a mini-review of “John Carter,” and some more news on Dawn’s newest podcast venture – where it’s going to run, how often it’s going to run, and what it’s NOT going to be called.

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The show begins with the tantalizing taste of the perfect chicken strip, and then moves to the sizzling succulence of the perfect slab of bacon, and then, out of nowhere, a left hand turn into Dawn Taylor’s secret history as a teenage athlete, a hoops-shootin, pool-playin shortstop who could knock the leather off the ball. Of course, as with most athletes, Dawn’s body betrayed her, and discussion turns to why High School doesn’t really prepare most people for the sliding physical failure inflicted upon the body by middle age. Then, one more left turn, following Martin Scorsese into the Oscars, where passion for filmmaking led to one of the most beautiful films of the year, and how it caused Dawn to reflect on when she first had her mind opened to the real potential of film, how the art could really affect your mind, and how no matter how serious and “important” your movie might be, it doesn’t work if your characters can’t crack a joke or two.

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After a quick conversation on the need for branding, and how to address those needs without sounding like a self-involved prick, The show dives DEEP into personal histories of antagonism, and the darker natures that both Dawn and Bobby are constantly struggling to dismantle. These are the confessions of people who know how to be mean, but are trying to be better. Reflections of self-doubt, fights won, fights lost, fights better left unfought, the thrill of sour victories, and the agony of opportunities lost before they were ever offered to you. A circular, show about misunderstandings blending with the best of intentions.

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Once upon a time there was a little girl named Dawn who carried around an ugly red monkey with no ears, and she liked that monkey and she played with it until she got older, and now she realizes why she liked the monkey, and how great it is that monkeys don’t care if they get unfollowed on twitter or defriended on Facebook, and monkeys don’t worry about whether they’re being funny enough or clever enough, and monkeys don’t suck at email and get screwed by multimedia corporations sticking them for unlimited text plans. They just swing through trees and throw poop at stupid things. But they don’t get to watch things like Downton Abbey and Justified, and they don’t get to go to awesome baby showers or eat applesauce and pork chops, and they’re kinda dumb, too. So as with most Ham-Fisted Radio episodes, it’s all about finding balance between the neurotic mess we often are, and the little red monkey we could be.

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Dawn, coming off the couch a couple days late after being laid low with some flu-ish thing, makes up for lost time with an extra-long episode fueled by cold medicine and the need to figure out how to best fit herself into what she wants to be. It’s way easier said than done, and the show is largely about previous (and failed) attempts, both of the philosophical and the fashionable variety. Why do we look the way we do, why do we act the way we do, and what caused us to finally get poured into the forms we take today? The answers include fashion faux-pas of the 90s, Poodle Hair of the late 80s, and the joy a woman feels when she finally finds a bra that fits just right.

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Sometimes the best place to get away is inside your own head: How Dawn is pursuing the art of being Zen in her uncertain present, how Taquitos and Tequila and a good magazine keep her feeling centered, and how the cracks in a friendship don’t need to become fissures, so long as you fill them in with trust, and understanding, and some of the best mashed potatoes. An extra-long episode of Ham-Fisted, with more almost-endings than an interrogation by Columbo.

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Dawn is laid low over the weekend by a stomach illness, which is perfect timing for a woman trying to lay out the pieces of her life and build interesting machines from them. The show delves into the mind of the duplicitous nerd, trying to discern why they lie, and why they assign importance to things that should be superficial at best, and from there, goes toodling through some musings on the egalitarian nature of art, and where “making a living” should rate on the “I want to be a podcaster” scale of desires. Also, some discussion on the television programs Being Human, Private Practice, Gossip Girl, and the disappointment of being Jamie Kennedy.

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Sometimes we look at our own lives through the prism of pop-culture, and that’s the overriding theme of today’s show. Why Dawn and Patrick persist in trying to educate each other on their favorite bands even though they KNOW it’s a lost cause, why sometimes rooting for the good guys is the worst thing that can happen in a TV show, How both Dawn and Bobby tend to ride to the rescue of shows they have no ownership over, Why Friday Night Lights works in much the same ways the best Science Fiction works, and how the cliche about critics and frustrated artists is mostly dead-on.

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So, what’s changed? Something has to have changed. You can’t go through what Dawn and Patrick went through and not be changed somehow. And if you listen to only the first 15 minutes of this episode – you’d be wrong. Because Dawn and Bobby spend most of that time talking about Gabe Kaplan, Poker, and sweater choices. But inevitably, discussion swings to how Dawn is surviving the ongoing aftermath of Patrick’s health crises, and how they’re both learning to move forward. It’s a little easier for Patrick, because he slept through most of it. Dawn was wide awake for almost all of it, and she discusses all the horrifying, scary, sad, and often funny moments that she went through, just in time to get back to work and find out work was going away. Yeah, things have changed, but its still Ham-Fisted Radio, alright.

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Monday evening, January 9th 2012. Talk to you then.

A holiday tradition here at Ham-Fisted Radio, Dawn Taylor provides a curated score for your holiday celebrations. So download and enjoy Ham-Fisted Christmas 2011 playing in the background as you do all the Christmas-y things you do every holiday season, be it decorating, drinking, drinking & decorating, arguing, cooking, arguing about cooking, laughing, loving, and enjoying what is best in life.

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We’ve talked before on this show about how we really like donations, even if we consistently forget to ask for them.

Well, we’re remembering now. Just in time for holiday season. Just after Patrick, already undergoing dialysis for the rest of his life (unless someone wants to cough up a free kidney? Anyone?) also underwent open heart surgery to repair a torn aorta.

This is obviously putting a huge strain on our heroes Dawn & Patrick. So if you’d like to help in any way, please visit the link below.

Patrick’s Evil Kidney

We’ll talk to you soon. Promise.

Well, there wasn’t anything exactly planned for the 100th episode, but this episode pretty much encapsulates what made the previous 99 work the way they did: Special Guest Jaime Kirk of PDX Yar tells the tale of how he started out a sad tuba player and ended up a stage combat supervisor responsible for choreographing Trek in the Park and building a working pirate ship all in the same summer. Along the way, Dawn, Jaime and Fatboy get REAL introspective, looking back on the past 100 shows, their own past, and the act of chasing their adolescence into their 40′s, and the voices nagging in the back of their heads: Whose voices are they, really, and how much attention are they worth? There are fights, there are knives, there are jokes, there are screw-ups, mistakes, pressures, crying jags, a pile of pills and a bottle of whiskey. And that’s probably how the 100th episode of Ham-Fisted Radio should go

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Dawn explores the link between ritual and satisfaction when it comes to food. The show is all about food, and science, and whether there can be such a thing as a $100 turkey, whether it could really taste that much better, how pet food marketing is geared towards selling beef leavings and reconstituted grain towards the humans and not the animals, varying theories as to why spicy foods got that way, how much childhood memories affect how food tastes, and the alchemy involved in taking tomatoes and beef and creating the best chili possible.

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An act as small as turning the heat on launches Dawn into a world where fistfuls of guff are given to many who deserve it. Guff for those who mock those sensitive to cold weather, Guff for those who place their cold extremities on their spouse’s toasty warm and sleeping bodies, Guff for those who channel all their productive energies into largely frivolous endeavors, and Guff for those who consider such endeavors frivolous for arbitrary reasons. Plus – cookies!

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Dawn Taylor has triumphed over a lot of things in the almost 2 years of this show. But the only thing that could stop her from doing a full show today? A locked door. This on the day that Dave Helfrey returns to Hamfisted to talk about the latest edition of Fright Town, what kind of craziness he’s up to this year (Monkeys with Knives and Werepugs) the Human Centipede part 2 is actually seen and reviewed by Mr. Helfrey, the human instinct to throw your loved ones to the monsters, and a quick bit of lamentation about the memery that has turned Silence of the Lambs into a comedy for a large number of people. 60 minutes worth of show in 40 minutes – dig in.

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It is pretty important that you pick the right movie for your first date. You could end up having to deal with the drama of Dawn and Patrick’s first date night – it involves Short People with Napoleon Syndrome, extreme unpleasantness, and Donald Sutherland. Luckily, Patrick has methods that most normal men don’t have access to. Methods involving sexy laundry and trustful napping. Once again, Dawn points out how when it comes to relationships, unorthodox is sometimes better than the tried and true. Other topics include Breaking Bad’s season finale, a Voigt-Kampff test is performed live on air, and the opening credits to Parks and Recreation are ruined for everyone.

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How in the hell does a man like Hugh Jackman fight robots and sing showtunes while pounding as many beers as he does? Andrew Hill of Caveman Medicine thinks he has the answers, and it has a lot to do with calorie management, moderation, and a lot of things that neither Dawn nor Fatboy have all that much experience with. Dawn, after giving a glowing review to the sloppy-but-cute Real Steel, leads a discussion with Andrew about what the hell we put in our bodies, and why it does the weird things to us that they do. Whiskey, Honey, Sugar, Salt, Pickle Juice and Karaoke Treadmills, the Road to Wellville now cuts through Hamfisted territory.

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There are battles that go on in everybody’s head – quiet, fierce battles over the many decisions we have to make every day. And those battles get more contentious when the head in question belongs to a smartass like Dawn Taylor, or Fatboy Roberts. Their adventures on the tightrope of inappropriate statements, how best to deal with Dawn in public (Bring Bourbon) and then there’s a sidetrack into a different sort of battle: The kind of battle that involves rapping, and Fantastic Fest. Plus a bonus battle called “Dawn vs. The Therapist,” and the difference between addiction and a lack of self-control. There IS a difference. Find out inside.

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Some say rage fuels the internet, but that’s not the case. It’s narcissism. It’s the reason “social media” has essentially just become how people socialize, period – people sharing things that likely would never have been shared 20 years ago, because there weren’t the means, and because nobody would have known what to do with it. But now, everyone has a dedicated studio audience hanging on their words. Dawn studies 4 different examples of narcissism unchained, 2 of which are overwhelmingly negative, and two of which are actually helpful and positive, one of which involves a strange tale from Dawn’s own past. A reality show is invented, youtube superstars are exposed, and we learn that maybe sometimes, while fishing for attention is typically a negative trait, sometimes it can actually help others. Or at least that’s how we justify all this podcasting.

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