Hammelltime

Etch-A-Sketch at Work!

2017-01-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

Here's a reason why I'm definitely a big fan of my job: stuff like this is considered work.

It came out at work that I'm handy with an Etch-a-Sketch and since one started kicking around the office, I started doodling on it.

I was trying to do a literal interpretation of a "Don't Stop Believin'" mainly because one of the stations I write for is a classic hits station (95.7 Cruz FM) and this plays about once a day

I've been working on a few others here and there as well, so I'll link a few of my favourites.

This one is "Howard the Ducktor Strange," a combo of Howard the Duck and Doctor Strange:

This one is called: "Forensic Investigator Enjoys Rare Sighting of Western Meadowlark during Routine Sweep of Marsh." The car looks like garbage on this one, but I like how this one 'filled out' this one is

Finally, this one is called: "Paramilitary Veteran Experiences Flashback During Romantic Venetian Gondola Ride" I like it mostly because it's such a ridiculous mash-up. I started drawing the partisan guy first and then everyone started giving suggestions for the background and voila, romantic ride with a paramilitary guy.

Anyway, I'll throw more of these up here every now and again just for fun, since there's no real audience for this stuff.

Bill and Ted and the Alternate Reality

2016-11-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

Even wonder if the past was changed and we're living in a weird alternate reality? Well guess what, there are two movie franchises that I'm certain are the living example of this subject:

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Wayne’s World

I know what you're thinking: "Jake, this makes perfect, please elaborate." I'm glad you asked! First, let's get up to speed with a couple plot refreshers

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Two burnout highschool students who dream of becoming rock stars need to complete a history report or they’ll fail school and be separated from each other as a result. This is disastrous because it turns out Bill and Ted’s band (Wyld Stallions) saves mankind and turns Earth into a utopia. So George Carlin travels back in time, gives them a time machine to help to do their history report, etc etc, everything works out and they go on to live a successful life and change the world.

Wayne’s World

Two burnouts who probably didn’t complete highschool host a late-night cable tv show and generally lay around Aurora, Illinois not doing much.

So that’s the scene. Now here's the plot.

Wayne’s World is an alternate timeline to Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. First things first: Look at these guys! This practically closes the case right here!

Now here's what I think went down between Bill and Ted and Wayne's World. After a mind-bending time travel experience, the guys can't cope with high-school and drop out. Ted, whose father threatened to send him to military school, runs away to Aurora Illinois and changes his name to Wayne.

Bill, having gone through the harrowing experience of traveling through time runs away, and suffers from extreme PTSD, becoming a shell of his former self. He eventually tracks down his old friend and changes his name as well.

Knowing they couldn’t talk about their time travel experiences to ANYONE, and that they've destroyed the future-timeline described by George Carlin, they assume different personalities and bury themselves into the rock/slacker scene of the 90s.

Cue the opening scenes of Wayne’s World - the movie that is the actual sequel to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Mind blowing stuff, I know.

Advent Beer Calendar, Day #16-21

2014-12-22T07:28:00.002-07:00

So, due to craziness of wrapping up holiday work, I've fallen WAAAAY behind on updated this thing, so the quick and dirty update on all on the most recent beers!

Here's one the best I've had from the whole Calendar, Mill Stree Vanilla Porter! It was dark and delicious. Has just the right amount of sweet and vanilla to make this taste like a Guiness Icecream Float

I give the Mill Street Vanilla Porter a solid 9.5/10!

If you like dark beer, you gotta try this one!

Next up, Hacker Pschorr Munich Gold

For a little background, these guys have been making beer for 597 years. You can really taste the old!

But seriously, it was alright. It's another blonde, but with was much more bitter. When I said "You can really taste the old" I meant it. It had a dusty flavour, like maybe something had made its way into the batch? I'm not sure, but whatever it was, it was a little offputting.

The Munich Gold gets a 5/10

Nest up!

Japanese Asahi Beer

This is one of Japan's most popular beers apparently. According to their wikipedia page it "Transformed the modern beer industry in Japan."

My favourite thing about the can is that it claims to be Super "Dry." No idea what the quotations around "Dry" are about; I'll just chalk it up to it being weird Japanese stuff.

How was the "Dry" Asahi? Great! It's kind of like a white wine that dries out your tongue, so a full sized pint of this really needed some water or something sweet to go with it. The first half of the beer was good, but the latter half was a little too much to keep drinking.

The Asahi gets a 7.5/10, would drink again, but maybe in a smaller can or something.

And now the next unit, Innis and Gunn Lager

This is the 3rd Innis and Gunn I've had, and probably the best one of the trio.

I had no idea they made a lager, but I'm glad I had some! What can I say? It was a lager. Super duper delicous, would drink again anytime!

9/10

Alright, only two more to go:
Black Widow Dark Ale

I like dark ales, but this one was a little off. It just didn't have that full body and robust flavour I like in darks

Here's a good picture of what I mean, there was no head! Or rather, a serious lack of it anyway. It was okay, but just felt a little hollow going down.

6.5/10

Finally, the London Pride Ale.

This was ultra spectacular. It was malty, yet bitter, with a touch of hops. I can't think of any kind of beer drinking who might not enjoy this. It even had a nice clean finish so your tongue wasn't all bogged down afterwards. This was just a spectacular beer all around

9/10 - I'm taking points off because I drank this one days ago so it might be influenced by rose coloured glasses.

Jake Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - 15

2014-12-17T06:46:00.001-07:00

Day 15's beer: Tatra Beer

This a Polish beer, presumably brewed in the Tatra mountain region of Poland. My favourite thing about this beer is that Indiana Jones is on the label. Seriously, look at that thing, that's definitely a rendering of Harrison Ford but with a different hat.

I was doing some research and apparently there's a "Tatra Beer Guy" who's some sort of mountain man character. It looks like there's been a recent rebranding in which the guy looks less like Indiana Jones, but any beer bold enough to put Harrison Ford on the logo is good enough for me!

Anyway, how did it taste?

Awesome! This was one of the best I've had of the entire Advent Beer Calendar bunch. It reminded of a smooth lager, but with a sweet hint here and there. Reminded me a lot of a Mexican
beer actually, which is another favourite type of beer for me. All-around decent!

I give it 8.5/10, definitely could have had one more of these right after.

Jake Christmas Advent Beer Calendar – Day 14

2014-12-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

Alright, here’s the last one of the weekend…

Lone Wolf IPA

This the 3^rd Canadian Beer of the bunch, and by far the biggest. This one filled about 1 ¼ of the glass, so you’re getting bang for your buck here.

How was it?

Well, remember in the last entry how I mentioned hops can overwhelm the taste of a good beer? That’s what happened here. For beer drinkers with a more seasoned tongue than me, they’d probably be all over this. It definitely had all sorts neat flavours, but first you have to get past that tongue obliterating taste of hops.

The beer even smells like hops. Just a hint is enough for me, and this one is less of a hint, and more of a shouting match with your tastebuds.

I’d probably revisit this one in the future, but it begs for a palate cleanser or some salty snacks or something.

5.5/10

It was drinkable, but had major hops overload. Cool label; it gets points for that. Wouldn’t go for it again though.

Jakes Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 13

2014-12-15T13:58:00.005-07:00

Advent Beer #13 – Steamwhistle

Steamwhistle Pils, one of Canada’s more recently popularized Pilsners was Number 13 on the list.

Well, what can I say about it that you might not already know…

It’s a nice clean pilsner, all around decent. It also comes across bitter, but not in a soapy way like the Italian Peroni I had the day before.

A little bit hoppy, but just enough to taste. I have a hard time with hops sometimes as I find they can overwhelm a beer and there’s nothing left to taste. I hate to use this buzzword, but it’s “Well Balanced”

7.5/10 for delicious Steamwhistle

Would drink again. Is it my first choice? No. Would I drink it again? Heck yes!

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day #12

2014-12-15T13:49:00.005-07:00

Advent Beer #12 – Peroni Nastro Azzurro

This is my first ever Italian Beer, and let me tell you…It’s alright.

I drank this one after a hockey game (Oilers lost to Anaheim 3-2) and I was a little hosed when I had it, so this may not be the most fair judging. But here’s the scoop!

It was quite bitter. Not in the hoppy sort of way, but more like soap. That lingering bitter aftertaste hung around and needed to be washed down with some water afterwards. But since I’d been drinking Czech pilsners and Molson Canadian that day, it didn’t seem that odd at the time. I’m not sure I’d have it again over other options I’ve had so far.

6/10 for the Peroni

It’s good, but not great. My palate just might not have been prepped for this one though since I was already half in the bag when I tried it.

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 11

2014-12-12T15:09:00.002-07:00

Here’s day 11’s beer: Innis & Gunn Scotch Whiskey Porter

This is the second Innis & Gunn of the bunch, and let me tell you, it’s also just about the darkest one I’ve tried so far.

How did it taste? Well…like rye and coke to be honest, but less fizzy. It was just on the cusp of being waaay too sugary for my tastes and felt like I should have mixed it with something else.

But, that being said, sweetness aside, it was excellent. It almost seemed like I shouldn’t have drank it cold at all.

Anyway, I’ll give it a 7/10.

I liked the Rare Oak Pale Ale far better, mainly for the reason it was less sweet and bit more robust tasting. I’m not one for sweet usually though, so that’s to be expected. I’d drink it again, but I might pick other offerings from the Innis and Gunn batch first.

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 10

2014-12-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

Here’s Beer #10, Schnieder Weisee Another German wheat ale that adheres amazing-sounding “German Purity Law.”

Anyway, as per usual, I’m not the biggest fan on wheat beers, they’re usually too sweet or citrusy for my taste. Kind of like drinking a cooler. This one however was a completely different experience.

It was darker in colour than usual, and it didn’t have that cloudy/yeasty appearance you see in a lot of wheats. How did it taste? Pretty good! Unfortunately, I’m late with writing about this one, so basically all I remember is that… “I like it!”

So we’ll give it a ball park and say it was a 7.5/10.

Good, but obviously not great if I can’t recall it all that well. Plus I’m really just mailing this one in.

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 09

2014-12-10T20:11:00.001-07:00

Here's Advent Beer #09, Sapporo

Sapporo is probably no stranger to many people, and so far - except for maybe Innis & Gunn - is likely the most well-known of the beers I've drank so far. At least, it's the only one I can say I see on-tap regularily.

Despite its popularity I've never actually tried it! So how was it?

Pale, bright, and fresh tasting. This is something I could drink on a hot day or out on a boat non-stop. It wasn't heavy, and each sip was as good as the last.

Damn Japan, you make good beer!

How do I rate it?

8/10

I'm a lager guy, and that's a total bias that comes into play here. It's not the most complicated beer, but it's easy drinking and doesn't leave your mouth thirsty and dried-out afterwards like some lighter coloured lagers. Would drink again for sure!

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 08

2014-12-09T15:50:00.001-07:00

Last night's Advent Beer, La Guillotine, a "Belgian Blonde."

I've seen this one the shelf before and was always transfixed by the packaging. It's a simple label wrapped around a bottle painted to look like a ceramic bottle.
Anyone who knows me will probably agree that I'm a sucker for unique and eye-catching packaging - a common affliction amongst ad-people. But I digress. On to the beer..

Right off the top, this one has a lot of head. Apparently that's normal.

Then out comes the chunks of "stuff." (See above) Apparently that's normal too. When you're used to fairly well-filtered beer and alcohol, pouring out chunks of "stuff" can be a little off-putting. I even went online to find out if this was normal.

In hindsight, maybe the bottle is coated so you can't see through it. I probably wouldn't have drank it otherwise.

How did it taste? Excellent. You do need to get past the texture at first because it's very similar to drinking the last of the milk in your cereal with small Cheerio chunks floating around in it.
Texture aside, it was warm, kind of like something you'd drink during the holiday season. It was a little nutmeggy, or possibly clove tasting. It smelled nice, and was bright and bubbly. The flavour didn't get flat or boring towards the bottom of the glass.

Overall, 7/10

It really was a strange tasting beer. As I've mentioned before, I'm no fancy-beer-dude with a refined pinky-in-air palate, so maybe I just don't "get" the texture. Flavour was good but it was tough to drink/chew. Glad I tried it, but I probably wouldn't buy it again

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 05, 06, 07

2014-12-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty lazy during the weekends, so here's the run down of the past 3 days of advent beer!

Fridays was Maisel's Weisse, my 3rd German Beer of the bunch.

I'll keep this quick as I don't have too much to cover on this. Maissel's is another wheat beer, but it tastes somewhat similar to a lager. It's pretty light on the tongue, and isn't over sweet or overly citrussy. Fairly mellow to describe it broadly.

I give it a solid 7.5/10

So far, of all the Wheat beers I've had (and this is the 3rd) they just keep getting better!

Okay, now for Saturday, beer #06

Bavaria 8.6 Black

I have no idea why it's called 8.6 Black. I know the brand "8.6 Original" is 8.6%, but this one is only 7.9%. Just seems a little odd. Anyway, One thing I am sure of is that this beer was FANTASTIC.

Dear Germans/Bavarians, Keep doing what you're doing, because this was seriously awesome. Black, thick, strong tasting, good aroma, amazing dark flavour, creamy, just all around outstanding. If you see this on the shelf pick it up. Can't recommend it enough.

This one gets a 9/10. So far the best beer I've had. I know there's 18 beer left in the Advent Calendar, but this one will be hard to beat.

Finally, the Sunday beer of the bunch, #07

Innis & Gunn - Rare Oak Pale Ale

For something so "Pale" it's awfully dark! But seriously, It's good. I was enjoying this as I cleaned the oven and inhaled a few harsh chemicals, so I'm not sure if I can give it all that honest of a review

Good clean taste, and although it's fairly malty, it wasn't syrupy and overly sweet. It had a nice bitter aftertaste and left me wanting one or two more afterwards. Dear Innis & Gunn, make a bigger bottle!

This one gets an 8/10!

Get it while you can, because it's a seasonal!

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 04

2014-12-05T14:22:00.005-07:00

Here's day number 4! Holsten Festbock.

A German Dark Beer that adheres to the super-ominous sounding “GERMAN PURITY LAW.”
Of course, as aggressive as that reads, it really means “Beer made with Water, Hops, and Barley.” Why? I don’t know, let’s just assume Germans took something super-serious for a change of pace. But like that would ever happen, amiright?

So... how was it? It was okay; Malty, with some heavy flavours. It smelled fantastic, and went down the pipe easy. As a 7% beer it definitely felt like something to enjoy on a cold night.
And on the spectrum of dark beers however, it’s not creamy or smooth at all, definitely lighter on the scale like a Newcastle type ale. For lack a of a better definition I’d say it was “Hollow.” Seemed like it needed a little extra something. But as ain't no fancy-pants beer guy, I’m at a loss as to say what exactly was missing.

In Summary, I give it a 7/10.

Although I could probably find something similar for cheaper I’d never turn down a free Holsten! Would drink again.

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 03

2014-12-04T14:15:00.003-07:00

Here's last night's beer: Ayinger Brauweisse, a German Hefeweizen style beer.

It was darker than other wheat ales such as Rickard's White or Ankerbrau Nordlinger I've tried, and had a nice bubbly mouth feel and good orangey taste.

I'd also say despite it being quite cloudy it didn't have that grainy/yeasty taste you sometimes get with wheat beers. (Or at least that's how sometimes I feel they taste.)

Ayinger definitely calls for a nice slice of orange though; even still, I enjoyed it without. That extra citrus kick would certainly add to it. It's by far one the best Wheat Ales I've ever tried.

All said and done, I give this one a 7/10.

Wheat ales aren't my favourite beer, so I'll admit to some bias towards rating this one slightly lower. It was however good enough that I went back to Day 01 and bumped the score down on the Affligem Blonde. The Ayinger is less sweet than that one, and that adds point back on in my book.

A++, would drink again in springtime/summertime

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 02

2014-12-03T12:41:00.002-07:00

It's day two of my Christmas Beer advent calendar, and last night I delved in my favourite territory, Lagers! This is NHL Alumni beer "Top Shelf."

It's an award winner brewed in Ontario. According to their website it's been created suppourt retired NHLers who didn't exactly live up to their expectations of Gretzky money.

All that aside, let's get down to brass tacks. How did it taste?

Honestly? It tasted like beer. I won't even try to give this a pretentious, raised-pinky review because that's just not the type of beer it is. It's an easy drinking lager, Molson Canadian or PBR could have poured out of this can I probably wouldn't have been able to tell the difference.

Well... that's a lie - it's definitely better than those, but this wasn't mind-blowingly amazing. But it's not exhausting either. I didn't reach point at which I said "This is just too malty" or "This is just way too hoppy." It's a beer-drinkin' beer if you know what I mean.

I give it a solid 8/10, mainly because afterwards I said "I want more. One wasn't enough!" And frankly, sometimes that's exactly what I like in a beer.

Jake's Christmas Beer Advent Calendar - Day 01

2014-12-02T09:40:00.002-07:00

Today is day one of my Christmas beer advent calendar! 24 days of tasty beers, and today was kicked off with:

Affligem Blonde from Belgium.

Tastes alright, it's a really good palate cleanser with no grody aftertaste. A little sweet as well, almost like a wheat beer. Kind of like drinking a bubbly white wine but with some malty flavour.

6/10; would drink again, but probably not until more summery weather.

Just Kicking Around Edmonton

2014-07-09T13:36:00.000-06:00

I've been meaning to post pictures of Edmonton since I moved here at the end of March, but I've been incredibly tardy about it.

So here's a big picture dump and some stories about the places I've been and things I've been up to in Edmonton over the past 4 months...

My new apartment doesn't allow in-window air conditioners, so I bought a mobile one. Unfortunately, these things really don't fit windows with the crank-out, so I rednecked it to the inside using insulating shrink wrap and masking tape. It actually works really well!

Is it still red neck if it actually works?

Went down to the Alberta Legislature and discovered they had some cool infinity pools and fountains. There were some girls dressed up as anime characters taking pictures. I didn't take any photos of them though, as I felt creepy enough just being around them.

This really doesn't need an explanation

I played my first game of Softball in 5 or 6 years just a few weeks ago. It was blast! We won like 36 to 4, and I didn't get sunburned! That's a win-win-win all around.

We had grilled cheese day at the station, and I made Jalapeno Popper Grilled Cheese. It was amazing.

Just broil some jalapenos 'til they're black, then peel off the outer skin, slice it in half. Butter the inside of your bread with cream cheese, put the jalapeno on there, and put some cheddar on there, fry it up, and presto. You got a spicy samwich!

This is my sock puppet Pete Smallwood, he's a real live-wire around the office.

Here's a big crazy Caesar you can order from The Tavern on Whyte. 16 bucks gets you a triple, with a massive garnish including a grilled cheese, a pickled egg, a stuffed pepper, pickled garlic, a pickle, an olive, kimchi, horseradish, asparagus, and I'm sure some other stuff I'm forgetting.

Trust me. You only need one. And you don't need to order an appie.

This here is a restored train running at Fort Edmonton Park. It's pretty neat, and rides all around the MASSIVE park all day. If you like trains, this thing is definitely your...ticket...to fun!

Jen called this room at Fort Edmonton nightmarish. I thought it was cozy!

Also, apparently Akira loves farting at Fort Edmonton.

And here's an old card game I wanted to steal for my dad. It seemed particularly relevant to his career.

I went to Olive Garden and Jen's drink had a strawberry nearly the size of her fist garnishing her Bellini. It was truly outrageous.

And on the topic of drinks, here's a beer brewed with yeast developed from the Brewmaster's beard. Yes, that is a real thing! Beard yeast sounds incredibly disgusting, but this beer is pretty good apparently. I was not brave enough to sample it...

I finally got around to framing my copy of a poster my older brother had commissioned a few years ago. This was the first artwork of any kind to go up on my new apartment's wall's, and it was really about time this thing got some recognition.

Finally, this is from my first weekend in Edmonton. After years of dodging opportunities I finally saw Trooper. I don't why I waited so long, I actually enjoy Trooper so this was a pretty good time!

I'm working on doing lots of fun things in Edmonton, so hopefully I can keep the pictures and goings-ons coming in!

The Day I Tried SPAM

2014-05-22T12:45:00.001-06:00

You know what people usually thumb their nose at? SPAM. I certainly did too. I mean really, a canned meat that keeps good for 5+ Years at a time? It just seems a little suspect. Seems like it would be rife with disease or food poisoning or filled with mercury...it just seems strange.

So I decided try it.

I went to store and grabbed a tin, which was luckily on sale for $3.50. It didn't seem like a hot deal when I could buy a full-fledged steak for $6, but hey, I'm not here to eat steak. It's SPAM Day. Oddly enough there were only 4 cans which means I'm either late to the SPAM party or I'm the only who's bought it in years from Save-On.

I brought it home and after deliberating over how to prepare it I settled for making what was on the can. A Fried SPAM Burger.

Unfortunately, I didn't really plan this out all too well and I had no hamburger buns. What I did have however was a Kaiser roll, so I went for creating a SPAM Hoagie instead. I also had some leftover Genoa salami so I fried that up too to give it some spicy crunch.

I opened it up and it was...definitely meat. Just a tin of mulched up pork.

If I had to base my decision on physical appearance I'd have definitely quit right here, but I was pretty hungry at this point so it was time to forge ahead.
I sliced off a couple hunks and tossed it in a skillet along with that aforementioned salami. Just a note here, the two slices contained 66% of my daily recommended amount of sodium. I could have bought reduced sodium SPAM, but I figured I needed to try the original recipe to be a fair judge.

Anyway, the amount of fat that fried out was suprising, but the SPAM browned up nicely, and put on a Kaiser roll with some mayo, fried salama, some shredded cheese, lettuce, pepper, and some of my %100 FAVOURITE mayo, American Heinz Mayonnaise.

I took a bite and...It was awesome!

I wish I'd have put some tomato on there because it was similar in taste to a BLT, regardless SPAM is definitely a decent sammich meat.
However, because I may have polluted my taste-test by eating it with all those condiments and garnishes, I ate a slice completely by itself.

I fried it because I'm just a little wary of mulched up pork in a can raw (even though SPAM is fine completely raw) and it was...interesting.
Basically...it tasted like "Spongy Ham" Which, if you combine the two words together equal "SPAM." Makes sense right?
So I was left with a sizeable loaf afterwards because I didn't eat much. But luckily I have a nice storage container to put it back in!

It fit back into its own can with a "SHLORP!" sound effect. It was pretty gross.

I give SPAM a solid 8/10. Gross to look at, and seems a little pricey for what you're getting. Otherwise it's super long lasting, really versatile (Seriously, check out these recipes!), and really filling. I didn't snacky at all later that night. It definitely coats your stomach.

So, the moral of the story is that canned pork product is not as horrific as you would expect. Also, don't leave me unattended for long periods of time because my eating habits start getting...weird.

Birthday 2013

2013-09-19T11:39:00.001-06:00

I'm always really proud of the cakes my dear Lady Friend whips up for me, and this year she decided to try making a 3d cake with sugar sheet icing on it.

That's the final product! She decided to make me a beer bottle cake just because, and since Pacifico is one of my top ten favourites she settled on that being the brand.

First she baked several small round cakes, with a touch of yellow dye in them to give it that yellow Mexican Cerveza colour.

Then she sliced them in half, lined 'm up, and this made the bottle portion.

Then, with scrap pieces, she assembled the neck. Afterwards she said she wished she'd made it a bit longer, but it looked pretty okay to me!

Then she made some brown icing, which apparently took some réal effort to get right, glued all the layers together and chilled it.

Then I took a sugar sheet, which is like paper but edible, and traced out a logo I printed with an edible marker. Jen then painted it in using some type of dye/alcohol product....

And bam, we stuck it on like a sticker with only a couple little mistakes

Pacifico beer cake created! Tastes good, looked good, and a few people didn't even realize it was a cake.

So that's about that. Birthday 2013 complete, did some drinking, got a nice new coffee press to be a snob at work with, and did a muff diver shot with zambuca in it. Terrible combo.

Kraft Dinner - again

2013-05-15T12:39:00.003-06:00

I like Kraft Dinner, that’s a genuine fact. I’ve had “gourmet” mac and cheese before that’s great, but there’s something to be said about a box of the nuclear orange stuff that hits that certain spot.

But as much as I like the stuff, there’s a few ads running right now for KD that strike me as a little odd. This campaign about two guys who are always competing for each other’s Kraft Dinner.

It’s an okay concept but aren’t they a little old to be fighting and pranking each other for macaroni? It’s not like it’s been seasoned with truffle oil and flakes of 24 karat gold, it’s a box of $1.25 macaroni.

Don’t they have jobs or something that might allow them to buy their own Kraft Dinner? You know, instead of sharing every box they buy, maybe the black-shirt guy might say “Hey that looks good. I’ll make some for myself!”

But no, instead he puts a noodle on his face as a distraction tactic to gank his roommate’s Mac.

I know I once LOST it on my roommate when he drank all my milk, so I can only imagine what I’d have done if he literally took my plate of food and ate it in front of me while coldly staring me in the eyes.

Finally, here’s what really bothers me:

I mean Jesus Christ, Could this guy find a SMALLER pot? He's already got a few noodles on the stovetop, who knows how much crap he managed to burn on the elements or get in the pan underneath. This is just straight up poor decision making.

Maybe they’re trying to make KD cooler for college kids or something; but unless everyone switched from cheap starchy food to filet mingon and salmon cakes, I doubt it’s much of a problem.

But then again, what do I know....

...that looks like the face of a young man whose roommate constantly plays demeaning pranks one after the other to steal his food; and humiliates him day after day by making him recite oaths about his own mother's attractiveness...

...and all he wants is a damn bowl of macaroni. This simple meal is probably the only joy that this guy has left in the world. He probably has no friends and as a result is forced to hand out with the KD-Bandit. And the more I think about it, the more this guy's roommate kind of seems like a bit of a villain actually.

Hopefully this ad campaign escalates into the plaid-shirt guy freaking out and snapping on his roommate, because that's the only logical conclusion to this saga.

Coffee Break!

2013-05-06T11:46:00.000-06:00

I was listening to the radio last week and they had a nice little story about the TV show Friends.

Specifically, they interviewed a researcher who sat down and figured out how much coffee Monica, Pheobe, Rachael, Ross, Chandler, and Joey drank over the course of the series.

He estimated that each character drank two giant cups per episode. After some fancy math (AKA basic multiplication) he figured out that they drank 1683.5 litres of coffee over ten years. Apparently that’s enough to hospitalize 300 people (if you gave them each 5.6 litres and they drank it all at once)

Which got me thinking…how much coffee do I drink? I know it’s a lot, but how many times should I be dying in a year?

Well, after following the same formula, I worked out that I probably average about 418 litres of coffee in year.

This is equal to 2357 6oz cups(equal to a small mug), and according to my body weight it’ll take about 106.66 small cups all at once to kill me.

Which means, after all that mumbo jumbo, I drink enough coffee per year to kill me 22 times, which in reality isn’t all that bad. It is a little surprising when you do the math though, because if you break down even more it turns out I’m burning through 2.4 cats worth of lives in a year.

Which we all know is a standard imperial unit of measurement alongside a hogshead, a puncheon, and a firkin. Also, I learned how to use a calculator.

My Wayward CD Wallet

2013-03-18T14:44:00.001-06:00

I found about a month and half ago that the CD wallet in my car was missing. I’d like to say they were stolen so that I could shift blame from myself, but it’s just as likely that I set it down on the inside of my car door and it flopped out into a parking lot.

This is what the CD wallet looked like by the way (except black).

It’s super cool and totally stole this from my little sister.

I’d be upset over their loss, but of the 15 or 16 discs that were in it, I only listened to about 3 of them, one of which was in the CD player at the time. But they were really good CDs.

The first: Stunt – Barenaked Ladies

I jam to this one on sunny days. Of all the CDs I’ve ever owned, this is the one I can consistently say that I listened to the most. I got for Christmas from Santa when I was 11 or 12, and from all the CDs that I’ve lost over the years, at no point has this disc gone wayward. Needless to say, I’ll be tracking down a new copy of this ASAP.

The Second: Maroon – Barenaked Ladies

Yeah, you’re probably noticing a trend here. This was a great happy sounding album, with super depressing lyrics. Probably the best album ever from BNL. I don’t remember who gave me this disc, or when I got it, but I’ve been listening to it on repeat for years and years. Luckily this one was in the CD player, so I’ve still got it!

3rdBurglar – SJ the Word Burglar

This is as white and nerdy as it gets when it comes to hip-hop. The Word Burglar is a guy from Toronto who makes his living writing clever rhymes and reading comic books, and that’s pretty much exactly what this album is about. So whoever found this one is either going to really love or really hate this CD. This one isn’t a big loss because I bought it as a digital download, I can just reburn the album.

And that’s about it, I can think of maybe 3 other CDs that were in the wallet, but I don't remember the last time I listened to any of them. Plus, I had the foresight years beforehand to save all the music to my computer. So I’m A-OK and haven’t really lost anything. It just kinda blows to only have 1 good CD in my car.

So, what are some of the discs you've lost over the years, and any suggestions as to what my new jams should be?

Laser Tag

2013-02-25T13:03:00.000-07:00

This past weekend the girlfriend and I went to Edmonton for her birthday. Everything we did was a pretty good time but the highlight for me was laser tag.

I haven’t played laser tag in years and years. The last time I remember going was either the late 90s or early 2000s at the Dark Zone in Winnipeg (which I just found out is actually open again, awesome!) and it was pretty sweet to revisit the experience as an adult.

When you’re a kid, you’re at the bottom of the laser tag food chain. You’re hunted, taken out easy, and have bad aim so you can’t really retaliate. But it's still fun all the same. However, when the shoe is on the other foot and you’re the one doing the hunting, it’s even more fun. Thumbs up A++ experience.

How I Met Your Mother nails the Laser Tag experience every-time

Which got me thinking…there’s no laser tag centre in Saskatoon. So maybe I should open my very OWN entertainment park with laser tag! With a cool two story catacomb design with hidey-holes, sniper nests and more! And it’ll even have changing rooms for people to use because everyone gets disgustingly sweaty playing Laser Tag.

We’ll have booking options for businesses, birthdays, weekend tournaments, parties, and groups of all sizes!

Plus, while you're there check out "Jake’s Restaurant & Sports Den." Bring the whole family for pizza and laser tag, or for the 19+ crowd, have a drink and catch the game while you wait for your turn in the Lazer Zone!

Mine won't have the garbage in front

So who wants to lend me $400,000 in start-up dollars to get this Laser Tag business off the ground? I’m totally good for it in ten years.

Classy Pants Programming

2013-02-19T13:38:00.000-07:00

I recently got TV after being cable-free for over a year and a half. When I moved to Saskatoon it was an easy-to-cut expense after I sat down and tabulated the cost of TV. Pretty much every program I watched could be streamed online or was available on Netflix.
But at the start of February my girlfriend and I decided it was time to get back on the cable boat, we went with Sasktel and are enjoying a fantastic array of programming. However, there’s still mounds of TV that is just terrible, and this past Sunday I stopped to watch a little bit TLC’s latest scum-of-the-earth TV show:

Gypsy Sisters

They’re Romanian Gypsy women (who happen to have thick southern American accents) who don’t take guff from ANYONE! They fight and scream at other! They’re all married and have kids! One’s a stripper! And so-on and so-forth. I made an info-graphic to summarize the characters and premise, see it below:

Even in terms of bad TLC reality shows this a tough one to watch. I made it 3 minutes before changing the channel, right after one girl said she puts mayonnaise in her hair to keep it shiny. Yup, that’s what passes for a TV show these days. Mayo in the hair. Classy.

New Station, New Sounds... AKA: Imaging, the Journey

2013-01-09T15:28:00.000-07:00

Well everyone, it's been a crazy couple of months at work, and here's the lowdown before I get into the meat of this blog:

Back in mid-November (the 17th to be exact) my radio station flipped formats. The day before we were playing top 40 dance music and at the stroke of midnight it changed into a 24/7 Christmas Music station. I won't go into great detail as to why this happened but essentially the powers that be felt it was time for a change.

So for 40 days I worked away writing holiday commercials and radio-bits. After Saskatoon got over the initial shock there was lots of positive feedback. One guy even came in and gave the staff a card that said our station's Christmas music helped him pull through a bad patch of suicidal-depression and now he's going to rehab and getting his life back together. Warm fuzzy feelings were felt by everyone.

Then on December 26th we unveiled the new format, Cruz FM!

Playin' Saskatoon's Greatest Hits, 70s, 80s, 90s, and some 2000s.

As a part of launching a new station, there's this stuff called "Imaging" that needs to be written. Imaging is the snippets of audio before, after, and between songs that things like "963 Cruz FM is super duper awesome, now back to the music." They're around to help establish and identify the brand and attitude a station wants to portray.

Now here's the process of making fresh new imaging. Believe it or not, I find writing these 10 second bits just as difficult as any 30 or 60 second commercial.

Here's how it all starts: With an email from the Program Director:

And that's all the info I get to make scripts with. Around holdiays or station events they get more specific, but that's about it.

So then I spit and swear at my computer for a while and watch Youtube videos like this to get the creative gears in motion:

And finally I email the scripts to the Program Director. He makes fun of my grammar and spelling for a while, and we send it off to our "Big Voice." A Big Voice is slang for a professional radio voice-actor. Like every single radio/tv commercial this is 50% of what makes your scripts come alive (our man is Jamie Watson FYI, he's fantastic.)

Our Big Voice sends back raw audio which in turn is passed to our producer. He puts all the music/voice/FX together into what you hear as the end product from your radio.

Now I'll show you some of what I wrote, and how it turned out. Sometimes what I write isn't even close to what the final product turns out to be:

"We like the quality work you do, so here’s another hit to help you keep up the pace. Keep on Truckin’, 96-3 Cruz FM"

"We’re playing hit after hit, and giving you cool words to describe us to your friends. 96-3 CRUZ FM, Playing Saskatoon’s… (To the Max)(Super-Ace)(Copasetic)(Mega-Foxy)(Totally Bad)(Righteous)(Ultra-Rad) ….hits."

"We’re playing the greatest hits, one after another. It’s like we’re a carousel of non-stop rock. That didn’t sound quite so wicked-awesome as I thought it would. 96-3 CRUZ FM, Saskatoon’s Greatest hits."

"Here’s like, another like, hit from Saskatoon’s biggest music library…96-3 CRUZ FM…like."

"963 Cruz FM is worldwide, from Eston to *Scottish accent* Edinburgh Scotland, *regular* Stream us online at 963 Cruz FM dot com"

"96 point 3 Cruz FM in Saskatoon, Also known as CFWD, which stands for Cool Friends Walk Dogs. Hint hint, nudge nudge."

And that's how it all works from start to finish! Any questions?