Mariachi! Cause let’s be honest, when the horns shut the hell up, and all you can hear is the guitar, it sounds pretty damned nice. This isn’t that, but hey I work with what I got. Even this isn’t bad, probably because I’m not hearing it through someone else’s car as they drive by my house with their bass amped all the way up.

http://cinodemayo.ytmnd.com/

Then of course there’s the great Mexican Folk here Speedy Gonzales. The Fastest Mouse in all of Mexico.

http://fastestmouse.ytmnd.com/

Don’t forget the water down there, it’s wonderful, all natural, and because of it’s ability to open the sluices at the rear end, it’s a great way to lose weight:

http://mexishitter.ytmnd.com/

Now, some people would look at a vat of refried beans and wonder “What the hell is wrong with people who can’t cook beans right the first time?” I see refried beans, as, well… Pretty gross in those quantities. It looks like brains.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/35617

Now Mexico’s getting some had some bad PR lately regarding this swine flu epidemic, I’d like to be the first to abolish these horrible rumors and state that factually, swine flu began in the American South and moved it’s way to Mexico by someone who contracted it before going on spring break. To prove this I give you this photo:

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/05/01/swine%20flu.jpg

The evidence is clear, that child’s teen mother obviously became infected after letting her kid kiss that pig, then the mom went down to Cancun with the idea of having a good time and doubling her welfare check by coming back with a bun in the proverbial oven.

On the subject of swine flu, if you’re concerned you have it head to here: http://doihaveswineflu.org/ to answer their questionnaire and see if you need to see a doctor.

Back the subject of great things about Mexico, here’s one of Mexico’s greatest Actors : http://www.themovieblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/cheech-chong.jpg without him, where would American Culture be now? Huh? Yeah thanks Mexico! You may have saved Hollywood.

Then of course there’s that wonderful adult playground known as Tijuana. http://www.illegaleconomy.com/im/prostitution-in-mexico.jpg Got Penicillin?

Don’t forget Mexico has a variety of wildlife, exotic as it is endangered and deadly:
http://planetparadigm.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/chup1.jpg The Chupacarbra!

The wily Chihuahua http://www.puppy-stork.com/images/NANCYSPUPPIES-CHIHUAHUA/NANCYSPUPPIES-CHIHUAHUA_pupimage1.jpg
I got this from an encyclopedia:
“Although small in size, what the might Chihuahua lacks weight it makes up for in sheer aggression and killing prowess. At one time these small wolves hunting in packs numbering in the thousands on the great plains of northern Chihuahua bringing down a variety of wild game including the Giant Sloth, Miniature Buffalo and Sasquatch.

Archaeologists speculate that it was the Chihuahua, not a meteor, ice age or disease, that single handedly wiped out the dinosaur.”

So there it is, some fun facts about Mexico on this lovely Cinco de (hold the) Mayo.

Seriously though, Cinco De Mayo is a celebration of a Mexican Military Victory over the French. You can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinco_de_Mayo

Essentially it boils down to this:

“The outnumbered Mexicans defeated a much better-equipped French army that had known no defeat for almost 50 years.”
I’d like to point out that while the French were better equipped, they were still French. And while the gringo menace refers to Cinco De Mayo as “The Mexican Fourth of July” it isn’t. That’s on September 16th.

Cinco De Mayo is just a celebration of trouncing the French and a reason to kill a goat, barbecue and drink copious amounts of Mexican Beer.

Viva! (arriba arriba)

-Thomas

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This is my way of butchering these birds, it’s not exactly pretty in as it doesn’t leave a guy with a nice Fosterfarms-looking bird, but he was destined for the stew pot, so aesthetics didn’t matter to much. If you have a moral compunction against butching an animal then that’s fine, just don’t follow through the jump. I don’t, I like eating chicken, I like that my kids and family knows that a chicken in the pot means something had to die. It’s reeks of personal accountability and thus Cocky-wocky is now foody-woody.

To start the whole process, cocky-wocky is segregated from the other chickens for a day or two, given no food, only loads of water. The idea is to let his intestines clear out. If not, it’s not a big deal, but it makes the whole process stinky.

Now if it makes you feel any better, Cocky-Wocky here was breeding they hell out of my hens and leaving them with horrible bald spots on their backs. So, consider him a rapist, it’ll make the process easier.

The first thing I do is gather all my tools together, a ball of twine for binding up his legs to hang him by for plucking, and tying down his wings, the broad axe is used for head removal, the box cutter for small cutting, and the big bladed knife for heavier cutting, like bones and what not. I wish I had a heavy cleaver, but I don’t. *sigh*

The first thing I do is bind their legs. Chickens are not this earth’s brightest of creatures, once their legs are tied they go pretty docile.  That’s what the twine is for, this is also the time I try to bind down their wings too. I don’t have a butchering cone and it sucks to take off their heads and have their wings go crazy and flop blood all over hell and back. I’ve tried duct tape as well as string, neither one works particularly well. I need a butchering cone, or someone to help hold the bird. Around here, it means I need a cone.

So I have the chicken tied up, layed out on my chopping block. Stretch out the bird’s neck and hold it out for a second, keep your hand cupped over the birds head. He’ll kinda go stupid and lay there. Take your axe (there are other methods) and make a quick, strong chop straight down on the chickens neck. I’m always full of trepidation here, not because I don’t like killing chickens (I don’t what kind of sick-o does?) I’m always worried I’m going to miss and make the bastard suffer. Which isn’t cool. We want a clean kill. Butchering cones are nice, because you drop the bird in upside down, the blood rushes to it’s head, bird passes out, you cut his neck. That’s it. If you do it right it’ll look something like the picture there.

That string you have on the bird’s feet now gets tied up to a nail in a post, or a tree. I use a post, make sure it’s nice and sturdy because you’re going to start plucking the feathers. This isn’t the same kind of plucking your wife does to her (or your) eyebrows. You need to get a small fist full of the downy stuff and rip straight down. This sounds horrible, like a disposable comb being drug across the edge of a sheet, but they come off pretty easy. Some people like to scald the birds first, I’ve never done it. Well I take that back, I tried it once but I didn’t really notice much of a difference. The feathers always come out pretty easy. If they are bring a bitch about it, then skin the bird. Easy ’nuff.

Once you have your bird plucked you need to remove the feet. If you are hardcore these are used to make broth out of. If that sounds gross, image how Campbell’s does it. I’m not hardcore. I throw them away. If you are going to skin the bird, at least pluck around their feet and cut around the join like I’m doing. Then cut up that leg and from the butthole to the neck (just through the skin) and peel it off like a Prom dress (only you didn’t have to steal beer or beg her to get it off). I do the same thing to the tips of the wings because those feathers have always been a pain in the rear to remove and there’s no meat there anyway. Foster Farms or Tyson leaves em on. I don’t know why, they serve no purpose.

Now that the bird is naked and all the limbs trimmed or removed, you need to do something gross. Take a look at the birds butthole. Yeah, nice eh? I always thought PETA would have better luck if instead of “I don’t eat anything with a face” they switched to “I don’t eat anything with a butthole.” Gross. So anyway, cut around that butt-hole. You can call it an anus if you want to sound all bourgeois about it.  Don’t clip the intestines!

That’s how you get skank all up in jo meat and stuff yo. Everything in side the intestines is where salmonella and ecoli and all that fun stuff comes from. You don’t want that in your meat.

This is sorta gross looking, but it’s gorgeous to me, that’s chicken fat, nice and thick and healthy all along the inside of the of the chicken’s gut cavern. That’s a healthy happy bird…well he was. Sorry. Depressed a ‘lil now. This rooster spent tons of time outside his pen eating bugs, grass, and whatever else he could find. He got mash and old bread from the bread store to hold him over. Nice healthy bird with nice pretty fat. This is also handy for broth. I threw it out. Which sucks, but I’ve got the flu or something and don’t feel like screwing with it.

That’s me with a fist full of chicken guts. Mostly that’s the gizzard, which is the coolest organ ever. The kids were out for this part because it’s always sorta neat to see what the chicken has in it’s gizzard. You shove you hand up into that organ cavity and tug all those bits out. The liver, heart, gonads, stomach and intestines are all in there. If I’m doing a bunch I’ll save the hearts and gizzards and fry em up for me and the dog. Today I just disected the heart and the gizzard to show the kids. Homeschooling rules. Notice the fat on the organs.

So now that you have all the entrails out, the neck cut off… Oh yeah cut off the neck. Angle inward from the shoulders, and separate the vertebrae and remove it. Since we are making soup I just peeled the skin right off it like a sock (prom dress) and tossed the skin. The neck went into the body cavity because it’s just going to boil down and add flavor anyway. So now that you have the entrails out, the cavity rinsed out nice and clean you’re almost done! You’ll notice some feathers left on, little fine ones. Singe these off. Shove some newspapers into a half gallon can and light em up. Please don’t burn down your house or chickens’ house doing this. Sorta hold it the bird over the fire by it’s leg stump (a la Achilles) and singe those little feathers off. The bigger ones you missed, well pluck them. Don’t be lazy. If this seems like too much work, remove the skin. You really don’t have to worry about doing to good a job about removing and burning off ALL the feathers  (Walmart doesn’t), it won’t really hurt you, it’s just aesthetics, but removing all of them to the best of your ability cuts down on the “fugging gross” factor. Anyway this is what you are left with:

How cool is that?! A chicken I grew myself, fed myself (well the daughter fed em…but I bought the food!) and butchered myself. Here’s a toast to you Cocky-Wocky, who died so that my darling wife can make some sort of chicken based concoction for dinner tonight. Oh, don’t forget to clean up you work area (thus the hose in the background) and wash your hands really good and since you were an idiot and got blood ALL OVER YOUR Airwalks and good (but purchased used because I’m cheap) pants you need to get them in washer RIGHT AWAY. Oh yeah…and figure out how to get blood off a new digital camera and case… gross.

As an interesting aside, the gizzard is my favorite organ. It’s fascinating, birds eat a certain amount of “grit” and it gets held up in this awesome organ. This organ is all muscle. Any seeds the bird eats, or fibers or plants winds up here, to be ground up into digestible pieces.  Strange about this bird is the glass that was in his crop! Stupid bird. But look what he did! He polished em up, I’m going to clean them and put them in a pill bottle as a scientific oddity. I’ll store it right next the fetus in the jar I have on the mantle.

So anway, later I’ll get the photos up from the other butchering project I’ve been working on. I hope this gave you some idea as to how to get this done. It doesn’t have to look pretty, it just has to taste good.

Oh here’s a sneak preview of that “other” project I was telling you about, how to skin, butcher, cook and serve cat.

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at Sakuracon! This was on a Saturday, which means Jesus was up early to make it to the event.

Nice Cosplay outfit thought.

I wish I had had more time to hang with Jesus, but I had other things to do.

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Went to Sakuracon this weekend, saw this cuties patootie ruining everyone’s day. She was strategically placed at the top of the escalators…

It was hilarious.

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to start up and use than Internet Explorer. I used Google’s browser for about five minutes before I uninstalled it, because, well it just wasn’t Firefox.

Anyway, I was dinking around and burning out my bookmarks, playing the what the hell link is this? Game and liberally pressing my delete key. I’d already spent the morning burning out my Facebook apps (and adding a few news ones) and clearing out my pages link on face book (seriously? I’m a fan of cannibalism?! Must have been hilarious at the time) and thought I’d apply my delete key skills to my Firefox add-ons and realize there’s some badass add-ons that I really notice are missing when I’m using a computer other than my beloved Omnivac.

So without further ado, a list of my favorite and most used Firefox add ons.

1. Ad-Block Plus– I just don’t need to see the same stupid ads for the 1 simple rule to losing weight (Not stuffing my fat face every opportunity I get? Ermm?) or how Obama wants moms to go back to school, or zwinky dolls. Srsly.

2.  Cool Previews– AWESOME. I hate having to open a stupid tab to get a quick look at a google result just to find out it’s not what I wanted, at all. Instead of getting that all important “why is my cat vomiting carpet tacks?” I end up one some dork’s blog talking about how he wants to “tacks” people who own cats and are vomiting on carpets. This lil gem opens the page in a box that hovers over your search. If you want to tab it there’s a way to do that, if you want to just peruse through the tax on cat owners who are vomiting on carpets website you can do that, then click back in your search (which all this was hovering over) and get on with your life. No click back and forth to other tabs… Try the damn add-on.

3. Ctrl-Tab– It’s like Vista’s (Gnomes, Apples?) window switcher, but for your tabs. Hit Control and Tab and it’s like hitting Alternate and Tab in those operating systems. You get lil previews of your tabs and can move through them quickly. My wife needs this one, she always has about three hundred tabs open on her computer and about seventy on mine that I always feel reluctant to close. (Hey where’d that thing go on the thing? /The What?/ The thing on the thing about the mom blogging resources and the exact location of Ponce Deleon’s map to the fountain of youth? /I closed it, sorry./)

4. Easy Pandora– Really enjoying this one, just added it today. It opens Pandora in an invisible window (that you can make visible) and doesn’t take up a tab. You can even set it to start your music when you open Firefox. I just discovered Pandora.com and love it. The streaming doesn’t eat up my humble 256k connection and does some cool things, you type in your artist, and it plays them and some other stuff that people who like your artist also like and plays them too. Give it a shot. Beats the hell out of paying for music, it’s legal and makes it’s money with ads that occur less often than radio ads.

5. Easy YouTube downloader- I don’t use this on a lot, but I like it when I do. It modifies the youtube page to give you the option to download. Pretty nifty.

6. Steep and Cheap watcher– This one has changed my life, but hasn’t really done anything for me. I can’t have the computer on lately without having the homepage pointed to steepandcheap.com They post one item, at a severe discount and have it up for 20 minutes or so OR until they sell out… and sometimes their items go CHEAP. It’s addicting to watch. Maybe it’s just me.

7. Xmarks- This is the handiest little bastard. It syncs your book marks with their server and any other computers you set up Xmarks on. Plus you can get at your bookmarks from their website. You make an account, and away you go. You can also sync passwords over their server (I don’t).

8. Split Browser– I like this one, but I just installed it while looking for something else. I’ll give it a shot and it looks like it’ll be handy. What it does is let you split your browser window to show as many tabs on one page at a time. This would be handy for having your blog editing on one side, and your twitter, or another window for researching open on the other side. Or above and below.

That’s what I got, what do you guys find indispensible for browsing?

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My family didn’t go camping hardly at all. We did a night of weak car camping while I steel head fished. I’d like to do more of that too, we went mushrooming last year, which was hugely fun, and I hope to do more of it.

I got a power drill and bought myself a circular saw which will allow me to get TONS of stuff done around the house (and handle most road rage issues). I’ve got tons of projects in mind, in fact one of them is to hang some pegboard in my utility room so I can organize my tools. In fact I’m supposed to be doing that right now… instead of working on this damn blog. But I digress…

Anyway, in light of what’s gone on recently, it’s time to carpe diem the hell out things around here.

Last year I learned guitar (sort of), joined a gym and started dieting. Who knows what next year will bring? I know there’s going to be some major simplification and focusing going on around here, 2010 will be when I cut the superfluous possessions out of my life. Maybe I’ll contest some of my junk on the blog. That’d be a hoot.

Also last year I got a semi-decent recycling system in place, I’m gonna get that figgered out too.

Here’s to a good year!

Salute!

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1. "Building my Kids a playhouse" Sorry guys, didn’t happen. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you, just means I don’t love that much.

2. "Build a bigger/better/awesomer chicken yard." F U Birds. There’s time for this in the spring. Until then, enjoy the yard you have, or I’ll cut your heads off and cook you.

3. "My children’s rooms need updated windows. Something modern, flashy and energy efficient." This is on "the list" still, all my windows need replaced, unfortunately I don’t have huge assets to do it. Probably start with the kids’ though. I did however, move to a more productive bird. We got Buff Orpington’s and Rhode Island Reds this year. Got them too late in the season to get many eggs, so we’ll see how this spring goes for em. Also got a pair of ducks!

4. "Maintain a garden." Wife did it, I built the boxes, see here! We’re going to expand it this year and maybe put the corn somewhere else, so we can fumigate it and not nuke all the bugs out of our garden (damn corn worms!)

5. "Sell off some guns from the gun cabinet." *snicker*

6. "I also need to teach my son to shoot and get my daughter to shoot more." I did take the sprogs out to shoot a little this summer. Let them run wild with the pellet gun while we were fishing (no one shot their eye out). Nothing serious though, ammo is starting to settle in prices (saw .223 for 5$ a box of 20 the other day!)

7. "Write more. I’ve sort of wandered from my path on this." Just didn’t happen. Never time to sit somewhere quiet and pen. Contemplating a netbook so I’m not trapped at the PC, but who knows.

So 2009 was a year. Lots of things happened we didn’t plan on. The wife and I went to blogher with my wife, very awesome. Got to see me a big damned city (Chicago), didn’t take as many photos as I wanted. I was worried  too much about my 10d to take it. Not so much now. Hopefully the wife and I will sneak off to New Orleans (so much nicer than the old one). Anyway, I’ve started using my camera more and hope to start adding more of my own pics up here.

Last year was also a banner year for my household, my darling wife homeschooled BOTH our brats, (7-11 years old), which is a big deal for us. Right as school started (we were going to send both kids to the local school) the teachers put up a fuss over their Union contract and sent a letter out asking for support with thinly veiled hints about going on strike and delaying the start of school. So with a big stfu we thought we’d do it on our own, or sort of, we open enrolled the children in the next district over and got started in a homeschooling program with another school. The kids go into this school for two days a week and learn science, language arts, PE and Art. This way they get the benefits of an education without all the extra fluff. So far it’s been great and we might continue this out until they graduate and get shoved off to college (when we’ll move and not tell them). My Wife keeps a blog here, where she talks about homeschooling, it’s a secular website, in the sense that it’s free from religions over tones (feel free to use the ideas she’s gathered and add you own!)

I took up the guitar last year, and then put it down. I enjoyed the hell out of it, and still do, but I can’t afford the lessons and some of the other things I do in my life (heroine: she’s an expensive mistress and the flying jet is EXPENSIVE to maintain ). I did join a gym and I lost about 30 pounds this year, I’m hoping to lose a bunch more, I’m trying to get back down to my original weight.

7lbs 7 ounces!

Alright I’m done. My wife did a remarkable thing this year, she cleared out an entire room that had been used as a catchall when we moved into this wreck. It was storage…like 300 square feet of it and our second living room. While it still looks like hell (green concrete floor) it’s clean and livable and will be getting some attention soon. For now it’s going to be like that open hole in the sliding puzzle, and we’re going to use that room to empty another into so we can start to un-hood-ify this house. (wood paneling and indoor outdoor carpet have got to go).

There’s been a lot of accomplishments this year despite me missing the mark on most of my resolutions, I feel I’ve accomplished an adequate amount of things this year.

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I had it lucky, a gentleman I work with, who has become a best friend and mentor to me and is 20 years my senior is a/was a body builder. He made the comment that “We should take you down to the gym and get you yoked the f-ck up!” We were making conversation, but that seed stuck.

I had just had to go up 2 inches in my pants and my doctor’s scale had weighed me in at 250lbs. Seriously? 250? 11 years out of highschool and I was 30lbs heavier than I had been my senior year, and I was “fluffy” then.

So he brought it up again, and I said, “Sure man,” and this sort of staggered him. He’s big on weight training and over the years had talked to a lot of people who had sought him out who wanted to lose weight and “get yoked,” and he would write out basic work outs for these people and I was one of maybe 2 people who ever followed through. He wrote me out a basic workout, a very gentle workout, to get my ligaments and tendons and muscles ready for the abuse that would come and I’d been doing that for the past few months and making great gains in both muscle mass and weight reduction. Of course this was paired with a lowered calorie intake and a more nutritious food intake.  Basically, I cut out the “shit,” in my diet. It’s not hard, basically if it comes from a window and is in a bag, it’s shit and doesn’t belong in your body. Now to be fair, I still get food in bags from drive thru windows, but no where near as often as I used to. We celebrate little milestones, reward the kids for particularly good behavior, but never just because I am hungry.

So anyway, I joined one of those 24 hour gyms, it’s $30 a month and is full of cable equipment, free weights and all sorts of other scary off putting looking devices of torture.

When picking out a gym you need to be comfortable there. All those wild machines aren’t going to look comfortable. Find a gym that provides their own trainers, or one with an owner who will show you the ropes. Hell ask when you go in to look around if they have someone who’ll show you the ropes.

Get a simple program started, figure out what YOU want to do, and do it. I go four days a week. With one day to rest in between. Here’s my workout sheet. It’s pretty simple and broken down by “workouts” rather than days. The second sheet is the same workout reversed. You can google the exercises, or ask a gym employee.

As to diet? I used caloriecount.com and I am going to try sparkpeople.com, and see how their service is (it’s free, the both of em) to track my calorie consumption. You can put in your current weight on caloriecount.com, your goal, and answer some questions to see how many calories your burn in a day.

There’s even some recipes (I like the blackbean chili one on there, with the corn) with a caloric break down, and some forums to socialize in with other people pushing for looser pants.

Keep in mind that when you see ads for “The 300 diet” or “I got RIPPED IN THREE WEEKS” Those are scams. There’s no magic pill, or supplement that will magically make you slimmer. You need to cut calories and raise activity. Simple as that.

As far as supplements go, I’ve been taking protien whey (after workout and before bed to keep my metabolism constantly running and to effect muscle mass ((it tastes okay, but not good)) ), creatine (just started this one, it’s supposed to give you workout energy aiding in calorie burn and help your muscle retain water making you bigger, so far I guess it’s worked, and I take a multivitamin because when I was cutting calories I wasn’t paying too much attention to vitamin intake. Women of course, should look into calcium supplements, I guess.

Anway, no magic pill, lots of denying yourself stupid calories intakes and when you scout a gym, ask to be shown the basics of how to use the machines. Also, if your gym has “that guy,” who won’t shut the fuck up about fox news this, fox news that, I like big game hunting in Africa, I’m god’s gift to everyone, buy an mp3 player. Even if you don’t have it on and pretend not to hear him/her. Our gym has one, and if not for my mp3 player, I’m sure he’d have driven me nuts. Plus sometimes gym music sucks. It’s always teeny bopper hippity hoppity stuff. Your mileage may, of course, vary.

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Is going into it’s third night tonight. I taught my kids, (7 and 11) to play RISK. Risk a great game, I misspent my youth playing Risk with a close group of friends, while drinking horrific amounts of Mt. Dew. Good times?

My kids are becoming very game-centric which is awesome, because it’s nice when the family plays together. It gives you time to work out issues while stomping the living hell out of your Daughter’s armies in Europe in an unprecedented attack spree of sixes.

Since RISK played such a good part/role I have developed an affinity for the board game and it’s various inceptions and have been collecting hoard them for a while now.  Which probably makes me a huge geek other geeks will make fun of.

What games traditional or non-tradition do your guys’ families play?

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